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STAGES OF ANIMA DEVELOPMENT IN MEN 1. Women as mother - He needs a mommy to take care of him. In this first stage, a man’s anima is completely tied up with the mother. She is not necessarily his personal mother but the image of a woman that is a faithful provider of nourishment, security, and love. She represents all that is natural, instinctual, and biological.223 A man with an anima complex of this type cannot function well without a vital connection to a woman, and is easy prey of being controlled and exploited by her. He frequently suffers from impotence or has no sexual desire at all, and is therefore called a mama’s boy. This type of anima possession also manifests through fear of accidents or disease, or in a sort of dullness of personality. The Greek Sirens and the German Lorelei personify these dangerous aspects of the anima, which may even lead a man to his death over a lost love relationship through suicide. 2. Women as sex object - He wants her to make him feel good. In the second stage, the anima is a collective sexual image. She is a Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, or Playboy model. Men in stage two are often Don Juans who see all women as sex objects, and engage in repeated sexual adventures, sometimes developing into sexual addictions. These relationships are invariably short-lived, because he is not faithful, is always looking for his next conquest, and no woman can ever live up to his unrealistic image of the ideal female partner. 3. Women as wife - He wants her loyalty and support. In the third stage of his anima complex development, a man becomes ready to care for a wife and be devoted to his family. He is the loving protector and provider that women in the equivalent stage three of their animus development seek. Men with this anima accept their partner as she is, as long as she fulfills her role as supportive, undemanding, caring, and faithful wife, available sex partner, and loving mother to his children. His sexuality is usually integrated into their relationship and not an autonomous function that drives him. He can differentiate between love and lust, which allows him to create a lasting partnership (if she stays), because he can tell the difference between the objects of his sexual desire and the benefits of being a faithful partner/husband. 4. Women as guide to creativity and awakening - He struggles with her need for independence. In the fourth stage, a man’s anima functions as a guide to his inner life. As women in this stage become emotionally and financially independent from men, they often turn away and abandon their partners against their will. This challenges him to seek other sources of fulfillment, happiness, aliveness, passion, joy, purpose, peace, and love. Through his quest arises a desire to answer life’s deeper questions of “who am I,” “where do I come from,” “why am I here,” “what is the meaning of my life,” “what should I do,” “what is my purpose,” and “where do I go”? Contemplating these questions, reading books like the one that you are holding right now, meditating, or seeking a bond with others on a similar path in men’s groups, New Age churches, and personal growth workshops allow him to bring deeper levels of his unconscious anima into his awareness. This leads to a liberating process of awakening to his authentic nature, true purpose, genuine passions, and capacity to love unconditionally that are independent from a partnership with a woman.224 On the flipside, he may show behaviors that are usually described as a midlife crisis,225 become commitment phobic, avoid deeper intimacy with women altogether, or engage in serial monogamy or polyamory,226 since he does not want to sacrifice his newfound freedom or to be limited by one partnership. This partial awakening (the idea of living alone is not Integral, fully realized, or the ultimate realization of human development) is transcended when a man enters stage five of his anima development. 5. Women as equal partner - He meets her as an opposite and equal partner. Similar to a woman in this stage (see below), a man in stage five of his anima complex development has accepted the fact that conflicts and ambivalence are intrinsic to human relationships, and sees how their resolution contributes to his ongoing healing, personal growth, and spiritual realization. He feels confident, secure, and comfortable to authentically express his sexual essence (which tends to be masculine in heterosexual men), while he embraces his feminine (anima).227 This allows him to invite differing views, experiences, and feelings of his female partner without feeling threatened, offended, or puzzled by them. Her authentic stage-five feminine qualities naturally complement his masculinity and vice versa. Since he has found his own purposeful identity that does not depend on her inspiration, support, or approval, he appreciates his partner’s independent authority,228 and doesn’t feel responsibility, shame, or insecurity if she is unhappy—even though he shows empathy, care, and devotion—and enjoys when she is happy. He neither clings, nor pushes her away, but fully opens to embrace her at all levels of his being when they are together, and stays content and fulfilled when they are apart. This allows him to enter into a mature monogamous relationship of opposites and equals from which radically new life experiences, emotional healing processes, and deeper spiritual realizations that often become the foundation for altruistic acts of kindness and service towards others emerge. STAGES OF ANIMUS DEVELOPMENT IN WOMEN 1. Men as alien outsiders - She fears, hates, and loves him. Because of abuse or abandonment from men that she identified with during childhood, such as a father, father figure, older brother, uncle, or family friend, a woman in this stage completely denies and suppresses her animus as alien inside and outside of herself. She trusts her mother and other females, while she distrusts, hates, or fears men. This is often countered by a strange curiosity about men, which she cannot differentiate. This ambivalence can make her extremely seductive, needy, and clingy, and cause severe symptoms of the “seduce and withhold”230 syndrome. As soon as a man gets close to her she withdraws, only to come back to ask for more after he becomes distant. She can break the heart of a weak man who tries to prove that he is different, attempts to rescue her from her fears, and so becomes codependent231 as she lures him into her pathological cat and mouse game. Within the limits of her domain in household, family, and female-oriented work environment (e.g., school teacher, nurse, artist, gardener, therapist, healer, working with animals, etc.), such a woman may seem grounded and self-confident. Outside those limits, she leaves the work and responsibility to men and more mature women.232 2. Men as father, God, or king - She wants his approval. The self-esteem of a woman in this stage is directly connected to the response and approval that she receives from men. She is often driven by a need to be seen as the most attractive female, and constantly monitors her value by her internalized masculine judgment and through externalized male reflection. This may lead to a split in her personality when she imitates male behavior to be liked by them, and at other times presents herself as a sexually seductive femme fatale (such as in the movie Basic Instinct) to be desired. She either hides behind a feminine mask of beautiful appearance, graceful charming manner, and entertaining wit, or develops a tom boyish attitude through teasing, competing, and challenging, or some other facade that suggests success. Women in this stage gravitate towards men that they perceive to be more attractive, intelligent, and exciting than they could ever be themselves. They often try to live up to men by dietary restrictions, vigorous physical exercising, adapting to their intellectual interests, developing new talents, and being sexually available to become the perfect mate. If a woman remains in this stage, she is at great risk of entering a profound depression when her beauty and sexual attractiveness wane, and the number of heads that she is turning, and men who admire her diminishes. She may then isolate herself from all intimate relationships, because her perfectionism overrides her ability to be compassionate and to forgive her own and others’ mistakes. This may lead her to withdraw into a cold and bitter self-denial in which her anxieties create all kinds of psychosomatic illnesses, such as panic attacks, vomiting, heart problems, fatigue, and body aches. A strong, conscious, and patient man (or a good psychotherapist) can support a woman in this stage to find her own worth, passions, and identity, independent of male approval, which then allows her to enter into stage three.233 3. Men as hero - She wants him to take care of her. Women in stage three seek a man as protector and provider with strength, courage, and ability, who can meet her needs, cherish her, and whom she wants to marry. He represents her ideal (and often unrealistic) image of the knight in shining armor who fulfills her expectations for good looks, intelligence, solid reputation, stable finances, generosity, loyalty, humor, kindness, care, integrity, and faithfulness. To be in a good bargaining position, this woman will focus on her appearance, health/fitness, and adapting to the world of men by seeking a higher education, pursuing a career, fighting for social justice, or saving a failing business. She will appear as self-affirming and expects something in return. She functions well in the competitive world of men, sees herself as equal, is willing to share responsibilities, and will contribute and perform as long as her partner is able to provide more in return, since women want to marry up. As long as he meets her expectations for financial security, social status, and devotion, she will support him to achieve his full potential while often denying such achievements to herself. This can lead to feelings of resentment and anger when she sees that she has been “denied” the right to experience her own competence, and when her partner/husband fails to live up to her ever-growing expectations. Some women in this stage will enter an inward journey once they become aware of the transitory nature of their physical attractiveness, ability to succeed with men, and limitations of finding acceptance in the male world. This may lead them to the restoration of their female authority 234 as they take responsibility for their own identity once they have moved into stage four of their animus complex development.235 4. Men as independent beings - She wants her independence. A woman in stage four makes an active choice in favor of her self-interest and self-fulfillment—independent of a partner or husband. This transition takes place with the realization that she has constructed her own experiences throughout her lifetime in relationship to men, and now wants to find her own identity. She will stop trying to be perfect in all things in order to please her partner (who was a heroic father figure in the previous stage), as she becomes emotionally free from his approval and support. Having discovered her own source of worthiness and foundation, she is working to restore her female authority. Financial independence through her own labor or through other sources of money that are often only available to women, such as “divorcing well,” alimony and child-support payments, generous lovers, support from parents, or Social Security benefits, are the prerequisite for this transition. You will notice if your partner enters into stage four of her animus development when she starts to challenge you, cares less about your needs, seeks her financial independence, and refuses to take responsibility for holding your relationship together. If you are in partnership with a woman in this stage, it is important to know that it is not your fault that her pain of staying will eventually be greater than her fear of leaving, and that there is nothing you can do but to take care of yourself emotionally 236 and sexually, protect the financial assets that are legitimately yours (if you have to, with the help of a CPA or lawyer), and, if you can, support her with love and compassion in her transition. Once separated and/or divorced, she will feel free from the evaluation and needs of men for the first time in her life. These newly single women are then much occupied with challenging work, their animals and children, social activities, educational advancements, maintaining their household, hobbies, world-travel, and their friendships.237 At the same time, they look down at women who show more feminine or balanced qualities and who desire to be (or are) in a committed partnership with a man. To women in stage four, partnered women still seem to be in the pitiful stage two or three of dependence on a male partner (which they have just escaped). However, married women may have actually advanced into stage five, which women in stage four cannot fathom yet. They discredit partnered women as unevolved and often compete with them in merciless ways. Women in stage four frequently break with the conventional role of caring mother, show tough love, and feel fulfilled outside a partnership with a man. Still, there remains an underlying fear of abandonment, especially in older women, when concerns about the disappearance of their skills and autonomy in the midst of a crisis arise. This often leads to feelings of ambivalence. On one side there is a secret longing for the stability and support that a partnership with a man could provide during times of stress, fatigue, loneliness, or desire for sex. On the other side there is the fear of becoming emotionally dependent, used, and dominated again. Frequent complaints about the lack of good men who are physically fit and attractive, highly intelligent, successful, accomplished, mature, kind, loving, generous, evolved, supportive, spiritual, and available when they need/want them, but who remain flexible, undemanding, and unattached otherwise, are a hallmark of women in stage four.238 Becoming men-hating diehard singles, settling for “friends with benefits” whom they string a long, or serial monogamy are often the only solutions that seem to solve their dilemma. It is not your fault if you get mixed messages, are rejected, or are ignored altogether by women in stage four that you try to date or get a commitment from, as these women are highly independent, endlessly demanding, impossible to please, and commitmentphobic.239 This is, of course, no problem for men who have entered stage four of their own anima development, which many single males and females falsely see as the highest stage of their personal and spiritual development (as in, I am so whole and complete, I don’t need a partner to complete me). If you have matured into stage five and meet a woman who is at the end of her animus stage four development, then you may be able to patiently support her to transition into stage five and find a wonderful partner in her. 5. Men as equal partners - She wants him as an equal and opposite partner. Just as a man, a woman in stage five of her animus development has accepted that conflict and ambivalence are intrinsic to human relationships, and realized the significance of a partnership to balance her further psychological growth and spiritual awakening.240 Having fully claimed her own authority after transcending her animus complex, she no longer sees men as alien, superior, inferior, or independent. The realization that the idea of living and going it alone was a distorted conception of human existence emerges in her, because we never live alone. She sees that in being human we have a variety of economic, physical, sexual, psychological, and spiritual needs that cannot be met by living alone. At last she has the insight that a balanced personality always develops in a self-other conception, and never through the discovery of an independent self.241 This woman then desires the material, intellectual, emotional, sexual, and spiritual synergy that is co-created with a man who meets her as an opposite and equal (which means opposite feminine and masculine polarities with equal levels of consciousness, rights, and responsibilities). Since she may have never experienced a stage five partnership, she needs guidance from a man (like you?) at the same stage of his anima development, who is able to meet her in an integrally informed way. These couples can then form interdependent242 partnerships in which they heal, learn, grow, and enjoy family and social activities together, while contributing to the well-being of others.243 --------------------------- So where are you guys in your development? Men answer from the ANIMA list and Woman from the ANIMUS list. Its possible to be a mix of many stages and a mix of anima and animus, if so describe your experience.

A Critique Of Actualized.org And Leo Gura The intention of this critique is to make people aware of some of Leo’s limitations. It might save people time and unnecessary suffering. It is not meant to invalidate or insult Actualized.org or Leo. I think Leo is a great teacher in many ways, this is just healthy criticism. Please take it lightly. Since Leo likes to criticize everyone else, I thought why not do it to him this time. It’s worth mentioning that I’ve personally never taken any psychedelics and I don’t consider myself some advanced spiritual person either. Some might consider this critique incomplete - which is fair. I have been watching Leo and other teachers for a long time. Nevertheless, I think it can still be helpful for people to read this. If anything, it can be an exercise in open-mindedness. It’s important to note that I will only be critiquing Leo on his more core and central teaching. So don’t expect much on minutia like his dating advice or politics. Although these thing can be important to some people, and you are free to level your own critiques on him, small or big, below this post, I personally won’t be focusing much on this. So sit back and let’s being… Freedom from understanding This one is a little confusing and long but the most important. Stick with me please. Basically, Leo takes psychedelics and shares his findings on YouTube. Why am I telling you this? I am telling you this because there are things he doesn’t explicitly tell you: What Leo does is pursuit of understanding. It is an endless process. There is no end to it. You can keep on accumulating new experiences and making your understanding better and better. Understanding is a limited process rooted in the ego-mind. So during his psychedelic trip he has an experience of God. We can say he is in a higher state of consciousness. Once it is over, he comes back to his normal state of consciousness. The experience is stored in the form of memory which gets interpreted and communicated by the ego-mind. The memory isn’t reliable because it can’t be stored. Understanding is a limited thing, whereas Truth is unlimited it can’t be bound to such things. So here’s what you need to know: Most people don’t need to do what Leo does. Leo is like a scientist. It’s his profession and passion to have new experiences and create new mental models. This pays his bills. Truth is beyond understanding. Truth is something living, it doesn’t come from a memory of a trip. Understanding (and experience) is only needed to answer a few basic questions, beyond it you don’t need it. Questions like, “Who am I?”, “What is thought?”, “What is the limitation of thought?” Basically to quiet the mind and satisfy your curiosity. To become free from this as well. The point of spirituality is freedom, but people get stuck in this cycle of accumulating experiences and gathering knowledge. They never become free from understanding itself. You have to use your understanding to get free from understanding. Getting more understanding will not change you. Your personality will remain the same. Your habits and patterns will remain the same. Your base level of consciousness will remain the same. You will remain an idiot. (If anything too many fixed ideas you got from your trips might make your ego swell and make it hard for you to look at life afresh.) You might regret wasting this time on understanding. It’s endless. It’s the same as exploring the physical world. You can keep exploring it deeper and deeper and arrive at new conclusions each time. Your time might be better spent on any number of things. It’s important to tell you that it will not get rid of suffering either, in case that’s why you are following Leo. It’s important to tell you this because people have attached unrealistic expectations about this. If you’re an average person with a job and a career, you don’t need to do this. In fact this might not even be spirituality for you, it’s like a weird game of documenting peak experiences. He might say he made this clear to people, but I say he doesn't explicitly tell you this. Most people don't need this and they don't know they don't need it, they are lost and Leo doesn't help them out. Lack of balance Leo likes to talk about balance, but how balanced is his spirituality? How balanced is his self-help? It is overly intellectual (as he himself admits). All he’s trying to do is get peak spiritual experiences. He has completely neglected raising his base level of consciousness. As far as you know he is not doing anything to raise it. He inspires others to do the same. Arrogance, ego and the forum If you had asked me about Leo’s ego a year ago, I would have ignored it as minutia, but now I increasingly feel it is becoming a problem. After an awakening his ego becomes inflated for several weeks. Every time he gets an awakening you can bet it will be like this. You know something other people don’t. So what? What’s the big deal? What’s there to be proud about? You don’t even know it after the trip. I don’t see the point of inflating your ego. Trap of solipsism “But it’s not ego, he’s trying to communicate solipsism. That’s why he says he is the best and the only one awakened.” No, no. If he was he wouldn’t say it like that. It would be a matter of fact statement. Anybody with some awareness can tell that what he is saying coming from ego. He thinks there’s no one he can learn from. There can be no characters in the dream more knowledgeable and aware as him. Yet he continues to be in the dream. He thinks he is the most advanced, not because of solipsism, he actually thinks that. (For anyone that thinks otherwise, you can simply use the search function and look what he said in the past.) (I'm not saying solipsism is not true.) It’s a one way conversation with him. There’s nothing you can say to him that will get through to him. There’s really no point talking to him anymore. It’s a misapplication of solipsism. “He’s just being authentic.” Being authentic doesn’t mean doing whatever comes to your mind. “I feel like murdering someone, so I will murder someone.” That’s not authentic. Again, I think it comes under a trap of solipsism. “The other teachers are not as good” He doesn’t know about other teachers’ methods. Leo doesn’t know about all these things, he has never learned from an actual Yogi, Tantric, or a Buddhist monk from the places these traditions originate from. He has never gone too deep into this. He’s not qualified to talk about it. He doesn’t know about devotion, about chakras, energy, and many other things. It might be because he has an autoimmune disorder which prevents him from exploring other methods fully. That’s why he likes psychedelics so much. They’re quick and easy. “Buddhism will never get you there.” Sadhguru said Buddhism is a long, drawn out process. He said Buddhist masters tell you it will take you 12 life times of sadhana to become enlightened. Buddhism in the east, the actual Buddhism, makes it clear. It doesn’t give you false expectations. "But re-incarnation and all that isn't real." Just like everything else. The walls in your house, your ego-mind, your body, and your psychedelics. How do you know it's not as real as radio waves? "But these teachers are genetic freaks! We can't be like them." So it just didn't occur to these genetic freaks that other people can never advance spiritually like them. These supposedly genetic freaks who are juggernauts of awareness, just didn't realize other people are not like them. It slipped their attention. Obviously if these people are so aware they know what they are doing and what others are capable of. I've seen videos and testimonies of people who go to these people. People's lives have changed for the better. Obviously not all the people who benefit make a YouTube channel and say exactly the same things Leo says. People are private. Being offensive and outrageous I am embarrassed to share that I watch actualized.org with anybody. With post titles like, brains don’t exists and pedophilia is love. I’m sure I’m not the only one. Leo has no regard for how others might perceive his loyal followers when he does things like this. It’s coming from ego. The way he’s going about saying it is dumb. You don’t need to do all this to make your point. It’s unappealing, that’s why people move away from you and he feels they are moving away because they don’t understand his point. “Look at this video of a murder taking place. This is love guys! Look at this! Why are you going away? Surely you’re not as awake as me! I’m the most awakened person on the planet!” Future I think in the future, it is possible, Leo will eventually develop occult powers with the use of psychedelics. And his ego will be even more inflated. It will become even more ugly. This is all a consequence of not neglecting his base level of consciousness. Forum The forum is not a great place. Partly because Leo himself sets the precedence on how to communicate here and he himself breaks his own rules and name calls people. Even when he’s not name calling you directly, that’s what he’s trying to do indirectly. He’s so snarky too. Other than that he’s doing some version of “everything is a dream”, “this is just a figment of your dream.” “It’s the internet” No. They look at Leo’s writing style and get inspired. The quality of the forum is quite low. Some members with mental illnesses should’ve been reached out and told to take care of themselves before posting again. There are posts which are quite low, like “why I hate men/women” or some other thing like that. Some members should’ve been kicked out a long time ago but Leo seemed to have a soft-corner for them. There are people who have shown no progress (or even regression) and have been on the forum for a long time. For e.g, take Nahm’s example. He should’ve been stopped a long time ago. I come on the forum occasionally and even I noticed he was misleading members on the forum whether he meant to do it or not. And I have seen long term members being lost and no one corrects them. This is important ‘cause there have been incidents of suicide and people ending up in mental hospitals among Leo’s audience. It’s not far fetched to call what he does irresponsible. Better self-help teachers In a sense you can’t even call what Leo does self help anymore. Over the years, he has become more interested in sharing his awakening from his trips than actually understanding his audience’s problems and solving them. 90% of the time he’s just describing his awakening and it’s not of much use because you cannot get to that point by just listening to him. Just do the psychedelics in the way Leo say, there’s no point listening to him except for entertainment. I think, there are better more balanced self-help teachers out there. Those who don’t focus on journalling and intellectualizing too much. Intellectualizing is the number one trap today, people just sit and home and try to think through their problems instead of taking action. So that’s why I think it’s a big limitation of Leo. There is Sandeep Maheshwari for example who has a good balance of self-help and spirituality. His content is not in English however. And for what we know Leo is not a very productive person either. His life might be worse than most people’s for what we knew (partially because of his autoimmune disease). I don’t he’s the ideal person to teach a balanced self-help. For e.g. take the difference between Sadhguru and Leo on concentration. Concentration is one of the most important things you need to become successful spiritually and materially. Leo has a video on concentration titled: Concentration vs Meditation - How To Develop Concentration. I’m sure everyone has seen it multiple times so I won’t talk about it. Now look at what Sadhguru says about concentration: he says don’t try to concentrate. Trying to concentrate is torture and you won’t be able to sustain it. Instead be involved in whatever you are doing and focus will naturally come. Not attached, not detached, but involved. Like you are involved while playing a sport. To meditate is to be involved. Involvement brings attention, and attention brings clarity. Personally this had changed my life. Here’s one article by him: https://isha.sadhguru.org/in/en/wisdom/article/key-to-staying-focused I think Sadhguru knows much more about attention, concentration, focus, alertness, and the overall mind than Leo. Other minutia If I were to say something else I would just say that Leo has a slight bias toward the “western” way of life and has wrong assumptions about people from other places. The lifestyle of the “west” isn’t all that great. They End I may edit this post later for spelling and grammatical errors, or if I want to add something to it.

Hi, my name is Alex and I’m from Russia and I need practical help. What I’m going to write next doesn’t come easy to me. I’m currently in Nepal and I find myself in the middle of a very dire situation. To keep things straightforward, I was in Turkey last year before Russian-Ukrainian war started, and I was during serious many-hours-pre day meditation practice, which did a number on my perception of reality, and I remember the day precisely- it was 23 of February - when I watched Leos video about solipsism which he deleted but which popped up without me even searching for it in the way of sound-only youtube video someone else recorded and did put out. I remember walking on a beach in Izmir listening to it and feeling really strange, and then the next day the war started, which was interpreted by me as a confirmation that it is my personal dream, and it made me disconnect from other people because I stopped seeing any point of living a life in my personal dream where such things as this war happen, and I lost the will to survive, because I didn’t see any point in connecting with people which aren’t even real. That’s a big reason why I’m posting this here. I stayed with Leo and did practices suggested by him for the last 3 or 4 years, and I hold him partially responsible for my current situation. If solipsism in my case is actually true as he said in his deleted video and he is just a figment of my imagination, then it’s only fair for me to ask for help here, if on the other hand other people in my reality have inner lives of their own, which I feel right now is actually more probable, then putting up that video was highly irresponsible of him, given that there are quite a few suicidal people on this forum. He must have understood that and removed his video shortly after posting it, but I think it’s really no excuse given past history with people being actively suicidal here, there is no love in telling potentially suicidal people that their nightmarish reality is just a dream and basically pushing them towards suicide, because it removes incentive to connect with other people by perceiving them as unreal and it removes incentive to go on for loved ones because I started, for some time, perceiving them as non-existant, and felt extremely empty, and I’m sure I’m not alone here. So I stayed in Turkey until about 3 months ago, meditating a lot and wanting to achieve liberation from this world, and at very least from the feeling of chronic unease and tension which was with me since my childhood. I didn’t see any point in continuing to live in a dreamworld in which I was feeling this chronic tension. I tried to get some jobs in the summer and earned a little money, but feeling of chronic pointless of surviving and non-ending aversion toward the word I lived in, which was more and more perceived by me as not real prevented me from committing to survival for the good of my loved ones and finding ways to earn money. So about 3 months ago my money was running out and I went to nepal where I though I’ll get some job, but I got a local dengue fever, I was incapacitated and got psychotic and cut my hand with a knife. Then I went to the hospital and they patched me, but I probably some neurological complications and not really able to function right now. My money is running out and I can’t go back to Russia, because they will probably draft me and have me to kill myself because I don’t want to go to their stupid pointless war and kill other people. I’m very tired of I didn’t check the rules but I in large part expect this to be removed, despite that it will be very painful to me because it took me over 3 weeks to find resolve to post this here because I am not used to asking for help. But I leave it up to you now, basically it’s maybe my first and last plea for help. I need some money to survive, and I need about $400 per month to survive here, including food and housing. I’m not used for such money for me to be a problem because I have a decade of experience in system engineering, but I have neurological complications which prevent me from functioning which prevent me from taking a job in the industry right now and it’s what makes difference between living or dying right now. So I’m asking you to put up some fund and help me with some money to survive for next several months until I’ll be able to get back on my feet. I’m not sure I deserve help, but I don’t think I deserve to die either. I don’t really have anyone else to ask, because my parents are my only family which I’m in contact with and they are old and in Russia and don’t have money to support me, and I can’t go back to Russia because they will probably kill me by drafting in the army and sending to my death. Honestly, I want to repeat that I write this here because of the impact of the Solipsim video be Leo, and I think it’s only fair for me to try to get help this way. In any case, it’s really painful and hard for me to write this because it’s hard for me to ask for help, but I’m also doing this action so that god might know my situation and find a way to help me. I can provide required verification via zoom to moderators or other people of my story by telling it in person showing my documents and the recent knife scar. With all the talk about god Leo did over the years, I leave it up to god manifested as you to decide my fate, because I’m apparently helpless right now.

"Still, our Steppenwolf has at least discovered a Faustian duality within himself, has found out that no unified soul inhabits the single entity that is his body and that at best he is just starting out on a long pilgrimage towards such an ideal inner harmony. He would like either to become wholly human by conquering the wolf in himself, or conversely to renounce his human side in order at least to live an integrated, undivided life as a wolf. He has presumably never observed a real wolf closely, otherwise he might have seen that animals too have no such things as unified souls; that the beautiful, taut frames of their bodies house a whole variety of aspirations and states of mind; that wolves suffer too, having dark depths within them. Oh no, human beings are always desperately mistaken and bound to suffer when they try to get 'back to nature'. Harry can never fully become a wolf again, and if he did he would realise that even wolves are not simple and primitive creatures but complex and many-sided. Wolves also have two and more than two souls in their wolves' breasts, and anyone desiring to be a wolf is guilty of the same kind of forgetfulness as the man who sings 'What bliss still to be a child!' The likeable but sentimental chap wih his song about the blissfully happy child would also like to get back to nature, to his innocent origins, but he has totally forgotten that children are by no means blissfully happy. Rather, they are capable of many conflicts, a host of contradictory moods, suffering of all kinds. There is no way back at all, either to the wolf or the child. Things do not begin in innocence and simplicity; all created beings, even the ostensibly simplest, are already guilty, already full of contradictions. Cast into the muddy stream of becoming they can never, never hope to swim back up against the current. The road to innocence, to the state before creation, to God, doesn't run backwards, either to the wolf or the child, but forwards, further and further into guilt, deeper and deeper into the experience of becoming fully human. Nor is suicide, poor Steppenwolf, a serious solution to your problem. You will just have to go down the longer, more onerous, more difficult road to becoming truly human. You will frequently have to multiply your two selves, make your already complex nature a great deal more complicated. Instead of making your world more confined and your soul simpler you are going to have to include more and more world, ultimately the entire world in your soul as it painfully expands, until one day, perhaps, you reach the end and find rest. This, in so far as they succeeded in the venture, is the path taken by Buddha, by all great human beings, some knowingly, others unconsciously. Every birth entails separation from the cosmos, enclosure within limits, isolation from God, painful self-renewal. Returning to the cosmos, overcoming the painful experience of individuation, achieving God-like status: all these entail an expansion of the soul to the point where it is once again able to contain the whole cosmos within itself." Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse

Last month i had this huge realization that we all choose to play a character and we play it. It isn't even chosen we get what is around us from social conditioning and our parents. I became conscious of this but due to that realization I am half of a person now. I feel as though I've dropped my operating system which is hurting me because I can't do anything. And to be honest I don't even know how it happened. I was sitting in meditation and i just focused on the small dots that fade into other dots. I just focused on this everchanging field of view without thinking about anything and then i openned my eyes and all my stories about the world collapsed and now I struggle with normal day to day tasks like explaining an idea to somebody. I was so good at that. This has made me question if I really should countinue on this journey because in 2 years time I have to be living alone by myself and I can't even talk. I WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AT THAT. I've never gotten suicide thoughts but it's pretty often that happens in the last 3 weeks. I haven't meditated in that time thought it could ground me more but holly fuck it's still the same. When I try to sit and contemplate nothing comes to mind absolutely blank.

Honestly I just see that I the depth i had is just gone. It is as if my mind has sealed me off from going deeper leaving me handicapped to day to day life. It is so strange because i see that my survival is switched off completely.I notice myself reading and listening to others allot just because this has worked for me before but now i see that this whole new expirience is really unexplainable to people, everyone is saying to me to just rest I might be depressed or something like that but I know for sure that's not it. The fear comes from "what if i can't solve this?". I am peaceful but I don't learn the same and i also don't do anything in the past month. I wonder if i should do a psychodelic trip. Maybe it could get me into a state of actual understanding how did this happen exactly. The suicide thoughts come from "yeah this is incredibly odd and i have never had anything similiar to it and anything i do doesn't seem to change it, might as well end it because if this countinues(the inability to get deeper into thinking and strategizing, inability to explain things , mainly it's my shit way of contributing to "the dream") I want to contribute but without thought how do you figure out anything? This just leaves me looking at a ticking bomb to which i just want to say yeah might as well let it blow now.

I had posted last month but it just got serious. My mom keeps having health complications, and is getting louder and more teary eyed, not in a good way. In the sense, that she is like- Parents have certain expectations of their children, and if you're going to keep me unhappy by not marrying, then I'll suffer and die, and if i get some health complication, I will not get myself treated and just die. Basically, threatening suicide in a non conventional sense. She's unwilling to listen to any other point of view. I'm 27 M. I get the feeling she's trying to control my life. And complains that I don't listen to her. While she herself is unwilling to listen to me. I'm trying to take responsibility here. Will moving out further sour our relationship? I also feel like she doesn't even acknowledge my stance on my own life. And keeps comparing me to what people normally do. I feel like she held me responsible for the emotionally torturious life she'll lead if i don't marry. It's crazy how some people try to control others as their own puppets. Like they don't even acknowledge, forget respecting the independence of another life. Any suggestions?

Why would you want suicide ?

@julienw It was too dangerous, and too redundant. Also happened soon after a user here committed suicide using spiritual justifications, so that and most people misunderstanding and misinterpreting his video led to it getting taken down.

I think it has to with how our mind is wired. There are a lot of deep things that would make me happier then short term pleasure but my mind is addicted to that shit. And it’s just scary to renounce all earthy things. It’s like commiting suicide.

@Pudgey Okay so lets say I throw away good/evil. Why would my friend's mom have woken up with her religious document that she placed under her pillow, I think a prayer card, torn to shreds? Makes no sense. Or maybe it could have been any document and it would have been torn to shreds? Just weird. Why do exorcisms work? Exorcisms should absolutely not work if religion is bullshit. I haven't taken enough substances or high enough doses to experience those spirit realms in that way. I guess I see another thing. Like, without the potential of turning into a ghost or going to hell, suicide is so much more enticing to the suicidal person. I guess I see religion as a strong barrier to suicide and a strong promoter of love (if one uses it that way). I guess I just want to know why everyone is so keen on rejecting the exploration of religious ideas. Like why is it that we can explore say what a potato tastes like but exploring religious ideas is just absolutely off the table? Like there is something weird about that too. I guess I don't get why preternatural stuff plays games with us. Why is that? Is it just bored or what? What's its purpose? I guess I have had DMT but it was such a small amount. I saw geometric shapes and it was all 3D. I didn't see any entities.

Also, in the non-dual paradigm, if one dies, they may think that their live is over and that is it. In the Jesus paradigm, when one dies, they could become a ghost or go on to Heaven/Hell. I think the Jesus paradigm makes it harder for one to commit suicide because of the ghost/Hell possibility whereas if one thinks it will just be over, they may be more likely to do it. One may be more attuned to being loving in the Jesus paradigm, with the awareness of evil existing and therefore a better eye to tell the difference between love and evil. In the non-dual paradigm, all distinctions are kinda randomly made based on whatever you want and what is relative to you and one may have a problem with being as loving (or having that as a priority) but could still do it (because there could be so many things to choose from to prioritize). Both paradigms may be open to vast curiosity and exploration but the Jesus one may focus more heavily on love whereas the non-dual one may focus more heavily on imagination.

Interesting story from a guy, called Cornelius Christopher who was suicidal and eventually became awakened instead. He experienced a phenomenon physicists call a quantum superposition meaning two or more conflicted states / alternative realities existing at the exact same time and in the same space. There he observed his suicide from the past, present, and future, including the now moment. He discovered that there is no such thing as death as we know it when we physically die; only consciousness exists before it collapses into one of those realities. In his autobiography, Cornelius describes he had received many extraordinary gifts, including pure consciousness where he has no inner voice, chatter and no ego. he experiences pure silence all the time with no self-doubt and or ability to judge.

Hello everyone in the actualized.org community I want to talk about the events that is happening right now in my country in Iran and be the voice of my people and bring about some awareness on this issue to the world and this actualized.org community for this could help my country and my people maybe I don't know but I just have to do it These days in Iran the government is killing it's people very brutally and doesn't eve bother to take the responsibility of killing even one person and everyone that they kill they would create a bullshit backup story about them committing suicide or some other bullshit to clean their hands and it's funny that some idiots in the same country believe these bullshit stories from the government they are basically slaves of the dictator government and believe whatever the government is telling them Although these slave believers are less than the protestors and the young generation of people who are being killed for protesting against the government but still there are some of them still in Iran who believe blindly whatever the dictator government is feeding their stupid minds and some of them also participate in killing the protestors for the government Our people are protesting for their basic rights as human beings for choosing what to wear themselves not the government telling them what they should be wearing and making a law out of it and even having a morality police to demand the women to wear as they say they should I mean this is preposterous in the 21st century and in this world that we're living today for this idiot religious dictators to tell everybody to do as they say they should do and if not then kill them I mean it's absolutely ridiculous we were living under this absurd religious since we were born but they're now killing everybody who opposes them and this can't go on like this I'm not even mentioning the big big economical problems that Iran is facing with the crazy inflation rate that's making living in this country so fucking difficult for all of our people I hope this brings about some awareness to the world I really hope I can be of some help even if it's very very little to my people Thank you for your time Peace✌?❤️

This is a followup to this thread: I don't think I can hold on any longer. Living is painful. No therapist has been able to ''show me the light'', in fact they do not know what to say. No one does. It's to the point where the PSSD (Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction) community believes it is epigenetic changes and there is basically nothing to do really except temporary symptomatic relief. This situation is too painful to my mind. The combination of this, on top of HPPD and the mental damage caused by my experience with Depersonalization is far from being anywhere close to anything worth living (at least from my POV now). It's like I've been holding on & trying to avoid falling off the cliff but I'm running out of energy. What if I let go? (I'm not talking about suicide) I mean just accept this miserable situation. What would happen? Would it be healthy at all? (Keep in mind, the torture of being this way is not to be underestimated but I do understand there are people experiencing similar or worse situations right now). I've been trying to troubleshoot but it just seems like there is no substance that would trigger the demethylation / neurogenesis / repair etc. that I would need to be ''normal'' like most people.

Beautiful list But every time I read God-Realization epiphanies like that, I think of rape, torture, mental dispair, suicide, dying a long and painful death, etc. These things should be part of absolute goodness too. If so, is it impossible to get god-realized, if you have an aversion to these painful things?

This is a concerning and complicated issue. There are several factors which indirectly link to gun violence. One important factor is brain damage. Some people want to shoot up a school because of this. When their brain damage is healed, they lose the desire to shoot dozens of children. Brain damage can be caused by the food we eat. A lot of the foods we eat do not the EPA and FDA safety guidelines because there is too much money on the line for massive food and water corporations and they can get away with it. Baby food can cause brain damage when linked with arsenic and lead. To make matters worse, the safety guidelines are severely outdated because there are carcinogens in Europe that are outlawed, but still legal I America. America is giving its citizens brain damage out of corporate greed and poor science in heavy metals. Maybe depression is a factor. When people feel they have nothing to live for they usually kill themselves, but sometimes they externalize these suicidal tendencies and take it out on others. Helping people to find meaning in their lives might prevent them from doing these horrible things. Of course there are many other factors in depression, but psychedelics are useful in curing depression. A lot fewer people would act in these ways if they were more loving and compassionate. Maybe psychedelics are so life transforming that it could prevent someone from becoming a school shooter. Another suggestion I have is online courses. Although not everybody has to take online courses, it can reduce the classroom sizes and disperse the target. The reason people attack schools is because there are a lot of people. If some students are better learners online rather than in a classroom because of abnormal social behaviors for instance, then fewer people would die in school shootings. Likewise, increasing the quantity of public schools would help classrooms to be less crowded. Instead of having 30 kids, they could have 20 or 10 kids. This would make evacuation during any emergency more efficient and fewer kids would die. Economic inequity often makes people give up on life. It could be student loans, stagnating wages, expensive medical care, unable to afford a house, a miserable dead end job, and many other factors. A lot of limiting beliefs come from money and a lot of society's problems could be solved through the combination of education and equalizing income and creating material abundance. Raising the age for owning firearms has been discussed recently. Background checks for people under 21 are important because their brains are less developed and it might make them more impulsive to the point of committing suicide or worse be a mass shooter. Alcoholism and other drug addictions can cause brain damage. Treating drug addicts rather than punishing then can solve a lot of behavioral problems. Most of the people who shoot up schools are crazy people with brain damage. If so many Americans are drug addicts, then no wonder they act insane. Maybe the ibogaine treatment can help alcohol and heroin addicts. Psychedelics also have anti addictive properties and legalizing them could help make the drugs less profitable for drug trafficking. For example, marijuana is smuggled across the border because it is easy to grow in Mexico and drug traffickers become less optimistic about their actions when it is legalized in America, giving doctors more control over the drug. It could work for other drugs as well. This also solves the issue of border security by the way. I'm sure there are many other solutions to gun violence other than these suggestions, but this is a few of them. By the way, there is a lot of talk about banning ar-15s. This could make the issue worse because there are less popular guns which are actually more powerful. If these guns become more popular than more people would die, not to mention how many guns are purchased illegally.

Hey, Leo. My name is Simen. I am a 26-year-old man from Norway. I've been watching your videos for a few years now. I want to tell you that I don't want to live in this reality anymore. I quickly want to point out that I am aware of the things you say to justify why suicide is pointless. I have to speak from where I come from, though, and stay true to how I view things (my thoughts and feelings). As you say: 'me' sending this message to you is pointless because it will be as though I am sending this message to myself. I am not at your level, nor can I agree to this, in all honesty. I just take you for your word a lot of times. (I have become somewhat conscious as I did try Psilocybin this summer) I struggle a lot with romantic love, to the point where I can't care about anything else. I can't care about getting a job anymore. I can't care about socializing, even though that is probably the solution. I am not unattractive by any means. There's been plenty of women attracted to me at work and through life, and I have felt many times that I could go up to multiple women, talk to them, and have a genuinely high chance for something positive. But my desire for how I want reality to work has grown too strong at this point. To the point that I'm coming up with excuses even if I am certain I have a good chance, with a woman. I am also bothered a lot about looks and beauty. Whenever I go out, there isn't 1 time I am 'not' bothered by other people's looks. Men especially. It's horrible to go through life this way. I cry a lot these days, mostly because of certain cases in that I've screwed up love with another girl(s), and things that didn't work out, but most of all, it's because of how I want it to be. Why can't everybody be attracted to everyone? Why didn't I incarnate myself half-conscious into this life? Wouldn't that be a better existence? These are just a couple questions I guess I just want to ask someone I feel has the answers. But this message isn't for that matter. You have thought me a lot, and I guess I am just grateful for it. I guess, in return, I want to say 'thank you' for being there for me through hard times. Now, please hear me out here. I really want to make you happy. You've said that the hardest thing you've had to accept has been that you are all alone. You also say that I, don't really care about you. Man.. don't be like that. To me, that isn't true. In this dream, you've helped a lot of people. And this too: When you pass away and incarnate into something else at a later point, as god, won't it be as though that doesn't matter, that your new parents are imaginary? Because you won't be as conscious to recognize that, then. I won't attempt anything just jet as I am complied to make some specific things right, first, for me. But I am not passionate enough to do the work that you always tell me to do. I just am not motivated to do anything in this life anymore, no matter what anyone says can change my mind. I don't want to change anymore, and the last think I will do is to get help.

I think you shouldn't commit suicide, you have to keep trying. But having said that, I think that not committing suicide in case this has consequences in reincarnations, is a meaningless story. If you kill yourself, it's because you were here to kill yourself. but since we are here, let's accept the challenge. the challenge is to be present and absolutely happy in a hospital with terminal cancer, in a nursing home, in a Nazi death camp. Let's try to play the game, it is exciting and it is possible to finish it successfully, and if it doesn't happen, we are trying. Suicide is cowardly. you have to keep playing. But if you're not going to play and you're going to be complaining, it seems better to opt for suicide

"One of the myths of Jonestown was that it was a mass suicide, whereas, in fact, it was a mass murder."

Yes. Before you drink water, you think. It's interfaced with basically all your actions. The quality and efficiency of a lot of your actions are linked to how you think. Someone who thinks that suicide bombing is gonna send him into heaven is gonna go do that. Thinking is serious stuff.

Contemplating death and suicide with curiosity can actually be incredibly life transforming/affirming... Pros could be: You would then know what it was like to experience death (though you are also able to have this experience while alive, so killing yourself is unnecessary) The past would be gone, there would be no need to worry about the future, you would be elevated of all caring, for there would be no you to care. Your family, friends, all ideas of the world, ideas of Karma or Jesus, who you are, all attachments... gone. Taking off the identity (ego) you are manufacturing/maintaining. You can reach/practice this state while "alive" (if you so choose to lable yourself as such) so again suicide is unnessesary.... (Death)..." slices through every lie, ridicules every belief, mocks every vanity and reduces ego to absurdity. He is sitting with you right now. If you want to know something, ask him. Death doesn't lie." -Jed McKenna Also maybe you aren't afraid of dying, but are terrified to actually LIVE. Life works in mysterious ways, you never know what's going to happen, who you'll meet, what serendipity will come your way... The curiosity keeps me here. "Good", "bad" whatever you want to lable this moment, and even though it may be absolutely meaningless... holy cow, it's a fucking miracle. Great entertainment for conciousness. Sending you all the love and the biggest hug. Take care

@Jake Chambers Hey I was just reflecting on your question and personally, I think that people can actually become attached and addicted to fame and the feelings fame evokes in them once they experience it. I think we could also consider that perhaps Kanye was a totally different person before he acquired his fame. He could've behaved much differently then. He could've been the sweetest, most humble, quiet, & selfless guy you'd ever meet and it was the fame itself that messed him up and altered his behavior and his attitude. Fame does change a person. And I think it can quite drastically. So to answer your question, his narcissistic personality traits could be inherited, I don't know his personal genetic background, but they could also be developed and learned. And achieving fame is one of the easiest and fastest ways to mold & shape a personality into one which is more egocentric, superficial, & vain. (It's like a trap and it can become very miserable and crippling for some celebrities/artists who are more spiritually/emotionally aware and in tune, who are wanting more in life than to have eyes all over them.) Once a person receives such extreme levels of admiration and attention, this can act like a drug, and some can actually become addicted which can heighten their greed and also paradoxically, increase their lack of satisfaction & true sense of fulfillment in life. This is why we see fame driving many individuals to sickness, and to disturbing degrees of self-destruction, including suicide. This proves that not even living like kings & queens or honorary heroes/idols can ensure happiness, positive well-being, and sense of fulfillment & life satisfaction.

I need to get some thoughts and feelings off my chest. Recently I've been regularly having suicidal thoughts. They are not serious and I'm not planning anything but I'm just so tired. Why does everything have to be so difficult? By that I mean, I feel like my mind is constantly working to my detriment. I'm so fucking done with this shit. Sometimes I really see no way out. Today during a walk I sat on a bench and the moment I became a bit more conscious and looked at my thoughts and emotional state I just cried. "How can I be doing this to myself...?" You might notice that I cry pretty often. Yes, that is the case. Sometimes I cry from sadness, from powerlessness, from overwhelm. Other times I cry tears of joy and love. I'm pretty emotional. I feel like a rollercoaster, I can't find stability. Emotions are one of my favourite things in life but too often I just can't deal with them well. I mean I'm blocking myself from feeling so often. This especially happens when I'm at my lowest, like right now. Two weeks ago I realized Aloneness, Love for the first time. I also engaged in a dialogue with God. Two weeks later - I managed to almost completely numb myself and kill this voice inside me. By this I mean that I cut myself off - God is of course still there, probably waiting with pure love and acceptance. But I'm too afraid to leave the dark. SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS NORMAL. For fucks sake. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE AREN'T INTERESTED IN THIS SHIT! Fucking good for them! Their minds are doing a great job of protecting them and they seem to be cooperating unlike me and myself! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This God damn awakening bullshit. FUCK! I hate that everything has to be so difficult. I fucking HATE IT! I can't change for shit! Can't motivate myself to work hard, can't motivate myself to catch up on studying which I've neglected, can't muster up the strength to quit my numbing and destructive habits. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this. I hate this. I hate this! Why, God? You fucking asshole... Maybe You can accept anything, but I can't. Dialogue with God my ass. Deluded idiot. That's exactly what I do. It's freeing to know that I do have the choice to commit suicide if I want. There is always an escape hatch. Of course it's gonna take much before I use it but like... ultimately nothing matters. I can do whatever I want. God (AKA me) will completely understand. Today I thought about it and when a person feels completely powerless and broken, the decision to commit suicide is actually an act of courage, a regaining of the power. Not that I'm that person but still. It takes true courage to kill yourself, really. It's almost admirable. Note: don't take my ramblings about suicide seriously. And don't do it. Even though there's nothing wrong with it, it's still not the right choice. Ehh. Really tho, don't take this seriously. I'm still gonna post it cuz I wanna vent but like REALLY. Don't kill yourself. Another thing I've been thinking about recently: you know what's scarier than the thought of death? The thought of living for infinity. And the horrors you'll gonna go through. To me that's scarier. I feel like it's my duty to accept that. It's part of my spiritual journey. Being willing to live through anything... man. I salute to those who are. Ehhhhh. There is much sadness and anger in me. And I feel like I'm at my lowest. I smile at the idea of a better tomorrow. I think of all the people that sigh with tiredness but still work towards that thing they want or look forward towards that brighter future. Humans with their visions, aspirations and desires. It's inspiring and pitiful at the same time. Little finite children. Goes without saying that I too am this little foolish child. ... Well. I hope better things are on their way.

i mean honestly I dont blame you man, we play these games and to what end, you make up the rules but the apparent ego is powerless, and then we are supposed to enjoy it, i mean dont get me wrong there is a beautiful balance to life, but doesnt mean i have to/like/love all the terrible shit and the only way out is a psychedelic? or meditating for a bagillion hours? or a horrificly painful suicide, seems like im a shit designer.