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Nothing comes easy to me Life is a constant struggle, and everything seems like hard work (yesterday I created a post on suicide and today I'm thinking of my life purpose. My two personalities talking..)

Previous chapters: spiritual tinnitus. *Old man Jenkins voice* How long has it been? Fifty years? Certainly feels that way. Like I've lived a few lifetimes in the past few years. I've been exploring the wild and revelatory vicissitudes of being human, embracing human needs and human obligations. More than half of my twenties was spent avoiding being human, i.e. spiritual bypassing. I used Leo's content, this forum, psychedelics, a whole 'lotta books, and even food to avoid the confusing, difficult world of human affairs. The main remedy that pulled me out of my spiritual circus was renting my own house. I have a host of different responsibilities and adulting things that I need to stay on top of. Survival has stared me straight in the face, and I stare back with equal reluctance and resolve. I literally cannot afford to sulk anymore. The past couple of years have been a test of the "Divine Masculine," I guess I could say. Pressing on when metaphorical weights were tied to my ankles. Developing a work ethic. Managing rejection. Believing in myself when the people around me were doubting. Having a willingness to take risks and look like a fool. Solidifying my sense of purpose. I'm proud to say that at age 30, I have finally found "my thing." My zone of genius. It's been staring me in the face for ten years, but I've been fighting it every step of the way. "There's no money in music," the average Joe says. "It's a competitive industry. Keep your day job. Music is nowhere near impactful as being a teacher, a healer, a therapist, or really anything else." Yadda yadda yadda. To a certain degree, that's all valid. But I've reached a point in my life where doing anything other than what I'm good at and feel passionate about feels like a waste of time. So if it means going the starving artist path, then so fucking be it. Fortunately, it hasn't been so bad. I've been blessed in so many twisted and peculiar ways. For instance, I was Instacarting at the time of the shooting in 2021, and consequently, the CEO gave me free mental health services as well as a large sum of money. I ended up saving all of that money, so by the time I made my way back home, I had a fat stack to invest in something. Someone offered to rent me an entire house with all of the amenities for a killer rate, and I accepted. I then used all of that saved money to invest in acoustic treatment, a new laptop, plugins, furniture, etc. for a music studio. Be Light Studio unfolded so serendipitously that looking back feels a bit surreal. Since then, I have been teaching myself music production and plan to start an LLC once I get my ducks in a row. I've spent the past year self-producing an album, and as of a few days ago, I finished it. I plan to release it in Mid-October. In between the album, a number of locals have asked me to produce their music, so I already have a growing clientele. For a while, I doubted the whole thing, reverting to my idea of becoming a healer/therapist as I already have a couple of certifications. But joining an orientation zoom call for a master's degree in counseling, I knew immediately that I would hate myself if I pursued that path. Turns out that I've been using those aptitudes in other ways. Maybe I'll write about that in another post. For the past few years, I've worked part-time at a local juice bar. But thanks to all of the live gigs I've managed to book, I am now officially financially independent. I have to live like a monk, but I'm wealthy in freedom. I never thought I'd reach this point. In most of the other parallel realities, I am likely dead by active or passive suicide. But in this reality I'm pursuing my passions and making money from them. Go figure! I could say more, but I don't want this post to be too long, and I need to get my day started. But I feel drawn back to this forum because I feel that in the midst of all of this human stuff, I've lost the plot. I've hit a level of burnout that I've never experienced before, which has caused me to backslide in my habits. I've become addicted to my own adrenaline release, whether with chronic Youtube content consumption, my right hand, or late bedtimes. While I've achieved so much in the past couple of years, I feel like I've lost myself in the process. I've lost that zest to learn more, to push myself towards higher virtue, to stay above the noise. I guess I have a case of spiritual tinnitus. So it's time to turn down the volume on distraction. My hope is that writing, whether here or in my own journal, will get me back on track. My goals for this off-season (i.e. fewer gigs and more time to myself): Replace mindless Youtube content consumption with audiobooks, books, journaling, and songwriting Either write one song or learn one cover song per week Continue working on clients' projects Transition from using my right hand with a screen, to using my right hand without one, to ideally using my right hand only once per week at most Re-acquire my stretching habit and begin to myofascially release my god-awful posture from too much guitar playing Acquire a regular aerobics habit (likely long walks) Re-acquire a regular strength training habit At least eight hours of rest every night, with an ideal bedtime of 10pm and wakeup at 7am I have other goals and more to say, but for now, this will suffice. To anyone who is curious enough to read this — I wish you well!

Suicide bombing, kamikaze strikes.

@Yeah Yeah Sorry the hear about Your situation.. I had a short situation with depression and suicidal ideation back in 2019, it was due to compounded loss, I had a bunch of losses and it just hit me, I didn't want to live sometimes, depressed and not really Me... I took a leave from work, I maintained a routine, I worked out regularly, did my yoga practice (this is what really saved me I think) and went for frequent walks and had 2 counselling sessions a week, and family support(but this weaned as time went on).. A couple of times I called the hot line and went to the hospital...I was on SSri meds for depression and anxiety.. I eventually got out of it, when I decided to move to another city and essentially start over...Now I am perfectly fine emotionally, other than getting pissed off for a few seconds in traffic and the chaos of the city... My advice is this: get a routine, be as physically active as you can, practice Yoga and proper Breathing methods, learn to Accept What is, start small, accept small things and build this up to Accepting everything as it is.. And Practice Now Living, Presence, if You can get this to high degree no stress will happen for You.. Regarding what they say about death and afterlife, I've never died but they say how You are feeling at the moment of physical death is amplified in the afterlife, if Your in fear or suffering then that is what You feel essentially there, opposite is true too, so heaven and hell exist in experience while here embodied and there disembodied... I hope You get better soon:) Namaste!!! p.s. My nephew died by suicide in 2006, it devastated the family, its terrible for the ones left behind trust me, use that to motivate Yourself if You have to when in hard times, use whatever you need to use to get you thru to the next day!!

I exaggerated a bit before . anyway, just 1 years in prison sure it's interesting. 25 years what a hell, maybe it's better to die. But honestly, I think I would commit suicide only in case of terminal, degenerative disease, and I would never harm innocent people. But who knows, we don't know what we would be like in extreme circumstances.

Well, for me not exactly. I absolutely hate many things. There are a lot of things that I won't do and I would prefer to die. If it's necessary I would organize a genocidal war and then dance around our impaled and burned-alive enemies. If that's what life expects of me, of course . Or maybe I simply commit suicide, depending

The counter argument- Its not Ego that makes up stories or scenarios on why to keep going.. Within all of Us is a very strong survival instinct, we need it since we are relatively weak physically compared to lots of animals, no fur either, thin skinned, weak bones, small muscles, limited endurance. With this strong survival instinct we also have the most advanced Intellect on the planet and ability to have Identity, the intellect will wrap around this identity and lead us in the direction of our identity, which can be also called Ego.. So Humans are meant to strive forward, and always Want to be More than what they Are right now, if this is not within a person experientially then they more than likely want to commit suicide which is at epidemic levels today, the way we have structured society is making our young ppl want to kill themselves, which is super sad.. The problem is ppl think they are this Ego or Identity as well ppl identify with too many different things, they identify with their Gender, Sex orientation, Nationality, Ethnicity, Religion, Political POV, Sporting Teams, Family Association, on and on, this distorts their perception in regards to "What am I and Why am I Here", so ppl are basically living on auto pilot doing what they can too just Survive, but that is a base level of existence for a Human Being.. At the base level of Identity we as Human Beings should identify as vessels of Potential and Possibility, at the top level we are God/Absolute itself!!

Don't know bro, something tells me the father's of dead sons would say different. Thing about it is, I know for a fact that if there was a son that did kill himself, and they heard about the father walking in and finding the sons dead body. It would cause them to think "serves him right." With no recognition as to the devastating effects of their sheer fuckwitery. There is simply no words to describe degenerates of this calibre. If they killed themselves it would save lives. If the roles were reversed, and it was them who walked in to the find that one of their offspring had committed suicide something says a chuckle and a witty remark wouldn't be the correct response

And yes, society today has no clue how to build men. Most guys I meet here in Sweden are good at their profession: good programmers, good engineers etc. they are even very good at sports. But socializing? Humour? Emotional intelligence? Healthy masculinity? Relationship skills? Most of them suck ass at these ones. We failed men and if we don't fix this soon, I anticipate a century of alt right extremism, suicide and mental health problems skyrocketing, trash relationships and more.

This week when the weather is good where I am I will take some missing photos and make a Hinge account, but I hate dating sites in general. I don't see the point in wasting time sleeping with random girls; I haven't had a girlfriend/non-commercial relationship in 22 years, on top of being physically tortured by severe insomnia,and before severe eating disorders, and even before other problems I won't go into. And it's okay, I didn't commit suicide or fall into depression; it's probably better to wait than to wallow in some kind of bad karma, I think.

im more into this chick that popped into my youtube feed https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mazg-izk30&t=592s yes i know... im such a jerk the truth is im starting to feel non human day by day ... enlightened, no one like me around, and there's no much left to do no desire for money,sex,entertainment,wealth,socialise,easy friends, (i was so loser, never had any of these anyway) just free and clear minded -clarity (that's all i need, nothing more nothing else) 10 years of suffering... was worth it ... so many things during that time was erased... without me ever noticing i cant help anyone live this experience because it is unique, designed by god and my inner child unless you find some next door neighbour that don't sleep at night ,bang their door 2-3 times a day-night , only when you try to sleep (like they know exactly your sleeping schedule) and suddenly disrupt you every night-day for 2-3 years, mess your brain, mess your sleep ... and after that something inside you relive this(bangs you) every night even when your neighbours left and other came..... and then imagine them play a role in the solipsistic game... among other projections that visit you and help you play all your fantasy or ego identities, relive hidden experiences of the subconscious, most of them without material existence, a very few with. and they knew everything about you, even your future,"reality" mind-role game that lasted 4 years- not every day- and not too unreal so i dont freak out) something like.. imagine yourself..full feeling a woman, speaking with a woman's voice,wanting to kill the male part of you!!(because of an imaginary abuse it experienced by him!).. talking to a god projection about it.. and then see yourself hanged! this lasted just 10-15min leaving your body and talk to a projection and then joining back in throwing down of the bookshelf a dvd titled "is there a creator(god)" and seeing it fall (i was non believer) and now i can remember only 5% of what i -or better my false self- or both experienced experiencing having feeling and leaving with different iq levels.. from total retard to quite smart the game itself .. with todays view.. was silly.. a main father figure , two girls,many neutral personalities, few kids (all of them quite smart)(they were telling me what i wanted to hear) different person for different self identity and imaginary one from my childhood to the present, my ego liked playing the spy and poker player everyone and everything played their role! with some of those roles identities i would be happy to leave for the rest of my life! but the game never stopped there. (during those days, i was felling that i am living in the matrix, like the movie- really hooked by that movie(the other was inseption)- now really hooked by dualism-solipsism and i wonder what's more to come!) ---- i was too dumb to get hooked by philosophy during this game i was extremely sleep deprived,with my neighbours banging their door constantly every 2 hours(the truth is something inside my mind made me feel this like it was real) ,torture is the right word (lose the part that make me reason and question, just play the game) anti psychotic drugs had no effect whatsoever and after this game stopped ,it took me another 2-3 years to get to this point today that's why everything is unreal, a construct... only me noticing after all these years past!.. when consciousness shifted that's why i don't need therapist unborntao .. i just need to face what i am experiencing my future is fixed.. have not experienced it yet.. and with suicide out of the way , maybe all this will have a happy ending god showed me His presence and i have to respect that.. too many thing , too fast happened after my awakening (looks like i got carried away) the whole mind state i am in(way different than anyone else) is what i need for the realisation part writing all of these is my grounding, not to be kicked out of this forum unborntao what a dream! what a show! what a game! fucking everywhere,anyone,anytime this is the real grounding i think .. eventually .. all comes down to... you want to experience this? experience it you want to die? just die and i the end i was saved by humans! (not quite i guess) what a drama! its fucking everywhere.. in me , in you (be the loser!, much more to learn in the end) that's the only way to quit the game! ok, and after all some of you will still say that i need grounding... i need the groundless ground! (really hooked by this!)(better search it in chatgpt and figure out what it really means) only if could feel it! imagine! and after some more thinking... guess i am just building a solid imagination(never had one) after a long time .... 1500 views.. that's impressive! i am really not making this shit up i guess most of you will grasp it as a Fery tail others like a shit show and the wise ones don't want to spoil it hello anyone watching? or i am way more stupid than i think i am lets have a vote.. what does the Audience say after a while... realised that (furthermore) that trying to fix my emotion is hardest part of all stop being a jerk is a good step... i am on to this

@machinegun I'd sign up to government assisted suicide and never reincarnate fuck humanity fucking disgusting

thanks judy2 for your post thanks for being part of my dream, hope all the best for you,truly its nice to hear kind words in my case the awakening happened last .. after all i been through all those years(first lose the garbage and then) everything happened in the right moment and the right time maybe in your case , you weren't ready yet (only you can realise it when your ready) i guess in your case.. the feelings you experienced got you confused, you needed to have clarity first anyway ... just enjoy what was given to you, if you feel there are still mental issues left.. fight them to the end, play life (sorry i am too meshed up to read all your post in this forum, and look what's happening in your case) it looks like feelings are the deepest iluzion human experiences (including love, despite what everybody talks about in spirituality) (your inner child is love(i felt this in my dreams), not god) (big words i am telling...too stupid thing to do) i talked to chatgpt about this situation im in.. it said that all is part of my illness, that i need grounding and shamanic guidance and support(as ramasta9 quoted earlier) and many more ... same things i am about to hear from any therapist but i have the clarity needed now to realise that all those thing are part of the mind game! my dream has evolved!.. i feel more lucid day by day i have made the choice to respect myself ... not ChatGPT or any therapist with a iq 130 (getting there day by day-i need more wisdom)and gods help(by rewiring-reorganising my brain) ,i think i can manage things thanks again judy2 thanks god but i want out by the way ... god told me i am dead already... that's even more confusing! and made me feel what the word -suicide- feels like,(to protect me maybe) god wants to play.. i want out (where really?) and one last thing... all of this thinks i experienced can not be handled by normal human person.. the mind will collapse, break and lead to mendal ilness (as far as i can tell-there are exceptions) (all sorts of feeling arise out of no ware and confusion dictates- leads to breakdown) - i experience this myself for a brief moment.. god intervened by making a loud sound , and stopped me from total madness even now god stops my dreams turn psychotic.. by wakening me in the right time no sleep for me... haven't slept (resting sleep)for 10 years... thinks getting better after my awakening though god .. i surrender! (maybe one day all those things i am writing will look silly... and EVERYTHING will make sense.. in this dream?) i am sure everything will make sense one day.. thats the hope i have left! and hope dies last i hadn't any clue even what the word spirituality even means one month before my awakening! i guess what's left to do is fix me-god duality (i am deeply suffering about this) maybe peace is the right thing to do and after 20 min of thinking... realised that i have to kiss myself goodbye! what a fucking drama i am experiencing! gods call: save the drama for your mama

I’m looking for direct and thoughtful answers to a few key questions about suicide, death, and what might come next. My aim is to strike at the core of these topics and get clarity. 1. What Happens After Death? Is it possible to return to "pure positive awareness," where there’s no resistance, need, or pain, only wholeness and joy? Or is death shaped by unresolved beliefs, leading to chaotic, illusory afterlife experiences? Are near-death experiences, spiritual teachings (e.g., Abraham Hicks, Bashar, David Hawkins), and other accounts reliable, or could they just be ego-driven hallucinations? 2. Suicide vs. Natural Death: Does suicide lead to a different afterlife experience than dying naturally? Does the intent behind death matter in shaping what happens next? Are there consequences or “karmic debts” for suicide, or is it just another form of transition? 3. Vibrations and Beliefs at Death: Do one’s beliefs or emotions at the moment of death determine their immediate afterlife experience? If so, how can someone shift their vibration to avoid “negative” outcomes like chaotic or hell-like states? 4. Choosing Death and Reincarnation: If life is chosen before birth, can death also be chosen? Can one align themselves with a peaceful exit and avoid future reincarnation altogether? Is it possible to fully escape the cycle of birth, death, and suffering, or is reincarnation unavoidable until “enlightenment”? 5. Ending the Experience Permanently: Does suicide provide a permanent end to the human experience, or does it simply lead to a new cycle of suffering in another form or life? How does one ensure they do not reincarnate or return to physical existence after deat?

@Leo Gura, you mentioned that "Marxists have no clue how to replace this system with something better.". You are right, because they usually suggest removing the market (the distributed computational engine of value), which leads to the stagnation, as @Daniel Balan describes. But the defenders of capitalism are missing the physics of the situation. Capitalism is the best system for a world with infinite frontiers. It is a suicide machine for a world with planetary boundaries. We are currently undergoing a phase transition from the first world to the second. When resources were effectively infinite, capitalism optimized for growth and innovation. It beat feudalism (order) and communism (central planning) because it processed information faster. We are now hitting the "vertical cost curve" of a closed system (climate, demographics, war). In this environment, capitalism’s optimization function; capital accumulation via externalization, becomes a generator of existential risk. It incentivizes "free-riding" on planetary stability. In the best case scenario, the next system won't be a return to central planning. It will be a regenerative market economy. It keeps the price signal (the engine) but changes the objective function (the goal): Instead of maximizing GDP (throughput), it maximizes integration (system health). It can use asset-backed currencies to make planetary healing more profitable than extraction. It can use unconditional economic floors ((Adaptive)UBI) to solve the precarity trap without seizing the means of production. We don't need to "smash capitalism." We need to patch the kernel so it optimizes for planetary stability instead of relative gain.

@Miguel1 imma write this and go to bed, but tomorrow I'm looking forward to reading all of you guys' thoughts From what I've seen, she might have useful stuff for people who are on the brink of suicide. I personally know someone that claims Teal's videos helped her in not making that decision. But honestly, I think Teal is too lost in her own imagination with some stuff. She claims she has extra sensory perceptions, which.. fair enough. But then she makes claims about different types of aliens. And also about AI being a sort of being from another dimension.. She keeps having opinions about how WW3 is already happening blabla. She told some person attending a retreat that their friend (or someone else) is possessed by an alien ... where muh epistemology at? 😆 I seeing a lot of new agers parroting this type of stuff, and I suspect a lot of it originates from her. People that follow her tend to believe she is a super special being, sent to be a sort of high level priestess of this world, and I think she perpetuates this narrative. Also I personally found some of her ideas about trauma, and therapy harmful for my journey. But probably that's not on her, but on me. So I am currently finding too much of her content wacky, schizophrenic and not nuanced enough. Too much noise vs signal.

The very rich can avoid heavy taxation in the EU also. Sweden has more millionaires and billionaires as percentage of population than the US. The rich live worse in the US than the EU. It doesn't matter how rich you are if the roads are shit, public transport is shit, urbanism is shit, most food products are shit, everyone around you is just a working zombie who takes drugs just to not suicide. How cna you keep your millions in your bank account when you hear people around you working to death in order to pay for their past medical bills? France is the example of socialism gone wrong, the state borrowing money in order to pay pensions and benefits.

Please tone down the spiritual showboating ..these are extremely nuanced matters we are discussing . No such thing as "I already died ". Ego death is one thing and physical death is another thing . You did not die physically before (im not talking about reincarnation. Im talking as this particular human James123). Therefore you have no idea what it's like . How do you know death is painful like putting your hand on fire ? Some people take a whole bottle of sleeping pills and go to bed and never wake up again (easy painless suicide).

I remember when i was like 3-6 years old i would have the same dream for like 10 times, me standing on top of a roof of an apartment and then jumping down. While falling down i would always get this cold feeling, and then when i was very close to the ground i got a black screen and wake up. So what i think actually happends, is that when you suicide and say what you actually want (like redoing a life) this will occur and the dream will restart depending on your will. In most cases because you weren't god realized and only know about human life, you will get back as a human. So it's pretty much pointless, because we're in low vibration we should strive to achieve higher consciousness that will make us suffer less. But at the end there is no escape of suffering because you're always conscious for eternity. Some consciousness states will give you all but at the end you will get used to it and when there are no new things and you have everything, you still have to deal with yourself because you're always conscious. Suffering and path of human suffering is usually designed by your higher self so you can eventually experience higher states that provide abundance this will mitigate suffering for some time and this is why your life is like this.

This sounds like a delusion to be honest. Your creating a bogeyman out of government. Suicide among men is more correlated to macroeconomics than direct policy. It's largely a money issue in my opinion. Men are also worse at giving and recieving emotional support.

Actually you raise a good point, probably to stop others from getting ideas. What I find more interesting however, is the government officials that make the systems that cause the suicides. The thing is, it happens. These are facts that are being spoken with minimal judgement. If I see a tree I say, "there is a tree." Or if I see a car I say, "there is a car." Or perhaps I see my dog and I say "there is my dog." These are statements that reflect reality. by this, what I mean is: what is being said, happens. What I also see is governmental systems that cause tens of thousands of males to commit suicide and they just brush it under the rug. And the ones who don't kill themselves either speak out or act out (some more subtly than others). And the ones that speak out or act out...the government points to these reactions as evidence that they they were correct, even though the only reason these people are behaving badly is because the government crippled them. See, if you just cripple peoples lives it's much easier to make them quiet and thereby maintain an illusion that everything's calm and beautiful, unless they interact with a particularly strong individual. If they commit suicide they are no longer a voice to be heard, and they point to the "speaking out" of the ones who don't commit suicide and say, "look! This individual is a dangerous person, this confirms it!" (In spite of the fact that they were the ones who caused the speaking out in the first place) which enables them to continue to be heavier and heavier and heavier. Until of course the system breaks after a couple hundred thousand suicides. It's like a suicide feedback loop that confirms it's own bias by crippling people then pointing to their bad behaviour thereafter and using it as evidence that the initial crippling was justified. what really gets me is that, statistically, there are children who are males who exist right now for whom it on only a matter of time before they grow up end up being victims to this. And within further statistics, some of them will be crippled so badly that, not only will they not be able to speak out, they won't be able to speak about it to anyone and some will simply commit suicide.

Did some research, according to data, of all the people who enter an extremely negative situation in life in the UK and USA combined, lots commit suicide and it's not even reported. Of all of them, over the last 20 years, if 1% commit suicide that's 18,000, if 0.5% commit suicide that's 9,000 and if 0.1% commit suicide that's 1,800. From 2005. What's strange is, it doesn't get much media attention and that's a conservative estimation. There are different procedures in other countries. Namely, what is reported on

Diary: Medical School Journal. Chapter: Life in Experiential Recursion. Date: November 29th entry. Type: Brief Reflection. Entry number: #4. o————————O————————o This week I’ve felt cornered and out of touch in continuing my recovery, so I am taking a moment to re-centre and RR-calibrate over the weekend to better engineer for the week to come as opposed to focusing on much else despite ground made. Lamotrigine as an anti epileptic has been a life-saver compared to alternatives that nearly completely ruined my mind and any causal tie I had to existential reality. However the mountain still exists, it hasn’t magically immaterialised and so the road to my more or less full recovery (will still need to take lamotrigine for the years to come) and then some still needs to be walked, even intensely ran during stages. I’ve had a lot on my mind over the past week, great insights and tangential connections, though with one hand on the rail still being somewhat required I’m taking this weekend to just silently reflect. That comes especially after having shed a few unexpected tears following my listening to a live performance of *Linkin Park - Numb* (search YT quoted: “Numb (Live) - Linkin Park) by Emily Armstrong whom replaced lead singer Chester Bennington after his passing in 2017 due to suicide. I’d never heard her sing before, and growing up Linkin Park was my favourite band, so in the beginning I was like “Oh she’s not going to be able to… Oh she’s not truly hitting it…” but then towards the end out of no where I just felt the heart of the entire space, and that’s when the tears came. Chester’s been on my mind all week as well, and I just want to say, for anyone struggling with depression or just any mental struggle of any kind, you can fight through it. You can make the vision of your life at peace with the natural universe at your own will. Chester, experienced incredible life breakthroughs, and yet even Chester was still overcome with depression that eventually signed the last note for him without him leaving anything behind other than his legacy. His passing must be looked at objectively however in the context of the tragedy that took him. Post-2017 following Chester’s passing in July of that year there’s been just so many more new insights on depression that were not as fully integrated into our culture yet concerning rehabilitating the human condition from those states of consciousness. Exercise has proven to be a phenomenal remedy to depression alone outside of far more effective pharmaceuticals. Psychedelics as well with extremely disciplined use not for spiritual wandering, have also opened up new windows we’ve never peered through. Some may be like me where becsuse of my epilepsy for example psychedelics are too risky, in which case cognitive behavioural therapy combined with the first two as being the first strategic battleground established for your movement forward is also newly realised in only the last few years where in the past the intelligence on such conditions was severely lacking leaving any feeling hopeless around conditions like depression or those that overlap which is anything where anyone feels that sense of hopelessness. There is zero evidence that leaves one to suggest that Chester was an exercise junky for example, in fact quite the opposite. His performances actually reveal tremendous insight into his struggle that I don’t imagine has been truly examined. Chester had an extremely sensitive yet explosive personality that allowed him to channel his energy into his core focuses. In the context of a world culture had not made clear sense of and the growing disconnect following the early 2000’s that Linkin Park connected with their base on, the distance between the experiences of his lived performances, which were incredibly demanding because of the heights he could reach, and his regular life nested amidst what can now be seen as the beginning departure of what could have been genuine individualism into something that better reflects digital sheep’s of the modern era these days, his inner life would have found it extremely difficult to integrate all of his difficulties combined with not only our lack of understanding on the condition but the cultural disconnect that also still existed concerning those with genuine struggles with mental challenges like these. In learning from Chester’s context then, I cannot stress enough the importance of people grounding their life difficulties not only on a personal existential level but also how the intelligence of your energy is spread in other areas. Taking responsibility for the use of your energy becomes its own weapon we can become its own sense of self-esteem for you. Moreover, your challenges must be seen through both our cultural limitations regarding the present inability to see you who you are through what best caters for your personal recovery but also through the progress that we have genuinely made in the related area as well to keep you open minded regarding potential interventions you can experiment with. This dual approach, combined with reorienting and re-matching the personal with the existential, fed through organising your time around the most intelligent use of your energy, flips hopelessness to conservative hope that only continually positively reinforces a slow and steady path towards restoring the you in who you are, regardless as to the body and mind we’re given to express that, and with that, your own unique sense of connection with the universe. A reconnection formed from a challenge thats grounded in what we can do culturally and who we can be in that path, while reconnecting with what can be done on a personal level that unites the paths overtime, consolidating a lost sense of agency which continual evidence to the contrary that now makes you feel more like the creator you are in your own way. Your life matters. You impact all of us in your own way. That is forever your power. As much as there is power in social unity, that social unity is only as strong as it teaches the individual to find unity within, this is a necessary separation with the collective that instructs external unity via shared individual sovereignty. Thus may we all find out path. And may wisdom be our teacher along that path. An individual must learn to understand their unique biological profile in the context of the environment in which it lives, to turn conformist living to adaptive individual thriving that brings the same harmony through their own unique symmetry with the environment. They must understand how their energy differs from others. What positive vs negative impact they can have with their energy on one person vs another. How their purpose is defined by who they are and what their environment genuinely needs more than who they have been told they are and what they have told to be or what they believe they must look up to. Following, everything shifts back and fourth between the balance of the life one has constructed through these forces and the impact this has on the environment around them, continually learning through the evolution. Depression often flips this narrative, and in Chester’s position he would have felt so incredibly alienated in spite of his supporting surroundings, the pull of the standards that he had reached combined with now the expectations of others, and the pull of his inner struggle that was there before his band even began together, paradoxically turned his acclaim into an irreconcilable stretch between the two poles. This eventually broke him. An individual must become the reaction upon their environment to truly live through the fire of their essence rather than having their natural fire turned against them. Nelson Mandela possessed a powerful, empathic, sensitive and disciplined personality, it was his discipline in navigating between the individual within and unifying it as a channeled social narrative outside that not only united him but brought strength and fuel to both causes. At first, bringing energy back to oneself from the core within will sometimes be more challenging than the struggles like that someone with depression can have, overcoming this threshold however is where the future stares back and the path becomes a clear path forward that instead of just being an upward climb on a mountain, refuels you properly through each life cycle. Which is precisely what life does and how life is meant to behave, intelligently meeting cycles with cycles to finish with the elegance of the symmetry of nature we are still to make sense of today, aligning with its laws as best as we can then, is the definition of our future harmony through the inner/outer integration from those initial required breakthrough periods. “Each one, teach one. May each, become my own lesson I must learn, study, revise. And… Be taught by.” Chester, one of my idols growing up. R.I.P Chester.

https://www.politico.com/news/2025/10/14/private-chat-among-young-gop-club-members-00592146?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR6z5ke5GEyhK8QNtNCqy2RvK2Ca7iY0ehk5VcQm4L1x5Ep3lKUtAQlG-aOGlQ_aem_S-iEcpxGPkXYD3pubgQ3gA Exclusive ‘I love Hitler’: Leaked messages expose Young Republicans’ racist chat NEW YORK — Leaders of Young Republican groups throughout the country worried what would happen if their Telegram chat ever got leaked, but they kept typing anyway. They referred to Black people as monkeys and “the watermelon people” and mused about putting their political opponents in gas chambers. They talked about raping their enemies and driving them to suicide and lauded Republicans who they believed support slavery. William Hendrix, the Kansas Young Republicans’ vice chair, used the words “n--ga” and “n--guh,” variations of a racial slur, more than a dozen times in the chat. Bobby Walker, the vice chair of the New York State Young Republicans at the time, referred to rape as “epic.” Peter Giunta, who at the time was chair of the same organization, wrote in a message sent in June that “everyone that votes no is going to the gas chamber.”

@TheCloud I was just now doing some version of that again. Do you have a professional helping you do that? I was doing it alone again. Anyway, my findings were that I have a fixer who believes I am fundamentally broken and without the possibility of recovery I must be destroyed. I am trying to resolve my lack of self love through self destruction and ultimately suicide. I am basically trying to save myself through jumping off of a bridge while using self attacks disguised as love and care. There is a lot to it, but that is a bit of it. I feel calmer now.