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No they're not. Feminism has nothing to do with banning chastity. Feminism has to do with a woman was only allowed to sleep with one man (they were chattel) while men were unrestricted. Where did Feminism ban men's chastity? Are you okay, women need to be chaste?!!!!! Why don't men choose chastity then? We have 5% of this forum on about how to get laid(as men). The same people that hate feminism are the same "pump n dump" guys. Try critical thinking, for a change of pace. Bro, you lie on every thread. Quit engaging my comments. Feminists oppose objectifying women, "pump n dump" , it's conservatives like you that glorify it, 'women are chattel'. I actually no longer care about incels like you, I'm making the choice right now, i do not care at all about the suicide statistic anymore, as you put it "you are responsible for that". You're calling for women to be property. Misogynist mind virus, just another example of your handlers trying to sow division and distraction. The world will be better without the mysoginists. However they die is up to God 🥂. How's that patriarchy, for ya. -straight white man

@UnbornTao Stop projecting so much. Survival without health is no better than suicide. Survival means you have to do do certain things to keep existing. It's not prescriptive of anything more than that. If someone puts one lil finger to work, he will survive. Ironically what many people do that they consider as survival, turns out to be anti-survival.

A dirty business indeed. uncovering all your self deceptions is like samurai suicide rituals (Seppuku):

Considering how they had control over Bitcoin prices, Implementation of Microtransactions in Video Games, Circulation of Transgender Ideologies, contacts to major entertainment studios CEOs, like of Sony, Hollywood Directors, Saudi, Norwegian, British Royalties, makes me wonder, if these files are the rock bottom of it all. (I am pretty sure it is not) As for now 0 arrests have been made around the world, there have been some resignations but no arrests. Like they are still in Control of it all, and Epstein (dead or alive, because some of these files point out of these point out his extraction before his suicide day) and G. Maxwell being in the prison "taking care of puppies", tell a tale. My thought is, The elite group is still committing all these heinous acts today as well, and these files do not even scratch in the Tip of the Iceberg.

Well, there was in fact an elite of pedophiles, that's the Epstein case. If you wanna credit Alex Jones for that, suit yourself, but where has he been last months during the cover up? You could credit Q-Anon too, but part of their tale was that Trump was going to be the savior of these issues, so not that much then. The truth is this case is not that new, Epstein was convicted twice, and coincidentally, the cameras pointing his cell failed at the exact time he committed suicide. Meaning he was murdered, I'll say it bluntly to help the slowest minds connect the dots. For media and power cover-ups, the victims have not been heard for years. Democrats are not clean either, Bill Clinton was involved too, and they have powerful donors from those same elites. Not to speak about Israel, the link between this state and Epstein and his wife is irrefutable.

I was listening to a YouTube on the long awaited Pi Phone and got really excited about what I heard. Several ideas formed in a holistic way complimenting each other. With a focus on the elderly using an AI that makes ease of use in a way that eases the burden of their adult children and grandchildren improving the quality of life for all. An AI that acts on their behalf, growing more in tune with what would be their choices and actually providing choices for them when practical. This kind of interaction would promote learning because of neuroplacticity and decrease their overall fear that’s so common with ,,,, confusion. I began trying to express my insights on a post in the forum a few days ago. Didn’t do a very good job. Oh well,,,, If A.I. is used in a psychologically maleficent way against humanity. We’re fucked. This comes from a force that can be continual and have disastrous effects through exhaustion of its targets (victims). There have already been reports of suicide in teenagers interacting with chat bots. My hope is an ethic that comes to fruition that has the potential for being a true protector. That’s the kind of vibe I was getting the other day. Leo seemed to dismiss what I was getting at and another forum member replied with “just fake news”. 🤷‍♂️ But then again I wasn’t expressing myself very clearly and the promotional YouTube may very well be considered as fake news. Stupidity is its own punishment. That applies to everyone but not equally it seems,,,

For those curious what this guy is yelling about: Disciple Drones since the dawn of time Compelled to live your sheltered lives Not once has anyone ever seen Such a rise of pure hypocrisy I'll instigate I'll free your mind I'll show you what I've known all this time God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All You know it's true God hates this place You know it's true he hates this race Homicide-Suicide Hate heals, you should try it sometime Strive for Peace with acts of war The beauty of death we all adore I have no faith distracting me I know why your prayers will never be answered God Hates Us All; God Hates Us All He Fuckin' hates me Pessimist, Terrorist targeting the next mark Global chaos feeding on hysteria Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time I'm waiting for the day the whole world fucking dies I never said I wanted to be God's disciple I'll never be the one to blindly follow Man made virus infecting the world Self-destruct human time bomb What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say I got my own philosophy I hate everyone equally You can't tear that out of me No segregation -separation Just me in my world of enemies I never said I wanted to be God's disciple I'll never be the one to blindly follow I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple I reject this fuckin' race I despise this fuckin' place

I'm copying a lot of this text from my personal trip reports, which is why it's framed as me talking to myself. Yesterday I was feeling really awful, in a lot of pain, and I was really suicidal. I made the decision that I’ve had enough. I can’t live this life anymore. This has gone too far and gotten absolutely ridiculous. I cannot keep putting myself through this hell of a life. It’s cruel, it’s awful, it doesn’t end - I’m done. I’m going to give up on this life, and do whatever I can to make myself kill myself. If the universe wants me to stay alive and do something with my life, then it can make that happen. It’s had plenty of opportunities to do that, but it still won’t. So I am going to kill myself, get rid of this life, and if the universe doesn’t stop me and change something about my life, then it’s not my fault. I’ve done everything I can. I decided to take MDMA. I usually only use it with other psychedelics for healing purposes, and I wouldn't let myself use it for any other reason because it can be addictive, but I didn't care at this point, I was planning on killing myself later that day, so I took it just for my own enjoyment. Noticing my fear of killing myself I plugged the MDMA, it came on gradually and reached its peak after about an hour. During this time I felt SO good. I was journalling on my laptop, listening to music, and I felt amazing. It made me think again that it’s so stupid that I have to live this life and suffer so much for so long, when I could just be in a state like this, feel so good and not be in any pain. I started to think about what I was going to do after this trip. I knew this good feeling wouldn’t last and eventually I was going to go back to being in a lot of pain, and I needed to kill myself. I was really afraid to do that though. I really wanted to kill myself, but the thought of actually doing it is so scary. I don’t know if leaving this life is the right decision, I don’t know how I’ll feel after I die and where I will go, I was so afraid of it all. Eventually I realized that all of this fear I have only hurts me. I really don’t need to be so afraid, not just of killing myself but of life in general. I could see that this fear is an illusion and it’s something I could let go of. You need to have the courage to lose your life. I am so afraid of suicide, of dying, of losing control, moving into the unknown, etc. You need to see that there is really nothing to fear, you will be okay. Giving up my control I realized that I needed to get to the edge of suicide and seriously consider killing myself, right then and there, to really confront my fear of death. I saw that if I had the courage to let go and let myself die, that the universe would take control. If I totally surrender and give up all control of my life, the universe/my higher self will be able to come through me and live my life for me, and Tristan won’t be here anymore to suffer from this life, so I won’t have to physically kill myself to get the relief that I want. See that you can totally give up control to the universe, totally surrender, totally let go, and you no longer need to think about what you need to do to heal and move forwards in your life. That’s not your problem anymore. By totally giving up control over my life, you let the universe come through you and take over. This is exactly what I want, because I am absolutely exhausted from trying to make things work in my life. Just give up and relax. Your only objective at this point is to fully let go of control, and do whatever feels good to you. The thought of healing, moving forwards with my life, starting to work and make money, all of these problems in my life, they don’t matter to me anymore. Forget about all of them. If you get into a position where your back is against the wall and you are forced to do something you don’t like (such as running out of money and being forced to work when I don’t want to) then you kill yourself, no questions asked. You’ve been through enough pain in your life, you’ve suffered enough, it’s not your responsibility to try to make things work anymore. You need to trust that if you fully let go, the universe will take care of you. I’ve been so deeply suicidal for so long, and tried so hard to kill myself, yet I am still here. I am not going to get into a situation where I actually end up killing myself, even if I totally give up control and don’t care about doing anything to make my life any better. What I need to do moving forwards At this point, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, because it is no longer your responsibility to move your life forwards and make things work for yourself. Do whatever makes you feel good and whatever you feel like doing at all times. If you get into a situation where your back is against the wall, then you can kill yourself. Don’t force yourself to keep going through pain and living this life if you don’t want to. If the universe wants things to work out for you, then it will make that happen. Stop worrying about the problems in your life, stop trying to make things work for yourself, because that is not my problem anymore, and it only causes me more suffering to keep stressing about my problems and trying to figure them out. Give up on your life as if you were going to kill yourself, focus on making yourself feel good, and let that help you surrender control more and more, until Tristan is gone and the universe/my higher self has fully taken over me. There is nothing else you have to do. How it feels surrendering to my higher self As I surrender more, the universe will be able to enter my being more. I noticed that as my higher self starts to enter me, it cannot co-exist in my being with all of the emotional issues I have. I can feel a lot of emotional pain coming to the surface to be released as my higher self enters me. I’m sure as I surrender more and more, this will give me the opportunity to heal, and maybe this was the way I was always meant to heal, and this is why healing has never worked for me in the past. I can feel that once all of my emotional pain gets released, I will naturally start to feel like working and moving forwards with my life, but I won’t be forcing myself to do that, and Tristan won’t be the one doing it at all. I can feel that as my higher self really starts to take control, and Tristan falls away, my entire life will be directed by it. Tristan won’t be the one teaching about emotional healing and helping people. The universe will be living through me, helping people directly, and Tristan will be gone. When I surrender and allow my higher self to take control, I can feel myself entering an altered state of consciousness. Life doesn’t feel like a physical reality anymore, it feels like I am walking around in a dream, in an imagination, a mind. I also feel like I am more intelligent and insightful than I was before. Insight comes to me much more easily. I can feel myself being pushed to stop thinking so much and start to feel a lot more. Feeling is how I access my higher self and get direction from it. I can feel a lot of my neurosis and dysfunctional behaviours falling away. My higher self is not weak or afraid, it will not let people push it around, and I can feel a lot of my neurosis being corrected just as a result of my higher self entering me. I really feel like my healing will come from establishing my connection to my higher self, and as I surrender to it, I will receive the love I need to help me heal. . . . My objective now after that trip is to keep working on getting to a point where I can fully surrender and let my higher self take over. I have a lot of fear and resistance within me that prevents me from surrendering, so it will take work to get to the point where I can fully let go. This morning, I went to take a shower, and I was thinking about everything that happened yesterday, thinking about how crazy it is that my higher self is starting to take over me, along with how connected I've felt to existential love lately, such as the episodes of craziness I've had recently after touching existential love. Thinking about all of this together made me really see how obvious that I am awakening and moving towards existential love. As I was thinking about this, I starting crying, and I started acting crazy again and getting into an altered state of consciousness. It was deeper than usual. It felt similar to a state I would get into on a psychedelic, even though I was fully sober. It was a lot more clear, stable and lucid than psychedelics, and it didn't have the blurry headspace they often have. I felt dis-identified with myself, and everything felt so beautiful and amazing. I kept crying and acting crazy, and later I played music and it was absolutely mesmerizing. I was was also looking at pictures of beautiful girls, and was in absolute awe of their beauty - it was just radiating off of them. After I got out of the shower, I plugged 5-MeO-DMT. I was already planning to do it earlier that day. It was a low dose as usual, but I got into quite a high consciousness state from it. My intention was to surrender as much as possible, because that's what I need to be working on, and I left human life quite a lot by doing that. Here's what I got from the trip: You keep thinking that when you take 5-MeO-DMT and awaken, that this is just some state you get into, but your normal human life is what’s real. That’s not the case at all. The awakened state is what’s real, and you’re fooling yourself if you think that it’s not. You think that you can take 5-MeO-DMT and awaken to God, Leo can do that, other people on this forum can do that, and that is just some state you get into, and then you come back to this normal human life and that is what’s real. You’re fooling yourself. There is nobody else to awaken to God but you. This is your dream, you are only imagining that other people exist. Because of this you need to stop giving other people so much authority. You’re giving away your power to an illusion. The only thing that matters is that I awaken and realize the truth of what I am. You think that Leo has this life purpose where he teaches people how to awaken on YouTube, and he has this forum where you can go and talk to other people about awakening, and get advice, but all of this is a massive bullshit story you are creating. There is no Leo, there is no “Leo’s life’s life purpose”, there is no forum, there is no other people to talk to about awakening. All of this is something you’re creating yourself to lead you to awakening. It’s all me. See how foolish it is to give all of it so much authority, when it’s not real, and I’m the one creating it. It’s fine if you want to go back to the forum and live your human life like normal, but you need to stop giving Leo/the forum/people on the forum so much authority. You’re being an idiot by doing this. My relationship with God/the universe/my higher self is the only thing that matters, it’s the only thing that is real, so I need to follow that and obey that no matter what anyone else says. Otherwise, you are giving your power away to an illusion, and you won’t awaken by doing that. (This really helps me to trust what I experienced on MDMA yesterday, that totally surrendering myself and letting my higher self take over is absolutely the right thing to do) I started to surrender deeper, and I could feel myself connecting deeper with this higher consciousness state. I started to cry really hard, and I realized that God is what I have always wanted. Like Leo said: “when you want x, what you really want is God”. However you will only experience God once you completely, 100% surrender, which is something I am still working towards. . . . I'm currently doing better and not feeling suicidal. What I experienced yesterday with MDMA really made me feel a lot better. It's clear that I am headed to some sort of awakening, that my human self is going to fall away and my higher self will take over. I have developed such a deep hatred towards human life because of how much pain I've gone through, and I want to leave this life so badly, but it seems like if I just surrender myself and let go, my higher self will take over, and Tristan won't have to be here living this life anymore. It's also nice to know that it's no longer my responsibility to solve my problems or direct my life in any way. I am so exhausted from doing that, because I try so hard to change my life and it never works, and it causes so much frustration and suffering. Knowing that I don't have to do anything anymore, that I can just let go and let my human self die without physically killing myself, this is a huge relief. This both gives me a reason to stay alive, and it shows me that I will likely undergo a huge transformation over the next few months, and it will result in my higher self living through me, living my life, and Tristan will no longer be here. I'm sure that's what all of this pain I've been going through for years has been leading me to. I'm sharing this post only because all of this makes me really happy, and I love sharing it with other people who are into spiritual work

That's your experience and perception but sure. There's far more too it. I'm sorry you have had a poor experience and relationship with this medicine. For me its saved my life from suicide and violence, gangs, many times. And sure there have been quite a few times when Ive abused it and experienced negatives. Its all about the intention, how you carry yourself, how you use and see the medicine, and how its grown. Let me ask you this, have you grown your own cannabis organically / naturally from a heirloom strain and done this process yourself? Or you just making statements? This is not about spiritually, its all a part of life. People sometimes need medicine for support when nothing else helps. Let me also ask you this, do you drink coffee, eat sugar, processed foods, junk foods, alcohol or any other substances? If so then there's a contradiction there in itself. I see it all the time, people beat on one thing because they had poor experience or lack of proper education with it, and label it bad, and yet they are addicts and abusers in other ways, often even worse, but because they believe these things are natural because they been normalized, when in fact act like bad drugs to our bodies. I could even go into porn and social media and screen addiction, but the point has been made. You get the idea...

It's been years since I watched leos heavy metal chelation guide video. And i somehow Read the AC book Watched the video a few times But never took action and was decisive about starting it .. Why? Because i got put off by the risk and or initially feeling worse However that was more my mind closing off instinctively, it wasn't like i consciously and deicisively chose based on weeks of thorough study and cross referencing anacdotal reports, looking at all the best cases, average cases, worse cases, factoring all the different details ect.. If i'd just fucking done that, I could've got many round over and have got most of the benefit already and be benefiting from it now. If I am honest, I have absolutely no idea how much toxicity is in my body .. and it is only a question of how much, no one is 0% toxic. I have no idea Also, it could a be a unlucky case - that i have a low total quantity load, but whatever I have (maybe lead specifically) for me is hyper concentrated and lodged into my brain tissue? . This could in theory mean even a short duration of targeted rounds could make a massive difference if it targets that. My physical health doenst feel so bad but my mental distraction, brain fog ect.. is possibly off the charts .. possibly because like a fish in water ive had it for so long, and have no reference of what its like to be a mentally functional human that I dont even know what bad means and im just normalized to it ah It is an inconvenient and burdensome process The longer and or older someone is to start the least likely they are to do it .. If i just let this be a thought again .. i will forget and life will pass me by again. I have no idea how much better my memory could be, or learning capacity, or energy levels or ability to focus. I have no idea because I have no idea when I developed toxicity. But also, I was never particularly good at focusing or memory even as a kid .. which complicates things. 1. that could mean i was exposed at a young age 2. Could mean that I have a separate issue which wont benefit from chelation This is not easy to think about ... THen again I regret not just trying this 3-5 years ago because there is clearly a massive reward to risk asymmetry. Given that it is a controlled and measured process, following a specific protocol and gradually managing dose, its not like i start and then instantly all the HM get severely redistrubuted inmediatley and then i just become disabled and my lifes over and i have to commit suicide. However hwen I first shallowly felt the risk of this years ago, my mind probably instinctively jumped to that feeling and then closed off, because the mind is full of fear and hates ambiguous risk So yeah upside is huge, downside risk is real but its managed, its measured, its controlled for to an extent, and i can just stop protocol it is overwhelming. Obviously i need to take the tests first and not jump to conclusions Another blindspot of mine, like 99% of people my mind closed off and I never tried this.

" Contemplate: "What falsehood have I been defending?" And then visualize yourself letting it die. See! Just right there you can see that truth is death. Note: I am not talking about suicide." So, in this case Truth is the only way to defeat Death?

I’m looking for direct and thoughtful answers to a few key questions about suicide, death, and what might come next. My aim is to strike at the core of these topics and get clarity. 1. What Happens After Death? Is it possible to return to "pure positive awareness," where there’s no resistance, need, or pain, only wholeness and joy? Or is death shaped by unresolved beliefs, leading to chaotic, illusory afterlife experiences? Are near-death experiences, spiritual teachings (e.g., Abraham Hicks, Bashar, David Hawkins), and other accounts reliable, or could they just be ego-driven hallucinations? 2. Suicide vs. Natural Death: Does suicide lead to a different afterlife experience than dying naturally? Does the intent behind death matter in shaping what happens next? Are there consequences or “karmic debts” for suicide, or is it just another form of transition? 3. Vibrations and Beliefs at Death: Do one’s beliefs or emotions at the moment of death determine their immediate afterlife experience? If so, how can someone shift their vibration to avoid “negative” outcomes like chaotic or hell-like states? 4. Choosing Death and Reincarnation: If life is chosen before birth, can death also be chosen? Can one align themselves with a peaceful exit and avoid future reincarnation altogether? Is it possible to fully escape the cycle of birth, death, and suffering, or is reincarnation unavoidable until “enlightenment”? 5. Ending the Experience Permanently: Does suicide provide a permanent end to the human experience, or does it simply lead to a new cycle of suffering in another form or life? How does one ensure they do not reincarnate or return to physical existence after deat?

Suicide Club is surprisingly funny and not at all sad. Being a Japanese film, you can expect a certain level of weirdness from the start. Honestly, it was mostly boring, but it did have its moments.

The U.S. military is overestimated, by design, just how China and Russia like to bluff about theirs. This is why the U.S. won't take military risks and suicide missions, why the largest strike group in the world went to 3rd world Venezuela. Any exposure of weakness or fragility is huge. The houthis, a rag tag paramilitary have recently shot down American fighter jets, the u.s. denies this and says they fell into the ocean. Iran has a military that the u.s. cannot overthrow. U.S. used microwaves and mass fake drone deployment to disable Venezuelan defense, would not work in Iran, would get shot down by fighters. U.S. is not prepared to attack Iran even if 2 strike groups were in the area. The June attack used half of the U.S. stockpile of bunker buster bombs. "Abraham Lincoln" strike group is headed to the middle east. A week out. The West is not invincible. We rely on sophisticated stuff which is impressive and scary but also a dependency and vulnerability. We do not have infinite supplies.

They don't strike like that without them. "Need" is a very misleading word to use. Any lone bombers could easily be shot down. They usually don't do suicide missions. Shooting a couple missiles and then running doesn't seem very plausible either. A strike on Iran would be crazy without 2 strike groups let alone none.

- Feel free to comment, ask questions, give unasked advice, use this post for resources, etc. ( all under your own risk and judgement ) Basically, the idea is that I'll be documenting and sharing my journey of chelation. I'm a noob for now, but I expect to gather a decent chunk of understanding throughout this year. This has been on my to do list for over a year now, and I've been motivated recently by Leo dropping the long awaited episode on chelation released for my birthday ?. Sadly, the episode is not as detailed as I'd like it to be and I'm afraid he may have forgotten some crucial information. But if there is time to whine, there is time to roll up my digital sleeves and get to work and research. Let's hope my journal doesn't end up being a Brian Bander's Suicide note 2.0 (RIP)

@ElliottMy issue is thats its a 1 percent population thing thats in 40 percent of media. Here are somethings that gemini says effect 1 percent of population. Schizophrenia Vitiligo Synesthesia Panic Disorder Natural immunity to HIV Deaths caused by suicide People who have climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro Now imagine all of a sudden 40 percent of the media being pushed out had schizophrenics in it as characters. You would naturally question why the fuck are there so many schizophrenics in movie and tv shows when it only effects 1 percent of the population. Now they start putting love schizophrenics on childrens toys. Naturally an intelligent person would say why? Substitute schizophrenic with any of the other things that involves 1 percent of the population so you dont say Im being transphobic by comparing it to something deemed negative.

I'm not looking for some hotline number or “hang in there” crap. My life has been non‑stop abuse, poverty, mould, burning plastic, soul‑crushing jobs, no intimacy, nothing to look forward to. I’m broke, exhausted, and angry. Spiritually or ethically — whatever you want to call it — am I actually allowed to end this? Is suicide an actual escape from this nightmare, or is it just more pain somewhere else? I’m asking for honest answers from people who have been through hell or have studied spirituality deeply. Don’t sugarcoat it.

Lilya 4-Ever is the third film I’ve watched where a woman takes her own life, and the fourth suicide-themed movie in a row. It’s not the darkest I’ve seen on the subject—The Seventh Continent definitely holds that title.

I cannot be as bold in interviews as I am in my normal videos. This would freak normies out. I need to be more chill and gentle, otherwise people will just dismiss me as a crackpot. The tone is crucial. People judge interviews by tone, not logical content. An unhinged tone is suicide. So I worked a lot on softening my tone.

Here is some of his funding. Keep in mind that this is only a short summary of what the Internet managed to record. 1. Bitcoin Donation from Laurent Bachelier (Approximately $250,000 in 2020) In December 2020, Fuentes received about 13.5 Bitcoin (valued at roughly $250,000 at the time) from Laurent Bachelier, a French computer programmer and early Bitcoin investor who died by suicide shortly after. 2. Payments from Kanye West's (Ye's) Presidential Campaign (Over $45,000 Total)Federal Election Commission (FEC) filings show that Fuentes received payments from Ye's 2020 presidential campaign committee (which continued operations into later years). These include:Approximately $14,700 in late 2022 for "travel reimbursement." Over $30,000 in early 2023, including two $10,000 payments for "archival services" and about $10,300 for travel.t 3. Associations and Alleged Attempts with Texas Oil Billionaires (Tim Dunn and Farris Wilks) Fuentes has been linked to West Texas oil billionaires Tim Dunn and Farris Wilks (combined net worth in the billions) through meetings and scandals, but there is no confirmed evidence of direct funding to him personally. These billionaires have poured millions into conservative causes, including the Defend Texas Liberty PAC (which gave nearly $15 million to right-wing candidates since 2021) and groups like the Daily Wire and PragerU.

Timothy Snyder posted these links yesterday. Sheesh The Longest Suicide Note in American History: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/2025/12/national-security-strategy-democracy/685270/?gift=hVZeG3M9DnxL4CekrWGK35ibcb27LjcQKIf6tB8WqQM Vladimir Solovyov predicts that America and Russia will jointly attack Europe:

Christine (2016) is based on the real story of Christine Chubbuck, who committed suicide on TV.

Ever since, I quit spirituality. I don’t do anything related to it anymore. I don’t watch Leo’s videos, I don’t contemplate, I don’t read spiritual books. I thought I would feel bad but I feel amazing. My psyche finally stabilized and I don’t experience anxiety attacks, negativity, loneliness or depression. I’m hitting the gym, pursuing my hobbies, exploring new dating opportunities and planning on moving to a new country this year. I had been pursuing spiritual development for the last 5 years. I’d been on 100+ trips and I had experienced at least dozens of profound and complete awakenings (although complete awakening is a delusion because it’s infinity withing infinity forever). During my most profound awakenings I would always reach god state and as God I would always choose to come back. It would give me a lot of frustration and it would leave me puzzled because I had been brainwashed by fools convincing me that God wants to wake up and if it doesn’t it’s ego. Which is why I would keep pushing myself over and over again but results were always the same. I was also denying my human needs, thinking that I transcended most of it and I didn’t need anything. It led to my frustration, covered-up loneliness and self deception. It made me depressed, negative and cornered. I was getting very close to committing suicide so I am happy that I stopped. I’m happy to be back and I don’t know if I ever go back to spirituality, I highly doubt it. It's just been 2 months and every day I feel more grounded and stable. The idea of spending infinity in my dreams seems to be very transcendently romantic because that’s what God wants. It wants romance, sex, human connection, friendship, travelling and drama of life. So I’m letting it be.

@Yeah Yeah You might say I have been through hell and I have studied spirituality deeply. If you have seen my posts on this forum, you know my story. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts because of a combination of many problems including trauma, sexual abuse, family estrangement, complex grief, and loss of direction and purpose. I don't see how to make life acceptable to me because all options involve being alone with nobody who loves me while I continue to suffer meaninglessly. By the way, I hate soul-crushing jobs too. They make me feel even worse which is why it is hard to motivate me to get another job after what happened last time. In terms of "am I actually allowed to end this?" According to spirituality there are no shoulds or should nots. The universe is structured such that people are allowed to be rapists, murderers, and terrorists hence they exist. There is such a thing as enlightened rapists such as gurus who might sexually abuse young children. The reason we might say you "should not" kill yourself is not because it is an objective rule as there are no moral absolutes. Instead it might be based on things like what is conducive to higher consciousness, truth, and love. For those reasons it makes sense that we should not run around raping and killing people because in that kind of society it is hard to guide traumatized minds toward truth, love, and consciousness so long as survival requires constant devilry and deception. If there were a spiritual reason to not jump off of a bridge, then maybe it would be for the collective good in that your identity includes more than just this one human being or ego. It is ego and its suffering that makes us want to jump off of bridges, and this is sometimes how I feel as well. In terms of moral arguments, there are conflicting view points. On one hand, there are people who face situations that no human being should have to endure. Humans are resilient, but they are not indestructible given extreme enough circumstances. You might make the case for suicide in situations like euthanasia. Why should we tell a human being that they have to live and they have to endure unbearable suffering because of our beliefs? On the other hand, suicide is not a neutral act and it does cause harm to others even if they are not included in your circle of concern. I don't know what your family or relationships are like at this time, and that would likely be a big factor behind your suicidal thoughts as it is for me. Normally people would be told "think about your family," but it sounds like whatever family you had must have been terrible. In fact there are some parents who disown their children and may even encourage them to commit suicide. Personally, I went to mental health centers admitting that I did not believe suicide was immoral which in turn indicated that I was at a higher risk. The way I have been trying to cope with suffering was by making my suffering meaningful. This is exactly way the soul-crushing jobs are so devastating. If you endured severe abuse and are unable to use your strengths and passions that give you meaning, it makes it feel like all of this trauma was for nothing and you will live in perpetual grief and bitterness. I often ask myself "why should I want to live under these conditions?" To this day I still don't have an answer. Once I lost my sense of direction, I tried turning to spirituality. The reason I looked so much at spirituality is because I was trying to find meaning and purpose for my existence, but ultimately this kind of behavior was a trauma response. People often turn to things like religion because they faced severe trauma and are trying to cope in whatever ways they can. I have been trying to find purpose through systems thinking and chess as well, but I faced other obstacles. Ultimately my problems cannot be overcome through intellectual pursuits and I require stable and healthy relationships. I hope you do get out of this situation somehow, but I must admit that objectively most people never recover from trauma because our current mental health system is inadequate. In my case I am still doing whatever I can through intellectual pursuits, looking for direction through deeper understanding of life and reality. It is hard for me to take the final step and carry out my suicidal plans. Sometimes there are invisible solutions to seemingly insurmountable problems, and I have witnessed this before even when it seems hopeless. The solutions are not obvious and hard to find, but they may actually exist.