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oblivious fat woman. Things are shifting in me. I'm reminded of that one scene in WALL-E where WALL-E accidentally bumps into one of the oblivious fat people on the ship, who truly notices her surroundings for the first time: I am that oblivious fat woman. For years, I successfully avoided participating 100% in my life. I am the wallflower, koo-koo ka-choo. I used a variety of distractions to cope with the empty feelings, but now those distractions have run their course. (Until another set of distractions find their way into my life, and I get sucked into the unconscious vortex once more...dun dun duuuuuun...) My Internet/Information addiction is on its way to the trash. As that happens, I realize how empty my life is - empty of quality meaning and relationships. Empty of that vivacious, self-expressive juice I used to have as a kid. Of course, I won't discount my near-miraculous transformation over the past year. Life is definitely a lot fuller than a year ago, but I clearly see now that I still have a ways to go. I'm eager to live fully, but I'm simultaneously afraid to live fully - like a dog that's lived in a cage his whole life and is too afraid to leave, even though the cage door is open. A psychological death is required to proceed, as is the case with most personal growth. Yesterday's events shook me in a good way. I acquired a fresh new perspective on things, and it makes my old perspective feel... well, old. And it makes my current circumstances feel expired. More specifically: the longer I stay in this living arrangement with the parents, the more I feel like I'm wearing an itchy wool sweater that I want to take off immediately. Fortunately, I think I have an escape route.

Yes I found chanting mantra to be the most direct way to personal transcendence, and lasting personal transformation thereafter. The bare minimum "spiritual work" I do every day is to passionately chant AUM several times long and deep. A yogi form India once told me that Sanskrit is more than a language, but a sacred system of sounds that corresponds directly with the bodies energies. This explanation made a lot more sense than the new age woo woo about invoking angels or summoning the spirits of all who've ever sung such words. Regardless, I don't think it matters what I believe about any specific mantra, if anything, and I dare say that mantra meditation is a stage turquoise experience. It is about merging with and becoming the sound itself, losing all sense of self-ness, entering a post-rational realm that transcends everything else that is normal human experience. Intensely vibrating sound currents like aum, or repeatedly chanting a mantra feels like it bypasses the thinking and sensing parts of the body, which is why it is so powerful. Sometimes I chant a cappella , or along with a track, which has the added benefit of regulating breath patterns as part of the meditation. Never done much of silent meditation, so I can't compare the two, but I can assert that diving right into mantra chanting is the most accessible way for anyone to experience meditation immediately. Particularly useful if you want meditative experiences but lack the discipline, time or ability to stay seated for zazen style meditation. I find that I can change sitting positions and also alternate between standing up, kneeling and lying down with my knees up during mantra meditations and it doesn't detract from the soundwork.

What dies is the body. The eternal being that we are cannot ever die. I'm also convinced it's impossible to kill the ego-mind with one blow. What if the body is needed for the processing/ transformation of ego-mind, then you really don't want to kill the physical body until you've completed your ego transformation.

I realized something very profound the other day, and couldn’t quite put my finger on it until now. Certain existing friendships no longer serve me. Throughout this change of mine, transformation, I’ve made some new friends and developed stronger friendships with existing acquaintances. However, there were a few that I just didn’t have the energy or desire to maintain anymore. My theory was proven after going out for dinner with one old friend last week, and finding myself wanting to get it over as soon as I could. After, I needed time alone just to recharge myself. I shouldn’t feel ashamed or bad about this at all. It’s all apart of growth.

that's a nice way to put it. Reminds me of something i read in Eckhart Tolle's book called 'A New Earth'. In it, the author said that he likes to contemplate on the first day when a boom happened all over the world and Flowers covered the entire earth with colors and fragrance for the 1st time millions of years go. Before the flowers came, trees existed for millions of years but there was no flower. He uses these analogies for Enlightenment. From Tree to flower. From Reptiles to bird. From rocks to diamond. From ignorant man to Enlightened man. A total transformation. But this widespread boom may take few more thousands of years lol. We still haven't learnt to crawl, let alone coming out of the cave

Not completely. The ego expands. You know how an enlightened person is like "everything is one, everything is me". That's because you identify with everything. So when you say identifying, you mean identifying with only certain things, which causes the resistance. So the issue isn't identifying. If you hang onto your identification, you are not identifying with a wide enough variety of things so to say. Your issue after reading the post seems to be something else though. You probably have spirits/thoughtforms that generate those thoughts. They probably came about from a previous bad feeling and stayed there. So don't feel bad about having those thoughts. I could be wrong though. So yeah it will get better after a while. You're going through a lot of transformation right now

This is a very classic spiritual trap. Sexual repression does not work and will actually retard your development. True celebacy comes AFTER decades of deep spiritual work. It must come naturally, not be forced. People think they can ape enlightened masters and become enlightened that way -- by copying their external behaviors -- but that doesn't work. What's required is an inner transformation, which only comes from deep practice. This is the whole problem of the Catholic Church in a nutshell. Also, don't compare yourself at 20 years old to a 60 year old yogi. The hormone levels are totally different. In their 20's many of these yogis were likely fornicating like rabbits. See Gandhi as one example.

Life is perfect as it is. It is daring you to relax/loosen up no matter what situation you are in. You have beleifs inside you that people won’t accept you and what happens? You start to attract people who don’t accept you. As such, life is a perfect reflection of your deepest beleifs about yourself and other people; use this to your advantage. Go our in the densest area possible and ask yourself, “Where is the danger here? Where are the people who don’t accept me? Where are they right now in this moment?”. Look, see, know. You’ll find through direct experience that there is no one to be afraid of, or worried about from this place of higher consciousness. Even put a clown hat on yourself, and walk around. See all the people watching you and radiate love through your eyes towards them. Come on, it will be fun you know! This direct experience is how we change our beliefs. Another effective way to change these beleifs is to anchor love. You may want to move somewhere safe and queit when you feel very anxious, and focus on the breathe. This technique is exactly the same as sitting on your front porch and watching the stars, it relaxes you and anchors love. Your love will purify everything, so bring it with you as much as possible. For in every moment we have a choice: we can choose love or choose fear. It’s up to you honey. This is your time to shine brighter than ever if you want to, to feel so much love beyond anything you’ve ever experienced. Even in the deepest state of fear, you can choose love, that is the fastest way to change beleifs. That’s why I suggested to go into a crowded area where I know you will be afraid and to use the technique of radiating love from your heart through your eyes. Whenever you are afraid, you have a misaligned belief. Dive into the heart of that situation that scares you and shine love through your eyes for fast transformation. Be that love that you desire from the world everywhere you go as best you can. Also I would like to suggest that you do not meditate right now. There are other practices that are much more beneficial for you. Here is a link to them: https://channelhigherself.com/blog/what-if-meditation-is-too-difficult/ Specifically the ”OM” would really help for about 10 minutes a day or more. It will release all of the anxiety through your voice, and the love frequency contained in the “OM” sound will purify your beleifs over time. Also I recommend the Urijjya breathe or guided breathing for 15 minutes or more a day to help you regain control over your thoughts that are making you have these attacks. The Ujjayi breathe has the potential to take you to unconditional love. The day practice I already said above to radiate love through the eyes ❤️? Hope this helps you Moonlight. This is what helped me with my social anxiety; and has changed my beleifs so much that I only attract the most loving people in my life and it is magical how it works through practice of what I recommended. Step into your power as the God that you are. Dedicate yourself to practice in all your free time. You are the love, you are the light; everything is beautiful. To see this, practice what was on that article that you enjoy for hours a day if you really want to realize that you are love. You have this power to do this with your own free will. You are the creator. You create in every single moment. All your answers will be resolved in the art of practice my darling. With love.

get a trip sitter, meditate before and dont eat the whole day and get ready for unchangable transformation

Source Work As MeditationOsho on Work as Meditation "Work is a necessary part of your transformation. Groups clean your mind but without work the mind will again gather rubbish. Meditation takes you into beyond-the-mind, but it starts cutting roots from the body-mind, and I want you to be with a wholesome integrated personality. Therapists clean the rubbish that centuries have poured into the mind, then work should make the body rooted in the ground, and then meditation can grow like flowers of a tree in the high sky. "People need to change the attitude that exists about work, particularly in the Western mind. Meditation should be part of the work, not separate from it. "Work and relaxation are not contradictory. In fact, the more you put yourself into work the deeper you can go into relaxation. So both are important. The harder you work the deeper you can relax. Work is valuable. It will bring humbleness and silence. People should feel that their work is something very special, and that whatever work they do is respectable." "The emphasis should be on full-time work. 6 hours a day is perfectly okay. Work is part of the whole program – when you work, work as if it were a group therapy. Call it "work meditation". If you really want to meditate and get into yourself, at least 6 hours work is a necessity – is part of the whole change in your energy. It is scientific. For 6 hours you should forget everything else – forget the whole world, forget your problems – whatever work it is, be total in it. Then something is possible." ... What do you think, is it possible to do highly cognitive demanding work while meditating (studying for example) or should the two habits be separated?

Interesting read from an LSD user: http://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/haveyoueverbeen.html some interesting snippets: In the case of psychedelics, such as LSD, other considerations apply. While we still will argue that they do not “expand" the mind or consciousness (which is not an experience, but that which is aware of experience), they have affects that may seem to do so, in the sense that they can temporarily reduce ones identification with certain limited assumptions, such as body-identification, and may also give a flash, a glimpse that the world is an idea, which is a step towards the advaitic realization that all is Mind. The problem is that they may also definitely NOT “purify Buddhi,” or the ability to discern truth from falsehood, especially when their immediate effects wear off. The ability to concentrate effectively may be lessened - it is unlikely that they can increase ones ability to deeply concentrate, as in reaching samadhi or penetrating the third eye and going to higher planes voluntarily - and the ability to make feeling connections may also be either enhanced or decreased, depending on many unpredictable personal, individual factors, including the biological condition of ones brain. Hence there are risks involved. -- Dr. John Mumford warns the Western student of attempting to mimic the drug use of the qualified Tantric practitioner: "Indiscriminate use of conscious-expanding drugs without prior mental training and the absolute physical discipline imparted by years of Hatha and Raja Kriya is equivalent to dynamiting open the door to a treasure vault (the unconscious mind) and discovering the blast has destroyed half the treasure plus irreparably damaging the door so that it cannot easily be shut at will. The karmic basis of life is that a price is exacted for everything, including illumination. The Yogi or Tantrist pays his karma through his years of practice and discipline well before ever opening the mind with a psychedelic drug.....Most Westerners dropping "acid" or other such substances risk paying a karmic debt after the experience with depression, inability to cope, de-realization, depersonalization, psychological malaise, and in some cases precipitation of latent schizophrenia or recurrent psychotic episodes." (5) -- Sant Kirpal Singh remarked that the use of such drugs was "a mockery of the divine grace". Sant Rajinder Singh affirms the view that drugs lower one’s consciousness. Most importantly, truth or realization is not just an acquirable experience, but "a turnabout in the deep seat of understanding AND the incomparable transformation-death of the Bodhisattva's individualized will control" (6), and this must be paid for with the sacrifice and submission of one's whole being, whether or not one ingests a particular herb or other substance on any occasion. Roshi Philip Kapleau remarked: "the spiritual heights can no more be scaled by smoking pot and dropping acid than a mountain can be climbed by looking at a map of it while reclining in an easy chair drinking beer. It is the climbing that brings joy and strength - joy in the release from the bondage of self and mountain, top and bottom; strength to LIVE in this realization." (7) -- Many a soul has doubted his own existence while on LSD! Perhaps a few have had intimations of the ineffable as well. This writer remembers a decidedly unphilosophically inclined friend of his at Cornell who sat for hours on acid repeating, "It's all the same, IT'S all the same, it's ALL the same, it's all the SAME, it's all the same, IT'S ALL THE SAME!......" But the next morning it wasn't, nor was he. (Reminds me of Leo lol, Isn't this exactly what Leo was saying over and over in one of his videos?) In The Web of Life John Davidson makes the following statement regarding the effects of various mind-altering drugs: "In general terms, brain drugs such as LSD and L-dopa can move the center of attention into the more subtle physical realms by biochemically ligaturing part of the physical brain pathways, thereby forcing attention to focus on the more inward subtle constitution." (18) This, no doubt, sometimes occurs, but even so it still would not amount to anything of lasting spiritual significance, for the reason that it is only more experience (in this case of the inner aspects of the brain), and not the transcendence of experience itself. Moreover, we have the strong warning from primal therapist Arthur Janov that such drugs as LSD can do serious damage to the gating (pain defense) mechanisms of the nervous system, even permanently altering the pathways between the reptilian, limbic and cortical areas of the brain. This can lead to extreme difficulty in accessing feelings and thus opening the heart. There is also the danger of psychosis in those whose “gates” are already too open. -- Marilyn Ferguson stated years ago: "It is impossible to overestimate the importance of psychedelics as an entry point drawing people into other transformational technology." (19) -- We conclude this discussion simply by agreeing that there is in fact a spiritual way, but there is likely no pharmaceutical - or even yogic - "shortcut". -- Ramana Maharshi: spoke about the use of drugs by those practising yoga: "I do admit that drugs have some beneficial effect. A certain drug can make the whole body melt and flow like a milky ocean. One man told me that when he was given chloroform before an operation he experienced a nectarous bliss and longed for that state again. The Chinese look like skeletons, but when they take opium, they feel like giants and do any amount of difficult work. These drugs, however, must be taken in limited amounts and secretly. Otherwise all will demand them. Moreover, after some time, the drug habit will become a great fetter and obstacle to jnana. Its addicts will not flinch from any crime to satisfy their cravings. So, it is best to remain desireless. Having seen the effects of all these drugs, I have decided that to be as we are is best. To strive for knowing one's real nature through self-enquiry, though it is a little difficult, is the only safe path." (10) Paul Brunton (who spent time with ramana Marashi and brough his teachings to the west): “Young persons are easily deceived by the sham uplift which drugs may confer. It is an astral plane experience, not a Buddhic plane one, as it seems to be.” (13) “What the drug taker gets is imagined reality, not real reality. Consciousness assumes the experience of knowing Truth, gives him the most vivid idea that this is IT. The end-effect is not to bring him nearer to the goal, as he wrongly believes, but farther from it. Such are the tricks that mind can play on self.” (14) “The drug experience, however exalted it is, never really gets beyond being an astral plane copy, a pseudo-contact with a pseudo-god. It is illegitimate for modern man to break Nature’s safety barrier in this way. He may pay a penalty withhealth, sanity, or self-deception.” (15) “The glimpse brings him to himself, but no drug can do that. The drug brings him before a vivid mental picture which he lives; it is still only a picture - sometimes horrible like a nightmare, sometimes sublime like a mystical ecstasy. But never in these experiences does he enter his true self. Always he is looking at and living with a picture.” (16) Sri Nisargadatta speaks from a larger [perspective when he says: M: ...."No doubt, a drug that can affect your brain can also affect your mind, and give you all the strange experiences promised. But what are all the drugs compared to the drug that gave you this most unusual experience of being born and living in sorrow and fear, in search of happiness, which does not come, or does not last. You should enquire into the nature of this drug and find an antidote...Birth, life, death - they are one. Find out what has caused them. Before you were born, you were already drugged. What kind of drug was it? You may cure yourself of all diseases, but if you are still under the influence of the primordial drug, of what use are the superficial cures? OPRAH WINFREY (HOST):Sounds like a drug trip. ECKHART TOLLE: Well, later on, people tell me, they ask me, "Is that like acid?" Because some people take acid and they say, "Oh, we experienced that when we took acid," they told me many times. Until finally, I'll tell you in confidence, finally I tried acid just for once. OPRAH WINFREY: You're telling me in confidence here? ECKHART TOLLE: Yes. OPRAH WINFREY: Okay, good. ECKHART TOLLE: I tried it just once just to see… OPRAH WINFREY: If it was the same thing? ECKHART TOLLE: Yes. OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah? ECKHART TOLLE: It's not quite the same thing because what I experienced was much more subtle and beautiful. The acid I experienced has almost a violent thing where violently the perceptions, sense perceptions become so magnified that there was no room for thinking anymore. But I could see why people say, for some people it's a glimpse of what it means to perceive the world without this continuous interference of mental noise. OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah, but your trip without acid was better. ECKHART TOLLE: Much better. Papaji: (not a drug related but interesting quote) Q: "Do you foresee a time in the not too distant future when there will be many people on earth who are Enlightened?" A: "There is no future, there are no people, there is no earth, there is no one seeking Enlightenment, and no one gaining it. This is the final and only Truth."

@Shanmugam I read your ''journey of a seeker'' post before. Today I read the link you've just posted once again. Thank you for sharing it. This testifies that a complete transformation is possible no matter where you are at life. I could relate to a lot of things from your early years. Most of my school and college years was like a farm house to produce fear and neurosis in me. And thanks for your contribution in your blog. I love your no nonsense non-duality approach. Cleared a lot of things and myths I was confused about for years. The people who are hating you right now, don't get surprised when the day comes when some of these folks actually wake up and mention you and your blog and how much it has helped them. Take care

@Athena It is true, I find myself very fortunate beign able to be very aware so young. At the same time, I have always been very "awake" from a young age. It was an insane torture in a family like mine. It devastated me completely, although nothing can stop me from putting all the pieces back together. We see things the way we do for a reason. Maybe the things you didnt know before were that way only to set you up for a bigger transformation coming your way, acting as a catalyst! If we were born with all the knowledge and insticts of the universe, there would be no transformational journey, yet taht is exactly what we are here for isnt it?!

The Attraction for Drugs is Spiritual – Osho (No prohibiting the use drugs) Drugs are as old as humanity itself, and they certainly fulfill something of immense value. I am against drugs, but my being against drugs is for the same reason as for thousands of years people have been addicted to the drugs. It may look very strange. The drugs are capable to give you a hallucinatory experience beyond the mundane world. That is the experience that is being searched through meditation. Meditation brings you to the real experience, and drug gives you just a hallucination, a dream-like experience but very similar. To meditate is difficult. The drug is cheap. But the attraction for drugs is spiritual. Man is not satisfied with his mundane existence. He wants to know something more. He wants to be something more. Just the ordinary life seems so flat, so meaningless, that if this is all then suicide seems to be the only way out of it. It gives no ecstasy, no joy. On the contrary, it goes on piling you up with more and more misery, anxiety, disease, old age and, finally, death. From the cradle to the grave, the ordinary life is just a drag. People go on living it because they are cowards. Otherwise they will commit suicide. They don’t have the courage enough to commit suicide. But this is not something one can rejoice in. You can drag on but you cannot call it living. There is no dance in it, no color in it. It is just a vast desert spreading as far as you can see, with no oasis anywhere. I am reminded of one of the dreams of Leo Tolstoy. It is a rare dream. It is also unique that it went on repeating continuously almost his whole life. As long as he could remember, the dream was happening. And the dream is very strange. In his dream he sees a vast desert and two gumboots without anybody in them, just the two gumboots without any feet inside them, are walking. They go on walking and they go on walking, and there is no end to this walk. The desert is endless. And he always woke up perspiring, his heart beating louder, gripped with great fear. Without going to any psychoanalyst, he knew the meaning. He himself was a genius. He knew that this is his life, this is not a dream. It is not even symbolic. It is exactly his life. Where he is going? Wherever he goes he will end into the grave. Who is going he does not know. The gumboots are empty. He is unaware of anybody inside. He is unacquainted of the person who is wearing the gumboots. He is invisible. All that is visible is the gumboots and the desert, and the tedious journey, pointless, meaningless. This is the reason that drugs have attracted man since the very beginning. And they have at least given him a temporary relief. Only few people tried meditation. And my own understanding is, these people also tried meditation because drugs at a point become useless. You become immune. In the beginning they give you tremendous experiences, but soon they become almost part of your body chemistry. Then if you don’t take them you are in trouble. Your whole chemistry wants them. If you take them, you gain nothing. You go on increasing the doses. In India where the experiments with drugs must have been the oldest, because the oldest scripture in the world is Rigveda, the religious source book of the Hindus, it talks about a certain drug, Somras. Because of this Somras, Aldous Huxley has called the ultimate drug one day, when LSD is refined and there is no side effect, it will be called Soma. The name is from Rigveda. Rigveda according to Hindus is ninety thousand years old, and nobody has been able to prove that they are wrong because their arguments for its old age are almost irrefutable. They are not logical, otherwise it would have been easy. They are astronomical. In Rigveda there is a description of a certain combination of stars that had happened according to modern astronomers also ninety thousand years before. Now there is no way for the people who were writing Rigveda to describe it in absolute detail unless they have seen it. Now this is such an evidence that you cannot do anything about it. The astronomers say for ninety thousand years that combination has not been again in the sky. So certainly whoever was writing it was fully aware of the combination of stars at that time. For ninety thousand years Hindus have accepted drugs almost as part of their religious ceremonies. It was only under British regime that drugs created trouble, but because they were part of a religious ritual, which is the ancient most religion in the world, even the British government was afraid to interfere with it. It continued. Even in my childhood all drugs were available in the market. There was no question of any illegality. And every school of Hindu religion was using drugs, but they were using it in a very scientific way. They will give the drug in a certain quantity, create a certain experience in the man, and then when he will come out of it will tell him that, “This was only an illusion. It was simply because of the drug, because of the chemistry, your mind experienced. “Would you like to experience it in its reality? If the illusion is so beautiful, you can think how much more the reality would be. And the experience created by the drug lasts for a few hours, and again you are back to the same old rotten world. But if the experience is real, it is yours forever. You never lose it. It is not something that has happened to you, it is something that was already in you; you have discovered it.” So I don’t see that it was wrong to use drugs in this way. In fact, this should be the approach around the world for the modern man. And now we have more advanced drugs, synthetically made, and we are capable to purify them more. We can make drugs which have no bad effects at all. We can make drugs which are not addictive. And we can have in every hospital, in every university, a certain department which teaches people how to move from drug to meditation. Just to talk about meditation remains simply verbal. There is no way through the words to give you any experience. But drugs are immensely useful. The words can explain to you what meditation is, the drug can give you an hallucinatory experience of it. And then you can be initiated into a method. And now you will not be moving in darkness. Now you know that something… if an ordinary drug can do so much, then there must be some way to find an authentic transformation, to experience it without any dependence on anything. So the drug simply opens up a door and helps you to understand that man’s life and his experience need not be confined to the ordinary mundane world – he can fly high towards the stars — that he is capable of knowing things which are not ordinarily available. Under proper guidance — medical, meditational — drugs can be of immense help. I said I am against drugs because if they become addictive then they will be the most destructive for your journey towards the self. Then you become enchanted into hallucinations. And because it is cheap — no effort has to be done, just you have to go on taking bigger and bigger doses…. In India it came to a point…. Still today there are monasteries where they keep poisonous snakes because the people had become so addicted to all kinds of drugs that no drug has any effect on them. They can take any dose and they will remain normal. The only thing that gives them a little experience is a bite on their tongue by a cobra. That will be death to anybody, but to them it is a beautiful drug experience. Sometimes it has happened that these people become addicted even to cobra bites. Their whole bloodstream becomes poisonous. And it is on record, and once it happened in front of me, that a cobra was brought to bite. The cobra did it perfectly well on the tongue, and died. The man had become so poisonous… because the cobra is not poisonous in his whole body. He has simply a small gland which has poison, and that gland is just in his mouth. So whenever the cobra bites someone, he immediately turns upside down, because the gland in his mouth has the opening up. He will bite; that is not dangerous. That is simply making your blood available. And then he will turn over to pour the poison on your blood. The bite is not really poisonous. The poison comes from the gland which hangs above his tongue in the mouth. It has to hang that way, otherwise the poison cannot remain in it. So he turns upside down. The poison starts flowing out of the gland into the wounds that he has made by his bite. But before he could do that, biting the man was enough to get poisoned himself. For thousands of years people have been using drugs. Moralists, religious people, governments have been trying prohibition absolutely unsuccessfully. And I don’t see that they can ever succeed. The only way to succeed is what I am suggesting. Rather than prohibiting drugs, let the scientists find out better drugs which give deeper and more psychedelic, more colorful, more ecstatic experiences and without any side effects, and without any addiction. And these should be available in the universities, in the colleges, in the hospitals — wherever some kind of guidance is possible, that the person is not prohibited, is allowed total freedom to use anything that he wants. And we use his experience to help him grow towards some authentic process so that he can start experiencing something far greater than any drug can give. And only then he can compare that the first one was just a dream, and this is a reality, and the first one was just cheating myself through chemistry, ‘And the first one was not helping me in my spiritual growth. It was in fact preventing the growth, keeping me addicted and retarded’. The second one goes on growing, and now he starts gathering courage to explore more. He was never aware that these experiences are possible, that these experiences are not just fiction. So drug can be used in a very beneficial way, to make the person realize that this is hallucination, and the hallucination is so satisfying, would not you like to try the real? We have the real drug also. I call it meditation. And it takes you to the uttermost blissful experience possible. Then only drugs become useless for you. If we want humanity to get free of drugs, then meditation is the way. But before we can get free of them, they are very important and can be used to introduce people to meditation. So this paranoia about drugs is not helpful to humanity. You can make drugs illegal, it makes no change. In fact, they become more attractive, more exciting. Particularly to the youth they become a challenge. I am amazed sometimes, is man going ever to learn even the ABC of human psychology? The same stupidity goes on which God did with Adam and Eve: prohibition. Don’t eat the fruit of this tree. But that becomes an invitation. That becomes a challenge. And thousands of years have passed, but the authority figures are still in the same mood: don’t use the drug, otherwise imprisonment for five years, seven years. And nobody bothers that drugs are being made available in jails. Just you have to pay a little higher price. And the people who come out of the jail are not cured. They go back again because … the reason is the drug gives them something which your society is not giving. They are ready to destroy their health, their body, their whole life becomes a mess, but still that drug gives them something which your society does not give. So rather than preventing them, create a society which gives something which is better. I have been fighting in India with one of the most idiotic prime ministers India had, Morarji Desai. He is absolutely fanatic, is not ready to listen to any reasonable argument. Alcohol has to be prohibited. He prohibited the alcohol. That does not make any change. People start making alcohol but that proves dangerous. Thousands of people died because the alcohol they drank was poisonous, was not made rightly. The people who were making it had no idea what they are making. And this has been happening around the world. Once in a while some idiot comes in and tries to prohibit, but nobody asks why people drink alcohol. Your life gives them nothing. You suck them of their blood and in return what they get? No joy, just anxieties upon anxieties. Safe alcohol makes them relax for few hours, sing a song or have a little dance — or a fight in the pub. But for few hours they are transported from your world. The very attraction proves that your society is wrong, not that alcohol is wrong. Your society should help people to dance, to sing, to rejoice, to love. The alcohol will disappear. The other drugs are far better than alcohol. There are many drugs which have less bad after-effects, particularly synthetic drugs taken in a right atmosphere, in a right mood, for example, LSD. It simply enhances your mood, it does not do anything to you. If you are in a despair the LSD experience will become a nightmare. But if you are feeling a well-being, that is the time to take LSD. Then it can give you a really positive ecstatic experience, although it will be hallucinatory. But if you don’t know the real, it looks almost the real. Even a man like Aldous Huxley, one of the most intelligent men of this generation, thought that through LSD he has achieved the same experience as Gautam Buddha, Kabir, Ramakrishna. If you don’t know the real, naturally you cannot call it hallucinatory. It is so real. Huxley had no experience of meditation. He has really no right to say such a thing. You can say such a thing only when you have experienced both, that it is the same experience as Kabir. Kabir never used any drug. His experience was purely of meditation. On what grounds Huxley can say it is the same experience? He does not know the experience of Kabir. I can understand that he has been through a tremendously beautiful experience, but that experience disappears as the effect of the LSD goes out of the system. But Kabir’s experience remains twenty-four hours, day in, day out, his whole life. Once it happens, it is always there. This is a simple criterion. But he was so much fascinated by the experience, and he corrupted almost a whole generation. They thought that if a man like Huxley says that LSD can give you samadhi, then what is the need of going into so much trouble for meditation with no guarantee whether you will be able to succeed or not? I am against drugs because they can become addictive and they can prevent your spiritual growth. You can start thinking that you have achieved what you were seeking, and your hands are empty. You are just dreaming. But, on the other hand, I am a very scientific mind. On the other hand, I would like drugs to be used, not to be prohibited — but used under proper guidance as a stepping-stone towards meditation. And governments should pay more attention for improving the drugs rather than preventing people. If improved drugs are available, then other drugs will already be out of the market. There is no need to prohibit anything in the world. Just produce something better — something better, cheaper, legal. Then who is going to bother about marijuana, hashish, heroin — for what? There is no reason. Something better is available with the medical store, without prescription. Even in the hospital you can book a place for yourself that doctors can look after you while you are in the drug experience. Meditators can help you to understand what has happened to you. And this is possible very easily through meditation. One thing more, that if something even hallucinatory happens to a person, meditation becomes easier. Something in him becomes certain. Something in him is now perfectly guaranteed that meditation is not just fiction. And the hallucinatory experience also opens some doors. The guidance can be of very much importance. For example, when somebody is under LSD and is having an ecstatic joy, that is the moment to teach him the method of meditation, because he is very sensitive, very clean and clear as he is not ordinarily. He is dull and cloudy. Now the whole sky is a clarity. You can teach him meditation more easily in this moment than you can teach him when he is in an ordinary state. He seems to listen but he only hears. It does not go deep. His sleep is thick. But in certain moments under LSD he is very close to awakening. Under a right guide he can be introduced to the technique of meditation. He can be given what is called post-hypnotic suggestions for which he is absolutely vulnerable. He can be told that, “This meditation, you will be able to do it when you are out of LSD experience.” You can go on repeating it that, “You are going to succeed in it.” It is a simple method and there is no problem in not succeeding in it. Just one or two sessions with a guide will be enough. The man can be moved towards meditation. And once he moves towards meditation, drugs have no importance at all. All the efforts of scientists and the government should be to understand that if a certain thing has been so attractive for the whole history of man, and no government has ever been successful to prohibit it, then there must be certain need that it fulfills. And unless that need is fulfilled in some other way, drugs are going to remain in the world. And they are destructive. And the more governments are against them, more destructive they are, because nobody can make any refinements on them, nobody can make any experiments on them, nobody is even allowed to say what I am saying. But I can say it because I am against drugs. But that does not mean they cannot be used. They can be used as a means, they are not the end. And if we can hope a future free of drugs, if man becomes naturally meditative…. And that is possible. If a child finds his father is meditating, his mother is meditating, everybody is meditating, he will start being curious about it. He also wants to meditate. And that is the age when meditation is very simple because he is not yet corrupted by the society. Yet he is innocent. And if everybody around him is doing something and enjoying in doing it, he cannot remain behind. He will sit with them with closed eyes. First they may laugh at him, that it is not possible for children. But they do not understand. It is more possible for children than for the so-called grownups. Just the atmosphere of meditation in schools, in colleges, in universities — wherever the person goes he finds that atmosphere which nourishes his own meditativeness. I would love to see that no drugs are needed in the world. But not through prohibition, but through creating something better, something real. Drugs will be defeated without any difficulty, but these idiotic governments go on giving importance to drugs and they go on destroying the youth around the world. The most precious time of life is wasted in hallucinations, and by the time they realize what they have done to themselves, perhaps it is too late. They cannot come back to a normal state. Their body has become accustomed to have certain chemicals in it. Then even unwillingly they have to go on injecting themselves with all kinds of poisons. Or if somebody has not been on hard drugs, returns back, then he finds life very much dull, more dull than you find it because he has seen something beautiful. It always remains a comparison. He has made love under the impact of drug and he had felt at the very top of the world. And now he makes love and finds that it is nothing but a kind of sneeze. It feels good; you sneeze and it feels good, but it is not something that you live for. Nobody can say that, “I am living here for sneezing.” -Osho From The Last Testament, Vol. 4, Chapter Six

Your beleifs create your emotions, they create your circumstances, they create everything. Change your beleifs by anchoring a higher vibration all of the time. Use decrees, affirmations, heart-centered awareness, follow highest excitement; and surrender/just being when you feel you are ready to take the leap into the infinite. http://www.morepublish.com/en/shop/detail/3-e-books/flypage/214-ebook-invoking-light-through-decrees-and-affirmations?sef=hcfp I post this teacher a lot, but he has helped me the most with his teachings “As you already know, suffering exists and there is a state free from suffering. The mind will have many reasons for choosing suffering. The mind believes “I am unworthy of love”. “Enlightenment is too difficult”. “Society won’t let me be happy”. My romantic partner is the cause of my suffering.” “My parents caused all my problems.” Etc. All of these thoughts, and others, continue to create emotions of suffering inside our bodies and minds. As though we are hypnotized, we continue to listen to these thoughts and feel these emotions. We stay identified with what we hear and feel. We stay convinced that we are this story, this false self. We continue to suffer and feel we’ll never find a way out. There is a solution. There is a very direct spiritual method that will free you from your ego and all of it’s beliefs, stories and emotions. This method bypasses all need to analyze the mind’s content. This method is the most direct way to experience emotional freedom, a silent mind, and a blissful Heart. Watch this video to be guided in this method of spiritual awakening. Trust in the Heart’s energy. Your direct experience of the Spiritual Heart will show you that it is trustworthy. By putting your faith and trust in your own Spiritual Heart, you can more easily leave the suffering of your thoughts and emotions. That which we trust, we connect with and we move closer to. Your trust is one of your most potent spiritual tools for personal transformation. Use it! I wish you success on your spiritual journey of awakening. May you be blessed. Blessings and Love.”

Nothing can be done at all about man's transformation, everything is going to happen the way it is going to happen. It is because of this attitude India has suffered most.

Oh my goodness man thanks for looking out for me. Its true! It is an ungrounding experience that slows down the inner kundalini transformation because its too much for the consciousness to handle! So what do you think I should do?!!!!!! Should I sell my laptop? Or block twitch and youtube, and use my (oh this breaks my heart, I have actually a brand new gaming laptop) computer for school only? I mean That is such a shame, its like using your ferari for garbage disposal! So do you think I have a problem? I look at gaming videos for entertainment! And obviously you seem knowledgeable and all which I honor and respect. What is your opinion?!

Judging or criticism are ego based actions so the chances of finding a judgmental enlightened being is really unlikely. But would things change? Um...I can't imagine the ego transcending unless it's benefiting from it in some sort of way so no, the world would probably carry on as it were. Finding a shade of grey would imply some sort of transformation going on but I'm not sure about this, I'm open to other views. But what's your point exactly should I accept things as they are?

I am reborn. I had a hair cut, a cleansing shower, and lovely deep massage ? To honour this transformation, I choose to focus on the love in my heart as much as possible; and do one thing everyday that I enjoy like smiling at myself in the mirror. I choose all of reality over some fragments of it. I surrender to my heart, softly, and gently a little bit more than yesterday. I want to see where this love takes me. I don’t mind fear anymore, when it arises I embrace it with my entire self. It is such a beautiful feeling when you surrender. And when I surrender, all of these emotions reminiscently disappear; and all I’m left with is bliss, and sometimes this vast emptiness that I enjoy spending time in. I am not fighting against anything. I am embracing everything with unconditional love. That’s my purpose here. I love you all so so much. May the light fill your eyes today. This is the start of a more refined, and blissful lifestyle from the seed to the flowers. From the heart all the way to creation. And only one thing need be done, that of surrender.

Look at Ken Wilber and what he calls the 3 forms of development: waking up (enlightenment) cleaning up (emotional mastery) Growing up (personal development) @Leo Gura also had an AMAZING interview with Peter Ralston, and one of the clips they talk about what Ralston calls “personal transformation” and why it’s important.

Lol I discovered the secret of success at least in my mind. Haha It is this Lots of positive energy. A vehicle needs fuel to run and speed to reach the destination. [my English lol] This speed is attained by the energy derived from the fuel. In life we need positive momentum or speed to move. This positive momentum only comes from positive energy which in turn comes from Positivity. This momentum makes it possible to get speed and to move at a faster rate towards the goals. Now if there's a hurdle in the road, the momentum or speed causes you to crash against that hurdle and overcome it and pass over it. This point where you cross the hurdle is the breakthrough point. Once you have crossed many hurdles, the journey becomes smoother and easier and then begins the process of transformation. Before the hurdle you are person A and after you have crossed the hurdle you are person B. And this is success. Remember that real success is only that which is defined by the universe and not by humanity. What happens when you are negative. Negativity causes negative momentum or zero speed or even backward movement. This means the distance between you and the hurdle increases and then the hurdle gets bigger and you get trapped in your hurdles and problems and you slowly start to degrade. Whereas when you are closer to the hurdle, the hurdle gets smaller and it's easier to cross over it. 9 out of 10 people you are going to interact with are going to make you feel negative. Much of the world is stuck and mired in negativity and this is the major cause of the problems, chaos, suffering, entropy in the world. We have so much money, technology, resources, ability, knowledge and so many people almost 7 billion or more and still we cannot achieve progress and in fact the burden of problems is increasing and we are going backwards instead of progressing forward. We can choose to work synergistically and make it possible for each one of us to have a good life but instead we choose to create antagonism and discord and act parasitic to each other and feed on each other and create negativity and ultimately destruction. Positivity is the ultimate secret to the success defined by the universe. Universe defines success as vitality, growth, flourishing, sustainance, survival and beauty, order, flow, equilibrium, rhythm and perfection. It's already seen in nature which is perfectly designed by God with intelligent design in mind. God has already shown what success should be. Yet man has created his own definition of success and its all about making money and ruling others and achieving fame.

What good it will do if a enlightened master start teaching about fruits of enlightenment and all the psychic powers you can achieve, and starts demonstrating them ? He will attract wrong people. Buddha talked about nothingness because we are greedy and our greed and lust for power will become a hindrance on the path. He is interested in your transformation.

None. There will be no you once you get it. Not in the same sense you currently have about 'you'. It is a form of self-transformation. You just have to see it for yourself. If you can stop yourself from pursuing it, then go ahead and do so.

Rumination is cerebral. Contemplation as a spiritual practice doesn't really involve thinking. It's more of a gentle holding something in mind. It could be contemplation upon a statement/idea or it could be the softening of your attention from content to the field of consciousness or witnessing (context). Rumination is the impulsive seeking of the mind which takes gratification from intellectualization, taking positions on subjects and deriving emotions from the whole pursuit. Contemplation is more of a surrendering/yin position than a doing/yang. It's a gentle detachment that re-contextualizes your experience by it's own merit. Rumination is like trying to find a mouse by sticking your arm in a mouse-hole and bending it around all the corners to try to find something, where as contemplation is like watching the mouse-hole without expectation and for its own sake. It's like an invitational finessing of truth. If in contemplation you feel like you're trying to gain something, or you're not quite there yet, or you're confused, then maybe you're likely ruminating. The re-contextualization that allows for the potential of transformation becomes fulfilling by itself without needing epiphanies.

So, a little back story: At the beginning of 2018 I made the conscious decision to attend a meditation retreat. I was planning on attending a Vipassana retreat but was unable to because of of my life situation. So, I decided to set up my own backyard solo retreat for 7 full days to immerse myself into consciousness work. I knew this would be a challenge, because theres a lot of distraction available where i live. I've also heard people advise against making your first meditation retreat solo, so that put some doubts in my head of whether or not I will be able to complete it. However, I was ready to give it my best and see what happens. Also for the record, I didn't plan the structure of my schedule beforehand, other than the practices that I will use as well as the commitment to to put in a minimum of 9-10 hours of formal practices each day. I spent most of the retreat in my backyard cottage, which is small but fits a chair and my mattress. I cooked in my main house. Practices I used: Mindfulness Meditation Do-nothing Labeling Feeling the body Self-inquiry / Contemplation Concentration practice Kriya Yoga Holotropic breathing The goal was to also remain mindful throughout mundane tasks like cooking and cleaning. Heres what my typical day looked like: 10min concentration 60min do-nothing 15min concentration 60min self-inquiry 30min Kriya Yoga 60min Self-inquiry 10min Concentration 70min labeling 10min concentration 75min do-nothing 60min holotropic breathwork 10min relaxation meditation 30min labeling 30min Self inquiry 10min concentration Day 1 The first day was tough. Lots of strong emotions came up and I really didn't feel like myself. I was aware that this was not going to be a cake walk. Meditations were quite unfocused, but I did have a few points of access concentration. This was the day I realized on a deeper level what it means to practice & apply spirituality. I felt restless, uneasy and quite melancholic. I felt many doubts of my purpose and of the retreat itself. I knew however, that I will do everything it takes to get this done. Insights of the day: Love people for who they are, rather than constantly projecting my opinion of what they should be more like. Compassion and understanding for others is deeply important. All this craziness and neurosis that we see everywhere is understandable, and this becomes deeply apparent on these retreats. I began to see how my mind has all those qualities too, and I saw how difficult it can be to channel that energy to something that raises our awareness. Day 2 Day 2 was easier than expected. Although I faced some boredom, my meditations were generally enjoyable. My monkey mind is still quite strong, especially in the morning, but calmed down a bit since yesterday. I also got a verification from myself that the purpose I've chosen for myself is the right one. All the doubting i had was basically just fear in disguise. Insights of the day: technology, entertainment and the media, all fuck up your ability to think for yourself. This became very apparent to me because I realized how much of my mind was filled with the media I had consumed prior to the retreat. This really opened my eyes to consider minimizing technology and media consumption after I leave the retreat. Trust your hearts deepest motive (as cliche as that sounds.) Day 3 Overall, this day was gruelling. So much boredom, mixed with addictions faced. It feels like I'm at war with my own mind. At the end of today however, I became certain that I will undoubtedly complete this retreat, because if I can withstand this, I can withstand it all. Thoughts about sex and money came up today. Thoughts like "maybe I should pursue more sex instead. This spirituality seems kinda boring, and its not what i thought it was." Insights of the day: The new refined concepts about what you are (Awareness, reality, God, the present) are all concepts still just concepts and none of them are any more superior self concepts than any of those former, less spiritual ones. You need to learn to transcend this in order to actually experience Truth. Less is more. Simplify your life. Do 5 tasks per day at the most, and do them deliberately. I've been overworking and trying to complete too many things each day. Distractions are created to hide the fact that you are limiting yourself. It was never the external causing any chaos, it was the internal - my mind. I got a deeper understanding of why people are addicted today. The mind is a tricky thing, and its infinitely deceptive. I really don't know anything about spirituality. Day 4 Another hard day. My monkey mind has been extremely severe for the first half of the day. Some life problems were on my mind, and i saw my mind strategizing and trying to solve those problems. My mind was also constantly looking into the future and creating new ideas, stories and goals to keep myself occupied and excited. However, after about 6pm I suddenly went into a deep state of focus in my self inquiry session and was able to maintain it for 2 hours. This was the deepest I had ever gone with self-inquiry/meditation on a sober mind. After this, my concentration slowly dissolved. I then decided to do a session of holotropic breathing, which went well. Insights of the day: You have not done real consciousness work until you've been to one of these retreats. This is where the embodiment process takes place. Lots of addictions, fears and unconscious aggressions come up on these retreats. Basically all the things you've been hiding in your subconscious mind - the shadow aspects of yourself bubble right up. This is therapeutic and healing, but it's painful. Its all the stuff you keep distracting yourself from with all the technology, socializing, work, sex, media, food, entertainment etc. Stop trying to "become everything" in existence. That concept you have of enlightenment needs to be chucked away. It isn't it. Stop clinging to it. If what you are is no thing, then mind will never ever be able to grasp it. Thats why you aren't enlightened yet. You're waiting for Mind to derive the answer, which is impossible. Notice how quickly you create stories about yourself and of life. Stop believing in them. Discipline yourself to the point where you see through the whole illusion. Day 5 Today was a good day in terms of meditation focus. I felt like I got great insights in terms of how self inquiry & meditation work. I also did 60min of holotropic breathing. At the end of the day I got a very deep vision of my mission on earth. I wrote it down and I fell asleep inspired & motivated. Insights of the day: Next time you get a negative thought/emotion about yourself; reflect on it. Don't push it away. Look directly into it and meet it with love and understanding, like it were your only child. To master yourself and spirituality you must face boredom head on. Boredom is the roadblock that keeps you from peace of mind. Stop judging friends and family for not being spiritual. This goes against what you're going after with this whole transformation process. Everyone is exactly where they personally need to be in their life. Enlightenment literally means you are everything. You are the exact thing that is happening right now. Nothing less. Compassion & real authentic empathy are key to positive relationships. These retreats are effective at showing what you value and what kind of life you want to live. DAY 6 Inspiring day. In the morning, I was feeling genuinely good about meditating, and felt really sure about my practice. But towards the evening I started experiencing feelings boredom & cravings. I decided to do another 60 minute session of holotropic breathing. During the session I felt no significant strong emotions, or feeling sensations other than the typical tingling sensations around various parts of the body & a weird strong rising up feeling in heart chakra for a split second. But after finishing the session, after going back to meditation, I started getting deep memories from my childhood, many of which came with a strong emotional charge. Memories of my family splitting as well as some embarrassing moments from my childhood. These feelings felt like they were bubbling up from the unconscious mind, and I took a positive attitude towards them, facing them head on and accepting them. I felt that all these emotions came up for me to let them go and so I did. After that i felt great. Insights of the day: Retreats will bring you closer to the sense of wonder, lightheartedness and playful attitude towards life that you felt when you were a kid. To be an extraordinary human being, you must think, act, talk, eat and create like one. Start doing this right now and it will become a reality. Sounds like some new-agey stuff but it works. Perfectionism is something I struggle with. I need to work on that. Mood is mood. Don't identify with it. Let it be there and accept it with all your heart. This is emotional mastery. DAY 7 Woke up feeling unmotivated to do the practices. Heaps of thoughts about what I will do when I leave the retreat. The last day was the hardest in terms of focus ability. I really got a close look at all the addictions that i have. Many of which I was not even aware of before. I even felt like playing video games - something I haven't felt like doing much for nearly 5 years. Ego also got really dramatic today. Towards the end of the day I got fed up with formal practices and decided to take a mindful walk. I walked down my street and started observing ants on the sidewalk. Ended up spending a good 20min just observing a group of these little guys devouring a decent sized earth worm. Fascinating stuff. Insights: A solid retreat like this will show you where you are at in terms of addictions. If you think you're not addicted, and have never been to one of these retreats, I urge you to complete one and then we can talk again. Theory is important in terms of meditation/ non-duality. Self-deception will otherwise take over completely, which will greatly hinder your ability to transcend your Self. Rude awakening: I thought concentration and focus will have exponential growth as the retreat progresses. For me it turned out to be quite the opposite. Here are two grapths to show you what I mean: My expectation: The reality: End of retreat: I felt excited to leave the retreat, but equally melancholic. There is something beautiful about living in solitary silence, immersing yourself in spirituality. In a sense, it feels like home, since it brings you back to what it felt like to be a kid. These retreats will also be effective at deepening your vision for your life, and what it means to have a life purpose. When I came out of this retreat, after a couple days of afterglow, I started to feel quite sad and depressed. This shocked me quite a bit. I started feeling insecure and I felt my ego wanting to kick back (something to watch out for after one of these retreats or a psychedelic trip.) After a week, I'm still not fully out of this rut, but hearing various perspectives on it from this forum has helped me tremendously. Also just the simple reminder that these kinds of reactions are normal can be enough to lift you up from that little aftershock that you may feel after one of these retreats. Tips for people who want to do a solo retreat: Make sure to do a pre-mortem for your solo retreat if you plan to do one. Watch Leo's pre-mortem video for details on how to make one. Decide strictly on how many days you will do and commit to it with all your heart. Shut off all technology, close all the books and put it all away into a closet. Commit to not using any of it throughout the retreat. One exception is the Kriya workbook if you are using it. Don't get discouraged by monkey mind. There will be a lot of it. Push through. Writing down insights can be a good idea, but don't use it as a distraction from doing the formal practices. Watch out for subtle distractions, like cleaning the place constantly, fixing things that don't really need fixing, taking "mindful walks" & snacking all the time etc. Long-term thinking will motivate you to finish the whole retreat. Many benefits will come from doing one of these retreats.