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Right on. Being below a 23 year old girl constantly laughing/having sex above me, whom rejected me cruelly and treated me like endless shite. Yeah, I get it. I don't have a problem with suicide. Up to everyone. Can't protect against all stuff. Freedom to be or not to be. Anything else is pretentious moralism like you said in your post. Life is absurd below the surface. A thin veneer keeping perception from shifting here. No answer. Unresolvable. Unfair. Cruel. Never gets better potentially. Tormented in our own ways. And only death/ultimate reality shifting eventually holds any hope. While stressed/strained with an unjust corrupt system. Laughed and tormented. And then no guaranteed redemption or reimbursement. Yeah, I just feel so cursed. Endless misery. Agony living in context like this

Yeah, I feel I'm in similar boat. 30 and never been with one woman/girl my age. Just one 50 year that was pretty despicable to even engage in that falsity. I feel too unpristine for these girls. It's one of the most dire issues in my life, leading to me attempting suicide multiple times/drug use. I have no idea where to find these relatable girls. Having to chronically live next to a 23 year old that instantly rejected me. I don't know that I'll ever get one. And I'm approaching middle age. Not sure whether to eternally let it go/ever hanging out with anyone in person. I feel bittered by past treatment of attempts to get one, them being ridiculous in cruel misunderstanding and non-giving-the-slightest-care. If I find them attractive it's as if they'll never go for someone that isn't run-of-the-mill like me. So automatically disregarded, plus my damaged history in terms of self-infliction upon myself. Then even if there's some alternative/hippie girl I find, probably a line of men to prove myself to her/fight off basically. Cause only men drool/fawn over women, evident by online likes and comments. And women/girls are never going to fawn/drool over any men realistically, effectively. Just a sick traumatic situation, beyond words. Sure it's not like being kidnapped and burned/cut alive. But barring that, it's one of the most heartaching subjects that seems impossible to resolve or cross the great barrier. Like girls are all mirages. Heaven denied. And never a drop of sympathy from their side seeming while I undergo this. Because for them, men fawn. They don't have to strain and ache and be agonized to contend trying to get the opposite gender's attention In vain. People always offer offensive insensitive commentary to messages like this, underblowing the difficulty factor and mocking. As if only an old/overweight/unattractive woman has to be my reality, and already had that happen so I'm just going to call it off permanently if I fail by 40. If still trying at 40 might as well give it up eternally, just mocking my heart/life value then

@Topann I was extremely depressed when I was 23/24 yo. If you don't commit suicide, it will improve with time. You can dull yourself with antidepressants to at least suffer a bit less as you are waiting. Mental illness is like a lens, you have an anhedonic lens right now and every information and stimulus is seen through that lens so I know you can't help it but this lens is temporary. It may be hard for you to get that drug but here is one that works in a completely new way for anhedonic based depression https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/lz95yo/researchers_have_identified_a_drug_that_works/

One important difference between suicide and murder is the pain, fear, suffering and frankly death that you experience when you suicide and not when you murder.

I'm sorry to hear that. Losing family or friends to suicide sucks. I hope you and your family find healthy ways to cope with this tragedy.

I’ve been ‘there’ too. Rough as hell. I feel for ya. Chat with me today. Got nothing to lose. ?https://www.actualityofbeing.com/sessions-donations. If it’s presently unaffordable, there’s no charge, no problem. Talk with uniquely trained experts who also actually really do care... http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html There is a ‘bounce’. It can and will get better. The greatest, most fulfilling worthwhile lives are almost always preceded with a ‘bottoming out’ such as this. It can transmute to an amazing and beautiful liberation. 24 imo is very specifically the roughest age. You are loved my friend, and there is much love with you, for you and within you. It indeed feels ‘off’ to deny what is. Indeed, there is another way.

Not even sure what is "responsible" or not to tell people that are in these kind of states. Nevertheless, you are deluding yourself if you think you can kill yourself. Suicide is kinda pointless, because there is no such thing as the "real death" that you speak of. The truth is that you are stubborn and stuck in some thinking patterns/beliefs that create such an emotional response and reflected/projected circumstances that it makes life SEEM not worth living. And you could just change those beliefs and you could see the beauty of life. But if you're too lazy, or if the inertia of your patterns is too big then i guess no one can stop you from doing what you're gonna do. And that's fine. The world will go on fine without you. But contemplate this: the process through which you are trying to decide whether or not to kill your body is through thoughts/language - which is one of the body's survival mechanisms. So it's basically just a technical problem of the body, where one of it's survival strategies has gone rogue and turned against itself, kinda like an autoimune disease. Ofc it's super complex and whatnot, but basically that's how i currently would put it in a nutshell.

@Topann I agree that life sucks. But the biggest reason to not committ suicide is that it would hurt other people. Imagine doing a math calculation about which choice would create the least amount of total suffering in the world, (you+other people), and then choose the option which results in least amount of total suffering for everyone. But you are of course free to do whatever you want. Since you didn't ask to be born you don't owe anyone anything. Before parents create a new conscious being they should be aware of the risk that their child might for example committ suicide.

Just this Monday a grandson of my mom's cousin completed suicide. He was 18 years old. Many things can be said about it but maybe silence is the most appropriate answer...

Imagine if an overly positive person was actually just disguising the fact that they were a suicide bomber or at the very least just committed an atrocious act, I have to say I get a little suspicious of them sometimes. Look at Donald Trump, not overly positive but overly one dimensional, no? Dimensionality is the antithesis to stupidity as well, but does this mean that people who have an overly negative perception of positive people are intelligent or just as kamikaze except they just wear it on their sleeve? Who do we watch out for more, Dr. Phil's one dimensional sympathetic demeanour, Donald Trumps one dimensional sales pitches, the overly positive or the overly negative about the overly positive? But then look at Hilary Clinton, isn't she the measurement of the balance? The crooked dimensionality that absorbs all of Trump's mistakes with a giant devil's pitchfork in one foul swoop? However even though she has dimensionality I think we could argue that she fits into the category of overly positive, no? Thus validating my perception that the overly positive are probably hiding a little more than irritable bowl syndrome of authenticity. So where do we go from here? So it neither has anything to do with one dimensionality or dimensionality but that lack of dimensionality on the surface is correlated with something to hide if someone seems overly positive. This is why I never trusted Christmas or literally any holiday break, I'd rather just pay homeless people to sing death metal at carollers. They're the overly positive right? I don't know who take out first, the carollers or the people paid to dress up like Santa, elves and so on - what's more cruel? At least I don't at all try to humiliate the homeless by playing dress up on my imaginary fantasies. You wouldn't want to know what I'd do to the easter bunny and that's why you barely ever see anyone dress up as one these days.

I am seeking uncommon knowledge. There are some issues which people either underestimate or don't know about at all. I am looking for issues which politicians never talk about. This is how politics could be used to educate ourselves. I learned about several unknown issues already. Developmental psychology is not mainstream. Suicide rates in autism are gradually becoming more known. Psychedelics are expected to become more mainstream soon according to rebel wisdom. Food is a frequently ignored issue even though baby food is known to be toxic. Food is an extremely threatening issue for food producers, medical scientists, and the FDA. Issues which are extremely threatening to the status quo must be ignored or unknown. Modern slavery for example is threatening to all countries which benefit from the corrupt global supply chain. Feminists often under estimate the importance of men's rights. If the unique ways in which men and women are oppressed are not addressed, then equality can't be achieved. Feminists are starting to realize this. What obscure political issues do you know about?

The reason people commit suicide is that their suffering are son intense that they prefer to not feel anything anymore. They still fear death, it's just a better outcome.

@Shin No i don't care about death. I care about suffering and pain. Of course when the moment of death comes i may be quite terrified of it because i don't know what's next. But behind the fear of death is a fear of pain and suffering. I disagree with this whole concept that we are all afraid of Death at the root and that's it. I think we are afraid of pain, suffering and misery at the root. Someone who commits suicide, isn't afraid of death. He is afraid of misery. There are many people willing to put an end to their lifes just to escape the misery of their existance.

When you get to the point of considering suicide, You'd accept to try anything. Luckily I found Leo and not a cult leader !

Every sentient being (so long as we say there are sentient beings at all to begin) all play a role of victims, perpetrators, and rescuers. Every. Single. One. The motivation and function of being a perpetrator is not possible without having been a victim. The reality is, I can also just say that could be the karma of that particular animal. Saying you can't kill for sport is just your self biased view. The fact is is that you can. Ethics isn't purely determined by the actions you take by the way you experience it. The manifestation of one's ethics is very much based on one's point of view. Suicide bombers and terrorists experience tremendous states of ecstasy and bliss when they are doing what they're doing because for them from their smaller vantage point of perspective, based on their stage of development, what they're doing actually is ethical. And guess what? If you go back a couple thousand years ago when human societies functioned at an ethnocentric level at best, which was considered the leading edge at that time, similar sort of actions that we today in our world centric cultures call terrorism, would've lead such warriors to being considered cultural heroes because they actually were! Our society was only possible thanks to tons of rape and pillage, conquering, war, devastation, suffering, and also great innovations, leadership, etc. And guess what? Things are actually better thanks to this so called "immoral" function. Why? Morality and ethics are very much relative depending on the vantage point of one's perspective. Child sacrifice was actually considered very honorable at one point in history. The reality is, none of these views, and that's what they are, views, aren't really true in it of itself. I'm not saying or suggesting some dismissal of feeling your heart break open if you see factory farming or you read about the kinds of suffering animals go through in a laboratory. I am saying though that that is the reality in which we live. That is the case and it's not ultimately a matter of good and bad. Many of those animals that are tested on in a laboratory ground a way for us to create very helpful resources for the world such as various medicines. Being a human being is very complex. This binary view of ethics is just naive. There is great suffering in the world and no matter how "advanced" humans get, that will remain to be the case. Suffering and survival go together. They cannot and will not ever be separate (at least by and large). Yes they actually do. This has been known by yogis, shamans, etc. for thousands of years but even modern science no longer disputes this. Read up on Rupert Sheldrake's contributions on the matter. The fact that you think plants don't have a nervous system shows you're uneducated regarding basic biology. Plants do experience sensations. It's not "pain" in the way human beings conceptualize it as even human "pain" isn't really pain but is actually very much conceptual. However, they do experience sensations, and, depending on the plant, are quite sensitive to sensations and what they take in. Speaking about all individuals that follow this general food trend is not useful. Many vegans I've met (I live in San Francisco so I've met A LOT of them) are very ideologically driven and actually rather tribal regarding their view. Many vegans I've met also have rather shitty diets. Following a vegan diet doesn't at all mean you're necessarily conscious of the things we're speaking about or even following anything healthy. You can drink tons of beer and load up on all sorts of junk food, which, by your moralistic thinking, I could argue you'd be funding corrupt corporations that poison people with food coloring agents, preservatives, or you're paying for fruits and vegetables that were grown in completely unethical ways (see my first comment on this post where I point out, and you can do your homework on this, how even our "organic" fruits and vegetables that you buy at Whole Foods are still grown in very "insidious" ways). The reality is, this simplistic view of ethics and morals is just a circle jerk. Morality and ethics are very much relative have no reality beyond these views. It is not true in it of itself. So all these claims you're making as declarative truth statements don't hold water, ultimately. Again, I'm not suggesting you don't feel what you feel. I am saying though that our dispositions are just that, dispositions that are full of bias, conditions, deception, etc. that serve a particular agenda, namely survival. I also want to point out, again, that not everybody can even follow a vegan diet for various reasons. Vegan diets aren't healthy for everyone. Vegan diets isn't possible for everyone even in terms of convenience in regards to what their local markets have to provide for food. I am not fond of trophy hunting or anything like that. I would like it if that stuff could stop. That said, it should be here and does here. Why? Because it already does. That is the fact. To argue otherwise is to argue in favor of lies, fantasy, beliefs, etc. In other words, what's not true. There is tragedy in the world. That will remain. There is suffering in the world. That will remain. There is also comedic aspect to all of this too as well as a profound sense of beauty. The most rapturous insights regarding the beauty of everything is precisely because our world situation is so utterly complex, confusing, paradoxical, twisted, and so forth. That is the joke and the tragedy and they both go together. My challenge for you would be to view your ethics from such a vantage. Dare to be honest with yourself on both ends of that spectrum and not lie and say what you don't like shouldn't be the case because guess what, it already. Don't disown anything and do whatever you want.

@VeganAwake Yes we can clearly see the "Nihilistic" mind in you.. But love has nothing to do with fear of death. What is there to fear about it? Either experience goes on or it does not either way its all fine ? Imo life is suffering, so if the case might be that non existence is a real thing then it is what it is and is not necessarily a bad thing. But actually something doesn't feel right about non existence. And that has nothing to do with fear as you might claim. Do you know that the biggest fear about death is what will happend afterwards? Not to not exist but to be scared about the experience thereafter. To not exists is not a problem. I truly hope for your sake that death is the end of your experience cause it shows in all your posts that you want a spiritual suicide more or less. But hey thats maybe me projecting ? But non existence is as logical as to say that the big bang happend out of nothing IE non existence and out of it particles came and it was random and yet mother nature still is ordered and structured. Existence has no opposite really. And it is ONE. So "you" are IT. How to escape it?

The main question I have is, what is your best understanding or theory that can describe why hatred, specifically homicidal imaginations with true desire behind them, is the only thing capable of allowing me to visualize things? It’s like a switch being flipped from 1% visualization capabilities to 99% visualization capabilities. My mental health is very stable currently; I don’t need any advice related to that. As a child, I spent a significant amount of time reading fiction books. I was able to visualize quite well. It was like watching a movie but of course a little toned down from that. The most surreal visualization I’ve ever had happened maybe around 6-8 years old. I was sitting in church, and I envisioned myself as a roughly 50 ft tall demon tearing the church goers apart in gruesome detail. The visualization was so complete that it wouldn’t have been that much different if I was actually experiencing that as a demon with my eyes wide open. This was fueled by pure hatred. It was not that I was having fun imagining some scenario. I wanted to literally destroy everyone around me. There were no significant triggers for this that I can identify. I generally was just bored in church. I didn’t hate being there or anyone there really other than I’d rather be playing games or doing other more stimulating kid stuff. Around the beginning of high school, I stopped reading fiction. I shifted my focus to just playing video games in that same free time. I think this was around the time I lost the ability to visualize things in my mind. I didn’t completely lose the ability to do this, but it became far more difficult. Now I can hardly visualize anything. I can get momentary glimpses but even then it’s nothing compared to before. I hardly ever experience hatred or anger. Last year I had my first ever hospitalization for suicide/depression. I was dead set on going through with suicide, but I was stopped by friends and family. As I was unable to carry out the act as I was in the hospital, I developed an intense hatred within me. I became overrun with homicidal thoughts. As soon as this happened, I was able to visualize in a hyper-realistic way again. What mechanisms are at action here? I’ve experienced plenty of other intense emotional states. None other than hatred seems to have this effect in me.

134-03.05.2021 Still in detox. It wasn’t hard to not to be on social media or porn. But I had A LOT suicidal thoughts today. I really felt emotional pain. It was really hard but I am at some low percent a Christian and the thought that I probably could go to hell because of suicide pulled me always towards distancing me from this thoughts. Also I don’t like the idea to give up because it’s getting hard and to bring this emotional pain to all the people I loved. After hours of strong depressing feelings I prayed to god for the first time since to years and after that I felt like I’m a super hero. Then I topped my record from 15 push ups and did for the first time since October 20 push ups. Why did I feel so bad? It’s because my parents are pulling me into competitive mathematics (I like mathematics but I hate this competitive stuff) with high pressure so I’d spend my whole time after school doing these mathematics where I’m not even learning things. I would rather study with my own sources and not just to get high points. So I feared that they could make me wasting my school time and pressure me into becoming an engineer even if I don’t want that. But it’s just victim mentality (I’m feeling guilty by writing this because I suffered so much on this). First I need to improve my strategy. I can do that by starting walking in the park again. There I’ll get a free mind. Then I need to do the basics at first and not get caught up in distractions. See you tomorrow❤️❤️❤️❤️? Peace?????❤️???

Hi! Its been almost a year since my last trip on LSD where I attempted suicide. I was not suicidal before, it was just on this trip. It was the worst day of my life. Since then I’ve mostly stayed away from psychedelics. I’ve only ever done LSD and magic truffles and I always valued the insights they gave me. It makes me quite sad that I can’t use psychedelics as a tool anymore because of my fear. Is there a way to take psychedelics and at the same time make it absolutely safe? By safe, I mean physically safe, as in, the body as an organism is unharmed. By this I mean safe in the sense that you won’t hurt yourself physically. I’ve researched a little bit but I wanted to also get the opinion and experience of people on this forum. Maybe someone else had a similarly scary experience but has found a way to use psychedelics anyway? Lsd is too scary for me but I was thinking maybe a drug with a shorter duration like DMT for example is less risky when it comes to freaking out and starting to hurt yourself? Also, would taking Xanax, for psychedelics in general, before a trip minimize the risk? I’ve even played with the thought of constraining myself physically before administering the drug. But then I saw the possibility that I still hurt myself by biting off my tongue for example. The irrational mind states I’ve experienced on lsd would definitely make that possible. I know it sounds kind of ridiculous to think about such drastic measures. Maybe I should just leave it alone. But it’s also just that I don’t want to have this fear of psychedelics anymore and I don’t know how to do that without facing it. It’s very strange to have had both the most beautiful experiences and most horrible experiences of my life on LSD lol. Cheers!

This. Important. You can't debate cancers of the mind any more than you can debate a guy in a suicide vest.

Ego can be very nasty in it's effort to force you back under its influence. We often underestimate how vicious it is. I've had some very nasty things happen to me. I was in bed for 3 months with an injured nerve and went through 7 doctors who all diagnosed it as a hamstring pull. I could not walk except to the bathroom and back. I thought about suicide seriously because I felt I could not live the rest of my life in such pain. Finally I was led to a remarkable doctor who diagnosed it and gave me meds so that I could function again. The latest was when I broke my back at the beginning of April trying to lift my husband off the floor after he'd had a reaction to the second covid vaccine. This occurred right after having several awakenings in a short amount of time. Ego lashes right back when you've made any progrress of a spiritual kind. I wish Jeff the best and luck in finding a cure.

I think its a chicken and egg problem, is he staying confident and positive because he lacks fear (rightly so) or does he lack fear because he is staying confident and positive? He also has nothing to prove, because he is already in the top 1% of men. He knows that if a beta male comes and starts to pick a fight with him, we can all laugh and point at the beta male until he is embarrassed enough to either leave or get restrained by the mob if he gets physical. Arnold literally can not lose unless he decides to beat the beta male into hospital, which would be a social suicide for him. If a beta male comes to me and starts to pick a fight, I have a reason to fear in that situation, socially and physically. My survival is 100% dependent on me doing the right decisions, I dont have trained bodyguards or mob helping me. If I answer physical attack by getting physical too and cops arrive at the scene at the wrong time, Im the one going to jail. If someone films the fight and makes clever cuts, I could get fired from my workplace and otherwise socially castrated. If I do nothing, I might get killed. If I run, I might fall over and still get beaten or killed. Staying calm and positive in that situation could get me killed, so my brain basically returns to monke while trying to process what the hell I should do to stay socially and physically alive I think the best thing for a regular guy to achieve Arnolds level of confidence and positivity in a violent situation would be to master some martial art that gives you ability to disarm and restrain the aggressor with ease and without causing injuries (I think grappling arts like Judo are the best ones for this). That way you could easily restrain the aggressor and call the cops while the guy under your ass contemplates his life choices. You would also be socially well because you can show that no harm was done to the aggressor. If cops arrive to the scene just to see how you grab the guys fist and make them kneel with Jedi trick, they probably wont shoot your ass and you have time to explain what happened before they arrived. If someone films you, you probably get applauded at the next training session. All in all, I dont think it has anything to do with Arnolds political views. He is just being a politic when he is saying so EDIT: You can also get fear by clinging into beliefs such as honor, so if you dishonor a politician with this belief with an egg they go into a fight or flight mode because the dishonorable behavior of the aggressor. They fear that they lose their face and political points when someone dishonors them with an egg.

5-MeO can be much more scary than LSD, and so can n,n-DMT, but n,n-DMT in small doses would perhaps work better for you than LSD. Not saying it definitely won't go bad, but there are some reasons why LSD and 5-MeO (and to a lesser extent, ketamine) are sort of in a league of their own... LSD is actually somewhat similar to 5-MeO, in that ego-death, dissociation, memory suppression, and thought-loops/confusion can be particularly prominent in the experience... which can often lead to fear or irrationality. Even psychosis/delusions. n,n-DMT is more visual, sober, and hyperspace-like -- you're less likely to have complete memory suppression and ego-death. Mushrooms are kind of like half way between those 2 camps. Don't take this too literally, it's just my particular intuitive grasp, based on well over 100 trips. It may minimize the risk of anxiety and possibly delusions, but not depression or suicide. Probably not a great idea. It really sucks the life out of the trip anyway -- you'd be better off (in terms of both anxiety-relief, insight-promotion, and safety) just taking half the dose of psychedelic. But don't go too low -- IME if you dose too low you get all the anxiety and none of the benefits. Too low IMO is less than 1g mushrooms or less than 75ug LSD, fwiw. Don't. Please don't. Lol. Good luck. I'd steer clear of them for now, though.

Can you provide a link to this trip report?. Also are these drugs legal in your country?. If not I wouldn't want to see you be incarcerated as then you may end up actually committing suicide. In my country possession carries a 7 year sentence, dealing carries life!

Perhaps as accurate as it can get. I still have some blue in me, when things go terribly wrong (like twice a year or so) I start praying to God in the old fashioned way. Even though aware this is not the most high realization of God I had, I allow myself to do so as it gives me some kind comfort. This prevents me from falling deeper and blaming others. When things don't go that well but not very bad like they are going now, I have the tendency to rationalize or to fall into the trap of nihilism (orange?). Yesterday I cried after hearing about a murder of a 32 year old man by a 19 year old, not that I judged the murderer. I felt sorry for him too. He had attempted suicide before and was addicted to games. His motive was: I wanted to feel like what it is to do in real life what I do in video games. I felt his pain and how he lost touch with reality. When I saw a picture of the victim my intuition told me it's at least a stage green person and it made me cry harder, like he had such a good vibe on the picture... Gosh I'm almost crying right now while typing this. However I'd feel like I'd give even the murderer a big hug. I guess these are 'green' feelings? Nonetheless I've experienced moments of what one could call unimaginable bliss, love, fearlessness and peace though. Not caring about talking, needing to answer any existential questions or doing anything, feeling 'God' energy, having only intuition and barely any thought. Ultimately it's beyond words. Those are second tier experiences I guess? But I assume many people in 'green' have them now and then, for example during a walk in nature during the summer when it's raining just not caring about getting wet? Just feeling the rain rinsing away ones ego.