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@Nahm "You got me in the feels, but then rained on our parade with “my subconscious”. " XDD "if there is said to be something which one is not conscious of, such as a ‘subconscious’, notice one is saying one is conscious of, this so called ‘subconscious’, and therefore the subconscious is not sub -conscious at all. Instead, inspect what it is you are aware of. " I like the way you write XXDD it makes me laugh. Yeah, I don't know why I said Subconscious for because I'm actually aware of myself because I used to consistently figure myself out every day 2 years ago and always watched actualized.org. I devoted my time to this CULT LEADER XDD. I'm aware of my attachments yet I don't try to resolve then because I'm scared of judgement from my family. I never told them my problems even though I don't need to because I can resolve them alone. The only thing I'm not aware of is politics XDDDD because i never gotten education yayayay. (“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it”. - Rumi “I’m too afraid” is a thought. How does that thought feel? “Ill procrastinate” is a thought. How does that thought feel? ”waste my time on unproductive low conscious things” is a judgement, a thought. How does that thought feel?) It feels good because of the productivity I accomplished in one hour but then after my dopamine hit is gone, I feel like shit and don't even want to return back to what I digressed from because I lost that excitement of learning English. I usually rot on quora or looksmaxing websites and it's unproductive and it just compounds my mental health more yayayay I'm always counterproductive ayayayay. 'If you allow yourself to see this, it is absolute that you feel the goodness that you are. There is no other possibility. Not in a past, or a present, or a future... there is no other possibility... because you are feeling, right now. You can not change this. You are free however, to focus on, or not focus on, to believe, or not believe, that which does not resonate with the goodness that you are, which can never come, and can never go, but just, is. " Yeah, I understand the goodness in me still. I don't care much about my past anymore after I consciously don't care anymore(I don't know if that makes sense tbh) The only thing I'm feeling now is perpetual anxiety and occasional depression due to the blackpill. You can stop at boredom, many do. But you are free not to, and expression is the way. Start at boredom, admit & acknowledge for yourself only, for your own well being only, that any and all conditions which you hold upon this moment as it is, are only thoughts, and focus can be shifted to seeing, hearing, breathing and feeling... and you are at peace, content, with this moment exactly as it is. It need not be different. It need not change. Question: Do you think it's counterproductive if you always think about the present because I think that's what low IQ people tend to do because they lack critical thinking skills like me which leads to being unprepared in life yayaya. That's very hard to do when your bored. I'm aware of my thoughts most of the time and let it be there because if I combat it, it'll just be insidious and make it worst. Whenever i'm bored, I usually go on YNC.com and watch gruesome videos just to use as an incentive to make me feel how lucky I am to not be born in third world countries. But that doesn't work now and it's just counter productive and insidious. Now I just use it as entertainment when ever i'm bored. "Paradoxically, when this moment is perfect as it is and you do not impress upon it your conditions, that it must change or be different, or contain any thing, substance, or experience... you indeed begin to feel quite hopeful and inspired. You feel the true unconditional nature of the love, the creator you are, and again, paradoxically, knowing you can let go, that you can put your conditions down and feel contentment, you begin to realize you can do so anytime you choose to.' "when this moment is perfect as it is and you do not impress upon it your conditions" Never heard of this technique. The only perfect moments I have is when I learn something new from English as of now because I'm learning on my own which gives me a good dopamine hit and knowing that I don't need teachers to help me yayaya. I'll try and not be impress of what I accomplish but instead let it be ayayay. "You can create, be & experience what you truly desire to. When & if life gets hard, you do not ‘freak out’, because you know the way from boredom to contentment is letting go of conditions held, and you can employ this knowing, expressing, and letting go anytime. When you say ‘it is this way’, ‘it is so & so’... it be’s this way, it be’s so and so. So too, when you say ‘mountain move’, the mountain will move. It will move out of your way. " Wow, I can understand what you're saying and I can see that happening If I pursue this again maybe. the only thing i'm afraid of is my anxiety because it hinders me greatly but I know the source of it. Boredom is the 2nd worst thing to feel and adding on my depression which makes me suicide thoughts but those are rare. Question: Do you think nootropics are good?

The problem is this just more stories of the you who is depressed..e.tc you are not going to do it. And instead you will keep suffering. Instead try closing your eyes, focus on your breath and surrender your life. That's the only true "suicide" worth to do.

My first suicide attempt was because a Scorpio got violent with me. Scorpio can get dark and fearsome like a shark with blood dripping from it's mouth. They can get very intense and psycho when they are dark Its like don't cross a Libra but absolutely never Cross a Scorpio. Scorpio admires the softness and gentleness of an affectionate Pisces. They want more of it.

I don't know. Sure God has to exist but it surely didn't have to create me the way I am. It has, this much is clear. I have a suicide fantasy where I would be given the things I want in the after life. I would love to break free, let my passion and creativity flow like it was a year ago.... But, that seems too dangerous. I can't trust anyone, they might try to sabatage or hurt my success. After losing my last job and my business, and girlfriend all at once... I know that reality doesn't care about me. I can't get my head around why I would incarnate into this life? If I am so powerful, I would just create a good life that was good. Not this. The thing is, I have seen that the fabric of what I am is totally loving, and completely creative and powerful. But, that doesn't seem to break me free of my karma or my physical incarnation. I still have fears of the future, guilts about the past and reality might totally fuck me over and why shouldn't it? It doesn't seem to care about the homeless people in my province. I feel existentially trapped and I don't know why God would do this. I doubt my ability to be successful because I am afraid of a lot of things. Past mistakes, etc. I don't know if I can really deserve love. I want to be pure, and respected by others. But, I don't know if that is possible seeing I have been so foolish in the past. I will continue to put in the work. But, I fear it will be taken away some how.

Daniel Carcillo, a former NHL player (he was an enforcer, aka fighter/big hitter) who suffered severe brain damage during his career. He developed debilitating symptoms from continuous concussions sustained by his 'tough' brand of hockey. He contemplated and planned his own suicide before he tried a "hero's dose" of psilocybin (4 grams). After two weeks, he no longer fit the criteria for clinical depression and eliminated many symptoms from his injuries. He founded the psychedelics company Wesana Health and is working to spread awareness and help cure patients with TBI's (traumatic brain injuries) and other forms of head trauma. Here is the article: https://www.fastcompany.com/90634350/wesana-health-daniel-carcillo-psychedelics-startup-tbi-brain-trauma

Officially diagnosed with Bipolar type II in 2009 after a suicide attempt. My biological mother (she only had visitation) had Bipolar type I. I take my meds, have follow-ups with my pdoc regularly and I am a very compliant patient. I haven't had any type of major crisis from Bipolar for many years. I got involved with spirituality (started with Eckhart Tolle) within 6 months of my attempt in 2009. Edit: Also, I wish ppl here on this forum with Bipolar or schizophrenia would stop asking members of this forum for advice related to their illness. I usually cringe when reading it. It's usually very poor advice and medically dangerous!

Is it possible to live alone on an island or a planet without any human interaction whatsoever and be happy, fulfilled and attain enlightenment? I know a lot of legendary Yogis basically did something like this by living most of their lives in some caves, although they still met some people from time to time. Personally for me, even though I am an introvert and spend extremely little time with other people, I've not been able to transcend the need to exchange ideas with other people or to have friends. I am not saying that this is a goal of mine, but I am wondering if one was born on an island or if they were the first person on a new planet if they would be able to do it. Buddha purportedly commented (Sambodhi Sutta), “If wanderers who are members of other sects should ask you, ‘What are the prerequisites for the development of the wings to self-awakening?’ you should answer, that admirable friends, admirable companions, admirable comrades, is the first prerequisite for the development of the wings to self-awakening.” I know most people can't handle this psychologically and commit suicide or go mad, but some seem to be okay, like the people living in isolation in the forest with the bears or Henry Thoreau who became truth realized while living alone in a cabin in the woods. What's the trick here?

@SgtPepper I’m guilty of this but it still needs to be talked about that psychedelics shouldn’t just be recommended to random people on YouTube or forum. It could really ruin someone’s life permanently or lead to suicide.

@TheDao I wasn't talking about 3rd way of feminism, I was talking about feminism in 3rd world countries. In US and EU the gender gap is far less than in most countries (most countries are poor by the way if you did not know). If you look at how serious that is, you might actually start sympathizing. I am not denying men's issues, they directly affect me. But like the word feminism is so broad, there will be feminists who body shame men, who belittle suicide and shit, and those are not feminists imo, they don't understand equality. But like also understand that just like so many men hate women because "they have been rejected", so many women hate men (they also generalize), because they raped them. And of course women rape and women rape men! The number is much less, but like sure, the statistics do not justify the individual cases, right, it is subjective trauma and damage still, even if it is less common. But like from the POV of somebody who is traumatized by men, it is very hard to open up to something like men's rights advocates. Just like it it super hard for you to understand some ways in which feminism manifests.

Not even an experience, but a being. If in enlightenment there is any notion of having gained anything, there’s still further, but who wants cosmic suicide? ?

That mens are big victims of relational violence as well men shelters (were none at the of film, zero!) men do way badder in education nowadays than in the past, Boys fall behind in all developed nations than girls men are the ones dieing in war, men are the ones dying at work/as soldiers , mens commit 4 times more suicide rights of divorced parents are not equal for men which leads to a lot of sad stories. men are called the baddies(pathriachy) and we named good (feminism) Men are more stuck in their role. Earn money or be a loser. And there is more.

For me the best thing for becoming more feminist was to read more feminist, non-western books and travel to India. Perhaps you are triggered by entitled privileged white women who get angry at you when you pay for their food, because they start thinking you are denying their financial independence by doing that. That can be incredibly annoying, especially if you would personally enjoy people to pay for your food, so you do it for them, but they blame you. By reading some non-western feminist books, fiction and non-fiction, (does not really matter, since you can deduce the global issues from the plot of the fiction as well as the non-fiction) you introduce yourself to the environment where the gender inequality is much more serious, for example the Middle East, India, Africa etc... You might realize then how serious the gender issues are, how much worse off a woman is in India, or Africa or the Middle East than the average guy, how more dangerous it is to be a woman, how you cannot even go out etc... And after that you might become more sensitive and understanding of why feminism exists. The gender issues might not be as easily visible in Europe or North America, but they are fucking real. The second thing was travel, which is kind of irrelevant now, but it was also a very strong stimulus. When I was travelling by a cab in Mumbai with a friend, it was nighttime and I saw this huge slum on my left and all these suspicious people walking around, like I was so fucking scared, even though I was a guy and I was inside a car. Mumbai is probably one of the most dangerous places on Earth to be a woman, New Delhi is the most dangerous one, it is called the "rape capital" by some people. That just got me to realize how lucky I am to be a guy and to not be a part of that huge rape statistic. But hey, guys also get raped, guys also are treated unequally, they commit suicide more often than girls do, (even though girls have more failed attempts than guys) there are so many unhealthy societal expectations imposed on guys, their self-worth is often defined by how much sex they have and nothing else etc... There are so many problems. Plus gender is a social construct and this binary division is problematic and offensive. If you resonate with this, look at one of the definition of feminism: "the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes." Equality of the sexes, you see, not supremacy of one or more. It is called feminism, because it advocates for the female perspective which guys sometimes don't understand in terms of gender equality. I assume there is something that advocates for the male perspective too that females don't get and also LGBTQI+ which advocates for the queer perspective which straight people often don't get. Feminism is not there to smash patriarchy and kill guys and cut off their penises. People who think that are not feminists, they are just committing misandry, and that is not nice. (but you must sometimes understand that that is the female version of incel and you might have been an incel yourself in the past so there is that...) Anybody who is a feminist is also a humanist. <3

@EntheogenTruthSeeker @EntheogenTruthSeeker @Leo Gura you mentioned in the interview that some sages just stop caring about survival and then they die? What does that even mean? Do they commit suicide? Or starve themsleves to death? And why would they do that? And why you are not doing it, lol?

This super scheptical/scientific/non-bias attitude that Leo is proposing in the interview doesn't make sense since it would lead you to nihilism because chosing survival over non-survival is a bias, why would we consider survival good? Isn't it an assumption society is taken for granted and need to be questioned? Why don't just suicide? This hiperational attitude doesn't make sense. There's profound knowledge in the common sense. Also, he assumes that there are narratives (as the big bang scientific narrative) that models our understanding our reality, which is ver doubtful. Again, he is incurring in a hyperrationalism, where the ideas -scientific narrative here- frame our regular understanding of reality.

Forty Days And Forty Nights At Home The word quarantine derives from the Venetian language, and was used to designate the period of 40 days in which ship and crew were not allowed on shore during the Black Death. For obvious reasons it's a word being used a lot at the moment. I find it difficult to understand how being in a kind of quasi-quarantine (i.e. lockdown) has affected me in the last year. Before the outbreak I lived by myself and have done for many years. I largely became accustomed to this way of living and I've always been good at distracting myself with one thing or another. My mental health had been bad for a number years, but I don't particularly put it down to living by myself and feeling isolated. I was seeing people every day at work, and most weekends were taken with visiting someone or other. What the lockdown did was to restrict some of that physical interaction with people. I stopped going into work, and have been mostly indoors during the day. To be honest, workwise, I was initially elated that I didn't have the rigmarole of having to prepare for work every day, and that all the distractions of being in an open-plan office were immediately gone. Intermittently, I have worked for myself over the years in any case, so I was quite self motivated and productive. Naturally, it removed that immediate chit chat and talking about ourselves that happens in an office. I can't see that mentally this caused me a problem, at first. What hit me harder, was that I couldn't go anywhere at weekends. I felt that was a very definite curtailment of my freedom, and one of the things I would look forward to in the week. Although, it's not that they were planned in any case, and very often I would do solo activites, such as take a walk in the countryside. To be honest, I already felt as though during the week simply being a wage slave was a kind of lockdown and restriction on my freedom. Instead, what took over on weekends was working on my own little projects (mostly programming), or just a huge amount of surfing and sucking in information, as I'd always done. The pandemic lockdown has been an odd sort of prison. Certainly in the past few months my work productivity has suffered. My mum suddenly passed away at the beginning of the year, and having to deal even with just the practicalities of that has shifted something inside me. I have felt emotionally steady around the whole thing, and I put that down to a combination of age and just plain old work I've done on myself over the years. It's not even that I'm purposefully trying to suppress my emotions, what comes out, comes out. My mum suffered a fair amout in her life and she was just never able to do much about it, and that's always eaten into me all my life. A part of me feels a great relief on her behalf. I do have this underlying sensation of the end of a chapter in life, and this in combination with the pandemic has unsettled me. I have this strong compulsion just to drift and not try so hard with anything in particular; I think the expression for it languishing. Some of my most pleasant times have been spent in a kind of reverie: the long afternoon in a pub hobnobbing with friends, or sitting on a beach or in a pool just enjoying the scenery and sunshine, or playing a silly game of hide and seek with friends' kids. Those times just feel like time has frozen and the rest of the world's maladies just don't exist. I think the lockdown has made me desperate for that way of being. Or maybe it's just some expression of grief I'm experiencing, I simply can't work it out. My work productivity is suffering, and all I want to do is quit and do something completely different. It's one thing listening to my intuition and having a compulsion to push myself out of equilibrium, but it's another actually doing it. One thing I learnt from the bad state of my mental health all those years ago, was that if I was going to commit suicide, thinking about it was actually pointless: either I did it, or I didn't. The light bulb eventually turned on, and I realised that all that ideation was telling me that I didn't want to off myself, I was simply trying to scare myself into action, because I wanted to stop suffering. All my Restructuring series of posts, was really just my outward expression of the constant inner turmoil I go through in trying to get myself to act. I was never really taught or given a role model on how I should go about leading life. I've never had any strong compulsion in any particular direction, I'm more happy thinking than doing, and I want to think my thoughts and not what anyone else expects me to think. Everything I do, I do out of necessity. But I so wish that I could flip that around, so I would be naturally compelled to advance myself not from a place of necessity, but a place of excitement and possibility. I just know that life would be so much more worth living then. But that feeling of not being quite associated with the norms of society and not quite fitting in is so entrenched that my unwillingness to budge outside the @LastThursday protective bubble is high. Anything I do risks exposing me to the real world and it's unpleasantness, and I know deep down that things will have to become more uncomfortable before they become better. The beginning of the next chapter is about exposing myself and reconnecting with the world more and learning to be a man - sheesh that sounds ridiculous. And simply just building up to the exciting possibilities ahead. That will pull me along. I thank God the Covid chapter is also very slowly ending here too.

Right on. Being below a 23 year old girl constantly laughing/having sex above me, whom rejected me cruelly and treated me like endless shite. Yeah, I get it. I don't have a problem with suicide. Up to everyone. Can't protect against all stuff. Freedom to be or not to be. Anything else is pretentious moralism like you said in your post. Life is absurd below the surface. A thin veneer keeping perception from shifting here. No answer. Unresolvable. Unfair. Cruel. Never gets better potentially. Tormented in our own ways. And only death/ultimate reality shifting eventually holds any hope. While stressed/strained with an unjust corrupt system. Laughed and tormented. And then no guaranteed redemption or reimbursement. Yeah, I just feel so cursed. Endless misery. Agony living in context like this

Yeah, I feel I'm in similar boat. 30 and never been with one woman/girl my age. Just one 50 year that was pretty despicable to even engage in that falsity. I feel too unpristine for these girls. It's one of the most dire issues in my life, leading to me attempting suicide multiple times/drug use. I have no idea where to find these relatable girls. Having to chronically live next to a 23 year old that instantly rejected me. I don't know that I'll ever get one. And I'm approaching middle age. Not sure whether to eternally let it go/ever hanging out with anyone in person. I feel bittered by past treatment of attempts to get one, them being ridiculous in cruel misunderstanding and non-giving-the-slightest-care. If I find them attractive it's as if they'll never go for someone that isn't run-of-the-mill like me. So automatically disregarded, plus my damaged history in terms of self-infliction upon myself. Then even if there's some alternative/hippie girl I find, probably a line of men to prove myself to her/fight off basically. Cause only men drool/fawn over women, evident by online likes and comments. And women/girls are never going to fawn/drool over any men realistically, effectively. Just a sick traumatic situation, beyond words. Sure it's not like being kidnapped and burned/cut alive. But barring that, it's one of the most heartaching subjects that seems impossible to resolve or cross the great barrier. Like girls are all mirages. Heaven denied. And never a drop of sympathy from their side seeming while I undergo this. Because for them, men fawn. They don't have to strain and ache and be agonized to contend trying to get the opposite gender's attention In vain. People always offer offensive insensitive commentary to messages like this, underblowing the difficulty factor and mocking. As if only an old/overweight/unattractive woman has to be my reality, and already had that happen so I'm just going to call it off permanently if I fail by 40. If still trying at 40 might as well give it up eternally, just mocking my heart/life value then

@Topann I was extremely depressed when I was 23/24 yo. If you don't commit suicide, it will improve with time. You can dull yourself with antidepressants to at least suffer a bit less as you are waiting. Mental illness is like a lens, you have an anhedonic lens right now and every information and stimulus is seen through that lens so I know you can't help it but this lens is temporary. It may be hard for you to get that drug but here is one that works in a completely new way for anhedonic based depression https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/lz95yo/researchers_have_identified_a_drug_that_works/

One important difference between suicide and murder is the pain, fear, suffering and frankly death that you experience when you suicide and not when you murder.

I'm sorry to hear that. Losing family or friends to suicide sucks. I hope you and your family find healthy ways to cope with this tragedy.

I’ve been ‘there’ too. Rough as hell. I feel for ya. Chat with me today. Got nothing to lose. ?https://www.actualityofbeing.com/sessions-donations. If it’s presently unaffordable, there’s no charge, no problem. Talk with uniquely trained experts who also actually really do care... http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html There is a ‘bounce’. It can and will get better. The greatest, most fulfilling worthwhile lives are almost always preceded with a ‘bottoming out’ such as this. It can transmute to an amazing and beautiful liberation. 24 imo is very specifically the roughest age. You are loved my friend, and there is much love with you, for you and within you. It indeed feels ‘off’ to deny what is. Indeed, there is another way.

Not even sure what is "responsible" or not to tell people that are in these kind of states. Nevertheless, you are deluding yourself if you think you can kill yourself. Suicide is kinda pointless, because there is no such thing as the "real death" that you speak of. The truth is that you are stubborn and stuck in some thinking patterns/beliefs that create such an emotional response and reflected/projected circumstances that it makes life SEEM not worth living. And you could just change those beliefs and you could see the beauty of life. But if you're too lazy, or if the inertia of your patterns is too big then i guess no one can stop you from doing what you're gonna do. And that's fine. The world will go on fine without you. But contemplate this: the process through which you are trying to decide whether or not to kill your body is through thoughts/language - which is one of the body's survival mechanisms. So it's basically just a technical problem of the body, where one of it's survival strategies has gone rogue and turned against itself, kinda like an autoimune disease. Ofc it's super complex and whatnot, but basically that's how i currently would put it in a nutshell.

@Topann I agree that life sucks. But the biggest reason to not committ suicide is that it would hurt other people. Imagine doing a math calculation about which choice would create the least amount of total suffering in the world, (you+other people), and then choose the option which results in least amount of total suffering for everyone. But you are of course free to do whatever you want. Since you didn't ask to be born you don't owe anyone anything. Before parents create a new conscious being they should be aware of the risk that their child might for example committ suicide.

Just this Monday a grandson of my mom's cousin completed suicide. He was 18 years old. Many things can be said about it but maybe silence is the most appropriate answer...

Imagine if an overly positive person was actually just disguising the fact that they were a suicide bomber or at the very least just committed an atrocious act, I have to say I get a little suspicious of them sometimes. Look at Donald Trump, not overly positive but overly one dimensional, no? Dimensionality is the antithesis to stupidity as well, but does this mean that people who have an overly negative perception of positive people are intelligent or just as kamikaze except they just wear it on their sleeve? Who do we watch out for more, Dr. Phil's one dimensional sympathetic demeanour, Donald Trumps one dimensional sales pitches, the overly positive or the overly negative about the overly positive? But then look at Hilary Clinton, isn't she the measurement of the balance? The crooked dimensionality that absorbs all of Trump's mistakes with a giant devil's pitchfork in one foul swoop? However even though she has dimensionality I think we could argue that she fits into the category of overly positive, no? Thus validating my perception that the overly positive are probably hiding a little more than irritable bowl syndrome of authenticity. So where do we go from here? So it neither has anything to do with one dimensionality or dimensionality but that lack of dimensionality on the surface is correlated with something to hide if someone seems overly positive. This is why I never trusted Christmas or literally any holiday break, I'd rather just pay homeless people to sing death metal at carollers. They're the overly positive right? I don't know who take out first, the carollers or the people paid to dress up like Santa, elves and so on - what's more cruel? At least I don't at all try to humiliate the homeless by playing dress up on my imaginary fantasies. You wouldn't want to know what I'd do to the easter bunny and that's why you barely ever see anyone dress up as one these days.