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@Jacobsen To be unconscious of your actions, your thoughts, your feelings creates your dark night of the soul. The definition of mysticism is the transformation of the dark night of the soul into a light night of the soul.

@Joseph Maynor Born is just a phase of transformation, like death. We are not instantly born neither do we die in one go. It's all a gradual process, meaning parts of us die. If we die piece by piece then are we really who we think we are? In short, we are not a single entity, all our cells die and refresh every 7 years. Death is an illusion, we are already being reborn and dying every moment.

@zenjen There is a similarity between psychosis and spiritual awakening symptoms. Traditional psychotherapy and psychiatry has no theoretical framework to understand and diagnose properly any condition connected with spiritual awakening. They can diagnose as psychotic a patient that is experiencing a powerful and important transformation as a consequence of awakening. The only field of Western psychology that deals with this field and can fully understand it is transpersonal psychology. Don't seek support from conventional psychiatrists ! Their view of the human psyche is very limited . The phases of powerful transformation that come after sudden opening to spiritual experiences are called spiritual emergency or spiritual crisis in transpersonal psychology. I am currently in this phase. What I did at the time was that I combined a Vipassana retreat with Holotropic breathwork and two radical honesty workshops right afterwards. My level of consciousness grew incredibly in a very short time and i had a few mystical experiences. Since then I have been releasing tons of stuck emotions and have had a lot of symptoms that by conventional psychology would have been diagnosed as psychotic. It is really a very powerful healing process that has to be supported . You can find support here http://spiritualemergence.info . If you want to read in depth about this there is a whole chapter in the book " integral psychology" by Brant Cortright.

@Joseph Maynor Sure. The truth is about what already is, what is already so. So it doesn't change anything for you, because its already true whether we are conscious of it or not. So nothing has to change in your experience for the truth to already be the case. To put it another way the truth doesn't provide you with anything you don't already have. On the other hand transformation is a proccess that occurs over time. Changing your experience, changing your self experience, your mind, the context in which reality is held and so on. All this stuff has to be changed deliberately. That is to say the truth can provide the consciousness in which to change these things but one has to do that for themselves. For example if you have a enlightenment experience, some things might fall away, some assumptions & beliefs for example, but chances are, after that is over you will go back into the exact same self experience and way of experiencing life you did before the enlightenment. And also the knowing and memory of what you found out during that enlightenment. It may change the way you hold yourself now, and your view of reality but generally speaking your life will be pretty much the same. But the more & more conscious you become, with ever deepening enlightenments the more your ability to completely transform your way of experiencing life becomes. That is to say someone who has had their first enlightenment or two is not gona experience a completely transformed way of life like the Buddha, that takes time with a ever deepening consciousness of experience & self ect. So you can see from this that if you want a completely transformed way of life, with complete freedom, no suffering, to be able to transcend self survival, transform your emotions, the way you relate to others, the wisdom you have, your ability to see the non dual nature of life and so on. Will take a deliberate effort on your part, deep investigation, into your own experience, to be able to change the form of your experience. Enlightenment is the realisation of The nature of your experience, the isness of experience, but does not change the experience. Isness & change are two different things. That's not to say though that your experience won't change in some way after very deep enlightenments.

These are great questions. It's actually a complex and multi-faceted topic, and can be confusing to talk about. So, I want to clarify a handful of different ideas that relate to this topic. Yang: The primordial energy that is the opposite of Yin energy. It is one half of the binary code that creates all of reality. The nature of this energy is concerned with doing, expansion, ideals, ideas, and all things spiritual and non-material. It is related to the elements air and fire, as it has no substance on its own but is concerned with transforming substances. It has an implicit tie to the masculine principle. This supersedes human gender and is inherent to all living and non-living systems. A system isn't truly a system without it. Yin: The primordial energy that is the opposite of Yang energy. It is the other half of the binary code that creates all of reality. The nature of this energy is concerned wit being, contraction, reality prior to interpretation, and all things related to matter and materiality. It is pure substance with no movement or transformation. It is simply being. It has an implicit tie to the feminine principle. This supersedes human gender and is inherent to all living and non-living systems. A system isn't truly a system without it. The masculine principle: All expressions that are an expression of Yang energy as is generally recognized across unrelated cultures and in esoteric texts. Human beings have always associated this to men and masculinity because it is the closest humanity-related metaphor that relates to these traits and ideas. Men as a group generally express more of these traits as they tend to have more Yang energy. But this is not always the case. Some examples of this can be found in similarities in polytheistic religions. You will often find sky gods and Earth goddesses in most cultures. There are a few that have it the other way around, but those are exceptions. There are also human traits, strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies that are part of the masculine principle. But the principle isn't real like the energy is. It's just a comprehensive framework for understanding the many expressions of Yang... as Yang is a subtle energy. This also supersedes human gender as it contains both human and non-human aspects. The feminine principle: All expressions that are an expression of Yin energy as it is generally recognized across unrelated cultures and in esoteric texts. Human beings have always associated this to women and femininity because it is the closest humanity-related metaphor that relates to these traits and ideas. Women as a group generally express more of these traits as they tend to have more Yin energy. But this is not always the case. Another example of the feminine and masculine principle can be found in the Hindu Goddess Durga. She is representative of the interplay of Yin and Yang in the universe. She has the body of a Goddess and represents being and the energy source of all life. But she has many arms which are each an arm of a male God. And they hold his weapon of choice. So she also represents doing and particularity. Durga is meant to represent the workings of how being and doing work together in all things. There are also human traits, strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies that are part of the feminine principle. But the principle isn't real like the energy is. It's just a comprehensive framework for understanding the many expressions of Yin... as Yin is a subtle energy. This also supersedes human gender as it contains both human and non-human aspects. Masculinity: All traits ascribed to manhood within a particular culture. This is limited to human gender and is often frequently solely socially constructed and may not even have a tie to Yang. Sometimes it will be a true expression of Yang. But other times, it is just social understandings about what relates most to manhood. For example, in America in the 1700s it was considered manly to where powdered wigs and face powder. But we may see it as very feminine or just plain weird. Social understandings of masculinity often get in the way of a person's ability to truly be in touch with and express Yang energy. Femininity: All traits ascribed to womanhood within a particular culture. This is limited to human gender and is often frequently solely socially constructed and may not even have a tie to Yin. Sometimes it will be a true expression of Yin. But other times, it is just social understandings about what relates most to womanhood. For example, wearing make-up in most modern cultures is considered feminine. But it was considered masculine in many societies as it was used as war paint. Gender: Human beings are always androgynous in varying degrees because Yin and Yang are required to create life. No man is made from sperm alone, nor any woman made from an egg alone. The interplay of Yin and Yang energy creates life itself and it creates the human personality. And the Yin/Yang signature is pre-conditioned and immutable, and finds expression through socially constructed means. To close yourself off to one or the other energy because of ideas of how a man or woman should be is one of the biggest barriers to authenticity and truly thriving as a whole human being. It stifles your life energy to repress Yin or Yang from your awareness. Most of the time, men will have a higher degree of Yang relative to Yin energy and vice versa for women. But there are as many types of Yin/Yang signatures as there are individual humans. So, the man=Yang and woman=Yin idea is very over-simplified. We're all a lot more complex than that. Edit: So, to answer you question, the reason why we relate these things to maleness and femaleness is because the energies of Yang and Yin 'feel' man-like and woman-like. When I experienced ego transcendence, I was able to pick up on feminine energy, and it felt feminine. So, male-energy and female-energy (generally speaking) are just the most similar human expression to Yang and Yin. So, it's used as a quasi-metaphor for understanding... but it also has a real similarity because you can experience Yang when experiencing someone with a masculine personality and you can experience Yin when experiencing someone with a feminine personality, regardless of gender.

What is the YOLO mindset about ? To my knowledge, YOLO is an acronym that represents "You only live once". This attitude towards living life would usually pertain to reckless and mindless behaviour done based on the assumption that you have 'one life to live'. However, there are fundamentally two sides to everything and YOLO can be seen from two perspectives; 1. Destructive(Foolish) 2. Constructive(Wise) The destructive perspective, of course, concerns the foolish and reckless endangerment of oneself and other persons. Activities including raving, orgies, mind masturbation etc. This YOLO perspective feels great in the short term with devastating effects in the long term. Fundamentally, this perspective is extremely insidious to health of the individual in all aspects. On the other, the constructive YOLO concerns fundamentally self-development. Activities of course, include creative work, self transformation etc. Long term fulfillment is the major benefit of this perspective on life, in the short term you will feel the most emotional obstacles but if you make the effort to push past them ... fulfillment is always awaiting.

@zazed Kundalini does lead to spiritual enlightenment. Also, from what I read, it isn't Kundalini itself that makes a person feel unpleasant. It is our unconscious thoughts and ideas that we have been carrying in us. Kundalini forces you to work through these issues and I can imagine it is scary for anyone who doesn't know what Kundalini is and it happening to them. Also it seems some people have an initial Kundalini awakening or self realization and then followed by Kundalini syndrome. In my case, I have had no self realization but am working with Kundalini syndrome which I didn't fully admit to myself that was happening for a while because it just seems so surreal. Also, I had the why would it happen to me thought. As we all assume or know, there is no me. Here are some examples from Tara Springett's book Enlightenment through the Path of Kundalini regarding your quality of life question. Benefits of Kundalini include bliss, ecstacy and rapture, easiest way to imagine bliss is to think of ecstatic sensation of an orgasm. Bliss in head feels like heavenly pleasure. Bliss in throat feels more joyful, Bliss in heart like deep love, Bliss in solar plexus fills us with a sensation of deepest peace, Bliss at the naval feels like the overflowing joy you would feel if your dreams were suddenly fulfilled. Creativity forces are strongly stimulated. Kundalini can be used for spiritual healing and enhanced resistance to disease. These are gifts that usually need to be developed. She says it makes you more beautiful and sexually attractive. You will have more energy and a more youthful appearance. Deeper insight and intuition and intelligence. Liberation from ego. Freedom from our personal past. Freedom from the need to protect our ego. Freedom to be whatever and whoever you want to be. Power and supernatural power. Transformation of ordinary reality into paradise. Enlightenment. My personal story: It is impacting everything right now. This past year was and is really hard for my husband and me. That part doesn't feel great at the moment but I get confused if I am judging or blaming or basically if its just all my ego. I do feel love and bliss in my head. It literally does feel like an orgasm in my head. And I feel it is my heart and throat and now I am trying to open my solar plexis chakra. It is just recently changing the way I act in a more positive direction. I feel like I just want to go up to everyone who I shut out and say I am so sorry, do you need help with anything? I am becoming more conscious of how I listen to people, how much my life can affect someone else. I always thought I felt compassion for other people, but this compassion that is still developing for others is a little different. Kundalini forces you to do the self actualization part of enlightenment because it is part of enlightenment. I have quit drinking entirely. I used to smoke weed weekly but I don't do that anymore. I was pretty depressed before starting this path and now even though I have some days where I feel sad and maybe depressed, I have days where I am happy the WHOLE day. I haven't had that since teenage years. I'm 32. I didn't like myself AT ALL and now I am learning how to be my best friend. I don't know how to gauge the personality change yet. I feel like it will probably change but I still feel like myself. So far, no real benefit from the third eye in my daily life. Just interesting. Kundalini is different for different people. I think I am having a pretty good experience with it. We will see though. I am seeing a therapist and reading and trying to keep up with it. Just started yoga. Meditation and knowing when not to do a meditation. You have to eat healthy. If you don't you feel it. I do not know what is to come. Keep on asking and that is totally okay if you are skeptical. I was an atheist before this and I sometimes just cannot believe what is going on.

@Hardkill I don't know but I feel my crown chakra going mental when I watch it or a super sayan transformation

@Joseph Maynor The "heightened Awareness" or flame of attention gives one the freedom to see in real time what is really occurring in ones life. The "auto correct" as you say, is a result of clarity and intelligence. If something is seen as inappropriate or unnecessary then naturally we will stop doing it. If we become conscious that we are creating the anger that we feel when someone cuts us off, or the anxiety that we feel in a social setting, then we have the freedom to stop creating these unnecessary limitations in our experience. awareness is distracted a lot for someone who has no interest in these things, for the one who has the fire of discovery & inquiry in there heart then there consciousness will increase, its inevitable. Direct consciousness will not change anything in experience, but gives one the Freedom to change anything in experience. Don't confuse consciousness with transformation. The relationship between "awareness & dream" is that they are not 2 things. Consciousness and objective existence are the same thing & share the same place. So you can see how one effects the other.

Alright. I just came home from a trip retreat, the transformation I went through is beyond words. I've done magic truffles a year ago, that was my introduction with psychedelics, it was a low dose with 2 friends. Just fun, nothing spiritual, nothing beyond human. This time I went for the Bufo Alvarius together with Ayahuasca, it a retreat out in the middle of the grasslands in Holland in a small farmers home. Beautiful and calm environment. The weekend started early on Friday with doing kambo, not that bad but not fun at all. In the afternoon we did a Bufo Alvarius (5-MeO-DMT) ceremony. They gave everyone a full dose first time. All Bufo was smoked. I passed out quite directly after inhaling, when I regained consciousness everything was quite beautiful and I was very aware. Apparently I was away for about 15 minutes and did all sort of shit without having any memory of it. Anyway.. afterward I felt a bit disappointed because I knew I missed the big '5meo experience'. Next day in the morning we did another round of Bufo. This time I got 1/3 of the dose of the day before, just enough to keep ego intact. I became COSMIC POWER!!!!!!! Energy sprayed out of my fingers, yet at the same time my entire body was gone and was the universe. All I did was being more open more open more open, GOD radiated through me. I was lying outside in the grass and all I felt doing was making snow angels and let IT completely eat me up. They laid me down on a mattress in the sun to let me enjoy and to come down, after half an hour I could do things again. What happened was impossible. No doubt. I cried a little. For the evening we had an ayahuasca ceremony planned. But before there was plenty of time for me to walk around on my own in nature and set things straight for as far that was possible. A little worry came up because of the ayahuasca, but I figured that if I just surrender and be open then ALL IS WELL. I felt really good and present like never before. At around 8pm we started with the Ayahuasca ceremony. I can make this long and detailed but I don't really feel like doing that. The ayahuasca experience was beautiful and 'trippy', it went really personal and a lot of life lessons were learned. However 'I' was always there.. just witnessing. And since I learned to be ok with everything it was just easy going. It wasn't that I was in control of what was going on but I just accepted everything and it wasn't really tough that way. After a few hours of that it came off a bit. I puked. I laughed. And laid back down in bed. Then it started. Quite quickly the 5-Meo 'experience' came back and hit me like a motherfucker. I was still in 'all open and accepting'-mode and I immediately realised that it just only begun. Maybe I can describe my first experience with the Bufo I had that morning as GOD giving me a hug. The firmest and most intimate hug ever. What happened now was that GOD got downloaded into me through my head and my heart. It was just endless energy, most of the time I was laying with hands and feet stretched out like a starfish just swimming in endless energy. I received life lesson after life lesson, no end, and I received it all with open arms and a smile. After some time it got a theme were I would experience something, then its opposite, and after that a realisation came that they were the same. Most of these things I learned in books or from youtube or something, but now I BECAME IT. Things like fear=love, I got crucified like Jesus (totally fine with it) and got covered in liquid love (best I can describe this is when you have warm water that's not too hot and when you put your finger in the water it has that temperature that you can't feel it, this blasted out of inside me and all over me, and I was totally endless). In between the 'lessons' I was vibrating spastically with my arms and legs just to get a little bit of a break. Another very profound lesson was that free will and no free will are the same. Every time I got presented a choice I choose surrender and every time I did this with ABSOLUTE conviction, no doubt was there. Oh man, so powerful... and much much more.. I write these down now very clumsily but remember I was all these things. What this was was literally IMPOSSIBLE!! I honestly have no idea how to integrate all this at the moment. I'm left quite horrified. Yet it switches with feeling absolutely complete and wonderful... I'm probably scared because I know that I have to face this even more deeply in the future. I will receive everything with complete openness because honestly, there is nothing else. But still.. I will probably update and put to words the actual insights I received clearly in more detail. Right know I feel like going out for a walk. When I read what I just wrote it looks all totally silly, I have no idea how to describe all this. Though I realise that only now I have had just a small little taste of what Leo talks about in his enlightenment videos and what all other spiritual teachers talk about as well. Please comment, especially if you have some tips for putting it all together after you had your first 5-MeO experience. Thank you thank you

@Sukhpaal It took me 6 months to feel this sudden transformation, so maybe I'm lucky compared to you? I don't know. I think it's more or less a phase that we would have to go through sooner or later. I do agree with you that this isn't the end of the road yet, and I still have plenty of other areas to work on, but at least I went through the very first bottleneck.

@hinawashi I know exactly how you feel. I've been meditating for 14 months and I haven't missed a single day but recently I've had somewhat of a mini "transformation" I suppose. A month ago I just woke up one day and I felt really different, in a good way of course. To answer your question, I think it varies on the person. Everyone is different, not everyone is going to "transform" at similar times. For me personally it took a bit over a year but for someone else it could take less time or more. Just be careful, just because you've had that "transformation" does not mean that is all that there is. You can develop even more and you can still become depressed, angry, etc just have realistic expectations.

@cetus56 I myself have no idea if it is kundalini or not. but here are some honest observations: 1) I woke up at 5:30 am today and now its 11:10 am in Bangladesh. In between this 6 hours, I felt this energy at least 10 times. While morning walk, it hit me 3-4 time consecutively. 2) This is NOT directly related to my sex drive. My penis is not erected while these energy bursts. It feels like an electric shock lasting 1-2 seconds. There maybe some subtle sensations spreading through the body after every hit. 3) I've been feeling them as far as I can remember. Maybe more than 10 years. But never really paid any attention to them. I talked with my friends about it. They said I'm just excited/horny. But my experience tells otherwise. I feel this current when I'm relaxed, conscious/mindful or get intimate with 'that' which is alive and feel it without putting any label on it. 4) I've been very confused and frustrated especially for the last 4-5 years. During this time, I made the biggest mistake which is escaping and suppressing all the uncomfortable facts and feelings of my life with bunch of addictions. I used to desensitize myself for days (lets say upto a week) with food, entertainment, porn etc the list goes on. During these unconscious but exciting periods I never got the energy hits. Not even once a day. But once I recommitted to start a clean life from scratch, the energy hits would start again. And finally if you wanna learn and apply the genuine path of kundalini I recommend the book "Kundalini Tantra" by Satyananda Saraswati. This book contains all sorts of information and their implications. Lots of Kundalini yoga starting from cleansing and strengthening all the chakras and nadis of the body. A very well written guide from a legitimate master who observed tons of lay students in ashrams over decades. The author claims that full kundalini awakening awakens the human brain to its completion. A brain having 10 parts each chakra, nadi and the type of awakening opens up certain part of the brain. He claims that full kundalini awakening changes the dna structures, the scent, skin etc of the body. A transformation literally made from inside out. He says kundalini awakening is the evolution of consciousness through human body and taking kundalini to the perfect state is basically the ultimate life purpose of coming into existence with a human body.

Please allow me to play the devil's advocate here: Is it not possible that the experiences you are describing are just hallucinatory states, and you just experience the projections of your own inner content (however fantastic they might appear) ? Whenever Buddha was asked about Enlightenment or Nirvana, silence would be his reply (if I'm not mistaken). This is quite significant. Also the saying: those that know, do not speak, and those that speak, they do not know. Of course, beyond arguments and counter-arguments, the real test of fire will be if those experiences produce real and permanent transformations in your life. My intuition still says these shortcut paths to enlightenment will not end up well. (I really hope I'm mistaken) People stay years stuck in meditative practises because they lack complete knowledge of what is required for permanent transformation. An interesting hint is given by Sadhguru in this video:

@Preetom sounds like kundalini indeed. Dont be mistaken active kundalini doesnt mean instant enlightenment. What kundalini does is that it deconstructs one's stuck nervous system, that creates an egoic perception of reality. This can take years (and will). Treat it with respect and love, be kind to yourself, I recommend Matt Kahn, all of his stuff is brilliant for a person with awakened kundalini. Some breathwork is useful at times, but only at certain phases. You must go with what resonates. Be ready to take a bunch of naps, go on eating streaks and insomnia. All of your cellular memory that stores trauma will surface eventually. This is no joke, it is hell! It is the dark night of the soul. And I cannot emohasize this more. Be kind to yourself my dearest friend. I wish you courage on your journey of transformation. And know that any kind of discomfort is only here to remind you how strong you are, by showing you what youre capable of surviving. Feel free to educate yourself on kundalini, beware of a lot of nonsense. Apply only relevant stuff that works well with your direct experience. Much love, and welcome on your journey home :). May you be blessed with good fortune.

@Elton wow, sounds like you got a nice couple of insights there. that's how we have to see trauma events; as an opportunity to learn something (--> change something in our lives) yes, the ego cares about its survival, that gets really clear once it gets threatened. it then come right back full force. it gets very present. letting go is difficult, I think it's a longterm process. baby steps every day and with time the transformation will be huge.

@Ryan_047 No money for therapy? I had a similar lack of access to therapy when I was depressed. Check out 7 Cups of Tea. A site with free volunteer listeners. They're trained by the 7 cups site with courses on different problems such as — relationship problems, social anxiety, depression, etc. They are not as good as actual therapists — but many of them have went through similar problems with their mental health themselves and many have good advice on dealing with that. They're also very warm — I distrusted everybody when I was depressed. I had this belief if everyone knew the real me — they'd abandon me. Think of me as weak. I was constantly fearing what they would think of me. But I was able to trust them. There are free sites online with different instructions for treatments. I've tried muscle progression relaxation, hypnosis, cognitive behavioral therapy exercises, mindfulness and meditation, physical exercise (research say they boost mood), going outside in nature more (research also says this boosts mood), gratitude exercises, awe walks, research on positive psychology, Enneagram (A study of the types of fears, anger and shame we have in life and how to deal with them in a healthy manner. ), VIA Strengths test (Knowing and using strengths in daily life boost confidence and sense of control) or happiness psychology on free sites like Coursera and so on. Its best done with a therapist sure — but the internet is full of vast information to help you. Even if you have a therapist — you often only meet him or her once a week. Most of the time spent through the days is done without one and you'd have to learn how to survive without one. There are many experienced practioners like actual therapists and psychologists who give out their advice online — so there's still room for help even without paying for one. I recommend you this site to start with. Good luck. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ Also VIA Strengths seem especially useful for confidence. https://www.viacharacter.org/www/ Enneagram also seems very useful for dealing with the trauma @Mad Max mentions. Here are the descriptions of the types. https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/ As well as a free email subscription with short reflections, lessons and practices for everyday for enneagram. https://subscriptions.enneagraminstitute.com/subscribers/create Scott Jeffrey's article series on Alchemical Transformation seems useful for treatment. His Shadow Work article is the best one I've found. https://scottjeffrey.com/guides/

@Marinus With man, the natural, automatic process of evolution ends. Man is the last product of unconscious evolution. With man, conscious evolution begins. Many things are to be taken into account. First, unconscious evolution is mechanical and natural. It happens by itself. Through this type of evolution, consciousness evolves. But the moment consciousness comes into being, unconscious evolution stops because its purpose has been fulfilled. Unconscious evolution is needed only up to the point where the conscious comes into being. Man has become conscious. In a way, he has transcended nature. Now nature cannot do anything; the last product that was possible through natural evolution has come into being. Now man becomes free to decide whether to evolve or not to evolve. Secondly, unconscious evolution is collective, but the moment evolution becomes conscious it becomes individual. No collective, automatic evolution proceeds further than mankind. From now on, evolution becomes an individual process. Consciousness creates individuality. Before consciousness evolves, there is no individuality. Only species exist, not individuality. When evolution is still unconscious, it is an automatic process; there is no uncertainty about it. Things happen through the law of cause and effect. Existence is mechanical and certain. But with man, with consciousness, uncertainty comes into existence. Now, nothing is certain. Evolution may take place or it may not. The potential is there, but the choice will rest entirely with each individual. That is why anxiety is a human phenomenon. Below man there is no anxiety because there is no choice. Everything happens as it must. There is no choice so there is no chooser, and in the absence of the chooser, anxiety is impossible. Who is to be anxious? Who is to be tense? With the possibility of choice, anxiety follows like a shadow. Everything has to be chosen now; everything is a conscious effort. You alone are responsible. If you fail, you fail. It is your responsibility. If you succeed, you succeed. It is again your responsibility. And every choice is ultimate in a sense. You cannot undo it, you cannot forget it, you cannot go back on it. Your choice becomes your destiny. It will remain with you and be a part of you; you cannot deny it. But your choice is always a gamble. Every choice is made in darkness because nothing is certain. That is why man suffers from anxiety. He is anxious to his very roots. What torments him, to begin with, is: to be or not to be? to do or not to do? to do this or to do that? “No choice” is not possible. If you do not choose, then you are choosing not to choose; it is a choice. So you are forced to choose; you are not free not to choose. Not choosing will have as much effect as any other choice. The dignity, the beauty and the glory of man is this consciousness. But it is a burden also. The glory and the burden come simultaneously the minute you become conscious. Every step is a movement between the two. With man, choice and conscious individuality come into existence. You can evolve, but your evolution will be an individual endeavor. You may evolve to become a buddha or you may not. The choice is yours. So there are two types of evolution: collective evolution and individual, conscious evolution. `Evolution’ implies unconscious, collective progress, so it would be better to use the word `revolution’ in talking about man. With man, revolution becomes possible. Revolution, as I am using the word here, means a conscious, individual effort toward evolution. It is bringing individual responsibility to a peak. Only you are responsible for your own evolution. Ordinarily, man tries to escape from his responsibility for his own evolution, from the responsibility of freedom of choice. There is a great fear of freedom. When you are a slave the responsibility for your life is never yours; someone else is responsible. So in a way, slavery is a very comfortable thing. There is no burden. In this respect, slavery is a freedom: freedom from conscious choice. The moment you become completely free, you have to make your own choices. No one forces you to do anything; all alternatives are open to you. Then the struggle with the mind begins. So one becomes afraid of freedom. Part of the appeal of ideologies such as communism and fascism is that they provide an escape from individual freedom and a shirking of individual responsibility. The burden of responsibility is taken away from the individual; the society becomes responsible. When something goes wrong, you can always point to the state, the organization. Man becomes just a part of the collective structure. But in denying individual freedom, fascism and communism also deny the possibility of human evolution. It is a falling back from the great possibility that revolution offers: the total transformation of human beings. When this happens, you destroy the possibility of achieving the ultimate. You fall back; you again become like animals. To me, further evolution is possible only with individual responsibility. You alone are responsible! This responsibility is a great blessing in disguise. With this individual responsibility comes the struggle that ultimately leads to choiceless awareness. – OSHO [The Psychology of the Esoteric – 1]

The act of forgiving yourself out loud, speaking has a physical effect on the body. It actually alters your DNA. When you notice a reaction coming to the surface, forgive yourself out loud like mentioned above. Also Put everything into writing. This is how you do proper self-forgiveness. @MiracleMan You can learn how to do self-forgiveness properly with this free course http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ They also have forums, blogs and other advanced courses to go deeper. Valentin Rozman studied personal development and spirituality for 20 years and he told in one of his videos that those tools triggered the biggest transformation in his self. http://desteniradio.blogspot.si/2016/11/desteni-radio-3-what-is-self-forgiveness.html http://desteni.org/ http://desteniiprocess.com/ https://eqafe.com/ http://destonians.com/ @ajasatya When you get in touch with the emotional pain it's too late. This emotional pain already had a physical effect on your body. Yes, when you get in touch with it, You can stop it for the time being but it Will resurface in the future if you don't change the program from which you are operating.

@Leo Gura @The White Belt I think trying to put one as a priority over the other is a trap. The work should create change in both yourself and others around you simultaneously, as a system. Trying to save yourself and forgetting the suffering of others or save the world and not working on yourself are two false choices that limit the potential transformation to both the person and the sorrounding community. So basically its both, not either/or, not prioritizing one over the other.

The best Self-inquiry is to do do-nothing meditation for 1 hour per day and just look. The heavily contemplative self-Inquiry stuff is important too, it's not an either/or it's a both. But Just meditate and look. Inquire by looking. This is huge. Just meditate and be aware. At the right time, just naturally inquire -- What is the mind? Where are these thoughts coming from? Why is the mind flapping around? What is causing that effect? Etc. Dont be too neurotic about Self-Inquiry. This would be like looking at yourself in the mirror with your nose pressed-up against it for hours. Take a more leisurely, harmonious approach. You are looking and seeing what you are. Don't rush this. It's a lifelong process. Enlightenment is a gradual transformation.

Enlightenment is about realizing that all beliefs are existentially false by being the result of that not merely conceiving the result of that. Don't worry about experiences. Work with the root. This is why Self-Inquiry is so important. Experiences are the result of doing this work, not what enlightenment is. Enlightenment is not a far-out state. Enlightenment is being reality all the time. See -- our realities are augmented by our thought-stories which introduce a lot of fantasy into our "reality". Enlightenment is being reality, but also seeing through the added-on fantasies very acutely, like the magician sees through the illusion of all his magic-tricks. You don't need drugs for enlightened being. People do drugs to explore the shit out of being, to *research being* by *being it*. Enlightenment research is done by BE-ing. But all you need is sober being to be enlightened. Everything else is just higher *research*. Just like you really only need a JD or Juris Doctor degree to practice law but if you had a deeper interest in law you could get the LLM degree with is the Master of Laws degree. But that degree is optional. All you really need to practice law is the JD. Same distinction can be made in enlightenment. All I want is the JD for now. Others on here are pursuing the LLM Degree. Some people on here are still in Undergrad, ya know! It's a mix. You gotta understand that Leo is *researching* the shit out of enlightenment at the Ph.D. level. You need to get to the Bachelor's Degree first. Don't think Enlightenment is a single thing or state or destination. It's an evolution, a life-long transformation. You just need to get on the path in the best way from where you are right now.

Notice when you meditate there are moments when the mind disappears. Really take note of that WITH YOUR BEING not with your conceptual mind. Really start to see that the mind is not you. See and feel and be that very profoundly. Start to be able to distance yourself from the mind like a bird-watcher watching a bird through binoculars. Don't try to force anything. Just be aware of things. Let the monkey-mind chatter away in your ear like an ornery little brother that you will eventually learn to half-ignore. It's like yeah yeah yeah, what? So sorry, I wasn't listening. Haha. It really becomes like that. It's not that you kill the mind it's just that you change the way that you relate to it. Like instead of kicking somebody's ass you just learn how to ignore them. But don't take any of these stories literally, they're just intuition-pumps for you to chew-on before you do your Self-Inquiry work and take a look for real by being the Truth. What is the mind? How does the ego want to cling to the mind? Am I the mind? What is the difference between the mind and awareness? What is the difference between thoughts and the mind? What is the difference between beliefs and thoughts? What are thoughts? What are sounds? Do sounds occur in space and time? Etc. See? All fascinating Self-Inquiry questions to explore. Here's some more: What is the ego? Am I my body and/or brain? Do I have an identity? Does that identity have stable properties? What is this identity? What are these properties? Do I have a stable personality? Could I completely change my personality? What is stopping me from completely changing my personality? What is holding me back in life from doing what my higher-self knows is the right thing to do? Are these obstacles fixed or can they be removed? What are these obstacles really and what are they made of? What is a limiting-belief? How does a limiting-belief gain its traction? How do thoughts limit me? What is permitting thoughts to limit me? How can I unhook limiting-beliefs from me? What is asking these questions? What is aware of all of this? Is that awareness something inside me or outside me? What is a conceptual distinction? How does a conceptual distinction relate to awareness? How does a theory relate to the subject matter or the result that the theory pertains to? Can the ego be destroyed? Do I die when the body and brain die? Does awareness die when the body and brain die? Does the mind die when the body and brain die? What is the relation between awareness and the mind, the relation between awareness and the body, and the relation between awareness and the brain? What is the relation between awareness and you? What is a relation? What is a question? What am I? And so on and on. Fall in love with Self-Inquiry if you wanna make progress with enlightenment. In enlightenment, theory is just scaffolding, pointers to do the Self-Inquiry work. Enlightenment is not a theory. Enlightenment is transformation. The ego wants beliefs and theories, but that's not what you want. You want transformation. Clinging too much to the theory-scaffolding is a huge trap. All beliefs and all theories are existentially false, But only use this as a guide. Don't even cling to this as a belief. The way you look at thoughts will dramatically change from the way you look at them now with enlightenment. If you're stuck in the Rationalist Paradigm, you're not gonna get this. It's just gonna sound wrong to you. Watch all the videos I attached below. Separate yourself from the Mind-Matrix. It will still be there, but your awareness of the Truth will change how you attach to things at the being level (I'm not talking about attachment to beliefs or thoughts here). Remember, this is about being differently not about thinking differently. This should change how you BE, how you are. You are looking for a being-transformation not a belief-transformation. These words are just scaffolding to get you to be differently. And that's why you just need to get in there, open up the hood, don't be afraid to get your hands dirty, and tinker-around inside your being. That's what Self-Inquiry is all about. Everything else is just pre-algebra compared to Self-Inquiry. This is so hard to explain too because we operate on the "knowing = belief" paradigm. Here we need to change that paradigm to the "knowing = being" paradigm for enlightenment work. You gotta literally jump from one paradigm to another one here, from one bubble to another bubble. And there's no easy, primrose path to do this. You gotta grab your druthers and make that discontinuous flyin'-leap from one paradigm to the next one! How many people can actually do this? How many people will do this? Videos on point to watch:

This is my favorite topic in the world. And I'm glad you asked this. I'm also a professional musician and have been obsessed with everything music since I was 5 years old. In fact there's a great book written on this: The Secret Power of Music which I highly recommend to get a more big picture view of what music really is and where it comes from and how it has evolved. There are chapters about the original "om" sound from India and then goes to describe more modern styles of classical, avant-garde, jazz, blues, pop, etc. Although I don't share the author's extreme views on this (and the book was also written in the 80s) but his thesis is interesting. According to the author, pop culture/music has been a pretty accurate reflection of the culture and where humanity is at in terms of spiritual progress. Yes and no... that's a big topic. He favors Bach and composers who write from a place of beauty/God and disdains pretty much anything from 1900 and forwards. LOL I personally love pop music (by which i mean pretty much all modern styles) and I'm fascinated with how it has evolved and integrated different styles. I also went through different phases during my life where I was into all kinds of crazy shit. **** It's important to develop an awareness in our actions and desires. Not just listen to music on a surface level or to escape or to re-affirm existing identities. I have always found questionable the practice of listening to just one style or genre of music. And denying or neglecting other forms. This is just pure ego (the bad kind). Even one genre is so broad that I find it's usually 99% garbage and 1% good. This goes for metal, classical, blues, jazz, fusion, techno, trance, mainstream pop, folk, world, etc. Music is music. Art is art. What does that mean? Rhythm. Melody. Harmony. Poetry (words). Craftsmanship. Sound. Emotion. Vibe. Groove. Expression. Transcendence. Pain. Joy. What exactly do you like about a certain piece of music? Start listening to it deeper than before. It can become a meditation. Are the band playing off each other and taking the song higher (like Stairway To Heaven)? Do you like the cold electronic atmosphere of a Brian Eno ambient piece? Maybe you love the bassline in an outro of a Coldplay song (they are masters of creating great outros)? Or maybe just the raw intensity and energy of a song (Slayer's "Disciple") that could propel a jet? Have you ever listened to Metallica's "And Justice For All" album on LSD? I have... Not a pleasant experience! lol I had to turn it off after a few minutes of "Blackened" (the first track)... lol I felt like my ego was swallowing me and the music became a blackhole of eternal ear fucking. So much anger and darkness there and you can really feel it when you get deep into it. We attract and love what we are deep inside. If you want anger and intense energy, then that will feel good. If you want beauty and peace, not so much. I think there are times for both. Perhaps we all need a little drunken Jack Daniels sex with some dirty slut, fucking to the hypnotic machine gun riffs of Metallica's "One" in a sleezy motel in the middle of a desert somewhere every now and again Or maybe not! Depends what you're into... But I love 80s Metallica. Yet they were really angry guys and fucked up. But they transcended that. You can feel that with some artists how music keeps them sane and not killing others. That is a beautiful thing and I think that process deserves recognition. Even channelling anger into something as controlled and creative as music can be a very beautiful thing. That is in essence a spiritual process. Metallica's singer is now married with kids and sober. Yeah his music kinda sucks now but in some ways he got a little bit free (with the success of his band). In other ways he's become trapped in his own creation of "the singer from Metallica" and his art has suffered for that. Same with the Rolling Stones guys who haven't created anything to the standards of their 60s-70s stuff when they were so high that they probably don't even remember it. Fuck, don't get me started on this shit. I could go on forever. But it's a great question and can be broadened out to mass entertainment in general. What does it say about our society that shows like Breaking Bad are so powerful? Sure that show is very violent and dark and dramatic. It's also a great story and a cautionary tale. I get a lot out of these kinds of shows. They are inspiring. A lot of emotional depth and heavy social criticism considering we are rooting for an anti-hero??!!? Yes it's entertainment too and perhaps overly dramatic in how such incredible events play out in such a small time frame. Unrealistic? Perhaps, I don't know. ******* All art is a form of finding/identifying beauty where there is great suffering and even sorrow. Great artists are able to take that process of transcendence from a wide variety of sources and create something new that really connects with many people. They are able to access some place that you can only get to with the experience of their creation. They become Gods. And we feel less alone in this universe that might feel alone also in a place where billions of universes exist. We are all artists if we choose to become conscious of that and live as creators instead of victims. We are Creating our lives. We are transcending OUR suffering and making sense of it. Maybe this comforts us. And if we are comforted, perhaps others will be too. Humans respond to universal values: Beauty, truth, love, community, etc. Even the metal guys who dress up in all that silly leather and makeup and darkness are secretly yearning for love and unity with God. They feel connected when they listen to their identities being accepted, even if it's for that 3-4 minutes. They meet friends into the same shit, go to shows, dress the part, etc. Community. Tribe mentality. Same as the hipsters or jazz nerds or classical snobs. Same shit, different underwear. Just be careful, this can all be a trap. You have to be able to live without music and in total silence for 1-2 months. Otherwise it's an addiction and will just feed the hungry ghost within. Use music as a form of celebration of life and all it's incredible colors and scents and sounds. Listen to ALL kinds of music. Learn to appreciate things that you don't necessarily like. Find the essence of the song you love and understand it, study it, meditate with it, masturbate to it. Take a shit on it and drink your own cum with it. Is Justin Bieber completely bullshit? Or is music his salvation and a way to give value to millions of teenagers around the world who scream and screech at the thought of him? What the fuck is going on there? Beatlemania, Backstreet Boys, Michael Jackson, etc... Why are these Norwegians worshipping the devil and killing each other when they live in such a great place? Were they ass fucked as children or something and that creates a cult??? What the fuck is going on there. People want their Gods so they can have someone to worship and make them feel that life is not just a fucking ant factory that repeats for 100 years until you drop dread and everyone has a party for you but you can't make it so they cry. Although such lyrics might sound hollow and vain on the surface... Maybe they are not what they seem. These could also be a desperate cry to reunite with the beloved (god, truth, love, etc). They are just masquerading as teenage disneyland fairytale lovestories, that endless cycle most people go through again and again. Most people never mature from that. Kids raising kids. We fall in love with someone... why? Because everyone is looking for the same thing. Freedom. Liberation. Enlightenement = to surrender to light and let yourself shine. They try to find it through drugs and fucking and food and movies and christmas and jesus and all that bullshit. If you have been put in a microwave when you were 2, and were not loved, you will do whatever it takes to find that love. Heroin? The easiest way. Addicted for life. To love. You will sell your grandma to feel that love. Whatever it takes. ******** Do not be fooled by what you think your emotions mean and who you think you are and what you think others are. We are much much much more than that. As i said, we are all artists, creators. Gods and Goddesses. Admiring our creations and trying to outwit each other and the devils in our black iron hearts. But like monkeys who spend 4 hours in the wild foraging and hunting... you know what they do for the rest of the day when not sleeping? Annoying each other. So that's why we fiddle with our balls and scratch our vaginas all day and smelling our fingers, reading shit online and wanting more out of life and dreaming of life in paradise. ***** I see many people on these forums and in everyday life being stuck as the person they are. Yet they want things that require them to be somebody they are not. People want more freedom and happiness and joy and money and love. They want all this change but they don't want to change. So they keep listening to the same music and liking the same things they used to like. They dress the same. They hold on to their ideas and beliefs about who they think they are and what annoys them. How many times do you do that every day? It's all a bullshit world you have created in your head to feel safe and comfortable. The problem is that you created it as a default mechanism before you were conscious enough to make your own decisions. You are a product. A domisticated animal. Free range human. You're welcome to leave the herd and step out into the wilderness. You want that dont you? It excites you. It makes your pussy wet and your dick hard. But you are afraid of freedom. ******* Strip yourself of all identity and create a person who has abundance of the things you want. This transformation will be painful. But worth it. Otherwise you are just left around wondering and in this eternal state of purgatory like all the 99.99999% humans who were to scared to change and died mediocre. Leo created his Life Purpose course to help you break free. There are books and people and art who will help you also if you start using them for that and seeking out the great works of history. You have to find what you really value in life and create a meaningful life around that. That's why you are here. You are still reading this crazy post of mine that just came out of me like a hungry dinosaur uncaged. ****** Become Who You Really Are. That's the only God I serve. Hence my profile name

Over the past two months I have done serious thinking and meditating on my life purpose. Within this time I have also noticed some very deep changes in my meditation practice and its overarching effects in my life. I feel that right now I am at a critical tipping point in my life and it is crucial that I follow my intuition fully. With this being said I feel that I am in need of some much required guidance. As my journey continues I am now beginning to realize the depth of the path that I have chosen and it is only a matter of time until I can no longer live the life that I am currently living. For the past three years I have done much work on myself and have deeply perused meditation, consciousness and enlightenment. I now have come to a point where things must change in my external life. I have learned a massive amount of information on my own time in the past three years. My insatiable appetite for learning has helped to radically and profoundly change my way of thinking, how I see the world and how I live my life. The experiences and lessons that I have learned through the countless hours of meditation and contemplation, unitive experiences and psychedelic experiences have shown me so much about the true nature of reality. My mind has expanded to such a degree in its perception and thinking that I know there is absolutely no going back. And thus this has led me to a sort of conundrum. I do not know how to properly balance the divine with the mundane. Over the past two months my meditation practice has caused changes in my nervous system and I have experienced several strange phenomena in my body that I can only describe as kundalini symptoms. These symptom include but are not limited to a tingling sensation throughout my body at random times in the day, feeling a powerful surge rise up my spine and explode in my head whenever I meditate for roughly an hour. I have experienced the bilateral symmetrical fractal energetic yoga positions that martin ball talks about several times and their frequency is increasing. The most apparent of these symptoms are similar to convulsions. If I go deep enough into meditation and contemplation parts of my body or even my whole body will begin to uncontrollably spasm. While this does not cause pain it is still a jarring experience. All in all my dedication to this consciousness work has created variables in my life that are making it increasingly difficult for me to continue to live a seemingly “normal” life. I have brought books on the subject of kundalini and energy to better my understanding of the subject. I feel that it is only a matter of time until something is going to have to radically change. Due to the nature of these symptoms and the depth of which I have experienced the unity of existence thus far in my journey part of the ego has become heavily resistant to the path. I feel that if I continue to do my dedicated meditation, contemplation, psychedelics, fasting, and other practices that I am using to facilitate higher understanding of consciousness, awakening and existence that I may destroy my life. I feel that I will go so far out into the left field with meditation and consciousness work that I will be entirely unable to integrate into society. I do not wish for this to happen and so since these kundalini symptoms have arisen I have largely toned down my practice, however I know that if I want to continue make progress on this path that I cannot achieve that at a low level of practice. Several of the problems that the human species is facing are readily apparent to me and with this awareness it is difficult for me to witness the overwhelming majority of people I encounter have such a degree of unawareness of these things. The interactions I have at work, school and in public are all inauthentic now as I must censor myself, so to speak, If I am to avoid being marginalized by society. I have been keeping up with Leo's blog posts and his critiques of the education system truly resonate with me and I completely agree with him. In my life I have found that autodidactism has been far more effective in my life than the current education system has ever been for me, both in high school and college. I feel that there is an opportunity cost for me being in school in that it takes away from the time in which I could be educating myself via autodidactism. I have learned so many profound and life changing things as a result of the hundreds of hours of reading books, studies, watching videos and documentaries on various topics such as meditation, spirituality, psychedelics, integral theory, self-development, veganism, sustainability, ecology, futurism, health, fitness, post scarcity economics, space exploration, biology, paleontology and more. I never heard very much highly in depth discussion at all of any of the aforementioned subjects in school and when one was mentioned it was only briefly outlined. It is a system which neglects so many of the variables in human learning and it is stuck in the industrial era. In school teachers can’t teach what they want as they must adhere to a strict curriculum and student’s natural curiosity and creativity is all too often crushed by years of conformity. In one of Leo's blog posts he wrote QUOTE "This might be rosy retrospection on my part, but if I could live my life over again, I would quit school, never go to college, and invest all that time into self-education. The more I learn, the more I learn how poorly learning is done by our social schooling system. It's really just terrible. It emphasizes all the wrong subjects and mechanizes what should otherwise be a highly conscious activity." END QUOTE In a more recent blog post of his I read QUOTE "Our school systems are all nonsynergetic. We take the whole child and fractionate the scope of his or her comprehending coordination by putting the children in elementary schools — to become preoccupied with elements or isolated facts only. Thereafter we force them to choose some specialization, forcing them to forget the whole. --required a wide variety of brain slaves with which to logistically and ballistically overwhelm those who opposed their expansion of physical conquest." END QUOTE I am very close to the point that I can no longer partake in the education system. I have completed two years of college so far and the mentality that I am surrounded by in academia is so restrictive that it is causing sadness within me. Each time I enter my classes I can feel my soul being crushed. Don’t get me wrong, education is extremely important, which is why I heavily emphasize autodidactism. I learn as much as I can in my free time, however the schooling system is just so broken and I simply want to be free from it and live my life. To be honest I don’t truly want to be in college, however I enrolled and stay because of family pressure. I get good grades but I truly don’t think it’s worth it. I would rather be happy in life than have a high GPA. I learn much more effectively when I study about the subjects I am passionate about when I take my own time to learn them. Nearly all of my time outside of school and work is spent reading and meditating. Right now I am in a time of turning and transformation. I could use some guidance regarding what I have mentioned as I know that there are many people here with far more experience with these things than I am. My only outlet for much of the knowledge that I have amassed over the course of the past three years is the book I am currently writing. I feel that having a creative outlet is something that is critically important for me to have in my life and for people to have in general. Disseminating the information that I have absorbed on this journey has helped me in in the past five months to resolve and work through many of the blockages that I have been experiencing. It would be greatly appreciated if anyone could provide advice and insight to help me during this time in my experience.