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@Muhammad Jawad Yes, I completely forgot I was a human. I mean, it’s very hard to describe this stuff. But essentially I discovered that I was never really a human to begin with. Ego death = complete destruction of your reality and you in that reality. So yeah, I was gone. I was something else entirely. I wasn’t even “I”. Yes, it literally felt like thousands of years… but this is difficult to answer. Time in the infinite realm and time in the relative realm work very differently. There isn’t really any linear time in the infinite realm. It’s more like the y axis of the present moment is extended to infinity. It didn’t take me days to recover use of my arms and legs etc. It took probably a couple of hours (of relative time) to fully regain control, although I was able to wobble around on jelly legs with some level of control after 20 minutes or so. My legs were actually moving without any conscious input whatsoever from me for a while. When I came around I was pacing in the corner of the room. At that point I was watching my human body doing it’s thing, but as a passive observer - not consciously connected to the body at all. As far as recreating reality on my return, there were actually three distinct realities it felt like I could have returned to. In one, I was in a hospital bed having tried to commit suicide (this never happened) after a very traumatic breakup (this did happen) ten years ago. In that reality, I was coming around from a coma and a family member was holding my hand. It felt real, but I was very disorientated at this point. As I lay in the hospital bed, other potential realities presented themselves. Through all of the different realities, the one consistency was that *someone* was holding my hand. I kept asking who was holding my hand as it kept changing every five minutes or so. Ultimately the reality I came back to was this one. The one where I’m now typing this Maybe I could have ended up somewhere else. I don’t really know. I can’t pinpoint any moment of choosing.

I'm a people pleaser, not everytime but enough to stop me from not caring of what others people think of me. What prevents me from being authentic, saying no, having an argument or reject someone that I don't want in my life is fear. (that's my opinion maybe I'm wrong) I fear the outcomes of my actions & my words. Since I'm a teenager or maybe even sooner, I manipulate people (mainly unconsciouly) to avoid them to become angry or judgmental with me. I think I adopted these mechanism because I was bullied for years, it went far and I even did suicide attempts. And maybe because of my mother & my stepfather who wasn't supportive and didn't listen to me, they were judging me negatively and I never felt adequate or loved. I see myself being inauthentic especially with girls that I'm attracted to. If I stop a girl that I'm attracted to, I feel insecure, I try to be polite, I can't be relax and I fear rejection or judgements from her. I can ask for a number when I'm interested but just before asking her number, I feel fearful and insecure and it prevents me from being relaxed or keeping a good vibe. I struggle too with keeping eye-contact with womens, I have thoughts like "if I watch her and smile to her, she will think of me as a desesperate needy guy trying to please her" and inside I feel like that, I try to please the girl I'm attracted & I feel bad for that because it communicates neediness. And being perceived as needy from a girl is what I don't want plus it is repulsive for women. After thinking about that, I was wondering; if I take courage; I go out and act like a douche on purpose. For example when I'm attracted to a girl as I talk to her, I say stupid things, I create ankward moments or I act like I don't care at all about her, would it leads to less people-pleasing & less fear to be judged ?

i agree with you before i knew about self help i was doing better . and about spirituality, i dont recommend anyone to go very deep into this path bcz it can be extremely scary like seriously scary that might make u go insane or commit suicide

seek awakening. When you are as fucked up as you say you are, you are cornered, there is no way out, things were twisted from the beginning and no matter how much you straighten them they will always seem crooked. When the idea of suicide crosses your mind, it is time to seek awakening. do your research, you are in the right place. If you awaken to your true nature, your problems will be fixed, since they will not be a problem.

Its brilliantly written, BUT Its one of those things depressed individuals with suicidal thoughts will read and might further convince themselves that suicide is the answer. Many people that come here are motivated not by curiosity but to escape their suffering. Which is why one must be careful when translating these insights into human language. Does Leo need to use the words "KILL" and "DEATH" as often to convey the highest ideal of love? How people interpret and act upon these insights might go in a manner in which Leo does not intend. Language offers us words that can convey the same meaning without the morbid connotation, like transience and impermanency for example.

52. High concious job or not doing it. 53. Awakening dick is bigger than yours. 54. Youtube premium subscription. 55. Life sucks. 56. Not using i, me, mine etc. In sentences. 57. Actually learning and growing each with his her own pace. 58. Weird eating/drinking habits. 59. Looking at post count and mod status. 60. Suffering 61. Loneliness 62. If you are not vaccinated you are stupid 63. Considered once in lifetime suicide 64. Bad parents 65. Mental illnesses 66. Offering advice I do regret writing this but whatever. It does belong to collective ego. Focusing on the negative doesn't do much good either. Actually most posts are worthless unless someone learns something. It really should be just do the work whatever that is for you and shut up. So i will shut up now to do my stuff and you go do your stuff.

This is exactly why Christians identify deeply with Jesus as the character of God and say that He is the truth, the way, and the life. That is the value is saying I am Christian because it clarifies what God means to an individual. And that is an important distinction you need to make for yourself. What is God? How does a person act and do when he is aligned with Truth? There is a need for that message to be communicated to someone who does not know God or may know someone who believes in God, but does weird crap like start a suicide cult. God is also identified and distinguished by what He is NOT. like the Neti-Neti method. This is probably why humans can't get away from Good and Evil, even if it is tied to Ego. For example, I could discuss with someone on the street what God is. We both may have an experience of what we perceive as "God" and yet receive two different messages. To Mark Chapman, 'God' spoke to him to kill John Lennon. To me, 'God' says to love someone is to love myself. Which message is 'right'? or another way to put it 'whole' The problem is that the word 'God' can mean different things to people and can create a lot of confusion. The only way to know what is true is to connect to direct experience because Truth is self-evident and deeper than what is captured through the scientific method. I believe Jesus to be the Son of God because his words and actions speaks to the deep humanity in me. But I only came to this conclusion by having personal revelations of God's Love and noticing that Jesus embodied these characteristics to the highest degree. You can still connect to Truth without all of the religions, but it is certainly a great pointer or fast track to Truth within yourself, which I do agree with others is in the Present Moment.

50th post on the Actualized.org forum! I watched Leo's video on how to realize you are God and I was left with something completely unexplainable. When I first watched the video I was left scared so I immediately stopped. The next time I watched the video, the beginning of it was not scary but actually, it was boring. Yeah yeah, I get it. I don't know how I got here, my past is an illusion, I already know these things. Still, I kept watching because I might learn some things. I'm glad I kept watching because Leo said something I never thought of. "Time does not exist." It was one hell of a thing to realize. Everything else started falling into place and I started entering into a different state of consciousness. I felt a lot of something that I simply just cannot explain with words. Every time I was thinking about me in an alternate universe or me going to prison or anything negative, I'd simply realize that's all just fantasy and I would immediately return back to the present moment. Because of this, I realized myself as God more powerfully than I could've ever imagined. At the end, Leo said something like "if you aren't sure you realized you were God, you didn't. You'd be real fucking sure if you did." I smiled because I knew exactly what he meant. This is it, this was what I was looking for. I might lose this state of consciousness but I know I can always watch the video again and return completely to this state or maybe only partially. Whatever the case may be, realizing you are God only once in your life is better than not realizing you are God at all in your life. I'd like to say this was the planned ending for this journal but this literally just happened to me today. I didn't know what the Hell I was doing watching all of Leo's videos and joining this forum. All I knew was that my mental illness was more than just a mental illness. Leo was really speaking to me. However, even after months of watching Leo's content I kept going up and down over and over again without any hope in sight. A part of me felt like I wasn't even ready for this work. I even became discouraged and cried at one of Leo's videos talking about how some people just aren't ready. Still, I knew I needed this in life. No matter how insane it got, I knew this was the exact thing I was looking for. I was looking for peace in the present moment. Now, I am more than just at peace in the present moment. I am the present moment. Thank you everyone in this forum and especially Leo for helping me actualize my life. I no longer feel like suicide is the best option and I'm willing to now embrace the moment, embrace the random, and embrace whatever may come. There's still many challenges left to face in life but I'm finally feeling like I'm moving up the ladder again. Thank you crazy thoughts for helping actualize my life. This is the benefits of losing touch with reality. These were the benefits of schizophrenia.

Sinking and sinking, ball after ball. Prior to thinking happening (blah blah _______). Echoes of anger struggling for recognition and expression, in conflict with my attention which seek further awareness through patience. Alimonies and ecclesiastical ceremonies are garbage mmmnnhhnhhjhjhjjujjjjjjjjhj mmjnhhghhhhmmmjhn throw a suicide party and I'm guaranteed to fucking snap, it's evilsonic, it's pornoholic. Breakdowns obscenities is all I wanna be. IF YOU'RE 555 I'M 666, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A HERETIC. I'm thisssssss close to snapping I swear to fucking christ Ethan I'll turn this car around if you don't shut up. mmmmmmhhhhhhhh.

Are there not seasonal regularities? You have phenomenas like seasonal depression, suicide rates rising in the spring, different activities based on the season etc. Things like light intensity, air temperature and daytime length are huge determining factors for behavior with complex effects down the line. @Staples' point is related to that.

I was at exactly the same place you were, at virtually the same time - four years ago I felt like I was in a very dark place, and there just seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I was even googling the best ways to go about it (drug overdose apparently isn't the way to go), felt like I had no other option. Just couldn't quite bring myself to do it though, boy was I close though... I've had phases of feeling suicidal, I remember there were times in my mid-twenties where I'd wake up in the morning and I'd just think, 'Why even go on?' I felt so lost and alone, I couldn't see any reason to go on. It's not like I was really hysterical or anything, I'd plan it all out quite rationally in my head - the best way to go about it, how to make it look like an accident so it'd be easier on my family (so they didn't have to live with the stigma of suicide).

Sometimes I do think about whether I should kill myself or not. I know that the smart and rational thing for me would be to kill myself. It would most likely in an instant solve all my suffering and problems. But when you take also others into the equation, then it's not such a easy decision anymore. What I would gain in stopping to suffer, would be lost on my parents suffering more. About 4 years ago I was very close to killing myself. I had everything ready, the rope, suicide letter, etc, but when I was about to do it, I couldn't do it.

After reading “Cleanse to Heal” and following the heavy metal detox cleanse in the book by Medical Medium, I am 100% fatigued and exhausted after just drinking lemon juice in the AM and can’t even get to juice or make the other part of the protocol. Everything make so much sense. My mom is extremely unhealthy, toxic, ocd, etc. her heavy metals in the womb definitely got passed down and explains my OCD, fatigue, ADD from a very young age. I realized that these metals basically control everything I do in my day because, I have no freedom when I’m at the Will of low energy levels and toxic brain disorders from these metals. Then when I detox, my life derails it’s self even more because it’s sooo intense Now the toxins accumulated are too much to handle I can’t stop thinking of ways to escape reality. No health professional is going to do the work for me. I don’t feel comfortable doing the Cutler way of chelating as I’m in a place where I won’t be a perfectionist with it, and I’m not going to risk suicide because of the toxins/Chelation damaging my brain and organs further. Who’s had success with heavy metal cleanses and how they did it exactly?

He's mostly green and some yellow, if you listened to his commentary he makes points that everyone suffers, that statistically black men are treated just as bad if not worst than trans... but its all relative. His general message in the netflix special is we should all love each other. If you listen to his last special he mentioned his good friend a trans comedian defended him because he gave her an opener slot when he came to oakland, not even knowing how good she was. This friend was then harassed and canceled from the trans community, then spiraled into deeper depression and committed suicide. Many people in the trans community have lots of wounds to heal from... in the first place they grew up not loving who they are and their environment as a child wasn't supportive in helping them explore their sexuality and gender.... but really how many parents are equipped to handle such things?? Their wounds prevent them to see and listen to things.... It's not anyone's job to love you but it's your job to find a way to love those that you want love from. Personally, I was a victim of hate crimes which got me fearful, angry, sad, and many other emotions... if I can turn back time, I would have given myself that advice.

I have the right stuff to make it happen. Other players recognize my talents and agree that I am under rated. I played black in this game against an International Master and won. https://lichess.org/guK01WfB Am I willing to make my entire life chess? No, and there are world champions like Kasparov and Carlsen who also play sports and are politically active. Some grandmasters are also psychologists or engineers. If I were to do something aside from chess it would be restructuring our society such that we appreciate the significance of emotional mastery which is completely overlooked in education. This vision I have resonates with me most emotionally because all my life I struggled with self manipulation in which I tried to push away my most authentic emotions to convince myself I was someone else. If there are other people who struggled in this way, then I could make my life about teaching society the limitations of education and how to overcome them. One of the consequences would be to prevent suicide, but there would be a much broader impact beyond that. This leaves me with a big decision because these two directions for my life are good, but the second resonates with me most emotionally. I don't yet know how to actualize the second and I still don't make enough to get away from family. This leaves me with some uncertainty and feeling split as to where I should go. I will keep researching other methods for actualizing the second vision.

@Thought Art me too brother. Just don't casually mention suicide. This is not an option, it's stupidity. You just need to clear up some emotions. Read ask and it is given and the path of least resistance. These 2 books will help.

Birthday Blues There is a wave of depression that hits me around my birthday every year usually starting a month before my birthday. I have a lot of baggage around my birthday and I just wanted to vent about that. My birthday never felt like my day. First of all, my mom and I have the same birthday. We never had a good relationship and I don't like having to share my birthday with someone who caused so much pain in my life. She also always makes a fuss about the day, yells at service workers, and nit picks at what I'm eating when we go out to eat for the night. I also always feel like I'm being forced to celebrate. I'm always feeling depressed during this time of the year and instead of my parents trying to empathize with me and hear me out, they try to force me to celebrate and then yell at me and call me ungrateful when I'm not faking a smile perfectly. The celebration feels much more about them in the sense that if I had a lowkey birthday that they would feel like terrible people. But when I voice what I actually want, then I'm the weird one and there is something wrong with me because no normal person would be down on their birthday. I'm also forced to be with my toxic family during this time. This year, my anti vax aunt and uncle are pissed because I didn't celebrate my 21st birthday with them. I mean, this time last year was when the pandemic was peaking and we didn't have the vaccine so like.... I was trying to make sure we were all safe... But yeah, because of this my parents are like "it's your family obligation to spend time with us on your birthday." Then there is how there is always a ton of religious stuff going on during October. Basically, from the end of September to early (sometimes mid) November, is the holiday season for Hindu people. Having your birthday around Diwali is the equivalent of having your birthday on Christmas so I get the whole *hey, this present counts for both holidays* thing. That doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is how growing up I could never celebrate my birthday around my birthday because every time I would try to invite people, they would have plans. So most of the time I would celebrate at November. One time my birthday even got pushed all the way back to December. And because of the amount of stuff happening during this time of year, most people forget about my birthday anyway. My birthday is a reminder of all of the years I wasted being depressed. I had 2 suicide attempts around my birthday. One was the day before my 16th birthday. That year basically marked me being depressed for over half my life and I didn't want to continue living if it meant my life was going to continue on like this. The second was around this time last year. I ended up in the hospital and I had to put school on pause. I was finally starting to live my best life and get out of this only to be dragged back into living with my parents because of the pandemic. It sometimes feels useless to try to get better. I don't feel all that better compared to last year. Sure I don't want to kill myself but I still feel depressed, anxious, and exhausted and I'm not sure if there are any good things in store for me. My birthday basically makes me think *great... another year has gone by with me being miserable. How much longer do I have to hold on like this?* My birthday reminds me on how I'm not living a normal life, how I'm not living up to my own standards, and how I don't have friends. I feel like most normal people expect that you have plans for your birthday. Whenever that question comes up, I just don't have an answer because in most cases, I just want to be left alone during my birthday. I don't have that many friends who I feel like I can celebrate with. I also feel like I don't have a good enough social life. I feel like most people reminiscent on all the fun memories they made with their loved ones during the past year and I just don't have many of those memories. I don't mind having a few friends and spending most of my time in solitude but I feel like when my birthday rolls around, I feel like I simply didn't do enough. It's also just like how I feel like I haven't achieved enough each year. I feel so stagnant in my life and I feel like I'm not growing up. A lot of this goes back to the whole imposter syndrome thing I wrote about in the previous post. Also, my 20s actually feel like a thing now. And that freaks me out because it feels like my 30s are going to creep up on me and that is like a scary age to me. I know this isn't the healthiest outlook but I feel like there is this pressure to basically live out your whole life in your 20s and how this is the decade where you're supposed to have an amazing career, have a house, a solid social circle, a husband, maybe think about settling down and having kids, travel, be hot, achieve a shit ton of things, and basically be a full fledged adult with their life sorted out etc. I think a lot of it has to do with the boomers because economically, doing a lot of these things were feasible whereas things are simply not the same now and people are taking their time with these milestones. There are a couple of videos that I really like on this subject: My birthday also remind me aging and as a result mortality which then leads to an existential crisis. At one point, my 20s were also a scary age. I remember having this pressure to figure out what I wanted from life and what my priorities were in my late teens and have this plan of how I'm going to be full fledged adult. I also felt like I didn't have much of a margin of error and that any mistake I made could set me back like a decade and that's a decade lost of me not living my fullest life. I think a lot of this had to do with late stage capitalism and how the older people basically started nitpicking at the ways young people lived their lives and dealt with money instead of addressing systemic issues. And to still not have my shit sorted out now freaks me tf out. Then there is the whole pandemic and how I had to take time off of school messing with my perception of time. Basically, it can be summed up by this: Like, I don't feel like I'm about to turn 22. I still feel a few months into 20. And it feels like I wasn't able to start my life and instead I acquired a new flavor of crazy after sorting out my issues from my childhood. I also feel like I really let down my 18 year old self because of how these last 4 years went. I was supposed to be senior this year and I wasn't even able to do that. And it isn't even because my priorities are messed up or that I made a ton of bad decisions. Life just kind of happened. Like I remember at that age telling myself that I'm going to prioritize having quality relationships, pay attention to school but not get consumed by it, travel, let myself growth from and experience life, and over all have this well rounded college experience. I had the right idea and what I valued hasn't changed. It wasn't a lapse of judgement rather it was a lapse of circumstance that cause these thing to not come true. And that's something I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of going through life not really living, not because I don't know how to live or because I have shit priorities, but because life just happened. I'm not saying this as someone who is afraid they aren't taking control / responsibility of life and they are just letting things happen to them. Rather I'm speaking as someone who is taking responsibility and is putting in the effort to build something sustainable but there is always a chance that something completely outside of your control can come in and take everything from you. I make well thought out decisions because I don't want to waste my time prioritizing something stupid and instead I want to maximize the amount of fulfillment I get while I'm alive. And given how things have gone so far, I can't help but feel like I'm wasting my life.

try calling a local suicide hotline first https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbQr70rfwQg

Even though you are partly right about potential insights you might reach with this kind of illness. I don't agree with embracing the illness or resorting to traditional psychiatry. No, you jhave still a lot to learn. Let me refer you to the awkwardness of connecting everything to genetics : Of course, it is not recommended to a beginner to try to solve their mental illnesses without applying doctors. It's too risky, dangerous. I took this risk and succeeded. If you wanna replicate the same accomplishment I highly recommend that you do this in a safe environment whether by having your parents support you or saving money as a constant supply of food, water, electricity. Whatever kind of buffer you make, now you can carefully and safely experiment both with your mind and body. Your situation is lighter than me if you're not suicide prone. I both had lots of anxiety, obsession, blinky attention, constant switching between depression and mania, random mental chattering, irritating or addictive voices or even hallucinations. If could overcome such a complex mental node, so can you

@Sunmaster14 I don't have real data on this. However there are multiple dimensions to what leads to Awakening. Risk-taking: Men are more prone to taking big risks, including fucking up their psyche with psychedelics. Intuition: women are more Intuitive than men. Men who are ultra-rational are not gonna take too much time doing spirituality. Absolute Hopelessness:(needed for the first level of enlightenment): Women attempt suicide more often but don't succeed at it. So it's hard to say what gender goes through more extreme-hopelessness. Pursue crazy dreams is accepted: Men pursuing crazy stuff, including going to mongolia in a monastery is socially more acceptable than when women do it. Also society want to protect women, in whatever way their culture sees fit. So "No, woman, you're not gonna leave your life behind. Stay here and stay safe" The spectrum: I feel like, similar to the IQ distribution. The distribution of men's traits is way broader than the distribution of women's. I could be wrong though. Bias: We are biased to feel an old enlightened sage is a man. In stories the sage is always a man. That is what's attracting people to enlightenment. And no women really seems like what's told in the stories.

In 1811, the Shawnee Chieftan Tecumseh assembled a group of braves to oppose the Treaty of Fort Wayne. An agreement between the US and six different Indian tribes that would bring about the transfer of over 3 million acres of land to the US. William Henry Harrison brokered the treaty. When Tecumseh and his half-brother Tenskwatawah resisted the treaty, Harrison assembled a force of 1000 troops desiring to intimidate the Shawnee tribe into peace. This was unsuccessful, as Tecumseh responded by launching a surprise attack in Prophet's town next to the Wabash and Tippecanoe rivers. The battle went down in history as the Battle of Tippecanoe. After leading a successful defense, William Henry Harrison became venerated as a national hero with the name Old Tippecanoe. But, Tecumseh met his fate in the Battle of the Thames. His half brother Tenskwatawah, consumed with anger used his knowledge of the hidden technologies of life to destroy the future of Harrison saying "Harrison will die I tell you and after him every Great Chief chosen every 20 years thereafter will die. And when each one dies, let everyone remember the death of my people.". It's the year 1840, William Henry Harrison has been elected President of the United States. He opted out of the traditional carage to ride on horseback to his inauguration, as a prideful display of his virility. Harrison did this of course because he feared that at his age of 68 and frail as he was, that had he not flaunted what vitality he had left his reputation would suffer. He then orated 8445 words, the longest inaugural address to date. A grueling 2 hours in the freezing cold of winter. He immediately felt ill, 31 days after being sworn in, his cold took his life. The eight presidents before Harrison died after leaving Office, making William Henry Harrison the first President to die in the White House. It's now November 6th 1860, Abraham Lincoln defeats John C Breckenridge by 108 electoral votes where 152 votes were needed as there were only 303 electoral college members as opposed to the 538 we have today. It's now April 15 1865, Old Honest Abe has defeated the south fortifying the Union against it's domestic enemies, he's abolished slavery and modernized the US economy. Could he survive the curse of Tenskwatawah? One John Wilkes Booth entered into Lincoln's balcony at Ford's Theater, and when the crowd applauded he discharged his revolver into the back of Lincoln's head, afterwards the President soon died. November 2nd, 1880. James A Garfield is elected President. Four months after his inauguration President Garfield was at the Baltimore and Potomac railroad station in Washington DC meaning to attend his 26th college reunion. The President was shot in the back twice. Charles J Guiteau, a prominent American writer and lawyer immediately took the blame saying "I did it. I will go to jail for it. I am a Stalwart and Arthur will be President." Year 1899, Vice President Garet Hobart dies of heart disease and President McKinley replaces him with Theodore Roosevelt. Making Roosevelt America's youngest President at the time should his running mate perish. Six months after being inaugurated, President McKinley was attending the Pan American exposition in Buffalo New York, while shaking hands with attendees in the Temple of Music he was shot in the abdomen twice, 8 days later he died. Year 1920, Warren G Harding defeats James M Cox 404 to 127 a landslide victory. Three years into his term, he had medical complications in his cardiac plexus. Doctors had treated him with liquid caffeine and digitalis, he appeared to make a full recovery. Then, a few days later the curse finally took his life via a heart attack. Which was a great shock to the public. It's now year 1944, the Democrat candidate Franklin Delano Roosevelt wins his 4th term in a row, and to this day is the only US President to have served more than two terms. April 12, 1945, 13 years into FDR's Presidency, he perishes shortly after complaining about a headache. His Cardiologist diagnosed it as a massive introcerebral hemorrhage. An interesting little fact is that William H Harrison died 31 days after being inaugurated, 31 and 13 are the same number flipped. It's now 1960, John F Kennedy defeats Richard M Nixon by a very narrow margin. Three years after his election on 22nd November 1963 the President was riding through Dealey Plaza in Dallas Texas in an open top car. JFK was shot in the head twice, 30 minutes later Kennedy died. President Kennedy was the sixth President to perish under Tenskwatah's curse. But would he be the last? 1980, Incumbent Jimmy Carter loses by a landslide to actor Ronald Reagan. Two months into Reagan's term, after giving a speech at the Washington Hilton Hotel returning to his limousine. Reagan was shot in the chest. The President was rushed to George Washington University Hospital. The internal injuries nearly killed the President, it appeared as though the curse was taking hold. But doctors stabilized the President, and he managed to serve out his term. Becoming the first US President to survive under the terms of Tenskwatah's incantation. Nancy Reagan was aware of the curse of Tippecanoe, and believed in astrology and psychics. And consulted an Astrologer as many Roman Emperors, and Greek Kings had once done. Therefore it seems possible that by reverse causality the First Lady's actions may have affected the curse(as she's the first person close to a President scheduled to die who took the curse seriously), taking away it's lethality, but not having destroyed the evidence of it entirely. It's also possible that the curse had run out of juice so to speak, or some combination thereof. 2000, George W Bush loses the popular vote by approximately half a million. It becomes official that Al Gore won the Electoral College and Popular vote. Afterward, it was determined officially that Bush won the tipping state of Florida by a meager 537 votes, making him the 43rd President of the United states with 271 electoral votes. In 2004, Bush is reelected. A year later, Bush is giving a speech in Freedom Square, Tbilisi Georgia. When he spoke, a soviet made RGD 5 hand grenade wrapped in a red tartan handkerchief was hurled at the podium. The grenade landed a mere 61 feet from the President. The pin was pulled, it was live it should have gone off and eviscerated President Bush, as the effective firing range maximum is 65 feet, 4 more than the grenade needs to be lethal. But the grenade failed to detonate because the handkerchief remained wrapped around the grenade and held the striker lever back from releasing. Vladimir Artyunian, the man who threw the grenade was captured, and sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole. So George W. Bush becomes the second US President to survive the Tippecanoe curse, and the 8th victim of it at the same time, just not to the point of death. Which engenders a certain higher level of certainty in Nancy Reagan's efforts. And supports the notion of reverse causality(as she intervened after her husband was shot). I have not taken the liberty to calculate the possibility that these events may be coincidental. Because my intuition tells me that the results would render the possibility of coincidence laughably unlikely. So my judgement is that Tenskwatawah, killed 7 US Presidents, severely injured President Reagan nearly to death, and almost blew up President Bush all in one sentence. And likely contributed to the now highly favorable circumstance Indian reservations find themselves in current day America(they're permitted to make their own laws, and collect their taxes independent of the Federal Government on what should be US soil if we were any traditional conquering country). Furthermore, I hope these historical events make it obvious to you, that Tenskwatawah, the Presidents he killed, and all the other people closely involved, as well as the decision to grant Native Americans their own micro countries in the US, that Tenskwatawah is the same as those Presidents, as the policy makers, as even the events themselves which I'm describing. Otherwise, how could he so precisely control such things? Unless you believe however improbably that it's all a giant cascade of coincidences. Due to my curiosity, I'm going to leave a poll on the above issue. And now to conclude I'll offer how I personally explain Tenskwatawah's exploit. Through empowerment of the Vishuddhi Chakra, it's possible to acquire something called Vak Siddhi. Which is basically something like Omnipotence, that seems to first manifest itself in the ability to control future events by describing the desired outcome. Now, I don't believe Tenskwatawah was some kind of Yogi who practiced a Sadhana for his Vishuddhi since he was an Indian. It seems more likely to me that either he was born with it, or he acquired it later in life by some other means. The most likely possibility(if he wasn't born significantly more powerful than ordinary mortals) in my speculation, would be that he likely obtained his power through ritual use of Datura, as that seems to be the only way Shamans from that part of the world development Omnipotence. However, and I say this now with the utmost seriousness, DO NOT EVER DO DATURA. These men have a highly specialized way of doing it, and oftentimes they've developed psychic abilities through other means beforehand(like remote viewing for example). And they use these abilities to determine exactly when to plant, and harvest, and also the exact time of administration, as well as which parts of the plant are to be administered. The Datura spirit is notoriously petty, and if you don't access her realms in precisely the way she wants you to. She'll destroy you, as her agenda is to kill her acolytes before they can learn anything from her. If you consume her seeds blindly as many foolish westerners have done. You'll only render yourself a paranoid schizophrenic at best, and at worst you'll somehow die(probably through suicide).

i do think suicide is an option if somebody has exhausted all other options and is older especially if you're old and very sick (terminally ill for example) etc. that's why we have assisted suicide programs for old, sick people as a young-ish person it's not really an option imo a lot of times those feelings can pass, even if you think they can't maybe you have to change your environment city, country etc. a guys gf for example shot herself because she was very depressed etc. she was taking a lot of drugs too though, i'm pretty sure if she would have sobered up ( for a long time) and went to travel to other countries and so on, she would have felt differently eventually but personally i've thought about suicide since a very young age (like 8,9,10) but i haven't really thought about ways to do it but just as an option and also in some sick ways to get back at people who "hurt" me or whatever but that's a silly way of thinking

Everyone is purely selfish, it'd be selfish to try and not be selfish, and second I'm quite sure Leo/Sadghuru describes life as a mere speck like an ant (who cares if someone stomps on an ant, and if the ant dies does it care any longer about the Queen's survival? Of course not !) ... I'm quite sure spritual leaders describe life like a dream and when one dies then none of this truely matters because only the body cares about the mother's love or to have supportive friends or to devour delicous food or sex with attractive people AND when the body dies, you don't have a body, so these insecure qualities that come with being a human speck in the cosmos really has no value once the body DIES ... so your response is fear based and really it shares no value with the topic starter or anyone else like myself actually contemplating if suicide is a great solution to not merely ending suffering, no, but to purely return back home which has been craved for a great many years and a disgust at the world and how imperfect it looks under the gaze of a persistant ego over the said years of craving through life's tormenting ciscumstances in order to finally return home,

I don't believe this, I think you're sharing nonesense, plus my years of research easily calls out this to be bs, you're discussing karma and a sort of Christian eternity of suffering and damnations, a mixture of Eastern and Christian philosophies coupled with a fuel of fear and a dictator who will punish a soul for choosing suicide, not accurate, please think twice before making silly fear based comments,

Like a year ago I had decided to leave this forum or at least not spend so much time here and be elsewhere on a place meant for mentally sensitive people like me. It was a horror show there. The moderators there were ill-equipped to deal with the dangers of the internet. And as a result that place was infested with pedophile men and extremely dangerous men who would prey on weak and vulnerable, mentally sensitive women like me. Like there was a guy from America who tried to offer me help in terms of guidance for depression. He almost posed himself as a general helper and do-gooder. He directly messaged and told me that he is great at dealing with people who have anxiety etc. I was dealing with Joseph at the time and it was a tough relationship and I needed a shoulder to cry on whenever the abuse was too much to take. This guy took my number, I mean I gave him my personal number and I trusted him with it. Initially he was very kind. He was Many many years older than me, almost 25-30 years older to me. Almost my mom's age. I trusted and gave him my number in the hopes that he would be a good friend. As months went by, I would often talk to him whenever I needed mental or emotional support especially regarding my issues with Joseph. He would try to calm me down. Then suddenly one day, I saw his Facebook post and I was alarmed to see that the post was quite sexually deviant, something that a pedophile would write. I immediately reported that post. He sent me a lots of sexually obscene texts. I deleted his number and blocked him forever. This man had befriended me on a mental health website meant to help people like me who suffer PTSD, depression and anxiety, especially women who are vulnerable. So what was this man doing in such a place????!?? From the same place, I met a Ukrainian guy who approached me for help. This was a completely different experience and scenario than the first one. This guy pretended to be Suicidal and when he read my posts trying to comfort another suicidal person on the forum/website, he direct messaged me with his problems and told me how badly he needed someone to talk to. He appeared in distress from the way he wrote. He was a young recently divorced guy. So I thought to myself that I can really help him to feel better and talk him out of suicide. That's what I thought. I gave him my number and told me to contact me whenever he felt awful and needed someone to talk to. The next day he texted me and initially the conversation hinged on his divorce and financial situation. Then after a few minutes, I told him that I was busy and that I would come back in a few minutes. Later when I came back to offer him help, the conversation immediately changed to him saying all sorts of sexual rubbish to me. It was insane. I felt violated and disrespected. I blocked and deleted his number immediately. These two experiences taught me that the internet in general is a very disgusting place to be. It's not meant for vulnerable sensitive people who come for help and support.. It has a complex combination of people who are looking for social support and those who are prowlers who are on the prowl to look for vulnerable women for sexual reasons. It can be full of mentally ill psychos, sexual predators, abusers, pedos, sociopaths, bullies, men who are very frustrated and target women with their sexual frustration.