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Hi everyone. I wanted to write a bit about my own meditative practice, which I call Shakti Meditation. In case you weren’t aware, Shakti is the Sanskrit term for the divine feminine, in a cosmic sense, as well as locally, where it is known as Kundalini Shakti. This power is known under different names in various cultures. Shekinah in Judaism, Sekina in Islam, Sophia in Gnostic Christianity, Holy Spirit in Christianity, Dzogchen in Tibetan Buddhism and so on. Shakti is often conceptualised as a goddess, though that is only one of her many aspects and forms. When active in the human body, she will often take the form of a serpentine energy that rises from the base of the spine and coils around it in a spiralling fashion. We know this as the caduceus and is the symbol of modern medicine, representing both healing and wisdom as well as self-knowledge. Another name for this serpentine power is Kundalini. I’ve had a Kundalini awakening breakthrough more than a decade ago, though even before that, I started integrating Shakti into my daily meditative practice. When working with her, surrender to and trusting in a higher power is key. Being the anima of the human psyche, she is responsible for regulating autonomous bodily functions and she is essentially what keeps us alive without us even noticing, being responsible for the vast majority of our bodily and cognitive functions. We generally hardly even notice her working in the background and keeping us alive, but Shakti Meditation allows us to reconnect with our deepest psyche and become aware and conscious of the work she does for us every second of the day. Shakti Meditation starts with observing autonomous bodily functions, subtle, gross, psychic, astral, emotional and so on, from a detached, higher perspective. It’s about recognising the nature of the Self as the observer, rather than the doer. In Shakti meditation, the Self does not do, only Shakti does. The Self is in silence, resting in equanimity and lack of attachment to objects in the causal world, whatever form they may take. In this state, thought ceases, mind chatter dies down, there is only the observer being aware of its detachment from what at this point seem like the bodily and mental functions of an outside entity. The Self is satisfied with resting in itself and recognises the fundamental alienness of what it normally thinks of as himself. Looking at this person from the vantage point of the absolute, he sees the weirdness and unfamiliarity of the body-mind complex which clings to an extremely limited identity and existence in a narrow range of frequency within the range of infinite possibility. Thus the body, and its identity, its ego or ahamkara, looks comical in its crudeness and inflated sense of self-importance. There is humour in observing oneself from the outside and the Self may laugh at the absurdity of the situation and the preening and posturing of the ahamkara, which imagines itself to be separate and all-important, when it is but a self-created delusion. As the Self observes that body-mind complex, it will become aware of the subtle processes occurring within, which it may not have been conscious of before pointing its awareness to this object from a new point of view. Aware that it is both the observer and the observed, at the same time, it will become conscious of goings-on within this vibrational matrix that might have hitherto escaped its attention. The Self will notice strange activity in the subtle body, in the form of pranic phenomena, which is life energy moving about the chakras and nadis. Additionally, in the deepest meditation, it will become aware of the working of Shakti which has remained hidden to its awareness up to that point. It will see Shakti both as an extension of itself, as well as an outside entity with independent will and action. As the Self observes Shakti as himself, an aspect of his own awareness, Shakti will come out to dance and play. This is different for each person and can take various forms. In my own process, Shakti is gentle and kind, even playful. She causes waves of bliss in me and extremely pleasurable physical sensations, along with feelings of love, joy and oneness. Although Shakti is generally active in me throughout the day, it is during meditation, times of relaxation, rest and contemplation that she makes her presence particularly felt. Whenever I settle down into a relaxed state, she will immediately activate in the form of a highly pleasant sensation of heat and light at the base of the spine. From here, she will start wriggling her way upwards in a playful, pulsating manner. The sensation of Shakti moving upwards can best be compared to spiritual plasma. It is warm liquid light, which is very soothing, a bit like switching the seat heater on in your car during a cold winter night. As the flow of Shakti becomes stronger, energy centres, chakras activate all over the body, including the feet and hands. The spinning of chakras can often be felt, which is an odd sensation at first, but one soon gets used to it. Apart from spinning, some chakras may also buzz or vibrate, giving off a sensation of electromagnetic activity. Heat and pressure may also be felt at particular chakras during the process as Shakti activates and animates them. In Shakti Meditation, she assumes ever more control of the physical body and mind, whilst the Self remains a detached observer. The Self surrenders control and Shakti assumes control of certain faculties, such as breathing and posture. This is similar to how she acts during our sleep, when we are not in conscious control of our bodies. As she moves upward along the spine and takes over each energy centre and nerve cluster one by one, there may be involuntary movements, even spontaneous yoga postures, which are known as kriyas. For some people these can be quite intense, though in my case they tend to be rather gentle and controlled, as well as temporary. As soon as the flow of Shakti is smooth, obstacles and blocks are cleared, kriyas cease, the flow of Shakti through the Shakti Nadis (especially the Sushumna) becomes unimpeded and strong, like a rushing stream of warm liquid light. As she reaches the third eye region and the top of the head, a reverse flow also occurs, which is more like a slow descent of divine grace, a more masculine energy. This too is plasma-like and appears to enter the brain at the Brahmarendra, at the bulb of the head. This nectar is a viscous, honey-like substance which drips slowly from a higher realm into the brain, causing exquisite pleasure which is felt in the scalp, from where it dribbles down in slow motion. This nectar, also known as Soma, Amrita or Ambrosia, is responsible for illumination and apart from great bliss, it also confers wisdom and insight. At this point, the body-mind, including the Kundalini mechanism operating within it, is a mere instrument for the production of Nectar, which allows the individual Jiva or Soul to reach ever higher levels of illumination. When fully immersed in the act of what I call “the drinking of Soma” some peculiar psychic effects, known as siddhis, may spontaneously manifest. In this higher conscious state, the Jiva feels one with the Universe and recognises its fundamental unity with Brahman. Resting in this state feels like a homecoming, like returning to our natural, fundamental state of consciousness. Whilst the Self rests in itself, Shakti continues her work within the body, clearing blockages and other assorted energetic muck, including burning away karma that has accumulated in the Jiva over many lifetimes and also by just living in the world and encountering the stresses and conflicts of daily life. Simultaneously, the Kundalini mechanism works to generate Soma/Amrita which is distributed all over the body by the chakric system. The objective, apparently, is to slowly build a light-body, which is initially activated when the Kundalini power first pierces the crown. When this happens, it creates a crack in the Hiranyagarbha or cosmic egg, causing the yolk or nectar to slowly dribble down. The dripping of nectar is somewhat continuous thereafter, but it becomes much stronger during Shakti Meditation, when the Kundalini mechanism is allowed to fully express itself in the subtle body and churn Soma. This process is allegorically described in the famous Churning of the Milk Ocean myth, with different devas and asuras representing upper and lower chakras. This light-body is needed as a vehicle for the Jiva to be able to achieve Maha-Samadhi upon death, it carries the soul to the highest realms, like Brahma-Loka and beyond, so that it may attain liberation and return to rest in the highest Brahman.

I have had one Awakening into no-self. It's so profound. There is no higher joy that I have ever experienced. You are drowning in Bliss. It's like all of you has been just clothes and you finally strip them. Nothing in your experience changes but everything changes. This not at all like what I have experienced from meditation and I have done retreats. It's way way more radical, I have never seen Sam Harris describing something that awe-inspiring but I haven't consumed much of his content.

What Ramana is talking about is no-Self, with a capital S. This is legitimately the Self (i.e. atman, consciousness) falling away. I see other people like Lorn Hoff and David Buckland refer to this as Brahman. Believe their teacher was Maharishi Mahesh. No-Self, or Brahman, is prior to consciousness. This is called the Great Awakening in the Vedas, but not often written about. Scriptures only go up to the Self. This state is not empty in the sense of empty space. It is pure no-thingness, yet it is completely whole and full. It is also incredibly dry (i.e. lacking bliss) if your nervous system isn’t primed for it. No-self is the first level of self-realization that the little self, or the ego, is not who you are. My experience was that in self-realization, I still saw the world as an illusion. That created a subtle duality. When then I realized myself and the world were collapsed into one unity, I still had an egoic sense of “I am the world.” That sense of I is completely obliterated in no-Self. I mean… it’s incredibly dry since there is nothing here. That is what Ramana is talking about.

There are degrees to the no-self insight. Even if you get it, at first it would be pretty worldview-shattering but only for a few moments and you quickly get used to it. You find nothing special about it because it changes nothing, you still suffer, it's just been recontextualized. But overtime the no-self insight gets pretty profound. It starts changing your emotion and even your body as you embody it more and more. Every deeper awakening into just the no-self is as worldview shattering as the last. I don't understand much about God realization so I can't say anything about that. But as far as the first few no-self awakenings go, they are a very foundational building block for going further, even though they seem like nothing special at first. Try having some awakenings using Love and integrating that with no-self and see what happens. You can access bliss just through intensifying you awareness of universal Love, but it's bringing in the no-self insight, that really takes that bliss to the next level.

@lxlichael s a task, would you mind brainstorming for me all of your difficulties from as many angles as you can? I find it difficult to concentrate on a single thing for a long period of time. (Such as more then 5 minutes) before I start day dreaming or thinking of something else that’s most likely unrelated I tend to get bored quite easily and when I do I start to cry - literal tears would come out of my eyes due to the boredom. I’ve also been dozing off during some of the teams meetings due to them being quite boring but only when the camera is off. I have poor attention to detail, poor spelling and grammar. I did however notice in my previous role I created attention to detail for specific things which a lot of my peers commented on. I don’t tend to perform well under pressure in work related and personal situations. I have to do a task a few times, make all the mistakes imaginable and then get comfortable doing it competently. Even before I started this new role. I occasionally had conversations with myself about if I really want to go though the emotional and mental labour of improving myself which is something I’m still struggling with now. I really do feel like doing this current role is too much effort and most self improvement requires too much from me in terms of emotional and mental labour. My diet is piss poor and I know it. It mainly consists of highly processed junk food and lack of water. I can’t seem to bring myself to start eating healthy. My mums cooking isn’t too healthy either as she uses lots of oils and loathe amounts of butters. I’ve lost motivation to exercise I haven’t been to a gym in over 8 months now. In the past when the pain of being stuck got too much to bear I found motivation to start going gym, meal prepping, learning about investing, however that didn’t last long I couldn’t convert the motivation to long lasting discipline. Ive read a lot of the books from Leo’s book list and did the life purpose course but I’ve pretty much forgotten all of it and didn’t really find my life purpose at the end of it. I don’t know if I should try it again. I couldn’t even keep up with a simple meditation habit which I feel like would have benefited me alot. I feel like the walls are slowly caving in on me and it’s only a matter of time before a major life challenge cripples me. I long for that feeling of oblivious euphoria I experienced as a child whenever I would look up at the bright blue sky on a sunny day and smell the fresh green grass and run around without a care in the world. Were every day felt like an adventure and not a mindless grind. During my teenage years I had thoughts of suicide however never acted upon them or did any self harm. I experience bullying and always felt like an outcast and because of this I never really tried to fit in and just keep myself out of site. A lot of the suicidal thoughts was due to feeling like an outcast, me thinking girls don’t like me even though I never really asked any out and not doing too well academically due to my procrastination issue which has gotten worse overtime and also due to my lack of comprehension skills and weak memory. I also tend to think of suicide in a somewhat logical way - as in what is waiting for me on the other side if anything. I would love to achieve a state of bliss were I can go about my daily life without it stressing me out but I don’t know if that would be possible. My Brian just feels really foggy and I just can’t think of the right words to say and I can literally feel my brain numbing when trying to remember something. I spend most of my day scrolling TikTok and YouTube I don’t even play games anymore. I brain is literally rotting away but I still can’t break this cycle. My average screen time is something like 9 hours a day. I’m scared of confrontation and try my best to avoid it even to my own detriment. I feel like a lot of narcissists types can sniff that out of me but I do try my best to avoid such type of people and limit my contact with them. brainstorming all of your life positives from personal strengths to things you enjoy about life that have in the past brought a sense of purpose to you or that you think could bring a sense of purpose? I use to enjoy playing games but I don’t find them enjoyable anymore unless I’m playing some old ones with my friend I was good at my old job and like to think I provided good customer service and kept calm and sincere even if the customer was being rude. I liked learning about the stock market and investing but it’s something I have lost passion for after I ended up losing some money on a trade that I went all in on and haven’t been able to motivate myself to get back into it. I genuinely don’t know what my life purpose could be. I can’t really think of anything apart from investing that has made me get somewhat excited I’ve managed to save up money enough for a house deposit and I may potentially get a mortgage in the next 12 months. However I have started spending a little but more regularly than I should be and have built up some credit card debt. I have a GF who I’ve been with for just under a year. We are doing a long distance relationship however I do go see her every other month as she life a 4 hour drive away. She knows of a lot of my problems and is very supportive. Ideally I would like to start my own business one day however I don’t know if I would be capable of running it especially in my current state I think this should answer both questions however if you feel I need more detail or missed something please let me know and I will try to add more relevant information. Thank you for your assistance

1Survival instinct- Basic instinct to want to live 2 Creativity instinct - Is to create something exciting, full of passion, full of enthusiasm, desire, hope 3Liberation instinct - Want to be liberated from suffering, pain, disturbance 4 Achievement instinct - Wanting to do something that feels awesome, gives satisfaction, promotes growth and progress, success, it's a very important feeling, it gives a feeling of completion 5 Beauty instinct - Wanting things to be joyful, radiant, beautiful, complete, eternal, immortal like building the pyramids 6Romantic instinct - Wanting a connection, intimacy, a partner and a feeling of being loved, treasured, belonged. 7Healing instinct Wanting to be healed from past troubles, trauma, hurt, pain, wanting to feel okay, wanting to recover from setbacks, wanting to start again, wanting to feel space and peace in order to recover, wanting to get better and plump again. 8Fear instinct -The fight versus flight response. A response that alerts us to danger and wanting to huddle to a place of safety 9Protective instinct Wanting to treasure or protect something very valuable like a friend, a pet, a child or an important picture or a gift or a work of art. Even protecting basic resources like food 10Harmony instinct Wanting to create harmony with your environment and surroundings, with nature, wanting to blend in with everything, wanting harmony with the unique and universe, wanting the feeling of creating a home within this environment and feeling at home with your environment. You want that community feeling. A lot of people join organizations to have this feeling. A lot of people join religion 11Balance instinct Wanting to sustain balance between everything that we do like health, relationships, work, passions, time etc. 12Purpose instinct This is an extension of the self. You want to do something for the world, you want to contribute to your community or the world at large. Noble instinct. 13 growth instinct You want to develop yourself, explore, learn, expand and grow. You want to feel that you are progressing not just surviving 14 Transcending instinct You want to outgrow whatever you are currently learning or dealing. You want to evolve to your next phase and development in life 15 Transformation instinct This is also a part of self evolution. Sometimes you want to radically transform yourself, your life, shed all past baggage and turn over to a new leaf. Clean the slate, start afresh. 16 fulfilling instinct This is about your needs, wants, desires, from the utmost basic to advanced and higher needs. You want these needs to be fulfilled as much as possible to leave room for other things like spiritual stuff. Most people waste their lives in fulfilling needs because our social system constantly deprives us of our needs and makes us into a hamster running on the wheel chasing our needs. Like a dog chasing its tail, we're never free to think about other things. When needs are not fulfilled whether it's something like survival, food, security, sexual, love, bonding, financial, health, we become deficient and miserable and can hardly focus on anything else, we become too stunted and lost, deprived and confused, trapped and in constant search of something. And very frustrated. This is the single biggest reason for everyone failing to achieve anything else. This instinct is sorely left ignored. This side needs to be compulsory fulfilled in order to get other instincts properly sorted out. This is the most important instinct as far as survival is concerned. Without this there is no spirituality and you're in limbo. This is a major bridge. If you're on this bridge you'll forever stay on this bridge. You are stuck. If you fulfill most of your needs, that's where you get the golden chance to cross the bridge. And a chance to achieve your higher growth. Until then everything is a pipe dream and nothing else will matter and nothing will even make sense or meaning. You wouldn't even want to pursue spirituality. You will half ass everything and live forever dissatisfied, much of your spirituality will feel like an unhappy vacation where you're just pretending to smile. If you want something of substance and really want everything to count on your future travels into eternity, then this instinct has to be compulsorily fulfilled. 17 Vibe instinct There's a certain vibe you want as your guide. Everything carries a vibe. Even the stuff you eat. You want always the right vibe to motivate and stimulate your inner energy. You don't like vibes that don't suit your character, personality or style. You want a morning vibe in the morning. A pleasant vibe when you are working and a snuggly vibe when you are with your special one. 18 fuel instinct You need fuel to motivate and stimulate yourself. Any energy, emotion, vibe can serve as a fuel. Anything that gets you going and motivates you is a fuel, even a prayer. God can be your fuel. Masculine and feminine energies can be your fuel. God's energy can be your fuel. This is the most important instinct. It's like a breakfast. You must have it before your main meal. It's your starter kit sort of. Your launch for the day. Your energy. Your fuel. Your must have travel kit. It's your energy bottle. Without it you're just languishing through the forest with a map in hand but no energy to walk. 19 Karma instinct This instinct exists like a conscience. It tells us right from wrong and guides us to good karma, shields us from bad karma 20 Companionship instinct We all need friends. Someone we can share things with at the campfire. Someone who listens and understands and offers warm company on cold nights. 21 Communication expression instinct This is important. We all have needs for communication whether you are introvert or extrovert. Your communication is your main method of expression. 22 Regulation instinct After doing what we can, we want to regulate our life cycle to see how it's all going. We want to spot flaws, resolve issues, solve problems, get back the rhythm. Get things back on track. But for that we must regulate our daily goings on. 23 Reflection instinct In order to solve a crisis, we need time to reflect on what should be done. Going back to the drawing board. Reassessing. Analyzing. Studying? Wanting some insight, some answer. Taking a break and Reflecting. 24 Wisdom instinct This instinct is best used when you gather wisdom and implement it 25 Courage instinct. You need courage to push a breakthrough in life or else you are stuck. One courageous move will change everything. Take that leap of faith. 26 Innocent instinct You'll reach this stage or instinct after death. Here you're set free from all fears, attachments, worries, needs etc. Here your spirit is like a child again, innocent and pure. You are finally yourself. No fabrication. The living version of this is the "authentic instinct." 27 Spiritual instinct I don't know how to describe this instinct. This is where I'm puzzled. I think spiritual instinct is like a process. Imagine a computer slowly generating your identity, all your personality traits being typed out line by line on each cursor prompt. That's how this is going to look like except for this is going to be your spiritual identity. This will consist of your deepest desires, your unfinished business, your general vibe in your ghost state, these are your spiritual signatures unique to you like a DNA. They will define you spiritually, they will constitute your spiritual identity. This instinct will carry a strong Subconscious energy. 28 Communion instinct I think just like material existence comes with an expiry date/death, your existence as a ghost will have it's own unique expiry date. After your spiritual existence has expired, your journey in the afterlife is over and you will slowly come to the end of a tunnel. This tunnel is dark. It's your spiritual tunnel and it's your gateway to the next realm. Once you come to the end of the tunnel, you will turn into a ball of bright light. Bright ball of energy like the Sun. You'll come out of the tunnel and escape as a ball of bright light. Your spirit has been converted into energy. This ball will then merge with a much larger ball of energy that looks like a big sun. This is God. You're entering communion. The ball disappears as it merges into this large ball. It's the end. While turning into a ball your spirit experiences extreme bliss and fiery energy and peace. Restless souls will take even centuries to turn into a ball. Or they might just never make it.

Fear makes you tense up. Contraction litirally cuts you off from your true self. Ego is a contraction on the energetic level. Ego has 2 levels - mind and body. Eventially, when you surrender 100% on the mind level and body - your body and mind become one and you live in Unity with all of life. Oneness. On the body/mind levels the mechanism of surrender or letting go is exactly the same - it's a relaxation. And you relax by letting go of your will. Which means you do NOTHING. Zero doing from your side, not even meditation, no yoga, nothing. Then, the highest form of meditation manifests itself in you automatically. If you're doing well and your kundalini is active - you might experience Kriyas. Spontaeus body movements. Continue doing nothing. Finally, they will manifest as a beutiful dance. Not everyone experiences those, though. Liberation on the energetic level is simply raising your Kundalini to your brain, when Sahasrara opens it's pettals and the ocean of Bliss washes over you permanently. Your intellect gets inmeshed into the fabric and structure of reality. You think Infinitely, you feel Infintely, there is an Infinity of time (eternity), everything looks Infinitely Beutiful. You can literraly construct whatever you want. It's never human pleasures. It's like 100x better than that. It's Infiinite Love. It just means Total Awakening. Enlightenment. Leo's video of Poetic Description of God realisation is not Poetic at all. It's literally how it is there. It's just that it's an extremely high level, so no one knows about it. At the highest level it's not just Bliss. It's much more than that. The only word I find for those states is Glory. Anyway.. I think only 1 in a 1000 teachers are in their final lifetime. Until you understand that you must eradicate guilt by knowing it is not there AND when you raise your kundalini you're done. Byebye dreams of seperation, welcome Infinite Potential. Leo visits Infinity and knows what it's like there. Its fucking insane. It's like being the Supreme Lord. Words can't describe it. But the closest symbol I found for those states is a drawing AI made by my query. Attached img. The actual viauals are of hyperbolic geometry mixed in with life. This world and that world mix into one. For some time you can leave this world in total - just chill in infinite beuty eithout specific form - just an infinite mandala. Note - you can be seeing infinite mandalas and still be dumb af. You really reach Enlightenment when you know the Truth and your are a total genius. 1 in 7 billion I mean. Because there can only be 1. Anyway.. Read Jan Esmann's books on Kundalini and start raising it and mix that with total surrender, which just means doing nothing at all - complete 0 use of your will. Also, read the Dissapearence of The Universe trilogy and all other books by the author with Pursah and Arten (forgot their names) - it's one of the only books in the world that are better than what is in Leo's book list. It's a must-read if you want to wake up. It will save you lifetimes. Especially if you do ACIM and raise your Kundalini. Of course, do DMT or other mindblowing psychadelics. They save lifetimes as well. That's the prescription for awakening, if you read all Leo's books, listen to all videos and do shitloads of meditation. Anyway.. Just rambling..

I've been confronting so much fear lately. I've been noticing how it is running my life. Examples of how I was scared in the last few days: In social situations: how I'm afraid of offending someone or causing disruption I was scared and worried because I was procrastinating on some quite important things Big one: I'm most likely going on a student exchange programme for the next semester. Living in a foreign country without anyone familiar nearby, on the other side of the continent. A lot of fears associated with this exchange thing. Soooo much I have to get done. And it's just scary, it's going to be my first time living on my own. Man. But I'm happy it's happening. Long story short I damaged my front tooth two weeks ago. The dentist fixed it for me but it's no longer straight and it literally cannot be anymore. I've always had straight teeth. Now I don't. It hurts. Fear of embarassment, smallness. Insecurity. Anxiety. My mom and sister tell me they can't even see it but I do. I can overcome this fear when I notice it, notice the thoughts and remind myself that this isn't me. I am not from this world, yet I am all of this world. Oh, btw, I had a profound completely sober awakening this week. Deeper than the ones I had on psychedelics. So it's not that I'm convincing myself intellectually that this is not me. Well, anyways, that's not the topic right now. I've been thinking and I'm coming to the conclusion that the IT industry is not for me. I've been studying CS for 2 and a half years already, my parents have been paying for it. But now for the first time in 3 years I harnessed the courage to think about this and notice that I'm NOT about this computer science bullshit. I want to do something humanistic, related to writing somehow. I'm seriously considering becoming a comic, writer. I came up with a life purpose which feels authentic to me. To convey spiritual truths through comedy. Not to brag but I think I have a cool sense of humor, especially like spontaneous responses, people really enjoy my jokes, stories and all. I already have ideas for what I would make shows about. Ok I'm getting off track again. I'm obviously scared of disappointing my parents. Also, they've been paying for my education and I'm finishing it soon. So what, it all just goes to waste? I'm not blaming myself because I think that going into computer science was the best choice I could have made with what I knew about myself at the time. I'm proud of that decision. But now I discovered more about myself and I feel like I can't do this shit. But are my parents gonna understand it? Fear. Fear of not-knowing. Today I confronted it after long contemplation on some matters and at some point I thought: how about I accept that I don't know? Could I accept that I will never know this? Would I accept a life like this? I was scared, but also I enjoyed the thrill of sitting in this not-knowing with fear trying to encompass me. Nodding my head in a social situation when someone is saying something. An unconscious reaction stemming from fear of being cast off from my group of peers. Also I want others to nod their heads when I'm saying something. Credit to Vernon Howard for making me conscious of this, and many other things. I see myself doing this. Now that my front teeth is weaker I literally fear biting my lips and fingers which I've been doing for so long. Maybe it's for the better, lol. My lips and hands don't look so good. Maybe I will stop now. I'm quite nervous. I'm only just learning to seriously notice fear in the moment and let go. I wanna cry right now. I've been noticing and overcoming so much fear with the light of consciousness. Am I getting weak now again? HAHAHAHA. I'm trying to notice it. Lol btw, this year I must have cried like 70-100 times. AAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Fucking fear hahahahaha!!! I love Spotify wrapped so much. Did you get yours? Mine brought back so many feelings and memories. My music taste was so good this year I love myself for it HAHAHAHAHAHAHA About this awakening I mentioned. It was amazing. For a second, I was immersed in a divine ocean of blissful peace and love. I was kissed on the forehead by sweet love and bliss itself. All sober, for fucks sake! My belief that meditation cannot compare to psychedelics has been shattered. I did it with my consciousness, on my fucking own! I remember it. I was contemplating what I am and I encountered much fear but I was able to see through these empty thoughts and let go into this pureness, infinity that I am. Psychedelics awakenings are undoubtedly cool, but here I kind of awakened manually and it was so satisfying and to be honest more beautiful and deeper than awakenings I've had so far. I recognized myself as Existence and realized there is nothing 'other' from me. I am Existence! And this universe is all a dream, it's fucking empty, it's just me. Reality is not real. It's all just me. Again, I am not from this world and yet this world is all that is and all that I am. I am Reality, I am the Source. I was a hidden treasure and I wanted to be known, so I created the world. Words can't describe Me. I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. This image goes hard. That's how I often feel now when I look at things. Gosh it's all just so much. HAHAHAHAHA. The Freedom. If I overcome fear, I CAN DO ANYTHING! This is what life is all about!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA What are You waiting for? Do You want to be a puppet on strings your whole life?

Does anyone remember what video or blog post that Leo references Satcitananda in? I remember him referring to its as the holy trinity of Truth, Consciousness, Love (rather than the more traditional interpretations of Truth, Consciousness, Bliss) but I can’t remember where exactly I heard this. I’m specifically interested in the rational of his usage of the word love rather than the word bliss or happiness. Thanks!

Full awakening is becoming god and hence destroying creating the entire world. Awakening is never going to happen until god is ready to let go of embrace the entire world. This means the person that can awaken, the only person, is doomed to suffer destined to experience bliss of the world for however long the world is supposed to survive. It's a choiceless perfectly-guided process like all of life. The person is a puppet of the universe with no total control over his own life. Fixed that for ya The above corrected message is absolutely true for me, whereas for you is the inverse, negative version. Contemplate it how is this possible that our experience of the world is so different. You see the life the way you choose to see it so it seem like that to you, and I see life the way I choose to see it so it is like that to me. The fact that you can experience such missery in such a perfect universe is the proof of your power and free will. You choose to see it that way, and the whole universe listens to your commands so it shows itself to you in that way. So the fact that you complain constantly is the very proof of your power and perfection of the universe.

Lol. Where does the sorrow come from? Your thoughts, perhaps? Go above thoughts of sorrow. It's just another trick You're playing on yourself to keep yourself asleep. Get this. You are creating sorrow as a defense against realizing what You really are! Quit being a puppet on strings and see through the wall of bullshit you've erected which is puppeteering You right now because You give it power. If You understand, there is no sorrow. There is BLISS!

True surrender feels like you have completly lost authorship over your body and mind and you are controlled by the Divine. In other words, surrender is the letting go of personal will. It's difficult to remain in that state at first, because you have no idea what will happen next, but when bliss and Divine intelligence flow through your veins you know that all will be well.

Thanks Razard. In later levels of realization, the external Guru falls away. All you are left with is the totality of being. That becomes your Guru. There’s a stanza in the Guru Gita that says: “The Guru protects the disciple from Shiva's wrath, but there is no one who can protect him from the Guru's anger.” The Guru is the totality of silence and bliss. Shiva’s wrath is silence withdrawing itself and causing noise and disturbance.

God needs to take a break from the infinite bliss. That's why suffering is imagined by God.

You can go for deeper and deeper realizations and also have time to pursue other things, I don't see why these things would be mutually exclusive. Nobody is saying you have to understand reality or consciousness, it is something you can do if it is of interest to you. Personally I find realizing absolute truth to be an absolutely amazing experience filled with love, understanding, and bliss, more than anything else, which is why I do it (and also because I love the truth). A deeper and deeper realization is no better than the experience of taking a shit, though it will probably feel better than that. All I'm saying, once you realize infinity, then you will realize that this is infinity. Whether you go do something else or have deeper realizations it's still all infinity.

The biggest fear is...desire/emotions/love. Your thoughts construct meaning which generates an emotional response and that emotional response....stimulates a thought. So feeling your emotions....can be the same...if you don't identify with it. Most cannot do that because they believe their own thoughts as truth. I would say until you can stop believing your own bullshit, your emotions will always control you. Its why the Masculine suppresses emotion, because it believes its own bullshit and thus its emotions would overwhelm it. The Feminine Identifies with its emotion and doesn't suppress it, so it is overwhelmed by it. To integrate the two, you must understand the limits of your knowledge, which thus allows you to watch it without identification, which allows you use it like a tool. You thus can enjoy the ebb and flow of the emotion that arises in conjunction with the thought, without identification. So you can enjoy the world of thought and emotion...without becoming consumed by it. How do you accomplish this? Deconstruct all of your beliefs....every single ONE OF THEM. Deconstruct it till you become empty, a void. Stop this avoidance...a dance around the void. Stop trying to avoid, a void. You are a void, that is trying to avoid what you are and you love to dance around it than to accept it. Deconstruct your creation (the ego), till it is seen for the illusion that it is. That would be insanity.....but reality is insane. So go jailbreak your mind!!! Deconstruct all meaning, all purpose, all values, awaken to that which cannot be described!!! Then....you will awaken. After that....feel into your emotions....and the love, the bliss will rise like a tidal wave and come crashing down and you will be in ecstasy. Now that wave....will return to stillness, but since you are that which does not identify, which does not chase, your peaceful state, your being....becomes the base line from which you operate.

^ I mostly agree with this, enlightenment is not a destination, its a realization. The whole game is to see behind the illusion. The illusion is entirely conceptual. This is why deconstruction is so important, you need to stop projecting symbology, meaning, basically identity onto reality. Once your entire conceptual framework has been seen through as the illusion then you will stop constructing duality. Duality is just a mental construction. So deconstruct your construction, until you can see you are constructing it, and you meditate to center the mind and disallow it its normal stickiness that it loves to engage in. So you don't identity through the stickiness (meditation), and you don't believe the constructs (thoughts that are arising), do this enough....and eventually you will just ARRIVE....you will realize that your ordinary existence....by default is peaceful. THEN at this state you will default always be peaceful, but let's say you want some bliss? Then you allow yourself to feel into what ever emotion arises, but you don't identify with it. Now you can generate bliss, but you don't need it, it can come and go as it pleases and you are always at peace. That's it. Anything else someone is telling you....is complete and utter bullshit lol. So I hear a lot of people say you can't reach it through a process....you can actually. Because being asleep is a constant process. You aren't just asleep, you KEEP yourself asleep through constantly deceiving yourself. Enlightenment is just the process of stop believing your own magic tricks. Stop being the kid at the magic show...constantly trying to figure out the trick. Just admit you don't know how the trick is being done and you don't need to know. As long as you desire meaning and purpose....you will always be a ME, I don't give a damn if you deconstruct forever, or meditate forever. The only desire you should have...is to just be. When you desire to just BE, and that is your only desire....then and ONLY then you are becoming in alignment. What is reality? All that is. Being. Oneness. Existence. Unconditional Love. So when you desire to just BE, then....you are in alignment. Life is just a playground of being that the ego takes too seriously and it is because it forgot what it was. Then it spends its entire life miserable trying to obtain what it is. It runs around chasing its tail, until it realizes ....wow....I thought I was a dog...but I am actually God.

@Eyowey I've learned a lot to draw/paint by watching kim jung gi on youtube, and same for electronic music which I like and all the new artists and new trendy pioneers are on soundcloud. I've been able to singe and see a master that live in south korea by the confort of my home on the other side of the world, isn't that fucking bliss & magic to be able to directly see the work in live of a true godtier artist ( rip I m so sad, he is dead last month, and he was really what I call a godtier human.. ) mostly I m "artist/creative" but even without the suggestion about doing doing psychedelic at time, I would have stayed away from LSD and the likes.. ( I followed leo work before he started psychedelics, and same for me, wasn't into this, I just smoked weed a bit, and that was it, I trusted his judgement and I've done them maybe a year after him ) Litteraly internet is way more than langage, and langage is even capable to show the beyond, if the spells are rightly casted. leaving this topic aside to not be out of topic, that was just to say you shouldn't underestimate "internet".

Dialogue between Ramana Maharshi and Paramhansa Yogananda Swami Yogananda with four others arrived at 8.45 a.m . . . The group had lunch in the Asramam. Mr. C. R. Wright, his secretary, asked: How shall I realise God? M.: God is an unknown entity. Moreover He is external. Whereas, the Self is always with you and it is you. Why do you leave out what is intimate and go in for what is external? D.: What is this Self again? M.: The Self is known to everyone but not clearly. You always exist. The Be-ing is the Self. ‘I am’ is the name of God. Of all the definitions of God, none is indeed so well put as the Biblical statement “I AM THAT I AM” in EXODUS (Chap. 3). There are other statements, such as Brahmaivaham, Aham Brahmasmi and Soham. But none is so direct as the name JEHOVAH = I AM. The Absolute Being is what is – It is the Self. It is God. Knowing the Self, God is known. In fact God is none other than the Self. D.: Why are there good and evil? M.: They are relative terms. There must be a subject to know the good and evil. That subject is the ego. Trace the source of the ego. It ends in the Self. The source of the ego is God. This definition of God is probably more concrete and better understood by you. D.: So it is. How to get Bliss? M.: Bliss is not something to be got. On the other hand you are always Bliss. This desire is born of the sense of incompleteness. To whom is this sense of incompleteness? Enquire. In deep sleep you were blissful: Now you are not so. What has interposed between that Bliss and this non-bliss? It is the ego. Seek its source and find you are Bliss. There is nothing new to get. You have, on the other hand, to get rid of your ignorance which makes you think that you are other than Bliss. For whom is this ignorance? It is to the ego. Trace the source of the ego. Then the ego is lost and Bliss remains over. It is eternal. You are That, here and now . . . That is the master key for solving all doubts. The doubts arise in the mind. The mind is born of the ego. The ego rises from the Self. Search the source of the ego and the Self is revealed. That alone remains. The universe is only expanded Self. It is not different from the Self. D.: What is the best way of living? M.: It differs according as one is a Jnani [knower] or ajnani. A Jnani does not find anything different or separate from the Self. All are in the Self. It is wrong to imagine that there is the world, that there is a body in it and that you dwell in the body. If the Truth is known, the universe and what is beyond it will be found to be only in the Self. The outlook differs according to the sight of the person. The sight is from the eye. The eye must be located somewhere. If you are seeing with the gross eyes you find others gross. If with subtle eyes (i.e., the mind) others appear subtle. If the eye becomes the Self, the Self being infinite, the eye is infinite. There is nothing else to see different from the Self. He thanked Maharshi. He was told that the best way of thanking is to remain always as the Self. Later the yogi [Yogananda] asked : How is the spiritual uplift of the people to be effected? What are the instructions to be given them? Maharshi: They differ according to the temperaments of the individuals and the spiritual ripeness of their minds. There cannot be any instruction en masse. Yogananda: Why does God permit suffering in the world? Should He not with His omnipotence do away with it at one stroke and ordain the universal realisation of God? Maharshi: Suffering is the way for Realisation of God. Yogananda: Should He not ordain it differently? Maharshi: It is the way. Yogananda: Are yoga, religion, etc., antidotes to suffering? Maharshi: Who suffers? What is suffering? (No answer. Finally the Yogi rose up, prayed for Sri Bhagavan’s blessings for his own work and expressed great regret for his hasty return. He looked very sincere and devoted and even emotional.)

The word destiny is a very tricky word, but I guess you could say our story has already been written and we are just living through it. Everything you said is literally what is happening. Great job expressing it!!! It actually is sustainable, you are just too scared to implement it which I completely understand. Doing spirituality legitimately is the OPPOSITE of survival. The EXACT OPPOSITE of survival. You only want to do it if it helps with survival, initially it actually won't, in fact it will probably make it worse initially. But after integration....it super charges it. Spirituality is telling you to not care whether you live or die, to live completely without self-interest. To love another EQUAL to you not more or less in any direction. It is definitely sustainable....but its tough path with twists and turns but if you stick with it....it gives you the peace that passes all understanding, and if you integrate the feminine...the bliss part as well. The bliss comes and goes for me, but the peace is ever present and its surprising when you realize that the peace....is your natural state. Its why I say suffering is your creation, you create suffering and project it over your natural peace. You always pursue your desire, if he really wants to kill me, he will. If he doesn't pursue his desire he will get depressed and take it out on himself or others. Hell he might kill someone else because he let fear stop him from killing me, or he might kill himself, or do both. What do you think murder suicide is?

@Vladimir thanks for the reply Father, I appreciate it. I'm working on my communication. Thanks for the feedback, I will improve and be less standofish. Now about the discussion: What triggers me is mainly the following thing: You have not yet gained immortality, the Glory, the Heaven. You are in the process of doing so. Of course you are eternal as it is, and that awaits you, but not free of the cycle yet. There is a distinct end, to which I want to reserve the words I have awakened or I am enlightened. Is every step you take surrounded by complete, perfect Glory and Beuty? Are you completly free of physical pain and drowning in bliss? If not, then how can you say you have awakened? That is my trigger. Where in this do you find fault, papa? Anyway.. You now put sin and karma into words I can understand. I admit that I have to agree with that definition. Thanks for enduring my assholiness, Holliness.

The model of negative and positive polarity from the RA material is helpful here. What you seem to be urging for is growth in the negative polarity. That happens when the heart chakra is closed if I understand correctly. On the negative polarity you can still realize you're everything and all that, even transcend suffering to some degree, without any element of love involved. The only difference would be that you'll get your energy and bliss from conquering others while the positive polarity gets it near effortlessly just through existing. I think you should work on your heart chakra and balance it with the solar plexus.

The thing is you are not the only one. Sometimes misfortune befalls people at random and there is nothing we can do about it. Some are born retarded some disabled, some have dementia predispositions in young age. For example I was so severely traumatized I developed dementia in my 34 years of age and even made a whole website about my life story. I'm searching the internet and have yet to find a person that has the same symptoms of cognitive decline. But suicide I feel is still not the answer because much of what happen to me wasn't my fault, and we cant just erase people that are in undesirable circumstances. And just help them commit mass suicide. No ,this is also part of reality and it probably has some purpose. The very existence of these misfortunes where people end up with no fault of their own reduces the glory of life on its positive side. Just a part of every success, bliss or wellbeing is reduced because random misfortune exists and god has no favorites. So the truth of what is normal is in part diminished and in all suffering their is a glimmer of divine mercy and reality.

Cultivate love. Feel your body as hollow and filled with beautiful energetic light of all colors. Breathe in feeling the middle of your chest. Breathe out as you create an explosion of love in your chest. It's an explosion of light and energy radiating out to the rest of your body. Also feel it radiating out from your body into the world, nourishing it. Feel the light forgiving you. All of you. yes. We need to make a distinction between psychological needs and physical needs. On the physical side, you have to survive. It can't be ignored. On the psychological side, I subscribe to a spirituality that doesn't see a conflict between lower needs and consciousness expansion. You should open all your chakras and as you open your lower chakras your energy will naturally rise to the higher chakras. The buddhist path is about ignoring the lower chakras/needs and going straight for enlightenment. This works in the short term as you can quickly get enlightenment experiences this way. But these enlightenment experiences often doesn't stick. It's common for buddhists to have had 10+ enlightenment experiences and still not be permanently enlightened. On the Hindu yogic path of kundalini, it's common that people get their first enlightenment when they have raised their kundalini all the way to the head. This takes a longer time but this way it sticks for good. Tho I subscribe to a combination of SantataGamanas kriya yoga and Tara Springetts tummo Buddhism which combines the two. Start the spiritual practice by cultivating bliss in the form of for example, comfort, pleasure, joy and love. Then when that bliss has stilled your mind, let go of everything and just sit.

@koyadr3 Do spiritual practices you can start doing your Salat again and do Dhikr for mindfulness. If you keep doing it day after day you will realize God and you won't have to believe anymore you will know with absolute certainty. I don't recommend reading Ibn Arabi or going into Sufism yet It will not help you if you're a beginner don't listen to most people on this forum who are hippies they are all about "love" saying you are God you are infinity blah blah blah they like talking so much. After doing your spiritual work for some time your level of consciousness will be raised and you will start to experience heaven and joy bliss on regular basis. Then after you reach very advanced levels you will start to see that you're god and all the things the hippies talk about non-duality etc. Focus on your growth and your family problems will get solved as you will be more conscious and wise.