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"Those who undertake missions are the selected ones." "Happiness is found in doing, not merely in possessing." "The energy you radiate is the reality you get back." "The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation."

Respect! I keep getting banned for sharing my opinions. For talking about dating, pulling, esculating, and painting out how cucked it is. The soundtrack of my mind is just me doing nonstop big ups and then I approach. I approach as if I had already hooked up with her even if we're strangers LULz. You don't need to be better. You already are better. You just got to live and approach life with that in mind. Culture is feminizing men. Simping. Beta thirst. Watch fight club. There's a level of blissful ignorance and delusion required for transformation. Good luck playboy!

@Tanz I remember reading in The Power Of Now that he didn't actually realise what had happened to him, other than a deeply profound transformation. He said something like its only when he started talking with spiritual teachers and reading spiritual texts that he realised he already had what they were pointing to. But yeah, certainly didn't come across as a previous crack smoker or womb raider.

The Preface I have worked out a preliminary protocol to support the fire of kundalini without getting fried and to prevent the years of depression-like fallout that often happens after an awakening. As the science of kundalini progresses such a protocol for adaptation or higher homeostasis will be refined and expanded. Till then, please be aware dear reader that this is an experimental book, the research that will give us the definitive answers to this mystery has yet to be done. In the past we have had no scientific understanding as to what was actually happening to us during kundalini. Now in with modern science we can begin to understand what is really going on. The Biology of Kundalini is a revolutionary book, long overdue. It will change the way we look at spiritual evolution, medicine and ourselves. With this book I offer a theory of the biology of kundalini, which explains all the symptoms, suggests a protocol of adaptation, and encourages research into a new branch of medicine...Evolutionary Medicine. It is part Self-help book and part notes for scientists and medical minds with an interest in consciousness. It also honors the often difficult process of spiritual crisis in a way that hopefully will reduce the suffering for those undergoing the cruxification, and for those around them watching. This information will be invaluable for anyone going through an awakening, for their family and therapists both medical and psychological. I recommend you pass over areas you find dry on the first couple of readings. If the subject of metamorphosis in anyway inspires you then eventually even the dry areas will become juicey. The Exhaustion Phase is the seed of BOK which you can use along with the skills and protocol to construct an adaptation or recovery program that is personally suited to you and your symptoms. Writing this book has been the most incredible ride...the information arises on a wave of energy and bliss. When I am hot on the kundalini trail Spiritual Presence is heightened, the muse is tangibly potent and the pieces of the puzzle formulate themselves around the "pull" of the Holy Spirit. It is very important to grasp the distinction between “damage” (pathology and disease) and the transformative process of “metamorphosis.” Certain phases of metamorphosis include cellular necrosis and catabolic breakdown, for the new cannot grow without the removal of the old. Kundalini with its amplified metabolism and nerve activity, and increased oxidation will tend to down-regulate neural and hormonal receptors and rewire the nervous system. However even if we are in the between-slump, when the hyper-functioning has backed off, but our receptors have not yet regrown, we cannot really consider kundalini as being “brain damaging.” We must see all phases of metamorphosis as necessary allostatic changes in the transformation of our organism and the human collective. Once we understand this and intelligently adapt, we can avoid burnout and regression, and thereby learn to keep the gains made through heightened kundalini. I don't recommend that anyone should pursue the raising of kundalini energy...I recommend detoxification, supernutrition, strengthening, plus self-discovered spiritual practices and adventures. I recommend following your Muse and working on giving your greatest gift for the widest distribution. If you do these things then an awakening is likely to occur. If you don't do these things then you will not be prepared for a kundalini awakening and so it probably is not going to serve you. So I don’t tell people directly how to raise their kundalini, but encrypted throughout BOK are ways that you can use to raise kundalini. However if you cannot find them, then you are not really ready for an awakening. Disclaimer: If you are not a solutions orientated, original thinker then BOK is probably not for you. If you have an infatuation with external authorities, orthodoxy, and traditions, or find that you tend to fixate on problems, then avoid this book. Also please be aware that I am not a spiritual teacher or a medical doctor and the only authority I have comes from my own experience and research. Nothing contained in this book should be construed nor is intended to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment. You should never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in BOK. From http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=Preface.html

For the past few weeks, I've experienced some cool insights due to my meditation practice so I wanted to share 3 of them and explain how they occurred. To clarify, these are insight experiences. Insight is any direct experience realization that challenges your existing worldview of self and reality. Insight experiences are moments where you become conscious of these insights to a degree. They can be temporary or permanent. All these 3 were temporary in my case. But they are realizations I can contact in the present moment as long as my intention is strong. Everyone has insight experiences but being able to realize them and be conscious of them as they are occurring is not an easy task. Repeating them at will is even more challenging. The more you repeat these consistently, the insights percolate deeper into the psyche and completely transform your existing belief systems and daily experience. Partial transformation has occurred in my case but the capacity of these insights to transform one's life (as far as I'm able to see) is massive and potentially infinite. 1- Life is a form of dream: This insight was realized through hypnagogic states one experiences while waking up or going to sleep. Eventually, mindfulness cracks through the sleep cycle and certain insights become available to the meditator. One of these was how the internal thought and images was active in the dream state. Basically the same monkey-mind you experience in daily waking life (both internal talk and memory images) are what constitutes your dreams. Your dreams are literally made up of mental talk and mental images you use in daily life. I've realized this at the end of a dream where the waking life 'monkey mind' and dream life memories have clashed together in a hypnogogic state. The mechanism was realized to be the same due to metacognitive awareness one develops in meditation. The insight challenges your exisiting worldview because you believe that you are relatively alert and awake in daily life but as long as there are mental commentary, images, thoughts that pertains to non-present moment experience, you are dreaming. You are not fully conscious. Just as you create a story, body and a self in a dream, the same mechanism continues when you wake up in the morning. True 'waking up' arises out of greater mindfulness, silent mind and un-mediated contact with direct experience. So this insight experience makes you suspicious of what reality is on a deeper level and attunes the psyche to be more mindful automatically. 2- Literally Missing The Richness of Reality Without Mindfulness: This is seemingly a very obvious insight experience for many people. But the ramifications are quite deep. It is deceptively simple. I was watching a TV show at the time and all of a sudden, I had a thought about a trivial thing. My metacognitive awareness was not that strong at the time so after a few minutes, I've realized that I've completely missed what happened in the tv show as my mind was in a subtle state of following a thought pattern. The reason why this insight experience was profound is that I've rewound the show and realized I was not even conscious of the subtle movement that guy made as he said this or that line. Or how a particular emotion was conveyed with a body language cue. These profound moments were completely missed due to unconscious movements of attention and thought activity. My metacognitive awareness was there at that moment with the importance of present moment realization. The realization was that you are LITERALLY missing the richness of reality due to lack of mindfulness. This, again, re-programs the psyche to be more mindful in the following present moment experiences. Because there is no moment other than the present moment. 3- The Importance of Metacognitive Awareness + Joy + Body Awareness in Daily Life I've already realized this before but as time goes on, you realize how much distortion occurs in consciousness when you start to move around, talk to people, write comments, and do stuff. Without metacognitive awareness, every single moment is tainted with craving and as a result, massive amounts of subliminal suffering arises. You might bliss out in a meditative or psychedelic state. A lot of profound insights can occur from these experiences. But the tendency to compartmentalize your spiritual practice and 'end' meditation sessions as soon as you need to go to the bathroom is very great. The key to radical reductions in suffering in daily life lies in the combination of metacognitive awareness + Joy + Body awareness. A quick explanation of these terms are: Metacognitive Awareness: This awareness is knowing the overall state of the mind, fixation/craving levels, the location of where attention is, what its doing, intentions, body awareness, emotions, thought activity of the mind. So this is a very inclusive meta-skill of awareness. It is the pillar of mindfulness. And this one skill gets you to adept meditation stages. So the content (like the joy) loses its importance and things like the mind's mental reaction towards the joy/pain become central to your practice. You monitor these elements in real time. It sounds really hard and a lot of work but it is fairly effortless once you are actually there. Joy is very alluring to the mind. So it becomes easier to develop metacognitive awareness. That is why many meditators rank jhana practice as a foundational technique in Samatha circles. In daily life, the demands of activities require metacognitive awareness. Otherwise, joy and body awareness goes away. and you get fixated on the activity. Walking meditation is the key to making this work. Once you get the joy there and maintain it, that is really good progress. Then you need to do that while talking which is really hard. But it is possible with more practice. So in stage 8, you'll realize that daily life practice is just perfect for the development of metacognitive awareness. Joy and Happiness: Both the pleasant sensations and being in a state of joy highly reduces suffering and invites equanimity to consciousness. Being able to maintain these qualities in daily life is a key skill in making your life sweet and strengthening metacognitive awareness further. Body Awareness: To maintain this in daily life, an ability to slow your movements down and get in touch with the body as a whole in a state of comfort and relaxation is key. You already develop this skill in meditation but bringing it into daily life while you are walking etc. is a challenge. The tendency to rush towards activities is huge. To develop this skill in daily life, walk and move like an old man. Very slowly. Walk slowly. This enables metacognitive awareness and joy to be maintained. As you get better at it, you can do it with speed as well. But quality matters here. Stop your general tendency to pick up the pan and cook stuff in a state of craving. That entire paradigm needs to go away. Just throw it out. Commit to never move without mindfulness. The natural result will be slightly slower movement but greater joy, awareness, bodily comfort and mindfulness. Get used to living like this. Don't type out comments with speed. Feel into every click and button slowly and only increase the speed as far as mindfulness can keep up. --------- These were my recent insight experiences. Feel free to contact me and ask questions. I wish all of you well being and happiness

Prophet/Messenger 1. The desire of the negative spirit to break out of the sphere of pure impossibility creates the phenomenon of prophet within objective reality. 2. The phenomenon of prophet is a manifestation of that which is outside of reality. Which is pure impossibility. 3. Thus, the prophet is the first manifestation of a totally OTHER. 4. In the phenomenon of the prophet, the negative spirit expresses itself as the will to totally OTHER. 5. This will, expressed as a message, is a real thought about OTHER. 6. The subjective spirit cannot realize its actual birth without this thought. 7. In essence, the phenomenon of prophet within objective reality is the true birth of a subjective spirit. 8. In this birth, a fundamental conflict between the subjective and the objective transforms into immediate reality. 9. The prophet carries out an absolute opposition to objective being. 10. Therefore, the phenomenon of prophet does not remove and does not resolve the conflict between the subjective and objective. 11. The essence of the prophet excludes the very possibility of unity of both. 12. Prophet presupposes a metaphysical irreducibility of subjective and objective principles to each other. 13. The prophet is by no means a creature created by the space program of I. 14. This means that he is free from the universal mechanism of personal experience working on this program. 15. The intrinsic nature of the prophet basically excludes the very idea of perception and experience embodied in beings. 16. The internal nature of the prophet is fully alien to any ontological experience. 17. The prophet realises the absolute anti-mind nature of the subjective principle. 18. Therefore, his message cannot be the discovery of any ontologically rooted truths, including Truth from capital T. 19. The prophet carries out his appearance outside of cosmic duration. 20. The content of his message is out of touch with the objective rock. 21. The prophet comes contrary to the expectation in which the being abides. 22. His coming destroys the very foundations of universal hope. 23. His mission is not to heal a damaged being. 24. The mission of the prophet is the transformation of an insoluble conflict between subjective and objective into a merciless titanic confrontation. 25. In this confrontation, the subjective spirit can only be either totally destroyed or triumphed over objective being. 26. The death of the subjective spirit means the complete expulsion of the masculine principle from reality. 27. Reality, devoid of the masculine principle, is the complete triumph of universal arbitrariness, in which the very thought of OTHER disappears. 28. For objective being, the thought of OTHER is the essence of ontological sin. 29. Through the destruction of this only masculine thought, salvation of the damaged ontology is carried out. 30. Therefore, the prophet, as the embodiment of a subjective spirit, is in a titanic confrontation with the principle of salvation. 31. Orientation to the prophet means for the creature to abandon his share in objective reality. 32. In this denial within the being, the aspirations towards fantastic being are affirmed. 33. The aspiration towards the fantastic being is a secret thought which underlies the subjective principle. 34. This secret thought is an interpretation of reality from the outside. 35. Such an interpretation has nothing to do with how reality perceives itself. 36. The inner self-experience of reality is an explicit thought. 37. The overwhelming activity of the universal mind is embodied in this explicit thought. 38. As an explicit thought, reality is a direct consciousness of self-identity. 39. In contrast, a secret thought is a vision of reality from the point of view of a negative spirit. 40. In this vision, reality comes down to a purely relative moment, which is rooted on the universal arbitrariness or objective rock. 41. Reality, as an explicit thought about oneself, is a kind of anti-message from rock. 42. This anti-message is evidence that reality and absolute are mutually exclusive. 43. The true decoding of this anti-message is contained only in secret thought. 44. The secret thought in its vision of the true absolute proceeds from fundamental unreality of true absolute. 45. Therefore, the very vision of the true absolute is generally nothing more than a purely volitional or wilfull act. 46. This volitional act implies that only what is absent can be authentic. 47. Therefore, a purely volitional act, born of a secret thought, is an act of faith. 66. The faith monologue, having no answer, is oriented towards what can only be defined as HE. 67. The prospect of transcendental fulfillment of the subjective spirit is expressed in the pronoun HE. 68. A secret thought implies that HE is the personal embodiment of a complete split with the continuous homogeneity of the immanent oneness. 69. The monologue, whose center is HE, is the factual material of the true message. The core of it is: Say: HE, absent one, is Allah. 70. The pathos of the true message is that it rejects the achievement and affirms the accomplishment. 71. This accomplishment consists in replacing objective reality with a fully revealed subjective spirit. 72. This accomplishment is absolute awakening, as a triumph of prophetic mission. And this awakening has nothing to do with awakened nature of self-aware reality.

Chris Bache wrote the book "LSD and the mind of the universe" (2019), where he speaks about his 73 high-dose LSD sessions over the course of 20 years. If you are interested in following a psychedelic path toward enligthenment (or more), I really recommand you this book. https://www.innertraditions.com/books/lsd-and-the-mind-of-the-universe Here is the text from the cover: "On November 24, 1979, Christopher M. Bache took the first step on what would become a life-changing journey. Drawing from his training as a philosopher of religion, Bache set out to explore his mind and the mind of the universe as deeply and systematically as possible--with the help of the psychedelic drug LSD. Following protocols established by Stanislav Grof, Bache’s 73 high-dose LSD sessions over the course of 20 years drew him into a deepening communion with cosmic consciousness. Journey alongside professor Bache as he touches the living intelligence of our universe--an intelligence that both embraced and crushed him--and demonstrates how direct experience of the divine can change your perspective on core issues in philosophy and religion. Chronicling his 73 sessions, the author reveals the spiral of death and rebirth that took him through the collective unconscious into the creative intelligence of the universe. Making a powerful case for the value of psychedelically induced spiritual experience, Bache shares his immersion in the fierce love and creative intent of the unified field of consciousness that underlies all physical existence. He describes the incalculable value of embracing the pain and suffering he encountered in his sessions and the challenges he faced integrating his experiences into his everyday life. His journey documents a shift from individual consciousness to collective consciousness, from archetypal reality to Divine Oneness and the Diamond Luminosity that lies outside cyclic existence. Pushing the boundaries of theory and practice, the author shows how psychedelic experience can take you beyond self-transformation into collective transformation, beyond the present into the future, revealing spirit and matter in perfect balance." Here are some YouTube videos:

I opened up this old book and realized Nassim Haramein is still talking about much of this. It's fascinating the flower of life symbol is found precisely etched in granite. I think in some old ruins in Syria and elsewhere. Nassim's elaboration about the energy in the vacuum sounds like the Causal (Imaginal realm) speculated about by contemporary mystics. Carol Anthony refers to the realm of the Atom as the realm of Consciousness also as the realm of transformation.

Umm you are in communication with this? What have you been told, guided, understood? This energy is no joke. I'd be really understanding of what you want before you play around with unleashing this energy inside of you. If your just going in for shits and giggles and feeling like "oh whats the worst that could happen, lol" I'd head a warning of respect, this stuff can become really unfunny real quick. I'd only suggest doing this exploration if you can accept having to face stuff that could possibly be very uncomfortable for periods. Sometimes a lesson or transformation can take a few months, and during that time there can be really intense days and energies, some that may be terrifying, and others really awakening and pleasant and heart opening. If you can't accept that, don't do it. You have had some non-dual experiences it sounds like and it didn't terrify you......that does sound like a good sign that you may be prepared somewhat for awakening type lessons. IF its something you want to find a little more about, don't be forceful and respect your limits, let it come when it comes and don't try to make it come more or force more.

I would be mindful of your orientation and intentions. This is a very big statement. Entering "death" zones with 5-meo can be extremely intense and difficult to work through. From my experience, I have an immense respect for the power of 5-meo. The theme of death goes very deep and I would be cautious in how deep you go in the beginning. Especially since you wrote the below: If you were ready to die, it doesn't matter if you end up "worse off" - there would be no "you" to be better or worse off. It wouldn't matter if your shit got blown way out of whack and you went insane. This is death. Everything is surrendered and one has no control over the outcome. To me, your orientation is more toward gaining insights and realizations that can help your person, mind and body to heal, transform and gain wellness. It seems you want the old fearful self to die and to create a new and improved healthy self. Imo, that is a totally legit use of 5-meo. That is a very loving intention for the mind and body. However, that intention is not for the full monty and I would be cautious with your dosages. I would highly recommend starting with a low dose and working your way up to moderate doses. Low/moderate doses can give meta views and allow you to see things like you've never seen before. They can be transformative and healing. I would also have a positive attitude, that this will be a positive loving experience of insight, transformation and healing. Ask the Universe to bring that into your life. . . Higher doses of 5-meo can be a very different experience and intensity. I would say prior experience, transformations and purifications are really important. Ime, at higher doses everything is on the table. For me, it is also important to have respect for the power of 5-meo and enter the trip with a sense of humility and surrender. I have entered trips with a sense of cockiness and got my ass kicked.

@OmniYoga Many organizations have the potential to feel like a cult if you let yourself engage in that sort of behaviour. But Lester had a saying which is not unique in the enlightenment establishment: "Don't believe a word I say but take it for checking". Now if you want the real deal, listen to the original recordings of Lester Levenson, they are very uplifting and motivating. Actually, if you read Lester's autobiography "No attachments, no aversions", it's about how he got enlightened himself and it wasn't via releasing. He basically locked himself in his apartment and did a combo of hard core self inquiry, forgiveness (changing hate into love) of everyone in his life, revision and transforming feelings about past events in his life and confronting his fear of dying. That's how he got himself very enlightened and lived like a recluse for a number of years until he decided to share it with other people. At first he worked with people one on one trying to help them get enlightened like he did but he failed so he looked for effective ways that regular folks would be able to work with. So he gathered a group of people and directed them into creating what is now called The Sedona Method and The Releasing Technique. The story goes that a woman psychologist together with Lester and others developed the system and put the basis of the releasing method. Later on apparently the psychologist lady became fully enlightened herself. So Lester and his team taught classes for free at the beginning, his team did voluntary work. But Lester came to find out that people who weren't invested financially also weren't serious about it, weren't committed enough and plateaued after a while, stopped making progress. So he started organizing courses based on the retreat model, for a moderate price. In the last years of Lester's life, he asked Hale Dwoskin and Larry Crane to keep on teaching. Others like Stephen Seretan who were in Lester's group also taught classes on a lesser scale. Now Lester knew that Hale Dwoskin and Larry Crane had their own teaching style, had made some changes and were charging money. Charging money for the classes is necessary for the preservation of the organization as that's not a church and isn't run by a resourceful enlightened master any more. But really you don't have to spend a ton of money to learn the technique and it actually works like everything else, to the degree you're doing it My five cents is that it's enough to listen to Lester's audios on Youtube or read the transcripts (Book Keys to the ultimate freedom: Thoughts and talks on personal transformation; book No Attachments, No Aversions: The Autobiography of a Master; book Happiness Is Free, and It's Easier Than You Think) then read the books for the actual method and work with the books, for Larry Crane's teaching style which is my preferred, less cluttered and more to the point: The Abundance Book. For Hale Dwoskin's style which has evolved farther from the original, is a softer approach read "The Sedona Method". Those books don't cost a lot of money and you wouldn't be wasting time with them as the concepts presented are very worthwhile. The people who engage in cult behaviours and spend more money than they can afford are the ones who won't work with the books but fall for endless expensive guided releases and retreats. If you'd have some questions about the actual method, ask away, maybe me or others could provide some insight.

@Raptorsin7 Why am I floating through this forum? Newer forum member, been watching for a while. Curious about what is on people's hearts, minds, & spirits? What kind of nuggets are people leaving around? How is Leo attempting to herd cats as they say? How are people integrating and expressing the material? I have been incredibly impressed, for example: 1) (total projection, forgive me in advance) I would assume Leo was touched, moved, activated through something that pushed him to start to dig into the material that builds someone of his caliber. The dedication to absorb, going through daily life and working with the material, refining it, witnessing it, feeling it, intuiting, getting crushed, being elevated to heights, dropped again, shattering into a million pieces, putting them back together, being someone, losing someone, read, listen, discuss, fuck up, cause pain, receive pain, rejection, forgive, silence... try this, try that, incorporate, dismiss, refine... over and over and over... pierce duality.... I project this journey on to my sense of Leo as a person.. Not that it is accurate.. More that when I hear the words being delivered they aren't simply being read, they are being felt, they are known.... something hard fought and won.. fought and won through a combination of surrender and assertion.. flexible strength, complex simplicity or simple complexity, This in and of itself is amazing to my person... Then 2) Leo's ability to craft language and imagery to fit experiences and ideas, of which some are being pulled into a space that they do not originate.. Art.. 3) Taking these skills and building a platform.. The dedication to creating content.. Researching / Crafting content finding language Understanding video production (audio, cameras, software, lighting, editing) How Youtube functions, the social platforms Managing a team 4) Operating a forum around a subject matter that is incredibly sensitive in many ways 5) Doing this outside the typical streams that offer financial investment 6) To be succeeding, watching numbers grow... Off top of my head that is what pops up... I think if I was forced to pick one of the many accomplishments from my limited perspective it would be his personal relationship with duality and the non-dual state and the light he shines on the topic for others. The ability to arrive at a place that is monumental in consciousness transformation is held within this nugget, new culture, new society, new opportunity... (this is obviously spoken from where ever I may be in my own sense of reality and that might be totally delusional, so please, you have to consider that).. delusion or no delusion I believe there is vast goodness here..

a journey to somewhere. Chapter 5. The snow eased up on this quiet Sunday, but it's still sprinkling outside like sifted powdered sugar. I'm sitting in my new place, the Artist's Den, next to the warming furnace, which feels a bit like a fireplace at this point. I just ate my morning smoothie -- yes, ate, because it's thick like pudding. Don't judge me. I've got a fetish for goopy things. I retrospect (I guess that's a verb now) on the past year with a sense of awe. Wow. The transformation is very apparent, not just with my outer choices and activities but with my inner state and the way I treat myself. Like a canvas always next to the palette, I'm always a work in progress. But I can most definitely appreciate how far I've come over the past year. At this time last year, I was freezing my ass off at the intentional community (which I happened to visit last night, oddly enough, to say hi and catch up with everyone). I felt like I had a newfound sense of direction and purpose, but I was still very lost and still hurting over a lot of unresolved grief. I had already cried buckets, but I had yet to cry rivers. I was exploring my psyche and being vulnerable with the people around me. I returned to performing and making music, which then set off a chain reaction of events that led me to tons and tons of musical gigs in the summer. While that happened, I met an attractive girl, started dating, and realized how neurotic I really am. I learned that building a healthy ego ought to be my top priority, not transcending a hurt, unintegrated ego -- because that intention itself came from a hurt, unintegrated ego. I tried 5-MeO for the first time and had a very, very difficult healing crisis. I tried a heavier dose of mushrooms for the first time and had an equally difficult healing crisis. I am grateful for both of these experiences, as they solidified in me the realization that my highest priority for the inner world is self-love and self-compassion. And if that's the case, then my highest priority in the outer world is to commit to this character -- to return to this body fully. I started a running habit out of the joy of running. Most of my work is done out of the joy of working. My sense of trust is stronger than before. My emotional ups and downs are still very strong, but the way I process and handle them is totally different. My life is transforming from the inside out from the simple yet difficult intention of self-love. Now with the new decade, I find myself literally and figuratively in a new place. My music is becoming more niche. I'm doing things more out of love/joy than obligation. I fell in love with someone who's also doing the inner work, which has honestly been the highlight of these past few months. Things are very different. I feel like I'm actually going somewhere. The last time I was living alone, I almost starved myself to death. I cloistered myself in the apartment and had several subtle addictions. Now, I'm reaching out to people every day, giving gifts, dating someone, and doing enjoyable activities. This is a reflection of the change in my relationship with myself. It'll only get more apparent from here. I have personal goals for this new year, but the one intention I want to share for 2020 is this: As much as possible, ask yourself "What would someone who loves themselves do in this moment?"

@Buba I feel for you, 14 years is such a long time to be in pain. To suppress a part of yourself and have an inner conflict about it. I'm glad to know you're getting therapy for this, and that it seems to be helping. I remember Leo talking about expressing the repressed part of ourselves in his videos - it might be the mini-series on 'How Fear Works', perhaps someone here knows. If you have inner gay feelings try to acknowledge, accept and love them, as a valid part of yourself, even if you don't go and actually have a gay relationship. It could be you are bisexual and capable of loving both men and women, but your social conditioning has caused this inner conflict. If you are bi you can still have the life of your dreams, perhaps with a woman, once you have been through the transformation of self acceptance and self love. Although I live in a country that's fairly tolerant of LGBT, not all places are, so that could be an issue too. I don't know about actual life after death, reincarnation, heaven & hell etc. I rationalise these stories as states of mind in this life, in the present moment. For example, realising that the sense of self, I, is reborn moment by moment from the energies of the mind.

I would say there are different energetic orientations of the desire to "master". There is an orientation of wanting to "master" psychedelics for personal development and personal gain. Here psychedelics would be a personal tool to progress along a path toward a destination. It would be like having a magic wand and asking "Can I master this wand to get where I want to in life". Or "Can I master psychedelics to heal my past traumas?". Another orientation is using psychedelics existentially. This is transcendent to the person. Realizations of reality may be revealed that have nothing to do with my personal desires or gains. Or new abilities may be revealed that weren't asked for or desired. With this orientation, one may ask "Can I master psychedelics such that they become a higher order teacher of transformation in ways I cannot imagine?" These orientations are not mutually exclusive, yet ime it's important to the "mastery" process. There are things to keep in mind for someone wanting to use psychedelics for personal growth and skill development toward success. For example, if this person went into "ego death" zones in which trans-personal awakenings are revealed - there may be a lot of anxiety, resistance and inner turmoil. Not just during the trip - also afterwards for days, even months. The person wants to enter another realm to get some goodies for personal gain and they enter an ego death zone showing that "you" doesn't exist. This misalignment of energetic intention and desire can be quite disruptive to a mind and body. The person may contextualize the trip as a "bad trip" that screwed me up. Or that psychedelics don't work for them.

Salutations, There should be more emphasis put on the consumption method than the substance, i believe. In cannabis smoking a lot of vilification results from toxic self-poisoning combustion combined to the cigarette/"joint" ritual, then external factors as moral and economy interfere. It's funny to hear on TV that alcohol is a social lubricant while public-funded "pot" prohibitionist propaganda sounds like it's about masturbation... In my province anyway it's now a crime to wear clothes with a cannabis leaf printed on it and we're supposed to have legalized! It doesn't matter how many times older than 21 people are, the SQdC guards controlling entrance demand that we provide our identification cards. E-Cigs (vapes) are banned and yet visitors can find pre-rolled joints and rolling paper, etc. While the most concerned part of population remains without a voice mass media pushes further vilification like there's no tomorrow - In The Name Of Children. It's been over a year and it appears the only edible to be allowed so far might be CBD tea, which is a joke even when it can be found anyway. Briefly put "marijuana" fuels a lot of discussions except the most basic ones, like a user's consumption method shaping his habit profile, for example. After all i don't recall a single occurence where parents of my family "educated" their teenagers by handing them a 40 oz bottle of their strongest alcohol and much less without a glass... On rare events as Christmass and New Year's Eve only a few minors would be offered to emulate the adults and always with moderation. In other words they were guided using the appropriate tools, starting with small a glass. The smoking habit democratized by James Albert Bonsack over a century ago had one beneficial feature perhaps: by virtue of its path diameter combined with other physical factors it approximately delimited dosing in each puff. Today we live in a world of extremes and of course there's no such thing as metered dosing in any of the popular consumption methods readily available, quite on the contrary. Never mind the obvious display of vilification whole parts of the population are quick to blame behavioral disorders on cannabis, blowing monster clouds nonetheless... Lets have a closer look at the cigarette/joint format. Once lit half of the noble molecules get destroyed by fire simply to keep a fire alive, while generating toxic heat-denaturated poisons by the dozen if not by the hundred, hence multiplying toxicity in presence of intense heat. The worse problem here being about collecting both desirable vaporized compounds and unwanted fire by-products in a same inhalation - which is easy to recognize as vilification if we consider it violates a most basic principle: to just follow "The Shortest Path of Lesser Transformation". In other words this most extraordinary gift of nature shouldn't have its finest features sacrificed for the sake of Victorian-age convenience: It's called trichome glands and they collect precious cannabinoïds with other noble substances responsible for the "entourage effect", etc. That's a nearly ideal packaging format where filtration has been performed on a molecular basis at no additional cost, away from some vegetal substrate potentially soaking with soups of Pest Control Products (100+ already "legaleezed" in my country). In any case, go figure why, there are individuals all to happy to mess it all real bad by setting fire globally, which shall add poison where it was absent before. One might think vaporizers as the venerable Volcano came as a blessing but it turns out this type of slow/steady ovenizer device promotes paraphernalia fascination while awaiting long minutes for a bag to get full, then the owner is naturally tempted to empty it out of frustration for waiting so long, etc. Not to mention global ovenizing boosts the output with a mirage if we consider it's mostly the trichome glands it should target, instead of performing deep extraction leading to blind vilification. Now imagine e-Cigs with their secret recipes, mis-guided 3rd-party interference and what not! Anyway lets go back to the joint format. What we have here is a mix of wood fibers (called paper...), formed into a tube using glue, filled with not-so-noble vegetal fibers and hopefully "bio" while offering a fair amount of trichome glands (e.g. if it's not been "tumbled"), with aroma/taste severely compromized through sterilization by exposure to cobalt-60 radioactive rays if "legal"! But even if the average Joe will insist over getting a 300 mg fatty, even when shared it still represents nearly 10 x 30 mg doses so who's actually shocked by such potential for vilification directly leading into abuse when alone? It's not cannabis that is responsible for all these forms of excessive patterns, not even the potent one. Much like i wouldn't educate a 17-yr old minor by leaving him alone with a 40 oz and no glass i find some consumers fail to assume their own faults, or mistakes. If it's too strong then pass the joint, if alone then don't finish it - even refrain from smoking at all! The Shortest Path of Lesser Transformation is always best, at least if offers a chance to get rid of tolerance issues by avoiding some typical trap about seeking an ultimate puff while the more you try the more you fail, heading for a solid wall-of-shame since every joint is synonymous of more abuse. Too bad no government will ever fix any consumption method, total abstainance is so much more self-serving in political arenas, with Public Health as a decoy. Etc., etc... Keep in mind the goal is to transfer noble molecules from trichome glands into our bloodstream, the rest is potential vilification IMO - hence pay attention to vilification as it kicks back. Good day, have fun!!

Day 15: Today's weight: ? kgs (didn't weigh-in today) Weight loss so far after 14 days: 1.5kg (3.3 lbs) ? on target Weight loss to go: 5.7kgs (12.5 lbs) left to go Starting weight: 62.2 kgs (136.8 lbs) Goal weight: 55kgs (121 lbs) Total weight to lose: 7.2kgs (15.8 lbs) Daily limit: 1,600 calories Weight loss rate: 1 lb a week Date goal weight: end April Today I'm gonna integrate another 16:8 Intermittant fast (8am to 4pm). Also wanna get cracking on my procrastination and time management issues, researching that and implementing Dan Ariely 's techniques (reward substitution and self-control contract). * 8m Pre work-out coffee 87c Capuccino 87 * Indoor bike (35 mins) burned 300 cals * 9.30am Breakfast (muesli) 367c 10g organic unsalted cashew nuts (623) 62 + 18g organic dried juicy apricots (231) 41 + 10g Bjorg organic sugarfree muesli (367) 36 + 10g organic sugar-reduced granola (437) 43 + 10g organic oatbran (359) 35 + 5g organic chia seeds (449) 22 + 100g organic fresh forest fruits (55) 55 + 160g organic soy milk (46) 73 * 1pm Lunch (croque monsieur salad) 625c 100 g lettuce (17) 17 + 50g tomato (18) 9 + 25g bell pepper (20) 5 + 25g cucumber (14) 3 + 25g onion (40) 10 + 1g olive oil (900) 9 + 80g gluten-free bread (260) 208 + 15g organic blue cheese (361) 54 + 10g mustard (245) 24 + 10g mayo (661) 66 + 15g Nori algae sheets (300) 45 + 325g organic orange juice (54) 175 Total cals so far today: 87c+367+625=1,079c 521c left for the rest of the day * 3.45pm Snack (latte and chickpea cake) 521c Latte macchiato 80 + [1/8 coconut iced chickpea cake 294 + 1/16 coconut iced chickpea cake 147 = 441c] That last meal will be followed by 16 hours of fasting. Total cals so far today: 87c+367+625+521c=1,600c ? Indoor bike (35 mins) burned 300 cals ? Accomplished today: ? * at least 8 hours sleep * no aperitifs, no alcohol * 16:8 Intermittant fast (8am to 4pm) * mindful eating * respected calorie goal * 20' do-nothing meditation * daily self-love affirmations * chapter 7 of "As a Man Thinketh" : Serenity * part 1 "Love is letting go of Fear" : Preparation for personal transformation * working through first 2 chapters of "Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie * internet research on OCD/ADHD/procrastination + adult child of domestic violence + binaural beats + neurotransmitters (serontonin, dopanimine) + limited beliefs * a lot of cleaning and housework Main progress today: actually solved my procrastination issue in one fell swoop. Just decided I was either going to waste time researching on the internet on how to overcome my procrastination problem or I could just go and do the actual frigging thing itself that has to be done on my to-do list. So I just went ahead and did what needed to be done in the first place (instead of spending the same time and effort researching on how to overcome procrastination, lol). There's only so many hours in the day, and my stuff's gotta get done. ?

Been recently going through a transformation with weed too... I too “struggled” with daily use but during my usage, I didnt feel struggle, I fucking loved getting high. I loved the expanded sense of awareness, the heightened perception, the creative thoughts, the subconscious mind bubbling up into consciousness... And tbh I still love weed. It feels like my mind is designed to respond extremely well to weed. But what’s finally kicked my daily use was quitting for 45 days straight all while keeping up a persistent meditation schedule. Through meditation, I started getting really good at keeping tabs on how my mind was doing. Meditation, particularly the method I use, focuses on staying aware of the mind itself, whether it feels dull, unfocused, foggy, etc., or whether it feels sharp, focused, and unified. So what happened was that during my hiatus with weed, I started observing how much suffering I was putting myself through with daily use and how damaging it was for my mind. If you look at my profile I made a thread outlining all the benefits I observed from a 30 day break. For me, it wasnt until I was able to REALLY observe the obsessive clinging my mind had to weed, the amount of suffering I put myself through, and how much better my mind felt without weed was I able to give it up. And I was only able to truly see this from my meditation training. Somehow I just haven't been able to see the damage until very recently. Ive tripped on psychedelics and they’ve given me pretty strong indications I need to quit the daily use but I never integrated those lessons. Truly I had to see the “high” of sobriety before I could give up the high of weed, and Ive only been able to tap into this natural high from meditation. I do 1 hour per day of a formal sit. Basically, I had to see the damage and find a better high than the high from weed, and I found this through meditating. Unfortunately, your journey will be different than mine so idk if this will work. However I understand where you're at with weed, it’s such a bittersweet substance, ally, and enemy. Good luck on your journey, and as cliche as this may sound, never underestimate your willpower. If you truly want to quit, you will find a way despite your past failures.

When you mean shamanism = taking psychedelics? No not fully. But even if this did not cure her depression yet, she got some powerful deep insights for her life and with dealing with her actual depression for sure. Of course we tried a lot of other less riskfull things before: meditation (powerful. had one ego death during a 10 minutes session ) holosync (binaureal beats). helped a lot, many bad memories came to the surface. She did this for some months with breaks in between. But it got weaker at the end. When she hear this music, there is really deep things going on in her. She is in another dimension Emotional massage: very very powerful for women I think, I could heal a lot with this. She had many past life experiences during this session, that was scary for me but she was fine Hatha Yoga: After her second exercise she said she felt like the transformation to a super saiyajin from dragon ball. The energy of the whole universe got through her she said, she was the whole earth and the whole sky. She did not do this again, I ask me why her healing stones (also very powerful, but she said the psychedelic experience was much much stronger) more sports and better nutrition (maybe reduced a little stress) psychologist and psychiatrists (was a waste of time)

@Bill W Lol yeah we're all religious here. Even if your an atheist your still either a Catholic or protestant hahahaha no joke ? it's more like culture lol People who misinterpret god and his clues become religious, acting as though they have been transformed when no such transformation has legitimately taken place. The ironic thing is, we are the real Christian's or I could say, we are the real Christ's. And of course this is exactly how Jesus had it. He rebelled against the religion of the day (jewdism) because people were so concerned with looking good that they never really actually met God (this applies with jewdism and christianity). John 5:39-40 Jesus said "You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. But the scriptures point to me! Yet you refuse to come to me to have life." It's like a man who knows he *has* to get a wife to have a family and he goes above and beyond to provide for her in every way, slaving as his treacherous job making sure to put incredible amounts of effort into not saying the wrong thing around her. He wrecks himself with being perfect to her, and in all of this he forgets that if he stopped forcing himself to trying to be perfect all the time with his good works and instead spent some time with the actual girl, he would fall in love with her and his physical works would flow effortlessly and *more perfectly* to her. This is exactly the difference between religion and relationship with God. People are so busy trying to please god, that they miss god! If they only stopped pretending like they didn't still have "sinful desires" and actually spent some time with God himself, alone...they'd fall in love with him and their works would be good effortlessly. It's a beautiful picture.

Hello Seekers, Marking my first post on this forum, I share some recent experiences. This is a long post. I assure that you will likely find it to be worth the read by the end. I divide it into 8 sections. 1. Background context 2. Ayahuasca: healing and insights into non-duality 3. Being allured by the devil, choosing to invite him in. 4. Final realizations 5. Current situation, Reflections, and Speculations 6. Acknowledgements 7. Plan for redemption 8. Note to the reader 1. Background context (quickly) 21 year old male. Relatively early on in spiritual development. I have followed Leo increasingly over the past three years. In the past 4-6 months the seeker within me has grown significantly. I have consumed many of Leo’s videos and read many of your posts here on the forum. I have commenced with reading the booklist and have sought out larger perspectives and concepts. Over the past three years I have experienced a wide variety of psychedelics (to quickly list them: 5 MEO DMT, Ayahuasca, MDMA, Psilocybin, LSD, Ketamine, 2CB, 2CE, etc.). Apart from a temporary full awakening experience (non-dual God realization) very early on (while on 5 MEO), I have not had an enormous amount of personal transformation. My transformation has only start to begin recently, when the seeker within me grew significantly stronger, leading me to start other practices. My awareness and quality of life has significantly improved since commencing Kriya Yoga practice 10 weeks ago. Finally, I bring your attention to my PMO addiction issue, which has plagued my life for quite some time. I have realized elimination of this would be for the best but have failed to do so. 2. Ayahuasca: healing and insights into non-duality Now to current events. I just had the opportunity to spend a week in the Netherlands (NL). With friends (also spiritual seekers), we planned to trip on psychedelics during this week (in the correct setting: alone, in darkness). First up was Ayahuasca. For this I put decent days of preparation in, regarding diet, and abstaining from drugs and masturbation. My intentions before I began the trip were: 1. Address my PMO addiction 2. Contemplation of non-duality and attaining insights. This turned out to be the most healing and directly insightful trip of my life. I had several insights through direct experience. The biggest one being that the entire point of life is for God to re-remember itself during the unfolding of life. In addition, we are the creators of our lives, directly choosing what manifests in the world. These insights were beyond mind-blowing, and contemplation of their implications across numerous domains yielded extreme results. I realized the insight of I AM. I AM all that is or could be. I was overcome with Self-Realization. My heart burst with passion and unconditional love. I felt equivalent to the poems of Rumi, the clearest articulation of pure devotion to the world. Following this, I went into 20 mins of cosmic body orgasm, cleansing me totally, and of my dysfunctional sexual energy buildup. The next morning, I felt positively transformed but immediately felt ego backlash come on. The ego wanted its’ desires satisfied, and now. The day after this, I drank Ayahuasca again, knowing that I could contemplate my new insights even further. I ascended to a minorly high state of consciousness, allowing further contemplation of my new insight, resulting in basking in Self-Love. However, the brew turned out far weaker this time around, leading to a largely underwhelming trip. 3. Being allured by the devil. Inviting him in. Following the second Ayahuasca trip, everything was still going fine. I was in touch with my newly-realized Love and could emanate this. I felt more authentic in my interactions. Though, it felt the ego backlash was still present. This period was quite pleasant until I really fucked up. I was trying to take a nap the day after the second Ayahuasca trip. I rationalized to myself to fap to porn to assist me in falling asleep (being recently so immersed in the Absolute, I made the mistake of thinking I could do anything in the relative). I proceeded to follow through with my plan. I thought nothing of it. Though a deep part of me certainly knew what I did was wrong. Another planned trip was 5MEO during my time in NL. So, thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to do c. 22mg intranasally 30 mins after my fap. What followed was the most terrifying ordeal of my life. Tying in with my realization of the mechanics of Self-Creation on the first Ayahuasca trip, I realized I had just sold my soul to the devil through my fap 30 mins prior. Having been at a place of higher awareness than I ever have been before due to the first Ayahuasca trip, the fact that I traded this for simple pleasure was agonizing. The ignorance and impurity of what I had done shot me right through the deepest part of my soul. I had let the Devil in through the simplest of rationalizations. Though, despite the Devil working through deception, I chose it. This was what made the experience so entirely unbearable. I instantly understood the imagery of those in Dante’s circles of Hell, damned there for eternity for losing themselves to lust and pleasure. I understood it so well because this was where my soul now resided. I immediately recognized the implications of this for every aspect of my life. I was deeply broken in the deepest sense. I was no longer the same person. My soul was not mine anymore. I was filled with impurity to my core. It appeared I was eternally damned. Suicide was likely what was in store for me, as I could not take the agony of my own ignorance. I pictured myself as Nietzche, having gone mad, through peering too far into the abyss and not re-emerging. In the deepest sense I now understood the following two quotes (Jung’s quote of the soul reaching all the way to hell was agonizing apparent): “The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either -- but right through every human heart -- and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained.” Alexander Solzhenitsyn “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” Carl Jung I slowly exited the trip, the suffering still deep in my soul. To shift from Unconditional Love to this state within 48 hours was unthinkable. Since, this pain has largely remained. I am merely trying to fend it off. I know that the more it affects me, the more power the Devil / Weticko (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJCJSwWyE8) has over me. 4. Final realizations (48 hours later) To mark the last day of my trip in NL, my friends and I took MDMA. When it hit, I became acutely aware of the evil spirits in my soul. The feeling was sickening. Naturally, I screamed in agony for 15 mins, to try to purge myself of the evil spirits. However, this effort was futile. The spirits were too strongly entrenched in my soul. I did realize the similarity of my situation to Jung’s descent into madness during his time of writing the Red Book. Also, the descent of Shamans into the underworld during their training. The successful Shamans were the ones to emerge again. I also understood Jung stance on psychedelics: being dangerous if too much of the collective psyche gets into an individual’s personal unconscious (this was now the case for me). I realized I would have to return to the depths of hell to defeat this evil. I was reminded of when Jesus was tempted by the Devil in the desert. I was no Jesus, I failed the test. 5. Current Situation, Reflections, Speculations It is now 48 hours after I have returned from NL. I am under more distress than I ever been in my life. I am due to start a new internship tomorrow and am highly doubtful as to it turning out well. I am not in my normal state of mind. Functioning properly will be very difficult. My soul feels fragmented. I have certainly been corrupted by the Devil / Weticko. Though, I am unsure if energy-feeding beings have also attached themselves to me. This very well might be the case. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9PC4V_IWtg. I fear I may have to go through the process of Shamanistic healing known as Soul Retrieval. It feels like my personal power have certainly diminished. Despite this hardship and loss of control, my will is strong. I am not going down with this parasite I have invited into myself. I will face it and come out better the other side. I speculate that I have accumulated a lot of bad Karma because of my impure action (especially at heightened state of awareness), and I am storing this in my mental and energetic bodies. My plan for resolution is to drink Ayahuasca again in NL within one week and face the parasite. I know I must accept the evil in my soul if I am to return to non-duality. However, I hear if it is an entity feeding off me, it should be banished (see the video linked above). So, the contradiction of accepting the evil vs banishing it has me slightly confused. In any case, I feel from my depths that I can resolve this. I now know how evil (the ego) was running me and no longer want any part in it. The Absolute Good is stronger than the ego in me. Though, I must address the issue before losing hope or becoming weaker. 6. Acknowledgments - This entire issue is self-created. I chose to invite the Devil into my soul because of my own actions. If I had simply addressed my impurity beforehand, none of this would have occurred. - Good / Evil exist in duality. Non-Duality is Truth. However, evil certainly exists subjectively in the collective psyche, and now my personal psyche. I feel this must be resolved before I return to Non-Duality. - My recklessness and arrogance in my psychedelic usage. Beware of ego backlash on this journey! In future, I will have far greater respect for their usage. - Many people would now consider me to be insane if I were to explain the source of my suffering. I would likely be labelled with some sort of psychiatric disorder. 7. Plan for Redemption I have mentioned my plan to drink Ayahuasca again in NL within a week. Until then, I must bear my suffering. I will lower the intensity of my Kriya Yoga and meditation practices. I also will research information on the topics of: 1. Spiritual Emergencies 2. Religious Symbology of Good + Evil 3. Exorcism / Shamanic Healing 4. Descent and Re-emergence from the underworld/madness. I’ve also contacted a therapist to assist in preventing the PMO issue from ever surfacing again. I hope they will function as an accountability partner and provide me with CBT. 8. Note to the reader To all of you, I thank you for any input you may have. I hope this post functions to make you more mindful of your impurities before venturing too far down this path. I likely won’t be able to respond in-depth, if at all, to your replies until this is resolved. I will certainly read them though.

@eputkonen If direct experience (another way of saying imagination) isnt real, than nothing is which would make this whole conversation merely semantics. We already know scientifically that there is no foundational reality to "stuff" and "things" but so what? How is this not just mental masturbation? Once someone realizes the illusory nature of reality, the illusion doesnt go away. I agree with Taoism that the illusion ideally needs to be flowed with. If one decides that they reject the illusion, then it is their personal Tao to simply wait to die without taking full opportunity for evolution. We could debate as to whether "evolution" is "real" (whatever "real" means) but my flow in this incarnation is geared towards my highest possible evolution in this incarnation. Yes, physical death is merely a process of transformation but that was not what this post was originally about. It was about people's aversion to that transformation. With that said, I agree that what most people project upon that transformation just ends up being delusion rooted in programmed animal instincts to survive. Im not disagreeing with your position on non-duality....Im just saying that once someone understands it, it becomes irrelevant after that point.

In regards to Inquiry and meditation, and in the category of less is more, a friend sent me this quote recently. I think it's from Cynthia Bourgeault. So right on, but easier said than done. “Anguish is where transformation occurs; in meditation, don’t bypass pain, rather sit with it and transform it. “

There is a lot of talk about different timelines in the alternative community. Are there actual parallell timelines? My view is that no, there is only one timeline. However there is also I believe a transformation going on in the world from a "caterpillar" stage into a "butterfly" stage as Dr. Bruce Lipton has talked about. In that sense there are different "dimensions" or timelines. As an example one person may be spiritually enlightened while another person is still in ego consciousness. Both persons are a part of the same timeline yet experience different perspectives. So yes, if timeline means perspective, they can exist in parallel. And interestingly, it's even possible to experience a little bit of "dimension" shift and "parallel timeline". As Eckhart Tolle said in this video, the awareness of one's own thoughts is already a stepping out of the old ego consciousness:

As @Meetjoeblack said - sure, forgive her, in your own mind, and move on. Forgiving the other person makes you forgive yourself and undestand yourself better - because it's not always one's person's fault 100% (don't blame yourself tho). It also makes thoughts about this person dissapear from your mind and that way you use that energy for productive thoughts to push your life forward. Esoterically speaking, I heard that focusing on someone and thinking about them is like sending them free energy and I must say - this theory might be actually true - how many times you heard a story about a "boy that became a man after breakup epic transformation hype montage". The moment, when you stop focusing on others and start thinking and acting for your own good is the moment you become unstoppable. Good luck, stay strong. PS. About the love part you still see there, watch this, it might be it (it was in my case) : Aka - bitch loved me so much and didn't love herself at all, that she did some nasty shit, just to make me suffer, just to test my love. Nevertheless - that's fucked up shit, I'm out