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Here is a recent PM relative to this thread: haha~ hi mr "A"! I considered perhaps just for this thread, but who knows… Oh no~ zoze witches muzz be muuuch older than moi (I presume) heehee!! I'm certainly not La Catalina (from Carlos' first book). But then that witch wasn't ever indicated subsequently as being one of the Nagual's group (to my knowledge), as she was described as being perhaps one of Carlos' first "worthy opponents"— he had been "killing time" when he was attacked by her~ warriors don't have time— much less have any time to kill. As for the personality being a karmic result/function of the unknown/other/reality: it is karmic, and can be termed "other" in certain technical treatments, but is not strictly unknowable. In Don Juan Matus' parlance, everything that can be named is representable as being "on the table" and is therefore comprising the Tonal. The Tonal is all that which can comprise the rational description of anything by virtue of talking and reason— even in terms of describing the Nagual. The Nagual is the unknowable unnameable and completely surrounds the table and its contents (if a dualistic description temporarily suffices). The unnameable can be seen as such, in terms of true reality being unified selfless awareness. That's how one comes to see complete reality and its workings in terms of potential, not to mention the Absolute, in terms of knowledge of nonorigination. The personality is the valid but abused "false identity." Its use is universally habitual, therefore its abuse obscures its innate valid function. It is valid in that its original function/purpose is to assist the enlightening function in terms of facilitating ordinary spiritually transcendent operation in the course of everyday ordinary situations. Both the rational and the enlightening capacities of the being that is going to die are functions— not things. It's not the Way's fault that 100% of the human population isn't availing itself of innate spiritual functionality while abusing its rational aspect by a cloying habituation to reason and talking. I liked the rest of your analysis in that paragraph, mr A. Ceasing mental postures in the aftermath of such critical junctures is essential to sealing the unrefined potential away void of intellectualism. Entertaining mental postures is perpetuating the human mentality. Put another way, mental rumination in the aftermath of situational transformation is using concentration to produce insight and then failing to withdraw the fire. This is what people do all the time. It is possible for anyone to NOT-DO this as well. One needn't be a wizard. Failing to withdraw the fire destroys the foregone accomplishment of non-doing. Insight is fire; concentration is water: a balance of the two (8 ounces apiece in alchemic terms) is the unrefined elixir. Failing to withdraw the fire is turning non-being into being after already stealing non-being (potential) from the karmic matrix. That's like stealing defeat from the jaws of victory. So it won't do to turn essence back into (conditioned) accomplishment by ignorant malignance through habituation to leaking mental rumination!! A significant part of the maturation process in the aftermath of sealing away the medicines is in using lead (or rather in not using lead). Chang Po-tuan's alchemic tomes elucidate this. One uses lead to balance mercury, but after mercury and lead have produced the reverted elixir, one must draw off the lead and get rid of it. After subduing yin (false fire of the temperament) with lead (real knowledge/metal in water), one then gets rid of the lead (by withdrawing the fire of true insight and sealing its potential in the empty immaterial vessel of no-mind). That is, using nonpsychological awareness to seal potential away without letting so much as a spark of further use of insight leak out. The Tao te Ching says to "hide the light." In passing through situational karma according to the time, other is as selfless as one's own enlightening potential— maintaining that much is up to oneself alone. Having recognized and taken advantage of the conditional set-up of other, in terms of "host and guest" and having stolen the situational potential, one ceases further objectification of other (which was made possible by their conditioned situational doing). Then, one uses the non-thinking nonpsychological awareness to seal it away securely for all time (as in there is no before or after). There is no thing. What happened? Who knows? No one knows. Forget words and guard it. That's right out of the Yin Convergence Classic. As for "Host and Guest", I have written extensively on this subject on the Daobums forum. It is a taoist concept as used here, but there are significant parallels used in buddhist praxis as well. Look in deci belle's "topics" to find that. Yes, we are already the mystery. But until and unless one actually sees it for oneself, faith (acceptance) and intellectual understanding in terms of the description of the secret of complete reality, garners no participation and fruition in its power and subsequent transcendence. Until one gains mastery of the 3rd and 4th hexagrams (Difficulty and Darkness), one has no real perspective into the workings of Celestial design. It is actually necessary to master seeing potential and then ascertaining the timing of advancing the fire in real situations before one can gauge correct mastery in the timing of withdrawing the fire during the critical juncture when "one's life (literally potential), hangs in the balance" and one steals and hides the balance of the elixir in the wordless darkness of innocence. The Science of Life is seeing potential and effectively absorbing it by Real Knowledge. The Science of Essence is the effective clarification of Conscious Knowledge. Each aspect of self-refinement enhances the efficacious function of the other. In one such analytical pairing, one uses yang to purify yin while one uses yin to nurture yang. There are other such pairings relative to various aspects of self-refining activity to be studied in the overall praxis of Complete Reality Taoism. In Dogen's commentaries, he has said that before one knows, mountains are mountains. Then, when one enters the preliminary graces of the mystery through no fault (credit) of our own, other than by such conditions meeting in mutual accord, mountains begin to cease being mountains to the degree we cease conditional (habitual) use of mountains as conditional mountains. When we further ascertain absolute reality and realize there is absolutely nothing whatsoever constituting the realization body, the response body, or the transformation body, then we can naturally be free (liberated) and return from the heights, then through subsequent refinement eliminating the traces of enlightenment, mountains become mountains again. In terms of eliminating the traces of enlightenment, this parallels the aforementioned aspect of "getting rid of lead (real knowledge)." So getting rid of lead is carried out in the aftermath of both created karmic cycles as well as in experiencing the subsumption of the Great Cycle of the Macrocosm. Ultimately, as buddha said, "nothing whatsoever is gained from complete perfect enlightenment." If anything at all is gained, then it is not complete perfect enlightenment. All authentic teaching is based on the fact that delusion and enlightenment are selfless. All other teachings are provisional. Until one passes through the fire of realization void of self and then oversees the maturation of that experience in the aftermath of absolute Causelessness by forgetting all traces of enlightenment, one is not completely free of the extremes of either delusion or enlightenment. Spiritual adaption uses both delusion and enlightenment fluidly to function subtly in terms of Complete Reality or Suchness. This is called availing oneself of the Supreme Vehicle of Tathagatas, the Middle Way of Buddhas, the sublime path of saints, sages, wizards and all prior illuminates. As for the Lair of Tigers and Dragons: this is a euphemism for the critical juncture of any situation's yin convergence, expressed by the 23rd Hexagram, Stripping Away. It's neither good nor bad~ it just is. And what it is, is when "ones life hangs in the balance." If it weren't for the process of the killing energy, there would be no self-refinement. Such a time and place is perpetually activating and de-activating universally in all times and places. In terms of movement and stillness, there is no such place (thing), ultimately; just as there has, in terms of sudden enlightenment, never been such a buddha (in terms of "thing"). Buddha is not "thing", it just means the manifest quality of "awake." Adepts see the critical juncture in terms of the arising of the killing energy of yin at the moment yang begins to wane because they see potential. Such potential has no thing relative to it that exists, per se, beyond its ephemeral conditionality dependent on the situation itself— yet one can avail oneself of its nonoriginative power simply by seeing it as such. In the aftermath of such experience, one dares not act in terms of its timing, as it is solitary knowledge. It is for your eyes only. Only you know. No one else knows. If one is successful in sealing it away void of intellectualism, one eventually "collects" a grain of the refined elixir, that's all. It's cumulative over one's lifetime— no different than karma. In terms of karma, one accumulates debt (bondage to the creative). The payback for enlightening activity is personal power to see unfathomable entry into the inconceivable mysteries of the Way of nonorigination. As for the Magician and the World together with the King of Swords~ without looking up any kind of referential Tarot card analysis: the two major-arcana cards (Magician and World) together might denote conjuring the immaterially beatific, (or overseeing a refinement in terms of the highest good). The King of Swords is the highest incremental state of the Sword's aspect in the minor arcana, which is Air, or the Space/Mental/Aware aspect. So the situation I alluded to in casting the Tarot (which is potentially lying fallow at the moment) is thusly potentiated as a process of refinement in the spiritual realm~ but then we knew that~ heehee! ed note: add "(to my knowledge)" in the 1st paragraph of my response; italicize "Yin Convergence Classic in paragraph 8; typo in editorial notes~ haha!!

Awayfarer commented above: Momentum is due to mental conception, I did not say momentum is inconceivable. That which is conceivable is anything and everything that can be named. Eternity is conceivable in that it is another name for the endless multiplicity of creation and its multifarious incremental processes. The opening chapter of the Tao te Ching states that the (true) Way cannot be named. I have to admit that it does say such an unnamable way is eternal, but that is a translation issue. In technical terms, I say the eternal is relative to karma, existence, creation and its incremental aspect, whereas the inconceivable (Way) is Unborn, uncreated aware nonbeing; that is, the source of the essence of (potential) reality before it has fallen into the Creative. Uncreated cannot be a thing, and since the Creative aspect is attributable to its inconceivable nature, the existence of existence is spoken of by authentic teaching as essentially illusion. In terms of alchemic practice, one is cautioned to only work with what is unseen and to not work with what can be seen. This means spiritual transformation is accomplished by working with essence (the unborn) directly. If one works with energy (created), one will necessarily end up with accomplishment relative to the creative. The analogous phrase is: as above, so below. The inconceivable is unknowable (in terms of rational mentation). In terms of nonpsychological awareness, the inconceivable can be seen, in that knowledge is immediate. Thought processes relative to the personality are not applicable, therefore such knowledge is not relative to the person. That's why I say enlightening activity isn't the person— in addition, the working definition of enlightening response is that which is carried out in the midst of ordinary affairs without relying on one's own power. That's what makes such response a matter of spiritual adaption. Open clarity is the nature of the human mentality when its habit energy ceases. When habit energy comprising the human mentality ceases all at once, mind is as it was of yore: open, clear, untrammeled, sensitive, effective, un-perturbable. There are no two minds. The inconceivable is your own unborn mind right now in that it is not within the realm of rationalism. It is your own mind right now void of psychological patterning and self-reifying thoughts; in other words, it is void of habit energy. This is the meaning of the phrase, Mind is one. Conditioning is what one aims to get rid of in the endless process of self refinement. What is refined? The errant human mentality. When patterning is eradicated, the capacity of rationalism is left intact— only the habitual use of rational self-reifying pattern-awareness is absent. So the activation of one's innate enlightening being is the correlative absence of reliance on the personality's false identity. Without that crutch, ego is no longer needlessly active and nonpsychological awareness is ably sufficient to adapt spiritually (nonpsychologically) to conditional situations inconceivably, with the aid of the objective impersonal mode of rationalism. This is the meaning of spiritual adaption, in terms of self-refining activity: one's enlightening function is by virtue of spiritual and physical sublimation; the gradual process of going through endless situational transformations, whereby one enters the Tao in reality. This is not a reference to sudden enlightenment. So there is no intrinsic meaning to reality, conditioned or otherwise. It is what it is, and no one knows why. Either one gradually builds upon conditioned qualities, or one gradually builds upon enlightening qualities. Entering the mystery of mysteries is the option for those with the audacity and the will to discover human beings' innate enlightening function through the long process of self-refinement. Spiritual alchemy is the taoist name for a tradition effecting a range of teaching devices describing various aspects of the specific process in terms of phenomenal and inconceivable elements. The process itself is natural. No one invented it. Reality's innate enlightening quality is evidence of our inconceivable nature. Prior illuminates of all traditions have left the secret behind for those with the wherewithal to approach and apply the source of enlightenment in the midst of delusion by virtue of delusion due to the fact that our true identity being pure awareness is unified selfless consciousness. How wonderful is that! ed note: add 2nd and 3rd paragraph; typo 2nd paragraph

Let’s not forget the transition from orange to green is pretty damn significant. Green is the foundation for tier 2 after all. Christopher Bache mentions in his book LSD and the Mind of the Universe that he had visions on his absurdly high dose LSD trips of humanity awakening in an accelerated pace in order to respond to an increasing number of existential crises, such as climate change, economic degradation, war, governmental corruption, plague etc. Essentially, he experienced visions where the rate of human conscious transformation has the ability to accelerate in response to the external circumstances and conditions its created. There will reach a crescendo where we either adapt or collapse, and in his visions we adapt. Again, whether this plays out we’ll see. But as others have mentioned above, this isnt some linear increase in people pursuing awakening. There is not only a brute increase in those pursuing awakening because of population increase, but there is an increase in the overall percentage of the population pursuing awakening as well due to the internet’s information exchange. This is a critical distinction to make. This is huge and unprecedented event in human history. In no time has this many people been concerned with exploring their true nature. What does this mean? Id like to think it means our ability to respond and heal past generation’s karma will be a lot higher than before. Suddenly we may collectively have the inner operating systems to effectively respond to existential threats like climate change, income inequality, war, global genocides, pandemics, oligarchy, AI, gene editing, governmental corruption, etc. Rather than technological advancement, human progress will be driven by how deeply we know ourselves moving forward.

Anxiety is normal for the first time, so my advice would be to let this new vision settle gently. Don't force this transformation as it will happen when you are ready. And you're not deluded, when dramatic changes happen, the whole world changes. It's shocking at first, so that's normal... don't worry.

It's not necessary, but it helps. I had a kundalini awakening while masturbating every day, but am doing seman retention now, as it helps with spiritual transformation.

Why didn't J K Rowling write Harry Potter into a perfectly good fantasy magical world? Why did she come up with Voldemort and Dementors and kill his parents off before the story even started? What a bitch! You love the drama. Only when you're on the side of good, fighting for good, for some purpose and some transformation with the greater goal of love and courage with friends at your side and amazing wise teachers who love you and want the best for you. Herein the hero's journey encompasses the journey of the failure and the villain. And the hero of course. Hero- here - there There's no here or there. You're just fantasizing all of this out of your pure love and creativity for the story. And with that you can see why it's possible to have good and bad, right and wrong, love and hate, and yet. Not. Cause Voldemort ain't real.

That's probably because search lead them to your video and they were expecting a Christian point of view. Christians think yoga is evil, my aunt even loaned us this DVD to try to save us which made me want to hurl. https://www.amazon.com/PraiseMoves-Christian-Alternative-Laurette-Willis/dp/0736915842 I completely dismissed their fears during my rational atheist stage but also had absolutely no idea about the power of yoga and meditation or even just... whatever understanding or transformation was happening. Christians are 100% right because if you truly, truly believe and imagine that God is real and the Devil is real all your life but God must be accepted in and the Devil must be kept out, guess who you end up inviting in when you open doors you were told not to open? Ah, the power of imagination.

In my spiritual practice I have been moving towards becoming a God, which was oftentime a painful and challenging process. Last night, whilst meditating, I had a major realisation. I have been struggling with my dark side for the longest time. Like most people, I have been trying to deny it, suppress it. I did not want to acknowledge my evil, destructive side, thinking it is necessary to be „good” in the traditional sense to achieve godhood. Since this is the message RHP religions constantly project, it is an understandable misconception. The breakthrough was triggered by my brief exposure to images of spiritual alchemy and the balancing of dualities, which I only glanced at briefly as I was looking for material to read. However, that brief glance triggered a deep realisation in me on how I have been suppressing an entire side to me, that is crucial and the only way to achieve balance. I now realise that becoming a God isn’t about good and evil, but about free will transcending such arbitrary categorisations, about rising beyond the traditional realisations regarding the true nature of things. All Gods have a light and dark side, that is the only way to keep balance in the universe. Creation and destruction must act in unison and in balance. Shiva is perhaps the best manifestation of that principle. He is the destroyer, but also the god of fertility, rejuvenation and rebirth. One cannot exist without the other. A Lioness is ultimate evil to the antelope she is eating alive, but the personification of goodness and benevolence to her cubs, who depend on her for sustenance and protection. You cannot protect those you love, if you are weak. You must be a fierce warrior on the one hand, to have the ability to be a benevolent protector and nourisher on the other. Another good example of this is Inanna-Ishtar, the Goddess I chiefly work with. She is Goddess of War and Love, expressing this very duality. So, I have now come to terms with my dual nature and as I grew to accept the Truth, it was like a dam broke and energy centres I barely knew existed went into overdrive in my body and I felt the most incredible surge of energy in me, which I can only compare to being hit by lightning. As that energy was surging through me, I felt incredibly powerful, like a God and realised that I have no limitations, I can do whatever I want, because the normal dualistic rules no longer applied. I fused my dualities, the opposing forces that were previously fighting for dominance in me and became Non-Dual. I came to realise, that the main reason we are weak (as opposed to the Gods) is due to our dualistic nature. Most of our energies are taken up by this constant fight and struggle for dominance between our opposing natures, like male-female, good-evil, light-dark, solar-lunar, etc… However, we are in error, when we allow that to happen, in Truth, we must harness both our sides, transmute them and fuse them into one, which is what spiritual Alchemy is all about. When both our sides work in unison, in synthesis, we not only double our personal power, in truth we grow it by orders of magnitude, because most of it was taken up by pointless infighting in any case, cancelling out the vast majority of it and making only a tiny portion available to achieve our purpose. It is liberating to know that our path is what we make of it, nothing is chosen for us in advance, except what we agree on beforehand, prior to our incarnation in this form. We are all potential Gods, but suppress our true nature through pointless duality of being and purpose. I have also come to realise something I read about Kundalini Awakening in Gopi Krishna’s books a while ago. He described his enlightenment and transformation into a higher-being, a god-man, one that lives in Heaven all the time and walks with the Gods. I didn’t quite get what he meant by no longer having dual energies (as a man, his masculine-solar side was overactive initially, causing unbearable heat and much suffering in him), but only One type of energy, a fusion of opposites, where there was no longer any dualistic distinction. This fusion of dualities is also present in Inanna’s worship as she was known to merge male and female in a person and there are several depictions of it in Hinduism, where Shiva and Shakti symbolically become one being.

I am slowly coming into my power and realising the importance of becoming my own god, so to speak. This may only be semantics, but basically, it means growing up and utilising the divine power of heaven, available to everyone that is willing to access it, on my own, using my own agency and not through intermediaries. Gods/Deities/Angels, etc... are happy to help us out, but ultimately they want us to become empowered and use our own agency. I have done healing before, but my abilities in that regard are constantly improving. I have seen pretty spectacular results working on my GF this weekend, so I'm rather pysched in that regard. My powers of manifestation are also growing and I've noticed that people around me, loved ones in particular, are seeing the benefits. They are getting things that they wished for and manifesting results by being around me. I am very much at the beginning of my journey, but I like the freedom that comes with being able to manifest results and shape the world the way I'd like it to be. From the very beginning of my spiritual journey, the chief realisation that has helped me along was this: "It's all about energy!" Yup, whatever you do in the field of spirituality, the most important component is energy, it is what enables you to achieve results. Infinite amounts of Cosmic, Divine energy are avaiable to you, there for the taking, but you have to learn to access and harness it. This is a hard, time-consuming process, that requires a lot of sacrifice and dedication. You must transform your body and soul to enable it to access, channel and handle vast amounts of divine energy and with it, information. The mechanism for this transformation is Kundalini, it gives you access to Divine Powers and Infinite Knowledge. Raising the serpent is only the first step, that is when the real work begins. The energetic transformation into a divine being, chiefly on the soul level, but to a certain extent also physically, requires a lifetime and comes at the expense of the death of your old self and the birth of a new one, a coming into being of your God-Self.

This is a journal about A Course in Miracles (ACIM). I will compare ACIM with an idea I have come up with called Lazy Yoga. It's a general journal, so feel free to post your own comments, criticism, experiences, questions, etc about ACIM. "A Course in Miracles (also referred to as ACIM or the Course) is a 1976 book by Helen Schucman, a curriculum for those seeking to achieve spiritual transformation. ... The Course consists of three sections: the "Text", "Workbook for Students," and "Manual for Teachers". ... The "Workbook" presents 365 lessons, one for each day of the year" - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Course_in_Miracles More information about ACIM can be found here: https://acim.org/ Definition: Lazy Yoga is about automatically overcoming entropy. "In statistical mechanics, entropy is an extensive property of a thermodynamic system. ... it is often said that entropy is an expression of the disorder, or randomness of a system, or of the lack of information about it." - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entropy Instead of elaborating on what Lazy Yoga means in more detail I will start comparing it directly to the lessons in A Course in Miracles, starting with Lession 1: ACIM Lesson 1 - Nothing I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] means anything. 1. Now look slowly around you, and practice applying this idea very specifically to whatever you see: This table does not mean anything. This chair does not mean anything. This hand does not mean anything. This foot does not mean anything. This pen does not mean anything. 2. Then look farther away from your immediate area, and apply the idea to a wider range: That door does not mean anything. That body does not mean anything. That lamp does not mean anything. That sign does not mean anything. That shadow does not mean anything. 3. Notice that these statements are not arranged in any order, and make no allowance for differences in the kinds of things to which they are applied. That is the purpose of the exercise. The state­ment should merely be applied to anything you see. As you practice the idea for the day, use it totally indiscriminately. Do not attempt to apply it to everything you see, for these exercises should not become ritualistic. Only be sure that nothing you see is specifically excluded. One thing is like another as far as the application of the idea is concerned. 4. Each of the first three lessons should not be done more than twice a day each, preferably morning and evening. Nor should they be attempted for more than a minute or so, unless that entails a sense of hurry. A comfortable sense of leisure is essential. https://acim.org/workbook/lesson-1/ Key insight from Lesson 1: The key insight here is that meaning is only possible within limited situations. When looking at life as a whole it's impossible to define meaning. Detailed explanation Life is a process that creates meaning. This is an obvious fact in practice since things have meaning. To make a somewhat formal analysis the term meaning needs to be defined. Definition: The meaning of something is an attribute of that something determined by a particular context. When looking at the big picture and using that definition of meaning, at life as the manifestation of the totality of reality, a statement like: "The meaning of life is to create meaning" is a logical fallacy since totality has no larger context to give it meaning. And Yoga means unity: "The Sanskrit noun योग yoga is derived from the root yuj "to attach, join, harness, yoke"." - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoga So from a perpective of Lazy Yoga as the unity of total reality, it is true that nothing has meaning in itself. Only within particular and separate (not unity) contexts do things have meaning. ACIM Lesson 1 is therefore consistent with Lazy Yoga which in turn is logically consistent with the given definition of meaning. The same is true in a general sense even for immaterial things. Any description, concept or information only has meaning within a particular context. One can argue that the totality of reality is itself the largest context which gives meaning to what's in our reality. However attempting to give meaning to reality itself fails because it is itself the largest context and has no larger context to give it meaning. Practical example There is meaning to things and events in our daily life such as calendar time. Today it's Thursday and tomorrow it will be Friday. That meaning in turn depends on the context, in this case earth's orbit around the sun and the rotation around its axis. And it's clear that even such global meaning is local on this planet and even culturally dependent, such as different calendar systems. Personal consequences Recognizing that meaning is dependent on context allows me to see meaning as something that can change over time and that meaning is local instead of universal. Global perspective The global perspective is here described within the context of the global ego. Definition: The global ego is our planet struggling against entropy. The global ego has existed for the entire officially known history of planet Earth including all its geological record. And since this is a comparison with ACIM the term miracle is useful to define. Definition: A miracle is an event that transcends entropy and classical causality. As an example of a miracle, consider an untidy room. The messy state of the room is a form of entropy. And in ordinary daily life we would have to put in effort to clean the room. A miracle in this case is if the room cleaned itself without the help of external means or effort. From a global perspective the aim with Lazy Yoga and I assume also with ACIM is to transcend and include the global ego. And during earth's entire history and even today meaning has been formed out of this struggle against entropy. Even from a global perspective meaning has become limited to exclude miracles on a secular consensus level within mainstream science, in academia and generally in our whole civilization. Integral change Integral change here means transcend and include such as described by Ken Wilber with his AQAL model and by Clare W. Graves in Spiral Dynamics among others. Humanity has been living with a rigid and absolute framework of meaning. Starting to question and examining the meaning we have attributed to things, events and relationships opens up the possibility of developing new sets of meaning. It is even possible to become flexible enough to be able to move from different perspectives giving various forms of meaning to the largest perspective of all-that-is which transcends meaning altogether.

Well, you can see this from many angles. One of them is that, in an ultimate sense, is God "victimizing" God. God abusing God, God raping God, God being "homeless" in a world that is nothing but God. Of course, if it is all God, there is also no "abusing", or "raping", those only exist when the ego-mind, which separates itself from everything else (from God) and project meaning into something that ultimately has none. Ok, but let's say that the argument above is too much to grasp (and it is for most people). Let's say then that you got beaten by some bully and that beat made you swift from passivity to proactivity in changing your life, now you workout and practiced some martial arts, which led to making new friends, developing skills, more self-confidence, which made all your life better from now on. That change would never happen by it's on. When an organism is comfortable, change doesn't happen. Now, looking from that angle, the bully is good or bad? Could be that the bully is actually some sort of angel sent to put you into this self-transformation path? See all your problems as a curriculum given to you. You came to this life, shit happened, people mistreated you in horrible and various ways, now you have a particular set of things to work on. Let's say that you got raped as a child by your uncle. Now, to overcome this you have ti develop: self-empowerment, emotional intelligence, forgiveness, self-love, trust, sexual repression, guilt etc. None of that would be properly looked at and worked on if that shitty thing hadn't happened to you. Getting out of victim mentality is about realizing that shit inevitable happens and you have to deal with it, but the best way to deal with it is to see it from empowering angles like the ones I mentioned or some other. You can cry and be angry all you want about the "injustices" (from one partial point of view) that happened to you but once you realize that that approach won't make you better and no one will do it for you, you will seek for solutions instead of problems.

Chris Bache, author of "LSD and the mInd of the Universe", writes that Lsd tends to be the 'High altitude psychedelic that pushes the cosmological ceiling in contrast to the more body grounded psilocybin or ayahuasca. He says that in a therapeutic setting, where the goal is personal transformation, which would keep one working through one's personal issues layer by layer, it is advisable to stay within the range of 50 to 200 mcg. However, if the goal is cosmic exploration, to push through the psychodynamic level of consciousness and trigger an experience of ego death and transcendence, then higher doses are necessary. Bache himself used 500 to 600 mcg. But assimilation and integration at these higher doses becomes a more difficult task. He does say that working with higher doses does include personal growth work as well. From my personal experience taking 100 mcg gave me insights into my earthbound life, while 300mcg catapulted me into space and the universe. In fact, this came to me as an insight when on 100mcg. - the higher the dose, the higher the vantage point. Many people here have reported transcendent experiences on Lsd, and I was wondering if these occurred at the lower doses. if not, which doses triggered these more commonly?

@DrewNows I thought so too! Credit goes to Doctor Jim. Learning different typologies helps me to integrate. By observing my reactive and automatic behaviors and giving a good look at what the triggers are. I may catch it before it manifests outwardly next time. ,,,, Sometimes,,, Too many people only use their enneatype as something to continually verify and identify with. It can be so much more. A way to go beyond one's automatic behavior. Analysis paralysis is a phrase associated with Enneatype sixes. Which seems to be my chief feature. Because Arnold Keyserling was a riotous universal heretic, sometimes in disguise, and became a bad/good influence on a young lawyer named Ralph Losey in the early 70's, they chose to number their version of Enneagram differently. If questioned about this. They might say "Oh, that's just to make it more difficult.,,, Huh?? The following is their description of my enneatype based on categories of language which coorelates with the usual 6 given by Palmer, Riso, and Hudson. Actually this is a typology based on what I call the Keyserling Wheel. To me it seems to combine the Enneagram and the Astrological wheel in a strange way that puts me into a weird space of having the feeling of comprehension of it almost at my fingertips and just beyond grasp. ANALYZE/DISTINGUISH: SPIRIT-SENSING. The adjective - 5 - pertains to analysis, to distinguishing one from another. Its archetypal symbol or myth is Mercury. Mercury involves qualitative discernment and the impulse to judge and rate. It is the "either-or" dissective counterpoint to "both-and" synthesis. The complementary impulse is the first, healing synthesis. The personality type is called the "Status Seeker" or "Performer" or "Motivator". They can be narcissistic, deceptive and pretentious, more concerned with the appearances and trappings of success in their work than with real accomplishments. They are frequently self- assured and energetic, but often too quick to accept the easy answer to a problem, and try to succeed in work through narrow specialization, frequently failing to see the forest for the trees. They tend to be the "Type A" personalities who are ambitious, overly-competitive or "work-aholics". They can also be genuinely-productive, authentic, good motivators and promoters, efficient, knowledgeable and accepting of their limitations, with many outstanding inner qualities and good judgment. from http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/time-cycles/ Below are some of Arnold Keyserling's poems and ,,,,, prophesies, for lack of a better word. Community of Joy Whoever trusts in himself, and respects every friend as a co-worker, will find a community of joy, which in the past was a rare exception and the lot of only a few. from https://schoolofwisdom.com/ Transformation Your transformation can begin immediately. The first step of transformation is the observation of N O T H I N G N E S S, of the interval. The Nothingness is true existence. Until now you have only valued the experience, instead of the interval. The secret of your strength lies in the interval between the shapes and experiences which inhabit your being. Meaning You will come to your senses and discover yourself, when you finally and forever abandon self-pity and self-criticism. Love The essential experience is and remains love. It can’t be induced by sensorial perception because in order for it to penetrate inwardly and emanate outwardly one must be ready for it. Love is the medium of life to be attained, to feel at home with it and through it to examine and govern all phenomena. Whoever opens himself up to the river of love loses his home: he exists in the Universe. Sadness and darkness are no less powerful than laughter and jesting. But in the river man is truly man, he is the master of himself, speaking with things without harming their sacred quality. Wait for the fulfillment of pleasure. This expectation alone produces this openness whereby love flows through all four gates and your center of being is included in the divine circular dance of happiness. Love reaches from the body to the last star, it is a bond which endures. One can never forsake love. Love is omnipresent, it is all consuming, it is all knowing. When there is a lack of awareness, love is destroyed. Love requires your complete participation. L O V E is fullness in equilibrium, letting go, always forgiving, giving, never confining, being aware, valuing that which is real once the dross has been burned away. Love conquers. It creates beautiful things, it is truthful, it exists in harmony with all beings, it protects and preserves values from alienation, it seeks nothing, yet finds all. Seek the dark love as the path to joy and light. Love means to accept the way things appear and let live. Love comes from the fullness of being. It is neither spiritual nor holy. It is God’s gift to reality. Remain true to this one command: love as a pledge of reality. The opposition of the lazy can only be broken with love. Love doesn’t mean grace any longer. It means being a part of the primal vibration of the universe. It is not something that you do, rather something that flows through you. You can’t cultivate love. Love cultivates you, once you open yourself up to it. It surrounds everything; without love there is no motion.

45 min meditation today as well. Today there was more suffering again. Much anger. My stepmom celebrated her 60th birthday on saturday. I was there, and that triggered a lot of shit in me. Basically my dad manipulated me to live with him when I was 12 and I was falling out with my mom. He used every means he could to turn me against her, instead of being a wise adult trying to soften the situation between us. I felt very unsafe living with my dad, because, among other things, he used to drink a lot (he still does but perhaps he has gotten a little softer over the years), but I was too proud to go back to live with my mom and since she didn't either have any good tools to resolve conflicts, I didn't find any other choice but to continue to live with my dad. Not long after I moved in with him, he found a new girlfriend, who had 4 kids who also came from a troubled home, so I got smashed in together with these troubled kids into a lot of chaos. There has been a lot of alcohol and/or drug-abuse among all of them, and they are all sort of a very gross type of blue-collar working-class people. With my spiritual, artistic and intellectual interests, and being a very sensitive and shy kid, it was very chaotic being grouped together with all these hooligans. Sounds pretty arrogant, hahha, I know, but damn it, they really are a bunch of hooligans. I just have to see it for what it is so that I can better understand my conflicted experience about that whole trauma-soup. And I still experience periods of heart-brokenness about this failed romance I just recently had. So that was also feeding into what triggered me, because it reminds me so much, in a condensed version, of a very difficult romance I had from I was 15 to I was 19 that was part of all this chaos I was growing up in. I'm sure I was projecting a lot of this old experience into the new experience when I was dating this recent lady. But now that I'm writing this I'm really glad that I actually went and celebrated my stepmom, because mentally I was already re-living this period of my life because that romance triggered up so much feelings from that period in my life, so as sort of a psychotherapeutic experience, it was actually perfect to further increase this type of exposure therapy by exposing myself to all these chaotic relationships. I felt like a victim afterwards, but now, thanks to writing about it, it becomes clear that I'm working on some deep shit that it was good to trigger up again. Needless to say, I also have a lot of love for these people. They are part of who I am. We don't have any active conflicts, and there is always a lot of appreciation shown when we meet.. After over 20 years of history together with them, they have become my brothers and sisters. So on to this next thing that is a very important part of my personal development: Strength training. Finally I got my new dumbbells today. I gave away the two 4 kg ones to a friend of mine who is also starting with strength training, and now I have a new set of 8 kilos. Together with my set of 12 kg kettlebells, they are all the weight-lifting equipment that I'm focusing on these days. I've found some very very excellent exercises that I use them for, and I'm very very enthusiastic about this project. Together with meditation, weight-lifting is certainly what I need to boost my self-esteem and my masculinity. I cannot be this tall, sensitive and thin guy anymore, I have to put on just a little bit more weight and muscles so that I just look a little bit more robust - both for my own inner feeling, and for how people perceive me. I was writing that I was going to really take off totally with fitness as a new project beginning next month, but actually I don't think I need to take it that far. I just need to continue as I do already. I've only been back with weight-lifting for about a month, and already I feel much more robust, and this is just the beginning, so I can just continue like this. No need to go all mental about it. So here is a picture of my really excellent and simple weight-lifting equipment, hahaha. I feel so much joy when I look at these weights. They are my new power-amulets. Speaking of which, what I gave my stepmom as a birthday gift was actually an amethyst crystal that I've had for some months and that I appreciated a lot. I see that as a symbolic ritual in turning suffering into beauty through the spiritual transformation that happens through meditation practice. I could have given her some meaningless shit, but I actually gave her something that means a lot to me. And crystals are an excellent metaphor for the beautiful state of mind that meditation can produce when the flow is good.

The traditional African religions or traditional beliefs and practices of African people are a set of highly diverse beliefs that includes various ethnic religions.[1] Generally, these traditions are oral rather than scriptural and passed down from one generation to another through folk tales, songs and festivals,[2][3] include belief in an amount of higher and lower gods, sometimes including a supreme creator, belief in spirits, veneration of the dead, use of magic and traditional African medicine. Most religions can be described as animistic[4][5] with various polytheistic and pantheistic aspects.[6][1] The role of humanity is generally seen as one of harmonizing nature with the supernatural.[1][7] According to the author Lugira, "it is the only religion that can claim to have originated in Africa. Other religions found in Africa have their origins in other parts of the world."[8][9][10] Adherents of traditional religions in Sub-Saharan Africa are distributed among 43 countries and are estimated to number over 100 million.[11][8] Although the majority of Africans today are adherents of Christianity or Islam, African people often combine the practice of their traditional belief with the practice of Abrahamic religions.[12][12][13][14][15][16] The two Abrahamic religions are widespread across Africa, though mostly concentrated in different areas. They have replaced indigenous African religions, but are often adapted to African cultural contexts and belief systems.[17] Followers of traditional African religions are also found around the world. In recent times, traditional religions, such as the Yoruba religion, are on the rise. The religion of the Yoruba is finding roots in the United States among African Americans and some others.[18] Basics of African Spirituality BasicsEdit Animism builds the core concept of traditional African religions, this includes the worship of tutelary deities, nature worship, ancestor worship and the belief in an afterlife. While some religions adopted a pantheistic worldview, most follow a polytheistic system with various gods, spirits and other supernatural beings.[19] Traditional African religions also have elements of fetishism, shamanism and veneration of relics.[20] Traditional African religions can be broken down into linguistic cultural groups, with common themes. Among Niger–Congo-speakers is a belief in a creator God or higher deity, which is considered by some to be a widespread and ancient feature of Niger-Congo-cultures,[21][22][23] along with other more specialized deities, ancestor spirits, territorial spirits, evil caused by human ill will and neglecting ancestor spirits, and priests of territorial spirits.[23][24] New world religions such as Santería, Vodun, and Candomblé, would be derived from this world. Among Nilo-Saharan speakers is the belief in Divinity; evil is caused by divine judgement and retribution; prophets as middlemen between Divinity and man. Among Afro-Asiatic-speakers is henotheism, the belief in one's own gods but accepting the existence of other gods; evil here is caused by malevolent spirits. The Semitic Abrahamic religion of Judaism is comparable to the latter world view.[25][26][22] San religion is non-theistic but a belief in a Spirit or Power of existence which can be tapped in a trance-dance; trance-healers.[27] Some researchers, including historical ethnolinguist Christopher Ehret, suggest that monotheistic concepts, including the belief in a creator god or force (along with the veneration of many lesser deities and spirits) are ancient and indigenous among peoples of the Niger-Congo ethnolinguistic family (of much of West Africa and Central Africa) and date to the beginning of their history, in a form substantially different from the monotheism found in Abrahamic religions. Traditional Niger-Congo religion also included polytheistic and animistic elements.[28][22][23][29] Traditional African medicine is also directly linked to traditional African religions. According to Clemmont E. Vontress, the various religious traditions of Africa are united by a basic Animism. According to him, the belief in spirits and ancestors is the most important element of African religions. Gods were either self-created or evolved from spirits or ancestors which got worshiped by the people. He also notes that most modern African folk religions were strongly influenced by non-African religions, mostly Christianity and Islam and thus may differ from the ancient forms.[30] CeremoniesEdit West and Central African religious practices generally manifest themselves in communal ceremonies or divinatory rites in which members of the community, overcome by force (or ashe, nyama, etc.), are excited to the point of going into meditative trance in response to rhythmic or driving drumming or singing. One religious ceremony practiced in Gabon and Cameroon is the Okuyi, practiced by several Bantu ethnic groups. In this state, depending upon the region, drumming or instrumental rhythms played by respected musicians (each of which is unique to a given deity or ancestor), participants embody a deity or ancestor, energy or state of mind by performing distinct ritual movements or dances which further enhance their elevated consciousness.[31] When this trance-like state is witnessed and understood, adherents are privy to a way of contemplating the pure or symbolic embodiment of a particular mindset or frame of reference. This builds skills at separating the feelings elicited by this mindset from their situational manifestations in daily life. Such separation and subsequent contemplation of the nature and sources of pure energy or feelings serves to help participants manage and accept them when they arise in mundane contexts. This facilitates better control and transformation of these energies into positive, culturally appropriate behavior, thought, and speech. Also, this practice can also give rise to those in these trances uttering words which, when interpreted by a culturally educated initiate or diviner, can provide insight into appropriate directions which the community (or individual) might take in accomplishing its goal.[32] Spirits Edit Main article: List of African mythological figures Followers of traditional African religions pray to various spirits as well as to their ancestors.[33] This includes also nature, elementary and animal spirits. The difference between powerful spirits and gods is often minimal. Most African societies believe in several “high gods” and a large amount of lower gods and spirits. There are also religions with a single Supreme being (Chukwu, Nyame, Olodumare, Ngai, Roog, etc.).[34] Some recognize a dual god and goddess such as Mawu-Lisa.[35] Traditional African religions generally believe in an afterlife, one or more Spirit worlds, and Ancestor worship is an important basic concept in mostly all African religions. Some African religions adopted different views through the influence of Islam or even Hinduism.[36] Practices and rituals Edit Bakongo masks from the Kongo Central There are more similarities than differences in all traditional African religions.[37] The deities and spirits are honored through libation or sacrifice (of animals, vegetables, cooked food, flowers, semi-precious stones and precious metals). The will of the gods or spirits is sought by the believer also through consultation of divinities or divination.[38] Traditional African religions embrace natural phenomena – ebb and tide, waxing and waning moon, rain and drought – and the rhythmic pattern of agriculture. According to Gottlieb and Mbiti: The environment and nature are infused in every aspect of traditional African religions and culture. This is largely because cosmology and beliefs are intricately intertwined with the natural phenomena and environment. All aspects of weather, thunder, lightning, rain, day, moon, sun, stars, and so on may become amenable to control through the cosmology of African people. Natural phenomena are responsible for providing people with their daily needs.[39] For example, in the Serer religion, one of the most sacred stars in the cosmos is called Yoonir (the Star of Sirius).[40] With a long farming tradition, the Serer high priests and priestesses (Saltigue) deliver yearly sermons at the Xooy Ceremony (divination ceremony) in Fatick before Yoonir's phase in order to predict winter months and enable farmers to start planting.[41] Traditional healers are common in most areas, and their practices include a religious element to varying degrees. Divination Edit Main article: African divination Early-20th-century Yoruba divination board Since Africa is a large continent with many ethnic groups and cultures, there is not one single technique of casting divination. The practice of casting may be done with small objects, such as bones, cowrie shells, stones, strips of leather, or flat pieces of wood. Traditional healer of South Africa performing a divination by reading the bones Some castings are done using sacred divination plates made of wood or performed on the ground (often within a circle). In traditional African societies, many people seek out diviners on a regular basis. There are generally no prohibitions against the practice. Diviner (also known as priest) are also sought for their wisdom as counselors in life and for their knowledge of herbal medicine. Virtue and vice Edit Virtue in traditional African religion is often connected with carrying out obligations of the communal aspect of life. Examples include social behaviors such as the respect for parents and elders, raising children appropriately, providing hospitality, and being honest, trustworthy, and courageous. In some traditional African religions, morality is associated with obedience or disobedience to God regarding the way a person or a community lives. For the Kikuyu, according to their primary supreme creator, Ngai, acting through the lesser deities, is believed to speak to and be capable of guiding the virtuous person as one's conscience. In many cases, Africans who have converted to other religions have still kept up their traditional customs and practices, combining them in a syncretic way.[42]

The secret brilliance of one's transcendent nature is an inherently robust and rustic capacity for impersonal acceptance of the impersonal reality of things consistent with karmically generative formal multiplicity. Unity isn't just the perspective of the absolute. But paying lip-service to reasonable and logical notions of Universal Good is just a matter of intellectualism. The power of inherent buddha-nature is literally your own eyes right now. It is a pity that people cannot wake up. Eternity is just this fathomless multiplicity in a word, in a thing, in a lifetime, in a universe. It is fascinating, but so what? The secret of one's inherent transcendent nature is awakening to reality as the authentically complete acceptance of what is as is regardless of circumstances. This does not admit of fascination rooted in the particular nor the vastness of space. Fascination in one is fascination in the totality. Why? There is no end to the one fascinated nor the one fascinating. They are the same. Ultimately, there is nothing to differentiate between self and other. Acceptance of the one is acceptance of totality. It's already you. There is no need to linger in fascinations comprising the nature and situational manifestations constituting eternity. This is the seductive quality of the killing energy of the karmic matrix. One's narcissistic relationship with its creative multiplicity cannot be rationalized romantically and emotionally as wonder because it is really paralyzing numbness compounding moment by moment. When you see reality as yourself objectively, impersonally, you transcend both at once. There is no way to transcend one or the other since both are the essential manifestation of Suchness. So it makes sense that subsequent to seeing reality, there is nothing to linger on. If you consider yourself awakened and you still find yourself lingering on phenomena, it would do well to reconsider your assessment of the nature of self-awakening. The habit of lusting after glinting potential in objects is the lure of one's own residual killing energy no different than the nature of creative evolution. No one has lost their aptitude for applying their tiger-eyes, but how many of us have the effective use of our buddha-eyes? This is due to acquired energy. Acquired energy IS our tiger-eyes. Arriving on the path of prior illuminates in actuality is in looking back to observe the aftermath of stepping over the whole of eternity. It's the description of presence being where you're at beyond the influence of karmic fascinations. Eternity is creation, not your nature. Seeing reality is the perspective of Unity perpetually awaiting the timing of evolution. Yes, this is the path of prior illuminates where the nature of the gradual has transformed from effort reversing the flow of going along to a spontaneous perpetual acceptance of the incipient upwelling at the pivot of awareness: this is the aperture of the Mysterious Female. It's not a place relative to anything. Aperture is a codeword for the perspective characteristic of the nature of its seeing. Its seeing is characteristic of Unity: mysterious/yang; female/yin. In stepping over eternity one assumes the characteristic of unified awareness. It does not depend on sudden enlightenment. In other words, the function of enlightening being is not dependent on awakening to its essential nature, which is already as it is. Even awakening isn't dependent on anything; it is just one's reaching a tipping-point in aggregating the critical mass of potential severing the root of the karmic compulsion to act. Your nature is the nature of awareness, which is not created. That which is not created comprises the path of prior illuminates having stepped over the whole of eternity. Eternity is about 100mm wide~ the distance between your own two eyes; it's just a trickle, really. REALLY. Just step over it. Ok, yes, easy to say, hard to do. But it is first necessary to see it as it is. In order to do that, one must be able to see reality in the first place. How? This is made possible by the breadth of the secret brilliance of one's transcendent nature being the inherently robust and rustic capacity for impersonal acceptance of the impersonal reality of things consistent with karmically generative formal multiplicity. It's already you, right now— forget it already— just be done with it for all time!! Be done with fascinations forever glinting in the unfathomable depth trickling at the juxtaposition of the end of the road of universal acceptance and the timing of letting go. When you yourself become the crossroads of before, after, acceptance and release presently and perpetually arising at its creative incipience, your perspective is the impersonal subtle observation witnessing the spark of the totality of fascination by virtue of each situation in its time without attachments. The taoist alchemical term, stealing potential, is witnessing this spark, over and over and over in actual everyday ordinary situations. This is not wonderful at all— it's just stepping over eternity— stepping over it means you do not entertain personal speculation in its multifarious permutations. In stepping over eternity, you have gathered the polluted unrefined elixir. Seal this away in secrecy void of intellectualism and rumination. This is the visage of the all-at-once perpetually in the midst of the gradual, embodied as the function of your own enlightening being. Don't make the mistake of thinking you do this. It is simply a matter of witnessing your having passed through a situational evolution that has no power to touch you. When the time arrives, it is not a matter of coming or going, movement or stillness. "Passing through" is just a figure of speech. When it arrives, there is already nothing left. Actually, in terms of arrival, the Unborn is refreshed. This is the spiritual power of one's subtle operation transcending yin and yang in terms of created cycles of karmic evolution. It is simply a matter of seeing the nature of sameness. As I said above, there is no end to the one fascinated nor to fascination itself. They are the same in terms of creation, which reflects eternity, not immortality. Ultimately, there is nothing to differentiate between self and other. If one can accept the totality (of creation) within nondifferentiation (the nonpsychological), "stealing potential" becomes the spontaneous transformation of energy from its subsequent state to its primal state within you in terms of your functional abiding in the nature of selfless Unity within the evolution of times, places, situations and events. Spiritual alchemy is just a label for no mean feat. Inconceivability is our nature. Humans being is inconceivable, but conditioning dumbs it down. By necessity, it requires work to awaken to our true self. It's a matter of seeing things as potential by not having complacent opportunistic relationships with potential as things. Ceasing to see things as objects of opportunism reverts things to potential. Not-doing in terms of potential saves energy (unrefined elixir, alchemy speaking). Energy saved as such is naturally transformed without effort (or knowledge). In taoist terms, properly transformed energy is refined elixir. Refined elixir is potential having been stolen from the Creative and restored to the Primal. This is the Real. The Creative is the storehouse of fascination, not reality. This is all accomplished by seeing potential and not doing anything with it to refine the self as opposed to seeing things to exploit (or reject) to gratify the person. Seeing is seeing before the first thought. I'm sorry if it sounds like spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but it's just how it is and no one knows why. If you know the way it really is, then (before the first thought) you partake of the transcendent nature of the real in the knowledge that there is nothing at all to know. And that is why you do not entertain fascinations: since there is, in fact, nothing to know, why on earth act in complicity with fascinations in the first place?!! poofs! Suddenly, it appears as it ever was, whatever it was …amounting to nothing. This is called going through endless transformations, planting lotuses in fire, entering the tao in reality. Just step over in one stride and abide in the illuminated as you were without beginning. Until this attainment is re-enacted for all eternity and becomes the perpetual alternation of one's practice, how can one be said to be free of mundanity while in its midst? The strange has no power over the August Way of perpetually refreshing primal Mind. That fact is not good or bad. Even so, it is by virtue of the formation of the strange that the August is manifest formlessly by the subtlety of enlightening observation. Seeing this is made possible by not tarrying over fascinations of the formal. Seeing reality as it is without attachment to objects, people, situations and events is dispensing with fascinations relative to the formal. Again, until this attainment is re-enacted for all eternity and becomes the perpetual alternation of one's practice, how can one be said to be free of mundanity while in its midst? Clearly, it is in fascination with the spark of strangenesses that one becomes enamored of bondage with its nature, which is karmic. See this sickness for what it is and wake up to its killing energy. Once you wake up to reality, and maintain a consistency of subtle observation over the aperture of awareness for a long, long time, you will find that the allure of the strange has no power over the August Way of perpetually refreshing primal Mind. What makes things seem strange and alluring is that personal ignorance of the essential nature of reality, which is neither different nor the same. Just this is already your nature. So it won't do to enact complicity with mundane fascination to personally create entanglements with objects, people, situations and events where they never existed to begin with.

@DrewNows My name spells with an "i", like Galina, due to Ukrainian language they put it as Galyna in my passport. Another synchronicity, which is awesome. Have you ever met anyone with this name before. You are so welcome, my friend. @Amit Today, I just burst out crying, I have never ever in my life felt so much love, this drives me crazy, love of the Creation. It lasted like ten minutes, now it is gone. I want to go so so so deep. It was intense feeling and I want to die in it! Like all the negativity or self-image just disappeared. I wanted but I could not reach this or come closer to the God. I felt this crazy energy is in my heart chakra. I started to cry so hard. I can not describe it. I will start writing about it in my essay. There is so much more to it. I fail here to describe the feeling, I need to contemplate. This is going to heal me. @zeroISinfinity you can not imagine how much loved you are by this Creation. I doubt people understand what love is. It starts with a human being, it collapses with God, where there is no you and Him/Her anymore. This is the craziest, the most dear and the most desirable thing we all crave. The whole complete Transformation.

That blows. We need more high status chads like Zac getting deeply involved in global and national efforts to sustainably solve world issues. Like Conner Murphy for instance: he’s the classic example of orange to green+ transformation.

Day 16 - No Porn/No PMO Day 10 - Bed by 10pm Sun-Thur/ Bed by 11pm Fri-Sat I woke up with some residual emotional unrest, but it felt like whatever emotional release I had yesterday really drained out the negativity I'd been holding onto. In a sense, it's still there because the context which generates those emotions is still very much apart of my experience. However, I think having such a powerful acknowledgement has helps with the overall inner peace of the situation I find myself in. At the very least, I can work towards letting go of the current context, and re-contextualize the situation into one of gratitude. For example, the moments I'm spending with my family are incredibly precious, intimate, and fleeting. I will never get this time back with them; what we have now has been incredibly special and healing for all of us. So in a sense, by being so disturbed about the situation, I'm ignoring the other part of my mind which fully acknowledges and appreciates what we have. Re-contextualization is key, so therefore becoming conscious of the context is key as well. I also suspect COVID is playing a role. I've felt this on an earlier mushroom trip I had which is that COVID is pressurizing humanity right now, forcing latent and unconscious emotions into the surface, and forcing us to deal with them. This is happening both collectively as we try to psychologically manage this new normal, but it's also happening on the individual level with our personal psyches. For the time being I will continue to sit with this, and be patient. I'm really trying to give myself the time and space to properly vision and plan. I'm also trying to take this opportunity to rebuild myself, to truly transform into a version of myself which has the psychological infrastructure needed to step into my vision. Hence this journal, PMO and porn use and to a lesser extend weed and caffeine have been ginormous hurdles on this path of transformation. Interestingly, I had a really wild synchronicity yesterday where I closed my eyes, started scrolling through a book I was reading, and then randomly picked a page to read. The page selection was entirely an intuitive decision. The page I stopped on was the beginning of a chapter labeled "Transformation." And all I could think was "Yep I hear you loud and clear at SELF." Things continue to shift. If I sit and reflect on where I am psychologically compared to where I was even a year ago, I'm much better off despite having no real material changes to show for it. And I think sometimes that's what a theme of life calls for. Some moments are about acquiring physical manifestations such as a University degree, or a high paying job, a house, etc. But this whole year has been about remolding my mind, riding myself of petty subtle addictions, and learning how the mind and ego operate on deeper and deeper levels through meditation and psychedelics primarily, as well as yoga less so. It's also been about learning how to more deeply accept my body for how it is, and its natural limitations. As bitter of a pill as it is to swallow, my body doesn't seem to operate at an energetic level with the likes of Tony Robins for example. Just purely based on physiology, the man will out work me every single time. And that's okay. My pace being less than, slower, more deliberate, is OK. Learning to be at peace with this reality seems to be an important lesson I find myself constantly returning to. How do I balance persistent action towards my goals when I'm working with less energy than a normal human? An answer I don't have yet, but am working on. I think one important step is clearly, and I mean CLEARLY, defining my vision which is a work in process. I could go off on another tangent related to that, but I'm stopping for now. When I'm on my death bed, I know this will be one of the big ones, how did I learn to accept myself, my body, my limitations? The fact that I'm recognizing this now at my age with so much life left is something to be self-grateful for.

Theres a few things going on here it seems. Judging by the statement above you sound ilke your trying to mentally fit into some idea of what it means to be god or free or spiritual. Like you read somewhere enlightened people dont want or lack, so you've tried to emulate or become that. A good place to start is just admit, your not enlightened and you dont know what it would mean to be, just stop trying to play a game of trying to be enlightened or believing you are, or close. You also seem like you may be in a spiritual transformation phase, I'll explain. You had an experience of waking up to some peace and perhaps some realization of a greater Truth, but there is still old beliefs and energies/emotions that you hold or believe yourself to be. One of these energies is like a person wanting to do something with their discoveries/bored with their discoveries. I'm sure there are moments were this feeling and energy isn't happening, and then out of the blue "it" happens and you feel discontent and want to do something with this peace you see emerging or start thinking what it means or what your supposed to do. This can be a hard place to be in, some traditions call it sitting in the fire of your karma/ego dying. Next time you sit in meditation, just wait at peace, and notice the moment this feeling/belief/energy comes up, notice how it makes experience feel (dont look for it, dont generate it, dont wait for it). Then notice when it passes, even if it doesn't. If it feels like there is a way to drop it, do so, if not, let it be there. Keep repeating this in meditation and in your daily life when you notice this experience arise. You may begin to organically see that this boredom and wanting to control or do something with this peace is just thoughts and emotions arising, that you can get caught in and in so doing you believe yourself to be this and its story.

Being ok with ambiguity Living with any ambiguity used to drive me berserk. Whatever situation I was a part of in the past, I wanted everything planned out ahead of time. I had absolutely no trust that things would unfold in the way they needed to. Larry McMurtry, in one of his novels described one character as being as noncommittal as the Buddha. That description has stuck with me. Probably just because I found it to be so funny at the time I read it. I'm not that ambiguous but I'm somewhere in the middle. Doesn't planning things out mean that you're not present? For me back then, much of the time I was living in a future that didn't exist anticipating possibilities which always included a number of doom scenarios. I can see in retrospect that a good deal of this was because I was consumed with a vague fear. I'm not saying that all my fear has been conquered but I'm not as consumed by it as I used to be. Some applicable Almaas quotes- All of Our Feelings or Emotions are Communications from the Heart All of our feelings or emotions are communications from the heart: they are reflections and reverberations of the basic emotional tone of the heart, which is love. And no matter how far removed from that quality of the heart they might be, as reflections they have something to reveal. So if you don’t follow them—if you say, "This is a bad feeling; I should just feel good . . . I should just feel love"—then you're not listening to the messages of your heart. If you take any emotion and really study it and follow the feeling itself, you will find that it will ultimately take you back to your original movement of love toward the Beloved. That is one of the central rationales on this path for becoming aware of your feelings: To move toward the Beloved, you activate whatever feeling is there at a given moment, you remove the repression, you feel it fully, in order to recognize what it is and understand it. The more that all of your feelings are understood, the more they reveal the deeper roots of those feelings in our true nature. What are they about? What are they telling you? Why do you feel angry? It's good to feel your anger, but you have to find out the reason for it. Remember what Rumi said: He doesn't have any stones to throw. He doesn't have anger, because the love is fully moving in its natural direction. Why would he be angry? If you're angry, it means that a barrier is still there. The anger is not bad, but it's not the end point. Its value is that it helps remove barriers; but first it is a message to us that there is a barrier. Love Unveiled, pg. 93 Grounding Awareness in Bodily Experience is Important Inner support implies that we need to be in touch with our experience. Inquiry is not a mental exercise, disconnected from ordinary reality. We have to be rooted in our everyday personal experience and in touch with our own thoughts, feelings, body, and behavior. Inquiry does not require us to leave our body or try to reach unusual transcended heights of perception—and we will not feel our inner support by doing so. Instead, we need to become more concrete, more down to earth, by delving into our own everyday experience. It is the embodied soul that is the entry to all the treasures of Being. When you are inquiring, it is important to keep sensing your body—to stay in direct touch with its movements and sensations. This includes the numbness, the dullness, or the tensions you may feel. To ground your awareness in your bodily experience is important because your essential qualities are going to arise in the same place where you experience your feelings, emotions, and reactions. They are not going to appear above your head, they are going to arise within you. So your body is actually your entry into the mystery. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 294 Without Basic Trust We React According to Our Conditioning Now we can see how the presence or absence of basic trust is crucial to the initial step in the process of the transformation of any sector of the ego. This step is only completed by giving up the particular structure we have been holding on to. Basic trust gives you the capacity and the willingness to let go of the images, identifications, structures, beliefs, ideas, and concepts -- the remnants of the past that make up the ego. Implicit in this initial step is the second one: If you are able to surrender, then you are willing to be. You are willing to not try to change things, to not manipulate them, to not push and pull at them. You are willing to just be present, which is a sort of realization itself. First, then, is the death of the old; second is the realization of Being. If you don't have basic trust, you will react to what arises in accordance with your conditioning and will want your process to go one way or another. You won’t let yourself just be present; you’ll be tense and contracted. So basic trust is needed for you to be able to allow the ego to die, and also for you to be willing to just be, without reacting. Facets of Unity, pg. 26 from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/basic-trust

I don't want to become homeless, but I'm considering stop caring about money. There is something ridiculously childish about money and at the same time it's connected to death I believe. The whole world is in a silly ego state which is also like a horrible trap. It may actually be that the coronavirus crisis is a true sign of the end of the world ego state. The ego condition has gotten worse and now people are even physically isolated from each other and from their environment. From A Course in Miracles perspective the whole situation today is based on fear and that's a false state. I still believe that there is a lot of value in our civilization but a transformation is necessary, a transcend and include that transcends the ego structures and preserves what is valuable.

August 15, 2020 Today I had an early shift 6am-10. I did not do much there, but my manager has never stopped reminding me about how shy I am with the customers. I feel like I am not suited for this customer service and the grocery store is just a source of income to me. I never get a chance to use my creative abilities and my complaints seldom change anything. I am optimistic about my abilities to change this situation. I will keep chess jobs as an option for more fun jobs, although I get paid less. I don't really have any significant incentives at Kroger and there are so many other things I could be doing with my life. After work my grandma told me about a trip to see some sunflowers. As I waited I started tying up loose ends by finishing more chess exercises. I am becoming very productive because of my sense of purpose. I still have about several chess lessons from my other courses to finish so I can lay it all to rest. My heart wants to do the life purpose course, but there is some fear holding me back and making me hesitate. I feel like a lot is about to change in the coming months and I need to be ready. I will not let this fear get the better of me and it is only a matter of time, and not that much time. Granny mentioned buying the course next week, but I don't want to keep kicking the can down the road. I will be quick to crush many small tasks, but I will not let my mind trick me into thinking I have done the bulk of the work. For example, I am listening to audio books, but if I really want to improve my relationship with my family, I just spend time with them. I must also learn to be less fearful of the consequences of the social interactions because this fear will paralyze me and me awkward. I will give more Love to those my family and receive what they give to me as well. I decided to go with my family to the sunflower field. We don't normally do this, so I did not pass the opportunity to spend time with them. I did not talk much except to an artist who was designing some cloth with the sunflower patterns. After exploring the field I complimented her work and told her that it will look better in her house than what she buys at goodwill. She also has pride because she made it herself. On the way to and from the field I listened to audio books. I learn a lot from these books and I have way too much to gain to pass up the opportunity to listen to them. I wish I had been doing this for years already. When walking I just need to stay away from busy areas and I prefer quiet neighborhoods away from loud dogs and cars. The value of my walking is so much higher than it previously was, but it is critical that watch especially carefully for cars which I do. My mind also slows down so much and listens to what is coming in. I feel much more passionate about life. One thing I pay attention to is if I feel like I am believing my thoughts and mind. I may need to ask about finding a balance for this and what it means. The effect of has on me tends to be neurotic and painful with no obvious gain for the discomfort caused and it is constant. My thoughts are true enough to say in the moment and not really lies. My cousin was loud and it was a temporary annoyance. I had to turn my headphones loud while in the car, but I prefer to keep them loud enough for me to hear rather than drown everyone else out. I listened to about 4 hours worth of these books in total today and this is a habit worth keeping. Finally, I decided to quit chessable. I was sent an email in which the website encouraged me to keep my streak. I felt an urge to go back to my previous pattern, so I stopped and contemplated the decision with a pen and paper. I decided that I was just doing this to keep a streak and I was not really gaining anything. In order to make my leave more complete, I would need to give away all of my rubies. These are worth real money and take a long time to save up. I decided that if there was real value in that site, then I will start from scratch and do what ever paid courses I thought was best. I will not restore my steak with rubies unless I pay to. If I pay to, I will get addicted again and it may be even harder to break. I explained my decision to the forum. They completely understood my decision and were happy that I was doing what was best for my life. They encouraged me to continue with this decision and I saw that they needed the rubies way more than I did. Some wanted to restore their streaks or buy more courses. I did not need the rubies and I feel very happy giving it away and making others happy. This makes it worth saving the streak after all this time. This is way more fulfilling than getting points and badges and streaks. I will continue to listen to my heart and follow my deepest wishes. One thing I am doing that bothers me is tying up loose ends to leave nothing undone. It won't take more than a week to do this. I am also hesitating because of I add the life purpose course in addition to everything else I am finishing, it could overwhelm me in terms of how much I am learning. Several of my goals are about to be met and with just a couple of days off, I can be on my way to discovering my full greatness by overcoming my fear of the transformation coming my way. Live a passionate life and love will not be so difficult for you.

first of all i appreciate you all for responding @Roy indeed.. @Luciphene The truth is i'm more attracted to aspects of consciousness that has more to do with personality change. i'm not yet ready to die, (even though the perfect moment will never come), the desire for transformation is stronger within me for now. but thanks @Nahm when i have this symptom i know i'm facing my shit. its easy however to distract my self (which is mostly what i do) by self indulging, or other things like setting goals and strategizing about things which are irrelevant to deep changes i want to make, yet they are in some sort beneficial which provides a satisfying feeling of i'm doing something'. @allislove i see your point. sometimes though (At least for me) is necessary to face my self, because i know i'm running away.

Dark night of the soul is a transformation period where you learn to let go of the ego. Depression could be a transformation but not necessarily. There are various forms of depression. I would say that dark night of the soul was easily my most intense depression. It cleared up within 6 months.