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@Your place at Heart I already discovered this when I was on my way out of Islam. The only part of Islam that interests me is Sufism. I already discovered that both Sunni and Shia don't see the point Mohammed wanted to make clear. @Your place at Heart Wait, transformation period? What do you mean with that? And how did you understand that it wasn't real? All I know is the deep pain I feel in my heart every night. @Your place at Heart This is part of the struggle. I know I have to accept it. After I watched some videos of Leo he said that I should better get used to it. That's the issue. I had no clue how. Now I know that I have to accept that loneliness is fake, I just don't understand how it is. Does it work the same way as spirituality or non-duality? Like, does it need to be experienced somehow to be understood?

I am Muslim like You and version of Islam of our parents are not what Islam of our prophet Muhammad but the Islam of lustful, greedy, power hungry, super-egoic Monarchs the way Catholics and Protestants were in History. Read Karen Armstrong a former catholic nun but very tolerant and loving person re-telling of the story of true struggles of our prophet who was for decades trying to spread hippie message of oneness, love and nonduality to the aggressive Arabian tribes but circumstances forced him to fight back, This will teach you essence of Islam and relief this deep ingrained part of your ego that is stained with religion that blocks your advance in life. Also, Loneliness is not real, its just your ego exaggerates the transformation period and is currently fighting you and does not wanting to let go. I certainly have suffered through this but understood that it was a lie. I now enjoy being alone because I get shit done and I feel constant state of flow. I still can hang out with people, but depends on people type. Most people I know like family members are like scheming courtiers who are masters are energy draining and subtle statements and questions and that are like knifes cutting right through my psyche reviving the underdeveloped beast and extreme phobias and self-doubts and self-consciousness nature in me that I am trying to get rid of. I honestly don't know you, but I believe if you could find the right people to hang out with, you have achieved what most people couldn't. If you want to hang out with people then develop the skill of acute observation without judgement or moralization and reading the true hidden meaning of what others say and what their body language conveys. You better accept being alone and practice loving yourself with all your heart and extend that love to others, this will heal your ego and ease letting go of need to be in control and surrounded with unconscious people who will generally do much damage to you in much subtler ways.

@Viking You got 2 options. 1) Traditional Self help POV (Psychological issue) 2) Real Spirituality POV (Existential, deep issue) 1) Traditional Self help POV (Psychological issue): Reading your post, it seems to me that this might be your case. You don't genuinely enjoy any responsible and so called healthy activities. But you still get a kick out of all the low consciousness addictions. If this is the case, then it's a a case of mistaken priority. Your brain is flooded will dopamine and you'll need to refrain from all stimulies for an year or so to recover. Then you'll naturally start enjoying the healthy habits and highs like studying, good diet, relationships, healthy sex, healthy entertainment once in a while etc. @bejapuskas said everything that needed to be said here. It will be a super hard challenge the 1st few months or years because you'll have to literally brute force everyday. It's like a cocain addict recovering. 2) Real Spirituality POV (Existential, deep issue) This happened to me. Along with daily so called 'healthy' stuff, the addictive stuff like binge watching entertainment, porn, food etc became like a chore and boring and disgusting and hollow as well. A realization came that even jerking off to porn is making me suffer WHILE I'm doing it, let alone afterwards lol. I was a diligent student/worker pretty much all my life. So I know the story of both worlds. I realized that neither a new disciplined identity nor the addict junky identity is giving me any joy. Like the prodigal son, I ventured in the 'the world'. But no activity, object, person, state of mind gave me any lasting joy. There was no more direction to do but yet the desire for satisfaction was burning ever vigorously. I'd pass days just lying on the bed over 15 hours, stopped eating for days because even eating felt like a chore. Through this intense suffering, a new door was opened; the last possible door. ''Who is this self that is in constant search for Happiness? What is this happiness exactly?'' A rigorous self inquiry process started and I'm still in it, ready to be thrown into the unknown forever any moment. If this story resonates with you, then realize that your current mid life crisis is actually a call to merge with God. If this is the case, no amount of transformation will satisfy this existential itch unless you see through it all the way. No cosmetic will work. You can't plaster gold on your decade long wounds and pretend that it's solved. Now honestly examine your life and see what your condition really is. Do you still believe more movies, porn or some magical object in the future will totally satisfy you? If this is the case then nothing wrong with that. Go with @bejapuskas's solid advice. There are tons of self help info on re-sculpting a new personality and value system. You can literally have a completely new healthy personality 5 years from now on if you put in the work. Or do you see that no matter what you try to become will always be another fragile garment, which has really nothing to do with you? If this is how you honestly feel, then it's time to get Enlightened! Your life will then authentically, naturally bloom from that place without 'your' control. both path will be hard! Both path demands few years of toiling labor and excruciating loneliness, confusion and pain without really seeing any tangible result. Not decide my friend

The general trends though say sth different. Look at the worldwide statistics and compare the numbers, sure there are and always have been those few individuals and I know a lot of them but the general trends are different. And the fact that some powerful women are out there just shows the point that it's not women who can't or are not willing to do those things but that they've been held back throughout history and only now for a couple hundred years are women becoming more freed up and even that is not a full transformation because it's happened only in western countries and yet most of the earth's population lives in the east and the tragedy is still in play. I'm not talking about myself just the overall view of how things are in the world.

November is going to be 1year as I do yogasanas consistently, tho I don't feel it to be appropiate to talk about the benefits of it. This practice is very subtle you will have to experience for yourself. This is one practice that nobody talks about the benefits, in other isha practices like angamardhana people will not shut up, they feel it on the first day because it's so much on the physical level, health, brain activity, lightness, energy everything just so apparant. But yogasanas is very subtle. One day when you look back how you were before you started yoganasas and compare it with today, you will see a huge transformation in things like what you like, how you think, how you feel, what bothers you, what doesnt, how mature you've become, how intelligent, how you relate to people and life, how sensitive you've become to life and everyone around you. And above all, the balance and quality of any meditation or kriya grows by a 100x. You saw hatha yoga teachers, didn't you? Just one look at them and you can tell, everything about them is different, how they sit even, like bhuddha statues, every move they make is so fantastic They're the answer to your question

yellow because of the transformation of egoic thinking to actually seeing the truth

Just being aware that you know that you’re going through some sort of transformation or transition and that your ego is backlashing in of itself is sufficient enough for you to take the proper actions that need to be taken. As long as you can see what it is in truth (which it seems you can see what it is for what it is) Keep walking the edge, this is when you know you are growing when you do something for no other reason then it is difficult to do. Brene Brown talks about the vulnerability hangover when you say or do something courageous and in your mind you think “I shouldn’t have done that” or “what will they think of me.” Etc. etc. this in a nutshell is growth, and if it wasn’t challenging then everyone would be highly developed self actualized human beings.

@pluto Tell me a little about your transformation, I'm intrigued

Appendix: Are "we" ready for some chaos magic? D - Discipline R- Relaxation A - Attention T - Transformation D.R.A.T. - love this formula

@sarapr I think the main implication would be banishing the naive notion of materialism from all of culture and mainstream. Imagine that the real nature of Reality is being studied and discussed from 1st grade textbooks. Can you imagine the metaphysical implications and the transformation in collective worldview if everyone was aware that there is no external physical world? From our current situation, it seems like it would produce uncontrollable chaos and madness. There is nothing wrong that Science produces technologies to make life easier. But it is the noob rationality game they play and how they present their paradigms on pedestal as the only barometer of Truth. In the end, they MUST play this game for survival, just so they are revered as the torchbearers of Truth and everything Real in this life. Would you honestly give a fuck about the new iphone if you and all of your surroundings knew in their deepest heart of hearts that there is no external world and only Consciousness exists?

In India we have seen meditators since hundreds of years, throughout our long history. If you don't deceive yourself, meditation transforms you. Meditation is not a child’s play. It is a deep transformation.

Real shift in insight is the result of shift in the energetic system. The subtle energy body shifts and its influence cascades down into physiology, thoughts, beliefs, and an 'aha!' moment. Its not uncommon for shifts in perception to be accompanied by a physically enduring experience. Insight doesn't lead to transformation, it's the opposite way round.

Don't get lost in idea of "now" moments either. This can be just a seeking of some experiential idea you have of what the moment looks like. keep going back to the recognition you had.....anything thats going on at all times no matter the apparent "now moment" is infinite intelligence unfolding. This may be a hard process, because at some point, you'll start shedding your identity and this transformation process can be a shit show inside, so be prepared, but dont expect it either, for some its easy.

Awareness of awareness, i.e. being aware that you are aware of something is what psychologists call metacognition. This is completely different from the transformation of mind "Enlightenment" normally refers to. Of course, one might import the sequence of letters "E-n-l-i-g-h-t-e-n-m-e-n-t" into whatever language game one wants to play, and declare anything as "Enlightenment".

I think Jair Bolsonaro is pretty blue with shades of red. I created a topic here about Brazilian politics and Leo said that our country is evolving from blue to orange, which is a hard transformation.

Maybe my notion of 'Peaceful' revolution has derived from stage green thinking. At the same time, as i am trying to evolve from green to yellow, i can see some of the complexity of human nature or system. Like leo mentioned about 60s revolution and its green essence. Need to study about that more. But without much deep thinking, i can say that it was 'peaceful', if you compare it with french revolution, an orange one. Comparing only to understand, not to demonize. Certain transition needs certain measures. Both violence and peace are necessary and part of reality, although the existential nature of both is unique. I think all revolution are just recipe for transformation. The question is, what is the nature of that recipe. French revolution was full of violence done by both parties (revolutionaries and oppressors)

(back to topic) really liked the sliced bread analogy what about to see a revolution more as an incision, a more peaceful revolution more as a transition and an evolvement as a transformation?

This is a response to quoted conversations early last month on topics concerning various aspects of enlightening practice in ordinary situations. For those unfamiliar with some of the writer's Chinese Taoist terminology (not that I regularly rely on these terms), I will flesh them out in the course of responding for those who might be interested… "Higher Virtue" would refer to non-resistance in adapting to events (not that it is higher or lower, per se— what is implied is another order of referential experience). To call it "higher virtue" is to recognize that passivity is not what is meant by "virtuous" non-resistance. It implies a sensitivity to an ever-pervasive subtle living potential comprising the existential and transcendent basis any situation one could find oneself in. This is not conjecture or theory. It's taoist science— but, that's not to say that it's Taoist. The tao isn't taoist. No one invented or discovered enlightenment. It's who we are. All authentic awareness teachings are the same, ultimately. They just have different emphasis to meet the needs of the place and time as they continue to change for the benefit of Universal Good. Direct realization of potential is non-discursive awareness as the moment in terms of one's situational and transformational presence, but the writer seems to be implying some sort of focused aspect of seeing reality (not sure whether the writer's intent is toward enlightening awareness or a strict reference to the sudden (absolute awareness). I need to affirm that there is no such visual quality of "direct realization" to be construed (if that is what the writer meant) in terms of enlightening activity in the midst of ordinary situations. Seeing potential is just perceiving reality without entertaining the perspective of the personality (the thinker, the knower, the liver of life), without unconsciously construing discriminatory consciousness in the midst of ordinary affairs. Just such non-discursive spontaneous adaption in the midst of affairs IS virtuous non-resistance, in terms of spiritual subtle adaption. What this is all about is not going to the trouble to get mixed up in karmic evolution while in its midst (ie: liberation), while spontaneously satisfying the requirements of the time and situation. Some teachings like to split this up and allocate the former aspect to transcendent buddha activity and the latter as compassionate bodhisattvic activity. It's just a teaching device. There are no rote stages. The fancy name for this is the supreme vehicle of buddhas (heeheehee)!! Dealing with uncreated potential and NOT dealing with created energy of karmic flux IS practicing non-resestance. Why? There's nothing resisting inside or out. It's not that there is non-resistance in oneself as opposed to not-self. It's that there is no duality in enlightening activity. It's as natural as air— and even less resistant. Enlightenment is already our nature as human being. I said human being, not human beings. That's a subtlety. It is in and of itself unfathomable. To enter into the inconceivability, one must simply forget to think as the person and just start seeing what is without habitual self-referencing psychological patterns. Easy to say, immeasurably difficult to carry out without many years of unbending intent— both before and after sudden enlightenment. But still, one can step over eternity in a thrice, because it is already our own nature. Mind is one. There are no two minds. It's as easy as turning over your hand. Xing and Ming are a pair of technical terms I can vaguely assign to inner (psychosomatic) energy [Ming] and immaterial (selfless/spiritual) potential) [Xing]. As in all things in the ancient quasi-system assigned the name "taoist", there are innumerable levels of understanding of even terms such as yin and yang per their contextual intent. Xing and Ming are certainly more specific in connotation, yet, one must tread carefully, even after many years of study, meditation and direct experience. Nevertheless, there are those in all walks of life who, through no personal fault or effort, are very close to penetrating the source of this teaching on the turn of a phrase. This is why I dare to publish these seemingly nonsensical posts and threads. Once one sees, it is only a matter of repetitive re-affirmation through adapting to endless situation as one gradually enters the mystery without end (the mystery, that is). As for immortality— that's awareness. To the degree one assimilates to essence and leaves behind the gross elements of the self, that is the degree to which one takes on the characteristics of inconceivability. Take me for example— this is just crazy-talk-- but every instance of my description, as ancient as it is, is factual. Our nature is inconceivable, and so are we. The writer goes on to say: The "Gradual Method" (along with "the sudden" approach), also forms another pair in the terminology of various Chinese spiritual traditions. "Nei Dan" is the Chinese term referring to the widespread and popular strains of grafting, or energy-work. Though it is called "inner alchemy", it is not to be construed as somehow an advanced practice as oppose to "outer" practice. Any kind of ordinary or esoteric exercise or activity anyone here on the Actualized forum has ever imagined there to be in terms of yogic, sexual, meditative or otherwise, falls into the Nei Dan sphere of activity. Nei Dan, along with general philosophical theoretics and/or speculation make the bulk of what passes for core asian "spiritual praxis", in the popular sense. Here, the writer refers to those who practice Nei Dan as "Nei Dan". Nei Dan refers to psychosomatic energy manipulation, which cannot transcend its own sphere of influence (being creation). Why? Because it is itself created. Xing, on the other hand, is working directly with that which is uncreated. How is that? Awareness is itself uncreated. It's selfless. It has no self. It is our direct link with nonorigination. This is immortal. It is our nature. The nonpsychological is spiritual. Working through recognition of nonpsychological awareness (non-self-reflective), people are able to enter into spiritually adaptive activity. It's called using the world to refine the self as opposed to using the world to gratify the self. This is none other than "turning the light around" to shine directly onto its source, instead of following the light (of creation) to go along with karmic evolutionary bondage. IT'S THE SAME LIGHT. The light is awareness itself— your own mind right now. It's not that it shines somewhere on something. It's already the totality of Suchness. Work within Suchness, and one's selfsame being the light itself is activated and actualized without needing to know. In my referential experience, I discount the speculative philosophical approach to spiritual evolution because of the literalistic abuses of historic and ancient written material such as doctrinal treatises of buddhistic and taoist bent, but also Confucian writings in particular. At any rate, pretty much any and all documents in both Buddhist and Taoist canons qualify in my opinion— not due to the source materials, but due to the way ego-referential intellectualism literally destroys the very intent and power imbedded in the documents themselves. Therefore, in a twist of irreverence, I make reference to what the writer attributes to the highest virtuous accord with reality [my term], as "outer work". Why? Because the esoteric devices of Nei Dan are to carried out in private, while the subtle teaching of selfless spiritual adaption in the midst of ordinary affairs takes place, well, in public! That is the most powerful kind of practice there is, and one carries it out without anyone knowing. It's all totally natural. Basically, my good friend (I don't know him at all) is hung up on the fact that there is nothing to grasp in terms of dealing with Xing, and he cannot conceive of giving up on Ming, and he makes no bones about it. Whereas all along, taking up Xing is working with what is the same (immortal) and Ming is working with the different (created)— not to mention the fact that he is hung up on immortality (technically speaking of course). Awareness is already our absolute nature. Immortality, per se, is not even an issue in terms of authentic practice. The basis of mind is itself enlightenment. Someone else on the same thread from another forum (Dao Bums) made the great analogy that in order to enter this sphere of "advance" practice, one must wipe one's feet (of intellectual understandings), adding, oh, by the way, you're already standing on the floor-mat! it's a matter of stopping (to think habitually), and so begin to see how reality is already working naturally (by the insight of innate nonpsychologically perceptive capacities we are already using without knowing it right now). Later on (in my Dao Bums thread), this writer also insists that some kind of bodily transformation must be taking place for one to attain immortality. I don't really have a problem with that, really. I mean, whatever~ In terms of his insistence that Ming is important, all I can say is that by taking up Xing by virtuous non-resistant accord within reality, where one sees through phenomena without denying its characteristics, Ming is spontaneously experienced along the way as inconceivable body experiences that occur without any intent or effort on one's part. It's the strangest thing! Ming is included in Xing automatically. Anyone can tell by reading the writer's quote, that the writer is culturally asian, and it is crucial to understand what an incredible bit of cultural baggage he is dealing with in trying to work this out~ not that he has any more of an impediment than any non-asian does. Even so, you never know …seeing essence and returning to carry on advance practice, entering the way in profound reality— it's possible❤︎ Perhaps I will try to continue this thread here on Leo's site. If not, any one who is interested can peruse about eight years of material (yuck!) by referencing my profile page. deci belle is my name on the Dao Bums website too.

I'm slowly starting to trust people, I'm starting to open up more and become more of my authentic self. I'm starting to feel more confident and comfortable with my voice and feeling more comfortable around people. On Saturday, I went out to Trilogy for Manifestation Dance which turned out to be a great experience of exploring body's movement on a micro dose of mushrooms 0.1g. Tapping into powerful king-warrior voice On my way there in the car, since it took about 40 minutes to get there, I was experimenting with my voice and humming, at one point I started to tap into that "boss" state that I keep experiencing on Ayahuasca when I feel like my true self, I feel the King's energy coursing through my entire body and become the force of nature. At that moment I started talking in Russian: "когда я пью айяаску я чувствую в себе настоящюю, Русскую, богатырскую силу! Я ощущаю себя настоящим мужиком, я настоящий мужик! Я русский богатырь!" This was screamed out with a lot of passion and the kind of voice that I've only experienced on psychedelics, I tapped into that state and confidence without taking anything. There was a lot of fury pouring out of me and I felt awesome expressing it with this powerful king-warrior confidence, I also said: "Я хочу жить, я буду жить! Меня заебало! Я хочу жить!" This was said with similar passion but also sadness as tears poured out of my eyes. I realized I'm able to tap into that authentic, passionate place within me that is longing to be alive and live to the fullest, that is longing to express my awesome unique talents, that is longing to tell the world my story and show people that transformation is possible, that it's entirely up to us to transform ourselves and it's okay to be ourselves, live our dreams and become our full potential as humans. I also felt like English language has kept me locked up and unable to express my authentic voice because of it's weakness compared to Russian, Russian language is just so much more powerful, rich and expressive and I feel like I never truly became comfortable with English. At some point I thought I needed to speak just Russian for a while and create some YouTube videos expressing these ideas in Russian which could also help my parents with some of their problems. I came to the conclusion that I actually need to practice both, but start warming up with Russian because that's how I tap into that authentic place longing to be expressed and then transition into English while on the same Russian style wave length. Exploring new depth of dance and movement There were glimpses of fear of where this journey is leading me to as usual, but not much as I didn't let the mind wonder and just concentrated on movement and enjoying listening to the music and watching other people dance around me. I really liked experimenting with all kinds of dynamic body movement and learned some moves that I haven't tried before, I was able to tune myself in to the rhythm of almost every song and come up with a unique dance style to match it. I could feel myself resisting certain kinds of songs, but decided to work through that resistance anyway to see what would come out of it, and then was able to create new style of dances as I worked through that initial reluctance and resistance. This tells me there are old patterns of moving and behaving that I'm clinging to, so by working through that initial resistance and trying new moves to the songs that I initially don't like is a great way to explore creativity and new depths of body movement and style. I was really into it most of the time there which was about an hour and a half and felt like I'm finally starting to become that person I keep seeing on psychedelics but in a gradual, gentle way that works for me. I think taking micro doses and going out to events like that is perfect for integrating high dose experiences and empower myself so I can gradually start trusting people. Talking to women authentic style I also talked to an Asian girl who was pretty locked up and shy and was pretty hard to read with her monotonous voice and stiff body language, though I persisted talking to her and was still able to have a decent conversation with her, she told me she wants to share a poem at a open mic talk at Trilogy next weekend. Then I talked to another woman who was really sweet and playful and kept touching me as I expressed my playful and expressive side and made her laugh a few times. She kept on grabbing and groping my arm and I really liked that, she was easy to talk to and very expressive, I think I should have kissed her in the elevator, though I wasn't so much attracted to her. She invited me to come dance at a north county dance studio around here in Encinitas and told me there are "Church dances" every Sunday from 11am to 1pm, so I wanna check those out soon. We also did "chakra cleansing" and came together by touching each other's hands making the infinity sign and creating an intention to send out in the Universe, there was a sense of trust, connection and unity during that time and the whole experience of dancing with other people in non-egoic way, exploring body movement, talking to women with my new confident voice and body language, being touched by women and enjoy myself by laughing and expressing my authentic self, combined with a micro dose of mushrooms, really gave me a glimpse of life's beauty and what I can become if I keep exploring these creative abilities and continue to work on spirituality, things seem to be coming together for me finally. We parted ways with this other girl who kept touching me and I criticized myself for not getting her number, but thought it was okay because I'll still see her at a Sunday dance anyway. Talking to parents about love and their relationship Holy shit! I talked to my parents about unconditional love and told them very emotionally with tears that it would make me very happy if they fixed their relationship and started cultivating love towards each other again! I realized just how difficult it was for me to tell them that, I was very emotional with tears and sobbing while I told them just those few words, but I felt like I had real impact on them and that they're actually going to listen. I warmed them up by talking about spirituality and Leo's videos over the last several weeks that I started seeing them again and it seems that my dad is especially interested in this stuff now. So I gradually lead them, without even knowing about it myself to this very conversation. Before telling them that, I was talking about Leo's recent video on "What is Love?" and told them that learning how to love should be a priority for people and that love is the most powerful force in the Universe and that it's unconditional. Prior to this conversation, my parents were very nasty and cruel to each other, I could feel the hate energy between them from their body language and how they pissed each other off in every moment they interacted, it became very difficult to witness that and I started thinking about why I even started seeing them again. I then remembered that I wanted to practice unconditional love around their suffering and accept whatever is going on between them but not meddle with their relationship. I did have an emotional impact on me anyway though, and I thought that maybe I'm not ready to practice unconditional love for them in that way and I think this is the moment where the Warrior in me awakened and was able to finally openly tell them: "Mom, dad, there is something I want to tell you" at which point I became very emotional, "it would make me very happy if you could fix your relationship", this was so difficult to do and I'm so proud of myself for being able to tell them that. They became emotional too and teared up, and we all came together in a hug, feeling like we are becoming a family again after a long break up. Of course, I realize this isn't going to be easy for them, but I think they will actually try because it was related to them in such a powerful way. This made me feel like I've grown so much as a person and reinforced the wisdom of: "by healing yourself you heal others". Sound bath healing with Cloud People After visiting my parents I went to a sound bath healing which was my first such experience. I could immediately sense the kindness from these people, especially the Cloud People brothers. I have this extra sensory intuition about people when I first meet them and can immediately tell if they are kind and loving or egoic and arrogant etc. The sound bath experience was awesome, I took a micro dose of 0.1g just before coming there, they used all kinds of exotic instruments - cosmic drum, ocean drum, flute, and many others which made me go on a trip. I started having the usual theme run through me: "like this whole thing has been designed on purpose for my awakening, here we go the Kundalini energy is going to rise and I'm going to have to go through ego death, because I'm God and the only one here in the entire Universe, all the events are leading to this place, there is no escaping". I just observed all of that and let it go and was able to work through these fears as my consciousness expanded, I was able to work through it in a very much gentle and gradual way, slowly peeling off the layers and going deeper. The women's singing voice was angelic and it felt like the Goddess herself was singing to me and nurturing my inner child who very much needs this motherly, loving, nurturing and caring energy because of all the terror I have put this little child through. It triggered some emotions with me and there were tears coming out on multiple ocassions during this experience. We were then invited to share about our experiences, I could feel anxiety and tension well up inside of my body as usual at the sound of these words, but it wasn't at all as intense as it used to be, and I only felt mild nervousness. So I decided to share after some people already shared their experiences and told them how I felt the motherly, caring and gentle energy and how my inner child was longing for it after very intense experiences with Ayahuasca and multiple male shamans bombarding me with icaros while I was having an ego death. I was then approached by two women who turned out to be the mother of the cloud people and a sister, they were the most loving and kind women that I have met on this entire journey, the mom asked me if she could give me a hug and all three of us had the most loving, genuine hug that I have experienced in a long time. There was love emanating from our hearts for each other and we became enveloped in this cloud of love, I could immediately feel my body tension and fears melt away, I could feel trust in love and unity and humanity, I could feel trust on where this journey is leading me to -- more love and unity and authentic connection with real, loving human beings. We then had a heart felt conversation about this journey and I told them how I developed trust on this journey by contemplating love and unity and just what those words mean. I told them about my Spain travel experience while living in Russia and how I felt separated from the world while I was in Spain, and upon returning back to Russia immediately felt like I was home again, I felt reunited with the world and I felt safe and loved. I also told this story to my parents and I told them that since leaving Russia at the age of 14 I have been looking for that place of home, to be reunited and how this journey is leading me back to this place of wholeness, unity and love. This experience and conversation with these women reignited trust in humanity, love, unity and journey in me, I have almost lost that trust because I have ran into a lot of nasty, egoic, arrogant, low consciousness people on this journey who considered themselves authority, though I always intuitively knew these people were just bullshiting themselves and I can spot that kind of bullshit from far away. These women had powerful impact on me and I'm now confident this journey is leading me to the right place, the experiences I'm having by micro dosing, going out and exploring my creativity, authenticity and relating to people is turning out to be the most profound, most powerful way to take this spiritual development to the next level, things are finally starting to come together in this beautiful way, I'm pushing the boundaries and working through resistance, I'm working through fear, I'm cultivating love and trust in people and myself and I'm becoming more confident in the process, I'm regaining my personal power and I'm becoming more loving. I also talked to a woman who was singing with the angelic voice about voice lessons, because the host of the house told me she worked with her to develop her authentic voice and she seemed to be a perfect match for my current situation of wanting to express and train my powerful, authentic voice, she also told me about retreats and accountability partners which is another way to connect with like minded, conscious people, so I think I'm going to take lessons with her. After leaving the sound healing place, I sat in my car and thought: "this is too good to be true. The kind of life that I'm about to have is just too good to be true…."

I think it should be decent, but imo there are more advanced teachers\material with good spiritual background. Spirituality and self-development go hand in hand as consciousness work is the single best thing to transform your psyche. I'd advice checking Peter Ralston's "spiritual" trilogy (Book of now knowing, Pursuing consciousness and 3rd book). Especially I recommend "Pursuing consciousness", it's all about personal transformation based on enlightenment theory. Tbh as I read more of his books I see how much this guy influenced Leo and his content. A pretty big chunk of best Leo's content is based on Peter Ralston's teachings. He teaches you how to contemplate properly, how to unwire the Self and all concepts you have, what emotions are, what concepts are, etc., tons of good stuff, highly recommend. Of course a lot of this stuff Leo already talked about in his videos, but these books are a bit better structured and you go straight to the source with them. And if you're interested in pickup side - check The natural lifestyle on youtube. Here is a bunch of guys who are using meditation and nondual teachings as primary tool for bettering your dating life. And they usually have pretty intense spiritual backgrounds

Chapter 9 Swan henge 1. Fire + Water + Earth + Air = Universe or Uranus. . Represented by a jar of crystals. 2. God consciousness /sol[Roman] = fire + spirit + water + storge + salubris +sophos[curative] + air + Solis + karma. Represented by a wand Salubris[Latin] is a kind of Goodness, wholesomeness,creativity which is creative and beneficial for growth. It will only create good, even out of the bad. A component of water and earth. This is found abundantly in God and God's creations but found in man very rarely and in less proportions. It is a wonderful skill, a skill of the sculptor. It is a quality of being constructive rather than destructive. It creates and sustains it and takes it to wholesome progress and sustainance. Solis [Roman, Latin] is guidance Sophos[Greek] is intelligence that solves problems and brings equilibrium. A part of air. Storge[Greek] is love. Karma[hindi] is also related to the quality of justice. As you sow, you reap. You get the justice you deserve. God gives you exactly what you deserve after your actions. He does justice to you when he is invoked. 3. Raum/Malphas / Dark Raven= Fire + Spirit + Air{skill+knowledge but not wisdom} + Dark forces[diabolos] . Represented by a raven. 4..Kobal /joker = Spirit + Fire + Water + stultum. Represented by a donkey. 5. Ipos /swan or stork = water + air + spirit. Represented by a swan. 6. Forneus/Snake = Fire + Spirit + Water + Air + defendo. Represented by a wolf or a snake 7. Hominum. Last element is human or user/object /observer 8. Agalma [Greek] - represented by the single element earth. Means physical aspect of everything. 9. Animus[Latin] - represented by the element spirit. The spiritual aspect of everything. 10. Metamorfosi [Greek] - victory, success, transformation, growth, improvement, change, conversion of spirit into matter, conversion of thought into action. Victorious. Peace. Balance. Sequence. Process. Equilibrium. Eternal peace process or Cycle. 11. NOSOS [Greek] disorder and chaos. Loss of balance, disease, suffering 12. Hybris [Roman ] - self, ego, desires of self, wants, needs, goals,

@Max_V You get transformation mastery on actualized.org for free. I bet Julien only has reorganized knowledge that is already out there.

The trap I've often fallen into is approaching life as a passive victim because I can just program my attitude towards unconditional happiness & acceptance. And negative motivation never worked for me either. So tell me if you could explain it well, how once can use emotional mastery to be a motivating and empowering force for deep transformation that extends into the material realm? Because if happiness is not something you have to work for, and there is no way to work towards it anyway, it is easy to become complacent, especially when taking responsibility for your life circumstances requires understanding complex, confusing situations and immense mental effort to overcome resistance. Like if I can just choose to be happy, why even get out of bed, why do anything? This is something I am honestly trying to figure out right now, how to reconcile purposeful, directed action, personal; development, material progress etc. with spiritual development, detachment, releasing ego, selflessness, not doing, just being, experiencing beingness.

Haven't been counting the days, but by now it has been at least 50, including my first ever 'no-fap September.' Went most of august without fapping too, but relapsed some time over 50 days ago when I found some forgotten porn on a data backup stick I forgot to delete. This is also the longest I've gone without ejaculation in the past 10 years actually. The 3 key factors which led to success this time around were I began by journaling almost every day to recall all of my past experiences with masturbation addiction, and desire for cutting out that habit completely. I fully internalized that ejaculation is not something I want to do, never in my best interest, always detrimental. In my posts I often reference how I learned to avoid alcohol since I feel like shit an hour after just one drink. It was so much harder to quit fapping since the detriments were far more subtle, but I learned to associate the feeling of living an overall shitty life as a regular wanker with the act of jerking it at all, even edging, and no it's something I avoid like liquor. I stopped fantasizing about sex altogether. This is the biggest difference and I believe it's why it's felt so effortless this time. Even when I was previously successful at going 10-40 days without jacking, I still ended up daydreaming about having sex, distracting myself with fantasies of making love with women, even sometimes shedding my anti-natalism and wanting nothing more than to fearlessly inseminate a fertile minx. It seems like this time I don't forget how psycho-spiritually draining to feels for me to cum, and also how addictive it is, and I don't take for granted that this activity which used to consume my life has been stamped out in a way that feels so effortless at the moment. I just seem to have completely lost interest in sexual activity, and in this respect, life has never been better, I have never been happier. Keep in mind though, not long after I started wanking at age 14 I was addicted to it going 3-7 times a day often times, could never moderate, only abstain some times. I also do kriya yogas, breathwork and mantra meditation somewhat regularly, alone and with a community, so this helps both with letting me experience my own energy, noticing & appreciating the transformations which occur as my body keeps recovering from years of over-stimulation, and also with circulating the sexual energy around the body so that it doesn't stagnate and fester, i.e. turning into a ferociously horny animal preoccupied with lust. Where do I go from here, to great heights presently unbeknownst to me. To quit fapping is just the necessary first steep to deep transformation of my entire life, since doing that constantly dampens my experience of life, and the brain fog keeps dissipating, showing me all of my gifts and flaws, strengths and weaknesses, self-deceptions and things avoided, or repressed. It brings everything to the surface, forcing me to deal with it, but along with this a new type of energy and optimism to work through any issue, no matter how fucked up it seems at first.

@Max_V i watch them everyday actually haha. my PM meditation is julien's transformation mastery release for like 6 months you can pick up on their lifestyle if you watch them enough. they havent embodied a lot of what they teach yet. thats all great content tho. i get lots of nice reminders from them