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^ this is what's known as "psychic buildup". Both the build-up, the necessary release and the nuanced learning that follows completely changes the dynamics that further result, the future is unequivocally never the same again. So never foil with action, you plant fruit on the life that is you a tree without you even being aware. This is why I don't underestimate the simplicity of the act of just simply venting. You can easily become self-judging afterwards, believing yourself to have done exactly that, "foiled action", not realising that the judgement itself is a part of the false standard that needed to be a part of the learning that changed all the elements in sum. Once you break that barrier, where you're able to vent and learn without judgement, you open up channels to higher levels of being within yourself; you're free from the societally prescribed limits they put on your capacity to self evolve. You'll see yourself change in unpredictable but ultimately, paramount ways. Releasing that inner critic by seeing it as a part of the transmutation process which motivated you to vent in the first place will allow you to not see the inner critic as separate but instead as noted, a part of a whole gestalt that needs to transform. I mean what are the alternatives: Get caught in a "neurotic love" or a "neurotic" anything if relationship entanglements aren't the corresponding example here? On neurotic love, that is, the kind of love that you never intended for. Both intentionality and fluid non-intentions are vital for real love. She's invaded my psychic space, I didn't ask nor do I want her too. Her feelings are natural but so is my venting. One of us has to do it, I'm the more advanced one so I have to, followed by learning from those energies that's a bit like vomiting. She just simply does not have a chance. I won't need to do a thing now really to show that because I've changed the psychic space via this transformation here. The potential social problem will vanish because I've gone through (nearly the whole way) the transformation without anybody knowing. It changes their thoughts before it even changes mine, I've removed any awkwardness by altering my frequency. This is how this works. This is how the universe works, everything we do matters in this sense as the universe is the matter that is constantly evolving in the sum of it all; there are no distinct colours, they're all always blended and blending together into one energetic psychic all/whole. I don't give a fuck about the status quo, which is why any kind of needless self judgement exists when the action was a vital part of our transformation. Society and its social standards can kiss my ass, revolution to evolution is far more vitally and existentially important to me. Society needs to evolve, I'll meet it on the other side. Rinse, repeat; see your metamorphosis on the other side, others see you as the same person, you're not. You've changed now. You're more useful to the universes ongoing expansion now.

(TL;DR at the bottom) Before I begin, @Leo Gura, thank you so much for creating the Life Purpose Course. This forum is already full of praise for the course, but if you’re reading this and still aren’t sure if it’s worth the investment, I’ll tell you this: the Life Purpose Course has provided me with more value and transformation than my college education. I say that as a student graduating this spring from an ivy league university with a degree in computer science (I include this detail not to sound like a privileged douche ? but to convey the unbelievable value and profound insights you can gain by diligently working through the course). It taught me more about myself, life and impact than any other resource or experience I’ve had. I completed the course 3 years ago as a freshman in college. By the end of the course this is the life purpose statement I came away with: “Design software that protects humanity from devastating cyberattacks and malicious AI.” It made perfect sense. I fell in love with computers in first grade, was obsessed with learning about programming and technology growing up, and studied computer science and cybersecurity in high school (and now college). This love for the field culminated in wildly exciting experiences such as leading a team to win a national cybersecurity competition with several thousand competitors. Not only was I passionate about computer science/cybersecurity, but I saw the huge, meaningful impact I could have on this path, given the catastrophic risks presented by increasingly sophisticated cyberattacks and AI targeting critical infrastructure. This life purpose was one that was “hidden in plain sight”, as Leo explained in a video. Over the past three years I have been aligning myself with my life purpose. I have interned as a security/software engineer at well-known tech companies, studied computer science in college with a focus on cybersecurity, and have taken security courses during winter/summer breaks. This fall I’m starting as a full-time security engineer to work alongside leaders in the field to develop my skills, learn the cutting edge methodologies and identify key problem areas. To put it plainly, I do feel that I’m on the path towards actualizing this purpose. But for the first time in my life, I’m starting to wonder if this is still my purpose. I completed the course as a freshman in college. Since then, I have had many life experiences: living in different parts of the country, serious relationships/breakups, dedicated meditation practice, self-actualization work, experience in the tech/security industry and the diagnosis of a chronic, progressive disease two years ago (in the past few months I’ve finally gotten it under control). Throughout this time, my passion and fascination for personal development and self-actualization has grown and grown. I discovered personal development and Actualized.org 5 years ago in high school. I applied what I learned and experienced a huge transformation. But more importantly, I shared what I learned. I gave a motivational speech (inspired in part by Leo’s One Simple Rule for Acing Life video) in front of several thousand people that went viral in my local community. I coached friends and family through breakups, quarter/mid-life crises, unemployment and health problems. I’ve published articles that have gone semi-viral on various self-improvement subreddits. I gave a presentation to high school students on unconventional college/career advice. I've written motivational letters to younger teammates who have framed the letters on their walls. I’ve researched and shared advice on focus, nutrition, exercise, time management, productivity and mindfulness. Throughout the day, whether I’m showering, eating, walking, or whatever, I have tons of ideas on how to convey a new insight through a course, video or article. My OneNote is filled with these ideas. While cybersecurity clearly won out at the end of the Life Purpose Course, throughout all the exercises, my passion and curiosity for self-actualization/writing/coaching/teaching/leadership often popped up alongside security. It was the only other path I seriously considered while taking the course. As a student, I don’t have as much time as I would like to engage in the things I listed above, but when I do, I absolutely love it. Despite knowing about my achievements and vision for my cybersecurity career, several close friends, family members and mentors have said that I should consider working in the personal development/coaching space. Up until this point, I haven’t taken that advice, given the clear vision I developed through the Life Purpose Course. I have only viewed personal development as a hobby and necessary part of fulfilling my life purpose in cybersecurity. Over the past 3 years, whenever I feel unsure about my life purpose and imagine alternate paths like personal development/coaching, I remind myself of the ideas in Cal Newport’s book So Good They Can’t Ignore You, which I read around the same time. He argues that instead of navel-gazing and wondering if we found our true purpose, that we should put our heads down and focus on grinding to get “so good they can’t ignore you”, which accumulates career capital and allows us to eventually bargain for the job traits and impactful work that make us passionate about our careers. But I’m starting to wonder if, despite Cal's advice, I should pay more attention to the resistance that I feel towards my work. Whenever I have a break or free time, I always want to spend it on personal development work, whether that’s researching, reading, working through a course or writing my own piece of advice/content. Aside from school, I typically only work on developing my security skillset not because I’m excited to but because I’m “doing what is most emotionally difficult” and “adopting a craftsman mindset” towards my work, expecting that more passion will come down the road with mastery. Don't get me wrong, I still find my current vision very meaningful and impactful, and find cybersecurity/software much more exciting than most other work, but I don't feel the same way about it that I used to. I find myself asking more and more, both about my current work and the work ahead of me, "Is this what I really want to be doing for the rest of my life?" To avoid making this post too lengthy and detailed, here’s my question: should I remain committed to my life purpose as described above, or is this the kind of authentic evolution of a life purpose that Leo mentioned in the FAQ? If it's the latter, I'm considering re-doing the course. Am I feeling a sneaky form of Resistance or is this a genuine indicator that I’ve outgrown my current life purpose? In other words, I’m pretty wary of being a self-help junkie, so I’m trying to distinguish whether this is all just a self-deceptive distraction from the hard work required to actualize my vision in cybersecurity. I'm pretty terrified of the idea of throwing away the 8+ years of education and career capital I've gained in computer science and cybersecurity. But if that's what it takes, then so be it. My final semester schedule is relatively easy, and I start my job as a security engineer in August, so I have more free time until then to either focus heavily on developing my cybersecurity skillset and continue along my current path, or to explore my options and ideas for personal development/coaching. I'm not expecting any black-and-white responses. This is obviously something only I can figure out for myself. But @Leo Gura I’d love to hear your thoughts as well as anyone else’s! Thanks everyone! TL;DR Completed Leo's Life Purpose Course 3 years ago as a college freshman and concluded that my purpose is to design software that helps to mitigate the catastrophic risks presented by cyberattacks and malicious AI targeting critical infrastructure. I am on the path to actualizing my life purpose over the next 10 to 20 years, and feel increasingly aligned with it. I've had many life experiences since taking the course over my college career (living in different cities, relationships, self-actualization work, cybersecurity/software work experience and serious health problems). I am very passionate about personal development, leading others, teaching and sharing self-improvement insights. I naturally gravitate towards spending my free time on this. Despite a thorough completion of the life purpose course, I am feeling a slow but growing sense of doubt about whether I'm on the right path, and if my life purpose has been evolving as I have been growing as a person (maybe I should redo the course since I'm only in my early 20's?). Or, maybe this is just Resistance, since I have decades of hard work ahead of me to actualize my life purpose.

Oh and finally to end some real life humour to part with to bind last three now four posts (see profile): So it turns out they never actually put my shoulder back into place properly. For the discerning let's see if you're able to observe what's "amiss" here haha. Makes instrumental music training like starting a run with one leg that gets fatigued more quickly than the other but I push through my 5 hours plus a day, this is because I consider training more important than my life (so I'm prepared to literally die unless I achieve what I set out to do there) because existentially I know that it was this life pressure that created the ability for me to be born with the gifts I have anyhow. It's a subtle differentiation, its not the lack of value of your own life, its the ultimate value of all of life with a respectful comprehension of its underpinnings. #Greatness or nothing is my philosophy, yes, yes nihilists laugh away at what's written on your own tomb stone. You can have enlightenment both ways not that enlightenment is a or the goal (though all people need a goal so if they have nothing... double pun), I get neither is better in one sense but I get that my way makes things better, which future world do you want to live in? The future occupies me a lot, much more than others, I think thousands of years forwards and backwards, with precision here of course being a creative act. It always transforms the present, you become redeemed by an undercurrent of fortitude that redefines your best model of existence that you should be following to your highest sight. This is a "sight of the mountains on the horizon", it's in our DNA, that transporter molecule to take its "home cells" and remake beyond the finality of nothingness and into destination plains which no longer mirror the past but instead mirror the potential you found in pieces and work to make whole through that continual metamorphic extension. The brain requires both imaginary glue on its perception of the world but then the capacity to melt and remake its perception, this forms effortless resilience, rebirths pained resilience and transforms the perception of resilience and the why's and how's that make the definitions we paint to continue paving our way into this imaginary space to construct our views and models of the world. How do you trust enough to be fearless in this deathly kind of training to mirror what I do? It's a trust in the finalities you've come to terms with combined with not wrapping limitations around your openness. So you agree with the nihilist to an important nuance but then you define the strong path you tread beyond that to make you a part of the creative act of the universe from the lens of pressure and transformation, the meaning (oxytocin) and progress (dopamine) derived there making any entice of nihilism merely wind through your hair while speeding down a highway. The subsequent self determined, self-responsibility to meaning; this generates your "aura" of sovereignty that lives in the backseat of your continual drive forward. The goal isn't to get rid of suffering, it is to choose your suffering, even if its unavoidable, it alters your subconscious compass, reference frame on any perceived pain experienced in life. That creates a destiny, ironically stated, worth living, for you've determined the worth within the self that makes the transformation that comes from your resilience worthwhile. Fearlessness then is the mirror to the trust generated your own self-determined existential resolves. This makes this kind of training instead an act of liberation in the acceptance of the imprisonment to the evolutionary process rather than the feeling of it being imprisoning. Our limits can be our prison or they can be our way out of our prison by knowing, defining and accurately viewing the boundaries of said prison. This is an aspect of what transcendence is all about of course (one of my writing topics). In this sense, the ability to turn suffering into meaning (in a way in which it essentially transforms you into your ultimate image, as God would have intended if we're to speak that language) is one of life’s greatest mental skills and capacities. In practical reflection that is to eat and digest ones highest conceptualisations of one's existential universe and be biochemically transformed through that process to ones highest force. (recent) Shoulder X-ray: Ultrasound (no baby) on both shoulders Tuesday coming as Youtube video because admins/moderators here have disabled my ability to upload pictures. I don't give enough fucks to comment on that.

@wesyasz Okaay! Im excited for sharing! Tomorrow I will create a YT channel where I will spontaneously share my insights on the journey, and also interact with Actualized.org community! ? I will also have another channel that is called "ArtOnSpiral", where we are going to combine Art and Spiral Dynamics Integral so we could attain maximal human potential, and more! heheheh (here I em in a role of a crazy artist) AlchemyNow "In this Eternal Alchemical Process, Eddie combine's Spirituality, Philosophy and Psychology so he could open people's minds for the Ultimate Vision - Selfactualization"! or whatever... Im still working on it (In this channel, I em a student and a teacher of life at the same time xd) See you tommorow my friend, I will link the video around here probably... Here it is my friend! I will share more clear episodes in the future about my routines and process of transformation. Right now Im very glad that I just started sharing. Also, I will get down to earth with the whole enlightenment/god thing. I have much more to learn... and what you are going to see anyway, is what you want to see.So here is an idea. Eddie is an Artist! Creator! Wise Fool! Eddie is a Student of LIFE! <3 See you soon with more Entertainment

Mdma is not really sustainable. You can't do it a lot. Some good techniques are: Reference point therapy (or rapid personal transformation), regressive hypnosis, shamanic soul retrieval.

Hello friends, I am Shanmugam, a very old member of this forum. There was a time when I was active everyday and some of you may know me. I remember @Nahm and @Natasha very well. Some members that I used to interact with do not seem to be active anymore. Hope you are all doing good and safe. I am writing this thread to inspire the seekers here, to let them know what is possible by the meditations you have been doing. Before 2014, there was a Shanmugam who doesn't exist anymore. I am from Tamil Nadu, southern part of India. In school days I was very curious about life and why we are here; I read Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, texts about Yoga and many Hindu scriptures including Bhagavad Gita. When I was about 18, I started to feel a lot of meaninglessness. It is when I was introduced to more clear and practical guidance towards spirituality through the books of Osho. I had my first epiphany and taste of non-duality during 2002. It was the result of witnessing meditation, which I talk about a lot in my books, blogs and videos. I was very excited and the effects of that experience actually lasted for 6 months.. It was as if I had discovered a totally new way to make myself happy. I became a very dedicated seeker after that. Over the next 12 years, I was introduced to the books and videos of many teachers including Eckhart Tolle, J.Krishnamurti, Papaji, Ramana Maharshi and hundreds of western teachers. I was going deeper and deeper, and it has all been an insightful exploration; the exploration seemed to be endless. I was looking forward to a next epiphany or spiritual experience, another dimension of consciousness, another pleasant and mind blowing session of meditation. Many times I did have many mind blowing experiences and insights and there were many times when I felt nothing. Getting into the states of flow was very easy for me; whenever I was focused on some work, I use to enter long hours of no thoughts about me, my past or future. But this exploration seemed to be endless. Sometimes I thought that this is how it was going to be for the rest of my life. And I feel that most of the seekers are actually stuck in this stage. Anyway, it was during 2014. By this time, my life was very simple. I had lot of time to go deep in witnessing meditation. I had already been living with a changed dimension of consciousness for the previous 12 years. But as I continued my meditation, I was suddenly in a totally timeless realm. On July 12th, when I was lying on my bed, there was a clear recognition that my search was over, that I reached what I have to reach as a human being. It was like this. You are in a train on a journey towards a destination. When you are focused on a totally different work, you suddenly realize that the train has already stopped and the destination has been reached. In fact, you didn't even notice exactly when the train arrived there; it may be before 2 minutes, 5 minutes or 1 minutes. I can't really write about what happened after that the same way I wrote about what happened until that day. It is absolutely impossible. The next two years simply went on, very similar to how the first two years of my life went; like a child who doesn't worry about anything, who eats when he is hungry and sleeps when he is sleepy. It was simple and absolutely blissful. Only in 2016, I had an interest to write about what happened to me in my blog, which is http://nellaishanmugam.wordpress.com. I knew my life was not like others; it wasn't a journey in time towards a future anymore. If I don't write about it I will eventually forget it. Eventually I ended up writing a book (The Truth About Spiritual Enlightenment: Bridging Science, Buddhism and Advaita Vedanta), starting an Youtube channel and growing my audience. I am able to articulate things much better now and I am also adapted much to my transformation. And this is truly a gift, the kingdom of God, with absolutely no comparison. Your questions are welcome. I have been doing more videos than ever these days. If you want to subscribe to my Youtube channel, click here: http://www.youtube.com/c/shanmugamp?sub_confirmation=1

@allislove gave a beautifully put answer, however I would like to share from a different angle to see if that helps I would like to agree that it is more of a spiritual purification that most I see go through when starting this path. usually this is a sign for real true growth and transformation in ones very center of self. your actions now are more important then any time. stick with what you know is beneficial for you and know that no matter what happens it’s alright bud. Just continue on everything is gunna be alright. No matter the consciousness levels, no matter the suffering you experience. If you stay true to what is beneficial and self growing it’ll be alright. watch your feelings too, don’t judge yourself for feeling bad or even try to escape as that can create more resistance. Instead allow those emotions and experiences to arise. It can be tuff or easy. That said, I would recommend always meditating, eating better etc. just because I say don’t try to escape doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to change. focus on what feels good, check out spiritual teachers like Abraham Hicks. She’s always good with re framing something that may not feel good to the present you. you are always free as every second is new. Every choice is your choice. Make the most out of your life. Your free bud. Lol you got this!

The trap is that true morality looks like what happens after awakening. But since most people aren't awakened, the best a spiritual teacher can do is give a sort of list of things you'd do after awakening. Golden Rule and all that. But Jesus didn't come to the Golden Rule through some other spiritual teacher, he derived it for himself by awakening. In that sense, preaching morality is like giving the answers in the back of a math book to students. The transformation and wisdom comes from having going through a process where you discover true morality for yourself. Not because someone just told you to. That would lead to devilry, because you wouldn't actually understand it and would abuse all the teachings. Which is of course if often what happens, thus religion becomes corrupted.

@neovox I just finished Being Ram Dass. He talks about the transformation after a severe stroke, and how as he got older, it was the ultimate spiritual practice to simply love, despite his limitations. If you haven't read it, highly recommended. All the best on your health issues ?

@Someone here I’m in agreement with@BlackMaze about how life changing The Power of Now and A New Earth can be. Tolle recommends in the Power of Now at times to just pick up and read just a little and let it digest. I’ve done that but at times I was compelled to keep reading on an on. I’m sure I’ve read The Power of Now over 20 times starting when it was first printed. A New Earth I’ve reread at least 4-5 times. They’re great books and tools for transformation.

@datamonster if you really think that by creating AI generated pedo porn, pedophiles sexual drives would decrease, you'd be in for a rude awakening. In fact, they would probably increase. You see it everywhere with other sexual fetishes, they don't just dissapear once they find an outlet. That's not how it works. Unless we discover technology needed to perform structural transformation inside the brain, the only sensible solution for now is to put them in jail, for the good of rest of society.

Different teachers say mean different things with ''enlightenment''. Teachers agree that it is knowing one's own true nature whatever that means. Some say that happiness is there. Yous seem to have a similar perspective as Peter Ralston -- enlightenment doesn't change anything including self-survival tendencies but it can help transformation. That slightly different to what Rupert Spira has said where peace and love is found, having a completeness within oneself but life goes on as one wishes to do so. He admits occasionally he acts unenlightened sometimes but peace is the norm. He famously has said to tell your partners ''I love you, but I do not need (and you cannot give me the happiness I seek)'' Ramana Maharshi differs even more as he said habitual tendencies (vassanas) must be surrendered. Having talked to devotees, they have alluded to that desires are given up, supposedly because they serve a false entity. So when ego is seen through, these desires as well certain behaviours are dropped. A deep surrender occurs. Why is the absolute view worth even mentioning? It means nothing. It is an easy way to fool oneself. Unless that translates into the relative -- a knowing that love is always here. That means contentment of where you are. Of course this means you are free to enter relationships. Yes this is true you are free to do so. But why bother at that point? This is my point. But you are saying there is not translation here. It isn't out of the question to imagine a person who does not have any social needs and it happy (but to imagine someone who never eat is difficult even though people might be able to do this). In fact many people will be forced to find happiness with way as God has not given them people to love them for whatever reason. People have such varied experiences. Go talk to people a wide variety of people from different areas of the world. A Christian who couldn't find love, people who go to Mooji's meeting, a women who lives in a conservative part of the Middle East, an impoverished person who will never see beyond where they live, a women who has such low self-esteem and feels ugly -- I can go on giving examples I have come across. If they are to be happy, there is no choice for most of these people to free themselves from a lot of their need for intimacy in another. In a non-duality meeting, a man said to the teacher that he was fearful of never getting married. The teacher said forwardly ''You won't care about that kind of stuff once you understand this''. It's quite interesting how you concrete you portray social needs like physiological needs. But to test what you say, the best thing I can do is for me to see if I can be free of social needs. The pandemic has shown me I definitely don't need other people as much as I believed, though I am not totally free.

I get on my own nerves sometimes. It feels like an in between state of identification once it gets observed. I believe it’s that side of me that stays in the blind spot. It’s the annoying part of me that other people have to endure. Awareness is curative applies here as well. Very much so. As two natured beings we stand between two realities. Some applicable Maurice Nicoll quotes- TWO REALITIES “We stand between two realities, one given by the senses and the other given by our relationship to Higher Centres. One is external and the other is internal and, I would add, eternal. It has often been said that this Work is to prepare the lower centres for the reception of Higher Centres.” V. 4, p. 1322 CLEANING THE MACHINE “The first stages of the Work are sometimes called ‘cleaning the machine.’ . . . The Work tells you more about what not to do than about what to do. Now people often ask: ‘What am I to do?’ On that side the Work says only two definite things: ‘Remember yourself’ and ‘Observe or notice yourself.’ That is what you must try to do. But on the other side the Work says many things about what not to do. It says, for example, that you must try to struggle against being identi- fied, try to struggle with mechanicalness, with mechanical and wrong talking, with every kind of internal considering, with every kind of self-justifying, with all the different pictures of yourself, with your special forms of imagination, with mechanical disliking, with all va- rieties of your self-pity and self-esteem, with your jealousy, with your hatreds, with your vanity, your inner falseness, with your lying, with your self-conceit, with your attitudes, prejudices, and so on.” V. 1, pp. 160-1 INNER STABILITY “Other feelings of oneself are possible that are not derived from life and personality, and these feelings give a man a sense of stability that nothing outside him can take away. And it is from these feelings that a man begins to feel himself free, because they depend on nothing outside him...Personality, roughly speaking, lives by comparison with others...Real ‘I’ does not exist through comparison.” V. 1, pp. 274-5 INNER STABILITY II “We have to make something very strong in ourselves by the help of the Work little by little so that we can withstand the shifting scene, moments of happiness followed by moments of depression, moments of hope followed by moments of despair, in order that we may have a centre of gravity within ourselves . . . a certain point of consciousness that is invulnerable. This is the beginning of the birth of Real I in you which is not influenced by outer circumstances. One then works the other way round—that is, the machine formerly driven by outer events is now worked from within—from what is higher than life.” V. 4, p. 1343 WEAKENING THE HOLD OF PERSONALITY “Now the realization of one’s mechanicalness and the realization of one’s ignorance—for all knowledge leads into mystery—are necessary for any transformation of oneself to take place. Why? Because they weaken the hold of the acquired Personality.” V. 3, p. 1051 ADDING VERSUS TAKING AWAY “The first step in the Work is to begin to free oneself from oneself. This Work is not adding something to oneself but taking away from oneself and it is only what is useless to one’s development that the Work seeks to take away.” V. 2, p. 425 THE POSSIBILITY OF ESCAPE “It is a marvelous thing to find you can move in new directions inter- nally and escape from this spurious invention of yourself. Just say to yourself: ‘Why am I always like this? Why do I always feel this? Why, in short, am I always the same fixed person?’ ” V. 3, p. 983 THE TRAJECTORY OF WORK “The increasing feeling of the Work as stronger than life and all its ups and downs and swinging to and fro between the opposites brings about a state of Self-Remembering that is not due to chance nor is merely a fleeting experience. But for a very long time we mix the Work with our associations, with the machine of personality, which is driven by life and reacts to it mechanically. And this is inevitable because only a gradual separation is possible. A person cannot be torn away suddenly from personality. It would destroy him. So even though we try to work, we identify with the reactions of personality.” V. 1, p. 332 THE TRAJECTORY OF WORK II “You may be sure that once your evaluation of the Work is strong enough and you hear it enough and reflect upon it enough, you will see gradually unfolding the mystery of your own development. This mystery is different in each person. That is why it is so important not to compare yourself with other people. A great deal of negative emotion arises from comparison. Remember always that the Work is equally difficult for everyone and that it does not become easier. It is always difficult. And yet it is not too difficult if one will remember enough and maintain a certain inner strength of will in regard to it.” V. 3, p. 959

Transferences The need to be seen,,,, The personhood or ego self can’t help but have narcissistic tendencies. Interesting excerpts from AH Almaas glossary A Way of Exposing the Emptiness of One's Sense of Self The narcissistic transferences are present for everyone all the time, but are usually in the background. In our work they come into the foreground, and become the focus of the work when the emptiness of the normal self-identity becomes increasingly obvious. Working with the narcissistic transferences is the primary psychodynamic work on the narcissistic sector of the self. Working with these transferences is a way of exposing the emptiness of one’s sense of self, especially for students with significant narcissistic personality components. Awareness of narcissistic transference as transference again will bring out the sense of meaninglessness. Three factors elicit narcissistic emptiness and meaninglessness: first, the normal process of maturation in which one outgrows defensive aspects of the identity; second, the pressure of doing spiritual work and experiencing essential presence, which tends to expose the relative unreality of the level of personality identifications; and third, working with the narcissistic transferences, that is, bringing to consciousness the object relations that have been supporting the more superficial sense of self and helping one to avoid the sense of emptiness. These narcissistic transferences are very powerful; they are not easy to work through. However, it is necessary to work through them in order to expose the support for the superficial identity, as well as to deal with the defenses against emptiness, helplessness, and aloneness. These defenses prevent our openness to the realization of our true essential nature. The Point of Existence, pg. 229 Transforming the Self-Identity Structure This process of self-realization naturally applies pressure on the conventional sense of identity. Issues arise which affect the central narcissistic structure, that of self-identity. The transformation of narcissism consists largely of the transformation of this structure, leading to the realization of the Essential Identity. The increasing pressure on the structure of self-identity exposes its underlying vulnerability and shakiness. The student attempts to find ways to shore up his sense of identity, but can no longer turn so easily to idealization; he has seen through it. So he turns to mirroring self-objects to help him preserve the integrity and cohesion of his capacity for self-recognition. This manifests as the need for mirroring, particularly in the mirror transference onto the teacher. Investigating this narcissistic transference in depth leads us to a thorough understanding of the sense of identity and its underlying structure. We become increasingly aware of the properties of the self-identity, which we have up to now taken for granted to be part of who we really are. This awareness begins to transform the self-identity, making it more flexible and realistic. So this structure becomes less and less opaque, until it is transparent enough to reveal the essential identity. This is the central process of the transformation of narcissism, which begins by observing and understanding the need to be seen and mirrored. The Point of Existence, pg. 277 When One's Relationship With Others Becomes More Markedly Narcissistic As the emptiness of the shell approaches conscious awareness, one's relationships to others become more markedly narcissistic. Kohut called the narcissistic object relations narcissistic transferences (he later named them self-object transferences), referring especially to those seen in the clinical situation with the analyst. The narcissistic transferences generally function to shore up the sense of identity, to make that sense of identity feel supported. In our work these transferences arise in the student's relationship to her teacher. The Point of Existence, pg. 229 These last 2 quote adds to my theory that the majority of Actualizers at some point go through a Zen devil phase. It kind of has that smell. I’ve pondered on this over time,,,,Anyone have thoughts on this notion?

I've been on this inner spiritual journey, inner transformation, I've completely changed as a person and I'm not living the same life as I was. I faced my addiction with Porn/Masturbation and let it go. I've came so far. But I think deep down I'm still holding on, because I re attach with my ego sometimes, I "tap out" of myself, start feeling fearful etc. and then backslide on the path. (Feels like I am going stray from the path within) perhaps this is part of the journey or I'm running from something that I'm not yet ready to suffer through/face (at my current level of transcendence/development) Its just like a dark night of the soul really, it's like my old self/old ego mindset is coming back up to haunt me. Like I lost that peace within and the connection to the source. It is quite uncomfortable and unsettling

I’m still a work in progress. Purification of the emotional center certainly doesn’t happen overnight. Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of a negative emotion and expression but we’re somehow by an inner recognition bring it to a stop and reversal. Not easy for sure. It’s a big accomplishment. I’ve noticed on the rare occurrences I’m able to manifest this experience soon follows an inner quiet and what seems like a subtle bump of energy. If I don’t manage this and continue to complain and piss and moan, my energy spirals down rather quickly as a rule. Have you ever busted yourself enjoying some form of negativity such as juicy gossip about a friend or family member?Perhaps even feeling that inner dirtiness that’s comes with it? More Maurice Nicoll- TRANSFORMATION OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS “The observation of our negative states and the separation from them is one of the most important sides of practical work. The transforma- tion of negative emotions belongs to the Second Conscious Shock and here the whole Work comes in and the whole evaluation of it. You may be negative but you must feel that it is not you that is negative but It. This is the beginning of inner separation, of not identifying with negative states, of not identifying with oneself.” V. 2, p. 530 OBSERVING NEGATIVE ‘I’S “In the Work, the enjoyment of negative states must be observed sincerely, especially the secret enjoyment of them. The reason is that if a man enjoys being negative, in whatever forms, and they are legion, he can never separate from them. You cannot separate yourself from what you have a secret affection for.” V. 1, p. 214 WATCHING REACTIONS “Once you have realized that this reaction of yours is quite typical, and you have always had complaints in exactly the same way, it will give you a shock. It will startle you. You will see that it is this complaining itself that you have to notice in yourself and not what you imagine causes it. Next time that these complaining ‘I’s begin to resume their customary activity, the shock that you had may just be able to give you the emotional force to observe them before they start using your mouth, in your name. You will have the shock of remem- bering yourself.” V. 2, p. 449

Great work! Positive psychology is better feeling than negative psychology, but no mind is reality as it is. I've been on this inner spiritual journey, inner transformation, I've completely changed as a person and I'm not living the same life as I was. I faced my addiction with Porn/Masturbation and let it go. I've came so far. That’s a story about a you. But I think deep down I'm still holding on, because I re attach with my ego sometimes, I "tap out" of myself, start feeling fearful etc. and then backslide on the path. (Feels like I am going stray from the path within) perhaps this is part of the journey or I'm running from something that I'm not yet ready to suffer through/face (at my current level of transcendence/development) That’s also a story about a you. Use the emotional scale for that ‘fearful’. Experience the emotion, understand it, and transmute it. After some practice / understanding, the body mind will do it automatically. You’ll literally forget ‘fear’. Its just like a dark night of the soul really, it's like my old self/old ego mindset is coming back up to haunt me. Like I lost that peace within and the connection to the source. It is quite uncomfortable and unsettling Understanding, expressing, and releasing emotions will change that entire paradigm.

I agree with your point. Abundance of opportunities allows this strategy to work day to day. This shouldn't stop guys integrating those opportunities that come up in their daily lives though. Jon from TNL: "I do not encourage you to have a search and destroy attitude. See yourself as a social octopus, reaching out and offering energy to people." What I like about The Natural Lifestyles is they're genuinely talking about self actualization and personal transformation with dating as just a part of it, no different than what this forum is doing. Of course they teach tips, techniques and attitudes to seduce women, but if you listen to their podcast, it's mostly about inner transformation and being a well rounded spiritual self actualized modern man and using man's desire for women as a leverage into this. Of all the resources available on dating, they're the most high conciousness, well rounded and real out there in my opinion.

Some observations... I realized that there are less and less difficult people in my life. Transformation has lasted for years but lately there are pretty much none. I’m trying to understand what these very clear brief moments mean when I seem to exit the automatic mode and become very present, very aware. I need to teach myself to extend them. Seems to be easiest in nature, in the shower. Is it being aware of awareness? A hand is an interesting thing to look at. Im feeling connected with some people I don’t really know. Two in this forum, one at work(with him no language to communicate with, but still). During last weeks members of the forum ask my questions. Before I can formulate them. My life is almost too good. I used to get euphoric on a motorcycle, now a home , a bed , a meal can make me cry, it’s just so awesome. At the same time I’m aware that if those things are taken away from me I would snap out of this. Let’s not kid ourselves. That guy who sat himself in fire and just sat there. No ego, no survival mode. How does it feel?

Round 13: Done Chelator: DMSA Dose: 25 MG Date: 26 FEB - 1 MAR 2021 Supporting supplements: I did initially shy away from supplementing with omega 3 as it is often contaminated with mercury. After some reflection, I realised that my fat profile was the only thing that I did not address well enough. I did decrease sources of omega 6 and handled that, but didn't quite address my omega 3 deficiency. I found possibly one of the best brands in terms of purity and quality so I'm integrating that into my supplementation regimen. It is called nordic naturals. A bit expensive. Probably will look for an alternative in the future but for now it will do. It has 1075 Omega 3's per capsule (562 EPA + 438 DHA + 75 Other omega 3's) and the cost is around 90 USD for a bottle of 120 caps. https://www.nordicnaturals.com/. Also combining this with Flaxseeds. notes: Started to get canker sores again in my mouth. For the rest, cognitively, I feel a bit sharper overal in comparison to 3 months ago. Still, focus and motivation are not good. I've been taking ritalin and trying to find a way to establish some routine where I can use medication to focus and still have off days so I don't become dependant. Going to incorporate modafinil into this routine as well and maybe going to try microdosing psychedelics. For the rest I started doing kriya yoga and going to see if this helps my ADHD. I did meditation daily in the past for a year and had a lot more peace of mind then. Became lazy and quit though. Your mind really needs to be taimed and trained in order to have more equinamity. Presence is not some standard or free gift to some lucky souls. I realised awakening can help you realise everything for what it is, but it does not garuantee instant transformation. Transformation is what happens when one integrates these realisations, trains one's mind to be present, and purifies all aspects of yourself where you and reality touch. This is where real liberation happens. Not all human problems dissapear when realising the truth of your existance. The mind needs to be purified as well as the body and it takes time. The more you purify yourself, the more attuned you become to this, the higher frequency you can embody and it all starts by embracing your human existance and not denying it.

I recently spent three months at this healing and transformation community called PachaMama in Costa Rica. It's as Stage Green as it gets. Would highly recommend it for anyone looking to dive deep into mediation, trauma healing, breathwork, dance, celebration, "plant medicine" ceremonies, body cleanses, amazing vegan food and music, and a community of likeminded Green (as well as Orange moving into Green) individuals from all over the world. Feel free to message me if you have any questions about it. It's heaven on earth especially during COVID when so much of the world is locked down.

Spent three months at this healing and transformation community called PachaMama in Costa Rica. It's as Stage Green as it gets. Would highly recommend it for anyone looking to dive deep into mediation, trauma healing, dance, celebration, plant medicine ceremonies, body cleanses, amazing vegan food and music, and a community of likeminded Green individuals from all over the world. Feel free to message me if you have any questions about it. It's heaven on earth especially during COVID when so much of the world is locked down.

@bonsai He also has videos with silent transmissions, check them out! @At awe A picture or statue brings the energy of that person into the room. And it makes it easier to connect with that being or person. Just because you know that the other person is you, doesn't mean that any imaginary interaction is now completely pointless. Dreams are usually considered to consist of your subconscious, yet there is still value in communicating with yourself. There is much to be gained: Insights, transformation,... From the absolute perspective there is no point in doing this. And no point in eating.

Once again, your answers prove that you have never tried salvia. Not high doses. You do not even understand how the salvia experience really works. "Ego death is a" complete loss of subjective self-identity ". The term is used in various intertwined contexts, with related meanings. In Jungian psychology, the synonymous term mental death is used, which refers to a fundamental transformation of the psyche." You do not identify with "objects" when you are on Salvia. You die and then you become an object. This death is more intense than anything you can ever imagine. You do not think or see. You're just that. And becoming an object is only 0.001% of the whole experience. It really is an endless experience. Very sacred. The identification takes place after one has returned to the human form. Just like when you take 5 MeO.

I so appreciate your comment/question, Awayfarer. Only because I never knew chasing the experiential event (of the sudden) was a thing that people could/would/should deliberately pursue. I never had any ideas at all about sudden enlightenment. It just never entered my mind to conceive ambitions to "accomplish" such a thing. For me, it never was a thing, period. Neither Chan buddhism nor the classic and Quanzhen taoism I unwittingly entered into over an initial period of eight years and the subsequent practice that that particular range of study garnered espouse any kind of vehemence concerning personally experiencing one's nature in mystical abstraction other than to say that it happens~ and also to say that spending decades on the zazen cushion without "dropping off" the skin-bag is evidence of dubious practice. To me, that much said more about the small vehicle of "formal meditation regimens" than it did about the importance of seeing your "original face." I did take drugs; good drugs. But not for any reason as pointed as "deconstructing the psychological apparatus." I knew that don Juan had Carlos Castañeda take various organic concoctions for that very purpose, and I ate psychedelics and psychotropics as well— but I never ventured to employ the kind of spiritual materialism that combines specific dosages of specific drugs to achieve a specific result in terms of deliberately interrupting consciousness. I only took these drugs socially around the time during and after I graduated from high school in the context of southern Californian and Mexican "surfing safaris." My drug-use only lasted a few years. International travel, academic study in Asian culture and western Dance burgeoned two concurrent careers in alpinism and international commercial photography— hardly fields of endeavor I'd construe into "deconstructing my personality." Nevertheless, that's exactly what the universe conspired to accomplish for me "naturally", without drugs by the end of the 80s. After consuming and internalizing the first four of Carlos Castañeda's books over a period of ten years, I was eventually introduced to the situationally analytical workings of the I Ching, and the psychologically analytical basis of the Art of War. Good thing too. The energy required to parlay successes in relationships and freelance commercial photography in Hollywood into a cinematography career was devastating to say the least. But such is the stuff of transformation, and I used the world to refine myself right out of existence~ poofsez!! Buddhism says to use the disease as the medicine; taoism says to start with the incipience of the situation. These signposts of deep psychological practice are gems of wisdom for those with the will to enlightenment. So what I know is that conceiving of the fruit of enlightenment and ripping it off the tree of life as soon as possible isn't necessarily the way to go. I'm not here (on this planet or this forum) to make friends or convince anyone of anything. What was attributable to my realization is the important thing— not the event itself. Simply interrupting consciousness without the proper psychological and NONPSYCHOLOGICAL development is a mistake. It's not the end of the world, but to do so is simply the working definition of malpractice. I do not recommend it. Why? Under the best of circumstances, "gathering" the potential through straight up enlightening activity then "incubating" the foregone accomplishment is a critical affair, fraught with risk. I had the luxury of a perfectly natural (financially, socially, psychologically and emotionally devastating) spiritual evolution resulting in sudden illumination without even ever wanting or imagining such a thing, and I had the security of NO POSSIBILITY of leaking its potential unawares simply because I had no one to ask or tell for fifteen years before or fifteen years after the event. So the thirty year process of refining myself into the acknowledgement of personal psychological cessation and subsequently following the process of maturing and advancing enlightening practice was a done deal (relatively speaking) long before I ever ventured to open my big mouth about it. Writing on this forum is not for the purpose of social intercourse for me. The only reason I deliberately chose to write about my subject matter is because NO ONE ELSE DOES. So all I talk about is what specifically constitutes self-refinement, which is none other than one's nonpsychologically (that means selfless) activated enlightening activity taking over creation and stealing its potential in the context of everyday ordinary situations BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I KNOW. That is specifically what resulted in the spontaneous interruption of consciousness in my personal experience and that is what all the treatises of authentic teaching point to. I would not dare fool anyone. ed note: typo 8th paragraph