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I related with Cypher for a bit. Basically the personification of "ego backlash" or "ignorance is bliss". He wanted to wipe his memory so he could go back to living in the Matrix, cause he hated knowing the truth and living in the real reality. He regretted taking the red pill.

Benefits of a high Void, Illumination and Magnitude Dimension - Benefits of a high Void Dimension: Intensified experience of Oneness, Emptiness and no self awakenings and an increased sensation of spaciousness higher energetic sensitivity. Thus receiving transmissions become more powerful. (In my experience, the void dimension is the biggest factor that determines the strength of transmissions) a high void dimension affects your aura and therefore the aura of others. In that way, a high void dimension naturally leads to a spiritual transmission to others increased peace and the feeling of liberation increased bliss (as well as love and happiness) (more about bliss at the middle of this post) resistance dissolves it becomes easy, natural and automatic to surrender. And you are more in the flow and life becomes seemingly more effortless. less suffering from the ego mind (due to high void dimension of no-self) increased intuition and psychic perception increased psychic power (reason explained here) the higher your void dimension, the closer you are to the non-physical and astral realms. That means a high void is neccesary for OBEs. And invocations become more vivid (because you are closer to the realm where spiritual entities reside). (invocations also become more vivid due to increased psychic perceptions and increased energetic sensitivity) - Benefits of a high Illumination Dimension: Enlightenment: recognition and being conscious of facets of awakening (+ benefits that this awareness brings) understanding, wisdom - Benefits of a high Magnitude Dimension: intensified experience of God, Infinity and Love awakenings a high magnitude dimension affects your aura and therefore the aura of others. Thus it results in a transmission to others possibly an increase in psychic power advanced progress on David Hawkins LOC model and the density model of the law of One.

Yes but "how" are they living their lives ? If you haven't noticed yet ..most people live a shitty medicore life .no passion.no dreams. No creativity. No goals. Just surving like an animal. all they care about is food and sex. What if I told you there is another way to live life .a life of such peace and bliss that passeth understanding .and this can only happen via a spiritual awakening to yourself as God.

Session 14: 30 minutes Felt rough. Was not motivated to start. Watched the clock every other minute. I was impatient for the "end bliss", which did not come. Now I feel dizzy, somewhat relaxed and conscious, but not loving or hopeful what so ever. Life sucks right now. I'm conscious of this "life sucks" feeling, and hope if I endure it "well-behaved" I get rewarded with peace and love. Nothing like this seems to happen. God can not be "ordered" by the ego. I feel depressed and lonely. This has surely something to do with the current ego backlash I'm struggling with after a long time of spiritual bliss and understanding. Even holotropic breathwork cannot pierce through the vail of ego backlash. Good luck to me.

Yeah I hear ya... I can relate a lot to what you say. I love both connecting with the singularity that feels whole and complete and also connection in the relative. The flavor might seem different.. one is to deeply understand and connect by going into "myself" through the inward direction, the other an"outward" direction, about mutual ground, mutual love and bliss through the connection. And then collapse the duality and realize it's all the same, the desire to connect with yourself is the same as the desire to connect with "others" (which not limited to "humans" but all spirit). ? You don't have to choose one over the other if that's not what your heart desires.

The separation is part of perception. Infinity and finite is the relationship that establish what we come to know as value. Value creates meaning. And meaning creates movement. To give you a example. Imagine playing a teambased online game. If you learn the rules of the game and gain experience and learn things along the way, you become a more valuable player, not only yourself but for your whole team. You are restricted to play whitin certain rules in this game, but you have the ability to utilize and explore anything that isn't ruled out. The rules of the game are consciously and carefully implimented inorder to create value. Despite the endless possibilities to create any kind of online game. Someone could create a teambased online game, where everyone who participate can push one button and win instantly. But who would even play such a game with no limitations in the firstplace, why even bother if all that was needed is to push one button to win? So inorder to be concious of value within infinity, there needs to be certain imposed limitations of finite form, to be able to experience any bliss at all. What would unity even mean without seperation? The Human form is a finite image of the infinity of forms that God can maintain at the same time. Just as the devices we use to communicate through here, may be vastly different builds. But electricity is the main source that unites all computers under the lable computer. Without electricity, there is no computer, no matter how perfectly built it is. It would never have been recognized as a computer without electricity.

They're kind of world's apart, in a way. 1st Jhana: attention gets so steady and mindfulness is so bright that the mind's opposing tasks are stilled, and so energetic bliss pervades, and the attention then gets absorbed in the bliss and breakneck exhilarating pleasure takes off with extreme intensity (1st Jhana begins) 2nd: mind moves away from the exhilaration and the underlying happiness is prominent, which can actually make the exhilaration even more intense, but with the higher level of samadhi relative to 1st Jhana, the focus is the happiness and not the exhilaration 3: the exhilaration/rapture is completely let go of and all that's left is happiness divested of rapture -- an extremely serene condition 4: the extremely fulfilling pleasant happiness is let go of, for the even more subtle and serene pure equanimity (which persists in the later jhanas) 5: materiality is let go of for the more subtle boundless space 6: space is let go of for the more subtle boundless consciousness 7: vast boundless consciousness is let go of for the more subtle perception of no-thing-ness 8: subtle perception of no-thing-ness is let go of for the most subtle -- the imaginary boundary between something and nothing; neither perception nor non-perception Nirvana: cessation; the end of time In the vast majority of cases, this is simply beyond the scope of psychedelics.

@Optimized Life Nice that you had that experience. Now you know that it’s all about your energy, and how you are feeling inside, that determines wether women are attracted to you or not. So that’s really nice. Yes, you can have that ‘magnetic field’ or ‘aura’ at all times. It is not easy work and indeed not one thing you do. I regularly do the following just because I like to play around with energy and feeling, and seeing how it reflects back in the world. You may find this useful to experiment with. First, I walk around with a closed heart. I pull up my energy into my head (which automatically happens when you are nervous and anxious), and then I make eye contact with everyone that passes. I say ‘Hi’ from that place as well. And what I notice is that they look away, they shrink, they are shocked by my presence. Then, second, I get into my body, I relax, I open my heart, I ground myself, I embody the feeling centers in the back of the body to create containment and security, and after I connected to the back of my body (my containment), I open the front of my body (feeling), primarily at the heart. This allows me to be touched by other people emotionally, I let them in and I connect to them from a heart-centered space. I consciously bring up joy and love in the heart as well and let them feel that. Now almost everyone connects to my eyes. They start smiling, lighting up and even approaching me. Even people across the street start looking. Because I’m radiating love super powerfully in the environment and people get pulled into that. Then third, I drop into the lower body and stomach. I feel 20% love in the heart, but I’m mostly bringing up energy in the pelvis and the inside of the upper legs (thighs) and the stomach. And now I’m walking from the connection to the lower body. I bring up a lot of intensity there and it charges me up. It gives me a super powerful penetrative presence. It is not sexual per se. It is more turn on / creating / penetrative energy. But it can be expressed sexually. And now when I come across women and men, they can’t almost not look. They just feel that energy. And I express it unapologetically through my gaze. I project that intensity into them. But I stay in my own body, connected to my grounding. And I am slightly doing it from heart-centeredness as well. It is balanced, grounded but very penetrative. I’d say, the most important thing here is that you become fully free and one with your external environment. Instead of operating from self-contracted consciousness, your consciousness should be expanded into more non-dual consciousness. Meaning that you literally feel one with everyone. There is no fear, shame and limiting sensations that contract you and hinder your full expression. You need to get to a point where you can exchange energy and feeling with other people without a sense of separation preventing you to be fully expansive. Your body needs to become super light, yet very grounded. You need to become super present in your own body for this. The mind needs to be stilled. You can best experiment with Kriya yoga, or other types of yoga that work with your energy-body. I also recommend concentration meditation, as well as do nothing meditation, as well as osho dynamic meditation. Daily. Eventually, your mind and body will become anchored into the now. Your increased presence will become the gateway to increased feeling and feeling-connection to other people. https://open.spotify.com/track/7A5hC3tPAwJM6S0ztlCzLw?si=5e1703dc28984f3a Do some walks in your city with music like this. Surrender into the body and become one with the music. Let it really touch you. Look at everything around you, the people, the scenery and let the music guide you to feel more of the essence of it all. I also recommend a simple practice where you can experiment with some of these principles. Daily, put aside 2 hours where you will go outside into a semi busy street to say ‘Hi!’ to everyone that passes. Put 70% of focus on your own body, and let your consciousness flow from those internal centers. Express from them. Express from the heart, the stomach, the pelvis. You will get different reactions depending from where you express. If you have a lot of apathy, anxiety, nervousness, fear, shame, and all of that, then you will probably express from the head. And people will pull away. They will reject you. If you are pushing on people from lust, anger and pride, then the world will push back on you. For example, back when I had this super strong lust to get to freedom, I went outside to give people high-fives. I was pushing on people from lust/anger. I HAD to become fucking free, And I fucking HAD to give everyone high-fives. And then one guy who had a lot of anger himself wanted to fight me because he thought I was provoking him. It was our anger that connected. Now in this exercise, you can learn to ground all of that rejection and become non-attached to how people perceive you. And there is a lot of liberation in that. You simply stop caring and become one. And then when you shift to non-attachment when doing the ‘Hi!’ Exercise, you will feel that shift in your body. Your feeling centers turn on and you start to express from there. And then people start to say hi back. They smile, light up and they want to talk to you. If you can do this exercise daily for a month, you’ll grow leaps and bounds. You’ll become non-attached not only when saying hi, but in every other way that involves expressing your emotions in front of other people and to other people. You become grounded in your self-love and self-validation. This enables you to transmit feeling out of authentic inspiration. You don’t look for permission and validation to be who you are. And the more you become grounded in this non attachment, the more people will become pulled into you. It will change everything. It really heals your energy body because you don’t need the permission of the outside world for your consciousness to express fully. Your become fully expansive with your energy. Your aura/magnetic field/bubble includes the whole universe. There is no bubble anymore. You just surrender those boundaries you had. You flow without boundaries and man, that’s where you will truly feel alive and connected with people. And women will show up naturally when you have this freedom. You don’t need to push and force anything anymore. You can even practice this ‘Hi’ exercise with women, but instead of saying ‘Hi’, you just approach them, ask them directions and you do it from feeling. You ask it from connection through the heart, pelvis, grounding, stomach and you will notice that their response will reflect your level of embodiment. When I ask a woman for directions when I feel embodied within my own grounding and turn-on, as well as when I have a completely open heart. They will often lean into me and get curious right from the start, and give these sexual gazes. And then finally you can do direct approaching with the hottest women and practice becoming non-attached. You just do it so many times, and you make it all about how you feel in front of her, releasing any attachments. Just becoming more and more grounded, more and more feeling. And naturally as you do that enough, you have absolute freedom with them and they show up naturally in your life. Through getting out from self-contracted consciousness and expanding into non-dual consciousness, your sense of peace, joy, openness, confidence and all of that comes from within. Nothing externally will then influence that. You generate all of it from your own body. You can get to the point with this work that when you get rejected, you feel more confident, more alive, more joy, more love. You simply ground it. Rejection is just the self-contracted consciousness needing external permission to feel whole/one. And when it doesn’t get it, it will become more contracted. When you get beyond that, your relation to ‘rejection’ completely shifts. Imagine if you could walk down the street and could just bring up bliss and ecstasy in your body just through your intention. Imagine if you would be able to walk being turned on and open naturally. Not needing anything to feel that way. Just being that naturally. You would enjoy rejection just as much as validation. You would sit inside the club, be present in your body, feel the music and even if you wouldn’t talk to anyone that night, you would still feel amazing. And when you can feel that way all by yourself, women will come up to you all the time. Or if you would be sitting on a bench at the beach, and you just feel joy and love in your heart, as well as feeling this grounded peace. You look at the people that pass by, you nod, smile, maybe say hi, and your inviting presence will cause these reactions in those people where they will often just talk to you because your energy makes them curious. There is just no rejection when you are this peaceful and joyful by yourself. You just need to bring that same level of feeling and non-attachment to approaching, meeting and connecting with women. And that is a process. You surrender all those negative feelings and stories, and eventually you become free from all of it. Now your ‘energetic field’ or ‘aura’ is just the consequence of your own effortless feeling and expression of that feeling. You don’t need any external thing to turn that feeling on within yourself. You simply are feeling and energy.

Had a conversation with someone from the forum today, it has the potential to be very impactful. He recommended I meditate on the tension in the third eye and the more I meditate on that space, that will lead to a disollution of the tension and bliss. I've been doing it all day since and I do feel some effects. My head is very stimulated in the third eye region, And I can feel the tensions very strongly in my head. But I have hit a bit of road block where the tension isn't dissolving anymore. But at the very least this is progress. I can surrender to the third eye and just be persistent. It's only been one day, so let's see after a few days of doing this how I feel.

I don't see suffering as an issue, it's just you need to be conscious and aware of how it is manifesting. If you really observe yourself throughout the day you should notice how much of your suffering is self induced by thought. Because our ego's have been trained to perceive life a certain way it seems impossible just accept getting cheated on, or getting fired, or suffering from a major medical ailment and still live in bliss. But it is possible.

I'm real sorry buddy. (Do tell if I'm projecting here) But if you hate this place so much, you hate Leo so much, that all you do is complain and act in this smirky-passive-aggressive way, in all your comments. Why spend your time here so much? Why even bother? If your standards are so high, why not be the light in the world that you want to see? And stop pestering others to do it for you? I'm not bashing or cornering you, I'm doing this for your own good. Look at yourself and set your patterns free, and live life the way you want to live. If you are addicted to this forum, well then that is another thing. But realize that Reality is just a mirror and that you see what you really are and give out. Flip that way of looking at everything, and you will quickly realize how fast things change for the better. (Of course this applies to us all, especially me ) @Someone here I would advise you to find your own compass and let go of relying on Leo so much. Find your own bliss and follow that. Be unique in your own way and let that blossom in your own reality.

have you considered the possibility that the only thing that would happen is that you'd cease to exist? that you'd be the same that you were before you were born? no fancy spiritual experience of either God embracing you in his Infinite Bliss, nor getting stuck in a spiral of hell. just complete and utter nothingness.

Good morning everyone, Please let me know if there’s a better thread to put this in. So I had my first mushroom trip last Sunday. It was about 2g of golden teacher. I ate it, snorted some rapé, set my intention, and started meditating. No music, no tv, just a candle, a blanket, a blindfold, and complete silence save for some birds chirping. It was honestly amazing, no nausea, no headaches, just bliss. It was strange though because I told a few people and they asked if it was fun and oddly enough, the answer was no. I tried to explain that it was for spiritual insight so while it was a glorious experience it wasn’t necessarily “fun”. I’m actually happy about that because I realize the mushroom’s function in spiritual development. It’s not like weed to where you may be tempted to do it more. I still have another 2g and don’t feel any rush/pull to take them anytime soon. It’s kinda weird because after that experience I truly see why they’re considered sacred and it’s just funny how people use them for leisure, missing out on all of the insight they bring, both consciously realized and not. It’s also weird because I thought I’ve never “properly” tripped before, but I realized I have tripped after doing the Shamanic Breathing exercise where you pretty much hyperventilate into a trip effect. I’ve done this a few times before and have enjoyed it. I guess my question is, is there a way to make shamanic breathing “stronger”? I realized the main difference was the engagement with “voice” or with your Self wasn’t as strong with the shamanic breathing. I understand mushrooms are a shortcut, but when I do the breathing, I’ll feel the effects of a trip, but not really an engagement with Self. The longest I’ve done is an hour and I usually try to do 45 minutes. After I stand up, I’ll usually ‘trip” for like 10 minutes. I get a few insights both while breathing and the slight trip afterwards, but whereas the trip felt like a full conversation with an entity that’s engaging back with you, the breathing is more like looking at flash cards. I know I can try to do it longer and on a more frequent schedule, but could I ever develop it to be as strong as a mushroom trip? I understand that it may not since a mushroom is a true psychedelic, but I’m just curious as to if anyone has had a mushroom-like trip from just breathing. Sorry for the long post, but this has been in the back of my mind for a few days. Thanks!

I have begun recording my journey of Enlightenment in audio and writing format. You can find my writings here: https://jaronfund.com/phoenix-tome/ I have decided to post my journal in this forum as well. To paraphrase what I have written so far, I expound what I find useful information in my self-knowledge journey and what I have discovered to be of service in life. When I discovered this type of information it was understood that following one's passion is the point of existence. People's passion's vary, and most individuals do not follow their passion because of the pressure of society or others. For me, I always had an enjoyment of video games so I felt that perhaps I could pursue that as my passion. I created one such game titled "Path of Vidya" which I felt was good because it was a game that focused on non-violence, communication, and Enlightenment. The story is closely tied to my "awakening" experience into what I usually call "the greater reality", that had me in states of negative mystical experiences (sometimes labeled as schizophrenia). I had expectations that my work was going to allow me to earn a living and be self-sufficient, but I soon discovered that this was a misalignment to have any expectations at all, because it creates a desire that may be better left unfulfilled. This has shifted me away from lofty material goals and rooted firmly in the energy of self-realization. In addition to creating two video games, I have written two books, created animations, comics, digital art, music, and a podcast. Perhaps, one day I will find something that helps me become self-sufficient, but luckily through this external work I can realize that self-realization is before everything else, and what work I do feel personally guided to do, comes with the bliss of having zero expectations for its material success. So this means in every moment I focus on the energy field within my body, away from trivial thoughts, or even creative thoughts. Naturally, if I need to create, it comes through without the need for the incessant banter, and this allows my life to flow with relative ease and conviction. Though, only if I can focus on that, and not get swept up in the idea that I have to force myself to become better than what I already know I am capable of. The idea is that if I were to know I could be better now, I would have already decided to do so, instead of think about the possibility. In 2019, I became more heavily focused on politics than I ever had before. It is the single most dividing factor in our lives, and is a topic I am endeavoring to keep within its own domain because I discovered I received very little in allowing someone to represent my views and direct my life. While this may assume Anarchy or Apathy, it does not. I just know there is a path that goes right through the dividing lines, and meets with everyone's needs within the realm of free will. As well, as the free will for individuals to vote for a representative if they choose. Grasping these multiplicity of views (whether spiritual, scientific, political or otherwise) is definitely the whole of it, from my perspective. It made me go completely insane on a number of occasion. I have only recently been able to balance it to a rather stable degree. So many assume the objectivity of their reality without connecting to the expansiveness within their own potential. And so, I find my biggest challenge is often with the words I am using. Our words have to follow one after the other, and so much is left out or not focused upon because they have to appear to have a coherent trajectory in their logic or will be left open to being more easily misinterpreted and can then cause others to feel disempowered in their potential. (This is not an ideal expression, since all of us are capable of great conscious power, whether or not they presently appear to be misaligned in their endeavor to Enlightenment) When I was younger, I was completely imbalanced in my perception. Yet, during this most unusual experience, there was a small child who simply looked at me and said "He is a spiritual teacher". Certainly, that idea is quite attractive to me, and at the same time seems far away. I would not like to sound as if I know something more than what another already knows for themself, because truly the individual grows in awareness through their own volition and not through anything outside their own self. So it is probably something for the distant future, perhaps another life? There is still this matter of Enlightenment that continues to itch at my sense of total well-being. Which brings me back to the path of which contains a multiplicity of understanding. Often I find myself quitting all endeavors and just sitting down meditating. I make it an enjoyment to meditate for 1-4 hours a day, rarely, though sometimes, it is longer than that. Doing so has brought me far more peace and expansive experiences than anything else. And yet, I can understand that some have pointed out; meditation itself being a trap. Still, I can say that it is my passion to do so, and a passion to speak about matters that involve higher consciousness. I find myself constantly wondering if I am qualified to speak on such matters, since I myself, haven't fully realized how these principles are interacting in my personal life. For those who know channeled material, they will often point out that this does not matter. The exploration of these ideas, and the discussing of them, and understanding of them are one of the same. So one might as well speak with God realization now, because that is the truth of the matter in the present moment. I endeavor to embody that ideal more and more, and trust the process unfolds as it needs to. I will post more entries as needed. I only wish for humanity to find itself better adapted towards more enlightened endeavors in the future. And I do see, that this begins with how we interact with one another by way of the amount of bliss, love, and wisdom we allow our self to receive.

So my internal monologue is extremely weak and I have very few thoughts naturally, maybe one every 30 seconds if I want to, and this makes it rather easy to enter a state of no thoughts by meditating (not all the time, but still very frequently). The thing is that I do not feel any sort of union, bliss, or anything special in this state of no thoughts. There is no dissolution of anything. It isn't a nondual state of consciousness. The only thing that happens is that instead of my head having thoughts occur on it there are none. What more do I need to do to actually enter samadhi?

Samadhi is quite difficult to attain. 1. You need to be in an "awakening qualification zone" - to know that you on the cusp of something big happening in your spiritual life. 2. You need to enhance your meditation more, but be more gentle of the thoughts that arise. See where the train of thoughts takes you. (if at any time you need to go back to balance state, you can) 3. There is a moment. In which your meditative practice will intertwine with the big thing thats coming, You'll be ready for it. that's what meditation is for. To prepare you for just such moments. 4. Once those two merge, you experience the sweetest bliss. You are a Yogi. You can enter Samadhi states at will. It may last 3 seconds, 2 months, 45 years, or more. Peace & Love, Greg.

Shame is more an emotion, it doesn't say much about the exact underlying feeling. There's the distinction between emotion and feeling. Emotion is an abstraction or categorization of a set of feelings/sensations that have a certain quality to it. Feelings within a certain vibrational range have a typical quality to it that we call shame. But this incapsulates many different subtle feelings. Such as not being good enough, unwanted, unloved, insecure, rejected, left out, embarrassment, wrong, ugly, and many more. When I say that you feel a sense of shame, it points at a more specific underlying feeling. Which in your case it may be some of the above examples. You can. It's just because your nervous system is wired to instantly react with anger as a defense mechanism and so you have to become conscious of whenever this is happening so you can redirect your consciousness to make healthier choices, to turn the anger in on the shame underneath for example. 'The power of now' and 'the power of now in practice' has wonderful chapters on this subject. It's really about retraining your awareness to become proactive instead of reactive. Although you have this intention to become aware, the next time you become angry, you may lose yourself in it completely and forget about all of this, but the stronger this intention to become aware becomes, the more you will become aware over time. You just need intention and your subconscious will bring it out when it needs to. Each time, you become a little bit more proactive. And then there is this pivotal point where you have retrained your consciousness to turn inward instead of outward and it is effortless. And that's where you transmute anger because it's not about reactivity anymore. It's about seeing what's hidden underneath. Healing anger really is about healing your shame. And it is also not about controlling what you think. It is letting yourself think whatever you are thinking, not trying to control anything. It's letting yourself relax with whatever is inside your body and mind, and riding the wave. You don't hyper-focus. You simply let things be and you fully accept the sensations. It's also not good to want to get rid of your uncomfortable feelings as soon as possible. Liberating yourself from them is to release attachment/aversion towards the feelings. It's having the feeling and being completely in vibrational alignment with the sensations. You can literally treat it like a game. It's like this. 'I notice I'm angry'.... 'Wow, this feels intense....' 'I feel so powerful and alive'...... 'Grrrrrrrrrrr' You literally stay with the sensation of intensity within your body. You feel it's subtle qualities and you find a sense of enjoyment within that feeling. You can do that. But you can't make the anger wrong. Making anger wrong is what will keep anger alive. We have been guilted into believing anger is wrong. And we subconsciously try to repress and avoid it whenever we feel this way. Try to see anger as something healthy and something that can help you become a lot more powerful. I have a suggestion for you. It may help you. So above, I said that awareness is something that deepens the stronger your intention becomes. Without intention, the way you react will always be the result of the way you have been conditioned to react - It's your nervous system's automatic response. Your subconscious mind is completely taking over at that point. So the suggestion is to keep bringing the intention up in your conscious mind to become aware and to turn anger in on itself whenever it manifests. For example when someone insults you. I have a journal for example, and everyday, I write in it my intention for this day. For this week. For this month. For this year. For the coming 5 years. And for the coming 20 years. And I keep adding to it everyday. You could get such a journal and start to journal your intention to become more aware within anger. And as I said, you may not be aware the first time. But the more you journal, the more powerful your intention becomes, the more you will get these glimpses of awareness within the anger. It will seem very powerful and enlightening when it happens. You'll be in the midst of anger and then get this recognition of your own power and the freedom that lies within the power. It's THERE where you have proactivity. It's a sense of choice. NOW, you have control over the anger. By generating stillness within it. By not being in aversion towards the anger, instead seeing how it can teach you and how you can use it to go inwards. Now you can reveal the shame underneath and shine light on it. Now you can transmute/release shame. You're already doing that by this process but it goes a lot deeper as well. But this is such a good start. But yeah. Please be with your anger. It's just an intense feeling in your body. It can't hurt you. It's just intense. You can really handle it. And it feels so fucking good to feel anger and be able to just sit with that anger. So good. You can even transmute anger to pure ecstasy and bliss. Yes, above I wrote a suggestion so you actually have some benefit of what people write here to you. Because I really understand how difficult it is in the midst of being in it. You won't change instantly just because you get what we say here. You have to make the internal changes and that's when this will click more in your own experience. I really recommend the journal processing. It's super powerful. Every day and night, you can journal your intention to become aware of your anger. Writing down all experiences that made you angry. Write down the experiences in the future that would make you feel angry and really make it an interactive process within your imagination. You could also already practice at the same time you are journaling. You can evoke memories that have the associated vibration of anger to it. And if you can really connect to that memory and get into vibrational alignment with it, and you really energetically model it as if it is now, then you can learn to transmute anger to love while just sitting in your bed, with your journal. And then it is super simple to bring that awareness to your day to day life. It probably is shame. Remember that shame is just an emotion. It is the same like fear. Fear has different subtle feelings to it such as tightness, nervousness, cautious, frightened, blocked, doubt, worry, etc.... Yes exactly. What you say here resonates for me very much because I've acted out a lot out of anger and there was always regret. I've been in jail because I acted aggressively towards police. I've stabbed someone in his head and legs and almost killed that person. And then another time, someone had punched me on my head out of nowhere when I was walking down the street and I took my knife out with the intention to stab him. So I know anger all too well. It's devastating. But only when you are reactive. When you become proactive within it, it's really wisdom, love and a more calm power. Now I see the joy in it. Like wtf. Lol. Being angry and needing to stab someone. That's super reactive. Maybe the guy who punched me just wanted a hug because he feels so alone. And then I come wanting to stab him... But yeah, the core lesson is that it was reactivity towards my sense of weakness. He punched me. I felt weak. And my want to stab him was my need to compensate for this internal sense of weakness (shame). It's denial. So the key here is to use anger to see a lot deeper, to what's REALLY going on. Anyways, good luck and enjoy being

Hi everyone, I have been listening to a series of Bonnie Greenwell interviews lately and one of the topics that keep coming up, is how in India, Kundalini is perceived as a goddess. Another one that has popped up repeatedly is the sexual nature of Kundalini. I have a bit of personal experience with both aspects, so whilst I wrote about this before, I would like to provide a more detailed and personal look at how the two are connected. This is going to get weird, so brace yourselves. So, I’ve hinted at my story here and there, with more details provided on my youtube, but I never really tied the different strands together and I feel it is important to do so now, as listening to these interviews have crystallised some concepts and connections that I only really felt intuitively before, but now I have become conscious of them. It’s always difficult to provide enough background information, without taking up too much space, but I’ll do my best. I am really uncomfortable writing about this topic, as it tends to ruffle so many feathers, but I feel it needs to be done anyway, as my own unique story could actually provide some clarity on topics that may have been unclear before. All of us, who have awakened Kundalini have such a unique perspective and we all arrived where we are from very different backgrounds, via different routes, and if we each provide our story to the spiritual community and the wider world, we will contribute to completing the puzzle, the greatest one there ever was, about the mysteries of the universe and the true nature of existence. So, it is often said, that Kundalini is a goddess, yet she is also Shakti, a cosmic, all-pervading force in the universe, but locally, she is also sex energy (libido as Freud would call it, having learnt about Kundalini from his friend, Jung) and as Bonnie Greenwell points out in her works, she is in fact the very creative force that creates life upon conception, it is root energy. The Hindus believe that Kundalini is what germinates life upon conception, it is what creates the blueprint for the organism to grow and is the energy and intelligence behind cellular growth and the creation of full-blown multi-cell organisms. This energy is provided by the explosive energy of orgasm upon conception and is usually drawn from the father, though the exact process is unclear. Ancient civilisations were well aware of the importance of this process and conceptualised the act of creation via orgasmic release through various fertility gods and goddesses. In India, the god of fertility is Shiva, and one of her wives, either Parvati or Durga is seen as the goddess of fertility. The former presents a more benign, loving, aspect, whereas the latter is fiercer and more warlike. Thousands of years before Hindu gods arrived on the scene, if mainstream archeological timelines are to be believed (and there is always some speculation and conjecture involved), in the first civilisation known to us, Sumer in Mesopotamia, the very first concepts underlying our current civilisation were being developed. Almost everything we associate with civilisation, whether writing, calculus, astronomy, agriculture, irrigation, architecture, calendars, timekeeping etc… was invented by the Sumerians, more than 6000 years ago. They seemingly came out of nowhere and developed all these high civilisational tools and achievements with no other civilisation to precede them. In their own records, they claim that the gifts of civilisation were bestowed upon them by their gods, whom they called Anunna, indicating that they were descended from the Sky God, AN , and were all various offspring of his marriage to KI, the Earth Goddess and mother of all gods (also known as Ninhursag), who, to honour this fact, were also sometimes referred to as the ANunnaKI. The chief God of Fertility was Enki, who was also associated with water and fish, whereas the goddess responsible for the sexual act itself, in order to create life and fertilise the whole of the earth, make plants grow, animals reproduce, etc… was known as Inanna (also Inana, later Ishtar) who was believed to be even more powerful than Enki in mythology, even though they had a familial relationship, where they often relied upon and helped each other. It was said that when Inanna descended into the underworld, life upon the surface of the earth would stop, plants would not grow, animals would not reproduce, her power over sexuality was seen as the fundamental force behind nature, which allowed its growth and replenishment and the cycle of life to continue. She had a dual nature to her as she was also the Goddess of War, riding into battle on the back of a lion, sporting an array of distinctive weapons and with various supernatural powers that have no doubt provided inspiration for the modern portrayal of superheroes. This has been acknowledged by the latest iteration of Wonder Woman, who carries her symbol, the 8-pointed star of Ishtar, representing the planet Venus (also a Roman Goddess heavily influenced by her mythology) on her forehead. If you thought that a fierce warrior goddess, riding a lion, slaying her enemies and being associated with sexuality sounded familiar, you’d be right, she has equivalents in many subsequent cultures, where some or all of her aspects and attributes were syncretised into local goddesses. Some, like Aphrodite, Venus or Astarte are no longer worshipped, whereas others, chiefly the Hindu Goddess Durga, still are. I bring up Durga here, because some scholars have established a link between these two very similar goddesses and have linked them both back to the Parthian Nana, who in the Indus Valley became known as Nana Devi. She is recognised as one of the 108 official forms of Shakti and now seen as an ancient form of Durga, from whom she inherited most of her attributes, including her fierce, war-like nature (she is the slayer of the demons of ignorance, symbolically) and her marriage to Shiva, providing the counterpoint to his role as the god of fertility and thus creation. Keep in mind, that in most strands of Hinduism, Durga is honoured as the primary form of Shakti and all this will soon start to make sense. So, apologies, if I had to get to my point in a convoluted manner, but it is relevant to the story I’m telling and it cannot be understood without this mythological and philosophical background. The point here, as often expressed in Shaktism, a major branch of Hinduism, that puts goddess-worship at the forefront, is that all these different names and forms for the Goddess are not what matters, for the force, the intelligence behind it, is essentially the same, different flavours of the same Shakti. And this Shakti is behind the creation, sustenance, rejuvenation and continuation of life, it is responsible for evolution, the creation of new species and allowing existing species to step on to the next rung of the evolutionary ladder. We may have different names and forms for her, we conceptualise her differently depending on our cultural background, but all of her different forms stem from the same underlying intelligence, she is the essence of all life and in this sense, the Divine Mother that gives life to all, not literally, but in a manner of speaking. This also explains, why Shakti has her own drive and initiative, her own goals and agenda, which is the continuation of life on earth and the evolution of all species, but on this planet, the human form in particular, towards a higher form, to reach its full potential and achieve self-realisation. That is why, when she activates in us as Kundalini, her primary goal is our transformation and evolution. There is no difference between her myriad forms, they all share one divine cosmic consciousness, we only perceive them to be different due to the limitations of our senses. So, you may ask, why did I bring the Sumerians into this, isn’t the picture already complicated enough without them? I had to do this, because it informs my own story and is of personal relevance to me. You see, when my Kundalini first started rising, back around 2010, I was an atheist, though I maintained a keen interest in spirituality from early childhood and had always known that subtle energies and souls were real, I also maintained somewhat of an on-again, off-again meditative practice. Living in London at the time, I visited the British Museum regularly and became fascinated with the Mesopotamian Exhibits, not least the Uruk collection, which was excavated from Inanna’s holy city and the Burney Relief, which is said to be a depiction of her. Concurrent to my visits and interest in Mesopotamian culture and mythology, my Kundalini started rising, first as heat at the base of my spine and then gradually cleared the first three chakras in a gentle and painless manner, bringing up the requisite past unresolved issues and memories, I was supposed to deal with. The problems started when the energy hit my heart chakra and was unable to clear it and break through. I felt chest pain and in time developed heart palpitations, anxiety, heavy breathing and neurological problems. Having been pretty much an atheist up to that point (I was brought up as a Roman Catholic prior to that, but also had some exposure to Hinduism, when I lived in India as a child), my only solace from the increasingly troublesome collection of Kundalini symptoms was during my regular meditative sessions in the Cathedral Gardens, next to St Paul’s, the river Thames in general and my frequent visits to the British Museum and the associated reading areas where I delved into Mesopotamian Mythology with growing interest. It was as if the artefacts from all those millennia ago were calling to me and I felt an energetic connection developing, particularly with the artefacts depicting the gods Enki and Inanna. In some myths, they are Father and Daughter, in others they are Husband and Wife, in yet others, they are Uncle and Niece, but their relationship is central to Mesopotamian mythology and they represent a very important male-female duality, where their strengths complement each other. One day, I was feeling particularly “unwhole” and suffering from Kundalini Syndrome. As I was walking towards the Cathedral Gardens at St Paul’s from my City office, it occurred to me, that these ancient gods I had been so intently studying, weren’t just myths, but perhaps they were very real beings and could be prayed to and applied to for help. I looked towards the majestic dome of St Paul’s Cathedral and thought, well, I have nothing to lose, if I ask for help, so I might as well. I closed my eyes and imagined the god Enki as depicted on a particular relief in the Museum and asked for his help. I told him, he was known as the creator and greatest helper of humanity, most gracious amongst the gods and most likely to take pity on any mortal that might need his help. I asked him to send any help he can and having read about the concept of guardian deities or spirits beforehand, even suggested he might send someone to assist me with my Kundalini issues in person. Immediately, I felt a huge download of energy. It was as if the skies had opened up (being London, it was grey and overcast) and some sort of beam or ray of energy descended from the sky, straight into my crown chakra and suffused my entire being. It felt like I was filled with light and had received a gift of divine grace. I immediately felt better and felt hopeful for the future. The next day, as I was washing up, a light appeared behind me, as bright and hot as a second sun and white in colour, accompanied by a sound of beautiful radiance. It had a female presence, immense intelligence, grace and emanated pure love. Within her energy field, time seems to have stopped or slowed down immensely, the outside world appeared like a mere shadow and looked unreal. Only she and I existed in that moment, everything else was a mere projection on a wall. Nothing has ever felt so real up to the point and so-called reality never felt so unreal. It was as if the colour, the flavour had gone out of it and it had gone pale and lifeless, so incredible was her shining and radiance, illuminating everything around her with the light of a thousand suns. Without words, this being of pure light energy floated towards me and communicated that she would like to heal me and touch me, in a way asking for permission, I suppose. She touched my back, at the level of the heart chakra and this touch felt real, like that of a human woman. She gave me shaktipat, which is what I later discovered, this transmission of energy is called, unblocked my heart and caused the energy to shoot up and flood all the nadis as it passed through the heart. I felt the need to lie down and allow Kundalini to do its thing, so I went to my room and that’s what I did. I started thrashing around and having various kriyas as the energy shot up, taking only a few minutes each to clear each of the upper chakras. When it got to ajna chakra and then past it, I felt a rhythmic thud at the top of my skull, towards the back part, as if the energy was trying to escape and break through, but couldn’t. This final knot, in the Brahmarendra, just below the crown is the last one and again I was getting the constrained feeling like I did when the energy was stuck below the heart. However, Inanna was still there, in the kitchen and as I was having this experience, she gracefully floated into my room, emanating this white-silvery light everywhere and giving the impression that she had tendrils of light extending from her in all directions, with which she was able to caress and touch me. She then floated on top of me, as I was lying in bed and started enveloping me in her light and I even felt like someone sat on me, with not much, but still noticeable weight, which to be honest, felt rather sexual, as is often the case when kundalini is involved. I have since seen many depictions of tantric goddesses sitting atop devotees in an act of tantric union in Buddhist art, especially in Tibet, so I’m guessing this is pretty universal. Not for nothing is Inanna known as the Goddess of (sexual) Love. In this tantric union, which really felt like an act of divine lovemaking, our beings slowly merged and became one. She gave me her energy and I felt my Kundalini finally shooting up with such force that it broke through the last knot and it felt like, my actual skull, with an audible crack, which sounded like a bone breaking. I have only recently discovered, that this moment is known as the breaking of the cosmic egg (Hiranyagarbha), which is accompanied by the release of the yolk, known as Amrita, which floods the body. The way I experienced it, was that after the breaking of the cosmic egg, the serpent finally escaped and as it exited the skull, it felt like it was peeking out from just above me, eventually coming to rest its neck, just below the head, and keeping its head raised up, the way it is often depicted in Egyptian art. Concurrently to this, amrita started flooding my brain and this felt like a rush of liquid light with again an audible sound of rushing water, like a stream, or even a waterfall. As the Amrita flooded me I experienced incredible feelings of bliss and joy, as well as downloads of profound truths, which is known as sat-chit-ananda (truth-joy-bliss) in the vedic literature. I received great realisations moment after moment and my whole being was being suffused with light, brighter than anything I have ever seen. Each subsequent stage of this awakening was more joyful and blissful than the previous one, even though I always thought, surely, it cannot get better and more intense than this, but until the final stage of Nirvikalpa Samadhi, it always did. At this stage I was already in some state of Samadhi, though still within my body, with the opening at the top back part of my head, known as the Mouth of Heaven in the literature, giving me constant access to a higher, infinite and non-dual realm, which I can only refer to as Heaven, as we really have no other or better word for it. However, my experience had not yet culminated at this point and I was to experience the greatest bliss of all, as my consciousness exited the body. My body fell away and became increasingly small as I extended into a black, spaceless, timeless and dimensionless void. I was all alone, it felt, but I was also everything. I started experiencing everything being part of me, the whole cosmos and everything within it and my expansion seemed never ending. I filled everything, suffused and pervaded everything with my being. I was in my own universe, not knowing if I was the only one with his own expanded universe, or whether there were others parallel to me, but ultimately, it did not seem to matter, because in this place, I was whole, loved and loving, both the object and the subject. It seems like a paradox in hindsight, because how can you be loved or love, when you are alone, but in fact I was pure love, nothing else really existed, everything was made of pure light, the ecstasy, the knowledge, the happiness, the love, the joy, the bliss, all of it was way more than any human being could possibly bear, so I had to be in this universal form, encompassing everything there is, to bear the majesty and brilliance of it. This was a state of non-duality, where all opposites, even subject and object ceased to exist and there was only the One, the Absolute, the Self. The Self was universal, omniscient and all-loving. In this state, everything was already understood and known, past and present were no longer mysteries, they were all occurring simultaneously, everywhere and there was no limitation of any kind, just pure expansiveness. I must have been in this state for about an hour, though during that time, I had no concept of time at all, it simply did not exist. The same thing for space, everything was within me and I was within everything, with no separation. Ditto for dimensions, they extended infinitely in all directions and I was part of each dimension of existence. My vision wasn’t confined like it is now, it was also in all directions and saw everything there ever was or will be, everywhere, simultaneously. All knowledge simply “was”, already there, instantly available and there was nothing that wasn’t known to me. In hindsight, I understand why ancient Rishis described this moment of realisation as “I am that”, because really, that is all there is. In that moment, you are that and that is the only thing that exists, so you realise the unity and oneness of everything and everyone, different manifestations of the same “One”, seemingly different in the illusory, dualistic world of Maya, but ultimately stemming from the same source. Once I have grown tired of existing in my infinite, universal state, I started shrinking again, until I was small enough to fit back into my body (it felt like falling back into it) through the same route I exited it. Being back in my body, I felt incredibly constrained and my muscles were sore. I knew this was a profound experience I’ve just had, but it also felt rather disappointing to be back in my same old body and to have lost that full immersion into truth, bliss and joy, though I have carried back the memory of it. Since my crown was now opened up, the mouth of heaven provided a constant link to Heaven and I was able to interact with heavenly beings, beings of light from then on, depending on the needs of those that exist in this shadow world of illusions. The state I have just come back from is known as Nirvikalpa Samadhi. I have been able to go into Samadhi states and rest in them subsequently as well, though none were ever this intense, this seems to be a one-time deal, to show the Jiva or Soul what awaits it once its task has been completed here on earth, as a motivation to keep up the work and lead others towards union with the divine (Brahman). So, there you have it, that is my own unique take on Shakti being a goddess, one of many names and forms, which are largely made up by humans, but the intelligence, the force, the power behind it is unchanging and always the same. In fact that reminds me, the Goddess once showed me a vision of herself when I admitted to being confused about all the different forms and names that are associated with her and how she could be all of those things when to us, they may look so different. In this vision, I saw her as a Hindu Goddess in a four-armed form. Like I said, names and forms are for us, for her, they are all the same. She was alone, in a black, dimensionless void, like the one I have been to in my Nirvikalpa state, sitting cross-legged, two of her arms raised up in meditation and the other two manipulating reality. In front of her, was a loop, donut-shaped. As I looked into the loop, I realised it contained all the time and space of the universe, condensed, and as you “zoomed in” individual faces and lives started appearing though from her perspective, they were all flat or two-dimensional. She could reach into any one moment or any one life and make adjustments as she deemed necessary. She explained to me (in thought, not words), that this is how she reaches into manifest reality to keep the loop running as it should be and both time and space circle back into each other and start again, over and over, but to her all points in space, time and various dimensions are equally accessible and visible. She also explained to me, that when intervention is needed, she might incarnate in a certain form along a particular point of the timespace loop. All she need to do, is “pinch” that particular point in the loop-movie, for her, no time will have passed, but in the movie, in the physical play-out reality we inhabit, an entire avatar or incarnation may have been born, lived and died, completing the missions she was sent there for. I’m not going to speculate on how this relates to other gods and goddesses, I am simply reporting what I was told, or rather shown and you can make up your own mind about what that might mean. I have also “seen” her (specifically in the form of Inanna, but also as others, including Buddhist forms, as reported by friends who were visited) manifest in physical reality and “reach into” it, manipulating events, or performing healing on someone. The events were reported by friends or people who have asked me for assistance, remotely, but I also saw them in my minds eye, in the form of visions, so to me they were as real as if I was really there, even though I was thousands of miles away. If that sounds weird, keep in mind this is known as remote viewing and is reportedly how the Mahabharata was written, so that events could be seen by the author remotely. When the Ajna chakra is activated, these things become possible, though I have never sought them out, they only happen spontaneously, when the situation calls for it. In conclusion, I realise I have thrown a lot of weird, hard-to-digest stuff at you and it may not make much sense now, but perhaps in time, it will. I know it took me many, many years to get a sense of what’s really going on and understand at least the basics of it. I cringe at the thought of how many people will be upset by this story and I have plenty of experience with that, believe me. I’m not bothered by the criticism, which is predictable and I have noticed always comes from the point of view of which cherished part of the ego feels most threatened by it. Some will be upset by the mixing and matching of religions and philosophies, to some it will be new-age, to others way too religious, polytheists will decry its monotheism, monotheists its polytheism, non-duality its dualism, dualists its non-dualism and so forth. This story does not fit into any neat category and neither do I, I am literally in a minority of one, so it has the unique advantage of upsetting everyone at the same time. It may also seem unfair that such profound spiritual experiences would occur to someone so undeserving as myself (and that I very clearly am) and all I can say to that is that we live in a different age now (some would say, the tail end of the Kali Yuga) and as things get darker, one advantage of being here now is that we have to put in so much less effort to progress spiritually than only a few decades ago. A lot more people are waking up and having spiritual experiences of a profound nature, whilst simultaneously, those that refuse to grow and evolve with the changing times are growing ever more demonic and hateful, as has been predicted by the Puranas all those millennia ago. So for you, my advice would be this: keep doing whatever you’re doing and work on it, because there has never been another time in human history, when it was easier and quicker to achieve spiritual liberation than it is today. Don’t listen to mean-spirited critics (teachers and gurus who know what they are doing excepted), instead, follow your own heart and your own intuition, listen to the guidance of the Goddess and she will manipulate events in such a way as to give you maximum opportunity to develop and grow. Also, pray to her, talk to her, plead to her if you have to and she will find a way to communicate with you. Do not be bothered by the differences in outward appearance when it comes to her many forms, work with whatever form works best for you, whether it is the more impersonal and universal Shakti / Mahashakti, her more localised form as Kundalini Shakti or one of her more personalised forms appearing as various goddesses in different parts of the world all throughout history. If you feel more comfortable with the male aspect of God, then do that and apply to that aspect for help, that is also what I initially did, when I prayed for help almost a decade ago now. But, you’ll find, that in most religions, it is the female aspect of God, that is most active in this reality and is most likely to step in, whereas the male aspect tends to remain somewhat distant and is generally outside of the created world, rarely taking an interest in it or intervening directly. I hope that helped you and I encourage others to share their personal stories of awakening in a similar manner so we may all learn from them as a collective, because in the end we are one consciousness, having the same experience, but from myriad different points of view.

The Goddess Kundalini Speaks I am Shakti, light of the Divine Into thy soul I shine my light I illuminate the darkness within What has been hidden, will be revealed. Into the void I enter with life Once dark, now it is filled with light All resplendent, shining and magnificent Life is created by my shining. In thy soul I shall rise up Thy body I shall cleanse Thy spirit I shall purify And liberation you shall surely attain. I shine my light onto you to illumninate your darkness To lift the veil of ignorance that clouds your mind To give you the knowledge and power needed To lift yourself up from the dirt and achieve liberation. In your heart I reside, the seat of your soul, Yet, I can be found in all things, Everywhere, where there is life, I am present And the whole universe is my playground. If you look within, you shall find me. I am that which moves you to do great things I am the power behind love I am the Goddess of All Creation Shakti flows in everything that moves Shakti transcends everything that loves Shakti motivates all that seek out the divine Kundalini is the hidden power of Shakti in all. I rise up in those that seek me out Not for power or glory, but for the love of all. I am motivated by your love for the less fortunate I am also the Goddess of compassion for all living things. I have many forms, yet whichever you seek out, You will find me, for there is only Shakti And though my forms are many and resplendent All are dear to me and lead you to the truth. Do not despair, if you don't find me at first. Keep searching and seeking, look in the right places, Which are all within you and by turning inward Shakti's divine light will shine upon you. All Joy in life is by my grace I am the love that the mother feels for her child I am the passion that creates life from the loins of lovers I am that, which holds the world together by my bonds of love. In Shakti, you will find the happiness you seek The bliss, that has been eluding you will fall upon you The knowledge you lacked, will be revealed to you, The liberation you seek, will be granted to you. I created this world and yet, by the end of it We will reunite with my beloved And in his terrible dance, all this creation, This web of illusion, will be no more. Similarly, in your body, you are a microcosm of the universe. You were once created and you think you are real and separate. Yet, only I am real in you and I long to reunite with my beloved. When I crawl up your spine to reach him, I destroy all attachments. As I cleanse your body of what the past has left behind I annihilate the bonds of matter, I destroy the ties of ignorance I lift the veil of illusions, I reveal what was hidden, And when I reach my crowning achievement, we shall dance. Me any my beloved dance to the song of destruction The demons of illusion we slay, their dark world we vanguish, Our loverly embrace illuminates all that was once dark And only the pure light of the absolute remains. When you realise this, you shall be free.

That is conceptual. What i am pointing to cannot be conceptualized because concept is dualistic. I'm pointing to actually being what you are conceptualizing.....an infinite state of pure potential in which all possibilities are held, but unactualized - yet are all there without needing to be actualized into one particular finite form. That is God Consciousness. It is Absolute Bliss or Love-because it is everything and nothing, there are no differences. That's enlightenment .

Hi All, First up, I'm not trying to tell you what you shouldn't do, all I want to do is post a warning based on my experience with Holotropic/Shamanic Breathing. I hope that you take heed of this advice and don't go through the intense involuntary healing that I have been through in the last 3 years. I had a strong desire for the spiritual path and had been meditating for 4 years, sometimes up to 4 hours per day but normally at least 1.5 hours. I felt pretty good and had no existing psychiatric issues (that I was aware of.....) In early 2019, I felt I was ready to speed up the process as I wanted to progress spiritually and felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. So I started Shamanic/Holotropic/Breath of Fire (It has many names). I started on 2 minutes and gradually worked up to 30 to 40 minutes per day over the course of many months. I was still meditating but not for as long as I had been. Everything was fine for many weeks without issues. I felt good and felt normal both physical and mentally. Then, one week I started to feel off, it is hard to describe but I just didn't feel right. Felt really tired and unhappy (I am normally a care free happy person). I immediately stopped the breathwork but continued to meditate. About 1 week after I stopped the breathing practices completely I was still feeling tired and just not right mentally. Then one day I was sitting is lotus posture and I suddenly felt really anxious for no reason and this incredibly uncomfortable energy started surging through me. I did not know at the time it was energy as I had never really felt it before but it was really uncomfortable. I couldn't sit still and I felt really anxious from the excess energy. I had no idea what was going on and ended up in hospital, I started screaming in hospital for no reason and almost had to be sedated (I am normally never like this, normally one of the most chilled out people around me). Anyway I was released a few hours later when the energy calmed down a bit. For the next 6 months this energy was with me all day everyday (even though I ceased all spiritual practices). I had trouble sleeping (I normally sleep like a baby). I felt extremely fatigued (I thought I had chronic fatigue) and could hardly get out of bed for weeks. I was close to panic attacks all the time. I was so scared and had no idea what was going on. I had to quit my job as I couldn't really function. Luckily I was financially prepared for this. It was only after I reached out to three meditation teachers who could "read my energy" were they able to advise I had awakened Kundalini. Kundalini was moving through my physical and subtle body cleaning out past traumas. Boy was it hard. You don't realize what lies in your subconscious until you open it haha. I then had a relatively stable period of 12 months with no symptoms and felt pretty good. I thought Kundalini had become dormant but now I know she was still active in the background. I then started doing something similar to straw breathing just to try and calm my system. I felt great for a few months. But then boom without any warning again I went from feeling great to these massive surges of energy running through me that still haven't really integrated fully with my system even after 7 months of no spiritual exercises. The negative impacts of my healing have been the following: - Intense suicidal depression (Never really been depressed at all in my life until I awoke Kundalini). Almost ended up in a psych ward a couple of times. The only things. Mostly when the energy surges were moving through my chest and heart area. - Intense ADHD, couldn't sit still almost all day for many months. (Never had ADHD before, I am normally more sloth like haha) - Intense sensitivity to people, unable to be around some people. - Intense weird mental states, hard to describe but they aren't very comfortable. - Insomnia. This was really bad in the first healing period but not so much the second, still not sleeping as much as I need to but it has improved. - Intense sensitivity to fasting and certain supplements. Fasting and magnesium amplifies the energy and it feels very uncomfortable. Positive impacts (a lot less than the negative ones so far.....) - When I close my eyes my body mostly disappears. I don't feel it at all the only thing I feel is the energy moving against blockages. - Body gradually feeling less and less like "me". A little bit scary. - Can feel expansion of aura around me. - Small periods of intense bliss. This can almost be a negative impact if too intense. - Small periods of seeing intense beauty in even the most simple things. - Heightened intuition. - Synchronicities at times. Not all the time but occasionally. - One 5 minute period where all my thoughts just stopped. My head was clear, this was very cool. Only had it once though. - Greater understanding of subtle energy in general. The two laws that you must always apply for safe use of it. I sought help from a few teachers, tried a few practices to help calm the energy and ground me but in the end the main thing is time as the energy integrates with your body and mind, this can only happen so fast and takes time. Acupressure helped a bit and also something called White Light Protection Visualization which you can find on the Kundalini subreddit. One respected Kundalini teacher had me try all sorts of herbs and exercises that seemed to do nothing or make it worse. So I have come to the conclusion that very few people actually are able to teach this sort of stuff if you have a spontaneous K awakening. I share this in the hopes that others healing journeys won't be so intense and involuntary as mine. I also want to thank all those have helped me in this journey so far, those seen and those unseen. Especially for helping me to keep my second job and family. Good links: https://www.reddit.com/r/kundalini/ - IMO the White Light Protection visualization should be done by everyone everyday. https://www.taraspringett.com/kundalini/healing-kundalini-symptoms-book/ - Some good info in this book. TLDR: Shamanic/Holotropic Breathing awakened my Kundalini without warning and gave me what is called Kundalini syndrome. I went through hell on earth as I was healing for the next 6 months then I went through A relatively stable period of 12 months and then the last 7 months have been by far the most difficult. Still healing from my past at a rate that is far from comfortable.

@Someone here I totally understand that you are puzzled by Christianity, I was too and in some sense I still am, the thing with Jesus is that he is the Eternal Logos, the Universal Mind who is ordering and structuring the world into a coherent whole, but as promised by God in scripture he would enter or send the Savior/ his son, because humanity had lost its way and it still has since the Fall of humanity, one has to see the red thread going through the bible. Can you not feel that something is missing or something is actually wrong, like it could be another way which feels better in your spirit. Truth is a person and not a concept, you and me are persons and so is God. He is the living God. Jesus entered his own creation to lead the way to Salvation and Eternal Life. He explicitly says that NO ONE comes to the Father except through him, he is the light of the world. The divine hypostasis assumed a human nature and in so doing he deified human nature so that we can become divine too, thats theosis in orthodox faith, if we follow Jesus, by his grace, we will become christ with a little c, God will be God for all eternity and we will be god, we were created in order that we might live with God always in harmony and bliss and without death. Thats what the fall is all about, Jesus set the record straight, he is the second Adam. Jesus defeated death, he said he would die and said he would rise again and he did. Read the new testament, try to keep and open mind and contemplate and especially feel into it, listen to podcast who deepens your understanding of the history of the faith and what its all about. You have : Search the scriptures by Jeannie Constantinou Lord of spirits podcast Bible in a year podcast Jays analysis is also a great source, he will explain the Orthodox faith and he goes deep into everything related with philosophy, theology, debates etc. and lastly Church of the Eternal Logos youtube channel. Also the Orthodox Study Bible, its on Amazon, great resource as well. There are alot of great channels and podcasts, Christianity is the most profound tradition ive ever encountered, if you can see past the shallow version of it, which unfortuneatly is what alot of people see when they investigate Christianity, you have a deep and profound wisdom from the Church Fathers, its ancient but profound. I have hundreds of books about Christianity, and even Islam, I enjoy Islam alot, but still i truly believe that Jesus is God, been investigating this for a year now, and I was born and raised atheist, found Leo after profound insights from trips etc, then I found Christianity as the last stop and investigated it, trying to keep away my biases and see past the low level tier of evangelists and some protestants and found Eastern Orthodox Church, which had it ALL, mysticism, theology, philosophy, practical, profound churches, awesome people following Christ and was truly living a good life in Christ so to speak. I deeply recommend the Chosen tv series, it is free as an app that you can watch, to get the feeling of Jesus and what he actually did, it is the most crowd funded tv series in the history of films, it is awesome, season 3 is in the making, I deeply recommend that for you brother. I am still a baby and new to this, so I am not the best to answer all your questions, but I provided good sources you can investigate for yourself, and keep in mind your own biases as well, which is extremely hard i admit. I still respect and listen to Leo tho, and read about other traditions, but Orthodoxy felt like coming home in my honest opinion. But since I started praying, my life has improved alot. You are a sinner and you know it, we all are. There is no figure in history who was like or is like Jesus, thats my conclusion after investigating all the different mystical traditions around the world and doing different practices. Sorry for the long rant bro ?

From what I know, most of such unpleasant kundalini symptoms happen from spontaneous kundalini awakenings. From what I know good shaktipat transmissions are the safest and smoothest way to awaken the kundalini. It might sound a bit contradictory, because shaktipat is also the most potent way to awaken kundalini, and thus speeds the whole process up. But it does everything with more intelligence and gentleness, and blocks are easier dissolved, therefore it seems to be overall smoother in most cases. Even after the biggest part of the kundalini awakening is over, I think receiving shaktipat transmissions can still support and make things smoother and increase bliss. Gareth Duignam gives very good shaktipat transmissions. He gives live group transmissions on youtube and zoom every Monday, Tuesday and Friday. There are other great transmission givers too.

It's fun when you get interesting new insights/awakenings. But the only real reward is being free of your own delusions/fear. No fear = no suffering = bliss

That's right. In one book of his written discourses he says that after a while the extremely powerful bliss disappeared. I suppose that when he was blissing out at the foot of the mountain, he was in a state similar to a deep awakening of 5-meo-malt, where all distinctions are collapsing and you are close to formless infinity. Basically, God was making Love with him, that's where the bliss came from. Someone in a state like that can't function in the world, and whoever says otherwise hasn't experienced the level of awakening that I am talking about. So, after this bliss state, his level of consciousness must have stabilized to a level of non-duality in which he was able to live normally, walk around, and answer questions to students until his death.