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My last post in this journal. I'm leaving this forum for a while. I'm considering even deleting my account. I am only studying stuff relevant to my pertinent goal : to move country, to a cool city, with a great lifestyle, cost of living, attractive women & social opportunities. THAT IS IT. Of course I will be improving health/energy & my income, ECT.. But even if I did all that, if I didn't achieve this main goal, I'd be so miserable, I'd kill myself. I wanted this goal for years, before covid but I took my freedom for granted. FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE. I DON'T CARE. I DONT CARE ABOUT SPIRITUALITY, POLITICS, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I JUST WANT TO ENJOY LIFE & LIFE HOW I WANT, WITH COOL PEOPLE AROUND. FUCK MY LIFE IS SO SOULLESS. BUT IT COULD BE WORSE, COULD BE WW2, IT'S JUST SO HARD TO BE GRATEFUL, WHEN YOU FEEL SO FRUSTRATED, I JUST NEED CHANGE. No more wasting time. Time to get the money, opportunities, women, friends, connections. I know it will be hard, I've wanted this goal for so long, I hate my area so much. I feel so bored & alone. But I decide for once that I love myself! I love myself & so I will do what it takes, whether I have to make lawyer friends abroad to move, or illegally jump on a boat, or just bear the pain & make as much money as I can for whatever months & strategize, I will do it. I love myself too much to self sabotage again, so I will save all my pennies, I will invest, I will strategize, I will plan, I will keep focused, I will achieve this goal & everything else will come. Strategically moving country, is the only real thing that matters for me. I need to stop ignoring this. No time to post on forum, do small talk with people, no more bullshit. That's all I fucking need to do. Money & Location > Then everything else becomes so much easier. So much easier to do "Pick up" if you live in the right place, to make friends. My location is squashing me, I feel so squashed, I hate this place. I have been here too long. If it goes on too long & I don't strategize my way out, I will commit suicide. I say that because sometimes you gotta put it all on the line. I will write my goal down on my wall, my door, I will type it & print tons of copies, I will put inspiring quotes up. But I will not be a self help junkie. Every quote, bit of information, will move me closer to my goal, even if it just gives me the energic push I need to act. I can't even be bothered to journal right now because I just want this goal, I need to go get the money & move to a cheap beautiful place.

Friday 19/03/2021, 11:55 Same old story of stimulation, diversion and distraction. In that sense I feel the faintest deja vu feeling that I rarely feel. Also same old story of addiction, I don't understand my addictions or my emotions very well. The work and slog seems endless. I'm exhausted and tired from all the unending conflict. My mind is full of doubts and second guessing. My mood, emotions and energy are volatile. After facing some anxiety/fear, I then found a lethargy/depression instead. I don't blame the facing. The intensity of the negative emotion is just locked away. There's no solution I can think of. I can only go with the flow. For some reason I can feel certain traces of a "deja vu" emotion I haven't felt in some time at all, probably a few years, and that makes me happy I guess. I think that perhaps... I can sense the magnitude of the hell locked away in my mind? For some reason this guage/gut/instinct feels accurate. The prison is my own particular color landscape of impressions, neuroticism and memory. -- I faintly feel this particular block with a particular flavour that I haven't noticed in a while, but feeling it, I immediately recognise it for its unifying factor across my memory...School when you were in the DT rooms in year 8, year 7, summer in year 9 and above (playing catch then), when you went with __ and sat in that grass patch (near the roundabout or just near Asda) and were reading, an image of Mr Graham ___, the year 8 drama leaf (makes a lot of sense for this ingrained actually), and so on. I was muddling perhaps two different things above. One being a familiar sweet feeling and one being a familiar block. The former probably gives me a relief and fleeting sense of completeness, as I feel something nostalgic that temporarily breaks through my DPDR. It blows the dust off of the cogs and gets my mind more sharp and sensitive. Ugh I'm not sure There is the sense that things have simultaneously changed but not changed at all. But that could be due to temporary influx of memory. Nonetheless... 'Tarrows titlts are dangerous' --- Back to the point. I feel a gauge/instinct for the depth of my hell, however there's still a black wall beyond which I cannot perceive. I remember when I first described that wall. Described as shimmering and solid, but also like being a black ocean. I just find it so weird having this influx of past emotion and memory, not used to it since I have this DPDR. It just leaves me more confused about who and what am I, what the significance of anything is. I feel like I'm in a slowly melting and decaying prison which will only get more stale and obsolete, in shackles and concerns which will only get more obsolete. Who am I? Just this influx of random memory which only makes me more confused. I'm feeding my own DPDR, confusion victim mentality rn with thinking and speech like that. But I'm genuinely confused why this memory is again in my experience and animated after so long. Clearly I ran away from it, disowned it, hated it, or something. I reason it's distressing, is that all of this is supposed to be to attached to me but doesn't feel like me at all!!!! When were these worlds seperated? The spider web prison, memories of my childhood, the random specific flavours of experience. What is this earthiness static quality that I so strongly reject? Its in the face of E____'s mom for some reason, in the people and experiences I had at St. A___, Why does it cause so much confusion? It doesn't make any bloody sense. What are these fragments, fragmentations, discontinuities, fogs, dream like substances? I think that maybe, I always felt and found life weird this way. I just didn't realise or notice it, and it didn't quite precipitate? But even if that's so, I can't deny this perceived large disconnects and black outs in my identity and self. I feel recoil and pain from typing and doing this mental activity. Drowning myself in shackles and swampy water. Wait a fucking second, it's pretty ironic that location is Gridlock in Gears of War 3 (why do I call it 3 when the impression imprinted in 4? Haha). Didn't realise till now the fucking humour in the fact that that's the name of the map, jesus fucking christ. So many times my mind used to go there, and it's hell and literal gridlock everytime. I'm almost at the brink of painful tears, this earthiness and these shackles hurt (mental location throughout typing a lot of this, that room in St A__ where you got confused about addition or subtraction holding out your fingers, grey room, mini playground just through the opposite side of the room somehow) Taking a step back. Why does it hurt? Ahhh shit it's also the stagnant times I spent on discord discussing mbti. Why is everything coalescing into and melting into a ubiquitous swamp water, a prison? What's going on? Remember the tornado mind, the dead trees and kaiki, threads, small hairs, insects, strings, webiness and embryos? Your conversation with sergen. One mental imprint location, the freezer tank boss in RE 4? There's another mental imprint location which is faint but I can't recognise. And of course another imprint being that psuedo white roofing tunnel near Wilkinson entering town, briefly also image of that wall and area certain lorries offload near that road. The nature walk in.. Where was it, where you realised nature was at a slower but palpable ryhthym and felt alive. Why do I have all these memories, visual snapshots both external and internal, snapshots of impression and feeling? What's the meaning and point of it all when it comes out unexpectedly in repetitive and tornado thoughts. (Mental location, ___'s B room, image of spider web. Wait, you had that dream and obsessional phase back in summer of repetitive thoughts around this area, and the dreams of visions of ruins was it?) Yes, this is the very sort of pain and mental strain I've blacked out from in the past. Alright. Phew. We can relax just a little bit at least, and accept that there's strain. And ouch does it hurt like a bitch!!! But that's fine, ow. Strain even when dialogue and language thinking has calmed. Its the decision to engage with the repetitive and non resonant mechanical habit and detail. Also refusal to just feel it and be with it. Done so much thinking it's actually painful to think, nont forget to feel and learn, this is rather important and interesting. Maybe it's a good sign if my repetitive thoughts are back, I last had them when I was still on anti depressants back on summer. They were never dealt with I suppose. I decreased the dosage tapering, got bored with covid all these months, and ____ committed suicide. _____'s death still doesn't feel real to me and I don't know if it ever will. It's a huge loss, and the DPDR brain fog only gets further confused because of it now. Every time I think back to high school and I remember one of my best friends, I'll remember that he's died. Idk if it'll just keep haunting me tbh

@Alex bAlex Many large hospitals and medical universities have entire departments or robust programs dedicated to the study of bioethics and medical ethics of which the subject matter of your question is a major topic of inquiry and debate. You may be unaware, but it is everyone's right, at least in the US medical system, to have a legal document called a "Living Will". This document tells one's family and medical providers exactly what procedures and drugs one does or does not want in efforts to save their life in case they are incapacitated and unable to otherwise communicate their desires. If you are able to communicate your wishes about end of life care you of course may refuse anything used to preserve or extend your life that you wish. Living Wills often get into the specifics of degrees of life support, end-stage conditions, vegetative states, and terminal situations. In addition or instead of a Living Will (although we would really like you to have a Living Will too) you can also ask your doctor for a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) and/or a Do Not Intubate (DNI) order. These orders will go into your medical records to ensure that if you die in the care of that medical institution, they will not try to bring you back. Then, there is hospice, a place and/or service dedicated to palliative care for those near the end of life so they may die naturally and with dignity. Comfort, compassion, and often pain management as death is embraced free of life prolonging drugs and procedures is what hospice is about. Anyhow, these are some of the available options for death in our current medical system. Suicide and assisted suicide are related but different complex topics and I have no time to address them right now. Maybe later if you are interested.

Another Indian woman dead because of dowry - an inhuman evil practice. The most recent suicide of an Indian woman (because of Dowry) boiled my blood and prompted me to write this journal. What broke my heart was this video of this Indian woman pleading to her parents before jumping off the bridge, smiling and accepting her fate and giving her last testimony on how society failed her, her husband who mercilessly harassed her for more Dowry and she couldn't come up with that kind of money to pay him and eventually gave up her life due to continuous harassment from her husband. It instantly reminded me of the millions of Indian women who either committed suicide or were burned alive for not meeting the demands of the husband and her in laws. And this happened for centuries. How many more Indian women will succumb to this evil practice? When will Dowry stop??????? The suicide case of Ayesha because of dowry harassment from husband. Her husband demanded from her a video of her suicide to ensure that she wasn't being drama queen. Pathetic.

I'm going to be touching on a few pointers that I want to write about when describing the conditions of Indian women. Historical perspective - how Indian women were treated in the past. Social evils against Indian women in Indian history. Rape as a rampant problem The existence of Dowry - a significant social evil against Indian women How Indian society silences Indian women through threat, shaming and emotional blackmail Indian women getting stalked - a rampant problem Indian women branded as "feminist" and "evil" and "drama queens" when they protest social evils against them or ask for equal rights. An Indian woman considered a disgrace by her family. In what situations? Dowry - an exploitative system meant to control and harass women The need of an Indian husband as a bodyguard - an Indian woman being told she won't be safe without an Indian man. Constant shaming of Indian women by Indian society and the need to stay anonymous online and offline Rape culture in India High suicide rates of women in India due to harassment abuse and lack of support Indian society being overly judgemental of Indian women Beauty is a curse in Indian society - how beautiful women suffer harassment in India and how it becomes her biggest curse. Sexual repression of women in Indian society - how indian women are shamed when they talk about sex How Indian women are constantly judged by the clothes they wear or the makeup they do - how Indian women are shamed and constantly given dirty looks for simply being themselves How rejecting a man is a huge security threat in Indian society Acid attacks on women in India. The reality of the level of threat that Indian women constantly face What real misogyny looks like - a peek into the misogynistic base of Indian society How Indian women who speak up are constantly silenced

Foxconn workers were jumping off windows to commit suicide So they installed nets to catch the bodies... https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/jun/18/foxconn-life-death-forbidden-city-longhua-suicide-apple-iphone-brian-merchant-one-device-extract https://www.hrcapitalist.com/2010/09/picture-of-the-day-workplace-suicide-nets-in-china.html

This subject might be a bit harsh but I had to ask myself this question for years - why are we bound to save other people, even when they want to die (clinical death, suicide, etc) ? Moreover, as a medic/ nurse/ assistant - why are those people try to save their patients with all means even when there is evidence that by having a heart beating, the patient will be just in a vegetative state for more years to come and suffering. Also, this goes for the elderly who, by saving their lives, the rest might be just a nightmare. If I am GOD and by ending up this dream I go back to light then why won't you let me do it? NOTE: - I am not suicidal or depressed and I don't promote any self-harm behaviour - but I cannot find anyone to talk about this question with an open mind. Thanks Alex

I just watched a video that helped me to confront some of my deep fears regarding religion. I have grown by watching this 30 minute documentary. Self reflection I tried to figure out why I was so scared of religion. I considered the possibility that I was projecting and I was in denial of the similarities I have with the people in this video. When visiting a variety of spiritual schools in the past, I recognized that I resonated with values such as truth or God. I still did not want to join any religion and this led to inner confusion and conflict. I paid attention to how spiritual truths could easily be used to manipulate people. These deeper truths are very effective at getting people radicalized because it can easily be mixed with falsehood in order to deceive people. While watching the people in this video, I saw how delusional people became. They became sucked into white nationalism. I realized that I could be slowly indoctrinated into a toxic ideology so long as it mixed deeper truths with it. I am now oddly peaceful because I recognize that I am susceptible ideological corruptions. I could be one of the people in this video. I could be extremist who becomes a suicide bomber. My fear is reduced and I have become more capable of love. Politics This video can be used to understand what we are up against in the United States. Some people will never be convinced that Trump lost the election. At least not easily. Trump ran on anti corruption. This is one of the few spots in which Trump supporters could be worked with. These people may support term limits, anti gerrymandering, potentially anti lobbying, and other anti corruption efforts. These Windows of opportunity could be used to slowly reprogram some people. If they are not reprogrammed completely, at least it would steer them away from the most toxic ideologies. If this fails, then we will need to wait for toxic worldviews to die off, allowing evolution to progress. Religion do you think there is anything that could be done to work with the dangerous religious ideologies? If they had the chance they would put the bible in every public school. I can't see any window of opportunity that would pull these people away from this. So far Satanists are keeping them back by arguing that their religion should be taught in public schools as well.

There are things that we cannot fix for some people. Nobody should give a pity fuck because it's just that - a pity fuck. There are many guys who tell me that they would commit suicide if I didn't sleep with them. Should I sleep with them because they might die if I didn't? We are not responsible for someone's lack of things that puts them out of the dating circle Do people deserve to get herpes just because people with the disease need someone to sleep with? This rationale is highly illogical. If they can't date anymore, it's definitely an issue, but we can't fix it, and absolutely cannot fix it by dating them. Maybe the solution would be for science to find better ways to prevent the spread of herpes. At least till such a solution is found, there is no option but to stay celibate. And let's not say life is all about romance. Some people are happy being celibate and there are so many things to find beauty in other than romance. He can find happiness in other ways. There is also something called as coping with life circumstances that he will learn some excellent insights from. Life can be beautiful even without sex and romance. There is no stigmatizing of those infected. Simply a question of personal safety. Of course we should be open to dating anyone, but equally open to our own safety.

Echoing @kag101here. Enlightenment is not a cure or a solution. A hell of a a lot of stuff can be at play here. Soul fragmentation being one of them. Watch your thoughts man! Suicide is a loop and it is not a solution to anything. If it matters to you, you will carry your level of consciousness to the other side and will still be living with yourself at the level you are at now. What are you here for? You didn't come here without some idea of what you are here for and what lessons you have set out for yourself. This may be one of them. The world is in a crazy state right now and the future looks bleak in some ways, but not in all ways. See a psychotherapist. They can help at a capacity we cannot. A lot of people here who don't know you care about you. Please stay with us.

These are definitely patterns that can be noticed. Men have a lot of (often arbitrary and harmful) expectations placed upon them. There is particularly an expectation to compete on some random patriarchal hierarchy and to always be strong and suppress their emotions. I don't envy men for this. It's harder for men to grow themselves emotionally and psychologically because so many circles still expect men to just "man up" and bottle their emotions. And men are also viewed as being somehow less precious of a life than women and children. On top of this, men will often police other men's masculinity. So, it is no surprise that the male suicide rate is so high. So, I mostly agree with her perspective on men as I have noticed these patterns. However, men do have many advantages over women in terms of the power structures in society as they have high expectations projected upon them instead of low expectations projected upon them like women do. But it is these same high expectations that put men in a situation where they must hide their vulnerability, thus leaving them with a disadvantage in relation to their inner life. Now, as far as critique goes... because of her making this a "man vs woman" thing, I question her motives. And I've seen references to her in other videos where there's a lot of pro-man/anti-woman sentiments. And it is clear to me that she has some issues with feminine repression and internalized misogyny. I suspect that she gets a feeling of power out of being a loophole woman that isn't like the other girls. And if you go on videos like this with women sharing these videos that are sympathetic to men and that are anti-sympathetic to women or anti-feminist, you'll find cadres of men praising/worshipping them in the comments. When I was a child/teen, I used to do some version of the same thing, where I'd say that men have it worse than women and that women are worse than men and guys would gush over me. And I felt like I could have more power in the situation that way by appealing to guys. And it was something that made it possible for me to feel like I was an honorary guy and feel like I was escaping being like a girl... like I was going to be seen in a different light from all other women and escape the fate of being a member of the weaker sex. And it also, in my jealousy and misogyny towards other girls, made me feel more desirable than them because I'd get more positive male attention. It's like I could view myself in a special category of my own where I could deny my girlhood and identify more with the perspective of maleness to avoid being trashed on and disempowered for being a girl. I had internalized misogyny and saw women as inferior to men, and so I could do this to escape my own judgments of inferiority by seeing myself in a different category from other girls/women all together. Like there were three gender designations: men, women, and Emerald. And this lead me to repress my femininity and to exaggerate my masculinity. I wanted so desperately to be a girl that wasn't a girl. And this lead to a lot of deep wounds around my feminine side. So, I look at this woman, and I see myself where I was half my life ago with my own internalized misogyny. And a response to disempowerment and trying to feel like queen among men, where I would be able to distance myself from the inferior gender that I didn't want to see myself as and to ally myself with what I saw as the superior gender. And then I could impress guys with my feminine charms and masculine sympathies and have the power to make them respect me... leaving me superior to women and a true equal to men, but with the added benefit of being aesthetically female. I could be a man on the inside and thus superior personality-wise and a woman and the outside and thus superior... like a man wrapped up in a prettier package. All of this to escape my self-hatred, feelings of inferiority, and internalized misogyny. But yes, she is correct with what she's saying. Men do experience that. But I suspect she wouldn't be willing to accept that the roots of male disposability are patriarchal expectations... the same thing that creates her very own internalized misogyny.

I agree with a lot of her points in regards to men having this pressure to be provider. I have watched other videos by this woman because she occasionally pops up in my tiktok. She does have some points, but there is a lot of internalized misogyny on her part (not referrring to this particular video but she has the whole iM nOT liKE otheR giRLs / pick me mentality) My thing with MRA is that a lot of people in this group advocating for men's issues have a valid point but they have a tendency to demonize feminism for those problems instead of seeing them as ways the patriarchy also screws over men. The whole provider archetype is a product of the patriarchy and the gender role that the patriarchy presents. Women get the short hand of the stick because of them having their rights and agency taken away but even though men have the upper hand, the system ultimately doesn't work for them either. Men are expected to suck it up, avoid expressing their feelings, and supress their emotional needs. That's why there are also higher suicide rates for men because they are less likely to open up and get help or embrace their vulnerabilities in order to connect with others and have a support system. MRAs see these issues and the disposability of men and assume that feminism is making things worse when actually most feminists do address this concern. This concern is addressed by the notion that the feminine is typically repressed and denied for both men and women. The feminine, emotions, and vulnerability is seen as weak and that hurts everyone including men.

@Preety_India Its possible, i think there is a aspect that is more primitive for base survival and another layer that is adaptive that can override it. Like suicide is fighting a very strong primitive wiring, why it makes it so hard. Theres got to be some aspects that are general fixed and the rest is adaptive. Celebrities vs Porn stars have some aspect that is general fixed attractiveness and the rest is preference.

The worst trip on weed was getting this thoughts that suicide was ok it got me freaked out because I have never ever think of suicide or trying it. I love this life. Idk where that come from maybe it was some shadow part of me speaking. Crazy stuff.

Exactly. I too have thought about commiting suicide in the past, and one thing that I found helpful in those moments was imagining that I had already killed myself - and that now I am simply a wandering spirit on this earth that has literally nothing to lose anymore. From here on out it's all just a game; every road is open to me, I can try out anything without fear of loss or failure, nothing can actually harm me because I am already dead. (Which in a sense you are, if you think about it... you will definitely die sooner or later, so the sentence has already been handed out and the gavel has been pounded, so to speak, which sort of makes you a dead man walking. And as grim as that might sound at first, it is actually an immensely liberating thought if you really let it sink in!)

You're wrong about it. Please don't say it is nobody. That's veru close minded to say. Yes there is little to no survival agenda involved in Game B. But that does not mean nobody does it. Have you heard about lovers dying for each other or commiting suicide together? Have you heard about true stories of a couple who hang around even when the other person got cancer or lost a leg in an accident or is completely disabled? Of course for the healthier partner it's a huge burden to carry but they find emotional satisfaction in doing so. It's not like a game but a relationship with great emotional intensity. A very good example of game B is this video

@Dunnel Maybe i took this to literally. I read his past posts to get an idea of his issues before commenting. Its surprising but hes a rational type that thinks hes always smarter then the comment hes reading. Everything people write is wrong sais his "rational" thinking mind. Stuck in a endless self defeating rational loop. He needs to recognize that his thinking process just drove him into a pit. Therefor proof his thinking mind is not worth listening to. “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein Communication does not work with him, hes to clever, he can run circle around any topic. Hes using the same thinking that got him into this mess, it wont work, it needs to be thrown out the window and relearned from scratch. Ive been to the end of suicide/dispair and back, bed ridden for years, the only thing that got me out of it was a paradigm shift. Im betting its the same for him.

Nowadays i no longer need to justify my ethics, as i have come to find i never could justify any of it, only connect causes to effects and act congruently, of course until the exceptions emerge in existence which before it i could not even attribute an essence. Suicide is a being ending itself, but it is in what the action itself IS NOT but in its context we can make rationals, ideas and theories regarding the oughts and oughtn'ts of the action. And thereto judge them by means of our values (wherever they may be acquired). What do you believe happens if you made it an end today? Or rather, what won't happen? Let us piece out some effects to their causes without fooling ourselves they came justly.

There is massive poverty in my country India and other Third World countries. I myself came from extreme poverty. I might lose my job next month and I don't have much left because of my piling medical bills. The medical conditions are also a result of working hard under stress for many years. The education system is stressful and brutal. I cannot think of the horrors of poverty again. There is no security for the poor, the rising prices means its too hard to get a place to rent. Real estate prices are sky high. A lot of businesses are shutting down because of corona including the place I work at. There are no stimulus packages in my country. I think a Universal Basic Income is greatly necessary in poor countries to get people out of poverty.. Also most jobs are procured by men in my country. Women are offered much less pay or not offered the job at all. Most women struggle to get a job in my country because of the gender dynamics always being in the favor of men. This causes a lot of women to be forced into arranged marriages for survival. It's a tough situation to be caught in. Most people don't prefer to have daughters and daughters are generally considered a burden by most families. My idea is that a universal basic income in my country and other similar countries would be a great way to lift people out of poverty and offer them some hope in terms of survival. I also think there should be a strict population control agenda put in order by World Health Organization or similar entities to control the overpopulation in India and other eastern countries that are overpopulating the planet. The population in my country is too hard to cope with. Traveling is difficult. If you're at the doctor's office, there are just too many people. The doctors get tired attending to so many people. Too many suicides because of despair and joblessness and family issues. I think India is stuck in a rut. Stage Blue Dogma and corruption is eating out the system alive. It causes massive suffering because nobody cares about the environment or the community or social issues. People tend to become extremely selfish. The downside of such Universal Basic Income is that people will keep producing more kids. Which leads to more unemployment, strain on resources and more poverty. If people are incentivised to get an income without producing more kids, and care more about community and environment, a lot of our problems in third world countries can be handled. The population problem itself has turned into a stiff bottleneck causing massive unemployment and exploitation as desperate people turn to desperate measures. I learn about suicides daily. Some of my friends committed suicide because of unemployment and they come from middle class families and they couldn't deal with the pressure of mounting financial distress. People seem to understand the gravity of the situation only when the gun is turned on them. As long as the gun is on another person's temple, nobody cares. People just let others fall through the cracks. The question is how long is the suffering in third world countries going to continue. Every leader elected is either stage Red or stage Blue and there is no leadership, no solving issues, either they make problems worse through corruption or they are simply indifferent and choose to turn a blind eye. The conditions in third world countries are nightmarish. There is no insurance from government and even if it exists, it's all namesake. Government hospitals are a joke and private clinics raise a huge bill. There are hardly any psychological resources for people, extremely few psychiatrists per capita. The nation is dealing with a silent wave of depression as a result of decades of poverty and crisis. Child abuse is rampant. Rape is rampant. There is no safety or any concept of social security. Law enforcement is a joke. There is no 911....just no public security services. You only rely on your family and most family dynamics are shitty. There are no social services to ask for assistance from in case your family kicks you out or harasses you. Just recently an actor committed suicide a week ago because of family harassment.. It's like a daily story. Everyday Someone ends up as the victim in this Russian Roulette. People turn a blind eye to each other's problems because they don't want to disturb their cushy positions. People are used to seeing suffering and simply ignoring it. There are no social security benefits in case things go south in your life. No cover. No protection. Government erected buildings for any sort of hope are a joke because they are unclean with no electricity, no basic facilities and no resources. I think a major overhaul is needed in third world countries because most people feel trapped by virtue of being born in such unfortunate circumstances. It's not someone's fault if they are born in such environments. But living in a third world country is a total nightmare and I feel sorry for anyone who feels trapped like me in such countries.

I don't know what to do. I really feel there are too many trapped souls in my country. Too many abused children. Too much going on. Last week an actor in my country committed suicide due to family issues. After learning about it, I had a mental breakdown because it mirrored my situation in some ways. It's hard to live in a country where the government doesn't give a shit about you. Unemployment and population are at their peak. Too many rapes. Bad stuff. Like bad juju everywhere. Feel a constant sense of helplessness and threat.

There are no social services here Last week I called a suicide hotline and they never picked my calls. It's like there's nobody there.. My mental and physical condition has been deteriorating to the point that I might have to give up my job. The family pressure to get married is too much. My family's unsupportive dynamic sucks I battle a health condition that I won't discuss here, that's the only thing that I keep off limits. It's too tough to survive and I often thought of suicide many many times.

https://ennyman.medium.com/a-lesson-from-29-golden-gate-suicide-attempts-a42f4ef3f970

Please tell me what you are going through. I know someone who attended suicide. He was glad that he didn't follow through. I wish I was there with you but I hope you can at least tell us what going on.

I've also heard this guy, perhaps several, who've tried committing suicide but failed said that, when they jumped, they immediately regretted it. Also, I know you said you were done with practical advice, but have you looked into or tried any heavy metal detox stuff? I've heard people can really suffer, even emotionally, from heavy metal poisoning, and maybe with just that "simple" fix, it might alleviate lots of suffering that you've been battling using purely psychological methods. When maybe, it was simply the wrong approach to the issue. I hope you feel better and well. Maybe here's some reasons to stay. We love you.

@Dunnel I will give you a good reason to live. A good reason to live would be that all the best human beings throughout history of humanity did not want you to commit suicide. I am sure this enough.