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Hi everyone, I have been listening to a series of Bonnie Greenwell interviews lately and one of the topics that keep coming up, is how in India, Kundalini is perceived as a goddess. Another one that has popped up repeatedly is the sexual nature of Kundalini. I have a bit of personal experience with both aspects, so whilst I wrote about this before, I would like to provide a more detailed and personal look at how the two are connected. This is going to get weird, so brace yourselves. So, I’ve hinted at my story here and there, with more details provided on my youtube, but I never really tied the different strands together and I feel it is important to do so now, as listening to these interviews have crystallised some concepts and connections that I only really felt intuitively before, but now I have become conscious of them. It’s always difficult to provide enough background information, without taking up too much space, but I’ll do my best. I am really uncomfortable writing about this topic, as it tends to ruffle so many feathers, but I feel it needs to be done anyway, as my own unique story could actually provide some clarity on topics that may have been unclear before. All of us, who have awakened Kundalini have such a unique perspective and we all arrived where we are from very different backgrounds, via different routes, and if we each provide our story to the spiritual community and the wider world, we will contribute to completing the puzzle, the greatest one there ever was, about the mysteries of the universe and the true nature of existence. So, it is often said, that Kundalini is a goddess, yet she is also Shakti, a cosmic, all-pervading force in the universe, but locally, she is also sex energy (libido as Freud would call it, having learnt about Kundalini from his friend, Jung) and as Bonnie Greenwell points out in her works, she is in fact the very creative force that creates life upon conception, it is root energy. The Hindus believe that Kundalini is what germinates life upon conception, it is what creates the blueprint for the organism to grow and is the energy and intelligence behind cellular growth and the creation of full-blown multi-cell organisms. This energy is provided by the explosive energy of orgasm upon conception and is usually drawn from the father, though the exact process is unclear. Ancient civilisations were well aware of the importance of this process and conceptualised the act of creation via orgasmic release through various fertility gods and goddesses. In India, the god of fertility is Shiva, and one of her wives, either Parvati or Durga is seen as the goddess of fertility. The former presents a more benign, loving, aspect, whereas the latter is fiercer and more warlike. Thousands of years before Hindu gods arrived on the scene, if mainstream archeological timelines are to be believed (and there is always some speculation and conjecture involved), in the first civilisation known to us, Sumer in Mesopotamia, the very first concepts underlying our current civilisation were being developed. Almost everything we associate with civilisation, whether writing, calculus, astronomy, agriculture, irrigation, architecture, calendars, timekeeping etc… was invented by the Sumerians, more than 6000 years ago. They seemingly came out of nowhere and developed all these high civilisational tools and achievements with no other civilisation to precede them. In their own records, they claim that the gifts of civilisation were bestowed upon them by their gods, whom they called Anunna, indicating that they were descended from the Sky God, AN , and were all various offspring of his marriage to KI, the Earth Goddess and mother of all gods (also known as Ninhursag), who, to honour this fact, were also sometimes referred to as the ANunnaKI. The chief God of Fertility was Enki, who was also associated with water and fish, whereas the goddess responsible for the sexual act itself, in order to create life and fertilise the whole of the earth, make plants grow, animals reproduce, etc… was known as Inanna (also Inana, later Ishtar) who was believed to be even more powerful than Enki in mythology, even though they had a familial relationship, where they often relied upon and helped each other. It was said that when Inanna descended into the underworld, life upon the surface of the earth would stop, plants would not grow, animals would not reproduce, her power over sexuality was seen as the fundamental force behind nature, which allowed its growth and replenishment and the cycle of life to continue. She had a dual nature to her as she was also the Goddess of War, riding into battle on the back of a lion, sporting an array of distinctive weapons and with various supernatural powers that have no doubt provided inspiration for the modern portrayal of superheroes. This has been acknowledged by the latest iteration of Wonder Woman, who carries her symbol, the 8-pointed star of Ishtar, representing the planet Venus (also a Roman Goddess heavily influenced by her mythology) on her forehead. If you thought that a fierce warrior goddess, riding a lion, slaying her enemies and being associated with sexuality sounded familiar, you’d be right, she has equivalents in many subsequent cultures, where some or all of her aspects and attributes were syncretised into local goddesses. Some, like Aphrodite, Venus or Astarte are no longer worshipped, whereas others, chiefly the Hindu Goddess Durga, still are. I bring up Durga here, because some scholars have established a link between these two very similar goddesses and have linked them both back to the Parthian Nana, who in the Indus Valley became known as Nana Devi. She is recognised as one of the 108 official forms of Shakti and now seen as an ancient form of Durga, from whom she inherited most of her attributes, including her fierce, war-like nature (she is the slayer of the demons of ignorance, symbolically) and her marriage to Shiva, providing the counterpoint to his role as the god of fertility and thus creation. Keep in mind, that in most strands of Hinduism, Durga is honoured as the primary form of Shakti and all this will soon start to make sense. So, apologies, if I had to get to my point in a convoluted manner, but it is relevant to the story I’m telling and it cannot be understood without this mythological and philosophical background. The point here, as often expressed in Shaktism, a major branch of Hinduism, that puts goddess-worship at the forefront, is that all these different names and forms for the Goddess are not what matters, for the force, the intelligence behind it, is essentially the same, different flavours of the same Shakti. And this Shakti is behind the creation, sustenance, rejuvenation and continuation of life, it is responsible for evolution, the creation of new species and allowing existing species to step on to the next rung of the evolutionary ladder. We may have different names and forms for her, we conceptualise her differently depending on our cultural background, but all of her different forms stem from the same underlying intelligence, she is the essence of all life and in this sense, the Divine Mother that gives life to all, not literally, but in a manner of speaking. This also explains, why Shakti has her own drive and initiative, her own goals and agenda, which is the continuation of life on earth and the evolution of all species, but on this planet, the human form in particular, towards a higher form, to reach its full potential and achieve self-realisation. That is why, when she activates in us as Kundalini, her primary goal is our transformation and evolution. There is no difference between her myriad forms, they all share one divine cosmic consciousness, we only perceive them to be different due to the limitations of our senses. So, you may ask, why did I bring the Sumerians into this, isn’t the picture already complicated enough without them? I had to do this, because it informs my own story and is of personal relevance to me. You see, when my Kundalini first started rising, back around 2010, I was an atheist, though I maintained a keen interest in spirituality from early childhood and had always known that subtle energies and souls were real, I also maintained somewhat of an on-again, off-again meditative practice. Living in London at the time, I visited the British Museum regularly and became fascinated with the Mesopotamian Exhibits, not least the Uruk collection, which was excavated from Inanna’s holy city and the Burney Relief, which is said to be a depiction of her. Concurrent to my visits and interest in Mesopotamian culture and mythology, my Kundalini started rising, first as heat at the base of my spine and then gradually cleared the first three chakras in a gentle and painless manner, bringing up the requisite past unresolved issues and memories, I was supposed to deal with. The problems started when the energy hit my heart chakra and was unable to clear it and break through. I felt chest pain and in time developed heart palpitations, anxiety, heavy breathing and neurological problems. Having been pretty much an atheist up to that point (I was brought up as a Roman Catholic prior to that, but also had some exposure to Hinduism, when I lived in India as a child), my only solace from the increasingly troublesome collection of Kundalini symptoms was during my regular meditative sessions in the Cathedral Gardens, next to St Paul’s, the river Thames in general and my frequent visits to the British Museum and the associated reading areas where I delved into Mesopotamian Mythology with growing interest. It was as if the artefacts from all those millennia ago were calling to me and I felt an energetic connection developing, particularly with the artefacts depicting the gods Enki and Inanna. In some myths, they are Father and Daughter, in others they are Husband and Wife, in yet others, they are Uncle and Niece, but their relationship is central to Mesopotamian mythology and they represent a very important male-female duality, where their strengths complement each other. One day, I was feeling particularly “unwhole” and suffering from Kundalini Syndrome. As I was walking towards the Cathedral Gardens at St Paul’s from my City office, it occurred to me, that these ancient gods I had been so intently studying, weren’t just myths, but perhaps they were very real beings and could be prayed to and applied to for help. I looked towards the majestic dome of St Paul’s Cathedral and thought, well, I have nothing to lose, if I ask for help, so I might as well. I closed my eyes and imagined the god Enki as depicted on a particular relief in the Museum and asked for his help. I told him, he was known as the creator and greatest helper of humanity, most gracious amongst the gods and most likely to take pity on any mortal that might need his help. I asked him to send any help he can and having read about the concept of guardian deities or spirits beforehand, even suggested he might send someone to assist me with my Kundalini issues in person. Immediately, I felt a huge download of energy. It was as if the skies had opened up (being London, it was grey and overcast) and some sort of beam or ray of energy descended from the sky, straight into my crown chakra and suffused my entire being. It felt like I was filled with light and had received a gift of divine grace. I immediately felt better and felt hopeful for the future. The next day, as I was washing up, a light appeared behind me, as bright and hot as a second sun and white in colour, accompanied by a sound of beautiful radiance. It had a female presence, immense intelligence, grace and emanated pure love. Within her energy field, time seems to have stopped or slowed down immensely, the outside world appeared like a mere shadow and looked unreal. Only she and I existed in that moment, everything else was a mere projection on a wall. Nothing has ever felt so real up to the point and so-called reality never felt so unreal. It was as if the colour, the flavour had gone out of it and it had gone pale and lifeless, so incredible was her shining and radiance, illuminating everything around her with the light of a thousand suns. Without words, this being of pure light energy floated towards me and communicated that she would like to heal me and touch me, in a way asking for permission, I suppose. She touched my back, at the level of the heart chakra and this touch felt real, like that of a human woman. She gave me shaktipat, which is what I later discovered, this transmission of energy is called, unblocked my heart and caused the energy to shoot up and flood all the nadis as it passed through the heart. I felt the need to lie down and allow Kundalini to do its thing, so I went to my room and that’s what I did. I started thrashing around and having various kriyas as the energy shot up, taking only a few minutes each to clear each of the upper chakras. When it got to ajna chakra and then past it, I felt a rhythmic thud at the top of my skull, towards the back part, as if the energy was trying to escape and break through, but couldn’t. This final knot, in the Brahmarendra, just below the crown is the last one and again I was getting the constrained feeling like I did when the energy was stuck below the heart. However, Inanna was still there, in the kitchen and as I was having this experience, she gracefully floated into my room, emanating this white-silvery light everywhere and giving the impression that she had tendrils of light extending from her in all directions, with which she was able to caress and touch me. She then floated on top of me, as I was lying in bed and started enveloping me in her light and I even felt like someone sat on me, with not much, but still noticeable weight, which to be honest, felt rather sexual, as is often the case when kundalini is involved. I have since seen many depictions of tantric goddesses sitting atop devotees in an act of tantric union in Buddhist art, especially in Tibet, so I’m guessing this is pretty universal. Not for nothing is Inanna known as the Goddess of (sexual) Love. In this tantric union, which really felt like an act of divine lovemaking, our beings slowly merged and became one. She gave me her energy and I felt my Kundalini finally shooting up with such force that it broke through the last knot and it felt like, my actual skull, with an audible crack, which sounded like a bone breaking. I have only recently discovered, that this moment is known as the breaking of the cosmic egg (Hiranyagarbha), which is accompanied by the release of the yolk, known as Amrita, which floods the body. The way I experienced it, was that after the breaking of the cosmic egg, the serpent finally escaped and as it exited the skull, it felt like it was peeking out from just above me, eventually coming to rest its neck, just below the head, and keeping its head raised up, the way it is often depicted in Egyptian art. Concurrently to this, amrita started flooding my brain and this felt like a rush of liquid light with again an audible sound of rushing water, like a stream, or even a waterfall. As the Amrita flooded me I experienced incredible feelings of bliss and joy, as well as downloads of profound truths, which is known as sat-chit-ananda (truth-joy-bliss) in the vedic literature. I received great realisations moment after moment and my whole being was being suffused with light, brighter than anything I have ever seen. Each subsequent stage of this awakening was more joyful and blissful than the previous one, even though I always thought, surely, it cannot get better and more intense than this, but until the final stage of Nirvikalpa Samadhi, it always did. At this stage I was already in some state of Samadhi, though still within my body, with the opening at the top back part of my head, known as the Mouth of Heaven in the literature, giving me constant access to a higher, infinite and non-dual realm, which I can only refer to as Heaven, as we really have no other or better word for it. However, my experience had not yet culminated at this point and I was to experience the greatest bliss of all, as my consciousness exited the body. My body fell away and became increasingly small as I extended into a black, spaceless, timeless and dimensionless void. I was all alone, it felt, but I was also everything. I started experiencing everything being part of me, the whole cosmos and everything within it and my expansion seemed never ending. I filled everything, suffused and pervaded everything with my being. I was in my own universe, not knowing if I was the only one with his own expanded universe, or whether there were others parallel to me, but ultimately, it did not seem to matter, because in this place, I was whole, loved and loving, both the object and the subject. It seems like a paradox in hindsight, because how can you be loved or love, when you are alone, but in fact I was pure love, nothing else really existed, everything was made of pure light, the ecstasy, the knowledge, the happiness, the love, the joy, the bliss, all of it was way more than any human being could possibly bear, so I had to be in this universal form, encompassing everything there is, to bear the majesty and brilliance of it. This was a state of non-duality, where all opposites, even subject and object ceased to exist and there was only the One, the Absolute, the Self. The Self was universal, omniscient and all-loving. In this state, everything was already understood and known, past and present were no longer mysteries, they were all occurring simultaneously, everywhere and there was no limitation of any kind, just pure expansiveness. I must have been in this state for about an hour, though during that time, I had no concept of time at all, it simply did not exist. The same thing for space, everything was within me and I was within everything, with no separation. Ditto for dimensions, they extended infinitely in all directions and I was part of each dimension of existence. My vision wasn’t confined like it is now, it was also in all directions and saw everything there ever was or will be, everywhere, simultaneously. All knowledge simply “was”, already there, instantly available and there was nothing that wasn’t known to me. In hindsight, I understand why ancient Rishis described this moment of realisation as “I am that”, because really, that is all there is. In that moment, you are that and that is the only thing that exists, so you realise the unity and oneness of everything and everyone, different manifestations of the same “One”, seemingly different in the illusory, dualistic world of Maya, but ultimately stemming from the same source. Once I have grown tired of existing in my infinite, universal state, I started shrinking again, until I was small enough to fit back into my body (it felt like falling back into it) through the same route I exited it. Being back in my body, I felt incredibly constrained and my muscles were sore. I knew this was a profound experience I’ve just had, but it also felt rather disappointing to be back in my same old body and to have lost that full immersion into truth, bliss and joy, though I have carried back the memory of it. Since my crown was now opened up, the mouth of heaven provided a constant link to Heaven and I was able to interact with heavenly beings, beings of light from then on, depending on the needs of those that exist in this shadow world of illusions. The state I have just come back from is known as Nirvikalpa Samadhi. I have been able to go into Samadhi states and rest in them subsequently as well, though none were ever this intense, this seems to be a one-time deal, to show the Jiva or Soul what awaits it once its task has been completed here on earth, as a motivation to keep up the work and lead others towards union with the divine (Brahman). So, there you have it, that is my own unique take on Shakti being a goddess, one of many names and forms, which are largely made up by humans, but the intelligence, the force, the power behind it is unchanging and always the same. In fact that reminds me, the Goddess once showed me a vision of herself when I admitted to being confused about all the different forms and names that are associated with her and how she could be all of those things when to us, they may look so different. In this vision, I saw her as a Hindu Goddess in a four-armed form. Like I said, names and forms are for us, for her, they are all the same. She was alone, in a black, dimensionless void, like the one I have been to in my Nirvikalpa state, sitting cross-legged, two of her arms raised up in meditation and the other two manipulating reality. In front of her, was a loop, donut-shaped. As I looked into the loop, I realised it contained all the time and space of the universe, condensed, and as you “zoomed in” individual faces and lives started appearing though from her perspective, they were all flat or two-dimensional. She could reach into any one moment or any one life and make adjustments as she deemed necessary. She explained to me (in thought, not words), that this is how she reaches into manifest reality to keep the loop running as it should be and both time and space circle back into each other and start again, over and over, but to her all points in space, time and various dimensions are equally accessible and visible. She also explained to me, that when intervention is needed, she might incarnate in a certain form along a particular point of the timespace loop. All she need to do, is “pinch” that particular point in the loop-movie, for her, no time will have passed, but in the movie, in the physical play-out reality we inhabit, an entire avatar or incarnation may have been born, lived and died, completing the missions she was sent there for. I’m not going to speculate on how this relates to other gods and goddesses, I am simply reporting what I was told, or rather shown and you can make up your own mind about what that might mean. I have also “seen” her (specifically in the form of Inanna, but also as others, including Buddhist forms, as reported by friends who were visited) manifest in physical reality and “reach into” it, manipulating events, or performing healing on someone. The events were reported by friends or people who have asked me for assistance, remotely, but I also saw them in my minds eye, in the form of visions, so to me they were as real as if I was really there, even though I was thousands of miles away. If that sounds weird, keep in mind this is known as remote viewing and is reportedly how the Mahabharata was written, so that events could be seen by the author remotely. When the Ajna chakra is activated, these things become possible, though I have never sought them out, they only happen spontaneously, when the situation calls for it. In conclusion, I realise I have thrown a lot of weird, hard-to-digest stuff at you and it may not make much sense now, but perhaps in time, it will. I know it took me many, many years to get a sense of what’s really going on and understand at least the basics of it. I cringe at the thought of how many people will be upset by this story and I have plenty of experience with that, believe me. I’m not bothered by the criticism, which is predictable and I have noticed always comes from the point of view of which cherished part of the ego feels most threatened by it. Some will be upset by the mixing and matching of religions and philosophies, to some it will be new-age, to others way too religious, polytheists will decry its monotheism, monotheists its polytheism, non-duality its dualism, dualists its non-dualism and so forth. This story does not fit into any neat category and neither do I, I am literally in a minority of one, so it has the unique advantage of upsetting everyone at the same time. It may also seem unfair that such profound spiritual experiences would occur to someone so undeserving as myself (and that I very clearly am) and all I can say to that is that we live in a different age now (some would say, the tail end of the Kali Yuga) and as things get darker, one advantage of being here now is that we have to put in so much less effort to progress spiritually than only a few decades ago. A lot more people are waking up and having spiritual experiences of a profound nature, whilst simultaneously, those that refuse to grow and evolve with the changing times are growing ever more demonic and hateful, as has been predicted by the Puranas all those millennia ago. So for you, my advice would be this: keep doing whatever you’re doing and work on it, because there has never been another time in human history, when it was easier and quicker to achieve spiritual liberation than it is today. Don’t listen to mean-spirited critics (teachers and gurus who know what they are doing excepted), instead, follow your own heart and your own intuition, listen to the guidance of the Goddess and she will manipulate events in such a way as to give you maximum opportunity to develop and grow. Also, pray to her, talk to her, plead to her if you have to and she will find a way to communicate with you. Do not be bothered by the differences in outward appearance when it comes to her many forms, work with whatever form works best for you, whether it is the more impersonal and universal Shakti / Mahashakti, her more localised form as Kundalini Shakti or one of her more personalised forms appearing as various goddesses in different parts of the world all throughout history. If you feel more comfortable with the male aspect of God, then do that and apply to that aspect for help, that is also what I initially did, when I prayed for help almost a decade ago now. But, you’ll find, that in most religions, it is the female aspect of God, that is most active in this reality and is most likely to step in, whereas the male aspect tends to remain somewhat distant and is generally outside of the created world, rarely taking an interest in it or intervening directly. I hope that helped you and I encourage others to share their personal stories of awakening in a similar manner so we may all learn from them as a collective, because in the end we are one consciousness, having the same experience, but from myriad different points of view.

The Goddess Kundalini Speaks I am Shakti, light of the Divine Into thy soul I shine my light I illuminate the darkness within What has been hidden, will be revealed. Into the void I enter with life Once dark, now it is filled with light All resplendent, shining and magnificent Life is created by my shining. In thy soul I shall rise up Thy body I shall cleanse Thy spirit I shall purify And liberation you shall surely attain. I shine my light onto you to illumninate your darkness To lift the veil of ignorance that clouds your mind To give you the knowledge and power needed To lift yourself up from the dirt and achieve liberation. In your heart I reside, the seat of your soul, Yet, I can be found in all things, Everywhere, where there is life, I am present And the whole universe is my playground. If you look within, you shall find me. I am that which moves you to do great things I am the power behind love I am the Goddess of All Creation Shakti flows in everything that moves Shakti transcends everything that loves Shakti motivates all that seek out the divine Kundalini is the hidden power of Shakti in all. I rise up in those that seek me out Not for power or glory, but for the love of all. I am motivated by your love for the less fortunate I am also the Goddess of compassion for all living things. I have many forms, yet whichever you seek out, You will find me, for there is only Shakti And though my forms are many and resplendent All are dear to me and lead you to the truth. Do not despair, if you don't find me at first. Keep searching and seeking, look in the right places, Which are all within you and by turning inward Shakti's divine light will shine upon you. All Joy in life is by my grace I am the love that the mother feels for her child I am the passion that creates life from the loins of lovers I am that, which holds the world together by my bonds of love. In Shakti, you will find the happiness you seek The bliss, that has been eluding you will fall upon you The knowledge you lacked, will be revealed to you, The liberation you seek, will be granted to you. I created this world and yet, by the end of it We will reunite with my beloved And in his terrible dance, all this creation, This web of illusion, will be no more. Similarly, in your body, you are a microcosm of the universe. You were once created and you think you are real and separate. Yet, only I am real in you and I long to reunite with my beloved. When I crawl up your spine to reach him, I destroy all attachments. As I cleanse your body of what the past has left behind I annihilate the bonds of matter, I destroy the ties of ignorance I lift the veil of illusions, I reveal what was hidden, And when I reach my crowning achievement, we shall dance. Me any my beloved dance to the song of destruction The demons of illusion we slay, their dark world we vanguish, Our loverly embrace illuminates all that was once dark And only the pure light of the absolute remains. When you realise this, you shall be free.

That is conceptual. What i am pointing to cannot be conceptualized because concept is dualistic. I'm pointing to actually being what you are conceptualizing.....an infinite state of pure potential in which all possibilities are held, but unactualized - yet are all there without needing to be actualized into one particular finite form. That is God Consciousness. It is Absolute Bliss or Love-because it is everything and nothing, there are no differences. That's enlightenment .

Hi All, First up, I'm not trying to tell you what you shouldn't do, all I want to do is post a warning based on my experience with Holotropic/Shamanic Breathing. I hope that you take heed of this advice and don't go through the intense involuntary healing that I have been through in the last 3 years. I had a strong desire for the spiritual path and had been meditating for 4 years, sometimes up to 4 hours per day but normally at least 1.5 hours. I felt pretty good and had no existing psychiatric issues (that I was aware of.....) In early 2019, I felt I was ready to speed up the process as I wanted to progress spiritually and felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. So I started Shamanic/Holotropic/Breath of Fire (It has many names). I started on 2 minutes and gradually worked up to 30 to 40 minutes per day over the course of many months. I was still meditating but not for as long as I had been. Everything was fine for many weeks without issues. I felt good and felt normal both physical and mentally. Then, one week I started to feel off, it is hard to describe but I just didn't feel right. Felt really tired and unhappy (I am normally a care free happy person). I immediately stopped the breathwork but continued to meditate. About 1 week after I stopped the breathing practices completely I was still feeling tired and just not right mentally. Then one day I was sitting is lotus posture and I suddenly felt really anxious for no reason and this incredibly uncomfortable energy started surging through me. I did not know at the time it was energy as I had never really felt it before but it was really uncomfortable. I couldn't sit still and I felt really anxious from the excess energy. I had no idea what was going on and ended up in hospital, I started screaming in hospital for no reason and almost had to be sedated (I am normally never like this, normally one of the most chilled out people around me). Anyway I was released a few hours later when the energy calmed down a bit. For the next 6 months this energy was with me all day everyday (even though I ceased all spiritual practices). I had trouble sleeping (I normally sleep like a baby). I felt extremely fatigued (I thought I had chronic fatigue) and could hardly get out of bed for weeks. I was close to panic attacks all the time. I was so scared and had no idea what was going on. I had to quit my job as I couldn't really function. Luckily I was financially prepared for this. It was only after I reached out to three meditation teachers who could "read my energy" were they able to advise I had awakened Kundalini. Kundalini was moving through my physical and subtle body cleaning out past traumas. Boy was it hard. You don't realize what lies in your subconscious until you open it haha. I then had a relatively stable period of 12 months with no symptoms and felt pretty good. I thought Kundalini had become dormant but now I know she was still active in the background. I then started doing something similar to straw breathing just to try and calm my system. I felt great for a few months. But then boom without any warning again I went from feeling great to these massive surges of energy running through me that still haven't really integrated fully with my system even after 7 months of no spiritual exercises. The negative impacts of my healing have been the following: - Intense suicidal depression (Never really been depressed at all in my life until I awoke Kundalini). Almost ended up in a psych ward a couple of times. The only things. Mostly when the energy surges were moving through my chest and heart area. - Intense ADHD, couldn't sit still almost all day for many months. (Never had ADHD before, I am normally more sloth like haha) - Intense sensitivity to people, unable to be around some people. - Intense weird mental states, hard to describe but they aren't very comfortable. - Insomnia. This was really bad in the first healing period but not so much the second, still not sleeping as much as I need to but it has improved. - Intense sensitivity to fasting and certain supplements. Fasting and magnesium amplifies the energy and it feels very uncomfortable. Positive impacts (a lot less than the negative ones so far.....) - When I close my eyes my body mostly disappears. I don't feel it at all the only thing I feel is the energy moving against blockages. - Body gradually feeling less and less like "me". A little bit scary. - Can feel expansion of aura around me. - Small periods of intense bliss. This can almost be a negative impact if too intense. - Small periods of seeing intense beauty in even the most simple things. - Heightened intuition. - Synchronicities at times. Not all the time but occasionally. - One 5 minute period where all my thoughts just stopped. My head was clear, this was very cool. Only had it once though. - Greater understanding of subtle energy in general. The two laws that you must always apply for safe use of it. I sought help from a few teachers, tried a few practices to help calm the energy and ground me but in the end the main thing is time as the energy integrates with your body and mind, this can only happen so fast and takes time. Acupressure helped a bit and also something called White Light Protection Visualization which you can find on the Kundalini subreddit. One respected Kundalini teacher had me try all sorts of herbs and exercises that seemed to do nothing or make it worse. So I have come to the conclusion that very few people actually are able to teach this sort of stuff if you have a spontaneous K awakening. I share this in the hopes that others healing journeys won't be so intense and involuntary as mine. I also want to thank all those have helped me in this journey so far, those seen and those unseen. Especially for helping me to keep my second job and family. Good links: https://www.reddit.com/r/kundalini/ - IMO the White Light Protection visualization should be done by everyone everyday. https://www.taraspringett.com/kundalini/healing-kundalini-symptoms-book/ - Some good info in this book. TLDR: Shamanic/Holotropic Breathing awakened my Kundalini without warning and gave me what is called Kundalini syndrome. I went through hell on earth as I was healing for the next 6 months then I went through A relatively stable period of 12 months and then the last 7 months have been by far the most difficult. Still healing from my past at a rate that is far from comfortable.

@Someone here I totally understand that you are puzzled by Christianity, I was too and in some sense I still am, the thing with Jesus is that he is the Eternal Logos, the Universal Mind who is ordering and structuring the world into a coherent whole, but as promised by God in scripture he would enter or send the Savior/ his son, because humanity had lost its way and it still has since the Fall of humanity, one has to see the red thread going through the bible. Can you not feel that something is missing or something is actually wrong, like it could be another way which feels better in your spirit. Truth is a person and not a concept, you and me are persons and so is God. He is the living God. Jesus entered his own creation to lead the way to Salvation and Eternal Life. He explicitly says that NO ONE comes to the Father except through him, he is the light of the world. The divine hypostasis assumed a human nature and in so doing he deified human nature so that we can become divine too, thats theosis in orthodox faith, if we follow Jesus, by his grace, we will become christ with a little c, God will be God for all eternity and we will be god, we were created in order that we might live with God always in harmony and bliss and without death. Thats what the fall is all about, Jesus set the record straight, he is the second Adam. Jesus defeated death, he said he would die and said he would rise again and he did. Read the new testament, try to keep and open mind and contemplate and especially feel into it, listen to podcast who deepens your understanding of the history of the faith and what its all about. You have : Search the scriptures by Jeannie Constantinou Lord of spirits podcast Bible in a year podcast Jays analysis is also a great source, he will explain the Orthodox faith and he goes deep into everything related with philosophy, theology, debates etc. and lastly Church of the Eternal Logos youtube channel. Also the Orthodox Study Bible, its on Amazon, great resource as well. There are alot of great channels and podcasts, Christianity is the most profound tradition ive ever encountered, if you can see past the shallow version of it, which unfortuneatly is what alot of people see when they investigate Christianity, you have a deep and profound wisdom from the Church Fathers, its ancient but profound. I have hundreds of books about Christianity, and even Islam, I enjoy Islam alot, but still i truly believe that Jesus is God, been investigating this for a year now, and I was born and raised atheist, found Leo after profound insights from trips etc, then I found Christianity as the last stop and investigated it, trying to keep away my biases and see past the low level tier of evangelists and some protestants and found Eastern Orthodox Church, which had it ALL, mysticism, theology, philosophy, practical, profound churches, awesome people following Christ and was truly living a good life in Christ so to speak. I deeply recommend the Chosen tv series, it is free as an app that you can watch, to get the feeling of Jesus and what he actually did, it is the most crowd funded tv series in the history of films, it is awesome, season 3 is in the making, I deeply recommend that for you brother. I am still a baby and new to this, so I am not the best to answer all your questions, but I provided good sources you can investigate for yourself, and keep in mind your own biases as well, which is extremely hard i admit. I still respect and listen to Leo tho, and read about other traditions, but Orthodoxy felt like coming home in my honest opinion. But since I started praying, my life has improved alot. You are a sinner and you know it, we all are. There is no figure in history who was like or is like Jesus, thats my conclusion after investigating all the different mystical traditions around the world and doing different practices. Sorry for the long rant bro ?

From what I know, most of such unpleasant kundalini symptoms happen from spontaneous kundalini awakenings. From what I know good shaktipat transmissions are the safest and smoothest way to awaken the kundalini. It might sound a bit contradictory, because shaktipat is also the most potent way to awaken kundalini, and thus speeds the whole process up. But it does everything with more intelligence and gentleness, and blocks are easier dissolved, therefore it seems to be overall smoother in most cases. Even after the biggest part of the kundalini awakening is over, I think receiving shaktipat transmissions can still support and make things smoother and increase bliss. Gareth Duignam gives very good shaktipat transmissions. He gives live group transmissions on youtube and zoom every Monday, Tuesday and Friday. There are other great transmission givers too.

It's fun when you get interesting new insights/awakenings. But the only real reward is being free of your own delusions/fear. No fear = no suffering = bliss

That's right. In one book of his written discourses he says that after a while the extremely powerful bliss disappeared. I suppose that when he was blissing out at the foot of the mountain, he was in a state similar to a deep awakening of 5-meo-malt, where all distinctions are collapsing and you are close to formless infinity. Basically, God was making Love with him, that's where the bliss came from. Someone in a state like that can't function in the world, and whoever says otherwise hasn't experienced the level of awakening that I am talking about. So, after this bliss state, his level of consciousness must have stabilized to a level of non-duality in which he was able to live normally, walk around, and answer questions to students until his death.

Acceptance of pain leads to a much deeper bliss than acceptance of pleasure.

@BipolarGrowth Neither pain nor pleasure are real, but they are part of the appearance. Identifying with either ultimately leads to suffering. Recognising that you are beyond both leads to bliss. Discerning bliss from pleasure can be difficult. Pain is a great teacher.

Yes, it was after his awakening, Ramana didn't really follow a spiritual practice himself. I guess he was spiritually talented or had extremely lucky genetics. For weeks he was in a state of bliss, at the foot of Arunachala. People from the village had to take him to a temple to wash him and feed him, otherwise he might actually have died there. Goes to show that a person can't function in the world from an extremely high level of consciousness. David Godman has a video about this specific story, don't recall which one exactly.

Suffering becomes identical to bliss at a certain point.

Comparison between Transmissions There are 3 main transmissions: Light Transmissions (including RASA): They only target the Illumination Dimension. SAT Transmission: SAT Mainly targets the Void Dimension. Shaktipat: The main effects of shaktipat are love, bliss, kundalini awakening, purification of your whole system and energetic releases. Shaktipat transmissions can increase the void and intensity dimension to some extend. And a kundalini awakening can temporarily increase the illumination, void and intensity dimension. And in rare cases these increases can be permanent. The different Dimensions of Consciousness are explained here:

Reality is love and bliss. There is no need to escape from love and bliss.

Just enjoying a peaceful life hiking, finding new music, finding moments of bliss and peace.

You are completely biased and have no clue about what psychedelics do. Some people have opened their third eye PERMANENTLY off one use of a psychedelic. Psychedelic work WAY faster and take you to higher states that ordinary practices won't do as quickly or efficiently. Psychedelics are just a catalyst, a tool, you are still dealing with your own mind. 1. Psychedelics make you hallucinate. All hallucinations are visions and trances created by the mind to force you to deal with a specific fear. This is why the moment you overcome the fear the hallucination STOPS. The medical field hasn't even discovered this but I learned this off ONE use of the drug. 2. When he talks baseline he means how you are in normal settings. But here is the kicker, some people get kundalini awakenings off psychedelic use. Once kundalini is awakened it becomes INCREDIBLY easy to raise your baseline level of consciousness through meditation. In fact the PURPOSE of meditation is to release that energy, so you CAN reach what is called samadhi or a natural state of bliss by being connected to the source of all creation. Pyschedelics can hasten both of these processes which would take DECADES to reach. I took 5 grams of psychedelics ONCE and have never used that drug since....it opened my third eye, showed me the other side, and started the dark night of the soul process. That was me taking it for the FIRST TIME!!! You know how long you would have to meditate to reach that process? I got into a car accident 2 days later and then had a kundalini awakening. So I reached 2 divine states that many spiritual practioners take decades to experience in 2 days!!! Because of psychedelics. Yeah....sure why would anyone listen to anyone telling them no. The truth is Leo was right, Psychedelics are a GREAT tool to learn to raise consciousness I speak from my own DIRECT EXPERIENCE. I learned more in those 2 days and 2 weeks following them than I learned my entire life and it was the greatest moment of my entire life. Things were revealed to me and I was tested and learned so much.

@Leo Gura what you said in the lasted video is more congruent with the TANTRIC view of reality. Have you checked the book TANTRA ILLUMINATED, by Christopher D. Wallis? It does contradict solipsism in the sense that it states that we are fractals and there are multiple perspectives of one mother consciousness. "All that exists, throughout all time and beyond, is one infinite divine Consciousness, free and blissful, which projects within the field of its awareness a vast multiplicity of apparently differentiated subjects and objects: each object an actualization of a timeless potentiality inherent in the Light of Consciousness, and each subject, you and I, the same plus a contracted locus of self-awareness. This creation, a divine play, is the result of the natural impulse within Consciousness to express the totality of its self-knowledge in action, an impulse arising from love. The unbounded Light of Consciousness contracts into finite embodied loci of awareness out of its own free will. When those finite subjects then identify with the limited and circumscribed cognitions and circumstances that make up this phase of their existence, instead of identifying with the transindividual overarching pulsation of pure Awareness that is their true nature, they experience what they call “suffering.” To rectify this, some feel an inner urge to take up the path of spiritual wisdom and yogic practice, the purpose of which is to undermine their misidentification and directly reveal within the immediacy of awareness the fact that the divine powers of Consciousness, Bliss, Willing, Knowing, and Acting comprise the totality of individual experience as well—thereby triggering a recognition that one’s real identity is that of the highest Divinity, the Whole in every part. This experiential insight is repeated and reinforced through various means until it becomes the nonconceptual ground of every moment of experience, and one’s contracted sense of self and separation from the Whole is finally annihilated in the incandescent radiance of the complete expansion into perfect wholeness. Then one’s perception fully encompasses the reality of a universe dancing ecstatically in the animation of its completely perfect divinity".

@marinaaniram Had this realisation last night, high. Noticed that between moments of presence there was this grasping urge to resist or to hold on to something, an identity. Feels like it’s constantly running, trying to control and fix shit. Mad. Presence is pure bliss but hard to settle in for long (least for me atm) without the ego nagging in the form of some thought or trying to solve tension or whatever other problem. Even when it appears there ain’t a problem, it’s there labelling still? @Leo Gura doesn’t love want to survive?

I would say if you are attracted to men then you are gay. Not because you like to see a dick. It might just remind you of your own and you like to see yourself in others, I don't know. Don't just believe everything Leo says. Things are more complicated than that. Also no one is 100% gay or straight. So your levels may be 60% straight and 40% gay, or 50/50. I have a gay friend who says he likes women too, but only about 30%. That shocked me to hear it from a gay guy. But it did open my eyes more. And yes, man can have hours long orgasms. I've read stories of people explaining about them like being in DMT world, with pure whiteness and some form of connection to God, among other things, just pure ecstasy. So, one way would be that tantric option that Leo mentioned. If you want to go this way, you can try reading The Multi Orgasmin Man by Mantak Chia. I'm reading that book right now. It involves practices like imagining your sexual energy in you and then trying to move it with your thoughts to your head, and some other stuff. And then another option is massaging your G-spot - your prostate. This is the part where I've read the stories mentioned above. I've been trying to achieve this for 7 years now, but for me it's difficult. Some people take longer, some people get it in the first few tries. There's a lot of rewiring to be made because we are only used to the penile orgasms. But it's is a whole different world out there. Stories of people lying on the bed, having endless orgasm after orgasm, with only seconds apart, lasting for hours, without ejaculating. Pure bliss. Google Super-O for that ultimate orgasm. And check out subreddits r/ProstatePlay and r/Aneros. There's people explaining how they made it work.

It's real simple. Your "physical body" reacts to what you program it with during your "day to day life". If you sit down and meditate and turn your whole life in to a meditation practice, obviously your physical being is going to produce exactly what fits in with your type of living. When you start your practice and you are new to meditation, you go through a process of filtering out the blockages between your truest state. This process, if done long enough, will produce exactly what psychedelics do to your "physical body". So when you sit down and meditate for 2 hours, you start to produce the experience of being in harmony, bliss or clarity. As you mentioned. It's the exact same thing with psychedelics. When you begin to take your psychedelics you go through the same filtering process, but during a shorter period of time. But since people just pop these without knowing or preparing themselves with a genuine practice or lifestyle change, it forces them in to changing drastically. And when they don't = the state changes and you go back to baseline. Same thing with meditation, you drop your practice completely = you go back to baseline. Because your physical body reacts to what you do, or program it with. The problem with these debates and topics is that people fall under the false impression that its ONLY about meditation, or ONLY about taking psychedelics. It's both. But if you have a hard time living a "normal" life and not meditating 12+ hours per day, psychedelics will work just fine. It's about changing your way of being and lining up with your TRUTH, and keeping yourself aligned with your life and your way of being. No matter if you do meditation, breathing techniques, trauma-work, deprogramming, or psychedelics. Work with whatever fits your style. And stop thinking that this is a one sided approach.

I'd like to report on my yesterday's powerful magic mushroom trip. I'm 22 years old male & live in Europe. I have been very interested in psychonautics for close to 4 years and with time I'm only deepening my appreciation to psychedelics, as I see the immense value they can offer, when used with serious intent. That being said, I have always found personal obstacles before, when going for those breakthrough doses. Most of my trips have been with medium dosages, so I haven't delved deep that much, but I have broadened my spectrum... I have tried different kinds of psilocybe species, lots of NNDMT, psilohuasca, ayahuasca, few acid trips, bit of MDMA. I have also partaken in workshops with shamanic chanting, journeying and cleansing, cannabis yoga and cacao ceremony, where I got introduced to the power of medicinal/shamanic grade cacao. Additionally, I have tried darkness retreat, floatation/isolation tank, prolonged fasting and I'm really enjoy Wim Hof method combined with cold exposure. I have had this bag of the 5g psilocybe cubensis stored in my freezer for like 1.5 years. I have lately been doing more inner work and moved my life to what feels like another level. Therefore, I have had an inner calling for another go at the breakthrough experience, so I planned it for a month and prepared extensively the week prior. The setting was a pretty much empty and clean dormitory room of 2 female friends (feminine energy), who were on a holiday... my male friend was also present, with whom we have designated this trip to go deep and not waste it. We prepared the environment to be very cozy and very much ritualistic. My friend was to stay quiet, sober, not interrupting and handing me anything I wanted (puke bucket, food, water, etc.), so that there was no need for me to go anywhere other than the toilet. My intention for the trip was to experience the nature of love. I knew the cacao could be used to open my heart, so I bough the highest quality dark chocolate I could find and asked my female friend to prepare her special hot cocoa beverage ("infused" with her feminine energy to further promote an open heart during the trip). Although these cocoa treats were nothing compared to the previous cacao brew, I put a lot of symbolic meaning into it anyway. Also... I ate very lightly leaving on that day. TRIP: I never felt so relaxed and ready before a psychedelic trip, like I did here! After a short meditation, I asked my friend to hand me over the extracted shroom brew I made and chugged it without any tension or fear occurring at all. Couple minutes passed and I could already start feeling the effects slowly creeping in, so I thought it is best to consume the chocolate + hot cocoa immediately, so that I don't struggle later on. It was very heavy, but incredibly delicious... I cleaned my mouth with a glass of water and laid down in a comfortable bed. The effects started to rapidly intensify, so I just directed my focus on letting and conscious breathing. The fabric of reality started to emanate very warm and loving feeling, which I was allowing myself to dissolve into, while my mind was getting completely twisted and my sense of self shattered. Time stopped existing and I could no longer make distinction between past and future. Boundaries of is possible and what we like to tell ourselves isn't possible have dissolved (even gravity seemed illusory). The next thing I remember was a vision of what felt like the society's collective unconscious sending out these demonic figures toward me. They seemed to originate from myself,people I knew as well as people unknown to me. Meeting these demonic figures was where the intensity hit another level and I came to the realization, that in order to face them I need to stay calm, let go, open up and let the loving energy serge through me - I needed all the strength I get (whatever the "I" was at this moment). All this felt very natural to me... intuitively, coz there was certainly no sense of time and any rationalizing was out of the realm of possibilities. After a while of "psychic fighting", the demonic figures disappeared, but my body has become very heavy and I felt the need to purge. I didn't feel nauseous, but whatever has happened with the demonic figures now had to cleansed out. A sober though pops in my head though, that I should wait, coz I don't want the brew to be puked out. To postpone the puking, I spread my body into a star-shape, relax and start breathing deeply, I also noticed the smell of a sweet fragrance, that I put in an aroma-lamp before, which really grounded me. I knew the puking will have to be done sooner or later, so I get all my senses to turn to my friend and ask him to get me the puke bucket within my reach. He does so and says something shortly, but I tell him, that I have no idea, what those words mean. I return to my relaxation exercise. Suddenly I was not obstructed by another challenge though. Since some time must have passed since the ingestion of the brew, I had a really big urge to pee. I was tripping very hard though and didn't want my state of being to be interrupted. My body felt very powerless, the demonic encounter needed to be purged out and I had no idea, how to even use the basic human body functions, such as walking. Still lying down, my legs now started to shake, while my upper body parts were completely calm. There is a sense of some past trauma being lodged in my lower part of the body, but from all this chaos of still being dissolved in the loving energy, while multiple unpleasant bodily sensations, there is no way to focus on the trauma to understand it deeper. Suddenly I remember, what Wim Hof (and many other people I admire and listen to) have said and demonstrated... that it is possible to tap into an infinite source of power and overcome things, that seem impossible. I now say "NO" to the urge to pee and completely give in to the present experience. The need goes completely away so much so, that after some minutes I become sure, that I had peed myself and very much messed up the room we have borrowed. The urge to puke was long gone and I thought, that I have now purged the negative energies through the pee (this happened in past and the resulting pee has a very strong odor). BTW I was still tripping hard, so I couldn't even sense, if I had really peed myself or not, but all the unpleasant sensations have completely vanished. I now entered a very present state of being full of love. I was just laying there in a body, that was just broken and not functioning, but it was ok, coz all I could sense was bliss and sense of cosmic peace. The moment was so beautiful... there was also this feeling of victory or accomplishment. I was so surrendered and humbled by what has happened, that I acknowledged whatever losses/damages were done in the name of LOVE. Even if my mind was to stay twisted and I'd be retarded for the rest of my life, it would be perfectly ok. I literally thought of sacrificing myself to this nobel cause, but then I thought, how negatively it would end up in the media and so if I choose to do it, I should schedule a meeting with a journalist, explain him my situation and then sacrifice myself in a sober state, which would have much greater impact. This rationalization most likely came from my psychedelic renaissance activism (my life purpose) connected to the Extinction Rebellion movement. I remind myself to give in to the blissful experience and I just lay there for, what later my friend told me were two hours. Here and there I had a thought or moved a bit, but mostly I'm in this trance enjoying the zen-like moment. Somewhere in there I finally get the strength to quickly hop up and move myself to the toilet in a very reptilian manner. Still thinking I had peed myself previously, now I sit on the toilet celebrating a great victory. I quickly return to my bed and continue enjoying the bliss, but I start feeling the effects going away (it was like 4 hours since ingestion). I spent most of the rest of the trip in no-mind state often going into trances of expressing love in a repetitive way to anyone and anything... tears of happiness occasionally go down my face. My friend then reminds me, that I had handled the trip very well & that there was no accidental peeing done after all. I then summed up the trip like this: I came as a warrior, who channeled the power of love to not only conquer myself, but attempt healing collective trauma (demons). My complete surrender to the nobel cause ended in me having chipped away a piece of the demonic titan, making this fight a great victory. <3

Love this question. Being able to live life as expansive as possible is the biggest thing for me. Being able to choose my experience. To be living a fully spontaneous life. To be in control completely but also completely unattached to anything. Just flowing with life, letting your bliss guide you into the unknown without ever being attached to past and future. Just living in the now and letting inspiration come out of the body without any resistance telling you 'No, you can't'. It's laying with your girlfriend in bed, sharing joyful moments together, and then just super impulsively saying 'Let's go to the airport right now and just hop on a plane to a random country', and then just doing it... And only coming back whenever you want to. Maybe not coming back at all. And then sharing that with other people. Being in other peoples presence and guiding them to more peace is super rewarding. I'm not fully there, but my path to it is clear and I just know that every year, my life is only getting better. Every day I go on walks for a couple of hours, and it feels so blissful. I feel this ecstatic energy running down my body. When I come across people, I just open my heart to them, smile, sometimes stopping for a conversation. That's super huge because I was always very contracted socially. If you want to get to freedom, you have to fulfill the deepest desires you have in your life. These lusts connected to your deeper karma. Sometimes we suppress them and avoid them. But the key to freedom is to move all of your desires into being because that's where you gain your power to move beyond your personal desires and to live from a sense of flow and spontaneity. It's where all your contractions are and the goal in life is to transcend all those limitations and to embody your full potential. Freedom is Imperturbability. That's what liberation means for me. And then enlightenment is just the clarity of the deeper nature of everything. And that's the other side of the coin. Freedom is also understanding and intuition. Just knowing what's up without needing to analyze too much. You know you are free when everything is just so effortless.

But that metaphysical realization is actually amazing and mysterious and feels full not empty. our guy here is talking about loneliness and feeling disconnected which leads to depression and possibly suicide or some kind of premature death not spiritual bliss

What is the bliss point? It's the specific amount of satisfaction or stimulation, in which happiness is optimized - the perfect volume of magic fairy dust, that makes you content and happy. Any more, or slightly less will tip you off balance and isn’t as great anymore. Michael Moss used the concept in his book Salt, Sugar and Fat to show how the food corporations have tricked their consumers into getting addicted to their products via bliss point manipulation. This bliss point doesn’t apply only to food, it can be found in almost anything else as well – clothing, relationships, sex, entertainment, fast cars, money, fancy houses etc. There’s nothing wrong with having a high bliss point, it’s just that it can become our downfall. If we aren’t able to be content, then we will never be truly happy either. On the other hand, if your bliss point is lower, then you’ll get incredible joy from even the smallest of things. Paradoxically, your happiness increases, as your bliss point decreases. Here are 4 strategies I use to hack my bliss point and optimize happiness effortlessly. Fasting Gratitude Mindfulness Minimalism You can also check out the video about it where I also reveal a fifth strategy. Thanks!

Nothing but love actually exists. God is Love and you are God. Integrate and reflect, find love in the subtle things, Meditation for sure. Psychedelics are awesome and lead to as you say, peak bliss experiences. But all states are equally awesome. Psychedelics should be improving your quality of sober, mundane life and if they aren't, why are you doing them? It sounds like you're stuck in negative thought loops. Meditation. Walking. Driving. Working out. Find joy in the little things and go from there(I was once where you were at).