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Yeah, there's no end to it, that's how it must be. Even if God wanted to put a stop to it, that would be impossible, because it's an inseparable part of Being. The one thing God can't do is not be God. As we speak new infinities of evil and chaos are being spawned into existence. But also infinities of beauty and bliss, if you want to make that distinction. Your fears have validity, in the human context, but eventually, if you're called to it, that paralyzing fear will have to be faced, and beyond it will be Love.

Example: You wake up everyday in chronic pain. The body is not working properly in various ways. And there's no solution. That is now your life. Permanently. The quality of every moment of your life is affected by this. Every experience you have is Tainted for life. What happens is then you're forced learn to not care that you're suffering. And be okay with it. While a normal person is living and bathing in premium biology and natural hormonal drugs that they have no idea is even happening. And when you lose these natural drugs your body is flooding your system with, you experience a brutal soberness to life. There is no Grand Awakening and enlightenment to alleviate this, it's always going to be hard until you die. You're only allowed to sit there and Bliss out if your body gives you the drugs to do so. You need premium biology to be blissing out.

To let go of desires you have to follow a certain code of conduct. This is the manure by which the rose of love will blossom. ~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Love is a state of mind where self interests are removed. The mind dwells in its natural state of sat-chit-ananda - existence, consciousness, bliss. Love is not created; it is a mental state which develops by living a disciplined life and developing positive qualities. Human ego is very attracted to negative qualities, so it needs much austerity to develop positive qualities. ~ Baba Hari Dass Love is connected to virtues. Virtues create love within the self and within others. When virtues reduce, the quality of love is also reduced. When all virtues are present, there is complete and pure love. ~ Dadi Janki, Brahmakumaris

@Salariatu I think this is just wrong. The ego is agent Smith. The soul is binding you to your reality and is there before your identity is constructed and will be there after your identity deconstructs. Its your bliss body. Its always happy and can contort its self like saran wrap. It can get crinkled and that skews your world view. God loves something. Your soul is Gods best friend. It needs it to exist. When I awaken I see how much God needs the soul, without the soul which is you, God is nothing and it has nothing to love. Once you see God you see God is nothing but love but it dosent have anything to love it makes you the soul to visit reality and be Gods friend. If someone thinks the soul isnt real to me, is saying nothing is real. Ultimately true but the second you make the threshold between soul-God there are 0 concepts. So to me by talking you are saying the soul is real. And using it and its limits to say its not real. It dosen't make any logical sense. God cant talk to itself. You are using language to talk to say you cant talk. You exist in another dimension before God as you, and you can explore it, as you, and you cant die. God created your soul to love it forever. This is like if we were in the matrix and asking is the matrix real? Yes its real. It is reality and it exists as you can see it and interact with it. Its an information system and the body is an information gatherer. Your soul takes metaphysical concepts and applies them to itself to act as an actor on the planet and believe it to be real. If God did this to itself everyone would be that same personality and saying the same thing at the same time. A dream is real the matrix is real its just another extension of something ultimately not real and completely spiritual.

Well, maybe you're just early in this process of self discovery. Things might clear up along the journey. But if you're not excited about much, i don't know how much of what i can say would be of help. I'm a very passionate individual, so that makes it almost easy for me to come up / find a life purpose. But maybe more difficult to relate to your situation in that respect at least. At the same time, you say you have many things that kind of interest you, so that's good! Maybe exploring some of that will eventually lead to a point where you're clearer about your LP. There is this idea by cal newport which he calls "career capital" which is basically that the better you become at your chosen field or domain of mastery, it will be easier to find / come up with a mission. And a sense of mission is really a core aspect of LP. And so if you explore a few things, like let's say for the next couple of years maybe you distribute 3000 hours of skill points over 3 things. Maybe 500 1, 500 in a 2nd thing, and 2000 in a 3rd thing you ended up being more drawn to. At that point maybe you'll find like 'wow i'm starting to get really good at this shit', and then you might find that a mission will arise for you organically. But if your issue now is mental health and you find that is maybe what's mainly getting in the way of finding any genuine connection with a passion or potential purpose, maybe you need to sort that stuff out first, insofar as you haven't. At the same time, i suspect a lot of people are depressed precisely because they are disconnected from their values, main strengths and any meaningful creative outlet (essentially life purpose). But it's kind of a chicken and egg thing, you know. Like which one came first? The depression or the disconnection from creative outlet / LP? Maybe it's a bit of both. In that case maybe you'll find that you'll start feeling better as you become more and more aligned with your higher values, as you improve at things that uses your top strengths and as you work towards contributing towards something you care about (even if it's only that you care only a little bit at the beginning). Maybe by healing others you'll heal yourself. Healing through existential bliss is beautiful, so maybe giving that gift to others will be giving that same gift to yourself Are you giving that gift to yourself by the way? And about the mental health thing. I can't relate to the depression part, but i can relate to some extent to the social stuff. While i wasn’t bullied, i have social anxiety for some reason. And there was the adhd stuff as I mentioned. That's really all I had to say about that i guess lol Anyway, just feel like also giving like a disclaimer since in part i was offering some guidance or tried to say a few hopefully helpful things, I'm not an expert or anything, just a friend or fellow self-actualizer sharing my thoughts.

Yes and No.. The only Basic Condition to be in a constant state of Peace, Happiness or Bliss is a HIgh Level of Consciousness.. What this means is Your Living mostly in the NOW, not ruled by the Past/Memory (this takes away all trauma, and is multi leveled), or Future/Imagination, You still use these faculties but they don't rule You, You rule them, most ppl are Ruled by their Memory and Imaginations.. Your Completely Accepting of What Is, this stops all Stress Response, you cannot be Accepting and Stressed out, only when You are Resisting What Is does the Stress Response happen..Next is Responding to Life rather than Reacting, this means You Respond to whatever is happening in Your Life Equally, rather than to just what You Like or Love, if You do this then the Intensity of Your Life Experience will increase vastly.. As well Your Internal Energies (Kundalini) has to be actively Intense and centered in the higher up Chakras.. Once those things are inplace You are Blissful of Your own nature, this doesn't mean Your incapable of Pain or even Suffering, it just means it is Your Choice of How to Experience Life in any given Moment, if You want to be Happy You can, and its unconditional, not dependent on any External Event...

@Leo Gura the quote was deep, controversial, but deep nonetheless. It will take me a few weeks to contemplate it. I find myself becoming fearful whilst waking up to deeper corruptions within conventional social systems that ground society. Like, how am I supposed to even live a “human” life knowing corruption is at every turn? It’s not Iike I can unimagine my human-ness (deeper than that, I AM the one imagining it.) The saying ‘Ignorance is bliss’ couldn’t be more truer for me now. But I have faith/intuition that there are higher forms of bliss to discover on this journey, fully embracing varying degrees of existential crisis along the way is imperative at this point.

Yes is fucking terrifying I wonder how many people here that say they are "awake" will gracefully die like is nothing. Time of surrendering the body is the test of fire in that moment you can really know how much consciousness beyond normal physicality you have, there´s no better test than that one. Although I have to say intuition tells me once that you pass that phase incredible Bliss is at the other side, at least for those ones that have earned it. (That in the case you don´t reincarnate and have to go through some other bullshit 70-80 years more) Seems fun, uh? Great post by the way @Someone here

Im so glad I dropped “psychedelic awakening” a while ago. What a joke compared to bliss love and joy of walking the spiritual path with integrity, patience, and trust. Psychedelics to awaken is just your ego wanting to control and know. Consider that true awakening is nothing like that. It’s not terrifying and you don’t want to go back, it’s like being home, it’s stable, your held, it’s loving. This whole, dreaming up everyone else is utter garbage. It’s probably the reason Leo went into this weird spiral and no longer makes powerful content. His shit was way better when he was sober and just tinkering with psychedelics. Honestly I think psychedelics were his downfall. Trapped him into his own echo chamber and delusion. it’s a shame. Fuck psychedelics. Everything is God anyway, now do you have the balls, discipline, and trust to unravel that through your OWN consciousness and practices (yoga contemplation meditation) or are you going to suck on your 5 MEO vape like a baby to a tit? Psychedelics are child’s play and when your drugs wear off they don’t mean shit, as you clearly explained here. True God realization is subtle yet infinite. True practitioners take years and decades to integrate their awakening. None of the great masters ever credit psychedelics and they have been around as long as humans have. Sure it’s much longer to walk the path yourself, less flashy. But it’s real. The only thing I agree with you about is to enjoy the dream and not rush it. Let the movie play out. But thinking your awake or realized is a fucking joke (sorry) PSYCHEDELICS ARE PSYCHIC MASTURBATION

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcSdnn1e_8E&list=PLKMsyL4RqSavh4SfSVFYpKIvFm5pirzL3&index=2 My playlist is diverse, ranging from abstract & dark techno to blissful dance and Rastafarian (and mixes of each, all the highest quality). Please let me know your thoughts @Leo Gura (dont miss some of these diamonds :D) [im also gona be adding to it, i have years of collection] <3 peace, love and existential bliss to all <3

@Loveeee great episode...and what is perception is one of his best for actually awakening....but here goes...No self. You are the Self. Infinity. You are infinity. The Absolute. You are the Absolute. Everything. You are Everything. Nothingness, You are nothing. Onenes. You are other. Divinity. You are Divinity. And the substance of all of this - is Love. I am..I IS!! Oops..I forgot Infinite intelligence- Omniscience. You are Awareness. You have a complete understanding of Self and reality. Bliss is part of awakening. And lots and lots of tears and crying. You?

1. 4:43 - Knowing what is and experiencing a Samadhi / mystical experience 2. 6:12 - No-self 3. 8:05 - I AM 4. 11:35 - Omnipresence 5. 13:04 - Realizing what consciousness is 6. 14:33 - Realizing what is awakening 7. 16:54 - Oneness or non-duality 8. 19:31 - Realizing what is Truth 9. 20:30 - Realizing what is the Absolute 10. 21:37 - Absolute Infinity 11. 23:06 - Absolute Nothingness 12. 24:25 - Knowing why is there something rather than nothing 13. 25:51 - Knowing what is God 14. 26:45 - The Godhead 15. 27:06 - Realizing You are God 16. 29:41 - Self = Other 17. 32:46 - Realizing what is Love 18. 35:45 - Realizing everything is imaginary (All is Mind) 19. 38:35 - Self-Design 20. 40:49 - Realizing what your birth really is 21. 42:42 - Eternity / No-Time / Absolute Now 22. 44:10 - Realization of what is Death and Immortality 23. 46:15 - Paradise / Heaven / Perfection 24. 47:51 - Bliss / Ecstasy 25. 49:29 - Infinite Intelligence 26. 53:26 - Absolute Goodness 27. 54:28 - Realizing what is Will (Infinite Will of God) 28. 58:10 - Omniscience 29. 59:18 - Divinity / Magic / Mystery 30. 1:01:05 - Realizing what is Being 31. 1:02:14 - Realizing Universe is an Infinite Fractal 32. 1:02:39 - Realizing what is Perception 33. 1:03:14 - Realizing what is Life 34. 1:04:29 - Realizing the point of Existence Bonus facets: 1. 1:05:19 - Channeling / Communication with God 2. 1:06:03 - Healing 3. 1:06:44 - Collective Consciousness 4. 1:07:13 - Total Extinction of Perception 5. 1:07:43 - Paranormal Phenomena 6. 1:08:22 - Alien Entities

One Devotee: Ma, I don’t feel good with anything. MA: The fact is that there is nothing to feel good with; because you are verily the form of bliss. How could partial happiness bind you? The taste of bliss in totality is there within you. All of you have the taste of satchidananda within (the ultimate reality which is existence-consciousness-bliss) and are searching for that bliss in the world. Sometimes you think that happiness is in wealth, in dignity and in sons and daughters - likewise bearing in mind one or the other such notion you are wondering around; but none of these things are capable of giving you the bliss of satchidananda. That is why you are not at peace, cannot feel well permanently with anything - MA.

I think some women make their own appearance their identity or something, me included. I am not sure if it's really healthy or not. But it feels cozy and romantic. It's like a young person thing. I can't believe that I'm still heavily attached to the idea of beauty. There's something pristine and pure about it. It's artistic, beautiful, charming. I'm usually attracted (I mean I used to) to good looking men. But it has to be a package of sorts. Looks along with character and persona. I'm lucky that I dated some of the best looking guys in my life. They were also romantic and hot. Like a movie. Hollywood and pop culture generally has a huge impact on people, it certainly has been on me. You feel like life should be colorful, life should be bright. I guess the more you suffer, the more you cling to life. In my heart i wanted to be the conquest of a man. I wanted to feel that masculine energy. I wanted to be dominated in a relationship. I wanted to be a plaything. Life is so beautiful and magical with a partner. Maybe I'm a bit immature. Because I don't take children into consideration. So life appears romantic to me. Yea I used to watch a lot of movies as a kid. It excited me, especially romantic movies. Whats the most tempting thing to me about beauty? The eyes of a woman. I like beautiful eyes. They excite me. They make me feel I wanna stare at them for hours. Lost into them. Imagining as though I'm talking to them and they are talking to me. My husband has very beautiful emotional romantic eyes. I like cute eyes on people. I often look at people and I want to communicate with them through eyes alone. I want to know what they feel. Especially beautiful eyes. I want to see an ocean in them. They're the windows to the soul after all. I wish I had a lot of money. Then I would walk around in a park handing an ice cream to everyone there every evening. Just to bring a smile on their faces. Make them feel better. Let them have a great time enjoying a free ice cream. Something about people attracts me. Some people are so cool and chill and gracious, never offended, never afraid, never bothered. They create beautiful families and domestic bliss. I chase that dream. I am a dream chaser. In my apartment I see lots of people having a happy time. Not miserable at all. But one thing is certain. Most people need resources to be genuinely happy. I mean these are rich people. When I see poor people, they are generally sad and frustrated. That's understandable. But even in their struggle, there's some beauty. I appreciate folks who are dirt poor, they keep a smile on their faces and work hard and still try to bring happiness to their children. They still bring beauty to life even if life is so unfair to them. I don't even know how they do it, but they do it. I'm like cheers. I came from a poor family as well. Sadly I wasn't that fortunate. There was always chaos at home.

@Ishanga I'd like that you understand the difference between truth and lie. It's not about doing good things and being happy, blissful, etc. Why according you it's impossible being blissful and deceived? Who said that? Spiritual work is not about bliss, is about truth

today sucks and I feel hopeless. I want to die, no I won't do it, it's just nice to imagine. Going back to God, the end of all problems (?), oneness with the infinite, eternal bliss (?) At least I'm not suicidal over no women anymore . Now it's just the fact that my life sucks and I actively make it worse with thc. 12 hours sober .

Well that was kind of the question of the LP course and I didnt really find a good answer just a general direction and many things which kind of interest me. The closest thing would probably be to heal people existentially, who feel betrayed by god. But I feel hurt and betrayed by god also. And I dont know if I just value that because I need it. - expressing metaphysical bliss to heal people existentially - My whole contemplation about what I want in life is clouded because I am semi depressed. It's natural, if you feel bad you dont like to do the things you normally like to do. If you felt bad for years you dont even know what you enjoy that much. Well I had though times socially all the way from kindergarden to high school being bullied and taken advantage of a lot. That resulted in a feeling of low self worth which made it difficult to even find friends in university. As a tactical move I went to a theatre club to find friends and grow my confidence and that was partly a total fuckup, it would be a very long story, but to put it short even there I had very bad social experiences and got really desperate as I didnt know what alternative I had. I can only really deal with social situations with medication now. And I am slowly managing the situations now. And I procrastinated so much in university and didnt know what was going on with me feeling incapable and like a failure. Neither healing nor getting shit done for a long time slowly eats at you.

This sort of thinking is similar to those that think Ignorance is Bliss, then life hits You hard and nothing changes then end of life happens and You wonder why it was this way, why all the suffering then lights out and start all over again.. We are above this!

Hey cool it's 1111 right now I've been seeing that a lot lately although I don't attribute it to any meaning but it might have meaning and what is meaning does anyone have moments where they have no idea what anything that goes through their head is I have moments like this for instance I ask what belief means then I realize I have no idea what belief is because I only have my thought and a feeling to tell me what that is and I don't know if it's correct because I have nothing to compare it to sometimes I realize that everything is imagination in my mind and I cease to believe anything at all in my head only for like 5 minutes or so then I go back to sleep by watching YouTube videos and getting lost I really like ASMR Glow wish I could be with her she's such a unique woman I have this silly fantasy where if I find out who I am then maybe I can be with her but if I am infinite then eventually I will be with her I'm distracting myself from back pain if you're wondering why I can't meditate right now I sure did put myself in quite the hellscape if I am the truth God universe whatever sometimes I resent myself for it because I have this belief system that I have adopted that all is 1 I am like a child in my head whining and complaining quite often really my voice speaks hope but my mind is poison for me I am aware that direct experience is king right now in this moment is the only one that exists perhaps I don't know if people believe what they say on these forums but some wild stuff has been said for me I find comfort in the belief of nothing although it's hard to retain it's so beautiful Being free of thoughts it's very hard creating strings of logic in my mind now probably because I've been doing do nothing meditation for quite a while I think it's a blessing in a way because ignorance is bliss kind of like that guy from the matrix who ate the steak well my intuition is saying that's enough so onto something else bye me

@Sugarcoat Most do not want this, or total loss of Self, their live, family/friends, career and such, they just want less stress, more Ease, more Peace, and eventually overall Bliss and Well Being, and we are hardwired to be this way, just read a trip report, there is much fear when going on a strong trip, where is this fear coming from? Ego identity, self Identity, small little me and my situation identity, this is natural up until a point where it is not wanted, like going to grade school forever, sooner or later You want to go to high school, then college or university, and then to graduate right, its like this, but ppl get stuck along the way, or zig zag thru life, going in this direction then changing directions constantly, so they are really living by accident, Being Conscious means living on purpose with a road map and clarity of knowing where exactly to go...

Life is not really weird, its just most of Us are living via Experience on the surface level of it, just accumulating and gathering, we want more experience, more $$, more relationships, more knowing, more and more and more, this is a natural by the way, this is Desire, but we identify with a Body and Mind (thoughts, emotions, thinking, ideology) and via that identification, we only accumulate in a certain way, mostly physical, 5 sense organ gratification sort of way, most everything everyone is desiring is based on one of the sense organs, just look at it.. Now this is low level of Awareness, Survival Level of Living Life (Life is Absolute being Manifested and Realized in a Form of Sorts, on this dual, material, karmic planet), as Humans we have way more Potential.. Its like stating something is a Miracle! If You were to bring a person from 500yrs ago, even 100yrs ago and bring them into the society of today and show them the technology we are using, they would say it is a Miracle, but it is not really, its just Science being discovered (Reality being uncovered, or being put into Awareness), and then Usage of it being Applied to practical use, that is what Technology is, so it is the same with Living this Life, as Humans we can live way beyond Survival Level, whereas all other life forms are stuck in Survival Level, so once You go on this path, what seems like a Miracle to You if Your a Newbie, is normal if You've been into it for awhile, we get Used to Peace, Happiness, Intensity of Experience, Clarity and even Bliss, You want to eventually go beyond all of this, and be Liberated, but don't even think about that until You get the Peace thing down pat, as a normal Life Experience, if Your not at that level Yet, don't be concerned with Liberation or Enlightenment..

You only ask Why if Suffering is involved, most all Why questions (when it comes to existential questions) come from a POV of Suffering, if You were Blissed out would You ask Why? Probably not, You'd be busy enjoying the Bliss. Ego is there to allow You to have a sense of Individuality, this is there because it brings forth in existence a Unique Life Form, Life itself is the representation of Absolute in a Manifested form in this realm we call planet Earth, that has Duality and Karma and Free Will. Ego just allows Absolute to experience itself in trillions of ways, without Ego then this uniqueness would not come about. Ego is there for other reasons as well, but I think this is the primary.. Identification with Ego is the problem, not the existence of the Ego itself, its needed to survive in a society and world where in the end we need to function with others... Self is just a combination of everything that encompasses what we are made up of, a Body, Mind, Emotions, Energy, Ego, Free Will, Consciousness, Awareness, mostly Unlimited Potential and Possibility...

All of what I have found in the LP course is correct I think. But my vision is very clouded and I couldn’t reveal everything about myself. I have always had a certain existential optimism about life. There is a certain beauty about every experience when you connect it to its existential structure where killing stems from a place of love and so on. And you experiencing reality and getting involved get first hand experience of this drama and can therefore marvel at the existential manifested. And it’s also about self love in all of this. You can deeply love not how bad your situation is but how deep you try to do the best and can structural beauty in that and fall in love in a deeper way with yourself. I was profoundly incredible at self love. This is maybe the best I can describe it, it’s hard to think of how I were thinking. I just feel like most people don’t value these traits and I feel so depleted. I have given up a little with falling in love with life or I am just so out of touch with it. Sometimes when I take a nap at noon or at random events some sunbeams of that once felt inner bliss still sting me for a short while. If I would write stories/ create art this is what they could be about. The inner struggle of falling in love with life. That’s how I could articulate it: Seeing the existential structure in fucked up situations to love reality profoundly.

@Javfly33 Yes, Bliss is not an Emotion, its a permanent State that is only available to those that Realize, it doesn't mean that one does not feel negative emotions like pain, frustration and such, but the underline of their current state is Bliss, which basically means I completely know that everything is alright! With that comes as Sadhguru says, a place where "What about Me" is not longer there, when that happens Fear is not possible and Your full stride ahead in Life, so Bliss is the basis of ones Potential and Possibility which each of Us has to explore and examine in depth, it may be realized as differences in one another but whatever You find out as Your Highest Potential is okay for You, it may change over time but its better than staying stuck in the doldrums of up and down emotions and survival accumulating and gathering ppl, places, things and experiences...

I just finished the LP course a few days ago. I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while as I started this course more then 2 years ago. Not that I get all the missing answers here but maybe some advice from more experienced folks who are already living their LP. I am 25 now and I live in germany. I have got inattentive adhd which made many things very difficult for me like concentration, dealing with emotions and social problems which indirectly also made other things difficult like finding study partners or getting help with emotional distress difficult. So basically I was always an emotional mess/ overtaxed/ semi depressed while getting nothing done and not understanding what was wrong with me. As a result I had difficulties answering many questions in the life purpose course because I experienced relatively little concrete success so far because I couldnt really take part in life as much. I feel like I have got as close to it as what would be possible with my blockades but I feel like the very thing that is my LP is something I cant see right now. I take meds now and it seems like many things are clearing up rapidly but and I do make quite the transformation. I feel more capable but not necessarily upgraded. The stars become less interesting and I see more immediate tasks ahead. I become a lot more concrete instead of abstract. Thats the best way I can describe it. I seem to manifest myself in reality. I was always very reflected and stuff but was like a wave without its own will it can force onto the world. I develop a sense of self now. It sounds pretty unconscious I know and I made the point myself that adhd (at least the inattentive type that I experience) makes you more conscious. But in taking my meds I can deal with reality at least. If I got emotional support/ grounding maybe I could do it without meds but currently I can only do it this way. So this situation is quite confusing atm. In terms of my career so far: teaching: I am in 10th semester of studying math and philosophy for middle school but only have enough points to complete like 4 semesters (you need 10 semesters in total) because of the emotional distress I was always in. I could probably do better with the meds now so it really isnt hopeless. I decided to study teaching though because I did some internship to see what I like and teaching was okay for a moment and I couldnt deal with the pain of being in a situation of uncertainty so I did the best thing I found at the moment which wasn't the most conscious choice. Also there is a bit of buffer as with this graduation I can do other things as well. Teaching isnt directly my Life Purpose I am pretty sure about that. But I would earn a lot of money per hour, can do it part time, have a lot of holidays and a class in school gives you many direct information to observe which can inspire you. A school class is basically a mirror of society, all the kids are just mini versions of what's to come. So that can help me understand society and psychology more which would deepen whatever I create with my LP. I already thought a little and am also teaching 5 hours per week atm and it's an okay job. So it wouldnt be my LP but it would have a good base to comfortable pursue my real LP. acting: Over the last two years I have been doing a lot of acting as a hobby which is a lot of fun but it took a lot of time and I am also thinking about doing this as a career path. It would give me a relatively unstable base though and it would probably just miss my LP. Learning to act itself is incredible fun but it can also be emotionally challenging which I might not be capable to do. My Life Purpose is generally a bit unclear to me. Being a critical thinker is very much part of my authentic self and I have also got a very creative mind because of my adhd. On their own or even combined they dont really give me a life purpose that I find meaningful. For example I always think critically but I dont see where this practically leads to. And I often come up with new start up ideas because as I love the creative process but when it isnt connected to something meaningful I loose interest in it. The closest I could with these two is working on series like Rick&Morty which comes close to feeling like a LP. But I think there is a last component, a last value that is blocked from my mind. Besides these top two values I also care about empathy, goodness, authenticity, but not enough about any of them to make a LP in combination with the two about them I think. I sometimes look in my past to where the last puzzle piece might be. I developed a very profound even mystical happiness as a kid as I think that I had mystical experiences in kindergarden. I really vibed with Jesus in that time as well. I felt like it would virtually be impossible to break my spirit because I was connected to something unbreakable. I even felt like I needed to go through some real shit, to be lost, to come out of it and from that place be authentically able to help other people. I had a feeling of calling back then. Well I am not quite back to my inner garden of roses yet. I did about 20 trips of psychedelics and never realized a mystical experience because I was in too much shit mentally I think. (interestingly never had a really bad trip either though) I formulated my LP rather vague. I couldnt find any formulation that deeply inspired because as I said I think there is some authentic part of me missing. Taking my reflection about my past and moments of reflection I feel like it has to do with healing, bliss, profound love, existential (healing), spirituality. But I cant completely make out if these things interest me because I feel like I have a lack of them (negative motivation) or if it is authentic. To make my LP more concrete I could reformulate it like this for example (but I am not sure about it): - giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. - finding existential beauty and meaning in fucked up situations to make people more hopeful So with all of this I have no clear direction of where to go and I found out new things about myself/ unblock blockades and this is probably going on for months and years to come. All ways would help me move forwards. If I study to become a teacher that would be an acceptable path which would allow me to do lots of other stuff (LP) I am interested in as well but then I could never study to become a serious actor because I would be too old at this point. I would need to become more clear about myself and my values to see what I value most. A side thought is also to experiment with start ups (for money) as I have lots of ideas for them. Right now I am thinking of continue studying while giving myself time to process and I can on the side apply to acting schools. Chances of getting accepted are pretty low anyways and if I get accepted that would be a sign that I am quite talented. Design ohne Titel.pdf