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This does not make logical sense. Keeping a human body alive is more expensive than burning a dead body. But yeah, psychologically it could be hard for the parents. I do not mean to imply in any sense that suicide should be committed. The opposite is the case. Call suicide hotline please.

While attempting to answer this question from a existence point of view, whether reality is Solipsistic or panpsychism, is open to interpretation and debate, one thing is certain to me. Committing suicide is extremely foolish and impractical in context. Given what partial context you've said here, about your family's financial situation, well your suicide will add more to their financial burden on top of whatever they are going through now, paying off mortgages, looking for a job ect. Now they have to pay for a funeral service, for a casket to put your body in to bury you, pay for the grave stone and place of burial, or thet pay for the cremation, the pot they put your ashes in. Not to mention that if they can't pay, they have to loan your funeral costs, which puts your parents and siblings into further debt, maintaining the financial nightmare they are in after your death in the first place. Also, the suicide willl negatively impact their psychological wellbeing. You would effectively put them into the grief cycle, and some people with different personality types, grief different and sometimes grief longer or a few do not ever recover from a loss. Like others have said, get professional help asap, hook a therapist, suicide hotline if you need to. Next thing, is to tell us more about your situation with yourself and family that led to this sucidal thinking. More for context, and to get a more tailored advice to your circumstance.

There is nothing in death that cannot be in life. There is no benefit in suicide. You can be at peace and feel awesome right here in life. You can have it all, because you are home and you are free. Do not underestimate the power of simply opening up. You got nothing to lose in being open and expressing emotions. You matter, and each one of us encourage you to talk to someone.

First of all, suicide is futile. It is just another way of getting to an alleged better state or experience. What you are missing is that every experience and every state, including death or blissful ecstasy, only appears within that which is already perfect, free, blissful, complete, happy. Your longing for better state is precisely how Absolute Freedom expresses itself. So it does not matter what you will do, it will never get you anything. Second, no, your parents will not suffer because there is no you to begin with. All relationships are illusion. Your parents are Nothing, pretending to be some separate form, which can form bonds with other forms, just like you. However, within this illusion of relationship suffering may arise due to the attachment to relationships. When Nothing is formed as a human organism, it tends to fall under the spell of separateness, which "hides" the simple truth that everything that exists is how Nothing manifests. In other words, you and your parents are not really separate, but suffering or emotional pain can appear to happen, although no one really suffer. Third, life is mystery dancing as form. There is nothing to gain or get or acheive from it. You can either fight the dance and try to create the next better state or experience, or surrender to what already is, which is the case, and let life continue its dance without separateness and seeking.

mine too but a while ago most people struggle, some more some less, but most of the struggle isn't as personal as you think i don't think suicide is an option at this point

Don't use this work to justify suicide. You may know that everything is imaginary, but that doesn't mean your parents do. You killing yourself will surely guarantee suffering for them.

Call now. Do not wait. Don’t ruminate on misinformation. Call. http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html Yes, as was said, they will suffer tremendously and their lives will effectively be ruined. But more importantly imo… whatever it is… it is felt far worse un-expressed, as a ‘secret’. Allow the experience of talking with a trained specialist. There is much, much, much love here for you. ? Feel free to reach out anytime!

@Tyler Durden First of all that is wrong to say NOW taking account of the situation and also that is quite wrongly worded, because even if you all actualized.org users would go to commit suicide "I" would be here and I would register that which happened. Would you see that your loved ones suffer? - no, because you wouldn't exist then to see that. But still our job NOW when it is about someones life we need to be extremely sharp when we answer.

I don't think their suicide had anything to do with the video. At least in the case of the first guy.

Evidence supporting a link between dental amalgams and chronic illness, fatigue, depression, anxiety, and suicide

If it wasn't for leo I don't know if I had started my spiritual journey... I followed his meditation techniques & it worked for me.. My kundalini got awoken.. But it was a dangerous energy to live with.. I didn't know how to handle It...It drove me mentally insane.. And at the end I couldn't control it & attempted suicide & injured my hand... But when I confronted leo about this all he had to say is that you should seek professional help for your mental issues.. Like seriously dude that's all you got to say to me... Which makes me question did leo have a kundalini awakening?.. Like did he have any awakening?.. I had put so much trust & faith in this guy & that's how it ended up..I had expected better answers from you leo..

@lostingenosmaze That's valid point and I agree that this could be on every video, but the thing is that people should be caution with anything they do. Even when eating candies you could choke or bit your finger off. Should everything be done like America that microwaves have warning labels that cats shouldn't be inside when the microwave is on? I just wanted to point out that there are actually warnings and where else do you see about 10 hours of high quality content of JUST WARNINGS. Of course suicides and suicide attempts happen all the time and we can't avoid all of them and my honest opinion is that Leo has done exellent work in preventing that. If Leos videos help millions of people and saves lifes and then there have been one certified suicide and couple of suicide attempts then I would call that very good statics. Don't fall into the trap of not seeing the forest for the trees. This is actually pretty good moment to do Leo's practise of accepting things even if they are very shocking. We need to get out of our heads and think logically this thing and when you try to see this thing without acting from the feelings you could see what I try to point out. We need to accept things like they are now and if we have some feedback to Leo there is possibility to do that on his blog site or just in this forum, but the thing is that we can't come to him agressively, because that makes this comminity toxic and how could we then practise gratitude, love, calming mind or anything spiritual <3 Hope that people could finally understand that, because I have now sent like 10 messages to this topic about basic logic and appreciating an awesome content of Leo.

If Neph had contacted him once or twice or just asked for advice from the forum, Leo's reaction would be harsh and out of line. Thing is he contacted Leo several times, not just asking for advice. He explicitly blamed Leo as the cause of him being suicidal, that Leo was personally on the hook for solving his problems, and he took no personal responsibility for his role. Threatening suicide to force a relationship or reaction out of someone is emotional extortion. I understand you'd have to be in great pain to say that, and I have compassion for anyone in a dark situation like that. But if you're in the public eye you constantly have to deal with people blaming you for things you have nothing to do with. You have to be firm about expectations and responsibilities with fans (aka: strangers) so they don't get the wrong impression. So I have sympathy for both Leo and Neph.

I think 2 people commited suicide after the enlightenment video series because they misundestood liberation with death, so yes, it's dangerous for average people.

@Nahm one of the reasons i got hooked by actualized.org is because of the lax psychedelics policy. i know plenty of people who messed up their psyche with drugs - i know plenty who didn’t, only some can take them repeatedly while staying sane to a point. i doubt its the best choice for a forum who has a section about depression and psychological issues. there is one case of suicide connected to the forum where someone tried to heal himself using psychedelics instead of seeking psychological, psychatrical help. psychedelics further create confusion while some people need more clarity. its mainly for people who already had a stick up their a** and not exactly for creative people with already issues getting along with reality. if someone is already floating in space sober, you don’t tell them to let go of security lines, because then the experience would be so much more exciting. worst case scenario after letting go, flying away with the spaceship, because there are other exciting realities to explore. @FlyingLotus leo doesn’t teach much about psychedelics in the videos, it’s not the reason why people start writing in the forum. most do because they have some issues to deal with, or because they made the step to buy the life purpose course.

Are you saying the reason not a single other spiritual teacher on that list warns against ‘the dangers of spirituality’ and Leo does, is money? I’m not following your logic here. Had you said he can’t afford not to, because his income is contingent on clicks, that would seem logical. Can you explain further how, because he can afford to, is the reason he ‘warns against the dangers of spirituality’, and none of the other teachers do? How is meditation the cause of ‘the dangers’? How is psychedelics the cause of ‘the dangers’? How is Leo (implied) “teaching psychedelics”? I’ve taken em. Seems like the psychedelic essentially is the teacher. So to speak, not one single person ever said a single thing to me about psychedelics, to this day, maybe two hundred or more trips, not one single iota of ‘dangers of spirituality’, or ‘dangers of psychedelics’. Never projected a single thought onto the psychedelics, let a lot of beliefs and behaviors, like projection, go. This is circular logic. The ‘risks involved’ are the content. Helping one to recognize thought attachment is “coddling and lying out of guilt”? Not following that logic either. Seems like a justification via an implication of intensity limited options. I see the user mentioned an attempted suicide. I do not see the “manipulating people” or the “threatening suicide”. I might be missing that though, the thread’s a bit long. If one is commenting, why does not demeaning someone equal “becoming his close, personal, one-on-one guru”?

-Leo can afford to release episodes about the risks of spirituality because his revenue is based on Youtube clicks, not selling products. Those teachers are selling mainstream products (many of them are good products!) It’s not smart marketing to tell customers all the stuff that could go wrong with the stuff they’re buying . -Those teachers mostly teach meditation, lectures and journalling, which have a lot less risk than psychedelics. However, as Neph’s case shows, meditation still has dangers. The fact that those teachers don’t say anything about the risks of their work is negligent on their part. -Leo’s videos are very clear about the risks involved with various spiritual practices. His forums posts might not always be clear, but is it really his fault if people willfully choose to ignore his videos and don’t do proper research? -Some Youtuber isn’t going to help Neph with his problems as effectively as family, friends and an in person therapist. It’s good for Neph’s well-being to be honest about that instead of Leo coddling and lying to him out of guilt. -I do think that anyone who’s experiencing suicidal ideation deserves compassion and help, but they don’t have the right to manipulate people and threaten suicide because they’re in pain. It's not in their own best interest to get rewarded for that behavior. -My heart goes out to Neph. I feel sorry that he has to go through this situation. I’m glad his condition has stabilized and it’s awesome that you’ve offered to help him ?. However, Leo still has the right to not become his close, personal, one-on-one, unpaid guru.

It's more empowering to think of your mental health as mental fitness, something that you have direct influence of as opposed to some terminal diagnosis. Now I'm not diminishing any major disorders (I have one myself after all) but just like someone bound to a wheelchair you can still exercise and make the best out of your situation as opposed to giving up, getting fat and feeling powerless to change or improve. The more I've delved into developmental psychology, philosophy, meditation (thanks leo!) the more I've come to the conclusion that mental health is kind of a misleading term. There are so many things you can do to change the state of your consciousness, memory, creativity, focus etc. that are action oriented - like exercising for the body. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had a traumatic childhood which left me fairly "unhealthy" mentally. Smoking a bunch of pot didn't help longterm (although it did push the pain away enough to avoid suicide which was a real concern for years.) These diagnosis or stories we tell ourselves "I have anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder" can turn into learned helplessness and limiting beliefs. Obviously depression and anxiety are different from conditions like schizophrenia and bipolar (which don't "go away" as easily) but kind of like type 1 vs. type 2 diabetic you will always have type 1. but you can manage your symptoms to the point where it's not a factor as opposed to type 2 which you can actually cure yourself of through diet and exercise (see Jason Fungs The Obesity Code.)

It’s interesting you see it that way. To me it reads as Leo setting a firm, clear, healthy boundary. OP’s msg reads as wanting close, one-on-one attention from Leo and not just good advice. I can think of at least three different people on the forum who’ve tried to get personal attention from Leo by threatening suicide, and that’s just in the last year. It reminds me of an article I read about Jackie Chan. Back in the 80s he announced his engagement to his now wife, and two of his female fans attempted suicide. One even did it in front of his office. He visited one of them to be a nice, helpful guy and this just inspired more of his fans to attempt suicide. They were all hoping to get some personal attention from him (and of course they had other mental illnesses going on). Thing is, Jackie would’ve been better off making a blanket statement against suicide or not giving them any attention at all. If you’re in the public eye and people keep trying to get your attention with bad behavior, doesn’t it make sense to not reward that behavior? To me it does, even if it means being blunt and sorta unsympathetic. So Leo’s “coldness” isn’t a knock against @Neph personally. It’s about maintaining strong boundaries with everybody so he can do his work.

@Leo Gura would you ever make your own retreats for people to visit? I know you don't want to deal with the cult stuff and whatever And if people already threaten suicide on the forum, what would happen in a retreat? but..... i think generally much more could be learned in the real thing than over the internet. it could be cool have Satsang and hire some cool nurses who plug the good stuff you know I know that the guy from the "here we are" podcast for example organised mushroom retreats in Jamaica

@Neph What do you want Leo to say? If someone attempts suicide then it seems like an appropriate response to tell him to seek professional help. Mental issues can be hard to deal with and no answer that Leo makes will be adequate. When I had mental issues (depression) I went to an hour long session once a week for 2 years.

Taken at 11:43am 3g of African Transekei Strain Ground up into a powder using a coffee grinder, Taken as a lemon tek Tea. Strained out the bits in a french press. I also took ginger and that pretty much completely took away the nausea. 15 minutes Yawning. I need to read more about trip reports on high doses. What is physical? What is imagination? Visuals at 19 minutes Holy shit dude. >I put this music on in the come-up and I went CrayyZEE! I went full ape mode, drumming on my body, flipping around in my bed, shaking my head violently. 10/10 comeup. Just completely leaned into the discomfort and insanity. >I then listened to this lol 41 minutes Yawning like mad. Shrooms to me get a bad rap as a "beginner psychedelic". They need to be respected like every other one. you need to respect shrooms like you respect 5 Meo DMT, or a vial of nitroglycerin. Respect it all as you would respect God. One day I will realize that I am eternal. >MMMM foreshadowing maybe??? ANY MESSAGE IN LIFE CAN BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! Even the jokey songs like this one: (one that is usually interpreted as a joke) Music is VERY POWERFUL on shrooms. Jamming out to this. So I went for a long walk in the beautiful nature with my mom and my dogs, and I was really trying to see reality as a creation of imagination. I was going like "WOWWW, WOOOW WOOOOW" Over and over. "Holy fuck, holy fucking shit, holy fuckkk" Over and over again. Amazing beauty! >The visuals were top notch. At one point the entire road turned into a bright red, white and yellow sacred geometry pattern. >You can never really replicate these amazingly intelligent patterns. Not too many artists yet at least. >Imagine a combination of like these images with the colors mentioned above. >I didn't even listen to any music while walking for the whole hour or so that we were gone. I was just authentically appreciating the sounds of my shoes crunching against the rocks on the concrete. >I remember at one point during conversation and I ended up saying "It takes courage to live". >Then shortly after, I was walking a good distance behind my mother, and right there, I realized that there is nothing grounding the idea that my mom is "my mother". And that she is just another human form that has spawned in my consciousness. I became conscious to some degree that I imagined my mother. Then that spiraled into me crying and stuff. And then I was thinking deep about existential stuff. >I wanted to kill myself, like I was like 70% SERIOUSLY considering suicide. Or at least like really authentically weighing the pros and cons. >The curtain was being pulled from the elephant's ass at a rapidly increasing rate. I was starting to see more of the full ass. More of how I am imagining everything. How I am the imaginer "God". >I'm sober now, writing this part of the trip report, and I don't think I have any "absolute" understandings. So I probably didn't touch "the absolute truth" or anything. I wasn't even sure if I identified with the body. I'm not even sure if I Identify with the body NOW. I probably still do. I think it may have just been shaken loose even more. This confusion will probably clear up more when I do 5meo. You're living in a hyper intelligent mechanism we call society. >The hyper intelligent mechanism is god's consciousness (reality). >Learn to appreciate every organization and why it's there before you try to fuck with the system. Systems thinking 101. The pressure of survival demands intelligence to be gained from you. >I was thinking a lot about this because I was also emotionally dealing with the baggage of moving out soon. And how moving out, (even if you plan to move back in half a year later,) will grow you in ways that you cannot foresee. Simply because moving out will put on that pressure to shape up in order to survive. >I am learning how to appreciate the pressures that survival puts on mankind. And how these pressures is what actually fuels creation. You have to prove how infinitely intelligent you are. > You are already infinitely intelligent, but you don't believe that because you are imagining yourself as stupid right now. You, as god, are literally imagining yourself as not having all the knowledge of the universe, such that you can enjoy the experience of learning something for the first time. >There I was, crying on the floor with "realizing" that I was just imagining my life because I had nothing else better to do. Realizing that I was just going to keep doing this forever, living forever, how I was eternal, and how you cannot kill me. "I'm scared to be God." >So then I start taking responsibility from the perspective of the one that imagines everything. "For anything bad that has what happened to you, I'm sorry." (You the reader) "I became conscious of how I was imagining my mother. I imagined this so that this body could experience what it would be like to imagine an amazing mother." "I don't know how else can I explain my love for you. I would have to remember every single thing you have done for me across my entire life to thank you properly for what you have done for me. (Mom,) You had to change yourself, change your mind in order to love me, because you loved me THAT much." You're always alone. >Talking to my mom. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry Mom for everything, anytime that I've been mean, I know I need to control myself, I still have to learn how to control myself with my emotions. I have to figure out how to act in a way that is in sync with the highest good. I need to figure out how. I love you so much I created you, I love you so much, I gave you a Consciousness that you could take independently of me and you can imagine all your fucking experiences." "I am eternally sorry for anything bad that has happened to any of the people, I'm sorry. Yeah you're sorry that I'm born right? You needed me mom, so you created me. And here I am the fuck I am." I lost my mind. "There's nothing else to do but to love of your life. Because you are imagining fucking all of it." "I am imagining myself as stupid right now. I'm imagining myself as not intelligent. I'm a fucking idiot. I know nothing. And I'm imagining that." "Dad I love you so much that I want you to live the best life." "Leo I want you to live the best life." "Leo I'm sorry that I imagined you." "I am scared to live forever. That's a really fucking long time. So scared I don't want I don't want to be eternal. I DONT WANT TO BE ETERNAL!" -- >speaking as from god's perspective (supposedly) "I want you to feel bad just so you can understand the difference between feeling good and bad. I want you to feel the fear of dying such that you can appreciate the difference between living and dying. I want you to feel the fear that there's nothing else to do. Such that you can appreciate the Holiness of everything that's here. Cuz that's nothing else to fucking do. There's nothing else to do but what I'm doing." -- >Nothing is limiting me. "There is zero fucking reason why couldn't grow my finger 20 ft long." "I am imagining being scared so I can appreciate the difference. I'm imagining being scared to fucking anything in reality so I can appreciate the difference." God is mysterious. Fundamentally. He's here right now, he's doing everything right now I'm imagining a fucking body. Right fucking now. I'm imagining the wall so "I" can look at it. I am literally imagining me over here and the wall over there and the "space" in-between me and it. I am imagining a POV. >talking to god, "God, why did you make the wall?" "I'm sorry, I just WANTED to. I'm infinite, so I made the fucking wall okay?" "I AM FUCKING YOU DUDE!" "I AM Imagining a language just so I can communicate it to you." "I am imagining that you don't have the knowledge that I have. I am imagining that you are not infinitely intelligent right now. But you fucking are! You are infinitely intelligent. THERE'S nothing stopping YOU!" >God perspective "I am infinitely more intelligent than what you call "Leo". Because I fucking AM you." >Truth seems to be the very "substance" of your imaginations. But because I can say that, this is not the truth. "Truth is whatever you imagine it to be. And the building blocks of whatever you're imagining it to be is what truth is doing. What is the word truth pointing to the direct experience right now? The wall is fucking truth look at it! Imagine a wall in your mind that's equal truth, it's all there. What is there is truth. And what isn't there is also truth." "I am currently imagining myself knowing exactly how much I know. Does that make sense to you? The reader? You! I don't know what your name is. You are reading these words right now, I'm fucking communicating this to you right now. However much knowledge do you think you have right now, you're fucking imagining how intelligent and how stupid you are right now." "You are imagining you not knowing the things that you want to know because you want to experience yourself growing. You actually made it such that you can experience yourself growing because you are eternal already." "Someday I'm going to imagine this body being fucking killed. And this body is going to experience that." >I was feeling scared about imagining bad things happening to me. In which I came to this conclusion: "But look dude. right now, you're fucking chill, right? Maybe you're mad. Maybe you are the Zenswift in the future, reading this right now. Are you okay right now? Like what are you experiencing right now? Cuz that's all there is. And that's all of that there ever will be. Any fear is just you imagining something that isn't fucking happening right now. And when it does happen to you right now, you experience it, and that's what it is. But you don't need to let that fear fuck your shit up right now, because right now you're good! In this direct experience, you're good. Savor that. Learn to love the direct experience. I imagined you to have direct experience right now so you can appreciate it for what it is. Why the fuck would I not want to imagine what you are doing right now?" "For everything that's happening right now I'm very sorry. But I have fucking NOTHING ELSE to do but to create this! I'm sorry dude, there's nothing else to do but to create everything. And to destroy. And to transform." "I am imagining myself as not knowing what Leo knows right now. Fuck you Leo LOL I imagined you! I love you dude!" "I can imagine infinitely hating Leo and infinitely loving Leo. At the same fucking time. There's no fucking difference." "One day I'm going to imagine Leo seeing me in the flesh, face to face." "Every motivation that I have, I'm just imagining it out of fucking nowhere. I could imagine a motivation like for me to want to learn how to paint the best picture. Or how to best fish. And I can nurture whatever imagination I want to. And I can make that fucking real." "Why do I imagine spiders exist? Fuck YOU dude!" "Everything in my life right now I am imagining to control this body's motivations. That's what my will is right now." "Whenever I imagine (gain) new abilities that didn't think I would have. I'm imagining that relationship between knowing that I have power and not knowing that I have that power." >Looking at my fingers. "My existence is infinitely thin." >Thinking about how language evolves. "Who the fuck creates new words?' "I think I have had an Awakening of some sort." > I definitely had some sort of mystical experience. Probably not an awakening. Maybe a glimpse of the ox. I don't know. "Life IS where it's dangerous." "Just merge with the moment. Because you ARE the moment." "YOU ARE the moment." >You are literally your direct experience. Merge with it. A teaching like "you are God" is just to open your fucking mind. And then you imagine the rest of the details. "There was no intention set with the Psychedelic. I didn't even really have a reason to do this psychedelic today. The only reason is because I wanted to keep up a pattern of doing psychedelics in between the time that I work so that I enrich my life the most. And I just kind of had faith that I just figure out what the fuck to think about. But I go into this trip right now with zero fucking intention. And then here I am starting to realize I am imagining fucking everything. (Talking to myself) Like fuck you dude! Why did you fool me? Why the fuck did you fool me? Why? And I know it's because you've got fucking nothing else to do but like come on dude!" I am imagining myself being unmotivated. When I am motivated, I just imagine that. >I was noticing just how good you feel and how much it fills YOU up to be authentically loving to others. "Be nice to people because it makes YOU feel good! You selfish fuck!" "I am as strong as I need to be right now. It's okay that there's other people that are stronger than me! It's okay that there is things that I cannot lift! I am imagining myself as someone that cannot lift something. I am literally God imagining rocks that this body cannot fucking lift." Music distracts you from the present moment. It distracts you from appreciating exactly what you're experiencing. Imagine an extremely clean piece of glass. How the fuck would you know it's there? What? The frames around it? What if you didn't have that context? If you can see right through it, then it doesn't exist. How the fuck do you know that there isn't glass between you and everything else right now? Like a shape-shifting glass. What we call "air". What we call "space". "Never make any radical decisions when you are massively changing your Consciousness. Because you do not yet understand what the fuck is keeping you there. I want to fucking kill myself earlier. REALLY! I was literally in the full state of considering suicide because there's no fucking difference between living or dying. But there are forces stopping me from doing that because there's a greater intelligent at work. And you need to learn how to appreciate all the intelligence of what's guiding your actions right now." "There is ALWAYS "other" that's going to control you in some way. You existing is you being part of the system you're connected to. So whether you like it or not you're going to have to do whatever you have to do to keep that body surviving. I need to appreciate that. You fucking demonize it so much. Yes, survival is hard! It takes courage to live! It takes courage to live!" Post Trip Report Feeling normal. Definitely came right back down to a normal state of consciousness. My previous trip, LSD Trip 004 definitely was way more long lasting insights. I definitely wasn't penetrating anything super profound here. Probably lots of ego smog with the trip as well. I've learned how to say "wow" in a completely different way. Using my throat kinda like under my breath. It's like a more authentic way to say "wow". My throat was hurting just from how much I was saying "wooow"! Looking at the amazing beauty of nature. And even the beauty of the patterns in concrete on the road. I did lots of crying, dealing with the existential dread of learning that I am eternal, I cannot be killed, and I will live literally fucking forever. Like, goddamn. Crying about how I realized that I am imagining my mother. And also how I am sorry for the suffering in her entire life. And in everyone's lives. I had direct experience, or at least direct belief that I was imagining everything. I believe a more deep experience will be when I see it and don't believe it. That would be a much more real experience of the absolute truth of things. I pretty much lost my mind too with how open-minded I was. Not really much room to contemplate with shrooms, just be there to enjoy the ride. Great for nature walks if you have a sober guide (and no wildlife like bears). I wasn't hiking in nature, I was literally just walking in the neighborhood. I was very calm after the rough part of the trip. I was just happy and super content, like the calm waters after the storm. The day after. Having my brain still recover from the neuroactivity, I was just mellow. Maybe had a bit of ego backlash not being very productive, but whatever. The next day, today as I'm writing this, I'm focused. Let me know what you think!

If you are raising kundalini you should be aware of the many issues and dangers that come with that and you should already have prepared methods and resources for how to deal with it. I have a book on my book list that specifically talks about the dangers of kundalini and offers various solutions and troubleshooting strategies. If you are doing Kriya yoga, most Kriya yoga books warn about the dangers of raising kundalini too rapidly. The "misuse" in this case is simply going into the process too naively and not taking the risks and warnings seriously. And also not having enough knowledge and research for what to do when you start to unravel. For example, if your kundalini starts bothering you, obviously you should have enough knowledge and intelligence to then go see a dedicated kundalini expert who can give you suggestions and guide you through the difficulties. Instead of just letting it spiral out of control to the point of suicide. Likewise, if you start having signs of mental illness or instability then you should have enough intelligence to hire a therapist or professional for guidance. I expect this kind of intelligence as a default from people doing serious spiritual work.

but seeking professional help to get some stability and get grounded for a while isn't a horrible advice if you had an attempted suicide or not?

I am not your babysitter. You have been warned about the dangers of spiritual work. What you do with spirituality is all on you. You can use it wisely or foolishly. You can use it for love or for evil. This is completely on you. If you decide to harm your body, I will certainly not be taking responsibility for that. I have said repeatedly that that has nothing to do with what I teach. If you are suicidal, seek professional mental help. I am not going to guide you out of your suicide nor mental health issues. It should be obvious that my spiritual teachings are DIY -- Do It Yourself.