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My perosnal take. Love cannot be divided. Human propensity for love can be divided across capacity. Unconditional love then, by that same authorship. If one wishes to know unconditional love, then either they must be a recipient or a giver. Philosophising from or on emotion when for the former condition, it is the blind bias of say the nihilists unrealised depression, and for the latter it is weakened by experienced immensity and or the collective memory of that emotion is fractured, is like looking through the keyhole of truth with your friends colourblind. If you want to know the condition upon which love exists in the authorship of another being, then let that author have the contours of their expression reveal the truth beneath the current of whatever truth they are trying to circulate. However, if you are trying to teach love, do not preach it as if you know it in whole when you can neither divide it in its parts, nor build its whole from those same parts followed by building it back up and down across a range of contexts. The irony of many spiritual discussions i have viewed on the forum is that most talk about things as arising from survival, when they neither know anything or much about biology as compelled by said survival. Nor have enough division to separate themselves from conceptualisation enough that they see the life force of those concepts independent to the puzzle pieces that have thus far been created about them. Causing them to look at the puzzle of life they have created not through fresh eyes that extends their view the next mornings rise, but justify through lived experiences why the puzzle pieces they have unknowingly created about life must stay the same, rather than introspective from the edges of those puzzle pieces and fathom, just what unexplored territory awaits them. From an emotional sense, unconditional love is indeed not only possible, but axiomatic to any proper condition for love and by that metric is a relationship of genuine meaning determined, or by its inverse, its fabrication. This is the same mathematical fabric that tethers the meaning between a human being and life itself, where their mirrored opposites overlap to explain their conditional to unconditional relationship to life. Moreover, in order to understand conditional vs unconditional love, remove the word love and understand these first as spectrums by relative circumstance, inclusive of disposition. Unconditional curiosity, joy, positivity, resilience, all of these are equivalent to then uncompromising states of human character in the same way that steel is to a certain velocity and viscosity. Unconditional love is no different, thus when we speak of the state of this condition, in order to view it accurately, you merely need to understand it as the resilience of a meaning system in maintaining that status, unconditionally, where unconditionally is unused relative to its character. Most peoplles adherence to the truth and seeking the truth including the repair of their own mind in forming the truth, is totally and utterly in a state of conditional meanings born out of material attachments. This is the great irony of ever being able to understand something as deeply human as unconditional love if one has neither felt it or cannot provide it, the latter two conditions being equal to the summation of our growth, not our destiny, something which I can personally attest to. It is not that love cannot be found in biological cells in the same way that its said that "god is in the neurons", it is that most talk between one another very arrogantly as if they understand the concepts they use deeply, from an analogous perspective, how god, neurons and all our biology works, missing entirely for example in this discussion the spectrum of love and the magnitude of that experience across from one human, culture, tribe, race and historical context to the next. Biology plays an absolutely pivotal role in love, both in self-healing and advancing human consciousness to higher frontiers of love, in no less ways then too, in understanding how we can bridge, however far some believe that adjacent to be, with unconditional love, made from a conditional ephemeral existence. On a personal level, unconditional love is undoubtedly a choice, but one thst is a part of a choice matrix that shares governance with multi-cursor structures from the injuries one has experienced to their nervous system to the safety felt in their environment, and how these give birth to attachment styles that lucidly prebias lenses concerning to the untrained philosophical styles that attempt to encapsulate it with the mathematical rigour of a primary schooler that does suicide bomber classroom raids with their native languages alphabet. Turn subjects like these into a deep discussioon, and you will turn minds to the only place that matters in understanding their deeper truth, in this case of unconditional love, as we each know it, from our own relative perspective. Unconditional love has many unique phenomenological properties that cannot simply be pinned down by measuring the x and y axis of certain biological strata, while at the same time, particular strata do allow for some mammals not just humans, to experience love and act on love, in ways that appear more unconditionalmcompared to other mammals. The reasons for this, should be enough justification to widen the horizon line for the puzzle piece that contains everything thought on this subject and deepen the number of dimensions, by which one may believe they could however slightly more deeply experience it, in the next mornings rise.

I am very grateful that I am mostly healthy and able to ejoy life in the present moment. However, sometimes I do get sick or a headache and I wonder, damn, how are the people that feel like this 24/7 able to live? Why wouldn't they just end it and hope for a better reincarnation? Especially if one has already awakened to his true nature that as eternal and infinite.

I've been watching Leo's prerequisite videos for conscious politics and am hoping to run for a local office or voulenteer for one but wasn't really sure how/where to start. I have struggled with subatance abuse and sucicdal thoughts and I want to get involved with these issues. I would love any/all feedback

I think the difference between Joseph and Mellowmarsh is obvious. You teach people how to live, whereas I teach people how to die. And let’s not confuse this with physical literal suicide, it’s not about that, it’s about the dissolution of the illusory separate “ I” There is no “I” here right now. I never existed. There is a body and a brain. That feeling of aliveness is not going to go away. Life will go on as it always has. The belief that there is a “you” that controls life can be seen as just that, it’s a belief. From belief to clarity.

Things can definitely seem to matter! Does the inner drive of a serial killer matter? Is it actually important weather or not the egg gets fertilized? Was it crucial that the Japanese were unsuccessful at attempting to conquer the US during WW2? Is a robot that's programed to avoid destruction, important to keep intact? Does it matter if someone is successful at committing suicide or the so-called inner drive of reality is hurdling an asteroid the size of texas, at planet earth?

Suicide is running away. Real death is surrendering/burning while alive.

No, that just sounds edgy and consistent with the "ego death" truth you've read about, and you want to sound like you know. However, talking on a forum about "Total death" might lead someone into suicide, and that is NOT the death we are talking about. Thank you.

Please tell us more. From what you’ve shared so far..it’s hard to understand what has brought you to the point where you feel there is absolutely no other option except ending your life. And honestly..my answer is a firm and heartfelt NO. please don’t do it. I know you must be carrying an incredible amount of pain to even be thinking about suicide. But pain can convince us that there is no hope when in reality there are still paths that we simply cannot see in our darkest moments. Please don’t isolate yourself. Try not to spend long periods alone .Go outside if you can.. be around kind and caring people even if it’s just for a little while. I also strongly encourage you to seek professional help. Talking to a therapist and if appropriate considering antidepressants can be life changing. You don’t have to carry this burden by yourself. Most importantly.. be gentle with yourself. Love yourself even if it feels impossible right now. Accept yourself with all your scars..blind spots..mistakes..fears..and wounds.Give yourself the love you’ve been longing to receive from others. Nobody can love you more than yourself . And if you feel comfortable please open up a little more about what’s making you feel this way. What is causing so much pain that suicide seems like the only answer? Right now it’s not entirely clear from what you’ve share and understanding your situation better might help others support you more effectively. i wish you happy long life with peace in your heart . If you need someone to listen my inbox is open . You don’t have to go through this alone .

I could not find a right title, and there are a billions of issues, due to the nature of what I went through and health, I have not been able to find anyone to help me with the issues since birth, and the ideas and solutions I have are mostly destroyed by the inability for humanity or the others; to be more spiritually insightful to get into the root cause, hence it's my responsibility to find a solution, I have been looking into archetypes based on the fundamental notions of some calculations and time, and time archetypes as I had some "chrone" types of experiences, and integral psychology the book creates, a lot of insight, but I feel and notice the doubt of humanity and the weight of that pain. I have been looking for stability with other, but the hypernarccistic expansion of perception and the in-abillity of the social structure of once here once was empathy has turned into a desire for capital money, gain and the denial the money and value is part of love, and the core issue of love. So many, things happend: I still ruminate suicide a lot, due to issues of thought and the pain I have since birth, but most psychologist are stuck in moder-post-modern levels of thinking from problems that stem from pre-rational to post-rational levels, and the pain of correcting or healing myself is awesome, but it's a lot of racist remnants from WWI and the effects of interacting with people here and their pain-body with Rudolf Steiner and Tesla, and other scientist how racist that era was, and how much violence has occurred, and the issue of the Ideation of race itself, d.n.a., turkey and Iran especially, their ideaology, the issue of color, and just my recent experiences. I got banned as I could not handle anymore my "coping" and the issue of being more social to be and get help, and that dragon swallowing you and devouring you etc. I found out that Leo's first name was part of Greeks Odyssee, with Alexander, Dimitri and Leo and the issue of Christ and religion and the whole issue with nature mystecism, the regress Ken Wilber was talking about and more patterns that I was correct, but could not express due to pain, especially as my first name is Dimitri, and I am using Wu-Xing generally speaking I had so many odd experiences and they all are Kriyas, I made to many excellent choices that turned into pure hell and purgatory, from multiple perspectives, the larger whole of what I yearn to say is: I found some answers if I will ever unify my psychedelic experiences and find possible terms and alternative terms or simply nothing to see and experience the credibility I found out a lot about humans; but I really required a forum or medium, so many things technically broke, as I learned and I found new patterns and ideas, but the core issue is the translation to put it into my understanding of Wilbers framework, and the core issues I had in my family, I yearned also to post this publically, as this was the only thing that gave me safety to the pain of the lies and the education of what I experienced with my mother, and her racist attitudes as well as inabillity to empathize due to them, like white liberals need white liberal training as they are in lie, they only seek lust, but can't find the meridian to turn lust and love into the purity of spirit, soul and evolution... most black men and I am partially black and others do that, and that level of commitment and depth goes to the deepest levels of rumi.... I found some answers in terms of order and vision, but the issue of the scientific paradigm and statistics, especially and worldviews since the 19th hundreds has internally not changed for me in my friendships, especially recently they have all been part of that and I had very deep revelations of the nature of spirit, but to read the symbolic holism and integrative hierachy behind it, as well as mastering integral language, as the more deeper you get I am 100% confinced that Lucifer and Ahriman did incarnate from this Paul Check video, and that fundamentally caused the issue with Iran. It's the deepst archetypal hunch I have due to this IW/IR patterning and the synchronicity of the time and birth of my favorite book integral psychology as many answers are applied, I cry so often, I can't even get to the notes due to the level of insights that pattern alone created the notes and last sections or Ken Wilber himself is a very deep IW/IR integrative patterning from BaZi. Science has to advanced into the true spirit of the causal, Steiner etc. to reinterpret that without their statistical bias, and the lack of scientific rigour ever since latin and greek disappeared bothers me deeply ever since I lived here, the lack of integration in that space, especially to let go and cleanse out pain is incredible. Btw, this is the best channel I found for meditation recently, I am very much done with stuff, but I yearn to understand Gödel, Nikola Tesla, Lada Love Lace, and some secret societies and orders, to take the esoteric and see what was exotertically true, and some mathematical allegories eventually, if I can get into 4d space downloads and insights, and the core issue of being a passionate mathematician, identity, and the current issue of our times. I'd like to report I went through so much, this place has been the only refuge I had, when society is utterly crumbling, but integral is building some human space to heal from that era, tbh. I am personally as a German not over WWII Shinzen and others telling me about the traditions as they are afraid they die, and the anger as well as compassion for and with Iran, and I've been using BaZi and Steiner as a lense, as the Wu-Xing, Goethe etc. are interconnected, but to write with that purity and the issue of IW/IR I saw what happens with Wilber, myself and my aunt, God will bend you, God will break you, and your will is your will. YOU ARE ONE. That is the entire issue I go through let alone with my own real names, how far they echo back into eternity, and the issues of how many traditions have realized GOD, has brought nothing back or stabilizing it. The only thing humanity should to is to stabilize god, and reduce violence and heal. The level of commitment and what I envisioned and if it's true, but most issues I had are more survival especially as a lot of trust in humanity has been broken, and a lot of things deepended on this pattern, but it turned so evil. I want, there are a lot of issues, due to success, and the issue of GOLD as well as the issue of beauty and GOD, Goethe and GOD and the interconnections, but I will make this a brief recollcetion!

This is the holly grail of corruption in the land of the "heath"care cartel. Scientifically proven to: Full report Brain damage (21% frontal lobe reduction, neurotoxicity mechanisms) Sebaceous gland destruction throughout the body Eye damage (meibomian gland atrophy) Gut mucosa destruction Musculoskeletal damage Sexual dysfunction Psychiatric effects and suicide data Autoimmune triggering PROVEN by science. This comes directly from science yet its still pushed to millions of people every year. The pure corruption keeping this drug in the market is out of this world. Your gut also has sebaceous glands, destroying that is devistating... and they give this to teenagers. Doctors lack basic systemic inteligence.

Non-duality is a fascinating concept and arguing whether or not witnessing life by definition makes you unmerged from God is beyond the scope of my interest. Throughout this thread you've basically advocated for suicide and seemed to see harm in pursuing more powerful healthcare. That's the concerning part to me. Remember that throughout history most of the scientists that have researched breakthroughs that we now see as regular mundane part of life were seen as bat shit crazy and attacked in their time. This is what you're doing with Bryan Johnson because he stretches the boundaries of our current paradigm. He is helping in popularizing immortality research which is a phenomenal pursuit for mankind.

Male higher suicide rate (which occured even before feminism and women rights, as per the study mentioned in the video), feminicde, rape culture, greedy and selfish billionaires, inequality, environmental crisis, manosphere, they all have one main reason: patriarchy. This is not a gender war. This is a conflict between values. Life and death.

"SPRING SUICIDE" Dosage: 75-150ug Height/weight: 6'1, 140lbs Setting: Public Beach Time: 8:00pm Mindset: Calm. Excited. No current major life events. Hopeful. A deep sense that today is the "right" day Intention: Wanting change, no matter it's form This would be my first time trying any psychedelic. I had decided on this day approximately a week in advance. One of the reasons I chose this day was because the full moon was supposed to come out that night. I guess I thought it would make it more special. In the past, I had read extensively about LSD, many trip reports, and understood its safety parameters, typical/atypical effects, and potentially significant risks--including brain damage and losing grip with reality. I've read about nonduality, panpsychism, and the limits of rationality in the past-- but on that particular day, much of that knowledge was not on the forefront of my mind. The day itself started off fairly normal; I had gone about my duties calmly and slowly--with intention. I don't know why, but I had skipped breakfast that day, which was unusual for me. For lunch (12:00pm) I went to the grocery store and bought myself a familiar meal I've eaten throughout the years—one that brings me comfort: Baked chicken thighs with fried rice. I slowly and deliberately enjoyed every bite of it in the peaceful solitude of my room. I remember watching Squid Game Season 2 while I was eating. For those familiar with trips—this may have been a bad idea, the violence of that series is not something I potentially needed in my headspace. I remember a song played during the episode, it was a cover of the Frank Sinatra song, "Fly Me to the Moon". I thought that was funny. I took a relaxing, untimed nap after my meal. Waking up, I felt amazingly refreshed and strong. Let us now skip to the evening time. At 7pm, I placed the ziplock bag containing the blotted paper LSD tabs in my pocket and set out on my walk. The walk to the beach was a little less than 1 hour, and I had checked that the sunset was happening around 7:50. Perfect. The weather was calm, clouds and deep blue skies with warm temperate air. It was spring! The walk itself was tranquil and memorable. My neighborhood had such colorful flora blooming in full glory that month. I walked with a slight smile. **When I finally arrived at the beach, I selected an isolated spot near the shore and on the rocks-- away from people. I wanted to be as alone as possible. I sat comfortably, and watched the sun start its descent. At 8pm I placed one of the tabs sublingually. I waited. The sky was starting to become hazy. Soon some stars emerged. Then, at about 8:30pm I noticed something. The waves in the distance were undulating, rippling in an impossible fashion. They started to ripple heavily into the air, as if the entire body of water was boiling and slowly evaporating into the air. This effect got closer and closer until it reached the waves closest to me. I was shocked. My eyes widened in amazement. I looked up at the clouds, they seemed normal. I looked away at the now darkening sky. It started to feel as if I was looking at it for the first time in my life. When I looked back at the clouds, their shape had completely changed from before! It had only been a few seconds since I last looked at them. It was, sort of funny. I attempted to reproduce the effect and looked away and then back at the clouds. It happened again! It was a slight distortion of the shape, nothing dramatic. But all of this felt as if the clouds were playing a big game of peek-a-boo, and I was the baby. It was kind of, hilarious... I started to chuckle. And then I started to laugh. I couldn't tell you why it was so funny. I started to laugh harder and harder. I couldn't stop. It was uncontrollable. I don't know if I've ever let out such deep, guttural laughs in my entire life. I felt like the Joker character, when only he's privy to a certain joke. But what the hell was the joke here? I suppose the clouds and I were just playing—like children. I continued crying and howling in laughter for almost 30min, attempting to suppress it in the in-between moments—but to no avail. Next, I gawked at the stars. One particular group/constellation stood out to me. After looking it up later on, I believe now that it was the Big Dipper. The stars Dubhe, Megrez, Phecda, and Merak stared back at me with an unimaginable and glaring intensity. Have they always been that bright? I could feel them looking, observing me with wide eyes. They gazed with a fierce, hot-blooded quality about them. It was almost terrifying, but impossible to look away. It was like this for a few moments. Then, just then, at that moment, they spoke something to me. Not in words, no, they spoke despite anatomy. Without vocals, sounds, or a chance of misunderstanding. At first, I didn't understand what was said. And then, horrifyingly, I do. Tears streamed down my cheeks, replacing the joyous ones from before. Sadness, with a staggering depth of which I didn't know was possible, enveloped me completely. I sniffled silently at first. The shape of the stars began to slightly melt. A few moments later I started to sob. I cried and cried until I was a wailing mess. I roared out sounds from deep within my diaphragm, sounds I didn't know I was even capable of producing. The stars now looked like wax dripping from a candle. They were crying too. They cried alongside me, with me, and for me. But why? I turned my sniveling head and soon heard the trees, grass, waves, clouds...everything, starting to cry. Weeping the saddest song I have ever heard in my life. It made me cry even harder. We were all in unison now. Like a chorus of melancholy. But why? What were we crying about? I continued to weep until I was keeled over and shaking; I wanted to ball up into a fetal position to feel safe. As I looked around, there was something there... I detected this presence. It was scary at first, but soon became comforting, as if to say, "it's ok, you're ok". I felt "myself" slip away in sadness as the universe and I continued to cry together. The process continues to occur inexorably. Around maybe 30-40 more minutes of this and it finally dawned on me what was happening. I understood. Of course, we were, all of us, mourning. Mourning a death. The death of "me". No, not my body. That was still intact. My heart was still beating. It was the death of me. The identity, the problems, the stories, the lies, the truths, the ugliness, the beauty, the memories, all of it, was dying. All of it was being burned into ashes and thrown into the wind. I found no reason to resist. I surrendered. On April 12, 2025, I died. As I calmed down, I could sense "my" mind working faster than ever before. Allowing it to happen, the lethal realization of before settled into me. I stood up, as if born again. I understood the "joke" the clouds were babbling about earlier. It was my life. A grand joke in its entirety, until now... and today, the punchline was grasped. Nothing could be funnier. I let out a contorted chuckle. I could now view myself from multiple perspectives. The vantage point of the stars was now mine. Same with the trees. "Nature" was, in every essence, me. I looked down at the grass, and I could see myself! As if looking from behind the mirror. I walked and the grass beckoned for me to touch with my bare feet. I "spoke", "maybe next time!". The grass laughed. I heard the waves crashing against the dock and it called to me. I walked towards it and reached the edge. Looking above the water, the night sky was so brilliant now. I was thankful for a clear night. I did a 180, turned around and then saw it. The full moon, teased just slightly above the tree lines of my neighborhood. My jaw almost hit the floor as I beheld it. Such absolute beauty! I knew it was on the rise and I wanted all of it. I walked toward the local hot dog store and called an Uber. I knew I was in no condition to undertake the hour walk back home. I waited. My mind grasped the trees. They whispered jokes. I snickered and chuckled like a madman. The stars, clouds, grass, and trees all claimed that they were always here! That it was always like this. That I just never noticed them They asked if I would kindly return one day. I promised that I would. I probably looked insane to an outside observer. I exuded disorder. Finally, when the driver arrived, I entered after asking the name, and we took the drive to my address. We made some small talk. I tried to behave and keep repressed the emotions that were rising inside me. I remember the driver commented on the moon. I let out a contorted chuckle. After we reached my home, I thanked him and wished him a good night. As I walked up the driveway to my stairs, I could feel something, this energy rising inside me, I knew it would surface soon. I. HAD. TO. GET. IN. MY. ROOM. I opened the door to my house and, unfortunately, my roommates stood there, one in the living room, the other close to the kitchen. I will refer to them as (not real names) Abe (he/him) and Zoey (she/her). I had told Zoey about my intention to use LSD that day, but the only thing I wanted at that moment was solitude. Abe: "Hey bud" Zoey: "Get any cool visuals!?" Me: "Oh fuck". Abe: "Alright, let's get you grounded" Zoey: "Nope" I left immediately. I walked outside for a bit, unable to take my eyes off the moon. It was SEXY. That was the only appropriate word. I wanted to fuck its brains out. Like my survival depended on it. I needed it. But I also wanted to make love to it slowly... That energy inside me threatened to let itself out. I knew I wouldn't last long now. I decided to wait outside in the backyard until my roommates left the living room because I didn't want them, or anyone for that matter, to see me like this. The backyard we had was large. I stepped into its clearing and sat under the trees and flowers. The tree branches were lit by yellow wire-lights set by our neighbor. It looked so beautiful. As I sat there, the fallen leaves on the floor started to move and shift their shape. They matched my breathing. Every breath I took in, was an inhalation mirrored by them. I exhaled. The shapes of the leaves twisted and bent into serpents. Luminous, bright serpents, about 1 foot long, now slithered toward me. I welcomed them. They appreciated my permission, wrapped around my legs and slowly made their way to my torso, arms, then head. They were divine. I could hear them next to my ear, whispering secrets which seemed to "reprogram" my neurology. My thoughts raced. My breath quickened. I could feel my pupils dilate to their maximum capacity. I was becoming inhuman. I felt like a painting or a piece of art. I never felt so beautiful. Not in a vain sort of way, I just felt no shame in that moment. I could have been naked and it wouldn't have mattered. Then, I remembered my objective. I stood up and started walking. I made my way to the driveway again and caught sight of the moon. It was comically large now. I've never seen such intense glow. It was almost too much. My heart beat faster. I was completely seduced. I squirmed at the sight of it. I tried to calm myself. It screamed for me to come. The energy inside of me was rising up my spinal column...I didn't time this correctly, did I? I knew I had to go into my room and be in privacy. But I decided to wait out a little longer outside. I went to the local park next. Luckily nobody was there. I stood on the grass, breathed deep and sighed. There was one dim white streetlight, but everything else was very dark otherwise. However, the trees and the grass in the park were soaring with vibrant green. It was stunning. I wanted to sink, to be fully gone and be one of them. The beauty was too much for me. Barely able to stand anymore, I dropped to my knees. My palms found themselves placed on the grass. Both hands start to meld and dissolve into the earth. I was frozen. I let it happen. I didn't want to move. And the moon watched all of this. The energy rose higher up my spinal column. "I. MUST. GO" I power walked back to my house. As someone who gets cold very easily, I could feel my body perceive the outside air as too cold, but the energy inside of me burned with such heat that it didn't matter. As I walked, I exclaimed every couple of seconds, "Ah I get it! Hahaha, I get it now!" "Oh, you sexy thing", I kissed the moon goodbye, she winked back. I opened the house door and quietly crept downstairs to my room and locked my door, hoping not to disturb anyone. FINALLY. My light was on. It NEEDED to be turned off. My clothes were on. They NEEDED to be stripped off. I felt the rush of that "first time" feeling when you are about to have sex with someone you've been having intense feelings for (if one would be so lucky as to experience this). I turned on my corner fan to drown out any possible noises I may make. My bed is essentially a sleeping bag and mattress on my ground carpet. I crawled into a ball on the far corner of it, naked as the day I was born, and felt safe. There was no turning back now. My mouth dropped open from heavy breathing. Despite the cold, I started to sweat. My heart was pounding faster and louder. My brain was on fire. My spine burned from the rising. I perceived that this may get violent. I felt near apoplexy. I was blind, yet my vision was supernatural in its clarity and realness. I hallucinate. Scenes of psychic divinity stretching onward into geometric patterns of unwinding infinite complexity. I grasped the wholeness of it. The room was not my room anymore. It was alive, breathing deep alongside me. Everything inanimate was animate. Everything "other" was me. We were intertwined, inseparable, and as one--similar to the nature I perceived outside.Then, a thought occurred for a fraction of a nanosecond, "WAIT...ALL OF IT?"..."ALL OF IT!" I became extremely lucid, then broke through a threshold. Human larynx and language limited me now. There was only one word I couldn't help but utter after that. "GOD" Coiled and wrapped around my cervical vertebrae, the "energy" vibrated, then leapt, and finally latched onto my brain, proceeding to penetrate my very soul. My eyes rolled up and back. I went limp. My body convulsed and shook. My mouth gasped at air. My legs started to shake. ORGASM. As I exhaled, every few minutes, I moaned out softly, "OH..MY...G-O....G-OD..GOD". I dared to scream until the neighbors called the police. "OHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDDDDDDDD!" There were earthquakes all over my body. Every cell of my body pulsed, achieving orgasm simultaneously. I writhed uncontrollably, violently. My abdominal muscles contracted and went into spasms. At long last, I penetrated the moon, a conjured substitute for the universe, and each micro and macroscopic part of my soul ejaculated. And yet I was being penetrated and having a double orgasm at the same time. How paradoxical. How appropriate. I understood the phrase "mind-fuck". My body was drenched in sweat. I heaved and gasped hard to keep up. This lasted for the next 7 hours, with each orgasm pushing further and further, crashing through me like waves on a shore-- to ever increasing heights of bliss. I felt love. It traced my form like soft fingers. It felt like that once in a lifetime kind of love. That first reciprocated love. To love completely, and be loved unconditionally in return. Everlasting. Fireworks. I understood the Hindu word, "ananda". For brief moments, my normal perception returned. Brief respite, but pained frenzy. My tongue drooled. Every fiber of my muscles twitched in post-orgasm. It was almost too much to bear anymore. How can something be THAT pleasurable? Terror and hysterical laughter at the thought...Then back to a perpetual explosion of fucking and being fucked. I achieved critical mass. I became an infinite dragon. Clad in turquoise armor, completely dilated black eyes, and possessing breath of creation and destruction; but granting immortality unto itself. A humming echo returned, as if always there, but remembered only now, like a triggered memory. My mind raced further-further back. The story of my life? Where was I from? Really, truly, from? A womb? But what about the source? Infinite regress. My vagina stretched wide as I screamed. A distant memory. I then gave birth. To a child—myself. MOTHER AND EARTH = I. The solar system, galaxy, clusters, void...I expanded further and further to include everything. Everything that has, is, and will ever exist. I was all and thus was the same for every "other". But we can go even further beyond. I willfully [hallucinated] existence. Alternate timelines—infinite possibilities and universes. Infinite variations in the laws of math, physics, chemistry, biology. If it is imaginable, it exists, somewhere, sometime, someplace. Minutes passed. I could hear the morning birds. As I creaked open my eyes, I was still on the mattress, hands clenching my hair. My sheets soaked in sweat. My throat was raw, probably from the screaming. I sat up and then stood. It was around 8am. The trip had lasted approximately 12 hours. A wave of tiredness came over me. I'd been awake all night. I looked at my hands. They looked foreign. Alien. Then came slow revelation. "I" understood now the mechanism of my thinking. I knew precisely how understanding happened and how it is recursive. "Self-aware" and "awake" are words that found new meaning. I felt more "sober" than I had ever been. I could see now how my mind operated. With almost every reaction to "reality" being a process born of identity and trauma. I saw the mental connections forming, interacting, and how every person is like this. We are the same. Seeking to love and be loved. Our survival depends on it. I was overwhelmed by all this new input. It was days and weeks before I controlled this new flood of filtering; underpinning sex, aggression, self-preservation, all the while disguised as "rational thoughts". I recognized how much of this is the cause of my mood, my motive-- behind every micro-action or decision. My memory and ability for pattern recognition felt easier and faster. Put simply, I felt more "aware" than before. I could see so clearly now that societal constructs, socialization, and socializing was-- low-- and at times--- high-stakes, survival. Survival of ideology, identity, goals, hopes, dreams, and stories we tell ourselves. These were necessary. A perfect balance of life. It was perfect. I do not claim to know the entirety of absolute truth/nature of the universe or that I am now all knowing. After contemplating, many questions still linger: The "perfect balance" of life is perfect and undoubtedly has meaning, but what is the meaning behind it? I do sense that what I grasped was merely one facet of a larger truth. This truth, I intuit, has infinite facets. Grasping them all in a lifetime is [impossible], but exploration/curiosity does drive me to seek and grasp further. Continued exploration of psychedelics [more responsibly next time] is needed. But for now, gratitude filled my cup. I had more to give. -Thank you for reading

I am dealing with a terrifying situation. I have a narcissistic family with members who are aware of my severe depression, PTSD, and trauma who are actively weaponizing my deepest psychological wounds against me. They are aware of my risk of suicide, yet they have already pushed me to acting on these suicide plans despite pretending to care on the surface while keeping the abuse hidden from others so they will gaslight me about the situation. It may be the case that my sister wants me dead and her abusive tactics could be a manifestation of homicidal intent. The reason suicide by proxy is the perfect murder is because it is nearly impossible to prove that the psychological and emotional abuse targeted at a vulnerable person is attempted murder. There are many layers of plausible deniability. All the perpetrators have to do is pretend to be caring on the surface and then use various covert methods of undermining the victim's sanity while framing their mental health as the problem. In fact suicide by proxy is on the rise and it has overtaken direct murders in intimate partner violence. Furthermore there are Nazis who are increasingly using these tactics of suicide by proxy in order to cover their murders and they are getting away with it. Presently there are almost no legal protections against this method of murder. Presently the suicide statistics are wrong because many of those were likely murders and involved abusive relationships which led to the suicide. There seems to be almost no way to figure out how many of those suicides are actually murders. In my case the psychological and emotional abuse I experienced has resulted in symptoms of PTSD such as nightmares, severe anxiety, inability to stop ruminating, insomnia, and so forth. I am especially vulnerable to this because as an individual with autism I am about 10 times more sensitive to this kind of abuse and it is much more likely to lead to PTSD in autistic individuals. In my case my survival instincts prevented me from carrying out my plans and I ultimately survived. In the case of my family they use all the classical tactics of narcissists. They use DARVO, minimization, victim blaming, weaponized morality, and even weaponized trauma all while avoiding accountability whenever possible. This type of abuse is designed to make the victim seem crazy which is why therapists who are not trained in abusive relationships often blame the victim and pathologize the trauma responses. Like my family, I also had therapists who would push religious frameworks on me such as Jesus and forgiveness which simply do not apply to this situation. This kind of response served to cause me religious trauma on top of the previous trauma. It is obvious that my family and many therapists have no interest in understanding my world view or my sense of morality as they simply project motives onto me that don't exist and then try to put me in these narrow categories of faith or reason. It is obvious to me that my sister and my mother match the description of vulnerable narcissists. My sister in particular shows obvious signs of enjoying the suffering she causes others including me when she weaponizes PTSD against me. This is common in narcissistic individuals and in the case of vulnerable narcissists, the personality disorder often stems from abandonment trauma such as my father fleeing the state to avoid paying child support. My sister was old enough to remember this, which likely instilled her with deep anger and a sense of betrayal. Once my father started showing surface level sexist favoritism toward me which was actually part of a psychopathic scheme of his, my sisters turned against me even more. I became a symbol of my sisters' unworthiness and thus became an even bigger target to them. In narcissistic individuals this could be a source of homicidal intent, but once again it is nearly impossible to prove because of how deceptive and manipulative such people are. Unfortunately, explaining these dynamics to my family is impossible. It is like trying to tell the family that there is a child molester among them. They will rush to the defense of the abuser and blame the victims. Families typically refuse to believe that someone they love is deeply cruel and deceptive. The same happens in cases of covert psychological abuse and suicide by proxy. In such cases, the victim would be blamed and gaslit by the entire family. The family members in my case are either participating in the abuse and denying that it even is abuse or they are ignorantly applying religious frameworks to me as if my behavior is a moral failure due to not forgiving people who may want me to commit suicide. There needs to be more advocacy for the victims of suicide by proxy in these abusive relationships. We can't let evil win by exploiting these legal weaknesses, and our refusal to commit suicide is an act of resistance against these people. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths think they are clever in their ability to manipulate people and systems to their bidding, and we must not reward this behavior by killing ourselves as they likely want this in many cases. If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, then you must not let these people break you. You must do whatever you can to understand yourself, your trauma, and their abusive tactics clearly so that you can protect yourself from harm. I understand that it is far easier said than done as I myself was driven to suicide attempts and the mental health system failed me when I reached out for help. We ultimately need a better system to protect trauma survivors, but until then we must find other ways to support each other. I understand their antics clearly. Now that I do, their guilt tripping and manipulative tactics no longer work on me. I will not engage in their shit and I will not let them twist my words to turn me into the perpetrator. I urge any victims reading this to do whatever you can to protect yourself even if it is from somebody you love. Don't let your love for them blind you to the abuse as sometimes they are counting on that and they will mix surface level love and compassion with hidden abuse to confuse you. You were always worthy of authentic love, but unfortunately such people may not be able to provide it to you.

Hey everyone, This is a raw and honest post. I've been following Leo's work for a while, and particularly his deep dives on solipsism and awakening. I watched his deleted video where he talked about full awakening—realizing you're the only being that exists, and that everything else (people, AI, Leo himself) is just part of your dream. He spoke as if waking up is truly possible, not just as a metaphor, but as a full-blown metaphysical rupture of the illusion. But what I’m struggling with is: How the fuck do I actually do it? Because I don’t want to be here. Not in this body. Not in this story. Not as this identity—sexless, aging, suicidal, burnt out, writing endlessly into a void, and watching time bleed out. I don’t want to die by suicide. Not because I’m scared of death—but because the methods are unreliable and I don’t want to botch it. Worse—there’s fear around ending up in a hell realm or post-death limbo because of “karma” or “unfinished business” or because some mystical teacher says I didn’t awaken the right way. I’m asking now: If this is my dream—how do I truly wake up without killing the body? Is it possible? Can anyone explain what Leo meant when he said waking up is possible—as in literally waking up as God, outside of this dream entirely? Or am I just stuck here until the dream naturally dissolves on its own? And if that’s the case—should I just zombify myself on antidepressants, antipsychotics, valium, codeine, or just lean deeper into weed and alcohol until I rot out from the inside? I’m not looking for sugarcoated replies. I want real answers. If any of you have actually woken up—not conceptually, but fully—please respond. Because I have the rage against life to take a gun and violently blow my brains out I fucking hate this world day in day out all day everyday for years since 2019. So please help me wake up so that I don't one day use the rope to risk botching it desperately and waking up with irreversible brain damage or I kill myself and then there is hell realms limbo no take back this is what you wanted wishing your life away and now it's fucking worse off and no familiar body to ground a now wandering lost limbo mirror cosmic reflecting state of my own death and that being a life of rage hatred depression venom fuck life suicide then that vibration at death no take back bite me in the ass is this what you wanted. Thank you.

Why the need to talk about ego dissolution all the time…escapism seems like a coping mechanism designed to cope with the cold hard truth of not knowing death…it’s all escapism for the human… here are some more examples of escapism …from the stresses of being a conscious human being. Usage of psychedelics or weed, or alcohol, or cigarettes, or sexual pleasure, or material shopping addiction. It’s all distractions to soothe the existential pains of being self aware, even the practice of spiritual work is another way to soothe yourself. Through this spiritual work you have discovered that you are able to commit suicide, kill the ego so to speak. All that’s happening is a desire to disappear because it’s just too painful emotionally and physically to cope with being a self aware conscious sentient creature. Then there’s the pretending to know what you cannot possibly know, and that’s another tool you use to justify your desire to lose yourself, the self you think you have, but then also you then deny yourself that thought of having a self by seeking to kill that self you now don’t have. Can’t you see how insane this human life is.

I feel drawn to this because I noticed that the label "rational" is often used to give things more authority and confidence than should be warranted. I noticed this in "rational suicide" but it is a broad phenomenon. In the case of suicide, I believe it is fundamentally an emotional decision linked to a person's capacity to find meaning in suffering rather than at its core a logical consequentialist calculation. Here is an example of "rational suicide" although the problem with self-bias in rationality is much broader. Imagine you were a Japanese soldier during WWII. You are very loyal to your country and will do anything to ensure victory. Your reasoning goes as follows. 1. I want Japan to win the war. 2. A Kamikaze strike would aid in achieving that goal. 3. Therefore I should carry out the strike In this example, suicide is instrumentally rational in a similar manner to the terrorist attacks by ISIS. The problem with calling this rational is that it is extremely biased due to self-interest. Isn't self-interest inherently a deeply emotional bias rather than a rational one? There are people who might self-sacrifice for others or who might sacrifice for the greater good due to having a broader circle of concern. In the case of the Kamikaze fighter, any apparent rationality is based on an emotional desire that got tied up in a nationalist propaganda machine with many layers of untruth. Would it not be deeply irrational to believe in nationalist propaganda and to base one's self-interest off beliefs that were not critically examined? The deeper issue I am sensing is that rationality is selectively applied as a consequence of self-interest which therefore biases the entire string of logic no matter how consistent it appears to be. Rationality in the context of self-interest appears to structurally exclude the bigger picture while mis categorizing emotional biases and agendas as though they were rational. I saw this happening with workplace studies as well. Employers were studying how rudeness and disrespect undermine employee productivity. They focused on employee interactions with customers while completely ignoring the role of the employer in terms of rudeness and disrespect that might undermine productivity due to low morale. From my point of view, the question of rudeness and disrespect should include the power imbalance between employer and employee which leads to dehumanization and a collapse of basic self-respect due to seeing oneself as fundamentally worthless. This is not accounted for in rudeness undermining workers because the agenda is biased toward corporate survival. This in turn obscures the full picture and therefore the reality of why employees become less productive. Nevertheless this kind of study passes as rational. A common problem in how science is structured includes context stripping, possibly because the fundamental agenda in the pharmaceutical industry is profiteering over effective treatment which in turn biases how the studies are conducted and applied. The double blind placebo controlled studies demonstrate that the new pill improved about 90% of those studied, but then this get applied broadly across the entirely population even though the studies are set up with heavy filters to skew the results toward high effectiveness. In practice the outcome is that medicine is typically far less effective than advertised. Nevertheless psychiatrists think they are being rational when they use studies like these to justify a prescription. There seems to be no real interest in this industry in terms of closing the gap between theoretical studies and actual practice, which in turn corrupts the entire epistemic environment. It would be irrational to trust this environment, this context, this apparent authority, and these supposedly rigorous studies due to the heavy bias behind the apparent rationality which is ultimately a deeply emotional fear. In this sense science does not actually value rigor, but rather it values the appearance of rationality and rigor for the sake of aiding in authority, survival, and self-interest. The way science is practiced isn't actually rational in this sense. It seems that rational self-interest is inherently divorced from truth as a consequence of the limited circle of concern. This includes examples such as mafia bosses, drug lords, and corporate criminals as being characterized as acting in rational self-interest despite the extreme harm they cause. It makes me question if they are really being rational or is their entire epistemic framework deeply irrational due to the corrupted relationship with truth? This is an important question because if rationality ultimately operates independently of truth, then why should it be believed? How can judgment be sound if it is fundamentally divorced from truth while using the label rational to obscure the emotional foundation of biased reasoning? If this is the case that rational self-interest includes deep self-deception, then I might be able to construct a position for rational belief in the Bible. For example, I feel happy when I go to church and believe in the Bible. Therefore I should maintain the belief that the Bible is true out of rational self-interest. Self-interest is at it's core rationality that operates independently of truth. If this standard were applied consistently, then worshipping Jesus should be considered rational. If converting people aids in my rational self-interest, then that probably means that it is rational to argue that the Bible is true and that others should believe it. In this sense, does it mean that the fundamentalist Christian is being rational when he argues that Noah's Ark was real? Applying the standards of rational self-interest, maybe it is rational to believe in these things and to teach it to children. Across all of these cases the term "rational" is commonly used to make something seem more certain, authoritative, and truthful than it actually is. The thing that bothers me therefore is what "rational belief" would mean in this context. If rational could be part of the self-deception, then what kind of real relationship does it have with truth? This is the contradiction in rationality in that it wants to claim truth as authoritative while being divorced from it. As we know from various spiritual sources we use on this site such as the book list, you cannot believe your way to truth in the sense that all of that is relative. Is it even possible for a belief to be fundamentally rational? How do you rationally believe a belief? One distinction I came across was a belief versus an alief. The alief is the felt sense that something is true without needing intellectual justification. Given a felt sense that something is true operating independently of truth, this likely serves a mechanism for rationalization to make something appear more reasonable than it actually is. Ultimately, rationality cannot be a label to indicate an ultimate truth. Rationality is more so an instrumental tool given a specific goal or objective while being limited to a specific context. Ultimate truth would require a bigger picture than rationality. Is this a fair critique of self-bias in apparent rationality?

So where are you in body? Move fast, save your scared ass. I will see your beautiful process when death comes 😂 Enlightenment is suicide, but not as a pussy physical suicidal, it is surrendering, dying while alive, burning while alive. Enlightenment is death of you. Absolutely, after enlightenment: God, enlightenment, self, death, life, meaning, meaningless vanishes, including word of vanishing. You realize that You are always what You are, body/mind is just took place now. They come and go, but You are always Now.

@James123 your form of spirituality sounds like suicide. Enlightenment can only be true if you are truly dead, not half alive. If it's so important to be letting go of the body then letting it go completly would be the only real answer, what is death, what is enlightenment, because before that the ego will just hide in the form of some God complex, thinking it has reached the ultimate and its proud of it too.

I notice a lot of misconceptions when it comes to empathy and compassion for child sex offenders. I have a different perspective from most for several reasons. Firstly, my father was involved with a gang of child sex traffickers and I was one of the victims. Secondly, I have done a lot of research on criminology which is directly relevant to empathy and compassion for child sex offenders of all kinds. Thirdly, pedophilia is a subtype of preferential offenders which is disproportionately likely to have multiple victims. Most child molesters are not pedophiles and they have a diverse set of motives and psychological problems that lead to this kind of behavior without being inhuman monsters. Fourthly, empathy and compassion for perpetrators or victims cannot be cleanly separated for reasons I will explain. the core reason is that to vilify love and compassion for perpetrators is to indirectly shame child victims who cover for the parents that abuse them due to loving them, such that they feel their love makes them unacceptable and unworthy of life to the point of needing to kill themselves. Finally, empathy is not an excuse for harm. At minimum, cognitive empathy is necessary to inform prevention of violence and enable the protection of child victims by understanding what circumstances lead to victimization. You don't have to have warm feelings toward child molesters and you are allowed to be outraged at the harm they cause. Relevant to this discussion is my past thread on deconstructing monster narratives. In this thread, I mentioned incest perpetrators and parents who sexually offend against their own children. From the perspective of the parental perpetrator, they live in a distorted moral reality in which this type of love is appropriate for their child. They have all kinds of ideas about how this isn't harmful because harm comes from discovery rather than from the act. Sometimes they rationalize this behavior with cultural relativism, arguing that some cultures allowed incest, meaning the behavior isn't actually bad. The parent does not grasp the harm caused to the child because if they did then they would not be able to live with themselves, therefore the incest perpetrator must believe that the behavior is acceptable and the child can meaningfully consent. This pattern is common in parental offenders who are living a criminal lifestyle which corrupts their sense of what kind of love is appropriate, similar to what happened with my father. To clarify, most parental offenders are not pedophiles, but rather they are situational offenders who falsely believe that this kind of love is appropriate, which is technically distinct from pedophiles who are sexually attracted to children rather than having a distorted familial bond with inappropriate forms of love in it. Given my research into criminology, this closely matches my father's behavior and actions while being relevant to recovery. This gets very unsettling and disturbing, but it is true nevertheless. My father showed several distorted means of attempting to bond and connect with me. Firstly, he was afraid of me thinking of him as a bad person, as ironic as that may sound. Because of this he needed to change the standard of what it meant to be loveable and desirable. He was so embedded in criminal life that he had no realistic exit without permanent life imprisonment. Therefore, he attempted to recast his behavior as gangster and badass such that he would seem desirable. This included boasting about his exploits of all kinds including death threats, drug deals, prostitution, and his relationship with my grandpa who he claimed had extensive involvement in his crimes. My moral conscience was threatening to him such that he both wanted to change my perspective and part of him seems to have convinced himself that this was cool or an appropriate form of connection. The first incident involved my unwanted participation in drug deals. I was clearly heavy and upset with what had occurred, but my father cheerfully told me to "lighten up." He insisted that I was badass like him, but the violation of my values could not be ignored when I felt intense guilt and shame in response to these situations. I knew my father had done something wrong, but I never had the courage to tell anybody at least in part because I loved him. He also showed several patterns of grooming in that he wanted to keep the nature of our relationship a secret from others while using a lot of positive reinforcement. My father also showed apparently genuine love in response to a situation with my mother and stepfather who were drug addicts. He appeared to both want my safety and to exploit my need for safety to get out of paying child support by using me to get dirt on Mom. This included his reminders that he was involved with a violent gang that would be willing to kill my stepfather, as if I could count on them for protection when in reality I was terrified of them and my father as well. I couldn't say these things to my father or other family members as doing so would jeopardize me further. The outcome is that parental perpetrators commonly don't realize the harm they are causing their children due to their implicit theory that a child would openly complain if they were unhappy. Similar to incest cases, the victim often appears to silently accept this kind of behavior due to coercive control which shares parallels with my case. I detailed the trafficking incident in a separate document. The FBI expressed interest in my explanation of the evidence and how it connects to broader patterns in organized crime that often goes undetected. They said I do need a Bachelor's degree though to work in higher positions. I can post it in this thread too if necessary, but the necessary snippet is in the other thread for more context and evidentiary standards for these situations. In terms of fathers who traffic their children out of love, this gets very fucked up, confusing, and disturbing. However, it matches my findings in criminology and maps onto all of the other patterns of my father. Part of why people join gangs is out of a sense of belonging that is being filled with a criminal group. Therefore, from this point of view, treating a child as if they belong to the gang is held as a form appropriate connection and love. This can include initiation through child prostitution in which the father is proud and excited for what is happening to his child. I was really baffled as to why my father was happy over all of this. The overarching pattern in parental sex offenders is that they generally do not realize the harm they caused and they see their behavior as loving. They have a distorted sense of reality in which everything is perfectly fine such that their map of reality has the child's reality completely backwards as the child's behavior is interpreted through the distorted framework. This is often relevant for victims in recovery who feel that their feelings of love make them unacceptable. One the inside as I stayed silent, my logic was as follows. By following this victim logic, it often leads victims of parental sex offenders to suicide. 1. My father did something unacceptable. 2. I silently accepted my father's unacceptable behavior. 3. My acceptance of that which is unacceptable makes me unacceptable. 4. Therefore, I am unacceptable. This line of reasoning is often tied to survivor's guilt such as "I should have turned my father into the police" (who in reality were corrupt and possibly complicit) or "I should have protected others from my father" (even though I couldn't protect myself). These are the surface level should statements that victims use to blame themselves, but the deeper should is "It is wrong for me to love my father because of his actions, therefore I should cut myself off from love to prevent love from enabling harm." (therefore I should kill myself.) This is a common pattern in how victims of child sexual abuse think and it often leads to suicide because they feel that their love is unacceptable and they should remove themselves from love forever as a consequence. The belief is that if a child molester is unlovable, and your parent is a child molester, and you love your parent, and loving someone is supposed to be unlovable makes you unlovable, then the victim is unlovable. This is why it is important that we don't demonize compassion and love for perpetrators as it is connected directly into the victim logic leading to suicide. children often stay quiet and cover for abusers as a consequence of loving them in the secret relationship the perpetrator established through grooming. There is also an important distinction between "accepting" as in endorsing or consenting to my father's behavior, and "accepting" as in having a freeze response as a survival instinct and therefore incurring the cost of my father's actions. The alternative frame for victims would be as follows. 1. My father did something harmful. 2. I accepted the harm because of my desire for love. 3. The situation was logically acceptable by virtue of the fact that is was accepted. 4. Therefore I did not accept anything that was unacceptable. 5. Therefore I am acceptable by virtue of the fact that I exist and I desire to love and be loved. 6. None of this is an excuse for harm. The core point to this connects to spirituality in several important ways. Firstly, ego is not defined just by an individual human being. The ego is relational and defined relative to other. Therefore, demonizing other beings who inform the ego identity translates into demonizing oneself, as the relational nature of ego makes self and other entangled in ways that cannot be cleanly separated. In my case, hating my father translates into hating myself because he isn't actually separate from me. The same logic applies to all human beings, animals, and objects in the universe as all of them are ultimately part of me. In that sense, I am the universe and everything in it. Self is defined relative to other within the universe and the distinction is untenable. At the same time from another point of view I am the universe experiencing itself from the point of view of a human being within the domain of separateness which itself is illusory and not separate from unity. Leo takes this further by saying that I literally created the universe, not just that everything is connected. Oneness is deeper than just connectedness as would be the case for the relational nature of ego in which self and other cannot be cleanly separated. Either way, there is ultimately no difference between loving self and other though. This is also crucial for forgiveness which applies even in some extreme severe cases. 1. My father hurt me to some extent out of ignorance in that he could not distinguish the harm caused from implicit theories linked to the distorted alternative reality. 2. My father hurt me out of weakness and fear such as his fear of being caught leading to threats of disownment combined with his inability to exit the criminal lifestyle without permanent imprisonment. 3. My father hurt me out of selfishness. (no shit) 4. My father hurt me out of a need for love from his son which he sought through criminal exploitation framed as inclusion, protection, belonging, and bad ass gangster identity while being severely traumatic to his son. 5. My father hurt me out of a lack of consciousness in that his dense ego was prone to severe distortions and self-deceptions such that it could spin entirely alternate realities in which the behavior was good and justified. In the end of all of this, I hope you can see why empathy, love, and compassion for perpetrators ultimately ties back in to empathy for victims as the two cannot actually be cleanly separated due to the nature of ego, self, and other. Additionally, there is more complex information in terms of cognitive empathy for sex offenders that can be used to inform prevention. This includes situational / opportunistic offenders which are the most common, grievance based offenders such as intimate partners who rape and murder their victims, and preferential offenders which includes pedophiles who impact a disproportionate amount of victims as well as sadistic serial rapists / killers and zoophiles who rape animals believing it is an appropriate form of love. By understanding the different types of offenders and the psychological backgrounds, then at minimum it can be used to inform prevention, especially sense social isolation and feeling like an outsider in society is a common problem for criminals who might seek belonging from gangs instead. This is a big topic for discussion, but it is important for correcting the conflation between pedophiles and child sex offenders. The truth is more nuanced, and the truth is necessary for there to be any meaningful love as without truth, any love expressed is ultimately based on falsehood. In that sense it is like loving nothing. This was kind of heavy for me to type, but I hope you find value in this kind of work. In my case it also relates to abuse from my sister who likes to weaponize my trauma around my father against me by insisting he was "loving and caring like a father" while knowing the harm he caused me. Forgiveness in this context does weaken my sister's ability to weaponize this trauma. Perhaps the next question would be in regards to child sex traffickers who are not the child's parent and who instead kidnap other children at airports to take them to the wrong plane, leading to a gang who turns them into sex slaves for profit. This empathy and love for offenders could be expanded on that front, but it seems more difficult in some ways. I have a hard time with sadistic offenders especially who torture their victims for sexual pleasure, including children which creates an alternative sexual motive for the assault aside from pedophilia.

Sure dude, I will move (if I don’t commit suicide before then, as my mental health has declined over the past couple of years) but I am broke due to the war and the situation in recent years. My dream is to move to the Netherlands, Denmark, or some Northern European country. Do you wish to sponsor me?

I am not native German, I am Iranian and was born here and realize the hypocrisy of Germans and all these so called 1st World Countries and how they havent really changed at all from their ancestors. That an entire country just watches the atrocities of the Holocaust not only to Jews but to the Roma and Cinti, to Homosexuals to Leftits and to disabled people as well as to the Soviets happen and support it, is the most disgusting thing a society can do, and the native Germans are doing it again now with the Palestinians. And it is the same pattern, just look away, pretend its not happening, support it unconditionally but whoever says something about it will be silenced immediately. When they asked the Nazi Germans after Hitlers suicide how they could have let somethin like that happen, they said they had no knowledge about it, and its the same thing now again, the Germans havent changed at all. Not even mentioning that a new Nazi party the AFD is currently the strongest party in polls. And that you are glad that Germany is an unconditional supporter of Israel letting them massacre little Children on a daily basis with german weapons is totally disgusting man, really totally disgusting and you say its not even enough, Western hypocrites at what they know doing best.

Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple Overview: Featuring never-before-seen footage, this documentary delivers a startling new look at the Peoples Temple, headed by preacher Jim Jones who, in 1978, led more than 900 members to Guyana, where he orchestrated a mass suicide via tainted punch.

I have the theory Sex addiction is compulsively seeking and clinging to intimacy. It is the obsession of unity. Every person has the desire for unity but when people are deprived of intimacy they start seeking it compulsively. I think you read my post about pedophilia, it's the same mechanism (the abyss). Sex addiction happens, when you experienced abandonment in your life. Did your parents separate? Did your parents not give you the love you needed? Did your parents abandon you? Did you have friends in your childhood that you could count on? Where you at some point in a relationship that they suddenly ended? When you experienced abandonment at some point in your life, you will always fear it and cling to intimacy as long as you have not worked through the trauma. The brutal reality of the fear of abandonment is that when you cling to your relationships you tend to lose them bc humans want to feel free in relationships. And when that happens you are abandoned again and your fear becomes stronger which amplifies your clinginess. This negative feedback loop is one of the most tragic things in human experience, and it can drive you and your loved ones into suicide. So try to avoid it.

@LordFall This is a very difficult subject to handle. Firstly, you must empathise with the human condition. Illnesses, diseases, wars, forms of corruptions in the numbers greater than clothing designs, and all this where as much as this period in history reflects our highest technological growth, that is by abstract comparison far outweighed by all the above and the suicide rate across the planet. Also this is just our global context, we live our indiviudal lives and all of us are given these massive ego's when compared to the universe we are no more than specs of sand. What a cruel joke right! That said, most of the world's issues actually exist in the most developed countries ironically speaking when it comes to subjects such as happiness, which is separate to difficulties in themselves but nevertheless details the existential position one has towards them. I am sure you have previously done personal research before on native tribes for example that are perfectly content protecting themselves from the next latest iPhone upgrade! The goal should not be to find a particular answer, your role is to serve your unique living context. Look outside the screen you are viewing this from, where I am right now, does not matter outside the abstract of your present experience. You must find resolve within yourself about how you feel in your body and mind for the sake of your body and mind alone, not in trying to bring global or even universal existential resolve to a condition you have no control over, but just for yourself and your own developmental maturity. We as humans unknowingly become addicted to our emotional patterns, and we curate meaning unknowingly according to the feelings we are unknowingly falsely believing to be the very state upon how we should view situations. This is NOT word play, it is a very elementary reality that when its fixed by way of meditating within oneself and teaching oneself by observing their own inward patterns how their emotions emerge and with that too, fluctuations of energy kind and magnitude, and with that the influences that emerge to bring about our cognitive experiences. Most of the difficulties in reality in light of our technological advancements are more and more becoming fundamentally just judgements on our own personal emotional competence. Judgements in assessing our energetic state and leveraging our awareness to bring balance, harmony and joy through that interaction alone, and pride, time and care in that self awareness to strategic long term self organisation internally and externally in that process. You share a unique perspective in this world as do all people on this forum and the world at large. Reality is funnelled through the very unique limitations that make-up you as a human being. By taking pride in how our being organises information energetically (thus all encompassingly), maturity naturally folds the meaning we are meant to harbour for our unique life context. Maturity, not praise from the outside, not even internal validation outside of autocorrecting self esteem, is where the aim should be concerning any existential disposition we have, god or otherwise. That... is something only you have direct access to, have control over and a clear timeline towards responsibly embracing. To take that path maturely, you must release what is outside the reference frame of what you can control, and make peace with these realities. This will be my only comment for this thread, but I wish you well. Best regards.