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Been working night-shift tonight, and I had some opportunities to meditate tonight. For the first time ever I saw some inklings of getting some kind of resolve to my situation in life. When I ended that education I was doing in gestalttherapy (and my own individual therapy at the same time) I was still stuck in an unresolved impasse. The impasse is sort of a therapeutic gridlock in your life where you feel stuck all over and there is no clear way out of it. I think I'm still in a fight to find a way out. Seems like everything I do has an element of fighting in it. Like really trying hard to get somewhere, but I fail over and over, because my projects are short-lived, and then I get occupied with a new temporary project, and nothing really seems to resolve the underlying stuckness that dominates my life. But tonight I saw the inklings of a total surrender and acceptence regarding my total situation in life. I kind of felt that I'm just totally screwed and there is nothing I can do about it and I might as well just accept that my life ended up this way as sort of a failure. I'm working in a madhouse, and I cannot get a full job there because I'm a social worker and they only give full employment to nurses. And I have all these hobbies in all directions, and there is no clear direction to any of it, and with women it is the same over and over again, some kind of temporary crush, and usually if they have a crush on me, by the time I catch up with it they have moved on, or figured I'm some sort of lost soul or something like that that they don't really want to get involved with when they get to know me for what is under the surface. And all that stuff. And I'm living in a rented appartment, and most people my age has bought their own home. In gestalttherapy they have what they call the paradoxical law of change, meaning you can only experience deep transformation when you fully become what you are, and not when you try to become something you are not. I've experienced this principle many times on individual issues, but never fully on my life as a total, hence I'm still fighting to become something else than what I currently am, but tonight it really dawned on me that this situation that I'm in in life requires a total surrender to my situation just as it is. That is probably the only way I can get out of this impasse and reach a full and complete process in my therapeutic process. So this is very exciting. I think this started to become much more clear because when I was recently starting building up to a daily meditation practice again, I was feeling everything else in my life doesn't really go anywhere, and I might as well just surrender into simply being a meditator - like got to have something, at least, and that might as well be meditation. One of my meditation teachers used to say that meditation is the one thing that is going to see you through. So meditation is forcing this stuckness into the foreground, and perhaps now I have a great chance of really penetrating it deeply. Interestingly enought the whole thing doesn't seem as damn frightening as it used to do. Something inside of me has just wanted to give up, resignate, because I've been fighting so hard for such a long time - and this tension between resignation and fighting is not good, but I can see the inklings of this psychic struggle finding some resolve. Feels like I've almost had a daily meditation practice again so far this June because it started building up again in the end of last month, so I make it into a resolve to meditate for 45 min every day for the rest of June, and then when this month is over I'll do an evaluation.

Mike Tyson is currently the most enlightene person on Iron Mike is my guru, the toad has opened him. He is the top awakened avatar , complete transformation

Frank Yang is great. I watched his videos for years and saw him make a complete psychological transformation. He used to be out of control and made extremely disturbing/entertaining art videos, depending on how you look at it. His primary method has been meditation for hours daily and 10 day retreats. He did some psychedelics a few times but didn’t use them often.

Start by making yourself more compassionate and loving. Serious social change can only happen by inner self-transformation. Develop yourself and become a conscious leader. That is what changes society. Not whining about it from behind a screen at home on your couch while pigging out on Cheetos.

It would be really generous and rich from your side to share on vlogs, YouTube more from how this transformation/embodiment work impact your daily life/relationships/ doing business etc To have a more distinguishible/precise taste of your own process, for us to be the witness of it beyond your insights.

Hey so the reality is that most therapists integrate different therapy styles. Even if you train strictly in one modality, it's inevitable that you pick up some other things and start to expand your skills. I also want to advise those that are interested to first look at the regulations in your region. Where I am a psychotherapist is a regulated profession, and there are certain requirements you must meet (I mostly meet them but ended up deciding not to apply for a host of reasons). Counsellor is not a regulated term, and the main limitation is that we can't practice psychotherapy with people with severe disorders. I'm OK with this, and I actually do practice with one or two people with severe disorders, but I've been advised that they are stable enough that I don't have to worry. The regulations are kind of vague and my understanding is that they are meant to be enforced with people practicing unethically, either misrepresenting themselves or taking advantage of vulnerable people. I would also encourage people to check out the smaller independent training programs. From what I've seen, these produce better therapists as they are more experiential and hands on. Each program is unique so check them out. Many are part time programs. Many are deeply experiential, where essentially you have to walk through the fire yourself. Gestalt therapist training programs are notorious for being challenging and pushing people to grow. I would highly recommend, I did 2 years and learned so much. Oh there's no doubt about this. In so many ways. First is that you will get clients who have similar issues as you, and when you help them work through their feelings, you are inevitably processing your own. A big one for me is that it allows me to practice presence. Just being present with another human for an hour at a time, a few hours a day, it's an amazing practice in being with someone, putting yourself aside and just attuning to them, feeling into their situation, supporting them in what they need. It is undoubtedly a powerful practice, a form of meditation. Another is talking on responsibility, being responsible to others in a really meaningful way. This is rewarding and forces one to grow up and mature. And then of course there's just the fact that you are constantly contemplating healing and growth. These things seep in much deeper. I actually wrote meditations for an app for a while and I found that writing meditations ever day brought about a lot more mindfulness in general. Same with therapy, doing this everyday and thinking about it has made me much more aware of so many subtle things. Do go back to your original question, I wouldn't necessarily say that practicing has led me to develop spiritually, I'd say it's more allowed me to mature and be more embodied and integrated. Just pointing out the different emphasis. That being said, I have some intuitive colleagues who's intuition hit new heights as soon as they started practicing. I think the main thing is that one has overcome difficulty in their life and is willing to face themselves, their shadow, etc. Overly confident people who don't question their assumptions and beliefs are the most dangerous therapists. It takes humility, to not assume you know what's best for another person, to not project your values or goals or desires onto them. You need to respect that everyone has their own unique path, and support people in discovering that and not choose anything for them. I introduce ideas all the time to clients and sometimes the client is interested, sometimes not. You have to let the client find their own way. They need to discover their own sense of sovereignty, independence... it's called self-actualization for a reason, it must be done by you, no one can do it for you. I have seen all sorts of personalities who have become great therapists, so it's hard to say that some traits are better or some are bad. Being able to be empathetic, to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Being willing to try things out, explore without knowing where things are going. Always wanting to learn, and always looking for new ways of doing things. These are things that come to mind. I studied a Transpersonal Therapy course that was a mix of Gestalt, Jung, family constellations, and that sort. I studied a Gestalt program, which is a form of therapy where you are bringing awareness to all the different parts of self and integrating them. Gestalt programs are very challenging, they will challenge you to be honest with yourself and others and be present with the impacts of such honesty. Some of the best therapists I've ever met, who were very sharp and very clear people, were Gestalt therapists. I studied at an existential-integrative program, which was a mix existential therapy (looking at meaning, purpose, what it means to be human), Jungian / James Hillman (looking at archetypes, individuation), psychodynamic (making the unconscious conscious), somatic (body oriented work)... It had a lot of elements. The reality is that at least half of my learning was done on my own time. I've always been reading on these topics, and especially once I get a client with a certain challenge, there's a big motivation to learn more on that. The really important thing to learn as foundation is how to work with trauma. Nearly everyone has trauma, so it's relevant with every client, but probably half are really coming to do trauma work, even if they don't know it at first. Trauma resources that I found helpful: The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk Books by Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Sensorimotor Therapy by Pat Ogden Work by Janina Fisher (Parts work for trauma) Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker (this book is amazing) Psychology in Seattle Podcast (you need to subscribe to get full access, but this is an amazing podcast for learning. The guy is an atheist, it's not spiritual at all, but he has a real understanding of how therapy works and he's a great teacher, he cuts through the bullshit and gets straight to the point) Existential/Meaning/Big Picture Resources Honestly I think Carl Jung is really the guy here. Viktor Frankl is seen as the originator of Existential Psychology, and he's amazing, but Carl Jung is absolutely existential and amazing in so many ways, and there's a big emphasis on transformation, letting the old self die to make way for a more authentic Self. James Hollis is probably the most straightforward way into leaning this stuff. He has about a dozen books. A great start would be Living an Examined Life, where each chapter is one idea to contemplate. He also did an audiobook called Through The Dark Wood which is amazing, so dense with wisdom, one of my favourite resources for understanding life and psychology (I can send this to anyone who wants, just PM me). James Hillman is remarkable, and has many talks on Youtube. A really interesting character, he is so wise and sharp minded. Rollo May is also amazing, he's done a lot of great work, many great books. Irvin Yalom is maybe the most fun to read, and he has so many great books. He's a mix of Existential, Psychodynamic, and Gestalt. He's written all his books as teaching resources, even though half are fiction, they are always communicating and exploring some questions around therapy, and usually sex and death too. Love's Executioner is a book of true short stories about clients and how he helped them. A lot of lessons and leaning in this book. He also wrote The Gift of Therapy which is an open letter to young therapists, giving advice on therapy. It's just a bunch of little pieces of advice, things to contemplate. Michael Meade is a mythologist and teaches through stories. He's great and his books are great. Same with Robert Bly. Also for Transpersonal therapy, Stanislav Grof is the king. His book The Adventure of Self-Discovery is probably the best, most concise intro to his work. These are the big ones for me. I've also learned a good amount from Gabor Mate, who does compassionate inquiry training. His book on ADHD is great, and I think things like ADHD are really important to understand, because I got a lot of clients with it, and many of them were undiagnosed, and helping them understand ADHD was a relief for them as they had a lot of shame around certain ways of being. To know that this is a common thing that many people suffer from can be good, but also we don't want pathologize, for people to say well I have this so there's no point in trying to change. The idea of understanding diagnosis is to understand where the challenges are and be more forgiving with oneself, and learn what works. For example, for people with ADHD, trying to focus harder often shuts down the part of the brain that is responsible for focus. This is what's so frustrating. We feel weak willed or weak minded (I have ADHD). So learning how to shift focus, how to roll with it all, this is really helpful, and also learning about structuring time, sitting with discomfort, etc.

This is exactly true. I find it so hard to believe that people still don't realize the potential of black people. It's sad all around. Black people have historically lacked opportunities that were always available to all other races as a norm Yet people are so casual in their dismissal of black people completely disregarding the effects of a historical context. Also black people weren't liberated in 12th century. They have received due recognition and liberation only recently. So obviously it will take time for black people to have a tremendous transformation and given the state of things in America, this transformation is further slowed down by stupid rules that marginalize poor people I see a lot of rich black people doing tremendously great in fields of science, art, literature, sports, music and even generally. They live long, they tend to live healthier and have better relationships. For example look at Barack Obama or look at Beyonce. Obama is not only accomplished but is a great dad and husband. Living healthy and doing great. Because these black people got opportunities that several million black people did not get Just imagine if every black person is given the financial opportunity to do better, they can achieve so much more than the world thinks. That's also a huge frustration for black people, being constantly pigeonholed and blamed for their poverty.

@EntheogenTruthSeeker yes. it is. but the direction of your experience only starts heading towards that... starts transforming towards that place when you make the u-turn and start driving it that way. the place you ask about is like a reflection in the mirror. yes, the mirror's reflection is very real. but it's secondary. the primary is the one before the mirror. so your question is really like this: is Smile a reflection that is possible in the mirror? answer: yes! yes it is. but to make that happen, the one standing before it must smile first now the real life reflection of the mirror to your heart/smile is not instantaneous like a mirror... (it builds up-to that point though!) but the change begins with you. start today and your life will begin to transform... to match your smile the mirror adjusts the reflection in it accordingly... and the bigger and deeper your smile, the faster this happens... keep smiling no matter what happens on the outside, knowing deep within that the transformation is underway... you will feel it in your heart and soul and before you know it, the place which is Heaven will have arrived for the one fit to live in it

Has anyone read any of Ken Wilbers books? I’m pondering which one to start with. I was considering Integral Transformation but I also heard he has over 200 written books ? Suggestions?

I don't see them as having any conflict. You are not the story, but the story has to have drama (perceived negativity) to be a story in the first place. No one complains that J.K Rowling is a horrible person because she kills Harry's parents and creates Voldemort as the basis of the Harry Potter story, the the character of Harry himself. We don't point out these things because we know it's a story. She wrote it out of creative love, to inspire, entertain and make people feel. That's what most people glean from the stories, because that was the author's intention for the books. You are Harry Potter. You can bitch and moan at the world and "God" (JK Rowling) for killing your parents and stay stuck living at the Dursley's or you can go live your adventure and transformation. You came to live the adventure, that's alignment with love. Why is JK Rowling not evil for dreaming up Voldemort? Because Harry Potter doesn't exist. Likewise you do not exist outside this story.

Maharaj: I wonder whether I am the right man to answer your questions. I know little about things and people. I know only that I am, and that much you also know. We are equals. Q: Of course I know that I am. But I do not know what it means. M: What you take to be the ‘I’ in the ‘I am’ is not you.To know that you are is natural, to know what you are is the result of much investigation. You will have to explore the entire field of consciousness and go beyond it. For this you must find the right teacher and create the conditions needed for discovery. Generally speaking, there are two ways: external and internal. Either you live with somebody who knows the Truth and submit yourself entirely to his guiding and moulding influence, or you seek the inner guide and follow the inner light wherever it takes you. In both cases your personal desires and fears must be disregarded. You learn either by proximity or by investigation, the passive or the active way. You either let yourself be carried by the river of life and love represented by your Guru, or you make your own efforts, guided by your inner star. In both cases you must move on, you must be earnest. Rare are the people who are lucky to find somebody worthy of trust and love. Most of them must take the hard way, the way of intelligence and understanding, of discrimination and detachment (viveka-vairagya). This is the way open to all. Q: I am lucky to have come here: though I am leaving tomorrow, one talk with you may affect my entire life. M: Yes, once you say ‘I want to find Truth’, all your life will be deeply affected by it. All your mental and physical habits, feelings and emotions, desires and fears, plans and decisions will undergo a most radical transformation. Q: Once I have made up my mind to find The Reality, what do I do next? M: It depends on your temperament. If you are earnest, whatever way you choose will take you to your goal. It is the earnestness that is the decisive factor. Q: What is the source of earnestness? M: It is the homing instinct, which makes the bird return to its nest and the fish to the mountain stream where it was born. The seed returns to the earth, when the fruit is ripe. Ripeness is all. Q: And what will ripen me? Do I need experience? M: You already have all the experience you need, otherwise you would not have come here. You need not gather any more, rather you must go beyond experience. Whatever effort you make, whatever method (sadhana) you follow, will merely generate more experience, but will not take you beyond. Nor will reading books help you. They will enrich your mind, but the per- son you are will remain intact. If you expect any benefits from your search, material, mental or spiritual, you have missed the point. Truth gives no advantage. It gives you no higher status, no power over others; all you get is truth and the freedom from the false. Q: Surely truth gives you the power to help others. M: This is mere imagination, however noble! In truth you do not help others, because there are no others. You divide people into noble and ignoble and you ask the noble to help the ignoble. You separate, you evaluate, you judge and condemn — in the name of truth you destroy it. Your very desire to formulate truth denies it, because it cannot be contained in words. Truth can be expressed only by the denial of the false — in action. For this you must see the false as false (viveka) and reject it (vairagya). Renunciation of the false is liberating and energizing. It lays open the road to perfection. Person Middle English: from Old French persone, from Latin persona ‘actor's mask, character in a play’, later ‘human being’.

@Free Mind You're forgetting the opportunity here. Our thoughts about other people color our interactions and veil our feelings of love and oneness of them. In thought there are other people. I'm me and you're you, duh. Outside of thought, we are one. Most people just haven't thought to consider this, but again, our oneness is also a "duh!" moment. In your mind, you believe this realization will take away your love of others and your family members, but it's quite the opposite, it will only cause it to grow, or rather you to become aware of how beyond logic your connection and your Love really is. When we observe our thoughts, and stop believing our thoughts, the separation between us and other, dissolves and love and bliss shines through. It's a process and sometimes we get caught up and forget the entire point, LOVE, duh! But without challenge would any transformation be worth so much talk? No. Is Love what you think it is? NO!!! It's much, much bigger than that. Bigger than that. Bigger than THAT. Just stop comparing. It's bigger than that.

@Elton yes sir multiple times in my childhood probably 5 to 7 times the scycle return and i vectimized my sister and my little brother once i have to mention here that i'm above 20 and did the victimization thing when i was 12 due to lack of awareness >>we had too much conflict in the house [physical abuse emotional abuse and dysfunctional relationships...parent at each other throats] -i struggle these days with the stigma and money problems i also have little inner comflict -i have feelings of powerlessness -stigmatization [doubts if i'm gay or i turned to gay due to the abuse btw my friend he was like my brother we were 10 maybe or little he tricked me and we ... apparently he saw it somewhere we were 10 or less ] -difficulty to form friendships and bond with people [being liked...] -i had sex with girls and i didn't felt like it it was shallow [i wanna know if there's a way to correct this also ] -i'm currently doing transformation mastery by rsd julien [it helps] -i've been dealing with dpdr last 10 months i came out of it strong and yeah i'm trying to cure anything left of my past traumas and share awareness around the subject i have to say that i'm not here to cry or be upset about anything i've done this part i want support and solutions that will lead to results [be powerful again and understant the stigma of this gay shit and come out of this horrible dream that i suffered through for a good solid 20 years of my life shit 20 years down the toilet ] thank you sir

Hey Jude. I can see that your post comes from a genuine place, so I thought I should also give my reply. I am not Leo, although he thinks I am him. It seems that you have ample experience with many teachers. I like your approach. When going on the journey on the discovery of the Self, we must walk the paths of the many to arrive at our own path. If we walk in the shadow of one teacher, we inherit their mistakes. When we walk in the shadows of many teachers, we can see some rays of light passing through which we didn't see with our previous teachers. Only when we uncover all shadows, we can become the Light. The integration of many perspectives is very important, and should not be overlooked. Leo's perspective is helpful to the seeker, but it should not be taken as the Truth. The only way to arrive at the gateless gate is to pass through all the gates that took us to the gateless one. But once we pass all gates, in the end, we must deny the existence of all gates. When Leo says that he has had awakenings unlike anyone spiritual master, explicitly he tells us the Truth he has experienced, but implicitly he is telling us to deny his Truth. There is no way to go where he has been if we don't go there for ourselves. We must deny him his awakening to get to our own awakening. I know that he does this with awareness. It's not just an accident. You mentioned that you were losing Leo in the video when he talked about his most recent awakenings. Can you point out the timeframes when you were losing him? I am curious to see if I can see it for myself. I usually only listen to the audio. I get the feeling that what Leo was doing so far was chasing the Peak non-dial experiences. After each breakthrough, he was trying to stabilize at the peak of the experience, more than the ground of the experience. Going forward, perhaps it would be better to integrate the experiences and stabilize more towards the ground, otherwise, he will lose the ground with the "normal people". Also, Leo puts too much importance on the psychedelic aspect and disregards the years of work and studying that is necessary to properly understand the psychedelic experience. If some naive kids start doing 5 Meo DMT without doing the work, they will do more harm to themselves than good. I agree with you that Leo has an important role in the collective awakening, and he is playing his part the best he can. But we can't awaken the collective when the individuals are asleep. The content that he is producing is already life-changing and beneficial, and it will be terrible if he decides to take the wrong turn. I agree with you on that. But I have faith that he will stay on the right track. His Life is his own Hero Jurney, and he must rescue the Father from the belly of the whale. You can already see how much Leo has changed in the past 7 years. The transformation is amazing. I wonder where Leo sees himself in the next 7 years? Maybe its time to communicate the vision for the next 7 years? @Leo Gura

I looked up suffering in A Course in Miracles and found: Amazing. Yay! ACIM says do NOT accept sacrifice and do NOT accept suffering. This seems to be a form of jnana yoga which means the path of the intellect if I have understood it correctly. It's about using the intellect for spiritual transformation.

@Leo Gura Control or no control, Ego or no ego: the heightened mood is still an intense experience. I have grown and learned a lot from my hormones and how they change me and I by no means hate them. Usually after the storm the calm allows for deep transformation and it has helped me become who so am in this moment. My hormones feel like a nasty mushroom trip tbh. During intense, but after hugely empowering. I notice I feel less emotionally secure during, and my actions don’t match my heart. I notice I react without thinking and sometimes harshly and rashly. It is as if my Body on extra hormones overpowers the meditation and spiritual work I’ve done. During it feels like so have put in no work at all. I attempted mediation this morning and ended up just crying a crap ton throughout. I guess without controlling it, how do I change it?

@WHO IS As I said; words. I'm just describing how it feels. I could probably express it in another way... but why? This is how it seems most appropriate/accurate at this moment. No difference. All difference @Consilience Cool. Maybe I'm hyping it up. Still, I don't think we're talking about the same kind of transformation.

I wrote this article a few days ago. It relates directly to healing our world, our environment, our government and our politics. Division is our problem, unity is the answer. I have a dream where we all got together despite our differences. Just to see if we could. Imagine how powerful/impactful we would be if we organized. Anyway I know this little article isn't going to do anything, but it's a start to something bigger I'm working on. I hope you enjoy ❤️ ---- “Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies.. careful what you wish for. We’re looking for angels in the darkest of skies, saying that we wanted more." - CHVRCHES We all have the ability to transform our world, right now. I’m not asking for a miracle. It can be done using truth and love alone.. directed simultaneously inward as well as out. Together. We possess no precedent which exists on the scale of this transformation. But the hour is late, and the time is now. We can no longer operate from the same level of thinking which created the mess we’re in. We already know what we know.. now I’m asking us to reach outside the bounds of perception, and seek to see the unseen. To all beings of this dying Earth experience, hear these words: We’ve lost our way. We’ve forgotten our truth. We’ve severed our connection to spirit. We’ve forgotten what it feels like to dissolve the lines between perception and the perceived. When we look out upon the world, we see opposition and competition. When the rulers look back upon us, they see consumption and production. But this is not who we are. This is that which is mortal, finite, and will eventually die. It knows only survival. It knows only fear. It knows only yesterday and tomorrow. But the now is hidden. Hidden behind the fundamental fear of death and all that comes with it. In the name of this fear, we have created a great web of darkness and suffering that stretches and consumes every inch of our planet. We are all contributors in ways we cannot see. Everything is connected to everything. Our only defense against the pain we do see is more ignorance, of which we have perfected the art. We don’t even realize the extent of the situation we are in, because we’ve been indoctrinated to ignore, distract and numb out the truth of our reality. But the Universe will not tolerate this any longer. This part of us that fears life; this part that is mortal and finite.. is coming to an end. This means the end of life as we know it. But there is another part of us. A part which is the whole. A part which knows nothing of fear. None of it. It’s the single greatest source of infinite inspiration, creativity, and love. Infinite love has no bounds. It is out beyond ideas of right and wrong. Differences mean nothing to infinite love. It knows that life is not a zero sum game.. that the Universe was designed to provide abundantly for all beings. It’s only a matter of choice. "You can change this ride anytime you want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. A choice, right now.. between fear, and love." - Bill Hicks Division is our problem, and unity is the answer we’ve been searching for. Within and without. We must put aside our differences and come together, right now. From the heart. As one people. For no other reason than to see if we could. And we must be led by love. No more fear. No more separation. Only truth. Only connection. We must step down from the throne of self-righteousness, even if we think we’re right, and step up to endless compassion and forgiveness for others, even if we think they’re wrong. Don’t distract by fighting each other while we let the corporate and government demons run a muck. We don’t need them to solve this for us. We have the power. We’ve had it all along. But we let them tell us we’re too small. Too weak. Too different. Open your eyes. We’re far more alike than different, don’t you see? We could agree on so much good if we just got together as one people. This is not a fairy-tale. This is a life path potential in the quantum field that is infinite possibility. We are all artists. So let’s go play. Paint. Our will is our brush, and the canvas is the experience we choose to make manifest. Use your existing gifts to spread this message. Don’t be shy. Share this everywhere you can think of, even if it’s anonymous. Show the world what a real virus looks like. We have everything it takes, right now, to ascend to the highest of highs. The pieces are all there; and I know that the pieces fit. Step forward and heed the call, because the world desperately needs your help. The time is now ❤️. “I’m not asking for a miracle. But if love is enough, could you let it show? If you feel it, could you let me know?“ - CHVRCHES #loveisenough ———— JOIN HERE ————

Yes, some people in the non-duality communities have this neo-advaita-rhetoric that makes no sense, they are basically just nihilists or mind-dwellers. They think denying that they are the body makes them free but it's just a belief-system, not an actual transformation. I'm not bothered by them though, and I'm glad there are some people on this forum who have genuinely awakened.

?? jump on second hand websites . lots of people upgreat their pc and sell their 2019 pc dirt cheap, or just go to some friend with a great PC and pay him 10€ to let you play for a whole day and get your fix, something along these lines. if gaming is what you want to keep doing. for me what helped was realizing that every time i sit at my PC to play League of Legends, I'm just skipping time, nothing else. This exact moment and situation I find myself in, I will stay in, for as long as I keep playing. So imagine yourself at 25, playing Cyberpunk 2077. then yourself at 35, playing cyberpunk 2088. then yourself at 45 playing cyberpunk 2099. In the same house. in the same job. with the same friends. etc. this may help you to get some leverage. If not, that's okay. the desire to change must come from within. " guilt " may be used as leverage but only deep intrinsic inspiration will get you some sort of transformation

Go do some research on what the top artists are doing and what are the cutting edges of style and aesthetic. Skill is one thing to develop and the other is style, which can only be found by exploration. When you explore you begin to take new ideas and approaches to art. Consciousness might be your general idea, but pick a few others and combine them and see what happens. For example, here some topics: - The shadow side of consciousness - The need of suffering and death for transformation of one's consciousness - The paradox of consciousness See what Im doing? I'm not just taking "consciousness and its symbols" as a topic (which I feel is the topic you're picking: the eye, the dalai lama, the light, the tree) but I'm taking contrasting ideas to add on top of "consciousness". You really need to go out of your own box, try new processes, colors, strokes, tools, composition styles, narratives, meanings, symbols, etc. Maybe you know the WHY of your art but need to play more with the HOW of your art. If you follow the same process you'll get the same result. Do experimentation with your process and you'll never EVER run out of ideas to work on.

Leo's most recent video about forgiveness has the core principles: 1. People who hurt you in the past did so because of ignorance. 2. They hurt you because they were trying to get love (from you or somebody else) but had limited, unhealthy ways to get it. 3. They hurt you because their level of consciousness was very low. 4. They hurt you because of their selfishness. 5. They hurt you for their survival agenda. That basically means people who hurt you in the past did so because of selfishness and ignorance. And this is true. If you don't see this, it means you have not done enough introspection and have not developed enough awareness of your past pain (and anger). He said being able to forgive is strength and not being able to is weakness. I think both are strength. His video is useful and effective to people who ordinarily got hurt or hurt as an adult. For example, the forum administrator banned you, another is, your boss unfairly fired you. But to that little 6-year-old japanese girl who was repeatedly dragged by his father by the neck from the entrance door to the bathroom and then brutally punched and kicked til blood comes out of her nose and mouth; to the child Teal Swan who was repeatedly sodomized or "analized" by an older family member, to the child me who was enormously mentally-emotionally wounded by his dumb father by being completely ignored and screamed at his entire childhood and teenage years, that forgiveness video is far from enough to heal the wounds, and even adds more harm. If you are in the "second category". You need a deeper perspective and understanding of your pain, anger, and forgiveness. 1. Forgiveness is the letting go of anger, that is, the letting go of the desire for revenge or justice. It is not when you say "I forgive you" to your business partner then suing him for screwing you. Forgiveness is when you say "I forgive you" to your business partner then say "And to prove that, I won't sue you or harm you in any way though you betrayed me.". It is not when you proclaim to everybody in the court "I am a true Christian, so I forgive this psychopath who murdered my daughter and your daughters." But then celebrate when the jury decides to give the death penalty to the serial killer. Those are just empty words, not forgiveness. 2. Complete forgiveness is reconciliation. It is the letting go of anger, that is, the letting go of the desire for revenge or justice, and starting a good relationship with your abuser again. So that means not only suing the business partner who screwed you, but to have another business deal with him again. That means to end the "no contact" situation you have with your NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) father or mother and start visiting or even living with them again. It is obvious this is dangerous. Complete forgiveness or reconciliation should only be given to people who love you though they might have hurt you a few times. It should never be given to people who have NPD or Stage Red or to people who hate you though they might have done a few good things to you. 3. Your anger is valid and must be honored. Don't demonize your anger. Don't believe them when they tell you you are a bad, evil person for holding anger. Anger is a valid response to harmful things done to you. It doesn't mean you should hold your anger until death. It simply means allow it to exist and understand it has an important function. And the paradox is, it is the acknowledgment and honoring of pain and anger which breaks the trans-generational wound transfer. I mean directing the anger at your parents or abusers then naturally letting it go, not forcefully. If you direct it at random innocent people because you lack awareness of it, you will transfer that pure shit to your children. 4. Forgiveness is a result of the healing of the mental-emotional wounds, not the other way around. You can't force forgiveness even if you want to. It will only lead to suppression. If you force yourself to forgive somebody who deeply broke your spirit, you might be able to do so for a few weeks. But the anger will still be deeply there. And it will be alive and kicking in your mind and body again in a few months if you become conscious of it. If not, it will run in the "background" of your mind and behavior. You will unconsciously hurt yourself and others. 5. Unconscious or disowned pain and anger manifests as physical and mental diseases. If that pain and anger is enormous but "unconscious", it manifests as mysterious bodily pains, cancer, anxiety, and depression. I have experienced this. My early adulthood anxiety and suicidal depression immediately disappeared after acknowledging my enormous pain and anger. Of course I did great inner work to accomplish it. It was completely difficult but it was worth it. 6. Learn the lesson of your pain and anger so you can then naturally and gradually release it. Beneath the pain and anger is deep wisdom. If you choose to welcome it and work on it, you will have a deep understanding of yourself and the humans who caused it. Through it, you will be a more self-loving person who sets boundaries. If you have been extremely and disgustingly abused by your parents during childhood, that means you are an adult person who has low self-love, low self-esteem, and a doormat. 7. The healing of your wounds is directly proportional to your capability to be at peace with your painful, imperfect past. This is where forgiveness can sprout from. You can implement the concepts above by doing the exercise Leo described in his video. But add this step. Write the details of what exactly happened, how you felt about it, and what you should have done and said during that time. Say that to yourself while writing or typing it on MS-Word or OneNote. And feel the deep pain and hatred engulfing your body. You need to be alone when doing this. The best thing is to do that for every painful or traumatic memory you have. But if it's impossible, just cover at least 70 percent of all your traumatic memories. Make sure to include your most traumatic memories. Be patient and persevere. You will feel very bad and angry in the first few weeks or months of doing this. But just continue. And observe your anxiety, depression or physical problems gradually disappear. That exercise is very powerful. If your anger stays alive for more than a year, that's ok. Consider the other possibilities. If you don't do the inner work, you will continue to suffer (anxiety, depression, physical problems, etc,) for 20,30 or 50 years until you die. Or you murder yourself now because you can't bear the suffering anymore. That was the inner work I did aside from developing self-love to accomplish great self-transformation. Before I was a young adult with very low self-esteem, low self-confidence, low self-love, much self-hate, had pure O, BDD, agoraphobia, and crippling depression. Now, I am the exact opposite. I am 10 years older but still a young adult and with strong, unshakable self-love, high self-confidence, and slight to no anxiety and depression. And I feel good about myself. I still have some anger but greatly reduced. How did I develop self-love? I might share it in the future. I am already too tired to make another long post. I don't know whether psychedelics helps in healing trauma and in forgiving your abusers. I have never tried any psychedelics. And I don't know whether the "existential" perspective of forgiveness is the ultimate solution. I can't see I am God imagining existence, I am infinite love, and I am all there is. That sounds just like an interesting, beautiful story to me.

The role of the Rakshas gana. This person will not be humble or sweet. This person is going to be powerful like Kali. Able to bring major changes. The Deva gana will bring a transformation in the Loka through persecution and invoking goodness. Meanwhile Rakshasa similar to Kali or Kalki avatar will bring the end of Kaliyug. They will bring the Satya Yug with their powerful force. They love and protect the prince or the swan. But to protect the prince, they need to get their hands dirty in the mud. So they are the ones who do the dirty job for the prince by learning strategies and tactics to destroy evil. And they can be considered bad or their reputation soiled because of their not so subtle and intense violent representations, yet they are needed to destroy evil, to do the dirty work, to take out suffering, to put someone out of their misery, to protect the good, and to deal with the dirt and the bad/evil and the garbage. So you could enjoy your carpet in the clouds. In some ways they are the gatekeepers of the kingdom and the gutter cleaners and morgue keepers. Although they are demonized because they don't appear as loving and charming as a lotus or a Swan, they are very useful in maintaining the order of the universe by fighting evil with intimidation. You could compare them to the exorcists of the world.

@JessiChell I'd recommend looking for someone who's hungry for consciousness work and inner transformation. This is a life-time work so consistency across time is one good indicator. When I met my wife, she was already doing inner work for 4 years and that's why we matched. Make good use of your initial stages and try lots of different things before you have to fight against the crystallization of your "spiritual concepts". For instance, check this out:

My pleasure. But you are probably not doing the "trauma MS Word or OneNote exercise" and probably not actively developing strong, unshakable self-love. Honesty, especially self-honesty is very important in self-transformation.