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I started when I was 16. I think I saw some Video from Leo talking about open-mindedness or something and that got the ball rolling. At 17 I started meditating, got my first girlfriend, and finally made some good friends I could hang out with and talk about live and shit with. At 18 shit kind of 180ed on me. I got kicked out of home by my psychotic stepdad, i broke up with my gf because her bipolar ups and downs were too much for me to handle. I betrayed my best friend by making out with his crush and thus lost him too, for a while at least.(I know this is fucking silly but we were teenagers lol) I had a good amount of money saved up by that point and my mom was willing to help me a bit financially so I moved into my own place (I was still in high school at that point). I spent all my free time producing music, trying to make it in the hip-hop industry. 19 was kind of a normal year for me. I finished school, spent a lot of time with my friends, doubled down on my gym efforts (i started working out at 16) and got more into spiritual contemplation (back then this was just a conceptual endeavor for me). Now at 20 is where shit was starting to go somewhere. The corona pandemic had just hit and I was spending all my time in my crib, smoking weed and making music. At that point I worked a side job in a factory to pay the bills, convinced that at any moment I would have my breakthrough in the music industry. I used to search the emails of all the big german hip-hop producers and mail them my shit. Sure enough, I got into contact with three of the biggest producers in the german music industry. They liked my shit and wanted me to send them more and see if they could use something for their artists to record on. At the same time I got really committed in my meditation practice and I went for weeks on end on cannabis induced vision quests and had many profound mystical experiences. I now knew this shit was the real deal and not just some intellectual exercise. My spiritual endeavors took up more and more of my time and focus and I slowly started getting less and less interested in making music. My connections were going nowhere. I was always told to just keep making more and eventually something would get a placement, but I was not having it. It got harder and harder to pay my bills as I eventually burnt through all the money I had saved up to that point. I decided something had to change and enrolled in university in austria to study psychology. I figured a new country and new occupation might get me out of my rut. At 21 I still had to wait almost a year until university would start and so I had a lot of time left and was kind of in a weird limbo. This is where shit got really real. I had done some mushrooms once with my friends and it was an enjoyable and innocent experience so when one of my buddy's told me he had some LSD and asked me if I wanted some I was quite thrilled - finally i could start tripping and exploring this domain of spirituality. I took my first tab of acid late at night on my sofa. I was expecting it to be fun but thought the dose was probably too low to have any profound effect on me (100 micrograms). Boy was I wrong. I had my first enlightenment experience that night and I understood now what it meant to lose ones mind. This shit hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. How was this possible? How could this be true? This is what reality is? It's just all my mind? I was shocked and couldn't accept it. After the trip I went into denial for a few weeks but at some point I just could not run away from it anymore. I had to come face to face with Nihilism and this existential terror that had cooked up inside of me. At that time I was working full-time in my job and made some decent money so I at least did not have to worry about my survival too much and it was a nice distraction from that profound loneliness and solipsism that had suddenly taken grip of me. In the summer I went to Switzerland with my buddy's and we rented a nice, big cabin in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. On the 4th day of our vacation my buddy's decided to take some LSD (they are not into spirituality at all so for them it's more like getting drunk I think lol). I don't know how I could have possibly thought that it would be a good idea for me to trip with them but I did. This trip was even more terrifying than the last. I now had my friends there with me, being fully conscious that I'm imagining all of us, trying to communicate somehow what's going on with me and utterly failing and going completely insane. Time had stopped going linear and just jumped back and forth. I felt like I was mind controlling my friends. It was terrible. After that I had to do some serious healing but eventually I got back to normal again (still, the solipsism and existential dread was lingering in the back of my mind at all times). University started but since it was all online for the first semester i decided to stay a few more months in Germany until I would find a nice place. I'm 22 now. It's the beginning of the year and I decide to take a psychedelic again. Maybe this would be the last time for a while that I would be alone and have some time since I would soon live with roommates and I hadn't taken one for 6 months now so my curiosity got the better of me. This time was even more shocking. Before it was kind of me as the human that had these experiences. Now the whole room I was sitting in woke up and realized itself as God. My vision turnt white and all my senses and memories and thoughts collapsed into this primordial soup of nothingness. I guess that is what they call the godhead. (This all happened on 100 micrograms of LSD lol). I cried a lot as I was coming down from this trip but I was more calm and accepting than I had been before. I started to accept what I am. After this experience my life was not the same anymore. I would just randomly start to cry some days and realize that what I really am is Love and this helped me accept myself even more. My finite self would get annihilated randomly with no warning. Material reality would just break down sometimes. But what I learned is that if I accept these experiences there would always be Love on the other side of it. This was 4 months ago. Nothing feels really real anymore but that's ok. All I ever knew was how to go faster, better, stronger but it just doesn't satisfy me anymore. I don't want to complain. I feel amazing but still something is off, something is missing.

I do tune in more experientially with the detached school of thought. I also find it more liberating, though personal feelings should never get in the way of what is fact... You cannot hold regrets if you believe the actions you regret merely unfolded as the universe itself does. I can't think of many situations now... But maybe rejecting certain people romantically? Maybe being mean to a loved one once... Hurtful things I may have said and done... When you can remove the appearance and simply observe the unfurling of this....... You understand that all of that too was just that continuous unfurling, and the element of control or regret or FOMO is part of the ego mind. The things you mention are the unfurling of infinity. I could and think I have elsewhere been more precise... But the only way for existence to be, is for finity to appear (not a typo). Infinity alone has no border anywhere at all. Infinity = nothing = the only thing where there could never be any border. Something of any kind = finity. There is infinity/nothingness. You call it consciousness (though really nobody has ever "had consciousness", it is the inverse). You cannot grab and mold something when there is nowhere to grab if you see what I mean? To have a thought, say a desire for the world to be a certain way, that desire is finite and thus has a graspable border: it is a specific desire and NOT something else. E.g. a desire for this universe and not another. Finity is how infinity manifests as existence, but infinity itself has no limit. It can contain them but never possess them, so it can contain your desires, alcohol, colors, but never itself be them as all of these items are limited. Consider: When you watch a movie each character is a set of pixels. The screen contains the entire movie and all the characters, and the movie is made OF and contained within that screen. But none of those characters or pixels are themselves the screen itself despite the fact they simultaneously are it (as said: they are made of the screen, appear in it). This is like the limits inside of infinity. More: Your entire person-ness is finity. Everything around you including the stuff "in your head" like private thoughts are finity. The reason you can see the color blue on your car is because it appears as blue and NOT also simultaneously as every other possible thing. Shapes, sounds, sensations when you touch things: the feeling of something hot is graspable because it is limited, it is hot and not cold. It is hot and not the sound of a violin... You the human being, your entire life, you are among the limitations which manifest as a natural result of that which has no limits - that without limits being nothingness (common term: "consciousness")... Build a house on a completely infinite empty open field, now there is an inside and an outside, air fills the inside of the house and also outside. Now knock the house down, what happens to the air? It was always just itself, just air, the border of the house was a limited construct... You the person are that house.

I actually read the whole thing twice ”I look back and i see that she is staring into nothingness like she was hypnotised the suddenly she lets out a moan of pleasure” I was hesitant to call you out in my first reply like that but you gave it no choice, I couldn’t resist not laughing especially at stuff like this and then you say I’m the clown? Oh God. and oh, actually I did pass through a brief phase like yours so I had your perspective and once I finished reading the first time I was like to myself “this is one of my past selves”

@Arugoel I don't think the insight could be tweaked based on intellectual state, as it wasn't an insight so much as a direct recognition. The words might shift marginally. Experientially, what I speak of happened by the pushing back of awareness from all form. All form remained in the foreground. Any form at all, no matter what it was, any limited thing, any something even a sound or physical touch, became the foreground. And I went backwards away in towards myself. Imagine watching a movie at the theater, being engrossed in that film, then recognizing you are sitting in the chair and recognizing the movie to be playing to you while you are sat there all along. Like the physical eyes, the difference again is that when you experience this shift, there isn't a body on a seat. You are what's on the seat but you have no form whatsoever. None. If something has any form it is in the foreground like the movie at the theatre. You never leave the seat. You are completely and entirely without thingness. You're just a disembodied nothing... You are there, like you are when at the theatre. But the you that is there has nothing at all to it. There is nothing at or behind it. All something is always foreground. You are the background, you have no form or thingness. Consciousness should be considered a synonym of nothingness. All forms arise from nothingness, and vanish back into nothingness. As these things are synonymous, they arise from consciousness, appear to it, then retract back into it. Basically, the wording I don't think can be altered while retaining the meaning. Any word other than nothing will always subtley suggest a something to a typical person. No-thing even, it sounds like it's just a strange something. But it literally is not a thing. It is nothing. And it is the most obvious word for it to use AFAIK.

It's not something I heard that resonates, it happened first hand. The other idea would not be accurate to that... It's not like a scientific theory where people debate. Like if a professor says "you're not conscious" there's no view there to consider as you know what you are. I could never be found as an object but it was like, by the very nature of it, it couldn't even feasibly be anything. Unlike physical eyes where it's like, maybe if I turn them round 180 degrees or grab a mirror I'll see them. The very nature of what that "I" is, is that it alone can never have any form whatsoever... Never... And inherently there is simply nothing there. You are it, and to think it would not be possible for nothingness to be aware is, I think, just a misunderstanding of what nothingness truly is. Logically, all things have limit. For something to be a thing it HAS to have a boundary. E.g. the color red is a something. It is limited in that it must be red and NOT blue. There is a finitude to ALL things without exception. There is feasibly only one thing which could ever have no limitation at all, and be completely infinite without boundary: Nothingness. Even logically this makes sense. And experientially, there was no way I could say that what was "back there" so to speak was anything other than nothing... Which is me, which is without limit. You mention Advaita. And I see many of them say awareness knows itself even in deep sleep. It may do so, but it is nothingness knowing nothingness. And when nothingness appears without any limited forms, it is like a general anaesthetic gap. 10, 9, 8... Recovery room post surgery...... No gap... Nothingness by itself skips like a camcorder that pauses then restarts. Play back the tape and the gap never happens on that recording.

@RMQualtrough That's one way of putting it and perfectly valid if it's what resonates for you, but @GreenWoods intuitions are also valid. By your own logic, the most you can definitively say is that you aren't an object, because as you so nicely explained, you'll never find yourself as an object. However, whether or not you therefore conclude yourself to be nothingness is another matter.

It's not a something. Consider this... You have eyes, everything you could ever possibly see is in front of your eyes. You can never get behind your eyes. Your eyes we know are "somethings" because we can find them as objects, e.g. you can touch them (srs, it feels weird to do but used to do it as kids to freak each other out lolz), or see them in a mirror, dissect them etc. Things in your mind as you may know are themselves not made of "things", they are mirages, so if you imagine a castle in a dream, that castle is not really there made out of stones and elemental particles (etc). It's all a mirage. In your mind you have something like your eyes, except never observerable and never graspable, you can only "be it", and you are it and you call it "I". Everything that you are ever aware of is, like what you see with your eyes, appearing to it. If it is an object in any way whatsoever, it is something appearing to awareness. Awareness isolated by itself is never something. If it was something, it would have a quality to it, and you could observe it. And if you could observe it, it would be appearing to you, so could not then be it as the "I" would then be farther behind it, and it always regresses and hides farther back behind anything that ever becomes an object of awareness...... You can never see your mind-eye with your mind-eye, like you can't see your physical eyes with your physical eyes, or touch your fingertip with the same fingertip. When you experience BEING it, which is the only way to know that nothingness, you will definitely understand that what you are is absolutely nothing. You mever observe it, you are it. ALL things that could ever even conceivably be observed are not what I'm talking about. Your true self is the ONLY thing that in no way could be observed. You can be it and that's it... And via the knowing of somethings, recognize that the thing which knows that something is, literally, NOTHING. Nonexistence. What you refer to as your consciousness and nonexistence are the same..... Interchangeable terms. Nothingness exists and it's you. Weird huh? Do you get it?

What you call Nothingness, I would still call something. If it were literal Nothingness, it would be non-existence. Either we just label the same 'thing' differently or you have a potentially deeper understanding than me, an understanding which doesn't make sense to me lol.

Come from the position of awe first then study what reality is. Everything won't make sense otherwise. Reality is 'nothingness' is a description of something awe inspiring. Otherwise it's conceptualising and an intellectual endeavour.

No def not, that would actually point away from what it is. Because it IS literally nothing. Hence nothing is the right word. Consciousness isolate by itself (when you refer to "I") IS literal, absolute, total, nothingness. That's what it is. Related would be something like Sunyata or emptiness. What you fundamentally absolutely are is literal nothingness. That is what is undeniable, and that IS consciousness. Nothingness IS consciousness. Literally is it. When you say I meaning consciousness, you are referring to nothingness. It's not a non-object or no-thing. It's nothing. And the appearances are limited forms in it, substantially themselves not "made of" anything (and if not made of anything, then they must be made of...... nothing. Which is the exact same thing as consciousness and the words could be used interchangeably). Like an illusory wall after illusory wall, where you can pass your hand through and NEVER reach a solid... The existence of these limited forms I surely suppose is the natural consequence of something entirely unlimited AKA nothingness. It is only logical.

@RMQualtrough Would you not find it more clearly stated to simply say you are "that which isn't an object?" As opposed to saying you are "literal nothingness." Because literal nothingness wouldn't allow for the consciousness you later stated was undeniable, would it? Is it not reasonable to say that the very fact that we are having an experience is proof that reality is not literally nothing? Appearances may be illusory, but if reality were literally nothing, then appearances wouldn't appear, no?

@Arugoel I meant you find that it's what you ARE. So not what you're seeing etc. @GreenWoods You yourself are nothingness. I don't know how to best showcase, but obv you know if you go blind you remain, because sight was an appearance. If you lost your arms you remain because the feeling of having arms etc was an appearance and not fundamentally you. This works to literal nothingness. Anything that is anything is like that, it's something you are aware of. It's not what you call "I". You can find that you are nothingness. Srs. This isn't shit I read in a book or saw on YouTube, it happened to me first hand tripping. And this fact was not something that was a crackpot trippy theory, it was undeniably true. Like if you imagine a scientist trying to tell you that you aren't conscious, it's the type of fact that is self evident exactly like knowing you're aware is known without needing theories or science to examine it.

I don't know whether I understand everything you wrote. Are you saying this right here is literal legit Nothingness? I would say it is something.

I know what you are talking about. It seems like we are pointing to two different things What you are describing is that the fundamental truth of existence is pure potentiality itself - which is essentially nothingness. Nothingness is the superposition of infinite potentialities from which all purposeless manifestations of existence arise from for no reason. Our universe, the laws of physics, consciousness, qualia, logic, reason etc and anything else existing is a product of this pure potentiality. Pure potentiality is literaly infinite and has the potential to create anything including absurd things like a universe that was just a bunch of floating chairs but this does not mean it will necessary do so it just has the ability to do so in the same way it created our existence with its specific laws that look normal to us due to the habit of us living here. Pure potentiality is not constrained by any laws or rules and it has no properties because it is the very thing that creates laws, constraints, and properties. Pure potentiality is completely free and unbounded. But notice..it's just a potential..meaning it's not actual yet .right now what is actual is this particular universe? Not the floating chairs one . And until our experience dictates otherwise, it's safe to conclude that this universe we are experiencing right now is the only actual universe. Aka God. Nothing crazy about it .it makes perfect sense. Whatever you are conscious of right now is all that exists . It's so obvious when you get it .

enlightenment is simply you becoming directly conscious of the absolute Truth of existence. Absolute clarity about what is Truth and what isn't. Do you want to become enlightened??? Take out your hand and look at it.. And recognize that your hands are actual. They are Real. They are the absolute Truth. And recognize that all your concepts about Truth in your minds(thoughts) are not the Truth. Compare all your thoughts and concepts with the sensation of your hands.. Notice that your hands are Truth. While all your thoughts (without exception) are bla bla bla. That's it. Its really that simple .stop making it complicated. All religions..all science..all spiritual teachings are not the Truth. The truth is the entirety of your direct experience right now . And that's all that exists. What is the context of this experience you might ask ? Of course the answer is nowhere. Reality is just your field of consciousness right now floating in nothingness.

@Arugoel The thing is, in heightened states, you can find something which is literally nothing and has no form or property whatsoever. And it's the thing we usually refer to when saying "I"... Which obv we know is there, but probably don't realize is literally nothingness... That can't be an appearance of course, as it doesn't have an appearance.

A glimpse into the world of nothingness

Yeah I think you missed the point though. Keep in mind that you the person are as much of a mirage as the world around you, and as such are subject to that reality, you can't walk through a wall just because you stop making a distinction between solid and not. As your body is part of the "plane" (so to speak) in which the wall appears. It's not the labels you put onto things being discussed, but literally how your mind interprets things, which might be beyond our control. E.g. we can't just decide to see every color as black, and hence there is nothing for us visually but blackness. Now, all things in existence are limited. Think about it logically even, if something is a thing, it is that and NOT something else. E.g. for red to appear it has to be NOT blue, right? If the mind ceases making ANY distinction, there is pure nothingness. Which is what isolated consciousness is. Literally nothing. The less the mind makes distinctions between things, the less limits are on reality, until there is no limit and just nothing. Which is what you really are. Your human body would remain here dead or something I suppose? Or just unconscious until the trip/state ends.

Well if you didn't know that it's literally nothing and not something. If the word awareness was literally just referred to as nothing, people might not apply substance to it. You can't have something outside anything with no limit whatsoever, it's not possible, and the only thing without limit is nothingness. Actual. Legit. Nothingness. Not "no-thing" I dno why they do that... Just nothing.

I'm glad that you at least hope for it. Are you sure that butchers end up having mental problems? How did you know this? I think psychopaths are naturally attracted to butchering jobs. They love it. They can't be traumatized. I'm not even sure whether normal humans get traumatized when butchering animals. It seems like a normal activity for them. I am too self-loving and mentally mature to be torn down by such an ugly truth. Yes, my soul gets wounded, but not destroyed. This will not work. Humans are too selfish to give up eating meat. And an omnivore diet probably is the healthiest diet. That's why providing a safe "meat alternative" is the way to go. With that, humans don't need to sacrifice much. I see your point. Zoos surely have benefits. I still need to contemplate the good and bad of zoos to have better insights. They chose to eat food again because the only alternative was death. Without food, there will be no life and no spirituality. There will only be death or nothingness.

So it all starts with my hobby being psychology for like 6 years, i started playing in virtual reality where you're using an avatar in the game using full body vr technology to interact with users in different (gaming) reality. I started doing alot of tests and discovered myself 100% how female psychology/biology works unconsciously. Consider this like Michael Newtons past life regression technique that the discovered. (We humans can discover alot of things by doing things on our own, these things that we discovered will be unknown to people) Basically reaching a higher level of consciousness in certain real life subject. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ For many years i was always thinking about our life purpose or what the purpose of life is, i discovered that the only real purpose of life on this planet is to reproduce. I discovered that low conscious female human brain subconsciously is mostly looking for good genetics, so she mostly will go for males that will show her good genetics in behaviour. The behaviour in male will mostly be based on survival, the main aspect of this is : If i reproduce with him, will my genes survive for thousands of years? This is just a very very small part of female subconscious. I was always thinking that the purpose of life is to reproduce because there is nothing else important to do here on earth, i was thinking about our ancestors. They have been reproducing for thousands of years just to get me here into this future, so i must not dissapoint them and reproduce myself???? Being a man with 10 children is more important then to be a billionare with 1 child??? Oh boy, i was wrong. ( You will know later) ___________________________________________________________________________________________ With my knowledge about female psychology/biology and knowing the purpose of life i applied to a sperm donor clinic, sending them consciously a very narcissistic e-mail. In the e-mail i bragged how much i earned, how good looking i was, that i fighted many times and had 0 losses, told them i achieve everything easily without doing much. After this, they called me for a donation appointment to see how good my sperm was and if they needed it. It was good enough and i could progress further, After sending my donor pasport i got called by a gynaecologist, he said due to corona he couldnt speak to me and sent me straight away to clinical psychologist. He would say things on the phone like : And you are good at fighting? I realized that he was being very judgemental and because of this e-mail he didnt want to talk to me and sent me straight to clinical psychologist but i also realized that it was a test he specifically said: And you are good at fighting? But ignored the sentence next to it where i said: I can achieve everything i want easily. His last sentence on the phone was: If you can pass clinical psychologist you can become a sperm donor. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ I was hoping that the clinical psychologist would be a female, this would be an ultimate test of the knowledge i have. She called me on the phone and started talking to me in a condescending voice like i was a little beby boy. During this phone call i was aware that she was talking to me like this because i sent a narcisstic email to the clinic and that this was a test. But i didnt know which test it was because it can be a test for many things that i was aware of. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ So after a month or so i went to the appointment with the clinical psychologist. She called my name and i walking behind her, first thing my intuition told me is that she had this narcissistic energy about her. When i walked into the room she asked me : Are you gay? I said: No is this genetic? She said: Some are born gay and some become gay. She said: Can you take off your mask we're sitting 2 meters from each other so there is no danger from Corona. I realized she said this so she can watch my mouth and see things more clearly in behaviour. I said: It doesnt matter to me and throwed the mask on the table. She was looking at the mask with a wtf look because i throwed it. After i throwed it she says: So how did you come to the idea becoming sperm donor? In a very condescending voice like i was a little beby boy. I was 26 at that time and she was 51. The only option i had from all the options on female psychology/biology is to stand up for myself and pass the assertiveness test, i started telling the story in a very heavy manly pitch with non squinting eyes to the point that she had to look down like she submits. I instantly stopped , she lifts her head up high and looks down on me (Then suddenly a random picture in my thoughts got sent to me out of nowhere the picture showed me a person in virtual reality that had exact her personality, it showed me by this what actions i should undertake to pass this interview against this person) and then left its back to the normal position and asks: What are your educations? (I said: Nurse . I said this to show her empathy and to let her know that i was probably an empath and also because this was my first education but i quit it during first year.) She looked surprised and shocked from my answer. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ So basically she was asking me all sorts of questions and doing tests, i was aware of every test and question and why she was asking them. I could pass everything easily, during this interview i felt that her consciousness wasnt on a very high level but that it was high and that i didnt meet anyone like her before. Because i was aware of everything she was doing to me and what purpose these tests/questions had. So i decided to take it a step further and apply my knowledge on her and see the results. I was answering all her questions and tests specifically that will make me look good to her subconscious. I noticed that during this interview it felt like i was being lead by higher power or maybe i was in a state of superconsciousness, the higher power was aware that i had this knowledge so it told me exactly what to do. ( it was also sending me pictures randomly to what to do) For example: It showed me a picture of the most beautifull girl that i have ever seen in real life, she was smiling at me without breaking eye contact and saying anything. What i got from this picture was: I have to smile to her without breaking contact until she smiles back. Then i looked into her aroused red lips when she smiled back like i really wanted her really badly making her feel good etc. So to make it short: I was in a state of superconsciouss and was definitally getting helped by something during this interview. At the end of the conversation i was doing short giggles to show her that there is more to this life because i could sense that i passed this easily and i could also see that she was hypnotised. When she said her finale sentence because the time was up, i stand up very fast consciously. (I did this because i knew if i would stand really fast she would experience a breaking connection miracle where she would feel that we disconnect/ her soul is coming back) I don't know how to describe this. So i stand up really fast specifically for this purpose and walk towards the door, my thoughts randomly tell me : She will experience this too look back. I look back and i see that she is staring into nothingness like she was hypnotised the suddenly she lets out a moan of pleasure (because her soul came back/disconnection was felt. She walks towards me and stands really close to me, when she walked into my space for the first time in my life i could feel an energetic field around a human body. It was like 8 inches from her body , it felt like very strong loving heat energy . It felt so strong to me that i felt like i was being burned by love and warmth, i got overwhelmed and was in total bliss. I was also seeing the world in Full HD felt like this was the worlds full color spectrum that looked like Golden Light all the dull colors were much lighter ___________________________________________________________________________________________ 3-4 weeks later i got called and they told me i was accepted as a Sperm Donor. Months after this incident i started awakening and many more miracles happend: Like going out of body 4 times, or seeing the future during conscious dream. In the dream for example they showed me a map of Ukraine and Russia on this map the east side of Ukraine was red they showed me that Russia is going through Ukranian border thats why it is red colored. After this i wake up and my thoughts told me that it was going to happen. I went to work and 6 hours later and i see breaking news Russia is invading Ukraine. So because i reached a new state of consciousness, i realized what the real purpose of life is ; The real purpose of life is: It doesnt matter just be yourself and develop your consciousness. We are here just for fun learning things and playing the game and developing our consciousness since we are god ourselves being split into different ego's/souls. So we are basically mini gods you can call god our Father. Abilities that i gained: -Going out of body if i really put my intent into it. ( it doesnt really matter anymore, i had this experience and know how it feels like there is no purpose of this) -Seeing future events , i only had this one time after awakening and it also doesnt really matter. By showing me this future event the lesson was: There is more to this life/develop your consciousness - Seeing/feeling how developed someones consciousness is in real life is a major one and how to respond to them to fit their level of consciousness. -Materializing holographic picture in total white color: to clarify - If i look at the picture of the clinical psychologist and after that i look at the wall of my room it materializes on the wall the same as she is on the picture and then it starts floating on the wall to the sides. Lesson for me from this: There is more to this life/develop your consciousness In 2 months i also have my first ayahuasca/psychedelic trip i wonder how all this will apply to what i will see! ___________________________________________________________________________________________ if you took your time to read through all of this, thank you and know that there is more to this life!

No it's not. Srs. Creation itself is NOTHING. Not "no-thing", just fucking NOTHING. Literally. And all possible things are spawned from it: desires consist of things, like thoughts etc. No things can be it because ALL things are finite. The only thing with no limit or boundary is literal nothingness. I don't even feel like this is BS theorizing, I'm pretty certain on this.

@Leo Gura life still makes no sense, I suffer deeply. I have been meditating and in solitude mostly for 3 years. I have a condition where if I engage in any sexual activity at all I get chronic brain pressure. It feels when I take psychedelic's I have infinity reconciling itself in my eye shakra. Ive been mostly celibate for 3.5 years (2.5 years no sexual activity) But what would you do if you were me? Nothing helps with the pressure in my head, I feel like im losing my mind. My symptoms match POIS (post orgasm illness syndrome) 100%. If Im God why do I punish myself like this. Via POIS Ive found and learnt so much, but isnt the time for learning over? What is the point of realizing God, its like a paradoxical nothingness Is it myself making myself renounce sexuality and become a monk Im the only person who exists who understands your latest video, and the wink was comforting, but help me , please (I wish you could have experienced the amount of paradoxes and strange loop shapes I saw and see in everything, very cool)

Suffering would never allow more suffering to exist, only love can do that, it is the function of suffering to not exist or to exist only in the past or in the future, but as we can see suffering exists in the present, that is because love is capable of loving more than itself so it loves suffering, when it loves 1 suffering it stops suffering because the purpose/function the very sensation and everything around suffering means "to not exist, to wish that it ends, to have never even existed in the first place and so on", so if you're suffering you can blame love but then you get confused because love doesn't hurt, love is always infinite(ultimate love), with suffering it becomes finite(love+suffering), so I blame neither love nor suffering I blame time itself, time is what allows for both love and suffering to get attached to something that isn't anything by itself which is the material universe, if we had only love we would be timeless(has to be endless/etc), if we had only suffering there wouldn't be any time(has to end as fast as possible/etc), having both seems to be what allows time which I think is what allows or is big part of what allows duality, me and other to actually exist, with me and other being indeed one of the weirdest things, same as existing versus non existing which I conjecture to be love and suffering(finished) respectively, I guess the "universe" is time, suffering, love and space(materialized nothingness?) put together to see what happens if you want. It's weird because I can see how suffering needs love but it's harder to see the opposite, I do see it here and there, I think suffering creates more infinity, it creates the impossible, it's the catalyst of the impossible, maybe.

By my use of the word “universe” I would include those other universes, it would still be contained in the nothingness that is the very essence of God. It’s something I cannot unsee; that Nothingness is the backdrop to absolutely everything all the time, and it cannot be any other way, no matter what dimension it occurs in. That quality of stillness is completely unshakable. Concepts are a mere joke compared to something this actual. So literally everything you look at is the face of God because of it, but you can still appreciate the dualistic surface manifestation of it as a cat, chair, etc.