Search the Community

No one guarantees that this transformation will finish after 50 years, it's just an arbitrary number... I hope that people will break out of their material paradigms as soon as possible, which will cause this evolution from chasing profit to providing love and support probably. If you would've wanted to run a business in the Czech Republic where I live a couple years ago, it will get stolen by the government, that was highly affected by Russian communists, now it's quite possible to do it, anything can happen, it just doesn't feel real now.

@Key Elements @ivankiss schools and education is the way i understand to lead people into the empty space. It is the thing that served my old self the best and is probably the best value i can offer at this current point in time. None the less, i am still only playing the chess game as the game plays out. i can sympathise that waiting for the transformation of the other peaces i concur would be effective. Simply put from my side: there are too few pieces to currently play with. I am going to filter the problem directly from the source, which in my view is mainstream education.

Simply put: we are interested in you becoming and being the "empty space." You may think that the queen & king of chess are the most powerful pieces of the game, but no, it's the chess board. All the other pieces represent the transformations. They are temporary. Another thing: you're also that "invisible hand" that moves the chess pieces. Again, this is only a transformation. The real "You" is the chess board.

You just accept reality in the Now and realize that reality will rub your Ego the wrong way and it’s not personal. You stop distracting yourself with idealism and focus on pragmatic issues in your life. Enlightenment basically grounds you in the Now — the non-ideological Now. As to suicidal thoughts, that’s just the Ego not liking something about reality. What happens is you become aware of where those emotions are coming from and why and then you can allow them but also not cling to them. In general the Ego does not like change and will trigger sadness during times of change. By understanding Ego you can accept “Ego burn” emotions without getting attached to them. Enlightenment is not knowing a bunch of theory about playing golf — Enlightenment is going out and playing a game of golf. Enlightenment is a way of being not a set of theories to embody. And that way of being is not anything you’re consciously in control over, it’s a transformation of the way you ARE.

There are 3 stages to the Enlightenment Path. (1) Stuck in Unenlightened Ego; (2) Stuck in Spiritual Ego; (3) Transcendence of Truth. The pendulum must swing into idealism and then out of idealism on the Path. It’s a process. But the people who are stuck in idealism have no idea they’re at Stage 2 and not Stage 3. People try so hard to be Enlightened through beliefs not realizing that Enlighrenment is a change or transformation in how you BE or ARE in the Now.

@Aakash When Ken Wilbur was describing it to her, he sounded like he was metaphorically speaking of an enlightenment. There is the nothingness phase, the everythingness phase, and the void phase. Instead of going through something, like the void, and thinking of it as a phase, the nothingness and you are already the same. Even the transformation is an illusion. It's good to know what is the transformation so you know where you came from, but you are already it. In other words, you're always that Space = Nothingness, and things are transforming within that space. But, if you happen to catch hold of a temporary embodiment, it sucks. You rather be the space. Temporary things are meant to be released, let go of, detached.

@LoveandPurpose Yes. Bringing conscious awareness into every mundane task in your life is key. Prioritize higher consciousness, and everything else will fall into place. This is not easy, but it can bring about radical transformation. The transformation that occurs within will be reflected out there. THIS IS NO SHORTCUT!! It is extremely difficult, so take this advice with caution. I'm not sure if you'd be ready to tackle your inner demons first, but it worked for me. I found this to be the most effective and rewarding method, because like you I'm impatient and not cut out for one change at a time. I demanded more from myself to make it happen, but man am I seeing results (that's not the point I'm after, I'm not chasing results, but just to give you an idea).

my biggest transformation happened when i started to meditate for 1h every monday at 8pm. nowadays i wake up at 4:40am everyday to meditate before i eat my breakfast and go to the gym before i go to work.

In today's world, man and woman must become equal, so too must time and space. We can no longer afford to live in a male dominated society, nor one that is dominated by time over space. Everywhere we look we see clocks, they are even manacled to our wrists. But where are the compasses? The need for equality of space and time, the feminine and masculine powers, is confirmed by the scientific understanding of the necessary relationship between space and time. Einstein and other modern physicists proved that one cannot exist without the other, that time is relative and space is curved. Neither time nor space exist by themselves. In reality there is only the combination of both - space/time. So too, the dominance of "Father Time" over "Mother Earth" must now end. The long lost rituals of sacred space must be renewed. To regain the sacred dimension of space in our time we must look beyond the religious festivals and rituals we know. We must turn to the earliest shamanic cultures of the earth. From: http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/global-consciousness/ In Zigzag Idiots words- Integration of both hemispheres indigenous culture rituals - Marriage of the Lakota and the IChing ,,,,,, 10 Directions Ritual for opening up the vertical dimensions integrated with the four elements/functions of consciousness Scale of Being from Crystal-mineral-plant-animal- Human - Spiritual Ancestors-nature spirits-angels-muses-God E In the East, at Dawn the sun shines - heaven rises. It is the direction of renewal, of revelation and enlightenment by the spirit of creation. The Power of the East is Fire. In the I Ching it is the trigram of Awareness, the sign of heaven. W In the West at dusk the earth rises. Eventually you will lie down for sleep in a horizontal position. The whole body is in touch with the earth. You relinquish all worries and thoughts of the day. Letting go and becoming empty makes you receptive. In deep sleep you receive and integrate the germs of light from all suns in the Universe, the stars. Integrate here means affirming. The Power of the West is Crystals' letting go and affirming. The correspondence is with the I Ching trigram Willing, which is also the sign of the earth. The West will clarify the attitude of affirming your existence and task on earth. S South is midday. You need to shine as the sun at midday, to trust in yourself and others - to trust in Soul. You need the innocence of a child, forgetting the failures of the past. The spirit of the South bestows innocence and trust, attributes of plant-life trust in growth. In the course of the year the Southpoint is the winter equinox, the festival of the innocent child. The Power of the South is in plants, in Trees. In the I Ching the South is the trigram of Soul. N The North - thinking - relates us to the animal world, our teachers in strategy. The spirit of the North bestows wisdom and clarity, if our thinking surges from the polar star to merge again with its center. It is the wisdom in doing. Animals are the Power of the North. In the I Ching it is the trigram of Thinking. C Center/Down. If you direct your attention to the four directions, and also to front-back-left-right, you will necessary center yourself. Five signifies your centered self and that of all others who are centered. In the esoteric traditions humanity is always identified with the number five. Its Power is the Sacred Earth. There is no I Ching correspondence. Centered also means to be an axis between heaven and earth. But to become a co-creator of evolution you need the support of the spirits 6, 7, 8 and 9. SE Six are the teachers of humanity, the Ancestors who paved the spiritual path up to the present. They make for a continuity in spiritual evolution of human history. In the South East everyone can discover and establish contact with his or her ancestors. To a musician it might be the spirit of Bach, to a mathematician the ancestral link might be to Pythagoras, to others it might be Albert Schweitzer, Jesus Christ, Moses, or whoever gives you strength and understanding to follow your own path. The ancestor you find will include you in the spiritual family and link you to the "Golden Chain". They paved the way for your special work on earth. They do not give you directions, you create your own, but they give you strength to pioneer your new link in the chain. The Power of the South East is the Ancestors. The I Ching trigram is Spirit. SW Seven are the spirits of our physical world of incarnated existence: the Elementals. Here the elements - Earth, Air, Water and Fire - are part of our survival, our health, our daily activities and success. As with the seven chakras they represent our agents operating in three realms - Body, Soul and Spirit. On the dream level they are called Trolls - spirits of the soil (sensing) who maintain our existence; Dwarfs - spirits of the air (thinking) who help us to surmount obstacles; Fairies - spirits of the waters (feeling) who stimulate our power of wish and endeavor; Elves - spirits of fire (willing), of serenity and joy, who help us to celebrate life as a luminous dream. These Nature Spirits can give you courage to go forward into the unknown. The Power of the South West is the Nature Spirits and the trigram is Body. NW Eight is in our world the principal of underlying consistency in the midst of change. It is the grid or underlying structure in which change takes place. This is the structure which remains constant while all else changes. We feel this as a deep desire for harmony, for participation in a kind of infinite stability. The spirits of the North West have been defined as angels or cosmic helpers who bridge the finite and the infinite. We contact them to base our transitory actions on the underlying eternal laws and thereby generate harmony in ourselves and our surroundings. It is the Power of Angels and the trigram of Feeling. NE Nine are the Inspirers. They are the agents of change in the microcosm, the macrocosm, as well as in the human world of speech, action and experience. The combination of nine faculties generates all possible action and transformation. As Gurdjieff said, whoever understands the nine can do. The North East, which lies between the enlightening inspiration of the East and the wisdom of the North, conveys the ninefold actualizing inspiration by which we become co-creators in evolution. These inspirers were called the "Muses". They do not help, but they empower our ninefold faculty of actualization. It is the Power of the Muses and the I Ching trigram of Sensing. C Center/Up. With the Ten we anchor our mind in the center. We are in communion with above and below, heaven and earth. We invoke the spirit of the "Man in the Universe". He is the archetype of the possible human, of humanity. He is the aspect of the divine in whose image we are fashioned, the mold. In the center we invoke the sacred unifying power. There is no trigram correspondence.

@Jeff Zhang Sure, I'd love to share this with you. Well, I spontaneously found this book in a thrift shop in Ireland a while ago and fell in love with it immediately, devouring and embodying it. Read it front to back, and then gave it to an amazing beloved friend of mine. It sort of compiles various Jung teachings in one little travel sized book. I have not read the Tao Te Ching yet at this time, but this book, The Tao Of Jung, includes multiple beautiful passages and quotes from the I Ching and Lao Tzu and how it clearly relates to Jung and how inspired he was by the wisdom of Taoism and how much it parallels with the Tao's teachings. It's a simple read and a great introduction to Jung and his life as well for those who are interested in learning about him. The nature of both their philosophies is about the integration of opposites; non-dualism, as well egocide and the transformation of the false self & the true self, the realization that darkness gives birth to light, the depths of inner space, eternal abyss, and void, etc. It also has many incredible non-dualistic poetry that hits me hard and gives me chills every time. "The Tao is dark and unfathomable, How can it make her radiant? Because she lets it." Most of all what makes this book so special for me personally is the amount of synchronicities and connections I've experienced whenever this book is in my hands or nearby. I will share with you some of these experiences, I am excited to share some of them, there are too many to share all at once, I would blow this whole thread up. This book for me carries intense sacred energy, it's like strange, it definitely has a mind of its own. Synchronicity #1: I recently bought it again because it was calling to me and ever since I received it, whenever I take a shower and the steam hits the bathroom mirror, this similar version of the symbol of "The Tao" that is on the cover of the book appears on the mirror. I do not know where or how it got there and it doesn't look as elaborate or exact as the symbol on the book, but it sure as hell looks similar to it, enough for me to recognize it. It resembles an ancient looking eye. Almost like a mixture of the Tao symbol and the Eye of Horus. Synchronicity #2: I astonishingly left it at work the other night and texted my co-worker/fellow Jungian friend to let her know, however she fell asleep and was not yet aware that it was left there. That night I had an eerie yet familiar dream that it was there but for some reason it was moving around the shop on its own, similar to the way a planchette moves along a spirit board. That very next morning she called me saying I left it there and she couldn't believe she had this dream seeing the book behind the counter with my name written on it. Pretty crazy right??! The most incredible synchronicity involving this book yet was what happened only yesterday: I went to work and (with no exaggeration) as soon as I picked it up with excitement, I started explaining to someone about it and suddenly, precisely as I was describing these synchronicities, this beautiful customer approached me asking questions about it and all this..Let me tell you something right now, this girl was the spitting image of my beloved friend whom I gave this book to, whom I miss dearly. Her energy was uncannily similar, and the way she spoke and carried herself..it was mad. But the weirdest thing of all was that she is also from Romania, like my friend, and her name was Naré. My friend's name is Nera!! How fucked up is that?! It was absolutely amazing haha. We ended up having a beautiful, rather long, fulfilling and emotional conversation. And while I was experiencing this synchronicity... I was explaining all this to her, and she was telling me about hers which she also had in that moment, it was highly energetic, and we were immediately expressing how amazing it was to meet each other, and as soon as she said her name I melted and got teary eyed, and she got fucking teary eyed and we just hugged and connected immediately. ❤️ So yeah this book, man my goodness hahaa

For me it was like a transformation that naturally happened to me. I never set out to get out of theory. It just happened. Once I realized what Enlightenment is, it happened. Because the theory is only a guide to becoming Enlightened. Living the theory is not what being Enlightened is.

Yes, exactly! I like what you said there. You're talking about the natural deep force. I call it flow. This is definitely part of enlightenment (truth). Because in the real thing (truth), there is a flow. The ego (our human embodiment), upon initial thought, likes to think of this as a massive, grandiose, powerful, infinite light that flows back into the human body (ego) from the nothingness / everythingness, but in reality (truth), it's just a transformation from the nothingness from the truth's "perspective." No distance at all. No suffering when this happens. Only peace and love as a result. Anyway, we're blessed with different talents, interests, and abilities because of the flow -- go with the flow to create less suffering and peace in our world in our own ways as individuals. Our thoughts are flowing in coming from the nothingness telling us about this. Just let your unwanted thoughts flow away and be present since this creates suffering. This monk is practicing the effortless action. I like to call it meditative flow:

You have to surrender to the fact that you do not know and you will not be able to understand no matter how much you research it ("drop the search"). You seem to have a strong analytical mind so it comes natural for you to think about topics and connect the dots. This can be extremely helpful in certain scenarios, but very hindering in others. Complexity is fascinating, but it can not be fully understood.. there are just too many variables. At some point you will have to accept that you cannot know anything for sure. But maybe it's not painful enough for you yet.. at some point when you totally exhaust yourself with this excessive analysing you might be able to just drop this need to know. And that's when the real transformation happens.

@winterknight After self-inquiring for several minutes sometimes it feels that the whole panorama of experience (thoughts+sensation+visual+auditory) is being 'awared of' simultaneously and there is no localized 'I' anywhere. Though 'I' pops up here and there, it is seen through immediately with the 'rule' of the self inquiry. There is a feeling/understanding that all of it is objective.. that is, there is nothing in it that can be called the 'I', the subject. Sometimes it comes with a noticeable change of consciousness (a noticeable spaciousness and centerlessness) but often no significant transformation seem to have taken place.. consciousness feels the same, albeit may be a little more 'lighter' and peaceful. There is a little bit of spaciousness may be but i am not sure. What to do in this state? When the spaciousness and centerlessness is not very noticeable, should I conclude that the false 'I' is still hiding somewhere as something in the present experience and is not being seen through?

@Cepzeu My pleasure. @d0ornokey Good addition. I love Jocko. Though David R. Hawkins was already in there. @BjarkeT Thanks. Feel free to help us make it bigger. Julien deleted all his pickup videos and wants to be a pure self-help teacher now from what I saw. I created some of his recent facebook ads and social media creatives and from the content I needed to go through for that, it seems that he is moving into green pretty well. He wants to teach people how to get over childhood trauma, insecurities, learn how to meditate, become awesome human beings etc. He is not interested in teaching people how to pick up girls and have sex anymore. He just released 'Transformation Mastery Academy', which is pretty dope. Tyler also recently got into healthy vegan eating, juicing, taking herbs, getting rid of outcome dependency, teaching how to build genuine relationships and confidence etc. He still has a plenty of orange, but he is slowly moving into green. I think Nelson Mandela was green, although I haven't studied him that much. Hmmm, yeah, on second thought, Gandhi might also have also been only green, but idk. I started his autobiography ('Experiments with Truth') a while ago but I got bored of it a quarter way through. I don't know him well enough. What I know of him is from the autobiography and the movie 'Gandhi'.

Oh boy. You gonna love this one. Before anyone puts their spiritual patrol suit on and says: "who the fuck are you to stand up?", I want to clearify the following: I am not about to senslessly judge and critisize this organization. I am merely to express my observations and share a few humble suggestions. My opinion could be completely irrelevant or an invantation for improvment; for the benefit of all. Please try to be open. It seems to me as if this comunity lacks warmth. Newbies are not receiving the welcoming they deserve. They are instead minimized and discredited. Being on this path is not a small achievment. Everyone should be aplauded for that. Everyone should know they are a part of a big movement and transformation. I feel like it is up to the organisation to create this atmosphere. It would certainly be a more pleasant enviroment to be in and to learn from. There seems to be a lot of competition. A lot of division and categorization. Not enough emphasis on unity and love. Way too many cold, logical, rational opinions. Way too analitical approaches. Way too much of "putting everything under the microscope". Not much fun and creativity. Why is everyone so goddamn serious? This should not be a clasroom where you are afraid of asking the teacher if you can go to the toilet. This should not be a place where you get critisized if you do not pay close attention and do all your homework. How is that different from any other modern edicational system? This should be a classroom where everyone gets to be what they trully are and in that way, learn from everyone else and teach everyone simultaniosly. Being a part of this classroom should be a lesson in itself. There is no need for exposing the differences. We are all in the same classroom, regardless of our levels of mastery. Where is humbleness? Where is the recognition of that same thing? Where is not running away from the fear, or demonizing it; but rather creating a navigation system for those who find themselves trapped? Why ridicule the one who is trapped? Why bother calling someone delusional? Were you not the same once? What's up with all the denial? Too much cockyness and arrogance. Not enough actual wisdom and acceptance. Both have their place, but I sense the balance is not quite there in this case. It is on those who are on "higher levels" to choose to create a more pleasant environment for those who are yet joining. Taking pride for your own achievments while discrediting those "bellow" you, is not much of an achievment. One should be able to be transparent here and be proud of the stage they are at. One should make sure everyone feels home. After all, we are creating a better planet for ourselves here, aren't we? I dream of a place where everyone is their own. No need for leaders or gurus. Until then, leaders should be wise enough to balance the movement they started.

There are indeed too many beautiful gems of condensed wisdom out there to choose one. I'd rather make a whole necklace out of them and allow them all to sparkle in their own glorious way - which is what Leo has been doing with his book list. A few that have really guided me or at least resonated with me (which may or may not do the same for you, since we're all in different parts of this maze) include: The collected works of Zhuangzi Tao Te Ching, by Laozi Hero With A Thousand Faces, by Joseph Campbell On the Taboo of Knowing Who You Are, by Alan Watts Symbols of Transformation, by Carl Jung The Teachings of Don Juan, by Carlos Castaneda

Thank you all so very much for your replays. I will hopefully begin reading Mastering the Core Teachings of the Budda very Shortly. The spiritual-journey is not necessarily always pleasant and involves emotional-labour repeatedly, but the ultimate reward or rather realisation and transformation is beyond words.

Your plan sounds reasonable although I'm completely ignorant about copyrighting and web development. In my experience, quick, drastic change rarely 'sticks' but transformation is definitely a word that better describes how change can be lasting. Transformation occurs more definitively when it happens gradually and in concert with continuity of consciousness. Arnold Keyserling put it-- We forget our aim because we change personalities every 5 minutes all day long.

In the Aquarian Age, Spiritual Guru's are passé. Friendship is paramount. The procession of the vernal equinox point in the Cosmic Year proceeds backwards clockwise through the constellations: 72 years for one degree, 2,160 for one "cosmic month" or sign, and 25,920 years for the whole Zodiac. The 26,000 number corresponds fractally to the number of breaths in a day. The history of Neolithic Man, of Humanity from a global point of view, covers five completed ages, and as mentioned has just entered the sixth stage. SIX AGES OF COSMIC HISTORY 8838 - Clan - Animism 6678 - Tribe - Vision Quest 4518 - City - Book of the Dead, Writing 2358 - People - Ritualization of Life 198 B.C. - Empire - Messenger of God 1962 A.D. - Humanity - Technology, Personal Way Humanity is now in the global technological civilization of Aquarius/Body Thinking, the age of spiritual democracy. In the new age we have to integrate the five former historical ages like the traumas of personal life in psychoanalysis.,,,,,, (Zigzag Idiot - The above makes me think of Spiral Dynamics on a historical scale of known current Human Civilzation.). ,,,,,,, In the Aquarian Age of Body Thinking, with technology, everyone has to find his personal way, starting from the dark towards the light. The age of Empires is dying and being replaced by global consciousness, a one world network of friends - Spaceship Earth. Today the individual is paramount and the differences between people are accepted and affirmed. The myth of Satan versus almighty God is exploded. The individual now finds and creates their own way. Evil can now be recognized as the personal shadow which has to be integrated with the help of psychology. Beyond good and evil, a person can be grounded in the infinite, Zero, in God. Today we find God by tuning into the basic time cycles, and discovering our basic mental gestalt, our meaning and purpose in life. In the Zero dimension the individual can find their roots in CHI, in the capacity of Self Organization. They can travel full circle from a limited ego, little "I", disassociated with the Self, onto the Zero - the Self - where the false ego is shattered. Then the way goes back from out of the Self into the true Ego, the big "I". The big "I" is in contact with the Self and includes the "I" of all others in the Universe. With the holistic Ego fully present in the fourth dimension, a person finds fulfillment by development of their unique potential, their personal path. In the Aquarian Age this path involves creative fulfillment by some type of personal service or work of some kind - work for the earth and all of nature, including human-kind. Instead of mastery and loyalty common to the last age, work and friendship are the common denominators of this age. The friendship of equals replaces the parental or schoolmaster discipline of the last age. This emphasis on friendship has already begun to transform all of society. The trend will continue as the archaic institutions of the past decay and are replaced by dynamic new structures in tune with the times. The transformation has begun on all levels, including the spiritual disciplines. For example, the School of Wisdom is a gathering of friends based on individual understanding, tolerance and merit. Followers are discouraged and adherence to specific dogmas and authoritarian lineage is anathema. The transformation has already had strong effects on the family where friendship is the new basis of both husband-wife and parent-child relationships. It is effecting business where the boss-employee relationship is becoming friendlier and less polarized-hierarchial. It is effecting world governments where the enemy us-them mentality is dying in favor of global cooperation. The holistic view of friendship on all levels has arrived - between all of humanity with each other, and between humans and all other forms of life on this planet. In the Aquarian Age ecological awareness re-emerges in importance on a global level. We are not masters of nature, we are her friends. This even applies to our technology, as our machines and computers become ever more user-friendly. The Piscean Age of industrialism and empire - which was at the end severely polluted and unfriendly to the Earth - is dead or is dying. So we should not be concerned with trying to destroy the old age, the old ways. That is inevitable. It naturally follows the Progression of the Equinoxes. Instead, we should be concerned with building solid structures to replace the old. Our new structures will last if they are based on environmental awareness and are friendly to the Earth and all forms of being and consciousness. The new historical era started on February 4, 1962 with a solar eclipse over New Guinea. At that time all of the planets, except for the trans-Saturanian ones, were located at 15 degrees Aquarius. There is no need for an apocalypse, and no need to wait for a future age of coming good. The New Age is already here, the potential is at hand. All that is needed is understanding and work to fulfill the new potentials. From: Chance and Choice - A Compendium of Ancient and Modern Wisdom Revealing the Meaning and Significance of the Myth of Science http://www.chanceandchoice.com/ Arnold Keyersling, a student of Gurdjieff, put this book together with his Student at the time, Ralph Losey. Arnold Passed away in 2005. In 2003 Ralph sent me a VHS tape of Arnold giving a talk entitled From Human Potential To Human Actualization.

Through self examination and trying to be as honest as I possibly can with myself, I have stumbled upon a bitter truth about myself, one that is both immiserating and liberating at the same time. The introspective insights that Ive had lately, remind me of Carl Jung's famous quote, "That which you most need, will be found where you least want to look." This mirrors exactly what has happened to me. For years, my friends and relatives have admonished me, about how I lack practical skills (i.e. street smarts), and assertiveness, and how my constant distraction and lack of focus hinder my ability to succeed in the world and not be taken advantage of. I realized that much of my neurosis comes from this very fact, and the low self esteem that comes along with it. To be more specific, I believe my main problems are: 1. I lack assertiveness - Im extremely nice (or at least act that way) and struggle to say no to things that I dont want to do because I feel sorry for other people. 2. I am in my early twenties and still depend on my parents financially, and I have a very deep yearning for independence. 3. I forwent many of my more "mundane" , materialistic, stage orange desires and goals (i.e. getting laid, making money, status) in a misguided effort to embrace spiritually prematurely. I rationalized having sex and going out as being frivolous and petty, and withdrew significantly from those activities while at the same time denying to myself that I in fact wanted them. Ive always been interested in very esoteric and abstract things, Ive always loved history, politics, philosophy, and science (much of my absent mindedness in quotidian matters stems from this). I understand the importance of having a life purpose and doing something that fulfills me. I came to realize that something akin to political and philosophical commentary in the form of entertainment/informative media would be something that would fit really well with my personal desires and values, but.... Heres the catch. Given the way in which entertainment media works (ie Youtube), it is highly unlikely that I will be able to make my ends meet from my life purpose in the short term. So I have come to defer this for the moment, and set it more as a long term goal. I will still work on it, but it will be on the sidelines. For the moment, in order to remediate #2(above), I believe I will have to learn practical skills that I currently lack, and that I dont necessarily like, in order to gain the independence I so much crave within a year. So these are the things that I will do: I will learn web development and copywriting, and work in freelance within the next year, in order to gain some amount of income that will eventually allow me to move out of my parents', and if possible out of my small ass country, to a place where I can do pickup and fulfill my stage orange cravings. I will NOT abandon my spiritual practice, I will continue with my hourly meditation sessions and will utilize this as a doorway to get rid of my pathological "people pleasing" trait. I will, in the 3 upcoming years, work on my long term goal of establishing a political and philosophical commentary channel, improve my video and editing speaking skills and make a substantial living out of it. So I was thinking, how could I optimize this plan more efficiently? What am I missing? And, more importantly, what other practical skills besides copywriting and web development could I learn in a short term span (3-6 months) to start making money quick?

I push boundaries with transparency. I expose the I to extents I never dared to go before. I try to love the fear. Others seem not to be responding to fear with love and accaptence. I made a breakthrough, one could say. I left the past where it was. I travelled to the other side of the world. I have been living in a completely new enviroment as a new version for a long time. The only one who has been going through this transformation simultaniously is my girlfriend. But our paths are not identical; we realize this. I tend to get arrogant. I tend to expose and brag about my progress. I tend to be ideological. I tend to listen poorly. I also get upset when I am not heard. At times I get nuts if I get misunderstood. I also receive the same feedback. Interactions with strangers are smooth, open and effortless. A few friends from my past are entering my reality again. A newer version of them. But the old me is so dofferent I now fear to be fully authentic. I fear to be perceived as an arrogant dick and full of myself. In fact I am full of myself. But I am also empty. Is wanting to be noticed, acknowledged and appreciated what's bugging me? I know I am capable of showing appreciation and admiration. Is wanting to receive the same a trap? Should I be the one who is generous regardless? Or should I just not give a fuck? Thank you.

I've had this same experience as you, as have thousands of men before us. It's the difficult process of becoming a man, which most men don't ever actually undertake in a healthy, introspective way. Not trying to lecture or rant here, so apologies in advance if it comes off that way. A lot of this is me attempting to understand this exact same process as it's been going on in my life very heavily within the last year (I'm 22). 'I'm a big man now huh, look at how strong and smart I am with my job and my hot girlfriend? I'm the King!' All this bravado about our own strength and yet there's this underlying current that is growing stronger in the mind that this is largely a facade created by our ego to cover up deeper levels of our psyche, deeper levels of pain that we don't want to acknowledge. This doesn't mean we don't recognize our own strengths and power, but it comes from a much more humble, grounded place after we are able to acknowledge our own 'weakness.' The example I use in grounded confidence is someone like Bill Gates, you think he gives a shit if people know he has money? No, he doesn't care less because he's so grounded in his status and who he is. I laugh even calling our emotional nature a 'weakness' as if it is some thing that isn't exactly as it should be. We all grow up and inevitably get hurt physically, emotionally or spiritually in some form or fashion, that's just part of the human condition and is normal and natural. Our father beat us physically, our friends talk shit about us and exclude us, etc. etc. The issue is when we deny/repress the pain that we are justifiably feeling (as I did for most of my childhood) and try to act like superman, like we are invincible. What you are probably experiencing now is the hurt/fragility/weakness that you felt at a much earlier age in life when some bad shit happened. So trying to 'kill the weak boy' is only going to make the problem significantly worse. That's trying to further deny and disown the pain that you are feeling as if it is a bad thing. True transformation comes from acknowledging to yourself that you've been hurt and giving yourself whatever it is you need to heal your wounds. If that means crying and becoming depressed as fuck for a month, so be it. This will be very difficult for most men as we are not taught self love or sensitivity but rather to be stoic, hard and emotionless. Most of my childhood I wanted to be a Navy SEAL, I wanted the hardest thing fucking possible because I was invincible and nothing could stop me blah blah blah. Little did I know that was the 'weak little boy' inside of me in the shadows of my mind controlling me. I needed so badly to prove to myself that I was strong and not weak. Self love doesn't mean becoming a little bitch, quite the contrary actually. Being a little bitch is pretending that you are invincible to any pain, suppressing it deep within your being, and forcing the world to acknowledge how much of a king you are. Once you understand this dynamic you'll understand why so many famous people are so arrogant and self centered; it stems from a deeper insecurity that has not been worked through and will never get fixed no matter how much money, power, or girls one has. Floyd 'money' mayweather? Ha, such a joke... Everyone look, you guys! I'm special, I have money! This is why there are so many young 20 something year olds that act like douche bags flexing on everyone else. You said you want the king to show up? What is a king, what does that truly mean? Someone who dominates everyone else and acts like a tyrant.... or someone who is so fucking strong and grounded in himself that he can literally support thousands of others. You tell me what takes more strength. A king must have both the brute power, aggression and strength (that most young men chase and emulate) to defend his kingdom and set up boundaries from outside attack. On the other end of the spectrum, a king must have the softness, vulnerability, compassion, and sensitivity to take care of those within his kingdom. There is so much strength in this tenderness in a man, this is what our world is largely missing; real kings that have the psychological grounding to truly care for and heal others. A true king is so grounded in his strength/masculinity that he is comfortable in his passivity, softness and femininity. A male lion sits on the throne of the animal kingdom while his wife goes and hunts, you think he gives a fuck? When one is able to admit to themselves all the things they are ashamed of and that they hate about themselves, a massive burden is lifted. There is no more running away from weakness or 'being a little bitch.' There is an increased feeling of accepting oneself imperfections and all, a natural raising of self esteem (regardless of what your external results are) and giving way less of a fuck what anyone else thinks. Very counterintuitive and honestly a difficult fucking process. A good metaphor to think about it (as has been tremendously helpful for me) is that you are taking care of a child. If the seven year old version of you suddenly became your current day son, would you tell him to not be a pussy, to not be weak when he gets hurt? No, you'd act like the King that you are and you'd take care of your son. Although this is a metaphor, its also pretty literally what this is all about. Sorry if this was way too fucking long but I know exactly how you feel and a year ago would have never even considered this stuff. I just needed to fuck more chicks and get more jacked... and I did and it just got worse. I would've never thought how much I hated myself as a kid, how deeply hurt I was by my parents, how much I felt like a piece of shit even though I was a star athlete with a hot girlfriend and all that usual BS. Integrating all this is painful as fuck, no denying that. But on the other side of all the gut wrenching emotional work, man it's a different world. You're no longer controlled by the weak/fragile little boy, but rather able to fully embody all that you aspire to be. Hopefully you or anyone else reading this is able to derive some value. Looking forward to your comments.

@Leo Gura Good to hear, I bet once you are permanently awake a psychedelic like LSD will only give you the visual effects. I remember reading about eckhart tolles LSD experience and that it wasnt a big deal to him because it just intensifie the colors and sense perceptions, or that story about that one enlightened master that allegedly didnt feel anything on a big LSD dose. I think by that point you will only get the sense perceptions of psychedelics because the inner transformation is already done. its also a good indicator that you are on the right track with the states you get in psychedelics.

square pegs and round holes. Arrrrghhh! Time to walk the plank on this one. Dammit, I was hoping I could run away from myself just a little while longer... Deep down, I knew that starting this health coaching program was not "hell yeah" for me. It was more a "Let's-do-something-so-I-don't-feel-like-a-loser-in-mother's-basement yeah". I spent a sluggish month deliberating whether or not to drop the large sum of money for the program. The fact that it took me so long to decide, along with the fact that my decision came from someone else's opinion of the program, demonstrates to me that my decision came from fear-based ego, not love-based authentic self. I've undoubtedly learned a ton about different diets, mind/body connection, counseling people, following the body's intuiton... but good lord, I am not a coach. I hate that word. Coach implies someone who arranges all of the logistics, who is passionate and oo-rah-rah, who is an excellent accountability partner... and I'm not that at all. I'm the one who slinks off towards that mountain in the distance and returns to drop off a bunch of goodies as a byproduct of personal transformation. I can hold space for people, but I don't cheer for people. I could care less about logistics and accountability...and quite frankly, the fact that someone would even need accountability shows that they don't want their desires badly enough. Personal transformation happens by yourself, with yourself. Of course, that's my opinion, coming from an extreme personality. I recently discovered that my star sign is Aries, which explains my brash anti-herd mentality, my pounding square pegs into round holes, my competitive spiritual ego, my naive idealism, my extremist dieting, my struggles with relationships, and my solitariness. As I release those crusty egoic blockages, I see more and more this ram-like energy busting out of me. A ram doesn't coach; a ram leads by example. That's why I gravitate towards songwriting, writing, and more solitary creative activities. I feel like I'm here primarily to document my own journey of awakening in artistic fashion, rather than try to guide other people on their journeys. A shame, indeed, that it took six months and a decent amount of money to figure this out...and I still have six months to go on this program. Who knows? Maybe things will change, and I can use this certificate in some other way. Reminder to self: If it ain't hell yeah, it's no.