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Here I will be referring to Nibbana (or Nirvana in Sanskrit) mainly in two different capacities. The first will be satisfaction or happiness and the second will be referring to the cessation of perception, feeling, and experience sometimes called phala, fruition, cessation, or within the certain context of progressively reducing fabrication by going through the four formed and four formless jhanas in order to reach cessation which is called nirodha samapatti. The Easy & Predictable Nibbana The easy and predictable Nibbana is that of satisfaction. Satisfaction is a word which is commonly used as a translation of the Pali word sukha. Other translations of sukha come up with things like happiness or things which otherwise contribute to a feeling of general well-being and comfort. In many respects, the core of the Buddha’s teachings come down to dukkha and dukkha nirodha (the cessation of dissatisfaction/suffering) or in other words dukkha and sukha. Nibbana in this sense is as simple as becoming a master at bringing yourself to a state of satisfaction quickly and easily regardless of external circumstances. This type of Nibbana does not require gigantic blissful experiences and complex spiritual understanding, although these things don’t necessarily hurt. Being able to develop the skill of maintaining sati, or mindfulness, of the in and out breath which is called Ānāpānasati and described in the Ānāpānasati Sutta is the most straightforward path to developing this type of Nibbana. The whole of the Dhamma (or Dharma in Sanskrit) can be found in Ānāpānasati when it is practiced consistently enough and as insight into the nature of phenomena and reality is uncovered through this, but there are better meditation techniques for raw insight itself. Ānāpānasati is special because it uses an object of attention, or focus object, for the meditation which is a wholesome object that is accessible in almost all states. When attention goes to wholesome objects such as the breath or thoughts of comfort, safety, and other positive aspects of experience, satisfaction naturally rises. Eventually, this satisfaction and other factors of jhana become the objects of investigation and can be directly raised in a rather controllable way, but the main part of the practice is to develop one’s ability to give themselves a completely satisfying present moment experience. Building this ability is much like building a muscle. Consistent practice leads to increased ease when handling what used to be dissatisfactory in a way that can now be satisfactory. Intentionally slowing the breath to become long and easy in and out breaths slows heart rate and naturally reduces cortisol and adrenaline which contribute to anxious feelings and feelings of unease. Once you become better and better at creating satisfaction and breathing naturally rather than automatically, resistance to reality and the external world is heavily reduced. Previously challenging circumstances become easier and easier to quickly turn into a satisfying present moment experience. With this type of Nibbana, there is no moment of transformation in which you are “permanently enlightened.” Every moment is a new moment to either wake up to satisfaction or stay asleep in dissatisfaction. This practice is as simple as remembering to keep attention on the breath and satisfying and wholesome aspects of experience. An “end point” with this practice would look like having your brain rewired through consistent enough practice that satisfaction is almost always the case on its own and it can be immediately created, or rather found or remembered, in any cases where it might slip up for a moment. The Hard & Unpredictable Nibbana This is the type of spiritual awakening that most modern and western spirituality is often focused around when it comes to Buddhism. An important thing to mention is that many people chase this type of awakening for the purpose of transcending suffering which is something the easy and predictable path to the type of Nibbana mentioned above is quite good at. This second type of awakening and Nibbana is thought by some, such as Daniel Ingram, the author of Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha, to occur at the first attainment of cessation or fruition and in subsequent cessations which often happen spontaneously during spiritual practice/daily life or intentionally through going through jhanas 1-8 resulting in a cessation which is called nirodha samapatti. This link to part of MCTB describes cessation and fruition: https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/15-fruition/ This link to part of MCTB describes nirodha samapatti: https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-v-awakening/37-models-of-the-stages-of-awakening/the-cessation-of-perception-and-feeling-nirodha-samapatti/ It’s important to note that cessation is the exact same from an epistemic perspective in both fruition and nirodha samapatti. It’s all simply a complete “gap” in experience, and nirodha samapatti does not on its own unveil any new insights which a close examination of a fruition can’t unveil. It is simply a hard attainment to reach and exciting for that fact alone and also a predictable way of reaching this second type of Nibbana. Reaching this second type of Nibbana, no matter how you get there or if it is fruition or nirodha samapatti, usually takes people years of spiritual practice. It does have quite profound effects and can contribute to a lot of insight which allows one to relate to previously dissatisfactory sensations in a less adversarial light. I call this the unpredictable Nibbana because it is completely unknown when you’ll first reach fruition. The first fruition appears to just pop up at completely different amounts of practice and types of practice for different people. Vipassana meditation techniques are quite effective at getting people to this stage, but many spiritual practices and meditation techniques done enough will lead to fruition or cessation. This type of Nibbana is rather complete, in a sense, because cessation is freedom from absolutely everything experiential. There are no samskaras, hindrances, selves, others, somethingness, or nothingness. There is no consciousness or awareness at all in cessation for any of those things in the previous sentence to appear in. There is no vantage point from which to even discuss nothingness or emptiness. There is no existence “in” this non-state. There’s quite literally nothing to it. This is precisely why this attainment is so transformative. It is the eradication of any possible sense of self while one is “in” cessation. It also shows impermanence by showing one what it truly would be like if existence disappeared and reappeared right before your eyes (your eyes are also part of what disappears and reappears, of course) giving the potential for a great deal of insight into what might have been before the conscious experience of being a human being and what might come afterward. There still feels to be some permanence to the human self structure and experience the way it is now before you see it all get eradicated by cessation. This also gives some insight into the nature of dukkha by showing just how much less suffering no existence or experience at all is compared to even the most rapturous and amazing existence or experience. Reaching cessation a number of times eventually unfolds a process which reveals new ways of perceiving the world. Eventually, the field of perception through all six sense doors gets fused into one sense door, emptiness can be directly grasped in all circumstances, the luminosity of all phenomena is unveiled, the impressions of concepts of things such as a physical body or gravity lose their power over perception, and the sense of self dissolves from an individual human being into the entire field of sensations which may be present at any given moment among many other things. All of these fancy things are helpful to the easy and predictable path to the first type of Nibbana in so much as they just provide more easily noticeable pleasant facets of reality to pay attention to and reduce the patterns of sensations which give experience the feeling of being only a human being with the rest of the world as an external entity which is in some way or another a dissatisfactory enemy to that imaginary self/soul. What should I do with any of this? This is ultimately up to you, of course, but I will say that both of these “types” of Nibbana contribute to the ability to live without the five hindrances and the ten fetters. Although I’m not by any means at the end of the road in regard to hindrances and fetters, it is very clearly noticeable how these two types of Nibbana contribute to one getting closer to that goal which one might call a third type of Nibbana which would be the moment-to-moment experience of an Arahant or in other words the moment-to-moment experience of one who lives without hindrances and fetters. The second type takes a lot of spiritual development to reach, but the first type only requires a consistent training of the mind to focus attention on wholesome objects and notice them with better efficiency. Both of these are very helpful to living a life with less dissatisfaction and more satisfaction. Most people chase the second type because they really just want the ability to feel more satisfied with life more of the time, and they think attaining cessation is the only way to do that. Even worse, people think attaining some experiential “heightened” state of consciousness is the only way to do that. Dissatisfaction can be turned into satisfaction in a much simpler way which is touched upon some in the first half of this post. Become mindful of the breath and the satisfactory parts of your experience by sustaining attention on them right here, right now, and your dissatisfaction will be lessened. Do that a lot in increasingly skillful ways, and you can make lemonade out of any lemons life has provided you.

December 18th 2021 LSD Trip 003 Beforehand I familiarized myself with several of Leo's teachings. Probably more than I name here: What is Consciousness? What is Actuality? What is Perception? What is Intelligence? What is Will? What Love? What is Death? Understanding Bias Guided exercise for realizing you are God? What is Fear? What is Reality? Integrating the lessons from building your existential vocabulary. Plus I have watched most of Leo's videos at least once. So I supposedly plugged around 75-80mcg And then supposedly took around 20mcg sublingually. (In total, only about 100mcg entered my body max.) So, if, theoretically, plugged doubles the dose, then I'm not at 75-100mcg But more like 150-200mcg >I totally forgot to set an classical focused intention. An intention such as: Contemplating what is consciousness. I just intuitively wanted to connect all my knowledge and go for ego death. I also wanted to see how far I could go into enlightenment work on just LSD, before pulling out the big guns of 5meo. In my mind, I figured that just a "simple ego death" was holding me back, and in theory that made sense, but what I am coming to learn is that the LEVEL of ego death required was more than just a simple fear wipe of questioning things like death. I really believe, there are different degrees of ego death. It's a spectrum. This also helps with understanding the idea of the degrees of awakening. Just what we call "ego death" or what we call "awakening" are just benchmarks into how deep your ego death/awakening is. >The intention I did have was a recipe for a rough trip, because in my mind I knew I was going to rub up against fear, so it was just a self fulfilling prophecy. >It came on so fast, so much faster than I was ready for. It freaked me out. Plus, I totally forgot what dose range I was in if plugging indeed doubled it. So I was thrown into a world of fear right away. It was super unepic. If I wasn't under the intention of consciousness work, then this hell I was about to enter would be demonized. But rather I later used my fear to understand what was going on as much as I could stomach. >At about 10 minutes in I already started to feel the effects kicking in. Visuals at 20 minutes Things are already moving at 24min All my plans are gone Like I forgot to set an intention. Growth happens a lot faster than you anticipate it. >The LSD came on so fast and so hard that it was mega anxiety inducing, like I felt I needed to explode! I NEEDED to die (ego death). That would be my only mercy. Which makes me ask exactly What an ego death is. Because I can cry and let go into the fear, and then the fear would be gone, but I know I could let go of my notion of physical perceived reality itself, and I would call that an even deeper ego death, a more true ego death I would say, where you actually let go of the notion that your body exists to begin with. >All the insights were interconnecting so much faster than I could stomach and handle. Like holy fuck this work is becoming REAL. >At one point while being super scared on the rough come-up, I think, for a brief moment, I became conscious of how I was imagining my skull. Later this fed deeper into my understanding in which how reality is held together with emotional glue. Your attachment is deeply intertwined with "physical" reality itself, which is WHY it's so goddamn terrifying to wipe away all these illusions and hallucinations that you as God has created for yourself. >A psychedelic, fundamentally, wipes away your imaginations holding reality together. Courage is walking while your feet are on fire. >When I wrote this I was mega scared, shit was fucked as fuck. I was walking into other rooms, changing my clothes, listening to different music, walking outside, walking inside, trying to change the environment, I was spiraling down more and more. I quickly learned that this was a loosing battle, and I had either the choice suffer, or go straight towards what I was fearing and kill my ego. My ONLY comfort was listening to Leo with his video: Guided Exercise for Realizing You are God. Trying desperately to ground myself by looking at my hand. Needless to say I may have taken too much. It was intense getting acclimatized to the new body load/higher vibration/whatever. LSD spirals you into the story you tell yourself. >Eventually I reached a point and I said, "I GIVE UP! I LET IT GO I LET IT GO, I LET IT GO! I LET IT ALL GO! >Then that eventually turned into crying and that was the BEST thing that happened on the trip. It felt AMAZING! Hooting and hollering, sitting on my kitchen floor. WAAAH! WAAAH! I wanted to cry louder but I was worried that the neighbours would hear and come and knock on my door. >My trip completely turned inside out from fear to bliss and calm. It was silent. I'm crying and crying I feels so good to cry At this point after the good cry, it was 2 hours and 30 minutes >I had my fear wiped away at this point. So it was easier to contemplate the tougher topics. I'm ready. What is death? I want to be able to look at my hand and then look at an object and not be able to tell the difference. >#Goals. Fear is the difference between what "should" be and what IS. Your stories, your attachments to what reality should be And what is. What is, is. I told a story to myself that the trip SHOULD come up X Fast, then it came faster, then I got scared. >The comeup was waaayyy too fast, super unexpected. Fear is feeling more of yourself. >You're just uncomfortable with feeling the parts of yourself that you fear. I was experiencing fear Then eventually I just let it all go because it drove me to tears, the pain. Then I was great. Then I'm coming down, and fear is setting in again. >I feel like I shed the fear that the ego created for me, and then the ego was clamping back down on me with more fear. The ego is encapsulated in a nest of fears to put it in a context. >Fears is what locks you into your paradigm. Death is the breaking apart of imagined boundaries. And there are emotions keeping them in place. Emotions are what reinforce the boundaries of reality. >I now see the role emotional mastery plays in awakening work. I need to read the book: Becoming Infinite. I'm thinking about how I need to shake loose the boundary between my emotions going in and out of death. In and out of the emotionally gated imagined boundaries. Like coming back down to earth so we speak, coming back down to earth is a process of fear. I think this is what can be described as the ego "clamping down" on you. That "clamping" mechanism is fears sneaking their way back into reality. And it's to FEEL deeply into the fear to get out of that clamping process. When talking about manifestation, manifesting a new reality, you must first lose your mind enough in order to consider the new possibility for a new reality to be created, then once that mind is open enough then you can actually make that the case. I'm starting to understand how rough it is to awaken. Consciousness work is some real manly shit. I would argue that it is more important to pay attention to the come up and the come down then the actual trip itself. Because it is in between you and the trip is where you want feel that very deeply to merge it with your actual reality. And in that merge is full of fear, is full of discomfort, is uncomfortable, makes you feel Fully Alive, makes you feel going insane, makes you scared, makes you psychotic. I understand why Leo says plugging is better with the slower come-up because you are able to understand what is happening to you. How to Merge with Enlightenment. Pay attention to that nothingness. Patiently keep yourself there as long as you can. Merge with it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am imagining a reality I have to figure out in order to manipulate. Like I am imagining the boundaries between me and greater knowledge. I'm imagining a "physical" world that I have to "do science" in. I understand the idea of a spiritual emergency. You need to take it to the end for that release. I understand how you can scare yourself off of psychedelics for awhile, when to deconstruct too much, too fast for you to handle. Too fast for you to accept and come to terms with. Learning to draw is LITERALLY learning how to create illusion. Selling something of "value" is LITERALLY selling an illusion. Simply because everything in reality is illusory! Psychedelics just shake boundaries loose, and creates new connections. What is an ego death? What is a "ego death"? What's the difference between letting go of the fear of death, and dying? What's the difference between letting go of the fear of death, and letting go of the idea that your body exists? "Ego death" appears to be a spectrum. Like there are many facets of reality that you can deconstruct that will also kill parts of your perceived self. I have created an understanding between Fear and Funny Fear is merging with an idea that you're close minded with. Merging your consciousness with a unpleasant idea. You cry when you merge with it. Funny its merging with an idea that you're open minded with. Merging your consciousness with a pleasant idea. You laugh when you merge with it. They're both just emotions to express the difference between merging with parts of yourself. >I'm starting to understand the possibility of being able to look at reality as imagination manifested as "matter". I had a serious curiosity to ask about death to the people around me, and I wanted to feel it deeply. And when I did, I cried and then felt love. I MERGED with it. 12 hours in, still tripping, still having visuals. >I think for me, LSD lasts at least 16+ hours, no matter the ROA. I am really understanding the value of curiosity in this work. If you're not willing to experience fear, you have no fucking chance of getting enlightened. Post Trip I woke up and I am stepping into a new sensitive energy body of myself. I feel like I've expanded a part of my consciousness into new areas that I was previously too scared to entertain. My mind is open enough to much more comfortably visualize the pain and suffering that goes around physical death or loss of self. Like, for example, I can more comfortably imagine my dog's jaw being ripped off, and explore the feeling of the pain of loss, investigate my attachment to my dogs being okay. Or imagining what it would mean if I lost my left leg. Investigating that idea and the feelings and attachments that come with it. I can imagine what it would feel like to live with loosing the fingers from my hand. I have a deeper understanding with the correlation with death and merging with infinite love. I learned if I am having a bad trip, I just need to lean into the fear and go for an ego death, then the fear gets wiped away. I'm learning that my notions of ego is much more deeply interwoven with "physical" reality than I previously understood. To Do Study books on 5MeO. Questions How do you define ego death? How do you define ego? Thanks for reading!

Just feeling whatever is there, and not expecting any love. I have found that if there is no love in the heart, it is either numbed and one feels nothing at all - and in this case it's important to feel that nothingness, that lack of energy, for it is an internalized feeling of lack, mostly through early trauma. Allowing this nothingness to be there reveals what is thought to be missing. But it takes time. The other possibility is that you feel pain in the heart. When you feel into it, it might turn into emptiness, or feeling into the emptiness can turn into feeling pain. It's like layers of feelings we deny ourselves to feel. Like an onion, allow these layers to fall off, just by feeling into the heart. In general, patience and the willingness to feel and to allow pain and fear is the key. And not expecting anything. Love is so easy when it feels safe. But mostly it feels abandoned or threatened and we need to deal with these shadows first. And one very powerful practice to open your heart to love is this one (has done soo much for me). Practice this every day and your heart will open quickly, guaranteed. And it will heal:

LOVE is not afraid of anything. Nothingness, everything, all possibilities which are infinite (Godel's Incompleteness Theorem:) are welcome. "Everything you can imagine it's true" - Pablo Picasso

I never had the chance to take Changa, but I did several Aya and San Pedro trips In Ecuador. They are not even close to being the same. I was lucky to find a Shaman that had over twenty years experience with both plants and he new exactly how potent his liquids were. Not all Aya and San Pedro solutions have the same potencies. Aya, which has DMT, will take you beyond the 3D reality into gradations of consciousness and awareness that can take you into multidimensional realities of Beingness all the way to the awareness of Nothingness, or what some people call the Void, Absolute God, Absolute Love etc. It will all depend on how advanced you are with your own beliefs, thoughts and emotions. What I mean by that, I believe the trip into expanded consciousness and awareness is depended on how your Ego interprets the expanded consciousness when you return to your base level. Your Ego can only digest and assimilate a micro segment of consciousness without damaging the stability of this reality that you are focused on, or in. That interpretation is strongly influence on the thoughts, ideas, images, beliefs, intentions, and emotions that you are attached to, which help you navigate in this limited 3D reality. That is why no two experiences are, or will ever be the same from our limited level of consciousness! As for San Pedro, it does not contain DMT, not that I am aware of. The Shamans in Ecuador believe that San Pedro is a Grandfather Plant that, when consumed is a heart opening medicine. During one of my experiences, I try to take as much San Pedro as I could, but was unable to release my physical image of self into the layers that DMT can go. What I experienced was an expansion of Compassion, Love, Harmony with all living Beings, including my "Self"! What I mean by Living Beings is/are Beings of consciousness which includes plants, animals, insects, rocks, water etc. and even our beloved Grandmother Earth’s consciousness. If you really want to take a trip, go into a sweat lodge with two Shamans that are masters with both teacher plants for several hours. During this experience you take both Aya and San Pedro at different stages, consuming both substance several times. I experienced being in multiple dimensional states simultaneously. My consciousness and awareness was floating freely wherever I focused my attention or intention. When I emerged from the sweat lodge, I was able to merge with the Shamans mind. We both communicated above language and words for several minutes. The heartfelt connection with all forms of consciousness was unbelievable. I was finally free to merge with everyone in the group and remain somewhat physically grounded in this reality. It is not an experience I have ever been able to duplicate since, but I do have short moments in the waking dream that touch it. Which brings me to the point I made above, not everyone has the same experience. There was only 2 or 3 of us, out of a group of twenty, other than the two Shamans that experienced that level of mind merging, . I believe your psychedelic experiences, and how much you expand and retain consciousness and awareness comes down to how open and unattached you are to your thoughts, ideas, images, intents, beliefs and emotions. That is why I am a strong advocate for people to do the “Work” of mastering your thoughts, ideas, image, intents, beliefs and emotions 24 and 7, because they shape your experience of this reality and beyond! Just sharing a few thoughts, ideas and beliefs etc.

There is very little profound revelation in that collapse. It is literally just making obvious that all you know is the contents of mind, emptiness (your substantive nothingness), the subjectivity of everything, etc. There is something to be discovered within that but it's not like you just suddenly know everything like the answer to questions like that. Some aspects of proclaimed "truth" could easily be pure delusional psychosis from drugs (or from any altered state). Some things are DEFINITE. Beyond any question. Knowable. Then other things which are just psychosis or faith.

There is appearance. To deny this is to deny existence itself, which is pure foolishness. Appearance and nothingness are not mutually exclusive.

Definitely.. therefore experiencing is just an illusion as just you or i. Because when you are nothing there is nothing to observe nor you nor i. Because of these you wrong about appearance happening within pure nothingness. Because nothing is happening. Any action any words comes from the ego as these sentences. Of course if you take these as sentences. Meanwhile, they are not. Any knowledge comes from the ego. Right Now is prior to birth. Thus, enlightenment is simply being where You already are.

Oof. One of the first things you should understand if you’ve had even the slightest bit of an awakening is that there is no self and that your identity is an illusion. This is like, Spirituality 101, my guy. There are greater and lesser degrees of understanding this, but a more advanced understanding is that all there is is simply appearance happening within pure nothingness to no one, nowhere, no when, and no how. And any significance or meaning that is put on any of the appearances is pure imagination.

Most stuff is parroting by people. There isn't actually any direct proof. I do know nobody has ever experienced anything other than mind. I know awareness has no spatial dimension at all. I know sheer awareness robbed of any form is literally nothingness. But nobody smokes a drug and suddenly gains control of someone else's body or sees through their eyes, that is what you would need to constitute direct proof. Logically you can deduce from the lack of the existence of space and the boundless nature of awareness, that it must be one "I". The way the boundary is created if there are various appearances to awareness, I'm not really sure why or how that happens. Rupert Spira's wording on why and how is the most logically sound. He has very good videos on this, usually using the infinite nature of awareness and the implications of that, along with dream logic.

My disagreement is not that you do not make relative distinctions, but rather that you have unconscious biases that undermine your goal of harmony and unity. You have a spiritual bias, you undermine the idea of bias, as if you wanted to achieve full unbiasedness. But reality is fundamentally biased. Every single atom in this universe has bias, without that bias, nothing could even exist, because there could not possibly be something rather than nothing. You would argue that humanity should go beyond morality, and simply act consciously and lovingly. That to me fundamentally misunderstands what Love does. Love simply amplifies and creates bias. Love does not prefer anything over anything else. If you were perfectly Loving and had no bias, you would simply be God. You would not be a human who acts in a compassionate manner. Acting in a compassionate manner, after enlightenment, is only so because of your human bias. Whatever your bias will be, will be how you will act. Some people who have a certain bias will rape people when they get enlightened, because that is what Love will amplify. Raping and torturing another is Pure Love, and only bias could make you prefer to rape someone or to prefer not to rape someone. The construction, your humanity, is the only thing that allows for action, for preference. And that is bias. Evolution will always select for certain biases, and that is why humanity is the way it is, and why it has the biases it does, and why it will evolve the biases it will evolve. What allows you to say debates about morality are stupid, is morality. Morality is preference, nothing more, nothing less. In that way, even the atoms of this universe have a particular moral code. Yes, it is an illusion, but everything is. If you disintegrate this Preference Making Process, you will simply dissolve into Nothingness. That is not what Evolution is here for. Evolution does precisely the opposite. Everything that has bias continues, and everything that has not returns to no thingness. That is precisely the wisdom of this reality. You cannot use Love to decide anything, you can only use it to energize that which is. And more fundamentally even, all of these biases are Love, so there is nothing to even distinguish here. What this teaches us is that spirituality is like anything else, a bias. A bias that to be uphold, must survive. For that bias to exist, you have to participate in survival. And that makes you no different from anything else in this existence. And furthermore, you only care about it because you are human. An ant does not care. This is a good metaphor for what Love does:

I think both question and answer might be an illusion, nothingness appearing as questions and answers, but it all is nothingness appearing, maybe maybe maybe, if you know what I mean, and this is nothingness appearing as a question and as an answer ?

Recent months have been very healing for me, in many ways, but the greatest aspects of my healing and resolvement of certain inner conflicts have come from my awakening experiences. I recently tried DMT (not 5-meo) and from that I had my biggest awakening yet. I am still a bit puzzled by what defines just a trip and an actual awakening. It seems like psychedelics takes me for a journey way beyond what I'm ready for, but there is only like 0.5% left after the trip that "sticks". Whenever I meditate nowadays for example I feel as if I am going back to that void that I call it, where Nothingness is everything, though not as intense as during the trip. So I guess the psychedelics have had some type of permanent effect, but it doesn't resolve my confusion regarding this whole thing or what the end goal might be. It seems as if I am just scratching the surface though, since my "ego" and identity cannot fully surender to Nothing. The best way I can describe it is that I have experienced God but still separate from me and the thoughts that I hear. For me the thought of Me and Everything are separate. Still Everything feels so complete. It's like watching a screen that contains everything you could imagine, but there is still the observer. It's "together" but still not the same. Even though the thoughts have had less of a significance I still have the belief of who "I" am in the present moment. I do not know how to go past this, even if it seems like my awakenings are getting "deeper" since it makes more sense. It feels like I am enjoying just observing Truth, but I cannot be It. But I wonder, how far/deep can you actually awaken? What is the ultimate level, does it even exist? My confusion comes mostly from listening to so many different teachers; some say there is only one awakening, and then life goes on as a sort of Buddha-hood, some claim infinite awakenings, some claim infinite awakenings as being one ultimate... I feel like all these ideas I have are really dragging me down. The theoretical foundation has helped me a lot but my fear is that the infinite awakenings actually have no end and I'll just end up chasing my own tail for some ultimate realization, like the last of the last. But I guess that might just be another duality. Still it feels like my deeper awakenings are not really 'deep', it's not even the right words, it's just that a vail is lifted, constantly, like "How f^cking clear can it become?!" Is there any mindset that could help me, or should I just keep going and only trust my own discoveries? Because as it seems now, my allowing the ego to surrender would be the ultimate, merging into Love. Still, I'm thinking that it might just be the start, and that would scare me even more since I can't even accept letting go of ME first. Hope I made some sense.

Insights about Love, Manifestation, Teaching, Reality, Sexuality, Personal Development, Shrooms, and more. December 27th 2021 Dosage: 2 grams of African Transkei strain mushroom, these are regarded for potency and high visuals. So I'm definitely testing it out. Now that I'm writing this in the future, I would say that the Penis Envy Stain is stronger. Taken at 11:21AM as a lemon tek tea, and I also grounded the shroom with a coffee grinder such that it's a fine POWDER. I added the lemon juice, let sit for 5 mins, added water boiled from the kettle, let it soak for 20 minutes, and then strained and discarded the solid bits. Doing it this way makes the trip hit really fast and really hard. My initial Intentions: What is Clarity? What is Curiosity? What is Creativity? Ideas for my business. >These intentions weren't seriously held, and as a result I actually ended up thinking about what was already on my mind. And that led to some different insights that were also very valuable. 17 min Starting to feel the onset 21 min Getting dizzy 24min Yawns, so many yawns. I need to premeditate my intentions for like 5 minutes focus before I take it. >This was me reflecting on my crappy intention setting skills. 26 min Feeling a massive body come up >I get an amazing body high, like a bunch of vines are growing in my body like a parasite and constricting me, taking hold of me. Designs on a Tapestry moving 30 min Heavy body load 39 min Tingling in my fingers and my limbs 39 min Tingling in my fingers and my limbs 45 min Yawning and tired like crazy. You can have unwanted imagination, like looking at your cute dog and imagining it getting skinned down to a skeleton. >Yeah, so your imagination on shrooms is supercharged and effortless in this way. 55 min Giggly >I'd say the majority of the trip lasted 5-7 hours. Duality needs to be created to maximize the love of the universe. I want to love everything that I've created. (as God) >Note that I have zero awakenings or even mystical experiences yet. I have yet to even realize baby insights like no-self. Life is learning about how to love. I teach people how to love their ideal self. To love discipline. To love routine. To love excellence. To love the idea of destroying their perceived barriers between the story of who they think they are now and the story of their ideal self. To love the action of suffering through a very challenging practice routine. To love doing the shadow work they need to do to rid their addictions To love being curious about life in order to find what they're authentically passionate learning about. To love the idea of healing their past and rewriting their story to become their ideal self. etc. I think the archetype of Shrooms is love. I initially saw shrooms as a tool of catharsis, but now I see that the catharsis is a byproduct of the mechanism of love at work. Shrooms fudge your boundaries of reality, which is a collapsing of dualities, which is love. All insights come from love. (When it comes to the topic of manifestation) You ARE IT! YOU ARE ALREADY WHAT YOU MANIFEST! YOU JUST MAKE ACTIONS TO PROVE IT! I understand what they mean now with Manifestation. You are ALREADY the person you ought to be. Imagine this. You are actually someone from another dimension that has already accomplished all the things you've wanted to. But now you've been transported into this body, into this universe, and now you simply have to prove you're already the case. You need to rewrite the books, redo the consciousness work, redo the speaking practice, and you doing this is just you proving that you are already it. It comes from a deep place of love. You become a fountain of love by loving your ideal self much that you are already it, and then from that place, you simply are spilling yourself out, and you transform through that process. That transformation IS the manifestation process. You shapeshift. You have to demand more of yourself to manifest it into actuality. That is precisely how you grow, out of nothingness, you demand more. You summon more of yourself! A visionary leader is someone who demands more from other people. They LITERALLY SEE your potential manifested in this moment right now.a I see you, the reader, as extremely intelligent. I see you as one that's capable of massive love. I see you as one that will accomplish your goals in life. I SEE IT. Can you? The universe if just a manifestation, an illusion of the highest degree, an imagination. Everything in the universe has been manifested. It's not just fucking there. It has been manifested ### ### ### Collection of individual insights You need to enrich and love EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE, EVERY OBJECT, EVERY PERSON, every idea, every creation, destruction, transformation, birth, death. THIS is how you love your life and spiritualize your life. Learn how to lose yourself more into life. When doing an activity, let go of your mind detaching you from the task at hand, and have the courage to fully lose yourself to the task. When it comes to learning, It doesn't really matter if you're kind of sleepy trying to learn still, if you're still learning, you're learning. THE MOST HARDCORE LOVE IS what is holding your table together. I need to study a book on boundaries NOW! When being a teacher, your need to BE the actor they NEED for THEM. THIS is how you teach people. You shapeshift into the form they want to see, to best receive the message. This is why if you're a christian, God will appear to you as Jesus in order for you to comfortably take in the teaching. God appearing as Jesus is the best MASK for God to manifest such that you best receive the message. So when you are trying to teach someone else, you need to create that persona, that mask, such that people will believe in the authority(illusion) that you've constructed. You shapeshift into person they need to see in order to best receive the teaching. Ask people in your life what kind of person would they like to see in you. That's also the kind of person you need to be to be their best teacher. The backdrop you have demands your attention. Literally how you dress, and the room that you put yourself in. The background you have while speaking influences how seriously your message is going to be taken to heart. The tone of your voice, the appearance of organization and thought-thoroughness in your speaking will demand authority. How deeply and interconnectedly you've integrated your insights will determine how strong your message becomes. When the insight is so deeply integrated it just becomes a part of you. And through that you just have to express you SELF with utmost excellence and vigor, and through that, THAT is what creates a great teaching. How you're perceived affects how you're recieved. ### ### ### Later I had an Insight that had me roll around and flip around on the floor for several minutes going "WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!" over and over again. So, some more manifestation ruminations. I thought, What would it take for me to be able to talk to Leo everyday? Kinda like in a way of a great talking to a great. Like if you wanted to hang out with Socrates, you would have to be at his level. Sharing insights and shit. I then thought "well I would then have to be at his level in consciousness and understanding". (Even though on the deepest level you can only get the deepest truths from yourself and not other.) And, yeah, I know that this comes from the my selfish part of my ego that idolizes Leo because he is a really good teacher and I want to be one of the best teachers in the world myself. Anywaayyysss... Then, I REALIZED that I could ACTUALLY get there. I saw in myself, a deep realization of my potential to manifest as much Consciousness as Leo. Like in my mind, this was extremely possible. That I could make Leo my peer in terms of level of understanding. This is what made me go what the fuck. I was like "HOLYYY SHIIITTT!" Maybe my confidence is just the peak of Mount Stupid in the Dunning-Kruger Effect. But hey, it felt GREAT! And it gave me a massive confidence boost! Here's a powerful question. What would you need to become to befriend your teachers as peers? As equals? What would need to become of you? What would you need to do on a day to day basis? What actions would you have to take? There I was, rolling around on the floor, just experiencing high amounts of joy at the realization of actualizing my potential. Meanwhile, while this is happening, my buddy beside me is lying on my bed, on 6 grams of shrooms, fighting his demons like he's playing dark souls. But he did so very silently. Basically it was all an internal battle. Haha! I asked him later about it and he said that my excitement and rowdiness didn't fuck with his trip, so that was good. # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # Theme song of this part of the trip, reader, if you want, play this song. I was having the crux of this insight during this song. I curled up into a ball lying on my bed, snuggling an extremely soft blanket, feeling loved and feeling cuteness. I spent what felt like hours just enveloped in the love. I was hugging my super soft blanket, with an AMAZING body high, making everything comfy as fuck. I was biting my lip for a long time in a total state of erotic energy. I was fantasizing about LOVE. Fantasizing about sharing love with a male! At least a very specific feminine man that was supposedly crushing on at the time. It was a mega positive experience. Later I am hugging my blanket on the floor, still thinking about love. I'm loving the massive gift that life that God gives us. A lot of times during the trip I was saying "WEEEEIIIIRRRD! WEEEEIIIIRRRD! WEEEEIIIIRRRD!" >I was learning that on a very deep level, I want to love absolutely everyone and I know that when I realize I'm God, and when I realize I'm everything, I will be able to learn how to deepen that love. I want to learn how to maximize the love of the universe. I was also massively deconstructing the boundaries between loving everyone, on a deep emotional level. Like, what does it actually mean to love people? What really are you actually loving when you say you love someone? I have awakened to mega feminine energy over here. Also... I'm Awakening to bisexuality. I want to be feminine and seduced. I want to be masculine and be seductive. I LOVE feminine energy. (Side note, I'd probably love 5MeO MALT) I can find it in women. I can find it in men. I love the idea of putting makeup on to be more feminine when I want to embody more femininity. >I was learning that the gay side of my sexuality is expressed in a very differently navigated way than my Straight side. They're not the same at all! I also learned that liking the same sex comes with a whole new set of collective societal baggage that suppresses, demonizes and denies homosexuality. Coming out of the closet it not merely just simply accepting yourself and loving yourself, but it is also learning how to navigate in this reality in order to maximize the amount of love in the universe. Coming out of the closet literally means that you are learning how to navigate the oppression in society such that you can exercise love for your homosexual self, but yet at the same time, still look after your physical and social survival such that you are not one to be killed physically and demonized socially. >How you do this is becoming so sure about who you are that you're not attached to how people think you are. What manifests as bisexuality for ME, is probably very different for another person that identifies as bisexual. What you think bisexuality literally means for you, means a different thing for me. Like I don't like men in the same way AT ALL in the same way that I like women. The way I like women is HARDWIRED into my brain at a deep core level, whereas, the homosexuality that manifests in me comes from what I literally call a "gay fetish". This was imprinted into me from a young age as a result of homosexual experiences I had when I was younger. (Like age 10.) And for years I've denied and demonized the part of myself that liked that because I identified as straight. AND also at the same time homosexuality was VERY GROSS! But over time I found abstractions with fantasies like drawing of pornography, drawings that fudged the duality between male and female. (I can go into more detail of what I mean by this if requested). "My homosexuality" was in a way manifested because I loved a A SMALL part of myself that had a fantasy or two, and that part I explored more and more. It was years in the making. It was manifested over YEARS. It wasn't there, it was something that was nurtured and grew a life of its own. (I can literally go into detail step by step, each domino that had to fall to get to this point.) >But ANYWAYS, part of coming into my own is me letting go of YOU understanding my story that I've constructed over here. >In order navigate this new part of myself, I will study a book on boundaries, as well as contemplate what boundaries are. Also what is a relationship? >So just to clarify, in the end, right now at least, as I write this, I'm still unsure about what exactly my sexuality is, how Bi I really am. Like, do I just like feminine boys? Like twinks/femboys or whatever, and do I just like them physically(sexually) or am I able to love them emotionally too? Am I able to love a masculine man? Am I able to love masculine energy? or just feminine energy? >This trip allowed me to massively process tons of fear around taking action that would create further clarity. So now I am more confident to take even more action into developing more clarity into my sexuality. ### ### ### Additional Insights What is Courage? Courage is a perceived leap Beyond first perceived boundaries. Courage is biting off more than you can chew. Courage is willingly throwing yourself into a place that you KNOW you're going to lose control. Where you are not even sure if you're going to be able to handle it. Contemplate, What is control? Control vs Freedom. The light of God's love is so bright that whatever it touches it burns away any impurities. I need to practice spending money on highly valuable personal development resources. Like a life coaching package. Ideas hold the power of the universe. Which is why Epistemology metaphysics are important as FUCK. When it comes to buying shrooms I learned that a cube is a cube as they say, just buy some cheap b+ and forget the other strains. Just take more and you're there. You can't really fuck with the quality of shrooms. (Like I mean vendors usually sell really potent shrooms.) You can love fear. I am a DMT jester. That's the energy I hold. I am like the circus, I am expressive, I am chaotic, I am a clown, I am the actor, I am the laugher. That's also what I look like with the colorful clothes that I'm wearing that I call my tripping uniform haha. ( I haven't even done DMT yet lol) ### ### ### Integration: Study a book on boundaries to help navigate all my relationships in life in a way more healthy manner. Such that the love in my relationships have an opportunity to deepen and work at a higher level of synergy. Have a conversion about my sexuality with my Mother, as I spill everything about myself to her. As this is part of the process of facing my fears. (By the time I'm writing this, I already did it.) Take action toward deeply integrating this part of my sexuality. Explore myself. Thanks for reading!

5-MEO DMT Trip Report First Time —> Nirvana Puking on Itself Dosage: ~20mg Bufo Admin: Smoke Hey guys, this is my first post on actualized and I just wanted to share my recent 5-MEO trip on Bufo. Warning: my language may be a bit abstract ;-) Pre-life Preoccupied with routine, taking care of endless tasks, perfectionism, feeling heavy laden. All I know is material. Maybe there is something more, maybe not. I don’t know, how can I know I have never experienced it. I listen to teachers, read words from wise beings. I intellectually get what they are saying but it might as well be meaningless. There is no resonation only a sense of “that sounds good.” Recently I became fixated on finding my Life Purpose. Choosing the one thing. Committing. In order to have some benevolent impact on the world. Because, that is what I was told. There was no real feeling of connection to this idea of purpose. Sure, there are things I like and would be good at but I was detached. Living life only on the surface. Give me a coffee, some good porn, sex, a friendly chat, a comedy, now there’s a little joy to get by. Preparation Let me read all the information I can get on the 5-MEO experience. I’ll read all the trip reports and watch Leo’s videos again. That will prepare me. And yes, I will create a preparation journal where I will list out all the possible things that could happen or sub conscious shadows that could arise so I will know how to deal with them. I will keep my thoughts pure, I will stop doing “bad” things to avoid having a bad trip. I will have long discourses with myself reviewing the pros and cons of the trip. What if I physically die? What if I’m attacked by demons? What if I end up loosing my mind? What if I’ll feel more loving afterward? ...Nonsense. Setting I decided to partake in a private traditional Bufo ceremony. It was with an energy worker/shamanic trained healer who I have been seeing for about 8 months. She felt this experience would help me to release trauma. For the entire week leading up to the ceremony I was waking up with intense anxiety and fear. Other than times when I was to go speak in front of others, this was some of the most intense fear I ever felt. I literally felt like as she was preparing the medicine that I was going to die. I felt sad. I felt dead. I felt FUCK IT. Trip She lit and held the pipe for me. Instructing me to breathe in slowly and steadily for as long as I could and then hold the smoke in. I breathed in for around 10 seconds and held for around 5-8 seconds. When I exhaled, a magnificent cloud of smoke filled what looked to be the entirety of the room. And then it began… Before my consciousness could have time to grasp the size of the cloud of smoke I just blew out, I found myself saying WOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHH while being gently rested back my guide. The WOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHH turned into what appeared to be a high pitched squeal and before I knew it I was tumbling down through an infinite kaleidoscope of regurgitating cluster fucks. It was as though I had been catipulted in the engine of the universe. Winding up and releasing to a cosmic vibration that resonated as a YA YA YAAAA YA YA, pulsating with GIBBERISH. This pulsation of gibberish shaking every fucking molecule of whatever it is that I was. It was just like some kind raw primordial energy of releasing gushers of infinite emotion all imploding and exploding simultaneously. Into Nirvana This kaleidoscope engine of regurgitating cluster fucks seemed to be gaining in power and speed. And it was as though IT was laughing at me as I was laughing IT.(I got a big smile on my face just now recalling). It was like I knew that IT knew that I knew that I was IT. In an instant moment of eternity, I sensed? (probably no word to describe this feeling) that every cell and molecule of my being was imploding on itself in a state of infinite cosmic flabbergastation. I was being maniacally ravished by the infinity of the universe as the sound of the cosmic symphony hyper blasted me to NOWHERE. Eternally EXHAUSTED, PUMMELED, DESTROYED. Nothing more to give. Nothing more to release. Nothing to hold onto, nothing to feel, NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING. I/IT then merged into a singularity which could only be described as Nirvana (although this label seems infinitely incapable of describing the experience). The ravishing stopped in a moment of eternity, and the I/IT energy expanded into the entirety of the universe. Infinite GLORY. Infinite POWER. Roaring out like an eternal primordial maniac of Pure LOVE and LIGHT filling out into the very fabric of space. I AM FUCKING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! whilst sensing the universe telling me this is what you have been wanting to know yes...? And then TAAAA DAAAAAA… Puke. Cut to opening scene. Rebirth A barf and a laugh. Face planted on the floor. What a great way to start the day. My guide was kindly placing paper towels by face and cleaning up my mess. How kind. Was I in one of those YouTube Videos where they put the camera on the ground and put speed on 2x. Like they are showing how to the clean floor or preparing a morning time breakfast. With light downtempo piano stock music playing in the background. Rays of sunshine shinning so charmingly on the hard wood floors. What a fucking joke! Every time a spit this beautiful lady (my guide) would come toward me on 2x speed to clean up my mess. I couldn’t get over the absurdity. I then felt, why not do it again!! Let me put all the blankets and pillows back in place, and press rewind. What madness! I then scratched that idea as my guide was shuffling around frantically trying to get me to lie down. Is it over? Who cares. How do I look? Like shit. Great. Pillow feels nice, let me put it on my face. Am I tired of the pillow on face. No, I like it. Ok, fuck this pillow. What the fuck!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *&^*&^^&RYGFGFUR&^RUFIUFV Mystical After rolling around in a pile of dumbfounded shinnanagations, I looked over at my guide. I noticed instantly the look on her face. The pain, the suffering, the sadness. There was this kind of dark mystical smoke around her. With every breath it was as though she was transmuting and releasing all the pent up negative emotional energy that I just expelled. Her face mutating from glorious to an old disheveled hag. Struck in awe, and gratitude for her being, I felt…BARF. Afterward “Well that was fun” were the first words spoken when I returned. I carefully strung them together before I actually said them. Seemed like a charming thing to say…The look on my guides face was one of concern for me and also for her home. Like you almost destroyed everything. O shit? Really. My bad. What happened? LMAO. It turns out, I actually was walking around violently and shouting loudly. I had no recollection… On the drive back home, I felt hungry. I could really go for something tasty I thought. I drove by In and Out burger. O, that sounds nice! But I’m a vegetarian and eat healthy. Maybe I’ll get their bread, lettuce, and tomato burger. I laughed. Isn’t that cute, I’m a vegetarian. Yes you are, your a good little vegetarian. Fuck you, I’ll have a cheese burger, fries, and coke. YUM YUM YUM YUMMMMMMM :-D Day After It is the day after as I write this post. I wasn’t able to sleep. I feel electrified..There is no fear. There are no limitations. I can visualize with pristine clarity. Infinite creativity. Any thought I have I can turn to a thing. No desire to journal, to meditate, to read, to do anything but just be. To pet and lie with my cats, to watch 4K nature programs, listen to beautiful music… THIS is bliss. And THIS is who I AM. %-D =) =/ =( => =< =-? Insights Like water colors on a canvas, just rinse, and paint something else Like an etch-a-sketch, just shake a start over Like a seemingly broken record, called life You think you get it, and then IT spits you out only to gobble you (IT) back up again A panting primordial beast exploding in a cosmic sea of infinite nothingness Every cell and molecule of being ejaculating on itself Tumbling through an infinite sea of cluster fucking kaleidoscopes regurgitating on themselves **Word of Caution** As Leo mentions, this substance has the potential to radically NUKE your entire life as you know it. If there is any preparation you could have in place it would be to possibly have some safety net of cash. Just in case you don’t want to go back to a job you’re not happy with. Be prepared to loose everything as you know it. Relationships, routines, wants/desires, EVERYTHING.

In Sufism there are things like god realisation,emptiness,death,rebirth ,nothingness etc.sufism trace orgins back to prophet muhammed pbuh in an unbroken lineage into modernday sages All.prohets were given outer relegion and inner relegion by god Outer relegion is things like praying,fasting,be kind,do charity etc .inner relegion is things like spirituality.

@Someone here why do you think, no one can answer this question for you but yourself? why is it uncomfortable for you? „there is no inherent meaning“ is a matter of search and discovery, absolute nothingness only always a starting point.

Well then he’s been doing a terrible job. No offense, but if he still thinks the character of Jesus has anything to do with enlightenment, he completely missed the point of spirituality. I mean that honestly kind of baffles me. Infinite nothingness has no name and no form, by definition. The character of Jesus is imaginary and only a temporary form within infinite consciousness. Of course.

But his teachings is in line of leo. He says god is infinite consciousness and is jesus who once walked on earth to guide everybody to LOVE. He says jesus was in his infinite form when he appeared on earth. I said to him jesus might be true but he was human and how can human be in its infinite god mode form? He said " This world is manifestation in the consciousness of jesus and everything is Jesus ". That mean I am jesus too. And so is everyone. He says infinite consciousness looks like jesus figure. I replied to him " Consciousness has no form and is nothingness so how consciousness can appear as jesus ". He said " Jesus is nothingness itself ; Jesus is infinite love ". I said to him god has no image. But insists god has image and looks like jesus only. So I must pray to jesus figure only . Do god really came down on earth personally and are we all jesus?

No. Science is about making conclusions, distinctions and models. Consciousness is existence. Science is an activity of and within Consciousness. It will never take the shape or form of Consciousness, because Consciousness has no form or shape. It is impossible to represent Consciousness. Every thing that exists in some way, shape or form is a only distinct manifestation of Consciousness. God 'expresses' it's infinitude and nothingness by being everything.

Thanks for sharing! It is so nice to see that there are some individuals that are capable of expanding their consciousness and awareness above the duality that is/are being played out between Pro-Vax and Anti-Vax, between Left ideology and right ideology, beyond the delusional perspectives and stories that some Actualize.org followers “seem” to attach to, from the top down! It is so nice to see that there are a few individuals that can rise above dehumanizing of other peoples POV, and are capable of rising above the current Psychic Mass Formation that is playing out at this time in our Human Psychic Evolution. I’ve made this point many times in the past on a few posts, and I will repeat it again; There are a lot of people on these forums proclaiming how conscious and aware they are, tossing around words like Nothingness, Non-duality, Collective responsibility, Love, Absolute God Consciousness, that this is just a Dream, etc. and yet they are so engrossed in their own survival and fear that they mindlessly collapse into a limited bubble, a collective bubble of delusional mind deceptions, which includes being trapped in the Pro-Vax vs Anti-Vax, Left ideology vs Right ideology STORIES! etc……. I don’t care how many DMT trips you take, how much you meditate, how may retreats you go on, how wonderful and colourful your vocabular sounds, what intellectual words you know and spew out! If you fail to do the “WORK” you will continuously fall into degrees of “Spiritual Bypassing” (Google). I know, because I have fallen in these trap’s countless times on my own journey. If you truly want to become enlightened, it’s going to take more than taking hundred trips on DMT, or thousand of hours and days of meditation etc. Yes, this all HELPS, but only within degrees of moderation. These “Tools” should not become a crutch or prop on your journey! In my “Opinion”, when you CAN observe every thought, idea, image, belief and emotion from a nonjudgmental, unattached perspective, 24 and 7, and then with awareness, “TRANSFORM” and “DIRECT” those thoughts, ideas, images, beliefs and emotions into CREATIVITY, the Creativity of your own reality, the creativity of the Collective Reality, then you can say, “I am on the “PATH” to enlightenment”. You will then be able to rise above the Psychic Mass Formation that is currently playing out on both sides of Pro-Vax vs Anti-Vax, Left vs Right ideology, beyond the collective Ego mentality! The goal is not to see how fast you can become GOD Conscious, or "To be “IT”! This is an illusion that will never happen because God Consciousness is always “Becoming” and you will never catch up to “IT”. The Goal is to savour and experience all gradations of consciousness and awareness, to play consciously with awareness in endless multidimensional realities and forms of BEINGNESS. To create your own independent limited “BEINGS” and Reality’s, and to then give unconditional freedom to the Creativity of “Becoming.” Just sharing a few thoughts, ideas, beliefs and emotions!

Because true understanding is born out of Being, not a map or a theory. A description without first hand experience is worthless What are you gonna do with the description? Believe in it and become a religious nutcase? Oneness, Non-Duality, God, Infinity, Love, Nothingness, You, Existence... All these are descriptions. Without direct experience they will remain just words and ideas

August 23rd 2020 Very first Psycadelic Trip. A lot of this trip is written down as it was happening, and also I came in after and elaborated on certain points so things made more sense. Intention: What is intuition? 1g cubensis Melmac dried magic mushrooms. (I'm definitely more sensitive to substances than the average individual, so this was a great starter dose.) Consumed via Lemon tek (soaked in lemon juice for 20 mins). Didn't taste anything bad. No taste at all really, just the lemon juice when I drank it. Spent extra time to chew it really well. Consumed on an empty stomach. Meditated for 20 minutes watching my thoughts. Made the lemon tek, mediated a bit more. Had a whole lot of anxiety that morning, really fearful of the unknown experience I was able to have. Consumed at 11:10 AM I turned on music and danced to 3 songs. By the third song my emotion really came through and I cried a bit in the emotion. The rest of the time was spent sitting on a couch in the sunroom in the house, I wanted to be close to nature while on this trip, rather than in my basement. As well I wanted to be close to my tripsitter. 30 mins in Grass breathing subtly. 40 minutes Looking at my hand and noticing how foreign it is. Jitteryness Fingers trembling. Noticing all the plumpness and discolouration in the hand. Feeling the shroom creeping in. 11 55 Feeling a strong need to lie down and surrender. There is a place that I fear to go. And it's hauntingly deep. Had that feeling of being sucked back into a dark place that I feared to go. It was very threatening. Probably the most difficult part of the trip here. I went into the open starfish formation to fully surrender, as well as verbally saying "I surrender" 12:00 Nauseous and sinking. Shit is funny. 12:10 Noticing every hair on my arm. The most subtle things in peeling a banana that would go unnoticed I'm noticing. All the nuances in peeling a banana is noticed. 12:15 Noticing how marbled in colour our hands are. Small subtle feelings of nausea. Wanting to move left and right swaying. Have a really hard time to control it. As much as I can throughout the trip I repeatedly ask the question: "What is intuition? What is intuition? What is intuition? What is intuition?" 12:18 Ability to make distinctions in colour has increased. At one point at the peak later, all the green leaves in the garden are the same bright green hue. Still subtle nausea. Strong feeling of being a monkey. Puckering my lips out, showing my teeth. Really noticing a different state of consciousness. I think that's something that's easy to misunderstand about a psycadelic. There's the visuals, but that's like the side effect. Like the heat that is produced from a light bulb; a side effect. The reality is still here but the projector that is me has changed. 12:23 Swirly pattern in the cushion expanding to the whole entire cushion and swaying, swaying. What you focus on, literally grows. My body is part of that swaying. The universe around me feels like an ocean and I'm being pushed by the waves. Really noticing patterns emerge from the cushion. Intuition is so deep. Slow. That's the feeling. It's a whole lot easier to use my voice to type this report while I'm in the middle of the trip. 12:27 Noticing a deep rhythm to the universe. I can see how easy it is to just want to stare at the grass and get lost. Because I know if I stare at something long enough it will start breathing. Just like the floors right now it's moving like a slow river. Hardwood floors flow into several opposite direction Skinny rivers. 12:30 I'm noticing Everything Is Beautiful more than you can imagine. >it's really working to navigate a trip well by saying everything is beautiful. 12:34 You are constantly basking in the sunlight shining on to you at all angles. Infinite hands coming and shielding my face when I close my eyes. Oh my God. 12:38 "Noticing all the patterns in the ceiling and how they are breathing yeah it's really not that bad man, I get Majestic and beautiful yeah holyshit I'm in it I'm in it I love how it's recording my voice while I say this too." Slow. Easy I ask my intuition what is intuition. It tells me to tilt my head up and surrender in the starfish position to open up my body, because my body is a vessel to receive consciousness. It's not even mine. It's not even MY body as my ego would like me to believe. 12:43 Increased trip intensity as I look at the hundred actual birds in my garden. What's the difference between authenticity and intuition? Tons and tons of giggling. I must call everything beautiful to sway this journey. 12:51 If I stare at something long enough it moves. Especially things that are very generic but consistent in pattern. They flow like a river. That's why floors flow. Nausea is gone. But I am a wave now. It's so fucking easy to get distracted haha. If I was an artist I have infinite vision right now. Everytime I close my eyes it's a new vision. Creativity is so enhanced it's something you have to experience to understand. Creativity skyrocketed. 1:00 I close my eyes I notice all the visions of the background of red to yellow. I open my eyes and it's white dominated. The colour White. And it's all moving subtly. I am the room. Reality is a mind fuck. How could we be so foolish the ground ourselves in materialism? It's all one conscious mind. There is no difference between the wall and the tree it's all part of the infinite field. Creativity is skyrocketed. 1:13 I can see that a glimpse of how much deeper I can go I must ask the question: What is consciousness? 1:20 Going to the washroom, walking with a bounce like an ape. 1:25 Intuition is just noticing the push that you are being pushed in. You noticing the waves around you as you are just a part of the ocean. Close my eyes against the pillow for a second. I'm noticing that the left and right eye are like two different Instagram filters. The left eye with the green filter and the right eye with a clear yellow one In order to understand intuition I must understand the infinite intelligence and consciousness. +++big peak+++ 1:41 What is consciousness? Consciousness is all of this that you see. It's so easy to just get distracted and play on Shrooms. 1:48 I've never seen my pupils so dilated. Every time I walk to the bathroom it's just such monkey like in the way I walk. +++ hallucinations are barely apparent now.+++ 1:51 Seeing that you got to be brave to go deep. 1:58 Feeling the now. 2:00 Sight and Sound are literally connected. I can see how that Duality collapses. It would be interesting to see how the movement of reality reacts to music, as I've heard the room moves with the music. 2:03 I can see how it is so easy to distract yourself and get addicted to this experience. It crosses my mind why even contemplate. But I've saw someone fall for that trap before when reading a trip report. So I need to keep getting back on that horse to contemplate. Right now I need to do that. 2:22 The Universe is there for you. The entire experience of eating a banana so funniest fucking thing. Sticking your tongue out, chewing with your mouth wide open, swishing it around in your cheeks. Complete monkey mode. Completely authentic. 2:29 Every action becomes a game. You're being more creative with chewing a banana. You're being more creative in just the way you breathe. Everything just becomes interesting as fuck. 2:37 I noticed looking back earlier on the trip, how I was avoiding the present by opening and closing my eyes. Avoiding going deep. Protecting myself. And I see on a higher dose this will be unavoidable. The eyes closed and the eyes open will collapse, it won't matter, you'll be thrusted into it. Why can't I contemplate Consciousness while rolling on the ground? Why do I have to sit here in a Lotus position? 2:43 I can see when you're given a new perspective, it's so easy to question convention. Because I'm experiencing that new perspective now. Open Mindedness to the sky. It's easy to consider things I would otherwise fear or see as silly to even think of questioning. Shrooms would totally naturally collapse conventional society as a whole. 2:46 "It's not even you when you are surrendering. It's just the way of tuning you into flowing into the water." > When you are surrendering, there is actually no "you" to surrender. You just dissolve the notion of you and merge with the ocean. 2:48 Realizing that the movements that are hallucinations is the duality of solid vs fluid collapsing. 2:52 It's a rule in reality that you must first cross the chasm to reach the field of flowers. This is what the trip feels like. 3:03 I think contemplation becomes very different. You don't think into it, you BE into it. Be as in being. instead of contemplating formally, you BEING into your BEING too solve your BEING. 3:26 Strong urge to drum. 3:36 You need to poke around reality in different ways to explore reality fully. Like rubbing your nose against a couch. 3:43 The barrier that stops me from rolling around in the dirt is a made up one. Why not have fun and just roll around in the dirt, in the love? 4:08 Much earlier I felt like a child playfully roaring at my dog that was growling. 4:54 Noticing the ability to take a strong good look at the burns in your vision after your stare at something too bright for too long. Rather than it escaping your eye when you try to look at it, I was able to get a good solid look at it. That was interesting. How was that even possible lol. 5:51 Noticing the ego clamping down on me with the notion of shame. ___ Visuals Experienced During the Trip A beautiful boat with swirly wood flowering along the sides. An infinite flow of RGB streaks. Infinite deer head with RGB outlines Infinite things. Like a dead wasp I was staring at, then closed my eyes, and it appeared into my vision in an infinite row. Infinite row of 1 foot sized alien bugs crawling up my leg. I noticed some dead bugs on the floor including wasps and bees, and when I close my eyes how an infinite row of wasps was in my vision. But it wasn't scary, it was just beautiful. Because all of reality of beauty. These infinite patterns showed up like two mirrors being put together. Through the red eye of seeing, being able to fly through the world with passing by pieces of consciousness manifesting. ~~Things I've noticed later on that happened earlier ~~ Hugging the chair I'm lying on. With whatever is happening, all I can say is "beautiful". Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. This was great for me to navigate my trip really well. Just everything in my Consciousness is beautiful. I learned how authentic I can really be. To be like a child in authenticy. To be like an ape in authenticy. There is no barrier between me and wanting to roll around in the dirt. That's just a made up one. I noticed how intuition is connected to Consciousness, and that I really needed to contemplate what is consciousness and how to tap into it to understand intuition. I saw intuition as a form of channeling. A light form of channeling. ___ I also had a notebook where I wrote this down. Here's what I wrote. What is intuition? A strong pull. A gut, chest, throat pull. Intuition is deep. Intuition shows you the cracks of light. But it's up to you to travel to the end of the tunnel to realize the entire light. To access intuition, you need to channel. You already are a channel, just open yourself up. It's the subtle ground you take for granted. Question that natural feeling coming from nothingness. Consciousness is an infinite ocean. Just tap into the ever-flowing Rhythm ___ ###Days After Report ### Increased authenticity. Even in the way I walk. Increased interest in realizing my greater identity. Realized this when I talk to other people I still feel alone, and remembering the theory that you are alone and you just create reality and people around you to feel as if you're not alone. How you actually create reality in such a way where you actually feel like you can have some connection with something other than you. But in the end it's only you. Increased interest in the ability to surrender. Increased open mindedness in what I need to surrender to in order to discover truth. Starting to get deeper into wonder about what reality is. Noticing more contentment with what is. Noticing more fascination with the seemingly mundane. I realize I need to be very centered to follow my intuitions Found it quite difficult to consistently Focus while on that trip, so I'm interested in what a research chemical would be like. ??? Questions ¿¿¿ Is it proper to contemplate differently while trying to feel and experience the deeper existential aspects of reality? Stuff that's beyond logic? For example, for the entire trip on inquiring into intuition, I didn't want to contemplate it logically at all, but rather just wanted to experience what came up when I asked the question. How did my trip go? Thoughts?

I want you to think about this scene from Hawkeye series. It gives you the perspective of people in the blip. (If the link doesn’t work, it is the scene from Hawkeye from the point of view of Yelena waking up from the blip). https://youtu.be/7hYg0w9ZINU A lot of people think that when they die, they will be put in a dark room of nothingness. What you really find is something much more radical. It is just like going to sleep. When you go to sleep and wake up, it is as if you never slept. In your experience, you lay down and wake up. When you wake up, you have thoughts about your sleep that we call dreams. Dan Dennett has a theory on dreaming in which we do not dream while we sleep, but rather, we invent it as we wake up. The same is with your ideas of the past and with the idea of death. It is all a story. When you die, you will have the same experience as being born. Compared to the Universe, going to sleep and waking up at 8 hours later we assume is the same as the Universe creating the Big Bang 8 billion years ago. 8 hours and 8 billions years are all the same in the eye of the universe. They are a “blip.” Look at the spirituality of the Marvel-verse. It is really profound. What is more profound is that it is our universe creating more and more of itself. I had a similar experience to Yelena while I was under anesthesia. It was as if I never fell asleep or took anesthesia. It was as if I reinvented everything. I could remember being nothingness and slowly coming back into ego/form. It was crazy. The weird thing was is that it’s as if no time passed at all. That’s cause there is no time I guess that’s why death is an illusion because Eternity can never die. Very mind blowing stuff. What are your thoughts?

I feel like I am trapped in my own dream and like this dream has its own reality which I cannot run away from. Feeling like I am trapped in one dream and like I cannot, and should not, run away from this dream. Feeling like reality is solid and cannot be transcended. Because where will those other realities go? They have nowhere else to go? And they should not go? If reality is infinite, isn't reality just infinite? Where are the dreams that you had before now? Where are those dreams now? Where are those worlds? What happens to the dreams you wake up from? Continuing to exist on their own? Continuing in nothingness? Zero point field, huh?