Search the Community

I can do it and with extreme ease, I simply have to commit suicide, I could do it right now if I wanted to, but I prefer to continue with this experience, I find it exciting. that does not mean that I am not god. a spit on the ground is a whole god. infinity divided by any finite number equals complete infinity. There are no infinities large and small, they are all the same. there is only one, which is infinitely divided into infinities. there is no god that has power and we are his servants, there is a living creation and we are that creation, every millisecond is a manifestation of that creation

And yet, my shadow-denier-brother, you are indeed turning not-knowing into an ideology by being so stubborn/slightly narrow-minded in your views ? You see, "I" don't disagree with "you". I actually fully agree with you! And what a relief to find out the separate self is just an imaginary thought/idea. What a relief it is to find out that birth and death are illusory. What a gigantic relief it is to find out everything is just nothingness and that what I truly am is just 'isness", Nothingness, Love, God, The Dao That Can't Be Spoken! What a relief! Let's swim and bathe in this great sea of Nothingness, of not-knowing, of being completely at peace, completely free. Let us celebrate! Or just celebrate! There is no 'us', hell, there isn't even anything to celebrate! And "to celebrate" is just another thought! There is nothing to do, nowhere to get to. Everything just is. Perfection. Absolute Divine Perfection. No. Not even that. Words are just pointers. Let's not name it... "Reality is: ... *smashes a gong-gong* ... and we won't give it a name" said Alan Watts. (And yet, here we are on this forum. What da fuck are we doing? Oh yes, "I" forgot: I don't exist, neither does James, nothing is going on here!) __________ When you say that this dream, this life, this existence, this magical maya-fantasy -- full of dualities such as birth & death, love and hate, success and failure, music and silence -- is *just* a thought, you simultaneously seem to deny the insane amount of intelligence and absolute pure magic behind it all. All paths that doesn't lead to the Heart are illusory/falsehood/not-it. James, you are like the dude in this cartoon: ? Isn't it insanely profound to think about what all this is (even if it's seen as nothingness) ?? Isn't it insanely profound that it's possible to be completely unconsciously lost in all this? Like an actor getting so immersed in her role, she forgets she's acting. And what's even more magical is that it is possible to awaken from it all. To see it all for what it is: play, Leela, nothingness, God, Love, pure Infinite Consciousness. Isn't it mystical as fuck that it's even possible for this 'realization' to occur? You seem to try really hard to 'take the magic out of' // 'deny the magic of' REALiTY/EXiSTENCE ... why? I mean, why is there anything (even if it is nothing) ... Why? How does it work? What are the mechanics involved? Does it serve any purpose? "Camus said there is only really one serious philosophical question, which is whether or not to commit suicide. I think there are four or five serious philosophical questions: The first one is: Who started it? The second is: Are we going to make it? The third is: Where are we going to put it? The fourth is: Who's going to clean up? And the fifth: Is it serious?" - Alan Watts

Friday 09/04/2021 , 16:15 Attack on Titan has a terrible ending, so for maybe 12 hours straight yesterday I just went on a meme, rage and discussion rampage of me coping with how atrocious an ending that series got. Those 12 hours were a blur, crazy how that happened. [Chapter 139 of the manga came out yesterday] Oscillations between stages 2 and 4 of grief. What an absolutely abysmal ending, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just wrong or doesn't think deeply ; ) I'll stop feeding that rage today hopefully and do something else. I feel a strange type of emptiness today and I don't like it. I'll eat a beetroot and drink tea. I feel drained of mental focus or direction. Or just a weird aimlessness. This is gonna hurt. So planning. After eating + tea, do those back exercises and stretch out your hips. Then meditate & read, idk which I'll do first. And run. +1 01:02 Never read or ran, only meditated. I spent an hour doing some BS errand, and wasted time afterwards watching TV and playing Jenga. Some butchers shop makes 100% pure beef burgers, so today I've eaten 1 beetroot, 1 cucumber, a 2 of those burgers. Question is what I do for 1 or 2 hours before I sleep. I might actually read, meditate again, but then make plans for my uni work. I need to get an idea of just how far behind I am. It's a shit load, and there's this 7000 word project to do for next month.....Sigh But I need to rant about Attack on Titan again, so spoiler alert (stop reading if you don't want to get spoiled), because that ending was so fucking awful I can't get over it. Let me just put in a quote box some things I hated about 139 and the elaborate further Chapter 139 was fucking disgusting, but I felt off about the story before that. * -- Alright so everything in this show is going perfectly until about chapter 123. Eren's character evolution is fucking GENIUS throughout this show. We are given this starting premise. Some 100 years ago, titans (giant monsters with humanoid facial features and appearance) appeared and pushed humanity to the brink of extinction. The surviving remnants of humanity built 3 concentric large 50m tall walls to protect themselves from the titans. ^Ofc this is all a complete lie. But it's the starting story. Humanity is trapped in this bird cage. And then in chapter 1, that bird cage gets pillaged by the titans anyway. Since chapter 1, Eren has been about one thing and one thing only freedom. It was his nature since birth to fight for freedom, he wanted to join the scouts to explore beyond the walls, even before his mother got eaten by a titan. Episode 1, the walls keeping humanity safe are broken, titans come rushing in and Eren's mom gets eaten. Eren then vows to kill every titan in existence. Eren is hotheaded, has no patience, and gets emotional over just about everything. He's not a complete idiot though. Eren ofc discovers he has the power to turn into a titan (and so he becomes humanities last hope), and we got a large and intricate plot develops. In time he finds out 3 of his friends were fucking traitors, responsible for the mass murder of humanity and for the death of his mother. And he's forced to fight them. Eren is disheartened as he learns that humans turning into titans are also his enemy, not just titans. And then next season, we get civil war inside of the walls. Humans killing humans. Eren learns what his dad did, and Eren wants to curl up and die when he's in that cave since he think's he's useless and can't fulfil humanities hopes. Historia, the person who could have eaten Eren, decides to join his side and snaps Eren out of it. Eren is further hardened psychologically from the civil war of humans killing humans. And then season 3 part 2. Eren + Scouts fight a massive battle against: Reiner, Bertholt + Beast Titan (Zeke) [ Also + Cart Titan who had supporting role]. The the basement reveal happens. After that battle is over and the enemy retreats, the scouts arrive at Eren's Dad's basement where we know some secrets are hidden. We find out humanity beyond the walls hasn't perished at all; The old king simply erased people's memories of humanity beyond the walls. Everyone in the walls are a race of humans called "Eldians" who can transform into pure titans or titan shifters, the world wishes to genocide Eldians ( parallel to Jews in WW2 Nazi Germany themes) because their ancestors in the Eldian Empire used the power of the Titans to oppress the globe. Reading the journals of grisha, the power fo the titans explains, Eren sees the memories of his dads passed onto him. We learn later that he can also see the future with his titan power. Eren enters a depression. The whole world is his enemy. We only learn much later that when he kisses Historia's hand at the ceremony, he sees a dreadful future (he can't change? More on that later.) When Eren and scouts finally see the ocean for the first time in their lives, Eren can't even be happy. He suddenly has access to his dad's memories of abroad, memories of how Eldians are abused in the world, how his people are hated and oppressed and are not allowed to be freed. And so he says with the most depressed look on his face Cue the 4 year timeskip. We then start the story again in the foreign country which opposes Paradis (our country of characters), we enter Marley instead. We see warriors and titan shifters being trained in that country, and learn some new characters. We start to feel attached to the Eldian soldiers in Marley, as they're trying to elevate the status of their people by proving their worth to Marley. Eren infiltrates Marley and pretends to be wounded Eldian-soldier of Marley. Eldians in Marley are kept in concentration camp zones and are inferior citizens, forced to be soldiers, suicide bombers and suicide titan transforms on the battlefield. Marley previously failed in capturing the Founding Titan (which Eren has) in Paradis , and they are planning on declaring war on Paradis again, but asking the world to help if they can. Marley's leader makes a grand speech on stage in front of leaders. However underground nearby, is Eren waiting to attack Marley as soon as Marley declares War. He manages to lure in Reiner, and they have a chat. Reiner is begging for forgiveness, is crying and is breaking down. Reiner is plagued by PTSD and guilt after massacring so many thousands of humans with his own hands on Paradis, plagued by the guilt of being a traitor to people he infiltrated. Before Eren found out Reiner was a traitor and double agent so many years ago, Eren considered Reiner like an older brother almost. Reiner used the phrase "Keep moving forward" which Eren remembered as motivational when they were in the army together. ^Reiner is responsible for the attack which killed Eren's mom. Eren after the timeskip has a different demeanour. He is calm, cold , calculating, and is unemotive. He forgives Reiner, realising that Reiner was an indoctrinated kid and had no choice in the matter. Reiner was fed lies and wanted to be a hero. Eren is about to transform and attack Marley, the same way Reiner attacked Paradis. But Reiner doesn't know it, he's just shocked to meet Eren and is crying. Eren stretches his hand to shake Reiner's before he transforms into a titan. ^Eren then murders all the Marleyan Soldiers there, kills the leader of Marley, and has a battle with WH Titan. He kills many innocent civilians, women and children as collateral damage in the crowd of the speech. Eren has completely changed since the start of the story. From innocence, to the willingness to get his hands dirty to kill his enemies. He forgave Reiner, realised and understood why Reiner did what he did. He understands his enemy. He knows that humans inside and outside the walls of all races are the same. But, everyone outside the walls is taught and thinks that the humans inside the walls are evil devils worthy of genocide. The outside world won't listen, as evidenced by the fact that Marley's leader is giving a speech right now trying to convince the world to genocide their island. And so Eren knows peace is impossible, and that there will be war. Quote by Eren after infiltrating Marley undercover. He's at a camp of permanently crippled, psychologically traumatised Eldian soldiers who were forced into war to fight for Marley against other countries.: ^ (Open in another tab then turn on captions) Eren's attack on Marley is a success, with the help of his friends from Paradis Island. Eren steals the Warhammer Titan ability by eating Tybur's sister. Eren forced his friends to help, he went abroad without telling anyone, and sent letters telling them he's attacking. Armin his Colossal Titan power to nuke the seaside port, killing 1000's and 1000's of innocent civilians, but it was necessary if they wanted to survive. Armin is ridden with guilt. Mikasa cries that Eren has led to so many civilians dying. Paradis military and Eren's friends were forced to help, they then retreated to Paradis, they picked up Zeke who turned out to be on their side. -- Too much plot to explain.... the result is this. Eren tricks Zeke to use his Founding Titan powers fully, uses the the Wall Titans on Paradis Island and activates "The Rumbling". 250,000 large colossal titans compose The Walls. Eren commands those 250,000 to destroy all life outside of the walls. I.e. Eren starts a genocide of the entire planet for the sake of freedom. AND IT WAS GENIUS WRITING HOW ISAYAMA WROTE IT. Eren showed hints throughout the series how hell bent he was on freedom, how black and white his mind was. When Eren was a young child, he killed 2 kidnappers who murdered Mikasa's parents and kidnapped a child to be sold into slavery. What he did was good, but he always possessed that Chapter 121-123, we see Eren and Zeke talking. They are in "The Paths" when talking. Whilst they are in the paths world, with power over the past, Eren talks to his father Grisha Jeager backwards in time to complete his mission (it was only thanks to Grisha that Eren ever got his power). It's a non-linear time loop which makes Eren's power 4th dimensional. Eren guides and motivates his father to kill that royal family (including children) in the church: Zeke is Eren's half brother raised in another country (Grisha lived in Marley before going to Paradis). Zeke was under the impression Grisha brainwashed Eren as his father. Quite the opposite; Eren influenced Grisha, and Eren's nature since birth has always been like this So Eren starts the genocide of all mankind outside the walls. The year is around 1910 technology wise, we have 1.8 billion or so people on the planet. Entire continents get trampled ^Crushed into dust Note: The power of titans, the plot is extremely complicated. There is a mythos, science and lore to the power. We still don't know why Eren is doing everything. We know Eren can see the future and what the end result it, yet he goes through with this. So many theories, ranging from Eren means to destroy the world, or that his goal is to be stopped by his friends and he has another goal. But regardless, Eren is actually going through with this genocide. He announces to all Eldians psychicly through Paths in chapter 123 he intends to trample the globe for the sake of freedom. All the Eldians outside the walls are doomed to die in this action as well. Before he commences the genocide, he speaks to all Eldians/(Subjects of Ymir) ---- *It was after 123 that some elements of the story started to feel off. It wasn't until 138 and 139 that I was actually very worried. But to talk about chapters 123-137 problems: After Eren starts the rumbling, some forces on Paradis and some Marleyan forces join together to form "The Alliance" to stop Eren. That's fine. But what's not fine is the direction and way some things are done. 1) Everyone suddenly acts like a Jesus Christ or Buddhist Saint, and are about peace and love. It got to the point it was excessive and cringe with the dialogue. AOT world is one of realism. 2) We go long period of time without understanding Eren's POV, but this is solved later. Chapter 130 and 131 were GENIUS. We see flashbacks and read Eren's mind for the first time in so many chapters. During the 4 year time skip, Eren was conflicted and confused. He didn't know how he could get freedom for his people. He was travelling abroad in another countries, and he's contemplating the future he saw in his visions; killing them all for freedom due to being out of options. Eren was disappointed to learn that humans (hostile ones) existed beyond the walls when reading his dad's journal and gaining access to his memories. His entire life he just want to escape the confines of the walls. The walls were bigger than he initially thought; the poetic irony is him using the Wall Titans to trample to globe. At first I found this genocidal twist in Eren's character strange, after all I always considered him a good guy. But then I realised how genius and amazing a twist it was. Brilliant writing. _________________ But then the final chapters came along....To someone who doesn't know the story it can't be explained properly. Just why... why did they fucking ruin the story with this retarded shit: 1) Eren loses the battle barely putting up a struggle. We're to expect Eren loses 2 seconds after Mikasa gets the resolve to kill him? 2) What in the flying fuck was the point of the hallucegenia or tree of life when it literally fucking disappears without an explanation of what or how when Eren dies? 3) WHY THE FUCK WAS EREN A RAMBLING AND MUMBLING MESS AT THE END. HE JUST KEPT CONTRADICTING HIMSELF AND HAD NO CLUE WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT. He was character assassinated 4) WHY THE FUCK DID HE KILL HIS OWN MOM BACK IN TIME? WASN'T THAT HIS ENTIRE MOTIVATION TO KILL THE TITANS? TRASH Eren was character assassinated . He had no clue what he was doing. He was NOT FREE at all. He was a slave to some shit fate. HE DIDN'T GAIN ANY FREEDOM OR ACHIEVE ANYTHING IN DEATH EITHER. THE WORLD IS STILL IN A WARRING STATE, THE 20% OF THE GLOBE WHICH SURVIVED WANTS REVENGE. There was no satisfaction to anything. He literally said things which reverse all of his character development. I CAN'T TAKE SERIOUSLY HIS CONVERSATION WITH REINER, OR ANY OF HIS VALUES, MOTIVATIONS OR PHILOSOPHY (Meme Image Photoshop) This is literally the worst fucking ending Isayama could have done, destroying Eren's character. Literally ANY of the millions of fan theories out there would have been better. Holy fuck. 5) WHY WERE WE TOLD OUT OF LEFT FIELD IN 139 THAT YMIR HAD A STOCKHOLM SYNDROME LOVE FOR KING FRITZ, AND THATS WHY THE TITAN POWER EXISTS? AND THEN MIKASA KILLING EREN INSPIRES YMIR TO DELETE PATHS? WHAT? Why is this trash plot point THE RESOLUTION OF THIS MASSIVE STORY. I'm supposed to believe in this for how the story ends? You fucking kidding me? Throw it in the fucking garbage, a fucking 12 year old could have written a better ending. There are loads of plot holes you can address, but the main shit is this confused messaging. The author introduced themes such as the cycle of hate, freedom, war, and gave no fucking opinion or conclusion to it. In addition, he reversed the good things he did do. Rushed and sloppy ending. In no sense did Eren's character have any satisfaction at the end. It was instead shat on. Both in terms of his values, and what he achieved. Bullshit plot twists just made him all the more incoherent and nonsensical. ________ Memes like this are my final cope to this garbage "My Comedy show at its (fucking) peak" with how trash this is >NOOOOOOOOO I MUST CRY TO ARMIN FIRST " TATAKAW TATAKAW"

I also have a dilemma because I have a deep interest in spirituality, but it has brought a lot of danger to my life, like suicide attempts, detachment from friends and family. Its hard to give this up, or take a break when its literally the only interest I have left. Im obsessive about it. Tried to make music again but I have no joy anymore. I only live to distract myself from suicide with stimuli like watching youtube videos. I'm getting help, might get antidepressants, but that's not gonna fix it all, and might make it worse from what I've heard about it.

Timeline The first major change was dealing with 2 breakups. October 2020. One with Joseph that happened some time last year after we got back together for a short time. November 2020 I discovered his cheating. February/ March 2021 Second break up happened with Andrew this year. We had issues for a long time. December 2020 I was going through intense emotions of trauma and suicide. Rough period. January 2021 I was still trying to heal and move on from Joseph. It was a brave struggle. Finally I could let him go.

I got this theory that i believe is true. If you are karmically destined to live to 74 and die of hearth disease. Kill yourself at 34 and you will be only killing the physical body. The astral, pranic, kama bodies will still be alive and you get stuck in the astral plane until you get 74. That's like 40 years in a OBE state. I have personally ejected from my own body while alive so i know for a fact that i am not this body. The problem is that karma doesn't change and you will still have connection to your family and friends. You will watch them sob and suffer from your deed of killing yourself and float like a ghost in the astral plane. Okay, this may not be entirely true but is one of the dreadful things i have in mind when i consider suicide.

Ive been suffering from OCD since i was a teenager, maybe 14 so far. The last 9 years were pretty intense, i have considered suicide many times. I think that doctors and medicine cant help for that condition. I think the only think that can help me are pshycadelics, its bad that in my country they are very rare and cannot be found.

This is probably against what you’re looking for, but I think it is important for you to consider. My tip is for you to not hide yourself. Being “high consciousness” and inauthentic by hiding who you really are at the same time seems like a recipe for disaster to me. Consider it like this — if every gay person kept their sexuality a secret in the way you’re doing with your spirituality, we would have an even greater stigma against it, more people committing suicide from it, and likely still laws against it. Maybe your friend who asked about your level of happiness might also want to experience that himself. Maybe you could be a crucial part of facilitating his rise in consciousness if you were honest. You not wanting people to think you’re crazy now for your positive and rare development is precisely the kind of activity that will maintain the status quo of people like us being stigmatized, judged, etc. Beyond that, your influence could get people to your level of consciousness or even higher. It could greatly reduce their suffering and reduce the amount of suffering they create for others. Who is it really helping for you to stay in the closet? Is it really even helping you?

How do you know, have you experienced both? Because I have. And I would rather be raped and beaten violently 10 times over being falsely accused of rape. I'm not downplaying being raped, it can be 10x worse than what I went through but that doesn't mean being falsely accused is no big deal. Neither is objectively worse than the other, each individual will have a different experience. Stop downplaying what I had to go through because it was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Have you actually read or studied what happens to someone when they're falsely accused? Have you talked to people who were falsely accused? It was because of this mentality that I was on the brink of suicide, in fact, I would've done it if it weren't for my family. I suffered on my families behalf, I took all of their combined suffering and I grinded myself through it for THEIR sake, because I didn't want them to suffer. Every single day I woke up wanting to die, every single hour I thought about the joy of killing myself, the freedom from what the police did to me. They took everything that was mine and left me with nothing but trauma, existential anxiety and PTSD. No one helped me. No one supported me except my girlfriend and my parents. I'm still terrified of sex because I would rather be celibate for the rest of my life than be falsely accused again. There's nothing I can do about what happened to me other than empathise with others who have been through the same. It's very easy to just dismiss this issue like it's no big deal, but it destroyed me and I would rather be tortured for a day than go through what I went through again. You need to do research before you go spouting your ideology at people. You have NO idea how different a false rape accusation is vs a false theft accusation and whilst I forgive you, it's not your fault you don't understand, at least try to see just how much suffering you're downplaying because this issue doesn't concern you. You won't be falsely accused of rape, so your ego will ultimately be biased against that. I don't expect you to empathise with me, it's unlikely you will ever know the existential terror I went through for months. But at least try... People who are falsely accused of rape are victims too, and the fact that the justice system treats them as guilty until proven innocent disgusts me. No one should ever have to go through what I did. No one. No one should have to go through being raped either, but downplaying one side does nothing but harm both sides. I hope you one day realise this.

First of all that totally depends on the context. If a woman have sex beacuse of a pushy man that can be seen as rape. You are right that she got psycologial damage from that. I don't deny it. But a man who gets falsely accused may commit suicide like my friend. In this context who got the most damage? I don't understand. We talk about that all the time. If you talk about rape being a problem in our society is it fair for me to say "well murder, theft and violence are also a problem. Why do you talk about rape? how is rape any different?" Do you see the problem with that sort of rhetoric? I would instead talk with you about how to solve it rather than blaming you. I am not here to talk about if we should talk about but how to solve it. Talking about an issue doesn't solve it unless you present solutions.

I would agree with myself 7 years ago. Had a book by a french psychiatrist who discussed suicide and self harm. He mentioned that the solution to this was self-acceptance and i threw that book hard into the wall. I am still doing the same now with my smartphones but this is becoming expensive.

No that's not rude, it's quite a common thing in media culture. Idk how old you are or if you payed attention to Western culture at the time, but even before he killed himself they were RIDICULOUSLY popular and on the rise to go even higher, which is also what made his suicide such a big deal.

I know this sounds super rude. I think he is only famous because he committed suicide. There I said it.

I wanted to write this before I continue my studying because I felt I needed to express and verbalize in written form these heavy thought patterns and heavy feelings I've been having when I sat down on a chair to meditate a little bit for 10 minutes as a break from focusing my mind on studying and learning. Update: Sat still for 15 minutes felt the same feeling of fatigue engulf my mind and body. What I thought about and felt were thoughts about death, or to be more specific projected fears of me dying from my own hand as a result of failing to achieve what I set out for myself in life and failing to reach that standard, and giving up, not being willing to regress or degrade myself to a lower level of existing, thinking and feeling then I am currently at. There are of course regressions and downturns in life, but my fears I am having regarding this is of them being permanent and of not being able to return back, particularly to a state of consciousness and being in relation to the world where I once was when I look back at my murky memories. But what is stopping me from seeking death are the consequences of dying at this point in life, to be more specific, my imagined rule that if repeat the same fate as my mother has, the consequences would be extremely bad and difficult karmic chain to break when I, imagine, would return back to this earth again in a different form either to live out the unconscious punishment of that act or of having to go through the same mistakes I did and that I committed in this life until I learn from them and learn how to correct them. So, in essence, what's acting as a huge deterrent for me not to commit suicide is the inevitable heavy burden and karmic punishment that would result and occur in the next life, that would be severely worse and harder to endure than the one in this one, of having been unable to break the chain of suicides in my family with my mother's own reasons and undefeated pain and problems that led her to it, and because of the attachment and care I still have towards my father and grandmother of not wanting to cause them the, I am quite sure of it, the unbearable pain and suffering in their lives, that I fear the most, because of the loss of me, will push them as well down the path of not having a purpose and will to live any longer because of the unbearable I would inflict upon them If I would partake in such an act.

The "But the suicides!" was a major talking point against lockdowns and preventive measures, but that unsurprisingly turned out to be bunk. Suicides actually decreased in 2020. https://www.axios.com/suicide-decreased-in-2020-pandemmic-mental-health-26196eaf-a245-4d21-85eb-eeb864a24449.html

Let's say you are playing chess versus your girlfriend. In actuality, whether you win or lose makes no difference, except for the honor you either consciously or unconsciously project 'onto winning'. So, why play if it's all meaningless? Same goes with life. Why play? Why not just commit suicide if it's all ultimately pointless and meaningless?

Should someone do spiritual work if they are suicidal? I started all of this while I was very depressed because I realized the flaw in materialism. Problem is that if I can't even do basic stuff like going out there talking to people or get a job, then wouldn't the meditations almost be impossible. Like im expecting that I will transcend when I havent even met my basic needs as a human. Im trying to climb from the bottom of the pyramid to the top without sorting out all the things in the middle. The reason im typing all this is because Im pretty certain im going through a dark night of the soul. When I research about it online I get a lot of tips like continuing on the spiritual path and pray and meditate. I attempted suicide not long ago, the cops found me and sent me back. Meditation has lowered my ego, but the consequence of that is that I feared death less. If you guys think I should take a break from it, what else should I do? Surrender? My ego wont let me. Only temporary.

@NahmI have a hard time understanding what you just posted. Im aware that I am not my thoughts or feelings. I try to detach from it everyday. I dont think I'm ready to understand it either. Ill just accept that things are the way it is and work on the fundamentals. Exercise and diet. Having mindfulness. I don't have the free will to commit suicide anyway. Im being watched 24/7. I do admit that this spiritual work has been really dangerous to me and I wasn't ready, but I have learned a lot about myself. Just had an argument with my dad about it on how Leo has fucked up my brain. I got really pissed off but he is right. I do think though what Leo is doing is for the better for humanity. Not that I claim that I know what Leo "knows", but what he is saying makes a lot of sense to me so when I get caught up thinking about, committing suicide seemed so easy. Ive had temporary states of bliss during meditation and whenever I got out of it, the material world become a joke to me. Total garbage.

Important phrases and sentences in dialogue script Red butterflies Nobody will believe you Doctor uses the phrase red butterflies. Murder made to appear like suicide. Main plot Serial killer in the area Supernatural events Light outside the bedroom flickers on and off Nobody believes her Mutilation of pet Marriage is happy Turn of events There is a devil in the house Devil takes us one by one. Husband discovers proof Torn sheet in diary does not match message on table Police find no clues Puzzle pieced together Many more victims Rejection in school Saw her at a theater with hubby Revenge and discord. Retribution Murderous intent She wore red butterflies at the theater Tony escapes 2 murder attempts but lives to tell the story. Last attempt foiled. Killer caught. Closing scene - Tony visits grave of Anya. Last tributes. She wasn't lying Tony will always be there. Father's death was not a freak accident. Killer name is .. Mother's death was a mysterious illness. . But not so mysterious.

I feel trapped. I feel abandoned. I feel miserable. I feel like I'm in deep dark place, a room with no doors. LIKE a dungeon. Trapped, lonely No windows. No sunshine coming in. Nothing. Just darkness. Cold and dark. With nobody to scream for help. I feel tormented Nowhere to go These are the phrases running through my head right now. "LEAVE ME ALONE" "NOWHERE TO GO" "FEELING TRAPPED AND LOST" "DEEP DARK COLD DUNGEON" "ABANDONED, LONELY, BROKEN" "TORTURED AND TORMENTED. SCREAMING FOR HELP." If I ever commit suicide or die, these will be my last words.

@SempiternityDont know how to get those. Hope it will become more accessible one day. @kag101Im at a place where I get medical treatment. I sleep there so that I cant attempt suicide. Talk to psychologist. Gonna get sent to another place in a few weeks to go deeper into the issue. Im just asking should I continue some amounts of meditation or just have overall mindfulness. I think this is also a spiritual issue. So I'm not sure if medical treatment will be as effective. Gonna do some basic stuff like exercising and fixing my diet too. I have some gag problems though so gonna be a challenge. @neutralempty

A different experience than a solo mediation. It is basically a group meditation focusing on relieving some issues around the planet. I think the weekly End of Coronavirus meditation on Sundays is the biggest one. Here is their website: https://www.welovemassmeditation.com/?m=1 And their youtube channel with the guided meditations: https://youtube.com/c/WeLoveMassMeditation Some info: "Why Meditate? Why Participate in Mass Meditation? Dear Light Family, Now, in the beginnings of our new age, this new cosmic cycle, as the energies of our beloved Mother Earth have shifted, so, too, are shifting the energies of every living being upon her. More and more people are awakening and becoming aware of all that is happening, that the fields of consciousness on our planet Earth have shifted, are shifting, and that on, in, and around our planet, Lightworkers and Lightwarriors have been being very active to help bring about planetary liberation and change. Many of you are asking ‘how can I help?’ One of the best ways to provide energetic support to the Light Forces is by doing what many call ‘Holding the Light,’ bringing more positive energies and Light to our planet by doing individual and group meditations. For this reason, and by request, a global group of volunteers was formed, called We Love Mass Meditation (WLMM), to help make meditation accessible and easy for people around the world. For ages, mystics around the world meditated together during powerful times of planetary energies without having the benefit of the internet or social media. They knew about the solstices and equinoxes, they had ancient ways of connecting energetically, their astrologers/astronomers let them know when important cosmic events were happening. Indigenous people around the world have travelled to connect and shared with one another for tens of thousands of years. They knew and predicted our time would come. How lucky we are! Since the advent of the internet, connecting has become much faster and easier to create synchronized events where we can join together as ONE. There are times of the week, the month, the year, where it is most important to take advantage of the energies. The more people that gather together in meditation with powerful intention at these times, the faster we reach what’s referred to as ‘critical mass,’ at least 144,000 people concentrating, at one point in time, on Love, on Light, on Peace, we change our world for the better, raising global frequency, which affects everyone, and supporting the Light Forces. As certain events and situations are not planetary in scope, but localized to a certain part of the planetary surface, the critical mass of meditators to dissolve them is usually between 5,000 to 10,000 people. And we have clearly seen the results of this. For this reason, the We Love Mass Meditation (WLMM) team, a dedicated team of international Lightworkers, connected with other dedicated teams of Lightworkers around the world to create many Guided Meditations: audios and videos created at the sound frequency now known to be most beneficial to us and our planet (432 Hz) and in many languages, so we can combine the power of our focus and intent, and we worked together to find the best times to synchronize so that the most people in different time zones around the world can join together as One to help to bring about the change we all desire and planetary liberation. Most WLMM meditations are just over 15 minutes, short enough that people can take a break from their activities and long enough to effectively raise your own frequencies and the frequency of the planet, and scheduled at times when the most people can participate together. We invite you to join with us. Personal Benefits Indeed, meditation is a practice; and the more you do it, you will find the better you get. It used to be that you had to go somewhere to learn, find a teacher, but as we have evolved and human consciousness is changing, we know what the ancients knew: your best teacher is within you and meditation helps you to connect with your higher self. Some call it prayer. But not all prayer is meditation. Meditation is one of the oldest practices known to human beings for harmony, inner peace, and for connection to spirit. It has existed in many forms — in every culture, in every religion, all around the world. Shamans, gurus, yogi’s, mystics, medicine people, and seekers have practiced meditation in some form or another, since the beginning of time. It is a way to refine our experience, to open a new dimension to our lives, and to tap into a deep source of positive energy and joy. (1) When I began to learn how to meditate as a child, the elders who taught me did not call it ‘meditation’. I was 3 or 4 years old when they took me into the forest and taught me how to be still, in the now, and how to BE. Only as I got older, growing up in a cross cultural community, did I begin to learn about all the different methods and techniques. Back in those days, things like yoga and meditation were considered weird, people joked about contemplating your navel, and mainstream science ridiculed the concept. But as science and technology developed, lo and behold their surprise to find that the ancient mystics were right and there ‘really was something to all this.’ On the personal level, science found that training our internal mental lives results in positive effects on our minds, our health, and our relationships. Multiple studies proved that meditating increased compassion and social bonding, the more people meditate, the more skillful we can be in compassionate action. Amazing improvements were logged in creativity and divergent thinking, (2) and scientists documented improved visuospatial processing, working memory, and executive functioning. (3). Meditation gives us the opportunity to become more present with ourselves just as we are, connecting us to our inherent wisdom. Science now has proven benefits to cardiovascular and immune health, and that sustained long-term meditation increases gray matter, enhances the ability to generate gamma waves in the brain (among the benefits of that is making you stronger against pain!) It leads to something called neuroplasticity: the ability of the brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections, especially in response to learning and experience following injury. I am a living proof of that! Science has found that meditation can be better than sleeping. It develops cognitive skills, can reduce hyperactivity, impulsivity and increased “act-with-awareness” skill. It naturally boosts good brain chemicals, can balance the left and right hemispheres of the brain, and help you access your subconscious mind power, build health, and cure disease. There are multiple studies that prove meditation is more effective against depression than the pharmaceutical solutions contemporary medicine offers. A study from Harvard University showed that with just 10 minutes a day of mindfulness, a simple non-denominational type of meditation for the modern-day person, their subjects (all novices to meditation) reported lower anxiety and less obtrusive thoughts. That means that just 10-20 minutes of daily meditation will help you start seeing changes within about 2 months. So joining into even ONE of the We Love Mass Meditation (WLMM)’s daily guided meditations will have positive benefits for you personally! Why MASS Meditation? The Global Benefits: Science has also been able to prove something else ancient mystics have always known: there exists a field of transcendental consciousness that is basic to creation and permeates all life everywhere. This phenomenon is now known to Physics as the ‘Field Effect’ and defined as an effect of ’coherence and positivity produced from the field of infinite correlation.’ Per physics, a field effect of consciousness implies an underlying connection between individuals in much the same way that physics has uncovered greater unity beneath the diversity of matter and energy fields. Since the late 1970’s, modern day science has proven time and again that with a large enough group in synchronized meditation, joining together energetically in this “field quality of consciousness, the extended ‘field-like’ effects are expressed in society.” Study after study has documented the brain changes in individuals who meditate. With “what we know now about mirror neurons, it should come as no surprise that when a bunch of us get together with an intent to create peace – we actually create it!” (4) Since global meditations began to be studied statistically and scientifically, it became clear they have helped to facilitate great change. Research teams that were monitoring the resonances occurring in the plasma waves constantly circling the earth in the ionosphere detected unusual spikes in Earth’s magnetic field on the very days that global meditations took place. (5). Studies of synchronized global meditations in the late 1970’s found reduced global crime rates, violence, and casualties during the times of their meditation by an average of 16%, a reduction in suicide rates and automobile accidents in the area where just 7,000 individuals were mediating together over a course of 3 weeks with all variables accounted for. In fact, there was a 72% reduction in terrorist activity during the times at which this group was meditation. (6) By the early 1980’s, so many studies confirmed the benefits of global meditation and its direct impact on everything around the world, even so far as to have the combined results of almost 50 studies published in the Journal of Crime and Justice in 1981. We have known of these benefits for decades, but it has taken this new century and entering the time we are in now, the time the people where I live now call Pachakuti, from the Quechua word “pacha” which means time and space or the world, and “kuti,” which means upheaval, revolution or great change. Pachakuti is the long predicted “world reversal.” This time has been predicted by every indigenous culture around the planet, the indigenous peoples of North America refer to it as the time of the Rainbow Warrior. Now our PachaMama (Mother Earth) has shifted and as we evolve with her, enough people around the world awaken to come together to create critical mass. We invite you to join in and BE part of the Change. It doesn’t matter whether you are a long-time meditator or a complete novice to the practice. WLMM’s Guided meditations make it easy for you. They are also available in many languages, and more languages will be made available as people request and assist with translations. Please remember, we are all volunteers, so are all of YOU. We welcome you and appreciate your effort. There are WLMM for every New Moon and Full Moon, meditations to help calm natural and man-made disasters, meditations to neutralize negative rituals, meditations to support the Light Forces in specific operations. If there is only ONE mass meditation you can join weekly, the most important is the Weekly Ascension Meditation, held on Sundays at 4 PM UTC/GMT. There is an event page on Facebook www.facebook.com/events/966344300172194 and the Guided Audio Meditation (regularly updated as new languages made available) here: https://goo.gl/GDK5Nz You can find a list of all WLMM Active Meditations where you can find YOUR Time Zone here: https://welovemassmeditation.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html and join the WLMM Forum here: welovemassmeditation.elementfx.com/home/welovem3/public_html/ Welcome! With so much Love & Light, Zeeva Amrita"

Hey guys! I have registered myself on the government vaccine wait list yesterday and today I got an sms saying that on wednesday I can already get my first shot. The thing is my family are all against this covid vaccine and no matter what explanation I give them they would always have an answer back even though I respect their decision and don't talk them into getting it. My mom said she will accept me for getting it but I still don't want to tell her as this will further cause more discussions. They are pitting me as if I am committing suicide....don't know why. How would you cope in this situation? Thanks all.

I think I have found the definitive answer to what is good/right and what is bad/wrong. And it applies to everything. This is actually obvious, but it's still nice to consciously be aware of it and understand it, because then you can consciously do a suffering calculation for every decision and opinion. And it should maximize the chance of making right decisions, having healthy opinions, and be a good person. Good/right is that which in total causes least amount of suffering for everyone involved. Bad/wrong is that which in total causes more suffering for everyone involved. The examples where this can be applied are endless since it applies to everything. You can make rational calculations about everything, what will result in least amount of total suffering? Although with some things it can be difficult to make the calculation. And you also have to see the suffering total thing in a long term time perspective, unfortunately the human intellect can't predict what effect a decision/action today will have in a million years, but this should at least be a start. Topics like: abortion. Gun control. Right wing vs left wing. Which countries are good and which are bad. Who is wrong and who is right when a couple is fighting. Humanitarian interventions with military. Should you quit your job or stay. Should you go to bed now or not. Euthanasia. Suicide. Break up with partner or not. Nuke Japan (in WW2) or not. Brush your teeth or not. Some things which are easy to calculate: abortion is good, since the fetus doesn't suffer at all from it, but the parents (and probably the child) escapes lots of suffering (ofc assuming that there's a good reason for the abortion.) Guns should be banned in USA. The suffering caused by everyone shooting everyone constantly every day 24/7 is much higher than the suffering caused by not owning a toy. Euthanasia. There should definitely be euthanasia in all countries. Suicide. From my point of view I should definitely kill myself. It would spare me a lot of suffering. There's no question about that. But since it would completely destroy the lives of my parents, the win for me not having to suffer is probably less than two lives getting completely destroyed. So the suffering total calculation tells me to not kill myself. USA nuking Japan in WW2. It was probably the right thing to do because if Japan hadn't surrendered then more lives would've been lost and it would had resulted in a larger suffering total. Right wing is wrong and left wing is right. Because I think right wing causes more suffering, because they are selfish etc. Suffering every day a tiny bit by brushing your teeth has a lower suffering total than not brushing your teeth and then your teeth rot away. So really, anything that causes least amount of suffering is good and right. Now let's in our lives rationally calculate our actions, decisions and opinions based on the suffering total formula.

collective suicide of all humanity = absolute good