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@Hello from Russia ha ha Except the only my way out is to become extremely valuable or suicide.

The day I discover that I'm all alone ..I will definitely quit the forum. Quit society. Either go live by myself in a cave blessing out on nothing. Or I'm gonna suicide myself. There is no point talking to "others " if you truly believe there are no others.

Maybe gather the courage to endure your life. When you commit suicide, you get another womb, and the God that you love to hate on so much might give you a worse life. In this lifetime, you have all the resources at your disposal that you need to build a good life. In the next lifetime, you might be even more lost than you are now.

Dude, if you already consider suicide so seriously, just fuck with shit for some time and just die later. Fuckin', tell random girl from youR high school that you love her (even if you don't) , tell your parents to fuck off, mess with shit. Sleep outside in the wilderness. Fucking play with this illusion if you already accepted to commit a suicide. Don't be a pussy.

@Someone here true dude, it’s one of the reasons I don’t go close to suicide, but I think any sane person has thought about it at least once in their life, it’s just so violent that I don’t think anything pleasant can come of it, duality is so annoying, I don’t necessarily think you need to experience deep suffering to know great pleasure, god certainly does, but these egos, idk

please understand this ..you are gambling when you consider suicide..you don't know what happens after death..maybe you will live a worse life after you kill yourself. I mean who the fuck knows what happen when you die . At least you know this world and you can ground yourself in the Here and now .while in suicide you are risking going to a hell realm. You have no other options . .to be..or to be .

@Holykael what's stopping you from suicide?

All love, you project your lack of experience onto others, suffering actually makes you more loving. But you are scared of suffering that is why you say what you say. The more suffering you experience, the more empathy of others you will have, and then eventually you will even see your suffering for the illusion that it is. But you have to first go through these stages first to understand. I've suffered plenty, its why I understand what Leo is saying completely.....all suffering is self-created....it is just resistance to what is. Its not easy, its not pretty, and eventually it will be realized, but it is truth. Infinity is every single thing....even self-mutilation, even rape, even suicide, every....freaking...thing....and it cannot be any other way.

Goethe's writing is beautiful. "The book reputedly also led to some of the first known examples of copycat suicide. The men were often dressed in the same clothing 'as Goethe's description of Werther and using similar pistols.' Often the book was found at the scene of the suicide."

@Holymoly It's actually a tough thing to consider. Yes, grief is the consequence of love, but I think it's one of other consequences for being able to feel and experience love. I actually think apathy, and other emotions like laziness, boredom, humiliation and depression, especially depression, is the ultimate price for love. Other negative emotions, also thinking too, can be part of other costs, but I think depression would be the biggest price. Context sensitive is this one. Technically, lover's suicide is the greatest cost, but I think there are definitely other costs to loving. But that doesn't mean to stop practicing and avoiding love. Keep on feeling the love, despite the other costs, especially while you still can and will yourself to loving more.

BANG!!! I would remember that sound for the rest of my life was my first thought as I watched this young guy crumple to the floor. Dr. Werden originally ran towards Steve to stop him but it was too late, only an awkward body lay before him as dead as if he had never been alive beforehand. Dr. Werden frowned a hard frown and stated "This was Divine Will, and will not be understood." As I saw this I noticed I was trembling, it seems I was in a state of confusion and horror and was starting to get light-headed. I allowed myself the privilege of slumping to the ground as I watched Dr. Werden take out his cell phone and calmly dial. I heard him say "Yeah a student shot himself in the head on campus on by the South West Entrance to the Social Sciences Building. The campus is currently in a state of shock and terror." He then calmly bent down and looked Steve over being careful not to touch him, then simply stood there and waiting for the authorities to show up. I noticed my head was really hurting and Dr. Werden noticed me and started to approach. When he got in front of me and looked at me he asked "What's your name?" I shook my head to fight the daze I was feeling and replied "Richard, Richard Kennedy." Dr. Werden responded "Nice to meet you. Now how are you feeling Mr. Kennedy, you think you can stand or do you need to take some more time to process all this?" I shook my head to get some more of the daze out and replied confidently "No I'm fine I can stand." Dr. Werden then smiled and replied "Good because since you are a witness the police will have questions for you." Suddenly I felt a knot in my stomach, I didn't want to have to relive that moment much less talk about it. But then I remembered, that guy had people that cared about him, the least I could do was speak about his last moments. "Stand back, hey you tape this place up, and you two come over here and give me the low down." Dr. Werden led me to the man and put out his hand "The Name's Dr. Werden." The man took it and shook it "The name's Detective Presa Volte Crimine, you can call me Detective Volte since that's my nickname." Dr. Werden smiles and states "Well where would you like to do this questioning?" The Detective smirked "Don't worry I'll find a classroom and have yall stay after class." Dr. Werden smirked back "Will this count against our final?" I was taken aback, here we had a young guy with years ahead of him who just offed himself and these two were acting like long lost pals who'd just met up to have a chat. I looked at the two of them with accusatory glances and stated "Hey umm you do know someone just killed themselves right?" They both looked at me with a puzzled look. Dr. Werden gave a sheepish grin "Yeah me and the Detective go way back, he pretended just now that it was the first time we met but I use to do some consulting work for the Department a couple of years ago. We have dealt with a lot of dead bodies and we often use humor to liven up the dreary mood of crime scenes." The Detective looked at me like I was some puzzle he needed to figure out and replied "Look after you've seen 20 dead bodies, you kind of go numb. It is what it is, story of the grind." I could get the gist from a conceptual viewpoint, but for me this was new, raw, fresh, penetrating, and harrowing, if I could think up more adjectives I would but instead I felt like I was being pulled into a dark spiral and nothing mattered. I felt a deep fear arise in me, and I noticed that Dr. Werden and the Detective noticed and asked me to sit down as they led me to an empty classroom while they discussed some topic in the door way. As I sat at the desk I wondered, how would my last moment be? Would it be in a blaze of glory or would I just be some small mention in a sea of news stories without even a picture attributed as I wasn't noteworthy enough for any real effort in reporting my passing. After about five minutes Dr. Werden came to my table and let me know that the Detective had some questions for me. The Detective sat down with a recorder and stated his name, badge number, the date of the incident and what transpired. He had me state my name for the record on the recorder. Then we began the questioning. He asked me what happened before I got there, how did I end up at the scene, what did I see, how did I feel, what did Dr. Werden and the student do and did I hear their conversations. After about 10 minutes of this questioning he looked at me with a smile and told me I was done. He gave me his card, asked for my cell number and stated he would give me a call if he had anymore questions and that I was free to leave. Dr. Werden nodded and I jumped up as if suddenly held by restraints but let go, and quickly walked out of the classroom and headed home. I ran to my house, opened the front door, ran up stairs tripping as I did it clumsily, ran into my room and threw myself face first onto my bed. It seems I passed out and waking up had given me some energy. I went downstairs to the living room and turned on the T.V. and what I saw floored me. It was Dr. Werden being taken away in handcuffs and the caption read Dr. Werden was being charged with 'Criminally Negligent Murder" for the death of Steven Maldito. I couldn't believe it!! Its funny how some days work, who knew my first day of school would go from meeting my favorite teacher to witnessing a suicide in which my teacher would be charged complicit in. As I sat in astonishment I realized, I would probably end up being a key witness in the case and would have to go to court. I sunk in my couch, could this get any worse? How the hell did something like this happen to me? I hear the door bell ring, and when I opened it a reporter was there and a flash hit my eyes like he was trying to blind me forever. "Did you know the student Steven very well? What did you think about Dr. Werden's actions? Do you think he caused the kid to kill himself?" I slammed the door in his face. Looked up at ceiling as if trying to find God and thought...."Really what is the point of all this chaos?" My T.V. is still on and I hear that the news has already discovered that there is a material witness and they already discovered my name and they then plastered my face and name on the screen. I looked outside and news vans were parked along the street as if I were running some type of conference on the lawn. Things were just happening too fast for me. I just went from an unknown random student to the most famous witness to a crime in town. To be Continued.

People like Jordon Peterson, ben and matt strike me as very intelligent debaters and users of logic and simplicity. What confuses me is that, while I recognize that the natural progression of societal evolution leans in favor of libertarianism, I see a lot of really weird libertarian shit, peterson has been identified by some of us as someone who "brings balance to the force" by being a lib who actually has his head screwed on, unlike the majority of lib civilians who have obese half naked "women" with pink mohawks and rainbow banners that say "allow children to get gender changes at any age". …I was also discussing with a friend more recently about how typically, in the past, when there is a shift in the progress of societal evolution, there tends to be an overswing before an eventual and inevitable re-stabilization but that the overarching movement is still that of progression, positivity and necessity. and so in this regard i can understand why certain lib features may be a little exotic for a while and re-stabilize eventually...but im interested in looking at more stage blue individuals, why is it that people like Jordan Peterson and even Mr. Shapiro have really good debating skills and use of logic when contrasted against that of libertarian's (maybe I'm just looking at the wrong lib people). I just get the feeling that a lot of liberal philosophy is kinda damaging. like with this whole gender thing, there is solid research to suggest that gender related mentall illess exists strong and true and is related to drug abuse and genetic mental health disorders as well as massively increased rates of suicide and self harm even in protected areas where there is little to no bullying or oppression directed at them... i suppose a good example is this...while there are edge cases, the vast majority of trans people arent edge cases and suffer with mental health issues, and im willing to be corrected if im wrong but jordan peterson says that he believes that a man is a man if he has a cock and balls and woman is a woman if she has tits and a vagina and he also says that, while he wont necesarily go out of his way to offend or hurt someone intentionally, principally, if someone wants trys to make him use certain pronouns even if it violates his beliefs then he isint going to do it because its a breach of freedom of speech. Another example is matt's documentary "what is a woman?" which depicts the philosophy that, using modern liberal logic, how can a male identify as a female if females are now not classified as someone who has any kind of feminine features at all...what are they identifying as. What is a woman if you dont need a vagina, tits, long hair, certain biological components... And should liberals and extremeist social justice warriors have the right to have an abortion right up until 1 day before birth and then after birth, heavily encourage the child to consider getting a sex change? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, while i can see that libertarianism is obviously correct, what is happening with all this strange gender stuff and are figures like ben, matt and peterson wrong? (I know that there is probably more nuance to these issues and possible different nuances on a case by case basis)...Are these 3 individualds wrong for their approach to transgenderism?

I dont know where to start but yh its hard to deal with life or maybe its my flaut i dont know. The year and half have been just all over the place im 18 so when i dropped out of college i had no clue what to do so i was lost and fell in the trap of trying to find a job which i fearee doing because i kinda fear and dislike the adult world or the jobs i see and me imaging that i would be depressed for the rest of my life because it would be meaningless plus just the same old thing everyday. And this problem became such a fear that i was consdering sucide deeply because i feared that life soo much that i didnt want that life at all but the pressure of doing or getting a job made that fear worse. So around about the start of the year and last december i decided to watch leos videos about how to live a beautiful life which it did work but that fear of getting a job was still there and whilst i was watching leo i was starting to enjoy life so much and is started to become myself as a person (ofcourse someone will say there is no self bullshit but i have no idea about what it means). All i was doing was watching leos content and almost worship him like jesus well not really but i would take everything he says to heart and almost like he was the bibly or the gospel something like that. Which ofcourse caused alot of issues as the deeper i went the more deeper we went with everything so ofcourse there was gonna be a bomb that was gonna explode. And that did happen around february or march things went to shit stopped meditating stop watching leo and i dont know what happened to cause this specifically but the after math was i was trying to be like leo and live the way he did and like i said before when you think someone is like a god in your eyes and you take everything he says and belief in an instant then yh i kinda did and even today still deal with this problem. Also thought about suicide a lot started my porn addiction again needed to go to threapy untill i couldnt pay no more and my life fliped upside down in an instant. The last couple of months has been the same but the thoughts of suicide have stopped i figured and understood my fear a lot more, my feelings towards life and my excitement has disapeared and to be honest ive never felt such little excitement out of my life from the last couple of months which has scared me a lot because i dont what to do about it. Another problem ive been having is always not knowing what to do as all i do nowa days is set around and watch youtube all day and play some games but the voice inside of me is always saying you need to figure out your life and its been like this for the last couple of months and basically im lost and have no idea what to do with my life i guess i could go and work at a job but to be honest that would be like leo said soul draining. The fear of me not knowing what to do with my life or whats next has just haunted me for the longest that i know. And im always trying to plan to be like a perfectionist becaue i probably fear too much about failing or other stuff. For me i want to live a beautiful meaningful life but i have soo much doubt and so clueless upon what to do and i dont know how to get there or where to go and i do feel like sometimes i should just end it all because the amount of pain that ive experince the last 3 years or so i just feel like i would be at peace for once but i dont know what to think anymore. Ps this is not an attack on leo its more of my flaut then anything also may not have said everything or all the important things but this took a while to type up so may a have missed somethings. I didnt want to do this or never really wanted to do this but i have no idea and no one to go to to be honest so this is all i could think off also it has been a down week for me and the last day or so.

@Aaron p 1. Unless the child specifically wants that gender identity and wants the hormonal treatment. The catch 22 here though, is that most children don't know enough nor are able to make their own decision for the path of their entire life, which then puts partial responsibility for the child's guardians to help them think through those decisions. 2. I would say abortion should be allowed if the mother's life is in danger, has been sexually assaulted and forced to be pregnant against her will, or too young to be carrying a baby. Also, I would say the first week to 1 month for the abortion, but past that and the fetus thing in question looks like a human baby. 3. I don't understand your question, do you mean to genocide all gender related mental disorders? 4. I speculate its social media induced, but there are other factors like dysfunctional relationships or family traumas and such, too many reasons why there's a suicide rate increase in these cases. 5. Context sensitive. For example, some tribal person who grew up in a tribe, in a third world country, migrating to the USA and doesn't know there are these bunch of pronouns, gets a pass for me. Do you mean legal punishment for not knowing a pronoun? Or do you mean public punishment and public humiliation?

Alright ok, I'll drop the pink mohawks, BLM and stuff. BLM is extremely important, I guess I'm generalising a lot. I'll even drop the Ben, Matt and Peterson parts... Anyone straight gay black white trans deserves respect... ...I guess just ignore the OP, answer these questions (and I am looking to be corrected if I'm wrong legit): - is it alright to encourage/endorse/accept 10 year olds to question what gender they are and then facilitate the surgery for those children getting permanent gender transitions in combination with regular hormone replacement drugs? - should abortion be allowed up until birth? - have all gender related mental illnesses ceased to exist within the last 30 years? - why are there massively disproportionate suicide, self harm and regular mental illness rates within the LGBTQ+ community even in areas where they don't have to face oppression and bullying? - should someone be punished for not respecting certain LGBTQ+ beliefs by using "correct pronouns"? (By the way, the reason I'm asking these questions is because I'm becoming more involved in libertarianism and progressivism since I was a hardcore stage blue Baptist for 20 years. I'm just trying to gauge the new environment). Respect, peace and love.

My bad . Then I take back my words . But also notice that its still a high rate of deaths caused by suicide.

@Someone here I don't know what data you saw about suicide, but it seems what you said about suicide being the 2nd most common cause of death, isn't true.

Yes, but to say that the reason is because they were born, is just way too vague of an explanation for that. Again, If what you say would be true (that non-existence is objectively better, than existence),then why would anyone want to continue their life? If what you say would be true, then suicide would be the 1st common cause of death Why would anyone be afraid of death, if according to you, non-existence is objectively better than existence?

And thousands of people take their own life away every year . Do you know that suicide is the 2nd most common cause of death globally every year ? Why do you think suicide even exist? If life is meant to be lived happily then why does bad shit keep happening to you but just because you are afraid of death you delay your suicide because of fear of a worse situation after death than your current life . That's really all it boils down to . Well..Im aware that it has both negatives and positives . I'm here specifically focusing on the negativity of it . assuming more people choose not to have kids, there will be less instances of screaming babies in theaters and restaurants. There is a benefit. There will also be less babies taking up resources so more for the rest of us. There will also be less infants suffering due to being unwanted and likely in abusive households or orphanages whose quality of life is absolute shit .

I think he goes into states where he does a lot of psychedelics, and then makes posts like these. You can see the difference in how he writes, the quality of it when he is high vs. when he is not. I mean, it's probably not the best move if you're a semi-famous spiritual teacher who's trying to lead people towards a sense of balance/a great life and whatnot, but the fact of the matter is this, he isn't wrong, you know? Right-wing MAGA idiots do kind of suck. They're like literal parasites in this country. And for anyone with a decent ethical sense, it can be triggering and infuriating to see so many people fall into the trap of thinking that these people know what's best for the country. It's so glaringly obvious, that it's difficult not to want to just shout out, "You're a literal waste of space in every sense of the word and it makes me sad." Because it is sad, these people are destroying not only themselves, I mean, they don't vote for what's best for them, but they are destroying progress for millions of other people. So I see why Leo, who's entire "thing" is growth and progress, would be annoyed with people who are so against the human race moving forward, who are literally helping to facilitate our very extinction due to their own stupidity and greed. But it doesn't translate well when you have built up your image to not be someone who gets triggered about these things. Goes both ways. This stuff doesn't bother me, what bothers me is when he posts something like, "I got close to suicide" or something like that on a video, that worries me, because I value this community and if he is sick or dead, then this community will no longer exist. It's kind of like a selfish form of valuing someone. I get value from the space he allows for other people, and so I want him to be healthy and happy, but seeing as I don't know him personally and he has expressed a boundary multiple times over the years that he likes to have a bit of distance from his followers, I just let him do his own thing, unless the behaviour is really, really unusual, then I might speak up about it. But this is actually pretty normal for him, it seems. To get high on something, and either make an awakening video, or post a bunch of out of the blue blogs or weird pictures. My personal advice for him would be to wait until you're sober. Write it all up, sure, or take the picture, the video, etc, but just wait and see if you still agree with its vibe later on down the road. I say this as someone who used to smoke a lot of weed, or would sometimes browse the internet while drunk as a skunk - I don't do either anymore, but I would say things or do things that I would never say or do in a sober state, and it's like, once you do it, you can't really take it back - it's out there, or the pattern is set. And if you're a public figure and people have some weird expectation of you to behave in a certain way, sometimes it's not the worst thing in the world to entertain that for the sake of keeping your image clean. Expression is great, but if it comes at a cost, then it's best to put at least some personal boundaries on what you choose to show about yourself, and I don't think that if you're high that you'll know for certain where that boundary is - especially considering psychedelics remove those for you. Just my 2c. Take or leave.

I guess it's a stereotypical day for someone like me Without a nine-to-five job or an uni degree To be caught up in the trappings of the industry Show me the locked doors, I find another use for the key And you'll see I'm well aware of certain things that can destroy a man like me But with that said give me one more, higher Another one to take the sting away I am happy on my own, so here I'll stay Save your lovin' arms for a rainy day Matt jumped down the steps from his front door in one giant leap before turning into his wolf form and raced off to Maya and Wyatt's. He had a few different emotions churning around. On the one hand he was very happy to have had our morning together. I had taken the right initiative to maintain eye contact with him and to let him know that I loved him, and this made him feel special and energetically reinvigorated. On the other hand, he understood that I was in pain emotionally and didn't know what he could do to fix this for me beyond giving me the extra space that I asked for. He could see that my life was becoming a bit more resolved now that I had my memories back, but he wanted to see me happy and thriving and not stuck in the past. He was filled with a renewed sense of purpose at the prospect of returning to work, and stopped for a moment to let out a loud, passionate, "Awooooo!" of joy before continuing on his way to his friend's house, taking long graceful strides as he made his way through the neighborhood streets. When he got to Maya and Wyatt's he turned back into a man, quickly hopped up their steps and knocked on the door three times, with a wide eyed, eager expression plastered on his face. Wyatt answered moments later. "Matt! Hey buddy. It's a bit early in the week for hunting, what's up?" "Hey, can I come in? I wanted to have a chat with you, and, uh, maybe Maya if she's home..." Wyatt moved away from the door and indicated with his hand that it was okay to come in. Matt stepped inside and walked into their livingroom, which was filled with Maya's artwork depicting hunting scenes in golden calligraphy styled strokes and taxidermy busts of various light animals that Wyatt had commissioned. Their livingroom had the common dark red and mustard colour scheme that demons used and their couch and two brown chairs were covered in woven blankets and scattered with little decorative pillows. The floor was a dark wood and had a large hide from a light buffalo that rested in the middle of the room. There were pictures and canvases everywhere that held Maya's completed and incomplete works of art on them. The lighting of the room was very warm and the overall feel of the house gave off a comfortable, lived-in impression. "What do you want to talk about, man?" Wyatt asked. He noticed that his friend seemed to be in good spirits today. "You thirsty? Want anything to drink?" "No, I uh, I'm good." Matt made his way over to the couch and sat down in between a bunch of blankets and pillows, tossing some of them aside. "I wanted to let you know that I'm gunna take you up on your offer. I'd like to come back to work." Hearing this left Wyatt beaming. "Really? That's fantastic news, Matt." When Matt left the house, I decided to take the time to go over my life once more and to try to get used to my new body. I took the large framed mirror that he had on his dresser and propped it up on his bed, using one of the feather pillows to keep it steady. I took the other pillow and held it close to my chest for comfort and stared at my reflection in the mirror for a long time. Just a week ago I was a human being, a middle aged woman in an average looking body with an average looking face. Now I look like a teenager again and absolutely nothing like I used to. And yet Matt said this is the real me. The form taken each time in between my life and death cycles. I leaned in to inspect my face. No pores, no blackheads, not even a single wrinkle. My blonde hair was perfect. Shiny, with soft, bouncy curls. No body hair, flawless skin, a gazelle-like body, and a perfectly symmetrical angelic little face... "If I looked like this while I was alive I probably wouldn't have killed myself." I said jokingly. I had always wanted to be a beautiful woman and I missed my youth when I lost it, but now that I was sitting here in this new form, it felt very foreign to me. Like someone else was looking back from the mirror's reflection and it made me feel uneasy. "My name is Annie..." I reminded myself. "And I died. My name is Annie. And I died. My name is Annie. And I'm dead. Hello, new me..." I pressed my forehead to the mirror. "You will have to get used to seeing out of these eyes." I gripped the pillow tightly as a few stray tears escaped. I repeated some of what Matt had told me the night before. "You were born in Arizona. You had a mother, a father, a brother. You were sick. Very sick. If it wasn't from suicide, it would have been something else. You were lost. You had no choice. And now you're here, in a completely different world with people that you don't understand and you have a new boyfriend. And your soul is stuck within his. Forever. And he knows everything about you. Every embarrassing moment, every flaw, every insecurity. And he still loves you... you're loved. Isn't that weird?" Maya, upon hearing Matt's voice, came out of the couple's bedroom to greet him. "Is that Matt?" She was dressed in a white kimono and had braided her hair into spirals pinned on the sides of her head. She wore black lipstick and matching nail polish. "This is unexpected. So how did Annie enjoy our little trip last night?" She came over to sit next to him on the couch, moving some of the pillows to make a space for herself. "You know, I'm not sure. When I brought her home I told her about her past life and The Mother gave her all her memories back this morning. We uh, we had sex again and she popped up in my eye while we were going at it, you know?" Matt ran an anxious hand through his messy hair. "She, uh, she wants some space to work through it..." "Oh no..." Maya placed a hand over her mouth. "Is she okay?" "Yeah, she is doing better, but I'm sure I'll find out more when I get home, you know? I uh, I came here to discuss some things with you both." Matt continued. "He wants to come back to work!" Wyatt interrupted. "I can get you set up in a few days, man. You can start in the back and we'll move you up to management in a few months. If everything works out and you feel ready for it, then I'll hand everything back to you in six months tops. We'll get a contract ready. By the way, Sophia's the manager now, but I can relocate her to the Mington location. She isn't doing well with Broadview, I think there's too much traffic." "Fuck. Sophia's still working there?" Matt sniffed. Sophia was one of Matt's very first sexual encounters. She was a very beautiful demon woman with a tantalizingly perfect hourglass figure, but she had a terrible personality to go with it. She really liked the idea of cording with Matt, especially because of his wealth and social status within the city. When they tried to have sex he couldn't keep an erection and, feeling completely embarrassed about the whole ordeal, he decided to end the night early. She took it personally and told everyone who worked in the restaurant that he wasn't well endowed and that he would never make another woman happy, and often publicly degraded him to cope with her own irritation that nothing ever panned out between the two of them. Before Matt quit his job, he had admitted to a few colleagues that he had brought a human home and that he was caring for her. Violet. He mentioned that he was developing feelings for her. Upon hearing this, in a fit of jealous rage, Sophia spread rumours throughout the three restaurants that he had a fetish for "gutter rats". Matt was actually a very attractive prospect to a lot of demon women but not finding them sexually appealing, he rarely took notice and had a string of broken hearts that, for the most part, he was completely oblivious to. He knew that when he went back to work, she would give him hell for being in the position to eventually take over her job. "Fuck that bitch." He muttered under his breath. Wyatt chuckled. "I know Matt." Wyatt knew about Sophia's temperament. "It's going to be okay, man. It's just a few months with her." Matt looked at the ground and sucked on his upper fang in irritation. "Matt, I am so happy for you." Maya piped up. "What made you change your mind?" "Well... I have someone now. And I love her. So... I feel fucking good, you know, Maya?" The two of them smiled at one another. Despite being Wyatt's wife, Maya absolutely adored Matt and wanted to see him happy. Before she met Wyatt, she was very interested in Matt and they had gone on a date together but he didn't feel a connection so he introduced her to Wyatt, thinking that they would be a better match. And he was right. Weeks later, they had a cord between them. She was always trying to find ways to bring him out of his shell and to help him facilitate a connection with someone. After he had found a partner for her, she had wanted to return the favour. Hearing this news was music to her ears. "She's waiting at the house for me. So I don't wanna stay here too long. But I have a favour to ask of you." "What's that?" "My house isn't safe to leave a human alone in. Could I, uh, could I bring her by in the morning before I head to work to stay with you, Maya? I can't just leave her in my room all day. It won't be forever. It's just until I can figure something else out." "Matt, of course!" Maya exclaimed. "I can teach her about demon culture while you're away. We'll have a great time." "I don't like the idea of a human staying in my home..." Wyatt intervened. "But if it will get you back into the kitchen, then this is fine. Temporarily." He added. "Be sure to bathe before you come." "Thanks Wyatt." Matt reached out to shake his hand. "I appreciate this so much, you know? But I gotta get going now. I just wanted to discuss this with you both and see if we could all get on the same page." Matt stood up. "I'll see you in a few days to go hunting, man, and maybe we can write up that contract afterwards. Go over everything. And then you can set a date on when you want me to start. Sound good?" "Yes. And Matt? I have something I made yesterday. Light deer roasts with mingfruit jelly marinade. I want you to take some of this and share it with your human. We'll see who's the better cook now, man." Wyatt gave a cheeky smile and left to get the roasts. He returned a few minutes later with a bag that contained the wrapped up meat. Matt thanked them both graciously and left the house with the bag of food in his hands. Once outside, he put the bag handles in his mouth, transformed into a wolf and made his way back up the hill. I went over my life in great detail, contemplating and speaking out loud in the mirror to my renewed image. I thought about all of the spiritual awakenings that I had while alive and how they had left subtle clues for me that this would be my fate. I had always felt that there was someone meant for me, just outside of reach and somewhere beyond the constrains of my designated reality. I wanted to speak to The Mother and to thank her for what she had done for me. I addressed her directly, "Hi..." I said sheepishly, looking at my reflection. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I wanted to thank you for Matt. He's a really wonderful person and I am so glad to have him. I also wanted to thank you for giving me back my history..." I held tightly onto the pillow and gently rocked from side to side. I was feeling anxious to be communicating with her. "I don't think I could have managed here without my memories." "You have created a beautiful world. Your people are very lovely... I don't know much about their culture or their traditions, but their cities are stunning and their food is delicious. Everyone on Earth equates demons to being these evil monsters. I had no idea that they could be normal, loving and so understanding. Just like human beings can. If it weren't for Matt's eyes, I would forget that he is a demon and not a human! We are so similar in a lot of ways..." I continued. "This connection between us feels right. It feels natural and easy. I'm happy, and so grateful that you picked me out to be with your wonderful son. I just thought I should let you know that." I didn't know what else to say to her and decided to end it on that note. I curled up into Matt's red velvet blanket to take a long nap. I had been oversleeping a lot in this new world. A large part of it was due to the stress of these changes coming at me all at once. There was so much to take in and I didn't know how to process it without getting a lot of extra rest. When Matt got home, he quietly moved the mirror back onto his dresser and then went to the kitchen to cook the light deer for us to have for dinner. He let me sleep in peace for a few more hours until the early evening hit. He came back into the room with a dinner tray and gently woke me up, asking me to sit with him on the rooftop again. I agreed and we both curled up together to enjoy Wyatt's meal while watching the stars twinkle and the souls move through the band in the sky. Matt told me about the discussion he had with his friends and his plans for me. I let him know that I was coming to an active resolution with my history and passively mentioned to him that I thought he was the better cook. Upon hearing this news, he took my face into his hand and rubbed a soft thumb across my cheek. "Good girl..." Say, say, my playmate Won't you lay hands on me Mirror my malady Transfer my tragedy? Got a curse I cannot lift Shines when the sunset shifts When the moon is round and full Gotta bust that box, gotta gut that fish My mind's aflame We could jet in a stolen car But I bet we wouldn't get too far Before the transformation takes And blood lust tanks and Crave gets slaked My mind has changed My body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame My body's strained, but, God, I like it

True suicide often is a mercy killing because a person is in intense suffering and they believe that nothing can change it. For example, if a person is in one of the twin towers on the day of 9/11, then they might jump out of the building to avoid being burned to death. In a sense suicide is a twisted form of love in that the goal is to avoid intense suffering. It can be very sad. @Danioover9000 I agree that we have been getting off topic and we should probably get back to the limitations of compassion. meanwhile @zurew beat me to the post. Prisoners must get jacked as a form of intimidation toward other inmates.

Nobody is gonna investigate after the sentence is ordered. This is exactly right. Sad, but why not let it suffer? It makes absolutely no difference in the end. Suicide can be called a ''mercy killing''

Some percentage of murderers are rehabilitatable, plus some percentage of the convicted will be innocent. And if you say you can execute someone immediately after the trial based on solid evidence, you have to be wary about people who are possibly convicted innocently since their evidence is not as solid, not like with a video tape. This double standard would require a large-scale overhaul of the legal system, which is not going to happen anytime soon. Execution by suicide? Honestly if you really want a shooter or a rapist dead you should just do it yourself and not hand them over to the government for them to deal with.

I've been trying to think of some inspiration for Matt's look, and the general soul behind the personality, the energy and the essence that I want to convey with him. He kind of looks like the guy from Sandman, but with a much gentler, softer face, messier hair and dresses more casually. Usually just a black button-up shirt and some jeans with dress shoes. His eyes are also a tad bit larger and are shaped and coloured like a cats eye. He doesn't look like an Edward Cullen look-a-like, but the semblance and perfect facial symmetry is similar. The energy, however, is not. He isn't just a "pretty face", I want him to be a multi-layered character with struggles and faults, such as depression, some social anxiety/blindness and mild neurosis, as someone who struggles with women and with understanding their own sexuality - and to be relatable, especially for anyone who is dating someone that is different - be it race, sexual orientation or ability. Carmy from The Bear = Matt's soul - I love his energy, his voice and what he strives for. If I could put the troubles that my character goes through into a similarly well written narrative as Carmy's monologue here, then that would be my Matt in a nutshell. I've drawn from a few different sources of inspiration, but these two - looks and personality, make up the bulk of it all. The struggle that Carmy faces to fix his dead brother's restaurant is the same struggle that Matt faces when trying to come to understand himself in the heart of demon tradition and in trying to fix the humans around him. Sandman's face + Carmy's voice and personality = A good chunk of Matt's essence Matt is a badass, and is very capable of accomplishing all of the things that he sets his mind on. He's at the very top of his game with everything that he works towards - but he's also a very strange guy who doesn't always fit in with other demons socially. He's a good person who takes care of the innocent, strives to keep his compulsions in check and tries his best to be a good friend. He has become a social recluse due to his chronic depression, and Wyatt and Maya are the only ones who stand by him after he has pushed everyone else away and has given up on everything that he worked towards. But he finds some relief with a human partner, and everything in his life begins to change for the better. He begins to see himself not as just some weird outlier, but a demon man who is capable of great love and who deserves to be happy. -------- Matt sighed. He wasn't usually so emotional, but Wyatt had said some things he didn't want to hear. He walked around the kitchen and picked up his knives, then wiped them off and saved the ones that he would use for later, setting them back onto the counter according to size. He took out the pig's heart and put the rest of the meat in his cooling cellar, then unwrapped the heart from the paper it was in and began to slice it into small, fine pieces before putting them into a clay pan. His stove had four pits in it, where fire was started through manifestation. The clay pans would magically float above the fire pits and could be spun and rotated or moved higher and lower depending on the temperature needed to cook the food. Matt took a clove of what his people considered to be like a garlic and chopped it up into very thin slices and placed it into another pan to cook separately. He cooked the garlic at a higher temperature, and the meat at a lower temperature before adding them together. When this was done, he took it off the pan, put it onto a plate and then portioned the meat onto thin slices of dough before folding them into little triangles and adding them to another pan. When these were done, he sprinkled some various spices over the top. He took two plates, added a type of vegetable that had the texture of seaweed, but contained a rich, brothy flavour and put the triangle meat-pastries over the top of this. The heart of the light pig was still glowing white, and one could see the contents of the pastries shining from the inside, like little jewels. Matt put both plates onto a tray and carried them to his room. He sat the tray down on the nightstand next to the one he had placed for me earlier this morning and took note that I had finished all of my food and drink that day. Hands now free, he went to turn on the bedroom light and this woke me up. "Hey..." He said. "I'm home. I was, uh, wondering if you could come with me to the rooftop tonight and we could eat this food together. I thought maybe I could show you some things, you know?" I agreed to do this. I was happy to see him back. "Okay, cool, I'll take this." He grabbed the tray. "And you bring the blanket." I got out of bed and grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around myself before following him out the door. "Oh, I wanted to let you know. The wire room here, there's a metal panel that can cover it." He pressed a button on the side of the door and the room that contained all the wires that held the other rooms together was covered over with a single metal sheet. We walked to the end of this and he placed a hand over the interim room that allowed him to summon various spaces in his home and brought forth a winding staircase that went to the top of the house. At the end of it was a large window that could be pushed open that you could walk through to get onto the roof. We walked outside and sat on the roof. It was a completely flat surface. Some portions of the house slanted upwards, but the part that you could walk out onto was safe. We sat down next to one another and he handed me my plate of food, and then he took a portion of the blanket and wrapped it around himself. We both looked up at the nights sky. I noticed in the dark, that the food was slightly glowing from inside of the pastry and was curious to know what it tasted like. "Eat with your hands." Matt said. "That's how you build a connection to the food." I took a triangle and a bit of the vegetable that it was sitting on and ate them together. The flavours were rich, brothy and savoury. There was a sweetness to the meat that was hard to pinpoint. "So, you're a cook?" I asked. "I was. I uh, I ran three restaurants but that was a long time ago. I'm a simple man you know, I like to cook, I like to hunt and I'm a good businessman." Matt spoke in between his bites of food. "What were they called?" "Matt's Place. My friend runs them now. You'll meet him and his wife tomorrow." "Oh." I took a look around the neighborhood and the city lights off in the distance. The partition that Matt put up was no longer there and I could see the rest of the sprawling city. Their skyscrapers were especially lit up. He pointed out various areas in the city to me to show where they were located. "Broadview." He said, chewing on another bite, motioning towards a hill. "Heartford." He pointed in another direction. "Mington." "This is really good Matt. Thank you..." "Yeah!" He smiled. He had tiny little demon fangs. Cute. "So I uh, I wanted to show you some things while we're up here. I thought you should know about where you come from, you know?" I nodded and looked him in the eyes. Demons had cat-like eyes that glowed in the dark. There was no white in their eyes, just a solid cerulean blue with various little stripes that moved into the center of the black pupil. "So uhm, right behind you there, you see that band shooting across the sky? It has what look like little stars moving in it? That's what you are. Well, were. When humans die they move along that tunnel and they keep going past a few layers of density within reality. Their light source is a few densities away from ours, you know?" I nodded, taking in everything he was saying. "And that other band, the one that's farther away, that's where humans return to - they have a planet called Earth - it's in the densest layer of reality. We're right behind you guys. So, uh, sometimes you guys fall out of that tunnel and get stuck here - for a while, but someone always comes back for you..." He looked down at his finished plate of food. "When a human lands here it never remembers anything about its past, you know? Once the body dies, your story is fresh and you get a new one. You keep returning to your planet until you finish a cycle of some sort. We don't know what that is or what the reasoning is for why your souls develop this way. We try to stay out of it, you know? But it's very unusual for a soul to be structured like this. Demons like us, we get one story and we live it out, day after day, but you guys, you get a start fresh after a period of time, you know? The weight of reality doesn't stick to you..." I looked up in wonderment at the two bands. They stretched from one end of the sky to the other, and the tunnel looked like a thin aurora borealis. "Do I go back there?" I asked him. "No." Matt said strongly. "No..." Softer this time. "You stay here. With me." "Why?" "I don't know if you can, your key opened my lock. A part of your soul is moving within mine. How could it leave?" "I wish I could remember what it was like to be a human. I don't remember anything..." "No. You don't. You know, sometimes not knowing things is a blessing. It's better this way." He thought back on what he had learned about my suicide and didn't want to spoil my fresh start with the knowledge of my past life. "You know..." He changed the subject. "On the other side of the sky, you see the circle of light right up there? You can't miss it." I nodded as he pointed out to me what looked to be a large moon. "That's our energy source. You have yours that you come from and reincarnate back into, and we have ours that we built our world around. We use this light to keep our species going. There are three orientations you can be born into. Light, dark and grey - and we're dark. That doesn't mean we're bad guys, though, you know? Dark is just the chaotic element to reality. Yin. We come from the main source, The Mother, she gave birth to all of us and made our planet next to this source so we could live from it and grow. There are different species of animals that migrate through yin energy, but rely on yang to feed from and we follow these patterns and keep track of when and where to hunt so that we maintain a balance with our energy source." Everything he was telling me was fascinating, but I still felt uneasy. Despite not having any memories of my past life, I still had the emotional imprint of what had happened and this was giving me a chronic sense of negative feeling. I liked Matt, quite a lot, and I was happy to be a part of his life, but I felt naïve. Like I had been just placed there, without any previous understanding into who or what I was and I didn't know anything about these people, their customs or how I would fit in with them. My future felt unsettled in many respects. I didn't know what else to tell him and didn't have anything to say in regards to what he had told me about his people. So I set my plate down and crawled into his lap to place my chest against his so that I could feel our connection. It was the only thing that gave me a sense of ease. I buried a portion of my face in his chest, one eye near his neck and peered out with a single eye off into the sky - to watch the band of souls travel across one point in the sky to the other. Matt put his arms around me and looked at the energy source from the other side of the sky and thought about his own problems - how society would handle his new connection, how he would bring me out into the world, and thought about what Wyatt had told him earlier that night. The one thing that held everything together was this cord between us, and to us both, it was the only thing that mattered. "Annie..." He whispered. "I wanted to apologize for, uh, for what happened in the basement the other night. I, uh, I wasn't thinking straight. You know?" "Why did you let me break into your own house? Also, why do you have a waterfall in your basement?" "It's where I used to keep fish for my restaurants... and I was just curious to see what you were on about, is all. Do you forgive me?" I nodded. "Good, I'm glad to fucking hear it, let's go back inside. I'm gunna do things to you." I climbed off of him and he grabbed the two plates. I took the blanket and we went back downstairs to his bedroom. I'll be falling down You be watching by my side (By my side) I just need a helping hand, I just need you in my life (In my life) Clouds keep turning black Baby please just call me back You keep living in my mind Feel your soul inside (Yeah inside) Falling into pieces, I'm so alone