Search the Community

I am having escapist lucid dreams more and more lately basically after a month or so, unfortunately, I didn't write them in the journal, but the latest ones that I remember I plan to do. They basically boil down to stuff happening that is a wish-fulfillment in my dream of the stuff I failed on, was too afraid, indecisive, impatient, weak, selfish, or cowardly to do in the past and recent present which I had a deep longing towards or dreamt of in real life of fulfilling in my future to sort of achieving which I failed on being a possibility anywhere soon or at all in my life. Though a recent example not having anything to do with wish-fulfillment from a couple of days ago (three days ago I think in fact) was a dream of being scanned for my fingerprints and blood flow to my fingers by a mini floating UFO of a flying disk shape with a red tractor beam (at least what It seemed like it was doing) and floating around my head while I was lying down in my bed where I sleep in this apartment somewhere at very early morning time with the sun barely coming out. I dreamt of myself basically being in a half-awake groggy state and barely being able to move or recognize it and being too tired or weak to do anything about it. Also in that dream earlier, I dreamt of being aware of family members entering my room while I am lying down sleeping in my bed also in the morning time and talking to something to me while I am too groggy or tired to respond or do anything about it but I only aware of them being there faintly through my senses and then suddenly during that same time in the morning (be it 5 or 6 AM) I have the desire to move and respond to them but just as I move in my dream in my bed I wake up I realize I am still in that bed but there is no one in the room and there is dead silence in the morning and I am lying there now awake trying to grasp and come to my senses was I just dreaming that what I just perceived happening in my room a moment ago in the early morning time while I was in the same position in my bed as half-asleep and being faintly aware of it all happening and trying to slowly come in to grasp and discern up until what point was I dreaming of being at bed sleeping in the early morning and being aware of all that happening in the background in my room and at what point did I wake up in the same position that I was in during the dream in my bed it would appear roughly at the same time in the morning. This difficulty to discern what was the dream and what was me being awake in the morning came up roughly at the same time during the morning when I would wake up in shock and would later go back to sleep. Note: I didn't watch or have read any UFO-related or alien stuff in a long time and was skeptical for a long time and during the supposed Pentagon release of footage and confirmation of the existence of UFOs about almost a year ago and considered them just to be cover of the flight of secret experimental US Airforce planes and technology since the sights would usually happen in America and few other places in the world as far I followed it when I was briefly interested in it a while ago as a teen. The wish-fulffilment lucid dreams were either a product of a wish being fulfilled or an unlikely scenario playing out of which I had deep longing towards happening and me realizing in the past especially during my time in high school and of being a product of my imaging of interacting with some people or being a real-life witness of their interactions happening that I know from watching online on YouTube for some time or that are known as online celebrities mostly in the English speaking domain of the Internet. For example, I faintly remember of dreaming being in a cafe as a customer or something of a sort and watching the interaction in real-time of Jordan Peterson and some other figure which seemed to resemble the online YouTuber Vaush from his ponytail appearance (though I have watched neither of them for a long time, almost a year on YouTube just saw their faces and pictures from time to time on Twitter or recommendations for their videos on YouTube), they then briefly went to finish their conversation on the second floor of that cafe and then suddenly I found myself on the street in some rural area that seemed like somewhere in my country Serbia and I felt lost there and started looking for directions to get back where my apartment is in Belgrade and started asking people around, I asked an old grandad (who In facial appearance resembled almost my own grandfather who passed a year ago now) he pointed me in the direction towards the station there and then I encountered Peterson and asked him for some reason as if he knows which bus line in this rural place looking place should I take that goes to Belgrade and for him to point to me on the map where does it drop me off in Belgrade where it is nearest and closest from my apartment and taking another city line from there and then right when he was showing to me where my bus line will end and on which station of that bus line should I exit in Belgrade I woke up. Weird dream. The wish-fulfillment lucid dream that I had today had to do with me being in an open place almost an ancient greek amphitheater of some sort in the woods all covered in vine and mostly overgrown by nature with familiar but facially indistinguishable faces sitting there ( it is as if I knew all the people sitting there intuitively from my encounters with them in real life but couldn't really see their faces or name exactly each of them who they have just had a familiarity of their presence) and then from the back of my eye noticed and caught a glimpse of a very familiar face in the backdrop of that overgrown natural amphitheater and other ancient building space that looked exactly like the face from the pictures of the 19th and 20th-century French sociologist Emile Durkheim that was walking away and I started running towards him and people sitting in the naturally overgrown amphitheater spaced asked me: ''Where are you going!? What are you running towards!?", and I replied to them laconically filled with pride in myself and joy (even though it is very likely now in my depressing and existential and purpose crisis because of this real life that I won't be able to graduate and become a certified sociologist at all, given how many exams I have leftover from previous years and how I am currently feeling mentally strong in my intellectual capabilities to do so from developing 'brain rot' and lack of willpower due to a chronic addiction to entertainment, procrastination, and porn on the Internet during the past year especially and before that vastly diminished my chances of accomplishing this in the remaining years left of my studying and receiving a family pension from the state while being a full-time student),: ''Well, I am a sociologist myself. It is my duty to get an autograph from a man and sociologist such as Durkheim who works I was exposed to in high school (especially on Suicide given my family history) got me interested and fascinated to want to study sociology in faculty and become a sociologist in the first place!''. Then in my dream, I consciously ran towards the figure that was walking back on the road behind the amphitheater surrounded by a crowd of adoring fans that I thought looked and resembled the famous sociologist and when I came up to that figure it turned out it was a woman wearing glasses surrounded by a crowd following here that resembled him slightly in facial appearance and appeared to be a female writer of some sort, I apologized to her for running up to her impromptu and kind of disappointedly gave up on my autograph. Then the next thing I know I was standing on large blocks of stone on the wall of some seemingly old fortress from medieval times that resembled slightly the Kalemegdan fortress in Belgrade and my highschool girl crush and then thought possible and potential future soulmate that was put there for me in life I then had a feeling of and thought of her as that (she in some facial aspects and personality-wise even resembled Leo (I can't post here picture here I feel like it would be a against her right to privacy on an unknown forum and privacy rule here in general), like a younger female version of Leo in Serbia, which I found later kinda weird since when I watched Leo on YouTube I would be slightly reminded of her because of the similarities of his and her facial appearance ), and I knew here and went with here in highschool up until 2017 even before I found Leo's channel and then after I left high school and was in faculty still had a deep crush on her for some time, and this was before I found Leo website and channel on YouTube back in 2017 and slightly later when I just started watching his videos on his channel back in the summer of 2017) I went together in high-school with appeared together with a guy friend of hers in high school who was also an almost all As an excellent student like her (she rolled in a different faculty than me in the University of Belgrade and I have also found out recently that she had graduated in law school recently and became a certified lawyer just in the basic studies graduation term for studying for for 4 yeasr) in high school also appeared and approached me and started talking to me. I had a conversation with her in my dream that felt as it was very intimate, like with a very close girl friend that I knew for some time (in contrast to very brief interactions I would have with her in highschool and my mostly platonic love for her during that time in my life), and then she suddenly out of the blue told me that I don't have to go or rush anywhere since we will be all staying here (including her best straight As highschool guy friend) and sleeping over together tonight (In some supposed tour house I guess for all of was to sleep in and stay the night from highschool) and then I suddenly very casually in her way directed a very very lascivious joke regarding opportunities and possibilities for me and her in that sleeping together arrangement (spontaneous horny dreams what out me forcing them what can I do...) (that would probably have been too outrageous to say to her in real life given our degree of closeness and friendship then and especially now when I am out of touch with her for four years and have only seen her last time when I invited her to my grandfathers funereal last year) and then backtracked with another joke disputing the meaning of what i meant that made her and her best guy friend from highschool laugh in the dream. She then started walking on the edge of the wall of those stone blocks on the fortress as if playing with the height and chasm below with her best guy friend from high school and I followed them both expecting to interact with them more and the dream ends there and I woke up. The only way I can interpret this last dream is that I am idealizing that deep sense of longing and want I had of her when I was going together with her in the same high school and sometime after that when I had another short failed hook up the attempt in faculty (that I also told directly once that she reminded in her pale skin pigmentation of the idealized first crush girl from high school) almost two years later in 2018 and afterward the fantasies and longings and wants of her resided a short time after that as well. Just goes to show how deeply did idealize her as being my missed opportunity future soulmate and the one meant for me, how much the deep longings and wants of her lasted, and how much I remained obsessed with her for some time, though mostly unconsciously it seems, that I projected and valued and got attracted to other girls appearances based on how much it resembled her own and her personality and how much the time I thought I was in love her lasted that I projected her onto other women and had memories and fantasies of her appearing to me during the day. An unhealthy obsession with mostly a figment of imagination, an idealized image of a woman I had a crush on in high school (who also I found out briefly indirectly from one of her gestures of touching my fingers on my hand and whispering my name so I can just barely hear it during a shared photo of the entire class in high school in the second year also I had a brief crush on me, but I was to much of an introvert and coward to act then at 16 or 17 fearing to be in relationship with her at that time since she was bullied and mocked by some classmates then and I didn't have really developed crush towards her then) and never had developed an actual friendship or meaningful interaction beyond my platonic love of her and projection of my own mind of her in short. It also shows how deeply lonely I feel now and how a lack of experience in any relationship or being in an intimate or partnership relationship with the opposite sex has impacted my psyche, I am 23 now with no experience of being in an actual relationship with any woman up until this point, that I am fantasizing in my dreams, maybe subconsciously, my idealized crush and then thought of missed soulmate in life from high school, that I am having these dreams of her in my wish-fulfillment scenarios stalking me after this much time has passed since high school and also how much I have failed up until this point in my original intent and aspirations of graduating and becoming a certified sociologist in my basic studies term time or much more even the possibility of becoming a certified one at all now given my state and missed opportunities, studying procrastination, distractions by entertainment and porn weakening my discipline and mental willpower and fortitude to study long term, with patience and seriously with no distractions, excuses and procrastination and experiences in not taking and chickening out of some exams this summer and in the past semesters that piled up in these 5 years since my enrolling in faculty in the sociology study group in 2017. Experiences full of failed dreams and wishes that are now manifesting themselves as wish-fulfillment in my dreams as means for my psyche to cope with the living experiences of knowing them and having memories of them in the real-life where I am now experiencing a lot of suffering, mental pain and above all regret, daily life filled with the memory and knowledge of regret, of not coming even close or lifting a finger realizing all of these aforementioned things above that was at the time and still in some sense very dear to my heart and felt a strong emotional drive towards and that I felt life put it there for me to realize them and actualize them for a reason but I failed on that promise and are now sitting there like dead dreams and wishes, unrealized now and unpotentialized, and me only retaining a memory of them what I hoped and how I felt at the time I thought they were doable, within reach and that I could achieve them as my life purpose goal when I felt a strong emotional drive towards them. And now because of my laziness and procrastination of some stuff during my daily life due to the felt mental and emotional resistance and finding intolerability of my current life existence and future prospects of it, with no strong drive or purpose towards anything apart from keeping and saving my conditions for receiving welfare from the family pension (based on my passed mother's accumulated work internship while she was still alive and working) from the state while I am a regular student till 26 from the Pensioner Security Fund so I don't have to search for a job and work full time while I am still a student and studying (I am aware current after a wasted year giving only two exams I cant use this as an excuse indefinitely to postpone having to work and find a full time paying wage slave job or any job for that matter). I am aware that not the way to live to hope on keeping receiving welfare while using part of the pension from my grandmother to cover some other expenses while I am living together with her and while she is still alive while even my father works for some unsteady and unfixed income teaching basic English and German at private foreign language school chain while using as only being a student as an excuse so I planned and thought to try to find a part-time job somewhere via maybe the Youth Employment Center to get some income of my own and to start to feel better about myself that I am not so depressed and mentally incapacitated in my overexaggerating mind due to the feelings of prolonged or chronic emotional and mental pain, suffering, sloth, and laziness that I can work and earn an income for myself on my own even as part-time job coupled with still studying and passing some leftover exams from previous years or year this winter semester. Thanks also for anyone having the time and mental energy to sort through and respond to this incoherently wrote and all over place journal entry with word of advice, I wrote this mostly for myself to stop procrastinating and resisting mentally and emotionally with distractions, pleasure, and excuses putting these emotionally uncomfortable and painful thoughts that I have been chronically thinking about during some days into the text or at least a part of them that I have been avoiding or being too lazy to write out (even for a year in this case it accumulating) in text somewhere from myself to release them from me obsessing about them cathartically and to better understand them as well, leave a mark of them for others to know what's been mentally and emotionally plaguing me in my mind and most importantly to feel better about myself after forcing myself to write them all out, if not coherently or polished but just to feel that I got them off my chest somewhere where it is readable.

U can have sidhis.i know many usthad in islam who have sidhis.one guy was spotted in 2 different place at same time in the 50s . .i have personaly suffered a lot from black magic all my life.agoris in india can make a dead body walk.i know astrologers in islam and hinduism who can predict future and they predicted my future with 99% accuracy.my grandfather predicted something 40 years into future and he was an islamic scholar.i am not bullshiting i am above orange and i have exhausted rationality.if u do not believe what i said then u have no direct experience of it.also u fall prey to western media brainwashing.sidhis and other good stuff orginated in region between egypt and japan.so westerners will be against it as it is something that do not exist in roman civilisation but getting sidhis via drugs as leo say is something unheard of.also sidhis are the end point or come as a result of 30,40 years of work in spirituality or relegion.becoming obsessed about getting sidhi as a beginner will result in delusional thinking that will get u killed.a forum member fall into this type of delusion and commited suicide . Also patanjali was against sidhis and warned that it is a distraction.u can have sidhi and be not fullfilled.but u do not have sidhi but have enlightment and u r very fullfilled.chase enlightment not sidhi.

At one level but at another level someone can punish themselves, which is what I believe the poster means to talk about. I know for a fact that this validation is a reason some people have for self-harm, so yes. Of course self-harm isn't desired and if there are good alternatives people choose those. In some cases it is reasonable, because sometimes it's the alternative to suicide or going insane.

Today for the first time in months I spoke to my brother. It felt a sense of relief. We talked for full 1 hour. It was his friends birthday. They were going out. I'm so proud of him. He has achieved so much in life Although two months back he told me to commit suicide and that made me very upset and I stopped talking to him. He was being pressured by my mom. So he gave into that pressure and told me to kill myself. It was incredibly rude and awful. But after many days he has felt like talking to me. He is my only sibling.

Suicide is a survival mechanism.

If i commit suicide then it would be like god imagined a way to return to him. I want to die before i die how can i do that ?

Hey guys i want creative ways to commit suicide i have a few ideas in my head i think the least painful is taking al lot of sleeping bills and go to bed. Any other easy way. No bleeding recommended

Good day seekers, When you fully God-realize, when you fully awaken to omnipotence and omnipresence, does the body remain. Can you continue emagining and experiencing it from the human body, or are you pure nothingness, because having a body is kind of a trade-off. The physical body reduces your vibrations, densifies your body of nothingness into form, which cuts you off from your power. I think you can continue having a body, you can manipulate it, you have at your disposal whatever you can imagine off. You can also be in a scenario, whilst creating (imagining it) it at the same moment and the delay is close to 0. You can think up some stories now, can you not? You might dream something that you thought during the day. Can you not? It's just that when you are all-powerful, you can do it with the reality in front of you, not only in thought/imagination form in your current state of consciousness. The thing I am stuck on - when I become one with everything that is, my body was everything that is, not only the human body. There was no difference between the feeling of "I" between my arm, the air, the ceiling, the kitchen cabinet. Only I. So do I have to be in that ALLNESS POV, or can I cut myself off from that and still have full-blown power? I feel like Trump - only concerned with power. Or to be more precise, I don't want that fear-based fake power, I want the real deal baby! Jkjk. But not really. I realize that being all-powerful, some of the situations lose their meaning since there is no challenge. Yet, isn't there like a million things you would first experience before getting bored of that? Also, not sure how much Death reveals. How much does it raise my consciuosness? (Not thinking of suicide, don't worry guys :D) Anyway, perhaps someone figured this out? Would love to hear different perspectives to improve my understanding and contemplation. Thanks, non-existent at the time of writing guys.

I can't believe I didn't listen to people who told me that before. I'm gonna repeat it. "You don't want enlightenment and you can't want enlightenment." That's basically it. I'm not gonna say:"You're already enlightened" because nobody who seeks enlightenment is gonna want to hear that. Me included. Also, it's not about reading this in a right way for you to get it or not. It's more complex than that. And it's more simple than that. Also: "Realisations don't enlighten or liberate you". They just give you insights into reality, that's it, and those insights are gonna tell you to some degree that you're gonna have to do the following things: (after "here's the deal) You don't want to be nothingness/GOD/emptiness all the time. Because what's more empty than no-thingness? Non-existence, and that's death and or the absence of any perception. So here's the deal: Obviously you either want more of life or fewer of those negative things we call suffering. And you heard about spirituality or enlightenment. Bliss, god, liberation, enlightenment. If you took some psychedelics or had orgasmic awakenings you might think you want that all the time. For example, I had a kundalini awakening. I can't describe the pleasure I've had having it awaken. When it rose I felt like I was the sun being loved into existence. The next few weeks I just had to focus for a split second on my lower back and could maintain that cosmic orgasm for as long as I wanted. This sounds a lot like enlightenment, but it isn't. It's like a heroin IV drip. And the heroin is not gonna last, you're gonna lose it. That's your view on enlightenment if you seek more from life. And once you have that, which you don't necessarily need, you're gonna face suffering, which you'd want to escape from too. So here's the second thing. You can want enlightenment because life is too much suffering and you don't care that much about beauty pleasure etc. So you're gonna try everything you can, to escape suffering, because that's what enlightenment is for you. You're gonna cause suffering in order to escape suffering. The insane ego-mind is gonna have those ideas. You're also gonna want to kill yourself to avoid suffering. That's why you can't want enlightenment. You'd rather kill yourself than become enlightened. Because enlightenment is... No more doing, there's nothing you can do, there's just suffering and the mind handling it. That's it. There's no hope. Enlightenment is NOT the last hope, it's the end of hope alltogether. Most important message: "The thing you want to avoid most in your subjective experience is the door to enlightenment" That's it: If you want to escape your shitty life, then your shitty life is the door to enlightenment, and there's nothing you can do about it. That's surrender. Detaching from your shitty life is not enlightenment, it's what keeps you from enlightenment. If you have just one reason for pursuing enlightenment, that's it. That thing is the path / the door. So turn around 180°. There's also nothing you can do except exhaust yourself, until you give up. The grace of God doesn't show up if you're frustrated. It only shows up once you surrender thinking the only way out is suicide. That's how far it goes. And that's not even total enlightenment. That's when the falling into enlightenment CAN (but doesn't have to) start. It's as if you commited suicide, landed in hell for eternity, and had to accept it. That's when the grace of god shows up. YOU CAN'T WANT THAT!!!! So what can you do? Simple: There is "what IS" and there is "Aversion to what IS". Be minful of the "aversion to what is", so that it becomes "what is". AVERSION is illusory. Aversion is already "What IS" The seeking is gonna end with the aversion to the thing that makes you seek enlightenment in the first place. Important notice: 1. Don't play with suicide or suicidal thoughts. 2. Never hurt yourself emotionally or physically on purpose. 3. Never hurt other people/animals physically or emotionally. 4. Don't fuck up your life in any way. Don't change anything in your day-to-day life. Those are not "additional rules", but just indications that if you have those ideas, you don't understand what is being talked about. If you have those thoughts/ideas, feel free to PM me or comment them, I'm gonna tell you what you misunderstand.

Really good post, even though I can't claim to have understood it 100%. But I'm coming to the point of feeling like having to choose between suicide and living the life I have again and again, which just feels awful because it seems like the choice between pest and cholera. Have also understood the "total surrender" thing conceptually, but not embodied it yet. Maybe you have some pointers for me, maybe not, but great post, anyway!

@Leo Gura There are life cycles, monthly cycles, weekly cicles, daily cicles and meditative cycles of the dark night. Also, I think the only difference between pre and post awakening is simply that someone in pre awakening, isn't sufficiently pushed through that "misery"-stage. There's just gonna be avoidance. No pre-awakened person is gonna have the faith/trust/wisdom to go fully through misery, then giving up life-contemplating suicide and then finally going through everything again. Also it's hard to be mindful of those "steps" because every step of the dark night is like a break saying "no, don't do that". First thing is to be able to acknowledge the difference between disenchantment, desire for deliverance and reobservation in personal experience. That process is torturing the ego into submission. I could probably sit down tommorow, and go through all of the dark night insights while believing that it's real suffering up into Equanimity in 1 hour. If he didn't have an awakening yet, the best way is still to meditate through the sufferin of mind. Then there's space for awakening.

" In reality nothing happens. Onto the screen of the mind destiny forever projects its pictures, memories of former projections and thus illusion constantly renews itself. The pictures come and go – light intercepted by ignorance. See the light and disregard the picture. Question: What a callous way of looking at things! People are killing and getting killed and here you talk of pictures. Nisargadatta: By all means go and get killed yourself – if that is what you think you should do. Or even go and kill, if you take it to be your duty. But that is not the way to end the evil. Evil is the stench of a mind that is diseased. Heal your mind and it will cease to project distorted, ugly pictures. Question: What you say I understand, but emotionally I cannot accept it. This merely idealistic view of life repels me deeply. I just cannot think myself to be permanently in a state of dream. Nisargadatta: How can anybody be permanently in a state caused by an impermanent body? The misunderstanding is based on your idea that you are the body. Examine the idea, see its inherent contradictions, realise that your present existence is like a shower of sparks, each spark lasting a second and the shower itself – a minute or two. Surely a thing of which the beginning is the end, can have no middle. Respect your terms. Reality cannot be momentary. It is timeless, but timelessness is not duration. Question: I admit that the world in which I live is not the real world. But there is a real world, of which I see a distorted picture. The distortion may be due to some blemish in my body or mind. But when you say there is no real world, only a dream world in my mind, I just cannot take it. I wish I could believe that all horrors of existence are due to my having a body. Suicide would be the way out. Nisargadatta: As long as you pay attention to ideas, your own or of others, you will be in trouble. But if you disregard all teachings, all books, anything made out of words, and dive deeply within yourself and find your Self, this alone will solve all your problems and leave you in full mastery of every situation, because you will not be dominated by your ideas about the situation. Take an example. You are in the company of an attractive woman. You get ideas about her and this creates a sexual situation. A problem is created and you start looking for books on continence, or enjoyment. Were you a baby, both of you could be naked and together without any problem arising. Just stop thinking you are the bodies and the problems of love and sex will lose their meaning. With all sense of limitation gone, fear, pain and the search for pleasure – all cease. Only Awareness remains. "

I don't think already depressed people should be getting into solipsism and interpret it to mean that they are totally alone. Or that teenagers who get bullied and contemplate suicide, should hear that death is not to be feared, because it's just an imagination and their life isn't real either. Or that someone suffering from derealisation, is helped by a video telling him nothing's real and life is just a dream. Or that people with an already shaky grip on reality are helped by the message that they are God and created everything. I don't condemn putting out these videos, I love them. But I'm mentally healthy, so whatever I don't get, I don't get and that's it. I think there's groups of people who would be prone to dangerously misinterpret these teachings, and are not ready to hear some of these things being proclaimed with extreme conviction, and perhaps something more can be done besides disclaimers. Then again, if not all the teachings would be democratically made available, that is a bit cultish... It's a conundrum. I'm just brainstorming here. These arguably dangerous truths are surely magnitudes less dangerous than all the lies being circulated by ideologues... so what are we even talking about. I'm just saying, I get why spiritual truths would be guarded. There's also a reason that not everyone knows how to make a Philosopher's Stone. There's freemasons sitting on that (I've heard). Disclosing everything to the masses leads to chaos.

@Raptorsin7 IMO, the issue with teaching is not necessarily how to point, but how to guide students based on their situation. I can give you examples of things I wouldn't know how to handle: -Someone dissociates -depression -Wants to commit suicide -psychotic delusions -Hallucinations -Is immoral and risks becoming an enlightened psychopath -Dark night -Kryias -Anger and violence And then there's all of the other mental issues... Those are only the things I know about that I'm not confident in handling, and I don't want to be the guy that leads them there and then tell them they're on their own. There was a guy named Rali (Naked reality on youtube), he got his students to awaken their Kundalini, and then when they entered the dark night, which always happens, he realised he couldn't help them anymore. He deleted his channel after realising what he did, didn't actually help anyone.

I'm going through it real tough, I could hang myself tonight but I don't think suicide is possible in case I survive and am disabled, or I after death I regret it, nor is there a god or jesus or parent to come save me and make things better - My name is also Isaac,

I want to know, if I got stabbed, would it hurt? Or if I got into a tragic car accident, do you think I'll feel glass inside me, and everything's a blur except buzzing blue and red lights as I'm waiting around in a crushed vehicle for fire fighters to pry metal pieces out my lazy limp body, or during the warm day as a sudden voice asks me to stay awake and flies are suddenly attracted to me ... While a passenger victims cries and groans in the background? Essentially, does dying at all hurt, or will I slip into death like removing a tight shoe or awakening immediately out a dream as if nothing had happened - What if I were to get shot, will I notice anything during a dying process, like half my limb missing and sudden I notice an inability to move or talk? Will I reflect on my social circles and feel a sense of shame that I'm allowing myself to practically give up on life and fall "asleep"? Sadghuru says if you die accidentally like suicide or your body is injured at too young of an age, then you kind of have to wait a very long time I think before you can finally come back again ... because no matter how hellish this current life appears to get, we all want to have a physical life, apparently ... Apparently we won't spend too long as dead folks and will wish we had our lives back ... Which is hard to believe as I know I'm resistant, stubborn, bitter, and sometimes in despair and aguish about a build-up of events leading to this moment, Also, will I reincarnate into someone I don't want to be? Like I see plenty of people and I'd hate to be them, can I keep choosing what best suits me as a sort of game I'd like to opt into like character customization and world building options ... Thanks, I need details about pain and suffering during the final moments which are sure to come,

@Hello world Those two underlined, fat sentences were the actual reason of your post. You didn't just come here to inform us about your suicide. I don't believe you this. There definitely was at least a little bit of hope in you which inspired you to ask for help. I don't think you were only seeking validation/attention with your post, right? If you actually invested some of your energy in seeking help this would be the first step in the right direction. Nobody on this forum can do this for you. Watch Leo's videos on depression. See if you can find testimonials of people who recovered from depression or any kind of misery. Get inspired. There always is hope.

Suicide is my only way out. I will try it again properly

Thanks for caring @LordFall @Blackhawk @Federico del pueblo I cannot afford anything. I have no choice but to commit suicide. I have no life and no future. I cannot bear the pain. I am suicidal. It is too much

@Blackhawk woaaah. Was she more or less attractive? During how much do they offer you this? Where do you live? In my case the police didn't care about the drugs I was carrying, they asked for an ambulance to take me to the hospital and talk with a therapist. And they were super kind. Yeah its funny this society with suicide, uh? We don't care about living in shit in shitty jobs, stressful lives, etc, but nobody suicide!! Lol

@Hello world So have you even tried professional help? The society really doesn't want you to committ suicide. You can try to take advantage of that. Interesting things happen as soon as you tell them that you're suicidal. If you just call 911 they'll break your door and take you to hospital. For example they gave me a woman who I could meet once a week. I could choose that they would give me a woman who I would meet once a week. She was working voluntarily. Of course it wasn't sexual and it didn't lead to anything with her but still, I could be social and do things with a woman. Normal stuff like go out on walks, cinema, go to coffeehouse, hang out at my place, etc.

@Hello world It's sad to read that (your suicide attempt). I would urge you to seek help immediately and call some hotline or any professional when you are in a situation like this (when you feel like you want to kill yourself). I also want to encourage you to not give up. It's worth it. When you're at this rock bottom level everything seems pointless, but it is possible to rise again. Think about what kind of an amazing story you'll be able to tell if you make it out of this and become a healthy person that can enjoy life. You'll then be very proud of yourself for not having given up. Also think about the people who are close to you, who would have to live with the loss of you.

Days got much worse the past days and I attempted suicide yesterday. Thanks @Raze @Huz @Flint @kamwalker @Matt23 @Jacob Morres @PepperBlossoms @Yeah Yeah @kelli

The only possible explanation for how I can still be alive is that I actually did committ suicide, but after I did it I simply got teleported into a different universe inside the multiverse where I didn't committ suicide. It's called quantum immortality.

Are you talking about suicide? And I don't know if it is possible to fully awaken in this life-time, or maybe it is; although, I think that'd result as a physical death - Therefore, you're in this dream for some important reason/intention, or your predicament would likely be otherwise if this were not so - Unless as God, you kind of dared yourself onto this rollercoaster called life, so really you're stuck here until you finally die gracefully, Anways, personally I'm lazy these past few days that it somewhat hurts, haha, I'd better actually get done some cleaning and study,