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I've been on this inner spiritual journey, inner transformation, I've completely changed as a person and I'm not living the same life as I was. I faced my addiction with Porn/Masturbation and let it go. I've came so far. But I think deep down I'm still holding on, because I re attach with my ego sometimes, I "tap out" of myself, start feeling fearful etc. and then backslide on the path. (Feels like I am going stray from the path within) perhaps this is part of the journey or I'm running from something that I'm not yet ready to suffer through/face (at my current level of transcendence/development) Its just like a dark night of the soul really, it's like my old self/old ego mindset is coming back up to haunt me. Like I lost that peace within and the connection to the source. It is quite uncomfortable and unsettling

I’m still a work in progress. Purification of the emotional center certainly doesn’t happen overnight. Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of a negative emotion and expression but we’re somehow by an inner recognition bring it to a stop and reversal. Not easy for sure. It’s a big accomplishment. I’ve noticed on the rare occurrences I’m able to manifest this experience soon follows an inner quiet and what seems like a subtle bump of energy. If I don’t manage this and continue to complain and piss and moan, my energy spirals down rather quickly as a rule. Have you ever busted yourself enjoying some form of negativity such as juicy gossip about a friend or family member?Perhaps even feeling that inner dirtiness that’s comes with it? More Maurice Nicoll- TRANSFORMATION OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS “The observation of our negative states and the separation from them is one of the most important sides of practical work. The transforma- tion of negative emotions belongs to the Second Conscious Shock and here the whole Work comes in and the whole evaluation of it. You may be negative but you must feel that it is not you that is negative but It. This is the beginning of inner separation, of not identifying with negative states, of not identifying with oneself.” V. 2, p. 530 OBSERVING NEGATIVE ‘I’S “In the Work, the enjoyment of negative states must be observed sincerely, especially the secret enjoyment of them. The reason is that if a man enjoys being negative, in whatever forms, and they are legion, he can never separate from them. You cannot separate yourself from what you have a secret affection for.” V. 1, p. 214 WATCHING REACTIONS “Once you have realized that this reaction of yours is quite typical, and you have always had complaints in exactly the same way, it will give you a shock. It will startle you. You will see that it is this complaining itself that you have to notice in yourself and not what you imagine causes it. Next time that these complaining ‘I’s begin to resume their customary activity, the shock that you had may just be able to give you the emotional force to observe them before they start using your mouth, in your name. You will have the shock of remem- bering yourself.” V. 2, p. 449

Great work! Positive psychology is better feeling than negative psychology, but no mind is reality as it is. I've been on this inner spiritual journey, inner transformation, I've completely changed as a person and I'm not living the same life as I was. I faced my addiction with Porn/Masturbation and let it go. I've came so far. That’s a story about a you. But I think deep down I'm still holding on, because I re attach with my ego sometimes, I "tap out" of myself, start feeling fearful etc. and then backslide on the path. (Feels like I am going stray from the path within) perhaps this is part of the journey or I'm running from something that I'm not yet ready to suffer through/face (at my current level of transcendence/development) That’s also a story about a you. Use the emotional scale for that ‘fearful’. Experience the emotion, understand it, and transmute it. After some practice / understanding, the body mind will do it automatically. You’ll literally forget ‘fear’. Its just like a dark night of the soul really, it's like my old self/old ego mindset is coming back up to haunt me. Like I lost that peace within and the connection to the source. It is quite uncomfortable and unsettling Understanding, expressing, and releasing emotions will change that entire paradigm.

I agree with your point. Abundance of opportunities allows this strategy to work day to day. This shouldn't stop guys integrating those opportunities that come up in their daily lives though. Jon from TNL: "I do not encourage you to have a search and destroy attitude. See yourself as a social octopus, reaching out and offering energy to people." What I like about The Natural Lifestyles is they're genuinely talking about self actualization and personal transformation with dating as just a part of it, no different than what this forum is doing. Of course they teach tips, techniques and attitudes to seduce women, but if you listen to their podcast, it's mostly about inner transformation and being a well rounded spiritual self actualized modern man and using man's desire for women as a leverage into this. Of all the resources available on dating, they're the most high conciousness, well rounded and real out there in my opinion.

Some observations... I realized that there are less and less difficult people in my life. Transformation has lasted for years but lately there are pretty much none. I’m trying to understand what these very clear brief moments mean when I seem to exit the automatic mode and become very present, very aware. I need to teach myself to extend them. Seems to be easiest in nature, in the shower. Is it being aware of awareness? A hand is an interesting thing to look at. Im feeling connected with some people I don’t really know. Two in this forum, one at work(with him no language to communicate with, but still). During last weeks members of the forum ask my questions. Before I can formulate them. My life is almost too good. I used to get euphoric on a motorcycle, now a home , a bed , a meal can make me cry, it’s just so awesome. At the same time I’m aware that if those things are taken away from me I would snap out of this. Let’s not kid ourselves. That guy who sat himself in fire and just sat there. No ego, no survival mode. How does it feel?

Round 13: Done Chelator: DMSA Dose: 25 MG Date: 26 FEB - 1 MAR 2021 Supporting supplements: I did initially shy away from supplementing with omega 3 as it is often contaminated with mercury. After some reflection, I realised that my fat profile was the only thing that I did not address well enough. I did decrease sources of omega 6 and handled that, but didn't quite address my omega 3 deficiency. I found possibly one of the best brands in terms of purity and quality so I'm integrating that into my supplementation regimen. It is called nordic naturals. A bit expensive. Probably will look for an alternative in the future but for now it will do. It has 1075 Omega 3's per capsule (562 EPA + 438 DHA + 75 Other omega 3's) and the cost is around 90 USD for a bottle of 120 caps. https://www.nordicnaturals.com/. Also combining this with Flaxseeds. notes: Started to get canker sores again in my mouth. For the rest, cognitively, I feel a bit sharper overal in comparison to 3 months ago. Still, focus and motivation are not good. I've been taking ritalin and trying to find a way to establish some routine where I can use medication to focus and still have off days so I don't become dependant. Going to incorporate modafinil into this routine as well and maybe going to try microdosing psychedelics. For the rest I started doing kriya yoga and going to see if this helps my ADHD. I did meditation daily in the past for a year and had a lot more peace of mind then. Became lazy and quit though. Your mind really needs to be taimed and trained in order to have more equinamity. Presence is not some standard or free gift to some lucky souls. I realised awakening can help you realise everything for what it is, but it does not garuantee instant transformation. Transformation is what happens when one integrates these realisations, trains one's mind to be present, and purifies all aspects of yourself where you and reality touch. This is where real liberation happens. Not all human problems dissapear when realising the truth of your existance. The mind needs to be purified as well as the body and it takes time. The more you purify yourself, the more attuned you become to this, the higher frequency you can embody and it all starts by embracing your human existance and not denying it.

I recently spent three months at this healing and transformation community called PachaMama in Costa Rica. It's as Stage Green as it gets. Would highly recommend it for anyone looking to dive deep into mediation, trauma healing, breathwork, dance, celebration, "plant medicine" ceremonies, body cleanses, amazing vegan food and music, and a community of likeminded Green (as well as Orange moving into Green) individuals from all over the world. Feel free to message me if you have any questions about it. It's heaven on earth especially during COVID when so much of the world is locked down.

Spent three months at this healing and transformation community called PachaMama in Costa Rica. It's as Stage Green as it gets. Would highly recommend it for anyone looking to dive deep into mediation, trauma healing, dance, celebration, plant medicine ceremonies, body cleanses, amazing vegan food and music, and a community of likeminded Green individuals from all over the world. Feel free to message me if you have any questions about it. It's heaven on earth especially during COVID when so much of the world is locked down.

@bonsai He also has videos with silent transmissions, check them out! @At awe A picture or statue brings the energy of that person into the room. And it makes it easier to connect with that being or person. Just because you know that the other person is you, doesn't mean that any imaginary interaction is now completely pointless. Dreams are usually considered to consist of your subconscious, yet there is still value in communicating with yourself. There is much to be gained: Insights, transformation,... From the absolute perspective there is no point in doing this. And no point in eating.

Once again, your answers prove that you have never tried salvia. Not high doses. You do not even understand how the salvia experience really works. "Ego death is a" complete loss of subjective self-identity ". The term is used in various intertwined contexts, with related meanings. In Jungian psychology, the synonymous term mental death is used, which refers to a fundamental transformation of the psyche." You do not identify with "objects" when you are on Salvia. You die and then you become an object. This death is more intense than anything you can ever imagine. You do not think or see. You're just that. And becoming an object is only 0.001% of the whole experience. It really is an endless experience. Very sacred. The identification takes place after one has returned to the human form. Just like when you take 5 MeO.

I so appreciate your comment/question, Awayfarer. Only because I never knew chasing the experiential event (of the sudden) was a thing that people could/would/should deliberately pursue. I never had any ideas at all about sudden enlightenment. It just never entered my mind to conceive ambitions to "accomplish" such a thing. For me, it never was a thing, period. Neither Chan buddhism nor the classic and Quanzhen taoism I unwittingly entered into over an initial period of eight years and the subsequent practice that that particular range of study garnered espouse any kind of vehemence concerning personally experiencing one's nature in mystical abstraction other than to say that it happens~ and also to say that spending decades on the zazen cushion without "dropping off" the skin-bag is evidence of dubious practice. To me, that much said more about the small vehicle of "formal meditation regimens" than it did about the importance of seeing your "original face." I did take drugs; good drugs. But not for any reason as pointed as "deconstructing the psychological apparatus." I knew that don Juan had Carlos Castañeda take various organic concoctions for that very purpose, and I ate psychedelics and psychotropics as well— but I never ventured to employ the kind of spiritual materialism that combines specific dosages of specific drugs to achieve a specific result in terms of deliberately interrupting consciousness. I only took these drugs socially around the time during and after I graduated from high school in the context of southern Californian and Mexican "surfing safaris." My drug-use only lasted a few years. International travel, academic study in Asian culture and western Dance burgeoned two concurrent careers in alpinism and international commercial photography— hardly fields of endeavor I'd construe into "deconstructing my personality." Nevertheless, that's exactly what the universe conspired to accomplish for me "naturally", without drugs by the end of the 80s. After consuming and internalizing the first four of Carlos Castañeda's books over a period of ten years, I was eventually introduced to the situationally analytical workings of the I Ching, and the psychologically analytical basis of the Art of War. Good thing too. The energy required to parlay successes in relationships and freelance commercial photography in Hollywood into a cinematography career was devastating to say the least. But such is the stuff of transformation, and I used the world to refine myself right out of existence~ poofsez!! Buddhism says to use the disease as the medicine; taoism says to start with the incipience of the situation. These signposts of deep psychological practice are gems of wisdom for those with the will to enlightenment. So what I know is that conceiving of the fruit of enlightenment and ripping it off the tree of life as soon as possible isn't necessarily the way to go. I'm not here (on this planet or this forum) to make friends or convince anyone of anything. What was attributable to my realization is the important thing— not the event itself. Simply interrupting consciousness without the proper psychological and NONPSYCHOLOGICAL development is a mistake. It's not the end of the world, but to do so is simply the working definition of malpractice. I do not recommend it. Why? Under the best of circumstances, "gathering" the potential through straight up enlightening activity then "incubating" the foregone accomplishment is a critical affair, fraught with risk. I had the luxury of a perfectly natural (financially, socially, psychologically and emotionally devastating) spiritual evolution resulting in sudden illumination without even ever wanting or imagining such a thing, and I had the security of NO POSSIBILITY of leaking its potential unawares simply because I had no one to ask or tell for fifteen years before or fifteen years after the event. So the thirty year process of refining myself into the acknowledgement of personal psychological cessation and subsequently following the process of maturing and advancing enlightening practice was a done deal (relatively speaking) long before I ever ventured to open my big mouth about it. Writing on this forum is not for the purpose of social intercourse for me. The only reason I deliberately chose to write about my subject matter is because NO ONE ELSE DOES. So all I talk about is what specifically constitutes self-refinement, which is none other than one's nonpsychologically (that means selfless) activated enlightening activity taking over creation and stealing its potential in the context of everyday ordinary situations BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I KNOW. That is specifically what resulted in the spontaneous interruption of consciousness in my personal experience and that is what all the treatises of authentic teaching point to. I would not dare fool anyone. ed note: typo 8th paragraph

I think the whole leeching thing is a very unhealthy way to look at it. It is just a way for people to connect initially, both parties will then have to make time for a date. It's mutual investment. How is an average guy wanting to meet average women leeching? You just can't expect every guy to go through a huge self transformation journey and become a super social millionaire to get his basic needs met and call him a leech if he can't do it. That's just not how you structure a healthy society. This stuff needs heavy regulation on the grounds alone that it is their business model to make people doubt themselves and contributing to mental health problems across society. It is the equivalent to putting poison into food to make a profit, but instead the poison is put into the minds of people.

I appreciate @Shunyata ‘s comment on the notion of psychological projection. Also to be truth loving to the extent that he was willing to out himself on a personal experience he had regarding some negative projection. That willingness to admit it and see it fully when shortly after it happened, it’s obvious his frame of awareness expanded as a result of his willingness to observe his own actions objectively. We all project. Every single one of us here. Both negative and positive in nature. I didn’t really comprehend the extensive ness of projection among all of us until my early Forties but more disturbing, the number and the reality of my own projections. I still catch myself projecting something onto others quite regular. I’m not far enough yet the this path of transformation that I’m on that I’m absent of this phenomena. So I have to stay practiced up on this thing of seeing things about myself that are less than flattering and maybe eating crow. On of the payoffs in putting efforts towards objective self observation is a reduction of negative emotions. Even though I’ve been at this awhile and have received a few of these payoffs, on occasion I’m still capable of acting like a prick. It hurts to see these things but I thank God and the Universe that I do see them a times. Science of Idiotism is very helpful in this not so easy work. By returning to Ordinary Idiot and starting again in beginners mind, it suddenly gets a little easier again and the weight is lifted somewhat. I’m happy to be an Idiot. Glossary of Spiritual Wisdom Excerpts about Projection Believing Your Projections To the ego, freedom means being able to do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. Because this isn’t often possible, you come to see the universe as constraining you and limiting your freedom. But from the perspective of Holy Freedom, freedom is wanting whatever the universe wants. When you are aligned with the universe, what you want and what is happening are the same thing. This is true freedom. This is why the Idea of Holy Freedom is fundamental to the methodology of the Diamond Approach, in which a basic part of the practice is to be present with whatever happens to be your state. If you react to it, interfere with it, or try to change it, then you can’t see it objectively but only through the screen of your projections. If you don’t see your condition or the situation in its natural state, you will continue believing your projections about it and won’t be able to penetrate its true nature. If you don’t see its true nature, it won’t unfold and expose itself as the Holy Truth that everything is. Fundamental to our understanding is that while you might have projections upon whatever you are experiencing initially, if you don’t interfere with it, the tendency of the universe is to reveal its own nature through your experience. This, of course, requires basic trust. Facets of Unity, pg. 136 Our Projections Determine Many of Our Actions Our projections, of course, determine many of our actions, our feelings, and even our life plans. Paranoia is one of the most well known forms of projection but projection is very prevalent in other forms. Sometimes you project your fear or your jealousy, so that you won’t have to experience them and admit that you yourself are feeling these things… Projection is actually one of the first defensive mechanisms developed in infantile life. Its basis is what is called the “merged state.” The child is in what is called the symbiotic stage, between the ages of three and nine months, when he does not experience himself as separate from his environment. He feels that he and his mother are one thing… However, that early merged state, that state of being the same as the other, remains as the basis of projection. So if you feel angry, you may feel someone else is feeling angry. The child is feeling angry and he doesn’t know his mother is different from him, so he thinks she is feeling angry, or vice versa. So we see how this is the deepest source of projection. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 118 Positive Projection Happens When You Become More Aware of Your True Nature Positive projection happens when you start becoming more and more aware of your true nature, your Essence. Before this happens, what you know best is your personality, and that’s what you project. After a while, when you start to experience your value, your love, your essential self, your compassion, you begin to project these qualities. All kinds of issues will arise from the unconscious then, barriers against experiencing Essence, which will make you want to project it outside. It’s the same process as falling in love, except that now the expansion is coming from the intentional work. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 122 Projection of the Superego The negative experiences with the mother gradually coalesce; become one big thing, which is isolated from the positive part of experience. This forms the basis for the superego, for the negative judgments of the superego. You project your superego outside because in the beginning there was no difference then. So now when you experience the negatively merged state, you cannot separate what is real inside from what is real outside, and your preference is to believe it's outside. So you can see that in order to work through your superego you must get all the way down to that pre-verbal, chaotic, hellish, negatively merged state. As you experience this fully, without defending against it, certain essential states will arise to move you through the negativity and the hell. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 119 Projections of the Positive and Negative Merged States Just as the negative merged state is the basis for the projection of negative aspects of ourselves, the positive merged state forms a basis for our projection of the positive aspects of ourselves. And what is that that but our Essence? The negative merged state is the basis of our personality. It is our personality. The positive merged state is our Essence. However, because of the developmental state of symbiosis, the “dual unity” that happens in childhood, we associate our Essence – along with all the positive qualities of love, value, fulfillment, satisfaction – with the merged state, the positive merging with another. There starts the big search: the search for the perfect merged state with the good mother who will give you love, value, approval, pleasure, satisfaction. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 120 Three Varieties of Projection Projection, displacing something somewhere else, seeing something that doesn’t exist, is obviously for the purpose of defense. There are generally three levels, or three varieties of projection in relation to the merged state, depending on the depth at which you’re operating, or at which the unconscious is functioning. The first level is the level of the actual merged state itself, when you can’t tell whether it’s you or somebody else, when you experience one big unity, which is all wonderful. That’s when the actual merged state itself is activated. The other person might be participating with you, or might not be. In the merged state, it doesn’t matter… The second aspect, which comes a little bit later with more differentiation and separation, is called projective identification. Instead of being completely merged, what you do in this case is project an aspect of yourself, such as value, onto somebody else. You see that value in someone else and then you want to merge with it. You project it and then you identify with it… The third level is just projection: you don’t identify with the projection, you just project something… you do this whether what is projected is something you want or don’t want. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 123 We Plaster Our Projections Over All Manifest Forms Recognizing the nonbeingness of Being does not lead to the disappearance of the individual soul; it leads to understanding that the individual soul doesn’t exist the way we usually think it does. Then we discover that emptiness of Being is true not just about the individual self, but also about the perceptions of the individual self. In other words, all that we perceive can be liberated from the ordinary conception of existence as a solid something that is really there. We plaster our beliefs and our projections over all manifest forms, all the world, all the universe that we see. And when the world is free from our ideas about it, we see it in its beingness, we see that everything is a manifestation of beingness in its purity and presence and luminosity. The thoroughgoing understanding of emptiness reveals not only that the world and the individual soul are manifestations of Being, but also that the manifestation of Being doesn’t have the kind of existence we attribute to it. Being, in all its forms, is in complete eternal, inseparable embrace with its eternal partner, nonbeing. When we recognize the intrinsic emptiness of everything, then the beingness recognizes not only that the world is a manifestation of Being, but also that the world is a manifestation of emptiness. We recognize that Being is the radiance of emptiness, and that this radiance has variegated colors and multifaceted forms that we experience as the world and as all the content of our experience. Diamond Heart Book Five, pg. 366 We Tend to See What is Best in Us Outside We see here that we not only project our superego outside, we also project our Essence. We tend to see what is best in us outside. That doesn’t happen all the time, of course, but it usually happens when you are in love… People fall in love because if they begin to expand, they start to get close to their Essence; then the unconscious, the personality, gets in the way. It is threatened by getting close to Essence. So you project your Essence outside onto someone else and fall in love with it. What this means is that you still cannot tolerate your own expansion. If you recall back to when you fell in love, it was at the height of some time of feeling good, of expansion. Suddenly, the right person shows up, and you’re in love. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 121

My interpretation of the material from the Ridhwan School is that the gift of full integration finds one able to fully be at home with oneself and ones understanding. Egoic identifications and attachments are let go of and metabolised with one's natural essential aspects,,, Probably excessive pasting of quotes and tmi ,,,, please excuse me Being a Human Being and Still Being the Absolute The development of consciousness has to do with living in this life from the perspective of the Absolute. The Personal Essence, the Pearl Beyond Price, has to do with being a human being and still being the Absolute. If you’re just the Absolute, you are not a human being. But you live in this world, you have a physical body and a mind, you have work and relationships. You need the Personal Essence in order to be able to live personally as a human being and still be the Absolute. So the development of the personal aspect has to do with integrating all of these things that are important for our life into the various levels of consciousness, and then into the Absolute. This is an actual process that has to do with the metabolism of the Absolute into the Personal Essence. Although it is rarely mentioned in spiritual literature, the integration of the person into the Absolute is vital because we live in the world and not in a monastery or cave. Integrating the person into the Absolute is more difficult than experiencing the Absolute. Integration requires that you deal with and metabolize your unconscious and your personal history. You have to really let all of the unconscious come out, to face all of your specific issues and areas of conflict and ignorance. Many traditions don’t care about integration but strive only to reach the Absolute. They don’t care about the personal life. The point for them is to know the Absolute and leave. In other traditions, and in our work, the point is to know the Absolute and live in the world as an expression of it. So how can you live a human life from the perspective of absence? That is the realm of development, change, and transformation within consciousness. Diamond Heart Book Five, pg. 145 is Possible to Experience Egoless Beingness Thus it is possible to experience egoless beingness, to be, as a substantial presence that is not a mental construct, and still live a human, personal life, in which love, work, knowledge, creativity and accomplishment make sense, a human sense. This true existence, this presence, this being beyond time that makes sense of human and personal life, is the Personal Essence. It is the reality of which ego is only a reflection. It is the truly integrated and developed human being. This is the beautiful presence that the traditional literature of work schools calls the “pearl beyond price.” The experience of universal impersonality of ultimate reality occurs when the separate individuality is transcended, when the separate individuality is seen not to be our true self. But this is the result of transcending the personality in its totality. Something different happens when we investigate the personality’s manifestations in more detail, exploring the hidden essential truth within it. The ego is a reflection of this true element of Being, the Personal Essence, and exploring the characteristics of the reflection can lead us to the reality being reflected. By isolating and understanding the elements of the false, we can begin to approach the elements of the real. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 32 The Essential Structure that the Soul Develops as She Metabolizes and Transcends her Ego Structure The pearl can also be seen as the essential structure that the soul develops as she metabolizes and transcends her ego structure. Ego structure gives the ego-self the sense of being an autonomous and unique individual. But this structure is constructed through fixed mental impressions in the soul; hence it both dissociates her from her essential ground and limits her development because of its rigidity and fixation. The essential pearl provides the soul with a sense of individuality and personhood that does not depend on fixed impressions, but on spontaneously arising forms of essential presence that structure her experience of herself and give her the capacity to function as a person. The soul matures and transforms into a person of essence. However, the qualities and actions of this person are quite fluid and flexible and are objective responses resonant to the needs and inputs of the environment. The Inner Journey Home, pg. 223 The Pearl is the Actualized Individuation of Your Soul When you are who you are, when you are just precisely yourself, you are your “point.” Just that. This has nothing to do with any qualities, functions, capacities, and skills you may have. It has nothing to do with your status in the world, and nothing to do with living this life in a body or not in a body. It is your nature. The Pearl Beyond Price is the connection between this genuine center and all the capacities, skills, and understanding that are a part of your growth as a human being. It allows your capacities, functions and accomplishments to develop in a genuine way as an outgrowth of your spontaneous unfoldment. It is the result of living in the moment, living in a way that is true to who you are. This is your genuine personal life, your own development, your own growth. The pearl is the actualized individuation of your Soul. So the personal essence is connected with your unique function, your unique work in this life. To actualize your particular unique work in this life means to be your personal essence. It is the essence of all that you have developed and integrated in your soul as you live a real life. Everyone is born with the true self, with the point. Although we feel that the point is unique in each of us, the quality of the point is universal. Then how do people become so different in their personal lives? This is due to the particular development of their personal essence. From- https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/pearl-beyond-price

Nope. They will feel it ❤ My perents thought Im crazy by telling them about my Astral Projectios, I don't want to worry them ? My friends couldn't handle my transformation (in last two years), the light was poking their eyes, so I had to break up with them lol but I told you guys ? I was all alone... doing the work! But now, the work has ended ?

I think @Leo Gura may find empowerment in viewing human sexuality only/mostly through that survival lens. It's certainly the lens he focuses on the most. And what he says is somewhat true from that perspective. But the over-use of that lens is itself distortional and reductive. I was really obsessed with this lens too, back when I was 20. I had recognized a repression of my feminine sexual/animal core. And I became obsessed with sexuality from the paradigm. And it's very intoxicating in a way. Now, the animalistic perspective is a perspective where men have an inherent advantage over women. So, I can see why over-focusing on the animal nature can be comforting from the male perspective and a bit anxiety provoking form the female perspective. There was a lot of anxiety woven into my focus towards that perspective back then... but it was also worth it to dive so deep. It just felt like my sexuality was ouroboros eating his own tail. It seemed to self-cannibalize... and it was every bit erotic and frustrating. And it makes sense because to be female from the animal and spiritual perspective is to yield for life to be. It's a complete reversal of everything else that relates to survival and life. Female sexual arousal is like a planet in retrograde. Now much later, I developed that ability to have integration between the animalistic perspective and the higher consciousness perspective and saw how those things intermingle so intimately from the lowest most animalistic behaviors to the highest most exalted form where God makes love to reality. Now, it could be Leo's intention to get people in touch with their animal nature in order to have such a transformation. But I don't really think it comes through in a helpful way. There's a lot more to untangle once you find it. And I think there is a strong chance that I could have become attached to the pleasure and comfort of that perspective if I were a man. I think I would have dug a couple layers deep into human sexuality, found something empowering and exciting, and stayed there. I was always lamenting that that was not possible. I didn't have that chance to find something that was both empowering and exciting until digging layers and layers deep. But I can also recognize from my present state of mind, after having dug through this so much that the animalistic perspective alone will never be satisfying from the female perspective. You really need to integrate the animalistic perspective with the perspective of the heart to really make a woman feel satisfied... and ideally the heart coupled with spirituality.

The pandemic made me return to my home country and move back in with my parents which was very painful and confusing but finally provide me with the opportunity to reconnect to my family and finally face BS and take my meditation to the next level. It was the most profound transformation in my life so far.

Transformation, healing and change of priorities. I benefited from this happening and even though i lost some things like a comfortable job it was worth it. If not for corona my health would go downhill but now it's not. Of course it's something awful and almost everyone wishes that this whole thing never happened but i actually wished that something like this would happen to take a fucking break. There is always something good hidden in something bad.

Work with a therapist, if your financial situation allows. But not just any therapist; most of them are useless and don't have any working techniques. Weirdly, techniques that work are not that popular. And stuff that's popular doesn't work. Below are some modalities that do work for releasing trauma, better than psychedelics or breathwork. RPT (reference point therapy or rapid personal transformation) Systemic / family constellations WHH (Whole hearted healing) Shamanic soul retrieval

I don't discard anything, but holding on to any concept of "knowing" is a huge hindrance towards realization of that which lies beyond all concepts. Hope is also a major hindrance. Hope is trecherous. As long as you are holding on to hope, you are holding on to a false idol, because all idols are false. You first need to let go of all hope before you can gain your true self. That's why the night is always darkest before the dawn. It has to be; such is the nature of true transformation. That which is false needs to go up in flames for that which is true to emerge. Sorry to be such a downer, but it is what it is.

My guess is that it's just part of the experience and it does serve a purpose. Not everyone survives this hell, but those who does will never be the same. Its like a super big purification and transformation. If you love your ego then you have to play otherwise you die and your name would be wiped out from this dream.

@Nahm Thank you very much for the long comment, I am already feeling optimistic. I started reading your story but will finish by tommorow. Very interesting and I can very much relate to your transformation but I have a long way ahead of me. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Personally I'd encourage them to understand that they don't need to avoid suffering. That they grow stronger when they are in pain. There is an analogy of a butterfly. During the transformation of the Caterpillar to the butterfly, the butterfly struggles to push itself out of the cocoon, developing strength in doing so. If you, being the kind hearted person you are, seen the butterfly struggling, and helped it out of its cocoon, you would actually be doing incredible damage to it. See the strength that it is required to summon, in order to push itself out of the tight spot...is the strength with which it survives after it leaps into the wild. Similarly, I think we are cutting our children out of their cocoons far too much these days. I'm not saying to be heavy handed, but wisdom is as important as love. And wisdom tells me, the harder that child is trained at a young age, the more robust it will be as an adult❤️

After having several peak experiences, I tried to meditate, contemplate and observe under weed. And that day I've had 5 major peak experiences (overwhelmingly intense, lasting several seconds and then closing up), several minor, and the ability to enter plateau experience (prolonged and at generally less intense connection to Being/Reality) at will. The level of consciousness outside of peak experiences was at times so high that it has brought me to tears in awe of experiencing reality, and just simply being. I'm still going through this transformation, but the main point is that I'm pretty sure that weed can act as a push that makes it easier to tune into connection with Being, provided you've already had some peak experiences. This is analogous to how having experience of 5-MeO (a peak experience) can alter your future experiences of regular psychedelics (with weed being a possibility).

@blackchair yeah bro as if it was like a button, i'm finding authenticity every day, striving towards it i guess but it's not like anone night transformation to be 100% authentic, in fact i thibk in society it's impossible