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You don't need to do self inquiry anymore once you have awakened to the facet of no self. But you will know when you have this awakening so you won't have to ask. If you are asking should I keep going then you should probably keep going. You may know conceptually that the entity behind the eyes you think you are is illusory but you need to know it at the level of Being..which will be your death.

Yes .. is everyone here willing to kill themselves (not physically of course), to get to the Truth? How can one kill themselves without physically dying? It is possible .. to figure it out would mean you have awakened . A burning desire is the only thing that will get you there .. not intellectualizing, not more concepts and not more gurus..

So I have been getting quite deep into ww2 and mostly the leading figures in it. And I mostly care about the psychology of it. And it has awakened thoughts about death, purpose, death of others etc. So I thought I´d write about it. So one thing I have been thinking about a lot is how a lot of people got killed during these times. And those who didn´t died from like the 50s to 2000s. And it kind of provokes a feeling of "why the fuck do anything?". You will die, no matter if you "escape" death in your early life, you will die. And it didn´t really evoke much melancholy, more of a feeling of "I have to do something" because I feel that I am taking my life for granted. And I feel that way because I am going to school not really liking what I am doing, and I hate that I am listening to these authorities. It´s like "you can follow our way of doing things if you´d like, it´s entirely voluntary. But if you don´t we will shame you and octrazise you to oblivion." That is what it feels like and I feel weak that I am following it because of this. Because I know that it is not that I like it. It is just that I am attached to following these rules. Really if I followed my feelings I would have done something entirely different, that is for sure. Because no matter what I would like to do I would not want to go to school, atleast not to my school as it is just so bad and wouldn´t match my ambitions, because whatever I do I always have high ambitions. But they leave you with that dilemma and I have now followed it for 1.5 years (for 1.5 years I have gone to school voluntarily although I don´t need to by law). I just feel like I need to do what comes to my mind and just DO and BE what I want to DO and BE. School is just such a bad environment where I am, everybody is so afraid and insecure and noone can really express themselves. Of course this has to do with the limitations I have puot on myself, but it has to do with my limits of handling the lashback of expressing myself. People will get after you verbally if you do that and they will freeze me out and stab me in the back. And it´s just such a lame life and "occupation" so to speak to have. I wish I could have ignored these feelings and peoples comments but the power of the many is too much for me I feel. I do not feel secure enough to be able to stand out from the crowd as MYSELF. And is this a good life???? no. Like I have one dude in my class which is actually interested in what we are doing, but he doesn´t seem to live really well either. He is just stuck in stupid "science paradigms". And he´s just a judgmental bitch doing homework although I think that he likes it quite a lot. But that is only one person in my whole class, everyone else is miserable just being in scool, myself included. And why the fuck do we collectively just follow the mainstream? well, because noone wants to be the one standing out, the one being special so to speak. And everyone is so fucking scared. I had a thought, how the fuck is this not the same as forcing people to do something???? Things are going downhill and people are starting to forget how to think, and it´s like of course you can choose what you want to do, but if you do you will suffer great consequenses. What the fuck man? But I feel that all of this is overwhelming me mainlky because I feel bad about not being able to move my body freely, and yes maybe I shouldn´t rely on an external event (my body getting healed) but fuck it!!!! I CAN NOT DO ANYTHING IN LIFE UNTIL MY BODY IS FUCKING HEALED! I don´t care if I am just trying to procrastinate etc but I have never felt more insecure and weak than now and that is just when my body is the most fucked it has ever been. Correlation, no? So, great fucking investment in my health and physical body, and I want to do more of this mental and emotional work aswell. But I feel that neither of these I am motivated by on a deep level, what is my why? what is my grandiose purpose? or atleast the meaningful meaning? I feel that I have not questioned myself and why I am ding stuff enough so here goes: You have no fucking obligation to do anything, that includes the physical training and recovery etc. aswell as the emotional and mental training youare doing. If you can not actually come up with something good and meaningful as to WHY you are doing these things, then maybe they are not th ethings I should be doing. Even thjoguh they may feel "liek the right things to do". So I am going to be completely honest and I am now open to let go of both of these aspects of my life if that is the case. So what do I feel is the meaning in my life? what is motivating me to do stuff and inspiring em to take action? My meaning in life right now feels like (this is the first thoght coming in my head) a striving for a good life. A striving for a life that in every way FEELS good. That is why I am doing what I am doing. But this is just a generla motivation, and soemthing which is quite inherent for everybody and doesn´t give that much motivation since it is so general and diffuse. What do I really want to do with my life? at first thought I feel like I have no idea. It feels kind of blank and I am looking for the "right" answer to this question, because this question seems a bit overwhelming and "too much" to be able to answer just like that, since it would influence every action I take onwards. Do I even know what there is to life? I don´t think so, as when I was a child and didn´t know much about the possibilities of life I probably have the same kind of ignorance now aswell. So if I do not know the possibilities of life should I then decide NOW what to do with my life from now on? Well, probably not right? Because then I would probably find out about a lot of new stuff and this would make it just weird and dumb to go about it this way. I think there should be a certain degree of context sensitivity, a sense of selectoin of what I want in the moment and at that time in my life. But still I need some kind of calrity going forward or I will just be doing like I am doing right now and just dreaming about a good life, and that just gives me some sense of purpose and meaning for a day or two until life hits me and shows me that I am looking for a needle in a haystack and everything is fucking dark aswell. But do I have some ideas or dreams about my future? even small ones. I have gotten these feeling of connectedness during mainly breathwork, to everything. And also feelings in everyday life of connectedness to people and to my craft. I want to have this connectedness as more of a natural and ongoing everyday thing. And this is in general e really good feeling. I want to be a man that people like and look up to like and idol. I want to develop every facet of my life to be the ultimate man so to speak and someone to draw inspiration from. I do not want to keep settling for being the person I have become through my childhood, I want to change that. I want to experience different kinds of lives, more isolated lifestyles, more outgoing and doing different stuff and being able to do these atuff and get good at them effortlessly. My ideal would be to feel good about myself and be myself no matter what. To have interests and doing meaningful things in my life. And I don´t know what to call these dreams and ideas other than the framework in which my life is going to be, and what I am filing the frame with is not really clear to me and need not be as I do not know what will happen in my life and therefore I cannot choose the course of action beforehand. But deciding a kind of framework would probably be of great importance and would provide some clarity and purpose and guidance to my actions. And I should now during this month continue and think about this framework and establish a quite comprehensive one with everything that I want to be included in my life in broad terms. So I know what I am going for. This is kind of the dream life, which is a ideal which I am going to strive for So note to self: make a dreamboard or whatever means neccesary to establish this framework which I want my life to be in. No must´s in the framework but it is just to give me some guidance and help me see what I am actually doing and going for as I am now not so attuned to neither what I want in the long term not what I want in the short term. I have also felt some feelings again for my parents, especially my father. I am scared shitless of him dying. I am just thinking about how I will react to it, how it will be and how empty it will feel etc. etc. And I think I know why I feel this: because I know I am not being a good human being, not in general and definitely not towards him. I pity him, because he is doing so much work and is very obedient and submissive almost at times. And I feel for him, because I. think that he doesn´t always feel so well about this and I know I am disappointing him and making him sad when I am being a dick and ruining stuff. And I pity him for doing so much of the bullshit tasks he has to do, like that he has to drive my sister in total 3 hours a day 5 days a week. That´s fucking 15 hours a week! And I just feel that I am stopping his life a lot by being this stupid, ignorant fucking bitch. And I sometimes miss the ol´days so to speak when we were doing more stuff together, we are still able to but still. I am very angry at my parents and quite unforgiving and lacking empathy adn it has always been like that, and maybe it is their fault and blame because of their parenting style, but it is definitely my responsibility to be the person I want to be. And if I possibly can accept the fact that yes maybe they weren´t the best at raising me and making me a good human being, but still no matter what they did "no matter what anyone says or does my duty is to be good" like marcus aurelius said. This is taking responsibility over my life and actually taking over the control of my mind and situation. But the quote before is not something which I am following myself, I think that is the way to go but doing that towards people I can´t. But this is definitely my ideal being able to do this, because that is why I am being a bitch to my parents, becasue I feel entitled to when they are being negative at me. But they are not even negative at me all the time because that is 99.99999% constructed by my mind, becasue I can feel the difference as night and day when I am in a good mood versus bad mood and how i respond, and moreso when I am depressed and when I am happy. It is two different worlds and if I can take control of my mind I take control over my environment automatically.But I don´t know if that´s is though. I am just concerned because my father is quite old and he maybe has 20 years left if he dies by natural causes and I am getting a resurfacing of fear of losing him. When I was like eleven yrs old I had a period where I would go to school, adn then lock myself in the toilet to cry because I was so afraid of losing my dad and I really didn´t want to lose him. Not the same now but still I feel worried and troubled by this. And I feel that I have not been taking care of the time I have had with him yet and I feel that if I can´t come over this worry about him and start to actually live life with him in it aswell then I will lose every chance of getting to be with him. I have good memories with him but I am still feeling bad because our relationship has gotten worse since I have been such an asshole and, well I don´t see us doing much in the future. But I think this is a reflection on how much I dislike the situation I am in and the person I have become. But I don´t feel this about my mother the same intensity atleast. This becasue she is 1.5 decades younger and also becasue I don´t like my mum as much unfortunately. I can´t seem to get along with her at all and neither could I when I was a kid (atleast not so much). Because she has always been quite fake in many aspects of life and being disingenous in life in general. And I haven´t been able to accept this about myself nor about her so that is why I don´t really like her ompany all the times, because she is fake and that I cannot accept that. When I am saying fake I mean that she is putting up a facade to other people and she is to different kinds of people, kind outwards and not always so kind inward but still sometimes kind inward. And I know this is because she is really insecure and stuff and that´s why she is doing this.

Hello everyone! My name's Hannah and I decided to make this post to hopefully encourage a bit of inspiration today. A few years back, having been practicing daily meditation and dedicating myself to spiritual/personal development work, I am blessed to share that I have discovered my life purpose! And so I thought it may be worth sharing a part of my story. For those who read, thank you, I very much appreciate it. ❤️ So having grown into a musical family; both musician parents who met in the local band they were in, I naturally gravitated towards music pretty much right away. Since before I could enunciate complete sentences, I was singing and uttering melodies, and by the time I was 11, I was writing songs, playing guitar, and performing in local coffeehouses and open mics, eventually turning it into my part-time job. I mean I was that kid who did NOT want to go to school and would rather be at home singing and playing the guitar instead. I was very quiet, distant, and in my own world and rather than playing sports, or being involved in social activities as a child, I much preferred staying at home in my room just studying and mastering the guitar for hours on end; with literally almost no breaks. So that is what I did. One may say most of my childhood was squandered because of that, (not interacting with other kids socially in "normal" ways and taking life almost quite seriously), but I shall not say that because I was simply just following my passion, committing to it, and immersing myself into it everyday. And because I found that it gave me great joy, fulfillment, relief, and understanding, I considered it to be some kind of calling at an early age, and something to focus on for the rest of my life. I can't express enough how much those long hours spent alone on just learning my instrument as a kid has awakened me, relieved me, and ultimately healed me from my own personal traumas, wounds, and suffering I was dealing with at that time. Some of my most beautiful, cherished, and deepest moments in life were spent in solitude, just sitting in the dark playing the guitar/piano, headphones on, and with my eyes closed, just demystifying the notes, and experimenting with different sounds and with the art of improvisation, and that that has brought me to elevated states of consciousness and a place of overall inner peace which I am beyond grateful for. Being in that active flow, almost trance-like state when playing/writing music became part of my spiritual practice, my spiritual healing journey, and most thankfully, my personal salvation. Once I discovered Music Therapy was a thing, I basically knew in my heart right away that THIS is what I want to do. And aside from music being my deepest passion since childhood, my second greatest passion was always Psychology, especially Jungian Psychology, so it really made perfect sense to me to pursue this path. In addition, because I have dealt with a great deal of trauma throughout my life, and discovered for myself the healing power of music and the incredible therapeutic affect it can have on us, I realized that I want to spread this truth; this remedy, and really, really help others, particularly the youth, with their own pain and adversity through the use of music. As a high school walk-out who resented school, I never ever thought I'd be going to college! But once I noticed my requirements to get into this field, I without hesitation, yet mindfully, decided to commence this journey. I believe that it is most likely worth it so long as you are certain or clear about your path and are passionate about the subject. Now, at 23, I am proud to say I am pursuing a double major in Music and Psychology, heading towards my degree in Music Therapy! I am very curious if there are any fellow music therapists or music therapy enthusiasts on this forum? It's been quite a long time since I've been on here but I would love to interact with other fellow musicians and Actualized.org fans who are involved in this field! Thanks again for reading and thank you so much @Leo Gura for creating such profound content and sharing such evolved wisdom with us. After watching you for years, and following your advice, and actively committing to it, it has greatly transformed and impacted my life in so many positive ways. You are deeply appreciated. ❤️

Sweet man. I'll check out more of his videos. I am actually a fan of loch kelly too, so what a coincidence that this guy was at Loch Kelly's retreat. Do you think this guy is as awake as Lahiri Mahaysa or are there different levels, even when people are awake? Or is everyone the same once awakened

@Ivan Dimi I feel that there is a natural drive of exploration and "forwardness" in reality that is the source of all this beauty we call existence. Probably it is the burning of that internal flame which is then filtered by an inaccurate view of reality (=ego), which creates all the trouble. But let's say we would collectively shift our focus unto the immediacy of experience (which I agree should be our focus now) and realize the ever present perfection of what we are - collective awakening - I think there would be a STRONG progressive movement coming from self-recognized Truth. That which is the ego's last barrier can be a healthy expression of embodied consciousness. Of course, this would look vastly different from what progress means today. It could mean technology merging with nature without any sort of selfish agenda behind it, other than celebrating unity of all existence. Imagine what would be possible... This is just a perspective to say: let's not demonize the general tendency of progressive movement, but be clear that the specific way in which it happens is a toxic and neurotic way of a confused collective consciousness which just wants to know itself. This takes away the guilt, shame and division and creates compassion for what is happening. It's just a thought, but I think even though this extreme focus on accomplishment and growth has been a great pain, it can certainly be of great use once we are awakened as a species (whenever that may be) - I think we would be able to co-create heaven on earth in no time

Plutonium confusion That was a term I heard Ken Wilber use in his Kosmic Consciousness interview with Tami Simon. It stuck with me because I felt I could closely relate with what K. Wilber was expressing. I experienced a flavor of this in the recent past but with the added quality, from my perspective anyway, of being divided against myself. Being divided against or within yourself is what guilt does. That’s one reason why it’s worse than useless. It’s actually more like a curse and a spell that perpetuates psychic entropy. In the New Testament Jesus said in Luke 14:26 - “If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. This sums up the state of mind that must be cultivated for overcoming mainly the Superego in oneself. ( The internalized critic in one’s mind that is subtly disguised from its origins as usually one of our parents or caretakers telling us what we ought to do or how we should be. This is one of the ways this useless paralyzing phenomenon is instilled in us early in life and ironic and paradoxically blocks from us our own awakened conscience. When the Quoted scripture says - “ yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.” - In my thinking that is the description of our life while under the influence of our childhood conditioning or cultivated conscience. The group-think of the collective ego,, Our inner barometer is not reading true with cultivated conscience but only after we have contacted that innermost place in us where awakened conscience comes from. Conscience not Consciousness. We are only awakened or have contacted higher consciousness when we see the uselessness of guilt and experience awakened conscience. Remorse of course ?is what should be there if you’re kind of a square or kind of a shmoo or kind of a shmoe or somewhat of a ho. Not a psychopath though who never feels guilt or feels remorse. That is of course a true lunatic who is like a cosmic dog tick sucking the lifeblood energy called chi out of everyone else. The archetypal egomaniac. I ended this rap not rhyming at all because it didn’t fit and so it might stick inside you’re head because you’re not dead or Zed or Sally or Hitler or Fred. You’re just a unique shmuck or maybe a shmoo or maybe a shmoe and kind of a ho. You are innocent you must see and not a chicken of the deep blue sea. But to not be a chicken, you must find the courage to truly think for yourself not like anyone else but paradoxically like everyone else when they have all awakened.

If you think of yourself as a Me, mine, ego-self, then consciousness is identified as a finite, individual with a karma and then rebirth will eventually happen to continue on with experience. If liberated, then consciousness doesn't identify with the body/mind finite self at death and has awakened and is no longer identified with the body/mind. It no longer needs to be reborn to experience and karma/vasanas for that individual dissolves.

Maybe this is a question for Leo or one of the mods or somebody who is awakened. But seeing as the guide was written 4 years ago I had some doubts that maybe the guide was outdated. Was wondering if this guide was still the quickest or most effective route?

Maybe? But then again! II) The Aggrandizement Bypass This is a type of self-delusion that some spiritual seekers use as a way of masking their perceived deficiencies and insecurities. The aggrandizement bypass is adopted by those who seek to feel enlightened, superior or having reached higher planes of existence. It is sometimes used by self-proclaimed masters, leaders, spiritually awakened souls, and gurus. Something you may want to consider! Just sharing a few thoughts, ideas and beliefs!

Rather than reinvent the wheel, I have cut and paste the following from Lonewolf.com, which in my opinion has one of the best examples of Spiritual Bypassing! LoneWolf.com The term ‘spiritual bypassing’ was originally coined by psychologist John Welwood in 1984. Spiritual bypassing is a term I coined to describe a process I saw happening in the Buddhist community I was in, and also in myself. Although most of us were sincerely trying to work on ourselves, I noticed a widespread tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks. https://lonerwolf.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing/ To many people, spirituality becomes a sort of crutch used as a way of standing back up again in the face of life’s turmoil – and sometimes this is necessary. We all need support at some time or another in our lives. But the problem comes when spirituality is used as a drug for which we become dependent on in order to bypass the darker elements of our lives. When spirituality is used as a defense mechanism to ward off the gremlins and demons of our existence, it actually becomes our greatest hindrance, preventing us from developing true courage, authenticity, and wholeness; qualities that refine our souls. While the use of spirituality can provide us with a solid wall to hide behind, in doing so it traps us in an all-is-happy-and-perfect jail cell of illusions. The reality is that not everything in life is ‘love and light’ as is the slogan for many spiritual seekers. The truth is that there are many types of spiritual bypassing that we sometimes don’t recognize (or refuse to recognize) in life. I have listed ten of the most common types below: I) The Optimistic Bypass We’ve all come across people in life who love to laugh and smile, yet seem to be forcefully optimistic. “Focus on the positive!” “See the glass as half full!” “Don’t let a frown get you down!” are some of the catchcries of these people who tend to use optimism as a way of avoiding the more somber and troublesome realities of life. The optimistic bypass is often a side product of anger-phobia, or the inability to deal with negative emotions. II) The Aggrandizement Bypass This is a type of self-delusion that some spiritual seekers use as a way of masking their perceived deficiencies and insecurities. The aggrandizement bypass is adopted by those who seek to feel enlightened, superior or having reached higher planes of existence. It is sometimes used by self-proclaimed masters, leaders, spiritually awakened souls, and gurus. III) The Victim Bypass When one becomes a victim of their gifts, or of other people, this takes away the pressure of responsibility for shaping a satisfying life and taking responsibility for one’s happiness – such is the case with the Victim Bypass. This type of spiritual bypass is often used by spiritual seekers who believe they have extrasensory gifts of some kind, but due to their gifts they are unable to feel happy or healthy. Identifying as an Empath is sometimes a good example of this type of bypassing, as it can be interpreted as the fault of other people and their emotions for behaving in self-destructive and volatile ways. Other labels, like being a clairvoyant, indigo child, starseed, gifted healer, and so on, can often fall into the Victim Bypass trap. IV) The Psychonaut Bypass Many spiritual seekers explore the frontiers of the mind, the soul, and reality through the use of psychedelic drugs such as LSD, DMT, psilocybin mushrooms, mescaline, and other entheogens that expand the mind and perception of existence. While this is a fascinating way of exploring reality, entheogens, like any other drug, can sometimes be used as a way of escaping reality and avoiding committing to personal development and soulful refinement. V) The Horoscope Bypass When we frequently look outside of ourselves for help and guidance, as is with the case with Horoscopes and Psychics, we are failing to tap into our inner wellsprings of wisdom and strength and are allowing external predictions to control the outcome of our lives. The Horoscope Bypass is derived from fear and mistrust of ourselves, our inability to make decisions, and our inability to deal with anything tough that comes our way. VI) The Saint Bypass As children, we were conditioned to believe that a “spiritual person” is always kind, compassionate, and saintly. In adulthood, we continue to repeat this story to ourselves, and sadly, it can cause us tremendous suffering. The Saint Bypass is a reflection of extreme “black or white” thinking, promoting the underlying belief that spiritual people can’t have dark sides because that would make them “unspiritual.” This type of bypass is essentially avoidance of one’s Shadow Self (dark side) by overcompensating with the guise of a sweet, heavenly, exterior. Self-sacrifice is a major symptom of this type of bypassing. VII) The Spirit Guide Bypass In some spiritual traditions, it is a God who protects, in others an angel, an animal or an ascended being. No matter who the Spirit Guide is, the belief that they are there to “protect” us is pleasing to the mind but ultimately constricting to the soul. When we place our faith in another being’s power to ward off danger and keep us safe, we are committing a classic spiritual bypass: avoiding responsibility for ourselves and our lives and sidestepping the tough development of courage and resilience. We are not children, but when we think of ourselves as being so we mold our lives in such a way that we fail to develop strength of spiritual character. Spirit guides serve to teach us rather than to babysit us. VIII) The Prayer Bypass Similar to the Spirit Guide Bypass, the Prayer Bypass circumvents personal responsibility by putting faith in a higher being to solve all of our problems and issues. While praying can be a healthy practice, it can easily become limiting and misguided. IX) The Guru Bypass Often it is beneficial to follow a guru, shaman or spiritual teacher to learn and grow. However, becoming too attached to them can rapidly turn into another form of spiritual bypassing. The temptation to begin worshiping (knowingly or unknowingly) these teachers means that we eventually forget the purpose of listening to them: to integrate the essence of their teachings. By treating the words of a guru or master as the irrefutable truth and failing to think for ourselves, we are starved of true spiritual growth and transformation on our spiritual journeys. X) The Finger-Pointing Bypass On our spiritual quests, we begin to see through the lies, delusions, and crazy behaviors committed by our fellow human beings and this can make us angry, downhearted, and frustrated. However, when we get caught up in “everything that is wrong” with the outside world and other people, dedicating our lives to the self-righteous quest of finger-pointing, this can be another form of spiritual bypassing. Finger-pointing instills us with a false sense of righteousness, taking away our responsibility of looking inside and working on ourselves. At its roots, the Finger-Pointing bypass is sourced from fear and avoidance and is a powerful form of procrastination. Certainly, there are many other forms of spiritual bypassing, but here I present the most common ones that are easily observable in everyday life. Just to make myself clear, I cut and paste the above material from LoneWolf.com, the author is "Aletheia Luna". Just sharing a few thoughts, ideas and beliefs! Now "Do the WORK"

One useful way to frame spiritual bypassing is when conceptualization, beliefs, and unconscious mechanisms of the ego mind have co-opted deep, existential insights as new forms of self activity. This can commonly manifests as the dogmatic position in the whole "there is no one here and nothing to do! This is it!" type of attitude we see in the Neo Advaita movement. Other common forms are the new age belief systems around spirituality and "oneness." When the ego co-ops these positions, the outward manifestation of mind and body are not actually aligned with authentic realization, but instead, still caught in the dream, but a pernicious version because of how sneaky it is. We think we're being spiritual, but the ego has simply manipulated the insights to fit its new survival agenda, all the while what we actually are is still unconscious to itself. The biggest danger is never having actually aligned with our highest desire, which is to self-unity, become conscious of what we actually are. The danger is particularly bad in the examples I've listed because the ego truly believes it's "got it" but the truth remains hidden. The work is falsely seen to be done, or the ego thinks itself much more advanced than it actually is. Thinking one is awakened while not actually being awake is tragic, really. Usually it's only seen in hindsight, once one has had legitimate breakthroughs and can examine retroactively. Clarity clears ignorance. Consistent meditation - meditation is like a bullshit detector. If meditating for long periods of time causes suffering, that's an immediate indicator you have not unraveled the mystery of self. You want to have so much conviction in your insight, you can look death in the eyes and smile. Cannot emphasize enough how important and how simultaneously grounding and mind blowing rigorous meditation is, especially long term and especially for helping us avoid spiritual ego. Nothing like a good strong determination sit to humble the ego, but usually much less intensity is required. One of Leo's old vlogs talks about the importance of doing quarterly meditation retreats. I wouldn't say that frequently is necessary; quarterly is pretty extreme. However, doing at least one retreat per year is also really powerful and making sure our insights are grounded in experience, rather than belief. Understanding the mechanism and extent of self deception. Leo's video series on this is insanely powerful and underrated, imo. Adopting principles such as - Integrity, honesty, humility, persistence, gratitude, patience Values such as - truth, love, self-actualization, wisdom, harmony Be extremely weary of those who promote or demonize spiritual practice. There is certainly wisdom in the "This is it!" perspective, but in my experience, most of these individual's level of awakening is shallow. After a certain degree of awakening, one begins to see when someone is bullshitting, and when one is authentic. Kinda like how it's obvious who's a virgin and who's not... The presence of a truly awakened being is radically more powerful than, for example, the myriad of Neo Advaita or New Age YouTubers out there. However, detecting this subtle transmission is usually only available once one has had legitimate breakthroughs.

@Consilience Although I have done Mahamudra and Dzogchen retreats, my primary practice for more than a decade has been Sahaja Siddha Yoga, so I will restrict my comments to my experiences within that tradition. Forgive me if I use technical Yoga jargon, but it's the language I am comfortable with and that I use to communicate with my teachers and fellow students. I can clarify any terms if necessary. Also, forgive me for the length of this post :-) Before I talk more about my personal experiences, let me lay some ground work in Yoga theory. I would also like to make a distinction between the school I belong to and most other schools. This is not in any a way a judgement of which is better, only a critical point in how I practice. Typically, Yoga is taught as a series of willful techniques. The guru provides instructions, and the student follows to the best of their ability. As the sadhaka progresses, corrections are made, techniques are modified, and new teachings are given. In the tradition I belong to, the Guru awakens the prana shakti through a look, touch, or mantra (or a combination of them). Once the prana shakti is awakened, the sadhaka surrenders it to God in meditation. Everything that follows is spontaneous. All asanas, pranayamas, mudras, bandhas, etc happen without the willful effort of the sadhaka. Whatever is required for progress happens happens naturally, in the correct sequence, and to appropriate degree. Now on to the theory. Yoga is divided into 4 broad categories, Mantra, Laya, Hatha, and Raja. Mantra Yoga is the joining of Ham and Sa, or the in and out breaths. Once the breath is flowing equally through both nostrils, it is said that the sushumna, or central energy channel, has awakened. Hatha Yoga is the uniting of the Ha and Tha, or the sun and moon. This refers to the prana (sun) and apana (moon) that flows through the ida and pingala channels, which flank the sushumna on the left and right. Laya Yoga brings the bindu and nada together (mind and sound), and finally, in Raja Yoga the jivatman and Paratman become one. In the early stages of Yoga sadhana, as illustrated in my original post, the ida and pingala nadis are being purified. The prana and apana that flows through them cannot join together and enter the sushumna until that process has completed. You may wonder what is being cleared from the nadis. It is the sanchit karmas from previous lives. During this phase, sadhakas can experience many various kriyas (spontaneous actions). One will laugh and another will cry. Some roll their head around their shoulders, and others roll their bodies along the floor. Everyone experiences something different according to their past life karmas. This is all part of the purification process. Even though different people have different experiences initially, as they progress, the experiences become more common and systematic. At a certain stage, everyone passes through the same asanas, pranayamas, bandhas, mudras, etc, all in the same order. Ultimately, everyone passes beyond the external rites and enter the internal limbs of Yoga. On a side note, Yoga is not only a life long project, it is a LIVES long process, so some stages can seem to be skipped, but they may have been accomplished previously, in another life time. Now, I will share some of the experiences I have had beyond year one of my sadhana. I cannot provide a complete account, since I didn't recorded every incident, and much has been forgotten. There are also some kriyas that are considered "concealed" from non-practitioners, so I cannot reveal those. I will attempt to at least cover the broad strokes. Going into my second year, I began to enter a state that was not waking, dreaming or deep sleep. I would lose complete consciousness of the external world. There would be no dreams, but it wasn't a complete void either. There were some faint cognitions, but there was no sense that "I was thinking." All egoic consciousness was absent. Most every meditation session was the same, and I would fall into this state almost instantly. This actually went on for a number of years. It was a very difficult time; I felt like a complete failure. Where were the exciting kriyas that I had experienced before? I now believe this stage was an experience of tandra, but I'm not entirely sure. Eventually, physically kriyas began to return. At first there were mostly hand mudras or jerks of the head. Then I began to naturally sit in Siddhasana pose. Moolabandha Bandha became quite frequent at this stage. It was followed by Uddiyana Bandha, and then by Jalandhara Bandha. Finally, all three would be held together, along with breath retention. This was very intense, and it would be accompanied by a tremendous amount of energy flowing through my body. At times is seemed overwhelming. I relayed this to a teacher under my guru who pointed me to the Yoga scriptures. Everything was outlined there in perfect detail, all in the correct order. Shortly after this (maybe 3-6 months), I began to experience Kechari Mudra. This is where the tongue turns back and enters the nasopharynx. It didn't happen all at once, but it didn't take long either. Once the tongue was fully situated in the nasopharynx, I experienced complete thoughtlessness for the first time. I was totally aware of everything in my body and environment, but the mind was absolutely still. It is around this time that I began to experience "nada." This is a sound that originates internally, without any external cause. I hear it constantly, like a high pitched buzzing. This has been ongoing for over two years now. There have been other kriyas along the way, some are mental rather than physical, and some are even emotional. There have been changes in thinking, desiring, and lifestyle choices, all naturally and without volition. Some of the more recent experiences are still too "fresh" to speak about. I feel like I need to digest them more before sharing. There is no doubt that I have omitted things, mostly out of a lapse in memory, but I will gladly answer any questions that you may have.

You do a ton of spiritual practice for years and make yourself accident prone to cessation/fruition/nirodha samapatti. https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/15-fruition/ https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-vi-my-spiritual-quest/54-the-middle-paths/nirodha-samapatti/ Fruition is quite easy compared to attaining nirodha samapatti. It just kind of happens out of nowhere after doing enough practice and developing yourself or you could better say undeveloping your”self”. It took an already awakened medical doctor like 50 attempts of one hour or so a piece to reach nirodha samapatti which the Buddha said is the highest temporary spiritual attainment in life. Other than that, only parinibbana is better in Buddhism. Fruition and nirodha samapatti both produce the same insight potentially if viewed correctly which is deep insight into the existence vs. nonexistence duality that someone without that direct non-experience cannot possibly have in its maturity. Doesn’t matter how many planets you can create at will on 5-MeO DMT — that’s still just maya and the dream, albeit a fun side quest to unlock.

There’s nothing for direct experience supposedly although many yogis and other awakened people see there to be some remnant of consciousness in such cases in the gap. A tricky epistemic issue in some ways. Especially when you add in ideas of cessation which causes some of the largest permanent shifts in baseline consciousness but is supposedly the closest thing to nonexistence in many people’s opinions.

In the knowledge of the Atman, which is the dark night to the ignorant, the recollected mind is fully awake and aware. The ignorant are awake in their sense-life, which is darkness to the sage. Bhagavad Gita ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You are dreaming that you are unenlightened. You are dreaming that you are awake. The question is: Why? The answer is: Why not? paradox is normal in the sleep state “The ‘I’ casts off the illusion of ‘I’ and yet remains as ‘I’. Such is the paradox of Self-realization. The realized do not see any contradiction in it.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "All paradox lies with the unawakened state. The awakened don’t have something that the unawakened are missing, it’s the other way around. The unawakened possess massive structures of false belief. They create and maintain these vast realms of past, present and future;" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The price of truth is everything. The price of truth is nothing. This is another way of stating the gateless gate paradox. From the unawakened side, the gate blocking one from enlightenment is enormous and impassable. Delusion fills one’s entire field of view because it resides prior to perception. Once delusion has been destroyed, we see that it never really existed." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Die while you’re alive and be absolutely dead. Then do whatever you want: it’s all good. Bunan ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The great path has no gates, thousands of roads enter it. When you pass through this gateless gate you walk the universe alone. Mumon ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Because of an innocent misunderstanding you think that you are a human being in the relative world seeking the experience of oneness, but actually you are the One expressing itself as the experience of being a human being.” ? Adyashanti ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I ask you only to stop imagining that you were born, have parents, are a body, will die and so on. Just try, make a beginning – it is not as hard as you think. Nisargadatta Maharaj ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If the eye never sleeps, all dreams will naturally cease. If the mind makes no discriminations, the ten thousand things are as they are, of single essence. To understand the mystery of this One-essence is to be released from all entanglements. When all things are seen equally the timeless Self-essence is reached. No comparisons or analogies are possible in this causeless, relationless state. Sosan ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There seem to be two kinds of searchers: those who seek to make their ego something other than it is, i.e. holy, happy, unselfish (as though you could make a fish unfish), and those who understand that all such attempts are just gesticulation and play-acting, that there is only one thing that can be done, which is to disidentify themselves with the ego, by realising its unreality, and by becoming aware of their eternal identity with pure being. Wei Wu Wei ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you're not amazed at how naive you were yesterday, You are standing still. If you're not terrified of the next step, You're eyes are closed. If you're standing still and your eyes are closed, Then you're dreaming that you're awake. A caged bird in a boundless sky. -Jed McKenna ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In all ten directions of the universe, there is only one truth. When we see clearly, the great teachings are the same. What can ever be lost? What can be attained? If we attain something, it was there from the beginning of time. If we lose something, it is hiding somewhere near us. Look: Th is ball in my pocket: can you see how priceless it is? ~Ryokan ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue. ~Antisthenes ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Suffering just means you’re having a bad dream. Happiness means you’re having a good dream. Enlightenment means getting out of the dream altogether.” “The point is to wake up, not to earn a Ph.D. In waking up.” “It is your show. It is your universe. There is no one else here, just you, and nothing is being withheld from you. You are completely on your own. Everything is available for direct knowing. No one else has anything you need. No one else can lead you, pull you, push you or carry you.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “The bottom line remains the same: you’re either awake or you’re not.One day, there it is. Nothing. No more enemies, no more battles.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “I don’t have something you don’t; you believe something I don’t.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “It’s ego – the false self – that exalts the guru and declares the teaching sacred, but nothing is exalted or sacred, only true or not true.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Enlightenment is the unprogrammed state.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Wake up first. Wake up, and then you can double back and perhaps be of some use to others if you still have the urge. Wake up first, with pure and unapologetic selfishness, or you’re just another shipwreck victim floundering in the ocean and all the compassion in the world is of absolutely no use to the other victims floundering around you.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “All fear is ultimately fear of no-self.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “The one and only truth of any person lies like a black hole at their very core, and everything else – EVERYTHING else – is just the rubbish and debris that covers the hole. Of course, to someone who’s just going about their normal human existence undistracted by the larger questions, that rubbish and debris is everything that makes them who they are. But to someone who wants to get to the truth, who they are is what’s in the way. All fear is ultimately fear of this inner black hole, and nothing on this side of that hole is true. The process of achieving enlightenment is about the breaking through the blockage and stepping through the hole.” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Maybe you think death is the opposite of life, or that all this death-awareness stuff translates into the end of happiness and good times, but this is not the case. Death isn't morbid, fear is morbid. Death doesn't oppose life, fear opposes life. To close your eyes to death is to close them to life: what could be more morbid than that? From your perspective, death and suicide are horrific and unthinkable. From my perspective, they are empowering and lifeaffirming. and I would look at any person that doesn't have an open, honest relationship with these subjects as themselves nine parts dead.”

Wow… WOW! Your use of the term “psychic attack” leads me to believe that you’ve read (or studied) the “Ra Material” (https://www.lawofone.info/) — you experienced “higher-density entities” which may be called “negative friends” or companions; they are “extraterrestrial” in the strict sense that they biologically originated on a separate planet, yet no longer inhabit biochemical bodies as we do (they inhabit what one might call an “electrical body”). I deeply empathize with this experience, as I felt something stunningly similar while on a heavier dose of mushrooms. I’ll share soon. The entities contacting/greeting/attacking me were just as forceful, if not even more so. I actually blacked/passed out! I almost relinquished myself! At that time in my life, I was desperately seeking money and, during this trip, I actually tried to “materialize” money into my own hands (I know, I know). I attracted a static-y wasplike voice (or set of voices) which began coaching/counseling me on “how to do it”. I was susceptible, and I obeyed. I awakened from my black-out to a room coated (in fact, festooned) with glowing soft white patches humming with an angelic “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” — I could not help but weep and rapidly repeat “thank you, I love you” maybe 20-30 times. I’ll detail the full story soon (maybe tonight), just as an ode and thanks to yours. Thank you. You/We/All are God! ALL IS ONE!!!!

Insights about Love, Manifestation, Teaching, Reality, Sexuality, Personal Development, Shrooms, and more. December 27th 2021 Dosage: 2 grams of African Transkei strain mushroom, these are regarded for potency and high visuals. So I'm definitely testing it out. Now that I'm writing this in the future, I would say that the Penis Envy Stain is stronger. Taken at 11:21AM as a lemon tek tea, and I also grounded the shroom with a coffee grinder such that it's a fine POWDER. I added the lemon juice, let sit for 5 mins, added water boiled from the kettle, let it soak for 20 minutes, and then strained and discarded the solid bits. Doing it this way makes the trip hit really fast and really hard. My initial Intentions: What is Clarity? What is Curiosity? What is Creativity? Ideas for my business. >These intentions weren't seriously held, and as a result I actually ended up thinking about what was already on my mind. And that led to some different insights that were also very valuable. 17 min Starting to feel the onset 21 min Getting dizzy 24min Yawns, so many yawns. I need to premeditate my intentions for like 5 minutes focus before I take it. >This was me reflecting on my crappy intention setting skills. 26 min Feeling a massive body come up >I get an amazing body high, like a bunch of vines are growing in my body like a parasite and constricting me, taking hold of me. Designs on a Tapestry moving 30 min Heavy body load 39 min Tingling in my fingers and my limbs 39 min Tingling in my fingers and my limbs 45 min Yawning and tired like crazy. You can have unwanted imagination, like looking at your cute dog and imagining it getting skinned down to a skeleton. >Yeah, so your imagination on shrooms is supercharged and effortless in this way. 55 min Giggly >I'd say the majority of the trip lasted 5-7 hours. Duality needs to be created to maximize the love of the universe. I want to love everything that I've created. (as God) >Note that I have zero awakenings or even mystical experiences yet. I have yet to even realize baby insights like no-self. Life is learning about how to love. I teach people how to love their ideal self. To love discipline. To love routine. To love excellence. To love the idea of destroying their perceived barriers between the story of who they think they are now and the story of their ideal self. To love the action of suffering through a very challenging practice routine. To love doing the shadow work they need to do to rid their addictions To love being curious about life in order to find what they're authentically passionate learning about. To love the idea of healing their past and rewriting their story to become their ideal self. etc. I think the archetype of Shrooms is love. I initially saw shrooms as a tool of catharsis, but now I see that the catharsis is a byproduct of the mechanism of love at work. Shrooms fudge your boundaries of reality, which is a collapsing of dualities, which is love. All insights come from love. (When it comes to the topic of manifestation) You ARE IT! YOU ARE ALREADY WHAT YOU MANIFEST! YOU JUST MAKE ACTIONS TO PROVE IT! I understand what they mean now with Manifestation. You are ALREADY the person you ought to be. Imagine this. You are actually someone from another dimension that has already accomplished all the things you've wanted to. But now you've been transported into this body, into this universe, and now you simply have to prove you're already the case. You need to rewrite the books, redo the consciousness work, redo the speaking practice, and you doing this is just you proving that you are already it. It comes from a deep place of love. You become a fountain of love by loving your ideal self much that you are already it, and then from that place, you simply are spilling yourself out, and you transform through that process. That transformation IS the manifestation process. You shapeshift. You have to demand more of yourself to manifest it into actuality. That is precisely how you grow, out of nothingness, you demand more. You summon more of yourself! A visionary leader is someone who demands more from other people. They LITERALLY SEE your potential manifested in this moment right now.a I see you, the reader, as extremely intelligent. I see you as one that's capable of massive love. I see you as one that will accomplish your goals in life. I SEE IT. Can you? The universe if just a manifestation, an illusion of the highest degree, an imagination. Everything in the universe has been manifested. It's not just fucking there. It has been manifested ### ### ### Collection of individual insights You need to enrich and love EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE, EVERY OBJECT, EVERY PERSON, every idea, every creation, destruction, transformation, birth, death. THIS is how you love your life and spiritualize your life. Learn how to lose yourself more into life. When doing an activity, let go of your mind detaching you from the task at hand, and have the courage to fully lose yourself to the task. When it comes to learning, It doesn't really matter if you're kind of sleepy trying to learn still, if you're still learning, you're learning. THE MOST HARDCORE LOVE IS what is holding your table together. I need to study a book on boundaries NOW! When being a teacher, your need to BE the actor they NEED for THEM. THIS is how you teach people. You shapeshift into the form they want to see, to best receive the message. This is why if you're a christian, God will appear to you as Jesus in order for you to comfortably take in the teaching. God appearing as Jesus is the best MASK for God to manifest such that you best receive the message. So when you are trying to teach someone else, you need to create that persona, that mask, such that people will believe in the authority(illusion) that you've constructed. You shapeshift into person they need to see in order to best receive the teaching. Ask people in your life what kind of person would they like to see in you. That's also the kind of person you need to be to be their best teacher. The backdrop you have demands your attention. Literally how you dress, and the room that you put yourself in. The background you have while speaking influences how seriously your message is going to be taken to heart. The tone of your voice, the appearance of organization and thought-thoroughness in your speaking will demand authority. How deeply and interconnectedly you've integrated your insights will determine how strong your message becomes. When the insight is so deeply integrated it just becomes a part of you. And through that you just have to express you SELF with utmost excellence and vigor, and through that, THAT is what creates a great teaching. How you're perceived affects how you're recieved. ### ### ### Later I had an Insight that had me roll around and flip around on the floor for several minutes going "WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!" over and over again. So, some more manifestation ruminations. I thought, What would it take for me to be able to talk to Leo everyday? Kinda like in a way of a great talking to a great. Like if you wanted to hang out with Socrates, you would have to be at his level. Sharing insights and shit. I then thought "well I would then have to be at his level in consciousness and understanding". (Even though on the deepest level you can only get the deepest truths from yourself and not other.) And, yeah, I know that this comes from the my selfish part of my ego that idolizes Leo because he is a really good teacher and I want to be one of the best teachers in the world myself. Anywaayyysss... Then, I REALIZED that I could ACTUALLY get there. I saw in myself, a deep realization of my potential to manifest as much Consciousness as Leo. Like in my mind, this was extremely possible. That I could make Leo my peer in terms of level of understanding. This is what made me go what the fuck. I was like "HOLYYY SHIIITTT!" Maybe my confidence is just the peak of Mount Stupid in the Dunning-Kruger Effect. But hey, it felt GREAT! And it gave me a massive confidence boost! Here's a powerful question. What would you need to become to befriend your teachers as peers? As equals? What would need to become of you? What would you need to do on a day to day basis? What actions would you have to take? There I was, rolling around on the floor, just experiencing high amounts of joy at the realization of actualizing my potential. Meanwhile, while this is happening, my buddy beside me is lying on my bed, on 6 grams of shrooms, fighting his demons like he's playing dark souls. But he did so very silently. Basically it was all an internal battle. Haha! I asked him later about it and he said that my excitement and rowdiness didn't fuck with his trip, so that was good. # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # Theme song of this part of the trip, reader, if you want, play this song. I was having the crux of this insight during this song. I curled up into a ball lying on my bed, snuggling an extremely soft blanket, feeling loved and feeling cuteness. I spent what felt like hours just enveloped in the love. I was hugging my super soft blanket, with an AMAZING body high, making everything comfy as fuck. I was biting my lip for a long time in a total state of erotic energy. I was fantasizing about LOVE. Fantasizing about sharing love with a male! At least a very specific feminine man that was supposedly crushing on at the time. It was a mega positive experience. Later I am hugging my blanket on the floor, still thinking about love. I'm loving the massive gift that life that God gives us. A lot of times during the trip I was saying "WEEEEIIIIRRRD! WEEEEIIIIRRRD! WEEEEIIIIRRRD!" >I was learning that on a very deep level, I want to love absolutely everyone and I know that when I realize I'm God, and when I realize I'm everything, I will be able to learn how to deepen that love. I want to learn how to maximize the love of the universe. I was also massively deconstructing the boundaries between loving everyone, on a deep emotional level. Like, what does it actually mean to love people? What really are you actually loving when you say you love someone? I have awakened to mega feminine energy over here. Also... I'm Awakening to bisexuality. I want to be feminine and seduced. I want to be masculine and be seductive. I LOVE feminine energy. (Side note, I'd probably love 5MeO MALT) I can find it in women. I can find it in men. I love the idea of putting makeup on to be more feminine when I want to embody more femininity. >I was learning that the gay side of my sexuality is expressed in a very differently navigated way than my Straight side. They're not the same at all! I also learned that liking the same sex comes with a whole new set of collective societal baggage that suppresses, demonizes and denies homosexuality. Coming out of the closet it not merely just simply accepting yourself and loving yourself, but it is also learning how to navigate in this reality in order to maximize the amount of love in the universe. Coming out of the closet literally means that you are learning how to navigate the oppression in society such that you can exercise love for your homosexual self, but yet at the same time, still look after your physical and social survival such that you are not one to be killed physically and demonized socially. >How you do this is becoming so sure about who you are that you're not attached to how people think you are. What manifests as bisexuality for ME, is probably very different for another person that identifies as bisexual. What you think bisexuality literally means for you, means a different thing for me. Like I don't like men in the same way AT ALL in the same way that I like women. The way I like women is HARDWIRED into my brain at a deep core level, whereas, the homosexuality that manifests in me comes from what I literally call a "gay fetish". This was imprinted into me from a young age as a result of homosexual experiences I had when I was younger. (Like age 10.) And for years I've denied and demonized the part of myself that liked that because I identified as straight. AND also at the same time homosexuality was VERY GROSS! But over time I found abstractions with fantasies like drawing of pornography, drawings that fudged the duality between male and female. (I can go into more detail of what I mean by this if requested). "My homosexuality" was in a way manifested because I loved a A SMALL part of myself that had a fantasy or two, and that part I explored more and more. It was years in the making. It was manifested over YEARS. It wasn't there, it was something that was nurtured and grew a life of its own. (I can literally go into detail step by step, each domino that had to fall to get to this point.) >But ANYWAYS, part of coming into my own is me letting go of YOU understanding my story that I've constructed over here. >In order navigate this new part of myself, I will study a book on boundaries, as well as contemplate what boundaries are. Also what is a relationship? >So just to clarify, in the end, right now at least, as I write this, I'm still unsure about what exactly my sexuality is, how Bi I really am. Like, do I just like feminine boys? Like twinks/femboys or whatever, and do I just like them physically(sexually) or am I able to love them emotionally too? Am I able to love a masculine man? Am I able to love masculine energy? or just feminine energy? >This trip allowed me to massively process tons of fear around taking action that would create further clarity. So now I am more confident to take even more action into developing more clarity into my sexuality. ### ### ### Additional Insights What is Courage? Courage is a perceived leap Beyond first perceived boundaries. Courage is biting off more than you can chew. Courage is willingly throwing yourself into a place that you KNOW you're going to lose control. Where you are not even sure if you're going to be able to handle it. Contemplate, What is control? Control vs Freedom. The light of God's love is so bright that whatever it touches it burns away any impurities. I need to practice spending money on highly valuable personal development resources. Like a life coaching package. Ideas hold the power of the universe. Which is why Epistemology metaphysics are important as FUCK. When it comes to buying shrooms I learned that a cube is a cube as they say, just buy some cheap b+ and forget the other strains. Just take more and you're there. You can't really fuck with the quality of shrooms. (Like I mean vendors usually sell really potent shrooms.) You can love fear. I am a DMT jester. That's the energy I hold. I am like the circus, I am expressive, I am chaotic, I am a clown, I am the actor, I am the laugher. That's also what I look like with the colorful clothes that I'm wearing that I call my tripping uniform haha. ( I haven't even done DMT yet lol) ### ### ### Integration: Study a book on boundaries to help navigate all my relationships in life in a way more healthy manner. Such that the love in my relationships have an opportunity to deepen and work at a higher level of synergy. Have a conversion about my sexuality with my Mother, as I spill everything about myself to her. As this is part of the process of facing my fears. (By the time I'm writing this, I already did it.) Take action toward deeply integrating this part of my sexuality. Explore myself. Thanks for reading!

These are the lies you tell yourself to prevent you from doing real work to clean up your life. Spiritual truths are not meant to be used to settle for mediocrity. Reality might be an illusion, but there are "real" seeming consequences to your procrastination and lack of action. Truly awakened Beings understand this.

Man you see, lately Ive felt that the opposite is true: the more "awakened" I get, the more I realize the extent of the delusion I was under about what's truly valuable in life . How can you lay blame upon a person thats essentially blind to the truth? I don't blame myself, or anybody or anything else in my life. It's like u could say it's all been one great big ego- driven misunderstanding .

@Gianna Thanks. That's exactly what we've been doing over the past few days. We took the whole week off to stay with her. All five of the family members have been extremely supportive and understanding. My role mainly was to direct them in how to treat and talk to her. The doctor said none of that matters, but I think he's wrong and closed-minded. He's putting all his bets on the medications and assuming that she's chronically ill and without a cure. We are proving him wrong. She almost recovered within less than three days of meds, and we'll probably start decreasing the doses very soon. I taught the family members some CBT and they're doing their best. My mom was her closest friend and they both have soft spots for each other, so I gave my mom special instructions for dealing with her. The truth is that the episode was triggered by my mom abandoning her for a reason that I don't feel comfortable sharing. I've been investigating with the family the possible causes and solutions the whole time. I think the situation is easily reversible. She was basically mainly deprived of sleep and stressed by several things that have been going on for some time in her life, like overworking and worrying about what other people think and drinking lots of caffeine, and other things. We are trying to uproot all that as much as possible and as quick as possible, and I think we've been very effective at this as a team for the time being, so we will continue down that path. We'll also try to eliminate the stressors out of her life so that they don't trigger her anymore. @Loba Thank you for your concern. I'm sorry I didn't contact you as I said I would. We are devoting most of our time for her at the moment, and I don't feel very comfortable sharing things about my sister; and that's because I worry she might not want that, so I'm saving that option until it's absolutely necessary. But anyway, she's a lot better now, but I was wondering if it's okay to stop the meds. I am very doubtful of the mainstream medical view on psychosis, because in a sense she awakened, so her mind got upgraded, opposite to what most psychiatrists suggest. She said she died and came back to life because she loves us. She mentioned astral projection, now believes in karma and God, and thinks she's become a channel/translator of some sorts. I don't want to deny her these possibilities, so I am trying my best to explain to my parents especially that all of this is okay. I think she will calibrate soon and then she will be able to filter out these esoteric experiences from daily conversations. She's already improved a lot and explained a lot to us in a more understandable way. It's interesting how all of this is working. On the more brighter side, I've never been this close to her. I almost avoided eye contact and real emotional connection with her for most of my life. The past few days, I held her close to me for hours, reminisced about the past with her, sang with her, comforted her, etc. She even kissed me and asked me to kiss her between her eyes, which we've never done before. I think everything is improving all at the same time.

What really amazes me is why havn’t You, or some of the more awakened Mods risen above the Psychic Mass Formation that is being played out on both sides of the Pro-Vax and Anti-Vax hallucination? You and the Mods constantly counsel and talk with followers about the pitfalls of Fear and the collective Ego delusion, Devilry, and the pitfalls of being attached to limited narrowminded states of Duality, and yet you sit on the sidelines silent, or push the Pro-Vax agenda! The only conclusions I can formulate from the Mass Silence, or Pro-vax narrative, is that you are either caught-up in the Collective Psychic Mass Formation that is being played out! Or, You have been silenced, and you fear the Media reprisal and negative connotations that would attach to Actualized.org, Or, You are caught in a paradigm of Survival, which is threating your relationship, livelihood, your standing and privileges with Youtube! Or, .................................................................................? The Human collective Ego is going through a Psychic Mass Formation of Devilry on both sides of the fence, and yet there is nothing but silence about this Madness or Devilry from the top tiers! Why is that? Let me make this very clear! I am not Pro-vax or Anti-Vax! I have taken both Vaccines as a courtesy to family members and neighbours who are caught-up in their fears and Survival! Having said that, I am conscious and awake enough to know that something isn’t right with the narrative, and I question the Devilry on both sides of the fence, and “YOU SHOULD TOO”! Just sharing a few thoughts, ideas, and beliefs!

What really amazes me is why hasn’t Leo, or some of the more awakened (so called awakened) Mods risen above the Psychic Mass Formation that is being played out on both sides of the Pro-Vax and Anti-Vax hallucination? They constantly counsel and talk with followers about the pitfalls of Fear and the collective Ego delusion, Devilry, and the pitfalls of being attached to limited narrowminded states of Duality, and yet they sit on the sidelines silent, or pushing the Pro-Vax narrative! The only conclusions I can formulate from the Mass Silence,or Pro-Vax narrative, is that they are either caught-up in the Collective Psychic Mass Formation that is being played out! Or, They have been silenced, and they fear the Media reprisal and negative connotations that would attach to Actualized.org, Or, Leo is caught in a paradigm of Survival, which is threating his relationship, livelihood, his standing and privileges with Youtube! Or, .................................................................................? The Human collective Ego is going through a Psychic Mass Formation of Devilry on both sides of the fence, and yet there is nothing but silence about this Madness or Devilry from the top tiers! Why is that? Let me make this very clear! I am not Pro-vax or Anti-Vax! I have taken both Vaccines as a courtesy to family members and neighbours who are caught-up in their fears and Survival! Having said that, I am conscious and awake enough to know that something isn’t right with the narrative, and I question the Devilry on both sides of the fence, and “YOU SHOULD TOO”! Just sharing a few thoughts, ideas, and beliefs!

@Don Wei I once awakened on acid and the first thing that came through my mind was, jeez this is gonna be boring, not a negative way but I felt like I must also have a thing to channel my energy into and here where I truly understood the value of having a real-life purpose.

@Don Wei no offense and not coming from a place of attempting to be an authority on who's awake and who isn't, but if you're falling into the thought stories displayed in the original post, there's more letting go to do. Coming from another guy on the path, I'm not some awakened master or whatever.