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@Periergos Yea I didn't experience much at all on 5mg or 10mg, just some nausea and high energy feeling. Ego started to dissolve at 15mg I think. First noticed that the distinction between the sound of the radiator and 'me' had disappeared. 20mg felt like what can only be described as a heart chakra opening. Massive open feeling in my chest with Love pouring out with no beginning or source. Cried a lot. Around 22 or 25mg was a total ego dissolution, spontaneous bi-lateral symmetrical body movements, waves of healing vibrations sweeping up and down the body. 25-30mg Actual Infinity directly realises itself. All possible dualities and distinctions (life, world, language, science etc etc) dissolved into Eternal Infinity. Music became Eternal, which was nice. Then GOD GOD GOD. Actual GOD. Pure Actual Divinity. The most insane, completely unimaginable non-experience possible. A total death and rebirth. More bilateral body movements. Started speaking snake-like sounds as the body released tensions and contractions. Then Bliss beyond tears. Never really told anyone about it because people will think i'm crazy and won't understand.

You do spirituality to increase insight. Insight is a bridge between dualities. The deeper and more intrinsic a duality is, the more progress can be made from it. Leo is right. The ego does not get the power of God. By the time you can create whatever you want, you’ll realize the nature of experience and see that preferring anything over what you already have in front of you is pointless. If you are attached to manifesting one million dollars, you still would have to be under the illusion that there is a self who could benefit from one million dollars and believe that that money could somehow create anything other than an impermanent experience of suffering. The ego gets brought to its complete and final destruction through the three characteristics which are always baked into any experience. This is why Buddha called nirodha samapatti (the cessation of perception and feeling) nibbanic bliss. It’s the bliss of no longer existing. The most satisfying experience is no experience at all, and you can’t know that satisfaction until you have direct experience of going from samadhi, the ultimate absorption into the limits of experience, into the passing away of that most unimaginable experience into the impossibility which is the lack of consciousness, lack of existence, lack of God, lack of truth, lack of illusion, etc. If there wasn’t illusion, there’d be nothing at all. This isn’t the nothingness people talk about in spirituality. That nothingness is still a bundle of subtle sensations creating the possibility for experience. We’re talking about something so alien and plain that it could never be uncovered. There would be no distinctions in anything. Distinction and duality are the illusion, but without distinction, there would be no way to point to or even be truth. Nibbanic bliss is like being a Holocaust victim then going to deep sleep and having the relief of being completely detached from the miseries of your previous day except the enlightened person has the experience of ultimate reality and God which they are escaping from. They have reached the maximum temporary satisfaction that could be held in experience yet still want more. The only result is the complete loss of everything. It’s the dissolution of any possibility of self, suffering, and impermanence which is the best gift. Losing everything is the best gift. You can’t reach that dissolution experientially. After tasting that bliss, you realize that anything that could ever be real or formed or experienced is intrinsically tied to suffering. Any self you hold onto long enough to create a goal is guaranteed to create suffering. When fully enlightened, you become the arising and passing of everything simultaneously while also being absolutely certain there is no continuity that could ever accurately be called a self. You recognize that the present moment is itself an illusion. As soon as something can be perceived, it’s already gone. Even to say there is motion, activity, perception, distinction, consciousness, or truth is to imagine that any of these things could be defined in a way that lasts. There’s absolutely nothing to hold on to and no ability to choose whether to hold on or let go. A definition is a self. If whatever goal you want spiritually can still be defined, it isn’t the highest attainment.

Today i had non dual state for some seconds. It felt like such an intense Bliss, realizing i was the screen of my phone, that "i" was an ilusion. Then i thought that this state is What Users of hardcore drugs must be seeking. That state of completeness, not localization, and end of self referential "Iness" is What brings a peak of heroin or meth. (By all means do not ever try this drugs they go completely against What Actualized teaches. They are not a wise way to get to non duality, But they are a good way of increasing your chances of making your life more difficult and actually increase suffering). But...What i want to say with this, is, if those drugs, or any psychedelic, or meditation with other practices combo, CAN INDUCE THAT STATE... That means that Enlightment / Non Duality is just... A state. A brain state. Its just a state more pleasurable than the default "Dont do drugs/psychedelics/meditation" state. But...its not truth. If you can induce It with a drug, how is going to be the Truth? SO, the truth must be that which is outside all states! The bottom line is, as long as we have a brain (Leo has said that brains are imaginary But they DO exist, they are just being imagined by Consciousness, But they do exist) we cant ever get to the actual real Ultimate Truth. Maybe once we lose our brain (physical death) we Will be Able to access the truth. Then It Will be posible. But with a brain we cant. My experiences with 5-MeO-DMT inhaled makes me think that maybe we Dont need a brain to "exist" But, as long as we do have one (in this plane of Consciousness) Ultimate Truth is not posible.

The thing is, the most intense otherworldly bliss and you clicking away at work on a regular Monday are the same thing. Truth.

the abc's of the trinity you are are, absolute being concept, each of these distinct in themselves or satchitanada sat god's truth chit consciousness ananda the bliss of incarnation as you see these two explanations are one and the same hopefully this clears up questions about who or what might possible die

To worry about the existence of others is to assume the existence of oneself. A singular consciousness can have multiple experiences in the relative domain, just like a singular consciousness can have multiple forms in the relative domain. Why not? With regards to the movie/relative, there's a lot in this moment you can't experience based off your state of consciousness e.g. other dimensions, other minds, other entities, etc. On the other hand, Leo is right in saying that all that is is the eternal now because behind the veil it has never been anything but pure bliss. Both are true depending on how you look at it. Absolute vs relative. An inability to properly integrate this will fuck you up. Non duality is about realising that the whole thing is a game, it tells you nothing about the nitty gritty details of the game. To think non duality will give you the answer to solipsism is the equivalent of thinking non duality will give the answers to how DNA operates, how gravity works, etc. etc. "Bu-but, Gravity is just an illusion, DNA cells are an illusion! It's all illusion!" Yeah, and? Did you realise the whole thing was an illusion? Did you realise despite all that the game still uses certain rules and regulations that cannot be broken? Maybe questioning solipsism is more distractions related to/inside the game that cannot be proven or unproven? You realise that everyone on this forum asking this is wasting their time completely? yep! With no one to do the seeing, no ownership at all. I'm surprised people on the forum almost gloat about being absolute nothingness; shit's kinda weird lol. Probably because the belief of being God is more ego inflating than the actual raw experience of it.

If you’re really interested in enlightenment and spiritual progress that persists, your goal should be to cultivate sufficient insight into the three characteristics taught in Buddhism. All spiritual practice or even life at all is pointing to these three doors to awakening, so it isn’t a Buddhist vs. other spiritual teachings debate really. No-self, the dissatisfaction intrinsic to sensate reality itself, and impermanence are simply very powerful descriptions to what will ultimately untangle perception entirely to produce a permanent enlightenment. Perception changes after enlightenment due to insight becoming crystallized. All insight that works is doing so by the process of uncovering at least one of these three characteristics fully enough. You do not even need to intellectually know the three characteristics to progress in insight, but it certainly helps proper contemplation. If your insight is not pulling you forward automatically whether you do spiritual practice, take psychedelics, or quit absolutely all pursuits of spirituality, you definitely haven't reached or passed stream entry. If you aren’t there yet, this is not an issue. For there to be any awakening possible, there must be illusion present. Illusion can basically be equated with entangled perception. The beauty of your entire existence is tied up in this illusion. Be glad that a lack of insight such as this is possible. It is the source of any higher meaning or significance to be had. The illusion is ultimately just as holy as clear perception or true enlightenment. But you’ve read this far so you probably do want clear perception even if I tell you there’s ultimately nothing wrong with illusion. This is the devil in you which desires to fully taste the divine in its most astonishing manifestations. That’s your divine ego or otherwise your best friend. It is ultimately what gives you the tenacity and persistence needed to reach full enlightenment. It is the source of all suffering— desire. This is so misunderstood and important. It’s desire to escape reality that ultimately drives one to Perfection. Because you can actually escape anything which could reasonably be called a reality. This occurs during the ninth Jhana, nirodha samapatti, or cessation. This is the ultimate death and the purest Nibbana. Everything ceases to exist. Your no-self/self paradigm has just been shown the unseeable. Even now though, illusion and entangled perception are still likely apparent after leaving the 9th Jhana. It’s insight coming from the experience of something transcending existence and nonexistence that ultimately untangles perception. The insight is usually cultivated and crystallized after contemplation or further practice after multiple 9th Jhanas. Genuine insight into this necessary cord to understand and become full enlightenment is unlikely to occur from any other state. The biggest duality of all — existence, experience, and consciousness vs. nonexistence, nonexperience, and the total lack of all consciousness — still remains even if you have had god realization or any other fancy temporary experiences. The 8th Jhana or samadhi can take you close, but insight that deep and permanent has to come from a more solid seeming duality being seen through than perception vs. nonperception. Untangled perception, full enlightenment, and living as cessation or otherwise transcending the birth and death circle come as a sort of 10th Jhana — neither existence nor nonexistence. In nonduality, insight is the act of viscerally becoming the bridge between two opposites. To become Love, you must bridge the gap between love and hate. It works the same for existence vs. nonexistence or true 0. Nothing is the self, temporary experience is the source of all miseries, and everything is impermanent. Any Self or God could be said to be all sensate reality as it’s occurring in the present moment. In this way you, or rather the lack of you, become everything. You just so happened to always be this way. It just wasn’t possible to fully actualize the insight into the Truth of what is always happening until now. Watch the video below to hear my description and method for experiencing nirodha samapatti twice within two minutes by using techniques which are not Buddhist in the slightest. I’d be much more accurately described as a Christian/Luciferian (notice the nondual bridge) psychic with access to infinite Holy Spirit, clairsentience, telepathy, kundalini, chakra activation, and bliss. Bhakti — the devotion to Love and Truth through God — is the best way to transcend God entirely through my experience and interpretations. To be the Singularity of untangled perception and crystallized insight is far beyond just being God. How I Experienced Back-to-Back Cessations Through Bhakti & Love (instead of meditating)

The journey is unique for each of us. For me, it was the culmination of decades of suffering that finally ripened me to the point where I was ready to fall from the tree. Many of us have a series of awakenings, followed by periods of sleep. From what I have seen, the more intense the awakening, the greater the risk that it will be followed by a commensurately harrowing dark night of the soul. The ego doesn't die easily, and the closer it comes to its demise, the fiercer it fights. When I directly realized my ultimate nature as Consciousness, and that I no longer needed to suffer, it was profound and enduring. The awakening was followed by 7 months of effortless bliss. I knew that there was still work to be done on dissolving my attachments, but I saw everything through new eyes. My entire lifestyle and my relationships changed, for the better. I remember a conversation with my mom where I told her that I no longer suffered, and we laughed, knowing what my life had been like before. Sadly, the honeymoon came to a grinding halt, and my ego was back with a vengeance. Still, I knew what I had directly seen. It just was no longer effortless. That was when the real work began. I talked the spiritual work recently, here.

Well, yes it would be total nothingness but total nothingness is completion, it is total bliss and it is the very fulfillment that the ego seeks but which cannot be achieved through the paradigm of separation.

Well, then you don't know what's going on. Ignorance is bliss! Forget about what I told you. Well, men don't owe women an explanation for what you think is 'inappropriate' either! Women purposefully blur lines to accuse men and act out their man-hate. You're making up stories about my 'limiting beliefs'. You don't know a fucking thing about me. Anti-male bias alert! You believe that men, in general, are lazy and they'll create beliefs about women to do so. You're the one making shit up. It generates offense because it's true. I speak from direct experience, I know what I'm talking about. I'm sure about it. I don't give a fuck about your opinion on whether I should date or not. I'm telling you what's true. Nope. Women like being the challenge! It inflates the female ego to have a man struggle and suffer to finally get her, it means that he values her a lot. You are projecting what you like onto the man! You're the one twisting the meaning of what I'm saying according to your biases. Why do you think I'd want advice from you, of all people?! Do you really think you're that smart and perceptive?!

@Gianna Sorry, that was a typo. ‘Through the roof’. As in, increases. It can get rough though too. Doesn’t have to be though. Practices, releases, expression, inspection… = more being. More being = more sensitivity. Some previously unnoticed nonsensical thoughts will feel more pronounced, more out of tune, without the busy-mind around anymore. Like one violin in an overly crowded room, vs in a large empty auditorium. More clarity & sensitivity = more subtly discordant thoughts are felt. Like one out of tune violin playing alongside nineteen in tune. It stands out more, do to the now greater harmony. In one interpretation you are inside your thoughts. In another interpretation you’re aware of thoughts. The scary vs just excitement (Happiness-Being-Awareness) difference lies between those two interpretations. Come back to being yourself even more, by letting subtle layers of thought activity go, via realizing they are occurring, and instead just directly feel… aka, meditatively return attention to breathing and grounding in feeling / the body. The interpretation is what feels off, imo, not the content (excitement, said to be the object). It is as if there are four subjects there thought wise. The one actually saying it… the I that feels an I, the I that gets overwhelmed, and the excitement which is said to be other or not me, asserting upon me. Inspect… where is this excitement? Where is it coming from? What is this I which is said to be affected by it? Where is that I? The more ‘either’ is inspected in direct experience, like pointing to it, the more it is seen it’s only transpiring in the thoughts, and thus the more the activity settles, and the even-more-feeling, being, there is, and the more sensitivity there is. Feel expansively, in the body, and then outwardly. Start with an inch all around. When you really feel it, then another inch, & so on. When the bliss is too much, dial it down.

I suggest you to first start getting in actual control of what you focus your mind on, where your attention goes throughout the day and what emotion you're acting upon. Learn to choose consciously and deliberately what direction your mind is taking and you will get your hands on the wheel regarding what direction your whole life is going as well. Then, as you become 'your own boss' in regards to 'your dream', it all gets better, it's like in a lucid dream. Once you get in control by becoming more and more aware & awake, you finally start enjoying the surprises and 'easter eggs' that your cultivated surrender enables you to experience. To properly enjoy the spontaneity of life you have become your own master. That's when you're truly free. In order to surrender to 'the flow of life' you have to learn self-mastery first. Once you learn how to control it properly, then everything starts flowing smoothly & 'magically' and you get to actually relax and surrender. It's like driving a car. First, you have to master everything about how it works. The you're ready to go and enjoy the ride. That's when you truly get to enjoy the amazing, divine scenery that's in front of you. It's like walking. You are in control now, you know how to do it so you get to soak up the sun and admire the beauty and magnificence of the park as 'you' •walk the path•() as the walking 'happens by itself'. Feel the waves of bliss & "dance your dance". ❤

The absolute is what is actual, it is this right now. This right now is absolute infinity. Once it gets recognized as such, 'you' awaken to the fact that 'the one who' recognized it as such is in fact... itself. Not a conscious human/person/individual, but Consciousness itself/God. 'It' can also experience itself from the 'meaning glasses' of *thinking it's a person inside a universe* in the relative domain. Since God is Absolute Infinity, there is no authority external to itself to limit God's Will & power. You're all-powerful. Always. Since the absolute is not something other than this right now, You are omnipresent, all-knowing & 'akasha' itself. The Source of all 'relative truths'. The Truth. Consciousness has full access to infinite ways of experiencing itself. There is no limit. This means that any meaning can be manifested, God can will anything into existence, it can make 'life' mean anything. But where does anything come from? It does not come from somewhere else, which is why any 'relative domain' is actually The Absolute too. There is nothing else but the Absolute. But God is everything and no thing 'at the same time'. And there is no past, there is no future. There is just this. Now. The eternal now. No beginning no end. It has to include any 'relative dimensions of experience'. God is free to 'dance' to any 'tune' it wants for eternity. All-powerful Love. Oh bliss, so much love. So much love. Infinite love ?

Hahaha yeah I never finished that book. Pro Tip: If you stop vibing with a book, stop reading it And paradoxically, I actually enjoyed it. It felt like a confusing labyrinth of words that sometimes takes you to a magical place with a few insights here and there. The main thing to take a way from Joseph Campbell is to follow your bliss. It sounds cheesy but this motherfucker is a badass because he did it. He wanted to study myths and shit all day so he did and he got good success for it but wayyyy more important is that when you watch interviews with him, he has a joyful childlike glow to him and everything he does. It's quite beautiful whether your moral compass (your judger) agrees with him or nah. So I mean you could turn this into a learning experience and try for 24 hours to do only that which you enjoy (a challenge proposed by Osho, who is a dude I'm super curious if you'd vibe with). But yeah that's my petty 2 cents but man it seems like you wasted a SHITLOAD of time with this Joseph Campbell dude.

One has to realize that when people are speaking of these extreme levels of awareness, there is a total breakdown of language. What we call the relative self is the absolute self, perceived from a dualistic state of consciousness. Relativity exists within the absolute. So stating that there is no self, all is God, all is one, etc., is really a pointer for the relative mind. It is provisional, like everything else. Seungsahn famously told students, "Stop dragging this corpse around. You are already dead." This wasn't him stating that the student was literally a zombie; it was a teaching directly straight at the heart of their dualistic conception of life and death. It was designed to arouse the basic, luminous quality of their mind. Likewise, people may hear Leo saying "There are no others," and take that to build a castle of solipsism. It must be understood in context. There are no others does not mean there's just you, the perceiving ego-mind, generating reality—it means there is no such individual mind capable of claiming ownership over any facet of existence. There is only consciousness itself, taking the shape of an individual mind. As you said in your post, God could in fact dream more than one "God," if we're referring to God as an individual being with an imagination. That is precisely what reality is. So long as we are using dualistic thinking (almost everybody on this forum is), we are individual minds communicating information to one another. At the Absolute level, there is no need for this transfer of information, because it's a self-sustained system in which there is nothing and nobody to communicate. But no matter how deep insights into no-self and impermanence are, we must all reckon with the base fact that we live as bodies. We have to take care of our own body, clothe it, feed it, give it shelter. We exist in limited forms, because this is the only way that the Absolute can know itself on a dualistic level. Tl;dr Limited existence is a feature, not a bug, of reality. Individuals and the Absolute are one and the same. Btw, to address your question of "What's it all about?" keep in mind that all of your questions are coming from a limited body-mind (as you said, a brain and nervous system) trying desperately to figure out reality. Its only job is to keep you alive. It does not care what is true. You might imagine your self, and all other "selves," to be knots in a giant tapestry of existence. When one undoes the knot, and the tapestry becomes smooth, where has the knot gone? These knots are essentially tension in our body-mind. This very tension is what keeps us from feeling connected to reality-as-it-is (AKA God). If we can undo the tension and let the mind be totally at rest, our knot will be done, and there will be nobody asking the questions. Only bliss.

Surrender the sensation? But the ramification is.. This night. I have mini reflection to myself. I remind myself that thing that didnt work in the last phase of my life need to be surrendered. To be lose. And I constantly thinking with my mind. And aware that thing that always make me need to think and figure it out reality with overmasuciline style, overfregmentation. Is the sensation inside my head. I dont understand why. But every I loosen up little bit, there is lot of impusivity sensation in my experience to 'push' the button in my head. And figuring out mode is ON. The cycle.. I think it can be endless. I can say that maybe this is the nature of mechanical. It feels VERY EASY emotionally, almost comforting, got mediocore result when use it, not feel good, easily triggerred if something doesnt match/disturbing the cycle. I talk to myself. "This is not work, you already see it." I say to myself loudly when I drive motorcycle to hometown. "I am lazy as fuck, I love become lazy, there is bliss of comfort in it. I admit it. I admit it." I said so many times with different phase.. pointing to the same thing. And... I have sometalk with myself.. and eventually.. I ask myself to surrender that sensation in my head that always creating egoistical meaning. And what the fuck. Its hard. There is emotional avoidance. It is fear? Myself didnt want to see what is in front of me. And you know.. it feels weird. And somehow more alive and magical in sense. Admiting myself that I dont know anything is easy to say. And easy to decieve when you say "I dont know, really". Under the carpet is like "nope, I know something is true and I know truth somehow". Yeah.. thats my mind ? Now my experience become more .. not understandable... but why it is clearer? this is like childhood experience.. dont know lot of stuff. Not thinking too much nonsense. And more present.. really. In the future, I want to work in this. I want to surrender more. I dont see much benefit anymore trying fake myself that I know the truth. Its just pain man. Surrender feels more healthy for me right now. I know maybe in sometime there is a plot twist, saying I do to much surrender. To attach to surrender. lol. Thats happen to me when I child.

This is amazing. Thank you for sharing your practice updates and showing this community what is possible with deep practice. I remember watching a video of Peter Ralston where he said he can go from a normal state into ecstatic bliss within seconds and at the time, I just couldn't understand how this would be humanly possible. I fell into the "he must be spiritually gifted" trap which of course is total bs. I mean yeah he may be gifted but getting to this phase of practice is not as hard as people tend to think, it just requires a commitment most people don't have and requires one to deconstruct their beliefs around what is possible with the natural sober state, something this community struggles with collectively. Just a slight update on my own progress, yes I'm entering into this type of territory as well. Every time I sit down to practice, within seconds I'm either feeling bliss or perception is breaking apart into a fluid interplay of form and formlessness. I've started breaking into the arising and passing phase of vipassana practice where my moment by moment detection skills are piercing into the dynamics of how reality is unfolding at the smallest resolutions of time possible such that perception is experienced as spacious, almost holographic, ephemeral, etc. If we think of how psychedelics make everything seem fluid and wavy, that's exactly how I experience perception every time I formally practice, and sometimes I'll spontaneously fall into that during just everyday life. I'm not quite where you are in terms of the pleasure production. I've spent a significant portion of the last 6 months practicing within a serious dry-insight/shikantaza context but have recently gotten back into jhana practice and to my surprise, I'm able to very easily enter into AT LEAST a light jhana's 1-3, and I believe because of the insight practice 4-7 come quite naturally and I dare say, easily. Jhana 8 is still a mystery to me though; I had a glimpse of it during a meditation retreat but it's absurdly subtle. Right now I'm working on stabilizing and amplifying jhana's 1-3 and playing with 4-7. The last big breakthrough I've been having with practice is that I'm starting to directly experience absolute infinity. I honestly have no words nor really understand how to put this into language... But the present moment is infinite. The formless void, the underlying context out of which perception arises and passes back into moment by moment is infinite. This is interesting. Because I've been working in the Unified Mindfulness rather than TMI model for awhile now, I haven't emphasized introspective awareness. When I maintain the overall mindfulness using the See Hear Feel noting technique, I can enter into the spacious fluidity of A&P while in daily life, without having to have direct mindfulness over the mind. Sometimes no formal technique is required and the mind just slips into it. Very interesting the parallels and differences between these models of mindfulness. Just out of curiosity: Have you gone on any meditation retreats? I actually ended up doing 3 online retreats (8, 11, 9 days respectively) with Shinzen over the pandemic and each one skyrocketed my practice to new depths. Are you still doing 2 hours daily practice? I'm currently doing 2 hours most days, sometimes a little less, sometimes a little more.

@molosku I don't know if this is too much offtopic but let me reply to your message: Meh, none of my 5-meo-dmt trips so far have been as intense as any lsd trip I've done. Even the 5-meo-dmt smoked (which consensus say is the strongest roa) was kind of "duh". This is what 5-meo is for me: Take it, had a memory wipe, feel so high I lose all thoughts, experience some deep feeling of love/trascendence, comedown, feel totally normal, don't understand shit of what happened, drink a beer to come down of the stimulation. No matter how much I do it it doesn't seem it makes neurochemistry changes (neurogénesis) like the rest of psychedelics do for me. Lsd on the other hand is an adventure of insights, emotions, states,etc and if I get bored of the "movie", I just put myself in mindfulness setting and experience non dual state for hours in bliss and peace. I would really want to experience the supposed amazing benefits or state that you guys seem to experience. For me 5-meo is freaking useless. It's even somewhat hedonistic even, unlike all other psychedelics which I always hesitate to do because I know they can put my ego through some challenging moments, with 5-meo is not a problem, which make me doubt it's a true psychedelic (I hope leo doesn't read this Lol )

I definitely long to fruther elaborate on my situation and give some feedback on what I did as well as what I learned from my experience. This might seem a bit harsh, yet facing a different reality is difficult for people to understand most often. I will boil this down as comprehensively as possible and as honestly as possible. I'd appreciate any feedback from any member and mods. I'd rather underpromise and overdeliver at this point. Positive insights: Discipline working 8-10h a day makes me the most happy as enneagram type 4 Anahatta chakra is blocked (typically as enna 4) Micro-retreat gave me insight into what Leo called once omniscence Doubting Leo's forum because it seems like an amalgamation of enneagram type 4's Knowing that knowing the enneagram helps with spiritual bypassing Knowing I bs'd myself with my LP taking less action, because I presumed I know everything, yet did not take action Working with positive people makes me happy Transparaency is key to finding highly conscious friends and partners Highly enthusiatstic about the fractal nature of reality Synchronistic events turning more into synchrodestiny Understanding female nature more and how important a dialog is and why debates don't work Understanding power dynamics from a higher level and why debates in an "I-space" won't work Ego is the root cause of 80% of my suffering and problems in life Antagonism based on identity is far from over Noticing that not contribuiting to any forum constructively and consciously is a waste of time I do not have ADHD, still diagnosing this is insanely difficult Psychotherapy works, my therapist did retreats in asia which I definitely notice, she is quite conscious Green generally is beautiful and forgiving A gratitude practice works wonders for an enneagram type 4 The enneagram is great for avoiding spiritual bypassing and working with emotions and conditioned patterns Balancing theory and practice gives me a lot of confidence I can go out and cry when I contemplate the beauty of nature and simply see holons everywhere Nature especially helps with peak experiences There is something very profound about the saying "burn the books" Failure and failing more often is not something I should avoid, it is a gift presented as an opportunity for correction and progress As long as there is effort and progress I trust humanity to a degree, that we don't kill ourselves lol Healthy stage purple is underrated taking care of family relationships and bonding with others based on kinship Planning retreats and writing stuff down following advice is great When in doubt journal and or ask for feedback with a competent person Sublte stage phenomena and dreams are great for extracting insight to the personal realem I could get to non-duality with the current technique that I am practicing Positvity and acceptance is important to work with green as a leader Holonic asymmtry exists everywhere I easily can delude others for some reason Most drugs do not help as good as for example exercise and a healthy lifestyle Kriya experiences are not easy to control Doing kriya yoga is out of the question for now, this style of practice is to hardcore and a luxury Being a mercenary for my life purpose is great, showing up doing the work and bein quite. Being an artist is beauty in itself being highly creative on the other hand takes a lot of effort and practice to actualize the vision Finding the right ressources is easy nowadays meeting the right contacts is the scary part Reading and appying the techniques takes time and experimentation Strength exercises and meditation give you a lot of leverage during a retreat, even if it is a micro-retreat, you feel your body is growing spiritually Exercising with techniques and intent is possible, yet also quite difficult imo technique matters here again Expansion and contraction is everywhere Being of masculine essence to constantly give without wanting anything back hurts immensly at the sametime I feel it sets you free in the sense of opening your heart Key characteristic of enneagram type 4 is spiritual absorption going deep into meditation seems apparently natural to this type Strategically working on increasing consciousness does work Energy transmission even via phone and or zoom possibly seems to work, sometimes the force is to strong Creating an identity is suffering in of itself and mostly only serves an survival function Being assertive and on the spiritual path is possible, yet people legit project their own ego onto you for no reason, because you feel less egoic It is possible to ravish another person into big bliss FEAR generally is false evidence appearing real Field testing / dabbling into different spiritual avenues helps with producing insights and or conceputal knowledge Having weird phenomena with nature like it speaks to you is weird you just feel what can happen Lacking conceptual knowledge is okay, as long as you can translate the experience into something profound Trauma is a big topic and integrating past experiences and being in a process of self-renewal is important Kriya experiences or samskaras can be created out of love Distinguishing kriya experiences is not easy Samskaras stop seeming like samskaras when there is an cultivation of love as well as truth Standing on the shoulders of giants regardless if it is a mentor or someone who is very conscious is humbling In a sick and twisted way violence, death, is also the beauty of existence. Sometimes this stuff is no coincidence. Still I would not be able to tolerate an operation without anestisia . Negative insights: People really don't give an f about you and this longs for some re-framing on my part Blaming and negativity especially being furious is dangerous and pollutes entire fields of consciouness and disrupts harmonics Working on translating later stages of development is not easy Bias is inevitable till there is no-mind and understanding Constantly forming in-groups feels very disruptive A physical disabillity is no joke and now having a global health discussion based on covid leaves people left in uncertainity Exploring the microcosm deeply was taken away by my from my parents and peers Being a highly sensitive person or HSP as a man makes it difficult for other man and women to relate sometimes Being in contact with others I fall back to stage yellow cognitively mostly Developing emotional maturity as a HSP person is not easy. Going through the process of being diagnosed as gifted is odd, a lot of people see you as arrogant, yet you geniuently care Again ego is the root cause of suffering here, mental, physical, spiritual Suffering ain't that bad as long as it is not physical Getting closer to suicidal thoughts and doing meditation etc. Showed my how insane it is you could really kill yourself out of love Trusting the content of your mind is a sure way to fall into delusion Theory provides a good way to ensure the content of your mind is clean Survivial is more important then I thought and my upbringing was quite priviledged based on the fact that I am a military brat Parental care nowadays seems like a priviledge to me IMO Creating a functional relationship needs a lot of theory and practice as well as consent Creating or longing to create a functional family takes even more work and will hinder spiritual practice immensly Global issues are difficult to follow and panic and distress from the enneagrams 2,3,4 heart triad is causing a lot of disruption, especially when it is brought back home locally. Meditation techniques matter and do not matter at the sametime Re-birth is something I'd wish Leo would talk about in-case he has any insights into that topic Smoking weed without tobacco legit works for me and even helps my spiritual practice, as well as it is not as addictive, yet can lead to chronic abuse. Same goes for wine, coffee and the likes I checked the potential addiction rates Depression is not as easy to overcome as I'd wish it is Most drugs do not help as well as exercise and a healthy lifestyle Stage oranges techno-economic base the industry and mass-production and mass-transportation causes a lot of depression and isolation Scientific materialism makes technology "our" new nature Not sharing information and being in contact with others makes life more difficult as it seems Being suicidal is something that I did create on my own as well as something that was inevitable People are generally very judgemental as long as they are not yellow/turqouise survival at these stages is just different Moving up and down the spiral feels like shit I can't trust my insights 100% because they are still baking There seems to be a demand to suffer with others Survival and having a thick face and a black heart is more important then I ever thought it would be The current notion of love is a joke and fad based on romance Practicing unconditional love can be a delusion in itself especially when I long for opening my blocke heart chakra Crying almost on demand is not fun, people expect so much emotions out of each other it seems rather unnatural Reading ancient history makes me very angry It takes more theory then I thought to understand the spiritual path For me becoming orderly is extremely painful, I've been shamed around this topic for a longtime even though I am quite normal in that regard Finding balance between work and creating order and being responsible feels difficult for me, when I notice that people do not care about me Caring about me causes to futher give my ego more food still functioning as a person is neccessary and longing and or even demanding feedback is fine I did not grow as I would love to because I was stuck in a rut and I had to forgive myself as well as practice gratitude and grit Think tanks without proper outsourcing are quite toxic Funny insights: Even buying a plant in Germany is antagonistic, I can't stop laughing about these plant names. Hortensia a very good name for a plant. Stage yellow is not as cool as I thought it is, yet becomes very interesting at the microscopic level Observing people and the behaviour is amazing and funny Eletism is a big joke in a sense and that people believe in their intellectual patron to further propagate their idenity into a collective creating further in-groups. Is amazing to watch. Time and energy has a higher value then most things in life and I squander it away longing for a timless connection with reality as well as a deeper energtic connection to reality. Feeling holons for instance. Overall it is not easy to create a lifestyle that is highly conscious in of itself and runs from higher stages as well as it is not easy to become conscious. Balance is key, yet there are methods and techniques as well as hacks that work better then others. Looking for what works is the difficult task. Having existential angst and working through it opened my heart and showed my how disruptive avarice is of itself and how much my personal longing can propel me towards greater heights as well as predict my downfall. Anyway this is what being suicidal and depressed now based on constant death around me has thaught me. People take their breath even for granted when there are people who have issues even breathing. Which includes me. Unsure what I can say from here out on. If there is no feedback I just leave the forum and come back another time when I can put in some of the work which benefits me and is more conscious. This post was not written to diminish others and or to scare them because of recent events on the forum. Yet, my ethical opinions differ a lot based on what I was able to contemplate on the last years. I can understand why becoming conscious in this life time alone is so important. As well as how important it is to keep a clean mind.

I'm sorry that you are going through this rough patch. High level reply; Maybe it might help the fact that your mother suffering is in your own mind because you are imagining your mother, the hospital, and so on. In fact you are imagining that there is this thing called "awakening" which you can arrive to, with suffering. Low level reply: - Relax, relax , relax Sometimes we go too hard on ourselves and yeah, we really need like you say, to take a fucking warm shower, smoke a blunt, chill, etc. What you have developed in this years with that discipline hasn't been in vain my main, trust me you will go to higher realms. I personally have had a couple of awakenings due to suffering and anxiety, but yeah it didn't changed much, I would say suffering has been the catalyzer. If in bliss 24/7, I wouldn't have pursued anything spiritual in the first place. More than the causality, I think a minimum kind of suffering is just *fundamental for any kind of spiritual truth seeking

@ZzzleepingBear When I said always that was an exaggeration. I have plenty of useful thoughts. However, Basic needs take up more of my mental activity than I would like and it causes suffering. What I would like is some kind of strategies for 'tapping into' this lucid way of seeing things. Because it's loving clarity and it feels like pure bliss.

@Nahm @Javfly33 yup...you are Infinite Bliss when the ilusion of thought is wiped away

Bliss.

Emotions Emotions are so little talked about, even on this forum which is surprising. The stage Green emotional component is often lacking in this place and lacking in Leo's videos. Very few of his videos talk about emotions, yet we live with them all the time. What is sadness? What is anger? What is embarrassment? What is compassion? What is joy? What is fear? What is anxiety? What is contentment? What is excitement? What is peace? What is bliss? What are all of these emotions? Why do they exist? What is their purpose? How do they work? Understanding all of this is very important for a fulfilling life.

@Giulio Bevilacqua I had pretty mild symptoms, the bliss was way better than any of the mild symptoms. Just don't drink too much coffeine or nicotine or anything that excites the nervous system. If you are on no-fap, you can try to release some energy. If you have physical symptoms, then go to a doctor. Kryias are not only a symptom from Kundalini, but also a sign of nervous system disease, so you should get that checked out. Relax, it will pass and enjoy the ride. I recommend the "Awakened kundalini support group" on facebook. They are truly gifted in telling you the right things you need to hear.