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Hello amazing person, I am Kory , and here is my Day 1 of an official journey I mean to commit to. Welp, after a long time of messing around, here I am in a Salvation Army homeless shelter and now the quote that captures how I feel... "The Sleeping Giant has Awakened" I landed here last night. I have been living in my van for 8 months. I am 32, and my own self-sufficiency has been lacking. I've stayed back and forth with people and on my own, always moving between jobs, places, and people. I've always wanted to be a high level life-coach, but as I went down the rabbit hole to unreel the nature of life, I disassociated with most everything but my own addictions to gaming and staying high. I've definitely been stuck for many years more-or-less doing the same shit not going anywhere. But I have kinda riddled out the missing ingredients to the recipe for my own success, and it is certainly very exciting to be in a homeless shelter and letting go of the things holding me back... I was living in my van near relatives and just staying within a comfort-zone that was actually screwing me over. The week before, it was still entertaining suicide to some degree, but I just came to accept that I needed help and my identity was gonna have to be scrapped... So I deleted all my games , like "I have no idea how I am gonna spend my day if im not binging out, but we will see!" Well I had an incident that pissed me off enough and I had just enough resources to go, so I just said "Thats what I gotta do, go get a fresh start on my own, and cut all the things not getting me results, and it will just have to work out somehow" So I got a call back from the shelter the following morning after I relocated to a nearby metro, and met a cool person that I've been vibing with as I feel myself coming online more and more... Its like recalling the better versions of myself like its just who I am now. Its pretty cool at the shelter, (i mean there are "bad" people to be around more-often-than-not, but helpful good people as well) I am getting 2 free meals/day, shower, laundry, place to get mail, state health insurance , getting a waiting list for a house in 1-2 months , got a bed , and daily life-skills training (reminding me of like military bootcamp but the homeless lite-bootcamp version) , and signed up for mental health stuff... Definitely something I didn't expect, everybody makes homeless shelters sound horrible but Salvation Army is pretty legit and I got taken care of within an hour of getting here. Well... I just wanted to work on writing/journaling and this felt like Day 1 to my journey... Really been a quick turnaround with going from depression/anxiety/existential crisis/etc to feeling like I am picking up with my better-self like riding a bicycle again. I have not had anybody to talk to for a long time, so I cut my time-wasting addictions out and I'm formulating a strategy for my own success... Like asking questions: "What are daily habits I should work on"" What content do I want to study" "Which communities should I get involved in?" "What are the most important+urgent steps to be taking?" I know people mention Leo's Start Guide here, I am also downloading Optimize app by Brian Johnson, enrolled in free online philosophy courses , have some old personal development masterclasses to go back through, looking at some free self-development training workshops from these online ads, reading some books, going through more good youtube self-actualization (Joseph Rodriquez is a recent favorite discussing like Napolean Hill like subconscious inner-talk stuff, and Tom Bilyeu rocks too) I dont really know what my goal is , but I know my passion is teaching in the 'transcendence' category , and I want to get online making money... I've just always avoided trying to start my own Youtube / TikTok channel, but I am gaining confidence from being in this shelter and meeting this guy who has been showing me around giving me the newb-tour , and its just wild that I assume I would be incredible, but I'm also my own biggest critic , and I am beginning to see the more I push myself to express what I am about, the more positive feedback I get and more pace I pick up with it... So this day feels differerent, it seems the spiral has begun its upward climb, and I've been waiting for the day I would see myself getting momentum again, because I knew I would have nothing to look back to again... And now it begins... "Fly, Phoenix, Fly" Question : When a Phoenix rebirths, is it Day 1 for that Phoenix? Is that an accurate metaphor??? Lmao idk, what do you think? Glad to read any comments you wonderful people wanna respond with. Much love -Kory Added a couple snapshots of this Salvation Army place... i just want to provide information that this place is pretty chill, not as bad as I had thought! Legit got my bed right across from buddy I had met, and there is a pile of tobacco behind my shoulder like community sharing lol.

@Someone here all the other questions I feel afraid to answer I don’t want to encourage any ideas of positives from suicide

@Someone here society conditioning leads to the most depression and suicide. The spirit has given up hope completely. some say you don’t need hope, they don’t realise that hope is underneath it all

Stuff said in this thread: "Suicide is delusion", "suicide is wrong", "suicidal people don't care about others", "suicidal people have misunderstood", "suicidal people are identified with illusions", "they understimate", "why don't they just try something new?", "reality has infinite potential for happiness for everyone", "they are in self-denial", "they self-hate', "suicide is corrupted sense of love", "suicide is denial of reality", suicide is because of fear", "suicide is because of hate", "suicide is not truth". Do you notice a mistake with all that stuff? Try to find the mistake which you are doing.

This is not called anything, it’s my direct experience. Spontaneous awakenings could be explained as concepts overpowering other concepts which causes the momentary experience of disillusionment. For instance, if someone was utterly depressed yet they really yearned for mystical experiences, they could be on the brink of suicide (the edge of releasing the self and all beliefs) and the awakening would be the actual experience of the dropping of beliefs. The belief that death would bring a mystical union with God would trigger an extrapolation of that idea the moment it was prioritized over continued life in the body. All awakenings, mystical or otherwise, can be explained by the release of belief systems and a restructuring of perception. If one has no belief systems to begin with, there’s only the delimited mind (infinite space/consciousness/sound/etc.) with nothing to extrapolate towards infinity. This is why Enlightenment has always been the case and why God Realization is not full awakening.

Yes Suicide is an expression of love but in a corrupted sense. Suicide is a denial of reality. This denial is due to fear, and hate. Suicide is a form of protection. Because the individual hates reality, and believes themselves powerless to change their reality they deem the only solution is to flee from it and the ultimate escape is death. Love is truth. Suicide is not truth, but it is an expression of what the individual BELIEVES is true. It is an act of love out of self-preservation but is based on delusion.

I was suicidal the last couple of days. Right now i feel a little better. Actually the only comfortable thought that i have during the periods of depression is that i can kill myself so all of that will end, so that gives me some reliefe to move on. Since everything is love that means that suicide is also love right? Ofcourse i am not advocating suicide and i am aware that suicide comes from scewed interpretation of reality.

While I agree with everything in this post....its too rational. When you deal with people attached to emotion...rationality rarely works. The main cause of depression is self-denial and self-hate. The self-esteem (respect for self) has reached zero. Suicidal people are the most dangerous people around because if you have no respect for your own life, then you have no respect for any other life. Not saying you will harm others if you are suicidal, but you won't really care if you do. The interesting thing about suicidal thoughts and feelings is like anything else it is a STATE. There are many people who have attempted suicide and survived who regretted it, were glad they survived, and are living happy productive lives. It is just a momentary state through which people take action. Suicide is a result of delusion, but like all delusions it feels real and thus logic alone won't snap them out. You first have to reach them emotionally, before logic will make sense to them.

I think suicide is the result of deeply misunderstanding reality. People who are suicidal are completely identified with illusions, which makes them suffer. They deeply underestimate realitys capacity for joy, happiness, love, fulfillment. They think they figured it out, reality ist just unfair, etc. While in truth, reality is deeply loving. If I would get suicidal one day, to the point of killing myself, why wouldn't I just try something new out? Instead of killing myself, give up my current job and all my posessions and move to india to become a monk for example? Why not just try something new? You can always kill yourself later, istn't it? Or instead of killing yourself, you could try out some psychedelics like 5-Meo and go on a journey to discover absolute reality, why not just give it a try? You can always kill yourself later... OR you could go out clubbing to learn socialization and dating, I mean - you have nothing to lose, haven't you already given up your life? Why not give it a try? Or you could try seriously helping other people, for example go to africa and help build the infrastructure there, do the work that is needed etc. Or you could get a dog, get a cat, go to a therapist, etc, etc, etc. Reality has infinite potential for happiness. Even for the most depressed of its members. To depressed people their depression seems to be uncurable. But have you really tried to cure it? What have you changed about the way you live? Have you tried all the examples I mentioned above? Have you tried dancing freely, have you tried adopting a child in need of someone who cares, have you tried starting a new hobbie, have you tried learning a new language together with other people, have you tried visiting a self help group for suicidal people, what have you tried? It isn't much, is it? If you're going to kill yourself anyways, at least try the things I mentioned above before you do it. You have nothing to lose, you can always kill yourself afterwards.

It is never easy to understand why someone attempts suicide, and the reasons are varied and complex. Often suicide involves emotional or physical pain that someone finds to be unbearable and leaves them feeling as if there is no escape. Hopelessness. People sometimes reach a point where they feel there is no hope and no way to change that feeling. When they are hopeless, they may realize the good things in their life, making suicide a viable option to escape. Traumatic Stress. Traumatic experiences such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, assault, or war trauma can put someone at greater risk for suicide, even a great time after the event takes place. What do you think of suicide? Do you think it's a sin ? Is it really the only way out after one has become fed up with existence? Where do you think the person who killed himself go? What awaits him on the other side ?

@Yarco There is a wider context to this, the UK has a long history of racism and violence stemming from that racism, both from normal people and police. There gave been many cases in the past where black people have been murdered for being black. Also been ostracised from society or just generally harassed, attacked etc especially in regard to football, as in it would be normal for football fans to attack any black person they see. Today it has improved a lot but I think Britain sees itself as a country that tackles racism and as such, you could argue that they may overreact to an incident like this but its almost like they're making an example out of the guy. It may look harsh and may even be harsh but within the context any acceptance of this where you let this kind of thing fester can have real world consequences. The other point with the politicians, in the UK there has definitely been one if not two politicians murdered in the last couple of years by people that have tweeted hateful comments at them. This is a fine line because there has to be criticism of public figures but I think there's a line between that and actual hate speech that could lead to something worse. There's also the factor of really affecting someone and being a cause fir them commiting suicide, which has also happened. I get what you're saying in that you should be free to say what you want, but these a directed comments that the recipients see. If you're talking to your friends you can say whatever, but if you're directing comments like 'hope you die bitch' to the actual person that would be the equivalent of calling them and saying it, or leaving notes at their house or in public places, potentially even worse as the whole world can see them forever. Also UKs not that bad, I've lived here all my life and never paid a TV 'loicense' (we don't talk like that ?)

I think you are totally right on that one. We are being so attached to the depressed state/depressed perspective that we can't let it go. If we wouldn't care, we would let it go, but we are caring so much about staying in the depressed state, that we build a whole persona and story around it so it can become stronger. Thats how powerful attachments are, being obsessively attached to something can literally destroy your life. Thats why practicing detachment and letting go of things consciously is a very powerful technique. Its very interesting, that sometimes the ego would rather lead itself to suicide, compared to letting the negative identity go, and letting go of negative attachments.

Sometimes I feel like when depressed, it is not that we don't care, but that we care so much that we are unwilling to drop the seriousness obsession with how much we care; so much that that is what we focus on the entire day non-stop constantly with extreme work ethic, focus, and diligence on our dire mental health. It is what we see all day. We care so much that we are willing to try anything to make things better, even if that means turning to drugs, turning to wild sex with random people, turning to speeding, turning to stealing, turning to hitting, turning to yelling and calling people names, willing to stay up all night. We care so much we contemplate suicide because that is just another thing we could try, another state of mind to play with to see if that will make things better; if we tell ourselves that this is the worst, this is the bottom of the barrel, if this, a way like procrastination or a way of having no plan B, that maybe this will get some sort of idea, reconciliation to pop into our head, something to make things better. We care so much about feeling better that we are willing to quit school, quit our jobs, play video games all day, go for our passions, make music, write books, chase after the dream partner, etc. because we want to see if that will work. ... I guess I need to explore some more on the not caring.

One of the main reason why, you can't think anything else just about suicide, because you are stuck in a negative depressed paradigm. Your paradigm is valid, we don't dismiss how bad you are feeling right now. But remember, just as others said it is just one paradigm from the many. You see no way out, because you think from your current paradigm. You can absolutely shift and change your paradigm, that way you can start to see other possibilities that you can use to feel better. Right now you need to be a little bit selfish, concentrate on yourself, give love to yourself, and only then you have a greater possibility to change situations in the world. If you really struggle and you really think that you can't do it alone, search for help. There is nothing wrong to search for some professional help. If you can't afford or if you really don't want to go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist, you can call a suicide hotline.

I really don't think that gurus like Leo are saying that you are actually in some kind of simulated reality or virtual reality world like how they have portrayed it in The Matrix movie series or in any kind of sci-fi shows/movies. I hope you understand that because no one in their right mind would want anyone including yourself to commit suicide or hurt yourself in anything. Leo talk about this in his vid "The Dangers Of Misapplying Spiritual Teachings." Though I will say that what you are asking is a valid question and has been something that I've always thought about for a long time and I still haven't fully comprehend it to this day. However, think from what I understand about the idea of you being in a "dream" is that you're not actually in a dream, but you always start out with a low level of perceiving reality in your awakened state. However, the more you work on developing your level of consciousness and enlightenment then the greater your perception of true reality will become. Yet, if you are dead then you may not be in a "dream" anymore, but you also will not be able to perceive ANY reality AT ALL to ANY DEGREE, not even a shred of it. If you are in coma or in some state of unconsciousness then you really will be stuck in a literal perpetual dream state.

The only way out i can think of is suicide

For siloed consciousness (i.e. you as a human), physical pain happens whenever you push closer to the boundary of self. Pain lets you know where those boundaries are. For example, in the movie The Truman Show, Truman's emotional pain massively increased the closer he got to escaping the dome. A hand held over a flame for long enough will be maximally painful because pretty quickly it will no longer be a hand, and eventually it will burn away into nothing at all. Physical pain is only troubling to the individual, and only as long as the individual believes itself to be there. From a higher consciousness, physical pain is on the same ontological level as a chair, a table, an oak tree, or a cloud passing in the sky. It is possible to observe pain from the outside, and react to it as you might react to a cloud passing in the sky. It is within everyone's grasp to experience this phenomenon directly with strong-determination-sitting meditation (SDS). Actually, SDS can completely recalibrate your sense of what it means to suffer by enormously increasing your emotional and physical pain tolerance. In so doing, if kept up, then eventually (and inevitably) it leads to total bliss, total love, total compassion. Suicide is pointless. You'll just find yourself somewhere else, and you'll have to deal with all of this again (and again, and again). No fear, enlightenment eventually comes to everyone. EDIT: Just realised this thread goes back to 2018...

Thursday 24/03/2022 06:45 My desire is too strong that I cannot kill myself. But the stronger my desire for sex, the more painful my experience. The more I consider suicide the more I suffer, bringing up the pain of unrequited desire. Considering suicide is also painful because of the feelings of shame that inevitably come from it. I'm royally fucked either way, in all ways but literal. This suicidality is similar to but not identical to September. I had to painfully see back then that 'I don't really want to die'. The way I'm feeling now is more similar to January, more specifically. "I don't really want to die" experientially translates to "my desire is extremely strong (and it clings to life)". Choice however does not dwell in the feeling. There appear to be two choices here. One, kill yourself. Two, suffer with the desire painfully, for who knows how long and for how often. I am familiar enough with this painful desire that I may have the capacity to not be swayed and move ahead with what's logical. I know that if I lack such a capacity though I'll hate myself again. I won't be swayed by fear of re-incarnation either. What I'm addicted to is this juice of being helpless and ruminating —— I'm quite squeamish at the sight of blood and I'm scared of doing something to my body that will cause damage should I fail. I'm trapped with nothing I can do. Why wasn't I given the right to end my life? And what's this feeling? I can swallow sodium nitrite just fine and that process will be painless, but its my feelings which are the issue. Many times before, something like this shame has cropped up. It kills my horniness in an abrupt way. I can be "conscious" of something, as far as that word can mean anything, but that doesn't mean I'm given a morsel of control or reduction in suffering. I feel conscious of some feeling relating to death, shame and decay which is wretched and terrible, like a bouquet of dead flowers. How evil a thing there is! It could be described as like a negative libido in inception.

I think it's great that your willing to see these flaws and take action toward healing. Shaming is more negativity which creates a neverending loop or in the worst cases it ends in self hatred and suicide. Letting go of these feelings will instead create a neverending loop of positivity into love and self transcendence.

Almost no mental illnesses are terminal. Terminal doesn't just mean life-long. The only mental illnesses that are terminal I can think of are Dementia / Alzheimers and severe depression (the latter assuming suicide is pretty much inevitable.) If you're defining a terminal mental illness as just one you've got for life, that's most of them. Schizophrenia, autism, anxiety. Depends on the severity of it I guess. I guess technically I'm already probably living with multiple terminal mental illnesses according to this definition, but not bad enough that I want to bother seeking help. I guess the first steps would be therapy and medication.

You don't judge them. But Indian society does. In fact a rape victim is sometimes encouraged to commit suicide Because in the Indian mindset a woman with no husband has no identity. A woman violated is better off dead. A son who doesn't earn the salary of a doctor is a worthless person and a failure in the eyes of the parents. A single mother is a brainless slut who gave her virginity to the wrong man and deserves lovelessness and loneliness and every bit of suffering coming to her. Any person in Our society who doesn't satisfy expectations that are set ridiculously high are to be shamed and judged and abandoned into anonymity and should deserve nothing but disdain, contempt and suffering. How will you feel in such a society? That's why the suicides Half of the suicides don't get reported.

The picture is a call for help. Distancing is likely to worsen the condition. Suicide often but certainly not exclusively, comes from loneliness. So i'd personally want to do my best to get them help but also tell them they can't send pictures of that anymore, they can't do that to themselves anymore, as its horrific and they REALLY NEED HELP RIGHT NOW. I'd go and find a few specialists or counselors, get a few numbers and even make a call myself telling a professional about the picture I was just sent. Maybe even the police if it was advised. If you want to be with them through the process that's a different thing, it sounds like you are not comfortable with that, and so you've got to respect yourself too. Your boundaries, what you will and won't do. I once had a friend with Asperger's, some aspects of that friendship I loved but I had to set strict limits on how much time I would spend with them, as they tended to draw me in to their life more than I wanted. Its about finding a balance, but definitely make a couple of calls and tell someone about that photo.

Death is not an experience, because death is the dis-identification with a particular form, i.e. with thought. That's why ego-death is death and not at all "flimsy". It's literally death, not some sort of second-order kind of death, it is the death. There is absolutely no need for suicide, or for harming the body in any way whatsoever; this would presuppose that you are the body, which is false. Do NOT harm the body. To truly die means to understand that you were never alive.

To me it seems that the only way to know what death is or what comes after death is by actually dying. You can't know it unless you experience it .is that correct ? Can you become conscious of what death is without needing to commit suicide ? P.S I'm talking actual physical death not some flimsy ego death or whatnot .

@Someone here practically, the suicide rate is very low something like 0.01%. It can't be used as a good argument for happiness and truth being anything to do with living. But you are right, happiness is not one-dimensional and neither is truth, they have many sources and qualities. How can you judge if one type of happiness is equal or better than one type of truth and that those things are essential for living?