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@BipolarGrowth Thanks so much for sharing this! Was really helpful to read. I skimmed chapters A&P through Conformity, and I sense that the stage I'm at is Equanimity, though I would need to read the book in more detail to know for sure. That said, the bliss/rapture/ecstasy states in A&P certainly have a lot of overlap with my psychedelic experiences. I pretty consistently have ego death experiences these days, even on relatively small doses, and often dissolve into what I can only describe as Infinite Mind where insights about Truth create a cosmic orgasm-like experience. Except it's not happening to Tucker and to a physical body (as those no longer exist in these states), it's just this abstract bliss that feels like God endlessly ejaculating (in a cosmic not physical sense lol). This last for hours until Consciousness slowly recreates a physical body and ego mind in which I as Tucker come back into form. Often the bliss remains for hours after I'm back in my body, and intense surges of energy course through my body as if Spirit is dancing me. Everything is in perfect harmony and flow, even my ego thoughts which can be witnessed and unconditionally loved. I mention all this to say that I suspect the "Dark Night" feelings are from going from Nonduality to Duality again, and from experiencing Bliss to Equanimity again. Put more bluntly, going from God to Tucker is a bit of a letdown hahaha, although within a day usually a sense of Equanimity returns. Perhaps this is the "Dark Night of Equanimity" that the writer briefly alludes to. My sense is that all these maps and models for meditation and awakening need to be researched and reevaluated through the lensing of psychedelics, as I suspect (though am no expert) that the the progression of insights and embodiment happen in unique ways that may not fully align with traditional awakening models. Let me know your thoughts, brother, and appreciate you taking the time to share your wisdom!

In the short drive back from the cinema (Bond was fun), something come together that had been sitting around aimlessly in the background of my thoughts for a while. That was the idea that there are five perspectives to my thoughts/being. I wanted to be neat and have four cardinal directions, but five doesn't fit this nice scheme (but maybe it does). Anyway here they are: Introspective This is the sensation that I'm me experiencing this internal world that is off limits to others and to the world. It seems like my thoughts and ideas are private and unless I make them public they stay that way. It seems like there's a whole internal (private) world that I inhabit and I'm both its master and its slave. This is the world I go to to ruminate and instrospect, and is the container for the ego and sense of a self doing stuff. Behind it all there's a sense of observation and ownership. Extrospective It's possible to flip out of the introspective direction and be in the world instead. You are party to everything that's going on around you and you belong to it. This is where your physical body is and all it's pains and disease and pleasures. In this perspective people are important and the laws of physics hold, the law of money and survival also impose themselves. When in a flow state, there's little introspective or self-awareness and it's all focused out there and externally. At moments of high emotion or drama, the blood pumps and the adrenaline runs, you are there and very present. This is where you are in moments of bliss and having fun at a party or doing your favourite activity. Retrospective This is the strong sense that you have a history. This is the world of memory and relationships and knowledge accumulated over years. Here is were yesterday happened and what you had for breakfast. Here is where you know how old you are and from where you can see the story arc of your life. You can corroborate your stories and flashbacks with others and build a sense of continuity and knowledge that you were born. Your body feels like it has taken on the pleasures and traumas of the past and that these things define who you are now - maybe it's even the perspective of identity itself. To delete or deny or rewrite the personal past feels wrong and against natural law, because without it how can you be you? Futurospective From here is the place of potential and hope. This is where self-improvement and goals and all that doing lives. It's the source of fantasy and what ifs and new ways of being and behaving; dreams. If retrospective tells you why you are you, then futurospective lets you expand outwards to be anyone you want to be. It's also the perspective of fear and anxiety, having that certainty that bad things will happen and that that inevitable day will come whether you like it or not. It is where your own death resides. But if things are bad now, the future always holds hope that the badness will be washed away to be replaced by goodness. It's the place where families are planned, new friends made, and that you will become what you've always wanted to be. Now-spective From this perspective you are content to sit and be one with all the other perspectives. It is the centre of the maelstrom of being alive itself. It's possible to live from this perspective constantly. It is a place of refuge from the other perspectives: the past cannot reach you any more, the future has yet to affect you, and both the internal and external worlds are one and the same. It's both a prison you cannot escape from (except to go into other perspectives), and yet is everything and delightful, if space is given over to this perspective. It is both the container and canvas for the other perspectives, and the place to realise the other perspectives are just tall tales. From here being a child feels like just now, and being old and grey haired will be just soon. Nothing happens here, time stands still, and you are everything at once, everytime at once. There is nothing to observe except observation itself. This is a place of rest.

That is sort of a testimony, no offense I hope, as to what I suggested. You’re already under an impression there is a second source (might seem tediously semantical, but it isn’t) and that one could understand nonduality. That’s a big one so to speak, a colossal misnomer. You don’t want conjecture like that creeping into your foundation when you’re just getting started (IMO). I wouldn’t frame it up as letting go of sources. There is one source, and it is impossible to let it go. That might seem like a small point but imo it’s not at all. “Resourcing” or “multi-sourcing” is undermining of oneself but doesn’t initially readily seem so and makes equanimity harder down the path. I also wouldn’t frame as ‘study’. If you want to read someone’s book about their existential experiences, that’s great… but you’re not ‘studying’ it… they’re sharing experiences… and you’re interested in experiencing that sharing. ‘Studying’ (imo) is applicable to memorizing information for an exam, or similar situations. And direct experience isn’t reliable or unreliable, it’s simply direct experience. That, I would explore until there is not a single question remaining. Until you are so satisfied you’re bliss napping face down on the floor as an orgasmic pile of your infinite self. There isn’t really that line. Any studying is ‘in’ direct experience, or, is direct experience. Direct experience is not found in studying. Given those distinctions… and a great understanding of the emotional scale… I don’t really think you need a trip guide & facility. Advice wise, yes, absolutely, of course you should be safe and as conservative as possible, take every precaution possible, and utilize every resource available to you. Personally, I prefer a long weekend in a cabin in the woods alone. But, so to speak, my understanding of emotion is astute and crystal clear. You could think of that (if you will) as the actuality for what the belief ‘mental stability’ points to. Or maybe we are actually saying the same thing in that regard, idk.

@Raptorsin7 oh no no no, do not misunderstand me, the whole thing is amazing! There is bliss in work and there is bliss in relaxation, in fact they cannot be separated.

If you made progress that quickly, you are probably quite naturally talented. Your description of God is good. We however can't know whether it was only conceptual (from listening to Leo's videos) or actual awakening. It seems like actual awakening though. Ask yourself whether you have any doubts about your awakening. like: "maybe it was just a hallucination/deception from neurons in my brain". If you actually reached God, there is no doubt. Though, if you didn't have a deep God awakening, there can still be doubt. That kind of doubt doesn't mean that the awakening wasn't legit, but that you didn't go deep enough. God is Love and Consciousness and Nothingness and Infinity.... But that doesn't mean you will be highly conscious of each of these facets during every awakening. When you are more experienced yes, but not at the beginning. IMO, the most effective way to increase your baseline consciousness is through transmissions . They are also pretty effective to experience more bliss and become happier. Buy the book "greater words of power" by Damon Brand and do the ritual "the Road Opener". It's worth a try.

I recently participated in a two day Ayahuasca ceremony, and like my previous experiences, during the actual journey I felt pretty much nothing but pure bliss, rapture, ecstasy. It feels like Spirit is dancing and moving my body and sending me off into cosmic orgasms. It's incredible, until the next morning, when I'm back as a regular human and met with feelings of sadness and disconnection. It's almost like the sensation of getting off a rollercoaster - it's so exhilarating during the ride but then when it ends life feels kind of blah again. The contrast is so intense that I think it magnifies the darker polarities. This usually last for 1-2 days, and then I catch up on sleep and spend some time alone, and I feel back to normal equilibrium again. I'm just wondering if others share this experience and if so what can help with this "post-trip blues"?

@DoTheWork try this: It’s insane, I’ve never experienced so much bliss. Jan Esmann & Gareth helped me make more progress (when it comes to Kundalini Awakening) in the past months than I‘ve done in the past years. Will share my experience in more detail soon.

Well said! I definitely had a low-key manic phase where I went around telling all my friends, family, etc about how they needed to meditate and directly perceive reality. I wanted them all to share in that bliss. A few awakening/insight/satori experiences later, I understood how futile and empty that compulsion it was. It was more of wanting to be viewed as some awakened being than actually having a genuine drive to teach. A few close friends still do consult with me about practices, but I never pressure, only reply to what they need at that moment. As you said, everyone has their own path

Anytime, my dude. I'll admit that I have been disheartened by the extreme solipsism vibes that some posters give off here. We can only retreat into DMT tunnels and infinite bliss voids for a certain amount of time before we come back to the basic ideas of Zen... All ideas are dualistic and wrong. If we think we have the full truth, we are just making up stories that sound true. Materialism does not have the "whole picture," but neither does Leo's model, nor does Buddhism, or Christianity, or any other philosophy in history. The thing I do like about this forum is that there are many who make an earnest attempt to understand reality using the tools we have. Anyway, to cut my ranting short, happy to talk about this stuff anytime—PM me if you get a little worn down by the absolutist talk and want to wax philosophy/existence Cheers.

I've had several sessions with @@Nahm here on the forum. There's definitely a huge energetic shift thing going on, but also just conversation and addressing stuff about life that seems to be a source of suffering. Lots of insights and understanding. My personal opinion is that presenting transmissions as a "thing" that one person gives to another person and comes from a specific direction is a bit counterproductive, and kind of takes away from the magic of what its really about. But it's definitely "real". Impossible to define or explain, so I guess any language you stick of it will inevitably sound misrepresented. Sometimes I come away with a energetic buzz, bliss, heightened synchronicity, other times lose my appetite for a week., and almost always have more clarity and direction. In the beginning with I let my idea of him and self concept block the seeing of the bullshit I was wanting to see through. I also had the benefit of experiencing from communication here that there was some sort of beyond logicall connection and knowledge going on before I ever talked with him "in person". There's a pattern of overlooking what's already here for something great out there. How fitting that here on the forum, we already got the best. And... ultimately it's already what you are. ❤ But yeah, over 20,000 posts here and who knows how many PM's helping people, hours and hours of his time given for free, helping people, awakening people. My advice, if you're wanting to spend money and check out what transmissions are about, try Phil.

All I can offer about this whole mahasamadi/void thing is that nothing bad can come of it. If it doesn't happen... voila, you're alive and back to normal human life. If it does happen and all of reality dissolves into infinite unity-bliss for the rest of eternity, well, shit, who are you to complain? No more need to pay taxes or get prostate checks

Actually, he might have said that in one of his podcast interviews. But he definitely does say that somewhere. One suggestion... I'd focus on deep concentration work and use the Jhanas to cultivate bliss and very subtle insight. Could be a major source of relief, and also probably necessary to take insight further from where you're at. Jhanas can be really useful to reduce symptoms of the dark night and help integrate.

That's not the case. I got lots of shaktipat and it woke up my kundalini. I felt vibrations in the spine, pulsating up and down, eventually reaching the brain resulting in bliss going up my spine and feeling ecstasy. 100% no placebo. Shaktipat is real. But not every shaktipat giver is real. His techniques are the most potent kundalini techniques I could find. I regularly do the kriya supreme fire which always puts me in deeper bliss and deepens meditation. The techniques you find from organisations are usually far far less potent. I would try to avoid organisations. Any organization has to water down the potency because they don't want to be responsible for immature newbies to freak out. Do shaktipat + other transmissions + supreme fire and you will make more progess within months than people going to organisations within years. Here I wrote in detail about different transmissions, including shaktipat.

I think the best transmissions are Pure Divinity and SAT. You should optimally get these transmissions several times a week for a period of months. They will get stronger and stronger till they completely penetrate and submerge you during meditation, such that it feels like merging with the energy. This is when it gets really powerul. You will be in deep bliss or ecstacy and your state of consciousness will be very altered. This is the turning point to look forward to. It will take differently long for different people. If you want to get there quickly, do as many live transmissions as possible. Other than that, meditate with recorded transmissions, do energetic practices like kundalini yoga, or invoke angels. Once your connection with the energy is very strong, you won't need to attend live transmissions anymore, just thinking about the energy will be enough. The energies really penetrating you, will also impact your baseline consciousness. My baseline has changed immensely during the past month. Being completely submerged in the energy is very different from being completely submerged in chi/prana from for example kundalini yoga or qi gong. Prana is kind of dull. Whereas transmission energies (and the energy from invoking spirits as well) is divine energy. It is of a much higher frequency. And therefore has a much higher potential of elevating your consciousness. It's also kinda intelligent, and keeps working in your system.

This is a good point. When I ask the question it immediately leads to the my presence, but still I am suffering. This question silences the mind, but I still suffer. I don't know why. I just know when I took psychs, there is an energetic process that unfolds that ends up with me feeling incredible clarity, bliss etc. I just know that right now I am not there, and I feel dissatisfaited with whatever i'm feeling now. I don't know. I think psychidelics would be the best thing for me right now, but when I take them I get nauseous and bad headaches so I'm trying to go without. I think I can't fully surrender and accept whatever arises, I still cling and have aversion to certain feelings and sensations so I remain stuck on the hamster wheel. No I don't have a plan. I have a decent sense of what I want. Money/wealth, work I can sink myself into, and either a relationship or fun casual sex. I try to contemplate and ask god/myself to show the path on how to achieve this. But so far almost nothing. There's a rumi quote about how we can ask all from ourselves. But idk why when I ask I don't get clear answers.

@BipolarGrowth But man, don't you get it. Anytime there's progress. One step forward dukkha comes back stronger. One step forward, and then dukkha bites you in the ass. 2 steps backwards. Concentration on objects of awareness --> AnP (finally bliss from God) --> intense meaningless suffering --> equanimity and non-doership. Every cycle of the path gets more intense. Life cycles. Phase of life cycles. Yearly cycles. Monthly cycles. Daily cycles. I am absolutely sure that full enlightenment is no more cycle,or cycles just being instants. Anicca (impermanence) and annata (no-self) also grow stronger with dukkha (suffering). How I define suffering: Suffering is in everything. Just take any object of awareness and tell me there's no suffering in that point of focus. Sufferings little brother is called "aversion" imo. Anything awareness does is pushing awareness away from the object towards itself. That's suffering, and it ends with complete dissociation from any object. The opposite of grasping or attachment. Suffering is not reduced in higher paths. It's equalized. Theres no longer gonna be a big difference between mild discomfort and intense physical suffering. The intensity of suffering that increases, just pushes towards cessation or dissolution anytime it shows up. For what I've heard that's thousands of instances per day of cessation.

@OneHandClap That was true of me as well. For a long time, I avoided God as a term because it tends to be so dogma-driven, and can reinforce identification with beliefs. Earlier in my life, I saw God as a being. Then I dropped the idea of God entirely. Now, I love God as a pointer to my ultimate nature. During the period of bliss that I described earlier, I kept finding myself drawn toward sacred texts like the Bhagavad Gita and the Upanishads. There is a joyous awe of the divine in them that I can only describe as spiritual. I don't espouse the beliefs of Hinduism, Buddhism, or Christianity, but I love the essential truths that all of them point toward.

People sometimes realize the joy of the unitive state, followed by the horror of the void. How do you reconcile these realizations? Each path is unique, but as I have experienced it, awakening to the Love of God was absolute, effortless, bliss. My entire life changed, and spirituality was my mainstay. I no longer suffered, and believed that I would continue to see myself in God for the rest of my life, until I finally dissolved back into my ultimate nature. Then I made the mistake of asking God to take me deeper. I sensed that seeing wasn't enough, and needed to release all of my attachments, until there was only a transparent self left. I deeply wanted the light of God to fill me completely, knowing that this light would entirely reveal the illusory idea of me. Be careful what you ask for ? It was through grace that I first saw God, and through a deeper grace that I was no longer able to see. Again, my entire life changed. I fell into a horrific void, where the God that I had seen was no longer present. The suffering that I experienced before seeing God was nothing compared to this. It is worse to feel the love of God, and be forsaken, than not to feel it in the first place. I now realize that this was the most loving gift God could have given me. It has deepened my awareness of the emptiness of the self, and stoked a desperate fire of desire for the love of God. I see that I am literally nothing without God, and am more prepared to let go of this I, and return to the ultimate state of my true nature. I call it God intentionally, because it has been a deeply spiritual journey, and the divinity of it cannot be denied. I have been contemplating, "Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross (the Mirabai Starr translation and commentary are beautiful). For anyone going through something similar, this is required reading. St. John was captured by the friars of the established church, and interrogated and tortured. They imprisoned him in a tiny closet that had previously served as a toilet. He suffered near starvation, brutal cold in the winter, and stifling heat in the summer. After 9 months, his clothes began to rot on his body. It was in this state, where he felt utterly abandoned by God, that he composed "Dark Night of the Soul". My suffering is nothing compared to his, but I have found deep inspiration in his words. My favorite verses from Songs of the Soul: with his gentle hand He wounded my neck And all my senses were suspended. I lost myself. Forgot myself. I lay my face against the Beloved's face. Everything fell away and I left myself behind, Abandoning my cares Among the lilies, forgotten. I hope this is helpful for anyone else going through a similar experience.

I feel stuck again. Right now I am now conscious. But I am still suffering. I can feel the tension and pressure of suffering. I don't understand why recognizing my own conscious presence is not enough. I wonder if it's because I am striving too much. Hmm idk. This is very frustrating. Sometimes I feel in tune and surrender comes easy and natural. But then there are moments like now, where there is just tension and frustration. If anyone is reading this and has some insight that would be great. I want to find a way to make money to become independent. I don't know how to do this either. Overall things are progressing, but I'm just so sick and tired of suffering. I want peace and freedom. I want the bliss and clarity of knowing myself as pure consciousness. I want these headaches and pains to end. I even know that accepting the feelings and feeling into them is the key. And i've been trying to do that. But maybe the effort and striving is paradoixally perpetuating the suffering.

I love Metaphysics and Spirituality, Psychology, Technology, Invention(as a subject), and Research and Development. These make my soul dance in absolute bliss. The application happens in many ways, from LP, to trying to prevent disasters for people due to the current political scenario by creating the right technical foundations, to getting inspired by the divine Love that by my existence if a stranger who is crying becomes happy and no longer cries or if someone who is going on his path full of fear and uncertainty feels peace then my life is certainly worthwhile.

@Ry4n I obviously don't know where you're at in your journey but to be clear this was not my first awakening, I've had plenty of non dual states before and many insights into Love, bliss, oneness, God consciousness, nothingness etc but just not to this level. At this level, you feel insane because you're so conscious that nothing is real that everything loses all meaning. I'm not sure what would have happened if I faced this infinite horror but it was just too much for me. In my mind I thought that this life would be up. That if I became that conscious that nothing was real, life would become meaningless, so I distracted myself from going any further and as I said, begged for my life/the illusion back. People can say whatever they want about solipsism, but at that level, there is no other. Which means right now, there is no other, I'm just buying into the fact that you're me in "another lifetime". The bizzare thing to think is that whoever reads this, will experience this cosmic horror, as you are me. You are me.

You get more of what you focus on I had almost forgot about this truth, and it came out right on time. The one thing left to manifest from my vision board for 2021 is a love relationship. I had a one-on-one call with a coach on the Mindset training I’m into and thanks to him I now have more clarity around my non negotiables for a love relationship: Invested in personal growth (NO workshop junkie!) No kids and doesn't want kids for the next 5 years Deep communication and intimacy Respect Exclusivity Open to travelling Financial stability (same level as me or more) Sense of humor The coach also asked me t “follow my bliss” and I did it very well: I went out a lot and had plenty of fun. But the guy is still not in my arms.. Then I realized that since July I’m spending an average of 2 hours per week speaking to a guy I met on Tinder and with whom I have a sexting-based relationship. He doesn’t have the first and most important non negotiable so I should have stopped already talking to him to make space for other people or just more space for myself and my growth.. So.. I want to attract (AKA I focus on): Excellence A fulfilling and thriving love relationship Being the best version of myself at least 80% of the time so that I can continue to attract the best that life has to offer. _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ Reviewing October 2021 I am very happy about this month yet looking at my goals I failed to achieve most of them. I didn’t study, run, dance, nor meet new people as much as I had planned. The good thing is that I love myself anyway: I don’t beat myself up anymore for failing to achieve any given goal. #failrecommit!! That’s the way it works: I can love myself and be happy even while not being yet arrived where I want to be. As Elliott Hulse says: Failure is an experience that lends to wisdom the ultimately makes you the best version of yourself. Failing shows that you’re growing stronger!! Every time you feel failure it means that you’re moving forward. How much time did I spend in my soul presence? I’d say “more” as I can’t quantify it. I’m learning the importance of living my life from the inside out, focusing first on taking care of me and my soul and then the rest. And it works!! I am imperfect and happy on purpose and amazing things happen to imperfect and happy people!! Like the way I got to celebrate my birthday this Friday: in the past I would have done everything to be perfect in every detail while preparing myself but in the end I did the “bare minimum” to look pretty and that made me able to enjoy the time while I was preparing, arrive without rushing to the restaurant and we had an amazing night even if I was a little bit more hairy than I would have liked. How am I better? I take more time for myself. How can I improve? Creating a more actionable plan for November and December. What is my next step? Right now it is reflecting on the last one on one coaching call I had on anxiety. The answer the coach gave me was just brilliant!! She said “our medicine for anxiety is dancing”. And it is sooo true!! One pf my homework from that call was to dance before meditation every day. I’ve been doing it this week and I love it!! The interesting part is that I’ve wrote many times to dance every day in my schedule, but I hadn’t been able to do it regularly. So now I am conscious that I am my own medicine, I have inside of me the answers I need, all I have to do is trust myself and stay in radical action (as self-love is daily action).

The same experience can happen with meditation or a spontaneous awakening. We say this all the time here but the you does not awaken. The you is seen to be illusory and falls away leaving Infinity or total Oneness. The realization that you are everything. This can be shocking to the ego and thus it will want no part of awakening because it cannot be..., it literally cannot function when the duality of self vs other collapses- which is why you felt like you were losing your mind. We tell you guys all the time that spirituality is serious business and to be aware of what you are getting into. I'm not going to sit here and blow smoke up your ass and tell you it's all rainbows and butterflies. But this will pass in time and you will also have beautiful, amazing awakenings of Divine Bliss and Love. This too shall pass.

@Snader "But you draw a connection between psychedelics and stuff like high IQ and concentration ability." Why did you exclude the bliss supposed to be reached more easily with psychedelics while at the same time claiming it is more likely to reach enlightenment through this substance. You wanna enjoy just being. What couldn't you enjoy if you were able to enjoy just being? "But if you've done spiritual work and are conscious enough, you learn that there is more to life beyond logic, and that's something psychedelics can show you." This doesn't make psychedelics the only way to go beyond logic. @Salvijus I am glad you got most of my points. But here : "And not to think that you can just skip 40years of work with this "new" technology." 40 years? Are you serious? There many people who reach enlightenment without using anything like psychedelics or artificial DMT. For all that, there also a lot of people who fail in this enlightenment process no matter how many different types of it they have tried for however long. Thanks anyway for being sufficiently open-minded. I am doing my best to understand why so many people are into this kind of substances with as much open-mindedness as possible.

It’s ok to be attached. Just know it will continue to lead to suffering in your life. You can live in comfort while the suffering consumes you (and it will), or you can face your fear and come out of the other side in permanent state of bliss. This path requires you to choose one or the other. There is no judgement in your choice..only Love.