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good insights,, the only thing i'll add is that it seems you only became conscious of one facet of Truth, emptiness or that Truth is nothing. Emptiness/Pure Void/Nothingness is identical to Infinite Love/Beauty/Perfection. it is like a diamond with different facets that are ultimately one. Emptiness and Love are identical and are Absolute. Both (it) are (is) nowhere - for it be somewhere would mean there could be someplace it is not, but it is Infinity - which is omnipresent.

@BipolarGrowth Now that I read the text you spoke about, I have a better understanding of your own post itself. And to be honest, I think that the "Aware Space" I speak about is not related to the "Boundless Space" the text details. There is nothing objective about Aware Space as I understand it. Furthermore, it contains any notion of "nothingness" or "boundless consciousness". Aware Space, or at least as I experience it, has only subjective qualities, and it is not even a dim nothingness or perceptible void of any kind. It is the place where everything happens. It provides everything that is perceptible with a context in which to appear, and it is that which knows it.

You have developed an absolute identity with absolute space which ultimately makes it more real than your illusory self which will absolutely never stand to any serious enlightened master as an absolute. Here is a description of what your absolute space is as well as some of the most clear and concise writing made on how to develop absolute space into absolute consciousness then nothingness then true samadhi (neither perception nor nonperception) into the highest meditative attainment according to Buddhism which is nirodha samapatti or the cessation of perception and feeling. https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iii-the-samatha-jhanas/28-the-formless-realms/ If there is an absolute ground, you are falling for the formless aspect of boundless space in a formed experience or maybe even a completely true and hard boundless space. The idea that you are nothing but boundless space produces the very state which would allow you to experience further subtleties which would completely unravel any previously held notions of time, consciousness, imagination, what God Realization actually looks like and means at more effective levels… Psychedelics produce crazy brain states through a raising in the intensity and seeming permanence to consciousness as an absolute. This always incorporates formless aspects possible to be investigated, but the inability to completely detune form entirely such that there is no visual field limits your ability to capture harder to find subtleties which create better insight and concentration eventually. There is no sensation of a body in a hard interpretation of the inner essence to be found in investigating hard formless realms. This is where psychedelics can be much less effective as they give you more intensity than you are used to, but intensity shifts are not as radical as the shift between all sensations and cessation. The intensity is more concentration, but the ability to develop way higher states of consciousness does rely on your ability to have that ability to some extent whether you are on substances or not or even spiritually practicing or not.

A void with a conscious awareness sensation is not a true void. It is boundless consciousness with no noticeable formed aspects giving you illusion that formlessness does not depend on form to exist in any investigable way. Nothingness is more subtle than consciousness. It’s a lack of recognizance of an observer but the fine and hard to catch aspects of nothingness are the only sensate flickers that remain. Boundless consciousness absorption naturally leads to nothingness. You feel to be an awareness within all space which removes the 5th Jhana of boundless space by a gentle recognization or even intuition that something isn’t quite as absolute love fantastic as I wished. It can be really hard to tell the difference between the essence of boundless consciousness and nothingness. You might have insight into it that just is a specific mixed Jhana type thing which can be much trickier to handle.

Fucking beautiful read man. You had at least what sounds like a solid perception of rather hard formless jhanas, specifically boundless space, boundless consciousness, and nothingness. The sad thing is that all of these amazing, immersive, and seemingly permanent abodes are just fleeting experiences which make an unforgettable imprint on your karma and consciousness. It actually goes much deeper than this, but the best way to reach true samadhi (almost no one describing samadhi match it’s Theravada description of neither perception or lack of perception) was already paved as you have a lot of ability to go sequentially from each formless Jhana to the next. The best way from the Theravada schools to move forward is to cultivate the more amazing and impossible seeming formless Jhana of samadhi (8th Jhana) and nirodha samapatti (9th Jhana of cessation). Send me a message if you want to talk all things dharma. Here is the best source I’ve found for understanding and cultivating formless Jhana in a practical way that works. https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iii-the-samatha-jhanas/28-the-formless-realms/

All the many corpses begin to speak What ignorance is cannot be argued over anymore It is too late for pleading white picket dreams Print you off, the shemps, the world is shrinking Rooted in a trivial concern, in interconnectedness In the need to make face and keep up And drown out the many voices within Imagine a culture that has, at its root A more soulful connection to land and to loved ones But I can hear the lie before you speak There is nothing but progress to eat And we are so fat and so hungry And the black wrists are cuffed in the pig van While the white shirt and tie in the tube car, distractional picture Pictures of beer and guilt about urges Sexual distrust and abandoned to nothingness Give me something I can nail myself to Give me a sharply-dressed talking head Who has something about them I trust and despise And what of it, anyway? These windows don't open They were designed to stay closed Shower, smoothie, coffee, commute Check the internet, never stop, never stop There is a scar on the soul of the world and it needs you to look The blood of the past is here, it remains The blood of the murders, the bodies like sacks leaking brain All stacked, chest aback on the planes, it remains To acknowledge without guilt, to accept without condition And to listen when other people tell you how you have behaved Truth is, it's for us to feel and be moved But I hear the clatter of bone against steel, it is coming It will not be stilled, it is there In the air, scorched white The reflection of sunlight on glass bouncing back into sunlight And glass bouncing back, industrialized Denial, business as usual So roll your eyes, shake your head, turn away and call me names I'm okay with that, too proud Unable to listen, we keep speaking Moted by blood, unable to notice ourselves Unable to stop and unwilling to learn This song makes me think of global warming, extinction and mass immigration. People being stuck in areas that are flooding or too hot or won't produce crops and other countries won't let them in, and the refugee problem becomes out of control. There is unrest everywhere and only the rich are protected by their wealth. People move to northern climates, after that we work on ways to reduce what has happened and beyond that I don't know - maybe we learn how to manage the weather somehow? You know, the basics. : / How can we live in harmony with nature? Will there be a massive die off? Like one we have never seen before? Most likely. It is said the black death allowed society to flourish afterwards; it empowered the poor and helped society move towards freedom. High thoughts. Maybe the same thing will happen again? I wonder how everything will play out, no one can really predict. Imagine being someone in the future stuck in terrible conditions as the sea rises, and you have been keeping water out of a ramshackle home for a few years and the mold gets to you and then the weather hits and destroys everything and you cut your foot in the water and die of sepsis? And your whole life was just hunger and stress and survival and that's it. And then you die. Imagine having to ration water, and being hungry and thirsty all the time and living in a tent in the desert? Your country has turned into a barren wasteland. Humans will survive it, but it didn't have to be this way, and if it did, what will come of the mess caused by global warming for future inhabitants of Earth? As in, how would the new society structured improve future generations if we lost a lot of our population? As it is, global warming is going to make diseases spread much easier, faster. And we have seen how humans handle this. : / What if ... like... dramatic events in history like this are synonymous with the rapture and that after a quick death, these people go to heaven or something like that? How would you karmically die from one life and move into something like that one? What event would need to take place, I wonder? Maybe it is purgatory? To clean up karma for a lot of souls quite quickly? What is the long term reasoning, plan and justification for the pain humans have to go through? The wave of future suffering is going to be unbearably heartbreaking. Cities might metaphorically be possible to make from the bones of the dead. I wonder how much time we will have in between each major disaster on our way to this timeline? It will always be something out of left field of course... Go to youtube and this is the first in my notifications. Something I will keep watch over, then. Probably another chain.

I was doing some powerful Jhana work starting from the fifth to the seventh jhanas. After going into deeper and deeper absorption into these states, I would fight my way out with vipassana and focus on the three characteristics. The vipassana gave me a way to crush the pleasantness of the temporary experience and uncover it to where all three doors could be understood simultaneously. After the last switch into nothingness/7th Jhana, this aspect became fused with 5th and 6th Jhana elements continuously present. I stopped being able to breathe. I became the room which was a finite sensation of being in an enclosed space with direct access to the boundless aspect of space in sensation. I realized that the distinctions between space and being contained in a finite experience were based on the same exact sensate illusion. I eventually found out how to breathe in this new mixed Jhana with only formless aspects of forms remaining. I had to breathe through my bones. The non space sensation within my body after full exhalation was more profound and subtle than the nothingness in 7th Jhana previously. Many other strange and unspeakable experiences such as air turning to sand occurred, but they are too many to number or categorize. Every instant has within it infinite subtlety. I feel like this is never going to end. I'm constantly fluxing between jhanas as I've acquired a sort of automatic no-mind which contemplates the three characteristics even in intense absorbed and blissful states. Now petting a dog feels like a specific Jhana. Is the special desirable aspect of petting a soft dog on its face any different from the desirable formless aspects of typical jhanic sensations? In this way, you are not just changing nothingness and space but also all other sensate dimensions which could be investigated.

This was an interesting talk: This is how talking without debating looks like. One of the ideas presented of the past informing the present, fits in with what I posted about with Matryoshka dolls. In a way the past is telescoped into the present, the layer of the present moment constantly being laid over the past. Although I disagree that there is some sort of "past" per se - it's not in the same form as the present moment, but it is still within consciousness. I'm more of the persuasion that the present moment is constantly being generated from nothingness in all its full glory (hence Last Thursdayism). Consciousness is that powerful, it doesn't need a back story. I also notice the Lyall Watson books in the background. I always wanted to read Heaven's Breath, I'll go hunt for it. One thing leads to another. What I don't get and really want to know is, how does a philosopher stay alive? And how can I do it too.

You do spirituality to increase insight. Insight is a bridge between dualities. The deeper and more intrinsic a duality is, the more progress can be made from it. Leo is right. The ego does not get the power of God. By the time you can create whatever you want, you’ll realize the nature of experience and see that preferring anything over what you already have in front of you is pointless. If you are attached to manifesting one million dollars, you still would have to be under the illusion that there is a self who could benefit from one million dollars and believe that that money could somehow create anything other than an impermanent experience of suffering. The ego gets brought to its complete and final destruction through the three characteristics which are always baked into any experience. This is why Buddha called nirodha samapatti (the cessation of perception and feeling) nibbanic bliss. It’s the bliss of no longer existing. The most satisfying experience is no experience at all, and you can’t know that satisfaction until you have direct experience of going from samadhi, the ultimate absorption into the limits of experience, into the passing away of that most unimaginable experience into the impossibility which is the lack of consciousness, lack of existence, lack of God, lack of truth, lack of illusion, etc. If there wasn’t illusion, there’d be nothing at all. This isn’t the nothingness people talk about in spirituality. That nothingness is still a bundle of subtle sensations creating the possibility for experience. We’re talking about something so alien and plain that it could never be uncovered. There would be no distinctions in anything. Distinction and duality are the illusion, but without distinction, there would be no way to point to or even be truth. Nibbanic bliss is like being a Holocaust victim then going to deep sleep and having the relief of being completely detached from the miseries of your previous day except the enlightened person has the experience of ultimate reality and God which they are escaping from. They have reached the maximum temporary satisfaction that could be held in experience yet still want more. The only result is the complete loss of everything. It’s the dissolution of any possibility of self, suffering, and impermanence which is the best gift. Losing everything is the best gift. You can’t reach that dissolution experientially. After tasting that bliss, you realize that anything that could ever be real or formed or experienced is intrinsically tied to suffering. Any self you hold onto long enough to create a goal is guaranteed to create suffering. When fully enlightened, you become the arising and passing of everything simultaneously while also being absolutely certain there is no continuity that could ever accurately be called a self. You recognize that the present moment is itself an illusion. As soon as something can be perceived, it’s already gone. Even to say there is motion, activity, perception, distinction, consciousness, or truth is to imagine that any of these things could be defined in a way that lasts. There’s absolutely nothing to hold on to and no ability to choose whether to hold on or let go. A definition is a self. If whatever goal you want spiritually can still be defined, it isn’t the highest attainment.

It wasn't even an experience for me. Nothingness is different from that realisation!

People only like the fancy stuff. The Consciousness/Nothingness gets ignored. They go for nice experiences..

lay off the shrooms bro if you are saying nothingness is a bundle of sensations thats some mad-talk. The page is the page and will remain the page when the text is deleted.

The endless battle is the idea of when all feelings are introspected deep enough they arrive at the same point, Nothing. Nothingness maybe is a better description. Not the idea that I can't find it, but rather there is no ground to arrive at. There is no Absolute reason for the feeling itself to have manifested once it's out of the moment it was conceptualized. This nothingness has potential to be anythingness. It only remains "true" the moment it is felt. I can pretend like I have the answer as to why I felt something, but it is just a narrative my ego tells to me to validate my reality/existence. I don't disagree, but I have no reason to consider my past feelings is a better way of saying it. It's not that I can't contemplate, but rather the above statement I made will arise. This doesn't mean I will never again contemplate what I perceive as the past as if I think it is hopeless. It still has it's usefulness. It's not that I do allow feeling. I fully allow the feeling, the feeling will pass. There is no reason to latch onto it for I know attempting to understand it will either give me my ego's validation or nothing. There is no reason to purposely dismiss it for it's not seen as a threat or a blessing. I suppose if something extreme happened I wouldn't be able to hold this mindset. Though I suppose no matter what I do, even if I latch completely onto my feelings and spin the greatest of narratives, I'm still in the present moment. I don't discredit feeling at all. I just believe we should breath with it.

Nothing is permanent is a paradox just by stating it. If nothing is truly permanent then the concept of "nothing is permanent" is a permanent feature of reality. But, that is just playing word games. Nothingness is the concept of the cup being only as useful as it's emptiness. Without Nothiness, there could be no somethingness. It only "is" and it is not separate from you. Sensation is conceived from Nothiness. The idea of time, temporary is conceived from Nothingness. "Nothingness is the womb in which infinite possibilities are birthed from". But, "from" is not accurate for Nothing/Infinity are One.

There’s nothing that is permanent. Nothingness is a fine bundle of sensations, but it is a temporary experience and illusion nonetheless.

Of course this is the case, it comes with the territory. But, the solution to problems rarely exits by fixing the poles of the problem. Rather taking a holistic approach to the situation, there is a "solution". But, solution is not the right word for it for that creates another pole. All of these concepts we are discussing are nothing more than imaginary, self fulfilling, and gives the illusion of a ground when there is none. The mind(ego) does not it when it can't feel it's own ground. The finite can only be finite, if it also holds the seed to infinity. The concept of Indra's Net describes this very well. This is why the dualistic nature of our reality is highly relative. "truth" is that which you perceive it to be, or rather that which you are "now". "Truth" would be all the "truth"s summed into one within the essence of nothingness. No One holds the answer, but as One we do. This idea alone is why I don't refute people' claims completely even if they don't resonate with me. For I know I'm ignorant and I can never truly know the finite due to it's infinite nature. I can "believe" to know, but really it's just a self delusion or confirmation biased. So with that, the philosophy is to meet my perception of other "As, I am". Which is just a fancy way of saying to be myself regardless of who I talk to. If there is an attractive female, there is no reason my ego needs to play mental games and treat her differently. Same goes for someone who may be homeless. Allowing reality to play out, remain present, without past ideas/experiences tethering you to what is possible I believe is a key to peace. Even if I'm not fully there yet. Because I am peaceful and present, reality reflects that when I meet others. Specially in person, so I can only confirm my own biases. But, this is how reality works and it will always conform to what you perceive it to be. If it did not, you would realize very easily that it's an illusion and it would no longer work on the self. As many times and I say "I" or "self" there really is no self. It's just consciousness, just awareness, and not even those two. It just is what it is. Though, I would call it Love.

As if you had never asked yourself why you do all of that. I hated the nothingness, until I lost it and wanted it back. Imo it's a good question. It's probably even a necessary step for most people. My ignorant answer would be, it's not good for anything except it's the escape from ego-suffering.

Death, nothingness and non-existence are paradoxical ideas I can't even properly think about. Does non-existence exist, or not exist? If non-existence (death) exists, it is part of the realm of existence. In that case, existence has no opposite. In fact, that's true either way: if non-existence (ie nothing or death) does exist, it's not opposite to existence. If non-existence doesn't exist, then it's also not in opposition (or duality) to existence. So existence and non-existence aren't different things are they? This, here and now, is the absolute. This is life. This is death. Obviously I can't make myself immortal in the relative sense with a clever philosophical argument, that'd be way too easy!

To worry about the existence of others is to assume the existence of oneself. A singular consciousness can have multiple experiences in the relative domain, just like a singular consciousness can have multiple forms in the relative domain. Why not? With regards to the movie/relative, there's a lot in this moment you can't experience based off your state of consciousness e.g. other dimensions, other minds, other entities, etc. On the other hand, Leo is right in saying that all that is is the eternal now because behind the veil it has never been anything but pure bliss. Both are true depending on how you look at it. Absolute vs relative. An inability to properly integrate this will fuck you up. Non duality is about realising that the whole thing is a game, it tells you nothing about the nitty gritty details of the game. To think non duality will give you the answer to solipsism is the equivalent of thinking non duality will give the answers to how DNA operates, how gravity works, etc. etc. "Bu-but, Gravity is just an illusion, DNA cells are an illusion! It's all illusion!" Yeah, and? Did you realise the whole thing was an illusion? Did you realise despite all that the game still uses certain rules and regulations that cannot be broken? Maybe questioning solipsism is more distractions related to/inside the game that cannot be proven or unproven? You realise that everyone on this forum asking this is wasting their time completely? yep! With no one to do the seeing, no ownership at all. I'm surprised people on the forum almost gloat about being absolute nothingness; shit's kinda weird lol. Probably because the belief of being God is more ego inflating than the actual raw experience of it.

What you are reading from the book is spot on. What you are misunderstanding is that there is literally no guilt. The world literally is the playground. It does not seem like it if you blame the world. Such as the world could make you mad, the world could make you sad, or the world could make you corrupt. If you are experiencing this, recognize this is reactionary projection, and when you experience the reaction focus on breathing from your stomach, and experience the reaction without reacting in terms of behavior, actions, and words. Only if then is it clear the reactionary projection was the averting of feeling. Not sure where you could be coming from on the course in miracles being different from what pretty much every spiritual teacher is saying. That’s very odd. A course in miracles is a fundamental staple of spirituality and non-dual theory, as much as and synonymous with the immutable laws. As to why you are worried about nothingness, and some kind of loss, like fun etc., it is because you are seeing material which is opening your eyes to the truth, so misunderstandings and beliefs you’ve been holding are coming up and out, and being projected onto the very material which is helping you. Your idea of nothingness is not the actuality of nothingness. It’s an idea. Nothing this is far better and greater than any thing. Nothing / not-a-thing is appearing as all “things”. Yes, it makes perfect sense. It is almost word for word what just about every spiritual teacher is saying. Specifically, if you have not heard of or listened to Rupert Spira, definitely check him out on YouTube. His teaching is basically synonymous with course in miracles. If memory serves, that book talks about doing one thing at a time, presence, mindfulness. Doing one page, or teaching, in one day. Try to abide in that rather than thinking ahead. Get your meta bang for your buck.

Well, yes it would be total nothingness but total nothingness is completion, it is total bliss and it is the very fulfillment that the ego seeks but which cannot be achieved through the paradigm of separation.

I'm reading a book which heavily leans on the teaching of the course. I have not read ACIM itself, even though it's waiting on my bookself. It has this weirdly strong 'energy' to it and I'm not sure what to think of it. I feel like there is something extremely powerful going on there and I fear it a little. I know it's kind of stupid to ask anyone stuff like this, since it really seems to be the case that I can't in full honesty rely on any other source than my own authority. But here it is: It seems that the course explains the dream/reality in a very different manner than most other teachings. As I understand it, the course says that the dream/world/sensory experience is due to a single "thought" in the mind of God/Oneness, which is basically that of being separate. The thought of being separate is the "sin" and feels "guilt" for losing the unity with God. This then causes the Mind to divide itself to multiple parts, even though it never actually happens, but only seems like it. The course says that it is the guilt that creates the world, sensory experience itself, by projecting it's own guilt and fear on "the other", hence creating a world to "hide" in. Something in this 'explanation' resonates a lot, though it brings a weird anxiety. I always had this idea that the world would be a playground, a place for Love's expression, rather than a projection of this "guilt" or something. I don't know if it's just my own interpretation, but this seems very different from what I've heard others say. How come it is still possible for the world to exist, or for me to "create my own reality", if the guilt is recognized and made undone? I'm just weirded out on how different this seems to be from other sources. It makes it seem like Oneness/awakening would be just total nothingness and that's it. No creation, no 'experience', no fun and games in the dream world, no expression. Why do I feel like I'm missing on something super obvious and being really stupid?

>Notes with ">" are me commenting after the fact >Also I cut out things that were just so useless that didn't add anything, Mushroom Trip Report 004 Trip Hype Music lol https://youtu.be/80qd6UJn4QI I've got a lot of fear with this one, but fear points North. Fear is just a part of myself that I have not loved and accepted yet. As all is one. See my bone writing page of December 20th, 2020. Put it here. Bone Writing: Feel the fear and do it anyway. When you're nervous for a shroom trip, that's just an indicator that your mind knows a part of it is going to die. So as a result, it introduces fear and anxiety as a self-preserving defense mechanism. Fear and anxiety is a good sign that growth is ahead. So feel the fear and do it anyway. I got to read that book. It might even help me with fear. But what will really help me transcend fear is by contemplating about it and tripping about it's nature. I need to watch Leo's videos on fear. With experience, fear is overcome. I think having more positive shroom trips at the high dosages will be beneficial. Well in Truth, they're all positive. Really positive. Well at least after I face the Dragon/ the peak. Honestly, it's like how it is with those water slides. The hardest part is getting on the slide. Likewise, the hardest part is getting on the trip, and getting past the come-up. With experience, my fear will dissipate. I trust my subconscious that anything I experience is for my best interest. I would never truly hurt myself. Therefore, I am safe. Starfish and enjoy my friend. (Scared of Mirrors) Whatever I fear, it will be overcome with more experience. Through great healing comes rapture. Fear is the gate, and a manifestation of your inner calling. Fear is what points North. You know a mirror can't hurt you, what you fear is a part of yourself that you haven't loved and accepted yet. Because it is all you. It's all one. It's all God! It's all infinite love! I give up my love to the world. And my love comes back. Whatever happens for me is for my spiritual growth. December 20th 2020 2 grams of golden teachers. Grinded the mushrooms as much as I could. Came out to many very small pieces. Soaked in lemon juice, made tea with with it, strained it with a French press. Consumed the tea on an empty stomach. Intention: Release Trauma from Bullying Taken at 4:18pm Immediately feel brain effects. 20 minutes in, feeling a slight shift in consciousness. 24 min Colours more Vivid Feeling different. Things subtly moving here and there. 25 minutes, yawning. Feeling activation in my brain. It's definitely kicking in now. 29 min Sleepy, yawning. What if shit moving is the default state of reality? >What if there is no default state? What if shit moving is the default state of reality? >What if there is no default state? 36 min Yeah I'm in for a good activation. Something is coming out of me I know I know I know 38 min Yep the come up is now. My hands are shaking, maybe from Fear. The creature is coming out. That was only the first small peak, I'm in for the greatest ride of my life, so far. Be present to get out of your head and into your life. 45min We in it. >Hahaha Maybe there isn't that much trauma there, because I've already grown. Maybe I'm not focussing on it enough. >Wasn't focusing on it enough. So much yawning. Ok Music time. (I don't even put on the music) 49min My hand is looking like an ape. 54min (Starting to do trauma Work) Crying and laughing. We in it. > So at this point I was going to town releasing trauma, laughing and crying, laughing and crying. 1h17min Shit moves. My head is Alien. Mom I don't want to look at your eyes fuck you. >My mom was being the therapist there, helping me release my trauma. Her eyes looked freaky on shrooms. 1h 41min Yeah shit is super trippy. It's like it's moving in slow motion like you're watching the matrix and it's like cutting frame by frame. Reality is like a fucking dream. (reality is really feeling like a dream at this point. Like the parts of the brain that are connected makes it feel like you're in the dream world. ) You know right now it feels like you're at the top of a roller coaster and you don't get that release of going down. You're just stuck at the top of the drop with that anxiety. But I think this is what it means to feel Fully Alive, to have your being be completely present. Okay sober me, listen. You not looking at yourself here on shrooms, is like refusing to look at your toes. You have to fully accept and embrace and love the black holes of eyes and your mother. As a consciousness being, you're always alone anyways. It was only you. 1h 54 min Reality is a complete fucking dream. I've also already released a lot of emotion. I can see how if you are tripping so hard, reality is gone. Why does God want to experience anxiety? So he can feel Fully Alive. But God is alive, is God is nothingness (beliefs). Just expressing himself. Well he's here. Reality is existing right now. Why doesn't it not? God could totally just make it that nothing exists. But I guess this is what the natural way is. It's just reality. Reality super deep. I know. 2h There's nothing but God completely filling all of your ear holes and eye holes. There's just so much God to experience. It's overwhelming. Wow. Reality do be Vivid and intense. Like I'm in it. I really in it. You're going to love an ego death. In time you will come to face all of your fears and love all of reality. Even the intense parts. The intense Parts have to be lived as well. Reality is completely a dream right now. Like I'm sleeping. The Greatest Adventure in your life is in your consciousness. Life is just Consciousness expressing itself to you. You're just dancing with yourself that in a very infinite way. Facing your fears is what makes you feel so alive. Every receptor my body is fully alive. Fear is what makes you fully alive. >If you want to feel fully alive, run towards what you fear. It feels like a dream, I feel though at the same time a strange amount of safeness, I feel so safe. Nothing can harm me, it's just all experience. Yeah you're going to fear your next trip, but that's okay. That is okay like I am, right now. It is all in your life plan to feel fear before you go on a trip. Just like how you become calm in the regular world. You will become calm in the shroom world. You'll get used to it. And you'll find it your new home. It's just another part of reality. (Talking about differences in Consciousness from person to person) The way I see reality is completely different in the way you see reality. We're like on different planets. We're experiencing our own planet. > realizing that people are fundamentally unable to be understood. Because all we know is from our projections. 3h Peak is probably gone because eyes are not appearing in my mind's eye and bleeding into reality anymore. >Hallucinations less intense. Life is just you experiencing yourself. The Greatest Adventure in life is the one in your mind. https://youtu.be/Lv-SvmaPCKI You keep running, but you're just running away from yourself. Shadow work is so easy while I'm shrooms. Even when you're crying, you still feel like your hugged. I'm finally getting the hug that I deserve. Reality is just a constant merging with "out there" and "in here". Out there in reality & in here in your mind. Out there looks freaky, but then you realize that freaky is you. Right now I'm looking at my hand. The back of my hand. >It's looking pretty freaky. Just learn to sit there and enjoy the moment, because the moment is so invigorating. Trust that you will feel FUCKING AMAZING after the trip. >Start looking forward to the positives from the trip! It's an amazing adventure! Going to a bob marley concert on shrooms would be amazing. Like going in real life, with people all around you. https://youtu.be/1A95dcLxAuA (Shrooms are) Redemption from your mind. It is true. Let love guide you, not fear. (me reflecting on the courage I had to go on this trip.) This art is stellar. I think there's a face in it behind the 2d drawings. But its hard to make out. Reality is a gift. Every state of consciousness is a gift that you're given. Even the really shitty boring states of consciousness. If you're in your fear long enough you just become comfortable with it. You just need more exposure time, giving you that exposure time allows for a merge to happen. I'm really convinced that the way I experience reality is completely fucking different than how you experience reality. I'm talking to you (anyone). Fear is just a Deeper love. (Hidden behind a Gate) Let love guide you, not fear. This is a law to myself. Reality is only boring because you've been in it for so long. Your present State of Consciousness has become so normalized is that you got bored of it, if you experience different states of Consciousness, then your normal state of consciousness will feel great. This is amazing https://youtu.be/hC8CH0Z3L54 Fear is what makes you alive. You need fear for it is a part of you. Merge with it. The way you get through trauma is by intentionally merging with it more and more. My most deepest need is to experience all of reality. I'm always trying to figure things out. Your words colour reality. (Saw this on a deeper level) Pause life and be patient. We all REALLY just need to love eachother. Reality works best when we love. Take the ego out and love. Lift everybody up in your mind to the highest. Make everyone a legend. Even if "they're not" a legend in your mind. They are. Everybody is a fucking legend. Through that, I become a legend aswell. If someone doesn't accept your love, then that's just them. They're not ready to accept your love yet. They have to face their own fears. Imagine living a life with ZERO fear, because you've merged completely with it. To do trauma work on shrooms, you just have to repeatedly get the client to merge with what they're traumatized about. Like massaging out a knot in your muscles. Doing trauma work is like massaging out a knot in your muscles. You have to apply pressure on it and kneed it for awhile. You love your friends so much that you withhold saying "I love you" because you love them so much, you're protecting their ego. You withhold saying "I love you" because they're not ready to hear it. Reality is right when you merge with fear. Merging with fear is what gives life its adventure. You are a creature looking for one love source to another love source, when you can just be the love source, and then you will always feel loved. Shrooms are really good for loosening up those dumb little clamps on reality that your mind likes to put on it via belief systems and paradigms. Beliefs about how reality SHOULD be! It breaks all that LOOSE. The reason why shroom trips are so crazy is because you've suppressed the mystery of reality for so long. Do enough shrooms and you'll have no fear. You would have merged with it all. Trust that everybody is living their best survival strategy given their life experience / their soul / their vessel. Shrooms teach us how to love. Imagine being excited for your next shroom trip instead of crying scared. (Which was this morning) Fear is just hidden love. 5h 20 min 5 hours in, my ego is clamping down with the feeling of shame. ("How dare you love all these people!") Which is why the ego can go fuck itself. Definitely sobering up a bit. On shrooms you revert back to the playful creature that you are. I have to make the end of my trips really positive so I have a positive merge with normal reality. This is something I definetly fucked up on, you are still extremely sensitive from a comedown on a trip, so if you are hit with negativity, you really feel it 7h Very much sobered up, but still very sensitive and stimulated. I have to make sure that I am kept in a positive environment until I'm completely sober, cuz I remember that leaving a bad taste in my mouth in my last trip. I was still super sensitive and I received negative input from other people that was around me, and that sucked ass. The eye is a very good metaphor for consciousness. If you look closely enough, it's just Hollow, empty. Consciousness is emptiness. Overcoming fear is the master key to life. Merging with it. When you merge with fear, you get what you want, which is you! Post Trip Report The trip has taught me to love more from a non egoic place. I've released tons of trauma relating to bullies that I've experienced in my life. I realized that they were just using me as a mood changer because they felt inadequate. I also faced a lot of my fears of the visuals that come up on shrooms. Especially my fear of looking at myself in a mirror while having distorted vision. I think I've released a lot of my fear about going on psychedelics because I've had a lot of insight into the nature of fear itself. I can only see that fear continues to be reduced through more and more experience. Which is GOOD! Another thing I've realized through several days after the trip is I cleared out a lot of energy blockages and I somehow have summoned a lot more energy in me. I also have a huge increased ability for emotional authenticity. I just allow emotions to flow through me more authentically and easily.

I highly recommend this book. Read all of those self-image, visualization books on Leo's book list. I got a lot of motivation from reading Psycho-Cybernetics and just working on that basic self-image and visualization thing. Things like just walking around and creating feelings I want to have in life; like just creating the feeling of already being successful, or of having a deep and comfortable connection with friends/community, etc.. You know Martin Ball? That enlightened 5meo guy? I did a counselling session with him once and this was his advice for me; It went something like... "Nothingness and enlightenment will always be there. Go find your Matt-ness, your you-ness. What do you like to do? What do you enjoy? Things like 5meo-DMT are great for guys like Mike Tyson who already had a massive ego. For them, breaking down the ego was what was needed. Now Mike Tyson is all lovey-dovey with his birds and stuff. He needed that. It sounds like to me you need to strengthen your ego, not destroy it." Seemed relevant to your cause. But then again, spirituality might actually be in line with your life purpose and actually building your ego in a sense. I can imagine things like doing 10-day meditation retreats being great for ego building and self-confidence since they are such difficult things to do. Almost like going through boot camp or something. Building discipline and ego-strength seems to be requirements to building a spiritual life in a sense. At least in the beginning. Ultimately, feel it out. Use your gut. Do what you most want to do in each moment.

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