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@OneHandClap Okay this is another problem. You’re saying this is just what I believe. It’s not. My friend went homeless and he’s factually influenced a suicide. And other people have come out saying he’s ruined their life. It’s a problem and all he does is smart off about it.

@OneHandClap Well I feel like you get understand me then. The thing is me saying something can help, even though it isn’t going to stop him. If that person that committed suicide would’ve seen someone questioning Leo, it may have helped him reconsider.

@johnlocke18 You agree that you see teachings giving recklessly which this whole thread is about. He never adjusts Or takes criticism, them even after a suicide, like making a dude feel like he has to choose 5meo over his family. It’s a problem and saying “that’s just the way it is” And letting the same things continue is why so many horrible things happen in the world. Even another person posted not too long ago about considering suicide, and instead of suggesting a psychiatrist, Leo just gave his unprofessional opinion knowing he influenced a suicide just recently.

Uh yeah it is his fault if he advocates it multiple times with very few warnings and smarts off when multiple people tell him to be more careful. He literally said you have to physically die to awaken fully and even Said it again after influencing a suicide. This is why people stay in abusive relationships, because they are constantly told it’s their fault that their partner is getting angry or whatever. Leo’s careless wording to an audience with a heavy amount of vulnerable people, which he constantly gets evidence of, is no different. You are responsible when you know you have influence.

So one guy in my past relationships was someone who scammed me financially. I mean he would cry to me that he was in big trouble financially. And I would help him by paying his way out. I always had this instinct where I would jump to help people if they were in need. With this guy I had a long term relationship and at the end I discovered that he was lying to me and he was living well with absolutely no problems. In fact he was using me and exploiting me financially to get stuff for himself. And I was naively believing his lies. In the end I found out that literally everything he ever told me was a complete fabrication. I felt duped and scammed. I felt hurt, betrayed, exploited. I lost quite a lot of money and he disappeared from the scene so I could never get money back The money is really not the issue. It's the hurt and betrayal and all the long list of lies that hurts a lot. I felt like my feelings of compassion were being misused. I wasn't good at spotting his lies He would even give me suicide threats. So that's when I began to get suspicious of him. What are ways to avoid getting scammed when you want to believe what your lover says but at the same time you don't wish your trust in your lover to be taken advantage of ? How to know if your lover lying to you ? Especially being in love makes it harder to not trust.

What's up people, I thought I'd share something that may provide a tiny bit of relief to others aswell as it has for me. I've come in contact with a spiritual teacher (Artem Boytsov and his works on https://true-freedom.net/) who really acknowledges the issue of (sometimes obsessive) suicidal ideation on the spiritual path. He went through it himself and states that it's not uncommon, since the crazy ego mind deep down just wants to die. I'll link some of his stances on this here directly: https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-position-of-Vedanta-regarding-suicide https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-biggest-mistake-you-have-ever-seen-caused-by-ego/answer/Artem-Boytsov I also got to talk to him live in a yt broadcast about this and some issues, I'm on for the first 20 minutes or so: So, the bottom line I want to bring across is: If you happen to be dealing with suicidal ideation on the spiritual path, know you haven't necessarily "fucked up" or are necessarily heading in a totally wrong direction. It's all going on in the mind, the body has nothing to do with it. If you don't do anything about these thoughts, you'll be fine, sooner or alter.

About Genders Perceptual Discrepancies: Difficulties of Men Very high expectations from society. It creates unnecessary pressure and backfires. Low emotional support. Weaknesses are badly perceived. Not being interested in sports or other physical activities is badly perceived. A man's value is based on results and men who aren't able to achieve results get low support and are shamed. A lot of competition to be seen as the best result maker which causes health issues. Much more chances to die at the workplace because many men have more dangerous jobs compared to women: being a police officer, being a firefighter, etc. Higher suicide rates. Lower life expectancies. Lack of services for male victims of domestic violence and rape. They are much more man in jail than women. Also, men spend more time in prison compared to women for the same crime. Dealing with enormous rejections from women. Approaching women can cause suspicions even when its genuine. I'm sure that they are more issues, but I don't have the time to dive deep.

This was inspiring I'm gonna share some of my personal life and what has happened to me this week, and what I've learned/noticed about it. Doing this (partly for my own sanity) and in hopes of reminding those who are feeling stuck in a rut spinning their wheels in this work of "personal development", that it's not all pointless and how you could actually be making progress in ways that you don't even know. So to recap without too much detail -> - My car broke down at the start of the week. In a dangerous intersection! Then my pre-paid towing service literally HUNG UP on me lol. Too much to be worth fixing. So forced to shop for new vehicle unexpectedly. - One lifelong friend is ignoring me after I tried to engage with them again. Another friend informed me they don't want to talk anymore, and cut contact cold. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - Later that night to help digest things I went for a ride, I got in an accident on my bike and smashed my ribs and chest. Had to go to hospital. They basically couldn't do anything for me and didn't give me any painkillers either. - Missed work all week because of my incapacitating injury. In severe pain so can't accomplish anything at home. I work at somewhat of a ruthless corporate environment so anxiety hovering in my mind if they'd fire me. - While relying on my bike for transportation, found out I have a flat tire the MOMENT I need to get to a mandatory training for my volunteer firefighter position. Got zero responses for a potential ride. So missed out on all that..... - To top off all that's happened this week, I was informed today I tested positive and am in for a lifetime of a certain virus. But you know what? After all this I realized. I'm alright. Many things will happen to you in life, that are completely out of your control. They will suck too. What matters is how you react to them and what responsibility you take for it, regardless if it's your fault or not. Radical responsibility. Although I don't feel I've made a lot of preferred progress in my personal development goals. These events have given me quite a contrast to how far I've really come. Had I not done any of this work or been committed to it these circumstances would have been absolutely devastating, my alternative default self probably would be considering suicide at this moment. But to be honest I've actually been kind of laughing at it all! All the emotions that have come up have been tempered. I feel I'm in total control of them. I know I will be able to handle each thing - one at a time. It surprises me actually, because there are so many moments I'm doubting if I'm just jerking off my ego mind doing "personal development" and that it's all a game. I hope this goes to show anyone who may be doubting themselves, PLEASE don't give up! You are probably much farther along your path than you think you are, maybe you just haven't been shown it yet. Trust that this work is worth it! If you don't see me on this forum after this perhaps my luck reached the end of the rope and I get hit by a car tomorrow xD. After all the week ain't over yet! Cheers

@OneHandClap Which is why I’m speaking up. It’s a really big problem that he doesn’t put enough emphasis on it if it influenced even on suicide.

@Andyforreal And you say whining on here won’t help anyone. Yeah if people on his forum consider and actually commit suicide it can help them think twice about him being an unquestionable authority. Which is what you believe saying you have no right to speak out against him or “command” him. Yet he can say whatever he wants and you take it in without question. You say he’s not your guru but you’re literally on his forum following him. So, yes, he is in a way.

@Thought Art @Andyforreal @OBEler @Dayo @Thought Art You guys are just justifying Leo making mistakes that aren’t okay to make, multiple times. Influencing ruined lives and a suicide. It’s like back when there were slaves the justification was just “that’s just how it is” which is what you guys are doing. You can’t change your views on Leo after he’s become corrupt, because you think highly of him, and then you project that closed mindedness on anyone that questions him. Then, you just try to make it out that they’re deluded and make assumptions.

OK, let me chime in here and hopefully straighten a few things out. Firstly let me clarify my motivation for making this video and also the previous one about staying grounded, and its to and put the brakes on the kind of mentality that lead to the recent suicide of one of the members here on Actualized. I think a strong grounded foundation is critical for any kind of serious psychedelic exploration, and I would say that when that is not the case then we end up with Conor Murphys and tragic cases like Sunni. I would hope that this would be something that we can all agree on - that (regardless of what else is going on) we have bodies, and that we interacting with a physical plane of existence. No matter how much of it we PERCEIVE, it is REAL (the definition reality was in the video). Actions have consequences, and its happening independent of you - now if we cannot agree on that then you leave the door wide open to future Sunni's, and needless to say THAT WOULD BE BAD. Even Leo has said similar things in the light of these events (look after your bodies, actions have consequences, don't hurt your physical form) so I really don't think there is a whole lot of daylight between me and him here (Leo feel free to correct me). We need to look after our physical bodies, because they are (at the very least) occupying a physical plane, and the shit going around you (while not being the totality of reality) is real. I notice a lot of the usual silliness here and most of it has fuck all to do with the point at hand. The plane of reality I discuss within this video has ZERO impact on what you might want to believe about God, consciousness, religion, or whatever else - so calm your tits. I'm also seeing a lot of the same "everything is imaginary" waffle which is what led to the recent tragedy, I guess some things never change... ho hum. Now the argument I presented within this video is specifically to debunk the case put forth by Deepak within the documentary. You might argue that there are other additional factors that I didn't take into account, but that's not what I was debunking. Deepak put forward his case with some very specific examples in a mainstream documentary, and there were BAD easily debunkable examples. I used the full clip quoting Deepak, and included dictionary definitions of the words at hand, so he was not in any way misrepresented. I will say that I think Deepak Chopra is pretty notorious for his word salad bullshit and that I don't think there is much value in anything he says (most of which he just regurgitates from other more useful sources). So in summary all I would say is that if this (the case Deepak makes here) was the foundation you were using to understand reality then you probably should go back to the drawing board, because its an extremely flimsy basis which might make for a quirky soundbite but doesn't hold up to much scrutiny.

I have no idea when my mental health began to decline. It happened somewhere in mid 2018 This was the time I was having a lot of fights with Joseph. I also had began fighting with my family at the same time. It was really bad I didn't want my family back then. The whole 2019 I avoided my family. I was upset. By January 2020, I was contacting my ex because I felt he really cared about me. I was lonely. I didn't want Joseph I was losing trust in Joseph. My ex wasn't giving a positive response. So I gave up That year I thought I needed money to move out But the news of Corona hit in March. And there was no chance of moving out because it was a tense lockdown I was even banned from going out This was throughout 2020. It was a tense period I broke up with Joseph finally in late 2020 around November My mental health took a stab in December,I wasn't able to cope with the thought that Joseph had cheated on me. It was the most terrible feeling of betrayal. I tried to gather myself by January and February. That was my last attempt at piecing my bits together In March and April I began to feel better but the forum was a huge headache starting March 19, I remember the last week of March I was trying to socialize and the first week of April I had made some friends and for some time I was feeling better. I don't remember the last week of April I guess I was upset and I was ill for some time. I guess this is the time when the ex girlfriend of Joseph contacted me. The last week of April , I still don't remember, I guess I was stressed out for some reason. Yea I remember the last week now. I was attacked on the forum on April 25 and I distinctly remember coming very close to a seizure I was about to have a seizure that day I was too stressed out.. I really wanted someone to talk to. Then came more harassment. Some forum member was constantly sending me abusive messages non stop from different accounts and this went on for 4 days and it had created tremendous stress because I was constantly blocking the member. Then came the first week of May.. I was dealing with family issues again regarding rent payment. I was falling short on payments and my financial situation was getting worse from that point Then came May 19 when I came across the news of the suicide of Soonhei. I became despondent after hearing the news. It shook me and left me completely depressed. I couldn't believe what had happened. I was crying and I had turned into a mess. Then came the whole YouTube Adeptus thing and a huge fight followed. Some members came after me after that incident. That was the whole last week of May. I remember being extremely upset not knowing what was going on It was June and I had decided to leave the forum.. It was clear in my mind that it wasn't a good place to be Thats when I decided to connect online dating online An old friend contacted me. He was SKB I felt a sudden sense of joy This was June 11. I began writing about him extensively. The last week of June was a happy one and I posted the thread that he called me stupid. That probably was the last week of June. I was happy for a while. And I don't remember much after that. I guess I was more interested in religion after that point. I was interested in Islam at that point. I was learning about Islam in the last week of June and the beginning of July And the last 6 days were an utter nightmare. I guess that's when I Turned to religion for peace

@Roy I don't plan on hurting myself, only the neurotic mind craves suicide. I do intend to drown it in being though.

You do not need nor deserve to create more suffering for yourself through ultimatums. Is this a limit you feel exists and is true? Why can you not serve others and yourself at the same time? And can you honestly think of ways to serve yourself where you don't need to suffer, but rather feel good? What could that look like? Perhaps that is why you fail to be happy. Setting standards where there needs to be none. Happiness is simply radical contentment. No time conjuring up conditions needs to be wasted. I'm really sorry for what you're going through @Onecirrus, but it doesn't need to be the end of the road. There is nowhere that is written. Please don't feel the need to hurt yourself. If you feel unwell take time to rest and consider talking to someone, people will always be here to help you. https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

I can't do it anymore, I just can't fucking do it anymore. It's exhausting, it's nauseating, it doesn't make any sense, and I am too conscious of its limits to continue. A life serving the self and the mind is an arduous, empty, infuriating, unfulfilling endeavor where the only certainty is suffering. My failures are catastrophic and my victories are hollow, bringing only a few minutes of satisfaction before I feel inadequate again. I no longer posses the energy to judge others or my self anymore, I'm tired of hating, complaining, and suffering. My limited conditions for happiness are never met and are guaranteed to fail in a universe where the destiny of all forms is annihilation. My mind has driven me to the brink of suicide and back over and over and over and over and over and over- Enough!!! I don't care anymore!!! I'm done... I'm done... my only desire right now is to empty myself of myself until only God remains. I just want to rest in peace. I've wandered off of this path dozens of times, wandered unconsciously back into hell, I can't do it anymore. It's just too painful. Absolutely nothing brings happiness except spirituality, everything else hypnotizes you back into hell.

I don't have a personal interest in practicing this Mahasamadhi. But it got my attention today when a week old video of a monk that was doing Mahasamadhi. And now as a coincident I saw this post mentioning Mahasamadhi. My curiosity is not around the act of it being a sort of suicide, but rather if this practice is a fully concious conlcution of some sort. Maybe inward knowing of coming full circle if you will. An inward knowing must come from a deeper place than our day to day reasoning/logic based of some sorty of causality. As in "I do this/that to avoid/gain this or that". This Mahasamadhi doesn't come across as a choice rooted in worldly things, but rather as a conclution rooted in it's own nature through practice of cultivating a deeper inner access. While the video I saw seemed very real. I also find some doubt in myself regarding this phenomena. Since he could been taking some poison beforehand, or maybe it is an collective act on behalf of the legitimacy of monk practices, who knows. It sparked some curiosity of thought in me. Anyways, this is my random thoughts for today.

You really think so? How would you explain terrorists, rapists, pedophiles, etc then? Are they just doing all those things for the hell of it? No. They have absorbed that abuse and trauma and made an identity of it, and now they act it out because that's what makes up their reality, and is unfortunately all they know in some cases. I can't remember where I read it but there was a study that showed that more than 65+% of incarcerated males were the victims of some form of abuse in their formative years. A regular functioning person simply does not strap an explosive vest to themselves and suicide bomb a market. Regardless of what they've been told you can almost assume with 100% certainty they had something terrible happen to them growing up. Of course this is an extreme example. Depending on the degree of abuse ones reaction could be from doing nothing at all to doing everything in their power to shell out what they got.

In theory, Mahasamdhi is supposedly the doorway from the physical to the next dimension. It is accessed through intense spiritual work and only happens by a conscious willing to exit this life consciously to go beyond by the individual. Thats what I've heard about it. I've heard many spiritual teachers talk about it so I assume it exists. The mystery with mahasamadhi is you won't really know how it works experientially until or if it arises as a possibility in your experience. In which case others can only take your word on faith or you exit this dimension and no one hears from you again. Mahasamadhi from what I hear is much different from escapism or suicide and never happens unconsciously or by 'accident'. So in that regard I think you don't need to worry about it.

Yes. And his work is bigger than any one of us because he serves 100,000+ people. We need to recognize and respect this. I think after Connor Murphy, and the recent suicide I am sure he feels a lot of fear around people misusing his teachings. This WILL continue to happen and is likely unavoidable. I know from doing my accounting program for example how many mistakes I make doing math etc... This is also happening all the time you are listening and creating a map of reality. So, it is a really tough situation where we need to take care of each other. I love all you guys. Let's keep each other safe. Ultimately though we need to just keep our bodies, minds, relationships, social status and finances secure and use common sense. You were God living in your own reality before awakening and you will after awakening. No amount of awakening or God realization is going to change the rules of reality. Videos like "God Realization" Speaking about ultimate power for example is very dangerous and likely to be easily misinterpreted by egos. Leo has said for everyone one of us that awakens and self actualizes 1000 will become zen devils and fuck up theirs and other peoples lives. BE CAREFUL. We need you sober, clear, grounded and healthy with a high level of honesty, integrity and ability to self reflect and own up to your own mistakes and misunderstandings. If you are tripping be grounded and don't go over board. Doing a lot of psyches will not turn you into some kind of super human guru and will likely do the opposite. Go slow, use them responsibility and you will discover some amazing stuff and grow enormously if you do it carefully. But, even if you think you are being careful there are risks. That doesn't mean you are a fucking idiot or a bad person. You simply need to take more responsbility and learn. The problem with psyches with that before you do them you go into it with all kinds of concepts, ego constructs etc.. and while you are tripping and in an altered state theres no knowing what you will say or think or conclude. This is why reading, journaling, meditation, and using low doses rarely is important. It will hurt, but don't give up. So, be really careful and don't expect the 'external' world to change because of your spirituality. Expect to change to meet reality and to serve what is already, and has already been here from a higher state of embodied understanding and wisdom. Sure, there are lots of things about reality that you have to discover and it can be recontextualized a lot but... Be safe out there and be grounded. When seeing the foolishness of others around you, in the world etc. It's easy to see there is no 'common sense'... and as you open your mind up and question the foundations of reality be sure to keep your rope tied to a tree. If you lose your mind, hurt others and destroy your life that would be a shame and a very rude awakening I would prefer we all avoid here. And I need you folks here to help me when I inevitably fall and make mistakes as well. I got you, and I know you got me. All said with healthy boundaries.

Leo does not b.s If you cant take it or don't like it then unsubscribe. if you're worried about mentally ill people committing suicide over Leo's content then you should know that there are a million things out there to tackle that cause people to commit suicide rather than actualized channel. illogical to even compare. Leo's channel IS to help people have a happier, healthier life, but the road is incredibly difficult and sometimes tricky. Ironic that I was going to a therapist for depression and at a time I was suicidal, giving up, feeling like nothing will really ever help me. I stumbled upon a few videos of Leo and his content was the only thing that ever helped get me out of that pit. so one man's poison was another's life saving medicine. and I'm sure it was medicine for many other people. if there's even 1% chance that your criticism and blame may cause Leo to change his teaching methods or hold back on sharing any information, please consider the fact that you may be having a hand in destroying someone's chance at finding peace.

In many of Leo's videos, he refers to the body as a "bio-machine." He also refers to the body-mind as a complex supercomputer which no one gave you an instruction manual to operate. He speaks of "jailbreaking" the mind, how heavy metals can affect your consciousness even if they are completely imaginary. I agree with all of this. The body is literally a bio-machine, and to optimize it, direct experience alone is insufficient to reach this goal. Unfortunately, Leo has made the mistake of applying the one criterion necessary for spirituality (direct experience) to the domain of health and nutrition. Think about it: can you deeply understand a computer without reading and learning many fields of knowledge (programming, engineering, etc.). I would say no way. The same goes for health; you cannot simply rely on your direct experience; you need data, you need science. You can definitely be healthy without knowing the science of nutrition/biology, as many people in history were before science was even a thing. However, if you seek to understand the body and optimize it as efficiently and perfectly as possible, you need data, science, studies, books, research, and direct experience. Leo has made many claims that are quite frankly ridiculous such as: "There is no proof green tea is safe. Again, these are mostly myths and dogmas people blindly believe." To which I replied: "No, Leo, these are not simply myths. Green tea has literally been used on cancer patients, and it has shown in both in vitro studies and human clinical trials to:- interfere with each of the stages of cancer formation: the initiation of the first cancer cell, promotion into a tumor, and then subsequent progression and spread Genoprotective effects Boost the DNA-repair enzyme in our body called OGG1 after consumption. (In fact, tea is so DNA-protective it can be used for sperm storage for fresh samples until they can be properly refrigerated.) It can cause cancer cells to commit suicide—apoptosis (programmed cell death)—while leaving normal cells alone. Reduce the risk of getting oral cancer. It can also increase the antioxidant power of our saliva and decrease the DNA damage within the inner cheek cells of smokers. Our good gut bacteria ferment tea compounds into compounds like 3,4DHPA, which appears to wipe out colon cancer cells, while leaving normal colon cells relatively intact in vitro. Does tea prevent cancer? Evidence from laboratory and human intervention studies Epidemiological evidence linking tea consumption to human health: a review Effects of single-dose and regular intake of green tea (Camellia sinensis) on DNA damage, DNA repair, and heme oxygenase-1 expression in a randomized controlled human supplementation study Preventive effects of drinking green tea on cancer and cardiovascular disease: epidemiological evidence for multiple targeting prevention. If thousands of years of historical use, thousands of research studies (meta-analysis, clinical trials, cohort, etc.), as well many people's own personal and direct experience of regularly drinking tea and deriving benefits with no documented evidence of risk and NO RISK OF fluorosis (because green tea naturally contains fluoride), is not enough to convince you that drinking tea even if it has fluoride is healthy and safe and will not give you cancer.... Then, I mean no offense, but you are too ignorant on the subject of health and nutrition to give an opinion one way or another." -End of Reply. When presented with evidence to the contrary, Leo will reply, and I quote: "I would not trust any sources on this matter." or "Nobody knows what is safe for the body. There is no such evidence. Hence caution is required." However, Leo is very keen on stating the safety profile for psychedelics (physical safety). Very biased, in my opinion. This is what happens when you rely on " your direct experience," it simply does not cut it, and you will be so confused you'll start to think green tea, and fluoride toothpaste is carcinogenic but a carnivore diet is not. Unfortunately, Leo's fixation on heavy metals because of his "direct experience" with heavy metal poisoning has also made him and many others on the forum obsessed with heavy metal detox and constantly discussing heavy metals while ignoring the plethora of other, more common, and more detrimental chemicals (such as Persistent organic pollutants, trans fat, polycyclic aromatic-hydrocarbons, and bovine hormones, microplastics) that many of you consume without even batting an eye. As well as many harmful chemicals produced in the body naturally, such as reactive oxygen species, ammonia, beta-amyloid, gut dysbiosis. The body is a system and to play a symphony you need more than one instrument. For example, fats can dramatically increase the damage done by heavy metals, yet no one speaks of this; it is all so very reductionistic. This is very counterproductive to our health goals. This is not an attack on Leo. This is constructive criticism. I wish Leo and all of you good health.

@Loba He literally quoted Leo before he did it. I’m sure his family would like you smarting off about it have you ever had someone close to you be mentally ill or commit suicide? I’m being a “white knight” so stuff like this doesn’t happen again. Lol I hate when incels throw around that term my post has nothing to do with you dehumanizing women from your lack of sex.

Dear God, It's been 8 months since my awakening. This is when i knew. This is when spirituality became a fact. A lot of work has been done but the kickback... I cant! I am sure I am not the only one. Give me advise. What to DO if i am stuck in between? Leo, many like me need advise. You are running too far ahead. In particular I need to know how to combine self-development with spirituality. So far its been farce dealing with both at once! TLDR; Ego kickback so bad I am getting bad ideas... No not suicide, instead its zen-devilry...is it the fate of this body? Respecfully, You

@Raphael I have severe social anxiety. So I rarely talk to people. I feel scared around people. So I work from home. I want Emotional support because I feel alone. I also suffer depression and suicidal ideation which is extremely difficult to remove from my head. I have been suicidal since I was a kid I used to see my parents fighting. It gave rise to anxiety disorder. I have been on medication but the medication caused me heart rhythm problems so I stopped it. I suffered PTSD because of the beatings and mental abuse I received as a child. That's when suicidal feelings began I also started doing self harm. These days I have been able to control self harm behaviour significantly. But the feelings of suicide keep haunting me. I feel like death will bring freedom from a trapped life because I always felt trapped as a child My biggest desire was to not be born into that family. I wish one day I get freedom and then I will be a free bird at last. I try to think everday about it. Somehow I can be free from this family .I feel very bad for my dad. He died. I feel like he died because he wanted freedom so bad that his body became sick spiritually and delivered freedom to him Last week my mother told .me - "why don't you just die because you are anyways a loser like your dad. And even if you don't die I'll kill you." Since then I began getting nightmares and in those nightmares I see her strangling my neck while I'm asleep and trying to kill me and I wake up in deep fear shouting and screaming out of fear. I feel like her agenda is to handicap me for life so she can continue abusing and controlling me Because she wanted my dad to be sick and so he got sick..she used to deny him medication. When I was 14 I needed medication for my lung infection but she denied it .I needed money for medical help. I only needed $10. But she refused. My lung infection became worse and I suffered permanent lung injury and breathing problems. She denied me medical help many times because of which my health problems became much worse. I often get unconscious because of my breathing issues and I easily get tired if I have to walk. I quit my previous job because it was a 9-5 job that made my breathing problem worse because it required traveling. So I work from home. But she does not allow me to focus on work. She keeps harassing and bullying. Police will not do anything to her because police believe parents are like God in India. I once told the police about her behaviour when I was 14 that she is abusing the whole family but the police told me that a mother can never abuse a child. They told me to go back to her As a child I ran away from her many many times but everytime I was captured by police and sent back to live with her I feel like she doesn't want me to leave her because she is an abuser. And she will do everything in her power to stop me from leaving. She likes the sense of power and control. She also gave me death threats many times if I decided to leave. In the year 2019 month of December tried to leave after I collected my savings from my job and I got a place on rent. Then she came to the place. She went to police and made a false complaint against me that I'm not taking care of her and abandoning her. So the police came to my place and ordered me to go back to her or allow her to live with me or else they will send me to jail.. Because of her I started hating bossy women because bossy women are more dangerous then abusive men. Bossy women like her can make false complaints to police and put people in trouble. In India there are many privileges for parents. Parents are treated like Gods. There are no privileges for children. Many Indian parents treat children like bonded slaves. She is treating me like a slave. If I leave her, she tells me that I'll be in trouble. But once I have enough money ,I will try to have enough courage to leave her cage she has created for me There are millions of children in India suffering child abuse. Many children commit suicide at the age of 14 because of parents abuse and torture. There is no justice. Police does not register a case against parents . They make it look like it's the fault of children to be so weak and commit suicide . It is not seen as a problem although the rate of teens and children committing suicide is increasing everyday but it is brushed under the carpet The concept of child abuse does not exist in India. The law exists but it's namesake law, there is no implementation. There is rampant child abuse where parents beat children mercilessly. They pressure children psychologically and abuse them emotionally. If the child decides to leave then there is emotional blackmailing, threatening and police threats. CPC or child protection service exists in America. But it doesn't exist in India. There are no foster homes.. either you live with abusive parents or you commit suicide if parents are bad Children who suffer child abuse are sent back to abusing parents. When I was a child I complained to my teachers about child abuse but they didn't take it seriously. I hope no child is born to Indian parents If I ever decide to finally die, my last words will be a curse to a culture that tortures children and takes away their rights. If I die I won't die simply, I will write long letter explaining how child abuse ruined my whole life and the person who abused me will never rest in peace, I will seek justice even in death. My soul will keep seeking justice, my death won't be in vain. We need a revolution in my country regarding abused children. Something has to happen. Somebody has to hear the screams of children crying in pain. Somebody has to bring justice to millions of children who suffer PTSD in my country the way I suffered, millions who committed suicide because they could not escape their parents evil torture. Maybe one day a revolution will come Parents who commit abuse belong in prison. They should not have the license to become parents in the first place. Indian parents are extremely controlling. This is already a known fact. But the problem is not limited to control. There is blackmail, threatening, gaslighting, isolating, invalidation and the extreme form of this is harassment and physical violence. Even normal indian parents who don't beat are difficult to live with because they control every aspect of the child's life. And the abusive ones are extremely hard to deal with. There the only way to deal is legal action to stop abuse/violence. But the court doesn't believe children/adults. The court always believes parents. The judgement is always in favor of parents even if parents are abusive I pray one day I get freedom from my horrible family and I get peace at last. If I save enough money for next 3 years maybe I can get a place to live and I can have enough money to go to court if she makes threats or goes to police. So I'm focused on saving money but right now it's impossible to get freedom. She is very violent. Last year I had an injury on my arm because she hit me so badly. She hit me with a bat. When I showed it to police, they told me that I'm making unnecessary drama. I was in hospital because I was not able to move my arm . It was very sad