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Do you have any interest in Spiritual Awakening? This is dying and being able to come back, but with all the knowledge of who you really are, what is death, what is God, what is Love, what is Reality, etc. The cost of an Awakening is you have to have the courage to surrender to your *death. So in a way, being suicidal is a blessing for this. My loving of life prevents me from making this surrender to death. I guarantee you that if you had a full blown spiritual awakening experience, you would have a completely different view on life, and would have no desire whatsoever in comitting physical suicide. *To clarify, Death as in spiritual death when taking a high dose of a psychedelic like 5-MEO.

@Loba with me it feels like I'm constantly feeling a "Light". A buzzing light feeling. However, the light is almost wants to form a new ego, and it's extremely arrogant, and sees itself as not human. It can't generate much compassion for others, it instead looks down. So it might be a temporary alter ego, will have to see if it remains. What I want is for this light to strongly remain or become integrated in some way. It shows me very important things, in regards to strength of character as well The new ego wishes to talk and talk as well, prior to this, not so much. But I should go back to the contemplation and meditation gold mines when I can. Seems I was already in the dark maybe, but some light came along and just made the feast more spectacular -- Edit: So after meditating again, I had the kundalini ish phenomena of body jerking/shaking rising and rising, before exploding into silence. I imagined another voice inside my head briefly. Its my imagination rather than psychosis. The experience was more tame and shorter. Whatever the Lucifer or Light alter ego was, its faded for now, but not the sensations of it. Still some glow. I shed a few tears as I did a half hearted surrender of "it". Since all these things can and are happening in such a short span of time, from hereon in I'll try to get accustomed to this being the new normal. As opposed to panicking so much that I rush to others out of panic and guidance, and see every micro-occurrence within the day as worthy of lengthy elaboration. It is not worthy, but I can't help it when there's so much flux in such short time. I don't wish to internalise your ideology, but with the images and impressions, and perhaps added perspective I've had from recent experience, I'm pretty sure I've been working with "dark energy" for a while now. Many weeks and months. I just never labelled it that. The steps I've been taking, it's perhaps been to transition the ego and personality into something more dark. "I'll keep moving forward even if I find myself in hell" , that's what I tell myself anyway. "The choice has been between suicide or plunging into the dark". Since it is like that, I'm willing to become a demon if that is what's necessary. Whatever it takes, wherever I'm taken so long as it's not this I feel the dark now again, as opposed to lots of light, but traces of light remain It seems I use speech as a form of live action or way to explicit my mind, rather than using it to make factual statements or regular discourse. And it just spews out my mouth as something to do The words have been spoken, and I've laid myself bare. Speak anything you wish THE ONLY THING I'VE EVER BEEN TRULY POSSESSED BY IS A SINGLE POINTED MADNESS TO PUSH EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE USELESS ASIDE AND MARCH FORWARD OVER THE LITTER OF BURNING CORPSES THAT GET IN THE WAY

The heart is sad. As I posted in another place, the stuff we do to help our survival can end up hurting it and that can be a common theme - do something helpful and it causes pain and do something painful and it causes help.. it is counterintuitive. like we see we want to do stuff to aide our survival but then the choices we select actually hurt our survival in ways we didn't think about It can be helpful to try to look at the full repercussions to see what all we are doing is going to impact to see if the help is only temporary or long term and if/who/what that help ends up hurting. go for drugs and it is temporary help but then may have long term hurt go for a job with lots of money and it may help your bank account but hurt your heart and relationships; etc. we usually don't feel like suicide out of the blue - usually it is a combination of factors feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to I am sorry you are going through this. Lots of us are, myself included.

I should probably add (for those who haven't read about my stuff before) that I'm currently not suicidal. But sometimes I fantasize about making a sudden unplanned spontaneous suicide, but I think that the risk (chance) that I'll do it in the near future is low. @PepperBlossoms Thanks. @snowyowl Thanks.

@James12345 Well I'll have to see what I do with my life. These last few days have been very trippy. I'll have to see how this demonic/angelic energy changes me. I sense this is something to integrate, but something is pathological about it/me. "Every baby could get raped and it wouldn't matter". What got me to this point was "burning everything false" out of dissatisfaction, that's what got me "this far". Hate, scorn, pride and anger; this became my fuel to keep moving forward when in the depths of hell. Not even move forward, to survive and not commit suicide. There was nothing to rely on but myself. Pushing and pushing through with will. Now I'm just feeling strange about this all. I'm getting fed up of the overused vulgarity, it's just repetitive, but the idiom "caught with one's dick in one's hand" sprang to mind. [Likewise, I'm fed up with over used jargon like surrender or not resisting. If I use them one more time I'll vomit] Note that I'm writing this still in the short term whilst in the subtle afterglow of a crazy experience, only time will tell what I will really do with life. "For all I know, I'm at step 1"- no, I can't even remotely feign that. I have seen some shit, and I feel like my life will be changing directions. Honestly, it feels like maybe a part of me died. Will have to see

@asifarahim Did you get that information from Anime? No, divorce is not a sin there. It is only a sin in Christian, especially Catholic countries. Japanese would directly or indirectly murder themselves for the emperor (authority). That's why Japan has systemic problems such as karoshi (they literally work themselves to death for authority (their bosses)), suicide (they get very depressed after a lifetime of self-betrayal, for the sake of authority and society), and others. It's easy to understand why my ex-wife divorced me. It was because of her loyalty and devotion to authority (her mother). I didn't title this thread "Worst of Stage Blue" for nothing. No. But many Japanese have told me I look like them. And many of my countrymen have told me I look like a foreigner. I don't have mixed ethnicity. But I am very different from my countrymen, internally and externally.

I was quite emotionally numb about 7-8 years ago, it led to thoughts about suicide and other fun stuff. Don't let it slide! Do something about it! Therapy and counseling work to go through the reasons why you numb yourself. What protection mechanism is at play here? In my case, I numbed myself to feel less pain, but with total numbness, you can't feel joy either. A breakthrough I made with releasing my emotions fully was at Hoffman Process. Never was the same person again. Highly recommend it.

I have not watched the video yet, but I wanted to comment. Suicide is an unfortunate failure of the mind over the body. Not in some moralistic way, but in that we are all built with self-preservation and that even when life is difficult and painful we fight to stay alive. Sometimes we can be convinced that death is superior to life. Death is a part of life. It is the other side of the coin of life. It isn't something to shun or embrace. It just is, and when the time comes we will all encounter it. Trying to escape life just to be back with Unity with all and pure love misses the point of life. Most people who have had a near death experience have no fear of death or dying, but also realize that this life is why we are human. To experience this life, not prematurely move on. That being said, I am not against euthanasia or even suicide in some extreme situations. Terminal illness with no hope of recovery with debilitating pain and no quality of life. Sure, let me check out. But thinking I will somehow be better off dead just because I'm depressed or facing challenges in life? No.

@Preety_India as usual Leo is poor at using proper words and language. what he meant and what you proposed as logical cliams is so different. death or suicide is unSpritual by any definition. seek life, knowledge, love, etc which is christ sprit. sucide or death oriented things are crimes

In this clip Leo talks about suicide and the challenges around it. He says in the absolute sense, suicide is not morally wrong. I somewhat agree. Then Leo proceeds to say - death is infinite love, this is where I suffer a temporary moment of mindfuck. How is death supposed to mean infinite love? Then he says the absolute purpose of this work is to recontextualize everything around you in the here and now and be able to see the beauty in the present moment. But my question is that if this present moment represents all the beauty and infinite love, then why can't death also represent same? How does death become any lower in value than the experience of the present moment and why should death not be on the same plane as living in the present moment? Is it not possible to love this challenge that entails loving the present moment and love death at the same time? Also as Leo says to make a commitment to suffer it out no matter what, I guess it's easier said than done. Would this imply that suicide is un-spiritual?

This isn't my first rodeo. I'm not new to transcendence, psychedelics or working with "the void". My 5MeO experience was not about "the void" for me. It was about being so severely out of it I basically blacked out. I was chasing something. What thought I was chasing was ego death and oneness with the Absolute. What I got was a drug induced spanking and my only realization was that I was chasing an escape from being human, but the whole point of being human is to be human. If doing all this spiritual work does not manifest in your life, in maya, in the human realm of duality, time, space and ego, then what is the point? If all you want is to have a perpetual bliss of divine love etc, just kill yourself, take psychedelics everyday or go meditate in a cave someplace for the rest of your life. But then suicide and chronic drug use and decades of isolation are all just attempts to escape being human. Why not just embrace it? Be fully present and mindful / conscious of each moment AS a human? Why focus so much on transcendence? What are you trying to transcend, and why? Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that occasional experiences of transcendence, divine love, unity with all time and space etc. isn't worth pursuing. My realization is that these experiences are not what this life is about. For occasional use only. We need to stay grounded and integrate these experiences with the here and now of human experience. Otherwise it is spiritual narcissism and can lead to losing touch with this reality, psychosis and even suicide. Be here now people!

Hey my first real suicide attempt was actually doing shrooms I had before a few times but it wasn't all the way like shrooms. I sat in a puddle of blood in utter bliss knowing it's all over truly and I had latched onto thoughts of my mother and me when I was a child. I really learned my lesson when I got up and realized I wasn't going to die, I just sat still for a long time. I calmed down and contemplated what the actual fuuuck happened. Basically man it's like understanding you can choose to surrender or to resist, that's all it is. I know it's sooo simple to say this but it's really just having the awareness that with certain waves of feeling (although in the present moment of being in that state it can feel unbearable) it's actually mostly the resistance causing your freakout because you're still clinging onto your model of reality. Just surrender yourself into whatever happens, make a vow. Practice laying down and meditate by surrendering to everything whatever it is you're feeling no matter how horrible, just sink into it. Like stick your face into it and be with it, you'll see you can become meditative like this and have a lot more confidence knowing you won't get caught up in the trip and make it hell for yourself. But I must say I have built a lot of confidence by the traditional stuff rather than the insanely high states of consciousness psychedelics can put you in, I have spent a looooooot of time reading watching and thinking, practicing the more traditional stuff from buddhism, yogic practices etc and the ratio of traditional layed out brick by brick stuff that's all out there right now to doing psychedelics imo should be like 10:1 So I think if you're doing fuck all inbetween your trips to resolve stuff you will constantly be in that terror of not trusting yourself to let go fully.

I committed suicide before and I know I'm past that shit now but there is a deep fear in me that I'm capable of doing it again despite the fact that I know I wouldn't do that and I don't have any reason to do that but I'm afraid specially when I take psychedelics that if I get stuck in negative thought patterns I would kill myself it's a twisted shit and I haven't discovered how to deal with it yet I know it's stupid intellectually because I don't wanna do that but then again I'm afraid of doing it I would appreciate other perspectives on this situation

Perhaps. The realization for me however was that this experience of being a human being, bound in time and space and illusion IS the reason we are having this experience of being human. This consensus realty we all experience may be the true hallucination, we are still having it. While it can have some value to peer beyond the veil to see maya for what it is, the purpose of being alive as a human is to experience being human, not flirt with nothingness. If you really think that a perpetual experience of Nothingness / God / Absolute truth is the goal, then suicide is likely the best option. But that is not why we are having a human experience. It is to live our lives, have experiences (both good and bad) within the relative matrix, share love and human connection and to value the beauty of this experience of being alive. There will be plenty of time for Eternity when we surrender back into the Void. But can you cook your dinner? Can you protect a hurt child? Can you make this worldly experience better for those around you? If not, then spirituality is really just narcissistic escapism. Being fully present and conscious in the ordinary is the goal of a spiritual practice IMO. Holding the hand of a dying loved one and letting the experience totally in, working on helping society and the Earth be better for everyone is the goal. Not experience transcendent states, live in bliss all the time or preach about solipsism, nihilism and spiritual narcissism.

Suicide is not the answer, because that is yet another survival drive masking itself as an "ultimate solution for everything". A solution for what exactly?: Well, only the fullfillment of another survival need. You have to give up the thing that is driving you towards suicidal thoughts. Only the ego wants an ultimate solution. Enlightenment doesn't come as a result of turning away from life. It comes from gradually acing life and going beyond it. Look at Sadhguru's life before awakening at 25. He was running multiple successful businesses. Suicide was the last thing on his mind at that moment. His being was simply ready to evolve to the next level, and all of it was several lifetimes in the making.

It is pretty clear your ideas of enlightenment are the problem. Suicide won't do it. If you are serious about suicide please contact 1-800-273-8255. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I just changed the title to: "If enlightenment is the truth, then why is it so damn difficult to happen?" Are you happy now? Can you all stop obsessing about the words achieve/attain now? My thoughts immediately goes to physical suicide again. It's weird that not more seekers committ suicide thanks to all this constant talk about death, beyond survival, etc.

Hello. I've been suffering from a feeling of not being here for five years now. I struggle to work, I struggle to study, it gets really hard to think and feel almost every moment of my waking life. I'm here because I want to start micro-dosing with LSD. It all went wrong when I took Magic Mushrooms, though. I've ended up in a mental hospital, because I nearly committed suicide. I actually almost broke my skull by myself on the floor. I've tried to solve it naturally, but the feeling of not being here is pretty severe and it did not change at all over the course of five years now. I am visiting a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, I am taking pills (anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and some other), I was in different mental institutions and also tried a different diet. I will now try the Carnivore diet, perhaps it helps, I might be poisoning my body without knowing so. But the point is, I need some advice on micro-dosing or maybe further reading. It really helps if I talk to someone or post to forums, though. If there's anyone with experience with micro-dosing or if the post resonates with you, please let me know (you can send me a message if you want)! Tim

@johnlocke18 I understand your frustrations that there’s some things Leo has said in his videos that aren’t being acknowledged here. I’ll give an example just so everyone can understand why he’s still critiquing In his Outrageous Experiments in Consciousness video, Leo mentioned all sorts of things that Unconditional Love is willing to experience from 1:36:50 - 1:37:20. One of them was, “are you willing to put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger?” Now I understand that what Leo meant was, infinite consciousness is willing to undergo that and love that but still… you must see how that can be used as an explicit justification for spiritual suicide as a practice of unbiased love. Not saying I agree with that interpretation. But to say there’s nothing there that could lead one to suicide is irresponsible. That’s why the OP’s frustrated. Nobody’s acknowledging statements as explicit as the one I just mentioned. Now I’ll give Leo the benefit of the doubt. He’s super-busy and makes long videos. So maybe, just maybe he’s forgotten making such statements or maybe he doesn’t see how explicit they are I’m not telling Leo to change his teachings but these are just some things present within them that lead to these kinds of critiques. But look… if everyone thinks that such criticism is a distraction to the work on this forum, then I’ll offer my services. Just give me a role to answer to these criticisms so that they’re not distracting everyone. I’ve handled tons of situations like this already, if this is deemed necessary. Not asking for that role, just offering it if it helps

@Adamq8 So soonhei isn’t real? And you didn’t just tell me to be quiet and mediate when the forum is open to discussion? And you didn’t try to take my obvious hypothetical example out of context? Tell me what I’m saying that isn’t true? Leo said these things there really was a suicide and people really consider it a lot on here. I’m saying this stuff straight up and not adding anything to it or dancing around like you are.

@johnlocke18 Lol talk about gas lightning when you twist a claim of siddhis and healing into a suicide, that my friend is gas lightning if something is. You are believing your own projections, the funny thing is that no matter what someone on here writes you will twist that into a cult behaviour or suicide warnings. This particular topic has nothing to do with suicide. Healing powers and telepathy, how is that even related to suicide? Healing happens all the time for humans, impossible sicknesses that gets reversed, telepathy happens too and is a world wide known phenomena.

@Space “Just let it go man.” Yet someone recently talked about suicide being a solution because they can’t find enlightenment. You can’t just accept all of the problems in the world when you can say something. That’s why I gave an example of sitting by mediating while my family gets attacked.

@Space It’s not pointless because the claims influenced the suicide. The dude basically quoted him. You’re just dancing around it.

Correlation does not equal causation. Be careful with your comments about the user who committed suicide. This is very complex, nuanced and delicate subject which you are turning into mindless gossip. It's a completely separate matter. If you have some genuine and intelligent critiques of Leo's work, please do so. Trying to pointlessly debunk one or two things Leo said months ago is not useful or productive for you or for anyone else. Just let it go man.

@Adamq8 And you gaslighting me. I’m pointing out criticisms with video eveidence and you’re trying to say my mind is twisting things. That was a perfect example because you’re telling me to mediate instead of saying something about a real problem like people committing suicide on here.