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Long story short, it sounds like you're going through an inner transformation which will manifest outwardly sooner or later. I'm in a similar boat right now as I am in graduate school and feeling highly dissatisfied with it. I'd say pick up some "Emotional Mastery" books on Leo's book list and work through them. Especially Loving What Is, by Byron Katie. What you'll come to realize is that you are perfectly okay where you are and things will fall into place. Trust your highest intuition. Strategize. Do some contemplating and introspecting and you'll start getting answers. As @Origins said, it's your decision. Best of luck!

If I can add my direct experience here: Do as a few of us have said and get a therapist. My therapist is doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensetization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with me and I am starting to feel amazing. And the better I feel, the easier time I have interacting with women. More and more I have been noticing girls looking at me and giving me signs of interest. Take at least 6 months off (imo) to heal yourself. Work on your trauma. Especially your family trauma, and especially especially your relationship with your mother. Because all of this weighs you down and makes you needy, submissive, etc. Your negative attributes are exacerbated by your trauma. We all have trauma, some deeper than others. Based on the fact that you are an incel at 31, I'd guess you have more than most. Not saying this to put you down, but to highlight the fact that there is some work you need to do. And I am giving you this advice because I have taken it myself. I started April 1 this year working on one thing per day as it pertains to relationships and dating, using meditation as my tool. Later I added therapy. MDMA has helped recently as well. My transformation in the last 6 months is nothing short of that, a transformation of who I am at a fundamental level. Read The Truth by Neil Strauss. This book will break you in the best way, and inspire you to heal. Because what you really want is to be healed. And what the girl really wants is for you to be healed! P.S. listen to Leo's advice. It's gold.

The thing is that local & global consciousness is not there yet. I cannot even imagine how massive the transformation would be even if taken with the smallest steps possible. The transition must be intently planned & coordinated from yellow/turqouise pov.

@datamonster Thanks for your response! I understand your perspective, and it makes sense. I think for me I'm in the privileged position of being able to step outside of the system to some extent, and I feel called to do this when possible. Ultimately change happens when people create the change they wish to see in the world. The best way I know how to do that is to embody that change myself. Whether that's by removing my money from the stock market, switching from big banks and to a local credit union, shopping at local stores and co-ops vs chains, donating money to community-led organizations, saving and reusing items vs purchasing new stuff, discovering my Life Purpose and taking the steps to find a vocation that helps others and pays the bills, downsizing my house and reducing my expenses, taking public transit more often, etc. These are all small drops in the bucket, but if millions and then billions of people take these steps they will lead to a much more rapid evolution and transformation of our current systems. The macro systemic changes are much more multi-faceted and complex, but on an individual level we all have to start somewhere. Just my two cents...no pun on words

I did unplug from society. Because where is society? Then answer is that society is in my mind! So the trick is to realize that one's own mind is making all those kinds of separations. And that's why our civilization is still at the "caterpillar" stage, because everybody is running around with the same delusions of separations in their minds. That's the personal stage. There will be a massive transformation of society I believe but it will come as a result of us individuals shifting from the personal to the transpersonal stage, and that's a process that probably takes decades just to get started in any significant way. Although the process is I believe already going on and the coronavirus crisis signifies the end of the caterpillar stage.

1.) What is the very first thought you become conscious of, when you wake up? Is it about the depression of the current civilization or the thrust to pull us out? 2.) When we break out from the cuccoon (childhood) to a free willed butterfly (adulthood), the zeal childlike enthusiasm sheds from us, any thoughts when/ at which moment in our transformation does it happen?

Just released last month. Ordered me a copy today. Editorial Reviews Review “If ever there was a teacher who could gather the reins of the mind to gallop into the land of the heart (and take us with her), it is Cynthia Bourgeault. This exquisitely written love story distills the intricacies of the esoteric Western traditions into a transformational elixir—both rigorous and luminous—simultaneously intoxicating and sobering. This book is nothing less than a map to the meeting of the worlds at the crossroads of our own souls, one the mapmaker urges us to abandon the minute our heart sees the way.”—Mirabai Starr, author of Wild Mercy “In Eye of the Heart Cynthia Bourgeault invites us on a journey that is profoundly personal and opens us to a truly fresh and panoramic vision of the purpose of human existence. In bringing to our attention the importance of the imaginal realms—the levels of consciousness between our physical reality and our ultimate divine source—she fills an enormous gap in the current conversations on spirituality. Cynthia has an amazing ability to take potentially complex ideas and to explain them with clarity and kindness. Only someone who has actually traversed these realms and knows them well could accomplish such a feat, and she does so with beauty and grace. Any serious student of the Western traditions ought to partake of these teachings. You will be grateful you did!”—Russ Hudson, co-author of The Wisdom of the Enneagram “A brilliant synthesis that both situates the imaginal world and gives it more meaning than it has previously had. . . . [Bourgeault] is a true representative of the Western spiritual tradition.”—from the afterword by A. H. Almaas “Eye of the Heart is an immensely original piece of thinking, feeling, writing. There is nothing like it. It opens new terrain, plants new seeds, starts them on their way toward the light.”—Roger Lipsey, author of Gurdjieff Reconsidered “By weaving together mystical wisdom, the Fourth Way, and the authority of her own experience, Cynthia Bourgeault masterfully charts a new path of interior transformation through the heart's ability to know and choose the way of love and service. I learned a lot from this book, and I bet you will too.”—Carl McColman, author of The Big Book of Christian Mysticism “Reading Eye of the Heart is a powerful and clarifying experience. The weaving of personal, metaphysical, and contemporary political insights is amazing, seamless, and intercessory in and of itself. We need this kind of weaving and interpenetrating in our culture just as we need it between the realms.”—Tim Shriver, author of Fully Alive The following is from:

I don't believe in crime as defined by law as laws are arbitrary abstractions which live in a parallel universe unrelated to reality. I am not saying that everything is acceptable, just that it is up to the heart to express what is acceptable. Rules are obviously fake. There are some consequences to not following socially established rules but they are also fake as in motivated by belief systems - Giordano Bruno was burned on the stake for telling the truth - Does it matter that he was a criminal according to some belief system? Therefore my question is whether these killers when feeling like killers and wanting to kill are expressing their authentic selves or their egos. Nature is also a serial killer but there is purpose there - recycling, transformation, evolution. With human killers I can't decide what's going on there. Certainly a lot of them feel troubled which seems to be a red flag. Authentic expression doesn't result in pain.

I feel like I'm going through a very deep transformation right now. This is nothing like anything I have ever experienced. I feel good about myself, about who I am. Not about my accomplishments - it's about my essence. About my uniqueness. My productivity at work this week has plummeted and I can't get myself to make progress with my current projects, but I know that I need this time to myself. This is the time when I'm looking deeply into who I am, into what I understand myself to be. I feel that my psychological makeup is changing. It feels like a new identity is condensing, but even though I'm semi-conscious of it, I'm not rejecting it. I don't blame myself for "having" an ego anymore. There is this multiplicity of me and I can see it. It is as if it was somewhere out there, as something other than me - and yet - it is very dear, close to my heart. From one point of view, I feel compassion for this struggling creature, as if it was separate, but when I feel this, I feel good, as if someone empathized with me. I really like the analogy of being in a relationship with myself. Very unusual. I could say that this is the proper transition from green to yellow. I exhausted the relishing in the relativity and accepted the survival side of things. The systemic part of yellow is emphasized so much, but I don't think that this is the proper characteristic. I was pretty well versed in systemic thinking as green, but what I did not fully get was, simply put, myself. I was at odds with "having" an ego, it felt like a curse of not being able to live my life they way I wanted haha. The proper characteristic of Yellow is integral. Integral means: unified, in-dividual. Even though this inner structure has its facets, they all serve specific purposes and balance each other in strife for permanence. I accept even the lowest aspects of myself and treat them with care. They are, after all, my most precious children. I will never be as close to any child as I am to my heart. And still, I understand that this structure is conceptual. There is nothing in here I can point my finger towards and say: "AHA! Got you!". I am interpreting my behaviors as they appear and act as if there was a person/s here. My interior does not like being called "illusory" for it implies that it is not important. It is important to me. Ha!

I think that consciousness evolution is transcend and include, so for example we will still have bodies even in the very high levels of cosmic consciousness that Shunyamurti talked about. Basically like angels, or what in Christianity is called the glorified body. It may even be that the step from the personal stage to the first transpersonal stage involves a change of the physical body! Maybe just my fantasy, haha, but I believe it might be possible. To have a body like an angel that can shapeshift and do all kinds of stunts, that's something much later on at the more advanced levels of consciousness, but some form of simpler improvement of the physical body might happen already at the first transpersonal stage. One thing that makes me believe in the possibility of a transformation of the physical body is that when practicing inner body awareness it becomes really clear that the physical body at the personal stage of development is in a really limited and suffering form.

On a second thought, maybe paternal lineages are not entirely silly, since evolution has several "dimensions" to it. So the personal stage then is inherited through both the maternal and paternal lineages and also from society and the environment. And since society is a holon we carry the whole personal stage in our bodies and minds. At first it may seem impossible to budge that kind of heavy conditioning and move from the personal stage to the transpersonal stage. The power necessary comes from accelerating evolutionary progress. Yes, the past is enormous and heavy but each moment is an explosion into massively more information and complexity so in theory the transformation into the transpersonal stage can happen in the twinkling of an eye.

@tsuki this year has been incredible in so many ways, just blown my mind. I am going through all sorts of challenging times, you may not believe half the things that’s happened and I’ve not shared much of it here. I really do believe this is a year of change, so many like myself are realizing their multidimensional nature, the light body transformation is taking place... I will be offline for a few days while I cleanse, so I’ll have to get back to you if if you have questions or wanna chat about it. You can Pm me too. Hope you’re well!

@Adamq8 Well, I have never been enlightened and from my pov, only an enlightened mind can enter the spiritual dimension/be able to transcend this material realm. I doubt that anyone could do it via a 'cheat code' as this is beyond any human understanding of reality and may require a radical transformation of one's body and mind. But the way I see it, if you don't take care of your mind and body, it will affect the way you perceive the world because body/mind is literally everything that you see around you. But how can you program reality or become one with it, I have no idea... it only appears to me that there is some conflict between the body and mind or the inner/outer world and in order to become complete, someone has to mix these "ingredients" together. Anyway, if there is a god on this forum who knows how this works, I would like to hear the Secret too *sending prayers to the Heaven* ? ? @DrewNows nice, thx for sharing ?

A perhaps better analogy is the caterpillar to butterfly transformation that Bruce Lipton and others have used. Society today is collectively at the personal stage of development represented by the caterpillar. And the butterfly is the collective transpersonal stage of humanity. The coronavirus crisis might be the beginning of the caterpillar turning into a cocoon. And within society a transformation will happen where the butterfly starts to develop while the caterpillar dissolves. That's a process that may take decades to complete! That's tedious from the individual perspective yet a very short period of time seen historically and is a result of exponential (accelerating) evolutionary progress.

Shunyamurti has this new video where he talks about death and the fear of death. The fear of death cannot be overcome by the ego, because it's precisely the ego that dies, he said. I believe that physical death might be overcome, but it will be a transformation of the "body of flesh". And for that to happen the transpersonal stage is necessary I think and the melting of the crystallized ego, so yes the ego "dies" in a sense, but it's also preserved in an transcend and include of the individual personality which is very valuable.

Also, fear and confusion feed each other in a vicious loop. The sense of separation since it's a delusional state causes confusion which the mind at the personal stage tries to run away from through desire and fear, carrots and sticks which at least are more useful than confusion. The fear in turn because of its illusionary nature results in more confusion leading to new desire and fear and so on in a circle. J. Krishnamurti says in this short video that fear must be totally eliminated for there to be a transformation of human consciousness.

@purerogue Absolutely. If ideology and dogma is at the core of the problems, it is easy to hold the ones that happen to have an ideological flavor that resonates and aligns better with later stage perspectives, say "greener" world views, higher - and reversly demonize the others, say "blue-orange" world views. A greener world view can be adopted without being green. You'd just not be able reason around it, and it would be blind reguritation, an ideology. At some point camps need to meet closer to middle ground, to understand the lack of needs met of the lower group, in order to relax the tension of the polarization, purposfully, so that transformation can happen. But that's introducing second tier, so we can only hope to look forward to the greener masses to progress into a green-yellow mix. It's going to take time, and it's going to get worse before such transformation happens, and it's probably not anytime soon.

One of the best enlightened teacher, some of his words have given me great awakenings. I highly recommend reading through his book Yoga the alpha and omega. Read it here. Here are some quotes: "NOW THE DISCIPLINE OF YOGA" "YOGA IS THE CESSATION OF MIND" "Yoga is a jump into the unknown. It will not be right to say ”unknown”; rather, ”unknowable”." "Mind is activity" "THEN THE WITNESS IS ESTABLISHED IN ITSELF. IN THE OTHER STATES THERE IS IDENTIFICATION WITH THE MODIFICATIONS OF THE MIND." "Don't identify with the self." "Total hopelessness means now there is no hope. And when there is no hope there cannot be hopelessness." "Knowledge is the most subtle food for ego: you feel you are something. You know; you become somebody." "Yoga says ¨ and let it penetrate you very deeply because it will be very meaningful ¨C yoga says that the more you are impatient, the more time will be needed for your transformation. The more in hurry, the more you will be delayed. Hurry itself creates such a confusion that delay will result." "If you are infinitely patient, this very moment transformation can happen. If you are ready to wait forever, you may not wait even for the next moment. This very moment the thing can happen, because it is not a question of time, it is a question of your quality of the mind." "You have to drop into it, not to reach anywhere. And the dropping is possible only if you are totally patient." "In life everything is a rhythm. You are happy and then follows unhappiness. Night and day, summer and winter; life is a rhythm between two opposites. When you try to become aware the same rhythm will be there: sometimes you are aware and sometimes not. So don¡¯t create a problem, because you are such experts in creating problems that out of the blue you can create a problem. And once you have created a problem then you want to solve it. And then there are people who will supply you with answers. A wrong problem is always answered by a wrong answer. And then it can go on ad infinitum; then a wrong answer again creates questions. From the very beginning one has to be aware not to create a wrong problem. Otherwise the whole of life goes on and on in the wrong direction. Always try to understand not to create a problem. Everything pulsates into a rhythm, and when I say everything, I mean everything. Love, and there is hate; awareness, and there is unawareness. Don¡¯t create any problem: enjoy both. While aware enjoy awareness, and while unaware enjoy unawareness ¨C nothing is wrong, because unawareness is like a rest. Otherwise, awareness will become a tension. If you are awake twenty-four hours, how many days you think you can be alive? Without food a man can live for three months; without sleep, within three weeks he will go mad, and he will try to commit suicide. In the day you are alert; in the night you relax, and that relaxation helps you in the day again to be more alert, fresh. Energies have passed through a rest period; they are more alive in the morning again. The same will happen in meditation: few moments you are perfectly aware, at the peak; few moments you are in the valley, resting ¨C awareness has disappeared, you have forgotten. But what is wrong in it? It is simple. Through unawareness will arise again awareness, fresh, young, and this will go on. And if you can enjoy both you become the third, and that is the point to be understood. If you can enjoy both it means you are neither ¨C neither awareness nor unawareness, you are the one who enjoys both. Something of the beyond enters. In fact, this is the real witness. Happiness you enjoy ¨C what is wrong when happiness has gone and you have become sad? What is wrong in sadness? Enjoy it. And once you become capable of enjoying sadness, then you are neither. And this I tell you: that if you enjoy, sadness has its own beauties. Happiness is a little shallow; sadness is very deep, it has a depth into it. A man who has never been sad will be shallow, just on the surface. Sadness is like a dark night ¨C very deep. Darkness has a silence into it, sadness also. Happiness bubbles, there is a sound in it. It is like a river in the mountains; sound is created. But in the mountains, river can never be very deep; it is always shallow. When the river comes to the plain it becomes deep, but the sound stops. It moves as if not moving. Sadness has a depth. Why create trouble? While happy, be happy, enjoy it. Don¡¯t get identified with it. When I say be happy, I mean enjoy it. Let it be a climate which will move and change. The morning changes into the noon, the noon changes into the evening, and then comes night. Let happiness be a climate around you. Enjoy it, and then comes sadness... enjoy that too. I teach you enjoyment, whatsoever the case. Sit silently and enjoy sadness, and suddenly sadness is no more sadness; it has become a silent peaceful moment, beautiful in itself, nothing wrong in it. And then comes the ultimate alchemy, the point where suddenly you realize you are neither ¨C neither happiness nor sadness. You are the watcher ¨C you watch peaks, you watch valleys; you are neither. Once this point is attained, you can go on celebrating everything. You celebrate life and you celebrate death. You celebrate happiness, you celebrate unhappiness. You celebrate everything. Then you are not identified with any polarity. Both the polarities have become available to you together, and you can move from one to the other easily. You have become liquid-like, you flow. Then you can use both, and both can become a help into your growth. Remember this: don¡¯t create problems. Try to understand the situation, try to understand the polarity of life. In summer it is hot, in winter it is cold ¨C so where is the problem? In winter enjoy cold, in summer enjoy heat. In summer enjoy the sun; in the night enjoy the stars and the darkness, in the day the sun and the light. You make enjoyment your continuity, whatsoever happens. In spite of it you go on enjoying. You try it, and suddenly everything is transfigured and transformed."

September 22, 2020 I had another interesting day. I started off with waking up early and not getting back to sleep. I just lay there in a daze tired. I see that I am on electronics after 9. This does not help and I should probably push this back. I left for work by 9 and I prepared to go to the woods after work. While at work I just cleaned all day. It was monotonous and boring. I am creating these negative emotions trying to move myself to get a different job. I think all of my fear is used to manipulate me. After work I purchased two apples and went to the woods. I sat and did nothing for about 2 and half hours. I did look around the fallen logs I was sitting on. I also listened and watched the deer that were running around the trees. I struggled to meditate and I was not focusing very well. My mind just kept moving and included the topic of touching of myself. I went back home to get dinner. We had dinner later than usual. I have been eating less than usual as I have been spending more time in the woods. I did not have a craving for ice cream and I did not want it. Eating less sugar should improve my sleep. I felt full with dinner and I think I have been taught to eat more than I need to eat. This habit is proving to be beneficial. I then listened to audio books and continued the life purpose course. I am getting a lot of valuable information from this combination and I make sure I keep learning while creating myself into what I would like to be. I did not spend much time with the family because I am off doing my own thing. I am also using spirituality to transform myself in such a way that I can more effectively pursue my life purpose no matter what it may be. I am seeing my mind transform in a way that gives me more inner peace while empowering me. Of course I can't ignore the problem of money and financial independence. This should not be ignored with disguised egotism. All of my thoughts are creative and I am focusing them toward a new transformation. This is my evolution toward love.

It appears that way. If you can look at them seeing the infinite paths of transformation from material to another.. You would see they are one thing ultimately.

why does @Leo Gura expression on this thread appear (to me) as spiritual bypassing? I realize I was seeking to change his beliefs regarding the value of the discussed relative truths, a silly thing to do, maybe why I perceive it to be devaluing experiences he’s never directly had? Like cognitive dissonance, unless I’m misunderstanding the point he’s making, that all belief and relative truths are unnecessary and valueless to explore once you’ve “Awoken”. This appearance is devaluation of the personal relative to the spiritual. I can see how this is practicing freedom of expression as Mandy pointed out, but it comes off as disconcerting/degrading to the values of the topics discussed. Like when someone has no direct experience of a practice/technique, yet claims it’s a waste of time or foolish to test/explore, because there’s still the absolute. I can also see how viewing those who experience significant value in utilizing these higher dimensional experiences to be delusional and “unaware” they are participating in a potential trap, but this is an assumption of the closed mind that doesn’t see value in falling into traps, or admitting life is the trap we must learn to traverse relinquishing all fear of traps. After all, they are all traps of perception. I know my consciousness is the only consciousness that exists, but I have no need to tell others this is all that matters, it seems like an oxymoron the value in exploring aliens, different dimensions and special abilities is unique to the individual, with great value in supporting humanity’s evolution. @Member how I became aware of my alien nature? I’ve become attuned to the knowledge of my multidimensional nature, through self healing energy practices, cultivation (meditation), allowing physical transformation, shedding/cleansing/releasing blockages/karma impeding the natural flow and allowing-in more light/energy (dna upgrades) raising awareness and the body’s natural frequency. Basically it’s all just the act of remembering through deepening the connection with ourselves. This resulted in several downloads, channeling of higher dimensional energy/information. We are all experiencing this energy shift/upgrade to a great degree this year, some are fighting/resisting the change of the body’s new energy frequency needs based off the collective energy dynamics, but it is a matter of allowing the knowledge to come through the inner listening and learning of seemingly new experiences. Resistance is stagnation, remaining unaware, distracted and avoidant of what serving expansion

I noticed that I still have a tendency of clinging on to my desires. That's natural at the personal stage. At the transpersonal stage desires are converted into preferences. And Buddhism is correct that desire is what needs to be transcended (along with fears). The problem with desires is that they are a part of the crystallized ego. There is value to desires and even to fears, but both desire and fear are limited perspectives based on a false belief in separation. So both fear and desire cause conflict. My practice now is to recognize that my desires are valuable but that they need to dissolve and be transmuted into preferences. And my idea is that reality has infinite intelligence so it will automatically sort out the complicated process of making the transformation of desires into preferences happen. Similarly fears need to dissolve and be replaced by fluid guidance. A simple analogy is that fears and desires are like training wheels for the self. They are necessary during the personal stage of development and need to be let go of when entering the transpersonal stage.

Hi futuredoctor, Your post inspired me to make an account on the forum. I wanted to pass on a few words as a fellow gay person on the path. The world isn't universally friendly to gay people, and it sucks. However, you can regain your power by recognizing that what really matters in the end is how you view yourself, and how you relate to yourself. Based on what you wrote, I would suggest you work on deepening your self-compassion and love for yourself. While you may not feel attractive, it really is possible to come to accept who you are, the way you are, and from that place transformation becomes ever more empowered. There is no need to become more alpha or more masculine. People all across the spectrum of gender expression have their place and are beautiful (from my perspective). So try to decipher whether your desire to become more masculine comes from a place of excitement to grow, or from a place of deficiency. A couple things that may help in particular are: (1) seeking a therapist if you can afford it, particularly one who is LGBTQ+ friendly, as this will allow you to voice your patterns of thought to someone who is empathetic and ever-listening. (2) developing a mindfulness practice. The crazy thing is, all of the judgments you are experiencing are just thoughts in your head, and if you focus on becoming more aware of the ego's patterns, much of these judgments will begin to dissolve. Small changes in your mindset will compound over time, and if you stick to it, you will be shocked at how much progress you can make. Much love to you on your journey.

Small wins today: 1. Visualization in the morning: comfortable in my body. 2. Positive self talk: I have the mission of spreading love. 3. Praying: May my guilt turn toward the Truth, may Truth give way to Spirit-filled conviction, may conviction lead to appropriate repentance, and forgiveness wrapped in God's grace, and may the Lord bring about in me authentic transformation so that I may pursue living blamelessly before God and all for His glory. 4. Mirror work: I take 100% responsibility for my life. 5. Talking to my inner child: I want you to take me to explore as many experiences as possible. 6. Meditation: Let go and move on. 7. Yoga mild stretching: 5 min stretching before bedtime. 8. Expressing love to and receiving love from others: I shared the "Five Small Wins" technique in the ED group. My friend invited her boyfriend to join my Self-love Practice group. ---- Always choose the direction that benefits you. Always move away from things that do not benefit you.

It appears that way. If you can look at them seeing the infinite paths of transformation from material to another.. You would see they are one thing ultimately.