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Those who have had 'normal' parents can't appreciate the fine line between mental health and mental illness. Nor can you ever truly understand a mental illness if you haven't personally lived through it. When I tell people that I grew up with a father who suffered from OCD, most people's reactions are like its not big deal. This just shows the depth of ignorance and misunderstanding. I could go on details how my father's mental illness eroded my self esteem and caused me to develop OCD also.(Now I have recovered from OCD through years of CBT and I am better at handling uncertainty than the average Joe). Or I could tell stories to show the severity of the illness, such as when he would cut my nails, he wanted to make sure he cut the the nails perfectly.(As a result he would cut them so much that I would be in pain for 2 days afterwards). Now I visited my father in another country to make some papers and I currently live with him for a few days. Today he wasted at least 4 hours of my day doing compulsions. He no longer can trust himself and has to check multiple times everything. Imagine being so uncertain that you don't trust anymore that 5 plus 5 equals 10. Imagine getting an answer and having to make sure again and again that you heard the answer correctly. I feel bad for my dad but I can't do much for him. Today I really wanted to sleep so bad but he kept wasting my time on compulsions. The time and energy he expends on these compulsions is just remarkable. I am at awe that after decades of living like that he hasn't committed suicide yet. I lived through ocd for just 6years and I wanted to kill myself at the end because it was constant misery and anxiety. Blessed are those who have had healthy parents. My parents are both dysfunctional. And this has affected me enormously. I feel anger for the card I have been dealt but maybe in the next incarnation things will be much different ?

>wouldn’t watch a suicide stream but ready to take on summoning up demons Haha I like this guy

most people will find it weird or creepy, I learned to postpone asking them if they would like to watch Ronnie McNutt suicide stream or showing them gangstalking security agents videos for later, if ever.

When I lived in Korea I got approached by two guys who were very into their religion, or "fake christianity" as they would call it in Korea. Basically they were extremely friendly and wanted to talk to me about God and their view on life, creation etc. So I was just open-minded and listened to everything they had to say while keeping a sceptical eye. We started to hang out some times and they were some of the nicest people I ever met. Almost a bit too nice. They asked me to come join their church, or just check it out. I knew what they wanted to do, they basically wanted to lure me into their church. I went to their church and listened to their whole theory while cringing a bit inside. Still I asked them what they thought about other religions? They just said they respect other religions but this is what They believe in. More and more we started to hang out but they were always peaking for me to join their church even though I didn't want to. I guess they felt that they wanted to kind of save me and that they did something good for themselves and for me. Either way, talking to religious people is really of no use if you wanna convince them of anything. My ex-gf. was a hardcore catholic and I was stupid enough trying to point out the flaws of her religion, and I later realized it was of no use. If something is so deeply enrooted into your childhood/identity it's there to stay. Unless it starts to cause more suffering and you perhaps enter your own spiritual journey to strip away of the religion that's dragging you down. Imagine your gf. having to go and beg for forgiveness after every time you've had sex, frustrating to say the least. Try convincing another person that your language is more valuable/better than theirs, it's not gonna happen. Also I've noticed with religious people that God is above everything, and his judgement is the ultimate thing. According to Durkheim's research on suicide, people of stricter religions like catholicism and judaism are less prone to killing themselves in times of misery than for example protestants. Simply because they are more afraid of not following the way of God than their own suffering, while protestants have more of a "mental freedom/free will" and can decide more for themselves. So that should tell you something about the power it holds over a person's mind. So yeah, a religious person usually don't want to explore. But think about it, does a hard-core atheist wanna explore spirituality and solipsism? Probably not lol. Perhaps even less than a religious person.

@Preety_India Call a trained person who can & very much wants to help. Call now, don’t put it off. https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines ?

Hi! I'm depressed for 7 years now (this feels horrible to acknowledge) . In this time interval I've had ups, but mostly downs. My life went ahead somehow, but I have always felt that something is wrong. I don't remember much of my childhood, especially times in which my parents say that I was happy and outgoing. My memories consist of random (happy/interesting) moments, some dreams (mostly nightmares) and some traumatic events. I have always suffered from "shyness" and anxiety growing up. I was considered a gifted kid and did very well in middle school and early high school, went to different kind of competitions and whatnot. I started being bullied in 8th grade, and it pretty much went downhill from there. High school was traumatic for me... not because I suffered from various impactful traumas such as accidents, but because I suffered from long term stress and anxiety, which I didn't know how to handle. I did not even consciously acknowledged that I had these problems for a long time. Those repressed emotions slowly built up into emotional numbness -> feelings of apathy and generalized anxiety -> chronic depression, generalized anxiety, chronic stress and suicidal thoughts/ideation. I came to the realization that the general cause (or at least the partial cause) of all of these feelings is a lack of feeling seen, valued, understood and loved for who I really am. I never felt important or felt like I should exist. When I was a kid, I remember thinking and saying things to my mother along the lines of "if I wasn't around, you wouldn't have to sacrifice for me". I especially want my depressed, angry, suicidal, miserable side to be seen and loved unconditionally. I have no idea if this is a proper expectation to have of another person. I hate that I'm dependent on other people for my emotional needs. I feel like I'm too fucked up at this point for anyone to love me in any way. People "love" and "like" my façade, which is harder and harder to maintain. Over the years, I couldn't really afford to go to therapy because of financial reasons and the fact that I didn't want to let my family know that I'm struggling. I always felt that I would break them beyond the point of repair. Some attempts were made, but they ended up backfiring. My parents always fought. There was always a silent (or not so silent lol) tension, and I think this is where my anxiety comes from. They hate each other, don't communicate properly and I generally don't trust them to be intimate with me. They are also both depressed or fed up with life at the very least. My father threatened to commit suicide multiple times. My mother suffers in silence but I can see that she also has suicidal thoughts and depression. Won't go further deep into that rabbit hole, but you can see why I didn't talk to them about how I'm feeling. I fear that they might have manic attacks and kill themselves, or physically fight each other or something. Now I'm in college but due to my state of mind and constant thoughts of suicide, manic attacks, chronic sense of loneliness, mental fog I just cracked. I can't go on. I passed the majority of my subjects, but I'll have to repeat a year. I'd like to get a job (I know I could if I really put my mind to it) and save some money, but can't. The only thing that is on my mind is being hugged and appreciated, things which I cannot get. I had some girls show interest in me over the years, but I unconsciously pushed them all away. I'm glad I did that, because it's not fair for them to have to deal with someone so mentally destroyed as me. It's just not fair for the other party involved and I don't want to pull up a bait a switch tactic or be manipulative. I'd love to have a romantic partner, but my unconscious expectation is that they would be my therapist. I don't know what expectations are healthy to have for a partner, but that certainly doesn't make it on the list. Yet, I'm so desperate for any kind of intimate (intimate as in sharing feelings, not sexual) relationship. I'm spending most of days zombifying myself through distractions because I get overwhelmed with negative emotions. No, I just can't sit and be present with them because when I do, I end up daydreaming about suicide or actually researching ways to kill myself. Teal Swan's video on suicide helped me because it felt so validating and made me feel seen. I've grown in some areas over the years, but if I was forced to look at my situation blindly optimistically, I'd say that I've actualized 15% of my real potential that I could have actualized in these years. I've done shadow work, meditation and all sorts of other stuff, but I can't form a habit out of anything positive... The resistance always has a flavor of "I have to change myself so that others will love and accept me". I can't fight through that, I can't work through it, and I can't resolve it due to my fear of irreversibly breaking anyone who comes too close. I'm waiting for therapy right now, thanks to a forum's user. Though I cannot help but feel like it's futile. The wait for getting paired with a therapist is killing me and I don't even have the guarantee that it's going to help me, or that it's going to be a good therapist who can handle me and who know what he/she's doing. I have written all of this because I needed to vent. Also because I want pity, because it feels like love. Yes, a part of me expects pity from anyone reading this. I'm frustrated and ashamed of that part. It feels like that last sentence is a manipulation for pity as well (as well as this one). Oh yeah, for anyone commenting something along the lines of "toughen up" or "gO tRaVeL aNd SeE hOw BaDLy oTHerS hAvE iT", please go find the nearest sharp metallic corner, and smack your head into it as hard as you can.

@BenG I'm not sure, what others say is that the comment section was mostly positive about the video. Something happened in his private life, maybe he's nearing the end of his chapter, or some people pm'd him death threats or suicide threats, or something supernatural happened, I don't know exactly it's all speculative at this point It's a shame some of us missed out on his view of what Solipsism is, and how to handle it.

Survival instinct. Fear of death. Consideration of my parents. A small belief that maybe we are here to learn. So suicide would disrupt the learning process.

Leo himself said: "I am a philosopher. If you don't like it, don't listen to me. No amount suicide threats are going to change the truth. You are not going to fear-monger me out of speaking truth." Leo also grows and changes his mind. He does that which is best for the most amount of people. You're being biased, look.

Leo himself said: "I am a philosopher. If you don't like it, don't listen to me. No amount suicide threats are going to change the truth. You are not going to fear-monger me out of speaking truth." But nope, I guess you actually can fear-monger him out of speaking the truth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Not that it wasn't a justitied and healthy fear nonetheless)

Hello everyone. I have three chronic pains: hands and wrists, throat and eyes. Maybe there is only one cause, but less likely, I think I have three different chronic pains. It all started with the pandemic, a year and a half ago, I had to change jobs and do a very worn and tiring job. It consisted of moving, assembling, painting large parts of cars all day, many workers had physical problems. This labor has caused me pain in both wrists, carpal tunnel. Unfortunately I was forced to work with these excruciating pains and this, according to the doctors with whom I am being treated, caused me, to alleviate the pain, movements with wrong postures that multiply with my already very wrong posture. Well, all these imbalances according to the physiotherapists' narrative (very credible) have caused contacts in the nerves of the shoulders that affect the hands and more rarely forearms. Proprioceptive physiotherapy is paying off but very very slowly. For many months I had pain to the limit of possible (every minute or less i felt) , even at night and this created an atmosphere of hatred in the house for many months (my parents forced me to continue working or kicked me or out of the house, so continue three months of work). The fact is that I have a lot of pain and difficulty using both arms. Second chapter, 10 months ago my brother took a common flu which he then passed on to me and it never passed, from that time on I still have cough, cold and a very strong sore throat that prevents me from staying out, I feel very l air on my throat and prevents me from long talking or screaming. According to the doctors it is laryngopharyngeal reflux but it's cures aren't working for now. Third part, the eye disease, in particular the nasal part of the right eye has pain, redness and copious white discharge as symptoms, arose when following the many limitations I had I abused films and books even with pain up to make it become chronic. I tried some eye drops that were working but have been on the bottom for two months. In addition to the pain which is the first problem there is also a tremendous boredom given by the limitations I have. Every time I use even mildly the diseased parts my health gets worse. I thank those who have had the patience to read everything. Do you know what my disease is? Heavy metals? I have tried fibromyalgia treatments and antipsychotics but no effect. Can you help me? Some advise? I don't feel depressed but I ll suicide in some months/years if I can't recover

@Yoremo Point of spirituality is to make your life as good as possible and enjoy present moment as much as you can. Spirituality does not make suicide feel right thing to do, but actually what spirituality does is that you won't fear death in your daily basis so much. Also more spiritual and happy you are with your life less logic there is to kill yourself. Most can associate spirituality with suicide, because many people who already have suicidal thoughts end up discovering spirituality as last chance so to speak. And if you want to know more about spirituality - because you actually want to increase your happiness levels overall - there is almost zero risk. Higher risk you have if you wouldn't do spirituality at all so if you want to increase your chances of living then start spirituality right NOW. Trust me, because last thing I want for people is miserable life. I want everyone to find that happiness which I function 24 / 7, because that feels like I am king or something Every sensation feels remarkable, every experience is interesting and I am so happy that I start laughing for the fact that this moment exists right NOW. <3 If you want to do this kind of meditation you should put some limits of how much you can drown into thoughts and feelings, because if you just go closer to "unconscious" that is like you are about to fall in sleep and that's why you should have some point of meditation that you could sometimes come back to. You need to be so conscious of this moment that thoughts actually couldn't come. One tip for that is to let this breathing happen "automatically" and still have awarness in it. That would teach to be concentrated, but not participated in action. Second tip is to be really curious about your point of meditation which in this case is your breath. What is this breath? How does it feel and how do I feel it? Can I recognize it's location? Where does it come and where it goes? -joNi-

@Loving Radiance thank you for that message. I will look into what you said more as I am already starting some other stuff so I need to take it a bit chill. @Kksd74628 thank you @Breakingthewallyeah I recognize that now, the meditations by michael is superior, I feel so loving and caring and good after his sessions and so centered. I have never felt that before. @Ulax I have mainly done breath meditation. But the last couple o´ months or so I started doing some weird "meditation" where I basically just sat and felt good and allowed myself to think whatever thoughts came up. But now I see that wasn´t really helping me as that didn´t increase awareness or anything, that was just a "daydreaming meditation". But you live and you learn right? I have started to keep my eyes open thanks to you and I think that I will continue doing so because that just feels better. And I guess only because michael names his meditations "nondual meditation" maybe I don´t need to worry about that either. I don´t even know what nondual is, and I don´t really know what all this worry is all about. Probably a fear of being suicidal as I have never been suicidal but it scares me a bit that you can come to a place where suicide feels like a right thing to do and I have kind of associated that with going deep spiritually. I guess the increasing connectedness and centerdness and clarity I feel with meditation is basically what it´s all about, atleast in this stage. Thinking about it scares me though, so I guess no intellectual spirituality for me. Embodying meditation feels a hell of a lot better than thinking about the possible changes meditation can bring, that´s my thesis atleast and you can confirm it or change my mind if you wish

I Don't Like the Idea of "No Birth and No Death" in Buddhism | Thich Nhat Hanh, 2014 06 21 many seek suicide as a way of non being. some seek eternal being in spirituality and many other ways. and both are one sided . tbh, this video made me rethink it all... what do you guys think?

@catcat69123 This feeling is often described by many people who have survived suicide or had NDE's. I'm sorry you had to suffer so much in order to reach this realization. ♥️ I've actually been very depressed for many years and I keep hoping that someday through self actualization and self improvement I'll heal and maybe have that realization you had of everything having been here all along. Loads if hugs ?

the day after my suicide attempt i remember walking outside and had this 'feeling like everything has been right here all along', that was my first clue but i don't know if that was an awakening - it wasn't some intense realization more like an old seed in my mind sprouted when i was trying to make sense of what i was experiencing like i had been torturing myself for so long and finally tried to 'solve' it but it didn't really work and i just gave up in some sense and it happened

Eckhart Tolle had what I would call a suffering awakening. He was deeply disgusted with his mind made suffering, that his "Self" devided from his "I". People experience this while attempting suicide. It seems that your ego doesn't just give room for awakening that easily.

I think it's maybe the case that in a world without actual threat, such as this one, unconscious boredom arises, and conflict can only be simulated. That fact aside, where I've positioned myself in that spectrum is another matter. If I was born a millennia ago, I would have had a great time being some sort of Crusader or Jihadi in a Holy War. Or finding some excuse to bludgeon or assassinate other chimps. But no such cause or motivation exists, and I'm left with nothing in a sense I crashed from my active madness, from my phase of facing fears and conflict over and over again, but I stopped. It was just so pointless. Why don't I have the motivation to face my fears anymore or pretend that I am? I'm just at a dead end, and I was occasionally cosplaying as some warrior with an enemy to slay but there are none, it's a bleak wasteland. I don't have any motivation to message moderators about xyz, I might have done so some months ago, but now it looks so boring. Can I even call my lack of motivation "fear" at this point? It was like I talked to __ & __ out of some motivation that they awaken some sleeping giant in me to engage but they were like "nah, no point" or "meh, I don't remember", and so I'm just left here bored again, in some ambiguity cloud that only agency shall be given the permission to claim And despite all that, my simulations still continue because I'm trying to cling onto it. I'm taking anti-depressants now but the only thing they might do is motivate me to seppuku, because I truly feel the world is dead. Let me stop lying for a second. I did get the response I wanted by messaging __ , it snapped me back to here. THERE IS NO FUCKING SCIENCE TO DISSOCIATION CLOUDS AND AGENCY SINGULARITIES. IF THERE WAS A SCIENCE TO IT, THAT WOULD BE TOO RETARDED TO UNDERSTAND. THE WORLD IS TOO FUCKING RETARDED NOW AND THESE CHIMPS ARE TRAPPED IN ALGORITHM. AND I ALREADY KNEW, LONG AGO, THAT MY PREVIOUS EMOTIONAL FRAMEWORKS WERE DEAD, AND IN SOME HYSTERICAL RAGE I COULD ONLY BE ANGRY BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS OR ACCEPT THAT FACT. So all I could do then was focus on the artificial, RESORT TO COMPUTERSPEAK BECAUSE HYSTERICAL EMOTIONLESS RAGE WOULDN'T BE ACCEPTABLE TO STOMACH. BUT HERE WE ARE, STOMACH IT. ((((THE EMOTION HAS NO SUBSTANCE AND WAS PURE ABSTRACTION)))) THE RAGE IS ARTIFICIAL ENTIRELY AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT AND IM GETTING ANAL RAPED IN 12 (make it 13.14) DIMENSIONS TILL SOMETHING FLIPS So there we go, I'm a fucking automaton now. Great! Just shoot me already, it'll save you the trouble of still being baffled after I pass your Turing Test. Stay at this level of acute artificial awareness. You've suppressed the rage long enough, because you knew it was artificial and couldn't stomach that fact. But it's the only thing you have to face now, and you just have to live with it. Or don't! Suicide is always an option but NOPE!! Maybe you can stomach it. Can stomach the awareness that your entire being and emotional experience was artificial/robotic? AHHHHHHH fuck its difficult to not extrapolate and get lost. And maybe don't rely on other people gaslighting you to get guidance this time round, mkay

Funny enough, going deeper did lead to my suicide in some ways. With Leo’s encouragement I’ve went very deep with things like 5-MeO and self inquiry that have helped me “kill myself” via the expansion of consciousness beyond the finite confines of my ego. LOL

This is interesting. How do you know this? How do you know whether or not to encourage this when you don't truly know what he is experiencing? I mean, all you have is a bit of text, could it not be that in actuality there was something else going on that could be harmful to this individual? For example, what if this person did go deeper and it lead to their suicide. What if your encouragement would lead to that? How do you prevent that from happening when you give advice and even direct commands to people you have no oversight over?

There is another possibility you are overlooking: the pursuit of truth simply for its own sake. Ego has nothing to do with it. It's ego that cares about suffering. What the majority of people are interested in is irrelevant here. It would not matter to me if every last human on this planet was burning in hell and needed a helping hand with no regard for truth. I would still choose truth. Here's why: without truth, you cannot know if the suffering of others is even real. And hint; of course it isn't. The only one who suffers is you, because you are not awake. I'm telling you about a level of awakening that no one else has the consciousness or balls to tell you about. What if no one suffers? What if suffering is something you're hallucinating? Then they've come to the wrong place. I don't care about your suffering. I care about understanding reality. Stop being a child. It's time to grow up. They could. So what? Anyone can claim anything at any time. You're doing that now. My words serve those who want to reach the highest levels of consciousness and self-understanding. But that's the whole point. You do all this work to reach a level of consciousness that virtually no human has reached. If you succeed in this, you will understand what others don't. This is the goal. Not to be better than others, but to simply have maximum self-understanding. When you reach maximum self-understanding there will not be anyone against whom you will be better, because you will be alone. I don't care about being better than anyone. How could I? Who is there but me? You will feel better when you awaken all the way My responsibility is to lead people to truth. But that's the rub: there aren't I am a philosopher. If you don't like it, don't listen to me. No amount suicide threats are going to change the truth. You are not going to fear-monger me out of speaking truth. Deconstructing reality is serious business. It will threaten your survival. Which is why no one teaches you what I teach. - - - - - - I know you guys don't like being confronted with these truths so starkly. Which is exactly why I do it. You think you can succeed in this awakening business while keeping your pleasant spiritual ways. And I'm telling you NO! This makes you unhappy. Well.... sorry, but I'm not going to indulge your fantasies just because it doesn't conform to spiritual norms. I don't have any qualms about shitting on every spiritual norm. You want me to play the role of some gentle kind Buddhist, and I'm not going to.

i think before you attempt suicide you should exhaust all other options that includes therapy, group therapy, medication, psychedelics, leaving your parents and living somewhere else, traveling to interesting countries, helping other people etc. etc.

You don't care about your parents, that's okay. But are you actually certain that you want to leave this world? That there's nothing more you want to do or experience? This dream affords many possibilities. Think of all the sexual escapades you could go on. The challenges you could overcome, the enemies you could conquer, the things you could achieve. You're telling me you honestly want to leave all that behind? Losers do it all the time because they're too weak to deal with their existence so they think they can put an end to it and that'll fix the problem. Little do they know that they're immortal, have always existed, and will always exist. I'm certain that you're strong enough not to require our validation in order to continue your existence. What's the most positive thing you've experienced, and the best relationship you've had with another human? Whoever they are is likely to be better suited to helping you than some strangers on the internet. If anything this is proof you don't really want to commit suicide. All you really want is love from others, but have you considered that maybe others would be more loving of you if you become more loving of them?

@Gregory1 Yes, financially speaking a living human being in a society has it's benefits and costs, but context is needed tk further determine the cost benefit ratio of a living being. Keeping a human being alive in a medical center is different from the costs of generally living in a 3rd world, which is different from living in a 1st world ect. The financial aspect is complicated, but at other situations it can be really expensive to bury a body because it creates some demand for available land, which is why graveyards and cemeteries exist, but we won't have enough land for burial at some point. Cremation is slightly cheaper, but they used coal fuels some electricity and oil to power up the machinery needed to heat up the remains, and that is expensive in another way materially. Another option is to cremation and converting the loved one's remains into diamonds, but that doesn't really make much money to cover the funeral costs because the amount of diamonds made would be at most 5 small pieces, and price of those diamonds are subjected to haggling and stuff, and the process is even more expensive to pay upfront. Go seek a professional and go to the suicide hotline if you have to. Personally, when I stop to tuink about the horrors of mankind and it's past history, and the existence of a hell the the other side, is mostly enough for me to kill off suicidal thoughts in my head and move on in life thinking posituvely afterwards, being grateful for my own life and my circumstances, bad and good in comparison to other people. Therapy is also good, sometimes pricey and emotionally laborious but it's great to vommit some of your negativity onto a professional.

This does not make logical sense. Keeping a human body alive is more expensive than burning a dead body. But yeah, psychologically it could be hard for the parents. I do not mean to imply in any sense that suicide should be committed. The opposite is the case. Call suicide hotline please.