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I was in a rather pleasant highly conscious state with focus directed toward a certain “chakra” I’ve been working on lately while I was driving today through the countryside with rather nice weather. Near one of the peak moments of this experience, I began to recall a distant childhood memory. It was of a specific instance where I looked at a specific toy at my aunt’s house on a sunny day much like today where my cousins and other kids were playing outside. This exact moment had a certain “existential aesthetic” and context which resonated with me so heavily that I started to experience intense nostalgia. At this moment when nostalgia was becoming intense, I thought about how we will never get those precious memories back. Upon having that realization, I started to filter through different “emotional/visual snapshots” of many different personally significant life events such as losing my virginity, and plenty of other more unique and seemingly inconsequential things that I experienced. This quickly transitioned into a flood of memory-like imaginations/daydreams about the past times in that exact location. I saw human death, prehistoric animals, dinosaurs, a lifeless planet, void space, and even more complete Nothingness than that. This was an experience of Infinite Intelligence or contacting Intelligent Infinity as Ra calls it in the Law of One books. This was clear. There’s so much to the moment which I cannot even grasp now. It may sound like a cool daydream, but this was a very intense “awakening.” I’m not as thrilled about this word as I used to be. I’ve had so many experiences in this tier that my life is becoming more or less a constant awakening or at least moderately awakened state. For example, I usually rest in no-mind which is essentially the prerequisite for No-Self experiences for many people. Being in no-mind so often is quite interesting. I was in no-mind during most of the writing of this post. But yeah, the point of this post is basically just to discuss an interesting experience I had in case people want more data on such things.

Glad to see more and more awakened folk coming out, communicating, and helping raise collective consciousness. The age of believing is over, we're in the age of knowing.

We were unmatched when I woke up lol. Basically she asked what my "level of awareness what on Covid". I figured she was an anti-vaxxer and testing me, so I went casual and asked if she was asking me how seriously I took it, if I had my shot, and if she wanted a socially distanced date. Then she said she was trying to figure out my level of awareness if I viewed it from an "awakened" or "unawakened" state, and by my response she said she's already got her answer, and that there would be a hard time connecting because of our differing levels of awareness. To which I responded lengthily with my own interpretation of what Covid means in an existential state about community, our relationship with nature, responsibility, in an attempt to appease her ideals etc. BUT finished with a rug pull of "Yea I don't think I can connect with someone who talks about consciousness and awareness, but doesn't embody it enough not to judge someone based off the very first remark to come out of their mouth." Which promptly triggered her, so I ended the conversation.

Becoming awakened to the nature of consciousness.

3rd Dimension Associations: Intellect and duality consciousness, fragmented thoughts, consensus reality, and linear time. The building of ego personality and the sensual world. The physical senses and structures of length, width, and depth. Learning about your individual energies and body in matter. Creating with thought. The balancing of the intellect with the intuition of the heart. Energy Body: Solar Plexus - 3rd Chakra (Yellow), personal power, self esteem, self image, being independent, ego identity, attachments to the material world. 4th Dimension Associations: The crossroads of relationships, learning about relationships with loved ones alive or departed. The Astral Dialogue with Spirit Guides, dreams, telepathic communication, duality transcendence, connecting the higher energies with the lower. The mastering of beliefs, attitudes, memories and feelings. Energy Body: Heart Chakra - 4th (Green), compassion, unifying, soul level awareness, playfulness of the inner child. The Auric Halo above the body is present. The realm of symbols, figures & patterns comes alive. 5th Dimension Associations: The awakened higher heart center bursting through the limitations of the previous dimensions. Integration of spiritual awareness, self understanding and unified polarities. Ability to see light geometries, and follow soul purpose. The vibration of love. Manifesting of abundance. Energy Body: Throat Chakra - 5th (Blue), an expression of true communication. The ability to hear and speak with your spirit guides as a perfect clairaunient being. To be continued...

I tried to speak "truth" to one of my friends a long time ago, he had not awoken before.. then when "we" actually realized God in a split second glimpse together, it was terrifying. It was an undeniable recognition of the truth behind the veil, but none of us acknowledged it because it was too real. You can talk about this as much as you want, and you can try to awaken others and act special and all. But when you really awaken, there is no you and him anymore, there is just God. Then you realize how big of a fool you actually were, to think you were more or less awakened than the fool from the bar. I would probably be annoyed if you came into a bar and talked all of this spiritual nonsense. Words are energy. You trying to win an argument with your spiritual crap is the exact same energy as him with his conspiracy crap.

Here's the thing. When you get real God-realization, you get awakened to the fact that you are Love. All impurities of the ego get dissolved into love, baptized into love. The delusion of the survival driven evil thoughts and actions are gone for good.

Sometimes it's all about collective consensus when it comes to what's normal and what's delusional. Now, of course, if certain behaviours come as a response to fear, things can get bad because the ego-mind can get very evil & aggressive due to fear & 'unconsciousness'. Think about taming a saltwater crocodile. You might get in real trouble lol Yes, in that case you can say that animal is delusional because it lives out of an extreme survival game. It does not know anything but how to survive so that it does not die. But you understand what's happening and you treat the situation in the most cautious way possible. It's a lesser level of consciousness, a very primitive one so to speak. Now think about a human driven by ego. Same thing. But an awakened person can see why he's behaving that way and thus again...he will treat the situation in the most mindful manner possible and they might get them on the right path with enough tact & love. Now, a person that consider themselves spiritually awakened might have a spiritual ego and they might act in a delusional manner because they believe a story their ego is telling them. So they might create suffering around them in some way or another. Let's say they become a yoga instructor and they start emotionally abusing one student. What's happening here? Delusion of course. Why? Because they are not over their imaginary ego. Still living in fear, insecure, lost. They want to feel superior to others. They didn't realize we are all one Consciousness, they didn't realize God is Love. So, a God-realized person might find out about this horrible situation and solve the issue with calm, taking a thoughtful strategic approach, out of pure love and understanding. The God-realized person will instantly recognize the behaviour for what it really is. Identification with the spiritual delusional ego-mind. They might even get this person on the right path, leading by example in a way. So yeah. There are degrees of how conscious one is. This is why enlightenement is the answer. The more awakened, the less delusional ego driven behaviour.

Oh boy. This is it. Everything. Imagination. Including Alan Watts. Including me as a person. Including you as a person. Including "being asleep" -- including "being awake". Death. Life. Two sides of the same coin. Ultimately, no difference. Only the difference YOU imagine there is (as God). Everything. Imagination. Nothing. Real. Unreal. Real. Everything. Nowhere to get to. Everywhere to get to. Sing. Dance. Play. Enjoy. Live. Let go. Love. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door ... It opens - I've been knocking from the inside!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just like a meteor falling down from the sky and destroying your living room is: - not your doing, - nothing to do with you, - out of your control, - not your own free choice, likewise is "insert-your-name" (with your body and with all your 'problems', inclinations, thoughts, feelings etc.) that coincidentally was born out of your mother's stomach (and ruined 'your peace')...: - not your doing, - noting to do with you, - out of your control, - not your own free choice. ((( However, one could also turn the above completely on its head and say that the metor impact WAS/IS my doing, and that my birth into (= out of) this world likewise WAS/IS a free choice that *I* took ☯️ ☯️ ☯️ ))) But if the above is true what are 'you' then? 'What am I?' I/You are That/He/She which dreams , imagines: - that a meteor (perhaps) fell down and ruined your house ?? - that "insert-your-name" was born and is currently xx years old, has an ugly/nice/normal/abnormal body, study/work with yyy and has zzz problems, hhh thoughts & worries & regrets, fff inclinations, sss dreams. And what IS 'that' ??? I don't know. No one does. Because it cannot be known - as in "traditional knowledge" can be known. It can only be. You are IT - already! Always. One can never not be 'IT'; the only (imagined) difference is whether you're aware of 'IT' or not. Consciousness. You could call it God, Love, The Eternal Dreamer, The Dao, The Absolute, Infinity, Eternity, Nothingness, Everythingness, Consciousness, Spaghetthi-Monster... In some way, it really doesn't matter what we call/name 'Reality', since <words/thoughts/logic/concepts/rationality> naturally never can contain IT. Sometimes it may even be wise to not try to call it anything! What is Reality? THIS: ................ *smashing a gong* ... and we won't give it a name! Can you bite your own teeth? Can eyes looking out ever see from where they are looking? Can a fist grasp itself? What a caterpillar calls the end of the world -- we call a butterfly! Luckily we got music, dancing, embodiment/physical activites, sex (tantra), meditation, breathwork, psychedelics, art .... that can in a much better way can contain ("show us") 'IT' than words/thoughts/science/logic/conceptualizing can! THIS IS IT! THIS. HELLO! YES. THIS. NO - NOT THAT. THIS! HA HA HA <3 <3 <3 The finger pointing to the moon ..... is NOT the moon. You cannot eat the menu! The map is not the terrotity. It is a SILLY idea to try to live life in your head all the time! (It can be very good and fine to think and reflect and contemplate a lot -- but you have to be practical about life too!) Form, emptiness. Emptiness, form. Life, death. Death, life. Good, bad. Evil, Good. Implicit, explicit. Outer, inner. Internal, external. External, internal. Physical, mental. Mental, physical. Material world, Consciousness. Consciousness, the outside world. Being, Nothingness. Nothingness, Everything. Up, down. Down, up. Worse, better. Better, worse. Self, other. Other, self. Free will, determined/controlled. Determined, free. Illusion, real. Real, dream. The real unreal --- The unreal real. Form is Emptiness --- Emptiness is Form. Hell, Heaven. Both here. Now. What you see is solely determined by 'the inner game'; that is: how you look at the world; from where? From which point of view? Which perspective? Believe in the story that gives you most inner joy. Anything else is a form of silly autism. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The world -- existence, life -- will never be good unless you are willing to see its goodness. What you experience depends on how you look at things. When you look with judgement -- either upon yourself, the world or both -- life seems twisted and empty. When you begin to look with an open heart and mind, life becomes fascinating and full of both meaning and mystery. When you realize the perfection, intelligence and beauty of everything in existence precisely as it is (without the filters of ego; yes, drop them - let go!), you see that every outcome is a good one. You start to live life fully without fear and regret. You learn and move on. When you look with love instead of judgement, you see a whole different world. Life isn't easy all the time. You're not alone. For there to be joy, there has to be some pain. So instead of looking at the painful life-phases that you're undergoing as "bad", look at them as absolutely necessary and beneficial in the long run for your own growth and eventual happiness. Remember, nothing lasts forever, everything passes away at some point. 0. Knowledge is but a rumor until it lives in the body/bones. 1. Reality is non-dual. Non-duality means: Not one, not two. The question is: do you get it or not? For example, let's take the extreme duality: good - bad . Obviously complete opposites. Right? Well, not so fast. "Apply non-duality to it": Reality is not: bad Reality is not: good (either) Reality is not: "good AND bad" (paradox). Reality is: ________________ (Or you 'could' say: "bad-good"). 2. To let go of power is to gain power. 3. To let go of control is to gain control. Life is about all the contrasts! As a wise man said: - The heavenly highs, one is capable of reaching, are directly proportional with the unknown depths, one has the courage to dive down into. - The apparent seperation / division / fragmentation, paradoxes, opposites ... only exist in the divided mind, based on subject-object-relations ... ((( that is how the illusionary, separate self -- the ego -- survives; or we could say that 'opposites/duality creates the illusion of ego'; a kind of 'strange loop' that is almost impossible to 'get out of' (impossible because 1. it is imaginary, 2. you imagined it yourself and deep down want to stay in it, 3. in a sense there is nothing to get out of; you *trying* to get out (becoming awakened / enlightened) is what keeps you in 'it' (= asleep, ego) ... - It is "possible" though, just like it is possible for a larva through 'rebirth' to become a butterfly; the larva is in a beautiful away ALREADY the butterfluy, just like an acorn contains the whole tree ... ))) ... - but from the Level of Unity (The Heavenly Self's Consciousness; God's point-of-view) all these 'apparent' opposites/paradoxes -- all fragmentation, division, seperation -- are dissolved & melted 'back into' what they truly are & have always been: Your Imagination - Oneness. One. Zero. Unity. Harmony. Oneness. Lila. Divine play. Game. Theater play. An Eternal Dance. Musical Music. The Bottomless Bottom. The Gateless Gate. The Ground of Being. The Groundless Ground. God. Unconditional Love. Nothingness. The Eternal Dao That Cannot Be Spoken. Buddha Nature. Christ Consciousness. Pure Awareness. Infinity. Source. The Absolute. Goodness with a capital G. Just Love. ☯️?????❤️?? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The difficulty in realizing this to be so is that conceptual thinking cannot grasp it. It is as if the eyes were trying to look at themselves directly, or as if one were trying to describe the color of a mirror in terms of colors reflected in the mirror. Just as sight is something more than all things seen, the foundation or "ground" of our existence and our awareness cannot be understood in terms of things that are known. We are forced, therefore, to speak of it through myth—that is, through special metaphors, analogies, and images which say what it is like as distinct from what it is. At one extreme of its meaning, "myth" is fable, falsehood, or superstition. But at another, "myth" is a useful and fruitful image by which we make sense of life in somewhat the same way that we can explain electrical forces by comparing them with the behavior of water or air. Yet "myth," in this second sense, is not to be taken literally just as electricity is not to be confused with air or water. Thus in using myth one must take care not to confuse image with fact, which would be like climbing up the signpost instead of following the road. Myth, then, is the form in which I try to answer when children ask me those fundamental metaphysical questions which come so readily to their minds: "Where did the world come from?" "Why did God make the world?" "Where was I before I was born?" "Where do people go when they die?" Again and again I have found that they seem to be satisfied with a simple and very ancient story, which goes something like this: <<< There was never a time when the world began, because it goes round and round like a circle, and there is no place on a circle where it begins. Look at my watch, which tells the time; it goes round, and so the world repeats itself again and again. But just as the hour-hand of the watch goes up to twelve and down to six, so, too, there is day and night, waking and sleeping, living and dying, summer and winter. You can't have any one of these without the other, because you wouldn't be able to know what black is unless you had seen it side-by-side with white, or white unless side-by-side with black. In the same way, there are times when the world is, and times when it isn't, for if the world went on and on without rest for ever and ever, it would get horribly tired of itself. It comes and it goes. Now you see it; now you don't. So because it doesn't get tired of itself, it always comes back again after it disappears. It's like your breath: it goes in and out, in and out, and if you try to hold it in all the time you feel terrible. It's also like the game of hide-and-seek, because it's always fun to find new ways of hiding, and to seek for someone who doesn't always hide in the same place. God also likes to play hide-and-seek, but because there is nothing outside God, he has no one but himself to play with. But he gets over this difficulty by pretending that he is not himself. This is his way of hiding from himself. He pretends that he is you and I and all the people in the world, all the animals, all the plants, all the rocks, and all the stars. In this way he has strange and wonderful adventures, some of which are terrible and frightening. But these are just like bad dreams, for when he wakes up they will disappear. Now when God plays hide and pretends that he is you and I, he does it so well that it takes him a long time to remember where and how he hid himself. But that's the whole fun of it—just what he wanted to do. He doesn't want to find himself too quickly, for that would spoil the game. That is why it is so difficult for you and me to find out that we are God in disguise, pretending not to be himself. But when the game has gone on long enough, all of us will wake up, stop pretending, and remember that we are all one single Self—the God who is all that there is and who lives for ever and ever. Of course, you must remember that God isn't shaped like a person. People have skins and there is always something outside our skins. If there weren't, we wouldn't know the difference between what is inside and outside our bodies. But God has no skin and no shape because there isn't any outside to him. [With a sufficiently intelligent child, I illustrate this with a Möbius strip—a ring of paper tape twisted once in such a way that it has only one side and one edge.] The inside and the outside of God are the same. And though I have been talking about God as 'he' and not 'she,' God isn't a man or a woman. I didn't say 'it' because we usually say 'it' for things that aren't alive. God is the Self of the world, but you can't see God for the same reason that, without a mirror, you can't see your own eyes, and you certainly can't bite your own teeth or look inside your head. Your self is that cleverly hidden because it is God hiding. You may ask why God sometimes hides in the form of horrible people, or pretends to be people who suffer great disease and pain. Remember, first, that he isn't really doing this to anyone but himself. Remember, too, that in almost all the stories you enjoy there have to be bad people as well as good people, for the thrill of the tale is to find out how the good people will get the better of the bad. It's the same as when we play cards. At the beginning of the game we shuffle them all into a mess, which is like the bad things in the world, but the point of the game is to put the mess into good order, and the one who does it best is the winner. Then we shuffle the cards once more and play again, and so it goes with the world. >>> This story, obviously mythical in form, is not given as a scientific description of the way things are. Based on the analogies of games and the drama, and using that much worn-out word "God" for the Player, the story claims only to be like the way things are. I use it just as astronomers use the image of inflating a black balloon with white spots on it for the galaxies, to explain the expanding universe. But to most children, and many adults, the myth is at once intelligible, simple, and fascinating." - Alan Watts, The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you are looking for. The damned thing in the cave that was so dreaded has become the center. You find the jewel, and it draws you off. In loving the spiritual, you cannot despise the earthly." - J. Campbell. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “This is IT! So you don’t need to do anything at all… It’s just the way it is. What’s required is a sort of act of super relaxation.. It’s not just letting go. It’s being with yourself as you are without altering anything.” ~ Alan Watts “When you look for your own mind, that is to say, your own particularized center of being which is separate from everything else, you won’t be able to find it. But the only way you’ll know it isn’t there is if you look for it hard enough, to find out that it isn’t there. And so everybody says ‘All right, know yourself, look within, find out who you are.’ Because the harder you look, you won’t be able to find it, and then you’ll realize it isn’t there at all. There isn’t a separate you. You’re mind is what there is. Everything. But the only way to find that out is to persist in the state of delusion as hard as possible…. So if a person believes that the Earth is flat, you can’t talk him out of that. He knows it’s flat. Look out the window and see; it’s obvious, it looks flat. So the only way to convince him it isn’t is to say ‘Well let’s go and find the edge.’ And in order to find the edge, you’ve got to be very careful not to walk in circles, you’ll never find it that way. So we’ve got to go consistently in a straight line due west along the same line of latitude, and eventually when we get back to where we started from, you’ve convinced the guy that the world is round. That’s the only way that will teach him. Because people can’t be talked out of illusions. There is another possibility, however. But this is more difficult to describe. Let’s say we take as the basic supposition–which is the thing that one sees in the experience of satori or awakening, or whatever you want to call it–that this now moment in which I’m talking and you’re listening, is eternity. That although we have somehow conned ourselves into the notion that this moment is ordinary, and that we may not feel very well, we’re sort of vaguely frustrated and worried and so on, and that it ought to be changed. This is IT! So you don’t need to do anything at all. But the difficulty about explaining that is that you mustn’t try and not do anything, because that’s doing something. It’s just the way it is. In other words, what’s required is a sort of act of super relaxation; it’s not ordinary relaxation. It’s not just letting go, as when you lie down on the floor and imagine that you’re heavy so you get into a state of muscular relaxation. It’s not like that. It’s being with yourself as you are without altering anything. And how to explain that? Because there’s nothing to explain. It is the way it is now. See? And if you understand that, it will automatically wake you up!” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Life is not a problem to solve, but an experience to be had. However, sure - you can imagine all kinds of problems that "should" be solved (in order for you & the world ? to be at peace ?️), but that is just it: imagination, fantasy, a dramatic good movie, a theater play, a book, a game... play ???. Life is what you choose to experience. The ultimate meaning of life is very simple: it's life itself! Of course! But this is so obvious that almost no one seems to buy into it, and everyone runs around in great panic and try desperately to achieve something beyond themselves. There isn't anything wrong with trying to achieve something beyond oneself, as long as one remembers it's just a cute game. But of course: We should all strive to make it a good game, a good dream, a good book, a good play, a good film... with total redemption for all the dream-characters in the end ??❤️?. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- https://youtu.be/wU0PYcCsL6o There’s aren’t enough words to describe how powerful this video is for me. It’s in my iPod and every single morning before I lift I listen to this speech. It’s absolutely stunning. Inspirational. Motivating. It’s everything to me. I would like for you to watch it and tell me what you think. We all should dream big. Without going after our dream, we cannot possibly live our best life. It is there for a reason. It’s necessary that we follow it…not just an option: "If you awaken from this illusion and you understand that black implies white, self implies other, life implies death (or shall I say death implies life?), you can feel yourself – not as a stranger in the world, not as something here on probation, not as something that has arrived here by fluke - but you can begin to feel your own existence as absolutely fundamental. I am not trying to sell you on this idea in the sense of converting you to it, I want you to play with it. I want you to think of its possibilities, I am not trying to prove it. I am just putting it forward as a possibility of life to think about. So then, let’s suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream you wanted to dream, and that you could, for example, have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time, or any length of time you wanted to have. And you would, naturally, as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure you could conceive. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each you would say “Well that was pretty great. But now let’s have a surprise, let’s have a dream which isn’t under control, where something is gonna happen to me that I don’t know what it's gonna be." And you would dig that and would come out of that and you would say “Wow that was a close shave, wasn’t it?”. Then you would get more and more adventurous and you would make further- and further-out gambles what you would dream. And finally, you would dream where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today. That would be within the infinite multiplicity of choices you would have. Of playing that you weren't God, because the whole nature of the godhead, according to this idea, is to play that he is not. So in this idea then, everybody is fundamentally the ultimate reality, not God in a politically kingly sense, but god in the sense of being the self, the deep-down basic whatever there is. And you are all that, only you are pretending you are not." - Watts up, Alan? Love ya all <3

From rather immature, insensitive, and unnecessary facetious humor about Hitler to crying tears of Love for Anne Frank who I discovered my love for in the psych ward last year. I grew up and was bullied and a really sensitive kid. I was traumatized 24/7 lmao. A little ultra empath walking around worried about people not wanting to be his friend. I was so cute, but sadly, I eventually adopted an extremist racist ideology to make up for my severe gap in self esteem that I had due to my mental and emotional sensitivities. An ideology which makes you feel supreme and superior when you feel powerless is very attractive. It took finding myself as the downtrodden and rejected class of society in a psychiatric ward and discovering Anne’s wonderful intellect and beautiful heart while I was trapped in all dimensions — physically, emotionally, spiritually, energetically, psychologically, etc. And my appreciation for her amazing soul awakened Love within me that made everything worth it. That destruction of the damn near literal Berlin Wall of separation within my consciousness has been so transformative to my healing and ability to love others in my current life.

Why can't joy arise spontaneously? Why can't there be joy with playing a game and pretending? Everything is fundamentally distinct. There is an underlying sameness yes, but there is also an underlying uniqueness to everything. No two things or moments are identical to one another. Each moment, hell each momentary flux of the existence of a single object, is the same moment to moment. There is no such thing as a moment repeating. Once something is gone, it's gone. This impermanence imbues all of life with an inherent beauty, a divine reverence one can only awake to when the value of something is not derived out of its meaning, but its existence and the deep honoring of its transitory nature. This is all bullshit. Your ego is coopting something it's heard from Leo and pretending it's actually awakened to this truth. If you understood what it meant to be truly, existentially alone, you would also realize it is literally impossible for you to be alone. Let go of this identification my friend. Less spiritual theory and more meditation, more grounding into the actuality of your direct experience.

Not long ago I felt compelled to write about passive aggressive tendencies. In self observation I saw this phenomena in myself in hindsight. The further back in time I go looking at this the more pronounced it was. Observing this in myself allows me to see it more clearly in others. This allows for understanding and forgiveness in which the forgiveness element becomes more in the way of overlooking transgressions. I would go as far to say if someone says that they have never acted this out in their interactions with either family or friends, they are deceiving themselves. This is a factor that has made itself more noticeable to me lately in my pondering. The unconsciousness tied to negative emotion is so powerful and pervasive. Before, I noted how ‘plausible deniability’ is a crucial element in passive aggressive behavior. Lately I’ve seen how this plausible deniability manifests also in one’s self deception and linked with justification of some kind. This is how in the beginning of ones self observation the denial of passive aggressive tendencies in oneself will be expressed in defending against taking responsibility for this behavior. From my perspective the materialistic stage of S.D. Orange is where the apex of this schizoid behavior will be. At SD Green worldview the partly awakened heart will just not let this self deception take place in complete unconscious acting out. Conscience or the small, still voice has started to speak and although people dip back into spiritual sleep after awakening, they will never sleep as comfortably again and pretending not to hear the small, still voice will no longer be as effective as it once was. So in dealing with others the wisdom will be seen to give them space as in hands off or don’t point out or get preachy about what they’re doing. They may only double their efforts in justifying in some way their passive aggressive tendencies. On another topic is my own path becoming more and more of a left handed path in the last 3 years or so. I’ve progressively become more of an edge runner. This is something that would be foolish of me to deny. Let me also say that I’m not an advocate of this path. I’ll probably express more about this as time unfolds. Jim Marion in his book Putting on the Mind of Christ writes about this phenomena in a more judicious way than others but that’s just my opinion. It’s a book I feel compelled to reread.

I had an awakening while on a low dose of THC the other day while I was getting a haircut. My consciousness became so intense that functions of my body were affected. It was a nauseating level of consciousness. My vision became blurred, my ability to hear was dampened by the sound of static, and my motor functioning was significantly diminished and clumsy. They luckily had a couch in the salon I was in. I laid down on the couch and was finally able to stop resisting the awakening, and everything became blissful. This stuff is very serious even with THC when you become awakened.

You can talk nondual shit all day and be awakened or you could be awakened and successful too. The whole reason I’m doing this though is so my consciousness work and YouTube channel can be my full-time activities without needing to control my speech due to an employer or being pushed around by money. I also want to explore my psychic and healing abilities as I think they are my true higher purpose possibly.

@Username From my POV, Leo is not "higher than Turquoise." He's exactly where he says he is: mostly Yellow and moving into Turquoise. Just because one has awakened to Stage Turquoise or Coral insights does not mean they are actively embodying that nor are grounded in that stage. Building Leo into some false god feels unproductive and dangerous.

@Zeroguy Yeah, I understand what you're saying - there is a very apparent hypocrisy in 'awakened' teachers telling people to overcome the dream because it's all fake, yet at the same time begging you not to harm yourself and being unable to explain why without contradicting themselves. That hypocrisy shows me that they don't have the whole picture of understanding - I myself believe I have the whole picture. You see, you have to reclaim the reality within nonreality. On one level there is no conversation here - that is true. What's stopping us from allowing ourselves to flow in the dream by treating it as if it were infact real, though? I can't describe in words the process by which I became once again able to see the dream as real despite it being simultaneously nonreal - it was a long process with a lot of meditation and other contemplations. I do know that this is the 'cure' though, which surpasses the perspectives given by many prominent teachers. Find a route toward seeing it as both real and nonreal without any contradiction, then the desire for Mahasamadhi fades away.

Dealing with My Spiritual Ego: The Dangers of the Spiritual Ego and Why People Should Be Careful Some. of. yall. bout. to. be. real. mad. at. me. but. it. must. be. said. While I do get a lot of value out of spirituality and Actualized.org, there are things that I'm very hesitant and even skeptical about. This might look like me turning on this community or not aligning with the main values of this place but I honestly don't care. The two main things that I'm really hesitant about involve the dating advice here, especially for guys who can't get laid, and the enlightenment related things there. I'm not going to talk about the first one because I already wrote about that but I am going to focus on the second one. I suppose that I'm far from having any concerns about enlightenment and transcendence. I think I'm at a place where integration and building a solid foundation to build my life on in order to ground me is much more important. I think getting on the path to enlightenment prematurely can be incredibly dangerous without proper integration. Maybe I'll get to a point where I'll care more about existential and absolute truths years down the road or maybe I won't I don't know. But I know that if I ever get on that path, I want to be able to have some type of framework and some solid foundation because diving in head first without preparation is irresponsible for me and the people around me. There are some methods of getting there that I don't particularly agree with (if you do agree with it idc, no judgement I don't know what's best for everyone) and those include things like psychedelics, fasting, and isolating yourself from your loved ones and abandoning your hobbies and interests because all of your attention should be towards enlightenment. I feel that those things are rather extreme and are things that are definitely not for the vast majority of people. Also, I'm hesitant with drugs in general. I don't care if other people uses them granted they are doing so safely, responsibly, and legally but it's not for me especially when that advice is coming from a talking head on the internet. Upon recent events, this video by Adeptus Psychonautica came out. Some people are triggered because they think it makes actualized.org look bad but I think it's incredibly beneficial for people from the outside critiquing actualized.org because being super insular usually doesn't end well for a variety of reasons whether it be because of self bias all the way to cult like tendencies. I guess I'm not particularly attached to actualized.org and spirituality in general so when people critique these things, I don't feel particularly triggered because to me it's simply a source. I think it can be easy for people to get attached to some sources and some teachers because of the benefits that one gets from their content because it does have to do with those people's survival emotionally and psychologically. Especially if you get help in a vulnerable place and even if you get out of that vulnerable place, there is an attachment that forms, almost like a baby blanket after you grow up imo. I've had something like this come up for me once personally and even though I've never got to the point of needing to defend that source I got value from, it does sting because part of you identifies with the source and teachings therefore when someone critiques that source or teaching, it's like they're critiquing you. I went ahead and watched Adeptus's livestream and I feel like most of it was valid despite what other people may think on here. At no point did I feel that there was slander or that Actualized.org was being dragged through the mud. There are also points where Adeptus talks about the positives of the way Leo is handling different issues such as the phone call he had with Connor Murphey and one of the posts he made on the thread discussing recent events( Around 1:08:00-1:17:00). They talked about how Leo or any of the mods are trying to do anything malicious or create a cult but sometimes it seems like there is one forming around Leo anyway (basically collective ego). Overall, @AdeptusPsychonautica, I loved this video and I think It's important to contemplate on the darker aspects of spirituality and self improvement rather than idealizing it. Here are somethings that I found were really valuable that I want to include in my journal.: Around the 15 minute mark: Mackenzie talks about how these teachings aren't things that were made up by the community rather they are things that were taught by ancient teachers and how back then there were teachers who had communities but since it was in person, the teacher can gage were the students are at and how much they can handle. However, this aspect gets lost when its all on YouTube and on a forum when anyone regardless of how stable they are can access it. There aren't checks and balances. I think this is a very valid critique. It's not so much a direct attack on actualized.org but it's talking about how systemically there are problems and shortcomings. At the 20-24 minute mark, I can see why some people in this community can get triggered. They are critiquing how a lot of the followers think that they are a finished product and they are so enlightened and they egg each other on in order to keep up with the master and meanwhile the master is here talking about "i've gone deeper, I've become more awakened, I encountered a new level of awakening, you can't understand where I've been." And this challenges people to do more and more and more to where it can become compulsive especially because Leo talks in these absolute terms. Adeptus talks about how this might be Leo's personal truth and how he isn't saying Leo is lying or anything like that but it's the way he goes about it. This is honestly part of the reason why I avoid parts of this forum. I personally found that this type of thing doesn't help me and how this type of thing can become very compulsive, especially when it comes to Leo's fanboys. Around the 31 minute mark: If truth realization is not your Moby Dick to where you want to sacrifice everything, go for human adulthood meaning the integration of your spiritual, emotional, relational, physical self to be your most mature self. If you don't want to sacrifice everything, point your hunger toward integration and self actualization. Then in the 37 minute mark, Mackenzie talks about her experiences with nonduality how she felt all the love and light in the moment but then she came back down to just being human again and still having all of her problems that she had before the experience and how that can be discouraging and therefore cause people to go on these endless seeking journeys. I feel like this is where I'm at with my views on spirituality and self realization. I do care more about integration and building a fulfilling life than simply transcending everything and joining the void. Because based on some of the interactions I've had on this forum, teachers that I have learned about in history, and interacting with Leo himself is that even if they get an enlightenment experience, there is still plenty of human shit and blind spots you'll still have. And I think to go towards actualization is to deal with that in a slow consistent way rather than dealing with nonduality and transcendence. Around the 40 minute mark: Mackenzie talks about cleaning up her nihilism she encountered from spirituality and how she started building meaning in the form of close relationships, books, etc. to slowly start rebuilding her ego to care about existing. And then she realized that that was the process that she wanted all along and because she grew up in the shadow of new age culture where ego death, nonduality, mysticism, love and light are more a part of the conversation than anything, she thought that was the way to fix herself. But for her it was more along the lines of deep psychological work, embodiment, and healing that she realized she wanted more of a complete human experience instead of transcending the human experience because that was the thing sold to her as a way to deal with being here. In order to deal with being here, you don't have to leave. You just have to be present and accept the present moment instead of constantly feeling like you have to do more and more to reach a higher and higher state of consciousness in order to be at peace with the present moment. In spiritual communities its like there is always some place else to get to. It goes back to the 27 minute mark where Mackenzie talks about how there are two levels. There is truth realization and done. Once you reach done, that's it there is no more self discovery of lets go see what else I can find. Once you're enlightened, the seeker disappears so if you're seeking more experiences, you're still seeking which can get compulsive. I love this section. While I never became nihilistic, I've had a point where I got really attached to detaching. I journaled about this before and how it relates to my relationship to actualized.org. Basically it wasn't cute. I had a friend who was like "I don't think you even know who you are anymore" because I got caught in this cycle of even detaching from the healthier forms of my ego like my personality, my hobbies and interests etc. It wasn't this enlightenment thing that people often talk about here. And from then on I took a step back from spirituality and self help in order to be more gentle with myself so I can build myself back up again. This was the post I was talking about and here is the part that I think is most applicable to this post: Around the 47 minute mark: I also like how they discuss how people turn spiral dynamics is another dick measuring contest lol. Also Adeptus talks about how it's not about the model itself rather it's about how people use it to judge others and turn it into a dogma. Then Mackenzie talks about how it's important ot just see it as a model rather than THE TRUTH that explains and solves everything because that can be the indication that this is probably a defensive ego mechanism. Reminds me of something I wrote elsewhere in this journal: Around the 1 hour 3 minute mark: Mackenzie talks about how some teachings are vague or are gatekept because the highest teachings can be dangerous. Vague teachings will only make sense when people ponder it for a while and then when the reach a certain place in their journey it will make sense. And that bread crumbing your way to truth is part of a gradual process of direct experience where you figure it out on your own, therefore if something goes wrong, you can still back track. However with psychedelics, you're kind of thrown into the truth and then you may or may not be able or ready to deal with it which can be dangerous if someone doesn't have proper integration. Granted I've never experimented with psychedelics and I don't plan to any time soon, but I do 100% agree with the need for proper integration and the importance of pacing yourself in the journey to find truth. It reminds me of Leo's video on ego backlash where if there is a sudden change, even if it's for the better it can lead to a huge backlash because individually and collectively we want to aim towards homeostasis rather than growth because homeostasis feels safe while growth is a leap into the unknown. And these backlashes, even though they may look like a step back after taking a step forward, are important so that you don't do too much too soon and throw everything off and cause chaos while aiming for growth. The bigger the growth, the bigger the backlash. To me that's important to take into consideration because to me that means taking on too much too soon can yield to a huge backlash which can be pretty detrimental. And to me, it means that it's important to take your time on the journey and pace yourself so that you don't have a backlash that is so devastating that it takes away all of your progress. It simply isn't sustainable. That's something I also learned this year as I've been trying to take a more gentle, slow approach to discipline rather than a rigorous strict way to discipline. It goes back to that feeling of always wanting to get somewhere rather than appreciating where you are now. The spiritual ego wants to be enlightened as soon as possible and if it means taking a shit ton of LSD or 5meo, it will take that route over a slower and more sustainable way like through meditation, self-inquiry, and working on yourself in general. I don't think there is anything wrong with those substances and that there is a time and place for them but when you have a spiritual ego that wants to get more and more enlightenment experiences that last longer and longer and go deeper and deeper, I can see how that can turn very dysfunctional to where someone might contemplate on ending their life so that they are in that state of bliss forever. 1:21:00: "What are things about yourself that you are trying to avoid by transcending that? That's where to start. What are you trying to transcend, why are you so fucking eager to transcend it." I just really like this part. I think a lot of people need to contemplate this tbh and I think this is a good quote to end this post at.

@The0Self I'm not sure if you are familiar with the nothingness, or in my situation DP/DR. But once you have it, nothing is real anymore. Nothing seems real... Keep in mind, I was 16yo at that time. And I have researched how people behave when they are confronted with nothingness. Basically, they do stupid shit as if it was a dream, because it is a dream. You basically just behave as usual, but sometimes you say: fuck it it's a dream. And it changed me. In ego terms, I make the correlation between this and behavioural changes, so the Now is still absolute, but still it happened. There is no doubt that such experiences change your personality, and fuck you up deeply if you aren't prepared. It's like thinking "I am definately crazy, but nobody would understand that, so why tell the dream people about it" Everything happening on it's own is an awakened state, but not comparable with nothingness. The ego always reacts to changes in consciousness. Euphoric highs, or fighting stuff, or going crazy. It often depends on the awakening. Furtunately, I am out of that state now.

Hi Leo, thanks for opening the thread. I thought I'd also share how I see it. Love what you do, even though I have been following the content less lately. I do understand that your expertise is in the domain of realization and enlightenment, but I often think that it is quite ungrounded. It often seems to me that it is this very high realization that is in a certain way forgetting the human. And I know, you do talk about politics, you do mention that basic personal development must be done etc. you are not denying the world, but still. The teaching works very much with the mind, with consciousness, and similar ideas, but what I always think is - where is the body? I view it as that important as I myself have been pursuing only the highest Truth for years, and I ended up with insights, fabulous experiences and a ruined health (and with it, a more and more dysfunctional human experience). I had to notice the body. And I don't just mean cleaning up my diet, doing excercise, fasting and getting phyical therapy. I mean bringing Consciousness into the body! Coming into the body as Love! Sadly, I never heard you speak about this very specific and wonderful part of what it means to be human and awake. I can't be sure, but as it is, it seems to me that the more we awaken, the more there is a need for consciousness to come fucking deep into the body. And that is very much not about being above it all and seeing it all as a dream. It's coming in. Yeah, I might be wrong here and judging you unjustly. Of course, I don't know how much of that actually takes place in your own life, but as I said - never heard you speak about it. And I think this mirrors itself into this community, which becomes somewhat one side - everything is a dream, while dismissing that there is a real need for Consciousness to enter matter. Who's gonna do it if not the awakened ones?

Yes and here in the Philippines i don't know if there is a pure Filipino who are now awakened, but in the history there is non yet? Idk really, but by now if we have one isnt it people by now meet one? And people like in other place small portions of people will gravitate towards a master tho because there is none then until now there is no famous one, this is an interesting question of How and When, wow in my life time here in the Philippines in my 20's until now God have not yet decided to realize himself here maybe with your actualized.org one of us will become the first Filipino who become awakaned and we are the chosen one haha i am excited about this when and how.. it is a mystery that i want to know this mystery of what and when he will choose to be here.. also i am excited of our own version haha and the what kind of qualities he will become, is he like you? Jesus Christ, Sadhuru, or any God that realized himself and have an impact to all humanity

Most likely, you can’t contemplate for shit if you don’t have a good range of experience in things like meditation or psychedelics, ideally both along with many other practices. At least if you’re anything like I was. It’s kind of like a hard method to get anything out of compared to other typical methods as far as actual consciousness expansion. The earlier and weaker contemplation is needed as a foundation too. Even though it’s basically spinning your wheels at the beginning, think of it like you’re spinning those wheels to warm them up for the actual result producing performance. Once you access the real power of contemplation, you can use it to enter states that can be more powerful than psychedelics. I’ve found a low dose of THC for me is like a lubricant for my consciousness. It’s more liberated and open to be deconstructed in this state. The ego sees the deconstruction and enjoys it because you fed it all the nondual bullshit fundamentals to calm its anxiety. Now is where those false idols of Truth you had in your conceptual mind are transformed into result-producing subconscious processes. You cannot understand much about contemplation’s true power until you access no mind and no self or what I rather call thinking without thought. It’s a certain type of those experiences. Once you find a reliable way to access thinking without thought, you can keep returning it to practice. I’ve been recording videos of my contemplation. This, as well as passionate conversation, immediately send me into thinking without thought. It’s at this point that you are fluid enough to get the results. After I’ve had an awakening triggered in this manner, I become what I believe is the highest goal which is Absolute or Awakened Authenticity. At this point you see me pull out my shadow and embrace it fully. So many “mentally ill” activities happen to me, but they are happening in a far healthier way. I stop suppressing this side of myself. Calling it mental illness is as low consciousness as calling someone retarded. I had harder “hallucinations” and arguably “higher” consciousness off one hit of a dab pen of delta 10 and delta 8 THC (fully legal in U.S.) and a thinking without thought contemplation Authenticity Awakening than I had previously on 10 tabs of LSD.

@Leo Gura Regarding 1) Ofcourse God is always there and to be realized. However the inability to realize God is also imagined by God. And because there cannot be a free will outside of God, God devides when he realizes himself. But how and when does he decides it, this is precisely my question. Many manifestations of God are far away from realizing itself as God, whereas others get on the path to realization quite quickly. For example in the dark ages there where little to none awakened people (at least here in europe), where as now there are more and more. But i think im too unconscious for time to delete out of this equation. I can really think without time haha.

@Leo Gura I have some questions I was hoping you would answer. Firstly, isn’t saying that a temporary awakening is just as valuable as a permanent awakening similar to someone saying that no-awakening and awakening are similarly valuable from a non-dual perspective? While both those statements might be true, most people want to be awakened permanently. Secondly, you said in your latest video that God gets bored. Why would God get bored? Couldn’t he just wish the boredom away? Why would he even care about the boredom if he is all-loving? Why would he limit himself to only being entertained when he has a finite form? Isn’t it a limitation that he needs to have a finite form to be entertained? Also, how do you deal with Descartes’ demon? Thanks for any answers in advance.

My pleasure! I don't think I contribute anything tbh I never claim to be teaching anything I just like sharing for the sake of it. the only concern with going to that Vipassana retreat was because I was still going through unfoldment after the Big Bang breakthrough, and during that time I would shift into psychedelic-like states or having crazy out of body experiences before I fall asleep, and I read that during retreats one can easily enter realms and either temporarily or permanently "stuck" with entities lol. And I'm just not too into magical realms lol. There was no fear of self annihilation. I do enjoy every moment to the fullest. You pretty much go back to being a child playing in a sand box while doing every day tasks. It's kind of like being on acid 24 7 but in a way it's even deeper because it isn't exactly a mind blowing experience per se, since both the mind and the experiencer are transcend hehehhe. Remind you that all experiences or mood shifts that come with awakening are mostly just the by product of Realization, not everyone who's awakened experience cosmic bliss 24 7 lol don't let that fool you. Equanimity is transcends both bliss and none-bliszzzz sure there can be thoughts, they're just in equal footing with all other sensations arising in the field like birds chirping or winds blowing. Way way less self voice in the head. But even this isn't an indicator of awakening. Some people have more thoughts after no self, you're simply dis-identified from them is all.

Then those "enlightened people" haven't completely dissolved the self/center and having closed the Infinity Loop. The point is very simple, once you drop the self you will be God, and by that time you probably wouldn't bother talking about God in X or Y way because you ARE IT. An eye ball that does not see itself probably won't keep talking about what the eye ball looks and that's the main confusion here. you talk more about what the eye ball sees, and I talk about how to Realize the eyeball and person can be awakened to No-Self/God but does not prope deeper into the different aspects of the manifestation of God etcc