Search the Community

So I should committ physical suicide? If not: why not? In the past I simply didn't try getting enlightened. I didn't try to stop trying, trying just fell off because of disinterest. So I should let go now? Ok 1 sec... No that didn't work either.

Thoughts About Incels, Redpill, Blackpill, and Other Similar Things The first time that I learned about incels was maybe 1 - 2 years ago while reading the dating subforum, before that, I wasn't spending that much time checking this place. From what I know, these groups are hate groups consisting of mostly sexually frustrated young men who think that they cannot get laid because they don't look good enough. When I learned about that a few elements resonated with me because: I was and still am a virgin. I did experience some shame in the past because society tells me that I need to be in a relationship and/or fuck women. I did have some resentment regarding women at some periods of my life because I never felt taken seriously by girls when I was at school. (However, who never felt a bit of resentment towards the opposite sex whether man or women? Almost nobody.) So... the following thought appeared in my mind: "Am I supposed to be an incel?". Then, I did a few more research and discovered some pretty crazy things: incredible levels of misogynistic views, calls for mass rape, calls for attacks on women, etc., and saw this as way too extreme for me. I also learned that incels create hate stories to explain their difficulties and label some people as Chads, Femoids, etc. And... that's everything that I know about incels. I also don't know that many things about ideologies like Redpill, Blackpill, etc. except that they are highly toxic ideologies with misogynistic views. I think that if I was desperate for relationships I could have fallen into that but as I didn't care about relationships most of my life, it didn't happen. And even if I did come across these things I think I would have avoided them because: 1. it would have reminded me of the trauma of seeing my mom being disrespected by my dad and it would have been intolerable for me. 2. my awareness is naturally too high for these things. When I see hate, judgments, stereotyping, and dumb ideological debates, I know something's wrong. I feel it when it's bad. Also, the obsession with look as being the only thing that women care about felt particularly dumb to me because I look good. When it comes to look, I don't fit the typical masculine standard. My face fit, but my body doesn't fit because I'm skinny. However, what I noticed is that I fit much more according to the feminine perspective (and honestly what else do I need?) because I had women telling me that I look very good, I noticed looks from women in the past, some people told me that I attract a lot of girls eyes, and my sister told me that all her friends think that I look good. Most of the time, I don't put enormous effort when it comes to clothing, I just dress simply with a tshirt/hoody and pants. However, I did notice that when I do an effort and put a shirt like this I get complimented and people notice me much more. I had guys getting jealous of me because of my look and I also had guys implying that because I look good I should get a lot of girls... well... no... not if you don't put yourself out. When I was in high school, I had a friend who was very skinny and with a less good-looking face than me... and this friend was incredible with girls simply because he was very social and funny. His look was never an issue for him, he didn't care and got a lot of success with girls. The fact that women only care about looks always felt like nonsense for me because I have the look. In one of his first videos, Leo said that he thought that good look would get him a girlfriend and it felt pretty dumb to me. When I think of incels I think of people with serious mental health issues. I see people who got brainwashed by pop culture and because they don't fit the portrait ideals they hide into shame or project it as hate, it is similar to religious people who cannot fit religious ideals and therefore live in shame. These people need serious mental health help which is the reason why I disagree with Leo's response here to — I suppose — an incel. They are some truth in this response, but I still think that this is inappropriate because if someone is complaining about a perfectly normal height than this person certainly has other psychological issues. Here are my thoughts about this case: Nobody knows anything about this person. Nobody knows his real mental state and his intentions. Some people committed suicide after posting on an online forum, but most people didn't. Suicide after an online post is definitely something that can happen and therefore needs to be taken seriously. If this person is depressed for such a ridiculous thing, then he likely has other interconnected issues that he needs to take care of first. Even if he goes out, approach girls, and get into a relationship, the relationship will be toxic because he has too much-limiting beliefs. #1 priority for a person like this is to fix his mental health and clear the brainwashing. That might take 1 year, 2 years, or more, but this is essential if he doesn't want a toxic relationship. The basic first, then girls. The tough approach doesn't apply in this case because we don't know that much about this person. Depressed people want help, they don't want to be ridiculed. In some cases, ridiculing can work, but they are too many unknown variables in this case. I want to conclude here with just a few thoughts about me. So, how about me? How do I see myself? Well... I'm just a guy who goes through life, who has his difficulties in life just like everybody, who had a lot of difficulties regarding relationships, but who wants to improve and who tries to do the best that he can to improve. End of the story.

Survival is not just about the body. Why does an islamist suicide bomber kill himself in the name of Allah? Posession, prestige, power... People seek these because of the survival of identity. Humans are not separate from each other, culture, beliefs, identity etc. In fact, "my physical human body" IS identity. Your individual physical survival is just one miniscule part of the Great Survival. Leo's video is also 'coming from' the social matrix, as are all the books he recommends. And so is this post of yours. If we 'only need to question what's arising within', why did you write this post? What exactly are you trying to do?

Hi everyone, I've just recently come across this still fairly new black pill community where guys say that nowadays you can only be good with women if you have really good looks (for the most part), and some other cliché things like money and status. They have YouTube channels where they analyze the looks of different guys, talking about the chin lines, nose bones and so on. It's pretty much the most negative group of people I've ever found online, still more negative then MGTOW and some extremes within the red pill community. They go as far as considering/recommending suicide or even mass murder to cause "structural changes" within society, to make women and "chads" understand that there is a price to be paid if you make a big percentage of men have miserable lives. Now, I'm not concerned about their belief system as in wether or not it is true what they say women want (as I know from experience that it's not how they claim), it's just that I'm still in disbelief, I really didn't think it could get that bad... What are your thoughts on this tragedy?

Yes. It will take much more than bad weather to make the human race go extinct. Humans will want to live no matter what. No matter the circumstances. Even if it only consists of massive suffering. It will always be worth living for them. Take for example the resistence against assisted suicide. It's illegal in many countries. Especially in Sweden. People are retarded in their brains because they irrationally always just want to live, and force life on others, even if it means massive suffering.

No. Deep spiritual truths ground and contextualize your existence. Transcendence is just another form of escapism. If that is the goal, then the ultimate way to transcend is to just commit suicide.

@Carl-Richard Yes. I had a psychotic episode about a year ago. After a very bad trip I spiraled down into very delusional and dysfunctional ideas and stories of metaphysics, spirituality and life. Almost committed suicide. Yeah this sounds about right. It's similar with all kinds of toxic ideologies such as incels and conspiracy theorists. Actual psychosis is just a lot more radical and 'personal', it affects the more fundamental levels of the mind constructing experience. Ideology happens still within social framework.

So one guy in my past relationships was someone who scammed me financially. I mean he would cry to me that he was in big trouble financially. And I would help him by paying his way out. I always had this instinct where I would jump to help people if they were in need. With this guy I had a long term relationship and at the end I discovered that he was lying to me and he was living well with absolutely no problems. In fact he was using me and exploiting me financially to get stuff for himself. And I was naively believing his lies. In the end I found out that literally everything he ever told me was a complete fabrication. I felt duped and scammed. I felt hurt, betrayed, exploited. I lost quite a lot of money and he disappeared from the scene so I could never get money back The money is really not the issue. It's the hurt and betrayal and all the long list of lies that hurts a lot. I felt like my feelings of compassion were being misused. I wasn't good at spotting his lies He would even give me suicide threats. So that's when I began to get suspicious of him. What are ways to avoid getting scammed when you want to believe what your lover says but at the same time you don't wish your trust in your lover to be taken advantage of ? How to know if your lover lying to you ? Especially being in love makes it harder to not trust.

@Federico del pueblo The blackpill resonates with people that have been having shitty lives. I got lured in aswell two years ago because it felt so true and it made so much sense From my experience, people in the community said that the new generation of incels ruined the incel community and it turned into a edgy fest of teens. It was supposed to be for figuring out ways to increase your attractiveness. that was the point of the blackpill to help the ugly people ascend from inceldom(xD). There's huge differences between being a blackpiller and a incel. Blackpill acknowledges that their faces are the reason why they can't pull numbers, so they go into looksmax communities to look for help, but that also got hijacked by teens now. Incels just wait for their death and sometimes visit sanctionsuicide(this got taken down by petition due to people suiciding and suicidal people giving advice on how to suicide without feeling pain) to resonate there better. @Enlightenment I think the most used gif is the one with Sean' o pry that says "Keep on coping you utter subhuman" xDD

Every Spiral Dynamics Infinity Stone Color has now been collected: Stage Red and Stages Blue, Orange, Green, Yellow, Turquoise. So, when you’re done reading, snap your fingers like Tony Stark and say, “I…am…Spiral Dynamics Man ? " 449. Summary: Spiral Dynamics - Stage Purple “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” —African proverb -This comes from the work of Claire Graves, Don Beck and Christopher Cohen who developed Spiral Dynamics (ep: Spiral Dynamics.) Spiral Dynamics is a developmental model that looks at the evolution of culture and human psychology throughout time, both at an individual and collective level. -This model is extremely useful for understanding the development of yourself, of people around you and of different cultures and societies. It will help you make sense of the crazy cultural stuff that's happening around you. -Each stage corresponds to a set of values and a level of and moral cognitive development of the psyche. As we're going up the spiral, there’s an increase in the level of consciousness and complexity to the culture and to one's psyche. -You can’t skip stages. You have to go through each stage to get to the next stage. Also, no one stage is “better” than any other stage. eg: Genghis Khan went from a stage Purple upbringing to being a stage Red warlord. Genghis Khan (6 mins). His rule also created a foundation for Stage Blue and even Orange (2 mins). His empire established the Silk Road. He also allowed people to keep their religion, as long as they agreed to also pray to Genghis Khan. His story is the basis for Danerys Targaryen and the Dothraki in Game of Thrones. -Throughout life we try to evolve up these stages as quickly as we can, trying to get to tier two which is Yellow and Turquoise. -Stage Purple is tribalistic, animistic, mystical. Life is both magical and fragile, because the elements are harsh. It has primitive, yet deep mystical wisdom and traditions. It’s 10% of the world population and 1% of world influence because it’s so archaic and out of touch with technology and modern society. -If you’re living in a relatively developed part of the world, you’re probably around Stage Blue/Orange, maybe even Orange/Green. At this level of development, modern culture has indoctrinated us with individuality, materialism and consumerism. (Five Things about Libertarianism [5 mins].) -There’s a Libertarian myth that each person is a rugged individual, a John Wayne cowboy-type, who survives by himself, no society necessary. (ep: Why Libertarianism is Nonsense) “I have the right to my property, my house and my guns. I want to be left alone and I want things my way!!” -However, Libertarianism is not how most of humanity lives or has historically lived. The majority of human history was communal life where you lived as part of a tribe. Having an individual identity is something that's relatively modern. It's maybe a couple hundred years old to a thousand years old. In most developed parts of the world, we forget that humans are a tribal species and this leads to all sort of Libertarian absurdities. Stage Purple emerges with the beginning of homo sapiens. There’s never been a time in the history of humans where we lived as individuals in the wilderness. Mother Nature is too brutal to survive it alone. So, we’ve always been part of a tribe. If you look at our nearest ancestors the chimpanzees and the bonobos, you see that they don't survive by themselves. Bonobo tribe . They even have a highly social, highly communal, primitive culture, like using tools, grooming each other’s hair, learning from each other. You don’t see a lone monkey or gorilla surviving by himself in the jungle. He’d get eaten. (Learning from Bonobos.) Stage Purple is about being a member of a tribe. The Stage Purple tribe is how mankind began and how it has lived for hundreds of thousands of years. If your tribe dies out nothing else is possible. Your tribe is your whole life, your whole identity. Identity is the crux of all development. Contribution and self-sacrifice to the tribe are paramount. The individual sacrifices for the tribe. The tribe trumps the desires of your ego, or to have sex, or to hoard all the coconuts. Competitive individualists are looked down on because they put the tribe in danger. Life is magical and mystical. There's an element of spirituality and mysticism (we also see that at stage Turquoise.) Being with the tribe feels like living in an enchanted magical village. Disney movies do this a lot: Mulan’s ”Honor to Us All.” Pocahontas’ ”Colors of the Wind”. Moana. Tarzan’s ”You'll Be In My Heart”. Belle's “Provincial Life” ? The Stage Purple Family Stage Purple is a natural extension of the family unit. If you take the family as the basic unit of human survival, expand on that and you have a collection of families living together, which constitutes a tribe. Basically the tribe is one big extended family. Like in the family unit, if your mom needs help with her computer, you don’t bill her for your services. You do it, no problem, because she’s family. In a tribe, that attitude extends to everyone. Everybody helps everyone out. There’s no cold, calculating, business-like transaction where you’re trying to profit from someone else in the tribe. The tribe is small enough for everybody to know everyone and their personal business. There's no sense of alienation and anonymity, which exists today. If you're living in a big city you probably don't even know your neighbours. As a tribe we can hunt together, share new inventions and develop a shared culture, which becomes very powerful as we develop up the spiral. The tribe gives life meaning. There's a deep emotional bonding between members of the tribe just like in a family. You don't want to let your tribe down, so it’s important to contribute. Contributing isn’t some burden that's imposed by a dictator from up above. At the end of the day, once you're done all your survival activities, you can tell stories around the campfire, dance, do art, drumming, music, drink and party, which adds spice to life. There are group ceremonies, rituals and celebrations. It’s much better than being alone in a shelter trying to not die. The Stage Purple View of the Universe Purple seeks harmony with Mother Nature. Purple reveres the power of Mother Nature. Nature is mystical and wise. Knowing the environment is a matter of life or death. Knowing when the sun sets and rises tells you where to plant crops. You need to predict rainfall. Studying the stars and sky lets you navigate through the mountains. You need to find good hunting grounds. Adds to the animistic sense of spirituality. Time is cyclical, based on the seasons. Not linear time, but a cyclical sense of time. Time is connected to the movement of the sun, stars, seasons, zodiac sign. Polytheistic. There isn’t just one God. There’s usually a multiplicity of spirits that you have to appease and work with. There are conflicting spirits, some good, some bad, some petty, some mischievous. You can find these figures throughout mythology. Animistic: everything has a spiritual essence. Animism is the belief that objects, places, and creatures all possess a distinct spiritual essence. Purple obeys the desires of mystical spirit beings in nature. They have a life force and intentionality of their own. (The sun spirit, the water spirit, the plant spirit, etc.) eg: If we anger the river, the river will stop flowing and we’ll die of drought. We must appease the river by praying to it and performing rituals. The tree spirit in our oak tree is good and watches over us at night, but the tree spirit in the enemy tribe’s willow trees are bad. A mystical sense of cause and effect. Without science, it’s unknown how nature functions, which makes it deeply mysterious and mystical. Purple can draw false conclusions about causes and effects in nature. There's no theorizing about the logic behind performing a rain dance for the crops, or trying out different dances to get different results. That’s not how Stage Purple sees things. eg: The shaman might do a rain dance and believe he caused the rain to fall. The crops might go bad, and the tribe might think it must have dishonoured their ancestors in some way. Earthquakes and lightning probably come from earth, wind and fire spirits who demand a weekly vigorous, ceremonial, tribal dance ?. Stage Purple Mindset Stage Purple is more right-brained than left-brained. Purple is more intuitive, feeling-oriented, body-centred versus logical, rational and scientific. There’s no formal science at this stage of development. There's no writing system, so you can’t document and codify your understanding of the world. The logical mind is more about analyzing and categorizing things, which is good for scientific purposes or writing a book, but it's not so good for survival in the jungle. Stage Purple uses intuition to navigate through life and reality. Gut instincts are better for survival than logic. You'd be surprised how far you can get with intuition and instinct. eg: Stage Purple people who are very experienced, like a shaman or a medicine man, can have very keen senses and extraordinary perception which comes from massive experience. The Shaman’s been living in the jungle for 50 years, going on hunts and gathering plants. He’s become very very attuned to tracking animals, reading footprints, looking at weather patterns, predicting where lightning is going to come from, when rain is going to fall. He can hear different animal sounds or bird calls and based on that he can predict whether it's spring or fall, or if there are predators nearby. The shaman has become very very perceptive through intuition and feeling. This allows him to survive much better than logic would. All the logic in the world won’t help a scientist with three Phds survive in the Amazon. Following tradition keeps you alive. Survival at Stage Purple is very precarious because of the harsh environment. Traditions have been tested for hundreds and thousands of years by your ancestors and by their ancestors. They figured out to navigate the jungle through trial and error. Many of them died figuring out where to get clean water or safe shelter. Now you are relying upon their traditions to help you survive, so you follow them faithfully. So there's a great value placed upon retaining ancestral and tribal memory. Your survival literally depends upon your ancestors. It's not just nostalgia. That shared ancestral memory, knowledge and wisdom of how nature works is the tribe’s version of google (or Actualized.org ?). Purple’s rigid attachment to tradition leads to its downfall. They’re closed-minded and unable to adapt to other cultures and perspectives. They’re too rigid to co-operate with other tribes, which leads to conflict, battle and death. It also leads to the need for Stage Red’s ruthless, warlike individualism. Stage Purple Culture The tribe relies on a verbally shared history to pass down wisdom. Because Purple is usually pre-literate, they can’t create a manual on how to survive the elements. Without science, they also don’t know how nature really works. So, the tribe has a collective memory with rigid rules and rituals on how to behave. Without these traditions you could easily do something that kills you. You could eat the wrong plant and get poisoned. You could hunt the wrong animal and get eaten. If you do anything the wrong way you could die, and you can’t just call 911. Traditional customs are extremely important. The tribe relies on traditions and history to give people a sense of grounding and a sense of identity. The culture tells you who you are, where you came from and how you're supposed to behave. Because everything is traditional, there's not a lot of creativity or innovation. You just learn and obey the traditions. There’s a traditional, “right” way to hunt, cook, cure disease, make medicine, dance, celebrate, handle funerals and the death of loved ones, etc. It’s also important to know what’s taboo, what not to do. Vivid myths, parables, legends and telling stories. Storytelling is extremely important for pre-literate cultures. They existed before writing systems were invented. So, the history and wisdom of the tribe was memorized through stories and myths that were passed down from ancestor to ancestor to ancestor. To make sure those stories were kept intact and not corrupted, there wasn't a lot of room for creativity or embellishment. You had to learn those ancestral as faithfully as possible. So, a lot of emphasis is placed upon the history of the tribe. This actually plays a very important existential role in one's psyche. It’s important to retain a track record of where you came from. Tribes do this through mythology and sharing of stories. Today, modern science tells us where we came from. There’s a sperm and an egg, a genealogical record of ancestors and so forth. But science doesn’t exist at Stage Purple. There was no historical record you could google. You had no clue what happened 5000 years ago, except through the tribe’s stories. Culturally rich in folk stories, songs, dances, artwork and crafts. They compensate for a lack of writing with other art forms, which can be very beautiful and sophisticated. A lot of anthropology is about collecting these cultural artifacts and putting them in museums. eg: Sacred objects, traditional songs and dances, costumes and traditional dresses. Family relics, masks, tattoos, jewelry and other adornments. Has many folk stories about mystical creatures. Each culture has their own stories of mystical creatures who are often mischievous tricksters who have to be appeased or reckoned with. Spirits, sprites, pixies, elves, gnomes, trolls and magical creatures come from basically every culture. There are unwritten rules about how the tribe works. Because there's a deep sense of tribal history, there's lots of implicit rules that get developed over centuries of survival. Rules about hunting, dancing, celebrating, talking, eating, etc. One of the challenges anthropologists face when they discover a new tribe is there are implicit rules and customs you have to follow in order to not offend the tribe. So one of the challenges is they have to spend years really going “full native,” as it's said, living and learning within that tribe, through trial and error. Once they learn these unwritten rules, they can fit in and function. These rules are usually not rational or scientific. They’re sort of intuitive heuristics for survival in that particular environment. It also varies depending on the unique environment the tribe developed in. (re: Survival heuristics. The Himba tribe in Namibia can detect multiple, imperceptibly different shades of green, but have difficulty seeing the difference between green and blue.) Words have magical powers. Words are sacred, magical and powerful. Prayers, blessings and hexes. Words are used in dances and rituals. Communication with the spirit realm. Out of Body Experiences. Astral realms. Psychic Abilities are considered real. Summoning nature spirits and ancestors. Ordinary events are seen as mystical signs or omens. Superstition runs rampant. Purple doesn’t realize culture is an arbitrary construction. The tribe’s culture was created unconsciously as part of its survival activity. It’s not chosen, it just is. It’s helped their people survive for thousands, if not tens of thousands, of years. Survival is so brutal at Stage Purple that they’re loathe to change. It takes many stages above Purple to get to a point where culture is seen as something that's socially constructed and malleable. Purple also doesn’t see how culture can be counterproductive, destructive or a form of brainwashing. Purple thinks its culture is the only way, not just another way. Stage Purple has difficulty imagining other ways of living. Once other tribes starts interacting with it, the tribe's isolated bubble gets punctured. This creates a problem. Purple feels threatened by diversity and alternative perspectives about culture, rituals, gods and methods of handling survival. If another tribe performs a rain dance differently, it’s not just different, it’s “bad and evil.” It’s definitely not better than our raindance. Our tribe’s traditions came from our ancestors and we value our ancestors. We don't value their ancestors. Stage Purple is the early origin point of all religions. These ancient traditions got co-opted by religions that came later. They became systematized, orthodox, and stripped of mysticism. eg: Not eating pork or shellfish. It’s a carryover from Pagan customs from a time when eating either of those was dangerous because they carried disease. eg: Christmas was originally the Winter Solstice, which was an important date for hunter gatherer tribes. It’s the peak of winter, after that it starts going towards spring. Stage Purple Social Roles Fixed social roles. There are fixed social roles, the chieftain, the medicine man, the shaman, the hunter, the warrior, the fertile young bride, etc. Everybody's playing their role. These roles are very fixed. Cooperation is necessary for survival. Gender-based division of labor. There’s usually a gender-based division of labor. Women do the cooking and maybe gathering plants, whereas the men go hunting and manage the defensive perimeter. The men go on group hunts to increase their chances of victory, instead of going alone. There’s an emphasis on protecting fertile women. Women have many many children because half those children will probably die from lack of sanitation or lack of food. Not all the children will even make it to adulthood. Preference for boys. There’s lots of needed manual labor because survival is difficult. Boys tend to be physically stronger and better at survival than girls. Arranged marriages and selling daughters. Arranged marriages and selling of daughters is very common, usually when they're only 12 to 15 years old. The more beautiful the girl, the more reproductive value, the higher the dowry. The girl doesn't have any choice about this. The dowry is sort of the extra payment that the parents get for nurturing and raising a girl instead of a boy. Because she was physically weaker than the boy, but to compensate she has reproductive value. Sexuality is free and not taboo. Tribespeople are very comfortable with their sexuality and nudity. Sex is not seen as bad or dirty. It’s why you see half naked women in those National Geographic documentaries. These cultures also tend to be polygamous and have lots of children. The repression of sexuality comes at Stage Blue with the advent of orthodox religion and morality. Raising children communally. The child isn’t just raised by the mother and father, but by the entire village. It helps to socialize children and get them used to interacting with lots of people. Whereas modern society is isolating and young people don’t have as many social bonds, which leads to mental illness and socialization problems. Respect for the Elderly. Modern society tends to discount the elderly as feeble. In our modern culture we can go to google or some Harvard Phd and get information in books, or from other humans who lived 1000s of years ago. You don't have that in a pre-literate society, so literally it's the most experienced person who's still alive. At Stage Purple, there’s a lot of value placed upon the elderly. There tends to be naturally emerging leaders based on seniority and experience. There's a council of elders who are well respected and they serve the tribe selflessly. They coordinate things, but not in an autocratic way. Leaders emerge from seniority. It's not dictatorial or a bunch of power hungry monarchs, like a Stage Red mafia boss. A Chief instead of politicians. So the chieftain tends to be old, very experienced, has survived many battles, went on many hunts and has a lot of wisdom. When you can’t write down knowledge in a book, you can see how valuable life experience is. The chieftain is not a dictator. He's there to selflessly serve the tribe and pass on wisdom. He's not in it for personal gain. The chief is going to be on a close emotionally bonded basis with everyone he's dealing with. Unlike a corporation or mafia boss, he’s not trying to leech wealth from everyone underneath him. Stage Purple Resource Gathering/“Economy” Stage Purple is basically small-scale communism. It's pre-industrial, hunter-gatherer and usually pre-agricultural, although it’s capable of being agricultural on a small scale. (Generally as humans became highly agricultural they settled down and moved to stage Red and Blue.) There’s no formal legal system, court system, laws, military, taxation, or formal market. So, it’s the dinosaur of governments. The chief or elders usually distribute goods based on the needs of the people. It’s not about climbing a corporate ladder and becoming the richest and most powerful. Sharing of resources. There's a strong emphasis on the value of reciprocity, sharing and cooperative interdependence. Resources are distributed based on need. The tribe shares its resources, food and property to maximize tribe efficiency. Sharing is a necessity for survival in a harsh environment. This creates a natural insurance policy. If I can’t find fish today, maybe you’ll share some of your surplus with me, then I’ll cook dinner for you next week. There’s no sense of profit motive. Communal or Tribe property. There’s so much collaboration and cooperation that property is communal, not private. There's no strong sense of individual property rights. You could own your own house, but it’s also the entire village's house. Social bonds > Business & Profits There's not much to do in a Purple society other than social bonding. So that's the most valuable thing, moreso than wealth acquisition or collecting material objects. Purple isn’t very materially productive. That's not something they prioritize. Life isn’t about how much money you can earn or working 14 hours a day to get ahead, to buy stuff you can’t afford to impress people you don’t like. They’re not buying the latest technology or cool gadget or a new purse, like Stage Orange. Being on “Island Time.” Business schedules aren’t as important as social bonds, which is annoying for people with stage Orange goals. When Westerners do business in a Purple culture, like India, Jamaica, even rural Nova Scotia, stuff probably won’t get done on time, or quickly compared to an Orange culture like New York. Purple will prioritize a community celebration, or their niece’s wedding, or public holidays. (Chinese culture doesn't do that) Nepotism is also rampant, because Purple is so family oriented and social bonds are more important than profit. Blood bonds trump competence. Tribal warfare. Us vs Them. Stage Purple is so deeply tribal that there's an intense in-group/out-group dynamic, which leads to tribal warfare, blood feuds, racial violence and potentially ethnic cleansing. This is where Purple starts to phase into Stage Red. eg: Genghis Khan went from a stage Purple upbringing to being a stage Red warlord. Genghis Khan (6 mins). A Purple tribe can’t stay little forever. They will grow, take up more resources and more of the environment. Soon more tribes pop up and will start to interact. That’s when you get tribal conflict. There's a very deep social and emotional bond within a tribe, but when another tribe comes along they're seen as foreigners. Especially because each tribe is so beholden to its own traditions; they’re each very very inflexible. Each tribe is close-minded and traditional, so they clash with each other. They can't see the relativity of each other traditions that comes much further up the spiral. The other tribes are threatening. They have different traditions, values, culture, ancestry, appearance, etc. How do you make the tribes cooperate? This creates a very serious problem which ultimately leads to the necessity of higher stages of the spiral. Examples of Stage Purple -There's a lot of profound, effective and practical wisdom to be found within these Purple mystical spiritual traditions. It’s not all fairy tales and magical thinking. -People think non-duality is a modern, advanced thing, so it's amazing to see our ancestors from thousands of years ago already had it figured out (like with Aztec philosophy and Teotl.) -There’s tons of examples, here’s just a sampling. Tribes in… Sentinel Island: The Sentinelese Tribe - Untouched For 60,000 Years. Amazon: Korubo tribe. Documentary about the Huaoaranis tribe. Tribe that inspired Avatar. African tribes: Zulu, Bwiti, Surma, Hadza. The movie Black Panther drew inspiration from Stage Purple tribes. Black women leaving Christianity for traditions from their homeland Indonesia: Korowai tribe. Top 7 Indonesian tribes. Papua New Guinea: Chimbu Skeleton Tribe. Native American tribes: The Comanches. Lakota. The Apache. The Middle East: Afghanistan’s Koochi Tribes. Saudi Arabia. Iraq. Syria. Uzbekistan. Bedouin tribes in Oman. Russia: Chukchi people in Chukotka. Altai people. South East Asia: Bajau Laut tribe. India: Jawawa tribe. Jarawa's message for the world (10 mins) Siberia: Nenetses clan. Becoming a man in Siberia. Australia: Aborigines documentary (50 min). The Purple prototype. New Zealand: Maori. Maori Warriors. Cannibal tribes. Korowai tribe in West Papau, Indonesia. CNN reporter almost gets eaten by an Aghori. Although that often gets exaggerated because of Western stereotypes. Hawaiian culture Various Hawaiian ceremonies: Kahunas, luaus, leis, ceremonial food, cookouts. Aquaman does a Haka. Indian culture and spirituality is very tribalistic. India has 100s of tribes, each with their own language. Being so fragmented has created a barrier for business and modernization. It’s tough to pick a primary language for the country when each tribe wants their own language to be the dominant one. Lots of strange arcane spiritual traditions, based on herbal medicine, psychedelics, witchcraft, black magic in places like Mayong, Assam. Ayurveda. The Healthy Gamer channel covers this subject a lot. (It’s a great channel.) East Asian cultures: Tibetan spirituality. Nepal’s Kumari, the Living (child) Goddess. Japan’s Shinto religion. It’s separate and distinct from Buddhism. Very ritualistic, worships Kami who’s the disembodied life spirit that pervades everything, rather than a monotheistic God. Similar to the force in Star Wars. What is Shinto? The Maneki Neko. A golden cat with the paw that moves back and forth. A good luck charm. ლ(=ↀωↀ=)ლ Fortune cookies. A superstitious holdover from Purple. Something can be Purple and still have a recent origin. A lot of Purple stuff gets discovered and reinvented. Acupuncture. Chi energy. Teotl and Nawa notions of spirituality Very profound, effective and practical wisdom. Turns out non-duality’s been figured out for thousands of years. (ep: Aztec Nonduality). Cultural Practices The "Circle of Life" ? from The Lion King. The sacred Tree of Life. The gift economy and sharing of resources is a Purple idea. Used at Burning Man and various burns around the world. Old spiritual texts and scriptures. Ancient mythologies. Sun worship. Animal gods and spirits. Animals have a spirit and life force of their own, which is pagan and sort of anti-Christianity. Stage Blue treats animals as just personal property, which is not the case at Stage Purple. Ceremonies Tattoos that the Maori of New Zealand paint on. If you take magic mushrooms and look in the mirror, you can see those patterns on your face and body. The Day of the Dead Shrines. Ancient burial grounds. Burial rituals. Stonehenge. There are lots of different stone circles around the world. Art & Music The Paleolithic cave paintings like you see at Lascaux, France and other places in Spain and elsewhere in Europe. Folk tales and fairy tales. Chanting in drum music. Drum circles. Traditional songs and dances. Sweat lodges. Vision quests. Tribal tattoos. Face paint. Masks. Symbolic costumes and ceremonial dress. Jewelry. Totem poles. Sacred objects. Family relics. Superstitions Knocking on wood. The lucky rabbit's foot. Black cats. Prayer altars. The Evil Eye. Urban legends. Astrology. Secret handshakes. Magick -Leo tried various alternative healing modalities (alternative health stuff starts at 30min) to diagnose and treat what turned out to be SIBO. Very interesting ?. Crystals and gems. Teal Swan on Crystals. Witchcraft. Romanian witches. Modern Witch in Brooklyn. Wicca. Modern day Wicca. Gerald Gardner. Protection Magick. Protection from other people. Banishing spells. Shamanism. Neo-shamanism. Paganism. Voodoo. Modern day Voodoo. Voodoo and possession. Haitian Vodou at the Haus of Hoodoo . Voodoo Museum in New Orleans. Curses and hexes. Casting curses on politicians. Magical healers. Summoning healing spirits in Haiti. Sage cleansing in Native American tribes. Lovespells. Warnings about Love Spells. Wiccan. Voodoo. In modern Salem. Witches in modern day Massachusetts! ? War and Tribal Conquest The Haka. Originally used to rev up tribesmen before war. It’s is used today for cultural performances and revving up testosterone in sports. Maori All Blacks Haka. “Cheerleading” at an all-boys prep school. Try doing this before a work out! Animal sacrifice. Human sacrifice. Blood oaths. Cannibalism. Eating one's enemies. It's a trope where you defeat your enemy, cut out his heart and eat it while it’s still beating. Suicide bombing. This happens in very underdeveloped parts of the Middle East that are very tribal, very clannish. The culture, the value system there is that you sacrifice for your tribe. So if your tribe is getting exterminated you will gladly strap a bomb to your chest in the defense of your tribe. Suicide bombing is a hijacking of that stage Purple “sacrifice for the tribe” value system. It combines with toxic stage Red and gets weaponized. It seems irrational to Westerners, but not if you look at it using spiral dynamics. Kamikaze pilots in World War II is a similar thing. It’s a very self-sacrificing force that was part of Japanese culture. Psychedelics & Plant Medicines Herbal medicines. Ayahuasca mushrooms + peyote combo. Amino muscaria mushrooms. Ayahuasca ceremonies. Peyote ceremonies. Mexican shamans used Salvia divinorum for divining purposes in witchcraft. Magic mushrooms and datura are used in ceremonies. Boiti African tribes use iboga for ceremonies. Rites of Passage South Korean coming of age rituals. Fulani tribe in Benin (trigger warning ?). -Boys becoming Men 5 Shocking Ceremonies (trigger warning ?). Navajo ceremony. Bar mitzvahs. Boiti tribe use amanita muscaria mushrooms for this rite of passage. -Girls becoming Women 5 Shocking Ceremonies (? trigger warning ?). In the Apache tribe. Apache endurance test. Navajo ceremony. Hoopa Valley tribe in Northern California. Teeth filing in Indonesia. Amazonian tribe in Belem. Bat Mitzvahs. Debutante balls (last 60s NSFW). -Elaborate mating and marriage ceremonies Click here to watch Leo describe a sex act no one would enjoy, not even with the most beautiful person in the world ?❤️‍??. Bosniak Bridal tradition in Kosovo. Dowries. Fertility goddesses. Purple in Modern Culture There’s tons of examples, here’s just a few. The whole idea of the “noble savage.” Missionaries going to tribes to spread Christianity. The missionaries are stage Blue going to Purple tribes to “convert the heathens.” In modern society, Stage Purple lessons start getting integrated in kindergarten, when you’re thrown into a group of other kids. You learn how to share and play with others. High school is all about playing political games of who's the coolest kid in school. There are all these different tribes of kids based on where they sit in the cafeteria. Small company work environments, like a startup or team of 10 people. It's a modern invention, but has a tribal, communal stage Purple dynamic. Like an extended family. Books: Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements.” Ancient Mexican Toltec wisdom. Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist.” Joseph Campbell’s “The Hero with a Thousand Faces” covers Purple mythology. Carlos Castaneda’s books, especially “Don Juan.” Carlos Castaneda books arose after the 1960s psychedelic revolution. Amazing books filled with lots of ancient, tribal wisdom. Don Juan has a very animistic worldview. He’s reading signs into a crow flying over his head. He’s attributing mystical things to that crow, and it’s because he’s from Stage Purple. He’s both naive and wise, like a Purple shaman. Movies & TV: James Cameron's “Avatar.” The Navi, those Blue cat looking creatures are a ripoff of the Native Americans. ”The Medicine Man” with Sean Connery. "Dances with Wolves." Miyazaki films are heavily influenced by Shinto and spiritual animism. Is Miyazaki Inspired By Shinto? (13 mins). “Spirited Away" is a must watch, awesome film. Many Disney films and songs. Mulan’s ”Honor to Us All.” Pocahontas’ "Colors of the Wind." Moana. Tarzan’s ”You'll Be In My Heart”. Belle's "Provincial Life" ?. Games: Patapon is a rhythm game about controlling a little group of tribal guys who go to war against other tribes and defeat creatures. (Very cute and catchy.) Turok the Dinosaur Hunter. The treasure hunting elements in Tombraider and the Uncharted series (for us non-boomers ?) Legend of Zelda. It’s set in an animistic, mystical world, with influences from the Shinto religion. It has shrines, various water and fire spirits. The world has a magical, mysterious vibe with artifacts and different races of half-animal, half-humans. Ghosts of Tsushima has a strong Shinto element in the game. (It’s also very beautiful and fun to play.) Horizon Zero Dawn. Also a fun game to play, and beautiful. (Tripcaster is OP.) Stage Green Incorporating Stage Purple Stage Green tries to integrate our Purple ancestors’ tribal wisdom, harmony with nature, sharing of resources and a communal way of living. eg: The hippie “Envision” Festival in Costa Rica. Stage Green with a lot of Purple influence. Modern hippie stuff is heavily stage Purple. Same with Burning Man. Stage Green is also reacting against the materialism of stage Orange. It looks back fondly on the sharing of resources and the gift economy. There’s been a reevaluation of psychedelics, plant medicines, organic farming, sustainable agriculture, the value of shamanism and mysticism. It overly romanticizes Purple. Purple doesn’t scale with billions of people and modern technology, like nuclear weapons, tanks, airplanes, internet. It also can’t account for the environmental impact of a Stage Blue/Orange/Green and society. Slogans/Phrases/quotes Ubuntu is Zulu for “I am because we are” or “A person is a person through other persons.” All for one, one for all. Don't say it or it might come true There’s no place like home. We are all part of Mother Nature Blood is thicker than water. You'll jinx us. This is how we do things around here. Honor the ancestors. That will upset the spirits. What Triggers Stage Purple (1:34:42) Disrespecting tradition, elders, ancestor and spirits. Life is so fragile at stage Purple that disregarding “common sense” could get the tribe killed. Lack of bonding and lack of reciprocity. Not being a team player. Libertarianism. Trying to do your own thing. It’s considered selfish and rude and puts the tribe in jeopardy. Arrogance, greed, ambition, selfishness. Like a Wall Street trader trying to bribe a shaman at an Ayahuasca retreat for a better room. The shaman will be disgusted because he seeks wisdom, not money. Other tribes/cultures. Threatening and confusing. A danger to the tribe. Domination, exploitation, dehumanizing work schedules. The desire for materialism and productivity. It breaks social bonds which is a much bigger priority in the tribe. Innovation and progress. The tribe wants to keep things traditional, the way the ancestors have always done them, even at the expense of progress. A shaman would never try 5MeO-DMT for example. This is the downfall of Purple, the inability to adapt, especially since Orange is all about science, technology and evolution. Downsides and Unhealthy Aspects of Stage Purple 1) Tribalism. Probably the biggest downside. When people are deeply tribal this devolves into tribal warfare, blood feuds, ethnic cleansing and genocide in the worst case scenarios. 2) Extremely isolated and fearful of outsiders. 3) Narrow worldview. 4) Inability to adapt to modern society. The nature of life is constant evolution. You can't put technology back in the bottle.[/b] You have to work with the new technology that is available and integrate multiple cultures into your own. The globe is one interconnected system. A lot of old traditions and customs aren’t going to withstand the industrialized modern Western technological machine that is society. Stage Purple needs to let go of those old, outdated ways of living if they want to integrate with modern society. 5) Overly traditional and conservative. 6) Overly superstitious. Too much magical thinking versus rational thinking. There’s value to mysticism, but there's also value to being rational, practical and material at times. Sometimes you need to have simple rational plans and goals and be pragmatic. 7) Fearful of natural phenomenon. It can overly mystify natural phenomenon and treat it as though it’s not understandable through science. 8) Too slow to adapt technology. It can resist or reject technology, even when it’s more effective, which is a shame. eg: Psychedelics and the spiritual community. Modern chemical synthetic psychedelics are a new technology, invented in the last 60 or 70 years. They’re also more effective than yoga, meditation or even Ayahuasca in the jungle. They can get someone decades of results in 15mins. Part of the spiritual community says it’s “not real” or invalid to use for healing trauma, or personal development because it’s based on a drug. It’s a rejection of new technology. They’re not thinking about the potential that this technology can can offer us because it’s not the traditional way of doing things. 9) Doesn’t integrate information from outsiders. eg: Yoga. Strict yogis have a particular yogic system. (Yoga comes from Stage Purple.) Originally there were hundreds of different yoga systems, all with their own dogmas and rituals. Each one says it’s the best and only correct method of doing yoga. This can't possibly be true, because there's lots of yogis who've used lots of these different systems to become awake. None of them are communicating with each other and combining the best of each tradition to create a super-souped up version of yoga, like Bruce Lee’s Wing Chun. (Bruce Lee learned every fighting style, combined the best parts and created Wing Chun. It’s where the saying “absorb what is useful, discard what is not, add what is uniquely your own” comes from. Stage Purple doesn’t do this.) 10) Isn’t really “environmentally conscious.” If they were we’d see this awareness in Red, Blue and Orange, but we don’t. Their carbon footprint is too small for them to be polluters. They don’t have to deal with cars, or power plants, dumping toxic chemicals in the water or modern technology. True environmental consciousness only evolves at a high level of Stage Green. 11) Only works at small scales, in tribes. Not with millions of people, like in a city. Breaks down. Doesn’t scale. 12) Not innovative enough. Not creative, adaptable or progressive enough. It can’t work in the modern world. That's why Purple is dying off. It also has a lot of valuable wisdom that needs to be mined before it dies off. Stage Purple Wisdom for Incels Incels struggle to get laid simply because they don't know how to socialize. It's not that women don't want to sleep with you. It's not that you're not hot looking enough. It's not that you don't have a square enough jaw, a small dick or other incel excuses. The fundamental problem is that incels are so alienated. They spend so much time playing video games, watching anime, reading toxic incel forums, masturbating about how women don't like them, that they don't spend any time socializing with women face to face. If you want to get laid you need to start socializing. Many of these these incels didn't learn how to socialize properly when they were younger. Now they suffer from that. If you grew up in a proper healthy Stage Purple culture you would have learned these things by the time you were a teen and your life would be a lot more fulfilling. You'd be a lot less suicidal and you'd be a lot less depressed. Connecting with intuition and emotions. Incels are so “logical,” everything is about science and facts over feelings, this is nonsense. Actually, the quality of your life is much more contingent upon the quality of your emotions, and your intuition rather than your logic. Talking to and attracting girls requires being much more emotional and intuitive rather than logical and stuck in your head. The value of living in harmony with nature. For incels who keep writing troll comments about women and how they're depressed and want to kill themselves, when was the last time you were out in nature? Hiked in the forest while listening to the birds, basking at the sun, looking at the stars, without all the light pollution of the city? Probably not in years. You would feel a lot better about yourself if you did that. It’d be even better if you did that with some friends, as part of a group. So try camping with your friends instead of playing an MMO. Top Lessons from Stage Purple (1:49:50) -We live in a Blue/Orange/Green culture, so you probably have gaps in the lower stages like Purple, Red, Blue. Stuff you haven’t fully integrated, lack experience with or that you've turned into a shadow. 1) Be grateful for modern technology and creature comforts. Appreciate how much we take survival for granted in the modern world. eg: Primitive skills video. 2) Building intimate social bonds. Learning how to socialize. Being comfortable with socialization. Socialization is fulfilling. It helps you get friends, romantic partners, a spouse. A lot of people struggle with socializing today, partly because of the internet. We’re alienated. We didn't get properly socialized for whatever reason. That leads to social anxiety, bullying or being bullied and having an axe to grind. 3) Humans are a deeply communal species. Stage Orange Libertarian types think they are rugged individualists, that they can live life all by themselves. That mankind is supposed to live like a lone wolf. Well, those people haven’t learned the lessons of Stage Purple. They have to go back and learn that. If you're a Libertarian, start to appreciate what it really means to be human. You’re part of a larger global phenomenon that's happening. A larger society and community. To be part of a community means making sacrifices. It’s not all about you and what you need. It’s also about what you're willing to contribute to society. What kind of sacrifices are you willing to make. Then you wouldn't have these silly views of taxation being theft. Taxation is necessary to build everything you like about a developed democracy. That’s a much healthier point of view to have. 4) Caring for the entire community. Treating the entire human species as a family rather than treating other humans as strangers, aliens or illegals. Treating other races as equal instead of inferior, with lower IQs and all that nonsense in the alt-right. Start to see that we're all in the same boat. We're all part of Earth, the greater spirit of Gaia. All our actions collectively add up to what our community is doing. What we should be doing is building a global, multi-racial, multi-ethnic community. Imagine if you treated every race, every gender, every sexual orientation, every social class, as though they were members of your own family. If you embraced them with love and kindness instead of scapegoating and demonizing them. Imagine trying to distribute resources fairly, amongst everyone. Wouldn't that be something? 5) There’s more to life than individual profit. Many of us are lost in the trap of materialism and chasing profit at the expense of everything else. The quality of your life is determined by your social bonds and emotions, much more than the material objects your chase. 6) The value of living in harmony with nature and living more organically. There’s a spiritual quality to just being out in nature, which a lot of us are disconnected from, especially if you live in a big city. Try going out in nature more, communing with Mother Earth, so to speak. Go for hikes, go to the desert, the mountains, the forest, the jungle. Soak in the beauty, the fresh air. Make it a walking meditation. 7) Connecting with Intuition and Emotions Connect to your emotions and intuition, not just your logic. Live from your body and your heart, not just your head. Psychedelics can help open up your heart and get in touch with your body and out of your head. clip: Life Revolves Around Love, Not Logic or Science (6 mins). clip: Passion Is Not A Luxury (3 mins). 8) Psychedelics. We can turn them into modern technologies for deep healing and personal development. 9) The importance of spirituality, mysticism and psychic powers. This isn’t just wishful, magical thinking or the placebo effect. There's something very profound in spirituality and mysticism. Psychic powers are real and you can develop them to various degrees. Start taking that seriously as a possibility. 10) Simplifying life. Being rather than doing. Slowing down your life. Declutter and minimize. “Does this spark joy?” Getting rid of all unnecessary distractions. Spending less time online. Spending more time spiritually connected to nature and people. Start appreciating nature and you’ll see the quality of your life improve, especially if you move away from chasing material pleasures and being stuck in survival mode. Get into Being mode 11) Listening to the wisdom of your elders. Learn the wisdom of ancient traditions. Listen to the elders of your community, seek out their wisdom. Implement it in your life. Ancient traditions aren’t just silly superstition. There can be deep wisdom there. 12) A natural wholesome organic diet. Start eating veggies and organic, grass fed beef and you'll feel much better and live better. The whole organic foods movement gets criticized as elitist, but it’s also healthier. Our Stage Purple ancestors lived on organic food and they didn't have much cancer, heart disease, depression, AHDH, acne, eczema, erectile dysfunction, autoimmune disorders, and so forth. A lot of modern diseases comes from the toxic diets we’re eating. Transcending and Integrating Stage Purple -You’ve already transcended it. For sake of comprehensiveness, to transcend Purple you’ll have to develop a sense of personal ambition which will lead you to Stage Red. You can’t skip Red and go to Blue. -Stage Purple is not good or bad. No stage is “good” or “bad,” not even Red . -Question tradition. Let go of tradition. Question your ancestors. -Expose yourself to many different cultures and tribes. Travel and open your mind to the world, to new experiences. Broaden your horizons. -Let go of magical thinking and start to think more rationally, more strategically and more scientifically. Study some Western philosophy -There’s a lot of spiritual wisdom that you can find within Purple cultures. -Although it’s fairly primitive by today's standards, but there's also a lot of amazing stuff worth studying and reading about. Great documentaries too, even for free on youtube. Wrap Up -Most of Actualized.org’s viewers are roughly Orange/Green. At that stage it’s easy to take the lower stages for granted, so don’t forget to integrate them (Purple, Red, Blue.) Also try to avoid all the toxic elements of these stages. (Healthy) Stage Purple: Connection to nature. Community and a communal mindset. Socializing effortlessly and naturally. (Healthy) Stage Red: Assertiveness. Courage. Personal Ambition. (Healthy) Stage Blue: Self-discipline. Work ethic. -You need to spend a good five to ten years building a solid foundation for yourself with Stages Purple, Red, Blue and Orange. -You need a strong foundation where your survival and material needs are met in an effective, healthy way. Then, when you’re solid with that, you can start to work on enlightenment, awakening and advanced metaphysical subjects.

I couldn't care less about compassion. I just need to know the truth, and I need my desires fulfilled. I need the sweet hot love whether I HAVE TO move to Singapore or I can get it in Europe (latter is preferred) I need the truth. Not knowing the truth or finding out that there is in fact no hope is enough for suicide = ultimate peace too. Or finding a solution is ultimate peace also, getting the hot love and sex I want. Fuck compassion.

For some time, I've been in depression, and more recently in my life this past year or so and a bit a haze of dissociation. I'm very much unable to recall the past much or use my memory much, due to repressed feeling or however you phrase it generally. My sense of time, continuity in identity, memory, reality of the world, are in a haze and not in a good way. It hit me today for the first time in a while, that I am disconnected from emotion and feeling. I've been so disconnected from feeling that I forgot I even was disconnected. I've been barely able to or unable to cry anymore for example. But in this moment I am able to Your current emotional state, it colours your memory, awareness and knowledge. For whatever reason or in whatever way, my emotional state meant that I quite literally forgot or have no frame of reference for another state, even if they did happen in the past. I LITERALLY FORGOT that I was in this state, literally forgot what it is like to be or feel differently. Read those words and that sentence seriously, because they are very heavy and 100% literal. I can hardly believe I've only been in this extremely bad state for probably only 1-2 years, it honestly feels like forever. But I visited my old student accommodation recently, listened to old pieces of music on my playlist, and by luck/grace I saw a glimpse of my emotion again. My grasp over memory, time, continuity of identity and perception in this state of mine is so hazy that I really couldn't tell you how long exactly I've been in what place or state. The first thing that's came up for me was sadness, tiny amount of tears, but it felt good. That's when I remembered words I heard before, or a pattern I had seen before. I remember David R Hawkins saying once that the step above apathy was grief. Grief as in regret and sadness over what you have lost, sadness over realising the cost of what you have lost out on. Below that level, you're not even conscious of what you're missing out on, you're not even aware. And that description, it perfectly makes sense to me now and I randomly remembered. I feel as though I've just seen a tiny drop of my grief, not even an atom's worth, not even scratching the surface. And this glimpse, its but a glimpse which is already fading and doesn't hold power over my current state. Even though it's a tiny glimpse, perhaps that small ray of self-awareness can wake me up again somewhat. -- I'm not sure how much of my dissociated state is due to one of my high school best friends committing suicide almost a year ago now. Before he even committed suicide, I was already disconnected and dissociated from my past and from my high school years. And that was perhaps the cherry on the cake. I don't know why it happened, it came out the blue, and I had seen no reason to suspect such a thing would happen. I think what happened was that I felt guilty and panicked when the bad news came as well. I was/am disconnected from my past, so I felt even more unprepared emotionally or conceptually for it. I could hardly feel sad when the news came. The sadness came bursting forth around one of the days it happened. But after that I can't really remember, and the disconnection remains. NB: Okay I just remembered, my dissociations issues have been going on for at least 2-3 years in some form at least. But even when I go back that far, the issues weren't that bad, and I felt emotion more. When it comes to this scale of consciousness...Seems I'm dealing with stuff at the level of apathy and even further below. All in all, I'm grateful for this single ray of light I've seen, even if small

Do you play video games? Those adventure rpg type games like The witcher or zelda etc. If you're like me and enjoy them probably is because there's a certain degree of difficulty in them and i bet you don't like playing the easiest mode when you kill 10 enemies with a swing and the final boss within 10 hours. I bet if you're good you try to finish them at least with normal or even hard difficulty because the challenge holds itself the reward. When I finished a game (hollow knight) i almost cried at the end that's how difficult it was and i felt so good for at least the next 3 to 4 days. What does and RPG has to do with you you say? Well of course you don't like having a final steel sword with 999999 damage at level one i think so you make the most of your rusty sword... well you're the rusty sword, and one that can't be upgraded let me say since its your height. If you had a genie to express a wish to be 190cm can you visualize how you life would be different? I can tell in the beginning you would feel great but later as months go by probably you you would engage in more numbers with low quality woman and would look for more and here's the catch. You will look at other couples and envy the guys with those good quality women and will find that probably you lack humor, leadership, confidence or even a genuine good heart so after a while you will feel the same. Good quality women value personality and charisma which you lack of course because you can't blame your height for your success. I live in europe too and had kinda mild success but i can't blame my height, status, income or cars, i blame only myself for not being able to talk too as many girls as i would have liked in the past and now. First rule of personal development is to take 100% responsibility for your situation. At the point you're now no one will want to date you but that's not you height that's your spirit. I think you should be going outside more and stop reading shit on the internet that power you down... try that at least for a week. If you feel better and try not to focus on yourself and getting better every day try to implement some RSD materials form Max. He's 172 cm from Austria where i bet the avarage there is probably like 175 to 180 for males. If you see his videos and look how girls respond to him you'll find there's nothing height or appearance related. Of course it goes deeper than that you have to resolve a lot of issues but that's a start. I think that you know well that height isn't a problem like some crooked teeth arent a problem or to be a fuckin billiard ball shaved head like Leo isn't a problem BUT and a huge but you're afraid and lazy to do the work... Talking bout suicide that's even stupider. let's say you believe in reincarnations. you will keep killing yourself until you are born like brad pit or george clooney? come on man. Don't worry about death because it will come in 20 30 40 years or even tomorrow. just live your life peacefully because even if you mess up big time unless you're hitler or some controversial political figure or artist no one will know you even existed (not even your grand grand childrens) in 100 150 years. there's no pressure.

Heard Leo say in the past that his ex was constantly threatening suicide as a way to get compassion. He might be reacting that way because of this.

Knowing how Soonhei/Sunny committed suicide for no apparent reason other than a belief, I'm gobsmacked that this was the reaction given, this is a few months after that suicide. Are people still wondering that suicides don't happen over petty things. Sometimes what appears to be a petty reason to kill oneself is usually the last straw in a long saga of sob stories piling up and there are deeper underlying festering issues that are responsible for the suicide yet people often cite petty things because they themselves aren't very aware of the underlying causes. Please be fair and empathetic in your assessment rather than being judgemental in the name of tough love.

The point is that Leo (as an influencer) is really unwise to just say a one-word “lol” at someone’s post about suicidal ideation. And he did change his post shortly afterwards because he probably realized the same thing. Really, anybody would be unwise to do that... but especially someone with influence. Also, you don’t know this person and what they’re going through. For all you know, the person has attempted suicide before. People commit suicide ALL the time. So, don’t be so sure that a person won’t actually do it.

@fopylo Although, doing the work needed, going deeper, is also what eventually gets you out. As long as there's this fundamental understanding that the work must goes on, and not being discouraged by the obstacles thrown onto your path. The risk is in getting lost, and giving up, before pushing through onto the other side. I speak hypothetically, since I didn't really get stuck, my experience progressively worsened as I freed myself from the limitations I was conscious of, until disowned and unconscious shadows remained, and to such a point that the solution presented itself, via desperate action from my part, and the right response from someone who did not know me. I do believe that happened by design, an unfolding of events in a certain way, and when the time is right for it. I've never experienced suicidal thoughts, although I have actively categorized suicide as not an option, and that thought certainly came from somewhere.

I met another guy as well who was very emotional and open and vulnerable with me on date 1.Told me about his suicide story and stuff. I felt close and pity for him, but he was not a narc, just another depressed and deeply traumatised dude. And when I wanted to get close as in build a real relationship, he distanced himself from me, so he couldn't connect with me on an emotional level and develop healthy intimacy. And I spotted it rather quickly and ended it. We remained friends. Guys who are emotionally unavailable or traumatised and need healing, they are quite easy to spot actually. How? - they don't deepen emotional bond/connection. They can tell u sob stories about suicide and other stuff but when it comes to actual relating and vulnerability, they simply cannot go there cause they feel super scared to show themselves - cause of the belief they r ugly inside and not lovable. So they distance themselves from any real emotional intimacy and that for me is a huge red flag and I gtfo of there. - they don't empathise with you and your emotions. You just don't feel inderstood, accepted or free to express yourself next to them. You have to keep up appearances with them. And it always feels like sex in a condom, you have sex, but its like in a vacuum, like there is no closeness. That's an indication of lack of empathy. - and you feel neglect big time. Like u don't exist until u meet or text. Other times u feel like u don't exist in his world at all. If u feel neglect, run... My two cents for you girls to understand these dynamics better. But the only truly sustainable way out or solution to this is not to close up and reject everybody, but to develop high levels of attunement to others, which is ONLY possible when u have a high level of attunement to yourself and your emotions first and foremost. Good luck!

@Khr I actually dated a narc for like 3 months and gtfo of there on my own How I spotted he was a covert narc? Easy. He didn't have any empathy. Thry can tell all the sad stories and stuff but that's not emotions and being truly vulnerable or open. It's something else entirely. He was telling all the sad stories and I could feel on a almost surreal emotional level huge levels of neglect from him - narcs are normally born growing up in neglectful and unhealthy emotionally distant families. Main key to spotting a narc - is not feeling emotional empathy from him. And to differentiate sad stories from feeling lack of empathy, u need to be yourself very empathetic and emotionally expressive person. The fact that u cannot differentiate the two, tells me that you are struggling with empathy to yourself and others and taking sad stories for an actual expression of vulnerability and emotions, when it's not and is SUPER different. When I expected empathy and didn't get it, I realised I am dealing with a highly traumatised individual. I didn't know at that time he was a narc. When I got out and ended the relationship and then was so confused as to what was THAT? My male friend who grew up with a narcissistic father told me to look up covert narcissist description and signs and he matched like 90%. Doctor Ramani has a good YouTube channel on narcissists and narcissism. You just need to watch a few of her educational videos and u will be set to identify them easily. Again, I repeat, don't try to fix other people or find faults with other people, you won't be able to control them, but you are capable to control and educate yourself and improve your emotional availability and empathy, which is a better strategy longer term than simply avoiding life and rejecting ALL emotional guys. This way you won't fix anything and problem will always be there. Best approach is to work on yourself to be able to feel better, to be more empathetic, to allow and accept your own emotions and live them, rather than reject them. Cause if u reject others emotions, u first and foremost reject your own emotions and that will eventually lead to deep depression and suicide, cause doing that for long will only convince u that u live in a world full of manipulative guys and there is no hope. Careful here. This might backfire big time in a long term!

Dear, I am sorry you feel so bad about your height that u r thinking about the suicide ???? But I will be honest with you. I live in Asia, in Singapore specially. And here average height of a guy is 170cm. If you are 175cm,u r already considered tall. Girls here are rarely taller than 165cm. So when i am in Europe or USA, local girls there seem gigantic to me. I am 162cm myself. Quite petite in height and body structure. So for me when I meet tall girls anywhere, I feel like they r elephants to be honest and how guys can be attracted to them being so tall and bulky? But some guys do, especially when on average height in european guys is 180cm and above. Now I have a few quite tall GFs in Singapore, and they really struggle here to get just sex, not even a BF. Cause for majority of guys here they r gigantic simply. One way to solve this problem is to move to a country where your height is normal. I saw foreign guys 175cm height dating absolutely stunning local asian girls that I don't think they would be able to get if they were in Europe somewhere. Yes. Girls prefer taller guys. It's some kind of biology or something. For example for me personally, even that i am 162cm tall, I just don't feel feminine enough next to a shorter guy. I feel more like he is my buddy or a boy rather than a man. I am sorry bit its just how I feel. But I agree with Emerald here that for some shorter girls, maybe 150-160cm height, if a guy is 175cm, is already quite tall for them. So they r feeling good next to a guy. Conclusion. U need to work on your self esteem first and foremost and then seek girls that a shorter than you and for whom your height will be perfect. Just imagine a 150cm girl with 190cm dude, too big of a difference ???? will need to jump to kiss him ???

Culadasa has a pretty weird definition of suffering. Constantly waking up, not being able to get any deep sleep due to problems with breathing, feeling panic, discomfort to the point of contemplating suicide is obviously suffering in most people's definition, but not for Culadasa. Be aware that people might mean a different thing than you when they say suffering

If you're already considering suicide, why not save up money for a surgery to make yourself taller? You will probably fuck up your legs, but hey you will be taller. Let's see then if that will really help you with getting more girls. What you'll realize is that it's all in the mind. I know guys shorter than you who don't have trouble hooking up

This kind of rhetoric is so incredibly toxic, I'm blown away when I see things like this especially coming from a "self-actualized" person. This guy is considering suicide, yet there is a complete lack of empathy, there is mockery which is even worse. I like Leo and I obtained great value from his videos, but honestly he has a toxic side. Some of his posts and also his attitude in some videos had a negative influence on me.

Don’t just lol him. He’s considering suicide. Obviously you’re loling him because you know that he can be successful. But that’s not how a suicidal person will interpret that.

I think suicide is really a bad idea here. Suicide should be considered only if your body/consciousness has been really broken permanently which made you really dysfonctional and makes your life miserable for ever which does not seem to be your case. You say you take care of your body which is good. Face the challenges of your life with courage. Don’t forget the exponential nature of things which means that you have to put a lot of effort and not getting any result for a long time before you start getting the benefits of your work. be patient focus on what you love keep working jerk off enjoy