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Maybe we SHOULDN'T wake up to GOD? We are here for a reason. The reason is, to have human experience, right? If i'm GOD, it doesn't matter if i know that or not. It doesn't change the fact who i am. I have 100% chance that i'll die, and i'll find out the truth eventually. God puts so much effort to hide itself. God puts so much effort to forget. When i read other people stories about their awaking, it's really,really maddening. It's so fucking scary. Some describe is as the biggest horror of their lives, as being shocked to the core, as pure death. During my experience, I was seriously contemplating suicide, and i'm really mentally stable person. It was just too much. All this makes me think. Are we really supposed to find out the truth? Maybe it's against GOD's will? Maybe we are supposed to just live our human experience, and that's why we are here? Maybe the truth isn't for the finite human mind to handle?

Sounds like you have a pretty low level understanding of spiritual practices. not to be offensive but there is work to be done. Tripping is work, journaling and contemplating is work, doing yoga or Qigong is work, reading is work. If people were just magically okay or awake we would not have a suicide and depression epidemic in the world, or wars, or religions or any of this stuff. Which we do. there’s a lot of pain and confusion, dogma, in the world. seems like bypassing actually reality to me when people say there is no work. sort of relative and depends on your goals. Maybe I’m having this conversation with with because you aren’t putting in the work? Maybe, for you there is no work. But, I think you are either lazy or deluded. Not saying you ARE, just you come off that way to me.

Mandy, I know people who have ended up in mental institutions. There are dangers in spiritual work. People can lose their footings on reality, go insane, commit suicide because of the nihilism… they can discover uncomfortable truths about themselves or reality that lead them to extreme depression and confusion. Stop being so arrogant spiral dynamics is not a game of who is better than who…. The guy who made it is stage blue because those are HIS VALUES. Values are relative and the spiral stages are just a tool of categorizing peoples values based on an oberrsved trend of how people change over time. There are different human survival situations, different levels of education and access to information, different pursuits and interests. Each level of the stage is important for survival. A humans value is inherent to them being human. Not based on a scale. Scale is a tool to understand. Should be used and transcended.

Technically you could, but, as I understand it, God sort of put itself inside a humongous Matryoshka doll set in order to limit itself. In a way, if you could blast through all of them you could pretty much do anything. Basically, God put itself in a hole and threw away the hole. He knows how powerful he really is, and the unleashing of that would just destroy the dream, so he hides his own self from itself so you can't do all that your "ego" wants to. Honestly, I don't buy this crap right here. There's no way God actually *wants* to experience intense suffering and suicide. Seek meaning, significance, to survive in an alien world in whatever way possible. I think shit just goes down and maybe we just have to work with what we've got. Also, as I understand it, this existence is highly based on faith and belief. Think about it, you don't actually believe you could create another Universe right now, and so you won't. You TRY to believe, you WANT to believe, but ultimately you don't, and so you won't be creating anything out of nothing any time soon.

Illuminating article by Pepe Escobar, a Brazilian geopolitical analyst, prognosis on the possible economic and financial repercussions of this war perhaps in the long term mostly for Europe and Europeans, what were some of Russa's possible economic and financial goals in the backdrop that it hoped to achieve with it and in possible global re-alignments of the global markets and global economy going forward: https://thecradle.co/Article/columns/7672 Russia's judo kick to the western financial gut Washington's sanctions on Moscow will destroy Europe, not Russia. Washington's 'replacement strategy' for sanctioned Russian oil and gas imports appears to be too cozy up to its oil-producing arch-enemies Iran and Venezuela. ''The battlefield is drawn. The official Russian blacklist of hostile sanctioning nations includes the US, the EU, Canada, and, in Asia, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, and Singapore (the only one from Southeast Asia). Notice how that ‘international community’ keeps shrinking. The Global South should be aware that no nations from West Asia, Latin America, and Africa have joined Washington’s sanctions bandwagon. Moscow has not even announced its own package of counter-sanctions. Yet an official decree “On Temporary Order of Obligations to Certain Foreign Creditors,” which allows Russian companies to settle their debts in rubles, provides a hint of what’s to come. Russian counter-measures all revolve around this new presidential decree, signed last Saturday, which economist Yevgeny Yushchuk defines as a “nuclear retaliatory landmine.” . It works like this: to pay for loans obtained from a sanctioning country exceeding 10 million rubles a month, a Russian company does not have to make a transfer. They ask for a Russian bank to open a correspondent account in rubles under the creditor’s name. Then the company transfers rubles to this account at the current exchange rate, and it’s all perfectly legal. Payments in foreign currency only go through the Central Bank on a case-by-case basis. They must receive special permission from the Government Commission for the Control of Foreign Investment. What this mean in practice is that the bulk of the $478 billion or so in Russian foreign debt may “disappear” from the balance sheets of western banks. The equivalent in rubles will be deposited somewhere, in Russian banks, but western banks, as things stand, can’t access it. It is debatable whether this straightforward strategy was the product of those non-sovereignist brains gathered at the Russian Central Bank. More likely, there has been input from influential economist Sergei Glazyev, also a top former advisor to Russian President Vladimir Putin on regional integration: here is a revised edition, in English, of his groundbreaking essay Sanctions and Sovereignty, which I have previously summarized. Meanwhile, Sberbank confirmed it will issue Russia’s Mir debit/credit cards co-badged with China’s UnionPay. Alfa-Bank – the largest private bank in Russia – will also issue UnionPay credit and debit cards. Although only introduced five years ago, 40 percent of Russians already have a Mir card for domestic use. Now they will also be able to use it internationally, via UnionPay’s enormous network. And without Visa and Mastercard, commissions on all transactions will remain in the Russia-China sphere. De-dollarization in effect. Mr. Maduro, gimme some oil The Iran sanctions negotiations in Vienna may be reaching the last stage – as acknowledged even by Chinese diplomat Wang Qun. But it was Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov who introduced a new, crucial variable into Vienna’s final discussions. Lavrov made his eleventh-hour demand quite explicit: “We have asked for a written guarantee…that the current [Russian sanctions] process triggered by the United States does not in any way damage our right to free and full trade, economic and investment cooperation and military-technical cooperation with the Islamic Republic.” As per the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) agreement of 2015, Russia receives enriched uranium from Iran and exchanges it for yellowcake, and in parallel, is reconverting Iran’s Fordow nuclear plant into a research center. Without Iranian enriched uranium exports there’s simply no JCPOA deal. It boggles the mind that US Secretary of State Blinken does not seem to understand that. Everyone in Vienna, sidelines included, knows that for all actors to sign on the JCPOA revival, no nation must be individually targeted in terms of trading with Iran. Tehran also knows it. So what’s happening now is an elaborate game of Persian mirrors, coordinated between Russian and Iranian diplomacy. Moscow’s Ambassador to Tehran, Levan Jagaryan, attributed the fierce reaction to Lavrov in some Iranian quarters to a “misunderstanding.” This will all be played out in the shade. An extra element is that according to a Persian Gulf intel source with privileged Iranian access, Tehran may be selling as many as three million barrels of oil a day already, “so if they do sign a deal it will not affect supply at all, only they will be paid more.” The US administration of President Joe Biden is now absolutely desperate: today it banned all imports of oil and gas from Russia, which happens to be the second-largest exporter of oil to the US, behind Canada and ahead of Mexico. The US’ big Russian-energy ‘replacement strategy’ is to beg for oil from Iran and Venezuela. So, the White House sent a delegation to talk to Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, led by Juan Gonzalez, the White House’s top Latin America adviser. The US offer is to “alleviate” sanctions on Caracas in exchange for oil. The United States government has spent years – if not decades – burning all bridges with Venezuela and Iran. The USG destroyed Iraq and Libya, and isolated Venezuela and Iran, in its attempt to take over global oil markets – just to end up miserably trying to buy out both and escape from being crushed by the economic forces it has unleashed. That proves, once again, that imperial ‘policy makers’ are utterly clueless. Caracas will request the elimination of all sanctions on Venezuela and the return of all its confiscated gold. And it seems like none of this was cleared with ‘President’ Juan Guaido, who since 2019, was the only Venezuelan leader “recognized” by Washington. Social cohesion torn apart Oil and gas markets, meanwhile, are in total panic. No western trader wants to buy Russian gas; and that has nothing to do with Russia’s state-owned energy behemoth Gazprom, which continues to duly supply customers that signed contracts with fixed tariffs, from $100 to $300 (others are paying over $3,000 in the spot market). European banks are less and less willing to grant loans for energy trade with Russia because of the sanctions hysteria. A strong hint that the Russia-to-Germany gas pipeline Nord Stream 2 may be literally six feet under is that importer Wintershall-Dea wrote off its share of the financing, de facto assuming that the pipeline will not be launched. Everyone with a brain in Germany knows that two extra Liquefied natural gas (LNG) terminals – still to be constructed – will not be enough for Berlin’s needs. There is simply not enough LNG to supply them. Europe will have to fight with Asia over who can pay more. Asia wins. Europe imports roughly 400 billion cubic meters of gas a year, with Russia responsible for 200 billion of this. There’s no way Europe can find $200 billion anywhere else to replace Russia – be it in Algeria, Qatar or Turkmenistan. Not to mention its lack of necessary LNG terminals. So obviously the top beneficiary of all the mess will be the US – which will be able to impose not only their terminals and control systems, but also profit from loans to the EU, sales of equipment, and full access to the whole EU energy infrastructure. All LNG installations, pipelines and warehouses will be connected to a sole network with a single control room: an American business dream. Europe will be left with reduced gas production for its – dwindling – industry; job losses; decreasing quality of life standards; increased pressure over the social security system; and, last but not least, the necessity to apply for extra American loans. Some nations will go back to coal for heating. The Green Parade will be livid. What about Russia? As a hypothesis, even if all its energy exports were curtailed – and they won’t be, their top clients are in Asia – Russia would not have to use its foreign reserves. The Russophobic all-out attack on Russian exports also targets palladium metals – vital for electronics, from laptops to aircraft systems. Prices are skyrocketing. Russia controls 50% of the global market. Then there are noble gases – neon, helium, argon, xenon – essential for production of microchips. Titanium has risen by a quarter, and both Boeing – by a third – and Airbus – by two thirds – rely on titanium from Russia. Oil, food, fertilizers, strategic metals, neon gas for semiconductors: all burning at the stake, at the feet of Witch Russia. Some Westerners who still treasure Bismarckian realpolitik have started wondering whether shielding energy (in the case of Europe) and selected commodity flows from sanctions may have everything to do with protecting an immense racket: the commodity derivatives system. After all, if that implodes, because of a shortage of commodities, the whole western financial system blows up. Now that’s a real system failure. The key issue for the Global South to digest is that the “west” is not committing suicide. What we have here, essentially, is the United States willfully destroying German industry and the European economy – bizarrely, with their connivance. To destroy the European economy means not allowing extra market space for China, and blocking the inevitable extra trade which will be a direct consequence of closer exchanges between the EU and the Regional Comprehensive Economic Partnership (RCEP), the world’s biggest trade deal. The end result will be the US eating European savings for lunch while China expands its middle class to over 500 million people. Russia will do just fine, as Glazyev outlines: sovereign – and self-sufficient. American economist Michael Hudson has concisely sketched the lineaments of imperial self-implosion. Yet way more dramatic, as a strategic disaster, is how the deaf, dumb and blind parade toward deep recession and near-hyperinflation will rip what’s left of the west’s social cohesion apart. Mission Accomplished.''

Didn't meant to revive this post, just saw something and did something. It wasn't intentional, maybe it was I don't know... Maybe ms preety still feel this way? ** Well, I did it and I take the responsibility. Everyone knows he should not suicide, guess what he does it anyways.

i've been there, i had very rough time, you can read my those topics it may help: [1] [2] https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/78708-trip-report-of-going-to-hell-to-the-point-of-suicide /#comment-1099770 Time really heals it. Also solipsism seen from "ego-mind" is pure hell, you are a dream, just like anything, and just like every other-human-being. What also helps it's seeing it as : yes, everyone is you, and from your dreamt pov they don't have experience, but you are them, and you'll experience it, and even see your currenct body, as a dream character. It's all one. You are not alone, just so together. It will really get better, trust me.

Wow so I was curious about the link between creativity and suicide. "A logistic regression analysis of data from 21 states finds that artists have 270% higher risk of suicide than nonartists. However, after controlling for gender and sociodemographic variables, this risk level is reduced to 125%." https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9014267/ "In the case of unipolar or major depression, the population rate is about 5% but the rate among artists and writers in the various studies between 15% and 50%. Both these conditions are strongly associated with suicide and, most disturbingly, artists are 18 times more likely to suicide than the general population." https://www.artshub.com.au/news/features/20x20-why-creative-people-are-more-prone-to-depression-261229-2368732/#:~:text=In the case of unipolar,suicide than the general population. It makes sense when you think about how most jobs require the person to be somewhat stable, not get bored too easily of doing the same thing over and over all day everyday, sometimes requires people interactions, following codes/methods that are already sent in stone, etc. Jobs are linked to survival. Creative jobs either pay low, are super competitive, and/or super risky. Creatives look at "regular" jobs at don't think there is any way they can last. But they look at their creative work and don't think they can make a living off of it. We kinda need more funding for creatives instead of where there seems to be a monopoly on creative work where a few make millions and most are barely scraping by. I guess they/(we) may end up having to medicate themselves a lot of the time if they are not able to be creative in the way their brain wants them to - either legally or illegally. I think pursuing spirituality may be a temporary helpful outlet for a creative person until it starts to feel futile and then they may feel insane/crazy again. Same goes with studying politics/current events/religion. It is okay to subdue the creative's craziness with exploring ideas but when the futility of truth/understanding/verification hits in, the craziness comes back and the "medication" of the exploration wears off and doesn't work anymore and they need a new medication.

It wasn't Hitler that lifted Germany out of misery, but it was the directives made by the Weimar Republic, which had collapsed prior to his rise to power. He just took advantage of those economical directives that needed time to materialize. The Nazi Golden Era is a historical myth, that exists because of Nazi propaganda. One of the basis of fascism is helping poor people. But fascism also suggests creating artificial enemies in order to justify brutal actions. He "helped" anyone who wasn't Jewish or "undesirable". That's plain wrong. He rose to power through propaganda, physical violence and political backstabbing in a very hostile environment filled with political and economic instability, which wasn't exclusive only to Germany in that era. Yes, he did bring stability by crushing all resistance internally, but can you really call him a good leader for that? You intentionally and conveniently forget the brutality of the military branch of the NSDAP and the fact Hitler himself ordered the murder of members of his party when things did not go his way. The Nazi economy was based on the idea of "Lebensraum" that being economic growth through conquest, and it was structured like a crime syndicate that worked to enrich the elites of the state, not the average German. Hitler would commit suicide again if he found out that Austria and Eastern Prussia are no longer part of Germany. You've got lots of holes in your understanding of Nazi Germany and you're thus spreading a wrong image of it. Putin is not Hitler for many different reasons, but I wouldn't go as far to say that both of them are good leaders when in both cases the average German/Russian ultimately suffered more because of their actions.

Love is greater than the Love for death. In that sense, they are misinterpreting. You came here to die before you die, not to suicide.

Leo explicitly states that death is love. Those who commit suicide to attain infinite love are not "misinterpreting" his videos. @SavourTime

We don't know your end game Leo. Maybe your plan is to buy an island, gather hundreds of followers, make them work for you as your personal slaves, and finally order everyone to commit mass suicide, Jim Jones style, lol.

This member @WaveInTheOcean comitted suicide after soonhi? Why didn't we discuss it?

To be fair to him, he has stopped uploading videos about Leo since the "Top Dangers of Psychedelics" episode, six months ago. He has even called out on his fans causing gossip over WaveInTheOcean's suicide saying it's not close to comparable to Soonhei's incident. I don't think a troll would ever do that.

I did a poll a few months ago about how many people have mental health issues on the forum. Over half of the people who responded had some relationship with mental health issues. It’s important to keep in mind that many people come here dealing with stuff already. Actualized.org has probably helped way more than three people avoid suicide.

The worst part about these is that it takes away all the reasoning and pain behind why the person really committed suicide, of this we have no definitive understanding of the events that lead up to it. As someone who has been suicidal in the past, and has mostly worked through it - if I had killed myself and someone said it was because of this website - it would undermine my entire story. The whole reasoning - I think that people look for answers as to why people take their own lives and they want a quick easy answer, someone to blame, something, anything - but it's never that simple. That said, when it comes to this topic, I would be a bit more sensitive about it then you have been Leo, I know the fact that people have done this really bothered you a lot - but in the future, when people come here because of those reasons, try to give them some warmth if you can - you don't owe them anything, but it does go a long way, some people view you as their hero, or just some guy who "knows best". So take to heart that people look up to you, even sick people. Back to what I was discussing. I think this article does a disservice to the people who have killed themselves, because not only does it paint this place with a tarnish that it doesn't have, but it demolishes any attempt at genuinely understanding the pain someone must be in to end their life and I find that kind of behaviour to be "sick". To really understand why these two people ended their lives, we would need to understand their whole story. Don't cut off someone's reasons and place your own over it - it's so cheap, tacky, rude, disgusting. Not a well thought out article at all...

Maybe more of a clear message somewhere on the forum and website that the place for people with thoughts of suicide should be one of these help numbers or organisations, then list the ones/one you think is most helpful in the immediate moment. I got that idea when I revisted teals website again the other day, its at the bottom of her page, she's obviously been through it and found that answer. It helps direct the people in the most danger or pain to a solid physical support system that's immediately there for them.

The article in a nut shell: Young depressed neurotic person still young and depressed and neurotic after watching YouTube videos. Blames others for his problems. thoughts on article: 1. No mention of Leo’s attempt to warn people of the dangers of the work or to make the forum a safer place 2. no ownership of responsibility of the people coming to the forum who clearly already had mental health problems 3. People on the forum and Leo don’t know you. If you are having panic attacks and have done 0 spiritual work… chances are that has nothing to do with spirituality. You need to seek professional advice. Leo is a YouTube channel where he shares his philosophical and spiritual insights. He is not a healthcare worker. 4. Thousands of people watch Leo’s videos and some will kill themselves. But, people are killing themselves anyway. There are a lot of vulnerable and disturbed young people in our society. Simply doing nothing isn’t going to help anyone. Anyone with suicidal thoughts should seek medical attention and call suicide hotline. For me personally, Leo’s work is about HONOURING YOUR LIFE! Suicide is not promoted here and never will be. However, it’s acknowledged the difficulty around assisted suicide for people in extreme suffering. Again, if you are suicidal call a help line. That’s what I did. I don’t blame others. 5. The subject matter here can be mentally destabilizing. Leo, mods and leaders of the forum should do their best to be responsible in how we talk about things like death, suicide etc… but we also have to be able to share our honest views of deep spiritual truths. It’s a complicated situation. 6. The article makes it seem like we don’t care about one another’s well being here. This is completely false. However, not everyone here is well educated, we don’t know one another, and this isn’t a place to find definitive advice on anything. Forums are not a place of truth, or solid mental health advice. Please use a professional for mental health advice not other people on a forum. Reality is imaginary. Death is imaginary. However, imagination is all that there is! Imagination is reality. Honour your life, take care of your body and mental health. Things being imaginary is no reason to harm yourself or others. This work is dangerous. So, tread lightly. Take full responsibility if your gonna partake in this work. 7. Please write articles that are balanced. It’s simply foolish to only take one side. Clearly tens of thousands of people are listening. How are they doing??

So I read the article. The issue is that my teachings were simply never designed or intented for people with mental health issues or suicidal tendencies. I discourage such people from listening to my deepest work. My work has never encouraged suicide, just the opposite. No mentally healthy person listening to my work would get the idea that I am suggesting you commit suicide. AT ALL. To suggest otherwise is simply dishonest. The thrust of my work has always been about prodding people into living with passion. But this is completely ignored by naysayers and critics. I don't sell a suicide course, I sell a life purpose course. I don't talk about suicide almost ever. Also, what the author does not understand or acknowledge is that all spiritual work is psychologically dangerous and easily misinterpreted by the ego-mind. This doesn't make it a cult, it's just how serious spiritual work is. But normies do not appreciate this. They expect spirituality to be sweet and non-threatening. Yes, psychedelics are dangerous when misused. I have warned of this many times. Yes, my teachings are definitely all about undermining your sense of reality. If you don't like that or can't handle that, then don't listen to them. If you listen to me long enough your whole sense of reality will be destroyed. This is a feature, not a bug. You have to decide for yourself whether you can handle that. I cannot decide this for you. A YT channel and an online forum does not constitute a cult. Nothing is "out of control" here. There is no risk of this place losing control and becoming a cult. I would never allow that and on one else has the Admin rights necessary to pull that off. If you think that I have built a cult here, you're really insulting my ability to build a cult. If I wanted to build a cult it would be bigger than Osho's. And if I was teaching people who to commit suicide, I would have 100s of suicides to my name.

https://www.inputmag.com/culture/leo-gura-actualized-org-youtube-forum-death-suicide

and what about all the straight people that commit suicide that just didn't come out? couldn't possible count that

@Max_V I might've guessed wrong, I thought @Leo Gura was talking about the last video between Reckfull and Dr. K, and whatever happened between the time he and Dr. k logged off, and before his suicide, that something happened with his game, and Reckfull's vision being limited.

People love artists. There is room for different industries and all are important. Musicians inspired me to read, to pursue spirituality, to love myself and others. Musicians taught me about racism, wars, peace, human nature. Music stopped me from committing suicide, to become a better partner. art is powerful. check out: The Mission Of Art - Alex Grey

@Max_V If I have to guess what @Leo Gura is really saying, is that Reckfull's vision for his life is too limited that he made his entire life about one video game he's making, which created the problem that if the game was finished, or cancelled, that there were no other available alternatives to pursue, that was what triggered the depression and suicide, the finish of that game, which was a problem because Dr. K in an earlier video woth Reckfull, gave him that framing, to stick to finishing that game. It was one of several mistakes in Dr. K's part that lead to his suicide.

I lately wrote the topic " I woke to the GOD. Death is the only whey to forget?' (sorry for my English, i'm not a native speaker) Thank you so much for all your help there, and also i want to send all the love to : @Kksd74628 @Godishere @Tim R They helped me on priv, so much!! i don't know what would i do, without them. Background: i've had spiritual experience for over 2-3 years, 16-17 trips, (lsd,shrooms,dmt). I mediate every day, lately for 2h a day. Also, I've had some retreats, on which it was 7-8h meditation daily. Almost every tip, till last, was pretty easy, some were challenging, but overall it was rather calm. I've experienced pure nothingness, no-dual states, i've seen my reflection in face on my girlfriend, i had God experience on DMT, when everything and everyone dispreaded, there was no time, only infinity etc. It was all ok. Dosage: 3 days ago, i took 250 uq LSD. I had one trip on 400uq, and it was nothing like that. Trip: After 1h i went to the God state. To the point, I exactly saw God everywhere. The floor was made of God, air was pure God, walls were God, which obviously is all me. I knew that, there was no going back, cause even if i go to the hospital, i can't meet anyone other than God, which is me. If I take some pills, it's going to be only self-deception to forget. I was deceiving my-self all the time, that i'm not God, it was obvious to me. it was all fine, i knew it was the case. But then i went to the bedroom, to talk with my girlfriend, she took LSD too. She was in GOD-state as well. She told me, that "I'm God" i don't why, but i felt like God, which is me, perfectly designed every aspect of my life, from birth, to this moment, and now, it's speaking to me, by the mouth of my girlfriend. I sat down on the bed, to look outside the window.... and all the people in the next building were gone. All the lights in their flats went down. I said "what? Am i really GOD?" there's no-one else? , she said, "yes". Then all the buildings collapsed into me. Weather started to change pretty rapid. Time stopped. Out of my pure imagination. I was 100% sure, that my-small-self died, and i'm out of the dream and i can't go back. There was only face of my girlfriend left. So i said, " really? i was God all my life? i'm dead now?" And then something happened, which shocked me to the core. That was the moment i felt like i want to go back, and forget. That was the moment i regret that i was even alive. The horror: i looked at my girlfriend eyes. It was all sparky with life as always, but suddenly it was gone. I was looking to the dead eyes, completely without a life. The woman i love, was not only dead, but she was empty and shallow. Dark. Void. She was like a withered flower. Like empty costume. It was the most horrifying things i saw in all my life. I was all alone, staring into the empty void of my girlfriend's eyes. Every fucking horror is a joke compare to that. With tears i asked " are you there?" and then i saw like life is going back to her. Her eyes went sparky again. But at that point, all the solipsism horror was unbearable. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted only cease to exist. I don't want to live with knowledge like that. I don't want to be alive with costume-people. It was pure-fuckig-madness-hell. My post on forum: At this moment I tried to write a post here, on the forum. But i knew, i couldn't get any advice from no one, because even actualize.com and Leo Gura is pure fucking imagination, only to cheat me into thinking, that there are others. I'm here, alone, trapped in this empty-shallow-world, to the infinity. It's Only me. I can't die, i can't escape. I wrote every music there is, i wrote every book, it was always only me!! fuck! i wanted to know infinity, and it turned out to be fucking back-mirror-hell. I wrote this post anyway, but i knew, i was talking only to my-self, and my infinite imagination. After the trip: Next 48h i couldn't sleep. I was crying, and shacking on the floor. I couldn't eat. I wanted only to die, and forget. Right now: People on this forum helped me with going through this. Today, after 6-7h of sleep, i'm back to the "old-self" and i don't see imagination and God everywhere. Thank God! Any idea what went wrong, and how do i integrate this? You guys said God-realization it's all about love, and i got fucking horror X1000 to the infinity. Thank you, for all your support. Personally, i think my "ego" still corrupts this forum solipsism, and i feel it through an illusion of separated self. But i don't know.