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There aren't alot of information to go off of.. how long have you been feeling fear/anxiety? That might give a clue.. the stuff you mentioned may be triggers to something else, hard to say. And what do you mean by can't stop thinking about suicide? For yourself or others?

sunk cost fallacy They respect power and consequences. Plus Russia has no claim to Poland or Romania or desire to kick that beehive. Putin hasn't lost his mind, trying to take back the entire former USSR would be a suicide mission. That's not my words, I said the opposite That's not something to "go back to", the world has always been that way. You just happened to be born and grew up in an extremely rare time of peace and prosperity. Time to buckle up, because the rest of your life is probably going to be hell in comparison. Instability and danger is the rule, not the exception. We never had true stability, it just takes a while for the inequality to bubble up and for people to take action. If you try to knock down every country that tries something like this, you'll be playing whack-a-mole forever. Plus it's like bottling the pressure back up, it'll just explode even worse in the future.

If she’s wearing a nuclear suicide vest that kind of implies she’s crazy - “my way or we all die bitches”

Yeah, but the trick is that your mom is wearing a nuclear suicide vest. Anyways.... I don't have strong opinions about this issue. We must see how it plays out. Obviously I don't approve of the invasion.

@Reciprocality About drugs, existencialism, suicide, imagination, creativity ... letting go, trauma and if there is contrast or purpose, virginity/sex, internal frustration where I could break things, difficulty finding love amongst social circles, daily chaos life proposes, am I a puppet without free will ...

Hello, To contextualize things, let me start off by emphasizing that this question is being asked from a poignantly pragmatic stance, as opposed to some hypothetical armchair or meditative ass-cushion one. In other words, the young-adult persona typing this question is standing on their God-given feet, trying to make life decisions. The essence of this query has to do with how awakening/enlightenment may shift ones relationship-outlook as such (including how it pertains to my particular situation which I'll get into in a moment). To be more specific, I'm asking whether enlightenment/awakening serves* to “enhance/enrich” relationships (making them more profound than they would be in a normal state of consciousness) or whether it actually “ruins/spoils” the spellbinding magic of them. You see, as an introvert who has struggled their entire life with being intimate/romantic (including the cultivation of friendships in general), I initially turned to spirituality with the hope it would help me “get out of my head” and make it easier to actualize my desire for connecting with others. With that being said, upon delving deeper, I inevitably ran into non-dual teachings. These of course talk about the “illusion of otherness” - a message, which I'm afraid has impacted me in the most ironically soul-crushing manner. In short, this news has pretty much capsized my stage-green, interpersonal endeavors and has left me in a sea of crippling depression. Note: My unrest hasn't just merely come from teachings, but also experiences on substances. Given that I have no way of feasibly erasing my memory of my current circumstances that wouldn’t entail committing suicide, I’m frankly desperate for some yellow/turquoise wisdom in terms of moving forward. I say this because I’m doubtful that a therapist, (who would in all likelihood be operating from some limited orange/green paradigm) could offer that much help. At least, this is the way I see it at any rate - especially since my quandary has now inflated to a metaphysical level as opposed to being merely psychological. To be blunt, as a spiritual amateur who has only half-assed the “oneness/awakening game” and as an autistic incel who has no ass in the “social/collective game”, I feel like I'm imbibing the worst of both worlds so to speak. I never could've guessed God would ever dare to have such a dark sense of humor - even in his wildest dreams. Thanks,

@Someone here to me this is basically the essence of LOA or Manifestation. It's not that your circumstances will somehow magically make you happy, its that the more happy you become, the more higher vibrational energy you send out into the cosmos, the more it harmonizes your life - hence attracting that same frequency back into your experience. It's like with your room. It is quite literally a reflection of the inside of your mind. The same with your life as a whole. There is no disconnect. So to me it's not that things inherently make you happy - we all know of the super famous and rich that hate their lives and commit suicide. But if you're happy you may just end up with some things, and if not - that's okay. The emotion comes first, always.

I'm not dealing with anything in particular, I think it might be my default state because I can't remember ever thinking "Gee, how happy I am to be alive" I like petting dogs but not enough to put up with everything else Ill put it in another way, I think life is a game that's not interesting for me and I wish I didn't have to play it, but at the same time I don't wish to commit suicide because of the consequences it would have on the people around me

you think suicide/mental-illness is a matter of not having a thick enough skin? an avoidance of suffering? @Leo Gura

It's no surprise that psychologically dysfunctional people with poor judgment will not have the wisdom necessary to enroll in and complete a course of therapy. These people usually spend their whole lives avoiding facing truth and their emotional wounds/trauma. Also therapy is expensive and tedious. It requires work. Most people who are depressed or suicidal will not want to do that work. The paradox of therapy is that the people who need it the most are usually the sort who are least interested in doing it and also cannot afford it. In general I would guess that a person who kills himself would probably have kill himself at some point in life, and that no one thing anyone says or does to him is the cause of the suicide. Suicidal people usually have a long history of suicidal ideation and attempts. They don't just wake up one day, watch a few bad advice videos, and then decide to kill themselves. If one thing doesn't push them over the edge, another thing will. There can be hundreds of things that could push them over the edge simply because they are already teetering on the edge anyways. I mean this Reckful dude said he tried to kill himself when he was 16 because his favorite MMORPG video game lost users to WoW. If this is not dumb then I don't know what is. A person that fragile will not be able to handle the ups and down of life. Life will hit you with downs pretty hard sometimes. You gotta be willing to handle them. And you can't depend on someone to babysit you through each one. Bottom line is, you need to develop a thick skin to survive life.

The only true cause of death is birth. Anything that is born will die. Everything that is created will be destroyed. When it comes to so-called "causes of death", the rest is at best merely a matter of perspective, if not a deceptive shell game. For example, consider a cigarette smoker who dies with lung cancer shortly after catching the common cold. Would it even make sense to debate about whether the so-called "cause of death" was (1) cigarettes, (2) suicide, (3) lung cancer, or (4) the common cold? I propose that it would make no sense to have such a debate or to assert that one of those is or could be the cause. No human can be saved from death. Thus, nothing else causes a human to die because the death is inevitable from the birth. The human will die regardless of whether they smoke, whether they catch a cold, whether they get lung cancer, whether they drive a motorcycle, whether they are suicidal, or whether they desperately cling to life in terrified fear of death. Neither the presence nor absence of any of those things--or any other things like them--will prevent the person from dying. Thus, those things and anything like them cannot be a true cause of death. One could argue instead that a given event or factor (e.g. the presence of smoking versus non-smoking) would speed up the time of the death. Slightly accelerating or postponing the timing of something is very different than causing it. Moreover, analogous to accelerations or decelerations in Newtonian physics, these factors are cumulative not mutually exclusive, and are thus in practice immeasurable and countless if not infinite. For example, if 8 dogs are pulling a sled, it does not make sense to say which dog is the cause of the sled moving, nor is it true that only the dogs are responsible for the sled moving. Rather, there are countless and presumably infinite factors at play, such as but not limited to friction, gravity, the weather, and how much the guy riding the sled ate for breakfast. Imagine the proverbial sled is going down a steep ice-hill, having black-hole-like properties, and thus the sled will reach its destination very soon regardless of any of those other factors, and some of the dogs are futilely trying to pull the sled up the hill but can only at best slightly decrease the rate of acceleration. That would be a more accurate analogy to anything attempting to prevent human death, such as exercising daily instead of smoking cigarettes daily. There is no preventing death, and no practical way to significantly change to its timing on cosmological scales. The length of a human life is but an itsy bitsy teeny tiny sliver in cosmological spacetime. As a human, each of us is going to die very soon. Every human dies quickly. There is no cause of death, besides birth itself. Once born, the death is inevitable. We are going down the black-hole-like ice-hill quickly, from birth to death, and no dog can reverse the trajectory. When one of us humans reach the bottom of the ice-hill (human death), it is absurd and nonsensical, worse than false, to point to any one dog, or even a few dogs, or even dogs as a whole versus gravity or what the sled rider ate, and accuse that thing of being the cause. It doesn't matter what any of the dogs did, and what the rider ate or didn't eat, and thus those kinds of things cannot logically be considered causes. If you take the cause away, then the result cannot happen. Therefore, if you take an alleged cause away, and the result does still happen, then the alleged cause is no true cause at all, reductio ad absurdum. Thus, the only cause of death is birth.

I would like that. Perhaps we can chat if these issues have not been cleared up for you by now. I do hope you know we do not promote harming of the body here and we never have. I believe the suicide was the biggest criticism. But spirituality is dangerous if one is not ready or unstable. But I digress and we can talk outside of here if you would like.

@AdeptusPsychonautica oh shit! the man is HERE!!!! ahahaahaaa.... wait, if the forum members or any other followers defend leo in a cultlike manner, then they are prob not advanced as they claim to be he is just a talking head. but, even I can defend leo if the accusations are based on a shallow surface level accounts. and the other thing is, suicide happpens everywhere, everyday. and here as well. I don't kw how many people who watched ur videos are dead by now. the difference is, here it is recorded and that makes people highlight it as something huge . and u must kw spirituality has a ton of traps. and all of us have been warned repeatedly. responsibility is yours to take for applying any advice without proper scrutiny. if you doubt supernatural powers, then u are literally crazy dude. my cat can materialize rats in to existence with his powers in just minutes. if u call that fake, i' m gonna call your momma right away about your irresponsible behavior Jk i won't tell ur mom btw

This is not a valid criticism. Psychic powers are not delusional. Healing abilities exist. I have myself encountered psychics who have extraordinary abilities that the normal human population doesn't. Just because you don't believe it doesn't make it Delusional. The atmosphere at Actualized. Org does not encourage/support suicide. In fact it helps people who are suicidal. If anyone takes the decision to commit suicide its up to them. In the wake of the suicide, Leo made it clear that he doesn't want people to die to experience consciousness. Leo is not a heartless monster running a suicide cult. He is well aware of the consequences of spiritual work that's why he took down the video of Solipsism. Learn to appreciate his effort. So to make him look like suicidal cult running guy is disingenuous, baseless and bogus, nothing valid about it. Leo handles criticism from his members in the most impeccable manner, I'm yet to see someone so humble and down to earth, he interacts with everyone here, he is aware of his own mistakes. He is pretty tolerant. And he never pressures anyone to follow his path strictly. Nor does he threaten anyone. This place is free for people to join and work on themselves. People are here by their own will. Perhaps you might want to look up the definition of a cult. People admiring and appreciating his work is not a cult. BTW, this has been endlessly debated before. Take your bogus claims elsewhere. Stop bugging the poor guy with your trollish criticisms. Your stuff has already been debunked.

@Leo Gura Leo, if you don't know what the definition of a troll is then its probably best not to use it, but let me give you a few pointers. Calling you out for delusional claims around psychic superpowers and healing abilities is not trolling - its valid criticism Discussing the atmosphere within Actualized.org in the wake of a members suicide is not trolling - its valid criticism Highlighting the cult-like mentality within this community which cannot tolerate any criticism is not trolling - its valid criticism Just because you don't like what someone says about you doesn't make them "a troll", so please try and be less sloppy with your language - that's another valid criticism. Its an extremely lazy approach to simply label someone who has a differing opinion as a troll, but I guess that is easier than looking in the mirror and actually facing up to some uncomfortable truths. Serious question - Am I trolling you now Leo?

You could make that case. Maybe there's some merit to it. But I wouldn't overblow it. It's being framed as though Dr K killed the guy. What I see is that Dr K was doing his best to help him, and he had a few slip-ups. This is not a good reason to trash him. You guys understand that in real therapy clients can kill themselves too? It's not like the therapist is some kind of savoir. Most people who go to therapists don't improve. In fact I would bet that most therapists are mediocre and harm their clients by over-prescribing drugs. Just because it's legal and "ethical" doesn't mean it helps people truly grow and heal, or avoid suicide. The difference here is that when a client kills himself within private therapy, no one knows about it so there cannot be any outrage. But when it's all live-streamed, it's ripe for a Twitter outrage mob, lead by Mr Girl.

@Loba actually this reminds me of the guy who committed suicide not long ago whose name was Soonhei on the forum and the last person who he had a communication with on the forum was Nahm. Not saying that Nahm is in anyway responsible for the suicide. But Nahm's conversation might have had a negative impact on the guy causing him to think what he was doing was right. I mean these are the situations where social acuity gets tested really badly. Plus Nahm was in the position of a mod. That's very influential to some newbie. All I can say the mods here should tread carefully with their advice. It can drive someone over the edge.

IMO it is not a good idea for you to keep watching gore, or to take psychedelics. I had very similar beliefs / thoughts that you have, took around 5 grams of mushrooms, and had pretty much the worst trip one can have. Had to call an ambulance. Negative thought-patterns and (egoic projections) ensued weeks after the trip, and I had to spent time in psych ward. Took antipsychotics. Took me quite literally a year to fully get what happened, and to cut the negative pattern / let go the belief. The thought/belief/pattern that went down was pretty much like this: "God/Universe is pushing me towards suicide, because I have to prove my worth as a fearless, courageous, egoless person who cares only about truth." Today I see what was wrong so to say, what place these thoughts came from, and why they were false. Hope you don't see this as me imposing beliefs on you, but I want to say this directly. Take it or leave it... God is not pushing you toward conquering a fear. This is projection, aversion from emotional guidance. God needs nothing. There is no "your fear", and no fear whatsoever that needs to be conquered. There is nothing you need to do. There is nothing you need to prove. To put it more simply, there is no need whatsoever to watch any gore videos ever again, nor is there a need to conquer/"win" this fear.

It can fool itself into experiencing self-destruction. Like dreaming a life of a suicide bomber. But then the dream ends. In absolute state of God/consciousness there is no "thing" that can be destroyed

from the forum guidelines: "Warning: Spiritual work is inherently risky and dangerous if misapplied or misunderstood. Some Actualized.org teachings are not suitable for people with serious mental disorders. If your mind is chaotic and unstable, these teachings may lead to a deterioration of your condition and even suicide if misapplied." Even though this is in the guidelines, he doesn't really follow this well. If something like realizing god can put someone into a crisis, which absolutely can, and does, he doesn't seem to mind forcing this realization onto someone with no remorse.

“I am a slave to my urges and it makes me suicidal” It’s the beliefs about yourself which feel so terrible. If the thought(s) were true, they’d feel aligned with the love that you are. ? Call and receive help now, don’t put it off. http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html Focusing on thoughts about wanting to stop focusing on discordant thoughts is kind of madness. But there is meditation & expression.

From where I am siting right now, "Iraq" I can see that countries are the ultimate dualities. Why people are taking these countries as if they are real? why people are going crazy about that? I am doomed, and I need help before my country Iraqi is set on fire again. It is someone's job to help me get some freedom. I need $120 K in order to purchase a new passport/citizenship and gain some freedom of movement back. It can't be the case that I am sitting here, alone, with no one who can entertain some of these higher consciousness ideas, and I am totally cornered. My sage red-blue society is cornering me, and I am living only physically inside of Iraq. All my life is associated with projects outside of Iraq, I gain money through the internet that's paying my rent, and my friends are foreigners, and I participated in many projects that are originated from outside Iraq. The internet is something that's influencing my life, and the apps within the internet These apps don't take in account my future sometimes, they want to make money, and I have to depend on pure luck. They work for me when their interest is aligning with my interest, which is not the case at all times. I even used to have a chance to post on facebook some of the higher consiousness ideas to my people, but now that is banned, and facebook suddenly banning any political opinion from being advertised without ID verification. Basically the whole world would see who's sponsoring a political opinion post. I can't go out on the street and shout my opinions, that would be a suicide. The world is conspiring to keep the illusion of democracy in Iraq because that serve the oil industry, while the democracy here is a joke. They will just leave iraq to chaos when the oil is no longer needed, and it will become worse than Afghanistan, a threat to the whole of humanity The whole world is conspiring against me. I need to get out to a safer area, at least I would have a chance to speak up without fearing to be silenced. At least I can be able to translate some higher-consciousness ideas to the people of this troubled region without the fear of getting dragged to prisons or murdered. I need $120 K for passport + air ticket + some money to help me stay alive for a year to come until I can find a job. ------ It I ironic, that even if I see this country concept as duality , I need to pay to get a passport and citizenship!

We are all unconsciously/consciously trying to return to our non-dual essence which is what we all inherently are, free of inner conflict, we are trying to find ourselves. 99% of people you observe are trying to find it in some'thing' - person, object, thought, belief - you can just see it raw and gross and it's beautiful in some ways and you can respect the journey everyone is on and find admiration for all the different ways it is expressed And even in suicide, utter depression, utter agony, you are still looking. You think suicide will return you to a place where you will not suffer. It is just so beautiful it really is. You find such a joy in seeing it and seeing the suffering is always just us trying to find ourselves, merge with who truly are under the layers of what we created, no seperation, no exclusion. It's just the most perfect game - and until you truly confront consciously the obstacles within you will have this restless seeking energy inside of you that nothing, no practice, no one experience, no drug, no person/thing will free you from You will eventually see surrendering to this seeker within is dropping all the acts of ignorance, willing to truly leave decade old patterns, habits, hobbies, beliefs, people, family - all your attachments binding you in seperateness. There is 'knower' that always knows what is good and bad for you and how to return you, the father is within you, you are already the guru, you are the buddha, you are everyone you imagine in your mind to be seperate from you, when you start to be radically confrontational with yourself and facing deep rooted fears There only leaves a compassion within, as you the creator see your creation suffering trying to find what is. Love emerges through giving, give your love to be free.

If you are doing basically the same for 20 years... I think it needs a radical change of perspective. One that you think is so far out there and almost suicide. Turn towards something that you always avoided. For example, have you thought of going back to your family and getting married? I'm serious. Doesn't it allow more freedom for you? Freedom which you can leverage towards what you really want? Confess to have come to your senses. I think your parents will be more than happy that you returned to Allah, the old traditions and the family. Instead of swimming against the current, swim with the current to the save shore; if the law works against you, then use the law to your advantage. It's like working a low-wage job and using that extra income to become independent. In your case this "low-wage job" requires you to get into commitment and using that to become independent. Work with that greater freedom towards your true desire.

Pessimism is an emotion directly experienced. It is guidance in regard to the thoughts you’re focusing on and projecting. “You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.” Freedom is freedom from thought attachment. If you ‘suicide yourself’, you’ll not be free, you’ll end up exactly right back here, experiencing aversion. Call a trained specialist now. Don’t wait or put it off. https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines Attention is presently outward, to concepts, conceptualizations of religions, etc. Reorient inward, and feel, and understand what you are feeling. Start expressing. Find a good therapist or guru. Utilize the internet for your well being, instead of this.