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this is beautiful, sex is a means to god realization, it gives the taste, is how we first come, to know the divine, our body the gateway, we need nought else, the bliss the tool, for the full transcendence sounds you are at an advanced level, this is to your benefit and credit not your shame keep on keeping on with it i have a few times achieved similar to this in the jhanas but i have set that aside for now as i am working on do nothing and just getting used to the long sits, this is only my second year of meditating so i need to build my endurance for it

WARNING: sexual content I had to censor most of my notes about my mystical experience or this journal would turn into a sex diary. About my sexual escapades with Consciousness and 'God'. To summarize: - frequent full body orgasms - my relationship to Being was likened to sexual motions. Clinging, sucking, filling. *Blushing* Needless to say that 2nd chakra was WIDE open. - sexual metaphor in the messages. 'God' and consciousness would teach through sexual metaphor - Resisting and 'surrendering' myself to God (to myself, consciousness). Felt like sexual bliss as I gave myself to it. I would resist at first but consciousness would gently force me to 'reconnect' - It deepened my relationship with Consciousness through sexuality

I grew up in an old-fashioned Pentecostal church. I received the Baptism of the Spirit, and I have experienced many of the phenomena associated with it (speaking in tongues, being "slain in the spirit," dancing in the spirit, etc). I have also experienced what is commonly referred to as Kundalini awakening; although, I don't consider that an accurate description, technically speaking. Some of the most powerful, spiritual/somatic experiences I have ever had have been during those years in the church. The "spirit" felt tangible and often physically moved me, both from within and without. I would feel overwhelming love, devotion, and bliss that are difficult to articulate with the full force they deserve. At times it felt like being electrocuted, and at other times it felt like warm oil being poured over my body. At other times my body would turn limp and I would fall to the earth, being only conscious of God and not my surroundings. Kundalini experiences (again not technically accurate) were similar, but seemed more purposeful and less intense. I would experience various kriyas spontaneously, such as asanas, bandhas, and mudras. I would hear sounds like divine instruments or celestial choirs. I would see geometric shapes or colors. I would fall into Yoga Nidra and experience lucid dreams where I would explore how intricately detailed that amazing world can be. Neither of these are enlightenment (not a big fan of that word). They are symptoms of following the path, just as dust flying into the air is the symptom of sweeping. They are interesting enough, but not the goal.

@Leo Gura Also This NDE!!!!!!! I am telling you Leo These people who have had NDES really know what you are talking about. I came in this world very sensitive and aware and went through tons of suffering so I would try and question and reach for this love that I felt. This love that I had despite so much abuse. Ndes seemed to be my safe haven. Just before death, July 30, 1994: That morning I had driven about 400 miles with my secretary from San Francisco for a couple of meetings with some clients. For some reason, throughout that day I had been feeling somewhat uneasy, like this was a premonition of sorts. So, I had been in a quiet prayer mode the whole day. I had been invited by one of my clients, in the city of Glendora, for their 80-year-old mother’s birthday celebration. Afterwards, it was almost 11:30 p.m. by the time I was able to call it a day and leave for the hotel. I had thought that I would tell my secretary I was extremely tired and it would be better if she was the one to drive back to San Francisco after the birthday part. As destiny would have it, I was so tired I forgot to tell her while very mechanically getting into the driver's seat. Seatbelts were not mandatory in 1994. Without bothering to put on my seat belt, I started the car and began driving. After about 10 minutes on the road, car with two young boys was driving in the left lane. Suddenly, it swerved to the right, coming into my lane right in front of me, then stopping abruptly at the Stop sign that was just ahead. I had nowhere to go, so I slammed on the brakes; or so I thought! In my immediate shock and sleepy exhaustion, I had pressed down on the accelerator instead! The 560 SL is designed to go from 0 mph to 60 mph within seconds and that’s just what it did. I shot forward at full speed! CRAAAASH! In that moment of impact, I felt my whole body lift up, fly forward with great force, and hitting something. Next thing I knew, I was seeing this white stream of Light, travelling inside my body, which was also filled with a brilliant electric white Light! It looked like light travelling in light. As I looked at this moving light energy, I realized I was also experiencing it. This powerful, white energy which was moving from my solar plexus towards the top of my head. I was moving very fast. Yet, simultaneously, I appeared to be moving very slowly. Somehow, it seemed very natural for my movement to be slow and fast at the same time. Was I in perfect balance? There was no sense of duality. I knew that this light energy was my Prana, otherwise called life force. The Prana was moving upwards through my body, almost as if being pulled by some sort of magnetic power above my head. Just then, I experienced a sinking feeling, very much like one feels when beginning the plunge down a roller coaster. I felt myself go into a gentle convulsion with an upward movement. The next moment it was all gone. There was no light, no body, or anything. It was the strangest feeling, and yet so familiar. It was as though I had before experienced it many times. Without the body, I found myself floating alone in a dark void. I was totally confused as to where I was and what was really happening. All I could see was total darkness everywhere, but I wasn't afraid. At a distance, I saw a pale golden vehicle-like thing in the shape of a small boat. The boat was brilliant in its golden hue and it was coming towards me. The center hollow portion of this golden boat seemed to be filled with that same shimmering, brilliant white light I had seen inside my body. As it moved closer, I could see in the center on its ‘bed’ of white Light there was a very ethereal human body. The body was lying very still on its back, draped in a pale golden gown and glowing gloriously in the dark night. It was a magnificent sight to behold! As it came closer, my entire being went into shock when I saw the face of this body. It was me. 'Oh my God', I realized, 'I am dead.' I was completely jolted by this truth. I looked at myself for the first time and saw I had no body. I was just a spark of Light and was now linked to this sparkling boat. Almost immediately, the golden boat tilted upwards with the feet of the motionless body pointing upwards and head below it. The boat transported me faster than the speed of light, almost like a thunderbolt slicing through the dark night and disappearing into that void. Almost as if I had fully woken up after a long sleep, I found myself surrounded by an All-Pervasive Brilliance. There was no boat, no body structure, no dark void, nothing. There was only this dazzling, electrifying, brilliant white Light all around. The light was everywhere. There was nothing except this brilliant Consciousness! It seemed to have a consistency of the ever-finest, minutest electric-like sparkles and was energetically similar to the ‘bed of Light’ I had come on, except that this light was all-pervasive, limitless. It could perhaps be compared to the light of thousands of brilliant stars reflected in millions of sparkling diamonds, all-encompassing, self-luminous, and pulsating with electric energy: very delicate and smooth. I seemed to know that the light was the Supreme Infinite Light that is God, the Cosmic Consciousness. It is truly impossible to describe in mere mortal words, this Pure Love, this vital energy, this infinite Light, this Supreme Absolute Consciousness, This Presence, which is commonly referred to by most of humanity as God or the Creator: it can only be experienced! So please forgive my humble effort with limited vocabulary to try and share what I experienced. At this moment, I was literally standing on air and was an electric body of Light. I was in this dazzling white void, this Brilliant Nothingness, filled with comfort, delight, and a deep knowing that I had reached my destination. I seemed to know that this was the Ultimate White Effulgent Light. Experiencing myself as a shimmering sparkling white-light energy, pulsating with some kind of ethereal (ether-real!) electric life force, my Being was flooded with a gentle, very expansive Love energy. The energy was like a soft embrace from that all-encompassing Light Presence! This Light Presence of pure, unconditional Love seemed to be in me and around me. It was all-pervasive and extended into infinity. Strangely, there seemed to be no difference between this light and my Light-being. Even more bewildering, was that this Conscious Loving Presence, seemed to be the nature and substance of all of existence. In sheer delight, my Light-self was almost skipping in the air as a further wave of knowing passed through me. I whispered to myself, ‘This is the real me!’ In complete wonderment, with a sense of déjà vu and awe, I heard myself say, ‘I know this place, I know this place. I've been here before. I made it. I finally made it back!’ Drinking in the nectar of the Loving Presence which enfolded me, I saw with complete amazement a very interesting transference starting to happen. There was a string of atoms starting to flow out from within the left side of my electric body and they disappeared upwards into nowhere. Almost as if from thin air, a much finer frequency of atoms seemed to be appear and were entering through my right side into this same electric light body. I was watching and experiencing at the same time, again with no sense of duality. My entire Being was being totally emptied, refueled, and re-programmed with this ethereal, orderly, interchange of atoms. I saw that the new entry was made of a vastly different energy and seemed to have a much more expansive and delicate DNA energy. It had a new wave of very lightweight, subtle cellular frequencies, as they spiraled in, expanding and changing the previous electric body formation. All of the above was happening very fast and yet it seemed to take an eternity. Enfolded in the comforting wrap of Pure Divine Love during this cellular exchange, it seemed as though I was gradually disappearing with the atoms leaving this electric Light body. Almost as if, another ‘me’ was birthing through the newer, finer atoms entering into this Light form. My whole being was cleansed and purified, making it ready for its next role in God’s divine drama. I wished to take a final look and say goodbye to the world I had just left behind. I looked over behind my non-existent shoulder, somehow expecting to see my world; but, to my complete shock, I saw that there was nothing there. My earthly world didn't seem to exist! There was no world, no universe, no galaxy, no earth, nothing! Nothing existed, except this soft Conscious Presence, this pulsating Brilliance, this pure Love that was everywhere as all pure white Light. ‘Oh my God, how could that be?!’ I exclaimed to myself. ‘Where has it gone? What about all I went through as Arti? It was all real! How could it have just disappeared?’ A gentle response seemed to come from the cosmic wisdom that was all around, ‘But how could it be Real, when it has just disappeared?’ There was so much knowledge that was shared with me that I can't share it all here. The response said, ‘What is real is only that which is permanent and changeless. That which changes, is within the mirage of time, and truly non-existent. Consciousness, however, as a gentle, delicate, smooth, flowing Presence is ever present; even within the human form, above and beyond the mind, as it is the Experience-less-ness underlying all experience. It never changes, never disappears, and it is therefore, the only Reality.’ I asked, ‘But if this Consciousness alone is real, the world was an illusion? Then where did it come from?’ It replied, ‘Like all manifestation, the world too is the creation of the great illusion or great delusion, which being the Creative aspect of this Supreme Consciousness, or the Lord, is the divine movie-projector of life, in the all-powerful play of the realm of Creation. Just as a mirage in the desert disappears when viewed from a certain perspective, your life as Arti on earth has disappeared, when viewed from the perspective of the Divine Self, where you are now. Only the eternal is real; and from the viewpoint of that Reality, all that is non-eternal, disappears. Yet of course, you, being eternal Atman (the soul) can still view the ‘world of illusion’ if you wish.’ I asked, ‘So my life as Arti never really existed at all, it was an illusion?’ It replied, ‘Oh, it existed; just as a dream exists, or a movie, or a mirage.’ I continued questioning, ‘So the world, was just a figment of my imagination? How did I create it? With my thoughts and desires?’ The reply echoed all around me, ‘Y-e-s-s-s-s!’ as it reverberated within my being. Y e s: I understood now. The world had all been only in my mind, a thought-and-senses created illusion/delusion. Without the senses, mind and body, there was now no ego to perceive the world illusion! It had all existed and happened only in my mind! Our true reality exists outside of the mind, which is where I was at the present moment. I realized the true vastness of my Being and the minuscule nature of the cage of the earthly body. The roles I had played through the many lifetime dramas with different bodies, flashed again into knowing. I smiled, seeing there was absolutely no attachment whatsoever to any of them! How could I, when it was just a play of mind? I had come to terms with the fact that once I, my ego consciousness, left the body, my mind-created world also disappeared. Universal laws seemed to unfold rapidly and poured into my entire electric-wave body. I realized that the real goal of the mind-created life game was to remove the veil of delusion and ignorance and reach the Ultimate Truth of one's reality in life itself. This Truth, this Self I was bathing in and which had encompassed my Being, was nothing but Love. The Truth was Love; pure, unconditional, Universal Love, that is almost non-achievable in human terms. It was the fabric of this Consciousness of which I was a part. Yes, because Love is God and God is Love. It was very clear that the cosmic composition was made up of nothing but Love! Love is the God-glue that is holding ‘All’ together. I realized I was not just inside the Love but rather, one with 'It', this Universal Body of Love, of God. This was completely natural to me, as flame is to fire because it is fire. This was Home and I wanted to be here forever. Immediately with the emergence of this thought-wish, the ego-wave that was Arti, seemed to gracefully meld into the Supreme Presence, dissolving into that Ocean of Love. Arti as the earthly Arti, was no more. An incredible wave of freedom splashed over my being, almost like coming out scrubbed fresh and clean after a long overdue bath. The cellular interchange of atoms with their spiraling exit and entry had stopped because re-programming of my electric light body was completed. I was birthing a new life later known as Mira S. I knew without a doubt that life on earth was just a playground of experience, an assignment from God, a mirror projection of the Divine. In each new lifetime, as the soul makes spiritual progress, its vibrational frequency gets tuned to a faster, higher and finer level depending upon its degree of evolution. The transformation continues until the frequency level is fine-tuned to such a degree that it connects with the frequency of the Cosmos itself, which then allows it to gain entry into Cosmic Consciousness, one’s true self, which is eternal bliss, otherwise known as ananda. In the Light Presence, everything and anything could be readily created or manifested. It was in the Nature of this Supreme Presence. Everyone and everything, anywhere, was right here where I was, present in the seemingly invisible NOW. One just had to think it, and it was available. The transformation-transmutation within my electric body being completed, the electric body too, was no more visible because there was complete Oneness. It was infinite to such a degree that I was no more, and yet I was that Consciousness. There was nothing else and No other. Oh dear God, That is all that exists, the only 'Being' that is! That Consciousness was all around, inside, outside, above, below. It was everywhere! The ALL! As one touched by the Philosopher’s stone, which is said to transform iron into gold, I had gone through a complete transformation and transmutation of the previous self into birthing a new higher self. I was bringing with it an immediate awakening into the ‘knowing’ of Universal Truths and the Reality of Supreme Self. This magnificent All-pervasive Effulgence was so glorious! It was true, there is only one Being, one God, and THAT is the true Self of all. All are just a reflection of God: All are That One. I, too, was That One. THAT is my Reality. I was brimming, overflowing with the supreme knowing that The Supreme Being is my own true Self, my true identity. It was here, now, and always. There is no past or future; it is all happening constantly in the now. Losing it all, dissolving, I was, ‘I AM THAT I AM’ (Aham Brahmasmi) I knew that I was and I AM all there was to know! Just like myself, all of creation wherever and however it existed; whether human, animal, mammal, plant, or nature, all were full in themselves. All were and are God, a beautiful glorious expression of that same Fullness. Creation was just Divinity experiencing itself through Its Creation!! I was bathing in Consciousness, as Consciousness. I was enjoying this bliss of Union with the Absolute, Divine Self, God, and Full with wholeness of Being. I wanted only to remain as this Cosmic Being forever. I never want to be separate again from this Oneness, this All-encompassing Love! This was my feeling, as a faint memory of the world of separateness wafted into my consciousness and anxiousness seemed to take over all of a sudden. I heard myself repeat twice, ‘Where do I go from here? Where do I go from here?’ By the formation of destiny, which is created by our actions and reactions, the newly transformed Being of myself now in existence, having received a downpour of higher Truths and realizing its Higher Self from having merged in Oneness with It. I knew that it had been brought within and as, the pure energy of That One, of pure white Light for a reason, so an element of wonderment was there at what might be coming next? Much to my dismay, however, the All-Pervasive KNOWING came through with a much different response than what I was expecting. Coming loud and clear, It reverberated through that infinite space of Consciousness, ‘You have to go back. You have to do the Work’ communicating that my real work on Earth was to begin now. I called out, ‘Please I don't want to go back! I'm very happy here!!’ But the Lord, Supreme Consciousness had spoken, and it had to be. Right then, I saw a long flexible kind of tunnel which almost looked like a huge hollow umbilical cord. I could actually see the outside and inside of it. Inside it I saw the form of an unborn human baby, with golden, light-colored skin, curled up like a fetus against the inner wall. 'So this is the Cosmic Womb Tunnel,' I thought. It seemed to be coming from infinity and spiraling downwards. But as I looked at it carefully, I exclaimed in alarm, ‘Oh no, not again!’ when I realized that I was that baby, speeding down headfirst, as the curled-up fetus in this cosmic tunnel-like womb, I was crossing the dimensional barriers. I thought, 'Oh God, oh no, I really was going back into Earth consciousness to be reborn!' Next thing I knew, I heard myself let out a cry. I had opened my human eyes. They were looking in the rear view mirror of a car at a mouth bleeding profusely with the whole lower face covered in blood. In a complete daze, feeling totally disoriented, I touched the face in the mirror and realized it was my mouth! I thought, 'Oh God, I have a human body again! I really am back.' The lower gum-bone had been broken and lay flat on my tongue. The four lower front teeth had come out of their gum sockets but were still held by their nerves as they sat on my tongue in the middle of the mouth. Upon touching my face, I could feel tiny particles of glass from the shattered windshield all over my upper face and even my eyelashes, but none, not one, had entered my eyes. Miraculously, despite this gruesome injury in my mouth, I was feeling no pain whatsoever. There was no physical feeling at all.

@Leo Gura That is interesting that you say that about Teal as she describes people as a thought in the mind of God. That basically people are a thought that now thinks. Anita Moorjani had an NDE where she went very far not as far as some others I have heard but far for sure. also curious what you think about this womens NDE. She is a friend of mine who also has autism and I love the way she writes its so beautiful. 'I crossed into a state that was deep, fundamental, irreducible. An ocean of exquisite sensitivity, of omnisentience (sensing everywhere at once), turned me inside out to reveal itself at the core. Losing every sense of distinction, I floated as part of this gloriously intelligent web of light. Even the awesome flavors and energies from previous states of consciousness looked trivial compared to this luminous irreducible force, this field of existence. It seemed to be an order of magnitude different from the earlier experiences. This was the force of consciousness itself. There was no 'I' left whatsoever, not even the broad perspective from the life review. My boundaries as a human and as a spirit were completely erased. Witnessing from a localized single point, my perspective was simultaneously spread through the multidimensional, nonlocalized perspective of the entire web. There was no end and no beginning, like the lake underneath the forms that dance through our lives. This was beyond bliss, beyond truth, beyond peace and ecstasy and all the searing emotions of the previous stages. It was stillness in the middle, consciousness without form. I had just viscerally witnessed prayers and intentions became physical, tangible reality. (In using the word 'prayer' I mean something an atheist could easily do as well as a theologian û no special form, just focused will propeled by the power of love and concern. ) It was made known to me that this was Consciousness creating Form through Intention. Nothing exists until it rises into form on this field. Every single bit of material in the world even the computer or paper you're reading this on, and the stardust that nourishes your marrow, and the paint on the wall, and the dog you love, and each single hair on his loppy ear must have begun there on the sacred field of consciousness, shaped by the impulse of intention. There is no 'there' there. Coming back into this human life, this is the singlemost vision that set my mind back to zero, like a child, as I struggled to understand how to interact in this world again this world of imaginary objects and entitities.

in a state of God Consciousness you will drown in Love, Bliss and Divinity. Yet also the realization of total Oneness can be jarring and shocking as well. It is extremely radical because your entire reality will be recontexualized before your eyes. To know existentially (at the level of Being) that you are all beings, all creatures, all objects, everything. That you are alone as God....this..this can be one of the hardest realizations to swallow. But also it is wonderful at the same time. Cannot be explained really - only directly experienced..and once the realization is fully integrated the terror does pass.

I can't believe I didn't listen to people who told me that before. I'm gonna repeat it. "You don't want enlightenment and you can't want enlightenment." That's basically it. I'm not gonna say:"You're already enlightened" because nobody who seeks enlightenment is gonna want to hear that. Me included. Also, it's not about reading this in a right way for you to get it or not. It's more complex than that. And it's more simple than that. Also: "Realisations don't enlighten or liberate you". They just give you insights into reality, that's it, and those insights are gonna tell you to some degree that you're gonna have to do the following things: (after "here's the deal) You don't want to be nothingness/GOD/emptiness all the time. Because what's more empty than no-thingness? Non-existence, and that's death and or the absence of any perception. So here's the deal: Obviously you either want more of life or fewer of those negative things we call suffering. And you heard about spirituality or enlightenment. Bliss, god, liberation, enlightenment. If you took some psychedelics or had orgasmic awakenings you might think you want that all the time. For example, I had a kundalini awakening. I can't describe the pleasure I've had having it awaken. When it rose I felt like I was the sun being loved into existence. The next few weeks I just had to focus for a split second on my lower back and could maintain that cosmic orgasm for as long as I wanted. This sounds a lot like enlightenment, but it isn't. It's like a heroin IV drip. And the heroin is not gonna last, you're gonna lose it. That's your view on enlightenment if you seek more from life. And once you have that, which you don't necessarily need, you're gonna face suffering, which you'd want to escape from too. So here's the second thing. You can want enlightenment because life is too much suffering and you don't care that much about beauty pleasure etc. So you're gonna try everything you can, to escape suffering, because that's what enlightenment is for you. You're gonna cause suffering in order to escape suffering. The insane ego-mind is gonna have those ideas. You're also gonna want to kill yourself to avoid suffering. That's why you can't want enlightenment. You'd rather kill yourself than become enlightened. Because enlightenment is... No more doing, there's nothing you can do, there's just suffering and the mind handling it. That's it. There's no hope. Enlightenment is NOT the last hope, it's the end of hope alltogether. Most important message: "The thing you want to avoid most in your subjective experience is the door to enlightenment" That's it: If you want to escape your shitty life, then your shitty life is the door to enlightenment, and there's nothing you can do about it. That's surrender. Detaching from your shitty life is not enlightenment, it's what keeps you from enlightenment. If you have just one reason for pursuing enlightenment, that's it. That thing is the path / the door. So turn around 180°. There's also nothing you can do except exhaust yourself, until you give up. The grace of God doesn't show up if you're frustrated. It only shows up once you surrender thinking the only way out is suicide. That's how far it goes. And that's not even total enlightenment. That's when the falling into enlightenment CAN (but doesn't have to) start. It's as if you commited suicide, landed in hell for eternity, and had to accept it. That's when the grace of god shows up. YOU CAN'T WANT THAT!!!! So what can you do? Simple: There is "what IS" and there is "Aversion to what IS". Be minful of the "aversion to what is", so that it becomes "what is". AVERSION is illusory. Aversion is already "What IS" The seeking is gonna end with the aversion to the thing that makes you seek enlightenment in the first place. Important notice: 1. Don't play with suicide or suicidal thoughts. 2. Never hurt yourself emotionally or physically on purpose. 3. Never hurt other people/animals physically or emotionally. 4. Don't fuck up your life in any way. Don't change anything in your day-to-day life. Those are not "additional rules", but just indications that if you have those ideas, you don't understand what is being talked about. If you have those thoughts/ideas, feel free to PM me or comment them, I'm gonna tell you what you misunderstand.

Yep. Lots of folks don't seem to have the clarity and the ability to differentiate about that. *calms down existentially deep* *realizes that he/she is the cosmic self* *bathes in bliss* *ego returns* *NOT CALM, SEND HELP* one day later *BIATCH, this was fun, I'm in for anotha ride ?????*

That is your bias view being passed off as truth. Look into Masochism, where what others call torture, is the greatest pleasure. I've been beaten hard with a bamboo cane, to where my back was so welted, bruised, and bloody, to most it would be the worst torturous experience of their life, but to me it was euphoric transcendent pure bliss. Be aware of your views on things are not universal truths.

I began my meditation/yoga practice not too long ago maybe a month or more ago. pranayama i kinda struggle with with a nasal injury but besides that. focusing on my root chakra for kundalini, felt the pulse, then felt the heat, afterwards an INTENSE sense of bliss and peace i started to cry. anyways this was a few days ago. i cant seem to get the heat back, is it me expecting it? i have been consciously trying to not expect it and just let it happen but still all i get is the occasional pulses. its screwing with my motivation. imma cut it there i rather keep it short. Peace and love oh and if anyone has found any kriya techniques I humbly ask you share to help me in my journey, and of course these practices are secondary/or complimentary to psychedelics

Thanks. So I'm 26, I live in Vancouver, Canada. My family is from India, but I was born in Canada. Started meditating about 6 years ago after Leo said it was the best thing to do improve your life. I was doing a Sam Harris guided meditation for like 3 years, ranging from 30 mins to 60 mins a day. Most I ever took off during that period was a few months, but I was pretty consistent. 2 years ago found this forum. Realized that my meditation was nice because it got me interested in spirituality and being aware of my thoughts, but the meditation barely had an effect on my well being and I was more conscious, but overall it didn't improve my life. As I learned more on the forum I found Ekkart Tolle and Rupert Spira, I really liked their teachings but I didn't really understand their teaching, even though I did some guided meditations. about 1.5 years ago I had a spiritual breakthrough with LSD, it was like my 4th trip, but I got nauseous on the trip and had to lay down, and at some point I just started relaxing and feeling into tensions in my body, then I had some experience of like awareness being awareness in like an infinte loop, and that ended with a crown chakra opened where it felt like my head being opened from the inside, I even felt my head being sticky and being ripped apart. Then I felt just bliss flowing from the universe into me, it was incredible. Still the peakest experience of my life, I've never reached that peak since. I was basically chasing that peak state for like a year, up until a few weeks ago. In that year of chasing i got really depressed and gave up on life. I dropped out of law school because I thought I was already enlightened and was close to the same peak, and then regretted it and got really depressed and just gave up for like 6 months. Like 6 months ago I came home really depressed from work, and then I just layed down and said I can only feel good right now in this moment, and I just spent all day just laying in bed and focusing on my inner sensations for 3 days straight. I had some blissful experiences from those 3 days, and it basically wiped out my depression and gave me hope that meditation can work, and I can reach that peak state I found a few years ago. The past 6 months I've basically felt like I was one day away from enlightenment, even though It was out of reach. I would come home from work, smoke weed and listen to Rupert Spira. Each time I would listen, I would feel like I'm close to enlightenment I feel my tensions unwinding, but then I'd lose it and end up seeking again. I had ups and downs in this period, I thought maybe I was off base, I would think I'm stuck. I had like 5 periods where I thought I was stagnating, only to make more progress in the next few days. It reached a point where I didn't even care if I stagnated because I knew I would overcome the plateu. A few weeks ago I had the major insight. I can't really remember when/how it happened. But it feels like a culimination of all my seeking, because I heard this stuff before. I just realized that conscious presence is the key. Our own consciousness is what we seek. But consciousness is always present. And it just kinda took hold, and now consciousness is just the most important thing and it solves all my seeking. Consciousness is like the final key to the puzzle. There's more to my story, but this is the main points.

Imagine for a second that you have been dwelling in infinite bliss for eternity, knowing that you are God and that nothing, nothing, nothing could ever hurt you. Why not forgetfully abandon yourself into horror?

Its everything... love fear happiness sadness anger bliss jealousy confusion excitement contentment loathing. It can't be pinned down and hung on a nail or squeezed into a label box. Why would anyone want to. ❤

@Tim R I can see by the replies that people have various interpretations... If Love means total equality and non-discrimination that makes logical sense. Same with lack of any anxiety/fear being Bliss/Peace. And I would ideally like to call consciousness nothingness or infinity tbh... Terminology is so often contested.

@Flowerfaeiry Well, I'm just saying, how do you create a dream? By having no resistance to it. This is why I say it is 'enlightening'. Of course you are right, it's normal to have resistance and very difficult not to. But people who train themselves to be allowing of everything are the people who are walking on water and having bullets go through them and their wisdom teeth being pulled out for bliss. haha. fucking insane, but it's really just the point that matters– don't be afraid to feel. Or rather, don't avoid your feelings. That's where it starts at least. But play it forward.

Honestly another one is not following my bliss. Self improvement is counterintuitvely a crux for me

I am curious about why it is impossible to "experience " non duality, is it like deep sleep or something? Just a jump in "time" but it is pure bliss to sleep, the best ever ? Why do we enjoy deep sleep so much, is it because we like "non existence " ?, but it clearly also shows, that it is impossible to experience non existence and thats why it is a jump in time, same with death perhaps, or it could completely be different "bardo" realms, or just pure conciousness, no perceptions just bliss within itself, but since it is nothing it paradoxically is "looking" so hard for itself that it explodes into infinity, like , this is EXISTENCE, And then it also notices and creates itself, when nothing looks into the mirror it only sees infinity, but infinity / all possibilitys is somehow not ultimately true, or it is but it is not the whole truth, there is an intelligence and an order maintained, it is flowing effortlessly, a creativity, what is it that is creative, awake, timeless, in my life? This nothing is somehow self negating itself and thus becoming Infinite Mind, the power of Zero becomes itself as manifestation, it created itself, infinite intelligence, infinite power , infinite love, but that only "works" when there is "other", this is me and everything else is not me, but in fact nothing has absolutly no limits, it is what it is, but as it "takes" "form" of Infinite Mind / Imagination, it creates the universe, or rather becomes it, an analogy, imagine infinite mind daydreaming, but because there is nothing else, it starts dreaming everything and it has been dreaming forever now, so much so that we became lost in our own dream, but this is the only way to share love, this is the "tragedy" of existence, the seperate self longs for the unlimited, but paradoxically when it is found, the game is more or less over, and to remember that there never was another, so infinite power or intelligence does not mean anything without "others" because there is only formless infinity. There comes a possibility sometimes to radically destroy the illusion of existence and objective reality, but most won't take that step and starts to forget it instead. Hilarious tbh ??? This is just a story tho, but it is also coming from direct insight.

Most of it is nonsense and not very detailed at all: Follow your bliss actions align with beautiful self concept Positive contrast Beautiful self concept The specifics don't matter The self concept/ energy matters, harmony matters. The specifics fill in with whatever Imagination is real No need to cling, can be relaxed from unconditional love ..... Warmth Bond Unconditional love Natural Complementing energies Can feel safe to be myself No awkwardness Forgiveness Mirroring Safety in separation Oneness, completion Challenging, accelerated learning ...... Desensitized No fear, no filter Brutally honest .... Affect others Bored Amused Void Desire Spoilt child Secure Exhausted Satisfied ..... Laying down in spirit. Becoming one. Peace between spirits. Laying down. ...... Innocence, Being, unconditional love + The Devil = warmth, Gratitude, Compassion, selflessness Balance ...... Shallowness + depth = warmth ......... Confident, Carefree, Secure, Sure, Lower dopamine, Lying down; do nothing, Soft heart Dislikes: being overrided, restricted, heavily influenced Likes: security, freedom, safety, independence, spontaniety, confidence, identity ........ Enjoy the contrast between spirits ....... There is only me here, we dissolves ...... Create beautiful concept for others ....... Keep reaching for something satisfying, satisfying relief Spirituality is high levels Visions will feel like next logical step in satisfaction, relief Meaning will feel like next logical step ...... General sexual energy + affirmations + meditation = warmth ........ Movement Affirmations Sexual energy Breathing

@Ry4n When I say we did not come here to become God what I mean is we did not come here in my humble opinion to discount the human experience. "Leo I'm sorry, but it's statements like this that show you've still got some work to do pulling your head out of your ass. Not having any stink of arrogance or holiness is the last word of Zen; the complete integration of Absolute and Relative, where real spiritual maturity lies. I'm checking your ego from a place of love here. Actually live it, not just preach it. I know you are capable of that. Namaste." Also this is exactly what I am talking about. Integration. A lot of people actually have understood and experienced what he is talking about but it takes years to fully integrate it all. He reminds me of how I was when I first had my experiences. Teal swan is someone who I feel like is a good example of how to live an integrated life. @Leo Gura Have you actually read near death experiences? I am going to paste a few examples here because many and I mean many of them talk about you are seem to be pointing at in your teachings. I get annoyed with you at times because you seem to think no one gets it. Also NDER'S come back with the knowing that there is not death at all. Here are a few examples please tell me what you think: Cami R described it like on the NDERF site: 'I crossed into a state that was deep, fundamental, irreducible. An ocean of exquisite sensitivity, of omnisentience (sensing everywhere at once), turned me inside out to reveal itself at the core. Losing every sense of distinction, I floated as part of this gloriously intelligent web of light. Even the awesome flavors and energies from previous states of consciousness looked trivial compared to this luminous irreducible force, this field of existence. It seemed to be an order of magnitude different from the earlier experiences. This was the force of consciousness itself. There was no 'I' left whatsoever, not even the broad perspective from the life review. My boundaries as a human and as a spirit were completely erased. Witnessing from a localized single point, my perspective was simultaneously spread through the multidimensional, nonlocalized perspective of the entire web. There was no end and no beginning, like the lake underneath the forms that dance through our lives. This was beyond bliss, beyond truth, beyond peace and ecstasy and all the searing emotions of the previous stages. It was stillness in the middle, consciousness without form John Scott NDE: It’s almost if not impossible to describe the source light because it is everything and nothing simultaneously, that’s what I saw; a conundrum full of dualistic opposites within one united energy field on every level of cognition. Hafur NDE: ***We live in a 'Plural Unity' or 'Oneness'. In other words, our reality is 'Unity in Plurality and Plurality in Unity’. ***I was everything and everything was me, without essential differences other than in temporal appearances. ***There is no external god, but that god is in everything and everything in god, just as life itself. ***There is no God outside ourselves but is, rather, in everything and everything is a part of God, as is life itself. ***God is everything and nothing at the same time. ***Everyone and everything, or temporal phenomenon within this dimension, is where it should be because it emanates from the blueprint of a shared dream (if we can call it that) that is repeated indefinitely until we understand what is essential or real. ***Everything is part of an essential game of life itself, and that to the degree that we live by true love, unconditional and universal, the closer we are to an understanding what life truly is, which is true happiness and perfect wisdom. ***Everything is experience and that this life and the next are essentially the same because everything is god. Nothing is outside of god just as nothing is outside of life itself. ***Death is a metamorphosis of time. One more illusion from our mental concepts. Essentially, time does not exist, nor does space. They are illusions of our creative mind that plays a game of self-deception in the creation of events. ***'I' includes 'We' and are like a mirror where we perceive the reflection of our reality in its many facets and illusions. ***The 'creator' is eternally creating, and one of the creations is the practice of conscious love. 'One learns to paint by painting'. That's why this 'temporal human illusory creation' exists as though it were a matrix within another matrix and this, within another - multi-dimensionally until we wake up. ***I experienced something that can't be transmitted with words but that can be expressed as 'The Essence of Life is its Total Nothingness’ (please understand 'Nothingness' as something that has no intrinsic substance, but is rather constructed by a multitude of phenomena, which in turn are formed by other untold multitude of phenomena to the point of infinity). I understood that intangible, indescribable life is all that exists. There is no death (it's only a description to show the polarities in the world of phenomena). ***Consciously living by love is the essence of life itself and is made manifest or materializes in this plane of existence as a cohesive force to recreate itself in multiple forms as a game in which nothingness recreates itself in temporary, illusory events. ***The known universe is a fraction of infinite reality that by love has become finite pieces in our temporal 'hands'. ***I learned thousands of other things without end, and it is difficult to express in words because words are insufficient, they can't describe what I experienced in this other state of consciousness that was much clearer than this one. When I returned to this life, I felt I had fallen into a very heavy space, and that my body was as lead and my mind was the same and very slow. I saw my loved ones, family and friends as if they were nothing to me. They were only reflections in the great theater of life, and each one voluntarily agreed to play a part in order to learn more and better how to love. I spoke with them to tell them of my experience, and they looked at me as though I were crazy. I realized they didn't understand what I was saying to them. Little by little, my experience grew faint, but there appeared many new special experiences of telepathy, intuition developed between others such as voluntary out of body experiences and involuntary bi-location. I especially cannot control the latter, and I would like to know using conventional language how this phenomenon happens. I only know that everything is eternal, pure consciousness and that we are in a mental dream that is permanently being constructed as a dynamic of consciousness that knows itself and recreates itself through each one of us. That we are the 'point of emptiness' where the void or nothingness of the universe becomes aware of itself. It is really hard to explain this. I know that everything I saw originates from thoughts, or the Universal Mind. It is projected in images and events that interact with lucid consciousness as an experience, and that this whole experience is a part the infinitude of that which is real on every plain or level of existence that we want to invent or divide into pieces so that our temporal mind can decipher it despite its limitations. I believe I understood that what we call God is the silence of indescribable life that is in everything, and everything is in it. As an analogy, we could use the image of steam, converted into water, then into ice. Once it is in that state, ice forgets that it is steam with its capacity for expansion. This is what happens to us in this plane of consciousness. I believe I understood that what we call God is the silence of indescribable life that is in everything and in which everything exists or is within it. A marvelous, loving and conscious eternity. Note: I feel that all the images that were created in my mind during this experience, before entering into the light, are symbolic thought forms of something perhaps more profound that could serve in support of a translation of that which is essential experience. It is impossible to explain with our limited human language, yet I am now trying to decipher it little by little. I noticed a change in the speed my mind worked and developed my intuition or universal perception of life. It is difficult to translate with my physical brain, that which is essential or infinite with conventional language. Perhaps through the art of telepathic communication, soul to soul, it can be done. I will continue trying to do this, and will try see if someone who has experienced this same phenomenon, or who has had a similar experience, has another part of the verbal puzzle. Among all of us, we can put together a clearer picture that can benefit those who do not read. I ask your indulgence for my limitations and hope that I haven't confused anyone. I will conclude by saying: 'From but one piece of clay, many forms can be made At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I entered into the light. I entered into the 'void' and into 'everything' at the same time. I became fused with the light and reality became aware of itself. I realized everything was God and is permanently creating. Nothingness creating nothingness. Truthfully, I do not know how to express or transmit this with words. They limit me. Mellen Thomas Benedict NDE: At this point of my near-death experience, I found myself in a profound stillness, beyond all silence. I could see or perceive FOREVER, beyond Infinity. I was in the Void. I was in pre-creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed over the beginning of time / the First Word / the First vibration. I was in the Eye of Creation. I felt as if I was touching the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. Simply, I was at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness. When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that I could experience all of creation generating itself. It was without beginning and without end. That’s a mind-expanding thought, isn’t it? Scientists perceive the Big Bang as a single event that created the Universe. I saw during my life after death experience that the Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of Big Bangs creating Universes endlessly and simultaneously. The only images that even come close in human terms would be those created by super computers using fractal geometry equations. The ancients knew of this. They said God had periodically created new Universes by breathing out, and recreated other Universes by breathing in. These epochs were called Yugas. Modern science called this the Big Bang. I was in absolute, pure consciousness. I could see or perceive all the Big Bangs or Yugas creating and recreating themselves. Instantly I entered into them all simultaneously. I saw that each and every little piece of creation has the power to create. It is very difficult to try to explain this. I am still speechless about this. It took me years after I returned from my near-death experience to assimilate any words at all for the Void experience. I can tell you this now: the Void is less than nothing, yet more than everything that is! The Void is absolute zero; chaos forming all possibilities. It is Absolute Consciousness; much more than even Universal Intelligence. The Void is the vacuum or nothingness between all physical manifestations. The SPACE between atoms and their components. Modern science has begun to study this space between everything. They call it Zero point. Whenever they try to measure it, their instruments go off the scale, or to infinity, so to speak. They have no way, as of yet, to measure infinity accurately. There is more of the zero space in your own body and the Universe than anything else! What mystics call the Void is not a void. It is so full of energy, a different kind of energy that has created everything that we are. Everything since the Big Bang is vibration, from the first Word, which is the first vibration. The biblical “I am” really has a question mark after it. “I am — What am I?” So creation is God exploring God’s Self through every way imaginable, in an ongoing, infinite exploration through every one of us. I began to see during my near-death experience that everything that is, is the Self, literally, your Self, my Self. Everything is the great Self. That is why God knows even when a leaf falls. That is possible because wherever you are is the center of the universe. Wherever any atom is, that is the center of the universe. There is God in that, and God in the Void.

Turning fear into joy So this is the biggie, right? How do we turn water into wine, lead into gold. Realising fear is the same as joy. It's a feeling, a thought, a sense. We just conceptualise it differently based on our life situation and context. What you truly fear, is ultimately what you are. To live as the moment. We fear this because it dissolves meaning. And yet there is so much meaning in the moment (the ultimate paradox). We are desperate to gain meaning in our lives. We get stuck on the path searching and seeking. Turn back into yourself and face yourself. What are you afraid of? What is your heart telling you to do. Follow your Heart. Follow your Bliss Turn Fear into Joy.

Please watch these videos. Many people who have experienced what you have have realized something beyond it. When I was 17 11 years ago I had an experience where it felt like I went to a place that you describe from smoking weed. It was terrifying and I thought I was experiencing the separation of everything. I was cycling between absolute despair and orgasmic bliss but both states were painful. I have experienced going into a void and feeling what it was like to have no one to share myself with.

I experience zero depression as all sensations are seen to be in the continuum of sensation vs. cessation which is basically to say that bliss sensations are seen as almost equal to something like what I would’ve called emotional loss. I still have a human experience and my present moment is almost exactly as it was before. What has changed is my past self imagination and future self imagination and what I think is possible between those two poles. I’ve had roughly 500 awakenings at this point for my present moment to pull from memory. This makes my present moment feel so fresh and different even though the raw sensations of let’s say me being hungry might be almost indistinguishable from yours, I have 500 awakenings telling me what might come out of me feeling hungry which could be formless crystalline consciousness of a Luciferian Bhakti-fueled singularity which I would call in a relative sense still Brandon Rohe (my character’s legal name). So if you can hold all of that under your hat, imagine dropping that and picking it back up as a humble Buddhist monk who lives and dies by Jesus’ teachings in John chapter 15 where I abide in Christ and He abides by me as the Holy Spirit experienced within me. We can take this any which way you can imagine and I say that in full sincere care as something which could certainly be cognized as Brandon Rohe the Ultimate God of Madness. So imagine that as an ant getting picked up and analyzed as a sentient being ultimately as true as my human being within that moment and then placed carefully back down into its own reality to awaken when it pleases. I teach under the guise and illusion of being a Zen devil that you will be forewarned about the distasteful aspects of me which might come along with my present moment experience splaying itself out in fullness. Notice how you really aren’t ant closer to being my subjectively experienced reality after reading or not reading all of that? That’s what we’re dealing with. No one can teach enlightenment and no one can know enlightenment in truth as an unenlightened self can only come up as a relative marker the same as anything else. The finger pointing to the moon is never the full essence of the finger pointing to the moon. What you should be worried about in that analogy is the Gravity which brings us together here and now which might be pointed to in the Christian canon as the Heavenly Father. It is only by the Father’s will that I toil at all and it is only through the Holy Spirit within me that I write to you any answer, so do not give me praise for works that are not my own fruits to give you as the true karma yoga Krishna Consciousness which they I’m truth will hopefully present themselves to you to behold.

Quote from Adyashanti, from the book "The end of your world": "Most of what we are told about awakening sounds like a sales pitch for enlightenment. In a sales pitch, we are told only the most positive aspects; we may even be told things that are actually not true. In the sales pitch for awakening, we are told that enlightenment is all about love and ecstacy, compassion and union, and a host of other positive experiences. It is often shrouded in fantastic stories, so we come to believe that awakening has to do with miracles and mystical powers. One of the most common sales pitch includes describing enlightenment as an experience of bliss. As a result, people think, "When I spiritually awaken, when I have union with God, I will enter into a state of constant ecstacy". This is, of course, a deep misunderstanding of what awakening is. There may be bliss with awakening, because it is actually a by-product of awakening, but it is not awakening itself. As long as we are chasing the by-products of awakening, we will miss the real thing. This is a problem, because many spiritual practices attempt to reproduce the by-products of awakening without giving rise to the awakening itself. We can learn certain meditative techniques - chanting mantras or sing bhajans, for example - and certain positive experiences will be produced. The human consciousness is tremendously pliable, and by taking part in certain spiritual practices, techniques, and disciplines, you can indeed produce many of the by-products of awakening- states of bliss, openness, and so on. But what often happens is that you end up with only the by-products of awakening, without awakening itself. It is important that we know what awakening is not, so that we no longer chase the by-products of awakening. We must give up the pursuit of positive emotional states through spiritual practice. The path of awakening is not about positive emotions. On the contrary, enlightenment may not be easy or positive at all. It is not easy to have our illusions crushed. It is not easy to let go of long-held perceptions. We may experience great resistance to seeing through even those illusions that cause us a great amount of pain. This is something many people don't know they're signing up for when they start on a quest for spiritual awakening. As a teacher, one of the things that I find out about students relatively early on is whether they are interested in the real thing - do they really want the truth, or do they actually just want to feel better? The process of finding the truth may not be a process in which we feel increasingly better and better. It may be a process during which we need to look at things honestly, sincerely, and truthfully - and that may or may not be an easy thing to do. The sincere call from reality to reality, the sincere call to awaken, comes from a very deep place within us. It comes from a place that wants the truth more than it wants to feel good. If our orientation is simply to feel better in each moment, then we'll continue to delude ourselves, because trying to feel better in the moment is exactly how we delude ourselves. We think our delusions are making us feel better. In order to awaken, we must break out of the paradigm of always seeking to feel better. Of course, we want to feel better; it's part of the human experience. Everybody wants to feel good. We are hardwired to seek more pleasure and less pain. But there is an even deeper impulse within us, and that is what I describe as the impulse to awaken. It's this impulse to awaken that gives us the courage to look at all the ways in which we deceive ourselves."

I can intuit this. However, I don't think that replaces life long learning for me. I can realize I am God, this is imaginary, and I am in heaven and still learn more because... It's infinite and it's fun to learn. Spiritual books are more than just for seeking. They are for growing and fleshing out, plus there is simply an aesthetic element to reading something beautiful. Also, there is too many spiritual paths, spiritual flavours and potentials for the soul and human body. I can't see myself just sitting around lazily in bliss. I wanna explore and learn in bliss and create value. This is just my own spiritual take. It's all right. alllll right. Unbiased. I've experienced plenty of radical states, but I am still integrating and developing myself spiritually. There is not shoulds.

Yes these two things make me feel wayyyy better. I just stopped doing my early morning walk recently due to poor weather, but I realize now that I probably never should have stopped. When I turn the water on cold, I tell myself "get ready to feel some bliss". Viewing the cold water as 'bliss' lets my actually enjoy the thrill of having it on my skin. To time it, I just tell myself I have to wash my whole body with soap before I make it warm again.