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It's only after my 4th what I call a 'interactive hallucination' that I've finally considered that this may have something to do with higher levels of consciousness, but I'm not sure, and that's why I'm writing this post. Hallucination may not be the correct term but bear with me. Background: 26 now, been doing the whole personal development stuff since 17 and overall live a peaceful life, apart from one main thing that's been knocking on my door which is the call to intimacy. Hallucination 1 I experienced my first one about 1.5 years ago after waking up a little hungover and drowsy. I lost my notes on it but from what I recall, it was lucid-dream-like but not a lucid dream. It had a dreamy feel to it. I was in a room, without my body, a point of consciousness, and I got sucked into a point across the side of the room that I recognized as DMT dust. There was a profound message that my Dad was hyper-committed to my Mum because of love, in spite of the hardships of caring for someone with heavy mental illness. This has always scared me, but I understood why Dad stuck around after that experience. I woke up in a shock which I can describe as neither good or bad. I had 2-3 more between then and now, spaced about 6 months apart. Hallucination 2 Another one during my 6-months of my stint of unconditional love outpouring and absolute joy! I was drowsy in the afternoon, and in minutes I entered this sleep-paralysis-like state and I started seeing clear psychedelic geometry, and my body was merging with everything other than my body! Buzzing sounds... This is why I describe these experiences as interactive. They involve more than just seeing something. It typically involves the body merging with the outside, and I'm completely awake, yet kind of in a dream space and my body is immobile. It also has a spiritual presence to the experience, unlike previous sleep-paralysis experiences I've had when I was a young teenager, they had nightmarish themes. Hallucination 3 (today) Context: Around 2pm, in bed on a work break Journal entry: Was feeling tired, wasn't sure why but biggest suspect was the amounts of fat I'm eating on a non-keto diet. The 2 giant strips of bacon, 4 eggs, and butter I had this morning. Anyway... Shit got interesting... I was listening to Leo from Actualized.org talk about Jordan Peterson. Just 5-minutes-ish in and suddenly I found myself with my body paralyzed, fixed in place. The voice of Leo in the background. Conscious. Aware. I heard a continuous stream in the background, something that was similar to the 'bye woody' scene in toy story, that echooey 'byyyyeeeeeeeee wooooooooooooddyyy' with a bit of chime, ring and spin. Subtle. I saw blackness. I felt my body on it's side, slowly beginning to automatically penetrate. There was a feeling that this is all my body wanted to do. It was begging for it. Maybe my minds projection, but nonetheless that was what was happening. Automatic penetration. The dick wants to penetrate a woman. ***I was not using my will to do this, it was automatically happening, it was as if I was an observer of it yet feeling it at the same time Maybe the mind speaking again, but whilst and upon awakening from this experience, it's clear to me that penetration into a woman where I'm truly aware and loving, is what needs to happen to break through. ***note - this has been a recurring theme for a long time now, including on psychedelic experiences, to get intimate with a woman - it's been a long time and I often avoid it because I find it more comfortable to do things on my own It feels like there is something to break through. I felt my body merging with everything outside of me. At one point I saw visuals. Like a blurry painting right in the centre of my vision, taking up 15% of the composition. The rest black. It's a divine space. Common themes: Happens when I'm drowsy in the afternoon Lasts no more than 5 minutes Pretty clear visions Peripheral is always black Feel completely conscious Body immobile Ringing, buzzing, or feint spiritual ambient music A slight 'holiness' feel to the experience Merging of the body with the environment outside of it This is probably the biggest reason I feel this isn't an ordinary dream, lucid dream, sleep-paralysis, or hypnagogic experience - it's so potent and lines up with many accounts of experienced meditators - I can best describe it as 'merging with the universe' I feel like if this merging were to get any stronger, I would become everything and completely engulfed in euphoric bliss, it feels amazing, although I don't feel there would be 'me' anymore in my body, just one giant all encompassing infinity - I don't really have the words Thoughts on what I'm experiencing?

Yes, that's actually one type of "meditation" I enjoy doing. Like sitting, or laying on my back and not caring about anything, once I reach that state of being, I actually feel what you could call contentment, without reaching profound meditative states. @Tim Ho The heaven awakening I had is not really a metaphysical truth, but more like a change in perspective + no-ego state. Not as incredible as Kundalini bliss or nothingness. Let's hope My head will show itself to me I also stopped torturing myself with SDS meditation, cold water showers etc, because I have a notion, that spirituality is a path made out of suffering, for it to be transcended, which is a very unhealthy perspective on life. I am aware, that once I let go of strong physical pain, I enter a state of equanimity, but that's harder for sneaky stuff, and I often don't see the point of that. @Gianna I don't only watch Leo's videos, I'm also in shinzen young's fb community, but I just love this forum too much. I am sorry you feel that way. It's really hard to remember the highs, when we are low.

What happened here speaks to the depth of these teachings. I believe this is why someone like Peter Ralston considers himself a "facilitator" (specifically not a teacher) and is incredibly cheeky, and at times, totally ambiguous with his communications about the deepest truths. This is why someone like Shinzen Young is so strict about teaching about mindfulness and not the philosophical implications of what the practice reveals. I believe this is why Gurus, Zen masters, etc., have a reputation of intentionally holding back how much they're willing to share with their students. If the student is not ready the results of repeatedly hearing these types of teachings can be disastrous. Yet on the other hand, even if someone where not psychologically ready to hear, "life is a dream, you are God, you were never born, you'll never die, your entire self and life is imagination, etc." I do not think the results would be suicide or self harm. At worst, someone may be plunged into an existential depression and at best, it could be the shell shock they needed to hear to begin their spiritual journey. For those with genuine mental illness, it doesn't really matter what the trigger is. It could be radical non-dual teachings, or it could be utterly self-derived delusional thinking. I do think there is inherent risk with the way Actualized.org has so successfully marketed itself across the internet, and the unintentional consequences that could result from these utterly radical ideas becoming so mainstream. However, I think there is a deeper risk with these teachings not becoming mainstream. Humanity is at an inflection point with our level of technological power; we are so severely lacking in a mature, compassionate, wise level of self-understanding. While these teachings may be utterly radical, and anti-thetical to the modern world's way of thinking, and therefore poses a certain level of risk, they are honest and authentic to one's direct experience of who and what they are. This type of radical self honesty is what the world is going to need if we are going to effectively face the growing number of existential threats on the horizon (increases in extreme weather events, rising sea levels, pollution of the oceans, world wide mass extinction, destruction of the rain forests, artificial intelligence, job loss as a result of artificial intelligence, gene editing, 3d printing, surveillance capitalism, virtual reality...) In essence, it seems that what Actualized.org has done with advanced spiritual teachings may not be ideal for the individual in every case, but given the need of these models and ideas for the collective development of the world, it seems the collective impact of Leo's work outweigh's the inherent risk for any given individual. That's my view. As is explicitly specified in the forum guidelines, this work is not for those with mental illness. Sometimes mental illness does not present itself as depression, but can at times present itself as delusional thoughts and feelings of connection and bliss. There are many flavors and forms of mental illness. It would be unreasonable to expect that moderators or Leo to have the capacity to monitor for this type of stuff. We are a community that exchanges ideas and communications, not a professional mental health service. Of course if the signs present themselves it is paramount that we take the necessary steps to help the individual. I think this applies for all of us, not simply mods. But again, mental health services is not the function, nor was ever the intention, of this forum. It was truly a tragedy with what happened with SoonHie. It's affected me more deeply than I thought it would. I have no words for his family and loved ones other than I'm sorry for what has happened, and I'm sorry you have to continue without him. There are no words that can fill that void. May his soul rest easy and may you all feel and heal deeply. With love.

@Holygrail I think there are things that are objectively wholesome and unwholesome. Wholesome things produce wholesome mindstates like joy, bliss, compassion and contentment, while unwholesome things produce unwholesome mindstates like greed, hatred, and lust. While we should develop compassion towards all things, even those that cause revulsion, I think its important to know the difference and not just accept everything as good. If something is ugly and repulsive we should know it as such, but not let it affect our own wholesome mindstates.

@RMQualtrough well without ego you cannot identify with suffering. This is the ultimate state in Buddhism. I want to make an end of suffering. Since I have access to some psychedelics atm I was curious as to if it would help the process or is it just a temporary state it invokes. Because I don't use them in a recreational sense, I just wonder how useful they are on the path. From what it seems like, the most effective way is to make sure to integrate new routines after the trip while you still have that "reset" of the nervous system that psychedelics give you. So whatever you take away from the trip, you need to integrate it into your life or you just fall back to old patterns and the trip will just be a "memory." For me, I don't feel too intimidated by any fearful experience that can arise, I mainly worry if there's any physiological damage that can be done, like I balancing neurochemicals or creating some kind of disturbance in energy flow of the body. Some psychics say it creates energetic blockages some say it frees blockages so who knows. My 5 meo trip was suffering, but the key is to surrender and just accept what will happen, with the knowledge that no real harm will come to you. I think if you have this mindset the bad part of the trip will not last long and you'll be sucked into that bliss oneness state. Some people jump straight into that bliss state without touching the fear part. But even if you do experience the fear part, if you understand it wasnt "real" then you recover pretty fast. It's all about acceptance of the experience that determines a good or bad trip I think. If you try to resist wherever it's taking you, it will create more and more bad feelings. If you can just flow with the experience and just accept it as an experience, it'll take you to good states. I recently read the psychedelic experience by Tim leary and the way he explains his method for using lsd is pretty good. Basically if you try to resist where it's taking you, you will encounter more hardships, but if you just surrender to the experience, it will generally guide you into those bliss states.

Yes our awakenings sound similar and the key here and maybe I didn't point this out earlier but there is a shift in identity. As it is realized there is no self there is a shift in consciousness to identifying with Consciousness itself. You become aware that you are awareness itself. Which is God. Now the realization that as Consciousness I was completely Infinite came later. But in this awakening there was Divinity/Bliss it was Pure Consciousness. So for me Infinity was a different awakening as was Nothingness. The body can't contain Infinity so that awakening was something else. Abiding in non-dual awareness later to me is something that continues to deepen over time but yes there is the ability to shift Consciousness now to a meta level although I do not always abide in this 24/7. But this isn't the same as abiding in an Infinite state of Consciousness have to agree with Leo there. It does not take away from someone being awake. It could be here we are also just getting caught up in language. But as I am typing this to you I am imagining you are a real being or ie imagining you into existence as imagination is reality - and therefore my Consciousness is shifted into dual gear. About that- the final awakening for me here was what i call Oneness (the collapse of self/other) - it came about a month after all the rest. This too was a mystical expanded state of consciousness in which I became directly conscious that I was completely alone as God and all of this was being held within my Consciousness not out there somewhere but within my Mind as God. All beings were me. All creatures were me, etc. This was probably the single most ultimate mindfuck and the most difficult to accept. But you cannot run from it. You cannot hide from it. All other are no different than the the thought of a unicorn you may have. And it is laid bare before your eyes because your mind has expanded so much. This...this one especially is an extremely profound awakening you can have.

My pleasure! I don't think I contribute anything tbh I never claim to be teaching anything I just like sharing for the sake of it. the only concern with going to that Vipassana retreat was because I was still going through unfoldment after the Big Bang breakthrough, and during that time I would shift into psychedelic-like states or having crazy out of body experiences before I fall asleep, and I read that during retreats one can easily enter realms and either temporarily or permanently "stuck" with entities lol. And I'm just not too into magical realms lol. There was no fear of self annihilation. I do enjoy every moment to the fullest. You pretty much go back to being a child playing in a sand box while doing every day tasks. It's kind of like being on acid 24 7 but in a way it's even deeper because it isn't exactly a mind blowing experience per se, since both the mind and the experiencer are transcend hehehhe. Remind you that all experiences or mood shifts that come with awakening are mostly just the by product of Realization, not everyone who's awakened experience cosmic bliss 24 7 lol don't let that fool you. Equanimity is transcends both bliss and none-bliszzzz sure there can be thoughts, they're just in equal footing with all other sensations arising in the field like birds chirping or winds blowing. Way way less self voice in the head. But even this isn't an indicator of awakening. Some people have more thoughts after no self, you're simply dis-identified from them is all.

If the whole of your spiritual work is using psychedelics, then yes they are temporary states and nothing more. However, if you have a grounded, rigorous spiritual practice such as contemplation/meditation 1+ hours per day, these experiences slowly start to soak in at extremely subtle levels of your mind and even body. Sometimes not so subtle. For example, I've done enormous amounts of healing work using psilocybin mushrooms. If I had the position that all of those mushroom trips were just useless temporary states, I would be missing the fact that those experiences helped open my mind up to many, MANY, hidden layers of trauma, attachment, and other unconscious aspects of my mind and further, helped facilitate a space wherein I was able to integrate and heal from these different unconscious wounds. So while it's true those states are long gone, their effects are actually what is generating my present moment experience. The healing work is undeniable. More generally speaking, repeatedly accessing these higher states on psychedelics can be thought of as planting seeds. For sure the state will come and go, but as we meditate, we can start to become sensitive to the fact that these experiences do leave energetic traces deep within our being. These traces, or "seeds", can then later be accessed in their own way through the process of manual practice. We can think of manual practices as providing the nutrients, the sunlight, and the water for the blossoming of these powerful experiences into our every day, lived experience. This is not to say that we will be tripping balls 24/7 in our grounded, sober state of consciousness. Yet we will begin to see how these 'higher frequency' feelings of bliss, love, peace, joy, gratitude, kindness, expansiveness are increasingly available while sober. Merely by accessing them at deep levels allows us to more easily access them while sober, yet this takes genuine work (i.e. meditation practice) to access. On the other hand, we will also begin to find the underlying unity between profound mystical states, and the mundane sober state such that we no longer need to be tripping balls to feel a deep oneness, a deep unity with all things. We realize this moment is none other than a complete, perfect expression in and of itself, needing nothing else. That perfection we find with all things while blasted off on a trip begins to ground itself across any and all states through the systematic training provided by manual practices like meditation. The trap of never using psychedelics is that we may very easily start to form blind spots within our own minds, with our spiritual practices, self-deception can run more rampant and we may begin to bullshit ourselves with how "spiritually developed" we think we are. The trap of misusing psychedelics is that we get caught on a hamster wheel of always feeling like we need to introduce an exogenic substance to the body in order to deeply understand and experience the unity of all things, accessing higher frequency states/God. The most holistic approach would be to keep using these substances with deep reverence, appreciation, curiosity, and humility while also grounding their use through manual practices like meditation. Eventually one comes to see the distinction between tripping and not tripping is imaginary, and therefore all one needs to do is see clearly into experience to see the truth across any and all states. As one deepens their meditation practice, the psychedelic experience begins to deepen as well. As one deepens in their psychedelic experiences, one's meditation practice will deepen as well. They are absurdly synergistic when both are practiced with diligence and intelligence.

More opposite direction. Awakening is profound but subject object, with awakening as the object or experience of the one which awakens, wether referring to self, no self, God, Being, etc. God consciousness is an awakening experience for example, and isn’t as purified so to speak re subject object, or, is a right of passage if you will back to not knowing. Analogously imagine someone experiencing thought attachment and negative psychology being told they are state free or state less no mind bliss. The gap makes it sound like a full circle back to regular old nonsense. A thought (something known) about won’t do, and direct experience won’t do. Aka Mu. The terms ‘not knowing’, or ‘mu’ even, are like the term sun, compared to being the sun, and not knowing what a sun is.

I do not disagree with this. If all you do is Vipassana without any other practices this can indeed be a trap. This is why I look at Vipassana as only one of many methods, but the same could be true if you only apply the "Unified Mind" methods without seeing the nature of sensations. The reason why I dissect the thing from the Vipassana/sensation is because most of the people on this board are already very familiar with the other side of the coin. During my big bang Realization/Kundalini Awakenings etc, there is WAY more similarity to my psychedelic trips than the insights and experiences i got from just dissecting sensations, which is the result of the combination of self inquiry, vipassana, psychedelics over the last 7 years. If you were to put a neutral frank yang inside my 5meo breakthroughs vs the Big Bang event, he would think he was tripping on 5meo DMT or a heroic dose of acid instead of gotten to that space through Vipassana alone. The Realization of Infinity does seem to be missing in many Vipasanna practitioners, who rarely speak about the holistic and Cosmic experiences and Realizations of "Strange Loops/Universe Eating Itself/Cosmic Bliss", etc and are heavily more on the dry, "No-Mind/Emptiness" side of things. Most Realized beings are lean towards one side of the equation, very few are totally unified in Infinity and Nothingness. My argument here is that if you take just one side to the extreme you'll loop back on the other side. So the most effective approach is to slice the cat from all angles.

Devotion is a very powerful path westerners usually can’t relate to. That said... STAY AWAY FROM HARE KRISHNAS. IT IS A CULT. All because you can have powerful experiences under a certain group or organization doesn’t mean it isn’t a cult. Members of organizations like Isis have genuine powerful spiritual and even satori like experiences and are in rapturous bliss states when they do what they do. Hare Krishnas are a cult and as far as I can tell, a deluded one by and large. The founder was clearly enlightened and clearly nuts. Some of those guys seemed to have something going on but there’s plenty of documentation regarding the abuses that have gone on in that organization. I highly recommend you stay away from them. When an asshole gets enlightened all you get is an enlightened asshole. Some guys with cults, and they are a cult.

The Day of the Dragon by Greg Margolis Part I If The Initiate had to classify a moment as the most challenging he ever experienced, it would be the morning The Dragon appeared in The Forbidden City. The evening before, the initiate completed the last in a series of three initiations that were conducted by his master. The initiate practiced meditation throughout the night. By the time the first rays of sunshine crept up the eastern horizon, his master came to the main training field. Master: How are you feeling? Initiate: I’m scared, master. Master: I’d consider you a fool if you weren’t. If you had answered any differently I would have kicked you out of the initiation and had you deported from China. Initiate: Will he come? The master pondered this. Meanwhile, The initiate felt his heartbeat stabilizing and his breathing regulated. Master: One never knows. Stillness. Initiate: Today? Master: Yes. Initiate: 10 O’clock? Master: Yes. Initiate: AM? Master: 10:03. Initiate: Thank you, master. Master: How good is your Kung Fu? The Initiate remains silent. Master: Ah! He who speaks, does not know. He who knows, does not speak. I’m sure you’re masterful. The Dragon won’t manifest himself unless one is ready for him. Initiate: Am I ready? Master: Not yet. If you were, he’d be here with us right now. Initiate: It’s the fourth initiation, isn’t it? The master smiled. Master: Yes. Initiate: You never told me there were more than three. Master: True. Initiate: Why not? Master: I didn’t know there were more. Initiate: How can you not know? You’re the master. Master: Right, I’m a master. Not a prophet. Initiate: Are there prophets? Master: Oh, but of course! The initiate's Chi flows through his meridians. Initiate: Where are they? Master: They’re amongst us. Undercover. Initiate: Why undercover? Master: The spiritual level of most humans on earth is not sufficient for them to understand the truth. Not yet, anyway. Initiate: The Dragon… is he one of them? Master: No. He is something else. Initiate: What is he, master? Master: He’s not a WHAT, Chang. He’s a WHO. Initiate: Who is he, then? Master: An Over Soul. Initiate: What is that mean? Master: He is one of 72 Over Souls. A divine spirit that enters the universe and envelops all human souls. Initiate: Enters from WHERE? Master: The Realm of the Absolute. Initiate: He’s immortal, isn’t he? Master: He’ll live as long as he desires. Initiate: Have YOU ever met him, master? Master: Yes. A long time ago. I wonder. Initiate: You told me there IS no time. Master: I did. Initiate: And now you say “Long time AGO”. Since there is no PAST, you just contradicted yourself. Master: Contradiction is impossible. Initiate: Explain. Master: Let's leave the specifics of your doubts aside for a moment and look rather at what is going on behind the scenes. Do you know the future? Initiate: No. Master: Do you have any idea at ALL about what will happen in the future? nitiate: No idea at all. Master: Do you feel like you have any CONTROL over the future? Initiate: No control whatsoever. Master: Uncertainty is bliss. It stimulates The Chi. You just felt it, didn’t you? Their eyes met. The Initiate smiled. Initiate: Yes! Master: You just completed the fourth Initiation. Initiate: So what do we do now? Master: We don’t DO anything. We BE. Initiate: Right. Stillness. Initiate: How many initiations are there? Master: An infinite number. Chi. Initiate: It’s never ENDS? Master: Never. Initiate: So does this mean then that you are, still, an initiate yourself? Master: Correct. Shi Zen. Initiate: How many initiations have YOU completed? Master: Sixteen. Initiate: After which one you were ordained with the title “Master”? Master: After my eighth. Initiate: So I have four more to go. Master: That is a fair observation. Initiate: But not perfect? Master: Every master who ever lived became a master at different stages in their training. Let’s revisit. Come with me. The initiate exited his mediation and followed his master. *** Master: Kung Fu Initiation One: Basic Movements and Body Alignments Beginning students study until they are competent in the basic movements and body alignments. The overwhelming majority of China’s active Kung Fu instructors belong in this category. Kung Fu Initiation Two: Intensive Study Junior students study regularly for at least five years with a master and actively practice for at least ten years. Their advancement to the next initiation depends on natural talent, hard work and other factors. Kung Fu Initiation Three: Study Directly with a Master Senior students take classes with a master several days a week—if not daily—for at least a decade. You, my friend, completed that one yesterday. Kung Fu Initiation Four: Disciples of the Sacred Oath Masters are the formal disciples of The Lineage Holders. They receive the deepest and most secretive levels of specialized knowledge available in Kung Fu. Masters can be truly exceptional at some but not necessarily at all aspects of Kung Fu. Kung Fu Initiation Five: Lineage Holder Lineage Holders are Masters who over time are chosen and profoundly trained in the entire tradition by the previous Lineage Holder. To hold ALL - not only selected parts - of the tradition. Although some masters are issuing teaching credentials to students who passed instructor trainings, the vast majority of Kung Fu teachers lack such credentials, much less the authority to contrive them. Initiate: Are you a lineage holder? Master: Yes. I have been a lineage holder for 25 years. Initiate: How old are you, master? Master: Ninety-three. End of Part I

It's when Leo says- Once you realize you are God, and are able to construct anything, even a billion dollars, you'd get bored with it, and would want to set limitations and make it a challenge, which is the life I'm living right now. So, what I grasped was, there is nothing to pursue. I am where I decided to be. So, if I pursue god realization, I'd be back again here living life, and then wanting to pursue god realization again, ad infinitum. I feel like knowing this, is a curse, and ignorance might be bliss. Then again. I don't know what to do anymore. What I lack, is that there is no inner compass active in me, which would give me hints, about what to do next. I am stuck with reasoning, and it doesn't go very far.

This is the dilemma with teaching advanced insights. On the one hand, they can make it a lot more likely that the seeker will get that awakening too, in that way they are very useful for seekers. But the problem is, almost every enlightenment insight/awakening is depressive for the ego. It's not the insight itself but the ego's misinterpretation and self bias. If someone has an awakening which is accompanied with ego death, and thus sees the awakening without biased lenses, it will be blissful and perfect. But if someone thinks about that same insight without having gone through the surrender and ego death ,which would be necessary to have that actual insight/awakening yourself, this insight is bound to be misinterpreted and depressive for the ego. Look at it this way: If any enlightenment insight makes you depressed, then that is a sign that you understand something wrongly. The depression is not because Reality is inherently depressive, but because you don't understand Reality yet, and believe it to be different than it is. If you were to have a complete awakening and reallly understood the full picture, you would be in bliss and not depression. Reality is Infinite Love. If an enlightenment insight makes you depressed, dismiss the insight and remind yourself of Ininite Love.

Immediately when I saw this, I thought: "Are you kidding? If you're a pretty woman, you just have to wait. You're not expected to go initiate anything. Your ego is inflated heavily by cultural norms. It's an ego's bliss." In this way, society is very favored towards the heightening of a woman's ego v.s a man's. While it favors both, a woman is favored more. Look around you, most beautiful women nowadays have the biggest ego. Men do too, but it's not even close to the same. When's the last time you heard a woman admit she was wrong in a debate. There are mature women out there, but it's not predominate. In our current culture, women have it easier. It favors them more than a man. For god's sake, a woman takes priority in most every situation throughout our cultural norms. Men are the side crumbles. A good portion of women nowadays lack so much maturity & have such an inflated ego, that they are disappointed that they're even attracted to men. I haven't heard one immensely popularized idea from men to say "We don't need women, men are all that we need to prosper". Yet this has become a satiric popularized idea amongst a big portion of women in it's opposite. How big of an ego do you need to have, to disband an entire gender because of how much praise you get (from that very gender)? This is not to say it's right or wrong. It's just to say that it is the case. And of course, a lot of this is only a biased perspective of mine. Don't take it too personally, that's not my intent.

@Zeroguy Yeah thinking doesn't do anything. Idk I think I'm close to truly letting go and reaching the LSD states sober when I meditate, but it's consistent. One meditation session It feels like I'm a step away from bliss and experiencing my true self, but then a few days later I feel like I'm far away again

In a way death is like a trip. If you stop breathing now you will go into the deepest meditative state which is effectively death of your body. The question is whether you will resist that moment in which case it will be painful or not resist in which case the experience will be that of bliss. The question whether you die or not is a question of semantics. Yes the existence is eternal and undying, also yes when you leave human existence you will through an utmost personal and absolute experience, how you go through this is the whole point of spiritual work.

I'm going to make my own emotional scale. I don't know what the fuck is going on but FEEL/KNOW that it's pure WONDER, LOVE and BLISS I don't know what the fuck is going on but it's amaaaaaazing I don't know what the fuck is going on but it's kinda cool I don't know what the fuck is going on I don't know what the fuck is going on but I think I should, and even might pretend that I do I don't know what the fuck is going on but I know that I really don't like it I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I know I'm the problem, kill me/it now but I don't even know how to DO THAT, I don't know what the fuck is going on kill me/it now.

This is such a useful response, read this carefully OP. Spend 4 hours just sitting and asking “Who am I?” And study the immense suffering “you” start to experience as a result of the lack of stimulation and then re-asses how easy of a practice is it. Any feelings of suffering, separation, boredom, agitation, anger, stress, or even varying degrees of bliss/happiness are not it. Keep digging. Keep watching as the mind psychically projects its bullshit over and over and over. And then return to the question. This would be the hardest 4 hours of your life. Ive often found combing self inquiry with Shinzen Young’s See Hear Feel technique quite powerful. “Who sees?” Focus on what/who is observing the visual space. Repeat for the auditory and somatic spaces. “Who hears?” “Who feels?” This helps deconstruct the sense of self into its perceptual aggregates and see how strictly speaking, there’s nothing holding the sense together except thoughts (mental imagery, mental talk, and emotional body sensations all knot together forming a sense of I and identification with the body). This then makes returning to the question more broadly “Who am I?” pack a deeper punch.

@TheDao Thanks! @m0hsen Same! The breathless state probably leads to very deep Samadhi. But I wouldn't pursue the breathless state for that purpose. It's too much effort. There are simpler ways to deepen Samadhi. But if the breathless state happens as a side effect, that would be an awesome bonus. For me, supreme fire builds energy, opens energy channels, increases bliss and peace and Oneness and significantly increases my ability to surrender. Doing just one round right before any spiritual practice, gives it a boost. Another name for the immortal body is "rainbow body". In case you wanna do some research, you will probably find more stuff with that name.

Cancer and Pisces Pros and Cons Relationship Compatibility Cancer and Pisces Compatibility: The Right Match A Cancer and Pisces match is about lots of love and passion as both of them are water signs and related to overflow of emotions. This is a splendid match as far as love is concerned though both the partners lag behind in practicality. The emotional rapport between the partners will be one in a million as both of them have the same frame of mind, sensitive, introspective and a liking of artistic things in life like art, music, etc. will further add to their compatibility. However, both the signs put feelings as priority over logic, and that’s where the practical aspects of the relationship get muddled. There is a fiery romance when a Cancer and a Pisces comes together, - a very rich relationship indeed. The tidal wave of the bliss of togetherness will sweep over them in a bath of love and commitment for each other. There will be never dearth of sensitive surges of sentiment between the two. Though Pisces are weak and sensitive by nature, they can become strong and rebellious when time demands it. He/she will be an inspiration to the Cancer who will bind him passionately and emotionally. As both the Crab and Fish feel that loving and being loved is a significant part of life, there are lesser chances of disputes between them. These two however have their own shares of differences which work towards helping them correcting their faults and complementing each other. For example, the perspective of the Pisces is very broad while for a Cancer, it is limited. These differences will help them analyze each other and fill in the places where one falls short. Cancer and Pisces Compatibility: Cancer Man & Pisces Woman The chemistry between a Cancers man and a Pisces woman is too perfect for words. This is an example of an ideal union as the strong bond of love and compassion between them will leave hardly any room for conflicts, resentment or clashes. Love will take the front seat in their relationship and the understanding and loyalty of both the partners will make it a blissful union. In fact, these two are so compatible that they will understand each other even without words. Now that’s called a match made in Heaven! Cancer and Pisces Compatibility: Cancer Woman & Pisces Man A Cancer woman & Pisces man is a dream match as well. The foundations of the bond between the two partners are love, romance and affection. The Pisces will be showering his girl with love and attention, and she will be more than happy to bask in his passion. The need to be loved and protected is innate in the nature of the Cancer, and with all his feelings for her, she will be obliged and make him the priority of her life. Both of them are basically dreamers, and they need to keep a check on that or they will lose touch with reality. The pillars of the relationship of a Cancer woman & Pisces man are loyalty and trust, and there will be never any dispute as grave to shake them even a bit. Cancer and Pisces Compatibility Guidelines No differences are so great to have an adverse effect on the relationship between Cancer & Pisces. But for taking this relationship a long way, both the partners need to give importance to logic, reason and analysis which lack in both of them. Though there will be never any dearth of love and care in this relationship, they need to be a little practical in their outlook towards life. The prospect of the relationship will solely depend on the individuals controlling and balancing their emotional selves. Cancer is the sign of cardinal love, but it also has its own confidence problems and sensitivities to manage. The tendency of the Pisces to escape to fantasy or addictions may give him/her a mental tension which may be sometimes too much to bear. If the sea of love that flows between the two is not properly channelized and balanced, both the partners may end up drowning into deep depressions and being stuck in a stagnant relationship turning into a swamp with the boredom and monotony setting in. Apart from this, a Cancer and Pisces match is definitely an unparalleled love connection to watch for.

Actually, I think they are the real deal. Teases are like the little moments of bliss you get watching a movie scene that gives you goosebumps - that's the tease.

My journey to turquoise Grow up in household of 8, i was 7th. Mother was agressive alchoholic and father was passive bystander. Extreme poverty. But still my soul didnt give up i had decent childhood, i was happy as i could be. I did everything every other children did. Genetics played big part of it all, we were all good in school, we live in small town, everyone knew we were good in school and raging alcholism in our family. Enter high school, catholic school, i aced it, but my gayness didnt help, i knew from age 11. Our family was very traditional (pure blue) women need to finish womenly colleges, men have to be men. So I enrolled in engineering college. I aced it till mid way. Whole family was watching, everyone did what they was told to do. Except me. I move to Zagreb from Split and by 19years i came out to my whole family. Croatia in 2009 is the most homophobic country in Balkan. It didnt end well. They disowend me completly and cut me off. I had best friend, he was light in my life, he lift my spirits up, we had beautiful friendship for 10 years, 'couse of him im a man today who i am. We had drinking therapy how i would call it, it was therapeutic as fuck, i struggle with my idea of being good at something and not being average. I could finish my engeering diploma and be averege. My soul wanted more. I dropped out, i follow my heart, soul and my passion. I started tutoring high school children for a living, it was dream come true, i was EXCELLENT at it, i had results, i had money, i had purpose. Then i met my now teachers. I felt wisdom in them and they blend spirituality with bussiness perfect. They tought me there is always a way. At this point i was all alone from my family. But i had so much good time, lots of sex, great friends (Extrovert here) great job. But i pushed further, i always wanted study psychology. I tried 3 years in a roll and didnt give up. Finally i enrolled, and everthing fell in its place. I got scholarship for coaching (not life coaching but bussiness) from my mentors, i had EVERYTHING my soul wanted, i rose to top of Maslow pyramid. I self actualised, i was fucking great at coaching, i helped people to connect to themselfs, they were grateful. I had life purpose. Then all hell broke loose. I was only 27years old, too much too soon. I broke down but in that moment everything made sense. I opet eckhart tolle's book, and first sentence was as long of this lines, like if you are experienced listend to silence, for „lower“ people you need to read the whole book. I stoped at silence. At first sentence. Everything was clear, i was contempt. How can this be. Fucking Eckhart Tolle and I? That cant be. I dismissed it. Moving on. Mentors sat me down and said i was cut out of coaching program, my heart sink. I was unwell. They said you need to move from red to blue (so clever of them! i love them with all of my heart). Then everything changed people started to act diffrent around me, they could not look me in my eyes, why? Mistical experiences: Little unknown baby ran towards me shouting daddy, daddy. Mother was confused. I was scared shitless. I was sitting in a tram, little boy aged 4-5 in mother's lap pointed to me and asked his mother is this Jesus, mother said yes, (scared shitless i am to the fullest), i went to church to pray, i was alone in the room except one man, he said to my face how can Jesus be gay?? Holy fucking God, let alone the Jesus part, but how can he know that im Gay? I let it go. I dissmissed it as everything else. From 27 to 31y. i had 3 psych hospitalisation, the truth was too much to bear. I was controling animals with my laughter, i was protecting cat from a dog with my laughter and it worked. I was scared shitless again. The trickster my teachers are, i was living in delusion that i need to move from red to blue for three years, couple of YT songs on that theme, ok i need to move up the spiral. No big deal. Bam last year Beyonce released song Already, everything is turqouise in it. My heart stopped. How can this be? ME? This can't be. I didnt „earned“ to be turquoise, i didnt „work“ enough, i didnt dwell in spirituality long enough, turqouise at 32? is it possible, so much responsibility, so much suffering and so much bliss mixed all together. My sister said to me cold blooded: you have no ego. How can this be??? Friend told me im closer to God then everyone he met. Me? Me egoless. Such funny concept. Then i connected the dots, I doubt everything till this day but i will make a world a better place for all humankind. But patience my darling. That's all.

Hmm. I think woman here are more of understanding of living at home because Vancouver housing prices are so expensive. It's 2000 dollars a month for a 1bed room apartment. I have an entire basement suite to myself in a 3500sqft house. Thing is I only care about meditation and healing right now. All this stuff you are saying is stuff i'Cm going to do after I finish with my meditation and emotional healing. Crown chakra open and bliss flowing through body > Pursuing some random girl

You cannot not feel love. But I think what you're wanting to feel is bliss, joy, ecstasy - even. You can learn how to accumulate those feelings from within. There are countless ways. You know what works for you the best. But absolutely speaking; it's all Love, all the time. And becoming conscious of that can be worthwhile too.