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It you christian conditioning that you see things in this way. The Christian is conditioned in one way, the Hindu is conditioned in another way, but they are all conditioned. Life needs transformation, and transformation is a great work upon oneself. It is not a child's play, that: "Just believe in Jesus Christ, go on reading the Bible again and again, and you are saved." Saved from what? Saved from transformation! Jews never accepted Jesus, not even today. There was a reason why they crucified him: if on the cross he can manage to provoke God to help him, then they will be able to see whether he is the messiah or not , God will save him. If God is not even bothering about saving His own son on the cross, then what to say about others? And if Jesus cannot provoke God to save him, how can he provoke God to save others? The crucifixion was going to be a criterion. They had forced him to carry his own cross. Three times he fell on the way; the cross was too heavy. Jesus said that "those who have such faith can move mountains". He could not carry his own cross and he was trying to carry the crosses of the whole of humanity. On the cross he himself feels shaken up. He cries to God,"Have you forsaken me?" , because he sees that the crucifixion is happening and there is no miracle. And when he says, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." that is surrender, but not true , with reluctance, just a face-saving device. Nothing is happening, all is finished. After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, said, “I thirst!” Now, this is the man who used to walk on water. This is the man who used to turn water into wine. He cannot even manage a glass of water , and he was able to change stones into bread! Why can't he change the air into water? Christians go on, all over the world, saving people. They don't even understand what it means to save. In the East, no religion has ever proclaimed that anybody can save you except yourself.

Of course I have heard about deities ( your spelling is wrong) and multiple gods, the question is - In all pantheistic systems , why to use God and existence interchangeably . Well, to be fair pantheism is exactly the belief that God and existence are the same thing so that is why those two words are being used interchangeably, but I was talking about pantheistic systems like this actualized.org, whose sole agenda is not to convince people that God is not the christian God but existence (which is the agenda of pantheism) but the sole purpose of actualized.org is to show and make understand the true nature of reality, and the non-material core of reality. In all this picture, why to speak of it as God? Why not just stick with nothingeness? Why to say- God is existence? That is not a useful sentence, as it only describes the nature of God , but we are not interested in God, we are interested in the nature of reality. The useful sentence is- Existence is nothingness. Existence is immateriality, consciousness. The goal of actualized.org is not to realize God (as it is in no way a religious organization that believes in God) , it's goal is to realize the true nature of existence so as to bring about a radical positive transformation in an individual's life which allows him to live an extraordinary life (which is what it's true goal is). Secondly, I asked - IF existence is god, why to call God God and not call God existence (which as I have already said , I was talking in the context of pantheistic system) and you said because there are multiple gods?Seriously? Because there ARE multiple gods, god is called god? So it is obvious? Well yes it is obvious IF just like you I was also believing that there ARE multiple Gods, but what is fascinating is how you cannot see that here in actualized.org, most people are not believers in the existence of multiple gods, most are believer in god= existence, so why do you think that just like you everyone is a believer in multiple gods (specially in this place)? Yes it would be obvious that God is called God if people believed in MULTIPLE gods ( let alone ONE), but how is it not obvious to you that here in actualized.org most people do not hold that belief? 1st question to you - Do you believe that multiple gods exist? Why? Second question - If yes, what the hell are you doing here if you don't even know the basic premise that this website is founded upon?

I agree with you. That's what happens in most cases. No one really wants to wake up from a dream until it starts to become a nightmare. Also we can see that the wisest, transcendent of all people usually have a very dark/unsatisfying past which compelled them to the journey of understanding and transformation

Sadhguru is probably the one enlightened being that has the highest probability of bringing you to self realization and long lasting transformation and empowerement. I am still waiting for Leo to show what he attained during this month but so far I am far from convinced that psychedelics are the way to go.

Excerpts from Eckhart Tolle - https://www.eckharttolle.com/newsletter/october-2011 "The “dark night of the soul” is a term that goes back a long time. Yes, I have also experienced it. It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything........ ...... What dies is the egoic sense of self. Of course, death is always painful, but nothing real has actually died there – only an illusory identity. Now it is probably the case that some people who’ve gone through this transformation realized that they had to go through that, in order to bring about a spiritual awakening. Often it is part of the awakening process, the death of the old self and the birth of the true self. .....You are meant to arrive at a place of conceptual meaninglessness. Or one could say a state of ignorance – where things lose the meaning that you had given them, which was all conditioned and cultural and so on. Then you can look upon the world without imposing a mind-made framework of meaning. It looks of course as if you no longer understand anything..... to go around the Universe without any longer interpreting it compulsively, as an innocent presence. You look upon events, people, and so on with a deep sense of aliveness. Your sense the aliveness through your own sense of aliveness, but you are not trying to fit your experience into a conceptual framework anymore." Eckhart Tolle suggests one examines the world without a frame of reference. I can't find further explanations on the net with regard to how one should make the transition to realisation of truth. If anyone knows of any, please paste here.

Yesterday I had been thinking about this pyramidal structure of development where you work in everything through stages. The last stage or the tip of the pyramid is perfection. Work through all the stages or layers and build it up. That's the way to go forward until you get too old to do anything. But this is like a life long journey of transformation and it should just go on like that till it reaches a level of contentment and satisfaction. Also along the way is the practice of contentment since this plays a huge role in how we perceive our life and how much it motivates us to live.

what does this concept "absolute nothingness" point to, and how do you know that it exists? well, obviously you dont know if it exists, but lets be openminded and consider an option that there is some transformation of consciousness that does SOMETHING, we dont know what. how does that happen to an individual? how to trigger it? since we hit an intellectual ceiling, we cant think our way there. what can we do? according to material i've read and listened to all you have to do is to be the observer for a long enough time. what I guess would increase the chances of a consciousness jump even more is destroying beliefs, that means not to focus on "what is this absolute nothingness, i have to understand it", but to focus on "what do i believe and dont know that i believe", question everything in other words. do you agree?

“He who belies his talent, the born painter who sells stockings instead, the intelligent man who lives a stupid life, the man who sees the truth and keeps his mouth shut, the coward who gives up his manliness, all these people perceive in a deep way that they have done wrong to themselves and despise themselves for it. Out of this self-punishment may come only neurosis, but there may equally come renewed courage, righteous indignation, increased self-respect, because of thereafter doing the right thing; in a word, growth and improvement can come through pain and conflict.” (Abraham Maslow, Toward a Psychology of Being)

I have nothing against this guy but if you really took your growth and transformation seriously, you would ignore him. He talks about awareness and present moment which is fine, but after that....uh yeah.

Cause we take our growth and transformation seriously. We don't give a shit about some bullshit fear of schizophrenia. That fear prevents us from exploring and finding the real tools that can make a massive impact on our lives and the lives of other people.

How i've been looking at the process as it keeps evolving is that we are undeniably dependant on our conditioning, you reap what you sow. Beginning new habits, instilling new ideas of gratitude and respect sets in motion a new conditioning that you can continue to cultivate and be a part of. Your ego runs on the momentum of your whole life, so this will take some time to undergo a complete transformation because "you" are more than the concious aspect of awareness.

What I tried to get from meditation, I got faster with technology. This is what happened ...The speaker, me, is the actual evidence of what he is talking about. He successfully found and practiced a method to get more awareness (not meditation or mindfulness). He then intentional and consciously employed techniques to rewire his brain (neuroplasticity) and as a result, was able to write himself new default programs (dominant neural networks) of thought, speech, behavior and emotion. And when his brain changed, his life changed to match it. The evidence of his successful collaboration with his brain is his life transformation: from heroin/crack/meth addict to therapist, teacher, example.

I changed my brain and my life changed to match it. This is what I did ... The speaker, me,is the actual evidence of what he is talking about. He successfully found and practiced a method to get more awareness (not meditation or mindfulness). He then intentional and consciously employed techniques to rewire his brain (neuroplasticity) and as a result, was able to write himself new default programs (dominant neural networks) of thought, speech, behavior and emotion. And when his brain changed, his life changed to match it. The evidence of his successful collaboration with his brain is his life transformation: from heroin/crack/meth addict to therapist, teacher, example.

Reality hides in plain sight. The more conceptual you are, the more you have to deprogram from conceptual-truth to find it — and then ultimately be it. There’s a personal transformation that accompanies this. It’s like looking all over for a pair of glasses that have been placed backwards on your head. Reality hides in plain sight. It’s tricky. Using psychedelics especially LSD helped me see the obvious, as I’m a pretty conceptual person too. Sometimes you’re so smart, your brain leaks out of your head — and this definitely applies to Enlightenment! Leo’s gonna conduct his experiment and tell us his results. I get it. Go for it! Explore! That’s what I’m all about. I say go for it Leo! — full tilt! See what happens. Until you do it, it’s just speculation. After you do it, you’ll know something. And that will be a notch in your belt — an item to be placed in your shore of reference. Science is all about exploration and seeing and testing stuff for yourself. Science doesn’t just sit back and rely on complascent and lazy speculation — Science actually goes out here and sees for itself! I love that approach and attitude to everything, including Enlightenment. Be an explorer! Then come back and give us a report on your findings. How could that be a bad thing? Think about it. It’s a great thing.

When I was 4 years old I received my first video game console with my all time favorite game included. I stopped counting how many times I had completed the game because I did it multiple times a season. This was none other than "Kingdom Hearts". The story was of a young 14 year old boy named Sora who one day was caught in a storm on his nearby island, losing his two friends Riku and Kairi. He woke up in another world, and sought to find his friends because he loved them dearly. And this is what got me hooked. Especially at the climax where (spoilers) Sora sacrifices himself so that Kairi can regain consciousness by her heart returning to her body. It was beautiful. The Disney worlds in between the main story were fun, but the friendship aspect is what made this game phenomenal. And so began my video game addiction in general... What I have realized is that, even with the most emotional and enchanting game I have played in my life, the feeling of connection, safety, and love you receive from genuine friends far outweighs this artificial world. It doesn't matter what the game is, in the end it is still pixels flashing on a screen generating a physiological response inside of us to the stimuli. Humans however have something special that I've learnt and experienced: We have layers. A mental, emotional, and physical body. In human to human conversation our emotional bodies can interact, and this isn't possible in the video game world, thus it will always lack that layer of connection. Anything in nature can create genuine feelings in us too, as long as it is living. So why don't people choose to be with themselves, or people or nature instead of plugging into the video game matrix? Why do I still feel attracted to play through these old games? First the second question! The time when I played Kingdom Hearts and some older video games was when I was a child. As a child I was a ball of energy, my consciousness leaps and bounds higher in vibration. Due to this relationship my adult self wants to connect with the high vibe of my child self, not the video game. Secondly, video games represent key pillars of our modern society. That is instant gratification (through rewards and achievements), and escape from bad emotions (away from a manipulative family in the real world is prevalent), and the sedentary, lazy lifestyle. Video games therefore contribute to the perpetual loop of staying in the same vibratory state of a largely shattered ego, by providing yet another place to escape from our hearts. Our hearts are calling for our attention, that is all it wants. The heart doesn't want you to pursue a life purpose, or "do" anything, it wants to be listened to. And funnily enough, that is the fastest way to spiritually evolve. So what is most of modern society built around then if we aren't all enlightened? It must mean that it is built around avoiding our heart. Television (Tell lies to your vision), video games, the internet, junk food, the belief that we need to achieve external goals to have self-worth are all meant to direct our attention outwards when turning our attention inwards is rather uncomfortable. Discomfort is the ego falling apart, and being reintegrated into the light in real-time; and as we can see the matrix we are in called society has made this belief ass backwards to, "if I feel uncomfortable then I must have done something wrong in the past to cause this". No my lovelies, you did nothing wrong at all, you are just experiencing a deep deep inner transformation. And if you made friends with discomfort, instead of running to an artificial world or an unnatural one and committed to your heart (the source of all of existence) you would see a greater reality unfold before your very eyes. Life would become peaceful, as your heart becomes content that you are there, not elsewhere. Realize too, that even meditation can disconnect us from our hearts. Well can't video games connect us to our hearts? Never. Only we can connect to our hearts, the video games do not do it for us. No matter the circumstances, what we see right in front of our faces, it never is the source of our inner connection. My darlings, we are the awareness that connects with our heart, and that is the eternal truth. So yes, while playing a video game you could be connected with your heart in brief emotional scenes, that force our attention to it, but 99% of the time, our attention is glued to a screen, not inside of us, for that is how you play a video game. You can't 100% focus on your heart and focus on a video game. You can still play, but not consciously. It's like when we talk without knowing the next word we are going to say, and in that case we can 100% consciously focus on our heart and talk, but not focus on talking and focus on our heart. We want to become as heart centered as possible. It's so simple. You don't need any routine when you have a heart that knows the best thing for you to do in each and every moment. A compass that points to the true north of your journey, where you become the parent to yourself that you never had. The world we live in darlings is designed to hard wire us to be thought centered beings in our minds, and it has a very external focus. So the effort or resistance we find in having our attention in our hearts is over coming our own social conditioning, and that which surrounds us. Be warned too, that this new center of attention accelerates the healing of old social conditioning achetypes as we become more conscious of what we have ignored. This is why I ask everyone to take it easy, start slow, and just put your attention there. Just Be in your heart space, and all of life will flow towards love at the rate you feel your heart. (btw, feeling=listening=attention in heart space). I wrote this today after what happened. Two days ago I impulsively bought a used graphics card to play some video games from this really strange guy. Long story short, the card has died, and I have the option to bring it back and get a refund of $100.00, but I decided not to because all of the money he said was going to widows in the Philippines. It was always meant to be. God gave me the most amazing contrast of my life by making that card die. I came from feeling heavy in the head, and frustrated; to, when knowing I couldn't play PC games, feeling a great joy in my heart arise. My heart was saying, "Yes!! Thank you God! Now Solace, can you give me your attention? I only ask for a little bit, just so I know that you love me". And I heard it, and responded by giving it what it wanted, and apologizing for almost falling back into video games after a year of sobriety. That is life's eternal choice, the quintessential question. To listen to my heart; or to listen to my ego (subconscious thoughts), or the egos of others? My heart, or my ego? My heart, or my ego? Infinite love. The journey is the heart, and the heart is the journey.

Video Game Bonanza When I was 4 years old I received my first video game console with my all time favorite game included. I stopped counting how many times I had completed the game because I did it multiple times a season. This was none other than "Kingdom Hearts". The story was of a young 14 year old boy named Sora who one day was caught in a storm on his nearby island, losing his two friends Riku and Kairi. He woke up in another world, and sought to find his friends because he loved them dearly. And this is what got me hooked. Especially at the climax where (spoilers) Sora sacrifices himself so that Kairi can regain consciousness by her heart returning to her body. It was beautiful. The Disney worlds in between the main story were fun, but the friendship aspect is what made this game phenomenal. And so began my video game addiction in general... What I have realized is that, even with the most emotional and enchanting game I have played in my life, the feeling of connection, safety, and love you receive from genuine friends far outweighs this artificial world. It doesn't matter what the game is, in the end it is still pixels flashing on a screen generating a physiological response inside of us to the stimuli. Humans however have something special that I've learnt and experienced: We have layers. A mental, emotional, and physical body. In human to human conversation our emotional bodies can interact, and this isn't possible in the video game world, thus it will always lack that layer of connection. Anything in nature can create genuine feelings in us too, as long as it is living. So why don't people choose to be with themselves, or people or nature instead of plugging into the video game matrix? Why do I still feel attracted to play through these old games? First the second question! The time when I played Kingdom Hearts and some older video games was when I was a child. As a child I was a ball of energy, my consciousness leaps and bounds higher in vibration. Due to this relationship my adult self wants to connect with the high vibe of my child self, not the video game. Secondly, video games represent key pillars of our modern society. That is instant gratification (through rewards and achievements), and escape from bad emotions (away from a manipulative family in the real world is prevalent), and the sedentary, lazy lifestyle. Video games therefore contribute to the perpetual loop of staying in the same vibratory state of a largely shattered ego, by providing yet another place to escape from our hearts. Our hearts are calling for our attention, that is all it wants. The heart doesn't want you to pursue a life purpose, or "do" anything, it wants to be listened to. And funnily enough, that is the fastest way to spiritually evolve. So what is most of modern society built around then if we aren't all enlightened? It must mean that it is built around avoiding our heart. Television (Tell lies to your vision), video games, the internet, junk food, the belief that we need to achieve external goals to have self-worth are all meant to direct our attention outwards when turning our attention inwards is rather uncomfortable. Discomfort is the ego falling apart, and being reintegrated into the light in real-time; and as we can see the matrix we are in called society has made this belief ass backwards to, "if I feel uncomfortable then I must have done something wrong in the past to cause this". No my lovelies, you did nothing wrong at all, you are just experiencing a deep deep inner transformation. And if you made friends with discomfort, instead of running to an artificial world or an unnatural one and committed to your heart (the source of all of existence) you would see a greater reality unfold before your very eyes. Life would become peaceful, as your heart becomes content that you are there, not elsewhere. Realize too, that even meditation can disconnect us from our hearts. Well can't video games connect us to our hearts? Never. Only we can connect to our hearts, the video games do not do it for us. No matter the circumstances, what we see right in front of our faces, it never is the source of our inner connection. My darlings, we are the awareness that connects with our heart, and that is the eternal truth. So yes, while playing a video game you could be connected with your heart in brief emotional scenes, that force our attention to it, but 99% of the time, our attention is glued to a screen, not inside of us, for that is how you play a video game. You can't 100% focus on your heart and focus on a video game. You can still play, but not consciously. It's like when we talk without knowing the next word we are going to say, and in that case we can 100% consciously focus on our heart and talk, but not focus on talking and focus on our heart. We want to become as heart centered as possible. It's so simple. You don't need any routine when you have a heart that knows the best thing for you to do in each and every moment. A compass that points to the true north of your journey, where you become the parent to yourself that you never had. The world we live in darlings is designed to hard wire us to be thought centered beings in our minds, and it has a very external focus. So the effort or resistance we find in having our attention in our hearts is over coming our own social conditioning, and that which surrounds us. Be warned too, that this new center of attention accelerates the healing of old social conditioning achetypes as we become more conscious of what we have ignored. This is why I ask everyone to take it easy, start slow, and just put your attention there. Just Be in your heart space, and all of life will flow towards love at the rate you feel your heart. (btw, feeling=listening=attention in heart space). I wrote this today after what happened. Two days ago I impulsively bought a used graphics card to play some video games from this really strange guy. Long story short, the card has died, and I have the option to bring it back and get a refund of $100.00, but I decided not to because all of the money he said was going to widows in the Philippines. It was always meant to be. God gave me the most amazing contrast of my life by making that card die. I came from feeling heavy in the head, and frustrated; to, when knowing I couldn't play PC games, feeling a great joy in my heart arise. My heart was saying, "Yes!! Thank you God! Now Solace, can you give me your attention? I only ask for a little bit, just so I know that you love me". And I heard it, and responded by giving it what it wanted, and apologizing for almost falling back into video games after a year of sobriety. That is life's eternal choice, the quintessential question. To listen to my heart; or to listen to my ego (subconscious thoughts), or the egos of others? My heart, or my ego? My heart, or my ego? Infinite love. The journey is the heart, and the heart is the journey.

Hi! I'm sorry you are at a low, because it feels bad, but it is the beginning of something new. I understand why people do pick-up, but ultimately, it will not fulfill you. It is an external source of validation and happiness. It is competition, deceit, and concern for the shallow side of life. If this is your sole strategy for achieving contentment and ease, it is doomed to failure. You say that you do 10 minutes of meditation per day and, to be frank, that's not enough. That's nothing. That's for some relaxation and a little focus, not transformation. The 6 Pillars sentence stems are meant to bring your awareness to the center, and to write down what is observed/learned through heightened awareness. If your awareness is not heightened through techniques such as meditation, and you are doing the sentence stem exercise in a mechanical way with disbelief, then yes, it could be useless. Start anew, do something different.

@Leo Gura I saw that you mentioned to someone who said that they have little free time so they should just do the most potent and effective techniques such as psychedelics, etc. What might some other techniques be if psychedelics weren't the route I wanted to go? Kriya? Contemplation? Holotropic Breathwork? Self-Inquiry? I guess all I'm asking is what techniques are the most powerful to do if one is short on time, yet not overpowering for a person with an intermediate amount of consciousness practices under their belt. I'm not a complete beginner, but I still have a long way to go, and throughout the few years that I've been practicing consciousness work I've seen very little results. I can still see the benefits of meditation, concentration, etc., but they're just long processes and I'm willing to delve inward and partake in a transformation of how I see the world, I just need to know how and what practices might I try to see which are the most effective for my mind.

Good question. Your questions have been good lately. I can tell you’re doing the work more and growing. The only limit to thought is what you accept. The only dogmas are what you cling to. Explore whatever you want to. Build up your own shore of reference. Privilege your own intuition over what is said by others. People feel safe by clinging to ideology. It makes them feel like they can move past an issue. But is that really true? Can clinging to some theory of non-duality be what Enlightenment is all about? That would be a very sad Enlightenment indeed. Enlightenment is much more expansive than that. Enlightenment is not an ideology, and it’s a trap to turn it into one. All ideologies can do is point to Enlightenment — but none can ever catch it. Enlightenment is a personal transformation. It’s a way to untangle ideas from reality and see the map as being distinct form the territory. It’s getting acquainted with reality minus thoughts about reality. We have so many thoughts about reality that we lose sight of what pre-conceptual reality actually is. We’re so concerned with thoughts about reality — that we take them to be reality! You can get to the point where you see and feel this distinction so clearly that you lose fear of thoughts. People who fear thoughts are still insecure about making the map and territory distinction. When you can BE pre-conceptual reality — you no longer fear thoughts. Thoughts become quite fascinating cultural constructs actually. I like thoughts! I just don’t mistake the thought stories to be reality. Thoughts are human technology. Reality is not human technology. Human technology exists within reality. We’re never gonna be able to encapsulate reality existentially using thoughts. That’s the map versus territory idea deeply grokked — not just intellectually but existentially. LSD is great help with teaching this. But you don’t need psychedelics to grok this. Psychedelics just give you another perspective to draw on that might help you do so. You can actually see this if you do “Do Nothing Meditation.”

90% of the time when I'm reading advice from people on this site it sounds like regurgitated babbling. The other 10% makes it worth it, mostly as a reference point to find new sources of information, but I really wonder if people reread what they write on this site sometimes and go 'wtf was I trying to say there'. I don't see the obsession with having to refer to the process as 'killing' your ego, or ego-death. Why attached a negative connotation to it at all? Prefer to think of it as an evolution or transformation. Or 'dissolving' it if you argue you can't evolve into nothing/everything. Maybe it wouldn't struggle so much if we took a gentler approach, even better not think about it at all - seems like too many people set this as some goal to attain when that probably holds you back more than anything.

The book details a method by which to surrender emotions that arise. Hawkins main body of work was about detailing the various levels of consciousness and the pathway through various levels of enlightenment. In his final book Letting Go, he has packaged the technique for surrender/release in a way to be used for personal growth and transformation. @Solace pretty much nails the premise in his post above mine. The 'surrendered state' becomes somewhat akin to a mudra or receptive yin state rather than a doing of anything. Most of the book discusses the nature of emotions, thoughts, energies, the various barriers and what to expect as one goes up the 'scale', as well as various testimonials. It is far from a technical text, more inspirational than anything. For me it has definitely improved the different areas of my life. When I first encountered the technique, I had been practicing shadow work (taking time out specifically do dive into and release traumas) for maybe a few years. I found that to be a very enduring and obtuse process, but not without its gains. I've found the application of this technique to be much more effective at creating rapid changes. When I first read the book, despite having a background in meditation and spiritual practice, I was still emotionally a man-baby. I could say now that I have graduated to becoming a man-toddler. My general life experience is far more comfortable, with much of the background anxiety and discomfort dissolved. I am generally much more at ease, capable and confident, and several areas of longstanding stuckness have opened up. One example is going from feeling very apathetic on the subject of life purpose and money, to that area opening up in a very clear and satisfying way. What I want to do and how I want to achieve it is laid out and enjoyable to pursue. Relationships and socializing have also gotten much easier. These are some typical gains of anyone who is relinquishing the blockages to happiness through the letting go technique, or similar techniques. If you have a background in interest/research of consciousness, then I highly suggest first reading the book 'Power Vs. Force' which provides the foundation of consciousness research upon which most of Hawkins derived implications are based. The book and its premise, to put it lightly, is fucking insane.

I think this research shows that 27% Americans assume that they are "spiritual but not religious", and 48% Americans assume that they are "spiritual and religious" this doesn't mean that they are doing something for spiritual transformation and 'they are on the path'.

I have realized that those who speak of coming out from the dark night of the soul as soemthing transformed for the better were likely lying. I think they didn’t really grasp the lesson from it. That everything is meaningless and void. Accounts of positive transformations from it are just ego defense to not have to deal with the reality of our existence. No matter what we do or what we decide it is all meaningless and void. It’s paralyzing and soul sapping to realize that, so we make up metaphors of it being a cocoon to make it seem like some transformation rather than the reality of existence .

Angulimal means a man who wears a garland of human fingers. Angulimal had taken a vow that he would kill one thousand people; from each single person he would take one finger so that he could remember how many he had killed and he will make a garland of all those fingers. In his garland of fingers he had nine hundred and ninety-nine fingers -- only one was missing. And that one was missing because his road was closed; nobody was coming that way. But Gautam Buddha entered that closed road. The king had put guards on the road to prevent people, particularly strangers who didn't know that a dangerous man lived behind the hills. The guards told Gautam Buddha, "That is not the road to be used. You will have to take a little longer route, but it is better to go a little longer than to go into the mouth of death itself. This is the place where Angulimal lives. Even the king has not the guts to go on this road. That man is simply mad. "His mother used to go to him. She was the only person who used to go, once in a while, to see him, but even she stopped. The last time she went there he told her, `Now only one finger is missing, and just because you happen to be my mother... I want to warn you that if you come another time you will not go back. I need one finger desperately. Up to now I have not killed you because other people were available, but now nobody passes on this road except you. So I want to make you aware that next time if you come it will be your responsibility, not mine.' Since that time his mother has not come." The guards said to Buddha, "Don't unnecessarily take the risk." And do you know what Buddha said to them? Buddha said, "If I don't go then who will go? Only two things are possible: either I will change him, and I cannot miss this challenge; or I will provide him with one finger so that his desire is fulfilled. Anyway I am going to die one day. Giving my head to Angulimal will be at least of some use; otherwise one day I will die and you will put me on the funeral pyre. I think that it is better to fulfill somebody's desire and give him peace of mind. Either he will kill me or I will kill him, but this encounter is going to happen; you just lead the way." The people who used to follow Gautam Buddha, his close companions who were always in competition to be closer to him, started slowing down. Soon there were miles between Gautam Buddha and his disciples. They all wanted to see what happened, but they didn't want to be too close. Angulimal was sitting on his rock watching. He could not believe his eyes. A very beautiful man of such immense charisma was coming towards him. Who could this man be? He had never heard of Gautam Buddha, but even this hard heart of Angulimal started feeling a certain softness towards the man. He was looking so beautiful, coming towards him. It was early morning... a cool breeze, and the sun was rising... and the birds were singing and the flowers had opened; and Buddha was coming closer and closer. Finally Angulimal, with his naked sword in his hand, shouted, "Stop!" Gautam Buddha was just a few feet away, and Angulimal said, "Don't take another step because then the responsibility will not be mine. Perhaps you don't know who I am!" Buddha said, "Do you know who you are?" Angulimal said, "This is not the point. Neither is it the place nor the time to discuss such things. Your life is in danger!" Buddha said, "I think otherwise -- your life is in danger." That man said, "I used to think I was mad -- you are simply mad. And you go on moving closer. Then don't say that I killed an innocent man. You look so innocent and so beautiful that I want you to go back. I will find somebody else. I can wait; there is no hurry. If I can manage nine hundred and ninety-nine... it is only a question of one more, but don't force me to kill YOU." Buddha said, "You are absolutely blind. You can't see a simple thing: I am not moving towards you, you are moving towards me." Angulimal said, "This is sheer craziness! Anybody can see that you are moving and I am standing on my rock. I have not moved a single inch." Buddha said, "Nonsense! The truth is, since the day I became enlightened I have not moved a single inch. I am centered, utterly centered, no movement. And your mind is continuously moving round and round in circles... and you have the guts to tell to me to stop. You stop! I have stopped long ago." Angulimal said, "It seems you are impossible, you are incurable. You are bound to be killed. I will feel sorry, but what can I do? I have never seen such a mad man." Buddha came very close, and Angulimal's hands were trembling. The man was so beautiful, so innocent, so childlike. He had already fallen in love. He had killed so many people... He had never felt this weakness; he had never known what love is. For the first time he was full of love. So there was a contradiction: the hand was holding the sword to kill the person, and his heart was saying, "Put the sword back in the sheath." Buddha said, "I am ready, but why is your hand shaking? -- you are such a great warrior, even kings are afraid of you, and I am just a poor beggar. Except the begging bowl, I don't have anything. You can kill me, and I will feel immensely satisfied that at least my death fulfills somebody's desire; my life has been useful, my death has also been useful. But before you cut my head I have a small desire, and Ithink you will grant me a small desire before killing me." Before death even the hardest enemy is willing to fulfill any desire. Angulimal said, "What do you want?" Buddha said, "I want you just to cut from the tree a branch which is full of flowers. I will never see these flowers again; I want to see those flowers closely, feel their fragrance and their beauty in this morning sun, their glory." So Angulimal cut with his sword a whole branch full of flowers. And before he could give it to Buddha, Buddha said, "This was only half the desire; the other half is, please put the branch back on the tree." Angulimal said, "I was thinking from the very beginning that you are crazy. Now this is the craziest desire. How can I put this branch back?" Buddha said, "If you cannot create, you have no right to destroy. If you cannot give life, you don't have the right to give death to any living thing." A moment of silence and a moment of transformation... the sword fell down from his hands. Angulimal fell down at the feet of Gautam Buddha, and he said, "I don't know who you are, but whoever you are, take me to the same space in which you are; initiate me." By that time the followers of Gautam Buddha had come closer and closer. Seeing that now Gautam Buddha was standing in front of Angulimal, there was no problem, no fear, although he needed only one finger. They were all around and when he fell at Buddha's feet they immediately came close. Somebody raised the question, "Don't initiate this man, he is a murderer. And he is not an ordinary murderer; he has murdered nine hundred and ninety-nine people, all innocent, all strangers. They have not done any wrong to him. He had not even seen them before!" Buddha said again, "If I don't initiate him, who will initiate him? And I love the man, I love his courage. And I can see tremendous possibility in him: a single man fighting against the whole world. I want this kind of people, who can stand against the whole world. Up to now he was standing against the world with a sword; now he will stand against the world with a consciousness which is far sharper than any sword. I told you that murder was going to happen, but it was not certain who was going to be murdered -- either I was going to be murdered, or Angulimal. Now you can see Angulimal is murdered. And who I am to judge?" He initiated Angulimal. The question is not whether anybody is worthy or not. The question is whether you have the consciousness, the abundance of love -- then forgiveness will come out of it spontaneously.

The first step would be to drop labels Although certain people are diagnosed as neurotic, most commonly they're displaying the same symptoms that the rest of the population are experiencing but perhaps to a more acute (or sometimes just more apparent) degree. If even someone who is considered to be mentally healthy were to observe their mind with great humility, there would be the observation of a near constant neurosis - even if subtle, there is a constant wanting to escape the moment, to gain, to manipulate, to project meaning or labels. This is the function of the linear egoic mind. The demonization of these qualities of the mind lead to compounded neurosis, and the labelled 'neurotic' now enters another battle, resisting his thoughts, feelings and behaviors in an effort to solve the problem. Of course we all know what happens when we resist something. It's important to recognize that the mind or ego as we're describing it is the result of millions of years of development through the animal kingdom, and it is the vehicle by which we have reached our current stage of evolution. It's only by this mechanism that we now have the capacity to transcend it and raise our consciousness. It is not useful to dwell in guilt and anxiety about our minds as if something has gone terribly wrong. When a shift in attitude is made to respect and observe the phenomena as simply natural and perfect phenomena of life itself (or divinity), the attachment to what is occurring starts to soften. In and of itself these thoughts and impulses are not the cause of suffering. The mind can run rampant like the wildest monkey and if held within a certain inner context, the experience of it doesn't cause discomfort. It is in the importance we place upon the phenomena that creates inner fixation, inner attachment and heaviness. They are not just thoughts, they are my thoughts. They are my behaviors and they are my neurosis. If one can surrender the sense of 'me-ness' applied to the phenomena occurring, then a great deal of pressure is released and the thoughts and feelings are simply observed as interesting and peculiar occurrences within spaciousness, and it is revealed that even though all this apparent madness within the mind was always going on, there was always a great deal of peace and silence in which all this was arising. This was previously being ignored due to the hypnotic fixation of 'me'. Eventually one starts to shift their sense of identity to the spaciousness rather than the phenomena which arises within it. As fixation and sense of self starts to be removed from the phenomena, the pressures behind the neurosis start to relinquish and the unwanted behaviors disappear by themselves automatically and effortlessly. --- The source of the feelings, thoughts and behaviors themselves are the suppressed and unwanted feelings and energies that we have stuffed down throughout our lives because we don't know what to do with them. Through various practices like vipassana, letting go, mindfulness or many healing modalities, as these energies start to become relinquished then the behaviors that spawn from them also disappear. Many, including myself, can attest to this firsthand. So my twofold suggestion would be to 1. Make a decision to stop demonizing the ego and start to observe it with a detached loving coolness. It is just intrinsic phenomena which doesn't actually need your constant attention. It is like fish jumping out of the water. With practice, the experience of the light/spaciousness/peace in which all this occurring starts to shine through. 2. Allow the relinquishing of the energies behind the compulsive behaviors by dropping resistance to them as they arise. You can do this by ignoring the thoughts and instead placing your awareness gently on the energy feeling behind the thoughts and simply allowing it to be as it is. You will notice that as resistance is dropped, the energy starts to dissipate. This practice, done repeatedly and with consistency on any given subject or feeling will eventually integrate it completely and create the relevant transformation in behavior. Eg. if fear is relinquished, then natural spontaneous peace takes its place.