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Leo mentioned he didn't study the topic of mental illness a lot. I would like to give insight to him and to you all how my mental illness that was masked as spirituality destroyed me. I lived a life without much value I didn't work as I should have and didn't use the potential I was capable of. If this text gives just a glimpse of meaning and value to anyone I will be grateful. How a false sense of ''spirituality'' destroyed my life and gave me dementia in my 33 years I am doing this for you because I love you and because I want you to live life as I wanted to live it. Before I die, I have to try to leave something behind as a warning and advice for people in similar situations. This won’t be a text that is well written because my cognitive abilities are drastically reduced as well as my vocabulary after 3 months of rapid dementia. But I want you to try to understand my point and the urgency of my insights that may save somebodies life. I am not a doctor and I can only speak from my own experience about the severe trauma I was living with. It completely controlled my life without me even realizing it. I will share with you how I analyzed the behavior of my mental illness and how it manifested itself in my mind and body. Insanity and trauma are the most cunning things in the world. It is not a joke and should never be underestimated. Apart from physical disability or illness that is honest and straightforward insanity is not as clear and it operates by deceiving the mind and leading it to destruction. If you are lazy beyond the norm and refuse to work, if you refuse to educate yourself and think success is not for you, you might be traumatized. If you think you are spiritual and have spiritual ‘’symptoms’’ that are not aligned with life and living, by being constantly exhausted, depressed brain fogged, you might be experienced anything but spirituality, but a manifestation of trauma symptoms. As malicious and occult as it may sound trauma can present itself as a living entity that is sucking the life force from you, leading you ultimately to your demise. Insanity as I was living with it, completely gripped the essence of my thought process and kept me in delusion for 15 years. I not only believed the thoughts I was having but was convinced beyond any doubt, with body, mind and soul that there has to be truth to them. My emotions, my intuition, even my heart was driven and aligned with the schizophrenic doctrine my mind created due to childhood trauma. As you can see unfortunately this means that when somebody is insane the whole psycho physical, mind and body can serve to deceive a person. Its more than the typical hallucinations, hearing voices, and having conspiracy theories that we see in movies that make somebody insane. A person can be partly insane and be completely convinced they are normal, just following a higher path that nobody understands, just like I thought I was. If the thoughts do not support life and living normally then a person should try to question if there is truth to them. There is nothing wrong with being normal and ordinary and earning an honest living. Loving life and being grateful for what it is and not searching for some fantastical worlds that don’t exist. I never realized what enlightenment is and I don’t care about it at all. All I wish for is a healthy brain but that won’t come now. I would have lived so much differently. My ideology was belief that there is no such thing as work or human will, that those things are illusions and that they are ultimately not important for realizing the truth about the world. I was aspiring to be a homeless bum, living as a fool for Christ in divine truth and bliss. I believed in the force of undoing or unworking and that it is like a black whole that devours everything and extinguishes everything, and ultimately when we experience this black nothingness, we see truth. I had many instances where I did work and tried to persist in my endeavors but believing I was spiritual undervalued my efforts, and the very meaning of work and success. Voices told me that work and knowledge are not important and that I was beyond them. That I don’t need it to be happy and enlightened. So, I was willingly retarding myself and regressing unconsciously while thinking this is a good thing. After dementia arouse and started desecrating my brain, this illusion collapsed and I realized that such thoughts came because of an extreme sense of worthlessness. Which I was living with and considered normal. When a person is traumatized, they live with extreme and abnormal feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness, that they consider normal because they learned these things and didn’t feel anything else. A glimpse of power and true value feels almost like death to their sick sense of self. And they might even fear it because their whole identity is challenged and shaken to the core. This is why work; knowledge, creativity and education are transformative tools for somebody living with trauma. They were the only cure for me except I realized this too late. The human will and will to work, and create, and love, and enjoy the successes it brings is a divine force, not at all to be undervalued like most spiritual teachers suggest, by saying do nothing or let go of effort. When people have trauma work is the only salvation they have to live a normal life. So, if you refuse to work and think its something spiritual moving you in this direction seriously consider you might be wrong. Now I will share some of my childhood story and how dementia happened. My story begins by me being born with a physical disability called artogriphosis. I had bent arms and legs which could not be stretched, kind of like a baby is positioned in the stomach curled up, that’s how I was when I got out. However devastating this situation seemed at first, there was hope, because by exercising diligently I could walk and eventually stretch my arms half way. I had all the function and potential of a normal child. The problem came while doing the very exercises because they were invasive, complicated and painful. I slept with plasters every night and all this lasted for the first 12 years of my life. My parents while doing a remarkable job of straightening my body didn’t consider that I could be emotionally damaged by the process. And thus, they convinced themselves and me that I was completely normal, which I wasn’t. Those painful exercises created severe trauma that was left untreated and considered normal. In my 19 year I developed ‘’out of nowhere’’ a severe debilitating anxiety towards life and work. I had constant feelings of subconscious terror, which were relentless and constant every day all day. I tried many things to help myself and gave full attention to my psychological problem, which was paradoxically, a huge mistake. In the 15 years of living with this anxiety I learned to live with it and considered it a normal part of me. The only problem was I wasn’t productive and didn’t work and live independently. So, I read psychological books and all sorts of stuff and came across spirituality and eventually developed the doctrine I mentioned before. In my opinion symptoms of dementia can come at any age if a person lives with extreme psychological burden. It starts the cognitive decline gradually and very gently as years go by so the sufferer can forget the pain. It introduces a wide variety of symptoms that mimic so many of the ‘’spiritual symptoms’’ I read about over the years. Brain fog, constant tiredness, sleepiness, a sense of peace, beingness and bliss that comes in doing nothing and sleep and rest. So all these ‘’positive’’ symptoms were actually dementia in my case, mistaken and confused for spirituality. In my opinion anything that reduces one’s abilities and qualities of life should be discarded whether it be ‘’spiritual’’ or not. The pain never ended and I was just becoming dumber and dumber and more tired, and unable to concentrate for longer periods. In my confusion I mistook these sensations as positive and even advisable which kept me in massive delusion. Even efforts to work and keep my passion alive were diminished by an unnatural exhaustion that came over me as time went by. And then I thought work truly must not exist as I am truly unable to sustain my will towards it, this otherworldly tiredness is keeping me from it. It must be a sign that the force of undoing(dementia) is the true reality. That tiredness came from dementia and it was just an illusion and breakable by sustaining the effort. It might be unlikely, but if anyone identifies with my experience, my advice is to keep going and resist the exhaustion for it is a lie trying to keep you asleep. There is nothing spiritual and worthwhile in death and dementia. Life is a force to be lived, not spent asleep and tired all the time. The final straw happened 3 months ago, when I took ciprofloxacin ear drops for mild noise induced hearing loss. I overdosed by mistake using them for 14 days instead of 7 as prescribed. Even though it was a relatively low dose of 2 drops each day, the final day my system collapsed. Perhaps due to my already overloaded brain, and combined with this poisonous medication I finally enraged and triggered dementia. Now the decline that was very slow and would have kept going on for 30 years or more, has accelerated 10000 times. I presume I have about 5 years of very unfulfilling life left. I will never experience the success I could have had. The love and joy of life I could have had. It was overshadowed by constant feelings of ungratefulness and arrogance. Believing I was beyond this world and its preciousness I was watching it go by me, waiting for my spiritual revelation which never came. I was very arrogant and ungrateful thinking that things cannot possibly be worse due to my anxiety. Incredibly, things can be 10000 worse than they are. Now I have dementia. The only right way forward for me was to accept the anxiety and reconcile that I have to live with it like any other handicap. And do everything in my power to work and live independently. Work is the ultimate expression of value and love towards oneself which trauma cannot endure, that’s why it does everything in its power to resist it. So, this is it. I talked about my life choices and some spiritual traps that people might fall into. I feel very vulnerable writing this and even a bit stupid, wondering who on earth will want to read this depressive story, but honestly id give anything if somebody told me in the right moment how wrong I was. For years nothing could sway me from my stubborn convictions. The world is getting increasingly more insane as we can witness. Spiritually can be the source of massive confusion as well, and by me interpreting it the wrong way, or actually falling for its lies I ended up like this. I wish I had never read anything about it. You might argue that its not my fault for getting these severe side effects from that drug. In a way you would be right but its the life choices and ideology that led to this. My unwillingness to educate myself and work left me underdeveloped. I didn’t know that antibiotic in topical form is still dangerous, I didn’t follow the prescription, I didn’t research the side effects properly, so all these mistakes led to this. The ideology of undoing and not knowing, that false spirituality that I had so much faith in and surrendered completely to, destroyed me in the end. It was insanity and trauma and dementia taking form of something incredibly valuable to me. Farewell friends or enemies, I do hope this gives some value to anyone and people can at least learn from my mistakes. Some key points: Work, knowledge and creativity is more than means to an end. It can transform our life and destroy trauma and mental illness. Because they represent love and support life. They are life. Perfectionism and working eternally on your issues, waiting to first solve them and then return to the world, is trauma keeping you enslaved in eternal rumination which leads to nowhere. The only way is to ignore it. Work, be creative, learn about history, geography, economy medicine, science... each day enrich your mind little by little. Keep dementia away, keep ignorance away. Massive suffering can naturally create symptoms of dementia like brain fog, forgetfulness and a false sense of peace that comes from oblivion, as well as sleepiness. Don’t satisfy yourself by thinking this as a spiritual symptom. Enlightenment if it exists might require force and enormous willpower contrary to much of the gurus say. Not surrendering helplessly to the void and waiting for things to change. Wake up by force, resist the antilife forces of the world. Insanity can take form of some of our most precious values and ideas like spirituality, love, religion, trust, hope, etc. It can trick and turn them against us. Sometimes you can’t trust your own mind, your emotions, your intuition, even your body that can create feelings of exhaustion. Especially if it tells you to be homeless and renounce the world like it told me. Its more than just a thought that keeps us in delusion. Some chronic traumas only get worse over time, it won’t solve by itself no matter how long your ‘’spiritual process’’ lasts. And if you are destined to live with it, live the best and most fulfilling life you can. Live now. Don’t sleep and rely on dementia to take you. If you don’t work or know anything, and you depend on somebody to work and provide for you, you still won’t survive. Because such a lifestyle attracts natural catastrophes and disasters in form of disease, dementia, insanity or disability. You are never safe by being stupid. It can cost you your life like it did me. Love and Gratitude is most important. Learning from ‘’ordinary’’ people enjoying their company respecting and appreciating them. Just being normal is the best thing in the world, and not being narcissistic. I unconsciously thought I was better than everyone. Now I see ‘’enlightenment’’ in everyone. We are just great as we are, trying our best to go by and nothing more is ever needed. I’m sorry. You can’t imagine how sorry I am. I wasted my life for an illusion. I was insane, I was misled. May God forgive me, may You forgive me, may the world forgive me. I failed to live. I was confused and alone, marked by misfortune. If there is another life, I will never make the same mistake again. Be well and farewell Phillip

Not 5-MeO, I'm too safety conscious. I was able to combine 500ug of LSD with DMT to produce that state, though. Leo made this forum, I made this post. It isn't about the character masks in front of "you", that's why I said about waves in the ocean. You have to see the bigger picture (ocean) and not the little one (waves). Reality itself is all encompassing. Anything that is, is literally reality itself. Things which "are" can't be outside of reality, they are made of reality within reality itself. This forum is an expression of reality itself, and so am I, and you, and rocks, and trees, and dreams, and animals, and so on. That's the common thread between all things and even nothings (pure consciousness, is nothingness). There is just reality itself. Which is eternal, unstoppable. It is everything.

Attention is an exertion of energy to a certain place. If u observe attention and where u excert your energy. U'll gain the ability to contain that energy inside and not leak it unconsciously. When u become so concious that u can observe attention fully, u will hold all the energy inside pointing inward instead of outwards. That's where transmutation of desire energy into presence energy happen. An implosion of energy start to take place converting ego drives into nothingness/selfishness into noself. That's what turning inward means. Observing attention is the ultimate practice. And it's actually possible to observe it as an observable phenomena. U should try it

I think zen cultivates a single form of energy. But that form of energy is not the only one there is. They leave out sexual energy and outside energies and many other types of energies. Love is also a different kind of energy i believe. Zen is about cultivating primordial energy of awareness. Cultivating nothingness presence energy. Which is good. The highest form of energy is primordial energy probably. So they're going straight to the point. Very smart people. Kriya is also about that but there are all kinds of wacky things going on there also. They can create entities, do astral travel (leaving the body at will), do energy healing, have siddhic powers, explore wacky states of consciouness. It's very broad. Im not even qualified to speak about it honestly.

I had to take a nap because the cookie I ate made me feel sleepy and it made me feel horny so along with taking a nap I took some time to masturbate a little before I had to get back to work. It's been a long time since I masturbated. And it's been a long time since I've felt horny. It felt good to be horny because our bodies were always meant to feel horny once in a while. I know this because the cookie told me. The CBD talked to me in my dreams and told me what I was doing wasn't wrong. "It ain't no sin baby. It's okay to not be okay so if you got to jerk off once in a while to make yourself feel like you belong in this world and the worlds beyond this one than so be it. Masturbate to your hearts content! Do what you got to do to get out of here and take those you love with you! And take those who need to go. Those who need to see the psychedelic miracle in the flesh. And when you get back you come on back to my house cause we got a lot of work to do." The cookie I ate that got me a little high cost me six dollars and it was very good because it was made with CBD and chocolate chips. Maybe I'll have another one to celebrate if I get the job at Moms Organic. I applied to other jobs but this is the job I want. It is the job I need if I ever want to eat better and save money on food. If I do get the job I'm going to keep investing in the stock market as well as crypto because as of now it is my only avenue out of this life of nothingness. A life going nowhere. I hope in 2 or 3 years the market goes back to the way it was when everything was high and everybody was making a lot of money. When that happens I will cash out. I enjoy taking cbd gummies at night because it makes sleeping that much more enjoyable. I get to see a movie in my mind. I get to see a dream of epic proportions. I get to dream of places I will probably never get to visit. And visit places I can only dream of. My biggest dream is to one day take LSD at the John Hopkins School of Medicine and find out who I am and what my purpose is on this earth and beyond.

@Spiral Wizard too much Zen kills the heart. Too much peace make the mind sleep. Too much nothingness kills joy. This is the difference between Indian gurus and Buddhists. Their approach is more wholistic.

Love has no opposite And nothingness has no opposite. But somehow they are not fully the same i believe. Im not sure. Maybe nothingness is the masculine of god and love is feminine of god.

@Devin Fear is not your only or even the best motivator, contemplate towards that and you can see what I could respond to your last message. I know one guy who only smokes and drinks and I wouldn't say that he is any closer to god than being healthy. He just stares into nothingness, propably not thinking too much. That being said I wouldn't suggest being homeless as a spiritual practice, but maybe for a couple of days and even that wouldn't the real thing which is without your knowledge, spiritual skills and way of looking things. Can't you really see how lucky you are that you had even your level of parenting, school, friends, shelter, food etc. You are deeply denying the suffering and life poor people have. Life is not as good and easy for all that it was for you, keep that in your mind. It's not that they chose their life to be that way, but it was pretty much what was given. Most of them are so unhappy and powerless that changing anything won't come to their mind even. Of course they can change their life with a help, but doing it alone can be hard if you've been homeless for decades.

I don't know if I like the nothingness of sleep. I like dreaming (and more specifically daydreaming in bed before/after sleep), as well as the comfy feeling of being curled up in blankets in a quiet dark place. It's more of an escapism or coping mechanism though. I find my love and desire of sleep is directly proportional to how depressed I am, or how negative/chaotic life seems at the time. When you have something exciting to do in your waking hours, sleep becomes an unavoidable task you have to do, rather than an enjoyable activity in and of itself.

It's literally the highest form of joy possible. To exist as pure void .no colors ,no sounds, no perceptions of any kind . Just empty dark silent nothingness. Sleep takes you home to your true nature effortlessly. If it wasn't just for the dreams that we don't know where and how the fuck they occur ..sleep would be my favourite activity in this whole world . I know I'm just being silly lol. Any other sleep lovers here ? ?

I recommend upping your practice to 2 hours a day for at least a couple of months if you want to really get somewhere. The trick is to reach a complete boredom threshold (usually around 35mins in) and just keep going - that’s when the real work begins. It’s not really worth meditating in sessions shorter than 45 mins. This whole endeavour is tricky as people associate different states with different words. Some would say the word “mind” is a particular flavour of consciousness involving awareness for example. By this definition the substrate is beyond mind - it is absolute nothingness, which is also everything. Impossible to understand with logic.

The mind is subtler and less easy to observe than physical objects, for example, because you're attempting to think of it with the "lowest" senses when it is its own entity. The only substance is Nothingness/Everything.

This is absolutely and certainly the case. There's no such thing as substance. Like the Bible's God figure, substance is another infinite regress that could never end in nothing. But nothing "IS", LITERALLY it "IS". Nothing can get behind or before nothing. Not God, not anything. I think that's why Neo-Advaita people parrot that "nothing is happening"... Which I had a really deep insight on yesterday but I no longer remember it, which is frustrating... Maybe it was to do with the fact that all these appearances surround me yet "behind the curtain" if you could peel them back to see the truth behind the illusion, there'd be literally nothing there. Nothingness is very alluring and intoxicating, as becoming it is undeniably true. But perhaps nothing and something, consciousness, formlessness and form, distract from the underlying fact that there is just reality itself alone and all encompassing.

There's more beyond survival. You can be so in awe with the mystical nature of reality that just zooming in on anything around you gives you deep joy and happiness. Getting in touch with Truth, Love, Beauty, spirit. That fills you each and every moment. Feel more deeply. Even all the feelings of sadness and "nothingness" of it all too is beautiful. On a more relative level, you can align your purpose (and means of survival) more and more with universal purpose to bring more consciousness and light to this world. There's deep, deep satisfaction found there.

@JoeVolcano Space and time exist, otherwise you would not be arguing about the nature of space and time; therein your "arguments" are self-refutations. Nothingness and Everythingness are ultimate, and the contents of Everythingness are impermanent of course. But they are only illusionary in the sense that there's nothing outside of Consciousness; they actually exist. If you say something is an illusion, you're saying it is, so you're contradicting yourself by one sense of the word. Movement is real; spatial fields are real; the passage of time is a true phenomenon; the human mind exists, the objective systems studied by science too. This is all undeniable, and you are conflating things through what Leo calls devilry. Best

Nah I am very much afraid of death itself. Suffering and pain is always temporary. The nothingness of death, returning to the state like before our birth where we will never be able to think or feel or have a memory again... that is forever. Death renders everything you've ever done useless, and ensures you'll be completely forgotten in a couple of generations at most. Yeah sometimes, when I start to worry about the possibility that I might never wake up again.

@trenton you are speaking of Human Desires, I suppose, but consider the 'desire' for an object in motion to remain in motion. One thing you may notice about 'desire/wanting' is that it is identical to 'the avoidance of suffering', and these seeming opposites: desire and suffering, are actually two sides of the same coin, and are defined relative to each other. What we desire is 'not to suffer'.. Suffering is 'that which we desire to avoid'.. Desire/Avoidance of Suffering is the why anything occurs at all.. for without some state of existence that 'desires' to be some other state, what you get is a static, unchanging, nothingness, rather than a impermanent ever changing somethingness. The law of attraction works because there is literally no difference between 'the will of the Universe' (how the Universe 'desires' to be) and the manifestation of that desire.

This is a major "red flag." This is not just Emptiness = Form or Unmanifest = Manifest. This is an actual structural change or development to formations. Enlightenment thousands of years ago is not the same as Enlightenment today. The Nothingness cannot change, but the Everythingness certainly can. Ascent being primary causally, as a catalyst, does not reduce the effectuality of redescent.

You think that God is duality, and beyond God is nothing, and nothingness is enlightenment, right? But where is the difference? Nothingness is god, that's the point .

No, because it is both existence and non-existence simultaneously. Or, something and nothing simultaneously. As such it is completely all encompassing... Consider, if it ceased to exist, where could it go? If it can go somewhere else, such as into a nothingness, then it was never the "all there is" in question, because there is something (nothingness in this case) outside of itself... The "all there is" encapsulates all, and so there is no outside of itself to where it could go. It has absolutely no border, so there can't be a place where it ends and something else begins.

This is your blind spot. You are expecting Love to be a feeling. Love can trigger feelings, but existentially Love isn't a feeling, Love is literal Oneness. We are talking about metaphysical Love here, not human emotions. The highest Love isn't gonna be something you feel emotionally, it's going to be the act of you melting into Nothing. Of course Nothingness is Love. Love is the realization that everything equals everything else.

Yeah makes sense, just doing it enough times at manageable levels would increase the allowable amount. Yes definitely the case. It feels like a war of attrition after a certain point, very tough but rapid purification ^ this. Usually on LSD after a couple hours of nonstop work (root chakra blocks, what I'm focusing on now makes me feel like absolute shit with little relief on the short-medium timescale). Sober / modafinil meditation involves grinding out a good 45 min before getting exhausted and being ineffective. Will def need to clean up my diet, above average but too much takeout lol. Music seems like a hit or miss for me, I generally get the best results listening to solfeggios. Music used to work better but is more distracting now. Maybe when I'm feeling really bad, turning on some good music may be helpful The breakdown only happens on LSD (only use that rn), and generally occurs after the peak. At this point, I've been integrating for the past several hours and my mind gets ground to dust. At this point, the blocks feel much more real and there's a sense of helplessness. This really spirals out of control on mushrooms, which is why I consider them less effective for grindy type of work. The only solution found thus far is taking a break and coming back after 30+ min, during which my mind seems to work through these blocks at a much lower intensity and prepares my energetic system to purge them more effectively after resuming. That's a very effective way of doing things. I started out doing something similar to that and after doing enough psychs developed an ability to perceive blocks very intensely and work on them directly via nothingness meditation. This involves feeling physical pain, seeing dark imagery (representations of blocks?), and finally getting a spinal adjustment (like going to the chiropractor) once the block is resolved. I think what I was asking about is analogous to 'how do I look at a computer screen for longer without getting a headache.' Starting to think that the only way of developing high levels of pain tolerance would be to have little/no shadow left, which leaves me out of luck :-( But how does BraveWilderness do this, unless he's secretly a guru who doesn't mind a bit of pain, he probably never did proper shadow work in his life! Thanks for the tips @flowboy !

For that which is possible there can not be a possible state giving rise to it, yet for anything actual to at all be given it must be also such a thing of the power precisely to make something else possible, this then which is possible is confined to and never itself beyond what is at any state actual, that there are anything at all is thereby a dance of the will in an interplay with the things not initiated in possibility by means of it but given life from it. What is ultimately possible is therefore all things, the reason we are given any particular such light is neither here nor there, for any sufficient reasons are self evident each, and in proof thus found in all directions. To that which is possible only actual states can give rise, and in all actual states possible ones are come actual in the force of will, but owing to some force Y there are the possible in the actual itself, this Y must have no inverse for otherwise nothingness as a then condition for infinite will would be necessary, but such can not be the case for then what is actual now as the condition for what is possible in itself would be subject to doubt, as nothing else than doubt suffices in the face of things which could possibly have been otherwise, such things then are taken both as possible and actual with no regard for bare minimums of cohesion. The problem arises when the will is confused for the means of thinking its representation, as predicating the past of that which is only present in our aid for making actual what in the actual is potential. The freedom of the will, though minuscule in its own right, would never be so powerless and out of order to be contained in that by means of which it gives rise to new moments (such as memories), instead it must be in their eternal proximity. We are then justified in saying that for the little control we have -- nothing carries over into the past but all is with us towards all futures. That which is possible f in what is actual T (now) may very well itself be necessarily actual trough inference; in a prior universal chain of events yet determined as such as the actuality F of that possibility f long after T. In fact, no world failing to follow this rule of dual actuality to possibility is even imaginable (imagination as the outer limitation for all possible worlds), and such a world would thus be impossible. Something which is possible can not be the condition for the possibility of something else, the will must be the only thing preventing what is possible from actuality The dual actuality to any potential are related to those potentials by means of either a-p in force Y or p-a in will, all of which are totally encompassed by a law of causality, which itself takes the form either in 1. magnitudes of substances / magnitude as duration in time (part to part) or 2. emergence (community of parts in a (seeming) immediate and definite whole), both of which constitutes a finitude of objects given us as patterns in what I deem constant reality as =1. in addition to paragraph 1: What is actual can never itself be the singular condition for something else that is actual, due to which temporality crossing (visiting) the constants in reality (substances) as that necessary addition makes determinate those substances and ultimately the supreme necessity of not only something as opposed to nothing, but also of the very something in particular. We may expect that which is equal to 1 in the combined whole of the world of substances to fail our instruments are their smallest, not merely by engineering but also by our own intellectual upper bound, as evident already reminder of need of edit

@marinaaniram All traumas and feelings go away by feeling them enough, accepting them and not trying to push them away. Therefore you should be in a state you're right now and trying to be relaxed in it. Point is not to gain state where it is easy to relax, but to train your relaxing skills so you can pull them out in all scenarios. Accept the negative feelings you've when you meditate and continue until they dissolve into nothingness. Lastly it is possible to meditate yourself to better life. With love -joNi-

We can expand forever on what the nature of language, or anything else, is, but ultimately it all boils down to nothing. I've studied excessively about all this shit, but it all boiled down to nothingness ultimately.