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The function of these lampposts. They will absorb like a magical absorbing sponge, all the spiritual energy and the positivity and then use it or harness it to grow the right way and improve the consciousness. And lay down the framework or the network to pass it down to others And then eventually become sources of spiritual energy themselves, bringing spiritual transformation in the universe through their energy. This energy continues to exist even after the person is gone or dead. So in short the functions here are ? Absorbing. ? Removing toxicity. Because this toxicity blocks growth. And slowly replace the toxicity with the absorbed positivity. Absorbing as well as releasing. Absorbing good things and releasing bad things. ? Growing. Becoming spiritually strong ? Transformation of the environment and laying down the framework for others. Like a mentor. Pass down the tradition It's like a matured or ripened fruit passing the seeds into the ground once it falls for new shoots that will continue the same process. Keeping the order going. The Patumba call these sponges baumbodo.

So I'm a 20-year old guy who at first time in his life engages in an attempt to have a real long-term relationship. Previously I was a bit interesting in pickup and having "casual sex" and so on, but I started to find it boring and exhausting. So me, and a girl with which we were "just making good sex and having fun" slowly and carefully started thinking about something more real, intimate and personal. And now it's almost a year since we're together. We are +- emotionally stable and so on so we don't have a lot of fights and we're dialoguing our way through somehow. But it's felt and seen that we're really different people. We have influenced each other a lot through that year, but it's quite obvious that we also have different priorities and values sometimes, in the most vital areas of life. I'm self-absorbed in some sense and quite attached to this idea of personal growth, transformation, understanding life and so on. "WE ALL SHOULD REACH TO THE STARS", that kind of thinking. She buys into it to some degree but she's more(than me) about comfort, not-risking, and relationships with others. And this polarity often shows itself when we have an argument or a serious discussion on some matter. So with that explained I would like to ask you, dear self-actualizers, for any valuable and insightful books/authors/articles/youtubers on the topic of romantic relationships, partnership, sexuality, communication, reaching understanding with orthers, and so on. Specifically in my situation, but also in general, so any ideas will be valuable.

Here's a profound nde. The guys who had a bad time in the void should give it a read. Maybe there's more to this.. In that moment of impact, I felt my whole body lift up, fly forward with great force, and hitting something. Next thing I knew, I was seeing this white stream of Light, travelling inside my body, which was also filled with a brilliant electric white Light! It looked like light travelling in light. As I looked at this moving light energy, I realized I was also experiencing it. This powerful, white energy which was moving from my solar plexus towards the top of my head. I was moving very fast. Yet, simultaneously, I appeared to be moving very slowly. Somehow, it seemed very natural for my movement to be slow and fast at the same time. Was I in perfect balance? There was no sense of duality. I knew that this light energy was my Prana, otherwise called life force. The Prana was moving upwards through my body, almost as if being pulled by some sort of magnetic power above my head. Just then, I experienced a sinking feeling, very much like one feels when beginning the plunge down a roller coaster. I felt myself go into a gentle convulsion with an upward movement. The next moment it was all gone. There was no light, no body, or anything. It was the strangest feeling, and yet so familiar. It was as though I had before experienced it many times. Without the body, I found myself floating alone in a dark void. I was totally confused as to where I was and what was really happening. All I could see was total darkness everywhere, but I wasn't afraid. At a distance, I saw a pale golden vehicle-like thing in the shape of a small boat. The boat was brilliant in its golden hue and it was coming towards me. The center hollow portion of this golden boat seemed to be filled with that same shimmering, brilliant white light I had seen inside my body. As it moved closer, I could see in the center on its ‘bed’ of white Light there was a very ethereal human body. The body was lying very still on its back, draped in a pale golden gown and glowing gloriously in the dark night. It was a magnificent sight to behold! As it came closer, my entire being went into shock when I saw the face of this body. It was me. 'Oh my God', I realized, 'I am dead.' I was completely jolted by this truth. I looked at myself for the first time and saw I had no body. I was just a spark of Light and was now linked to this sparkling boat. Almost immediately, the golden boat tilted upwards with the feet of the motionless body pointing upwards and head below it. The boat transported me faster than the speed of light, almost like a thunderbolt slicing through the dark night and disappearing into that void. Almost as if I had fully woken up after a long sleep, I found myself surrounded by an All-Pervasive Brilliance. There was no boat, no body structure, no dark void, nothing. There was only this dazzling, electrifying, brilliant white Light all around. The light was everywhere. There was nothing except this brilliant Consciousness! It seemed to have a consistency of the ever-finest, minutest electric-like sparkles and was energetically similar to the ‘bed of Light’ I had come on, except that this light was all-pervasive, limitless. It could perhaps be compared to the light of thousands of brilliant stars reflected in millions of sparkling diamonds, all-encompassing, self-luminous, and pulsating with electric energy: very delicate and smooth. I seemed to know that the light was the Supreme Infinite Light that is God, the Cosmic Consciousness. It is truly impossible to describe in mere mortal words, this Pure Love, this vital energy, this infinite Light, this Supreme Absolute Consciousness, This Presence, which is commonly referred to by most of humanity as God or the Creator: it can only be experienced! So please forgive my humble effort with limited vocabulary to try and share what I experienced. At this moment, I was literally standing on air and was an electric body of Light. I was in this dazzling white void, this Brilliant Nothingness, filled with comfort, delight, and a deep knowing that I had reached my destination. I seemed to know that this was the Ultimate White Effulgent Light. Experiencing myself as a shimmering sparkling white-light energy, pulsating with some kind of ethereal (ether-real!) electric life force, my Being was flooded with a gentle, very expansive Love energy. The energy was like a soft embrace from that all-encompassing Light Presence! This Light Presence of pure, unconditional Love seemed to be in me and around me. It was all-pervasive and extended into infinity. Strangely, there seemed to be no difference between this light and my Light-being. Even more bewildering, was that this Conscious Loving Presence, seemed to be the nature and substance of all of existence. In sheer delight, my Light-self was almost skipping in the air as a further wave of knowing passed through me. I whispered to myself, ‘This is the real me!’ In complete wonderment, with a sense of déjà vu and awe, I heard myself say, ‘I know this place, I know this place. I've been here before. I made it. I finally made it back!’ Drinking in the nectar of the Loving Presence which enfolded me, I saw with complete amazement a very interesting transference starting to happen. There was a string of atoms starting to flow out from within the left side of my electric body and they disappeared upwards into nowhere. Almost as if from thin air, a much finer frequency of atoms seemed to be appear and were entering through my right side into this same electric light body. I was watching and experiencing at the same time, again with no sense of duality. My entire Being was being totally emptied, refueled, and re-programmed with this ethereal, orderly, interchange of atoms. I saw that the new entry was made of a vastly different energy and seemed to have a much more expansive and delicate DNA energy. It had a new wave of very lightweight, subtle cellular frequencies, as they spiraled in, expanding and changing the previous electric body formation. All of the above was happening very fast and yet it seemed to take an eternity. Enfolded in the comforting wrap of Pure Divine Love during this cellular exchange, it seemed as though I was gradually disappearing with the atoms leaving this electric Light body. Almost as if, another ‘me’ was birthing through the newer, finer atoms entering into this Light form. My whole being was cleansed and purified, making it ready for its next role in God’s divine drama. I wished to take a final look and say goodbye to the world I had just left behind. I looked over behind my non-existent shoulder, somehow expecting to see my world; but, to my complete shock, I saw that there was nothing there. My earthly world didn't seem to exist! There was no world, no universe, no galaxy, no earth, nothing! Nothing existed, except this soft Conscious Presence, this pulsating Brilliance, this pure Love that was everywhere as all pure white Light. ‘Oh my God, how could that be?!’ I exclaimed to myself. ‘Where has it gone? What about all I went through as Arti? It was all real! How could it have just disappeared?’ A gentle response seemed to come from the cosmic wisdom that was all around, ‘But how could it be Real, when it has just disappeared?’ There was so much knowledge that was shared with me that I can't share it all here. The response said, ‘What is real is only that which is permanent and changeless. That which changes, is within the mirage of time, and truly non-existent. Consciousness, however, as a gentle, delicate, smooth, flowing Presence is ever present; even within the human form, above and beyond the mind, as it is the Experience-less-ness underlying all experience. It never changes, never disappears, and it is therefore, the only Reality.’ I asked, ‘But if this Consciousness alone is real, the world was an illusion? Then where did it come from?’ It replied, ‘Like all manifestation, the world too is the creation of the great illusion or great delusion, which being the Creative aspect of this Supreme Consciousness, or the Lord, is the divine movie-projector of life, in the all-powerful play of the realm of Creation. Just as a mirage in the desert disappears when viewed from a certain perspective, your life as Arti on earth has disappeared, when viewed from the perspective of the Divine Self, where you are now. Only the eternal is real; and from the viewpoint of that Reality, all that is non-eternal, disappears. Yet of course, you, being eternal Atman (the soul) can still view the ‘world of illusion’ if you wish.’ I asked, ‘So my life as Arti never really existed at all, it was an illusion?’ It replied, ‘Oh, it existed; just as a dream exists, or a movie, or a mirage.’ I continued questioning, ‘So the world, was just a figment of my imagination? How did I create it? With my thoughts and desires?’ The reply echoed all around me, ‘Y-e-s-s-s-s!’ as it reverberated within my being. Y e s: I understood now. The world had all been only in my mind, a thought-and-senses created illusion/delusion. Without the senses, mind and body, there was now no ego to perceive the world illusion! It had all existed and happened only in my mind! Our true reality exists outside of the mind, which is where I was at the present moment. I realized the true vastness of my Being and the minuscule nature of the cage of the earthly body. The roles I had played through the many lifetime dramas with different bodies, flashed again into knowing. I smiled, seeing there was absolutely no attachment whatsoever to any of them! How could I, when it was just a play of mind? I had come to terms with the fact that once I, my ego consciousness, left the body, my mind-created world also disappeared. Universal laws seemed to unfold rapidly and poured into my entire electric-wave body. I realized that the real goal of the mind-created life game was to remove the veil of delusion and ignorance and reach the Ultimate Truth of one's reality in life itself. This Truth, this Self I was bathing in and which had encompassed my Being, was nothing but Love. The Truth was Love; pure, unconditional, Universal Love, that is almost non-achievable in human terms. It was the fabric of this Consciousness of which I was a part. Yes, because Love is God and God is Love. It was very clear that the cosmic composition was made up of nothing but Love! Love is the God-glue that is holding ‘All’ together. I realized I was not just inside the Love but rather, one with 'It', this Universal Body of Love, of God. This was completely natural to me, as flame is to fire because it is fire. This was Home and I wanted to be here forever. Immediately with the emergence of this thought-wish, the ego-wave that was Arti, seemed to gracefully meld into the Supreme Presence, dissolving into that Ocean of Love. Arti as the earthly Arti, was no more. An incredible wave of freedom splashed over my being, almost like coming out scrubbed fresh and clean after a long overdue bath. The cellular interchange of atoms with their spiraling exit and entry had stopped because re-programming of my electric light body was completed. I was birthing a new life later known as Mira S. I knew without a doubt that life on earth was just a playground of experience, an assignment from God, a mirror projection of the Divine. In each new lifetime, as the soul makes spiritual progress, its vibrational frequency gets tuned to a faster, higher and finer level depending upon its degree of evolution. The transformation continues until the frequency level is fine-tuned to such a degree that it connects with the frequency of the Cosmos itself, which then allows it to gain entry into Cosmic Consciousness, one’s true self, which is eternal bliss, otherwise known as ananda. In the Light Presence, everything and anything could be readily created or manifested. It was in the Nature of this Supreme Presence. Everyone and everything, anywhere, was right here where I was, present in the seemingly invisible NOW. One just had to think it, and it was available. The transformation-transmutation within my electric body being completed, the electric body too, was no more visible because there was complete Oneness. It was infinite to such a degree that I was no more, and yet I was that Consciousness. There was nothing else and No other. Oh dear God, That is all that exists, the only 'Being' that is! That Consciousness was all around, inside, outside, above, below. It was everywhere! The ALL! As one touched by the Philosopher’s stone, which is said to transform iron into gold, I had gone through a complete transformation and transmutation of the previous self into birthing a new higher self. I was bringing with it an immediate awakening into the ‘knowing’ of Universal Truths and the Reality of Supreme Self. This magnificent All-pervasive Effulgence was so glorious! It was true, there is only one Being, one God, and THAT is the true Self of all. All are just a reflection of God: All are That One. I, too, was That One. THAT is my Reality. I was brimming, overflowing with the supreme knowing that The Supreme Being is my own true Self, my true identity. It was here, now, and always. There is no past or future; it is all happening constantly in the now. Losing it all, dissolving, I was, ‘I AM THAT I AM’ (Aham Brahmasmi) I knew that I was and I AM all there was to know! Just like myself, all of creation wherever and however it existed; whether human, animal, mammal, plant, or nature, all were full in themselves. All were and are God, a beautiful glorious expression of that same Fullness. Creation was just Divinity experiencing itself through Its Creation!! I was bathing in Consciousness, as Consciousness. I was enjoying this bliss of Union with the Absolute, Divine Self, God, and Full with wholeness of Being. I wanted only to remain as this Cosmic Being forever. I never want to be separate again from this Oneness, this All-encompassing Love! This was my feeling, as a faint memory of the world of separateness wafted into my consciousness and anxiousness seemed to take over all of a sudden. I heard myself repeat twice, ‘Where do I go from here? Where do I go from here?’ By the formation of destiny, which is created by our actions and reactions, the newly transformed Being of myself now in existence, having received a downpour of higher Truths and realizing its Higher Self from having merged in Oneness with It. I knew that it had been brought within and as, the pure energy of That One, of pure white Light for a reason, so an element of wonderment was there at what might be coming next? Much to my dismay, however, the All-Pervasive KNOWING came through with a much different response than what I was expecting. Coming loud and clear, It reverberated through that infinite space of Consciousness, ‘You have to go back. You have to do the Work’ communicating that my real work on Earth was to begin now. I called out, ‘Please I don't want to go back! I'm very happy here!!’ But the Lord, Supreme Consciousness had spoken, and it had to be. Right then, I saw a long flexible kind of tunnel which almost looked like a huge hollow umbilical cord. I could actually see the outside and inside of it. Inside it I saw the form of an unborn human baby, with golden, light-colored skin, curled up like a fetus against the inner wall. 'So this is the Cosmic Womb Tunnel,' I thought. It seemed to be coming from infinity and spiraling downwards. But as I looked at it carefully, I exclaimed in alarm, ‘Oh no, not again!’ when I realized that I was that baby, speeding down headfirst, as the curled-up fetus in this cosmic tunnel-like womb, I was crossing the dimensional barriers. I thought, 'Oh God, oh no, I really was going back into Earth consciousness to be reborn!' Next thing I knew, I heard myself let out a cry. I had opened my human eyes. They were looking in the rear view mirror of a car at a mouth bleeding profusely with the whole lower face covered in blood. In a complete daze, feeling totally disoriented, I touched the face in the mirror and realized it was my mouth! I thought, 'Oh God, I have a human body again! I really am back.' The lower gum-bone had been broken and lay flat on my tongue. The four lower front teeth had come out of their gum sockets but were still held by their nerves as they sat on my tongue in the middle of the mouth. Upon touching my face, I could feel tiny particles of glass from the shattered windshield all over my upper face and even my eyelashes, but none, not one, had entered my eyes. Miraculously, despite this gruesome injury in my mouth, I was feeling no pain whatsoever. There was no physical feeling at all. Such was the amazing divine compassion of the Lord! It seemed God had sent me back with the powerful anesthetic of His All-pervasive Cosmic Energy, which was keeping me unaware of any pain. I was still consumed within the Awareness of that bliss of Cosmic Consciousness, His Pure Love energy, and still immersed in that glorious realm of Light, and that Oneness.

Does transformation (or escalation) typically follow the phoenix analogy? In my personal experience significant growth has been preceded by a low period of pity, remorse, anger, shame at myself that then cycles into a new awareness of which I construct a new foundation. Or is that limited to the lower realms where those emotions and baseline states must be faced fully to be transcended, and further development comes from a more loving, understanding place? I understand it's idiosyncratic but interested in hearing perspectives.

Man, listen... i have a story. When i was little i loved singing and music, 8 years old and i wanted to become like michael jackson Everybody recognized me as a talent, i was the best at singing when i was little. I never believed talent was real, i used to believe that i was able to sing good because i loved it and made me feel all those things. It isn't only now, that my brother has 9 years old, that i know something is off. He loves singing he does sing all over the house because my mom wanted him to learn the guitar and to be involved in music. BUT HE SUCKS. He really has no talent at all... and i recognized "wow, so actually, i had talent". Everybody told me when i was little, they were amazed. i was able to sing with vibrato all over the place. If i wanted to have singing lessons, i would become really really really good. Now i recognize my talent in music which i did not develop. You, with all the lessons, sing worse then me when i was 8 years old. This may sound harsh.... but please, don't waste your time in the sense that you do have a talent in some place that maybe you havent found yet. Maybe as leo said, you could be a great teacher. or maybe you can't sing but you surely can play an instrument. Or maybe it's another forms of art, if you are very artistic. For example i really really suck at drawing. You could be very good at it. The key is to work on your strenghts. I said to my ount (she is a singer, i come from a family of musicians) when i was little "everybody can sing well because everybody loves music". "She told me. No. Everybody loves music but this does not mean everybody can sing well." I wish you the best in life. Btw, your transformation is good Noticable.

Hi Everyone, This is my first post in the forums! I picked up Leo's LP course about 3 years ago and it has been a game changer for me. I went through probably 95% of his content and went on working on my life purpose (LP). I picked a domain of mastery that I didn't have any talent in, but I really love, which was singing. I worked hard over the years, got lessons, spent hundreds of hours practicing, thought about it, got feedback, and tried my best to get better. I've improved a lot but I don't sound as good compared to other people I see on YouTube (See my 2 year transformation video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4d02s9Dr2Q). My concern is there some innate talent needed to get to a level of singing that's considered pleasant to listen to, and I'll never get there no matter how much I try. I spent around 2.5 years on this and I'm hesitant to invest more time into it without knowing if I'll ever get there. The impact I want to make on the world is to eventually teach others how to sing so they can learn the ability to be able to express themselves musically, no matter how untalented they are. But if I can't get there myself, I feel there's no point in teaching it if not everyone can sing. I spent time thinking what other careers I could go into if singing doesn't work out. I'm ivy educated, have a job in consulting/finance and young (26 y/o). I could pivot to other things, before I get older and it'll be harder to explore. However I'm not passionate about finance, and the things that I'm interested in would require me to learn new skills and start from ground zero again. If I decide to pursue other things it would be more efficient for me to drop singing and focus my attention 100% on that instead of hedging to see if different LPs would work out. Have other people been in similar conundrums? Facing a barrier on attaining mastery on a skill and being doubtful you'll get there? What would guys/gals do if you were in my situation? Thanks a lot.

Sounds like a dumb question, but please hear me out. Over the past 2.5 years the amount of personal and spiritual transformation I’ve experienced has felt miraculous. It seems evident to me that this growth in part occurred at such a potent and accelerated pace because I was fortunate enough to have all my Maslow’s pyramid needs met, and I was able to let go of all past attachments: expensive house, marriage, money, successful career, material possessions, social commitments. I was fortunate to be in a position where I could release them all and survive off my savings, allowing me to commit nearly 90% of my time and energy over the past two years towards Self-actualization. This got me to a place where I’ve awakened to my Life/Soul Purpose (as I currently understand it). One part of me feels ready to materialize this purpose in the form of pursuing life coaching, creating a documentary about the “Wake Up, Grow Up, Show Up” model (I used to be a filmmaker), writing a book about my journey, etc. My fear (too harsh of a word….more like a “mental curiosity”) is that if I start materializing my Life Purpose and make this documentary and write this book and coach clients that it will effectively cement me at the stage that my center of gravity is at, Yellow/Construct-Aware, rather than continuing to live off my savings and putting the Life Purpose stuff aside for another couple years while I continue deep diving into the next stage of Turquoise/Unitive and the world of nondual awakening. Basically, if I start teaching/embodying Yellow concepts, will it become far more difficult to transcend these concepts and continue evolving up the spiral? And on a more practical level, if I start a new business, new career, new commitments, that would be a huge time and energy investment... At the same time, I’m cognizant that one can’t “skip” stages or speed through them, so perhaps the only way to evolve to Turquoise is to fully embody my Life Purpose work, experiencing all that offers to the fullest extent possible? This seems counter to some of the teachings I’ve come across that suggest putting ego pursuits aside and instead focusing that energy on awakening. Or, perhaps I can do both at the same time, and I shouldn’t worry too much about “cementing” myself at one stage especially given that I’m so aware of this pitfall from the outset? I recognize these are all just mental constructions and are absurd on one level. That said, hopefully some of you can relate and offer any thoughtful advice. Thanks!

Just finished Leo's last video about the 9 stages of Ego Development, realized that i am a mix of Strategist and Construct-Aware with hints of Unitive stage. I can sense how magical and chaotic Reality is, at all times i have this altered perception like i am in a microdose of shrooms, then i realized that most of my unconscious behavior is motivated by fear of this whole process, an attempt to slow it down as much as possible. Although i rarely do formal spiritual practices, i am always in contemplation and "sadhana" mode in a day-to-day basis, i think this triggered a rapid consciousness expansion (if you know what i mean). Those last few years i have been in a groundless state, flowing with the ever-changing chaos, trying to be present and not resist it. Intellectually, i can see a causation link of all events of my life, but, in a strange sense, i have this feeling that there is no causation at all, like things are just "happening" and i have little to no control of it. This whole process made me super reclusive and silent as i rarely feel like i can truly relate with people anymore. Finally, i have been facing this issue with motivation after my normal state of consciousness passed through such rapid transformation. It is a real problem for me to REALLY want things like money, success, social life, stuff from stage orange. My consciousness became so fluid and relative that i have a hard time committing to anything, i fail to see the point but i know i am missing some essential part of the picture. Leo said a few times that he never had this problem, he sees life as a video game etc. I remember when i was at stage orange and i was motivated to earn money, make friends, have sex, have a great body shape etc. I am curious to learn how people that are in those stages deal with this purposeless/groundless situation.

30 min meditation today as well. I've been feeling a lot lately that my life just totally sucks. I'm just totally at the wrong place in life and there is no clear path towards getting to the right place. This is a theme that comes back again and again. Directionlessness. Purposelessness. I'm just living a very random life. Born in a troubled and chaotic household, and my life just perpetuates this chaos even though I've been seeking healing for 20 years. But then the transformation occurs when I just go totally into these feelings and totally own them. Instead of feeling like a victim to this situation the suffering I experience related to these stories turn into thrill and pleasure. The resistance towards the sensations disappear and I go into and merge with the sensations, "becomes one with them." Pretty interesting. So for now, maybe I am exactly where I need to be, and my purpose is this transformation. Isn't this the whole human conditition of always thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side that we are trying to overcome through meditation?

https://www.transform-network.net/blog/article/party-of-the-radical-left-founded-in-serbia/ The new party resulted from the transformation of the Social Democratic Union (SDU) – a process in which student movement activists participated as well as members of the Left Summit of Serbia and DiEM25 – which led to the most significant unification of Serbian left forces in the last thirty years. The PRL (Party of the Radical Left/Partija Radikalne Levice) announced that the last SDU congress represented the end point of a process of the process of left unification in Serbia initiated in 2018. SDU members adopted the new political programme (Declaration of Workers’ Rights) and the necessary statutory changes. According to the new programme, the PRL will ‘fight for a socialist society based on equality, solidarity, freedom, democracy, internationalism, anti-imperialism, and anti-fascism, a society in which people will be more important than profit’. The congress also elected a presidency that will consist of five members: historian Milena Repajić; sociologist Isidora Aćimov; playwright Ivan Velisavljević, activist Ivan Zlatić and student Mina Milošević. ''We stand in favour of a radical, fundamental change of the social system and building a socialist society. In that sense, the PRL is moving the political spectrum in Serbia to the left'', member of the presidency Milena Repajić, stated for Mašina. Ivan Velisavljevic, another member of the PRL presidency, says that the new party is close to the members of the Party of the European Left: Especially those in the region, such as the Workers’ Front from Croatia and the Left from Slovenia, as well as other workers’, left, eco-socialist and so-called red-green parties around the world. Repajić and Velisavljević explained that the new party will not wait long to show the public what it stands for: ''Literally this morning we joined forces with the Joint Action Roof Over Your Head on preventing an eviction in Dalmatinska Street in Belgrade. We are simultaneously preparing the forming of all governing bodies, says Velisavljević. Now that the party is founded we finally have a clear political articulation of the struggles we are waging in the form of the new Programme and the Declaration of Workers’ Rights, which we will present to the public'', Repajić explains. The PRL programme indicates aspects of political struggle to which this party aims to contribute: ''We will work in favour of Serbia being a secular republic in which dignified work free from exploitation, a roof over one’s head, healthy food and environment, free healthcare and education, gender equality and minority rights are guaranteed.'' I.K., M.M. Translation from Serbian: Iskra Krstić

Hello actualized forum! Its been a little while since being semi active here, but I'm happy to be back with something to share. I remember seeing many wonderful meditation, retreat, and trip reports here that offered me some valuable help and encouragement at times and would be delighted if I am able to offer some encouragement, aid, or at the very least provide some momentary entertainment : ) I will be trying to relate the trip as it was experienced and in the context that I understood it, because of this there will be decent amount of reference to a work known as the Law of One; for no other reason then it was the context from which much of my experience was interpreted. Ive read many spiritual works but for whatever reason my brain chose this one to give context to my experiences, it is very true that I have frequently found its framework applicable and useful for understanding reality around me so that definitely played a role in why my brain picked that context. The terminology borrowed from it should be self explanatory enough for a reader to understand without being familiar with the work if they are somewhat familiar with other metaphysical jargon. But for those interested I'll leave a few links here. For a fairly succinct yet comprehensive overview and introduction I'd recommend Aaron Abke's series about the law of one on Youtube, heres a link to first episode of that series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seaJcY0kXjk&t=2s. And for those who wish to engage more fully with the material the entire work is available for free online, link: https://www.lawofone.info/ Before getting started I would like to ask that readers first read this quote that sums up well my concerns with posting this report and agree before diving in "we would ask that each of you that listens to or reads these words use your discrimination and your powers of discernment to decide that which is helpful to you and that which is not interesting. Let those words of ours which do not rouse your interest slide by without a second thought. Focus on those concepts you feel may be helpful. If you will take the responsibility of using that discrimination we shall relax and not be concerned with the possibility of infringing upon your free will or interrupting the rhythm of your spiritual walk. We thank you for this consideration." Trip report: I had been in the months previous feeling a strong urge to trip again. It had been about a year since my last big trip, which is usually about how long is required for me to digest and attempt to embody or ground the ethereal themes and lessons of a intense trip using the medium of everyday life and various spiritual practices . By now I had new questions and new roadblocks I was struggling with, as well as feeling a strong need for a renewal of inspiration, and found my self praying often for insight, clarity, and aid reorganizing my perceptions and beliefs, I was feeling a bit lost. I was still full of faith I was on the path that was right for me but I was becoming somewhat discouraged and frustrated with my progress, ignorance, and the stubbornness of many challenges. I had obtained the LSD totally unexpectedly and spontaneously earlier that day and was trying to figure out how I wanted proceed. I had 10 tabs of 150 ug, roughly, with lsd its always ballpark range and the source wasn't even confident with that figure to begin with, but basically it was strong stuff, I wouldn't be surprised if they were actually 200ug tabs. Logically the timing wasn't right, for one my room was somewhat messy, and I prefer to intentionally prepare for at least a week or so before trips. I had been in a pretty challenging headspace for awhile, and setting wasn't ideal, just at my apartment with a roommate due to come home from work later. None of the conditions made sense for the trip to happen that night but i had this really intense internal push and this feeling of rightness, I couldn't shake it. I went back and forth for a few hours and by now it was getting really late into the evening, which was just another reason not to go for it tonight even though I'm typically a late night owl, but the internal push and feeling of rightness was getting more intense and before I knew it I had pinched off 2 tabs and they where in under the tongue, no turning back now, this was roughly around 10:30 pm. My room was still messy so I decided to go into a quick cleaning frenzy while I awaited take off, to some good tunes of course. I'm rather experienced with this chemical and can gauge the intensity of a trip by the speed of the come up, It was 20 min in when my visuals were slightly misbehaving and my body felt interesting to the degree that I could tell it was going to be a intense trip, in the neighborhood of ego death but I didn't feel like it was going to cross that line, I really needed to cross that line however so I debated eating 1 more tab as I continued to clean. My emotions where still in the challenging headspace they had been in for the past while but the feelings I was struggling with were getting thicker, intense boredom and disinterest, a screeching apathy, frustration with my consuming desire to find the divine in tandem with my perceived lack of agency to effect that outcome and ability to find it. Quick sidenote for any inexperienced psychonauts reading, it is highly recommended to not trip with a heavily challenging internal setting until you are very comfortable in your ability to surrender, whatever your holding inside is amplified by psychedelics, you become hyper conscious of it, which can be a fantastic way to get to the root of difficult issues quickly but if the negative intensity isn't surrendered to and is instead resisted things go south very quickly and sometimes in dramatic fashion. Basically I could tell this was going to be a challenging trip, but that feeling of rightness was still present. About 40-50 min in my room was about clean to my satisfaction and the visuals and body load was steadily increasing, It was time for a nice long walk, I popped a third tab and was on my way outside. I took a familiar trail through the back of a nice neighborhood until reaching my secret path through the bushes and out to the train tracks where I could get some space, privacy, and view a landscape with less development and more nature. As I walked the internal pressure and challenging emotions just kept build and building. I was wearing headphones playing some vibey music which was progressively sounding more intricate and beautiful and the visuals were becoming fairly fantastic, but that all seemed far far away and somewhat mundane, I didn't care, my sense of boredom with reality was amplified to a titanic almost cartoonish degree, pffht pretty lights huh.. whatever, who cares. It will be relevant for later, near the end, to note now that the sky was smoked over from all the wildfires and only the moon was partly visible. I had reached the train tracks and walked down them for a ways, but the body load was getting pretty intense and I could tell walking just wasnt really gonna work well for much longer so I found a nice sitting rock and plopped down facing a open field with one building under development in view but it was a fairly scenic view regardless. At this point the visuals were becoming very intense, it was becoming difficult to understand what I was looking at, about as intense I can ever remember having them but surprisingly I could care less, I was utterly uninterested in them. The internal pressure had become immense. I still had enough sense composed to remember to set my intentions for the trip at this point, what would I like to explore, what do I need? I had a strong intellectual grasp of oneness, but where was it? I wanted to experience oneness like I experience sight or sound, I wanted to know it in my bones. Next was a opposite problem, I had a few peak experiences of unconditional love but i didn't understand it at all. What were the mechanics, how can I do it? I understand relative love but how does one just open the faucet, how can someone like Jesus just love every single stranger or how do you love perceived evil? Just intellectually understanding that you should because of oneness and understanding that it ultimately is for the evolution towards perfection isn't enough to actually do it. And lastly I wanted to be free from deeply embedded conditioning that just wouldn't go away, particularly shame and judgement. They were so deeply and heavily instilled in me as a child raised in a religious upbringing, and even though I understood the mechanics in and out, could clearly see their folly and unreality, even could trace it to particular instances of their relative traumatic instillation in childhood, they still stubbornly would persist and rear their head again and again every time I was sure I had them conquered. Luckily setting these intentions was effective even without my usual week of preparation because this stuff was so intensely heavy on my mind throughout the year enough that I was primed to explore that direction without the extra preparation. Without realizing or barely noticing I had turned off my music and set my headphones aside. The internal pressure was extraordinary now, at a exploding point. I could feel my ego being pulverized into oblivion, extreme hopelessness, tangible feeling of dying, but there was still some recognition that it was a ego that was being pulverized not me so there was also a calm resignation, I had been here before enough to know there was no point resisting, time to just lie back and die. It continued like that for awhile until the pressure couldn't get anymore intense and then finally the pop. I could hear a sound, first just bubbling up then slowly it broke into wild fits, Its laughter, Im laughing, It's all just a big joke. It's so blindingly obvious now, there is no person here but yet there I am, everywhere. The feeling of "me" stops ending at the edge of my skin and now spills over into everything( or everything into me?). I become the god mind and through those eyes see everything crystal clear. Visuals are going absolutely wild, flashing, swirling, whirling. I can't tell if my eyes are open or closed, I cant tell if I even have eyes, and I don't care even a lick, open or shut, eyes or no eyes, I can see, I can finally see. I AM, I just AM, and the concept of anything else is impossible. Infinity unending, One giant eternal being. Thoughts race by, if you can call them thoughts anymore, you can't, but its the best word I have. Im flying through my library of intellectual learnings about reality, only now it wasn't just stuff in my head from a book etc, I could actually see it, I was it. Particularly what I learned from study of the Law of One was illuminating. The 7 densities of consciousness? That and so much more beyond, infinitely more. Yes I immaculately planned out each and every step, for myself. I became aware of my old ego as a small fraction of myself interacting with my bigger self all for the experience of knowing itself. Wild laughter now. Bliss Oh beautiful wonderful bliss. I had created reality for myself, buy why? FOR LOVE!!! Love was the most (more?) true expression of what I was (easier to explain towards the end). I am wonderful, Perfect in all imperfections, imperfections were obvious illusions only serving to point to greater perfection. Just as a devotee offers up their very being in love of god, god creates all of reality in love for them. Still my sense of being had no boundary, my eyes still closed, I could see( sense?) a bug crawling next to my body, It was me, It too was infinitely loved and it had a reality crafted just for it, purely out of love. My laughter grew more ecstatic. It wasn't just love, No one emotion is big enough for what we are, and we are capable of feeling a infinite amount of emotions at once, each at full intensity without diminishing other emotions. A wild bliss, a giggling mischievous playfulness. This was fun!! Oh we are so huge, so infinite. It was a unending ever shifting delight finding new ways to experience ourselves, new ways to become ourselves, but first, infinite ways to trick ourselves. To throw up shifting shadows upon the wall, pretending to be separate, to really believe in all that toil and trouble all that fear and sorrow, for a brief moment. And then to a playful melody, bit by bit, let pieces of truth arrange the shadows in a infinite miraculous ways that reveal the hand casting them, your own hand, and to wake back up in the most fresh and brilliant ways. Having really fallen for our own trick of separateness we get have a ever renewing and infinite variety of discovering and experiencing ourselves and myriad of ever deepening ways. There was a deep sense that everything was indescribably perfect and designed with endless compassion, that the pain and fear experienced in the game of seperatness was always just what it needed to be in order to experience a totality of perfection in a greater bigger picture, and what in the smaller picture looks like gods cruelty and neglect is in the greater more true picture vast loving compassion, no shortcuts no cutting corners, only the best will do for you, you want it this way. It is similar to a parent and a child going through potty training. To the child it may seem like great cruelty went the parent stops cleaning the mess and makes the child struggle and suffer to obtain sovereign independence over the process to the point where there is no mess made for the child suffer from, in the greater picture if the parent never let the child become independent that would be a true cruelty. There was awareness that separateness was just one of many stages or games we played with ourselves. It was the hide and seek stage, everyone understands in a almost primal way the great fun of a good game of hide and seek as a child, so to of course does god. Here my attention changed focus and just as I had seen the bug in my minds eye I could also see all the human other selves, lost, fearing themselves, fearing the shadows on the wall. They too were just "me"& I loved them so dearly. I could see how the bigger self was always trying to comfort and caress them but they slapped the attempts away in wild fear, and the bigger self respecting his own free will waited patiently. I just wanted to comfort them and sing "All is well". But I could also see that all is indeed well and that they were perfectly placed in a perfect plan and that even then everything was molded into reality specifically just for them in just the right way for their own infinitely expanding and ultimately joyous journey. They were me after all and nothing but the best would do, even if it was very challenging. I had a distinct feeling, like a message for the old ego I used to be and would return too, that I was not to try to forcefully let anyone in on the secret, on the unity, unless they asked of course, with words or with the wordless desire that shines from a genuine seeker, that it would be rather bad sport to try and rush their game, it was already perfectly tuned and not to spoil any grand finales and glorious peaks of clear sighted ecstacsy before their time. For little self to stay out of big self's way as to say, I also got the sense that it wouldn't work anyway if i tried but that it certainly would play out less then harmoniously. I Could understand that loving wisdom was to know but to not let anybody else know that you know, Just play your cards correctly with a wink and playful grin. Maybe a assurance that everything will be okay, if needed. Next my attention moved to understanding the service to self vs service to others polarity and as a unintended consequence I also got resolution on understanding the odd and seemingly negatively polarized connections and undercurrents behind the mundane world's happens that I had been becoming increasingly aware of in those times hitherto that I turned my attention to the world stage. Which was more often then usual of late in the interesting year that 2020 has been. Ok, brief interlude here before continuing, I hesitated on wither or not to include this part in the trip report, as the exciting but ultimately less important elements of it may likely be weighted with a improper emphasis compared to more important understandings about the self that can be gleaned from it, but their are valuable understanding about polarity ahead as well so I have decided to share. Although before we proceed Id like to emphasis the quote from the beginning asking that you take only what is helpful to you, using discernment, and leave the rest. I will not be trying to convince anyone and will be staying vague about some details to honor free will, so dont try to start arguments over this please, if you get that urge just leave that part behind and only carry what feels useful. Ok moving on with the trip now. Beyond the vast multitudes of other self I saw trapped in fear there was a great and majestic being. My sense of them seemed to shimmer and dance, they were intoxicating, glimmering and dazzling, and beckoning as if they had something I didn't, a secret that maybe they would let me in on. My clarity however was no longer perfect I couldn't perceive what that secret could be, gods eyes had withdrawn slightly from me although i was still perceiving vastly more then my normal perception, In hindsight I realize my ego needed to be present for this part, although its brief return was stealthy and I didn't notice until after it faded again. The great majestic being continued to dance overwhelming me with magnificence, it clearly wanted to me to follow, the message was clear, do you behold my majesty? come closer, follow me and i can teach you how to shine like no other. Telling me that with them I could be greater, that none would compare to me, that I could blaze with majesty so as to be as hard to behold as the sun. I was momentarly very confused and, I must admit, quite tempted. Being fresh from experiencing reality from the eyes of the infinite creator I could not deny that this being exemplified much of those qualities. It was magnificent, yet playful, vast and glorious, but there was just something off, something I couldn't put my finger on. I could feel pressure to choose something, to follow, but as is my nature I began to obsess on the thing shrouded in ignorance, what was it that I couldn't put my finger on? I must know and I wasn't going to budge from that spot until I understood. Then realization hit me like lightning. Why this being felt different then the presence that was looking through my eyes earlier. What could it have for me that wasn't already there? We are literally the same eternal being how can I gain anything from it that wasn't already present? The difference in presence was this being was like a black hole, drawing all into itself with its magnificence, where the presence that I experienced earlier was radiant like the sun with its magnificence, freely giving, not some here and some there but just bathing all in unity with its love. After realizing this some portion of clarity returned but not as much as before, I could clearly see that this being had the same beingness or substratum as the rocks besides me or as the great many other selfs trapped in the thick cocoons of fear. Then I saw from the many selves trapped in fear was flowing a energy ( maybe attention I think), this energy flowed from the fear cocoons and was drawn in a great swirling vortex towards and adsorbed into the greater being that was tempting me. Then their was this knowing realization that this great being was ,to its own unawares, about to have a graduation of sorts. Then a realization that while this was a great cosmic event in some perspectives that in the biggest most zoomed out picture this great beings climatic drama was no less important then the journeys of all the many souls agonizing in their fear cocoons and being fed upon, I felt a deep saddness and desire to comfort them. The great being was beckoning still and offering to teach and I felt like I was at a cross roads. To make my own separateness sparkle or to help comfort those other selves lost amid the great play. I figured whatever that great being had I had to have it as well and didn't need him to find it, we were really the same eternal being ultimately after all, and that id rather seek the infinite creator in my own way while doing my best to help alleviate the vast suffering in whatever small measure I could. As soon as I made this choice a weight faded and full clarity returned again for a time, I could see from gods eyes more fully again. I saw clearly then some mechanics of the service to self and service to others selves polarities. Firstly they were both correct and true although I would say one has a trueness that is a order or magnitude higher then the other( ill try to explain this at the end) Wither one seeks the glory of the infinite creator in ones own self only or in other selves as well, they are correct, it is indeed glorious, infinite, and worthy of all praise and adoration. For a moment try and think of the path of evolution towards perfection of self as one mountain with many paths up to the summit. The main difference between service to self vs service to other selves is really only that of difficulty when all is ultimately said and done. Service to other selves involves freeing oneself from the darkness of separation and seeing all beings as their own beloved self, for where else can authentic service arise but out of a genuine perception that to aid another is to aid oneself, it is literal selfishness just seen with correct perception. For service to others is like climbing that mountain of growth with many paths in such a way that you seek to drop all weight (darkness ignorance, etc)and link arms with your fellows and bear each other up the road. Service to self however is similar but with a important distortion, a service to self entity is not ignorant per say of the underlying unity, they are not dumb and have full access to wisdom, but preferring to maintain that last thin strip of darkness they choose to see separation, having had full taste of both the light and the darkness, they prefer to walk in the dark. While maintaining this strip of darkness they authentically perceive that to serve ones self is to serve the creator, and they are not wrong per say. Theirs is to walk that mountain of growth with many paths in such a way that they decide to keep their weights thinking them to be useful and to set off on the path alone fighting off any who get near, of course the fighting off and carrying of all this extra weight is more difficult then it would otherwise be and their own energy is not sufficient to bear them to the summit. Becoming malnourished, they wait on the side of the road for another unsuspecting self to wander past, to which they then pounce upon and attempt to commandeer their resources for themselves and thereby continue on their journey to the summit. To say it another way I saw then when one dispels darkness completely and puts their attention steadfastly upon the unity of all things, they gain acess to a infinite supply of energy freely given from Self to self, because by perceiving yourself as one with that infinite energy it becomes yours because it truly is yours. While service to self entities do perceive their own unity with the infinite creator they maintain the strip of darkness not percieving the unity of other self with the infinite creator ( although they do understand it on a intellectual level) and thus they do not gain full access or identification with infinity, this leaves their own energy insufficient for infinite growth, they become like the parasite of nature, needing to siphon and commandeer the energy of others selves to continue forward. However in the case of that great being I witnessed feeding upon the beings of the earth, I interpreted the feeling of it being a graduation drama as that being having reached the pinnacle of growth possible without love, or the full unshrouded perception of other self as the self. And unawares to itself, it was about to shatter its own carefully maintained strip of darkness by merit of its own growth and progression. It fully believing it had been successful in its attempt to make the unreal real, believing that it really could be separate. Having sought to clothe its separateness in all the sparkling glory of infinite creation, that it could really become a second source, a second infinity. But it had a blind spot, it still had to suffer from fear, like the other selves upon which it fed it too had a fear cocoon, Its fear cocoon was thin and vast it was almost imperceptible but still it was a finite container, not infinity. It could not see its own cocoon because it did not want to see, this not wanting to see being a mechanic of all fear and its only means of survival for it can never survive the light of clarity. It still feared that the perception of other selfs as being its own very self would be necessary for further progression, which would make it impossible for it to fed off of them with untouchable callousness. Upon its graduation that fear would be realized. It having become too great to become any greater without bursting the finite edges of its carefully maintained darkness. After gaining the eyes of full clarity that being would no longer be able to continue the harvesting of others and would have to reverse polarity in order to continue its growth. Looking at it myself now from the eyes of infinity again, I felt many emotions at the same time all in fullness. Pride, I was proud of that being, they were a fool but a great fool, they had grown so much, through so much anguish and through such a difficult road, and it truly did sparkle with glory. Humor, it was a incredibly rich joke, god has a endless sense of humor, the Irony was exquisite, they thought they had won, and they really had, just not in the way they thought they would. At the pinnacle of its separateness and glory the next step towards growth would bring the whole illusion crumbling down as its prize was to see the throne of tortured souls upon which it sat as non other then itself, with no more option of darkness to cover it for it had become too great to fool even if it was trying to fool itself. And compassion and sorrow, eagerness to comfort the trapped souls and nudge them gently bit by bit into their own progress, and eagerness for that great being to also drop its immense suffering and come back into the fullness of light, God had not forgotten about any of them even for a second and was patiently waiting to sound the bell and again declare all is well. Before wrapping up I will try to explain what a meant by love and service to others having a greater "trueness". How can multiple things be true but one have a greater trueness then the other? If one thing is real yet if its realness depends upon something more fundamental in order to be and cant be without the more fundamental ascpect then it can be said the the more fundamental aspect is more true and that the other is a distortion of the light or a illusion of sorts. Another way to explain is by degenerating iterability, upon each cycle of iteration it degenerates or suffers entropy and eventually must reach a point where it can iterate no more revealing its illusionary nature. Anything of a illusionary nature must get its "realness" from something more fundamental, your beingness is the most fundamental thing possible so all illusions ultimately sustain themselves using your attention, you give them reality. So if one steadfastly puts their attention into their own nature they pass through and disillusion all the "shadows on the wall" cast by their own hand, finding only the eternal I AM. The feeling of this eternal I AM is bliss and love( unless their is some even more deep and more amazing expression yet unknown to me) That is the most fundamental reality. Fear, negativity, separateness will always just be temporary games played upon a more fundamental ground, they can not be other then illusion. In way of wrapping up ill share a beautiful universe wink that was gifted to me after returning back to my normal ego. About a week prior to this trip I had been walking the same path and standing upon the same train tracks listening to a wonderful Youtube channel by the name of Brain Scott doing a video on understanding the higher self from the changelings of Quo. The material was really resonating with me and at one point, someone had some question on direct communication with the higher self and the response what anything is possible its literally you from the future so to say, so they wont do anything that would infringe upon its own (your) free will as they of all people know how important that is to growth, but went on to say that within those bounds anything is possible they could even make the stars dance by way of communication if you believed it was truly possible for them to do so. I was in a very loose mood that night and in a embarrassing flight of fancy I asked exactly that to put the theory to the test. I liked the idea of a higher self but never had any interaction or reason to give the idea any substance. I meditated for a second to give my self a fair shot at believing it was possible and literally asked to see the stars dance and know it was from my higher self.... yea nothing. I was in truth a bit disappointed but seeing as the free will clause was included I consoled myself that it didn't necessary disprove it, resigned myself to ignorance on the topic and I went home. Fast forward a week back to my trip on that smoky night. The visions or eyes of clarity or however you call such a phenomena was dying down and I was coming down from that intense peak. It was probably around 2-3 am at that point. I found, had a normal enough sense of ego and having a body again to move, and so I walked up and down the tracks listening to music and trying to digest overwhelming experience I just had. I walked for about a hour until I felt like a could interact somewhat properly with my roommates should I have to upon returning home. Went home grabbed a new water bottle, wrote a poem, and read a few chapters of the book I was reading ' apprenticed to a Himalayan master, a yogi's autobiography' by Sri M while I waited for my phone to charge so I could have music when I went out for another walk ( I cant be kept indoors long while tripping). After all that I set out again, maybe roughly 4:30 am at this point. I felt much more put back together by this point although the visuals were still roaring and I was still drenched in bliss, now very appreciative of the vast splendor before me. I make it back to that same spot on the train track, the same spot I had the "vision" and the same spot I prayed to the higher self a week prior, without thinking to do it first, as I was absorbed in the landscape, I happened to finally look up. The smokey sky was now completely clear and pristine and before my eyes was a something truly spectacular that I will never forget as long as I live, a unending vast ocean of stars brilliant beyond words.... and they were dancing right before my eyes. I had not thought about my silly request once since making it but now it came rushing back to my mind and I wept tears of pure gratitude. As a parting farewell Id like to share the poem I wrote that night. I wish you all the very best and hope you enjoyed the trip report : ) Ever soaked with that precious feeling, the up welling ground of that all knowing & all being A beautiful pure tone over a eternal heart beat All is well All is well A up and down forever swell but All is well All is well Bonus material : When I returned from my second walk my PC was on Youtube, as I had watched a music video right before leaving. And a video titled: Full enlightenment happening live( 1st time in human history), was the first video suggested. The title tickled me so I gave it a watch. Great idea, great inspiration, I had been in a slump where where my personal practice had gotten a bit lazy due to feeling quite discouraged that it too difficult to walk this journey full force while fighting off all the heavy influences of society. But here was this frank guy who used to be a bodybuilder who pulled ridiculous stunts in public for attention, such as having sex in the street and arguing with a female monk about her repressed desires on a public transport in his underwear. As the video shows he had progressed incredibly far in 5 years of intense mindfulness practice, huge transformation. I found this incredibly inspiring and found my motivation to break through my own plateau in meditation rejuvenated. Here's a link to that video if anyone is interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t8KvdMtT4A Here's some vibey songs that played on my second walk that I found very delicious, for anyone randomly looking for some new tunes Love by andrew appelpie Good Swim by Thalab Forgiven by Jim-E Stack comatose by Low hum Air by s. lyre underwaterfall by bearcubs pale blue dot by big wild Tiferet by lsdream Those who are familiar with the law of one may get a kick out of this: the tabs I took had pictures of a radiant sun on them ; )

@Someone here Well, happy and sorry at the same time, I hope you will integrate soon, read this, maybe it will help, good luck "Enlightenment is being aware, yes, but enlightenment is also much deeper than being aware. Basically, "being aware" means finding consciousness, awareness, which also has been called "awareness which is aware of itself". When this awareness is found, it marks a permanent break of the identification with ego and the beginning of identification with this awareness itself. It feels like this awareness is "the real you". Some people feel like they don’t have any sense of identification at all at this point, which is somewhat premature. That's basically self-realization, but it is not yet enlightenment. When this awareness is present effortlessly throughout all daily activities, that's what Adya calls the state of "abiding awareness" and what Ramana dubbed Sahaja Samadhi (effortless Samadhi). But this awareness in itself is also a percept of the mind. It's the same as identifying with your Being, which is incomparably deeper than ego. At this point, there's still ego. The identification with it is broken, and it's broken for good, but it's not gone. But then the path to enlightenment begins. This awareness, or the identification with it, to be exact, is what's needed for the rest of the ego to dissolve, that is, for the rest of suffering, restlessness, pain, tears and fears to arise and be accepted from this place, because this awareness doesn't differentiate, it accepts everything. Both Adya and Spira talk about it. Adya actually wrote a book about what happens after this awareness is found, it's called "The End of Your World". Spira speaks about it as "the light of consciousness" which illuminates the rest of conditioning. When it becomes particularly deep, this awareness as the percept of the mind starts to dissolve. The identification moves to what's been described as "transcendental awareness", or awareness which isn't aware of itself. This is much deeper, one realizes his non-Being. By this point, most of the suffering is transcended and emotions almost don't arise. As Osho said, "once you find your Being, your Being starts to hurt you". Until you jump from Being into non-Being, that is. In the case of Ramana, it was described as his "second death". At that point, the ego truly surrenders. You have accepted death itself. For what is being aware of awareness? Nothing. To realize you’re nothing is to accept death, from which comes the greatest freedom, the absolute freedom. Osho had a fun way of putting it, he once said: “In witnessing the witness, the ultimate ecstasy is created”. Awareness is the witness of the ego. When the ego is sufficiently small, you start to witness awareness itself, and only at that point you become truly nothing, dissolve into the void. Later still, it is seen that Being and non-Being are one. That's The Absolute. Then even awareness which isn't aware of itself disappears from the mental landscape and you become completely ordinary again, just like you were before, no difference. Just serene and equanimous, but completely ordinary, not “enlightened”, not “aware”. So, the process is basically realizing your Being, realizing your non-Being, and then realizing The Absolute. Or, in common language, you can say that first you think you're ego, then you realize you're Life itself, then you're realize you're also Death, and then you're realize that you're both and neither for life and death cannot exist without each other, and are just two sides of the same coin. And thus, at the end of the process, awareness cannot be found. I know this sounds very weird, but I confirm it with my experience. Other people say the same thing. For example, Osho used to say that a completely enlightened person becomes completely unaware. He said, "if you wish, you can call it ignorance also". Ego is forgotten, awareness is forgotten, enlightenment is forgotten. One has relaxed totally. UG once said "the moment you're aware of your awareness, you're not aware". I think he was referring to the same thing. Finally, I think it was in the "Autobiography of a Jnani" where I read this gem: "A jnani cannot be said to be conscious. But neither he can be said to be unconscious". I know this sounds like a direct contradiction, but it’s not, really. It’s just framed this way deliberately, because only when you complete the journey, you will understand it. The truth is, one doesn't need this spiritual language to describe what's going on. In reality, the moment you become "aware", you actually just become aware of your ego. That's all that is, really. You're always "aware" of your surroundings, that's unquestionable, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to function. But you're not aware of your mind. So when you find that awareness, that's the first time you become aware of your mind and the ego. And then the ego-mind starts to dissolve into it. And at the end of the process, this awareness cannot be found no longer, it served its purpose, simply because there's nothing more to be aware of. And the awareness of your surroundings (you see stuff and you know what you see) has always been there and it will always be there. So that's why a completely enlightened person cannot be said to be aware, and yet he is aware. He's just like he was before it all started, completely innocent in ignorance. Like small children are, like animals are - no baggage. A dreaming person is not aware of his mind and its deep unconscious patterns, one undergoing the transformation is aware of himself and is becoming more and more aware by uncovering and surrendering more of the mind’s conditioning, dissolving it into the light of awareness, whereas for an enlightened person, there’s nothing left to be aware of, his mind is empty, his ego is gone, and in this way, he is similar to an ignorant person and they are outwardly indistinguishable, and even he can no longer tell the difference between the two. So, paradoxically, it starts with the present moment and it ends with the present moment. It’s just that at the beginning of the journey, the present moment includes self-referential thought, emotion and personality, and in the very end they are all absent, so there’s nothing but the deepest serenity and the pristine purity of the 5 senses. And all of the profound spiritual experiences (including oneness and no-doership), various awarenesses as percepts of the mind, various Samadhis and bodily sensations (kundalini) arise and fall on the way. And that’s why focusing on the present moment and allowing all your internal experience is the most important thing in the whole journey. Be as you are. It will not necessarily unfold in such easily identifiable linear fashion, but the destination is still the same. Peace, contentment and equanimity."

@louhad Yeah. Studies have shown that personality traits don’t really change much — maybe that’s why. A very introverted person who undergoes a big transformation in consciousness may become way more compassionate and less selfish, but they won’t necessarily be more outgoing unless the lack of extraversion was a pathological hindrance in the first place... but of course maybe it was.

@DLH Thanks for bringing this up. Very glad I can address this. I am a fan of self-realisation just as much as the next guy. However I’ve always been lucky during my journey never to focus on it too much, and never to make a big deal out of it. Therefore when it came to me and became Permanently anchored in my reality, it was almost irrelevant. I know myself as the consciousness that I am that we all are, and yet nothing within me, and not even the person that I am, was ever dismissed as an illusion, because to say that is to ultimately disrespect yourself and your own self-worth (not to be confused with arrogant egoic patterning). The need and drive for self-realisation often becomes a way of escaping from ones personal journey of transformation. Simply because, the personal journey can be incredibly excruciating. Then claiming ‘there is no I’, is a form of self-rejection and becomes a mechanism through which We avoid taking personal responsibility and accountability for our own pain, and avoid our own emotional needs. Then it can become even crazier, when the one who has dismissed their divine autonomous personality and sovereignty starts going around telling others how there is no ‘I’ within them, which is a form of gaslighting. Imagine telling to a loved one who is crying in pain that they don’t exist. It is a form of cruelty, and an extraordinarily manipulative thing to do. The truth is that when we spend long periods of time in self-denial called ‘there is no I’, it will ultimately create a pressure within your body because you are consistently dismissing your own personal and emotional needs. If anything self realisation teaches us is how to be freely ourselves, and therefore have no barriers towards greater self-love, self-care, and to have the necessary resilience and self-responsibility to see our healing journeys through. So back to what you stated about questioning your inner child. May I bring to your attention that doing so is actually a way of avoiding your own needs. It ties nicely to what I said to Mu in an earlier comment, and that is that until we make our inner child a pivotal part of our experience, your self-realisation will be unintegrated, and it will be you trying to be ‘the consciousness of all’ ,at the expense of being your own person, instead of being the enlightened awakened consciousness on an ever expanding journey of healing and transformation embodying its light into physical form through the joy and privellege of being a person.

Here is a recent PM relative to this thread: haha~ hi mr "A"! I considered perhaps just for this thread, but who knows… Oh no~ zoze witches muzz be muuuch older than moi (I presume) heehee!! I'm certainly not La Catalina (from Carlos' first book). But then that witch wasn't ever indicated subsequently as being one of the Nagual's group (to my knowledge), as she was described as being perhaps one of Carlos' first "worthy opponents"— he had been "killing time" when he was attacked by her~ warriors don't have time— much less have any time to kill. As for the personality being a karmic result/function of the unknown/other/reality: it is karmic, and can be termed "other" in certain technical treatments, but is not strictly unknowable. In Don Juan Matus' parlance, everything that can be named is representable as being "on the table" and is therefore comprising the Tonal. The Tonal is all that which can comprise the rational description of anything by virtue of talking and reason— even in terms of describing the Nagual. The Nagual is the unknowable unnameable and completely surrounds the table and its contents (if a dualistic description temporarily suffices). The unnameable can be seen as such, in terms of true reality being unified selfless awareness. That's how one comes to see complete reality and its workings in terms of potential, not to mention the Absolute, in terms of knowledge of nonorigination. The personality is the valid but abused "false identity." Its use is universally habitual, therefore its abuse obscures its innate valid function. It is valid in that its original function/purpose is to assist the enlightening function in terms of facilitating ordinary spiritually transcendent operation in the course of everyday ordinary situations. Both the rational and the enlightening capacities of the being that is going to die are functions— not things. It's not the Way's fault that 100% of the human population isn't availing itself of innate spiritual functionality while abusing its rational aspect by a cloying habituation to reason and talking. I liked the rest of your analysis in that paragraph, mr A. Ceasing mental postures in the aftermath of such critical junctures is essential to sealing the unrefined potential away void of intellectualism. Entertaining mental postures is perpetuating the human mentality. Put another way, mental rumination in the aftermath of situational transformation is using concentration to produce insight and then failing to withdraw the fire. This is what people do all the time. It is possible for anyone to NOT-DO this as well. One needn't be a wizard. Failing to withdraw the fire destroys the foregone accomplishment of non-doing. Insight is fire; concentration is water: a balance of the two (8 ounces apiece in alchemic terms) is the unrefined elixir. Failing to withdraw the fire is turning non-being into being after already stealing non-being (potential) from the karmic matrix. That's like stealing defeat from the jaws of victory. So it won't do to turn essence back into (conditioned) accomplishment by ignorant malignance through habituation to leaking mental rumination!! A significant part of the maturation process in the aftermath of sealing away the medicines is in using lead (or rather in not using lead). Chang Po-tuan's alchemic tomes elucidate this. One uses lead to balance mercury, but after mercury and lead have produced the reverted elixir, one must draw off the lead and get rid of it. After subduing yin (false fire of the temperament) with lead (real knowledge/metal in water), one then gets rid of the lead (by withdrawing the fire of true insight and sealing its potential in the empty immaterial vessel of no-mind). That is, using nonpsychological awareness to seal potential away without letting so much as a spark of further use of insight leak out. The Tao te Ching says to "hide the light." In passing through situational karma according to the time, other is as selfless as one's own enlightening potential— maintaining that much is up to oneself alone. Having recognized and taken advantage of the conditional set-up of other, in terms of "host and guest" and having stolen the situational potential, one ceases further objectification of other (which was made possible by their conditioned situational doing). Then, one uses the non-thinking nonpsychological awareness to seal it away securely for all time (as in there is no before or after). There is no thing. What happened? Who knows? No one knows. Forget words and guard it. That's right out of the Yin Convergence Classic. As for "Host and Guest", I have written extensively on this subject on the Daobums forum. It is a taoist concept as used here, but there are significant parallels used in buddhist praxis as well. Look in deci belle's "topics" to find that. Yes, we are already the mystery. But until and unless one actually sees it for oneself, faith (acceptance) and intellectual understanding in terms of the description of the secret of complete reality, garners no participation and fruition in its power and subsequent transcendence. Until one gains mastery of the 3rd and 4th hexagrams (Difficulty and Darkness), one has no real perspective into the workings of Celestial design. It is actually necessary to master seeing potential and then ascertaining the timing of advancing the fire in real situations before one can gauge correct mastery in the timing of withdrawing the fire during the critical juncture when "one's life (literally potential), hangs in the balance" and one steals and hides the balance of the elixir in the wordless darkness of innocence. The Science of Life is seeing potential and effectively absorbing it by Real Knowledge. The Science of Essence is the effective clarification of Conscious Knowledge. Each aspect of self-refinement enhances the efficacious function of the other. In one such analytical pairing, one uses yang to purify yin while one uses yin to nurture yang. There are other such pairings relative to various aspects of self-refining activity to be studied in the overall praxis of Complete Reality Taoism. In Dogen's commentaries, he has said that before one knows, mountains are mountains. Then, when one enters the preliminary graces of the mystery through no fault (credit) of our own, other than by such conditions meeting in mutual accord, mountains begin to cease being mountains to the degree we cease conditional (habitual) use of mountains as conditional mountains. When we further ascertain absolute reality and realize there is absolutely nothing whatsoever constituting the realization body, the response body, or the transformation body, then we can naturally be free (liberated) and return from the heights, then through subsequent refinement eliminating the traces of enlightenment, mountains become mountains again. In terms of eliminating the traces of enlightenment, this parallels the aforementioned aspect of "getting rid of lead (real knowledge)." So getting rid of lead is carried out in the aftermath of both created karmic cycles as well as in experiencing the subsumption of the Great Cycle of the Macrocosm. Ultimately, as buddha said, "nothing whatsoever is gained from complete perfect enlightenment." If anything at all is gained, then it is not complete perfect enlightenment. All authentic teaching is based on the fact that delusion and enlightenment are selfless. All other teachings are provisional. Until one passes through the fire of realization void of self and then oversees the maturation of that experience in the aftermath of absolute Causelessness by forgetting all traces of enlightenment, one is not completely free of the extremes of either delusion or enlightenment. Spiritual adaption uses both delusion and enlightenment fluidly to function subtly in terms of Complete Reality or Suchness. This is called availing oneself of the Supreme Vehicle of Tathagatas, the Middle Way of Buddhas, the sublime path of saints, sages, wizards and all prior illuminates. As for the Lair of Tigers and Dragons: this is a euphemism for the critical juncture of any situation's yin convergence, expressed by the 23rd Hexagram, Stripping Away. It's neither good nor bad~ it just is. And what it is, is when "ones life hangs in the balance." If it weren't for the process of the killing energy, there would be no self-refinement. Such a time and place is perpetually activating and de-activating universally in all times and places. In terms of movement and stillness, there is no such place (thing), ultimately; just as there has, in terms of sudden enlightenment, never been such a buddha (in terms of "thing"). Buddha is not "thing", it just means the manifest quality of "awake." Adepts see the critical juncture in terms of the arising of the killing energy of yin at the moment yang begins to wane because they see potential. Such potential has no thing relative to it that exists, per se, beyond its ephemeral conditionality dependent on the situation itself— yet one can avail oneself of its nonoriginative power simply by seeing it as such. In the aftermath of such experience, one dares not act in terms of its timing, as it is solitary knowledge. It is for your eyes only. Only you know. No one else knows. If one is successful in sealing it away void of intellectualism, one eventually "collects" a grain of the refined elixir, that's all. It's cumulative over one's lifetime— no different than karma. In terms of karma, one accumulates debt (bondage to the creative). The payback for enlightening activity is personal power to see unfathomable entry into the inconceivable mysteries of the Way of nonorigination. As for the Magician and the World together with the King of Swords~ without looking up any kind of referential Tarot card analysis: the two major-arcana cards (Magician and World) together might denote conjuring the immaterially beatific, (or overseeing a refinement in terms of the highest good). The King of Swords is the highest incremental state of the Sword's aspect in the minor arcana, which is Air, or the Space/Mental/Aware aspect. So the situation I alluded to in casting the Tarot (which is potentially lying fallow at the moment) is thusly potentiated as a process of refinement in the spiritual realm~ but then we knew that~ heehee! ed note: add "(to my knowledge)" in the 1st paragraph of my response; italicize "Yin Convergence Classic in paragraph 8; typo in editorial notes~ haha!!

Awayfarer commented above: Momentum is due to mental conception, I did not say momentum is inconceivable. That which is conceivable is anything and everything that can be named. Eternity is conceivable in that it is another name for the endless multiplicity of creation and its multifarious incremental processes. The opening chapter of the Tao te Ching states that the (true) Way cannot be named. I have to admit that it does say such an unnamable way is eternal, but that is a translation issue. In technical terms, I say the eternal is relative to karma, existence, creation and its incremental aspect, whereas the inconceivable (Way) is Unborn, uncreated aware nonbeing; that is, the source of the essence of (potential) reality before it has fallen into the Creative. Uncreated cannot be a thing, and since the Creative aspect is attributable to its inconceivable nature, the existence of existence is spoken of by authentic teaching as essentially illusion. In terms of alchemic practice, one is cautioned to only work with what is unseen and to not work with what can be seen. This means spiritual transformation is accomplished by working with essence (the unborn) directly. If one works with energy (created), one will necessarily end up with accomplishment relative to the creative. The analogous phrase is: as above, so below. The inconceivable is unknowable (in terms of rational mentation). In terms of nonpsychological awareness, the inconceivable can be seen, in that knowledge is immediate. Thought processes relative to the personality are not applicable, therefore such knowledge is not relative to the person. That's why I say enlightening activity isn't the person— in addition, the working definition of enlightening response is that which is carried out in the midst of ordinary affairs without relying on one's own power. That's what makes such response a matter of spiritual adaption. Open clarity is the nature of the human mentality when its habit energy ceases. When habit energy comprising the human mentality ceases all at once, mind is as it was of yore: open, clear, untrammeled, sensitive, effective, un-perturbable. There are no two minds. The inconceivable is your own unborn mind right now in that it is not within the realm of rationalism. It is your own mind right now void of psychological patterning and self-reifying thoughts; in other words, it is void of habit energy. This is the meaning of the phrase, Mind is one. Conditioning is what one aims to get rid of in the endless process of self refinement. What is refined? The errant human mentality. When patterning is eradicated, the capacity of rationalism is left intact— only the habitual use of rational self-reifying pattern-awareness is absent. So the activation of one's innate enlightening being is the correlative absence of reliance on the personality's false identity. Without that crutch, ego is no longer needlessly active and nonpsychological awareness is ably sufficient to adapt spiritually (nonpsychologically) to conditional situations inconceivably, with the aid of the objective impersonal mode of rationalism. This is the meaning of spiritual adaption, in terms of self-refining activity: one's enlightening function is by virtue of spiritual and physical sublimation; the gradual process of going through endless situational transformations, whereby one enters the Tao in reality. This is not a reference to sudden enlightenment. So there is no intrinsic meaning to reality, conditioned or otherwise. It is what it is, and no one knows why. Either one gradually builds upon conditioned qualities, or one gradually builds upon enlightening qualities. Entering the mystery of mysteries is the option for those with the audacity and the will to discover human beings' innate enlightening function through the long process of self-refinement. Spiritual alchemy is the taoist name for a tradition effecting a range of teaching devices describing various aspects of the specific process in terms of phenomenal and inconceivable elements. The process itself is natural. No one invented it. Reality's innate enlightening quality is evidence of our inconceivable nature. Prior illuminates of all traditions have left the secret behind for those with the wherewithal to approach and apply the source of enlightenment in the midst of delusion by virtue of delusion due to the fact that our true identity being pure awareness is unified selfless consciousness. How wonderful is that! ed note: add 2nd and 3rd paragraph; typo 2nd paragraph

Let’s not forget the transition from orange to green is pretty damn significant. Green is the foundation for tier 2 after all. Christopher Bache mentions in his book LSD and the Mind of the Universe that he had visions on his absurdly high dose LSD trips of humanity awakening in an accelerated pace in order to respond to an increasing number of existential crises, such as climate change, economic degradation, war, governmental corruption, plague etc. Essentially, he experienced visions where the rate of human conscious transformation has the ability to accelerate in response to the external circumstances and conditions its created. There will reach a crescendo where we either adapt or collapse, and in his visions we adapt. Again, whether this plays out we’ll see. But as others have mentioned above, this isnt some linear increase in people pursuing awakening. There is not only a brute increase in those pursuing awakening because of population increase, but there is an increase in the overall percentage of the population pursuing awakening as well due to the internet’s information exchange. This is a critical distinction to make. This is huge and unprecedented event in human history. In no time has this many people been concerned with exploring their true nature. What does this mean? Id like to think it means our ability to respond and heal past generation’s karma will be a lot higher than before. Suddenly we may collectively have the inner operating systems to effectively respond to existential threats like climate change, income inequality, war, global genocides, pandemics, oligarchy, AI, gene editing, governmental corruption, etc. Rather than technological advancement, human progress will be driven by how deeply we know ourselves moving forward.

Anxiety is normal for the first time, so my advice would be to let this new vision settle gently. Don't force this transformation as it will happen when you are ready. And you're not deluded, when dramatic changes happen, the whole world changes. It's shocking at first, so that's normal... don't worry.

It's not necessary, but it helps. I had a kundalini awakening while masturbating every day, but am doing seman retention now, as it helps with spiritual transformation.

Why didn't J K Rowling write Harry Potter into a perfectly good fantasy magical world? Why did she come up with Voldemort and Dementors and kill his parents off before the story even started? What a bitch! You love the drama. Only when you're on the side of good, fighting for good, for some purpose and some transformation with the greater goal of love and courage with friends at your side and amazing wise teachers who love you and want the best for you. Herein the hero's journey encompasses the journey of the failure and the villain. And the hero of course. Hero- here - there There's no here or there. You're just fantasizing all of this out of your pure love and creativity for the story. And with that you can see why it's possible to have good and bad, right and wrong, love and hate, and yet. Not. Cause Voldemort ain't real.

That's probably because search lead them to your video and they were expecting a Christian point of view. Christians think yoga is evil, my aunt even loaned us this DVD to try to save us which made me want to hurl. https://www.amazon.com/PraiseMoves-Christian-Alternative-Laurette-Willis/dp/0736915842 I completely dismissed their fears during my rational atheist stage but also had absolutely no idea about the power of yoga and meditation or even just... whatever understanding or transformation was happening. Christians are 100% right because if you truly, truly believe and imagine that God is real and the Devil is real all your life but God must be accepted in and the Devil must be kept out, guess who you end up inviting in when you open doors you were told not to open? Ah, the power of imagination.

I am slowly coming into my power and realising the importance of becoming my own god, so to speak. This may only be semantics, but basically, it means growing up and utilising the divine power of heaven, available to everyone that is willing to access it, on my own, using my own agency and not through intermediaries. Gods/Deities/Angels, etc... are happy to help us out, but ultimately they want us to become empowered and use our own agency. I have done healing before, but my abilities in that regard are constantly improving. I have seen pretty spectacular results working on my GF this weekend, so I'm rather pysched in that regard. My powers of manifestation are also growing and I've noticed that people around me, loved ones in particular, are seeing the benefits. They are getting things that they wished for and manifesting results by being around me. I am very much at the beginning of my journey, but I like the freedom that comes with being able to manifest results and shape the world the way I'd like it to be. From the very beginning of my spiritual journey, the chief realisation that has helped me along was this: "It's all about energy!" Yup, whatever you do in the field of spirituality, the most important component is energy, it is what enables you to achieve results. Infinite amounts of Cosmic, Divine energy are avaiable to you, there for the taking, but you have to learn to access and harness it. This is a hard, time-consuming process, that requires a lot of sacrifice and dedication. You must transform your body and soul to enable it to access, channel and handle vast amounts of divine energy and with it, information. The mechanism for this transformation is Kundalini, it gives you access to Divine Powers and Infinite Knowledge. Raising the serpent is only the first step, that is when the real work begins. The energetic transformation into a divine being, chiefly on the soul level, but to a certain extent also physically, requires a lifetime and comes at the expense of the death of your old self and the birth of a new one, a coming into being of your God-Self.

Well, you can see this from many angles. One of them is that, in an ultimate sense, is God "victimizing" God. God abusing God, God raping God, God being "homeless" in a world that is nothing but God. Of course, if it is all God, there is also no "abusing", or "raping", those only exist when the ego-mind, which separates itself from everything else (from God) and project meaning into something that ultimately has none. Ok, but let's say that the argument above is too much to grasp (and it is for most people). Let's say then that you got beaten by some bully and that beat made you swift from passivity to proactivity in changing your life, now you workout and practiced some martial arts, which led to making new friends, developing skills, more self-confidence, which made all your life better from now on. That change would never happen by it's on. When an organism is comfortable, change doesn't happen. Now, looking from that angle, the bully is good or bad? Could be that the bully is actually some sort of angel sent to put you into this self-transformation path? See all your problems as a curriculum given to you. You came to this life, shit happened, people mistreated you in horrible and various ways, now you have a particular set of things to work on. Let's say that you got raped as a child by your uncle. Now, to overcome this you have ti develop: self-empowerment, emotional intelligence, forgiveness, self-love, trust, sexual repression, guilt etc. None of that would be properly looked at and worked on if that shitty thing hadn't happened to you. Getting out of victim mentality is about realizing that shit inevitable happens and you have to deal with it, but the best way to deal with it is to see it from empowering angles like the ones I mentioned or some other. You can cry and be angry all you want about the "injustices" (from one partial point of view) that happened to you but once you realize that that approach won't make you better and no one will do it for you, you will seek for solutions instead of problems.

@DrewNows I thought so too! Credit goes to Doctor Jim. Learning different typologies helps me to integrate. By observing my reactive and automatic behaviors and giving a good look at what the triggers are. I may catch it before it manifests outwardly next time. ,,,, Sometimes,,, Too many people only use their enneatype as something to continually verify and identify with. It can be so much more. A way to go beyond one's automatic behavior. Analysis paralysis is a phrase associated with Enneatype sixes. Which seems to be my chief feature. Because Arnold Keyserling was a riotous universal heretic, sometimes in disguise, and became a bad/good influence on a young lawyer named Ralph Losey in the early 70's, they chose to number their version of Enneagram differently. If questioned about this. They might say "Oh, that's just to make it more difficult.,,, Huh?? The following is their description of my enneatype based on categories of language which coorelates with the usual 6 given by Palmer, Riso, and Hudson. Actually this is a typology based on what I call the Keyserling Wheel. To me it seems to combine the Enneagram and the Astrological wheel in a strange way that puts me into a weird space of having the feeling of comprehension of it almost at my fingertips and just beyond grasp. ANALYZE/DISTINGUISH: SPIRIT-SENSING. The adjective - 5 - pertains to analysis, to distinguishing one from another. Its archetypal symbol or myth is Mercury. Mercury involves qualitative discernment and the impulse to judge and rate. It is the "either-or" dissective counterpoint to "both-and" synthesis. The complementary impulse is the first, healing synthesis. The personality type is called the "Status Seeker" or "Performer" or "Motivator". They can be narcissistic, deceptive and pretentious, more concerned with the appearances and trappings of success in their work than with real accomplishments. They are frequently self- assured and energetic, but often too quick to accept the easy answer to a problem, and try to succeed in work through narrow specialization, frequently failing to see the forest for the trees. They tend to be the "Type A" personalities who are ambitious, overly-competitive or "work-aholics". They can also be genuinely-productive, authentic, good motivators and promoters, efficient, knowledgeable and accepting of their limitations, with many outstanding inner qualities and good judgment. from http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/time-cycles/ Below are some of Arnold Keyserling's poems and ,,,,, prophesies, for lack of a better word. Community of Joy Whoever trusts in himself, and respects every friend as a co-worker, will find a community of joy, which in the past was a rare exception and the lot of only a few. from https://schoolofwisdom.com/ Transformation Your transformation can begin immediately. The first step of transformation is the observation of N O T H I N G N E S S, of the interval. The Nothingness is true existence. Until now you have only valued the experience, instead of the interval. The secret of your strength lies in the interval between the shapes and experiences which inhabit your being. Meaning You will come to your senses and discover yourself, when you finally and forever abandon self-pity and self-criticism. Love The essential experience is and remains love. It can’t be induced by sensorial perception because in order for it to penetrate inwardly and emanate outwardly one must be ready for it. Love is the medium of life to be attained, to feel at home with it and through it to examine and govern all phenomena. Whoever opens himself up to the river of love loses his home: he exists in the Universe. Sadness and darkness are no less powerful than laughter and jesting. But in the river man is truly man, he is the master of himself, speaking with things without harming their sacred quality. Wait for the fulfillment of pleasure. This expectation alone produces this openness whereby love flows through all four gates and your center of being is included in the divine circular dance of happiness. Love reaches from the body to the last star, it is a bond which endures. One can never forsake love. Love is omnipresent, it is all consuming, it is all knowing. When there is a lack of awareness, love is destroyed. Love requires your complete participation. L O V E is fullness in equilibrium, letting go, always forgiving, giving, never confining, being aware, valuing that which is real once the dross has been burned away. Love conquers. It creates beautiful things, it is truthful, it exists in harmony with all beings, it protects and preserves values from alienation, it seeks nothing, yet finds all. Seek the dark love as the path to joy and light. Love means to accept the way things appear and let live. Love comes from the fullness of being. It is neither spiritual nor holy. It is God’s gift to reality. Remain true to this one command: love as a pledge of reality. The opposition of the lazy can only be broken with love. Love doesn’t mean grace any longer. It means being a part of the primal vibration of the universe. It is not something that you do, rather something that flows through you. You can’t cultivate love. Love cultivates you, once you open yourself up to it. It surrounds everything; without love there is no motion.

45 min meditation today as well. Today there was more suffering again. Much anger. My stepmom celebrated her 60th birthday on saturday. I was there, and that triggered a lot of shit in me. Basically my dad manipulated me to live with him when I was 12 and I was falling out with my mom. He used every means he could to turn me against her, instead of being a wise adult trying to soften the situation between us. I felt very unsafe living with my dad, because, among other things, he used to drink a lot (he still does but perhaps he has gotten a little softer over the years), but I was too proud to go back to live with my mom and since she didn't either have any good tools to resolve conflicts, I didn't find any other choice but to continue to live with my dad. Not long after I moved in with him, he found a new girlfriend, who had 4 kids who also came from a troubled home, so I got smashed in together with these troubled kids into a lot of chaos. There has been a lot of alcohol and/or drug-abuse among all of them, and they are all sort of a very gross type of blue-collar working-class people. With my spiritual, artistic and intellectual interests, and being a very sensitive and shy kid, it was very chaotic being grouped together with all these hooligans. Sounds pretty arrogant, hahha, I know, but damn it, they really are a bunch of hooligans. I just have to see it for what it is so that I can better understand my conflicted experience about that whole trauma-soup. And I still experience periods of heart-brokenness about this failed romance I just recently had. So that was also feeding into what triggered me, because it reminds me so much, in a condensed version, of a very difficult romance I had from I was 15 to I was 19 that was part of all this chaos I was growing up in. I'm sure I was projecting a lot of this old experience into the new experience when I was dating this recent lady. But now that I'm writing this I'm really glad that I actually went and celebrated my stepmom, because mentally I was already re-living this period of my life because that romance triggered up so much feelings from that period in my life, so as sort of a psychotherapeutic experience, it was actually perfect to further increase this type of exposure therapy by exposing myself to all these chaotic relationships. I felt like a victim afterwards, but now, thanks to writing about it, it becomes clear that I'm working on some deep shit that it was good to trigger up again. Needless to say, I also have a lot of love for these people. They are part of who I am. We don't have any active conflicts, and there is always a lot of appreciation shown when we meet.. After over 20 years of history together with them, they have become my brothers and sisters. So on to this next thing that is a very important part of my personal development: Strength training. Finally I got my new dumbbells today. I gave away the two 4 kg ones to a friend of mine who is also starting with strength training, and now I have a new set of 8 kilos. Together with my set of 12 kg kettlebells, they are all the weight-lifting equipment that I'm focusing on these days. I've found some very very excellent exercises that I use them for, and I'm very very enthusiastic about this project. Together with meditation, weight-lifting is certainly what I need to boost my self-esteem and my masculinity. I cannot be this tall, sensitive and thin guy anymore, I have to put on just a little bit more weight and muscles so that I just look a little bit more robust - both for my own inner feeling, and for how people perceive me. I was writing that I was going to really take off totally with fitness as a new project beginning next month, but actually I don't think I need to take it that far. I just need to continue as I do already. I've only been back with weight-lifting for about a month, and already I feel much more robust, and this is just the beginning, so I can just continue like this. No need to go all mental about it. So here is a picture of my really excellent and simple weight-lifting equipment, hahaha. I feel so much joy when I look at these weights. They are my new power-amulets. Speaking of which, what I gave my stepmom as a birthday gift was actually an amethyst crystal that I've had for some months and that I appreciated a lot. I see that as a symbolic ritual in turning suffering into beauty through the spiritual transformation that happens through meditation practice. I could have given her some meaningless shit, but I actually gave her something that means a lot to me. And crystals are an excellent metaphor for the beautiful state of mind that meditation can produce when the flow is good.