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I'm very hesitant to talk about it TBH because its so radical and not many want to hear it. But yes you're correct. I have seen for myself that Full Awakening is not the highest, FULL AWAKENING is. You can be in a state where if you had a gun to your head, you'd 100% accept it. You'd still go through some negative emotions, yet you'll watch those emotions from a distance and let it flow through. And that's because there's no human you, and this entire life was just a way of setting yourself up to fall in love with yourself really hard (infinite love realization). That's the state I'm in now. Yet I am definitely not awake. No where close. But you're still hiding something even when you're in Full Awakening. You're playing the game. Playing the game is actually you hiding something if you look close enough(if you dare bahahahaha). You're hiding the fact that the whole point of life is mahasamadhi. Physical death. Suicide(actual 100% dementia, not some pseudo death where you still remember your name and who you are and the forum and your parents ). That's actually the point of it. Physical death isn't some cool phenomena that happens in the game. Its the point. The whole point is infinite dementia amnesia love. I heard from somewhere that Full Awakening is looking at the infinite from the finite mind. FULL AWAKENING is looking at the infinite from the infinite mind. IE dementia. You need to let go of everything to the point of dementia to be fully awake. Its not awakening if you still remember who you are and who others are and what the game is. The game needs to be totally eradicated for full awakening. I didn't realize that before the trip. I thought I was 100% awake, then that trip smashed me to pieces. I'm now just totally shocked, and I can see a trillion times more games being played on myself and others. And I can see that others are either at Full Awakening, or lower, and that's how I know on a relative level that people don't understand or get what I'm saying. The discussion between james and inenlightened is happening somewhere inbetween awakening and full awakening. Its very subtle. People are making that mistake about me on this thread. Their eyes aren't keen enough. They think I'm parroting what yogis have been saying for thousands of years, but I'm not. I'm saying something subtly different. Thoughts and the ego is amazingly sneaky. Within "who is the I that's saying that" lies a trillion opportunities for the ego to deceive. Context is important. Whose saying it is important. Just parroting "who is the I that's saying that" without acknowledgement of who and context allows the ego to be very very sneaky and clever. It allows the ego to make you think no self realization is the end of the road, when its actually mahasamadhi. People aren't taking in the context with what I'm saying. Mahasamadhi is not 0 thoughts. Mahasamadhi is a huge paradigm shift. No thoughts is 1 state of consciousness, not the highest. Definitely not the scariest, and definitely not the point. Yep sure there's no point to life and everything is just a dance, yet you will continue to seek, grow, integrate till mahasamadhi. Your desire is not to be in a state where you're playing the game. Your desire is to destroy the game forever, but you're too afraid to, so here you are. 0 thoughts is not destroying the game and getting amnesia. 0 thoughts is just a temporary state of consciousness that flees when you go back to looking at this forum for example lol. And even then, 0 thoughts is something that happens very early on in the path. As you advance you realize that thoughts occur, but not in your head, but in the universe. Its the universe thinking, not your skull. 0 thoughts is completely irrelevant to mahasamadhi. Even physical death doesn't describe mahasamadhi. Because if the average person dies, they'll just reincarnate. Mahasmadhi is knowing something that will change you so much that the dream gets destroyed. Its like once I know this I can't reincarnate ever again. I can't play the game ever again. I will never have parents ever again. I will never identify with blabla ever again. I will be infinite formlessness without a game for eternity. Physical death isn't knowing that, physical death is ignorance. Mahasamadhi is way more destructive and radical then physical death. I just use physical death as an example to illustrate the radicalness of what I'm talking about, because I know that enlightened beings still don't want physical death. But what I'm talking about is more getting an infinite nuclear bomb and ruining your chances of reincarnating into a form ever again.

"call off the search", "you woke from the dream to realise", "the waking dream was also dreamed" is definitely a very scary but important part of the path. You are this human in a 3D world, and your existence depends on the form of that human. The 3D world wont die, but your existence will. Fast forward to ego death and then you realize the 3D world doesn't exist, and you are not the human form but the present moment itself(no self realization). Then its all about living your life from that perspective for the next 60 years or so for most people. Been there. That's not what this post is about. As shockingly absurd as it would sound to you, you're not awake. All that stuff, is relative to the spiritual path. Machine elves don't have the same spiritual paths we do. Living your life from a state of no realization or even infinite love realization is all relative to the human form still. Doesn't matter that you're self realized, if you've got any honesty in you, you'd notice that if I put a gun to your head, especially if you're as young as 23, you'd still not be happy about it. You can still tell a difference between now and gun to your head and shot. See the woke people on here can talk all day about "whose the I thats saying all this" or "there is no death", yet there's a big difference between talking and doing, and I'd love to get a bunch of self realized beings, put a gun to their head, and demonstrate their reaction, to show that. Psychedelics are a great way of simulating that, and in my case I almost physically died. You can say that alan watts crap of "oh im afraid, but im not afraid of being afraid, and ill 100% accept the fear" crap all you like, but no matter whether you're state is constantly self realization or not, you will not be ok with gun to your head. Simple. No one on here is awake. I know that for a fact, because I created everyone. 100% awake is complete dementia. Not human level dementia, god level dementia(and isn't this God damn obvious? You, the self realized being, are still ensuring you don't get hit by a bus. What drive is causing that? Devilry, ignorance, not wanting the truth, not wanting mahasamadhi, because you aren't awake. Once you're truly awake, you will be so demented that you wont know what getting hit by a bus is). Its forgetting to such an extreme level that if I asked you what your name was you'd act like you have dementia. Its complete and utter amnesia. Amnesia to the point that you'd forget what amnesia is. On the relative plane, its leaving the body. If you're not demented, then you aren't awake. And you're not, because you're still talking to me. True awake is physical death, not ego death. Ego death is fooling around. You might be awake, yet you're still integrating, still growing. And you're still integrating and growing because you still aren't satisfied. You might think you're satisfied without an ego, but you aren't, you're just pseudo satisfied. Its quite obvious, if you were 100% satisfied you wouldnt be integrating or growing at all. And that's because the only thing that will 100% fulfill you is physical death. Gun to your head. I'm not advocating suicide. But what I am saying is "what happens now" is trying to commit suicide without doing it directly. That's your goal, and objective, and you don't realize it. Because you don't realize it, you create heaps of self deception and schemes and plans for ensuring you don't commit suicide. Yet suicide is exactly what you want. That's the game you're playing, trying to commit suicide without committing suicide, whether you think you're awake or not. Anyway, this post will get negative reactions by lots, because I've also seen how hard people hide from the truth. And I just don't want to deal with it. I've got my own issues to deal with after seeing the stuff I saw on that trip, and all I'm interested in doing in sharing other parts of the map as forestluv would describe it. I'm not interested in debating your map. If you're genuinely curious about seeing more then you think you know, I can help you there easily. But I'm not good at helping you debate your own map. Go to the enlightened beings on here for that. Meme at the very top of the original post

The stronger the ego the most dramatic it will be if it gets shuttered. For example a millionaire that loses all of his money is going to commit suicide. This is the best opportunity for him to transcend his ego without hurting the body. Suffering in whatever form is the thing that can push you to transcend the ego. If you are able to suffer your ego is already strong enough. It is not necessary but it will happen anyway in your life so if it happens use it. Find the good in a bad situation.

Insights such as reprogram the mind Also this new insight that you really need to be way past something early on to know how you should really put things into motion. Otherwise there will be a ton of distractions. One way to keep going in the right direction (all of life is going in the right direction) is to keep a goal board and track your progress towards it. If you're doing good or great, continue. And if you're slacking, then look for reasons and eliminate those reasons. ——————————————— Keep a track throughout the day —————————————— Always focus on the inevitable this helps with decision making ——————————————— Always remember that every problem has a solution in reprogramming the mind. ——————————————— Focus on positive people. Focus on serious people. Focus on matured people. ——————————————— Go meta on everything. Use systems thinking ——————————————— Remember you can never change the world so don't even try it. ——————————————— The problem with giving advice is that it ultimately falls on deaf ears when people get to attack that advice. It serves no purpose even if it's the best advice. There is a huge problem with giving advice in an open environment. Because it's not a clean environment. Even your best intentions are misunderstood and twisted and spinned in order to fit their narrative. This is an inherent flaw.. ——————————————— Connect with positive and serious people who display the best intentions. There will be too many jerks online. Just don't play into their game ——————————————— Always remember that principle is more important than company. ——————————————— Build yourself up Build back better Bright Brilliant Beautiful ————————— I have struggled so much and I came so far, even the devil is going to be have some mercy on me. ——————————————— A trap may or may not exist. But learning to be careful is important ————————— You need to be able to give advice in a clean environment. Without all the people jostling ——————————————— I need to do hourly updates ——————————————— All that the devil achieves is distraction from "work" ——————————————— The best couple in my opinion is Barack Obama and Michelle Obama. They intuitively understand each other. ——————————————— You have to be in a proper grounded emotional state or place to be able to work toward your goals in a definitive manner. ——————————————— I need a partner who keeps me grounded. ——————————————— Feminine nature Very trusting very giving Masculine nature - dominant or passive What is feminine attracted to? Dominant masculine Why is feminine attracted to dominant masculine? Because she perceives dominant as protective. She does not see beta or passive as protective. So zero attraction to beta. In masculinity, you can dominant abusive DA, or dominant protective DP... The feminine mostly ends up with DA instead of DP. She has to work very hard to find DP and sometimes she never finds DP. Most alphas = abusive Most betas = insecure. Both alpha and beta use abusive tactics Alpha uses domination and fear. Pure fear. Beta uses gaslighting and guilting and contradicting/ opposing/ hyper critical /violation of boundaries / constantly attacking self esteem/ drama creation /giving emotional stress /unnecessary demands/ emotional blackmail /childish behavior /immature behavior /asking you to prove love/not ready for resolution / playing victim /suicide threats and obsessing and control freak behavior, using insecurities/ jealousy. A woman should be given 2 choices. Either find a healthy male or be single with the ability to survive alone. If you can't find a healthy male then remain single. Whats marriage = brainwashing.. Packaged as tradition and culture. Patriarchy. Prince Charming = brainwashing Romantic movies and novels = brainwashing /fantasy Reality = men have agenda / max benefit Man's stays in the marriage = because of social pressure Men = want more than one woman. Masculine nature. Healthy men = very few Most boyfriends = assholes Solution to female problems Enemies of a female /enemies of the feminine = chemicals, hormones, thoughts, emotions. A woman uses her heart more often than the head. Love = attraction /addiction /drug When the woman breaks the relationship she experiences withdrawal and suffers relapse just like in addiction, she goes back to the abusive boyfriend Her chemicals are very strong. The more feminine a woman, stronger her chemicals. Once she is in a relationship, if it's abusive, very difficult to break chemical bond once formed. These chemicals /hormones /emotions create sticky brain fog. Chemical fog /love fog. Her brain is full of love fog. She won't leave the abusive boyfriend unless the love fog dissolves. Why does a woman not leave? Society will say low self esteem, trauma, unconscious behavior, low self worth or that she is always attracted to assholes etc etc.. These are fringe reasons but not key reason.. She falls in love through manipulation. The key reason why the woman is staying in such a relationship, is because of chemical attraction /chemical bonding or love fog. For removing the love fog, the woman has to be dragged out of the relationship by multiple people including supportive family members and other community people to slowly coax her into leaving the abusive boyfriend. Coaxing should continue during relapse phase also. How to prevent this problem Give women financial Empowerment Give women tools and resources to know what toxic and abusive relationships look like. Awareness about domestic violence and emotional abuse. Give them books, videos, articles, interviews, discussions therapies. Give women emotional support, both family and community. Other tools - Reprogramming the Mind. Coping mechanisms. Survival mechanisms. Healing mechanisms. Defense mechanisms. Examples of Reprogramming the Mind If you're trusting - become skeptical If you are thinking it's good - think it's bad If you believe easily - don't believe easily. Give more time and opportunity and higher threshold to reach the belief point Run a lot of shit tests on the guy. Only if the man agrees and listens 80% of the time, and disagrees 20% of the time, he is good. Also keep a three strike rule. Thrice if he hurt you (minor hurting) and 1 strike rule for major hurt. So if he hurts (minor) thrice and major once then he should be dumped.. Trash bin. Don't simply allow anyone in your life, don't let them in your life if they can't pass the test. Have strict filters. You should have a higher threshold for someone's good behavior to begin to really matter. If you think it will get better - no, it will get worse If he is too sweet - think it's manipulative The issue of female loneliness, lack of family support, dysfunctional family, lack of emotional independence, lack of community support, bullying community lack of family support, dysfunctional family, lack of emotional independence, lack of community support, bullying community = factors that increases loneliness. —————————————— ———————————————

Confronting Death (myself, others) /Suicide has been a recurrent theme in my life. Generally whenever I came too close to death or dying (I've come close to death many times, sometimes I do get anxieties that I might die early, other times I feel good because life is meaningless anyway with so many hardships and little love) I had great revelations Death or dying is not just death. It's a revelation of a deeper truth. For me every opportunity of a truce with death was an opportunity to realize some truth about my life. Often times it was merely an indication that my body fought very hard to just live and that body/mind /heart /soul took in way too much than it was equipped for.

@xxxx Expression is just one action of the causal loop we're all on, although it depends on the flexibility by which one is using that term, indirectly or directly, implicitly or explicitly, if its just meant directly and explicitly then no, the accumulation and storing of wisdom for example runs contrary to sheer explicit and direct expression, but not in an indirect and implicit way, and even if you interpret the storing and accumulation of wisdom as an action, then expression is still an implicit and indirect expression compared to say painting, but explicit and direct unto itself relative to the neural action of accumulating and storing. Another example can be as it pertains to the feeling of an experience, or even the sensing of an experience, these two, of which are examples of being "acted upon", still "act within" and consequentially lead to direct and explicit forms of expression but they too, inside the scope of indirect and implicit expression fall inside the broader framework of expression in the same way as it was described that say a neural action or neural firing does. So if we include indirect and implicit means, I would say yes, but its a very broad way to encapsulate it don't you think? Expression of what exactly? The expression of consciousness potential? We'd need to categorise the various forms of expression together with potential to understand the larger framework of expression and the smaller frames that fit within it in order to separate human expression from say life expression. Because if all life is doing is expressing itself through various ongoing developmental changes overtime, how are we separate to this exactly? What other tools does life have other than expression, if these other tools exist, how do they fit in context with their use for humans outside of expression? Life seems very much a doing. Why are we a lonely species? Are we a lonely planet then too? From one perspective. We could easily switch emotional lenses to something else though. I don't believe selfishness is really a word, its merely describing a pattern within nature from the perspective of someones emotional reference frames in the same way that one might equate the human species as a lonely one; an act within the loop of consciousness; defense, protection, attack, absorb, etc. Felt impressions are quite distinct from life expressions in the context of knowing and describing the action of what something is outside the subjective reference frame. Is a spider selfish for making a web to catch prey? Not really, at least we often don't think so. Is a cross country runner selfish for illegally taking steroids? From the perspective of the other runners absolutely, he's being unfair right, but from the perspective of the spider, he's just spinning his own kind of web to get bugs caught in his net so that he can have his feed, in this case, a medal, trophy, social status and maybe a blowjob from his wife for winning / or a reconsideration of the divorce, could be any number of scenarios you wish to come up with, perhaps his trainer is not his married wife and because he's a numb-skull his winning leads to a sexual opportunity with her which leads to cheating his wife finds out and so she goes through with the divorce. But where was the selfishness here? Selfish to his wife yes, but then maybe the wife wants his money, not selfish to his trainer because she wants the sex. Selfishness then is a subject of interpersonal ethics between the relevant parties. Intelligent fairness determinations are then the result of what terms and conditions were communicated between the parties. We have inherent biological ethics and we have pseudo biological ethics where the latter is a consequence of changing perspectives through a change in the agreed upon narrative between the parties. So from the perspective of the competition, yes he was indeed selfish by their terms, but nature says he's just following his nature, otherwise he never would have done it, the same too for organisations that create said competitions under the assumption that they know its within peoples natures to not only wish to compete, even if only for entertainment, but also to do so under conditions that are fair more than unfair and that people will be harshly mocked and that its within peoples natures to experience the shame of that enough that they would wish to avoid it (though some don't of course). Survival is a funny term that like selfishnes looks blatantly obvious on the surface of things but although survival itself appears to be more relevant to what is happening in peoples actions, has a much richer story than what has so far been discussed in culture. For example, going back to that causal consciousness loop that we're all on, many people commit suicide for many different reasons outside of mere depression and loneliness that it brings into question the nature of the term not just inside the human experience but as a whole in understanding the nature of nature itself in the context of that word. If survival is so fundamental, why on earth would we associate it with the negative connotations that you sometimes see play out, even if this is only emotional? Something tells me this is merely a story about the persons misappropriation of the term and its consequences more than it is something egregious against the term and natural implications. Re-cognitive appraisals are a must in culture. "Oh so its just a survival tendency (meaning "oh its just a blah" as if to be negative)", for me people should look at all forms of survival with the ultimate form of love in light of it being an expression of the true nature of existence at that time. Dissonance is something people struggle most with more than most other aspects of survival. I wouldn't believe anyone in the world that said they "got rid of their emotions and now they're enlightened", because emotions are the fuel that the engine that is the body needs to do literally anything, which includes talking about ones new state of enlightenment. Enlightenment to me is a case of your relationship with your personal existence more than it is a breaking of relationships with various forms of your existence, in this case, ones emotions. The stronger and more stable the relationship has with all aspects of existence, naturally, the more enlightened they're going to be. Emotions wouldn't ever stop. Even in a state of dissociation a person is still experiencing emotions of various kinds, they're just not able to notice them. Lastly, even if emotions are a non-event, what happened to the antecedent of emotions themselves? They're not this isolated thing like a species or a lonely planet in the solar system, like the planet and the human species, they're interconnected with a whole host of other phenomena of course that both contribute to the existence of emotions and emotions contribute to the existence of many other things. So if you extracted emotions, there's no telling just how much would change in the pattern of not just the human species, but the entire planet. I sense that many people have this strange desire to be emotionless, which in the end, only equals motionless. The very drive to be emotionless is an emotion of sorts unto itself.

My younger sister (19) is currently in a relationship with a guy who is 37. I am trying to be open minded and all but I am still a bit concerned about this, especially since I am the only one who knows about their relationship because she doesn't what to tell anyone else from our family (it would be a suicide if she did, lol). As far as a guy is concerned he seems to be nice. He is an english teacher and they share lots of common interests like meditation, yoga, chakras and stuff. I haven't met him in person, but I saw his pictures and he doesn't look like a sociopath serial killer, lol. The only shady thing that I've noticed is that they met on tinder and he lied about his age in his profile and didn't confess for like a month. His excuse was that he was afraid that my sister would leave him and he didn't want that to happen since he liked her so much. P.S. it's not like my opinion would change anything because I trust my sister with the responsibility to handle her relationships herself anyway.

Levels of Consciousness according to David Hawkins (ego death) Enlightenment Peace Joy Love Reason Acceptance Willingness Neutrality Courage Pride Anger Desire Fear Grief Apathy Guilt Shame (suicide active or passive) If you find yourself spiraling down into negativity when your baseline is usually around Willingness, Acceptance and Reason then take a deep breath, let the storm blow over and youll soon find yourself going back up the ladder. Dont give into the lower states of consciousness. Let yourself float back up.

Methadone is very dangerous. It's specifically known for stopping the breathing. And it's often used for suicide. So yeah.. the methadone was the main cause.

Also one thing i don't really understand with Hitler is why did send his troops to Russia (in winter at that) and declare war to the US. This was basically suicide for Germany. If Germany at that time had a leader which was (just a little bit) more sensible they would probably be a lot bigger in terms of landmass and also more powerful and influential now.

I just didn't initially see how your examples were examples of destabilization or something wrong or bad or out of the ordinary. It just seemed like normal parts of the path. Like for example his wife attained mahasamadhi, that's not weird or suicidal, that's just a normal part of the path. Its not bad or wrong or suicidal. I don't see why you're doing the spiritual path unless you're at least open to mahasamadhi (or spiritual suicide as you call it). But I see in the bigger context when we bring normies into it, it can seem super weird and strange. I didn't take that into account and apologise for doing that.

Whatever the technical reasons, Sadhguru almost killed himself (by his own admission) and when he went to doctors they ran tests on him and told him that he should be dead. It took him a long time to recover and heal. By any conventional standard the practices Sadhguru did would be considered suicidal. His own wife committed spiritual suicide for fuck's sake. @electroBeam What are you even arguing about?? You are completely skirting the point. I am merely re-stating what Sadhguru himself has said publicly. If you dispute these claims, take it up with him.

I'm still getting off slowly. Emotional blunting goes away as my dose decreases There is no cure for major depression yet. SSRIs, therapy, tricyclics, or other drugs are all ways to decrease suffering and cope with a major depressive episode until it runes its course and goes away. Major depression is an episodic illness, about 95% of episodes last 2 months to 5 years, once triggered there's not much we can do to stop it. Blunting of emotions is good in MD cause it may be a difference between committing suicide and not committing suicide during a peak.

Most of us have experienced hopeless despair at one point in our lives. That feeling like everything is wrong and nothing is ok. That feeling like your spirit is writhing. The feeling like wanting it all to end. That feeling that leads to suicide. As someone who's been going through my worst crisis yet this past couple of days, I noticed that the words that resonated with me the most with was "you are going to be ok". For whatever reason, those were the only words that could touch my soul. Even though I believed and convinced myself I was doomed without hope, I knew deep inside me that ultimately everything had to be ok. And I needed to hear that. I think people would love to have a video that they could lean on when visiting this dark place. When I was trying to find YouTube videos to help me cope, I didn't find them very helpful: they would just say "oh it sucks, just surrender to and accept it". Instead, hearing it's going to be ok and having that state of despair deeply explained from someone that is provenly well versed in reality, conciousness, and truth like Leo might be the ever so important light at the end of the tunnel. The most basic truth you can stand on in the free fall of despair. Video format/talking point suggestions: It could start off very honestly, intimately, compassionately, and simply. To let us know, without a doubt, no matter what, that everything is going to be ok. That you KNOW everything will ultimately be ok. That everything HAS to be ok. And that you will be ok. Next you could go into what that feeling of hopeless despair is, what causes it, what helps it, and what you can do right here right now about it. (what I found that helped me the most was disidentifying with my thoughts and being in the present moment, but that's just me) (also you can throw in that stereotypical "the worst times in your life can be the most transforming") The video could then end with a guided exercise to facilitate a sense of okness for the viewer. This video could be a nice change of pace from the super theoretical videos to a very intimate, compassionate, and potentially life saving video, while still throwing in some great insights. We love our theories, but sometimes we just need some help. Sometimes we just need to know it will all be ok.

Article states "Insomnia is curable for 75% of the sufferers", it seems likely i'm in the 25% Time to consider suicide

@Socrates From the original post video from 14min, direct quote from Brian: "My chelation mishaps have made me 1000x worse than I was originally, and if I knew how much worse it could've got, I would've probably been able to live the rest of my life only partially disabled from the initial redistribution from the Bactrim. But at this point, it's just all too much. I now know how dangerous moving Mercury around is. And the worst part is, it won't kill you. It will just render you completely disabled and unable to function. My life right now is not worth living in the slightest, and with no alternative solution to miraculously removing the Mercury from my body and brain, I am choosing to end it without any more suffering." Again I find this story sad because he is so convinced of the diagnosis of mercury toxicity that when it does not work, he completely loses hope which leads to suicide. Whereas in my opinion 100 to 1 he was a normal young guy with an existential crisis, lack of direction, maybe unemployed or few friends or activities that he enjoyed. He needed goals, work, relationships, diet, exercise. I'm sure there were so many normal things to try that could have improved his situation. I honestly think the lesson is - please don't push a diagnosis of mercury onto struggling, impressionable young guys. Brian says he was "thrilled" to finally have this diagnosis. That is so sad. Guys are desperate to get better and get convinced of a one-stop cure-all detox which for Brian totally crushed his hope to go on when it didn't work.

So did Conor say what he's been smoking? Cause if it's back to back days of 5-MeO-DMT, I can see how he's starting to lose his mind. I've definitely been there. It starts to feel like madness. Gotta know when to lay down the pipe I hope people didn't get the wrong idea from my 30 days 5-MeO retreat. For the record, you should NOT do that! It's fucking madness! You will likely end up committing suicide. I only did it in the name of science.

@Ivan Dimi I don’t disagree with you that consciousness work has value, This is obvious to you because you’ve already realized this. From my observations, some environments are more conducive for certain explorations. A lot of explorations are perceived as impractical and a waste of time. Environment and context has an effect on that. If I am working with a group of refugees that are filled with anxiety, discussing the value of quantum theory relative to personal transcendence is not practical and won’t go over very well. Helping them learn English, how to get around town, how to shop for food, where to buy the cheapest diapers etc. will resonate more strongly with them. And I’m talking about likelihoods. A person immersed in ISIS can have realizations, yet they are generally relative to their baseline conscious level. As well, the likelihood of big realizations would be lower. Your the odds of transmitting yellow-level realizations to an ISIS member is lower than than someone in a yoga group. Yet it’s also relative. I would consider a red-to-blue awakening as significant as an orange-to-green awakening. I see Maslow’s theory as an integrated whole, rather than distinct categories. No one is in one category 100% of the time. Yet life conditions do impact access. Last semester, a student’s father got gravely ill with kidney failure. The students family was in another country. The student was extremely worried about her father. It was the week before finals and the student wanted to take her finals before flying home. Her family got outraged and said as a woman she shouldn’t even be in college, she should be a homemaker. They told her she didn’t really love her father and not to come home. The student had a nervous breakdown and came to my office in tears, contemplating suicide. . . This is not a good environment to whip out some Rupert Spira videos on transpersonal nonduality. This was an environment to address situations at the personal level and problem solve.

ACIM bringing out my past trauma with religion into consciousness I haven't been doing ACIM workbook exercises for a long time and instead decided to read the textbook chapters/theory. Due to Christian langauge and themes in it, it unexpectedly triggered or uncovered trauma or fears I had. Because I was a religious Muslim in the past and all that, it seems I have a lot of left over fears. What I still have embedded in my psyche is a punitive and fearful worldview of god. Afraid that god will strike me down for sin. Afraid of being luciferean in my thinking lest god strike inflict vengeance. Made me then realise that any notion of sin or karma engenders fear. You think you have sinned against god, and hence you see the world as a form of vengeance which will strike you at any moment. You walk around thinking the world always has strings attached, which is further elaboration of seeing the world as a place of vengeance. Because in the unconscious is shame about your very own existence and you don't think you're worthy to exist. Funnily enough, the material in ACIM is about undoing exactly that, and I initially projecting all of that onto ACIM. This is all described pretty well in this thing I found. https://facim.org/the-fear-of-god-and-compassion-for-others-part-1/ -- I was also afraid of being dragged into another belief system by reading all this due to all the phrasing, since I had been harmed by belief systems in the past And then I realised a more general fear I had A general fear of mythology, images, stories, beliefs. Fear of being confused, being lost, fear of my own mind and fear of chaos. The strange terminology of "Father", "Son", "Holy Spirit", etc made me all scared whilst reading, untill I saw this other quote in the book. Made me realise that fear of defilement or of dirtying oneself is ultimately falsehood. Which is a fear that you've killed god. Fear being the opposite of love. And then I thought about how hard it is to overcome fear in practice. But I can't bring myself to abandon fear, I tell myself, because there's a purpose to it surely, etc. The world is that harsh. To be fully loving is metaphysical suicide --- I'm not sure what emotion/state is worse than shame in its pure/abstract form. Since shame is the inherent hatred of one's own existence, and that entails self destruction and suicidality eventually

@Endangered-EGO It doesn't matter what I say, so long as I sing with inflection that makes you feel I'll convey some inner truth or vast reflection. But I've said nothing so far, and I can keep it up for as long as it takes, and it don't matter who you are, If I'm doing my job then it's your resolve that breaks. Because the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin' you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely. There is something amiss, I am being insincere. In fact I don't mean any of this, still my confession draws you near. To confuse the issue I refer, to familiar heroes from long ago. No matter how much Peter loved her, what made the Pan refuse to grow was that the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin' you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely. Suck it in suck it in suck it in, If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn. Make a desperate move or else you'll win and then begin to see what you're doing to me, this MTV is not for free, It's so PC it's killing me, so desperately I sing to thee of love. Sure, but also of rage and hate and pain and fear of self, and I can't keep these feelings on the shelf. I've tried, well no in fact I lied, could be financial suicide but I've got too much pride inside to hide or slide, I'll do as I'll decide and let it ride until I've died and only then shall I abide this tide of catchy little tunes, of hip three minute ditties. I wanna bust all your balloons, I wanna burn all your cities to the ground. I've found I will not mess around unless I play then hey, I will go on all day. Hear what I say, I have a prayer to pray, that's really all this was, and when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck I don't rely on luck because the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin' you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that, you can rely. John Popper, waf harmonisist.

Hey Guys. Thank you so much for the Tips and support ... I am just looking in to all your responses now. UPDATE : I currently seem to be fluctuating between OK/acceptable quality sleep (about 7 Hours+) every day & then not ok sleep the next day (E.g I typically will sleep ok on day 1, then only sleep 5 hours the next day, waking up prematurely around 5AM this is the current typical pattern). I am going to try and PUSH for a solution ... I really don't want this shit anymore. I can't take it. Conclusion : I will try melatonin and looking in to the other responses. I will also get an MRI scan if I can. It just seems like Mri would be mysterious and hard to do maybe not, but health care systems are always "busy", I feel like i'll never get appointments. Also I drink caffiene most days, sometimes with coffee sometimes just tea or geen tea. But I never drink after half 11. I eat dark chocolate every morning and normally have some coffee or tea about 9-11:30 And sometimes I sleep fine with caffiene and can't sleep even without caffiene. But they say caffiene effects you for "9 Hours" ... Could it be that I just should consume NO CAFFIENE ever, even dark chocolate, because maybe it effects me for a lot longer ? As for "PTSD" > I'm really not sure if I qualify or not. I was Beet up fairly badly last year, but the doctor said after that I had no serious physical conditions. I also had a "traumatic experience" on LSD at a festival 2.5 years ago. It was a very very bad dark trip with intense anxiety that felt like it lasted a longg time. Again I doubt that this qualifies. @Ananta You say you "had insomnia for 15 years" > Do you mean that you just suffered for 15 years and it ruined your life ... or that you had it but the prescription solved the problem so you were still happy and functional ? Do Presciption drugs for insomnia usually have bad side effects ? And thank you .. i'll try melatonin Also does anyone think CBD could be a viable solution ? (It's quite expensive and hard to access in my country, but i've heard good things) I've heard leo talk about heavy metal detox. Maybe that could be a reason ? (In august - september I was eating tinned tuna every day, i've stopped now but maybe that didn't help) I just hope it's not a sever neurological problem, I see no reason to live if this is true. I will probably commit suicide if I find out I have a sever brain problem

Nice, lol, compare him to Jones who urged hundreds of his followers to drink cyanide-laced punch in what he called a "revolutionary suicide", killing 918 ppl. Very dramatic. I won't be drinking any laced punch any time soon. Sorry to disappoint. ?

Actualizing in a Psych Ward Part 4: I am Here, I am Present Despite the shocking circumstance I have been placed in, I have tried to remain as present as possible. I found being present and in the moment a necessity especially given my anxiety, both about being in the psych ward and what I need to do after. Every time I caught my mind wandering into a spiral of what am I going to do about school, I tried to bring myself back to the present moment. There isn't anything that is school related I could do right at that moment. I didn't have access to any of my materials, a computer, internet, or means to contact my professors. There is no use in worrying about it right now. The only thing thinking about this will do is that it will take me away from the now and into a state of anxiety and helplessness. It's counterproductive and irresponsible when it comes to getting better to say the least. I also tried to journal about my thoughts and feelings during my time in the ward since it is a lot to process. A lot of the content of those entries have been summarized in the previous posts. While it is a lot to process and a lot of that processing can be dealt with by being present, after being in the psych ward for five days, I still needed time to let out all of my emotions regarding the situation. I feel that there is only so much you can process when your primary objective is to survive. Sometimes you get so caught up in surviving and saving your ass that you don't have enough time or energy to take everything in. And that's fine. After anything like this it's important to keep yourself in check and be gentle with yourself for a while. During that time I decided to meditate as much as possible and to note down any of my insights. I have explained some of them including my own shadow work and my evaluation of the mental health system I was dropped into. There will be more to come in future sections. This video does explain pretty well about how the place was like. While I didn't have the experience of being tied up and given medication against my will, it felt as if I was being punished for having issues rather than getting help. There is a lot of critiques that can be made in how we approach mental health and suicidal tendencies. It is definitely an over kill for a large chunk of the people who have a lot of issues with depression. In this video I believe she does say that after people get released from the psych ward, there is a period of about 3 months where that person is at more risk of suicide and self harm. Given my experience I can see how that can be the case. While I didn't have the urge to do anything reckless upon leaving, I felt really shaken up by the experience to where I decided to take time off of school. There is no way I can makeup 2 tests, 2 3 hour long discussions, and a term paper in a state like this. Again, it's a lot to process. Going off of the stats of how people feel for about 3 months after the visit, I think it is absolutely insane to be put in a facility for wanting to kill yourself only to want to kill yourself more after the stay!?!?!?! That makes for not only an ineffective system but a counterproductive one.

Yeah it’s practically suicide to not love yourself enough to meditate for at least 20 minutes a day.

Just suffer through it and don't entertain any thoughts of suicide. You will come out fine in a few weeks. It's just a temporary chemical low. It will lift rather quickly.