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there's couple of gay pornstars who committed suicide and i can't watch theirs clips anymore, it's morbid for me....

People treated as products, abuse, fatherlessness, too much pleasure = suicide, gender pronouns. It's all here.

Why do we feel suicidal? Why we just want to die sometimes even when life seems good?

Ever since I was a teenager, the TV in my living room was always displaying scenes of torture and murder. I couldn't stop watching what was on the TV. I mean, what if the stuff in the TV happened to me one day? Everyone will go through something like that some day, right? If not in this life time, I will reincarnate into some other life, and what is happening in the TV will happen to me anyways. I can't bear the burden of having what is happening on the TV happen to me. There are many shows on the TV about reincarnation, so it's entirely possible that I would be transported to that type of reality as well. After all, there are no limits to reality. I could try commiting suicide to try and prevent what is happening inside the TV from happening to me, but I am here for eternity, so that won't work. Oh god, is there ANY way to escape from what is happening in the TV? It's impossible.

@Display_Name A couple years ago I had similar fears about AI. I was worried that some super AI would take over and somehow manage to keep me alive forever. It would torture me to death and then revive my body until eternity. Nowadays (even though AI is way more powerful then back then) that fear is completely absent in me. Looking back, I can see that there was a massive amount of unprocessed fear in my system. I believe that at least some of this fear came from my family lineage. In my dads side of the family there have been many generations of people who seriously believed in hell. I was raised as an atheist, but I think this fear of hell somehow got programmed into me. So when I heard Sam Harris talking about AI taking over, my fear of hell buttons got pushed hardcore. At the darkest moments I considered wearing a suicide pill on a necklace, so that if I read somewhere that AI had gotten super powerful I could quickly kill myself before the AI could get its tentacles on me. I think the way out of these nightmarish thoughts is doing serious deep healing work. Feeling your feelings, working through your traumas. I don't think 'not allowing negative thoughts' is going to cut it. I was never able to banish negative thoughts from my head. The only thing that worked was working through my shit. And this was more on the level of the body and emotions, then on the level of mind(although working on beliefs can be powerful as well). The fear of AI/hell can also greatly be reduced by deeply realising that there is nothing wrong with you, and that you are and have always been 100% been worthy of love. The universe will not torture you because you are bad. You are not bad, and the universe loves you unconditionally. On a different note. Everything is happening within consciousness, so it's impossible to upload your consciousness into a simulation. If in your dream you dreamt that there is some super AI, then no matter how smart this AI is, it could never put your dream into itself. It is in the dream, not the other way around Uploading consciousness into the computer is complete nonsense. It's like a if a television screen was worried that the villain in the movie was going to lock it up in a basement and torture it forever. I really hope this helps. Having these fears was the darkest time of my life. You can work through this and then the world will look very different again.

I just wanted to say thank you to Leo for all his honesty and content. It is very reassuring. Leo has mentioned he wasn't sure if his substance use or other choices would eventually lead to his own suicide. This was very refreshing to hear. I have also had this weird feeling of knocking over the first domino and not knowing where it will lead. I have felt scared and even an occasional impending sense of doom. I saw another person state sometimes on psychedelics reality is so torn you realize your mind, brain, and heart are not in danger but suddenly you realize your very soul, spirit, or life force is somehow in jeopardy. But that is the adventure of life. And life has some big risks and big rewards. It is very yin yang and "everything-is-God" and beyond good and evil. Thanks again. Much love!

@integral i am in this situation going on 31 now. I can honestly say i am rather suicidal. The thing is I wanted someone since I am 15 but I have been chased away from girls from the beginning, what's even worse the guy who bullied me 8 long years attempted suicide and is rotting in the ground since 13 years....I am hiding my inner self for 16 years now...what do you thin about this peter pan analogy from Jordan Peterson. I felt like it happened to me even though I had an existensial shock with 12 and all the other developmental phases I tried to manipulate myself into some childish behavior.

Hey guys, Leo talks about accepting death is extremely vital to becoming enlightened. Would suicidal people be able to accept ego death easier than others because they want to die anyways? Or is that just false?

Do you think, that there can be such intense emotional or physical pain that, anybody, no matter how much willpower he or she has or how much enlightened he or she is, would commit suicide?

I'm aware of that but you didn't answer the question. If that's what you are suggesting, are you aware over 700,000 people worldwide commit suicide each year. I wonder what the causes were. Probably not from being on a forum. Other factors are involved. Do you blame gun manufactures for every person that gets shot. I bet you don't blame the Supermarkets for hosting poisons on their shelves that's slowly causing millions of deaths each year. The blame game never gets to the root cause.

Are you suggesting that Leo killed the guy from the forum that committed suicide. Not saying you are, I'm not sure, that's why I'm asking; or at least was the cause of his death. BTW, I am familiar with that incident.

I love that Hallucinating song haha. Talking to myself in a loving manner is becoming the norm. I feel really loved by myself. I'm there for Me at last and it feels good. I've been expressing a lot of anger recently. Three days ago I was tripping and at some point a lot of anger arose in Me and I started screaming into a pillow so hard my throat hurt - FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did that like 4 times and proceeded with the trip lol. I've been angry with myself for many reasons. Not knowing what I am, disappointing myself, lying, ignoring important aspects of My life. Crafting a detailed suicide plan one month ago when I was at my lowest. Fuck. The last one stings the most. I mean not so much anymore I think because I expressed a lot of the anger already (working through it step by step everyday) and tried to forgive myself but yeah. It may still be lingering there, idk. I wanted to share this for the sake of honesty. Now I'm feeling better, cleaner, happier. I'm more motivated from a place of love. I'm being more expressive with people, genuine, peaceful. Things are looking brighter. I'm reading Radical Honesty right now. I love the book, read over half of it so far. It's inspiring Me to express my emotions (especially anger) openly with others and not lie about shit. Like I'm lying to my family about my psychedelic use, forum use, all that stuff. I won't expose everything all at once but I'll do it in small steps. First I'll tell the truth to my sister. Next to my mom. Next to my dad. Baby steps + I'll do it wisely. I'll certainly practice these conversations first in my mind. It'd be nice if I lived up to my name, right? Because so far I've been Insincerity in so many ways, I feel. Fuck that, man. I wanna be Love itself.

I actually thought about exactly this when I wrote my post , how suffering can be equally as deep no matter the context of it. But I didn’t bother to edit as I still got my overall point across I think. Im speaking to the average sex buyer and about the average prostitute. Sure there are perhaps exceptions with these luxury escorts but the average doesn’t look like that I guess in a way I’m trying to highlight how actually both the buyer and the prostitute aren’t benefitting from it. I bet you most men who buy sex don’t actually want to be the man who does it, they don’t want to have this sense of self as this man who buys sex, it’s quite humiliating to their own self image. At most maybe it could be a temporary relief from deep pain but nothing more than that . Sure if you on the brink of suicide and buying some sex helps a little I understand but I don’t believe the average sex buyer is coming from that place so this suffering argument doesn’t hold there…. how can I know how the average prostitute suffers? Well firstly simply being a female gives me some understanding of female psychology I would say, also my own research into this topic that has somehow fascinated me from a young age (held a speech about it in 9th grade lol) . Reading inside stories from former prostitutes watching documantaries etc also another thing. I think what this all sort of boils down to is that I have this inherent ability to internalize my own suffering in some way, and then perhaps I’m holding other people to such a standard but perhaps not everyone has this ability to internalize their suffering so they do experience that their suffering is inherent to an external situation (for example lack of sex) . But maybe I’m trying to point out how you actually are doing yourself also a disservice because yourself don’t want to have that sense of self as a sex buyer okay I will stop here ? it’s exhausting to try to concoct all these perfect answers I’ll let them be messy asf. But also I’m not really defensive about this I’m just trying to share what I sense about stuff

Depends. You don't know how strong the male drive for sex is, nor what a lack of sex can make a man feel, and neither of us (I'm guessing) know how the average prostitute suffers. Suffering is very a hard thing to quantify. Imagine an unattractive guy with zero confidence who is 30, a virgin, and has never been loved by anyone; I could easily see that person suffering just as much as an average prostitute, maybe more. To back that up; there is a statistic that virgin men in their late teens and 20s are an exceptionally high suicide risk, on the order of 4x more likely than women or non-virgin men. To be clear I think prostitution is generally bad in most cases and I would never use one, although there are likely women who get into it and enjoy it. Think sugar daddy type relationships. There are no men who enjoy being a 30 year old unloved virgin. My point is that comparing suffering of two groups like this can be hard, since no one has experienced both situations.

Enlightenment is Existential Suicide Enlightenment is the elephant in the room Enlightenment is an open secret Immortality does not mean eternal life Immortality means not-death Immortality means not-life Something is Not Nothing is Not There is no Not.

There are people who ask help from god as their last hope. They don’t get any answer and commit suicide. Some egos are too thick

You don't know the depths of hatred that lurks inside of you. All social conditioning is self-hatred. But its necessary to turn you into a type of character. But God is that which plays all characters so playing one type of character becomes too limiting and thus exhausting. You yearn to scream I am every woman, I am every man, it's all in me!!! I'm everything so leave me alone with all this cannot do this or that I'm perfectly good I don't need no morality!!! When you finally shed your conditioning it all makes sense. You realize that as God you are a suicide pilot that blasts yourself into the unknown. The suit is your ship that ship is called human you get alone on this journey so you look for a ship to relate to called a relationship, and Earth is the unknown and you don't like flying solo. You eventually discover that it is best to love flying solo if you ever want to master relationships because every ship you thought was other was really just you! If you ever start hating becoming human too much you have two ways out either suicide or Enlightenment. LOL it is wiser to choose Enlightenment so you can complete the trip like a Master.

I would like to share with you guys my story of misusing psychedelics. I arrived in Canada last September and within first few weeks I ordered some mushrooms. I did them around 20 times in 2018-2021 so after a few years of break I decided to start over. When the shrooms arrived, I did 3 grams and have a good trip but not a profound one. I wanted to get deeper and I made a decision to try this mysterious psychedelic called "DMT". I ordered a DMT. When it arrived, I was so afraid to vape, my hands were shaking. I read a lot of trip reports where people would see some beings on DMT or visiting another galactic and experiencing other dimensions or worlds. Nevertheless, I managed to overcome fear. I smoked some DMT and the trip were weird. I would experience ego-death, but I didn't see any beings. I didn't go anywhere either. It was the same present experience, but I was conscious that I'm God. This God realization wasn't really full and I still have a lot of questions. I started doing DMT every week multiple times. Experiences were very quick and I still couldn't grasp them. Which is why after a few months I ordered 5MeO-DMT. When it arrived, I smoked 40 grams of it the first night. I had the most shocking experience and my first absolute awakening. I realized that I'm the only conscious being, this mysterious thing that dreams up a variety of infinite stories in order to convince itself that it's not god and it's not everything that exists out there. This experience shook me to my core. It was the most radical and the most profound experience in my entire life. The next day I couldn't believe in what happened. On the other hand, ego reacted as well. I went for a cycle of ego backlashes involving smoking a lot of weed, eating fast food and deserts, playing videogames and jerking off on porn. Also, I wanted to convince myself that all the experience was just some hallucinations and it just can't be truth. In order to prove it to myself I started doing 5MeO every Saturday. Unfortunately, the result was the same. Over and over. Basically, every Saturday I would freak out because of 5MeO and every Sunday I would go trough ego backlash. On the weekdays I needed to do my 9/5 job, but even there I was thinking about the truth. Months were passing by as I was going deeper and deeper. Few weeks ago, I suddenly realized that If I continue doing what I'm doing I'll either loose my mind or commit suicide. Also, I didn't work on my life at all. Everything was on autopilot and all my attention was concentrated on the trips. All of it made me made a decision. I decided to stop doing psychedelics at all until I'm 30 (I'm just 26 now). I want to forget about the truth. I need to concentrate on my life because I've been neglecting it. I haven't been doing psychedelics since the end of April. Nevertheless, today I had this crazy experience at night. I was about to fall asleep but suddenly I became infinite for a few moments. I was terrified by this experience. Any ideas about how to forget that I'm God??? I want my dream back. I want to forget the truth.

If you have a background with mental health issues or traumatic past events - both avenues can lead a person to the concept of suicide - then it's possible for a psychedelic substance to bring that out in you during a trip. This isn't necessarily bad imo. It's an opportunity to face it from an elevated state of consciousness head on if it pops up in your head. It's when a person doesn't consider this a possibility that could occur during their trip that can lead to them feeling disturbed/freaked out. To give a personal example, my first trip was 1g of ecuadorian cubensis mushrooms. I had a long record of passively thinking about death and feeling like my day-to-day life was numb and shitty before taking them. Not once did my mind throw me anything like that during the trip though. It was surprisingly smooth sailing all the way through and I came out the trip feeling restored and healed. As long as you set reasonable expectations (go with the flow, don't fight whatever thoughts come up) you'll be fine.

Hello all I am a healthy, happy, professional, semi-contemplative, spiritual person. I have taken up to 8 grams of dried penis envy from time to time. 3.5 grams seems to be plenty. Does everyone have suicidal-like thoughts, fears, or panics on psychedelics from time to time when taking heroic doses? I feel very healthy, well, and not suicidal at all. These thoughts seem reasonable when one is tripping and the veil of reality is peeled back. It seems normal for the mind to wander to deep profound thoughts. The cosmos seems so meaningful on some trips and so meaningless on other trips in a beautiful yin yang way. Sometimes we get disassociated from our bodies or surroundings. The ego death. All boundaries and barriers and the mind itself seem to dissolve. Or do psychedelics amplify or expose our internal issues? Is there a suicidal impulse buried deep inside me? My hunch is everyone encounters these thoughts or philosophical musings in bad trips or panic attacks or when losing touch with reality while tripping. But why don't Joe Rogen, Terrance McKenna, or Graham Hancock ever mention the dangers of suicidal thoughts? Many media people seem to promote psychedelics but I never see any warnings of suicidal thoughts or almost assured encounters with this thought. But in my opinion that does seem to be the big trick of psychedelics and maybe the Eleusinian mysteries. It is the sudden confrontation with death/suicide which gives insight and new meaning to life. It is the joy at returning to sobriety and reality which is a huge relief. Surviving the trip is the fun part. "There is no such thing as a bad trip." Is everyone recommending psychedelics with a wink and a nod almost hoping you bump into the suicide skeleton lurking in your closet? Are suicidal thoughts the secret gimmick of psychedelics? Is suicide a taboo and no one wants to talk about it, or is everyone embarrassed they had this thought and keep it secret or at least do not connect it to psychedelic usage? Switching gears, have any of you had what you consider to be the ultimate revelation of reality or just a horrifying idea which you keep to yourself? I have. It reminds me of the Radiohead video for "Just" or the movie "Birdbox." PM me if you had the revelation and want to hear my revelation, but I beg all of you not to ask me for it. Watch the Radiohead video and the movie "Birdbox" before contacting me. We can share revelations, but I feel it is best if you come to this revelation on your own. If I tell it to you, it will only delay your enlightenment or transcendence. It is a paradox. You cannot be awakened. You must awaken on your own. I am happy with my revelation, but it is a very unpleasant horrifying paradoxical thought and you may regret hearing it. I feel too guilty simply posting it or writing it down or telling anyone about it. I don't want to put bad vibes out there. Thank you all for reading. Thanks for any replies. I feel I am posting in the correct forum and topic. Please send me links to alternate forums where I can re-post for more views or discussion about my post. I am a rookie at online psychedelic forums.

From what I understand, our thoughts are not our own and we receive them from the etheric based on our vibration and the state of consciousness we're in. Doing psychedelics (don't know, never done them) might put you in a state where those thoughts match that particular frequency you're vibrating at. There are forces at play and they get energized and feed on these thought patterns; and being in an altered state may induce suicidal thoughts in someone in a particular mental state upon doing psychedelics. I also understand that we can receive thoughts based on ancestral background. Someone in the ancestral family probably committed suicide and you are receiving these thoughts through that invisible chain. They might not be your own but from the superconscious mind floating around in the etheric space and they come to you because of the state you're in. I don't know, its just something to think about and ponder upon and I would love to hear from anyone who is knowledgeable about thoughts and their origin to hear another perspective.

Wow! Thank you all for your deep wisdom. I am of the belief of the one consciousness/awareness and an eventual reduction of duality to unity. So, it is so strange to think we are all one and really I am just talking to myself on this forum. I'm on my journey and you all are helping me. But there is no "I" and there is no "journey." Lol! I just find it strange in all the hours of interviews I've listened to of Paul Stamets, the McKenna brothers, Joe Rogen, Allan Watts, Tim Leary, etc only this site and Leo really mentions the suicide specter lurking in psychedelics. But maybe telling people this stuff causes suicidal thoughts is not the best marketing campaign. So this information about suicide is something which must be pursued and sought out to be assured you have not gone off the rails. And I am pretty sure given the huge numbers of recreational usage, there have been very few suicides while high and still only a few due to a crossover Venn diagram of those unlucky souls with mental illness (which could be part of their own journey). Psychedelics are like an initiation ceremony and you can't tell the initiate about the challenges prior to the ceremony. So suicidal thoughts are the first challenge to overcome with a little ego loss and new perspective and re-framing of life. I do feel like suicide is the first hurdle to overcome on the journey with psychedelics. I feel it is the first firewall the ego throws up to scare you straight. Maybe deep down I want to live and paradoxically the ego is so smart it uses suicide to spook me and scare me off psychedelics so the ego can maintain control. The ego would never want me to carry out the suicide. It's just a scare tactic. Thanks again for the heartfelt replies.

You have zero clue of what depersonalization is. I could even write a book of how horrendous it is to be in that state of mind to the point of suicide, you don’t want to be there, everything feels so doll and fake. Separation with everything escalated to who knows what percentage, you could become even antisocial for how much disconnected you are with yourself and the world, you have a big ass victim mentality, physically you are here but mentally you are elsewhere, is not a pretty place, it’s hell, not identical at all to awakening or God Realization. One thing is to experience this in order to awake, another thing is being on that state 24/7 for months and years.

Yeah, I think you're right. When I said "most girls", I meant maybe around 60%. This is absolutely not the case, I'll tell you that! Daygame has given me a lot of dates, while nightgame has pretty much only given me suicide thoughts...

For what it's worth, I've watched the "Spiritual Perspective On Suicide" video many times over. It has helped me.