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I don’t think there’s anyone else in my life that would get this, so I’m sharing this experience with the people of the forum. It’s a very deep “spiritual experience”, if we are to call it anything. I’d had it pretty easy since my deepest awakening to God/Infinite Love two years ago. A few health issues since then, but nothing special, for the most part just an easy life, feeling happy and fulfilled most of the time. At the same time, paradoxically, I did notice that I was gradually becoming more fearful as I integrated that awakening. I was holding on to those good times and to the fluffy notions of Love and as a result developed the fear of losing those good feelings in the future and made a shadow of the unconditional aspect of Love. It was noticeable, I became hypersensitive to stories that involved extreme pain and suffering and was subtly trying to avoid them. In addition, I had slowly begun forming some beliefs about that awakening and the nature of God. And the experience of dying just before that awakening had been quite traumatic, because it came with deep suffering and resistance. During these two years, I even entertained the notion that maybe once you’ve awakened to God, then there’s no more need for pain and therefore it won’t be experienced – well, the last few days have harshly disabused me of that silly idea. On Monday evening I began experiencing extreme pain, first in the stomach and then the lower back on my left side. That night was awful, I was experiencing new levels of pain that I didn't know/remember were possible. I prayed to God for mercy. I promised that I would take better care of my body. I would never become complacent about life ever again. The next morning I went to the hospital. Almost fainted from the pain on the way there, and then had to go through the hassle of trying to find the emergency room in a hospital where nobody seemed to speak English – I’m in Vietnam and don’t speak the language. In the emergency room, I had to wait for hours in the most extreme pain that I’ve ever experienced – a 10 out of 10 level of pain that just won’t quit. No breaks, no intervals, just non-stop pain that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I was non-stop howling in pain and even fainted briefly while waiting for the CT scan. They only gave me a shot to kill the pain after the second CT scan – hours after I’d arrived in the emergency room. It turned out that I have a kidney stone. It’s lodged in the ureter, near the bladder. After the injection, the pain subsided and I was sent home with some medication and was instructed to drink loads of water, the stone is apparently small enough to be passed without the need for surgery. The next few days were ok, experiencing crises sometimes but nothing as bad as that first one. This morning, though, it got worse again. And the pain was again at extreme levels, there was nowhere to hide. I put on some music, laid down and slowly felt how I was opening up to the experience. Beauty was recognized in the whole experience, and also there was a deep sense of compassion. Cried my eyes out. And then it hit me. In the midst of the pain. A timeless insight. There was no more fear. There was no more fear of ANYTHING. Death felt like a joke. In fact, I’m pretty sure that death will be an awesome experience. But it went way beyond that. There was no more fear of extreme pain. If pain is to occur, then that’s what will occur. There wasn’t even fear of non-existence. Who cares about non-existence? There was simply no fear whatsoever. None. Over. I think it’s dangerous and a trap to look at spirituality as only butterflies and rainbows. I’ve fallen into that trap. I know that sometimes we say that consciousness can be brutal, and it’s actually pretty easy to say it, but it’s a whole other story when the insight occurs and the fear directly falls away. Now, to be clear, I’m not saying that this is something that has been added to me, the person. I don’t think so. Fear may arise again, but the thing is I’m not scared of fear either. There’s just no fear of anything. And that’s God. That’s the unconditional aspect of Love. It’s utterly fearless. There was no mystical experience, no fireworks, just a sudden insight that was so immediate and deep that I wanted to share it.

This is meant mostly for young seekers who are juggling early life with self-transcendence. It's no surprise that the most awakened people you see in the world are some of the most well-integrated and resourceful people out there. While it's not uncommon for mystics to enter a deep introspective phase of their life, it's not an unproblematic endeavour. In the past, being a mystic was synonymous homelessness, and fortunately for them, there were structures in place that made it possible to survive (Indian culture is very accommodating to mystics). However, in the modern world of Western individualism, it's not a wise decision to leave your life behind, certainly not before it has even started. I recommend re-defining the concept of spirituality from the idea of seeking the highest to integrating the whole. What makes us human is our desire to expand endlessly, and the ultimate expression of this is the desire for truth. You can imagine the desire of truth to be an expansion towards the highest altitude of consciousness. However, the impulse of expansion does not only extend towards higher altitudes but also towards wider breadths and deeper depths. It's not just an movement upwards, but rather it's an expansion in all directions. So in other words, to be truly spiritual is to maximize all expansion in all aspects, not just the higher ones. In fact, when the lower aspects are denied their right to expand, they will impede your ability to go higher. For example, if you deny your sexual energy, this will create a disruption in your emotional system and impede your spiritual energy. There are a myriad of "lower energies" within you that need to be processed and expressed before you can fully move on to the next level (e.g. the desire for safety, belonging and esteem), and working on the wordly things will help you in that direction. So it's not just that it's impractical from a survival perspective to not develop the lower aspects of yourself, but it will also cause problems for your truth-seeking. I can use an example from my personal life to illustrate this point: I've personally had a little "wood mystic" phase in my early teens (dropped LSD a couple of times, started smoking weed heavily to expand on those insights). What initially began as an intense seeking for truth turned into a denial of personal responsibilities and avoiding the hardships of life (stopped caring much about school, friends and family), and the stress from having to deal with all those bad decisions made me very neurotic and depressed. I later realized that the dysfunctional part of my behavior stemmed from some emotional issues, namely having had very strict parents that didn't let me fully express my emotional impulses, and that me immersing myself completely in truth-seeking and avoiding responsibilities was me trying to fill that hole from my youth. Something as basic as the need to express one's impulses (to consume, to indulge, to "want", to self-assert), which I expressed through intense truth-seeking, was ultimately creating more problems for me and holding me back. What I was avoiding, and what I'm focusing on now, is to integrate my personality, harvest my potential, become a resourceful person and then go directly for truth without being a liability to others. I'm not saying that what happened to me will happen to you, but there are many things that can go wrong if you take the seeking approach over the integrating approach. Every part of your life impacts every other part in some way, and if you fail to address one part, it will have a detrimental impact on the whole. This is essentially a lesson in holistic thinking: of not getting too caught up in one aspect of life, but to be able to see the bigger picture.

@Thought Art Interesting post. I like the way you think. It could go a few ways. You may have no desire to change anything, because it would appear perfect as it is. Or becoming aware there are infinite realties, you could focus into one where you could play the role of awakened moderator. You would have to follow what your intuition tells you. Beings choose this earth reality for very unique experiences. Some honestly don't want to awaken. To them that would defeat their purpose for being here. They are enjoying the game of being unconscious.

What if you could become so awakened that you embody the love on infinity in your life purpose? You would be able to change the world I think. Imagine being an Infinite Mod. A lighthouse Born from Infinity to serve in the awakening of infinity to its highest love? Just like how video games have moderators what if you could awaken so deeply you basically become a reality moderator. You would have to go as deeply as you could possibly go. You would need to be more mature, grounded, skillful and loving than 99.9% of people. You would need the biggest map, biggest heart.... Thick face black heart... Main goal: Unity, Truth, Love, Holism, beauty, health, etc

In Absolute reality, there is no goal. Goals belong to the world of the relative. For one who is not yet awake to their own nature, the goal will be to "wake up." But once woken up, it's revealed that the goal only existed in the context of one who believed they were a separate entity with a personality, history, and, yes, goals. Pertinent to your questions, however, there are some things that cannot be known no matter how awakened a being is. And that includes what comes after physical death for an organism. Anybody trying to give you clear-cut answers on what follows the death of the body is just speculating.

I wouldn't say it's stupid...It's a good contextualization for those that wish to latch onto a belief system such as that. But, that's just my opinion lol. I do agree we need to be careful on what we say when it comes to these things. It's a tricky situation because I can understand people's desire to teach/share. When I first awakened I really wanted to teach others, but came to the conclusion there was the potential to harm others and it wasn't worth it. But, I have nothing against those who do teach and people such as Leo have a great way of contextualizing themselves though it's still not without it's potential danger. I don't hold Leo responsible for people who take his teaching the wrong way.

Oh, dear @Nahm The love and respect I've got for you. Yet I still could not disagree more with you on some things. I'm sure it's a phase, but still, I must stay true to where I'm at, right this moment. I have no other choice. I know you know very damn well just how terrifying things can get. Remember jumping into that ice cold water and your heart stopping to beat? Remember your breath being taken away from you? Remember waking up in white noise? Remember your taste, touch, smell... turning into white? Remember being torn apart by the infinite swirling Light? Being burned alive? I did not seek any of that. It came for me. It sucked me in. It was beyond any terror and pain imaginable. It was worse than any image of hell I had in my mind. And it was not a choice. There was no way out, either. So let's not pretend like we have a say. I know there are more pleasant melodies that the Universe plays. But some are violent, chaotic and deadly, too. God is not only lovey-dovey, hippy-dippy songs. God is also death and black metal. Some say, a truly awakened consciousness finds even more interest in 'the darkness'. There is nothing to be resolved in Light. - It's already perfect and whole. Just a thought.

Names have been changed for the sake of privacy Wednesday September 29 2021, my father and I smoked 5-MeO-DMT in the form of toad venom. The Story: “I am a 33 year old male living in a beach suburb of Los Angeles. I am healthy, and do not use medication of any kind, or supplements, herbs, etc. My first experience with psychedelics was with LSD when I was 16, and I have also used mescaline, mushrooms, and n,n-DMT. For the past two years I have been using exclusively n,n-DMT and psilocybin mushrooms, and have been fully immersed in wisdom traditions which can broadly be referred to as non-duality.” I first became interested in 5-MeO-DMT many years ago, it’s impossible to know exactly when. Terence McKenna didn’t have much to say about it, feeling that the lack of visual activity was a shortcoming of the compound. Hamilton Morris botched some parts of it's history in a season 2 episode of his VICE show, only to make a spectacular comeback to kick off season 3. Memes and myths about psychedelic toads are common enough that even the lay person has heard of licking toads to get high. But that’s not the route of administration called for here. Incilius alvarius, formerly bufo alvarius, aka the Sonoran Desert toad or Colorado River toad. The largest toad in North America, this unassuming creature is recognizable by the venom sacks on its arms, legs, back, and parotid. When the toads emerge from hibernation en masse, one can collect their venom by squeezing the glands thereby spraying the excretion onto a piece of clean glass. After a period of drying, the venom contains ~15% 5-MeO-DMT, which can then be scraped and vaporized. When heated in a glass pipe, one long toke of this pungent vapor will produce what is widely regarded as the most intense entheogenic experience possible. In recent years, as relationships between US and Mexico based practitioners grow, a beautiful entheogenic culture is being birthed, with this toad at the center. Over the past two years my father and I fell in love with the synergy between n,n-DMT and non-duality, and he is rather active on social media in sharing his insights and perspective. We have a special bond, and after I shared n,n-DMT with him he has served himself on several occasions. Two weeks before this experience someone reached out to him on social media, curious if the information he’s been sharing was catalyzed by an encounter with 5-MeO. After some discussion, an exchange of names and numbers, and the auspicious alignment of several vectors, we booked a 6pm session in Malibu. Fast forward two weeks. The day arrived. I fasted, and left work early in order to buy some comfortable clothes for the experience and to give myself time and space to settle. Mild nervousness began to set in at this point. Sweaty palms. It was 2 hours until the ceremony, and I took time to sit and follow my breath and refine my intention for the encounter. I left home with time to spare for unexpected changes in traffic and a beach meditation en route to the facilitator’s home. After the drive and a few minutes spent admiring the Pacific, I met my father at the entrance to the house. If you imagine a cross between a Hobbit house, a cathedral, and an organic spaceship overlooking the ocean, the image will not be far off. We were greeted by one of the facilitators, Luna, who informed us that the previous guest was still processing and integrating, which gave us time to chat poolside with Jeremy, the lead facilitator. Jeremy is also my father’s name, and like my father he spent most of his career in western medicine. This is one of many synchronicities which surrounded this experience and continue to bubble up in my life. We shared awakening stories and practical information as the sun slowly set on the ocean, and when the time came we were ushered into the spacious and well appointed interior. This is where the ceremony was conducted, and I couldn’t have imagined a more comfortable or welcoming environment. All the expected design elements were present, raw wood, stone, and an altar whose center piece was a large amethyst geode which resembled a pair of open wings. Inside, we were introduced to Alicia, the final of the three facilitators. We were cleansed with sage, and moved into place on simple padded mats adorned with the likeness of Ganesha which had been laid out on the floor. My father was to go first and I would follow him 15 minutes later. The medicine was delivered in the Eclipse, a type of vaporizer with a threaded end into which a vial containing one’s individual dose is loaded. A most effective tool. Music came down, the lights dimmed, and incense was burned. This was it. Kneeling on the mat, my father was handed the pipe to hold between his palms, close to his heart, while one of the facilitators held a typed prayer before him to be read aloud. He read the prayer, and upon completion the dose was delivered. In one long inhalation, the entire dose was received. One single breath. My father laid down on his side where the facilitators quickly and gently rearranged pillows and blankets to support him. The effects come on immediately, and present differently depending on the individual’s nature and needs. Not 10 seconds after the end of the inhalation, my father began vocalizing in complex glossolalia. He was not speaking any language I know, or even know of, but the tone of the message was complete and utter astonishment. I couldn’t help but smile, and at times barely contained myself as the joy turned to laughter, and tried to escape from me the way steam rises from boiling water. Eventually, the mutterings gave way to English, and some of the quality of his experience came through: “Unfathomable. Un-fathom-able. Oh Jesus. Jesus Christ! Of course. That’s it. That’s IT. Jesus Fucking Christ! I get it! Of course I get it, , I get it. How could it be anything else?” This settled down, and no more than 10 minutes after the dose, my father was resting peacefully, in deep communion with All That Is. Jeremy asked me to step outside to speak to him. “Would you like to take the medicine while standing? This is usually reserved for the second session onward, but based on your history I think it would be a beautiful experience. You remain upright, spine in alignment, bridging Heaven and Earth. I’ll be right behind you, waiting to catch you when it comes on. Just fall back and we’ll take care of you.” How could I say no? We headed back inside, and I stood at the edge of the mat while the final preparations were made. This was the moment of Truth. Alicia cleansed my hands with Florida water. She gave me the pipe and held the prayer to read. At this time in writing the report, I am shivering and covered in waves of goosebumps as I coax the memory of that evening from out of the ether. “I am love. I am health. I am peace. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be healthy…” “Now breathe it in, nice and slow. Good, good, more. More, more. Almost there, a bit more, good.” The rich vapor is the taste of mystery. It’s aroma is ancient, spiced, sweet, and deep. Earthy and medicinal, more than anything it tastes of power. As I finished drawing it all in the room quivered, suddenly filled not with air, but a viscous superfluid which was both more real and more dreamlike than waking perception. My arms were still raised, having lifted them over my head while taking the dose as instructed. As I lowered them, I fell back not into the arms of a man, but into the boundless heart of creation. Am I going to do it? Am I going to say “It cannot be described” and then go on trying to describe it? I could spend the rest of my life in effort, and never get any closer to conveying the felt experience. Holy Fucking Shit. This Is It. This Is Me. I Am It. Imagine what it feels like to become history, to become expression, to become Tao. This is everything, complete and outside of time. It is the Transcendental Object at the End of Time. It is loving, self organizing, infinite intelligence. All sense of who I am, that I am a “who,” was blown away in a great cosmic wind. All sensory experience merged into one orgasmic, orchestral cheer which echoed through the halls of creation. I am an old man basking in the sun. I am a wave crashing on the shore. I am touch, number, color, smell, sound, taste, light, electricity, magnetism. I am the telling of a joke and the punchline. I am the intimate symmetry of flowers in bloom. I am liquid light in love with itself, dancing into form, dancing out of form. I am an impossible object of infinite potential. The only thing to do is everything, and so I do everything. I am every possible extreme and subtlety, the transcendence of quality. I am without quality. Total. There is nothing to which or against which comparison is possible. All of reality is One. All of reality is won. This is a solvent. The problem solved itself. Holy shit This Is It. I felt the crystalline nature of the eternal moment precipitate from the supersaturated solution that is all the teachers and all the teachings of my life. The qualities of my father’s loving wisdom are in me, I am them. I am the radical insistent wisdom of Leo Gura, and I became him, and we were the universe, astonished and weeping with joy at having done it again. We did it. We remembered. I laid there as the infinite descended into form and all of reality knit itself back together I opened my eyes. Perfect brilliant stillness. Complete luminous abiding. Total radiant peace. I rested in the delicious feeling of being alive. Of being Life. I closed my eyes. “Hey bud, how are you doing? You want another puff? It’ll be like a deep meditation.” Jeremy laid a gentle hand on my chest. How could I say no. I remained prone on the mat while Jeremy administered the second dose. The inhalation was slightly shorter, but the depth of this experience was just as profound as the first. The Knowing was there again. What we call reality is the appearance of opposites, across all possible axes, in perfect dynamic equilibrium. In this configuration there is infinitely loving creative intelligence. Life trusts and loves itself completely, and so gives itself full permission to express itself Completely. It’s here, it’s right there, for you to take it all. Something trying to move, and I have to allow it. Drawing a breath, I let out an exultant howl rising and then falling in the end. It felt like the ultimate acknowledgment of who I am. From somewhere in the distance I heard the howl returned, a howl of recognition from my father. I howled again, jubilant. Who knows how long I lay merged with this unity. Eternity isn’t a long time, it is the transcendence of time. Coming back, slowly, slowly, gently. Piecing together my individuality was like putting on the finest clothes I whispered to myself: “My name is Mason Newhouse. My father’s name is Jeremy Newhouse. My mother’s name is Lucienne Pavot. I am speaking the universe into existence. Satya is the truth of existence.” I shuddered with bliss at the simple facts of my being. I bathed in that bliss for a moment, and wriggled cozily, feeling like a child in bed on a lazy Sunday morning. Eventually I sat up, and reflexively spit a congealed ball of emotion across the room, and looked at Alicia seated to my left. "Well, that's it. Welcome to Utopia " Alicia smiled and nodded. The sun had set, and the spacious, dimly lit space was rich with magic and the potent scent of toad venom. The room was thick with emotion, and I looked at my father on the mat beside me “So that’s it.” he said “That’s it.” I replied “Two thumbs up.” To my right and behind me I saw Luna, and heard her crying gently. There is the impression that something profound had just taken place, and everyone sat quietly together in pure open awareness. My father and I hugged and laid on our backs, head to head, marvelling at what had just taken place. Jeremy came over to welcome us back. He thanked us for the beautiful session, saying that it brought him even closer to his own father, with whom he has shared this experience. We all sat together talking for a bit, about the experience we had, about the people it has helped, research being done, etc. “It’s nice to have a body.” I say, and I mean it. “A nice human thing.” We all sat for a while, and as big talk turned to small talk, the evening drew to a close. I offered my deep gratitude to our facilitators, to the people who harvested this medicine, to the toad, to the earth, to the sky, to myself. To The Self. Years, indeed lifetimes could be spent in describing the awakened non-dual state, and that’s exactly what’s going on. All religions, mystery schools, and spiritual traditions are pointing to this. There is nothing new I need to say or could say. Any way I approach it, this experience is a transcendence. It is nothing like n,n-DMT, and yet an obvious expansion on it. There is no way I could have prepared for it, but everything in my life led to that moment. It was infinite power and infinite gentleness. I have to choose to end the report here, lest I go on forever. I'm in no hurry to go back to that space but I savor the thought of when the time comes to return. tl;dr I smoked dried toad venom and became God, which is synonymous with Universe, Love, Tao, Reality, Energy, Intelligence, Creation, Imagination, Consciousness, Eternity, Infinity, Everything, Nothing. This. Here. Now.

I want to say that everything that you just mentioned have been verified from my own experience so yeah, your theory is true! This is exactly how I managed my anxiety and OCD despite being attacked from all sorts of dark forces/entities without my knowledge. The bigger the attack the more you need to let go. I came to a point where I did let go of everything including my age, nationality and religion. After all this is how I became "awakened". I can tell you more about it if you are interested!

The more inclined you are towards having mystical experiences, the more inclined you are to meditate, because having early mystical experiences gives you more motivation to meditate, which leads to a lesser feeling of effort while also putting in a lot of work. So it creates a kind of split distribution where it's mostly awakened people who speak about the amazing benefits of meditation, and it creates a breakdown in communication for the average seeker. The seeker in the middle of the distribution (the average seeker), who lacks the intense internal motivation of the natural-born mystic, underestimates the level of work that goes into meditation, and they feel let down by the lack of carrots, and they're more likely to give up early. The majority of the people who're not awake never took up meditation to begin with, but those numbers also contribute to the low amount of awakened people in the population, so the average seeker is then forced to conclude that awakening is largely nature over nurture. However, what is often overlooked is that the natural-born mystic had to meditate thousands of hours for them to realize their full potential. What if an average seeker decided to put in the same amount of hours? Who is to say they wouldn't see drastic results? How can you make conclusions about something you most likely haven't tried yet?

A few weeks ago I posted about my recent LSD experience in which I had God realization for the first time. That experience was easily the most beautiful and life altering experience I've ever had, but it also traumatized me in ways that are difficult to describe. If you want to read it, you can find it on my profile. I'm writing this post as a follow up because I keep hearing about how great psychedelics are and how amazing god realization is but I never really hear about the aftermath of those experiences. I think a lot of people believe that you can access these states of consciousness for free, without any consequence and that just isn't the case. This post is gonna be long so be prepared. But I wanted to tell my story about the 6 months following my God realization experience and how it changed me. I want to be as detailed as I can, so we'll begin immediately following the God realization as I lay on the floor of a bedroom in a large log cabin starring up at the ceiling in awe of what just took place. A feeling came over me as I laid on the floor that seemed to be saying that my life was about to get harder. I didn't know exactly what this meant but I accepted it without question. I spent the next full day seeing ordinary reality as God. I couldn't un-see it. I was hanging out with my two best friends but when I looked at them I didn't see them as my friends, I saw them as God. They lost all sense of 'other-ness' from my POV. It was like watching two hand puppets pretend they were separate. Every word they said, every action they took was Holy. They didn't seem to notice their own divinity though and this didn't take away from their divinity, it amplified it. I spent the day being very quiet. My friends would talk to me and I'd talk back but not in anything other than very short sentences and phrases. I wasn't speaking from the point of view of my normal sense of self. It felt as though I was speaking automatically, without any need to know what I would say next. There was very little to no sense of any control over my body and mind either. Though I was seeing out of my eyes, hearing through my ears, tasting my tongue, feeling my body, hearing my thoughts, etc...It didn't feel personal to me anymore. My gaze became wide and unfocused. Instead of looking at individual objects in a room, I was looking at the entire room as a whole. I loved everything and looked at all things as if it were a beautiful women. We (my friends and I) eventually packed up and left the cabin and headed home. I remember sitting in the backseat of the car thinking to myself that I'll never be able to relate to my friends again. I had seen something that very few human beings had ever seen. How was I ever going to explain to anyone that ordinary reality is not what it appears to be, that it is God in disguise? and Who would I explain that to? When I got back to my hometown- I spent the majority of my time sitting on the couch looking at the wall. I wasn't interested in doing anything, going anywhere, saying anything etc. God realization slowly wore off and an immense doubt took its place. I looked at soda cans, walls, streets, tree's with a look of disbelief. As if I knew they were not what they appeared to be. It was as if all of reality was holding back a laugh while pretending to be something it wasn't. The soda can on the table, the plate of food, I saw it and said to myself- I'm not fooled by you. I became deeply devotional and did everything with a high degree of consciousness. Every step I took, I took intentionally. I saw every action as a form of devotion to God. Washing the dishes, driving my car, ironing my clothes, all of it was imbued with a deep sense of religious meaning. An immense sense of responsibility came over me. I knew that I couldn't simply go back to being who I was before, I had seen God, now I had to live in such a way that was in accordance to that realization. After a day or two of this- thoughts began to arise in my mind like "was that experience of God real?" "Is that the Truth?" My ego was beginning to reconstruct itself slowly but I could tell that there was still a large piece of it missing somehow. I wasn't sure how but I knew something wasn't right. That feeling I got at the end of my trip echoed in my mind- Your life is about to get harder. But I still had no clue what that meant. The Dark Night Begins- The following three months were horrible. I began experiencing physical pain in my chest, shoulders and arms. I thought I was having heart attacks but every time I went to the emergency room, they found nothing at all. Sometimes I would drive to the emergency room only for the pain to completely disappear as I walked in the door. On top of that, I had panic attacks every. single. day. In the moment, I wasn't sure what was happening but looking back on it now I'm able to see very clearly that my worldview was shattered so completely that I had no idea what was real anymore. One side of my mind knew that all was God, and the other side was convinced I was wrong about it all. I was constantly torn between the two sides. As I did my every day activities, I constantly wondered if I was devoting myself properly to the task at hand. I wanted to live in accordance to my realization but I couldn't. I fell short again and again and again. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't live up to what I had realized. I was incredibly unstable in my thoughts and emotions. It was like I was an infant who had just awakened in a fully grown adult body and was still getting the hang of all the mechanics. Even small, seemingly insignificant things would move me to tears or fill me with existential dread. It wasn't all bad though, my meditation was much deeper during this period. I was entering Jhanas with little to no effort and experiencing deep contemplation at times. No matter what happened though, I still felt as if a large part of my psyche had gone missing somehow. I couldn't put my finger on what was missing, but I knew I needed to resolve this. My spiritual Teacher began giving me psychotherapy sessions to help me integrate. In these sessions, I remembered things about my childhood that I had forgot even happened. I also experienced physical pain in response to childhood memories which showed me that the pain I was going through was mostly psychological. Over a few weeks time, I realized alot about myself. I saw clearly that on some level I hated my parents, and I hated myself, and my life. I sat with those feelings of hatred amidst some of the deepest depressions I've ever faced. I've experienced depression before in my life, but these levels of depression were some of the deepest I've ever felt. I honestly had no idea that getting this depressed was even possible, but it was. There were a few points where I thought about killing myself. I never would actually go through with it of course, but I was so deep in depression that I understood how people would end their lives early because of it. Without my spiritual practice and my Teacher, I probably would not have made it through these parts. This particular healing process lasted three months. I was in total confusion most of the time, not knowing what the truth was or what was going on with me. I'd never experienced anything like this in my entire life. Every day my spiritual practice was tried and tested to the limits. I spent most of my days balled up crying or having panic attacks, being depressed and bedridden. I wanted this nightmare to end but I knew that the only way out was through so I spent as much of my time as possible facing my demons and owning up to my past. After three months the physical and emotional pain began to let up. I had worked through some horrifying emotions and past traumas and I was finally able to start feeling normal again. I began to notice that the 'hole' in my psyche was nothing more than drywall (figuratively speaking). Behind that drywall was a lot of childhood trauma and pain that I'd stored away when I was a kid. I never saw myself as an angry kid, but it turns out I was quite angry as a child. I couldn't let it show because my dad was ruthless and overpowering, so I suppressed my anger and became overly compassionate to compensate. Once the feelings and emotions started calming down a bit more I began to feel normal again. When I say 'normal' I don't mean normal in the sense that I was 'back' to my old self, but normal in the sense that I was someone totally new. I felt more integrated and complete as a person and I was more honest with myself about who I was and what I wanted out of my life. I felt like I'd regained my power over myself and my life. The next three months leading up to the present day were more or less like the previous three but on a less intense level. I gradually continued to integrate my past, my pain, etc. and I continue to this day working through my past, my traumas and my other areas of spiritual growth. Every now and again I'd fall into a pit of despair but I knew now how to work with my pain and my fear so I would simply work through it and integrate the lessons. Daily zazen and regular meditation retreats helped to ground me in my 3D throughout this entire process and I'm grateful for that honestly, but ultimately I'm grateful for myself. Psychedelics threw me into a hole and I dug my way out of it on my own. Sure, I had my teacher to give advice and other people to talk to but ultimately I did everything myself and I came out way stronger because of it. I realize now that the insights you gain through the use of psychedelic's aren't at all 'free'. You don't get to just go see God and then walk away from it unscathed and unchanged. Especially if you didn't earn it. Before this experience of God realization I sat zazen every single day for 6+ years. I've worked with a teacher closely, I moved to and live at a zen center and made sure my entire life was centered around practice. I've even had my own spiritual realizations while on meditation retreats without any psychedelics and despite all of that I was still not prepared for God realization like I thought I was. I was not prepared for how real this spirituality shit is and honestly I don't think many human beings are either. I remember watching Leo's videos for many years and hearing him say things like- You won't understand this until you have had X amount of awakenings, or you can't attain this realization even if you meditate for years and years, etc... etc... and every time I would hear him talk about God, The Truth, Wisdom, etc...I always felt like he was taunting me, challenging me to go and have these experiences. I realize this was probably my projection onto Leo, not knocking Leo at all. But I always felt like he was having all the realizations I wanted to have and that somehow I was missing out. I wanted to have an awakening so I could finally experience what all the hype was about but it wasn't happening in my meditation and that led me into psychedelic's. But I realize now that maybe...just maybe, the whole point of being here as an ignorant human being who doesn't know shit is to just be an ignorant human being who doesn't know shit. I spent so many years trying to enter these advanced levels of realization only to realize that the whole reason I wasn't experiencing them without psychedelics was because I wasn't actually ready for them. I mean...the sheer responsibility that comes behind a God realization is immense. Anybody who knows God knows what I mean. I didn't actually want that life like I thought I did back then. Even though I experienced God, I couldn't uphold that realization and live in accordance to it like Buddha, Jesus and many others had in the past. I just plain wasn't ready for that. Had I been really ready for God realization like I thought I was, it would have happened all on its own. Suddenly. Like it does for those few human beings who are actually ready for it. exa- Buddha, Christ, Dogen, etc... So that's my piece. I'm not shitting on anyone who wants to take psychedelics but I am saying that if you are using psychedelics and you haven't hit Gold yet, you haven't had that grand awakening experience you want so bad yet...stop and consider that you might be 1000% wrong about what it is you really want. I want to end this post by putting a letter written by Carl Jung to a Catholic priest after the invention of LSD, this letter really speaks volumes IMO, Thanks for reading everyone. It has indeed very curious effects— of which I know far too little. I don’t know either what its psychotherapeutic value with neurotic or psychotic patients is. I only know there is no point in wishing to know more of the collective unconscious than one gets through dreams and intuition. The more you know of it, the greater and heavier becomes our moral burden, because the unconscious contents transform themselves into your individual tasks and duties as soon as they begin to become conscious. Do you want to increase loneliness and misunderstanding? Do you want to find more and more complications and increasing re­sponsibilities? You get enough of it. If I once could say that I had done everything I know I had to do, then perhaps I should realize a legitimate need to take mescalin. But if I should take it now, I would not be sure at all that I had not taken it out of idle curiosity. I should hate the thought that I had touched on the sphere where the paint is made that colours the world, where the light is created that makes shine the splendour of the dawn, the lines and shapes of all form, the sound that fills the orbit, the thought that illuminates the darkness of the void. There are some poor impoverished creatures, perhaps, for whom mescalin would be a heaven-sent gift without a counterpoison, but I am profoundly mistrustful of the “pure gifts of the Gods.” You pay very dearly for them. This is not the point at all, to know of or about the unconscious, nor does the story end here; on the contrary it is how and where you begin the real quest. If you are too unconscious it is a great relief to know a bit of the collective unconscious. But it soon becomes dangerous to know more, because one does not learn at the same time how to balance it through a conscious equivalent. That is the mistake Aldous Huxley makes: he does not know that he is in the role of the “Zauberlehrling,” who learned from his master how to call the ghosts but did not know how to get rid of them again: It is really the mistake of our age: We think it is enough to discover new things, but we don’t realize that knowing more demands a cor­responding development of morality. Radioactive clouds over Japan, Calcutta, and Saskatchewan point to progressive poisoning of the uni­versal atmosphere. I should indeed be obliged to you if you could let me see the ma­terial they get with LSD. It is quite awful that the alienists have caught hold of a new poison to play with, without the faintest knowl­edge or feeling of responsibility. It is just as if a surgeon had never leaned further than to cut open his patient’s belly and to leave things there. When one gets to know unconscious contents one should know how to deal with them. I can only hope that the doctors will feed themselves thoroughly with mescalin, the alkaloid of divine grace, so that they learn for themselves its marvellous effect. You have not finished with the conscious side yet. Why should you expect more from the unconscious? For 35 years I have known enough of the col­lective unconscious and my whole effort is concentrated upon prepar­ing the ways and means to deal with it.”

@ivankiss It is terrifying. This is why nobody gets anywhere. People keep talking psychedelics, meditation, debate intellectually endlessly, but they haven’t awakened just because they’re too scared. If teachers really wanted results, they would focus exclusively on courage. But if they did that, everyone would just run to a soothing comforting guy. Most are only seeking comfort and to feel less terrified. That’s why Leo is better because he doesn’t shy away from how terrifying it is. Although even Leo babies people. It’s the same with the whole “pick up” scene where everyone talks endlessly and the only thing is do to stop being a coward. But being a coward is the only problem anyone has. If people could overcome that, then they would have no more problems in life.

Are you comparing 3 years to more than a decade? 3 years is still a lot to me and you have less than 100 posts on this forum. Have you been observing for more than 3 years all of this time? If I will awaken eventually, the latest it can be is if I "physically die" right? This would probably be irrelevant to what the user probably meant since the user is making no claims about the afterlife. If I will awaken eventually, are you talking about while I am still alive? How do you know that everyone has awakened during his/her life? Do you just believe that on principle?

@Leo Gura There are life cycles, monthly cycles, weekly cicles, daily cicles and meditative cycles of the dark night. Also, I think the only difference between pre and post awakening is simply that someone in pre awakening, isn't sufficiently pushed through that "misery"-stage. There's just gonna be avoidance. No pre-awakened person is gonna have the faith/trust/wisdom to go fully through misery, then giving up life-contemplating suicide and then finally going through everything again. Also it's hard to be mindful of those "steps" because every step of the dark night is like a break saying "no, don't do that". First thing is to be able to acknowledge the difference between disenchantment, desire for deliverance and reobservation in personal experience. That process is torturing the ego into submission. I could probably sit down tommorow, and go through all of the dark night insights while believing that it's real suffering up into Equanimity in 1 hour. If he didn't have an awakening yet, the best way is still to meditate through the sufferin of mind. Then there's space for awakening.

@Leo Gura A lot of them probably didn't have as an integral of a world view as you do. I feel what happens a lot of the time is people get stuck with following one school of thought on spirtuality, end up getting traped in the dogmas of that way of thinking. They never got the correct map to lead them to the territory they were trying to get to. This is not necessarily the fault of the practice of meditation, but the way they are looking at the practice. You have integrated teachings from many different sources, thus it was easier for you to open yourself up to the many facets of God, & integrate them together. I'm sure a lot of these meditators have awakened to certain facets, but haven't integrated many facets together. Also I feel a lot of meditators are more trying to go with the flow of Nature, & don't care as much about understanding God on an intellectual level.

Enlightenment is just a word, and means different things to different people. For me, enlightenment is being so personally transparent and equanimous that your form is perpetually filled with the light of Consciousness, which is who you actually are, until the form itself dissolves and the dream ends. There is no self-identification, no desires, no aversions, and no attachments to relative reality. Only love, because you see the sameness of your ultimate nature in all things. I am not fully enlightened, and the vast majority of people who have awakened are not either, including most spiritual teachers.

BUT LEO You have not actually answered anything. You again repeat the same thing, treating it as truth because. In the same way, attained Buddhists can say your omniscience is incomplete. You're not truly awakened, you do not understand But you could be See how this gaslight-like this sounds? Complete omniscience and the feeling of complete omniscience are two separate things. Many a master have found liberation through meditation alone, and yet you claim there are higher levels. Kindly demonstrate these levels higher than that of awakened masters through something other than talking about how you've reached levels higher than that of awakened masters. You're stuck in realizaton and you refuse to let it go, treating it as something supreme. Me, and many others, are telling you to just let it go, there's nothing there to realize. You continue to frantically grasp at a realization, treating is as an absolute, while there is no absolute at all. This absolute stubbornness at absolute is precisely what keeps you from reaching the absolute, which is not hidden many awakenings away, as you claimed, but is found whenever the heck you want. That's it. There's no hack, no cheat, no catch, no bullshit excuse. No state to attain, no realization to get. You're playing ego games without realizing it, your ego is hidden beneath omniscience and god realisation. Let that zen devil out and stop forcing your own truths onto others, rather integrate them and move on. You continue to advise to keep your mind open, yet yours remains stubbornly shut and stuck.

I´d also like to know his take. My awakenings have taken me to the point to undoubtedly see Pure Subjectivity, or Godhead, which is One, as Identity, but the process of the One projecting zillions of individual bubbles of consciousness is still a mystery to me, with highly awakened minds stating both that it is the result of epic existential, solipsistic terror from God (manifestation would be a cosmic game to bear this solitude) or the opposite, that is, it is only the human mind that beholds this solitude with terror, while God´s aloneness previous to manifestation is actually the ultimate ecstasy.

I also think being awakened and grown up is living in truth. So, it's having all these questions answered. During an awakening process however, I think its okay to be confused, make epistomology/ metaphysical errors. It's your one life... So take full responsibility for it. Mistakes are OKAY. The shame I've been carrying the last few years about my mistakes... One thing I love about 5meo is that it tells me everything is okay. I didn't know what love really was, or what peace was, or what total self acceptance was until I tried this substance. So, learning to respect it has been a bit hard. My ego wanted awakening to be a manipulation of reality... but it is a surrender. However, I am maturing every single day. I now have really solid protocols with 5meodmt... But I HAD to learn for myself what it was and how to use it. It's my life, I will learn through my own process and I don't need to be sorry about that. I am taking on one of the most challenging things a human can do: Seeking truth. In a world of self deception, and with my rough and painful upbringing I am proud of myself for everything I have done. Qigong (which 5meodmt showed me somehow) has been so grounding, that with my journaling and meditation. Qigong is my way of sharing my 5meo experiences with others who wouldn't try it. It's an extension of what I consider the highest love. Notice how the existential truth it... It's just this bubble of experience. That is all it will ever be for your whole life. So, take full responsibility for it and retake your soverignty. Accept the risks associated with stepping out into the dark because there are many. Zen Devilry, misunderstanding, mistakes, etc are going to HAPPEN!!! So, Love yourself more and more everyday and use each day to more away from self deception and toward Truth. I still have so many questions. Life is a grand mystery and adventure. I've lived with anxiety for like 10-15 years. So, I am so grateful for 5meo helping me with my addictions, and Leo and all my mistakes and everything helping me to mature into a clear minded and grounded person. I am excited to try malt here in a month or 2. I am just sitting on it until my life is more stable as I am just finishing up school and my Qigong certification and don't wanna risk trying something new atm. In the end, look for clarity, happiness, love, well being, integrity, wisdom, good habits, clear thinking, sobriety, forgiveness of self and others and acting in alignment with your highest values. How reality was before awakening it will be after awakening. Just, different. Same same but different.

@Loba Please don't let go of those experiences. Have you heard of Mellen Thomas Benedict? He had an NDE and went all the way to the God Head and while in the God head he realized something huge and it kind of my point with all of this. Also Jill bolte Taylor expereinced a more non dual state. I actually feel ndes give more of a full experience. Concerning the validity of Benedict’s testimony, P.M.H. Atwater has this to say: “I can attest that his case is genuine and his claims about the brain tumor and the conditions of his death are true. I have met his mother and step-father, been in his and their homes, and have followed his life since – his struggles and his accomplishments – as he sought to find a way to integrate his experience into his daily life while still honoring the mission he felt guided to fulfill.” – P.M.H. Atwater 2. The Road to Death In 1982 I died from terminal cancer. The condition I had was inoperable, and any kind of chemotherapy they could give me would just have made me more of a vegetable. I was given six to eight months to live. I had been an information freak in the 1970’s, and I had become increasingly despondent over the nuclear crisis, the ecology crisis, and so forth. So, since I did not have a spiritual basis, I began to believe that nature had made a mistake, and that we were probably a cancerous organism on the planet. I saw no way that we could get out from all the problems we had created for ourselves and the planet. I perceived all humans as cancer, and that is what I got. That is what killed me. Be careful what your world view is. It can feed back on you, especially if it is a negative world view. I had a seriously negative one. That is what led me into my death. I tried all sort s of alternative healing methods, but nothing helped. So I determined that this was really just between me and God. I had never really faced God before, or even dealt with God. I was not into any kind of spirituality at the time, but I began a journey into learning about spirituality and alternative healing. I set out to do all the reading I could and bone up on the subject, because I did not want to be surprised on the other side. So I started reading on various religions and philosophies. They were all very interesting, and gave hope that there was something on the other side. I ended up in hospice care. I remember waking up one morning at home about 4:30 am and I just knew that this was it. This was the day I was going to die. So I called a few friends and said goodbye. I woke up my hospice caretaker and told her. I had a private agreement with her that she would leave my dead body alone for six hours, since I had read that all kinds of interesting things happen when you die. I went back to sleep. The next thing I remember is the beginning of a typical near death experience. Suddenly I was fully aware and I was standing up, but my body was in the bed. There was this darkness around me. Being out of my body was even more vivid than ordinary experience. It was so vivid that I could see every room in the house, I could see the top of the house, I could see around the house, I could see under the house. 3. The Light of God There was this Light shining. I turned toward the Light. The Light was very similar to what many other people have described in their near-death experiences. It was so magnificent. It is tangible; you can feel it. It is alluring; you want to go to it like you would want to go to your ideal mother’s or father’s arms. As I began to move toward the Light, I knew intuitively that if I went to the Light, I would be dead. So as I was moving toward the Light I said, “Please wait a minute, just hold on a second here. I want to think about this; I would like to talk to you before I go.” To my surprise, the entire experience halted at that point. You are indeed in control of your near-death experience. You are not on a roller coaster ride. So my request was honored and I had some conversations with the Light. The Light kept changing into different figures, like Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, mandalas, archetypal images and signs. I asked the Light, “What is going on here? Please, Light, clarify yourself for me. I really want to know the reality of the situation.” I cannot really say the exact words, because it was sort of telepathy. The Light responded. The information transferred to me was that your beliefs shape the kind of feedback you are getting before the Light. If you were a Buddhist or Catholic or Fundamentalist, you get a feedback loop of your own stuff. You have a chance to look at it and examine it, but most people do not. As the Light revealed itself to me, I became aware that what I was really seeing was our Higher Self matrix. We all have a higher Self, or an oversoul part of our being. It revealed itself to me in its truest energy form. The only way I can really describe it is that the being of the higher Self is more like a conduit. It did not look like that, but it is a direct connection to the Source that each and every one of us has. We are directly connected to the Source. So the Light was showing me the higher Self matrix. I was not committed to one particular religion. So that is what was being fed back to me during my life after death experience. As I asked the Light to keep clearing for me, to keep explaining, I understood what the higher Self matrix is. We have a grid around the planet where all the higher Selves are connected. This is like a great company, a next subtle level of energy around us, the spirit level, you might say. Then, after a couple of minutes, I asked for more clarification. I really wanted to know what the universe is about, and I was ready to go at that time. I said, “I am ready, take me.” 4. The River of Life Then the Light turned into the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen: a mandala of human souls on this planet. Now I came to this with my negative view of what has happened on the planet. So as I asked the Light to keep clarifying for me, I saw in this magnificent mandala how beautiful we all are in our essence, our core. We are the most beautiful creations. The human soul, the human matrix that we all make together is absolutely fantastic, elegant, exotic, everything. I just cannot say enough about how it changed my opinion of human beings in that instant. I said, “Oh, God, I did not know how beautiful we are.” At any level, high or low, in whatever shape you are in, you are the most beautiful creation, you are. I was astonished to find that there was no evil in any soul. I said, “How can this be?” The answer was that no soul was inherently evil. The terrible things that happened to people might make them do evil things, but their souls were not evil. What all people seek, what sustains them, is love, the Light told me. What distorts people is a lack of love. The revelations coming from the Light seemed to go on and on, then I asked the Light, “Does this mean that humankind will be saved?” Then, like a trumpet blast with a shower of spiraling lights, the Great Light spoke, saying: “Remember this and never forget; you save, redeem and heal yourself. You always have. You always will. You were created with the power to do so from before the beginning of the world.” In that instant I realized even more. I realized that WE HAVE ALREADY BEEN SAVED, and we saved ourselves because we were designed to self-correct like the rest of God’s universe. This is what the second coming is about. I thanked the Light of God with all my heart. The best thing I could come up with during my near death experience was these simple words of total appreciation: “Oh dear God, dear Universe, dear Great Self, I Love My Life.” The Light seemed to breathe me in even more deeply. It was as if the Light was completely absorbing me. The Love Light is, to this day, indescribable. I entered into another realm, more profound than the last, and became aware of something more, much more. It was an enormous stream of Light, vast and full, deep in the Heart of Life. I asked what this was. The Light responded: “This is the RIVER OF LIFE. Drink of this manna water to your heart’s content.” So I did. I took one big drink and then another. To drink of life Itself! I was in ecstasy. Then the Light said: “You have a desire.” The Light knew all about me, everything past, present and future. “Yes!” I whispered. I asked to see the rest of the Universe; beyond our solar system, beyond all human illusion. The Light then told me that I could go with the Stream. I did, and was carried through the Light at the end of the tunnel. I felt and heard a series of very soft sonic booms. What a rush! Suddenly I seemed to be rocketing away from the planet on this stream of Life. I saw the earth fly away. The solar system, in all its splendor, whizzed by and disappeared. At faster than light speed, I flew through the center of the galaxy, absorbing more knowledge as I went. I learned that this galaxy, and all of the Universe, is bursting with many different varieties of LIFE. I saw many worlds. The good news is that we are not alone in this Universe! As I rode this stream of consciousness through the center of the galaxy, the stream was expanding in awesome fractal waves of energy. The super clusters of galaxies with all their ancient wisdom flew by. At first I thought I was going somewhere; actually traveling. But then I realized that, as the stream was expanding, my own consciousness was also expanding to take in everything in the Universe! All creation passed by me. It was an unimaginable wonder! I truly was a Wonder Child; a babe in Wonderland! 5. The Void At this point of my near-death experience, I found myself in a profound stillness, beyond all silence. I could see or perceive FOREVER, beyond Infinity. I was in the Void. I was in pre-creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed over the beginning of time / the First Word / the First vibration. I was in the Eye of Creation. I felt as if I was touching the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. Simply, I was at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness. When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that I could experience all of creation generating itself. It was without beginning and without end. That’s a mind-expanding thought, isn’t it? Scientists perceive the Big Bang as a single event that created the Universe. I saw during my life after death experience that the Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of Big Bangs creating Universes endlessly and simultaneously. The only images that even come close in human terms would be those created by super computers using fractal geometry equations. The ancients knew of this. They said God had periodically created new Universes by breathing out, and recreated other Universes by breathing in. These epochs were called Yugas. Modern science called this the Big Bang. I was in absolute, pure consciousness. I could see or perceive all the Big Bangs or Yugas creating and recreating themselves. Instantly I entered into them all simultaneously. I saw that each and every little piece of creation has the power to create. It is very difficult to try to explain this. I am still speechless about this. It took me years after I returned from my near-death experience to assimilate any words at all for the Void experience. I can tell you this now: the Void is less than nothing, yet more than everything that is! The Void is absolute zero; chaos forming all possibilities. It is Absolute Consciousness; much more than even Universal Intelligence. The Void is the vacuum or nothingness between all physical manifestations. The SPACE between atoms and their components. Modern science has begun to study this space between everything. They call it Zero point. Whenever they try to measure it, their instruments go off the scale, or to infinity, so to speak. They have no way, as of yet, to measure infinity accurately. There is more of the zero space in your own body and the Universe than anything else! What mystics call the Void is not a void. It is so full of energy, a different kind of energy that has created everything that we are. Everything since the Big Bang is vibration, from the first Word, which is the first vibration. The biblical “I am” really has a question mark after it. “I am — What am I?” So creation is God exploring God’s Self through every way imaginable, in an ongoing, infinite exploration through every one of us. I began to see during my near-death experience that everything that is, is the Self, literally, your Self, my Self. Everything is the great Self. That is why God knows even when a leaf falls. That is possible because wherever you are is the center of the universe. Wherever any atom is, that is the center of the universe. There is God in that, and God in the Void. As I was exploring the Void during my life after death experience and all the Yugas or creations, I was completely out of time and space as we know it. In this expanded state, I discovered that creation is about Absolute Pure Consciousness, or God, coming into the Experience of Life as we know it. The Void itself is devoid of experience. It is pre life, before the first vibration. Godhead is about more than Life and Death. Therefore there is even more than Life and Death to experience in the Universe! When I realized this I was finished with the Void, and wanted to return to this creation, or Yuga. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. Then I suddenly came back through the second Light, or the Big Bang, hearing several more velvet booms. I rode the stream of consciousness back through all of creation, and what a ride it was! The super clusters of galaxies came through me with even more insights. I passed through the center of our galaxy, which is a black hole. Black holes are the great processors or recyclers of the Universe. Do you know what is on the other side of a Black Hole? We are; our galaxy, which has been reprocessed from another Universe. In its total energy configuration, the galaxy looked like a fantastic city of lights. All energy this side of the Big Bang is light. Every sub atom, atom, star, planet, even consciousness itself is made of light and has a frequency and/or particle. Light is living stuff. Everything is made of light, even stones. So everything is alive. Everything is made from the Light of God; everything is very intelligent. 6. The Light of Love As I rode the stream on and on, I could eventually see a huge Light coming. I knew it was the First Light; the higher Self Light Matrix of our solar system. Then the entire solar system appeared in the Light, accompanied by one of those velvet booms. I could see during my near death experience all the energy that this solar system generates, and it is an incredible light show! I could hear the Music of the Spheres. Our solar system, as do all celestial bodies, generates a unique matrix of light, sound and vibratory energies. Advanced civilizations from other star systems can spot life as we know it in the universe by the vibratory or energy matrix imprint. It is child’s play. The earth’s Wonder child (human beings) make an abundance of sound right now, like children playing in the backyard of the universe. The Light explained to me that there is no death; we are immortal beings. We have already been alive forever! I realized that we are part of a natural living system that recycles itself endlessly. I was never told that I had to come back. I just knew that I would. It was only natural, from what I had seen during my life after death experience. I don’t know how long I was with the Light, in human time. But there came a moment when I realized that all my questions had been answered and my return was near. When I say that all my questions were answered on the other side, I mean to say just that. During my near death experience, all my questions have been answered. Every human has a different life and set of questions to explore. Some of our questions are Universal, but each of us is exploring this thing we call Life in our own unique way. So is every other form of life, from mountains to every leaf on every tree. And that is very important to the rest of us in this Universe. Because it all contributes to the Big Picture, the fullness of Life. We are literally God exploring God’s self in an infinite Dance of Life. Your uniqueness enhances all of Life. 7. His Return to Earth As I began my return to the life cycle, it never crossed my mind, nor was I told during my near-death experience that I would return to the same body. It just did not matter. I had complete trust in the Light and the Life process. As the stream merged with the great Light, I asked never to forget the revelations and the feelings of what I had learned on the other side. There was a “Yes.” It felt like a kiss to my soul. Then I was taken back through the Light into the vibratory realm again. The whole process reversed, with even more information being given to me. I came back home, and I was given lessons from my near-death experience on the mechanics of reincarnation. I was given answers to all those little questions I had: “How does this work? How does that work?” I knew that I would be reincarnated. The earth is a great processor of energy, and individual consciousness evolves out of that into each one of us. I thought of myself as a human for the first time, and I was happy to be that. From what I have seen, I would be happy to be an atom in this universe. An atom. So to be the human part of God … this is the most fantastic blessing. It is a blessing beyond our wildest estimation of what blessing can be. For each and every one of us to be the human part of this experience is awesome, and magnificent. Each and every one of us, no matter where we are, screwed up or not, is a blessing to the planet, right where we are. I went through the reincarnation process expecting to be a baby somewhere. But I was given a lesson on how individual identity and consciousness evolve. I was so surprised when I opened my eyes from my near death experience. I do not know why, because I understood it, but it was still such a surprise to be back in this body, back in my room with someone looking over me crying her eyes out. It was my hospice caretaker. She had given up an hour and a half after finding me dead. My body was stiff and inflexible. She went into the other room. Then I awakened and saw the light outside. I tried to get up to go to it, but I fell out of the bed. She heard a loud “clunk,” ran in and found me on the floor. When I recovered, I was very surprised and yet very awed about what had happened to me during my near death experience. At first all the memory of the trip that I have now was not there. I kept slipping out of this world and kept asking, “Am I alive?” This world seemed more like a dream than that one. Within three days I was feeling normal again, clearer, yet different than I had ever felt in my life. My memory of my near-death experience came back later. I could see nothing wrong with any human being I had ever seen. Before that I was really judgmental. I thought a lot of people were really screwed up, in fact I thought that everybody was screwed up but me. But I got clear on all that. About three months later a friend said I should get tested, so I went and got the scans and so forth. I really felt good, so I was afraid of getting bad news. I remember the doctor at the clinic looking at the before and after scans, saying, “Well, there is nothing here now.” I said, “Really, it must be a miracle.” He said, “No, these things happen; they are called spontaneous remission.” He acted very unimpressed. But here was a miracle, and I was impressed, even if no one else was. 8. The Lessons He Learned The mystery of life has very little to do with intelligence. The universe is not an intellectual process at all. The intellect is helpful; it is brilliant, but right now that is all we process with, instead of our hearts and the wiser part of ourselves. The center of the Earth is this great transmuter of energy, just as you see in pictures of our Earth’s magnetic field. That’s our cycle, pulling reincarnated souls back in and through it again. A sign that you are reaching human level is that you are beginning to evolve an individual consciousness. The animals have a group soul, and they reincarnate in group souls. A deer is pretty much going to be a deer forever. But just being born a human, whether deformed or genius, shows that you are on the path to developing an individual consciousness. That is in itself part of the group consciousness called humanity. I saw that races are personality clusters. Nations like France, Germany and China each have their own personality. Cities have personalities, their local group souls that attract certain people. Families have group souls. Individual identity is evolving like branches of a fractal; the group soul explores in our individuality. The different questions that each of us has are very, very important. This is how Godhead is exploring God’s Self – through you. So ask your questions, do your searching. You will find your Self and you will find God in that Self, because it is only the Self. More than that, I began to see that each one of us humans are soul mates. We are part of the same soul fractaling out in many creative directions, but still the same. Now I look at every human being that I ever see, and I see a soul mate, my soul mate, the one I have always been looking for. Beyond that, the greatest soul mate that you will ever have is yourself. We are each both male and female. We experience this in the womb and we experience this in reincarnation states. If you are looking for that ultimate soul mate outside of yourself, you may never find it; it is not there. Just as God is not “there.” God is here. Don’t look “out there” for God. Look here for God. Look through your Self. Start having the greatest love affair you ever had … with your Self. You will love everything out of that. I had a descent into what you might call hell, and it was very surprising. I did not see Satan or evil. My descent into hell was a descent into each person’s customized human misery, ignorance, and darkness of not-knowing. It seemed like a miserable eternity. But each of the millions of souls around me had a little star of light always available. But no one seemed to pay attention to it. They were so consumed with their own grief, trauma and misery. But, after what seemed an eternity, I started calling out to that light, like a child calling to a parent for help. Then the light opened up and formed a tunnel that came right to me an insulated me from all that fear and pain. That is what hell really is. So what we are doing is learning to hold hands, to come together. The doors of hell are open now. We are going to link up, hold hands, and walk out of hell together. The light came to me and turned into a huge golden angel. I said, “Are you the angel of death?” It expressed to me that it was my oversoul, my Higher Self matrix, a super-ancient part of ourselves. Then I was taken to the light. Soon our science will quantify spirit. Isn’t that going to be wonderful? We are coming up with devices now that are sensitive to subtle energy or spirit energy. Physicists use these atomic colliders to smash atoms to see what they are made of. They have got it down to quarks and charm, and all that. Well, one day they are going to come down to the little thing that holds it all together, and they are going to have to call that … God. With atomic colliders they are not only seeing what is in here, but they are creating particles. Thank God most of them are short-lived milliseconds and nanoseconds. We are just beginning to understand that we are creating too, as we go along. As I saw forever, I came to a realm in which there is a point where we pass all knowledge and begin creating the next fractal, the next level. We have that power to create as we explore. And that is God expanding itself through us. Since my return I have experienced the light spontaneously, and I have learned how to get to that space almost any time in my meditation. Each one of you can do this. You do not have to die to do this. It is within your equipment; you are wired for it already. The body is the most magnificent light being there is. The body is a universe of incredible light. Spirit is not pushing us to dissolve this body. That is not what is happening. Stop trying to become God; God is becoming you. Here. The mind is like a child running around the universe, demanding this and thinking it created the world. But I ask the mind, “What did your mother have to do with this?” That is the next level of spiritual awareness. Oh! My mother! All of a sudden you give up the ego, because you are not the only soul in the universe. 9. What Is the Best Religion? I asked God: “What is the best religion on the planet? Which one is right?” And Godhead said, with great love: “I don’t care.” That was incredible grace. They come and they go, they change. Buddhism has not been here forever, Catholicism has not been here forever, and they are all about to become more enlightened. More light is coming into all systems now. There is going to be a reformation in spirituality that is going to be just as dramatic as the Protestant Reformation. There will be lots of people fighting about it, one religion against the next, believing that only they are right. Everyone thinks they own God, the religions and philosophies, especially the religions, because they form big organizations around their philosophy. When Godhead said, “I don’t care,” I immediately understood that it is for us to care about. It is important, because we are the caring beings. It matters to us and that is where it is important. What you have is the energy equation in spirituality. Ultimate Godhead does not care if you are Protestant, Buddhist, or whatever. It is all a blooming facet of the whole. I wish that all religions would realize it and let each other be. It is not the end of each religion, but we are talking about the same God. Live and let live. Each has a different view. And it all adds up to the Big Picture; it is all important. I went over to the other side during my near-death experience with a lot of fears about toxic waste, nuclear missiles, the population explosion, the rainforest. I came back loving every single problem. I love nuclear waste. I love the mushroom cloud; this is the holiest mandala that we have manifested to date, as an archetype. It, more than any religion or philosophy on earth, brought us together all of a sudden, to a new level of consciousness. Knowing that maybe we can blow up the planet fifty times, or 500 times, we finally realize that maybe we are all here together now. For a period they had to keep setting off more bombs to get it in to us. Then we started saying, “we do not need this any more.” Now we are actally in a safer world than we have ever been in, and it is going to get safer. So I came back from my near-death experience loving toxic waste, because it brought us together. These things are so big. As Peter Russell might say, these problems are now “soul size.” Do we have soul size answers, YES! The clearing of the rain forest will slow down, and in fifty years there will be more trees on the planet than in a long time. If you are into ecology, go for it; you are that part of the system that is becoming aware. Go for it with all your might, but do not be depressed. It is part of a larger thing. Earth is in the process of domesticating itself. It is never again going to be as wild a place as it once was. There will be great wild places, reserves where nature thrives. Gardening and reserves will be the thing in the future. Population increase is getting very close to the optimal range of energy to cause a shift in consciousness. That shift in consciousness will change politics, money, energy. After dying, going through my near-death experience and coming back, I really respect life and death. In our DNA experiments we may have opened the door to a great secret. Soon we will be able to live as long as we want to live in this body. After living 150 years or so, there will be an intuitive soul sense that you will want to change channels. Living forever in one body is not as creative as reincarnation, as transferring energy in this fantastic vortex of energy that we are in. We are actually going to see the wisdom of life and death, and enjoy it. As it is now, we have already been alive forever. This body, that you are in, has been alive forever. It comes from an unending stream of life, going back to the Big Bang and beyond. This body gives life to the next life, in dense and subtle energy. This body has been alive forever already. One of my questions to the light was, “What is heaven?” I was given a tour of all the heavens that have been created: the Nirvanas, the Happy Hunting Grounds, all of them. I went through them. These are thought form creations that we have created. We don’t really go to heaven; we are reprocessed. But whatever we created, we leave a part of ourselves there. It is real, but it is not all of the soul. I saw the Christian heaven. We expect it to be a beautiful place, and you stand in front of the throne, worshiping forever. I tried it. It is boring! This is all we are going to do? It is childlike. I do not mean to offend anyone. Some heavens are very interesting, and some are very boring. I found the ancient ones to be more interesting, like the Native American ones, the Happy Hunting Grounds. The Egyptians have fantastic ones. It goes on and on. There are so many of them. In each of them there is a fractal that is your particular interpretation, unless you are part of the group soul that believes in only the God of a particular religion. Then you are very close, in the same ball park together. But even then, each is a little bit different. That is a part of yourself that you leave there. Death is about life, not about heaven. What happens when we dream? We are multi-dimensional beings. We can access that through lucid dreaming. In fact, this universe is God’s dream. One of the things that I saw is that we humans are a speck on a planet that is a speck in a galaxy that is a speck. Those are giant systems out there, and we are in sort of an average system. But human beings are already legendary throughout the cosmos of consciousness. The little bitty human being of Earth/Gaia is legendary. One of the things that we are legendary for is dreaming. We are legendary dreamers. In fact, the whole cosmos has been looking for the meaning of life, the meaning of it all. And it was the little dreamer who came up with the best answer ever. We dreamed it up. So dreams are important.

I feel this thread is a perfect example of how a spiritual experience deludes the ego. An awakening is a moment of clarity that can give you insights, but if you try to understand it with learned limited concepts, you quickly create an ego concept around it. I'd dare to say that when you think you got "enlightened" or "awakened", it didn't happen. I experience these spiritual ego thought patterns every time after the initial awe of an experience has waned a bit. It's like the moment the imprint of an experience is not strong enough to overcome your ego, it gets highjacked by the ego and you start to think you "are there", but it's actually the moment you start thinking this that you lose it. Enlightenment also isn't a binary thing. An awakening is not enlightenment, but can be a step towards it. It's not something you "reach", but something that slowly becomes more and more part of your being. You are expecting the world to change around you, but that's not how it works. Your perception changes, and you will attract people of your new vibe (people that are on the same or complementary part of "the way"), where people who don't meet your vibe (those who think you are a nutcase or who are stuck in concepts you got over) will disappear from your life. Your parents will not change because you have changed, BUT if you interact different with them that could trigger an insight in them so that they DO start to change.

Path of awakening is synonym of living --- living is always perfect, always now Bubble is synonym of existence. Bubble is unlimited. There is no "other awakened people" --- there is just magical always lovable existence --- You

@BeHereNow well God knows itself just by being itself. I'm not implying it's stupid to ask questions, I was just saying that I don't think you have fully awakened. Not that my opinion matters, I'm sure there's plenty of stuff I'm not yet conscious of too. God never fails to disappoint

So, I've recently fully grasped what god/consciousness/love is and it's raised some interesting questions I'm curious about. 1 - In my materialist life, I came across spirituality after a long series of experimenting with different world views and ideologies. Atheism, both far-right and left persuasions, philosophy, deep nihilism, stereo typical new age stuff, even dabbled in Christianity and Islam. I've tried almost everything on my short time on Earth before discovering spirituality. So, all of that was an imagined path to awakening right? And if I can see it was an intelligently designed path then I'm actively constructing my past in the present? 2 - If this bubble is the only thing in existence, when I come across other awakened people are they aware they exist within me and not in their own bubble? Because if Leo Gura was awakened before "I" was, then some part of me knew what reality was deep, deep, deep down.

cool this is advanced stuff, keep at it ... and he says all dreams eventually fall away since dreams are just what you refuse to do it the waking world ... when awakened you no longer repress like before here is a list of his teachings if you want to look further https://oshosearch.net/Convert/Articles_Osho/Chapters_Osho.html