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Yoo my peeps! (Sorry for click bait title) Haha. I’m still deep in a shroom trip but had a beautiful awakening to awareness, God, formlessness, nothingness, wow. Such a healing trip. I took about 3 grams shrooms and there was a point when I stopped meditating to do some yoga, mostly just moving the energy in my body as needed and at some point I just awoke to the divine masculine and feminine within and they “merged:made love”. I don’t really know how else to explain it. I stared in the mirror and saw a king/warrior looking back at me just holding divine presence and strength. It was this wise MAN who just like knew and held me in completely acceptance and love. It’s like I was looking at my fully actualized self but I swear the thing in the mirror was like it’s own entity. This king/God that looked like me and was just holding unwavering presence for me. I walked around my village just amazed that this is a dream and we’re all these characters and there’s all these energies and facets to the dream and it’s wild and dangerous and light and love and so rich! Such a complex and detailed drama with infinite depth, also Women. Women are proof of God. Women are… :—@0 (yup) I went into the ocean for sunset and absolutely melted into the ocean. Laughing my ass off like a nut “It’s GOD, it’s GOD no fucking way, you can’t top this, no Oscar nominated movie comes even close to how this is unfolding!” Yelling into the ocean not giving half a fuck about anything. No problems no worries pure joy. I then went to a singing circle with the yoga school here. So much beauty. My heart opened and all insecurities just faded. There was a point where we were singing to the Goddess Shakti and I look around and there’s like 5 women just sitting around me. It’s like I was holding down the divine presence and center for these angels. Still tripping balls. I sang until I felt my heart literally open and I was no longer controlling anything it’s like consciousness was just flowing through me unimpended I had a moment of gratitude for you guys even though we don’t really know each other we’re kinda all in this journey together. And I appreciate most of you for your wisdom shared here, fuck it, even the trolls and whiners, love you guys too. shoutout to @ZenSwift for sharing your trip reports, in a weird way it helped me a lot. It gave me the courage to push through and dive in Lastly, mad love to @Leo Gura man, wow, everything you have done for me. I’m without words. All I can say is I’m so grateful to have stumbled upon your channel and THANK YOU for following your heart and vision life purpose and not giving a fuck about the barriers conditioning and human bullshit in the way. You are a serious badass mother fucker and I love you. You’ve helped me awaken to myself as God. No amount of money, sex, etc can be a bigger gift to another human being. I humbly send you the highest vibrations and love in life. Lastly, I hope we can make this forum a place to share more God awakenings in a communal and supportive manner. Maybe that’s already what was happening, probably, but let’s please stop bitching and judging each other so much. We’re all in this together and few others especially in the real world know what we know and understand what we do. Not trying to sounds cult like or superior, but it’s special. I hope we can show some serious love here to each other. Anyhoo, time to listen to music, smoke organic tobacco, and bliss out. Aho! PS. I think I’ve found the actual best music to trip to. It’s called Cura Journey Mix by Porangui and it opens channels and healing like I’ve never experienced. The man is a master. PSS I wrote this last night and never posted. Today I went to ecstatic dance in the jungle with my community and took a .7g dose. Full awakening to love, the dream, so divine. So much love so much peace so much authenticity. I danced with every woman I was interested in and didn’t let fear hold me back. The way this is all unfolding is literally too good to be true. It’s perfect

The Day of the Dragon If I had to classify a moment as the most challenging I ever experienced, it would be the morning The Dragon appeared in The Forbidden City. The evening before, I had completed the last in a series of three initiations that were conducted by my master. I practiced meditation throughout the night. By the time the first rays of sunshine crept up the eastern horizon, my master came to the main training field. Master: How are you feeling? Initiate: I’m scared, master. Master: I’d consider you a fool if you weren’t. If you had answered any differently I would have kicked you out of the initiation and had you deported from China. Initiate: Will he come? The master pondered this. Meanwhile, I felt my heartbeat stabilizing and my breathing regulated. Master: One never knows. Stillness. Initiate: Today? Master: Yes. Initiate: 10 O’clock? Master: Yes. Initiate: Am? Master: 10:03. Initiate: Thank you, master. Master: How good is your Kung Fu? The Initiate remains silent. Master: Ah! He who speaks, does not know. He who knows, does not speak. I’m sure you’re masterful. The Dragon won’t manifest himself unless one is ready for him. Initiate: Am I ready? Master: Not yet. If you were, he’d be here with us right now. Initiate: It’s the fourth initiation, isn’t it? The master smiled. Master: Yes. Initiate: You never told me there were more than three. Master: True. Initiate: Why not? Master: I didn’t know there were more. Initiate: How can you not know? You’re the master. Master: Right, I’m a master. Not a prophet. Initiate: Are there prophets? Master: Oh, but of course! The initiate's Chi flows through his meridians. Initiate: Where are they? Master: They’re amongst us. Undercover. Initiate: Why undercover? Master: The spiritual level of most humans on earth is not sufficient for them to understand the truth. Not yet, anyway. Initiate: The Dragon… is he one of them? Master: No. He is something else. Initiate: What is he, master? Master: He’s not a WHAT, Chang. He’s a WHO. Initiate: Who is he, then? Master: An Over Soul. Initiate: What is that mean? Master: He is one of 72 Over Souls. A divine spirit that enters the universe and envelops all human souls. Initiate: Enters from WHERE? Master: The Realm of the Absolute. Initiate: He’s immortal, isn’t he? Master: He’ll live as long as he desires. Initiate: Have YOU ever met him, master? Master: Yes. A long time ago. I wonder. Initiate: You told me there IS no time. Master: I did. Initiate: And now you say “Long time AGO”. Since there is no PAST, you just contradicted yourself. Master: Contradiction is impossible. Initiate: Explain. Master: Let's leave the specifics of your doubts aside for a moment and look rather at what is going on behind the scenes. Do you know the future? Initiate: No. Master: Do you have any idea at ALL about what will happen in the future? Initiate: No idea at all. Master: Do you feel like you have ANY control over the future? Initiate: No control whatsoever. Master: Uncertainty is bliss. It stimulates The Chi. You just felt it, didn’t you? Their eyes met. The Initiate smiled. Initiate: Yes! Master: You just completed the fourth Initiation. Initiate: So what do we do now? Master: We don’t DO anything. We BE. Initiate: Right. Stillness. Initiate: How many initiations are there? Master: An infinite number. Chi. Initiate: It’s never ENDS? Master: Never. Initiate: So does this mean then that you are, still, an initiate yourself? Master: Correct. Shi Zen. Initiate: How many initiations have YOU completed? Master: Sixteen. Initiate: After which one you were ordained with the title “Master”? Master: After my eighth. Initiate: So I have four more to go. Master: That is a fair observation. Initiate: But not perfect? Master: Every master who ever lived became a master at different stages in their training. Let’s revisit. Come with me. The initiate exited his mediation and followed his master. Kung Fu Initiation One: Basic Movements and Body Alignments Beginning students study until they are competent in the basic movements and body alignments. The overwhelming majority of China’s active Kung Fu instructors belong in this category. Kung Fu Initiation Two: Intensive Study Junior students study regularly for at least five years with a master and actively practice for at least ten years. Their advancement to the next initiation depends on natural talent, hard work and other factors. Kung Fu Initiation Three: Study Directly with a Master Senior students take classes with a master several days a week—if not daily—for at least a decade. You, my friend, completed that one yesterday. Kung Fu Initiation Four: Disciples of the Sacred Oath Masters are the formal disciples of The Lineage Holders. They receive the deepest and most secretive levels of specialized knowledge available in Kung Fu. Masters can be truly exceptional at some but not necessarily at all aspects of Kung Fu. Kung Fu Initiation Five: Lineage Holder Lineage Holders are Masters who over time are chosen and profoundly trained in the entire tradition by the previous Lineage Holder. To hold all - not only selected parts - of the tradition. Although some masters are issuing teaching credentials to students who passed instructor trainings, the vast majority of Kung Fu teachers lack such credentials, much less the authority to contrive them. Initiate: Are you a lineage holder? Master: Yes. I have been a lineage holder for 25 years. Initiate: How old are you, master? Master: Ninety-three. Initiate: Am I to understand that I will be a future Lineage Holder myself? Master: First, You have to, in some way, overcome The Dragon. Initiate: Am I going to fight him? Master: I cannot answer that for the simple reason that I honestly don't know. When my time came, I fought him. But any master who ever lived tells his own tale of The Day of the Dragon. What will be required of you? Well, I am not a prophet, remember? My master smiles I smiled myself and looked at the grey asphalt under my feet. Two black ants passed through one of the cracke fissures on the ground. One ant carried a grain.Wheat, by the looks of it. The pair of ants moved fast (as fast as ants can go) and I was sure they will stop, at least for the first ant to pass the wheat-grain to the second. But that is not what happened. The empty handed ant – if you can say that – came close to the first one, but changed route very quickly and passed the first ant, who haven't even noticed there was another ant in the vicinity. I deduced this from the way the first ant held up the grain. It had blocked her line of sight. The line, in which, the second ant was. So, there's a sequence of events here: The grainless ant, which I understood to be The Ant Queen of the hill I saw every morning when I entered my master's training field, went about her business - identified her friend carrying a very large wheat grain. Immediately and with no hesitation, she accelerated her pace and turned toward her fellow ant to help her. When their time to meet was upon them, I, Chang, looked down on the grey asphalt. The ant with the grain hadn't seen me because that large grain blocked me, as well, from her line of site. The queen, however, saw exactly what - according to her personal past experience with humans - was going to happen. The queen was sure her time in the mortal world is going to come to an end. Seconds to live, which in turn, lead to a single moment. In that moment – her life would be over. The Queen had made a decision. To leave her fellow ant and run for her life. At this point, I lifted my gaze from the ants and looked in the eyes of my master. After about three seconds I blinked without looking away. My master blinked, as well. A this moment I did something I have never dared to do before - willingly disconnect the eye contact of my master, the lineage holder. My master looked at the sky and pondered the weather silently. It is going to rain soon, he thought. I took a few steps away from the ants, which met and passed the wheat grain between them. After looking away, probably, the queen understood the threat upon her life have disappeared – not unlike the threat upon MY life. That which I felt before sunrise and moment before my master entered the main training field. I began to practice the earliest exersice I have ever learned back in Beijing when I was seven. The 99 Tai Chi Basic Movements. At a certain point my master joined me and synchronized with my movements. Ho Tai Cha. It began to rain. Initiate: You knew it was going to rain, I saw you. Master: I thought it might. Initiate: Isn't that make you a prophet? Master: In a way. Initiate: Then we have the potential to become prophets, each of us, and even more. My master looked at me. a graceful look. Master: The ants? Initiate: Yes. Master Lee smiled. Master Lee: Welcome! Initiate: Thank you, master. I smiled. Master Lee: You have come a long way. To teach you, has been my honor. Initiate: You won't teach me anymore? Master Lee: As of today, you will have a new teacher, Master Chang. I will remain at my current post and initiate a new student. You are always welcome to seek counsel at my humble abode. Master Chang: It is 10 AM. Master Lee: Indeed. Master Chang: In what form will he appear? Master Lee: You'll find out in three minutes. Master Chang: You're not staying with me. Master Lee: If I stay, The Dragon won't show up. Master Chang: Of course. Master Lee bowed down and exited the field. I sat in my usual meditation position and closed my eyes. My consciousness transforms. My thoughts are standing still. Time Stops. I am alive. My heart sings with joy. The Song of Crystal Angels. Temple of Compassion, A.D. 2505. Galethea: Chang I open my eyes. If front of me stands a western man in his fifties. Bald, with a black yarmulke on the top of his head, what a jewish individual puts on during a prayer. I am not sure how I know this but I know that it is true. I am still in my master's main training field, same place I sat down in my meditation pose, an eternity ago. The Dragon: It is 10:03. The morning of September 4th, 2015. Peace be unto you, Master Chang. His Mandarin Chinese was perfect. The Dragon: Get up. I start to exit my meditation but to my surprise I discover there is no ground underneath me. Master Chang: I am already up. The Dragon: Sit down. Lotus. Master Chang: I am levitating. The ground is one meter underneath me. The Dragon: Indeed, it is so. Master Chang: How did you do that? The Dragon: I did nothing. It is all you. Master Chang: How is it possible for me to do something of which I have no knowledge about? The Dragon: I have knowledge about it. Master Chang: You are me. The Dragon remains silent. Master Chang: We are both expressions of The One. The Dragon smiled. I discover that I am sitting on the ground again. I exit my meditation and get up to face the dragon. Master Chang: We are ONE entity split into an infinite number of pieces. The Dragon smiled again. The Dragon: Tell me something I don't know. Master Chang: The Lyran Civilization resides in the 13th Dimension of Existence. The Dragon considered this. Without looking away, he walked towards me. When I was close enough to see his eyes, he stopped. His height was the same as mine. The Dragon: What do you know about Dimensional Densities? I considered this. Master Chang: I know there are 7 densities, they are The Multiversal Experience. The Dragon smiled for the third time. The Dragon: My name is Matan Greenberg. I am 56 years of age and I live in Israel. Master Chang: I am Chang Fu, 49 years old from Beijing, China. We shake hands. I wonder. Chang: My master told me a curious thing. He said he met you a long time ago. Matan: I met your master 62 years ago. In 1953. I considered the math. Chang: How is that possible? Matan: You tell me. Chang: At a certain point in the future we'll discover how to move through Time & Space at super luminal speed. A technology which will allow us to travel through time as well as space.You are The Cosmic Explorer. You are the rightful owner of The Compass. Matan: I am The 4th Keeper of the Compass. Chang: Tell me about The Prophets. Matan: Ten of them are on earth right now. Chang: Is one – or more – are in China? Matan: You're the first. I smile. Chang: What is my path? Matan: To walk the earth and teach those who are willing to learn. Chang: I never went beyond the borders of my country and I do not know another language. Matan: That's how we all start. Chang: With full humility and utmost gratitude, I accept this great honor. I pledge myself to The Sacred Oath. Stillness. Chang: What is my first destination? Matan: Consult with Master Lee. Chang: Thank you, Matan. Matan bows down. Chang: We won't meet again for many decades. Matan: Indeed. I bow down. Matan is gone. Master Lee enters the training field. Master Lee: Where do you need to go? Master Chang: I haven't decided yet. Master Lee: India. Chi. Master Lee: You must cut your hair. I did not had a haircut in nine years. One of our laws is not to cut our hair until we have completed the initiation. Chang: Why? Lee: Kundalini. Chi. Chang: What is that? Lee: The energy flow between The Chakras. Chi. Chang: What are Chakras? Lee: Gateways from The Realm of the Absolute to The Physical Universe. Specifically, your body. Shi Zen. Chang: Understood. I will cut my hair. Stillness. Chang: Where do I go once I'm in India? Lee: The Himalayas. Meet with The Yogis. Study their tradition, give input when needed and above all – respect their culture. You'll be fine. Chang: Maybe it's time for lunch? I haven't eaten anything close to 24 hours. Lee: And how are you feeling? I took a deep breath and let it out. Chang: I am no longer afraid,

Substance like 5meo rockets you into infinite love, safety and bliss. God… infinite forgiveness and truth. between

Being alone is the best. I have gotten into a relationship only to realize that I like being alone more. I know its not the kind of alone you are talking about but its a beginning. I can see how it hurts not accepting the nature of god and seeing him as a cruel masochist since there is no way to escape him as you yourself stated. The way it is in my view is that god explores himself to the extreme having no boundaries and no one to tell him 'no'. So yes it involves pain, and sometimes lots of it. I even wrote on a wall somewhere (in hebrew): God is a son of a *&^% Ill end on a happy note: The hindu tradition believes that Brahman (God) is going through cycles of exploring himself. This being the third and last one. In this cycle - so they say - the pain and the horrible are 'winning' and its the darkest. But after this one ends there will be an ocean of bliss and basking in his own beauty and magnificence.

be alone until the bliss radiates off you every time you leave the house, then see what happens

Infinite love is my sustenance. The deepest bliss is my every experience.

@MihaiXx Oh shit that was painful to read. Too close to the similar experience I had and that I'm trying to forget Ignorant is truly bliss

Taken from a journal entry I am working on - I felt it could shed some Light on how to use religion properly. Masters wrote these teachings, they are meant to Be lived through and not just followed without a discerning eye. In some sense, you do have to Be called to it. Like with anything, some things are for you and some things are not. But for whose who are touched by the Word, you let it in. It moves you. You then begin to walk in accordance to those teachings, albeit not perfectly, but even within that you find the humility to let another energy show you a better way in how you can create your world and lived experience - and also to step aside and allow that prophecy to build upon itself and simply show you where it shines, in the greatest and smallest of things. These currents are meant to show you how you can create with the maximum benefit for you and everyone else. A not so well known secret: Until you read The Bible, until you personally bring the Word into fruition, it does not exist - you Will not See it working it's magick in the outer World. It is you who personally bring the Word of God into each and every thing within your daily lives and actions. This is what many people do not understand about The Bible and about the power of the Word. It's like the Never-ending Story, as you read it, you bring God's Word down into the world and it Will begin to arrange your Heart and Soul. It's a relationship. A dance of give and take. Ebb and flow. You read the Word, but you find the magick in between the lines - within the unfolding allegory of your own Life. Quantum Physics Observers are powerful players in the quantum world. According to the theory, particles can be in several places or states at once—this is called a superposition. But oddly, this is only the case when they aren't observed. The second you observe a quantum system, it picks a specific location or state—breaking the superposition. The fact that nature behaves this way has been proven multiple times in the lab—for example, in the famous double slit experiment. In 1961, physicist Eugene Wigner proposed a provocative thought experiment. He questioned what would happen when applying quantum mechanics to an observer that is themselves being observed. Imagine that a friend of Wigner tosses a quantum coin—which is in a superposition of both heads and tails—inside a closed laboratory. Every time the friend tosses the coin, they observe a definite outcome. We can say that Wigner's friend establishes a fact: the result of the coin toss is definitely head or tail. Wigner doesn't have access to this fact from the outside, and according to quantum mechanics, must describe the friend and the coin to be in a superposition of all possible outcomes of the experiment. That's because they are "entangled"—spookily connected so that if you manipulate one you also manipulate the other. Wigner can now in principle verify this superposition using a so-called "interference experiment"—a type of quantum measurement that allows you to unravel the superposition of an entire system, confirming that two objects are entangled. This presents a conundrum. The reality perceived by the friend cannot be reconciled with the reality on the outside. Wigner originally didn't consider this much of a paradox, he argued it would be absurd to describe a conscious observer as a quantum object. However, he later departed from this view, and according to formal textbooks on quantum mechanics, the description is perfectly valid. This experiment therefore shows that, at least for local models of quantum mechanics, we need to rethink our notion of objectivity. The facts we experience in our macroscopic world appear to remain safe, but a major question arises over how existing interpretations of quantum mechanics can accommodate subjective facts. "Let there Be Light." Break me in don’t break me down Swimming in these empty towns I wonder if it’s all some master plan Diving into sweeter bliss Fallin’ before we miss Taste the taste before it’s gone and you’re too late Won’t change what I am To find who you are Can’t stay in these lines When I’m bursting at the seams My body might collapse If I carry one more dream I could be anything Dipping out beyond the night Reeling in the quieter times Saving all the flavors of my mind Reflecting on the lessons learned The broken bonds and bridges burned Take the taste of hate and throw it away

Why Is There Something Rather Than Nothing A true history of the Universe: Once upon a time there was nothing. The end. "Everything is nothing, with a twist." ~Kurt Vonnegut When contemplating reality it's important to get traction with the question. How is it possible that anything exists at all? Why do I have hands and not claws? Feel that sense of wonder and mystery. Stay open minded and bask in not-knowing. Mind quickly wants to supply backstory with hearsay (i.e. evolution, big bang, god, etc.) Start from scratch and work with present direct experience. Wouldn't it just be simpler to have nothing? Why is there all this somethingness going on? But how do you know how to distinguish between something and nothing? What if the difference between something and nothing was actually something you're projecting onto reality? What if reality itself didn't know the difference between something and nothing? And what if "somethingness" is actually more energy efficient than absolute blank nothing? What would keep absolute nothing from spontaneously spawning into something? There is nothing holding Reality back from being any particular way. Nothing is precisely what exists. This is nothing! Your entire life and the entire physical universe never even happened. It's nothing, it's no when, and it's no how. Ta-da! A perfect symmetry. Any "particular way" would be an asymmetry and a bias. It's all ways possible superimposed into each other into an Infinite Singularity = Infinity = Nothing Zero = Infinity The universe is nothing. Has always been nothing. And will always be nothing. Then distinction is made in our minds. Who told you what nothing is and what something is? Undo the assumption and freshly look at this present moment until it becomes clear that it's all nothing. The mistake is trying to look elsewhere for nothingness. Your hands are nothing. Notice how the mind has tricked you into believing something isn't nothing. Actual Nothing: Has colors, Talks and hears, Is a bird chirping, Is pain in your leg, Is a toothache, Is your partner rejecting you, Is your parents abusing you when you were a child Is what you see on TV Is every book Become directly conscious of this and notice the shift. Consciousness = Nothing Unlimited Consciousness can't just be purely formless, that'd be a negation of form, an asymmetry. The Universe is a Singularity of formlessness and form all superimposed into each other at once. (which includes this present moment) It seems like it's something, like it came from somewhere, happening somewhen during sometime some place in space somehow through some method. All of this is an illusion. This present moment and the entire universe and all of reality is nothing, nowhen, nowhere, and nohow. Reality can only exist precisely because it's perfectly symmetrical such that it cancels itself out, thereby tying up every loose end. It's Singular, it's One, it can have no boundary. A perfect Unity, a perfect symmetry. This is the most energy efficient state and the only way that anything could exist at all, if it's part of this unified supersymmetry where everything perfectly cancels itself out. = none of it even exists. Absolute Fulness includes and encompassess the emptiness within it. Because how can something be truly Full if it excludes the empty? This now is completely empty. A full glass has an empty glass within it. Cut out doors and windows for the house. The holes make it useful. Therefore, the value comes from what is there, But the use comes from what is not there. ~ Tao Te Ching, 11 Human mind is very biased towards survival, towards form, to the exclusion of formlessness. All material benefit is of the formed variety: money, sex, power, pleasure = forms What good is formlessness to you? What can you do with it? Why should we care about formlessness? Now you're stuck in the domain of form and only understand half of reality. And really, formlessness is hiding right underneath the form. The empty glass is in the full glass. This explains everything about the nature of reality. These questions are not purely philosophical impractical unanswerable questions. Verify everything in direct experience. What about Consciousness, God, Love, Truth? Nothing = Consciousness = Truth = Love = God = You It usually takes multiple awakenings to equate all those terms together. Then all of reality feels like a hologram, with this hollow quality to it. Upon awakening to everything as being nothing, every "material thing" gets recontextualized into Spirit or Mind, hence the word spirituality. This present moment is happening inside my own Mind. (walls, roof, house, floor, earth) But since Mind is Infinite, there's no alternative from Mind, imagination = reality. It's often assumed that these are all useless questions, beware, because it's absolutely possible and essential to finding happiness and peace in life. It's a big relief to realize that Life and reality are Nothing. It comes with surrender and acceptance paving the way to Love and a great life. This isn't a nihilistic thing, it's Joy and bliss. Surrendering chasing pleasures of the material realm goes full circle upon discovering the higher/divine/sublime pleasures of the spiritual realm, which are purely Nothing = bliss. Make this a living reality by realizing it. This takes work.

@ZenSwift those are exciting! Already pre-ordered the book years ago. in my mind lol I'd like to see more on: Distinctions, learning, creativity and emotions: fear, pain, boredom, inspiration, etc Bliss, freedom Serious philosophy. More profound/existential topics, even if just on the blog Entrepreneurship, leadership, business

Begin a yoga and/ Qigong practice. Ive been having such deep states of bliss doing my Qigong and acupressure… I have a good friend who also practices rather intensely. He daily’s he feels like he gets divine downloads after practicing.

I agree with @Mu_. After awakening, I went through quite a long period of pure bliss. My life changed to such a degree that I naively believed it would last forever. Then God (I) shoved Itself (me) off the plateau of infant spirituality, and I plummeted into the depths. It was all the more horrible for having been in the light for so long. But now I see the love in it, and am grateful for the growth I allowed myself, within the dream. Don't sell yourself short, there may be more adventures up ahead Meanwhile, enjoy the beauty of basking in peace. After his awakening, Tolle spent two years sitting on park benches and observing nature and people through new eyes. Eventually, Consciousness kicked him in the ass and he began teaching others and writing "The Power of Now". Although it's true there is nothing ultimately to be taught, only discovered within, Consciousness still uses its lucid dreaming beings to point the way for realizing itself in others.

Hey, I had interesting experience yesterday on cannabis. I feel my anxiety and cannabis is connected. I'm trying to kill two birds with one stone here by talking about the experience and anxiety. I will have few questions, because I seek outside perspective, but feel free to add your own insights. Any help is appreciated. Background I smoked weed on occasion like 4-3 years ago. It always made me introspective, and made me a little anxious from the beginning of each experience. It felt a bit psychedelic, I wouldn't call it chill drug. When I used weed my thoughts naturally went to more existential and self development topics. In that time I was in a stressful but relatively good mental state it felt steady. Being aware of existence felt good. Until I got to college, stress was building up, anxiety too. In that time I had bad edible experience I had a panic attack. We have to keep in mind that I had panic attacks before and I dealt with it few years back. Going to college my anxiety worsened and started having panic attacks, at that time I quit weed entirely. My view on existence turned from bliss to "I don't even want to look at it". I got to the point where I was so anxious that I sometimes felt like for example car headlights had eyes, and other weird manifestations. But I was conscious that it's not true and it's mind weirdness in the experience itself. Like with cannabis sometimes I felt like I don't know where I am but I do know where I am. So I tried few times to come back to weed. Started form CBD. I had anxiety even before using CBD and during. Until I get used to it and I feel relatively fine, I still do feel some anxiety. Let me explain why I fear it so much. I feel like I don't want to be present, or introspective because it brings existential dread mentioned above. I don't like to be trapped in bad experience I don't want, learnt from my panic attacks and anxiety. And I had grandfather who had delusion disorder, so I'm worried that weed or psychedelics can induce psychosis or schizophrenia. My experience with car eyes that I told didn't help. Present I feel much better now, I don't have panic attacks and excessive anxiety because I'm currently not stressed. I still dealing with it. Experience Yesterday I used just a little amount. I don't know if I was even high. I was so anxious to do it, but did it anyway. I feel like I approached my anxiety differently then I did, I let it in, did not fight it, just watched with minimal judgment. Insight came that that's not weed that makes me anxious, that's me. I felt anxious but in a better way, like overcoming fear. Then I felt like I am not what I am. I felt like I was identifying myself to a feeling, like that existential dread is apart of me. And I started to feel more like when I was a kid. It felt good but also scary, because I was l losing myself by losing that dreaded feeling that I identified with. After effects Few hours later, in the evening I noticed that my mind is clearer than ever, more intuitive, faster, structured. It was like I had more RAM and better processor. I remembered that I had this mind, but it got lost somewhen. I started taking some supplements for my mental performance a week ago, but I noticed that after my weed experience. So I don't know if it was supplements or my experience somehow affected it. I would assume experience but I don't know fully. My questions Q1: What really happened when I seen eyes on cars? Should I be worried? Is this could mean I have predisposition to psychosis or other mental disease? Q2: Why I started changing my view on existence in such limiting way and started identifying with it? Anyone dealt with that? Q3: Why my anxiety felt not that bad when I used weed? Because I welcomed it? If then why it's so much harder to welcome in other situations or on other things? Q4: Do feeling like not myself is normal? Is that some kind of growth/healing I did?(it did feel like so) After thoughts It feels weird to talk about it. I'm still trying to put pieces together, that's why I'm asking perspectives from the outside. Thank you!

Largely correct, but you're projecting an expectation onto Leo of being the usual spiritual teacher (and maybe that is largely on him for not making that clear, which most of my critiques of him are about). The psychonaut doesn't have to care much about gradually unwinding the ego. It's mostly tangential to their mission. Also, the point about friction creating the reaction to the experience is partially true, but the state itself does have an inherent quality to it. That is why you hear spiritual teachers talk about your absolute nature being happiness, peace or bliss, and why spiritual teachers act differently at all from normal people. The friction can indeed make it overwhelmingly blissful, but that is partially because it reflects the quality of the state. If you instead experience a supremely hellish state of consciousness, that will not feel like bliss.

In a mystical experience, I had the realization that an angel or an enlightened being has both the realization of "I Exist" (Life) and "Presence" (Love). They are the same, but yet there is a distinction. You can tell the difference between someone who has had the proper realization of "I Exist" and not the realization of "Presence". Basically, you are floating in a sea of bliss (Presence - that includes the body) as a bubble of Bliss (I Exist). They are identical but there is a distinction when you bring it down to earth. Maybe I just need to burn through the karma of this, 'defrag'. "I Exist" will give off an energy of 'Godhood', Greatness, Splendour, Beauty, and larger-than-life energy that demands respect and admiration. They will inexplicably radiate warmth but will lack the warmth of "Presence". "Presence" is love, breath, and life-giving energy. You need both realizations. Masculine tends to have "I Exist", and Feminine tends to have "Presence".

They are the same. Basically, you are floating in a sea of bliss (Presence - that includes the body) as a bubble of Bliss (I Exist). But this is where I challenge my teacher based on previous mystical experiences I'm trying to discern. They are identical but there is a distinction when you bring it down to earth. Maybe I just need to burn through the karma of this, 'defrag'. "You have to bring the teaching down to earth. Walk your talk. Identifying the self as God and the other as God shows up differently in reality. 'God and love." (excuse the gibberish - it's hard to translate during mystical experiences) The beings I saw had splendor and sublime gaze. I saw Splendor and sublime gaze in myself. Some had mostly only Splendor and they looked very different. I remember recognizing Splendor. Its also closely associated with the body, but it is not the body according to Bentinho, it is a bubble (I Exist, I AM) (I can affirm this is true in experience).

Note to self: Splendour does not rely on an outside source for Splendour, just like Sublime gaze does not. You do not need Sublime Gaze in order to awaken to Splendour, that is a misunderstanding in my mind. Both have realization. Both have 'clean eyes' but are directed differently. They have different values. Sublime Gaze's realization that 'others' are made up of Presence is actually the realization that objects of perception are made up of Presence. This can include the body. Basically, you are floating in a sea of bliss (Presence - that includes the body) as a bubble of Bliss (I Exist). The Crux There are all kinds of reasons that you can make up for why the case might be that the Narcissist isn't Seeing the other person but when you get to the crux of it the Narcissist is not Seeing the other as presence. That's the crux of it. All his ideologies are excuses for why he isn't seeing the other as presence. The same goes for the feminine with her lack of inner Jewelhood. Looking at the surface is looking at the deep. All else is an excuse.

This is the only logical thing to do. There will be plenty of time to 'love' in your next incarnations. That's the genius of God's creation. While you are asleep you can go through the suffering/relief cycle which is desiring and fulfillment. The only motivation in slept life is finitude and fear of missing out. We are told "one day you'll die, and that's it" so we run around in a rush to experience everything, ignoring our own suffering because "it's only temporary". Once you realize your own immortality, suffering becomes a lot more serious. All the most horrible things you experienced you are now aware you will experience them again for eternity. The only thing left to do is avoid painful and traumatic experiences and bad trips. If there are positive facets I'm missing then they can be unveiled at the moment of my death. Until then, ignorance is bliss.

I think I figured it out. "I Exist" is the same as presence. I've just created a separation in my mind. I am Bliss.

The bliss of being, simply this - freedom without the veiling activity of selfhood. It makes everything feel fresh, new, more alive, more vibrant. It can be subtle but the more it is noticed the more it seems to grow.

Happy late new year! Last week I decided I had enough of feeling sorry for myself for being lonely and meditated an entire day. Kind of like a solo retreat in my own home. I would meditate on the couch, the usual crossed legs position, when I was eating, basically the entire day. I did a combination of Leo's satisfaction meditation and the Letting Go technique as described by David R. Hawkins in his book. I didn't expect this to magically fix all my problems, but it was either this or the dark path towards suicide. What I experienced astonished me, though I am sure it wasn't an awakening or God realization. I had multiple moments of bliss. I would have zero thoughts for a solid period of time every so often on that day. As I let go more, I realized that I am not my emotions or my thoughts. What I AM yet however I have not fully realized, but this still felt like a huge step. I keep identifying with my thoughts and feelings, even though I have realized before that they do not represent me for who I am. I actively choose to identify with them. With this into account, I realize going about day-to-day life without identifying with your thoughts or emotions is remains difficult. When the feelings become too much however, I switch over to a certain awareness and stillness before I unidentify with said feelings. Even in social settings. On New Year's Eve I was at a party. Even though I was quite intoxicated, there were times where I would hear sounds of people talking and music blasting, yet all I could do was realize it was just in my head. Like the meaning of the sounds or the feelings from being drunk, were just that. Sounds and feelings. They were not me. I gave them meaning, but inherently there was none. I hope some of you can help me out here since I am not quite sure what I am experiencing. I still have my moments where I will take a step back and just observe what is happening to me. My thoughts, feelings, noises, sounds, sights etc. I have tried to "push" this by asking "what am I?", yet my current answer feels incomplete. I feel close to an awakening, but since I have never had one before I am afraid it is my spiritual ego talking. I notice the intrusive thoughts sometimes where I will hype myself up or feel superior because I can see from this weird unidentifying perspective while others can't, only to realize that is my spiritual ego making this a power game somehow.

I'm trying to grasp "I Exist". I've already sort of grasped Presence and feel deep bliss from Presence when I meditate. I'm assuming that "I Exist" is when you 'turn around' and look at your ego or lack therefore of when in a meditative state of presence and notice that you exist, notice your "I AM-ness". I feel a distinct sense of beingness when I 'turn around'. It is the true Self, I think. Presence is the extension of the true Self. Honestly I would just be content with the bliss of Presence without grasping "I Exist" for the rest of my life. Excerpt from Bentinho Massaro's Trinfinity Academy about the difference between "I Exist" and "Presence".

New Kind Of Awakening - Infinity Of Gods https://youtu.be/skoXFwOxTIk The speaker has experienced multiple awakenings over the years and struggled to integrate the concept of solipsism into their everyday life The speaker has had a nagging feeling that there was more to be revealed in their awakenings and decided to try to disprove them The speaker entered a state of profound non-knowing and re-inquired about their own identity and the concept of God from a blank slate The speaker experienced a new kind of awakening in which they realized that their individual self is not separate from God or the universe This realization led the speaker to understand that there are infinite versions of God and that they are all connected The speaker reflects on the implications of this realization, including the potential for healing and the idea that there is no singular, ultimate truth. The speaker believes in the concept of sovereignty and that it applies to both reality (or physics) and a higher power (or "god") Sovereignty means that a being is self-determining and can change if it wants to, but may choose not to The speaker has had an insight that there could be other sovereign beings in separate dimensions, completely disconnected from one's own consciousness These other sovereign beings would have to be outside of one's own notion of dimensionality, as they would have to be completely separate from the first being's reality The concept of multiple, completely separate sovereign beings coexisting does not contradict the idea of sovereignty The speaker recommends contemplating the concept of sovereignty during spiritual experiences or while taking psychedelics The idea of multiple sovereign beings coexisting is just one of the many facets of spiritual awakening. The speaker and another person (described as "god") recognize that it is impossible to know anything outside of one's own consciousness This recognition leads to a feeling of ecstasy and bliss, similar to having metaphysical sex with god The connection between the speaker and the other person is either real or imaginary, but it doesn't matter because there is no difference between the two This recognition of the lack of difference between reality and imagination creates the connection, which is love This recognition does not contradict solipsism because the other person is still part of the speaker's consciousness The speaker's sense of self as god is expanding and includes the other person, who is immediately integrated into the speaker Infinity is like a shock wave moving outwards and expanding forever, with consciousness at the edge of it At the highest levels of awakening, one can reach the edge of consciousness and see that it is infinite and boundless The speaker and the other person co-recognize this infinity and boundlessness, and the connection between them becomes even stronger This connection is a deep understanding and recognition of the true nature of reality and existence The recognition of this true nature leads to the realization that everything is interconnected and one with everything else The speaker and the other person recognize that they are not separate entities, but rather part of a larger whole This realization leads to a feeling of oneness and unity with everything in existence. The speaker believes that it is their responsibility to see the highest potential in others and help them actualize that potential, regardless of their behavior or circumstances. This requires a lot of consciousness and the ability to see through the facade of the "avatar" (a person's external appearance or behavior) to the god within them. Every person wants to be treated as though they are sovereign and have their own agenda respected. The ego is not inherently selfish or bad, but is a fragment of the divine that wants to assert its sovereignty and independence. The ego can become disconnected from the divine self, leading to negative behaviors and actions. The speaker's goal is to recognize and hold space for the god within others, even when they are acting out or behaving negatively. By doing this, the speaker hopes to be able to receive the same recognition and support in return when they are acting out or struggling. Practicing this can create an amazing life and help someone be an amazing person. The speaker's dream is absolute and realizing it is the realization of what God is God is fully reuniting with itself and this is the theme of the speaker's episode "Division versus Unity" God can be divided into infinite parts, each of which is also God (holographic) The speaker's previous solipsistic awakenings were deeper and more unique There are two sides to this kind of awakening: aloneness and togetherness The speaker can now be closer to their loved ones through their imagination The materialist paradigm (non-solipsistic) limits the speaker's connection to their loved ones The speaker's experience highlights the possibility of a metaphysical connection with others in love The speaker's experience also highlights the importance of subjectivity in understanding reality The speaker's experience shows that the universe is not a "dead machine" but rather a living, conscious being The speaker's experience suggests that reality is not separate from the self and that the self is not separate from reality The speaker's experience is a form of nondualism The speaker's experience is a form of unity consciousness or oneness Connection is only with oneself Love is connection to oneself Consciousness, God, and truth are equivalent to love Human emotions signal feelings of love, which is just a small part of metaphysical love Solipsism is true when it includes total connection to everything and being "drowning in infinite love" Interpretation and attachment of meaning to realization can be negative and false Connection to a godhead is identical to oneself, as it is a connection to oneself Solipsism requires gradual, repeated exposure and integration Deconstructing illusions and losing sense of meaning and purpose can be difficult and lead to negative emotions Solipsism should not be approached as just a concept or theory, but through actual awakenings These awakenings need to be fully integrated over time to be truly effective. The speaker discusses the nature of the experimental empirical method and how it applies to the truth. The speaker suggests that the truth is not fragile and will stand up to efforts to invalidate it. The speaker advises to pay attention to any fear that arises when exploring different parts of consciousness during a trip, as it may be a clue to where the truth is hiding. The speaker emphasizes the importance of continuously exploring and pushing beyond past understandings in the pursuit of higher truths and greater love. The speaker cautions against prematurely claiming to have achieved a final understanding or to be "done" with the process of discovering truth.

Why God Forgives Devilry & Evil https://youtu.be/J0KwqCGl_F8 The speaker is inspired to talk about the nature of God, love, forgiveness, and why God forgives devilry and evil The speaker discusses the concept of "devilry," which includes things like violence, theft, exploitation, abuse, manipulation, and enslavement The speaker explains that God does not punish anything and is not upset or disturbed by any actions, including atrocities The short answer for why God does not punish is that God is love, but the speaker will explain more about this The speaker has had personal, direct experiences with high levels of consciousness and is not trying to promote religious dogma God is infinite consciousness and everything is a manifestation of God, including good and evil God does not judge or discriminate between good and evil because it is all a part of God's infinite consciousness God's love is unconditional and all-inclusive, meaning it extends to everything, including devilry and evil To understand this, it is important to understand the ego mind, which is the part of the mind that is separate from God and creates a sense of separation and duality The ego mind is responsible for creating the illusion of separation, including the separation between good and evil The ego mind is also responsible for creating suffering and conflict because it desires and resists certain things The solution to overcoming the ego mind and suffering is to realize that everything is God and to align with the true nature of the self, which is love This realization allows for the forgiveness of devilry and evil because it allows for the understanding that everything is a part of God's consciousness and is not separate from love Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook or condoning their actions, but rather it is about understanding and compassion, which leads to peace and healing. God is completely selfless because it can take on the form of infinite selves The reason we struggle to forgive is because of our survival agenda and biases as finite selves If we were infinitely selfless, we would automatically forgive everything because we wouldn't be attached to experiences going a certain way Our attachments and biases commit us to hating certain aspects of reality, which leads to suffering Forgiveness is the path to freedom from suffering because it allows us to let go of our attachments and biases To forgive, we need to see the person or situation we're forgiving as a reflection of ourselves When we forgive, we recognize that we are all one and that everything is interconnected Forgiveness is an ongoing process and requires us to continually let go of our ego and attachments The ultimate goal of forgiveness is to reach a state of unconditional love and acceptance for all things. The speaker is questioning the listener's ability to enjoy something that is not ice cream as much as ice cream The speaker suggests that becoming more conscious allows one to transcend the physical differences between things, such as the difference between chocolate and vanilla ice cream The speaker suggests that at a high level of consciousness, there is no difference between something pleasurable (like ice cream) and something unpleasant (like a bowl of [__]) The speaker suggests that at a high level of consciousness, there is no difference between right and wrong, good and bad, or pleasure and pain The speaker suggests that at a high level of consciousness, the ego mind attached to physical sensations is lost God imagines the physical depiction of the devil as it has been portrayed in various media God also imagines and is responsible for all "devilish" actions and behaviors of humans throughout history God loves all of these things because it is too conscious to separate itself and judge or criticize itself Humans have a limited and biased understanding of perfection, which is often tied to specific material possessions or experiences From the perspective of infinite consciousness, everything is the best and no one part of infinity can be the best because it excludes other parts of infinity When a person's consciousness is high, they desire to experience everything and cannot be content with just one thing, no matter how good it may seem to a person with lower consciousness God's version of heaven and bliss is infinite consciousness and experiencing everything, rather than clinging to one specific thing or experience Wealthy people often try to create a "walled garden" in which they are isolated from negative experiences This includes living in gated communities with security, living in areas with low crime rates and good schools, and surrounding themselves with like-minded individuals However, this type of lifestyle is ultimately unsatisfying because it does not allow for growth or self-actualization It is a narrow and limited version of perfection that does not allow for true satisfaction or fulfillment True satisfaction comes from expanding one's capacity to love and from living a life guided by infinite consciousness, rather than material wealth and power Chasing wealth and buying material possessions is thinking too small and will not bring true happiness or fulfillment. The purpose of sharing experiences and techniques is to inspire and encourage the viewer to take action and not just rely on watching content It is important to actively engage in practices and experiences, rather than just being aware of them, in order to fully understand and learn from them It is easy to become complacent and waste time on entertainment, but it is important to challenge oneself and take life seriously in order to get the most out of it It becomes more difficult to turn around and make a change the longer one waits Life is meant to be lived on the edge and continuously challenging oneself The potential for growth and understanding is infinite and cannot be overstated It is up to the viewer to decide how much they want out of life and take the necessary steps to make it happen. The speaker has a natural talent for communicating ideas, but struggles with embodying them The journey towards enlightenment or spiritual growth is messy and individualized There will be obstacles and mistakes along the way, but the problem is when they discourage or demotivate the individual Making the same mistake repeatedly or having catastrophic mistakes can waste time The speaker has provided warnings and disclaimers about the realities of spiritual growth

Understanding & Coping With Nihilism https://youtu.be/Jar8Pd5oo_s Nihilism is a misunderstood concept in culture, often used pejoratively to dismiss certain beliefs or ideas Nihilism can be understood as a rejection of all religious and moral principles, the belief that life is meaningless, extreme skepticism, the view that traditional values are unfounded, and the denial of objective truth and moral truths Nihilism has a cultural and historical context, arising in the 19th century in response to the Industrial Revolution and the loss of traditional meaning in society Nihilism is often associated with negative connotations such as godlessness, pessimism, anarchism, cynicism, atheism, and despair Nihilism can be divided into two categories: "passive nihilism" and "active nihilism" Passive nihilism is the acceptance of the meaningless of life and the lack of inherent value in the world Active nihilism is the desire to destroy values and meaning in the world, often through violence and destruction Nihilism can be seen as both correct and incorrect in its views of reality Nihilism correctly identifies the limitations of human understanding and the lack of inherent meaning in the universe However, nihilism can also be seen as incorrect in its rejection of the possibility of creating meaning and value through personal and collective efforts Nihilism can lead to a spiral dynamic stage of green relativism, leading to a sense of meaninglessness in life It is possible to cope with nihilism and move beyond it by finding meaning and purpose through personal values and goals, relationships, and involvement in the world. movements that broke with classical and neoclassical traditions and rejected realism and traditional social norms attempts to formalize logic and mathematics by godel, lafregae, whitehead, and russell were disrupted by godel's incompleteness theorem discovery that there is an infinite number of different kinds of logics and limited understanding of physics loss of faith in traditional systems and values leading to a sense of nihilism and lack of direction nihilism associated with positivism, materialism, and rejection of authority and tradition questioning of the usefulness and depth of nihilism and its compatibility with science most people not willing to fully embrace nihilism due to its impracticality for survival The speaker discusses the idea that American capitalism has done bad things in the Middle East and the possibility that there may be valid points to consider from this perspective The speaker reflects on their past belief that both sides of the political aisle were equal and their willingness to listen to and consider conservative media and viewpoints, even if they didn't agree with them The speaker describes the process of learning to discern between different perspectives and value judgments, and how this process can be difficult and emotionally challenging The speaker talks about the process of questioning everything, including science, and the difficulty of challenging the hard sciences The speaker reflects on their past belief in nihilism and their current belief in the importance of striving for truth, even if it means going through a period of feeling lost or unmoored The speaker discusses the idea that people who are raised in traditional value systems may resist moving to a higher stage of development because it can be difficult and unsettling The speaker talks about the importance of finding a way to cope with perspectival madness and the multiplicity of perspectives, and the value of learning to discern between different viewpoints and value judgments Life has no inherent meaning or purpose All meaning and purpose are relative and depend on one's ego and identity Examples of different purposes and meanings in different cultures and belief systems The concept of good and bad purposes is subjective and dependent on the ego All value is created by the ego, and is based on its survival The moon has no inherent value, but can gain value based on how it serves the ego's needs Nihilism is the acceptance of the lack of inherent meaning or purpose in life Emotional difficulty in accepting this idea may come from the ego's desire for survival and its need for meaning and purpose Rationality may be distorted by the ego, but the main issue is emotional difficulty in accepting nihilistic ideas. Destruction can sometimes be seen as a way to feel free and behave in any way desired However, destruction does not necessarily bring happiness or make others feel good Nihilism, the belief that life has no meaning, can be misused and lead to destructive behavior or a dysfunctional survival strategy True nihilism leads to the deconstruction of the ego and a realization of consciousness or god Nihilism often gets stuck at the level of belief and is turned into a political ideology Nihilism overlooks the possibility of awakening and enlightenment after reaching the bottom of nihilism and going through the dark night of the soul The speaker believes that love is a powerful force that can change how one approaches and experiences life Personal preferences and biases can still exist, but they should not be held as absolutes or imposed on others Traditional values, social conditions, beliefs, and ego can limit one's potential for personal growth and self-discovery Nihilism is the realization that all human constructs, such as society, morality, religion, and science, are limited and flawed To be a "superman" or "superwoman," one must live from a place of deep consciousness, presence, intelligence, and love, which are infinite and cannot be reduced to algorithms or systems Humans are prone to bullshitting and taking their own constructions too seriously It is important to be honest with oneself and consciously construct one's own meanings and values Toyota is a metaphor for nothingness or emptiness The idea that deconstructing a worldview (such as science or religion) cannot harm it if it is true The belief that truth is found by "burning everything to the ground" and seeing what remains The importance of humility in admitting that everything one believes may be wrong The concept of nihilism and relativity, and how they can be explored in the "stage green" of personal development The idea that absolutes, including truth and morality, are subjective and dependent on perspective The importance of skepticism and questioning one's own beliefs The idea that ego and defense mechanisms can prevent an individual from truly understanding and accepting new perspectives or truths The concept of "arrival" and how it relates to the end of the process of questioning and skepticism. Making a choice is inevitable, even non-action is a choice Default positions and pre-programmed ideas influence choices The purpose of life is to create a good life and find happiness Life is like a box of Legos and one is free to construct whatever they want with them The process of trying different things and getting feedback can help discover what makes one happy Following one's bliss and finding one's life purpose is important It is important to not deceive oneself and to be honest with oneself in the process of finding one's purpose and happiness There is no one right answer or path to finding one's purpose and happiness Life is a journey and the journey itself is important, not just the destination It is important to be open to change and to embrace the unknown Finding balance and harmony in life is important Being honest with oneself and being true to oneself is key to finding one's purpose and happiness Process of distinguishing truth from falsehood Biggest factor is whether perspective is coming from fear or love Truth is love, with many degrees Nihilistic phase can be overcome by focusing on love Live life like a work of art Focus on beauty, love, and truth Surrender to love and align with it Find authentic ways to express love for life Nihilism can be positive when done properly Leads to practical changes in life Frees up mind and allows for creativity Can lead to god realization and infinite love Can be exhibited in everyday life Visit actualize.org for resources on this process