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I'll assess myself. I have at least 1% primary psychopathy and at least 30% secondary psychopathy. Two reasons - bpd and ptsd. I'm the Richard Kuklinski type of psychopath. I won't hurt my family members or those that I love. Primary psychopathy traits in me I can be manipulative Secondary psychopathy traits in me The need for revenge Hate Irresponsibility Impulsivity Low impulse control Need to harm hurt Reactive anger Impulsive violence Self harm Harm to self - suicide, out of control behavior

Future #1 - The good future This is a possible future 5 years from now if I do the following things: limit instant gratification to 2 hours a day go to the library every workday enroll in therapy and do some active imagination/inquiry by myself continue doing sports practice meditation and contemplate which will bring about higher consciousness, compassion, wisdom and Love in my life make social connections happen I have a degree in psychology and am a certified body psychotherapist / yoga teacher. I am in the best shape of my life, extremely happy in my body, strong, supple, healthy, full of energy and vibrant. I am financially independent. I have mastered my emotions and thus have no blockages from experiencing life in its fullness. I have become my own best friend instead of an enemy - thinking of myself and caring of myself with the purest love I have yet to experience. All trauma has been integrated, allowing me to express myself to the core. This profound radiant change has attracted love in my life in so many ways - I now have a loving partner I couldn't even dream of having 5 years ago. My friends are the some of the most remarkable people I know to have walked this Earth. I am extremely proud of each and every one of them and thank God every day for having them in my life. They are proud to be my friend as well and find my presence inspiring. Every day is an adventure and a step forward to complete realisation and actualisation. Due to the immense beauty of this actualised abundance, there is no obstruction to realising deeper and deeper insights on the nature of reality. There is no obstruction to the flow of my love. I am finally in a place where I can offer my numerous gifts to the world. I am finally in a place where I can fill the cup of those in such dire need. I am filled with such a profound sense of awe, gratitude and bliss each and every day for experiencing this kind of life, making any and every endeavour effortless. I have exited the Dark Night (Vipashyana jñanas) a couple of years ago and look at 5 years ago with a sense of compassion, gratitude and relief. Future #2 - the bad future This is a future 5 years from now if I do the following things: indulge in unlimited instant gratification avoid schoolwork neglect the cultivation of thumos neglect the cultivation of other virtues neglect spiritual practice avoid deep emotional work that will perpetuate the bad habits and patterns in my life that will make me miserable eat shit food, overeat neglect training isolate myself, do not share myself with the world, do not put myself out there In this future, I would be fucked. I would be super unhappy. I didn't even finish university due to it being emotionally too hard - not because I didn't have the skills to do it, but because I did not put effort in good habits that would make me pass and also things that would let me get over the inner blockages (eg therapy). This future is too shit for me to even contemplate it. I am overweight, making it way more difficult to move and making me have less energy and feel bitter, resentful and angry. People disrespect me because of my apparent unhappiness. I miss opportunities left and right. I am single and have unsatisfactory friendships. I'm so disconnected from Beauty and Love and Consciousness that I'm probably having thoughts of suicide on a daily basis. First try, I was disgusted about the second future which definitely lit a fire under my ass to make the first future a reality. I will expand on this prompt as I see it can be very transformative, I am tired to do more now.

These have helped me deal with the guilt and regret related to my partner's suicide. Maybe they could be helpful for you too. One thing I also tell myself is that: It doesn't make sense to blame myself that I wasn't who I am now, then. Because it apparently needed to happen, for me to gain the wisdom I gained. Another thing is to trust GOD and that this was the ONLY way you could gain the particular wisdom you apparently needed. Your day-to-day-self is a stupid little motherfucker-idiot compared to GOD, so even though your mind may think things would have been better if so or so, or you could have learned stuff through other means..... just shut it up. Because GOD knows best and GOD is beyond human-ness so don't try to use your human mind to figure it out. Rather lean back and trust. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. And then work on expanding your consciousness and go out and have a lot of mind-blowing and life-changing experiences, because the more you grow the smaller the things that feel big now, will seem. Try to remember how short life is, don't waste too much time. What is the opposite of guilt? acceptance or maybe self-love? Those are pretty good things to gain. So this experience came to you and I (in different forms) so we can learn the lessons of acceptance and self-love. That is an amazing gift! Don't know about you but for me... just what I had put on my wish list! Let's try to realize this and then learn the shit quickly so we won't suffer for much longer and make other people suffer in relation to that. That's my advice I love you and I believe you will feel better soon.

@Someone here my love... this is so biased. Please read yourself. If one wants to leave but others force them to stay It might only get more sad and angry. If you have some serious emotional problem and reach out to some guru they speak down to you from an absolute perspective. How do you feel? Leo has spent an incalculable amount of time using the most concise language for people who don't understand, descending to their level of understanding and perspective, bit by bit to get you to the level of understanding you are now. Please understand your suicidal friends and treat them more Equally. Their thoughts are no different than your relative reasoning. Simply obstructing suicide is not the real aim.

People who say they will commit suicide ussualy never do it. Suicidal ideation is just that a fantasy.

@Someone here this is true but not entirely true. Suicide is not just about thoughts. Sometimes people have deep problems like financial or health that are extremely difficult to solve and those issues cause people to sometimes feel helpless and give up.. Suicide is a very serious thing that needs attention.. Even therapists can't solve it. We need an extensive system to address the problem. It's not just a psychological problem. It goes beyond psychology

@ZGROPIUS @Preety_India The thing about suicide is that it starts as a thought .with meditation and mindfulness we can observe the thoughts and be detached from it . You don’t need to act on your thoughts right now. The option of taking your own life isn’t going to go away. You can make this decision tomorrow, next week or next month if you still want to. Try to focus on just getting through today and not the rest of your life. You may have had these thoughts before, but you feel less able to cope today. You might find that you are more able to cope in a few days.

@soos_mite_ah thanks for the tag. I see really good responses and great value already provided by guys above. I sense the core question of the thread is: Why am I bulking up rather than toning down? How can I get more leaner & muscular figure without necessarily becoming too big? Is that about right? Let me start here and also comment on this You already know this but I'll say it anyway. It is absolutely essential (for your mental health, for your spiritual wellbeing and for your body image) to stop consuming this sort of content. Fitness magazines, Instagram posts, fitness influencers. I'd highly suggest unfollowing every single one of these people and throwing away all these magazines and any similar content. It harms our brains to such a significant proportion that many young women have actually committed suicide due to body image disorders. Same way young men get harmed by porn and cannot even achieve erection when in the bedroom with a woman who has normal un-enhanced body. Now let's talk about these two pictures anyway Picture 1 - there is a strong genetic makeup in the way how thin she is. She is probably also a bit fasted or in her top shape on the ohoto. This sort of figure is completely unachievable figure by women with more rounded body composition. She may even be competing Picture 2 - breast enlargement surgery and potential butt implant. She does have to work extremely hard in the gym, that's for sure judging by the legs and her arm development, she has been a regular gym-goer for a decade easily. But there is again a strong genetic component towards having large density musculature of the lower body but I can't imagine how hard she has to work and diet to keep her waist that thin. Again, I'd be curious how she looks without photo editing, pump and unfasted. Also the side posture while flexing the belly can hide a lot. Still, this lady is a fitness freak with extreme commitment to her body image. I'd try a new approach with working out simply for the pleasure of it and for the benefits of longevity and mental health rather than for a particular goal. Put some music on and Zone out. A gym time can easily be turned into a meditative experience. The reason for this would be that if there was already present some subcutaneous fat and now the muscle is growing, it is pushing the fat layer up, giving the limb appearance of being bulkier even tho you are getting more toned. I think the only way about it is to identify a strategy that works for you to start targeting that fat disposition. A combination of some cardio (which you mentioned) with dietary optimisation may do that for you. Some easy diet tips would be to make sure you are not skipping breakfast (and making sure that breakfast is made of mostly wholefoods) and to try to cram your food in a 12-hour eating window. If you can tolerate the discomfort you can reduce the size of your dinners, fast overnight and then have a huge breakfast. That may start accelerating that metabolism already. Of course caution with processed carbs (bakery products, toasts, white pasta and white rice) will help. Obtaining a pressure cooker and trying batch cooking in which you'll be using an abundance of vegetables, legumes and whole grains is another effective strategy to eat more but fewer calories. I've made a few videos on my YT channel on how to start batch cooking. Try looking at this and scroll to 6:50 for easy example. Now for that cardio, what worked well for me was finding a form of cardio I enjoyed. I really liked doing the sort of MMA -a type of cardio which is a combination of high-intensity bodyweight training with some weights. I like to combine that with callisthenics training these days. Now this may not be suited for women as much but you could experiment with some form of interval training, perhaps the gym offers classes. Some other great forms are swimming, cycling, rope skipping, rollerskating, hiking (brilliant for burning fat btw) or even finding a trainer for some light box padding. basically a good PT will be able to help a lot. Some products with some minor effects that may be useful are regular consumption of green tea, some people seem to benefit from MCT and theoretically even acetyl-L-carnitine but I believe the studies on that are kinda mixed so it may not help. Also, carnitine ha a few medicinal interactions (https://www.drugs.com/drug-interactions/levocarnitine,l-carnitine.html) so something to be mindful of. But on their own, these products won't do anything unless accompanied by a good diet, lifestyle and regular activity. Also, in my (how I lost 20kg video) I mentioned that the major profound effect for me to lose weight was changing my environment. Perhaps that would be an option as well? I recall we spoke about your mom before and I feel that maybe living with your parents is putting a lot of restrictions on you. Any chance you could maybe try some shared apartment with a friend (or student dormitory or somethign like that?) Anyway, hope anything in there is helpful Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself. remember, this is a life-long process not a sprint.

@Someone here What are you talking about. I pointed out the fact that we have a choice relatively speaking. and it's NOT GOOD to force one who has a suicide tendency to live and tell them they have no choice, most of all it's not true. Because the truth is reality is free to do anything including suicide. - _ - Why you're saying "Death is no joke" ? You understand the truth of death? I understand nothing about death really except different versions of concepts of it. Whether you know it or not it shouldn't be scary either.

Sat 23/04/2022 21:22 Had some night terrors last night, but after waking up I was overwhelmed by certain things but then also felt a sense of more memory, agency and control. I'm fairly at peace now if I just decide to exit, so hopefully factors will line up to that. I'm getting new glasses after they've been broke for months. I was using tape on the disconnected hinge on one arm, but the glasses were droopy and imbalanced pressure on one side . Is it cowardice, yeah, but I don't think anyone in my position would find fault. Before I was all crying and shit, infinitely sad and infinitely apologetic imagining suicide, but with lucidity I realise it really isn't that big a deal. And that's not because I believe in the existence of a soul or my continued existence. I'm lying when I say it's no big deal, but that's okay ---- But to describe my overall condition. If I was to unplug from the internet and technology abruptly, cold turkey, I feel like I would just be plunged into an unfathomably large amount of agony that I couldn't even begin to imagine or process With no promise it can result in anything I.e. the way of a buddhist which would look like the path to salvation looks unimaginably painful beyond anything I could have imagined, some sort of pain resulting from being in the world of non-existence The realm of Hungry Ghosts/Hollows (buddhist literature) is where I reside. [despite indulging in very little hedonism and 0 sexual sensuality relative to the vast majority of people, an extremely cruel fate really] Physiologically speaking, I used to quite literally feel this emptiness as literally feeling as though my chest was hollow and caved out. It was very tingly and weird. Like one of the sensations you might get after ejaculation. Existing in some unreality is some more precise description of where I am, so fusion of "hell realm" and "hungry ghost realm". -- After a stressful day today though of driving and hearing arguments, I'm snapped. Greed is not funny. Human vanity is not funny. Any sort of greed or vanity instantly disgusts me at this point, a revolting and ugly hollowness. In some way I ended up internalising that ugliness, and it gets me irritated all the more. This level of irritation I can feel so easily (especially from my mum) nowadays feels like someone stuck a massive rod up my ass and is just keeping it there, like I'm being raped. What should ones response be to being raped? How is one supposed to process or digest that feeling? The rod is fucking there, just sitting there. It sounds dramatic I know but that's the connundrum I'm in. When I get psychological therapy, if it happens; "What's the texture of the rape, what's the shape and weight of the dick penetrating you? Let's delve into it sir", "IDK BUT IT'S FUCKING RAPE", "I will need you to calm down sir, we are here to help", "RAPE RAPE RAPE" If I go on mood stabilisers or something or change antidepressants else to help, which I probably will do, my misery and hollowness won't change. The reason I would commit suicide, to my family or friends potentially reading this in the future, is not because of this irritation (those in the moment state can calm a bit). But it would be because of the general loss of my agency, already being dead (I am not speaking euphemistically, I am speaking literally), and having my memory wiped, etc. I'll explain it chronologically and plainly in my handwritten letters or last document if I do do it. I was quite literally having nightmares last night where I was in a formless terror and hell, and the premise of the dream was me trying to regain my consciousness or vision in that hell. My thoughts or knowledge sometimes manifest as meta-principles/laws of the dream space now. The knowledge that I was having a night terror, became the very premise/concept of the dream, and within my dream I would dream of waking up from the night terror. But I'm still in my dream, so it's a dream within a dream. In this hungry-ghost hell, I think I know what choice I don't mind taking. This just ain't worth it. -- The evils of this world are trash. In this lesser of evils world, You can't die. The evil is too stupid to be able to properly kill you, leaving you tortured. You can't defend anything. The world's stupidity is so evil it doesn't bother attacking what's good. Valor cannot be earnt. You can't look away. It's a monstrous trainwreck of unfathomably ugly proportions, a void within a void. -- It's late as fuck now and I should sleep soon. This hungry ghost might not dream of something so terrible tonight, but this pseudo sociopathy, this ugliness of the world that I've internalised, its gonna be the end of me and what makes me quit. Ugliness internalised that others did not, so that I could find the truth in the garbage rules they play by. If I was fine living in a world of lies I could have got by, or if I bowed to something higher and avoided this trash to begin with. All there is here is garbage, a loser world of loser rules, and parasites. There is not a crumb of love being shared with me here. My level of sexual frustration reached far past the ceiling of what I thought was possible, whilst also feeling raped at the same time. Someone else can bother to figure that calculus out if they want to, I've had enough personally.

I see you're depressed about gaining weight. Tell uncle @thisintegrated your troubles? There are much easier way to commit suicide, but I shouldn't tell you them I guess?‍♂️ Want me to come over? I think you're local. I'll give you a counselling session?

?? * gets banned just before suicide * truly lmfao

I don't think you're even grounded enough for the current teachings, just from reading this and your previous posts. Your ego conflates and projects things a lot. I had 0 thoughts about suicide after reading this post, so I would question where that is coming from. I have no idea about the course though, it might account for beginners coming in, but Leo's teaching style has always been very brash and unsuited for beginners, so I doubt it. Might be wrong though, I haven't looked into what Leo said about the course.

I don't think your concerns are childish. It's childish because you have probably outgrown your needs. Some people haven't, they probably need a hug? I feel like you have made a sarcastic post intended to demonize people who crave connection with strangers, you're just trying to inspire ridicule But hey, there are people out there who commit suicide because they are called fat. Maybe for you it's childish, not for them.

@Ulax Bigger emphases on mental health = status for being mentally ill and hard done by = more people wanting to be mental ill = Munchhausen syndrome + actual mental illness created = Higher reported rates of mental health issues because more people are actually mentally ill. What did you think happened before when less people committed suicide? That they just weren't talked about and their deaths buried. @AtheisticNonduality Quote by bad man ^ @Christoph Werner That's the core problem of everything. But good points you brought up.

@Preety_India I don't think it helps people to open up about their problems it's more so makes it trendy and you a delicate snowflake to have a mental health problem and to broadcast that to other people. No it objectively is. Far more children and teenagers are depressed, anxious, on prescription medications, admitted to mental hospitals and commit suicide. Which all adds to create an environment where the typical zoomer is mentally ill. Also NPD is definitely on the rise and gen z is going to be a generation of sociopaths. 100%

@Magnanimous Beautiful insight I got this morning: Think with your heart. And feel with your mind. As long as we are stuck with thoughts in the mind, we are lost forever, and our hearts will through our feelings, send us signals of discomfort and discontent. And of course thoughts of suicide and wanting to end whatever is, might appear. Through sinking in to the heart, and working with you unconditional and neutral space/balanced aspects. You can purify the mind of its patterns and unconscious loops. Power of just letting go, and be willing to drop everything to rest in your neutral loving heart, will filter everything you have consciously or unconsciously carried throughout your life, in form of traumas, programmings, environmental factors, beliefs, habitual patterns adopted by parents and other people in your early years up to early adulthood. Balance is at utmost importance, because we can easily drop out of balance by being too much in the heart space. We fall out of structure and become lazy and unwilling to move. And then the mind activates thoughts of guilt, shame, not good enough and so on. IMO, its all about learning what these things are and how they happen within you. And learning how to interpret and deal with these signals. It’s all a Balancing Act.

Monday 18th April +1 02:26 True despair and hopelessness is setting in. Been a few months on these meds. The dose increased a month ago and it did nothing, except the increased dose was less sedating and it caused rebound sleep problems. I'm hardly eating but still gaining weight, and food doesn't even taste of anything to me. There was a phase where I was eating loads of junk, but it seems as though now I don't have to eat much to gain weight. From 74kg to 83.5kg over the past few months. I finish my plate quickly and thoroughly, still slightly hungry due to increased apettite, but overall still slightly unrelaxed to eat more. Likely gaining weight from the disrupted sleep and inactivity. My credit card is fixed now, I could still change meds, get CBT (different from ctb and catching the bus) , and give things more time, but I wouldn't have any regrets about suicide at this point and would be a relief. Only problem is sourcing sodium nitrite without getting the police knocking on my door. Back in November when I was living in low-end student accommodation, I tried to order sodium nitrite from a website. After paying they asked for proof of business use or licence for using it, but I didn't have or provide any. Week later the police entered my bedroom when I was sleeping in the morning to ask me about it. I managed to shrug them off. But right now I'm living with my family, and if I try to order sodium nitrite to my home address I might get police knocking on the door and the family would know. -- I helped an old man family friend today who fell over and needed help being lifted onto a bed. Feels just a little bit good.

The Virgin brides was a mistranslation. It said 72 raisins. It is Suicide bombing is condoned, Islam is against suicide.

Hello amazing person, I am Kory , and here is my Day 1 of an official journey I mean to commit to. Welp, after a long time of messing around, here I am in a Salvation Army homeless shelter and now the quote that captures how I feel... "The Sleeping Giant has Awakened" I landed here last night. I have been living in my van for 8 months. I am 32, and my own self-sufficiency has been lacking. I've stayed back and forth with people and on my own, always moving between jobs, places, and people. I've always wanted to be a high level life-coach, but as I went down the rabbit hole to unreel the nature of life, I disassociated with most everything but my own addictions to gaming and staying high. I've definitely been stuck for many years more-or-less doing the same shit not going anywhere. But I have kinda riddled out the missing ingredients to the recipe for my own success, and it is certainly very exciting to be in a homeless shelter and letting go of the things holding me back... I was living in my van near relatives and just staying within a comfort-zone that was actually screwing me over. The week before, it was still entertaining suicide to some degree, but I just came to accept that I needed help and my identity was gonna have to be scrapped... So I deleted all my games , like "I have no idea how I am gonna spend my day if im not binging out, but we will see!" Well I had an incident that pissed me off enough and I had just enough resources to go, so I just said "Thats what I gotta do, go get a fresh start on my own, and cut all the things not getting me results, and it will just have to work out somehow" So I got a call back from the shelter the following morning after I relocated to a nearby metro, and met a cool person that I've been vibing with as I feel myself coming online more and more... Its like recalling the better versions of myself like its just who I am now. Its pretty cool at the shelter, (i mean there are "bad" people to be around more-often-than-not, but helpful good people as well) I am getting 2 free meals/day, shower, laundry, place to get mail, state health insurance , getting a waiting list for a house in 1-2 months , got a bed , and daily life-skills training (reminding me of like military bootcamp but the homeless lite-bootcamp version) , and signed up for mental health stuff... Definitely something I didn't expect, everybody makes homeless shelters sound horrible but Salvation Army is pretty legit and I got taken care of within an hour of getting here. Well... I just wanted to work on writing/journaling and this felt like Day 1 to my journey... Really been a quick turnaround with going from depression/anxiety/existential crisis/etc to feeling like I am picking up with my better-self like riding a bicycle again. I have not had anybody to talk to for a long time, so I cut my time-wasting addictions out and I'm formulating a strategy for my own success... Like asking questions: "What are daily habits I should work on"" What content do I want to study" "Which communities should I get involved in?" "What are the most important+urgent steps to be taking?" I know people mention Leo's Start Guide here, I am also downloading Optimize app by Brian Johnson, enrolled in free online philosophy courses , have some old personal development masterclasses to go back through, looking at some free self-development training workshops from these online ads, reading some books, going through more good youtube self-actualization (Joseph Rodriquez is a recent favorite discussing like Napolean Hill like subconscious inner-talk stuff, and Tom Bilyeu rocks too) I dont really know what my goal is , but I know my passion is teaching in the 'transcendence' category , and I want to get online making money... I've just always avoided trying to start my own Youtube / TikTok channel, but I am gaining confidence from being in this shelter and meeting this guy who has been showing me around giving me the newb-tour , and its just wild that I assume I would be incredible, but I'm also my own biggest critic , and I am beginning to see the more I push myself to express what I am about, the more positive feedback I get and more pace I pick up with it... So this day feels differerent, it seems the spiral has begun its upward climb, and I've been waiting for the day I would see myself getting momentum again, because I knew I would have nothing to look back to again... And now it begins... "Fly, Phoenix, Fly" Question : When a Phoenix rebirths, is it Day 1 for that Phoenix? Is that an accurate metaphor??? Lmao idk, what do you think? Glad to read any comments you wonderful people wanna respond with. Much love -Kory Added a couple snapshots of this Salvation Army place... i just want to provide information that this place is pretty chill, not as bad as I had thought! Legit got my bed right across from buddy I had met, and there is a pile of tobacco behind my shoulder like community sharing lol.

@Someone here Why are u being so mysogynistic.wouldnt u love it if u get heavenly chicks. I am trying to research it.there are videos about one taliban freedom fighter suicide bombing himself up and killing 50 us soldiers.i do not know the exact fatwa on it.suicide bombing strategy was very successful against us invaders. I am trying to research on it.suicide is forbidden on islam.no doubt about that.but suiciding to kill enemies, i do not know about that

Is this the laziest solution to enlightenment?

If morality is entirely relative then how is there such a thing as good and bad karma? I know morality is a byproduct of the ego to support survival needs but intuitively there seems to be a deeper sense of ‘rightness/‘wrongness’ that transcends morality. I’m struggling to understand why I’m viscerally against things like murder, torture, rape, etc. Is it simply because I don’t want it to happen to me? I don’t understand why I have this desire to minimize the suffering of others if morality is relative? For example, Leo does this by warning again suicide even though hypothetically there’s nothing wrong with killing one’s self. Can anyone make sense of all this? Is it simply a paradox that can’t make sense?

There's several ways to stop the media doing this right now. But they have too much money and power to be easily stopped. Normally they're helping out the people in charge so it'd be career suicide to turn on them. It will take a real heroic "for the people" politician to finally put their foot down.

@Ulax I’m not so sure I’m that traumatized. For most of my adult life I’ve lived in almost complete solitude. It worked rather well, and my life was pretty good until one and a half years ago when I started studying. There I was surrounded by girls again for the first time since high school and my old strong desires were awakened to life. For other reasons I quit the studies and went back to solitude last year, but then I became very miserable. It wasn’t until summer, when I was on the verge of suicide, that I was finally able to bite the bullet and be proactive about this problem for the first time in my life. Until then I always hoped that I would find someone through work/studies or social circle. I really despised the idea of pickup and online dating. I do stage green activities too by the way.