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Oki I'll leave the thread now because I got other stuff to do. If anyone interested can simply mention themselves here and I will check back and message them later. By anyone I mean someone who knows a thing or two about depression, suicide, anxiety, PTSD, trauma and has enough time. Thanks for stopping and looking.

There is no solution to my hopeless problem. The only solution would be suicide, but it's not yet time for that, I don't want to hurt my parents, and I'm also still too chicken to kill myself. I don't want friends, and I hate my family. I don't think anyone would like my parents. My mom is completely crazy with her conspiracy theories etc. which she is constantly trying to convince me of.

Karma is just some shit you have heard and read about. At the end of the day, the only rational reason to not committ suicide is that it would hurt others.

Yeah, I mean a lot of cases can be thought about to illustrate why these theories might seem somewhat unfair. For instance, what about someone who'd give up on life after a car accident, after witnessing their whole family die before their eyes? Perhaps they could have fought harder for their life, had quite an okay chance to make it, but just decide not to keep trying to live. Is it some form of suicide? "Weakness" of character? Bad combination of physically objective and subjective circumstances? Is it really that bad to decide to leave, in such circumstances? Wouldn't it have killed most humans put externally in the same circumstances? Potentially even spiritual masters? Somehow, it seems to be also the case with young girls killing themselves. I've got the chills thinking of someone like Amanda Todd and accepting throughout whatever theory she's got karma to expurgate somewhere in limbo, after obviously she died from life challenges and circumstances exceeding from far what most teenagers are equipped to deal with. What happened to her was enough of a hell. Assuming cosmic justice needs now for her to rot in hell for taking her life feels wrong AF . Karma really puzzles me too. It's really a though piece!

@Etherial Cat Good points. Death is complicated. There's a lot going on there with it. I don't think people like that accrue karma either. I think it has to do with emotional state, how you 'let go'. Also if there is more you needed to do, then karma will still be there imo. But someone dying of terminal illness is probably in a different category of karma than say, a young girl who commits suicide because of bullying, or something. There's probably beings who oversee this sort of thing and can sort people with the utmost fairness. A person who is terminal might be ready to let go after a lot of contemplation and will not have karma because of how they approach death openly. They might be at peace and then move onto higher places. I think karma is something the individual knows best as well, where they need to work on or if they are truly ready to leave. We can only speculate, but I have a feeling it is also ultra personal and so impossible to categorize too much on how karma works. I've been reading a lot about the wheel ? though, and how it sorts people for the next life. Like cogs and gears we have free will to open just through self development, more and more is permitted by unlocking reality. I'll bet the process is mechanical and perfect.

There are various interpretation about what happens when one dies, let alone with suicide. I'll just say that it is quite common to more or less decide to go, especially when you are old and the end is near. Sometimes, the frontier between suicide and a natural death isn't so easy to distinguish. An exemple is when you've got a degenerative terminal illness and you decide to stop it there before it turns you into a legume. My country has one of the most liberal practices when it comes to end of life, and it doesn't seem correct to assume all people who decide on when and how to end their lives are necessarily creating dense karma for themselves.

I can also see how perhabs initially there would be relief but then (shame) and regret would take over because the "job" was not finished at all. This is purely thought since Life can get so fucking miserable that a way out would be nice but suicide does not seem to provide such an escape

@Pavement Yea Indian women suicide rates are sky high. I read lt all the time. That's because the culture here (in my country I mean) is extremely harsh towards women. Every day I read about several women committing suicide in the newspaper. Unmarried women are generally happier. Its the married women who jump off because of harassment, abuse from husband or in laws being the most common reason for it. Indian women are treated worse than dogs in America. That's why girls are scared of marriage. They are happy being single. Marriage for most Indian women is like a death trap. I wasn't ready to marry either. I used to tell my mom that I don't wish to marry (in the future) even when I was barely 14 years old. Because I used to read horror stories in the newspaper about women who used to jump in front of a train after being abused by their husbands. That's a part of Generational trauma, a patriarchy that is extremely cruel to women, it's nothing like western patriarchy. India has a very long history of abusing its women in the most vicious ways. Neither am I playing victim nor am I exaggerating. If you hear or read some of the stuff, it will literally send shivers down your spine. I don't even want to go too deep into it. The land has innocent woman's blood on it. Enough said.

I do predict that in the future, as society becomes more progressive, one of the things which will change is our attitudes towards life and suicide. My prediction is that suicide is going to change from something that no one should ever do, to something that is normal and option, with services to assist in this. This is not that radical of an idea, the Japanese have had cultural suicides in their history.

Suicide is not what's it's cracked up to be. Not a problem solver, just another set of problems you have to deal with. Read the following: The Morning After I Killed Myself | A Poem by Meggie Royer Posted at 13:26h in Awareness by elliesbus2 0 Com by Meggie Royer The morning after I killed myself, I woke up. I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels. The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed. The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication. The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach. The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

About half of all posters go through bouts of blatant psychosis, and are told to do some useless meditations... One dude was arrested by cops flailing around on the floor because of "God" and put in an asylum. I'm not really sure why Connor Murphy was criticized considering by the looks of things, basically the entire userbase is in the same headspace. Leo is never psychotic but likes to stick to an ultimate truth. If someone commits or wants to commit suicide, for Leo it means nothing because death isn't real. But obviously he can't say this outright.

‘Blocking’ isn’t in question here, it’s just matter of points & adhering to the guidelines. I agree, it seems like a ‘cry for help’. I offered help in the form of info & resources. Talking with someone was included & mentioned. Perhaps ‘such as a therapist and or psychiatrist’ would have been clearer and I appreciate that. I do feel trying that would be ideal, and also see it doesn’t ‘work’ for everyone. In a ‘cry for help’, also, just talking with a friend or family member can be very helpful. Not instead of someone else, in addition to. I posted in response to your post, after posting to the op, or, matter at hand. If helping people, offering resources, being someone someone can talk with, all oriented to ending suffering including psychosis, and actualizing communion with our source in peoples’ life is narcissistic, more please. And I have worked with and helped more people out of suicide ideation that I can even count or remember. Someone committing suicide is as much my responsibility and within my power as someone calling me fuck face. Also, I actually do appreciate & cherish feedback. I find it most helpful. In the future, please don’t even allude, just straight up call me out on any horsehittery. But also, in all fairness, try in direct experience what I suggest first. Then the feedback is constructive, helpful. I make changes all the time to those resources from the most precious feedback I receive, both above & below, so to speak.

U can block me I rarely post. This thread just seemed like a cry for help and the responses were appalling (to me). Esp in the context that someone from this site committed suicide. That’s all. My apologies for calling you that. But I don’t know why u would post to address me, and not the matter at hand. I should have just alluded to your narcissism more politely.

I have never been able to process my father's death properly ever since he died. I was just a teen and I felt extremely traumatized seeing his corpse. It was cold to touch. I placed my hand into his hand and slightly lifted his light dead cold hand. It was light as a feather. There was no pulse and his hand was cold. I couldn't understand what was happening. It was an alien experience. I had never experienced a death before. I avoided looking into his eyes because there was something weird there as though his eyes were rolled into the back of his head, something like his eyes going up. The room was very cold I remember very vividly. My suicide attempt was 2 months after his death. His memories would constantly haunt me. I had numbed the pain of his death in extreme workaholism, studies and other stuff. Then came a day in 2017 when I was feeling very grumpy and constantly overwhelmed and tired. I was feeling empty and stressed. I hadn't realized that I was already suffering depression.. That day I decided to pursue shadow work. I kept asking myself a lot of questions. I kept digging deeper into the reasons behind this empty feeling. And then for the next whole week I kept throwing up both physically and emotionally. It would come to the surface, I would keep talking to myself in my room. I would keep blurting out things that were hurting me. My traumatic memories that were hidden for so long came up over and over and over. I just couldn't stop crying. I would cry for hours with a knife in my hand. And that's when I knew what had happened. I couldn't let my father go. I did not want him to leave me so early. I could not process the pain of a disastrous marriage between my dad and mom. All of it had taken an emotional toll on my health. All my childhood memories of my mom fighting with my dad suddenly came like a flashback. I used to feel helpless watching my dad. He was internally moaning in pain. My mother had inflicted deep psychological and emotional wounds on our whole family. She was unempathetic and disgusting. All the events that led up to his death began to play in rapid succession in my head. I realized that he could have lived longer had he divorced my mother who was being a bitch to him. I wanted to fucking kill her in that moment. He had succumbed to his terrible circumstances and I had been completely helpless in doing anything to save him. The tragic memories of my cat came back. I had been unable to save her from being murdered. I began to feel survivor's guilt. I realized where the source of my inner conflict and pain was coming from. It was the cat. It was my dad. Both left me and I felt helpless in saving them. It haunted me for years after they were gone. I think i blamed myself in the most cruel manner. I felt like I was responsible for whatever happened to my dad. I felt like I could have stood up to my mom and possibly punched her and stopped her from ruining my dad. But I was scared of her. I was scared of her violence. She was/is very bossy. It was simply impossible to meet her in the eye. Her face is very threatening to look at especially when she knows I'm not okay with her. She would follow me around like a stalker. Everything had to be done with her permission. She would hit me on the head if I didn't follow her orders. She would grab things out of my hands and throw it on the floor. She would watch me cry and then go watch TV. She would force my dad to eat bad food that would make him vomit. She was a tyrant to him. I felt sorry for him all the time. Because of the way she would treat him Sometimes I would try to stop her and yell at her to stop forcing my dad. But most of the time I felt helpless and alone and unable to cope. I was scared of her violence. I was scared of her over imposing personality. She was/is an extrovert. She would talk to the whole neighborhood. I used to feel anxious and shy and she would force me to dress up. She was extremely pushy to the point that my anxiety kept getting worse. She felt like she was protecting me but in reality her terrible actions and behaviors were doing more harm than good. I needed gentleness and compassion, not marching orders, threats, blackmail, domination, pushing, constant surveillance, nitpicking, constant feeling of being judged, criticized, observed, picked on. She just wouldn't sit in a place. She would hover over and around me like an OCD helicopter. It began to stress me out. She would take her motherhood role a little too seriously and her sense of entitlement as a mother was unbelievably ridiculous. She would even say that as a mother she could do anything she wanted. It was as if she had ultimate authority and control. One of the reasons why I'll hate the word "mother" for the rest of my life. She created an intense shadow in me about the nature of motherhood. There were times I remember that I would constantly watch over my back just to see if she was there or not, everything was anxiety, everything was pleasing mom, everything was fearing mom, I still remember how she would look at me, her demonic stare as though she will kill me if I failed to impress her. I began to distance myself from my mom around the age of 13. I could not stand her overbearing nature. She was acting less like a mom and more like a boss. I turned into a typical rebellious teenager with a bit more rebellion than you see in other teens. I became ferocious. Everytime she tried to dominate me I would fly in rage. I was calm but her toxic behavior would put me in a permanent state of anger and upset. There was absolutely no mental peace around her whatsoever. She would constantly provoke me to the point of suicide. I would tell her to stop and leave me alone but she would stay silent for a few days and then be back at it again. She had made it her mission to give me maximum distress. I was fed up, scared, frightened, tensed, anxious, upset, pressured, pushed, guilted, gaslighted, coaxed, coerced, hit, beaten, abused, punished. If I didn't give her what she wanted, it was time for punishment. I would be brutally punished and harrowed for not giving her what she wanted. I did not feel like a daughter but more like a slave. She would try her maximum to control my every move. One of the reasons why I deeply deeply resent any form of authority or authoritarian behavior is my strong resistance to her enslaving authority. Who the hell was she to decide things for me???? I used to look at her grumpily. I began to resent her and her authority. The more she tried to control me the more I rebelled. It was a vicious loop.. I was ready to die but not ready to listen to her. I wasn't going to be her slave. Even if it meant I had to give up my life. Her constant intrusion in my life made me even more aggressive and defensive. The only way to survive around her was to be aggressively defend myself. She effectively turned me into a wild animal. She raised me into a psychopath. She raised me into an angry aggressive defensive bull. Any time someone suggested me something or told me to do something or decided things for me, it would arouse me to anger, upset, fury because it would remind me of her authoritarian nature. I would fight back hard viciously and lash out. It was either my freedom or my death. I slowly turned from a peaceful into an angry person. This was just the beginning. It was my rage fuelled teen years It wasn't going to end there. After my father's passing, my anger reached its peak point. Now my anger had turned murderous. My psychopathy was in full force. How the fuck can my dad die like that? I wanted to go on a rampage. I wanted to take out my anger on the world. It was me against the world. I could not deal with the pain of my dad's death. I made a firm resolve that I will never let myself die the way he did. I felt on multiple occasions to murder my mother. I wanted revenge. She could sense that I had begun to hate her even more. It was over. My father's death had effectively brought any hopes of reconciliation with my mom to an end. My brain had processed her as the biggest threat to my life from then on.

My policy is that if you can't take it, then don't dish it out. If you feel hurt or upset by me. I also feel upset by something that you must have done. Don't be so selfish. If you want me to show compassion to you, show compassion to me as well. I feel hurt as well. But nobody gives a Damn about it. Usually I'm slapped with some gaslighting whenever I request to be understood. The problem is people only focus on me. Almost like tunnel vision. If you focus on the whole situation from above, you'll realize that I'm least interested in drama. I try to avoid and keep away as much as possible. I can't be super friendly with people because of my anxious personality. Does this make me a bad person? I generally never have bad intentions towards anyone I just feel anxious and in general a bit suspicious. Isn't it natural to feel suspicious around people if your trust has been broken like a gazillion times in the past??? I have been punished brutally in my life for trusting people. Maybe sit in my shoes some day before judging me so harshly. And if you don't like me, why bother at all? I generally try to create peace unless someone is throwing a stone at my house. Then I throw it back. Yes I'm defensive. It's my trauma that causes me to act extremely defensive and I build walls around myself and subconsciously push people away. Why not? My biggest hurt in life came directly from people. Whether it was family, friends or ex lovers. People that I didn't sign up to be with but they existed in my life anyway. You can say I have/had a choice. Well... A person of limited resources doesn't really have much of a choice. People manipulated me on several occasions. They backstabbed me. I felt betrayed as well. It's not like I was treated with a bed of roses. So when you judge how I react to you also judge how you treat me. You reap what you sow I'm almost like a mirror. I reflect back to you your own attitude towards me. You look at me with indifference and hostility, then don't expect me to look at you with awe or gentleness. Give me what i deserve and I'll be equally fair with you. I'm no Saint. I try to be on my best behavior most of the time. But it's hard to be on my best behavior with a backdrop of trauma, severe anxiety, PTSD, violence from my mother, childhood abuse, a murdered pet at the age of just 14, a broken dysfunctional home, loneliness, death of my father during my juvenile years, knowing that my mother and sibling caused my father's death and realizing this later after many years during trauma therapy, having medical issues because of my mother's neglect, being intensely bullied and microscopically observed by people meanwhile feeling shy, reserved and socially awkward and anxious around people, being through 3 abusive relationships back to back because of lack of family support, people being intrusive about my life all the time, not to mention my own hypersensitive personality, I'm an HSP (hypersensitive person), a former epilepsy sufferer (I suffered epilepsy during my juvenile years), having born malnourished and underweight in a third world country that treats women like shit, having born premature (I was kept in ICU immediately after birth due to my premature birth), having a disability while walking (I can't walk for long) Generational trauma of my mother and grandmother (my mother forced to marry my dad when she was only 20, a forced arrange marriage, her family basically told her - either marry this guy or commit suicide she wanted to be a school teacher but they thought a woman shouldn't be so ambitious so they stopped her from attending teacher training, my grandmother was married off at the age of 8, obviously without her consent to a much older man, my grandfather in a fucked up Indian culture of the 1960s) being viciously bullied by my bipolar mother all my childhood and being called a loser by her almost everyday (daily physical and verbal abuse, she was a narcissist who wanted a perfect child and not a disabled weak child like me), being called a loser despite having scored A grades in every subject and topping every class consecutively for 5 years in high school, completing my MBA in Finance (masters in business administration) with great difficulty because of my social anxiety, with the best grades and then struggling with my first job due to my social anxiety and workplace harassment, facing regular and daily sexual harassment in buses and public transport (India is notorious for sexual groping/harassment especially in public transport), managing a very pathetic job (too much job stress) alongside relationships with abusive boyfriends, overcoming all of this and finally landing in one piece in my final version that you see me now. Isn't this too much to go through for a young girl/woman born into poverty and problems? Isn't this already massively fucked up? And then when people judge me, it hurts a lot. You still judge me and my behavior? <I'm not asking to be exempt from judgement, but try to have a scintilla of understanding into who you're dealing with when you are dealing with me. Who? Did you ever try to understand me even in the slightest? If you really think I'm fucked up, are you actually surprised that I turned out this way?? I still try my hardest to maintain my sanity given my horrible past. I'm not living in a mental asylum(not that there is anything inherently wrong with it) . I did not harm or kill or murder anyone. Not saying that I'm a Saint, just saying that I haven't done the most horrible things to be judged so brutally to the point of annihilation. If my anger and lashing out hurts you, why bother to deal with me? You show compassion for Hitler. But can't show compassion to me? Where is my empathy, where is my compassion? I'm not asking this in a selfish way, just trying to make everything fair on both ends. Because it isn't fair to attack me and judge me when I don't do the same to you. Not fair to start fights with me and expect me to simply put up with it. Not fair to signal things in my direction (not like i don't notice it), and then expect me to be completely silent when all the gossip around me simply goes on and on. If you can't show compassion to me, then fine, it doesn't matter and I don't beg for it, but I do feel hurt and wounded when you say things on the sly. I don't need anymore judgement, in fact people who judge others so brutally are blind to their own ways of gaslighting others. You calling something right doesn't make it right, you calling something wrong doesn't make it wrong. This entitled attitude is a product of your own projection. Not that I'm not guilty of projecting myself, yet I have never chosen to carry a feud endlessly and keep bickering and nitpicking at someone at every opportunity and constantly portraying them in a bad light with negative accusatory false assumptions on their character, almost like a constant smear campaign. If you think that someone is a bad person in your eyes, is it really necessary for you to keep shouting your judgemental opinion(about that person) from the rooftops on the regular? Where's the decency in giving other's space to be themselves? Where is public civility? Why keep hammering your negative opinion of someone you don't like and keep announcing your dislike for them openly and publicly for everyone to see(what are you achieving other than triggering) , basically engaging in smearing them day to day (and you don't think this is bullying, no matter however mild, it still hurts and it still accumulates over time, nobody likes to be judged for the record and at least not in an incessant manner, it's low quality and hurtful behavior period, let's call it for what it is, Salacious gossip is not exactly a great experience ), what makes you think you're justified in constantly and publicly smearing others with your holier than thou attitude, aren't you targeting someone to make yourself feel superior or better, I have no problem if you simply state that you are a great person, I have no reason to see objection with that, yet that's not the case here, you're acting superior at the expense of someone else's humiliation and put down. You're basically putting me down, putting down my character and dignity, I am not the best person in the world (neither did I claim to be), but I deserve to not be smeared just like anyone else. I deserve to not be judged just like anyone else. Am I judging you? Absolutely no. I'm simply minding my own business. Do you like it if someone said bad things about you to others? What if someone called you a liar even when you didn't lie? It does hurt when someone says something about you to others that's not true however mild it might appear. It's basically slander, gossip and smearing, why make it personal to begin with? Why the need to make someone look bad in the name of truth - ism? And if you really want to engage in such slander and smearing, why do you think that it would be without consequences. What makes you think you have the right to judge and proclaim such judgement openly and publicly to others. What if I went around and told people that you're the biggest scammer out there? Or even indirectly hinted at it? Would you enjoy such a comment about yourself? Then why write things about me and get a pass? If I can't get pass saying slanderous stuff about you, why should you either? I don't have the right or necessity to engage in drama if that drama doesn't involve my name in it. I tend to avoid mostly. Things only become personal when you make them personal. When did taking jabs at someone's personality become a publicly accepted civil behavior? Then why shouldn't we simply start taking jabs at one another and start a shitshow already, since it doesn't hurt right? You know why you enjoy this behavior? Because the majority is against me, so ganging up on me seems fun. Yet if you were at the center of being targeted brutally publicly and everyone is putting you down, taking jabs at you and making you feel small and unwanted, unworthy and demeaning, smearing your character and constantly taking shots at you in the name of criticism and you are defending yourself against a deluge of attacks from a hundred people who are hell bent on deciding your character for you, I don't think it's going to be a pleasurable experience exactly. I am not attacking your character, am I? Then why should such attacking be justified in my direction either? Are you super duper clean? I'm not pointing your flaws because it don't consider it good public policy to tell a person their flaws publicly, essentially making that person a vulnerable target for others to attack and hate. How exactly are you spreading love by demonizing other's character when you would be offended if someone said the same about you? What makes you such an efficient judge of character that you think going around telling others how they are so flawed is automatically the most accurate assessment of their personality? When did you get the right to determine that you could even walk up to someone and tell them an opinion you have of them and shove it down their throat and expect that they shouldn't feel violated? Yes I have negative opinions on several people too. But I don't go around telling them what I don't like about them. Where is individual liberty and dignity? Or do we simply get to destroy other's dignity and character at will? Even if a 100 people determined that a person is a pedophile, does it really mean that that person is a pedophile. Does public opinion make everything true? How can anyone be so sure that those 100 people aren't haters or people who simply love salacious gossip and slander. How fair is it to make someone an object of your public judgement, simply because they don't have many people to speak in their defense and reduce their character to something undesirable simply because you have the opportunity to do so? What if you were talked about in similar ways by many people? Would you feel accepted in such a community? Would you feel loved and honored or would you feel demoralized, degraded and dejected at being judged brutally? ... There is a fine line between criticism and smearing. It's hard to navigate but the best public policy is to just avoid judging when it's only going to create more pain, hurt and frustration.

You talk about crazy as if it is not within you Energy in motion is labeled as crazy, be cause we are in the dark ages. The consequences of labeling Emotions as crazy are being shown in "everyday human tragedies", I am talking about Drug use, Mental illnesses, Suicide, War & violence.

It's when the karma / sin narrative gets projected into the future of an individual 'soul' that it loses me. Karma is just the bad consequences experienced as they ripple out in the world. Which is another way of saying, a behaviour is defined as bad because it produces bad consequences. There's no separate individuals who 'own' karma or sins, so the punishment of suicide is the suffering of those loved ones 'left behind'. Like God is hurting itself, for giving itself a painful life which had suicidal feelings. But it's not really punishment, it's more like suffering causing suffering.

@lmfao Personally I don't really want to ever kill myself because I love life despite the enormous struggle. Generally I don't have suicidal thoughts But when my life gets really really bad then my mind considers suicide as a viable option. I prefer to outgrow my problems and not give up. Still though there is a breaking point. If you pass it then you can end up killing yourself no matter who you are. People don't understand that those who end up killing themselves are extremely extremely extremely extremely extremely desperate. Your body has this self preservation instinct. It doesn't easily let you end your life. The desperation has to be so severe just so you can override your self preservation instincts.

@Terell Kirby Most times suicide comes from lack of Love but not always. If you end up in a super super extreme shitt* situation with not much hope left then suicide is your only way out. You can end up killing yourself even if you love yourself just bc the suffering is too much to handle and all hope is lost.

Wait, you wanna kill yourself for feeling masculine? You should speak to a psychologist. Just give it time. It sounds like there is something else going on with you. Just be patient and relax. Call a suicide help line and speak to them. I've had plenty of suicidal thoughts in my life I know it well. I now call the help line right away when it happens so I am not alone with those thoughts. You are loved, and perfect.

The only punisher is you .. via causing physical harm to your body. Suicide is ultimately mapped to a lack of love, a very severe case of it.

so why are you thinking about suicide, depression?

The Karma that keeps your physical body together - when not finished in this Life - will just find another miserable body and do it there. I wonder if that's actually true and this Universe really is that fucked up. Imagine having some rare genetic disease, going for legal suicide and just instantly respawning in worse conditions

Well Sadghuru is this famous yogi who has done 60000+ or something hours of yoga and mediation and the other guy apparently is so good at astral projection that he was able to witness what happens to the dead. Every culture forbids suicide so there is something to it

I don't believe in such things especially when stated in a religious context. However suicide is very depressing and leaves unsurmountable pain. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.