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Cancer and Pisces Pros and Cons Relationship Compatibility Cancer and Pisces Compatibility: The Right Match A Cancer and Pisces match is about lots of love and passion as both of them are water signs and related to overflow of emotions. This is a splendid match as far as love is concerned though both the partners lag behind in practicality. The emotional rapport between the partners will be one in a million as both of them have the same frame of mind, sensitive, introspective and a liking of artistic things in life like art, music, etc. will further add to their compatibility. However, both the signs put feelings as priority over logic, and that’s where the practical aspects of the relationship get muddled. There is a fiery romance when a Cancer and a Pisces comes together, - a very rich relationship indeed. The tidal wave of the bliss of togetherness will sweep over them in a bath of love and commitment for each other. There will be never dearth of sensitive surges of sentiment between the two. Though Pisces are weak and sensitive by nature, they can become strong and rebellious when time demands it. He/she will be an inspiration to the Cancer who will bind him passionately and emotionally. As both the Crab and Fish feel that loving and being loved is a significant part of life, there are lesser chances of disputes between them. These two however have their own shares of differences which work towards helping them correcting their faults and complementing each other. For example, the perspective of the Pisces is very broad while for a Cancer, it is limited. These differences will help them analyze each other and fill in the places where one falls short. Cancer and Pisces Compatibility: Cancer Man & Pisces Woman The chemistry between a Cancers man and a Pisces woman is too perfect for words. This is an example of an ideal union as the strong bond of love and compassion between them will leave hardly any room for conflicts, resentment or clashes. Love will take the front seat in their relationship and the understanding and loyalty of both the partners will make it a blissful union. In fact, these two are so compatible that they will understand each other even without words. Now that’s called a match made in Heaven! Cancer and Pisces Compatibility: Cancer Woman & Pisces Man A Cancer woman & Pisces man is a dream match as well. The foundations of the bond between the two partners are love, romance and affection. The Pisces will be showering his girl with love and attention, and she will be more than happy to bask in his passion. The need to be loved and protected is innate in the nature of the Cancer, and with all his feelings for her, she will be obliged and make him the priority of her life. Both of them are basically dreamers, and they need to keep a check on that or they will lose touch with reality. The pillars of the relationship of a Cancer woman & Pisces man are loyalty and trust, and there will be never any dispute as grave to shake them even a bit. Cancer and Pisces Compatibility Guidelines No differences are so great to have an adverse effect on the relationship between Cancer & Pisces. But for taking this relationship a long way, both the partners need to give importance to logic, reason and analysis which lack in both of them. Though there will be never any dearth of love and care in this relationship, they need to be a little practical in their outlook towards life. The prospect of the relationship will solely depend on the individuals controlling and balancing their emotional selves. Cancer is the sign of cardinal love, but it also has its own confidence problems and sensitivities to manage. The tendency of the Pisces to escape to fantasy or addictions may give him/her a mental tension which may be sometimes too much to bear. If the sea of love that flows between the two is not properly channelized and balanced, both the partners may end up drowning into deep depressions and being stuck in a stagnant relationship turning into a swamp with the boredom and monotony setting in. Apart from this, a Cancer and Pisces match is definitely an unparalleled love connection to watch for.

Actually, I think they are the real deal. Teases are like the little moments of bliss you get watching a movie scene that gives you goosebumps - that's the tease.

Hmm. I think woman here are more of understanding of living at home because Vancouver housing prices are so expensive. It's 2000 dollars a month for a 1bed room apartment. I have an entire basement suite to myself in a 3500sqft house. Thing is I only care about meditation and healing right now. All this stuff you are saying is stuff i'Cm going to do after I finish with my meditation and emotional healing. Crown chakra open and bliss flowing through body > Pursuing some random girl

The topic of mental illness and how it relates to actualized.org has come more to the surface in a couple threads recently, and it was suggested that a thread dedicated to this discussion be created for the discussion to continue as another thread’s initial focus was derailed by this topic. Conditions which would warrant a “Yes” response to the poll include but are not limited to: PTSD, major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder, psychosis, eating disorders, serious addiction, etc. If you’re here, you should be familiar with the forum’s guidelines. This is not a place to treat mental illness or seek treatment. Potentially all spiritual practices and techniques with any degree of efficacy in raising consciousness can contribute negatively to the mental health and stability of certain individuals if certain circumstances are in place. Depending on what the poll reveals, I may be coming forward with more information describing the nature of why this happens, why these individuals may be drawn to actualized.org, and safe practices for dealing with at-risk individuals who might come here seeking guidance. If you wish to share details about your own story relating to mental illness & personal development or spirituality in this thread, feel free, but please remember this is not a place for treating such conditions and suggestions relating to treatment should remain minimal if not simply nonexistent entirely. Edit: Here are some interesting findings. Highly intelligent people appear to have a significantly stronger correlation with mental illness. Openness (a value and ultimately more-so a personality trait) tends to be much higher in those with psychotic mental illness than the general population. This value/trait is championed here for being crucial to this work. These are not the only contributing factors, but many people who could be expected to become deeply involved with actualized.org also are likely to have history of mental illness. In many cases, this work and content can have a positive effect on mental health if the right approach is taken. Many come in the attempt to transcend suffering, or their current spiritual attunement might be naturally high due to internal mechanisms related to transitioning from suffering to bliss. Intelligence & mental illness https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/bad-news-for-the-highly-intelligent/ Personality traits & mental illness https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/genes-personality-mental-illness_n_58502045e4b0bd9c3dfed94c/amp

You cannot not feel love. But I think what you're wanting to feel is bliss, joy, ecstasy - even. You can learn how to accumulate those feelings from within. There are countless ways. You know what works for you the best. But absolutely speaking; it's all Love, all the time. And becoming conscious of that can be worthwhile too.

@Rykiel Yes. Imagine there are five bodies within the apparent physical body, and relax deeper and deeper ‘through’ each body. The last ‘body’ is pure bliss, and is as if released from your bones. You taste it with your teeth, literally.

@LastThursday ? This applies great on the emotional spectrum, too. For example; feeling angry or sad or anything that is commonly considered as a 'lower emotional state' does not contradict or oppose in any way feelings like bliss, joy, peace, curiosity, excitement etc. It's all just one spectrum. No actual barriers or walls to break through. No opposition.

I feel better listening to Nat King Cole songs and spending time in my garden watching the sky and the trees above me, I feel like even if everything is just a dream, it's too beautiful, it's perfect that we can create everything and see the beauty. Just the fact that we can experience this is pure bliss, it's magical I think that with this experience "yesterday", I've understand the importance of not thinking too much, the lesser I think, the lesser I identificate to "me", better "life" is. Now throught almost all the day, I try to be conscious when I'm thinking for no reason and I redirect my attention to being as much as I can, I want to experience life this way.

I’m experiencing bliss right now tbh ?? After the realization of who I am, the old habits of the separate self just progressively appear less and less. What does happen from “time to time”, is the release of trauma that was stored in the body, although I know I am not the body.

@FoxFoxFox Do some kriya supreme fire for 30 minutes or more. You will notice whether it works or not. Kriya supreme fire is one of the most powerful practices to achieve what you are looking for. After around half a year of yoga, I noticed how the inner energies awakened more and more. Since that time, I only need to hold my breath for some moments and the energy immediately builds, my heart chakra opens and I'm in bliss. The more supreme fire you do, the deeper the love and bliss and the quicker you can access it, and the more it will be in your baseline. Channeling energy has a similar effect for me. Around 2 weeks ago, I started listening to some energetic audios: Anahata from iawake, and vibration of Divine Love from sapien medicine. I layered them into my subliminal bundles, thus I have been listening to them many hours daily. My ability to enter Bliss and Love has increased significantly during the past weeks. I think it is mainly due to channeling energy (as well as devotion, connecting with spirits, and transmissions), but I believe these audios had their share as well.

Why bother? I’ve had a little existential crisis in the last few days, wondering why bother doing things and what is the point in the end. The answer I have now is that I can choose to be a creator and the point is the creation I choose to give birth. So I made a Mandala on what I want to create. I had the luck of stumbling on The Minimalists’ podcast with James Wheal where I was introduced to his ten suggestions on ethics, an amazing guideline for life. Do the obvious. Don’t do stupid shit. Let the mystery stay the mystery. It is ultimately unfathomable. There is no bottom, top r middle. Just bow down. 80/20 woke to broke. There’s a crack in everything and that’s where the light gets in. Stop chasing the long tail of your perfectibility. Go work on your mission. Fuck your journey. We fetishize our path to becoming. We are all equally fucked up and suffering and somehow, we are all still standing. The only adequate answer is kneeling in gratitude for everything that happened. It’s a joyful embrace of the full catastrophe. Do the hard thing. The grit brings you to grace. Never lose the one. Stay centered. And it’s not that. Either! Anchor your beliefs in reality. Enlightenment is the ability to match your state to the task. Balancing is the thing, not bypassing. Practice resurrection. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts. Practice dying to your stories, to your pains, pleasures, rightness, wrongness and living to love. There is power in knowing that I am a dead woman walking: I have nothing to lose! Above all, be kind. Then, after watching the movie “Promising young woman” and also because of the knowledge I have now of all of the suffering my mother has endured and how the stakes are a lot against her in many ways, I was paralyzed by the question: “Change your mindset and change your world but what about the systemic problems of our society?”. I can create a wonderful life for myself but what about all the things I cannot solve about society? Then I realized society and culture are made by people, and I am one of those people. The never old “become the change you want to see”. So, dear little and feeling list me, here is all you need to know on how to live a meaningful life: live in a state of no mind, just do the right thing as you must. This is my stand, I take it joyfully, as I know how this all ends. I accept that my life always was worth it and the only thing left to do is to offer myself fully, joyfully, creatively, on behalf of us all. James Wheal While researching on James Wheal I found out my flow type is “Flow goer”. Here’s the description: “Your attitude, your activities, hell, even your clothing all reinforce to yourself and others that being in Flow is a central part of who you are. You've done some soul-searching to get here too—either taking the road less traveled from the get go, or burning out in the Rat Race and bravely rebuilding a second act that's more aligned for you. Where the other profiles tend to find flow at special times under specific conditions, you seek a life that is in flow all the time. You may believe in serendipity, synchronicity and that everything happens for a reason.” Just for confirmation, here’s the Mandala on “what I want” I had done just a few minutes before: Their suggestions for me are very on point too: Special Caution: In your admirable effort to minimize struggle, conflict and stress in your life, you can overshoot and lose the grit that makes the pearl. Beware the Bliss Junkie!!! The paradox of flow is that all of that "effortless effort" takes A LOT of work! And it's an incredibly fine line between "going with the flow”—only doing things when it's effortless and easy—and just being plain old flakey. And be vigilant of any of your behaviors that keep life in fuzzy soft focus—especially self-medicating. Pro-Tip: Train your off-side. Be impeccable with your commitments. Be on time. Create a catchment system for all of your meetings, ToDos, and finances (Getting Things Done is a great place to start, and the iTunes/Android app stores). You've already worked so hard to create a lifestyle around flow, and paradoxically, you will find even more flow in your life by tackling head-on the least flow-y parts of your life (and everyone else’s). Practice having crucial conversations and getting comfortable resolving conflict cleanly. Nail your finances. As hard and counterintuitive as this sounds, you've already done the even harder part—building your life around flow in the first place. All you've got to do now is close the open loops and surrender fully into your bliss! (namaste!) So I watched some summaries of the book “getting things done”. Nothing new under the sun but it’s a good method. Here’s what I learned: The mind is made for creating ideas, not for storage. Mind like water: be appropriately engaged for the task Curve out mind space: create an environment focus-friendly GTD system: 1. Collect: externalize your ideas 2. Process: for every item ask: “is it actionable?” à can I do it in less then 2 minutes? -> if yes do it, if not schedule it. If not actionable: discard or keep for reference / future review 3. Organise: divide the items by criteria: project, time (deadline), context (phone call, groceries). à ask : what is the next action? 4. Review: once a week 5. Engage: just do it. Good HaveTos: actions related to what matters to me. In short: Life can be meaningful if I find out what matters for me and act on it. Obviously I did a Mandala on that too!! There you go D, have fun!!

The bliss you speak of is the Holy Spirit. It is what makes clairsentience or any other thing connected to energy transfer or healing possible. Don’t let the Christian nature of the term turn you off. I could call it spiritual telepathy or chakras or use many other lenses, but this is a very fitting one. This whole thread describes my journey to develop my Holy Spirit/clairsentience/telepathy/psychic abilities/energy healing/light work/etc...

@FoxFoxFox In my experience, practices which have an effect on your energy body are most effective for that. These are: kriya, kundalini, tibetan, tantra yoga and qi-gong psychedelics channeling energy sexual practices This results in increased prana flow, opening of energy channels in your body as well as raising your kundalini and opening your chakras. Most importantly (for that purpose) opening the heart chakra. All these energetic effects combined + having a non-dual baseline, can result in much bliss and love. Another effective practice to increase your baseline bliss and love is Devotion. Yes, that's probably the best way to directly awaken others.

Tea with Teal, August 28th, 2016. "....." Teal Swan: I am fragmentation. Greg: What does that mean? Teal: In the beginning, there was the spirit of The Prime Creator. The still, I AM, Essence of Consciousness. It wanted to know its own experience of itself. Greg: By Prime Creator, you mean God? Teal: Yes. Greg: So God fragmented Himself to endless... pieces, I guess you could call it... and those pieces are everything that comprise the physical universe. Including all the sentient beings. Teal: That is a good description, actually. Way to go! Greg: Thanks! Teal: You're welcome ? Greg: Why would God do this in the first place? Why fragment? Doesn't He want to remain in eternal singular bliss? Teal: You're asking high quality questions, Greg. Nice work! Let's take them one by one... Why fragment? Well, it's really the only way for God to know Itself on an experiential level. So, if there is something that God WANTS, it would be that. Yeah, of course he wants to stay in singularity. Who wouldn't want? Bliss, eternal. Sounds like fun, isn't it? ? I laugh out loud. Teal joins me. Greg: Oh man... to be able to laugh like this... after all you've been through... Amazing!!!! How? How did you do it? How you even start to heal a magnificent broken soul like yours? Teal smiles, takes a sip of her hot green tea. Teal: Fragmentation ? "....."

I'd investigate what makes your current experience unsatisfactory and who is it that wants permanent bliss.

Persistent bliss, yes? Wow, sounds lovely Sounds also like clinging. There's a saying in Zen, "he who has attained Satori will move to hell as fast as an arrow." You can't have bliss forever, or it wouldn't be bliss.

Hello. Some while ago I self-realized and began perceiving the self as void, and shortly after as God. This is all well and good, but I am keenly aware that the next level would be when the experience gains a persistent blissful quality to it. This quality is closely related, but not the same as, that of divine love. Usually bouts of divine love result in ecstatic elation and intense feelings of pleasure, however this has a high somatic toll on the body, and by all accounts is supposed to subside and stabilize as a continual feeling of bliss. My question is whether anybody has any experience of successfully moving into this dimension, and if they have any advice as to expedite the process. From what I understand, stepping into this dimension of experience is what allows one to transmit self-realization to others via shaktipat, which is what I'm ultimately interested in.

@tatsumaru Thanks for sharing your story so far, what a journey you've been on. Go read peoples journals to check out more amazing stories of transformations. There are some real gems there. My story: Suffering 13 years of deep self development work (on/off ramped up in the last five) including meditation Non suffering/bliss states/mystical experiences/ Your story is a good example of going meta, but perhaps too soon? You mentioned still struggling with self esteem issues and health issues. I think what often happens is people perhaps get obsessed with becoming god/awakening /the big E before dealing with the basic self help stuff first. Sometimes working on the latter is enough. Don't blindly follow, question, observe, see and like you have been doing, use multiple sources. Remember there isn't a quick fix. It's a lifetime of work and I'm concerned many seekers perhaps are viewing it differently

Every sentient being (so long as we say there are sentient beings at all to begin) all play a role of victims, perpetrators, and rescuers. Every. Single. One. The motivation and function of being a perpetrator is not possible without having been a victim. The reality is, I can also just say that could be the karma of that particular animal. Saying you can't kill for sport is just your self biased view. The fact is is that you can. Ethics isn't purely determined by the actions you take by the way you experience it. The manifestation of one's ethics is very much based on one's point of view. Suicide bombers and terrorists experience tremendous states of ecstasy and bliss when they are doing what they're doing because for them from their smaller vantage point of perspective, based on their stage of development, what they're doing actually is ethical. And guess what? If you go back a couple thousand years ago when human societies functioned at an ethnocentric level at best, which was considered the leading edge at that time, similar sort of actions that we today in our world centric cultures call terrorism, would've lead such warriors to being considered cultural heroes because they actually were! Our society was only possible thanks to tons of rape and pillage, conquering, war, devastation, suffering, and also great innovations, leadership, etc. And guess what? Things are actually better thanks to this so called "immoral" function. Why? Morality and ethics are very much relative depending on the vantage point of one's perspective. Child sacrifice was actually considered very honorable at one point in history. The reality is, none of these views, and that's what they are, views, aren't really true in it of itself. I'm not saying or suggesting some dismissal of feeling your heart break open if you see factory farming or you read about the kinds of suffering animals go through in a laboratory. I am saying though that that is the reality in which we live. That is the case and it's not ultimately a matter of good and bad. Many of those animals that are tested on in a laboratory ground a way for us to create very helpful resources for the world such as various medicines. Being a human being is very complex. This binary view of ethics is just naive. There is great suffering in the world and no matter how "advanced" humans get, that will remain to be the case. Suffering and survival go together. They cannot and will not ever be separate (at least by and large). Yes they actually do. This has been known by yogis, shamans, etc. for thousands of years but even modern science no longer disputes this. Read up on Rupert Sheldrake's contributions on the matter. The fact that you think plants don't have a nervous system shows you're uneducated regarding basic biology. Plants do experience sensations. It's not "pain" in the way human beings conceptualize it as even human "pain" isn't really pain but is actually very much conceptual. However, they do experience sensations, and, depending on the plant, are quite sensitive to sensations and what they take in. Speaking about all individuals that follow this general food trend is not useful. Many vegans I've met (I live in San Francisco so I've met A LOT of them) are very ideologically driven and actually rather tribal regarding their view. Many vegans I've met also have rather shitty diets. Following a vegan diet doesn't at all mean you're necessarily conscious of the things we're speaking about or even following anything healthy. You can drink tons of beer and load up on all sorts of junk food, which, by your moralistic thinking, I could argue you'd be funding corrupt corporations that poison people with food coloring agents, preservatives, or you're paying for fruits and vegetables that were grown in completely unethical ways (see my first comment on this post where I point out, and you can do your homework on this, how even our "organic" fruits and vegetables that you buy at Whole Foods are still grown in very "insidious" ways). The reality is, this simplistic view of ethics and morals is just a circle jerk. Morality and ethics are very much relative have no reality beyond these views. It is not true in it of itself. So all these claims you're making as declarative truth statements don't hold water, ultimately. Again, I'm not suggesting you don't feel what you feel. I am saying though that our dispositions are just that, dispositions that are full of bias, conditions, deception, etc. that serve a particular agenda, namely survival. I also want to point out, again, that not everybody can even follow a vegan diet for various reasons. Vegan diets aren't healthy for everyone. Vegan diets isn't possible for everyone even in terms of convenience in regards to what their local markets have to provide for food. I am not fond of trophy hunting or anything like that. I would like it if that stuff could stop. That said, it should be here and does here. Why? Because it already does. That is the fact. To argue otherwise is to argue in favor of lies, fantasy, beliefs, etc. In other words, what's not true. There is tragedy in the world. That will remain. There is suffering in the world. That will remain. There is also comedic aspect to all of this too as well as a profound sense of beauty. The most rapturous insights regarding the beauty of everything is precisely because our world situation is so utterly complex, confusing, paradoxical, twisted, and so forth. That is the joke and the tragedy and they both go together. My challenge for you would be to view your ethics from such a vantage. Dare to be honest with yourself on both ends of that spectrum and not lie and say what you don't like shouldn't be the case because guess what, it already. Don't disown anything and do whatever you want.

Give up thinking about other people judging you, as ime this will go on everyday for the duration. Only gets ‘deeper’ ? Also, try not resisting it, but not reacting in any way. Complete absolute drop of mental & muscular effort / doership / self referential thinking. Bliss will hit so hard you’ll literally just lie down on the floor wherever you are and sleep. (Careful)

For the past few months almost daily, I have now progressed from smiling like an idiot in constant realization, to now coming to tears at random points of the day from the bliss of truth. Does anyone else have this? Did I fuck my "Brain" or is this normal ? @Leo Gura I'm just glad I can where a mask so I don't look like a crazy person.

There’s a big difference between blissful sensations for the sake of simply feeling blissful sensations versus generating love for others and experiencing bliss as a marker of how much love is being directed to the object of the love. The bliss is a pleasant side effect. The point is to practice generating love for others and to turn that love toward those you see as stupid once you’re proficient enough. Maybe bliss and contempt can be experienced simultaneously, but do you honestly think that is the rule or an exception to the rule? When you hold your lover in your arms, are you preoccupied with contempt for people who value IQ highly?

Contempt and judgment are always going to recoil and cause harm to yourself — sometimes it’s small, other times it’s huge. You likely are aware of this. Your shortcut is this: “Interestingly, alongside this attitude I can also have so much compassion and love to the point of tears for just about anyone!” Learn to develop your ability to feel this compassion and love for others even further. Close your eyes and picture/bring to memory the thing, attribute, value, or person you have the most love for. Try to amplify the emotional appreciation for it. Try to sustain this emotion. Keep practicing. Until you’re feeling blissful sensations envelop parts or even your whole body, you’re likely not even close to your potential with this. This will probably not happen to this degree on your first try. It will likely take some time to develop mastery over this. You can have access to that bliss at almost any time as you get further along. It will then start to come automatically whenever you experience something you appreciate enough. Once you develop a strong ability to trigger the blissful sensations with your main object/person/idea you love, then practice developing it with others. That is my advice.

@VeganAwake I'm still waitinf for this to feel like bliss and love.???

My journey to turquoise Grow up in household of 8, i was 7th. Mother was agressive alchoholic and father was passive bystander. Extreme poverty. But still my soul didnt give up i had decent childhood, i was happy as i could be. I did everything every other children did. Genetics played big part of it all, we were all good in school, we live in small town, everyone knew we were good in school and raging alcholism in our family. Enter high school, catholic school, i aced it, but my gayness didnt help, i knew from age 11. Our family was very traditional (pure blue) women need to finish womenly colleges, men have to be men. So I enrolled in engineering college. I aced it till mid way. Whole family was watching, everyone did what they was told to do. Except me. I move to Zagreb from Split and by 19years i came out to my whole family. Croatia in 2009 is the most homophobic country in Balkan. It didnt end well. They disowend me completly and cut me off. I had best friend, he was light in my life, he lift my spirits up, we had beautiful friendship for 10 years, 'couse of him im a man today who i am. We had drinking therapy how i would call it, it was therapeutic as fuck, i struggle with my idea of being good at something and not being average. I could finish my engeering diploma and be averege. My soul wanted more. I dropped out, i follow my heart, soul and my passion. I started tutoring high school children for a living, it was dream come true, i was EXCELLENT at it, i had results, i had money, i had purpose. Then i met my now teachers. I felt wisdom in them and they blend spirituality with bussiness perfect. They tought me there is always a way. At this point i was all alone from my family. But i had so much good time, lots of sex, great friends (Extrovert here) great job. But i pushed further, i always wanted study psychology. I tried 3 years in a roll and didnt give up. Finally i enrolled, and everthing fell in its place. I got scholarship for coaching (not life coaching but bussiness) from my mentors, i had EVERYTHING my soul wanted, i rose to top of Maslow pyramid. I self actualised, i was fucking great at coaching, i helped people to connect to themselfs, they were grateful. I had life purpose. Then all hell broke loose. I was only 27years old, too much too soon. I broke down but in that moment everything made sense. I opet eckhart tolle's book, and first sentence was as long of this lines, like if you are experienced listend to silence, for „lower“ people you need to read the whole book. I stoped at silence. At first sentence. Everything was clear, i was contempt. How can this be. Fucking Eckhart Tolle and I? That cant be. I dismissed it. Moving on. Mentors sat me down and said i was cut out of coaching program, my heart sink. I was unwell. They said you need to move from red to blue (so clever of them! i love them with all of my heart). Then everything changed people started to act diffrent around me, they could not look me in my eyes, why? Mistical experiences: Little unknown baby ran towards me shouting daddy, daddy. Mother was confused. I was scared shitless. I was sitting in a tram, little boy aged 4-5 in mother's lap pointed to me and asked his mother is this Jesus, mother said yes, (scared shitless i am to the fullest), i went to church to pray, i was alone in the room except one man, he said to my face how can Jesus be gay?? Holy fucking God, let alone the Jesus part, but how can he know that im Gay? I let it go. I dissmissed it as everything else. From 27 to 31y. i had 3 psych hospitalisation, the truth was too much to bear. I was controling animals with my laughter, i was protecting cat from a dog with my laughter and it worked. I was scared shitless again. The trickster my teachers are, i was living in delusion that i need to move from red to blue for three years, couple of YT songs on that theme, ok i need to move up the spiral. No big deal. Bam last year Beyonce released song Already, everything is turqouise in it. My heart stopped. How can this be? ME? This can't be. I didnt „earned“ to be turquoise, i didnt „work“ enough, i didnt dwell in spirituality long enough, turqouise at 32? is it possible, so much responsibility, so much suffering and so much bliss mixed all together. My sister said to me cold blooded: you have no ego. How can this be??? Friend told me im closer to God then everyone he met. Me? Me egoless. Such funny concept. Then i connected the dots, I doubt everything till this day but i will make a world a better place for all humankind. But patience my darling. That's all.