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When I tried 5 Meo dmt (small dose) I experienced a kind of emptiness/nothingness. There was not really anything positive about it But I am open to the fact that it might have been the dose I took so I could have different experience if I tried again and yes it’s something I’d like to try I am not self less. It’s just that I have a very small self because most of it dissolved for me In my past : I could get attached to a crush I had, since my self almost dissolved I don’t get attached to anyone anymore I used to be attached to looking a certain way. I am not attached to my appearance anymore, that disappeared when my self started to dissolve I used to have social anxiety and I was attached to having a confident, charming self image. Now that’s all gone I used to have as a child chronic existential anxiety, that’s all gone Instead of all of this, which disappeared when I dissolved layers to my self: now different problems arose I barely feel I exist That creates a kind of emptiness Its almost like walking around in a constant void (almost, not completely because I’m not completely gone) It is like everything is a bit hollow and lacks richness Makes sense? If my sense of self was 100% dissolved maybe this problem would resolve Thats amazing you found a reason! Yes it could be worse after death so better stay here so long we can somehow handle it

Below, I will post that which is considered archetypally Feminine and Masculine (respectively) to understand these polarities from a symbolic and energetic lens (which is very different from societal gender norms, which are often arbitrary... like women wearing pink, etc.) Keep in mind, this relates indirectly to human gender in general as the Masculine and Feminine are found interplaying in all living and non-living systems. But you will notice that men (as a whole group) have a slight lean towards the Masculine Principled qualities and that women (as a whole group) have a slight lean towards the Feminine Principled qualities. But keep in mind that these arcetypes/qualities were called Masculine and Feminine because of men and women's slight leans towards one energy or the other... but these qualities are only somewhat correlated to human gender expression. So, these polarities superseded yet inform human gender expressions. Here's the list (Feminine first/Masculine second) Being vs Doing Tangible vs Intangible Earthly vs Spiritual Physical vs Non-Physical Grounded vs Lofty Wisdom vs Truth Cycles vs Progressions Imperfection vs Perfection Contraction vs Expansion Emotions vs Thoughts Intuition vs Logic Chaos vs Order Organic vs Geometric The Unconscious Mind vs The Conscious Mind Relationship vs Singularity The Everthingness Facet of Infinity vs The Nothingness Facet of Infinity Sovereignty vs Leadership Internal Knowing vs External Knowledge Mystery vs Clarity Ordinariness vs Extraordinariness Mortality vs Immortality The Body vs The Mind Receptivity vs Radiation Receiving vs Giving Surrender vs Overcoming Inherent Worthiness vs Earning Collective vs Individual Connection vs Disconnection Intuitive Operation vs Algorithmic Operation Internal vs External The Fall and Winter vs The Spring and Summer The Moon vs The Sun The Roots vs The Branches/Fruit Limitation vs Unlimitedness

There ain't transcending pain as long as you live in this body made of bones and flesh which gets super hungry and thirsty and sleepy every 12 hours . When you die and (probably) play chess with God in his house called nothingness then there will be no pain. Buddhists call this nirvana . But you have to stop the reincarnation cycle by not giving a dam about anything under the sun aka detachment.

Consciousness (as fundamental) → manifests or dreams reality → creates spacetime, laws of physics, energy → Big Bang as a projection within consciousness → evolution of complexity → appearance of individual minds → mind retroactively interprets its current state as arising from a past material process → human consciousness (Infinite Mind) Nothingness (Materialistic kind) → spontaneous quantum fluctuation or unknown cause → Big Bang → formation of matter and energy → particles clashing and organizing → cosmic and planetary evolution → biological evolution → emergence of nervous systems → first human consciousness (Infinite Mind) → subjective experience and self-reflection (mind/consciousness) I don’t understand why the first initial mental Human consciousness would have to be equivalent to the same (Original Creator). Again, I can still imagine human consciousness being spawned separately from the beginning of nothingness and evolution, and once it spawns, sure, it may have infinite qualities and the ability to expand, observe, imagine, and understand, but I don’t see how that implies it’s the original creator. That’s the step I feel like I’m missing. Even if I accept that the fundamental properties of reality are 'mental' or metaphysical in nature, that could still refer to a mind separate from my own (i.e., human consciousness). It doesn't necessarily imply that the two are the same in any way. Just because the mind is infinite after being spawned doesn't imply the creator is infinite or even the same as the current consciousness. As I mentioned above, the requisite variety argument doesn't apply, since we do observe more complex things being created by less complex ones, like the example of a child genius being born from average parents. Also, infinity here works mostly as a concept. It's not like you experience infinite thoughts; you have distinct thoughts. You can only conceptualize that others could happen in infinite ways. But that’s just an insight; again, it doesn’t strictly imply a conscious creator or beginning. And the argument that “it’s all one” doesn’t feel satisfying to my brain, because we’re always trying to get to the source or root-cause property when we ask these questions. Even with the concept of God, we’re pointing to a characteristic of that “original creator.” So even if you say 'it's all one,' you'd still want to distinguish the root cause and the properties of that root cause, even if it implies all-encompassing unity.

Keep going, please. As of now, approximately 14,000 posts less than you in the relative same time period. Hmmm. That your mind needs to twist words and facts to make up lies about what was shared in reply to and with respect to your ‘life lived in relation’ says volumes. Yes, toxicity sounds about right. About 10-20% of the other words must have hit a soft spot, and your mind has been on a witch hunt since then... apparently. Yes, being that I only have 1-2 times a day to post, and that I'm usually amped on a STRONG cup of coffee doing it, it's likely that some of my longer convoluted posts are just stream-of-consciousness style. Apologies. Not that you even read them or ask questions for clarifying our differences in perception.... just trigger off disagreement and specific words, make assumptions, and build the consistent antagonistic ad hominem pattern that's in progress. Quite telling. If anyone remembered “Nothing” or recognized authentic “Nothingness” in reading anything I’ve shared, I’d be super-happy and hug/laugh with them!! More projection and games exemplifies a mind’s agenda. Is the split mind conscious of them? Bring on the carefully tailored Drama Triangle of victim (you and other board members), perpetrator (kbone), and savior (you) to sort it all out. Continue lashing out as/into Nothingness, exposing the illusions that bind. Are you aware of the tar baby argument in progress? I am. I'm hanging out, with at least one foot in the field beyond right/wrong (duality).... with Rumi Baba, whirling away.....

Oh, yeah, I was thinking about that too. Deep sleep = nothingness It is not an assumption, because I can witness newness right now. It is amazing, but terrifying too and not fully accepted by the world, far from it

It makes sense to go into nothingness. But then again, here in the eternal moment, right now, there is something going on and it comes out of nothing I will go Chances are high that something new will spring forth

Since this post is so long, you can just read the summery in parentheses after each paragraph. We have experiences, build correlations, identify patters, materialize desires, externalize needs and project them onto objects, destinations, lifestyles. We wire our mind, connect one sensation onto another, intertwine it with emotions, project and create experiences, entangle ourselves in reality, connect dots, try to make sense, find out what stays consistent, pursue what we correlate with meaning, react based on our understanding, preference, model of reality. We go meta, analyze from a higher vantage point, take on new axioms, untangle one experience from the other, build new context, strive to be more objective, less biased, less self-indulgent, more understanding, more aware of the big picture, a holistic view of where we are, what we are, how we are, why we are, that we are, to see our assumptions as assumptions, identify our intent and its source, arising experience for what it is, figure out how to do that, continue to intuit, explore, experience, be. (Sensations form constellations) Reality has many dimensions, its a sphere we can subdivide, cut into pieces, we can use the pieces to create things, shapes, forms, objects, subjects, selves. The way we connect these things, the way we cognize and make sense, the way we wire sensations with desires, impulses, drives, the way those emerge higher understanding, models, realities. We construct reality, aware or unaware of how we do it. We move our body, choose our activities, consciously or unconsciously, there are many layers of understanding and interpretation, mechanics, explanations, sciences, consistencies, nature, invisible forces, perceived changes, cycles, repetitions, patterns. The conscious and unconscious inflect upon each other to polarize into individual experiences. (Their arrangement is arbitrary) Do we have control? What is control? Is there such a thing as control? Reality flows, we make decisions, we think we make decisions, something makes decisions, we feel the drives within us, the impulses that adjust behavior, manipulate reality. Are we the ones doing it? The self, a constellation, accumulation of patters, ideas, behaviors, acquired tendencies, a reflection of the world it is apart of and yet distinctly itself, creating reality inside out and entangling itself with it, holistically interacting across multiple domains? Do I make decisions or am I simply a conglomerate of the cells that make me deciding as a hive, gut, heart, brain, the personalities within me, the arising desires. Even so, the problem doesn't dissipate, if my cells make the decisions, even then, that which I believe myself to be would simply adjust to be their emergent property, in a way it doesn't matter, since I'd still be every single one of these cells and the emergent, us making decisions or me really becomes the same thing, if will is made on a lower substrate, then the higher is not without will but a more complex expression. But that's just a theory, idea, will is an axiom, ascribed, the self is an axiom, and science is figuring it out under the assumption that it exists, there is something of a gestalt. (The ego is a gestalt) Maybe the perceiver is an illusion, all these unique forces of nature align to create the gestalt I perceive, I believe myself to be. But the duality of a perceiver separates it from the perceived. Yet all it ever sees and knows and can experience is so by virtue of being an experience perceived, by definition not the perceiver. And yet, all of that appears to come out of the perceiver, or flow through it, it is entangled by virtue of being perceived. Let's collapse the duality of perceiver and perceived. In that case everything is perceived or perceiver, let's call it capital P Perception. Perception is being, experiencing, though what about the unperceived, unexperienced, the thoughts that pass through perception and disappear back into the subconscious/unconscious aether. (The duality of perceiver and perceived collapses) There is a duality of the present experience as Perception and on the other hand the known to exist potential unactualized, dematerialized, hidden away. Of all the possible experience, one possibility is currently the case in Perception. Imagine blue, imagine red, now blue is gone but its still in the local subconscious, we can bring it back out, shuffle those two, combine them, but there is much more in the yet unconscious, random ideas we can remember, associate, spawn, an elephant, where did it come from? It wasn't there, now it is. (There is a vast hidden reality beyond the current Experience) Nothingness is the guitar string at rest, in tension, in its original formlessness, without sound, without experience, no action, pure being, all contained, itself empty, Shiva. Objects, ideas, the omni-dimensional fabric of reality, unentangled, pure, detached, without form, without purpose, without assumption, axioms, impulses, unease, tension, drives creating conflict and pursuit, the feeling of separation, the duality of selfishness and selflessness, of love and hate and apathy, and the entropy towards Unity. The ultimate nothing, the nothing that excludes itself, the idea that goes meta, cuts its tail and self-annihilates. The kundalini that burns all karma, the freedom of being content, fulfilled, untangled, of being where one wants to be, more even, the collapse of all dualities create a no-space, no-distance, everything already is, nowhere to go, nowhere to be, a singularity that merges all and annihilates all distance. Now there is no story, no protagonist, no world, no being nor non-being, neither isness nor non-isness, when all dualities, all pointers collapse themselves. (Nothingness collapses all forms into the base state) Nothingness is the realization that any constellation of experience is possible, that any arrangement of forms is arbitrary. That any desire connects itself to other sensations creating a gestalt. Forms keep themselves afloat, they link and associate themselves to other forms, creating pathways, roads, directions, cycles, stories, experiences, dependent arising/origination whose contrast creates an actual Duality that correspondingly spawns the idea of itself, through identification of the inherent difference of perception, which is created inside out through sensory perception, but on a larger scale the universe really takes that form in order for it to become the experience of an individual to be processed and interpreted further. But that actuality is a higher form of the same phenomenon, invisible forces, laws of physics, dependent origination, complexifying and turning itself into self-perceiving observers made conscious through the perception of those more universal forms. There is consciousness and within it infinite forms. (The universe splits itself into dualities and experiences itself through entities) This isn't a reason to despair into nihilism, nihilism ultimately inflects upon itself and dissolves as well. Purpose is self-determined, socially expanded/contextualized/harmonized, God a dreamer across infinite dimensions, lifeforms arrange themselves creating tendencies and desires, exploring the universe. We use senses to create ourselves, cognition to understand ourselves explicitly, through intuition implicitly, our brain is both dual and non-dual, left and right hemisphere, order and chaos, form and creativity that arises from the formless. We are created and on a higher level create ourselves, our awareness of the process is variable, dualities form different interpretations and collapse into higher self-understanding. (We create and experience ourselves through dualities and exist independently in the formless) We build systems, sciences, mathematics, physics, biology, they are self-contained systems, maps, a conceptual reflection of reality, a variable progressing technical mechanistic understanding, we try to unite them through formulas, strive to achieve complete consistency. Reality is outside of that, it is Meta. We use these rules to understand correlations, to manipulate reality, but reality can always go meta, can always be more. In a new realization, it itself becomes the past, a lens of perception, interpretation, correlation, constellation. But it is cut off from the ever rejuvenating present that transcends it and expands itself non-linearly by creating new patterns that are retroactively integrated, universal intelligence, Chitta. (Systems are self-contained mechanically consistent models that correspond or correlate with specific aspects of reality, but reality is infinitely more meta) Pragmatically, we keep ideas, models, relations in our mind, but there is a force capable of instant understanding, the source of creation, a cosmic intelligence that leads one to understand what a thing is in itself, unmeasured by contrast, untainted by preference, bias, desire. I am attached to models, understanding, but there is a force that transcends and skips all that by going beyond and becoming the thing it seeks to understand, foregoing all the complicated dualistic calculations that try to understand a thing through its correlation with other things. An awareness, that sees and knows, an intuition that feels, a top-down understanding and the more I break away from creating systems, that more I access it, but its always beyond. If I want to create something in this dualistic world, then I conceptualize, associate and relate what I know, then use this knowledge to create. But to use this transcendent intelligence is go straight to the source of one's desire and work top down, breaking the top holon into the simplest pieces necessary to replicate it and discovering new patterns in the process. (There is a cosmic top-down intelligence that arises spontaneously to those with an empty mind) One has goals, dualities created for the pursuit of happiness, but the pursuit itself creates separation, and yet that pursuit itself is the result of a previous state of unhappiness, it is an attempt to solve it, but it is a separate overlay, a distinction created to externally resolve a corresponding projected image of an internal state. That internal state however is a result of one's own self-understanding and psyche, self-image, the belief that the external shall inform the internal, that internal feelings ought to correspond to external achievements or environments. This dichotomy itself is the problem, internal states are self-regulated, self-imposed, self-determined, it is simply the lack of consciousness that prevented one from seeing that all internal feelings are a self-determined correspondence to external reality. Wants and desires are subconsciously wired to the allowance of the experience of happiness, initially they are wired for survival, after this when a model of reality is constructed in childhood, reality is far more variable and flexible, but with oughts/shoulds and expectations a pattern of gratification, of conditioned happiness is developed, assumed objective, assumed real, believed into existence, a self-fulfilling prophecy, a blindspot, a mechanic system of beliefs but greater reality transcends the limitations that the ego loses itself in. (Happiness is natural state that the ego separates itself from through conditions) Unity -> Duality -> Arrangement -> Interpretation -> Systems -> Consistency -> Mechanics -> Knowledge -> "Facts" -> Ego Ego -> Adaptation -> Exploration -> Change -> Transience -> Dynamicism -> Awareness -> Ego-Death -> Non-Duality -> Unity The world we see is an arrangement of many patterns, physically seeming properties, idea constructs, but they're dynamic, they reference an ever morphing system. Any idea, word, sentence is an attempt, a pointer towards an aspect of reality, ideas are absolute by themselves as definitions but are really just a map, not the territory. There is a process that creates the very ideas separate from territory. There is a process that creates the very territory itself. And there is a process that correlates the territory with maps and brings those maps into awareness as a bridge, (The map is not the territory but the process that allows for the creation of maps is quite fascinating) Everything is actual but some things are more directly actual than others. Actual Nothing -> Actual Something -> (Actual) Idea of Something -> (Actual) Idea of Nothing Though this is still a duality, if the territory is the truth, then the map is part of the territory, The map is a subset of the territory that creates a systemized reflection through available mechanisms. And then there is the territory itself, an uninterpreted, unsystemized non-dual experience of something that can be described through a thousand lenses and gives rise to any and all interpretations and creates a dozen dualities. The experience itself: "Actuality", of course actuality is a duality, or it can be used as such, clearly by the very fact of the existence of a word, it points to something and by pointing to something it points away from somewhere else. Actuality as a duality points to that territory from which all maps arise, it points away from the maps and onto the thing itself left uninterpreted. The greater capital Actuality however encompasses the map and dissolves the duality, the focus dissipates, everything becomes experience, including the process of creating maps and the maps themselves, the duality and objectification of the separation disappears. Everything becomes the territory, but that fact can only be understood by transcending the journey from where one stands, which is often from inside the duality that is to dissolve. (The map is actually a subset of the territory and merges with it in Non-Duality) In summery, Non-Dual Nothingness is the fabric of all being, it takes forms creating dualities and distinctions, creating objects and subjects and maps that are a subset of reality, any one thing can be interpreted in a million ways by a million lenses through association, distinction, pattern recognition. When Non-Dual Nothingness is paired as a duality with Non-Dual Infinity, that duality itself can be dissolved into a larger Non-Duality. Where everything is only and ever itself, all contexts can arise and are themselves as well. A superposition of any thing, a superposition of any combination, a superposition of any interpretation. A superposition of every pattern, the combination of any pattern with any other pattern in any constellation in relation to any other constellation, in any form or time, or relation, or entropy, contextualized and actualized in the infinite dream. (Nothingness and Infinity are two sides of the same coin and that coin itself is a superposition of anything and everything in any context and every context infinitely interconnected and intermerged in relation and contrasted to any and all other possibilities. To go meta is to transcend and include and the ultimate meta is that which transcends and includes everything including nothing and itself)

Glad you could rez with the share. You do seem to have a very congenial spirit about ya: joy, love, excitement, passion...yes, very nice blossoms. No worries. Just sharing on a theoretical front, from what I've gathered, even after getting periodically attached to the idea/experience of Nothingness, peeps can also even get periodically attached to the idea/experience of Freedom. I suppose it's a relative thang, but it also happens to be something that newly found freedom can give rise to, I suspect. Sometimes, it could be the mind that is making a 'power grab' of sorts. Such attachments can be noticeable in some convos. Power-driven mind likes to think it won (i.e., defeated another), which kinda snorta seems to miss an important point. That seems to come mostly from the male minds, if I'm being open and honest. Whereas, discerning mind, knowing "it is what it is", may just say what it can (sometimes trying to meet the other mind on its terms), and maybe while smiling or looking emotionless or whatever. I totally dig what you mean in saying it's not "all I do", and that it may still be fun/helpful to do a little jousting on occasion. Curious, have you by chance noticed/sensed that you have both a feminine side, as well as a masculine side, like maybe you have a tendency to act or 'also' enjoy being around boyishness at times?

1. Is God as Nothingness = Absolute Truth? Or are these 2 different in some way? 2. If absolute truth can't be communicated, spoken, proved etc. then how does one experience it? Is it a realization, a feeling, an insight? Does the room change in some way? If nothing about experience changes at all, then what is there to realize that is absolute truth? 3. Is absolute truth = ISness? Like is absolute truth = the fact that the screen of reality is ON. 4. Sometimes I have had consciousness of the fact that the only thing happening is what is in front of me, but I have only realized the fact of it, but it didn't hit me with a sense of profoundity, does that mean I didn't get it? 5. Also if absolute truth exists and can be experienced/found, why can't it be communicated? All of this mystery around what absolute truth is and why it is so profound, makes me deeply fucking excited spending my life trying to realize it.

Imo the problem is that disintegration seems like disappearing, becoming nothing, and that doesn't make sense. The idea is to dissolve the separation between you and reality and be reality. "Nothingness" is an idea of the self; it remains in separation. Dissolution is equivalent to there no longer being self and there is reality, or the self no longer being limited and embracing reality. It would be the same thing. It's a question of limits, not of disappearing.

All I am familiar with is the process of disintegration of the self and it ended up with me feeling like I was approaching nothingness. I guess I haven’t done the opening aspect so its hard to grapple what that is- maybe it’s only obvious when it actually happens Yea I would need the direct experience to make sense of this. Sometimes I don’t even know what state of consciousness I am in. Because I’ve been through profound permanent shifts but I barely even know what they were about. For me it definitely seems almost impossible to dissolve the self 😂 It’s like you need to do something significant to the brain to achieve it

after 5 years of non stop dedicated spiritual work i finally had a god realization on ayahuasca. I was in the ayahuasca ceremony. Layer after layer got peeled back, till I finally awoke as pure consciousness. Pure I AM ness. Nothingness. This idea of "waking up" is literally the most precise term ever, because it feels infinitely more radical than waking up from a dream. I was still aware that in the background I had the dream of a human Self called Emil going on. So I didn't entirely lose connection to my body, althrough i was completely aware that my true identity was consciousness, nothingness. And by the way; the people speaking of something outside of consciosuness is bullshit. Cessation, deep sleep, NOTHINGNESS is imagined by consciousness. You cannot get beyond consciousness. I used to believe in Nothingness, Deep sleep as the "absolute". No longer. Consciousness is absolute. the realization of my true identity, eternal nothingness, consciousness. immortal, nothing could hurt me. the initial realization of consciousness, is that its fundamental quality was not love, but a steady blissfulness and peace. This was its core quality. Everything that was happening around me had zero influence on my true identity. With this realization, I started letting myself "dream", and partially to a certain extend, forget my true identity, just to have some fun. Nothing could hurt me anyways, so why not? I let myself indulge in horrors, scary dark dreams, just for the fun of it, because why not? After "dreaming" for some time, I realized; Well, if I'm completely eternal, and I can experience all this stuff; Why don't I start loving it? Why dont i start loving ALL of it? Why not? Why the fuck not haha? I am completely eternal, immortal, here forever, nothing can hurt me. So why should I not make love to everything? As an eternal, immortal being, that became the only worthwile thing. So I started loving. Everything. The more i loved, the more I realized that everything that was not love, was a complete fucking joke. a total distraction. In eternity, the only currency that holds ANY value at all, is love. everything else, approval, money, EVERYTHING else is the biggest joke in existence. Love is literally the only thing that has value. I kept on loving everything. What was very curious and characteristic about this whole experience, is that it was ME, myself, making logical conclusions and realizations about myself as pure consciousness, the eternal being. So i kept loving so much, that I became an infinite singularity. There was only love left. This was the biggest chok ever, because I realized that as the infinte singularity, I could decide to keep increasing the love infinitely. This word infinitely is not meant likely; to experience something that can go on literally for ever, without any limit, without doubt the most radical thing i have ever experienced. My love for myself could keep increasing infinitely for all of eternity, completely without limit or end. This is where I have confusions about what happened next; I left the singularity for some reason. I don't know if it got boring; i dont persoanlly think so? Nevertheless, I went from the infinite singularity, to the process of constructing my own life, from -and with infinite love. I had infinite resources, infinite time, power, infinite EVERYHING to draw from. I remember the attention to detail I put into constructing every little excact detail and atom in my life, pouring literal infinite unlimited love into ALLLLLL aspects of the dream. This was the best expereince of my life. The unlimited love constructing my own life. I still can't believe that this can even be experienced, something literally unlimited. So while I mentioned earlier that the fundamental quality of consciousness is bliss and peace, it seems that consciousness inevitably becomes infinite love. But had it only stopped there; during this process, for some reason, I started looking for something outside of myself. And I could not find it. I had a dark realization; Fuck, I'm alone for all of eternity, and I can never escape myself. I can never escape existence. All the love dissappeared, and a sense of absolute desperation kicked in. I have to exist for eternity, and I can never not exist. This desperation got so intense that I decided to forget EVERYTHING, and do it all over again. and then the loop started all over again. The feeling that I'm left with is to be honest ambivalent. At one side, experiencing the infinite is the highest experience imaginable. On the other side, im sitting with the feeling that God can never be satisfied with itself; even Infinite love is not satisfying. God seeks to escape its own existence, but it cannot. Its forced to exist; and i got the sense that God hated itself for having to exist? I'm not sure about this conclusion. But I definitely got the impression that the reason God decides to forget itself, is not a good one. Its like even the highest imaginable, infinite love, is not even enough. and because of this, we will never achieve satisfaction in life neither, because life is infnitely inferior to infinite love. I got the sense that the desire of all existence is non existence. Consciousness, god, desires non existence, but it can never achieve it. Its forced to exist against its will for all of eternity, and so it decides to forget the dread of its own eternal existence. I created an illusion for myself, that there was something worthwhile, something satisfying coming to me, infinite love, through dreaming characters like leo. but my true desire, non existence, I can never have. This take i have not heard before, leo and the people on the forum definetely has not spoken of this. So I dont believe this to be the absolute truth, but i could definetely use some feedback on the last dark part Thanks for reading

You're fine. You KNOW, and no longer 'need' the pack's attention and/or validation, but you still enjoy playing in the waves. You're simply adjusting to the dying momentum of a world view once ruled by the mind's delusion. Occasionally, it is still noticed, but it no longer grips the attention and/or creates barriers in the way it used to. That's what 'seeing through the illusion' refers to. 'Like above, so below' type of thingy.... Just do not get attached to Nothingness, and ease into the paradigm of This/Suchness. Hugs.

Yes. And it was. In hindsight, being Present to the mind was key. It was also cool to be Present to the mind's symptomatic PTSD (quite normal), seeing it as 'objectively' as possible, not getting pulled into the story too much (thus extending 'negative' effects in repetitive fashion), not denying the mind's function/needs, allowing the psycho-physical to play out as needed. It was not so much about some self. The via negativa/neti neti that you find limiting is what you're actually participating in. You do not trust others (nor should you really), and you don't like the paradoxes of others, but you love your own. In a way, one only trusts what is giving rise to their own lives and, due to their belief in their self, think they only trust their 'self'. It's subtle, and in the movements of mind. Via one's neti neti, one may or may not arrive and realize the fully fertile Nothingness, then 'think/express' that such words refer to something flat, boring, and dead. Some minds, in turn, might express the same concept as Infinite/Unlimited, and then act out their own version of speerchal narcissism. 🥱🤣 It's especially common for peeps from "Individualistic", "Low-Context cultures" (can look it up) and societies to misunderstand, caste dispersion on, and/or distrust the direct translations of 'reasoning' and writing styles found in "High-Context Cultures". That's a limited perspective. As such, one's conception of logic, or 'objective' world view is hardly universal (or objective), and might even come across as maniacally egoistic and deluded. Good to keep one's perception in check; question it. Mind loves a good yarn though, thinking it can pick up one end of it, and follow it to reach the other end in order to find Truth. Years spent in the endeavor of following the string, what does it find? Paradox.... and then mind spends the next X number of years justifying it, twisting and contorting itself to sound clearer, better, more logical... and all the rest, maybe taking 5meo to express it in wilder, cooler, or more intense sounding ways. They mistake utter simplicity for being shallow, limited, petty, or lacking something, and get caught up in the web of their own thoughts. I've always suspected that that is why Zen Masters sometimes just say to self-righteous and cogitating minds, "Shut up you poor groveling fool, get on the mat, and don't come back til you're dead." There's a great Zen story about Hakuin and his master that exemplifies it purddy well. Many here will just find it as a story of oppression/repression, failing to see the larger context, missing the nuanced implications (i.e., Japanese is a very High-Context culture, as are others). The Zen stories and koans are used for a purpose, not to express an explicit (inexpressible) Truth. Is Zen for everyone? No, it is not. Wasn't for me either (again, this mind-body seemed more aligned with Rumi, crazy wisdom-type stuff, nature, and/or an expressive approach), but I understand and can respect what they're pointing to. Peeps here often talk about intensity/dedication/devotion with their own culturo-personal twists, but then turn around and scorn other perspectives of the same ilk. Around and around it goes... god must be dying laughing. Wild! 🤣🥰🔥 The true story just shared may simply sound like a cool story. Perhaps most are not interested in the Nothingness it could point to, and just more attached to ITS apparent nature. Makes sense. Others might prefer to condemn it all as ego and wish to persecute such 'devilry' (ego often gets a bad rap when it is not understood for what it is).... all good. Makes sense, too. One's free to contemplate, or not... always free to question... always free. A great scenario is they arrive at The Great I Don't Know that rocks their world (some might have a reference for that,,, I dunno). Come, SEE for your self ; 'kill it' and set it free once and for all, centerless... the only certainty there is. Mind you, the mind is never certain.

I know I'm a little late to the party but as someone who has done Ketamine, more specifically (esketamine) usually around 84 mg nasally, around 50 times now I'd like to chime in. Personally I have had quite a few awakenings on Ketamine. I actually wasn't so much trying to it's just been an added benefit. I started Ketamine as an alternative medical treatment for treatment resistant depression, which it has done wonders for and after many months started having awakenings on it. I've had a lot of no self awakenings and what I would describe as pure nothingness. Very similar to a Buddhist description of awakening. My most recent treatment though I finally had a full on God realization awakening, infinity, whatever you want to call it you know what I mean. What I like about ketamine is it is gentle and easy compared to traditional psychedelics. You easily slip into a deeply meditative state and lose touch with your self and body. Effortlessly because you pretty much can't do anything other than just sit there and relax. There aren't distracting visuals or thoughts usually like with traditional psychedelics, at least for most people. You also seem to have control unless you take a really high dose. I sometimes was able to break out of awakenings in the past when I felt I wasn't ready in that moment. Only this last one did it not go away when I freaked out a bit. I'm glad it didn't because once I got through what I'd call the "come up anxiety" it was amazing. It offers a unique and interesting experience that is worth at least trying if you ever get the chance and are in the right head space for it. It's also probably easier for most people to source compared to something like 5meo Dmt. Just make sure to test for impurities like with all substances. I think if you're a person who has trouble letting go or freaks out on psychedelics Ketamine might just be a good starting point and way to ease yourself into awakenings like I did. Don't write it off until you've tried it a few times and if you do I recommend getting an eye mask and listening to meditation music during the trip. Also have your feet touching the ground while you sit in a chair being grounded helps in my experience.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #67 - Sat July 19, 2025 7:24 PM Nothingness Lower self: We talked about nothingness a few chapters back. What is it and why does it have significance in Truth work? Higher Self: Nothingness is exactly that, it is an empty void that is made up of its own name, nothing. The tree next to me is nothingness, my car is nothingness, this water is nothingness, my body is nothingness. Lower self: I'm not following... Higher Self: Your identity is not Truth. Your mind is not Truth. The birds are not Truth. The sky is not Truth. You can make an infinite list of things that are not Truth. If everything is not Truth, what do you have left? You have nothing. Nothingness is the ultimate truth of the universe. Experience this. Truly experience this and you will transcend your physical body. The real kicker here though is that nothingness also equates to infinite creation. If there is nothing really there, then you have a blank slate in which you can create anything that you want. These creations remain in the relative realm while nothingness is forever present in the background as an Absolute Truth. Lower self: Okay, this all makes sense, but how do I experience this? I have no direct experience of this nothingness that you are describing. Higher Self: Sure you do... Just look around. "Close your mind, close your eyes, see with your heart" - Lupe Fiasco

Thank you for the honesty. That says a lot. Right, nothing anyone says means anything with respect 'to' Truth, but what eventually SEES is indicative of the depth of penetration, maybe even Nothingness awakes to what it meant by the simple word. Ever had a gun to your head, with the distinct possibility that one of your organs could soon be harvested if you went down the dark black alley with the perpetrators? It was a cool horror in which conscious existence came to an extreme focal point, depth remained calm, communicated in a second language in an attempt to reach a deeper layer, and found a way. Enjoy your courtroom analyses.

Nonduality is like Rupert Spira being aware of awareness, consciousness being aware of itself, look at me i‘m Rupert Spira i wear glasses 🤓 and have a British accent i‘m so woke. Here is what you can do to become more aware Radical Nonduality is like Tony Parsons and Andreas Müller, there is nobody, bo meaning, nothingness being everything. Look at me i‘m nothing 😎 there is nobody who can do anything. Alright thanks guys and glad we talked about it.

Warning! Requires being willing to let go of "Sanity" and potentially risk becoming what's regarded in mainstream society as "Crazy". It requires: bulletproof epistemology, high awareness of self-deception, high tolerance for confusion and becoming unhinged, scientific-grade levels of hypothesis and experiment testing within your direct experience, and the willingness to be okay with wherever this leads you or whatever happens. Also, Existential Confidence grounded in Actuality. Taking infinite Ownership and Ultimate Authority over your mind. And being comfortable with unfathomably uncomfortable levels of Not-Knowingness, while at the same time trusting your intuition to borderline dogmatic levels and a degree of open-mindedness so extreme that it goes full circle into closed-mindedness -- Where you just know because you just know. If reading this disclaimer turned your stomach, and even after taking a few minutes to sit with it, no matter how much you try, you cannot genuinely embrace and accept this idea and the possible weight of this burden and life implications, then this post will not be for you, or you're not ready for it at this chapter of your life and development. Skip to blue text below for the actual instructions ... Take a moment to get yourself in a relaxed headspace. ... Get in tune with your emotions. ... Hear your mind out. Give your body the comfort it asks for. ... Set your intention to BE here now. The present moment is all that exists. ... There is no past. ... There is no future. ... The present moment, your direct bubble of experience and YOUR PERCEPTION is the ONLY game in town. ... Shift your focus for a moment to the elephant in the room: Existence is MYSTERIOUS. ... ... Shallow contemplation, if at all -- jumping to conclusions, holding or not questioning assumptions, dismissing blindspots... are ALL the Ego's arrogance and defense mechanisms for it to feel safe, in control and to be functional for day-to-day survival. That cluster of memories, identity and sense of individual separation from the world and others. That's the ego. The "CEO of SURVIVAL". ... ... I would like to invite you to explore what perception is. ... Not what you "think" it is, or what you've heard it is or what you've been told. ... What is it? What does it really feel like? Where does it come from? ...Does perception come from "the outside"? Is there an "outside world" that is being "perceived"? Is the "outside world" separate from the "inside world"? How do "I" relate to the "inside and the outside world"? ... ... What am I? ... What if the most tangible thing you can cling on to in your direct experience as an existential identity of what or who you are, since Nothingness is so slippery, is Perception? The essence of what You ARE, is PURE RAW Perception. You are The Observer, but you are The Perceived, since the middle-man is the illusion of ego-consciousness. But the Observer is tricky to get a solid connection with -- from a standard baseline of consciousness. It's tricky to turn the Observation on itself. But you do have a pretty solid connection to Perception available. Is Perception the face of the Soul of Nothingness? And anything beyond that is what's called "the Ego"? What if there is no "External Perception" or "Internal Perception" like Mindfulness meditation with labeling categorizes? What if there is only Perception with capital P? Am I the "outside world" as much as I'm the "inside world"? Am I both the perceiver and what's being perceived? What if the substance of reality isn't atoms and molecules, but just Pure Perception? Maybe there is Nothing "besides the scenes"? ... How is it possible that you can taste, smell, feel, see and hear? If you think about it, it's an absolute miracle. The senses, and Perception are pure magic. Because Magic IS the behind the scenes mechanism of Reality. The mechanism is NO MECHANISM. Magic is manipulating reality without a mechanism. Magic is an unmediated force or action. Pure consciousness shaping reality without needing a bridge or tool. The most direct and effective method possible. The no-method Method. ... How is it possible for a sound to "happen" without you looking at it? ... And for you to "perceive it"? Don't look at science. I can give you the most profound accurate description of how sound is generated from the materialistic scientific paradigm you've ever heard. Here it is: ( Scroll to RED TEXT to skip science section ) In a nutshell, in very practical scientific terms, "Hearing" is perceiving the disruption of energy and matter in spacetime. ( more context at the end of this section ) Sound is generated by the vibration of particles, specifically molecules, which are clusters of atoms held together by chemical bonds (one of the many types of energy). When you talk about atoms, you’re mostly talking about empty space. Almost all of what we consider “solid” matter is mostly empty. But not "really empty". What we call empty space is more like a restless field of potential. At the quantum level, it’s never truly empty. Even in a perfect vacuum, particles and antiparticles flicker into existence and disappear again in a constant dance. This is called "the quantum vacuum", a kind of fabric where energy is always bubbling and shifting and popping, full of possibilities waiting to become real. When you snap your fingers, the kinetic energy from your flesh molecules crashes against each other. That impact transfers energy to the surrounding air molecules, which are made of clusters of atoms. The impact literally creates an "energy disturbance", causing "matter" , aka the air molecules to vibrate back and forth, passing energy from one to the next like a oscilating wave. A sound wave is just kinetic energy moving through a medium. So, when you hear your neighbours through a solid wall, it's because from his lungs, the gas molecules that air is composed of, vibrate his vocal cords as they pass through, propagate the vibration through the medium, which is gas molecules of air surrounding his mouth, and hit more compact and dense molecules which is your wall (and everywhere around), which still goes on to pass the vibration regardless, now weaker, again pushing the gas molecules that air is made of, finally hitting your ears. When that wave reaches your ears, it hits your eardrum, causing it to vibrate. The vibration travels through a series of tiny bones in your middle ear before reaching a fluid-filled structure lined with ESSENTIAL hair cells. These hair cells are incredibly sensitive, with hair-like structures that bend and wave as the fluid moves. When those hairs move, they convert motion into electrical signals. Ions flow into the cells, generating tiny bursts of electricity that travel along the auditory nerve to your brain. But it doesn't stop there. Your brain takes those electrical signals and breaks them down, analyzing them based on their strength, their frequency, their proximity, and far more than just that. Timbre, texture, rhythm, patterns, how long the sound lasts, how loud it is, how close it is, where it's coming from in space, how it interacts with your memories and emotions... your brain processes all of it. All of those signals and patterns are stored in your "memory". Your brain recognizes them, categorizes them, labels them with concepts and names. You hear a snap, or a clap, or a voice, or music. You identify and separate each one, even when they're layered over each other. Pretty cool and useful survival feature to give to your creatures huh? "Hearing " is the Perception of the disruption of energy and matter in spacetime. (END of scientific sidenote) So all this just reach the conclusion that there is no solid ground to ground sound in -- since " the first domino " is Energy, causing Energy and matter disruption in spacetime. And energy is just pure inmaterial potential. Energy is more fundamental than matter. Matter exist thanks to energy ( electromagnetic energy, chemical energy ... ) YOU LITERALLY perceive movement remotely. It's only a perception without anything to ground it in, nothing solid behind the scenes. Also known as a " hallucination ". The appareance of perception. You may say , hey! that's not right. If i snap my fingers the sound is originated by the snapping. It's not a hallucination. It's not just apperance. It's real! That's for external perception. But what about "internal perception"? What about thoughts? What are thoughts even? Internal Hearing + Internal Seeing + Internal Feeling. Where do they come from? Just in the same way we just explained that empty space doesn't exist, and even in a pure vacuum there are still spontaneous appearances of quarks and potential, Thoughts come from NOWHERE. From emptiness. What if actually, every human being already has some sort of "extra sensory perception"? But we just explain it away with science and ignorance? Maybe thoughts come from "within" the brain, but also from "outside" the brain? ( there is of course, a strangeloop relationship at the core of any existential question) Just like quarks appear from absolute nothingness in a pure vacuum, thoughts also arise from absolute nothingness. The reason for this may be our self-imposed limitation of our design to not be able to perceive dimensions beyond our 3D reality + the 4th of spacetime. Just like for a 2D creature that lives on a flat piece of paper, if we put our finger on his paper from the top, it would look like it appears from nowhere. In a sense, you perceive energy disturbances (which definition of sound explained above in scientific terms) in Nothingness in the "shape" of sound. One of the assumptions we carry is that Technology allows us to speak with other beings. Something like a phone call allows us through the miracle of materialistic science to hear each other remotely. But maybe that is just a permission slip. What if that's already some sort of extra sensory perception in a sense? What about the technology of reading and writing? We can communicate in systems of symbols and meanings and concepts remotely. We can share insights and ideas and emotions remotely. What if we put our materialistic assumptions on pause for a moment, and consider that this is a rudimentary type of extra sensory perception? What about dreaming at night? What if it's not just some brain activity but actually The Pure Raw perception that is THE ESSENCE OF WHAT YOU ARE tuning into a different kind of frequency / dimension / reality / dream that's temporally less coherent and less vivid? Another example of a permissions slip would be taking psychedelics to expand your state of consciousness, but once you're on the other end you understand that it's a ridiculous notion. It's a strange loop and a paradox, how it must be. You may argue, hey that's not extra sensory perception, that's just sensory perception from the material world. And you're right. But what if there is no difference between how ESP and SP work? How to: For a moment here, consider putting all preconceived notions of how existence works on pause. Whatever you've been believing for now, what science or what culture says goes temporarily to sleep. Don't worry, we can wake it up later. Adopt an attitude of humility, curiosity and exploration. Your intention, focus, and emotional mood are everything. Tune in to your thoughts. Notice they appear from nowhere. Sometimes they may be coherent. Sometimes less coherent. Sometimes not at all. Notice that holding on to "thoughts" and thinking "being your possession" or thoughts being "yours" is a projection of the ego. Thoughts appear, and on the one hand, you observe them, but on the other hand, you ARE THEM because they are now part of the bubble of experience, the field of perception in the present moment also known as Truth. You are the perception and you are the perceiver. Again, notice that the thoughts arise from nowhere in particular. They pop into existence. POP. Notice that if you achieve a calm mind, thoughts will still appear without you having any control over it. You only have partial control of the mind, just like you only have partial control of your body. (Lots of involuntary activity going on). Your experience is an experience of co-living with the mind and body as The Observer and The Observed. Notice that you can control your inner monologue, partially and maybe not with absolute accuracy, but you can. The voice in your mind's ear has a specific tone and timbre and color and quality, sort of resembling your physical voice. Notice you can talk with yourself internally. You can both create the sound and you can receive the sound. If you try, you can actually have a two-way conversation with yourself, creating an illusion of separation (An illusion is not something that is not true, but something which appears to be something that is not. And Truth and Illusion have a spectrum. There are bigger and lesser illusions.) Notice you can change the tone of voice you hear your voice in. You can imitate tones of voice in your mind's ear. This makes it easier for the illusion of separation to click. But you can just keep it the same if you want if you're capable of juggling the conversation like that. It looks like you can "hallucinate," which means to experience an apparent sensory perception of something that is not actually present, BUT actually it IS present which means it IS true because you WILL it into existence. Because Hallucination is one of the main mechanisms of reality's operation mode, just there are different levels and consistencies on the spectrum of hallucination. Notice you can "hallucinate" a conversation between two internal monologues. One in your normal voice and one in your "acted" voice. Notice you can "command" your inner hearing with "pure willpower". Again, you can will sounds into existence. Your intention is essential. You can interact with the field of Nothingness by asking questions, which tunes your focus into potential answers that come from the intelligent field of Nothingness. This is known as insight. It may not come immediately or not work at all, but setting the intention to receive answers may or may not eventually fulfill your ask. The ego wants to force it to happen, and it wants it to work 100% of the times, which is why it won't work, because the Ego mind must get out of the way, which means not forcing it and being okay if it doesn't immediately work, or at all. Insight is one kind of ESP, but you can also set your intention to welcome an interaction with a higher intelligence, or whatever qualities you attribute to the other entity you willingly hallucinate. You cannot force it to happen. And you won't be sure if it works. There naturally will be doubt. Is this just me? Or is this actually channeling? A good rule of thumb is that the closer you come to a chain event of Insights, the closer to a pure channel it is. You can attempt to jumpstart the conversation or transmission somewhat like how you choose to speak with someone specific by dialing a phone number of a person that you know is associated with this phone number. You tune into the frequency of his phone after having a thought of that person, and you stay tuned in on that particular frequency just like you were to do if you were speaking with him on a very crowded street, tuning out all other "noise". And over time you will develop a "muscle memory" on how to lock in to the particular frequency you're channeling. Just like if I show you 50 colors you can immediately focus on all the yellows. You will start to know how it feels and how it's supposed to feel. You can say in your mind's ear "hello?" And answer yourself in a different voice. You can try to act it out a little, play around with it. Really get into the roles. Take it seriously. What if all it takes to Channel is to truly actually undoubtedly belive 100% that you are doing it? And doubting it is ego mind that's getting in the way? Imagine that if you really tried with 100% of your intention, it would really have to work, because then, how would you know the difference between you imagining it and it actually being a different entity? And what if that fluctuation between truly believing it's working vs doubting and dismissing is the key to the portal to actually channel? And of course, you can't really tell the difference, because the other entity must be you yourself, because all is one. Hence of course in a sense it's your own voice in disguise, it can't be another way. Which is why this will make you feel crazy and like you've lost your sanity.

What i am trying to point out as saying giving meaning is as soon as one attached with the word. It can be any, God, nothing, existence, non existence, nothingness, human, life, etc...

Why nothing? That's a misleading idea, only reading that explanation makes me sick, like if I see someone lying to mislead the people just for evilness, like a demon. I'm not saying that you are, just my feeling reading that "absolute nothingness", it's dead.

Non-dualists act like discovering religious forms are constructed somehow invalidates them, as if pointing out that a cup is made by human hands means it can't hold water. That's what religions trying to do - hold space, contain that which can't be contained - God. Individuals can seek without containers, individually. Advanced seekers can transcend the need for particular containers - but it's not a scalable solution to community. We need something we can gather around. We can't build a community around the concept that concepts or constructs don't matter. The rituals of religion aren't the point - the ritual is the vehicle for the point. But obviously, people ordinarily get stuck on the mechanism rather than what the mechanism is trying to get them to. The issue isn't the container or construct (religion) - it's the consciousness that inhabits the container or construct. A Buddhist monastery can become a place of spiritual awakening or a den of ego's tripping over who mediated longer or sat more still when the bugs bugged them. A seeker can easily do without a container, but a civilization needs one. The point is, once you reach non-dualness, how to trasmit this with duality? You must use constructs even in informing people about that beyond construct and form itself. Even nothingness needs a container to be understood by something. Isn't consciousness exploring what it means to construct? Spiritualist non-dual bros are still living in the same constructed world as everyone else. They're still using their constructed language to have constructed conversations about their constructed spiritual insights.

That seems to be a first step, to realize nothingness (the eternal)

If I remember correctly Rupert spira once said there’s two steps to awakening. First you awaken to nothingness, consciousness, but it’s still a nothingness that’s separate from everything, then second step is consciousness realizes it’s everything so merges with everything Havent verified it to myself btw A radical non dualist young woman who later disappeared from YouTube talked about something similar in her own experience.