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Hi! I'm depressed for 7 years now (this feels horrible to acknowledge) . In this time interval I've had ups, but mostly downs. My life went ahead somehow, but I have always felt that something is wrong. I don't remember much of my childhood, especially times in which my parents say that I was happy and outgoing. My memories consist of random (happy/interesting) moments, some dreams (mostly nightmares) and some traumatic events. I have always suffered from "shyness" and anxiety growing up. I was considered a gifted kid and did very well in middle school and early high school, went to different kind of competitions and whatnot. I started being bullied in 8th grade, and it pretty much went downhill from there. High school was traumatic for me... not because I suffered from various impactful traumas such as accidents, but because I suffered from long term stress and anxiety, which I didn't know how to handle. I did not even consciously acknowledged that I had these problems for a long time. Those repressed emotions slowly built up into emotional numbness -> feelings of apathy and generalized anxiety -> chronic depression, generalized anxiety, chronic stress and suicidal thoughts/ideation. I came to the realization that the general cause (or at least the partial cause) of all of these feelings is a lack of feeling seen, valued, understood and loved for who I really am. I never felt important or felt like I should exist. When I was a kid, I remember thinking and saying things to my mother along the lines of "if I wasn't around, you wouldn't have to sacrifice for me". I especially want my depressed, angry, suicidal, miserable side to be seen and loved unconditionally. I have no idea if this is a proper expectation to have of another person. I hate that I'm dependent on other people for my emotional needs. I feel like I'm too fucked up at this point for anyone to love me in any way. People "love" and "like" my façade, which is harder and harder to maintain. Over the years, I couldn't really afford to go to therapy because of financial reasons and the fact that I didn't want to let my family know that I'm struggling. I always felt that I would break them beyond the point of repair. Some attempts were made, but they ended up backfiring. My parents always fought. There was always a silent (or not so silent lol) tension, and I think this is where my anxiety comes from. They hate each other, don't communicate properly and I generally don't trust them to be intimate with me. They are also both depressed or fed up with life at the very least. My father threatened to commit suicide multiple times. My mother suffers in silence but I can see that she also has suicidal thoughts and depression. Won't go further deep into that rabbit hole, but you can see why I didn't talk to them about how I'm feeling. I fear that they might have manic attacks and kill themselves, or physically fight each other or something. Now I'm in college but due to my state of mind and constant thoughts of suicide, manic attacks, chronic sense of loneliness, mental fog I just cracked. I can't go on. I passed the majority of my subjects, but I'll have to repeat a year. I'd like to get a job (I know I could if I really put my mind to it) and save some money, but can't. The only thing that is on my mind is being hugged and appreciated, things which I cannot get. I had some girls show interest in me over the years, but I unconsciously pushed them all away. I'm glad I did that, because it's not fair for them to have to deal with someone so mentally destroyed as me. It's just not fair for the other party involved and I don't want to pull up a bait a switch tactic or be manipulative. I'd love to have a romantic partner, but my unconscious expectation is that they would be my therapist. I don't know what expectations are healthy to have for a partner, but that certainly doesn't make it on the list. Yet, I'm so desperate for any kind of intimate (intimate as in sharing feelings, not sexual) relationship. I'm spending most of days zombifying myself through distractions because I get overwhelmed with negative emotions. No, I just can't sit and be present with them because when I do, I end up daydreaming about suicide or actually researching ways to kill myself. Teal Swan's video on suicide helped me because it felt so validating and made me feel seen. I've grown in some areas over the years, but if I was forced to look at my situation blindly optimistically, I'd say that I've actualized 15% of my real potential that I could have actualized in these years. I've done shadow work, meditation and all sorts of other stuff, but I can't form a habit out of anything positive... The resistance always has a flavor of "I have to change myself so that others will love and accept me". I can't fight through that, I can't work through it, and I can't resolve it due to my fear of irreversibly breaking anyone who comes too close. I'm waiting for therapy right now, thanks to a forum's user. Though I cannot help but feel like it's futile. The wait for getting paired with a therapist is killing me and I don't even have the guarantee that it's going to help me, or that it's going to be a good therapist who can handle me and who know what he/she's doing. I have written all of this because I needed to vent. Also because I want pity, because it feels like love. Yes, a part of me expects pity from anyone reading this. I'm frustrated and ashamed of that part. It feels like that last sentence is a manipulation for pity as well (as well as this one). Oh yeah, for anyone commenting something along the lines of "toughen up" or "gO tRaVeL aNd SeE hOw BaDLy oTHerS hAvE iT", please go find the nearest sharp metallic corner, and smack your head into it as hard as you can.

Hello everyone. I have three chronic pains: hands and wrists, throat and eyes. Maybe there is only one cause, but less likely, I think I have three different chronic pains. It all started with the pandemic, a year and a half ago, I had to change jobs and do a very worn and tiring job. It consisted of moving, assembling, painting large parts of cars all day, many workers had physical problems. This labor has caused me pain in both wrists, carpal tunnel. Unfortunately I was forced to work with these excruciating pains and this, according to the doctors with whom I am being treated, caused me, to alleviate the pain, movements with wrong postures that multiply with my already very wrong posture. Well, all these imbalances according to the physiotherapists' narrative (very credible) have caused contacts in the nerves of the shoulders that affect the hands and more rarely forearms. Proprioceptive physiotherapy is paying off but very very slowly. For many months I had pain to the limit of possible (every minute or less i felt) , even at night and this created an atmosphere of hatred in the house for many months (my parents forced me to continue working or kicked me or out of the house, so continue three months of work). The fact is that I have a lot of pain and difficulty using both arms. Second chapter, 10 months ago my brother took a common flu which he then passed on to me and it never passed, from that time on I still have cough, cold and a very strong sore throat that prevents me from staying out, I feel very l air on my throat and prevents me from long talking or screaming. According to the doctors it is laryngopharyngeal reflux but it's cures aren't working for now. Third part, the eye disease, in particular the nasal part of the right eye has pain, redness and copious white discharge as symptoms, arose when following the many limitations I had I abused films and books even with pain up to make it become chronic. I tried some eye drops that were working but have been on the bottom for two months. In addition to the pain which is the first problem there is also a tremendous boredom given by the limitations I have. Every time I use even mildly the diseased parts my health gets worse. I thank those who have had the patience to read everything. Do you know what my disease is? Heavy metals? I have tried fibromyalgia treatments and antipsychotics but no effect. Can you help me? Some advise? I don't feel depressed but I ll suicide in some months/years if I can't recover

I Don't Like the Idea of "No Birth and No Death" in Buddhism | Thich Nhat Hanh, 2014 06 21 many seek suicide as a way of non being. some seek eternal being in spirituality and many other ways. and both are one sided . tbh, this video made me rethink it all... what do you guys think?

@catcat69123 This feeling is often described by many people who have survived suicide or had NDE's. I'm sorry you had to suffer so much in order to reach this realization. ♥️ I've actually been very depressed for many years and I keep hoping that someday through self actualization and self improvement I'll heal and maybe have that realization you had of everything having been here all along. Loads if hugs ?

the day after my suicide attempt i remember walking outside and had this 'feeling like everything has been right here all along', that was my first clue but i don't know if that was an awakening - it wasn't some intense realization more like an old seed in my mind sprouted when i was trying to make sense of what i was experiencing like i had been torturing myself for so long and finally tried to 'solve' it but it didn't really work and i just gave up in some sense and it happened

Eckhart Tolle had what I would call a suffering awakening. He was deeply disgusted with his mind made suffering, that his "Self" devided from his "I". People experience this while attempting suicide. It seems that your ego doesn't just give room for awakening that easily.

I think it's maybe the case that in a world without actual threat, such as this one, unconscious boredom arises, and conflict can only be simulated. That fact aside, where I've positioned myself in that spectrum is another matter. If I was born a millennia ago, I would have had a great time being some sort of Crusader or Jihadi in a Holy War. Or finding some excuse to bludgeon or assassinate other chimps. But no such cause or motivation exists, and I'm left with nothing in a sense I crashed from my active madness, from my phase of facing fears and conflict over and over again, but I stopped. It was just so pointless. Why don't I have the motivation to face my fears anymore or pretend that I am? I'm just at a dead end, and I was occasionally cosplaying as some warrior with an enemy to slay but there are none, it's a bleak wasteland. I don't have any motivation to message moderators about xyz, I might have done so some months ago, but now it looks so boring. Can I even call my lack of motivation "fear" at this point? It was like I talked to __ & __ out of some motivation that they awaken some sleeping giant in me to engage but they were like "nah, no point" or "meh, I don't remember", and so I'm just left here bored again, in some ambiguity cloud that only agency shall be given the permission to claim And despite all that, my simulations still continue because I'm trying to cling onto it. I'm taking anti-depressants now but the only thing they might do is motivate me to seppuku, because I truly feel the world is dead. Let me stop lying for a second. I did get the response I wanted by messaging __ , it snapped me back to here. THERE IS NO FUCKING SCIENCE TO DISSOCIATION CLOUDS AND AGENCY SINGULARITIES. IF THERE WAS A SCIENCE TO IT, THAT WOULD BE TOO RETARDED TO UNDERSTAND. THE WORLD IS TOO FUCKING RETARDED NOW AND THESE CHIMPS ARE TRAPPED IN ALGORITHM. AND I ALREADY KNEW, LONG AGO, THAT MY PREVIOUS EMOTIONAL FRAMEWORKS WERE DEAD, AND IN SOME HYSTERICAL RAGE I COULD ONLY BE ANGRY BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS OR ACCEPT THAT FACT. So all I could do then was focus on the artificial, RESORT TO COMPUTERSPEAK BECAUSE HYSTERICAL EMOTIONLESS RAGE WOULDN'T BE ACCEPTABLE TO STOMACH. BUT HERE WE ARE, STOMACH IT. ((((THE EMOTION HAS NO SUBSTANCE AND WAS PURE ABSTRACTION)))) THE RAGE IS ARTIFICIAL ENTIRELY AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT AND IM GETTING ANAL RAPED IN 12 (make it 13.14) DIMENSIONS TILL SOMETHING FLIPS So there we go, I'm a fucking automaton now. Great! Just shoot me already, it'll save you the trouble of still being baffled after I pass your Turing Test. Stay at this level of acute artificial awareness. You've suppressed the rage long enough, because you knew it was artificial and couldn't stomach that fact. But it's the only thing you have to face now, and you just have to live with it. Or don't! Suicide is always an option but NOPE!! Maybe you can stomach it. Can stomach the awareness that your entire being and emotional experience was artificial/robotic? AHHHHHHH fuck its difficult to not extrapolate and get lost. And maybe don't rely on other people gaslighting you to get guidance this time round, mkay

Funny enough, going deeper did lead to my suicide in some ways. With Leo’s encouragement I’ve went very deep with things like 5-MeO and self inquiry that have helped me “kill myself” via the expansion of consciousness beyond the finite confines of my ego. LOL

This is interesting. How do you know this? How do you know whether or not to encourage this when you don't truly know what he is experiencing? I mean, all you have is a bit of text, could it not be that in actuality there was something else going on that could be harmful to this individual? For example, what if this person did go deeper and it lead to their suicide. What if your encouragement would lead to that? How do you prevent that from happening when you give advice and even direct commands to people you have no oversight over?

There is another possibility you are overlooking: the pursuit of truth simply for its own sake. Ego has nothing to do with it. It's ego that cares about suffering. What the majority of people are interested in is irrelevant here. It would not matter to me if every last human on this planet was burning in hell and needed a helping hand with no regard for truth. I would still choose truth. Here's why: without truth, you cannot know if the suffering of others is even real. And hint; of course it isn't. The only one who suffers is you, because you are not awake. I'm telling you about a level of awakening that no one else has the consciousness or balls to tell you about. What if no one suffers? What if suffering is something you're hallucinating? Then they've come to the wrong place. I don't care about your suffering. I care about understanding reality. Stop being a child. It's time to grow up. They could. So what? Anyone can claim anything at any time. You're doing that now. My words serve those who want to reach the highest levels of consciousness and self-understanding. But that's the whole point. You do all this work to reach a level of consciousness that virtually no human has reached. If you succeed in this, you will understand what others don't. This is the goal. Not to be better than others, but to simply have maximum self-understanding. When you reach maximum self-understanding there will not be anyone against whom you will be better, because you will be alone. I don't care about being better than anyone. How could I? Who is there but me? You will feel better when you awaken all the way My responsibility is to lead people to truth. But that's the rub: there aren't I am a philosopher. If you don't like it, don't listen to me. No amount suicide threats are going to change the truth. You are not going to fear-monger me out of speaking truth. Deconstructing reality is serious business. It will threaten your survival. Which is why no one teaches you what I teach. - - - - - - I know you guys don't like being confronted with these truths so starkly. Which is exactly why I do it. You think you can succeed in this awakening business while keeping your pleasant spiritual ways. And I'm telling you NO! This makes you unhappy. Well.... sorry, but I'm not going to indulge your fantasies just because it doesn't conform to spiritual norms. I don't have any qualms about shitting on every spiritual norm. You want me to play the role of some gentle kind Buddhist, and I'm not going to.

i think before you attempt suicide you should exhaust all other options that includes therapy, group therapy, medication, psychedelics, leaving your parents and living somewhere else, traveling to interesting countries, helping other people etc. etc.

You don't care about your parents, that's okay. But are you actually certain that you want to leave this world? That there's nothing more you want to do or experience? This dream affords many possibilities. Think of all the sexual escapades you could go on. The challenges you could overcome, the enemies you could conquer, the things you could achieve. You're telling me you honestly want to leave all that behind? Losers do it all the time because they're too weak to deal with their existence so they think they can put an end to it and that'll fix the problem. Little do they know that they're immortal, have always existed, and will always exist. I'm certain that you're strong enough not to require our validation in order to continue your existence. What's the most positive thing you've experienced, and the best relationship you've had with another human? Whoever they are is likely to be better suited to helping you than some strangers on the internet. If anything this is proof you don't really want to commit suicide. All you really want is love from others, but have you considered that maybe others would be more loving of you if you become more loving of them?

@Gregory1 Yes, financially speaking a living human being in a society has it's benefits and costs, but context is needed tk further determine the cost benefit ratio of a living being. Keeping a human being alive in a medical center is different from the costs of generally living in a 3rd world, which is different from living in a 1st world ect. The financial aspect is complicated, but at other situations it can be really expensive to bury a body because it creates some demand for available land, which is why graveyards and cemeteries exist, but we won't have enough land for burial at some point. Cremation is slightly cheaper, but they used coal fuels some electricity and oil to power up the machinery needed to heat up the remains, and that is expensive in another way materially. Another option is to cremation and converting the loved one's remains into diamonds, but that doesn't really make much money to cover the funeral costs because the amount of diamonds made would be at most 5 small pieces, and price of those diamonds are subjected to haggling and stuff, and the process is even more expensive to pay upfront. Go seek a professional and go to the suicide hotline if you have to. Personally, when I stop to tuink about the horrors of mankind and it's past history, and the existence of a hell the the other side, is mostly enough for me to kill off suicidal thoughts in my head and move on in life thinking posituvely afterwards, being grateful for my own life and my circumstances, bad and good in comparison to other people. Therapy is also good, sometimes pricey and emotionally laborious but it's great to vommit some of your negativity onto a professional.

This does not make logical sense. Keeping a human body alive is more expensive than burning a dead body. But yeah, psychologically it could be hard for the parents. I do not mean to imply in any sense that suicide should be committed. The opposite is the case. Call suicide hotline please.

While attempting to answer this question from a existence point of view, whether reality is Solipsistic or panpsychism, is open to interpretation and debate, one thing is certain to me. Committing suicide is extremely foolish and impractical in context. Given what partial context you've said here, about your family's financial situation, well your suicide will add more to their financial burden on top of whatever they are going through now, paying off mortgages, looking for a job ect. Now they have to pay for a funeral service, for a casket to put your body in to bury you, pay for the grave stone and place of burial, or thet pay for the cremation, the pot they put your ashes in. Not to mention that if they can't pay, they have to loan your funeral costs, which puts your parents and siblings into further debt, maintaining the financial nightmare they are in after your death in the first place. Also, the suicide willl negatively impact their psychological wellbeing. You would effectively put them into the grief cycle, and some people with different personality types, grief different and sometimes grief longer or a few do not ever recover from a loss. Like others have said, get professional help asap, hook a therapist, suicide hotline if you need to. Next thing, is to tell us more about your situation with yourself and family that led to this sucidal thinking. More for context, and to get a more tailored advice to your circumstance.

There is nothing in death that cannot be in life. There is no benefit in suicide. You can be at peace and feel awesome right here in life. You can have it all, because you are home and you are free. Do not underestimate the power of simply opening up. You got nothing to lose in being open and expressing emotions. You matter, and each one of us encourage you to talk to someone.

First of all, suicide is futile. It is just another way of getting to an alleged better state or experience. What you are missing is that every experience and every state, including death or blissful ecstasy, only appears within that which is already perfect, free, blissful, complete, happy. Your longing for better state is precisely how Absolute Freedom expresses itself. So it does not matter what you will do, it will never get you anything. Second, no, your parents will not suffer because there is no you to begin with. All relationships are illusion. Your parents are Nothing, pretending to be some separate form, which can form bonds with other forms, just like you. However, within this illusion of relationship suffering may arise due to the attachment to relationships. When Nothing is formed as a human organism, it tends to fall under the spell of separateness, which "hides" the simple truth that everything that exists is how Nothing manifests. In other words, you and your parents are not really separate, but suffering or emotional pain can appear to happen, although no one really suffer. Third, life is mystery dancing as form. There is nothing to gain or get or acheive from it. You can either fight the dance and try to create the next better state or experience, or surrender to what already is, which is the case, and let life continue its dance without separateness and seeking.

mine too but a while ago most people struggle, some more some less, but most of the struggle isn't as personal as you think i don't think suicide is an option at this point

Don't use this work to justify suicide. You may know that everything is imaginary, but that doesn't mean your parents do. You killing yourself will surely guarantee suffering for them.

Call now. Do not wait. Don’t ruminate on misinformation. Call. http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html Yes, as was said, they will suffer tremendously and their lives will effectively be ruined. But more importantly imo… whatever it is… it is felt far worse un-expressed, as a ‘secret’. Allow the experience of talking with a trained specialist. There is much, much, much love here for you. ? Feel free to reach out anytime!

@Tyler Durden First of all that is wrong to say NOW taking account of the situation and also that is quite wrongly worded, because even if you all actualized.org users would go to commit suicide "I" would be here and I would register that which happened. Would you see that your loved ones suffer? - no, because you wouldn't exist then to see that. But still our job NOW when it is about someones life we need to be extremely sharp when we answer.

I don't think their suicide had anything to do with the video. At least in the case of the first guy.

Evidence supporting a link between dental amalgams and chronic illness, fatigue, depression, anxiety, and suicide

@lostingenosmaze That's valid point and I agree that this could be on every video, but the thing is that people should be caution with anything they do. Even when eating candies you could choke or bit your finger off. Should everything be done like America that microwaves have warning labels that cats shouldn't be inside when the microwave is on? I just wanted to point out that there are actually warnings and where else do you see about 10 hours of high quality content of JUST WARNINGS. Of course suicides and suicide attempts happen all the time and we can't avoid all of them and my honest opinion is that Leo has done exellent work in preventing that. If Leos videos help millions of people and saves lifes and then there have been one certified suicide and couple of suicide attempts then I would call that very good statics. Don't fall into the trap of not seeing the forest for the trees. This is actually pretty good moment to do Leo's practise of accepting things even if they are very shocking. We need to get out of our heads and think logically this thing and when you try to see this thing without acting from the feelings you could see what I try to point out. We need to accept things like they are now and if we have some feedback to Leo there is possibility to do that on his blog site or just in this forum, but the thing is that we can't come to him agressively, because that makes this comminity toxic and how could we then practise gratitude, love, calming mind or anything spiritual <3 Hope that people could finally understand that, because I have now sent like 10 messages to this topic about basic logic and appreciating an awesome content of Leo.