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Yes, I do have a concern for these people. However, "these people" is not a uniform category. Many of them are not feeling right after surgery and many commit suicide anyways (about 40% in the 7 year period after surgery). I don't oppose those who go through the process of surgery and hormonal procedures. Nevertheless, there are cases when they jump into the process and it doesn't have a happy ending. I question the fact that it is often presented as a safe and effective solution to the gender dysphoria problem, and that is not quite true. Some people have severe complications after the transition, causing extreme unhappiness to them and their families. Puberty blockers have long term effects, that are not transparently explained by the doctors that say "it just puts a pause to the development, while the teenager is in doubt, and they can resume normal development as soon as they quit the puberty blockers". That is a lie, and in the cases where the individual doesn't want to continue with it, and they no longer identify themselves as someone of the opposite sex , the damage is done and normal development does not resume smoothly. I question the fact that a 13 year-old girl can go through hormonal therapy without the consent of their parents , while at the same time you need to be 18 to drive or use alcohol or to tattoo yourself. I am concerned of the lack of balance in the implementation of public policies that can have good intentions, but can cause damage in the long run to people that can change their mind and find it is too late. This is not being bigot , nor trans-phobic . I am sick of name-calling just because one dares to ask questions that have not been sufficiently addressed.

I want to share this article with you. Partly just as food for thought partly to make you aware of the fact, that (from a dualistic pov) meditation and non duality work can have potentially dangerous side effects: http://www.pennlive.com/news/2017/06/york_county_suicide_megan_vogt.html Leo did talk about some meditation side effects in his Dark Side of Meditation Video but I think, that there is a general lack of information about this topic. Feel free to share your own stories.

It is possible to be alive and dead simultaneously. But this is a genuine awakening. It reminds me of various schizophrenics that claim that they have committed suicide. Obviously it's difficult for other people to believe that they've committed suicide, but it seems very likely to me that they have, that the mind (the ego?) is able to be killed and leave the body intact. There is no more Witness and Witnessed; there is just the Witnessing, no, just the objects of reality themselves. No, there aren't even objects or quantities anymore, because no space or separation of space is possible, so we're left with bare reality, bare qualities, life and death merged together as one harmonious (or apparently disharmonious) being of self-existent Nothing and Everythingness.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to deal with any of this. I'm tired of existing. I don't want to feel any more pain. Gunshot to the head seems like a easy fix. Sucks to feel this way. But I don't see any other choice. I don't want to go though the stuggle of rebuilding my shitty life. I'm just done. I want to not be "me". I want to simply have peace... And I don't want to wait 10 years or whatever meditating to try to get there. Fuck

Can you think about what you just asked for even a second? Gender dysphoria means your body doesn't match your internal identity. There is no more dysphoria if your new body matches your identity sufficiently. We wouldn't gatekeep the right for them to identify as their internal identity behind the paywall of affording an expensive surgery... What exactly do you want us to do with the information provided in this "What is a woman" documentary? Do you actually have any prescriptive actions we should commit to on the basis of your position? Would you prefer that all trans people be forced to identify as the gender they were assigned at birth, and have more of them commit suicide because you won't afford them the courtesy of addressing them as their preferred gender? Matt Walsh is undeniably a bigot, and I assumed those credits transfer to those who bolster his messaging. If this was a faulty assumption I apologize, but frankly I don't think it is. The questions you're asking would be obvious if you actually had any sincere concern for these people.

@Loba I wouldn’t use this forum as a place to gauge what men are like today. It’s kinda a cesspool where people who don’t have success with women take out their angst about and talk about how close they are to suicide. It’s a form of therapy. so of course these men are not going to be super respectful and masculine to the women here. This shouldn’t surprise you at all. while it’s true that men are pro skirt interested in sex I think what is understated is that men also value the emotional connection, the love and approval we get, companionship, the laughter and feeling like a man. If not ALL guys would just have sex with prostitutes, watch porn, or fuck sex dolls. there are plenty of men who improve themselves as humans and study sexuality, relationships and how to respectfully treat a women. Unfortunately there just a lot of messiness on both sides throughout this proccess. The guys here though, the incels, they are pretty bitter about never having success with women so when they sound like jerks it shouldn’t be a shock

Oh boy !. This one was a killer to me at the time it was released. I still listen to it from time to time . The main idea of the video is that YOU as GOD will experience EVERYTHING. Literally every single experience that can ever possibly exist ..has existed..or wil exist . You will experience it all . So you will experience all kinds of human suffering possible . The Holocaust..sickness..diseases..anguish.. depression..suicide..anxiety ..etc But of course it has the positive side of it .you will experience every orgasm that has ever been orgasmed lol. You will experience every delicious meal .every fun movie .every beautiful piece of music .every first kiss .every romantic relationship . Every drug high.etc etc .... This is all nice and good .but I don't think it's a fair deal .even if we assume that the amount of pleasure will equal exactly the amount of pain...Still it would be better if reality didn't exist at all rather than it being half good and half bad . So that's about me . What about you?

Sure, but where you draw you line what you consider normal will be different for people and it will be subjective , thats why most guys here didn't agree with most of your takes with being a therapist and stuff like that. You were pushing really hard on guys here, because they said they don't want to get into a relationship with a girl with for example daddy issues. Just because they don't want to be with a girl like that, that doesn't mean that they won't be caring and won't be protective to a different girl who don't has that particular bad trait. If you get into a relationship with a girl, who you are not really compatible with (where she has a lot of traits that you don't like and can't tolerate) that will almost necessarily lead to failure and disaster. Why not try to find a girl, who you are a lot more compatible with and you don't need to change her whole persona and habits and goals etc. This doesn't mean that you have to find the perfect one, but you have to be compatible with her on the vast majority of things , otherwise you really are wasting your time. You would ideally do this in a smart way though. Im sure most guys here would invest time, energy and resources into a relationship, if they think they could have a future with that particular person, but again, if you guys are mostly not compatible, then why waste your time ,why not find someone who you vibe,resonate with a lot more? Sure, maybe. But there is a huge difference between a girl who is on the edge of suicide, can't take care of herself, depressed vs a girl who has some medium outburst from time to time. I think that nuance here is really important and there is a spectrum here that we need to acknowledge.

I'm still seriously flirting with it. Suicide is bae. I've spent the last two months with it on my mind nearly non-stop is some form or another, either trying to reconnect with the other side, to try and glean into some form of solution from my "people" there into this feeling of depression and low key angst. I've tried learning all about NDE's and what to expect, I've tried humour and self introspection and nothing seems to get rid of this obsessive morbid curiosity. Literally the only thing that is keeping me here is that I couldn't stand knowing that I ruined the tail end of my parent's lives by ending myself. I can't help but visualize their pain over the whole thing, and just when they've started retirement. It seems like ending it now would be too selfish and cruel. And on top of it I have these pets that I am responsible for. My cat Sandy only trusts me, if I leave then she will never again know what it is like to be snuggled. My dog would be confused and would look for me around the house, but I think she would move on okay after some time. I'm just looking forward to it so much, and waiting fifteen years until my pets and parents pass away feels like forever, I don't know how I am going to manage feeling normal in this life, for who I am. Nothing feels good or right, and I can't fully pinpoint why I feel this way. Maybe I've just been repressing too many things and it's call coming up, especially recently, I've been doing a lot of shadow work, trying to understand myself a little bit better, but nothing seems to do the trick. I'm super bummed out that I have to live in this terrible life in this body that I hate in a world that I don't belong in for another decade and a half, possibly more. I wish I would just get cancer or a heart attack or something and then the responsibility of having to wait around would be nullified. I feel super guilty for having these feelings, because even though I am not young or healthy, I have a comfortable life, the kind of life that many people who aren't privilege would dream of having - and I feel guilt because I know that they would have done so much more with it than I did. I just want to wake up in the morning and to not feel bitter and confused about my emotions, and resentful and then ultimately guilty, like I don't even have the right to feel upset. And perhaps I don't? I don't fucking know. But this ideation, this absolute heart-wrenching longing for the other side never goes away, I just keep thinking, once I am there and not here everything will make sense. Ya dig?

Or, how about option (c)... which is actually go and learn how to be more attractive to girls Your options that you listed are basically (a) do nothing and (b) give up But worded slightly more extremely If you really want to explore your sexuality as a man and you value it highly, fucking go and get the sexual experiences you want. Don't just sit back and wait for it to happen. @Tyler Robinson It's a rung above food and drink, but it is still very very much a need rather than a want. Most guys aren't that open about their sex drive, especially with women. But you can see how fucked up the guys who reach their mid 30s without ever having sex are. Many incels (lots even younger than mid 30s) are seriously considering suicide on a daily basis. If that doesn't convey how much of a need it is, I don't really know what would. Hookers and porn are like bandaids. The desire for sex is rooted in men's ability to generate attraction and be a valuable man. Failing at this essentially feels like the world telling that you're an awful and useless man. And this cemented deeply into our biology from billions of years of evolution. Your advice is essentially 'stop thinking that and just love yourself' which is, I guess, truthful, but it isn't really helpful advice for guys. It's like saying "just be happy" to someone with depression, which is why it rubbed so many guys here the wrong way. Yea, ultimately, if you want to actualize, overcoming the strong desire for sex is good. But it's a transcend and include kinda situation. You gotta satisfy some of your deeper sexual desire first and then learn to overcome it. If you just try to 'stop caring about sex' when actually you care deeply about sex, then that's just sexual repression. It's easy to give the 'stop caring about sex' advice when you are already have fairly abundant access to sex, or when you don't desire it that strongly.

@JoeVolcano What would you say, which one gives more insight about death? When you have an ego death exp When you contemplate suicide seriously

@JoeVolcano I think that you and Eckhart Tolle are two exceptional people in this regard ,because you two were able to pull this off without actually physically killing yourselves. But i wouldn't expect from normal people to to pull the same thing off, what you guys did. important fact: Suicidal people are the ones who contemplate death and suicide the most frequently and in the most serious way. Not trying to be argumentative, but If contemplating death would really prevent suicidal people from physically killing themselves, then why is that, that suicidal people are the most likely ones to commit suicide?

That's an interesting perspective, but I disagree. I wouldn't recommend people contemplate suicide, I would recommend you don't suppress your emotions so whatever arises allow it to come in whatever form it comes. But definitely thinking about the end of your life as you currently are is also a healthy endeavor as well.

@Yali Cuz I had an ex who was a cheater, who used my money for drugs, who had me pay rent and promise he would pay me back but left after he got a great paying job, who made a video of me when I was drunk and posted it online, who abused me emotionally and psychologically, who beat his ex with a hammer and blamed her for her friend's suicide, who blamed me for needing to go to a mental hospital for a time, who separated me from knowing his friends and never told them what he was doing with me but complained about me to them nonstop, who when I tried to kick him out told me he would break everything I own, who used rich women, who was super submissive with dominant women but treated subs like shit even though he wanted them and would pretend like he was a problem solver but was ultimately just a beta male pretending to be a big man. I was young and wasted my youth on him because I come from a home where I was taught to acquiesce to people who appear stronger and more capable than myself and I figured if I was just "good enough" that he would love me, but he kept me on a string for a long time. Cuz I had a close friend who had sisters that were molested and instead of understanding their pain, he became a predator and I didn't know and after I let him know I didn't want to do anything with him, he would try for over a year, and would try to "sell me" behind my back at parties to other men and actually got me wasted and then brought a friend of his over while I was too drunk to really say no and we did it - the girl who liked that guy got mad and ended up getting with a guy I was starting to get to know - even though she was a low class escort, the friend made me look like someone that I never was - the girl, who was known for being a cheap floozy ended up starting a family with this dude and he was a total babe. I lost out for sure because of this "friend's" actions towards me. He knew I had been a victim of molestation as a child and when I questioned him on it I learned that he knew I had a weakness in me. He kept all my childhood friends and I lost them when I tried to explain my side of the story despite the fact that he had been a repeat offender, and I had taken his side before seeing the whole picture, perhaps when it came 'round to my turn it was my karma for not knowing to stand up to what was right when it was happening to a friend... I could go on, there are more experiences, but suffice to say, I look here and I see how men talk about women and it just reminds me of these moments in my life that I had with guys when I was young and stupid, and I realize that most of them aren't really much different. I kind of shut myself off from it. Pretty much I trust one guy on this website because he accepts me and is kind to me, but he's too young for me; and I have too much baggage and don't believe in siphoning that on other people, so I just kind of let him do his own thing - sometimes just expressing my bitterness about what happened while online kind of helps me work through it, ultimately at the end of the day I would like to not be bitter about it and I try to use humour to reign it in a bit - I know I come across as kind of bitter with a lot of ideas already put into my head, but there's a good reason for it. It kind of stresses me out a little bit, I worry for other women and I don't want them to deal with what I went through when I was young and naïve. I want them to find love and to be happy girls. When we are little we are fed this idea that men are strong, protective and kind people, but then you get into the real world and you find out that this isn't that common, and that for those who are given this kind of treatment, that they have to be either very stunning looking or exemplary in some way. It legitimately worries me that there are young women in the world who don't understand that men have a much more logical, cold hearted, predatory approach to how they deal with the opposite sex - that they go into it with the same level of blind idiocy that I had. So I've just accepted that this is how men are. At least to me, for some reason. I'm the chick that gets used as the toy for a period of time, or perhaps if they need some resources for a while to keep themselves afloat, or if they're in between relationships, I often get used as kind of the sexual-emotional buffer for that. When I realized that men were not what I thought they where growing up as a young girl, but some other terrible kind of beast, I just gave up. My sex drive was always tied to an emotional connection and when I realized that this wasn't a common thing that men experience, and when I realized that I was starting to grow too old for such things anyways, then the need for sexual stimulation just went away. It was like my hormones were like, "Okay, you're done now." And that was the end of it. It wasn't even really difficult - the difficult part was bringing those feelings back online again so I could work through things that went wrong and try to resolve them. Any time I have let my guard down to give a man a chance, he shows to me that it's just going to be the same thing - I suppose at this point, what I am going through is the last vestiges of fight left in me before everything settles down and I just really, truly, don't care anymore. I look forward to the day where it doesn't affect me, and I don't plan to be bitter forever. If I can turn it into a joke and try to find some humour, then that's great, it will mean that I've let everything go. I've noticed I have my sense of humour again, I can laugh more. And for as bitter as I am, as snarky as I can be, in the real world I am a woman who treats her pets - dog and cat, with a lot of kindness and gentleness and I feel that their happy little lives are a reflection of who I really am - and I work on getting along better with my family and am trying to let go of my bitterness and anger - it's a process - I feel myself mellowing out. I won't be bitter forever, I just need to accept that men aren't the best. I see the wars waged in the name of men's desires, how women are treated in third world countries, the rapes, the abuse, the femicide, and I realize that this is the real world. Men are violent, aggressive and savage and trying to pretend that this isn't true doesn't do me any good. The best I can do is make it into a joke, try to be more realistic and to let childhood fantasies go.

So, perhaps I realize today that since I am already 26, I am broke and will spend the next two years working two jobs unrelated to my passions or interests... That my life is pretty well over. Well, my life in terms of music or art. I can still enjoy it as a hobby... But, without being able to make it a career I just have to let it go I guess. So, what now? I've been contemplating it. Besides blaming and cursing God for the rest of my life for creating my dumb ass. I think I can only do the following. 1. Focus on my financial health by studying books, saving, paying off debt and getting a healthy savings 2. Focus on my mental health 3. Build healthier relationships by dating, reading books and taking courses 4. Practice deeper and deeper states of surrender and acceptance 5. Focus on tripping on weekends for deeper spiritual insights. 6. Focus on over all health by eating well, sleeping well, and relaxing in when I am not at work 7. Embracing a boring, mediocre life realizing my dreams were crushed by my own stupidity and Gods love for just letting people suffer 8. Focus on reading as much as I can in my free time 9. Maybe go back to school and become a CPA so I can make six figures 10. Maybe create an online Qigong followering (but I don't find Qigong as creative as music) Basically, the only thing to do is make peace with how shit reality is. Then, maybe it wont be so shit. Maybe from that shit I can create a happier life can I ever thought possible? I just, I wish I could in a band like Arcadefire and experience the rush of that sound and that success. But, I feel like I fucked it all up. So, I am going to focus on security, relationships and deeper relaxation and states of health and surrender. I guess, it's like a living suicide. Work on my unconditional happiness. The path of surrender (while still making constructive life decisions) is the only thing that makes sense. Life does not give a fuck about me. So, I just gotta do what I can with what I have.

I don't think there are qualifications or not, from my experience we are all connected to this light and return to it. Everyone, good and bad, is a child in the eyes of the creator and so there is no playing favourites. I don't think that a loving God would put people on earth, make them suffer and mold their personality into something completely inaccurate to who the person really is, then give other people a lucky break where nothing goes wrong for them, and condemn the person who is unlucky. If anything, God owes it to those who suffer - we don't get instructions when it comes to life, we're left here to figure it out on our own mostly with whatever we've been given - I think that as long as you try to do better and to try to be a decent person then you'll get in. We don't have to live in a loving haze, that sounds completely inhuman and unrealistic, that in order to be "eligible" to something that I am already connected to, I would have to put blinders on and throw out the other spectrum of human emotion in favour of just love. I think people are more dynamic than that and I don't think that all these books out there, all these teachers, they don't trump my personal experiences. I don't think that people who commit suicide are ineligible for heaven. I think that they go back to their groups, those who oversee their lives and they are given a chance to feel loved, and safe and are healed there. A loving God wouldn't make heaven into something exclusive. It would make earth a polarizing place, so that when we return we know what we want to create for ourselves when we are put back together again. These lives are here so that we can appreciate what we have, with the polarity of what we don't have, so that when we return we understand what a gift it is.

Yes i flirt with the idea of suicide from time to time. And it is very normal under certain conditions. There was a phase in my life where i was super bad mentally. And then i was really serious about ending it all. I bought a drug that could potentially kill me. And i prepared the injection. But then i realised that i could not do it . The urge to live, was too strong to overcome. You have to be really really bad to override this self preservation instinct. I wasn't at that breaking point. After that one incident, i never considered again seriously ending my life. I would just entertain it as a thought when things were hard but never seriously. You don't want to to die. What you want, is to stop the misery. That's an important distinction to keep in mind.

@Loba In acim it is sayed the qualification for entering heaven is to be able to maintain holy instant throughout the day. The presence of love that Jesus can teach u, if u can maintain that 24/7. U become eligible for heaven. But probably by the time u reach that place, all your thoughts about suicide will be long gone, as it should ?

I've been thinking a lot about heaven. I've had a few experiences that give me some idea of what I am to expect on the other side. I don't know if it is the same for everyone. I plan to commit suicide after my parents and my dog pass away. I'll use the money from the house for a few years of enjoyment, just staying in a hotel, smoking weed and coasting for a while before going out on heart and or pain medications and alcohol. I've done my research, mental illness is treated as a terminal illness and as long as I am a good girl and can work on my attitude in this life then I'll hopefully be in a good spot for the next world... What I think happens is that we are grown in groups of souls. Bubbles floating around in a soup of consciousness, but I have no idea what that will look like or how it will be experienced from the other side. I just know that there is a group there and that we are all connected to one another. I don't know who I have met in this life that is a part of them or if they are all on the other side. I have also experienced a partner, when I was at my sickest he showed himself through intuition and told me that we have been playing a kind of game, like hide and seek, and to follow the pieces through the things that I love in life, that when the time comes he will catch me, like in a net of sorts and that my soul won't dissolve into nothingness. I don't know anything about him other than that this is a life where I am supposed to "feel" the absence of him, so that I know how it will feel when he is there, so that I will have a full appreciation. I think this life was meant to be one of lack and loss so that I know what I want, what I need and so that I am oriented in the right way when the time comes. I was born very feminine - I think this is because my partner will be very masculine and that it will even itself out. I think that I am supposed to wait until I die, and that I shouldn't make any friends or find any partners while I am alive or I will have more karmic ties to the wrong people. When I think about my heaven, I think about him. I think about not having the weight of human life to contend with, I think about being able to be young forever - I was a very beautiful young woman and so I will be in death - I think about snuggling up close and not having any walls or obstructions in the way preventing me from being able to show my love in the way that I was supposed to. I think about nuzzling my partner's cheek with my nose and nibbling on his earlobe like a bunny does on fresh grass. I think about how love and sex will feel like being perpetually high on MDMA. I feel that the afterlife will be enjoyable in the ways that we wish we could have here on earth, that lack and longing are just there to show us what we actually want for our own private little heavens. Mine will be the perfect INFP heaven, full of romance with my partner, learning about different things and getting to play in various landscapes. We will take turns being the ones to make new worlds to explore and play in and maybe sometimes we will come back down to earth as spirits to watch over humanity and marvel in the mysteries of nature. My heaven, with my family - my true family and my partner, my true partner. I just have another 15 years to wait. It's going to be a rough, lonely 15 years, but I'm a perfectionist and I only want to bring my best self to the table and that best self exists as a soul and not a human being. I don't believe in human love, I think the best stuff comes later. Heaven will be a great place. We will all be free and healed and happy. I can't wait to be Home, with someone who loves me, someone that I can love for eternity, without arguments or things getting stale. It will be a place of sweetness and goodness and no evil will ever touch us ever again. So, I guess I believe in more of the Muslim side of things, but more romantically. I don't think that everyone has someone waiting for them on the other side, I just know that I must be one of them because I need it so much and God is ideal and cares about its creations and wants to give us what our hearts crave. I think this need, that I have always followed since I was a little girl, was put in my soul's blueprint because I am so polarized as a feminine being, that to become one with another who is very masculine, that this has a balancing property to it. I am willing to fulfil my responsibilities to my pets and to my family, but once they are gone, then I am coming home. I was made to be limited, sad, lonely, so that when I come back I will know and understand what it truly means to be limitless, happy and free.

This is very true he has a gift for this. I don't think some people on the forums understand either, and when they do find out it will put them in an existential crisis. To know that your life is just a thought in an infinite mind...no more significant than a thought in your own mind would drive some to suicide.

When I’ve idealized suicide it’s because life felt like too much and I used it as an escape from those feelings. It’s not a bad thing to feel like escaping, it’s natural to not want to feel difficult emotions. Some of the things that helped me feel less bad about my life were making small changes that allowed me to feel proud of myself. And recognizing that life is hard, and giving myself credit for the things I have done.

It probably sounds like something an angsty teenager would say, but I feel like my anxiety stems from just living in a fundamentally sick and corrupt society. Living in a city with hundreds of thousands of people, no real connections or sense of community, isolated and don't feel like anyone around me has the same interests/beliefs as me, no one is on my side or looking out for me. Alone and vulnerable in a sea of people. (At the same time I'm introverted and anxious so it'd be hard to make connections even if I wanted to.) At some level I think all of my anxieties are about people.... people being unpredictable, violent, increased crime, or just people being loud and obnoxious and inconsiderate. Worrying what people will think, say, or do. My current cope is that if I could just move away from the big city I live in, and be on a couple acres away from everybody where I don't even have neighbors to worry about, and only need to go into a small town once a week to get groceries or something, then it would be a much less anxiety-filled life. At some level I suspect this wouldn't work though. I have an extremely avoidant personality and go to pretty genius lengths to get myself out of situations that make me anxious. I made my own business to work from home so I wouldn't have to deal with the stress of taking a crowded bus to work every day, dealing with coworkers and work drama, having to talk on the phone, etc. But all that tends to happen when I remove my bigger sources of anxiety, is that my level of anxiety just stays the same and I find smaller and smaller problems to be equally anxious about. So instead of worrying about a meeting at work I'm just worrying about what my neighbor thinks of me or something instead. PLUS it wears away the desensitization to everyday stressors, so where it was easier to go out and do stuff before, now it's extra anxiety-provoking to go to a mall or if I had to go back to riding a crowded bus. If I moved to a place where I never saw people again, my anxiety would most likely shift onto something else like worrying about racoons or skunks on my property or something. In terms of sleep I have no problems. I've always been out within 10 minutes of hitting the pillow. I have a baby now so there's more interruptions in the night, but I don't think it has really had an impact on my anxiety. Although I have started drinking caffeine in the past couple of years as a result and it'd probably help if I cut that out. I will check out chamomile extract and ashwaganadha though, plus watch the IFS videos that Leo just posted on the blog. Thanks! I have what is probably the "normal" depression where I just feel less happy and motivated for months at a time, a slightly depressed state is pretty much my default state. Then rarely a few times a year, I'll get 1 - 2 weeks where I'm happier and have lots of energy and almost manic. Then maybe 4x a year I'll have a period of 1 - 3 days in a row where it's severe depression where it's extra hard to do things, crying for no reason, etc. (But still not to the point that I can't get out of bed or shower, like the most severe cases I've heard of.) What are the long-term health risks of taking anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds? I did a quick Google search and didn't see any studies on brain damage. I saw something about 14% increased risk of cardiovascular issues. Do you know how these meds negatively impact the body and cause brain damage? (especially SSRIs like sertraline, which is most likely what I would end up taking) Is the increased mortality statistic maybe just skewed because depressed people are more likely to commit suicide or something like that? Appreciate all your insight either way

@Sine I just spoke with a woman who channels Jesus/Yeshua, and she lost her husband to suicide about 10 years ago. Maybe she could help you move forward and find peace with what happened. If you're curious you can pm me I'll help you set it up

There is an interesting dynamic that can occur when one is suicidal. Ordinarily the suicidal ego structure is intensely contracted. This sort of contraction is caused by suffering in one form or another. The type of suffering can be manifold, I think often it is related to shame, hopelessness or loneliness. The ego structure is resisting reality because it desperately wants reality to be another way, causing friction that becomes intolerable to the structure. Through suicide the ego seeks to resolve that tension and resistance, in other words, the ego seeks freedom from itself. Freedom from the rigid, constricting and suffocating texture of the structure of the ego. The interesting dynamic I was referring to is that, the ego can realize that it's own death means freedom. I am not talking about some sort of thought, but a direct realization of the solution to this problem. "If I am dissolved, all my shame will be gone, because I will no longer care about being ashamed anymore. It will not matter!" "If I am dissolved, all my hopelessness will be gone, because I will no longer care about hoping for something. It will not matter!" "If I am dissolved, all my loneliness will be gone, because I will no longer care about being alone. It will not matter!" If I died now, everything would be meaningless. Everything I am right now resisting so much against, it will not matter. And then the ego realizes: Why then, do I need to take it seriously at all? What if I let go? What if I let go of wanting to not be alone? What if I let go of wanting to be something I am not? What if I let go of wanting something that is not? If I was dead, none of that will have mattered anyways, so why does it need to matter while I am alive? What do I have to lose? I have nothing to lose if I let go of everything. This is how Eckhart Tolle achieved ego-death. When the ego is inflicting so much suffering to itself, it builds up a tremendous momentum, a tremendous force. If the ego realizes that it's own contraction, it's own nature, it's own structure, is the cause of it's suffering, then it will turn around. It will look at itself, and realize the opportunity of that energy. It will shatter itself and what will remain is freedom. Freedom from shame, freedom from hopelessness, freedom from suffering. There is nothing to hope for and nothing to be lonely about, because it will not matter anymore. There is nothing to lose if you let go of it all, and that's what you want to do anyways. Get in touch with your own suffering, with your own contraction. With everything you want the world to be. If you were dead, none of that would matter. This means that all you need to do is live as if you were already dead. Then you will see the beauty and perfection of existence, because it will not matter anymore where it is beautiful and perfect. Your suffering will have served it's purpose. You must turn the resistance against itself. Make your ego realize that it is the source of all it's suffering, and that there is nothing to lose if it will simply let go. Let it go, and live your life freely. Look at this thread. Terror of letting go. If you are truly suicidal, why do you need to be afraid of letting go? See, you are not afraid of letting go. You want to let go. So, let go. You are one step ahead of most people, because you are willing to dissolve yourself. You just need to dissolve the right thing, the thing that is causing your suffering.

One of the core concepts of Spirituality is that life is a dream, that it isn't real. But since the dream is being dreamt of by an all-powerful being that dream is essentially real. But also if that all powerful dreamer is able to wake up in their dream, then the dream will cease to be real. So the dreamer needs to be fooled. We all have encountered this aspect to various degrees in our lives. When you play a game whether its a video game or a sport. When you take it serious in that moment it becomes real. Really competitive people see loss as a death, and winning as survival. They can get really angry and even violent in their attempt to win. Seriousness makes something akin to life and death, whereas playfulness is all about soaking up the moment and appreciation. Now if all of reality is illusion then how different is that from playing pretend? We see many kids growing up pretending to do things they see adults do and we laugh and smile and say that is so cute look at them. Yet the jokes on us, they are closer to the truth than we were. Its funny, and it makes sense why Jesus said "" Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." — Matthew 19:14 (KJV) He is saying when you enter heaven (enlightment) everything around you is just play. You see everything for what it is The love of life, the love of pretend, that desire to create is child-like it is the part we lost when we became adult and the part we must reconnect with. Before the conditioning you were drawn to certain things, and loved certain things. Your creativity was infinite and not bound by conventionality and the logic of this world. If people knew how much their current desires were a result of conditioning they would realize how silly it all is. I have seen a lot of people who are having ego backlashes into wanting to leave Spirituality and go back to other ways of thinking. Its funny to me, because I know they will come right back. Its like the story of the Prodigal Son, you want to go experience the world and go against what you have been taught and then you come crawling back and realize....it isn't what you want. There is really only one thing you want in life, and it is so simple. You want to possess love, share love, and have love reflected back to you. That's it. Its simple. Its not rocket science. Why do you want a career? So you can fully express yourself. You want to share all the parts of yourself your intelligence, your creativity, and you want to make a contribution of profound magnitude. Why? Love. You want to be in a relationship because you want to again express yourself in all aspects to someone and have them reflect that back to you. Again its love. You want to be remembered and not forgotten, again its love. So do you notice this? Each of these examples described long term- deep connection of expression and that expression being shared. Anything outside of this is delusion. Its why I laugh when people try to argue against me. This is what every human desires. Then you might say but Razard monks don't want that!! To which I will reply yeah they don't want a career, but they desire to have a deep connection with the Divine and to allow that divine to have itself full expression. So notice? Every human wants to have a deep connection, and to have full expression. Is this not the essence of Spirituality? It is. You can't run from it. Yet you get frustrated and try to demonize Spirituality when all you want is what Spirituality points to. You want a deep connection, and you want full expression. Deep Connection- You cannot have deep connection without investing time and energy. You can't have deep connection without facing fears and experiencing pain and disappointment. You cannot have deep connection without vision, without a knowing that it will come to fruition. Full Expression- You can't have full expression without dropping judgment, you cannot have full expression if you live in an authoritative environment, you cannot have full expression if you are focused on win/loss, control, power, status, money, appearance, surface level matters. Full expression has depth, authenticity, and challenges the status quo, its bold, its fearless, its multifaceted, at the highest level it would be undefined, it would be everything, it would be God. The whole reason God becomes creation is to experience Deep Connection, and the whole reason man connects to God is to find Full Expression of their perspective as a finite being. If you do not tap into the divine creator in you, you will not find full expression, and if you do not find a deep connection life will be a constant endeavor of chasing that which is within you. You either chase God in creation, or within. In creation it gives finitude, within it gives completion. Now there are many that are able to find full expression by connecting to the Divine unknowingly through insights or great displays of ability. But since these individuals have no formed a deep connection many of them seek it in win/loss, control, power, status, money, appearance, surface level matters. What usually transpires in these peoples lives is they either die/commit suicide, or have the famous coming to Jesus moment. Why? Because man's search for meaning is just man's search for a deep connection. The most fundamental question is why? The answer is love. Its cliche, its considered soft, and woo woo, but the sad thing is its the ultimate truth. What you craved as a child you still crave as an adult. Deep Connection and Full Expression. Which can simply be called Love. You want to find your Life Purpose? Its easy. What do you feel a deep connection with? And I don't mean that sweet in front of you. What inspires you? Go towards that. What do you desire a deep connection with? Develop that. Face the fear that blocks you from those things...and obtain what even God itself cannot attain. God created you, to obtain Deep Connection. What greater connection is there between creator and creation when they are ONE? That is Full Expression, That is Deep Connection, that is God, That is You, That is Life, That is Love.