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Well if I am imagining my memories it's not an active, conscious process, it just feels like I need to make the effort to retrieve something that's already there in subconscious, but that could be an illusion. The thing about the universe being created 5 secs ago, well crikey that sounds like someone with extreme alzheimers or memory loss. Creation itself is a process in time, so without time you can't have creation, or change. How do you know that reality wasn't created a billionth of a second ago, or a trillionth? The logic of this is that there are no processes, but reality is appearing out of nothingness infinitely fast, an infinite number of times per second. Or that time is an illusion and there is no creation, just a single unchanging thing. This appearance is my brain. I'm turning it round and saying there is only my brain which I can be certain of: when I 'open my eyes' what am I looking at, an external reality, or the contents of my own brain? (btw I'm not creating a distinction between brain and mind).

Reality is Love, Infinite, Intelligent, Creative, Mind, Nothingness, Empty, Somethingness, Everything, Existence, Isness, Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, perfect, Imagination, Singular, Alone, AMness,... The word God fits that very well IMO. Better than any other word. Like for example Nothingness, or Being. Using these terms it's not straightforward that for example Reality is also Love. And at deep levels of God Realization, the above description is still lacking something. It's just pure GOD. It's the perfect word.

Change happens, emotions happen, dreams happen. Where people draw the line between what is real and unreal is pretty damn arbitrary... The only thing we all seem to say is certainly real is "I". Which is ironic because "I" is literal NOTHINGNESS and only known via somethingness like peering into a mirror...

Literally true also, without needing to think about material survival. Nothingness cannot be experienced = no experience = "death". Total nonduality cannot be experienced, just as to see a dream you must seem to be inside the dream = no experience possible = "death".

If you made progress that quickly, you are probably quite naturally talented. Your description of God is good. We however can't know whether it was only conceptual (from listening to Leo's videos) or actual awakening. It seems like actual awakening though. Ask yourself whether you have any doubts about your awakening. like: "maybe it was just a hallucination/deception from neurons in my brain". If you actually reached God, there is no doubt. Though, if you didn't have a deep God awakening, there can still be doubt. That kind of doubt doesn't mean that the awakening wasn't legit, but that you didn't go deep enough. God is Love and Consciousness and Nothingness and Infinity.... But that doesn't mean you will be highly conscious of each of these facets during every awakening. When you are more experienced yes, but not at the beginning. IMO, the most effective way to increase your baseline consciousness is through transmissions . They are also pretty effective to experience more bliss and become happier. Buy the book "greater words of power" by Damon Brand and do the ritual "the Road Opener". It's worth a try.

I think it can be known. You can easily see and explain how and why there aren't "things" out there as things. It's quite blatant actually, since any attempt at describing a thing will always invoke either perception or abstraction (abstraction would mean like a mathematical formula). Things as literal things = infinite regress. Impossible to say what the thing IS in and of itself. Nothingness = no regress, no questions.

Honestly, I don’t think it really matters whether or not it was a sign from the universe in any objective sense. If that experience was special to you and felt like it meant something, then it did, because the only one prescribing any meaning or significance to anything is You. Technically, it has no more or less meaning than anything else you experience in reality. It’s all nothingness. Even these words.

This is essential: You will frame everything as being Love, as if Love was the most essential Essence, and everything else was an inferior kind of Substance that is granted to by Love. No, Redness is not just created or made of Love. Redness is Love, and Love is Redness. It is the same thing, there is no difference. The presence and essence of Redness is that which is Love. So you never discovered "Love" as an essence. Everything that ever was, was always purely that which it is. And that is what Love is. It is Being, it is Mystery. Redness is not created by anything more essential than Redness itself. Redness itself is the Creative Force, that is what Divinity is. That is what Nothingness is. Then, you realized that the entire framework of enlightenment, of spiritual seeking, it is all just one more form, one more Creation. One particulate that you seek to put above all else, One particulate you seek to ground yourself in. But this Ground is Groundless. Redness is Groundless. Your desire to Ground is survival, even your desire to ground yourself in what you deem to be most essential or Truthful. This is why when you let go of it, you will let go of "Love" and "Truth", as you realize that to deny anything whatsoever will always be Truth itself. You already did this, otherwise you would not be here, being an ant, being a chimp, being a grain of sand. Your Ignorance is your Divinity.

Wow, it sounds like what she's talking about is simply a deeper layer of nothingness, what Meister Eckhart calls "the quiet desert", where the essence of consciousness is finding deeper and deeper layers of its own essence. How far you can go into that void really has no end. This is at least my guess. So from that perspective discovering the "white light" is really only the beginning, and you could explore deeper levels of its infinite manifestation or deeper levels of its infinite nothingness. Thanks for sharing

Yeah haha um I guess like if we have no eyes, there is no eye to register color; if we have no ears, there's no ear to register sound. Waves, arrangements, and forms require some sort of touch, smell, sight, whatever to register. Then its like nothingness or who even knows ha. Sounds kinda sad but then there may be no mind to register emotions/feelings or it may not remember what it lost. Ahh. I have no idea. It seems nice having eyes, ears, noses, hands, legs, thoughts, etc. for the time being. If we are all one universal consciousness, then the me's that are still operating with eyes and ears will still get to keep on doing that and I guess this thing just keeps on going and evolving forever. If this reality is like the matrix then that's a whole other thing. If there are all these rabbit holes, uh I guess that's cool too. If this is all a dream within a dream within a dream, well then I guess that would be another thing too. The notion of no longer being the form as a human perspective self feels kinda like the last day of school where you had a good time and things are about to change and you feel sad that what you were experiencing is over but also curious about the future.

I have removed a lot of distractions and I finished some addictions last week. Overall I feel better, more productive and more focused + motivated to go eat life... however, I have also realized, this doesn't give me joy. It just gives me relief that if I "sort out" stuff in life, like, career and personal development the next years, I will stop suffering so much. So my motivation is completely animalistical. Fucking depresses me that I will spend maybe the next 5 years just trying to get by in life , constantly trying to sort out the stuff I lack, in what it seems an overwhelming, long, dull errand which I don't have fun. I think the only moments I do experience some relief (now that I quit my regular addiction which used to provide me with that relief) is when I meditate. Some days I concentrate and in the middle of that boring nothingness, ironically life gets really fun. It's like... duh... can't I have some joy ?? I mean I don't think that I need to be in an amusement park. I just want to feel happy and joyful doing life. Like, I could be working on my career, and not getting stressed about trying to get a job in the sector before its loo late. I could be going out , and instead of trying to be so alfa, perfect and serious, try to laugh my ass off and express with joy and exuberance each interaction with each human being that I like. But no, everything is sooo fucking serious. Everything is at stake. My suffering is at stake. Me trying to sort out my personal shit is a stake. Each is one day less I have before my ego its 100% closed and I will forever be my faulty "me". (Not my succesful me). So everything is at stake. For the ego, each day it's a race. No day has joy. Only few moments, seconds, which are of course appreciated as pure gold. It's so ridiculous

@Breakingthewall Depends on what you mean by deactivation, if it's non-doership or nothingness/emptiness. I did both, but in day to day life it's impossible for me to maintain any state, non doership or emptiness.

@aetheroar if you have done nn dmt multiple times, i would consider doing 5 meo dmt. my experience with 5 meo resonates with what you explain. many times, in doing so, I disappear completely and there is nothing. the core of reality is absolute emptiness ... and that's it. I would not call it I am not, but neither i am . nothing, nothing empty. the ego doesn't like it, I don't know how you can get there without psychedelics. Doing it as you have done, meditating, seems to me a huge achievement. If I do it again later, or the next day, this has happened: I disappear and there is nothing, but that nothing opens, it acquires an absolutely evident quality: it is infinite. I am absolutely emptiness, but that emptiness, in its infinity, is total. absolutely total, and then that emptiness is an absolute joy. it's everything, full, and that's what I am. it is the same emptiness, the same nothingness, but it reveals itself as the infinite source through which you flow. nothing that the mind, at least mine, can even remotely understand. As this has happened with chemist, I don't understand the process that makes it possible, but I would say that the difference between emptiness and infinity is: completely accept emptiness without any reservation or expectation. annihilate yourself by becoming nothing, fully accepting your disappearance

@aetheroar Just because the seperate self is gone, doesn't mean it's the end. It definitely is the end for the seperate self. But it's not the end for God. The awakening of God has only started. Now it's no longer an individual trying to wake up (because it has already died). Now it's God waking up to Itself. It has nothing to do with a seperate self anymore. The game of existence is not about dissolving the seperate self and realizing Nothingness. The game of existence is God waking up to Itself. Realizing that that Nothingness/Consciousness is God in a low state of consciousness, and the actual game can start now. The place where meditators say they reached liberation and stop, is actually the start of Gods journey, of God waking up to Itself.

@aetheroar You have dissolved illusions and now all that's left is Consciousness/Nothingness? This Consciousness/Nothingness is God/Love, but not in it's pure form. For that to happen you must increase your consciousness. It is unlikely that you will get there simply by deconstructing and dissolving illusions, that's why few traditional meditators like Buddhists wake up to God. And if you get there simply through deconstructing, it will most likely only be subtle. You can realize that your current state (Consciousness/Nothingness) IS God and Love, but that is veeeeeery different from ACTUALLY BECOMING God and Love. Who becomes God? God. God is whatever is happening right now. But God is in a low state of consciousness, not very conscious of Itself. To become more conscious of Itself, to awaken to Itself, consciousness needs to increase. The easiest way is psychedelics. Next is taking psychedelics in dreams and lucid dreams. Next are transmissions, imo. The best is the Pure Divinity transmission and SAT. But others are good too. You need to get them regularly for months, till they get so strong that your whole body is buzzing from the energy, you are completely submerged in the energy, that's when it's really altering your state of consciousness. And if your baseline is high enough and you had done enough self inquiry to clear the way, then you can break through to God Infinity Love.

A day about nothing Today was as lazy as a day could get. I could have done more, I had the will power and strength to do more, but all of my trying has added up and I just want to go away on a deserted island and stare at the sky and read 5 books. (I refuse to feel guilty about being lazy today...I try not to feel lazy. (future me edit: Was kinda guilty the next day tho)) Yesterday I didn't feel well and I made the unwise action of binge watching 3 hours of tiktoks last night before going to bed, and then another hour of half of a movie. (why me, why?) I don't understand those feelings/actions nor do I have the energy to figure that out at the moment - why do I simultaneously crave chaotic internet consumption + hours of silence/doing nothing away from the internet? On tiktok I started to see a bunch of Dune themed things. I'm worried that seeing that all will intrude in my thoughts as I'm reading the book or going to see the movie. Things like: Timothee Chalamet's face is shaped like a bike seat! Timothee Chalamet's facial expression in the movies looks like this sad intense puppy eyed stare the entire time! People who read Dune are pretentious af! I watched sections of Rocky Horror Picture Show on amazon prime, after seeing a tik tok interview of Tim Curry, where he was talking about how he did love his acting job but it got tiring after a while to dress up that way. (makes sense) From what I heard, he came up with his make up look himself. I remember watching it at a friends house several years ago during a lunch break (and skipping choir class?) and when I saw it, that scene I had watched previously in the movie 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' made SO much more sense. The movie is very rememberable/unique but I got tired of 2/3rds of the way through, it started to become claustrophobic-indoors-overly sexual feeling to me My favorite scene of the movie is the 'Rocky! Janet! Brad! Rocky!' scene, it's just so hilarious https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEl6564m97I Anyways...as for today: My mind felt especially fragile and worn today and too tired to think, and a lot of that simply had to do with having a headache paired with my roller coaster blood sugar numbers from the past few days. I woke up late feeling like a dying cockroach writhing on hot cement to put it dramatically My headache caused me to bury my forehead in my pillow and feel nauseous and want to sink my thoughts into cool nothingness. (But I didn't actually feel terribly bad.) And when I tried to get up to do just simple house hold chores, I'd end up just not being able to act like a regular human, and I'd just lay on the ground and not want to do anythinggg. I did more nothingness later that day. I finally got in my car and drove around for a little, drove to the store to buy chocolate, paused to think of how unmindful I was being, then drove away. Then as I drove away I thought about how pretty it was outside and that it wasn't unmindful to buy chocolate if done correctly and really it was just about the level of guilt involved and that all that mattered was how I was feeling in the moment, and I drove back and bought ingredients for chocolate strawberries anyway. The best kind of nothingness happened later today around sunset time. I saw that the family dog was very bored, so I decided to take us a walk around the hills. It was absolutely gorgeous weather out and it was windy but not too windy, and very cloudy, and I decided to go off the path and go rock hunting and I found a rock that was the exact same colors as the sky was in that moment. And I wondered how old that rock was I stared at that rock and the sky for another 10 minutes then walked some more. The clouds were dark and covered all of the sky except for the far end of the sun, where it began to look like the sky had split open and it made a pretty interesting light effect on the ground, where it was both dark and yellow looking out. And then after 10 or so minutes it suddenly became dark and the cool yellow tone light turned into an over wash of darker, flatter blue-purple light, which, looking at the more darker mountainy portion of sight made me feel oddly like I was in a Lord of the Rings film in the rockier parts of middle earth (what animals do these clouds look like?) After doing a great job of having nothing-thoughts, and my headache quickly diminishing as I walked, on my way down the lights from the town sprung up and I was soon walking in darkness and as usual I felt as if I felt more integrated in my own body and mind but in a very broad unbordered floaty way, because of how dark everything was. For a moment I thought I heard music playing (probably distant music from a house far away) and I imagined that when I turned the corner that there would be faerie lights I could follow that looked similar to the streetlamp lights I saw. Shouldnt more deserts have stories about fairy lights, not just old forests? - And I imagined the music louder, as if cellos were playing and bells and singing, and maybe there would be the slimmest chance that I would run into a weird random group of people singing and dancing in a circle in the middle of nowhere, and that would make my life a lot less boring. I got home and thought oh shit Halloween is this week and it hasn't been on my mind and I have a Halloween party to go to on Saturday. What should I wear? I searched my closet, then the storage room, and found a lot more in the storage room that I had expected, such as an actual hoop skirt and a pirate shirt and a few other stuff. A lot of costumes I recognized wearing throughout my childhood. To my disappointment I couldn't find my velvet long black skirt, which I had last year, which looked witchy enough. Instead I found a bright almost neon yellow crop top, a silvery colored wig (the only wig I have, which I ended up never using for a costume), and black starry sheer, so I might combine those along with searching for more clothing later on this week, to make some sort of starlight-faerie-witch, with a black feathered cape. My sketches of that idea turned out to be more bird like, almost knight like, maybe from the Zelda world (the bottom drawings of the page) but the top ones look more witch-like. Playing dress up was surprisingly fun because I haven't done in several years. I don't think I've actually put together a Halloween costume since I was 16 After some thinking though, I decided if I can I'm going to dress up as Sally from nightmare before Christmas. I ended up doing a bad fast fashion thing and buying a red long cheap wig off of the internet so that may or may not come in time. I thought about dressing up as the bride from Corpse Bride (I think thats what the movie is called?) because my hair is the same colors as the bride in that movie, but my face shape is round and so it matches the character of Sally much better. I have a shirt that matches her outfit really well. Either way, doing the makeup for one of those characters would be fun. Color references - the colors change dramatically in bright light vs shadowed light in the movie edit: I don't think the wig will come in time My plan #2 is the star faerie witch, I guess. If I have time to go shopping on Friday.

@BipolarGrowth I remember infinite consciousness as a 7 year old child. Nothingness when I was 16. (I'm 23 now) All of the vipassana nanas and samata jhanas. Stream entry is a joke compared to the knowledges of suffering. I wish it wasn't. If you want to classify me somewhere, it would be 2nd or 3rd path. What's bringing non-doership and enlightenment to the next level has something to do with suffering outside of formal practice.

Thank you for your post ?? I broke down in suffering a few weeks ago. A voice I never thought would come through me, used this vessel to send me the message I needed. How can I ever come wake you up from your dream if all of your dreams are good and pleasant? You would be stuck in the illusion forever… I think suffering is there as a reminder that “we” have bought in the illusion and identification with thoughts, identity, separateness and duality to much. Think of it as the ribbed edges of highway roads. When you don’t pay attention to them or when you fall asleep on the road, they quickly wake you up with the vibrating noise your car “vessel” makes when you drive over them. Its just there for yourself to guide yourself back to your original Self. Because your finite self don’t think it will be at peace unless it’s the Infinite Self, in every sense of what that word might mean for You. But thats also a thought and a mechanism that comes from the separateness illusion. You are already perfect and love, you just want to know that you are before you disappear in nothingness again.

Everything is shapes in nothingness, so they are nothing, but on the other hand, nothingness makes shapes, so it is everything

I see, I think I can relate a little bit. There's just primordial nothingness as an ever present presence that can't be found or pointed to. That I am. That's self-realization for me. But definitely no sense of infinity or supernova galactic explosion of energy. It's just nondual nothingness beyond any quality and makes no sense whatsoever. I think the sense of infinity when people speak, they speak about an infinite mind which comes after 4th jhana, where all the telephaty and godstuff opens up. I'm not a budhhist so it's not my territory but I've heard goenka slightly talk about it in his satipatthana discourse about these things. It's also possible that you simply skipped those states and went straight to shoonya or total dissolution. Which is very possible if you followed a budhhist teaching because buddha was very clear that total dissolution is the only important thing, everything else is just a spiritual entertainment. They do this in yoga aswell. I think you'd enjoy watching this video. There's a full video on this subject in the sadhguru exclusive app but it's not available for free sorry ? Pranam ?

Hi @aetheroar Great post. When you say gods realization do you mean state of infinite love or smth? I think from a purely intelectual level there can't be anything beyond nothingness and that nothingness is your self. That's self-realization. Maybe levels of ego dissolution can be there but nothingness has no levels. I mean it's just logical, you'd have to dumb to disagree ? but states of love is a different thing. Idk if there's anyone here who could help you. If the claims you made are true, then you should know better than anybody here about these things. Regards ?❤

Be the boundless nothingness and the rest will take care of itself. The dilemma and the questions comes from the mind and the mind can't go to the place where it wants to go. You are exactly where you supposed to be which is right here in this moment. From here it's all about seeing through the illusion of the next thought and feeling and surrender them.

@Ry4n I obviously don't know where you're at in your journey but to be clear this was not my first awakening, I've had plenty of non dual states before and many insights into Love, bliss, oneness, God consciousness, nothingness etc but just not to this level. At this level, you feel insane because you're so conscious that nothing is real that everything loses all meaning. I'm not sure what would have happened if I faced this infinite horror but it was just too much for me. In my mind I thought that this life would be up. That if I became that conscious that nothing was real, life would become meaningless, so I distracted myself from going any further and as I said, begged for my life/the illusion back. People can say whatever they want about solipsism, but at that level, there is no other. Which means right now, there is no other, I'm just buying into the fact that you're me in "another lifetime". The bizzare thing to think is that whoever reads this, will experience this cosmic horror, as you are me. You are me.

@Godisherei would say that you were on the threshold of the last door: to become absolute nothingness. without love, without god, without consolation. just nothing, no limit. I have been there several times, it is absolutely terrifying, to a level impossible to explain. but the reality is that you are that. If you are able to accept being nothing, nothingness will open and you will know what you are, without a doubt. it is a kind of change of point of view: you realize that you encompass everything, but everything is nothing. there are no others, nothing at all, it's horrible. cosmic loneliness on a level that goes beyond horror. sterile loneliness, dead. infinite death. But wait....you are if the change of perspective occurs, you see what it is you: infinite. the well opens and has no bottom, you are an infinite flowing, you are happiness flowing. everything and nothing are the same. But this is impossible to understand to me, only once happened and it's a mistery The thing is, keep in mind the question: what am I? it does not matter the others, the emptiness, the cosmos and whatever. Look around, look inside you. Are you infinite death? you are. go deeper., But first, integration. I'm talking to myself ehh, I'm in the same way , when I embody the absolute nothing it's a non escape void, and it's the bottom: nothing, nothing nothing. It's that we are, others are tales for kids. Not alone, not me, no- thing. But let's see! It's Soo challenge for me , last time I vomiting because be nothing. Only once the well got opened, glory. But next time I dissolve my ego again there was simply void but for me it's an enigma. Embody the nothingness....there is the key. My respect for Leo and the others who dive in the absolute void of existence

I have such a negative speech because today I had what I call an endarkment. I have had several: morning of meditation, then 5 meo. as soon as I did it, I always think: this without substance is impossible ... and dissolution, beyond everything, to the nucleus, and the nucleus is ... nothing. there is only nothing. sterile, empty, encompasses everything, I am that and I am nothing, I am death, I am absence, I am empty. I know this is the last door. behind this, I am. or was me before the void and i deceived me? haha I know not, because here I am. I am. So tomorrow I will return to the void, until it opens. It has only been opened once, and nothingness was everything, it was an infinite source from which I flowed without limit. the jackpot, but before there is this emptiness ... you have to die to live, you know. serve this story as an explanation of what a substance does you may think: is this any good? I don't know, I just know that I want to get to the nucleus, I have to open all the doors, and that's it, I don't care how. Following the theme of the thread : i do psychedelics for about 1 year and a half (not so often but many times,more than monthly) it has changed me completely. I have seen the enormous impurities that existed in my life and I have been polishing them, I have seen that the truth exists and I understand that I have to be worthy of it, that I have to eliminate any trace of lies, crooked behavior, desires, ideas about the enlightenment. I have to purify myself to be who I am, I meditate for several hours a day and it's wonderful, before was a pain, I have eliminated the lie, which I used without problem before, I have stopped any practice with a connotation of evasion and addiction, my day to day is much happier than a year ago in several orders of magnitude, my relationships with people better, have dived into the trauma of my life, I have understood it, I have decreased anxiety x10, I'm more me than ever, and this is not by far the end. Without psychedelic it would take me 2 lifes