Search the Community
Showing results for 'suicide'.
Found 4,295 results
-
Kuba Powiertowski replied to Gabith's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Gabith, I believe that Galyna is right. Suicide doesn't end anything. Mind and body are two different aspects of the human experience. The mind spends a lot of energy on thought and emotional processes. The stronger the emotions, the more intrusive thoughts and the more power is used. Kundalini practice shows you this in black and white. Through the course of very demanding physical-breathing exercises and meditation in very uncomfortable and painful positions - you focus on your breathing. This allows you to observe the narrative of the mind, which finally screams, "you can't make it, fuck me, that's enough !!". The breath guides you through this scream and begins to distance you from it until it disappears somewhere beyond the horizon. Then these gigawatts of energy are at your disposal, and suddenly it turns out that the body you think you know is just going into some turbo speed. The expansion begins, which - this is the most interesting - you know well. Have a try. I recommend it with all my heart. Find only a truly committed teacher. And don't punish your body. It was not at fault, and turning it off will only make the fuss worse. Besides, it's a great vehicle—99.99% self-repairing, self-loading super suit. You need to know it well. You will see for yourself. Good luck! -
@Gabith also please don't entertain thoughts of suicide. It always gets better. Trust me. All you need is patience brother.
-
Galyna replied to Gabith's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Because suffering is the best teacher. You suffer for a reason, it is a wake up call. You won’t grow otherwise. Committing suicide is not an option. What will happen is that you will transit from one dream into another dream. Do you truly think you will die? ? It is all a dream. Consciousness is just dreaming. -
Gabith replied to Gabith's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Galyna I don't understand why God would put in Hell or bad conditions people who commit suicide... if someone commit suicide, it's because he's in deep suffering so why would God punish him even more ??? It doesn't make sense -
Galyna replied to Gabith's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
This guy has the whole serious about suicide and what follows it. Do not kill your body, your suffering won't end. Also study Bardo. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bardo In some schools of Buddhism, bardo (Classical Tibetan: བར་དོ་ Wylie: bar do) or antarābhava (Sanskrit, Chinese and Japanese: 中有, romanized in Chinese as zhōng yǒu and in Japanese as chū'u)[1] is an intermediate, transitional, or liminal state between death and rebirth. Man, I need to create a thread about it. So many people struggle with these thoughts. -
Yeah this is a crazy event. I kinda wanna build a cult too, without the mass suicide/murder part. Nothing quite so interesting happens these days.
-
Optimized Life replied to bmcnicho's topic in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
Yes I agree with that. obviously other factors like self confidence come into play which I would say aren't as genetic however if the highly ambitious person has low self confidence, he'll either commit suicide or eventually become confident & once he does he will start killing it, that is my intuition because as an ambitious yet not always that effective person I know how fucking frustrating it is when you fail & you don't live up to your standards, when I don't work hard it feels like I'm constantly being strangled & burned on a hot stove, for a normal person it is a relief that they get to relax. When I went on "holiday" last time I did, the "friends" (Mediocre idiots) I was with just wanted to "relax", literally fucking drink alcohol on a beach & do absolutely nothing. Whereas I was constantly thinking about levelling up in a holiday way as a form of "relaxtion" for myself : I wanted to approach girls & work on my game constantly, not drink because it numbs me, I want to make connections to build networks, take photos to practice photography, build a mental map of the city in my brain & practice all the different routes for going round the city, I wanted to workout still & set a challenge with myself to approach the hottest models there walking near the beach. I wanted to practice foreign languages & learn culture & customs with the natives, I was even thinking abot strategically networking there to find people who could let me stay in the future = free or discounted travel. I'm not saying all this as if It's profound or genus it's pretty basic, my point is that's an example of a genetic pallet for amibition whereas I just couldn't, couldn't understand why these guys were happy to sit around & drink & do nothing all day, it didn't make sense to me even for like 5 minutes, with a hot girl I get it & u get nice sex but I mean on their own lol, & they were so happy to waste money on multiple resterautns & shit it didn't make sense to me, I realized that holiday that I'm a different person & I just can't interact with low T low ambition men, it's a horrible experience. I'm not the most effective nor am I that intelligent (although not sure how I even define intelligent) but I am certainly creative and ambitious, and I can only really attribute it to genetics. However I didn't always have access to / abilitiy to leverage either of those, BUT I dont say that means that I suddenly became that way from environment, no. It's I had both as latent potentials, but due to environment, low self esteem, diet, ect... my ambition was not I couldn't act on it, but that doesn't mean I never had it, I did have it, but I didn't understand myself enough & furthermore I was very miserable whereas obether kids would be happy & I didn't now why, part of it was due to not realizing that I just needed to fulfill my ambition. So in a sense environment blunts out the amibition, but it's still truly there under the surface. So yes environment has an affect & can block/dilute the amibition buty go it never truly goes away. So ambition + bad environemnt = recipe for distaster because truly amibitious guys never just stop being that way, they will turn to toxic or illegal methods to fulfill their amibitious yearnings, or they be stuck in mediocrity but will kill themselves because the incogruency & the pain is so strong & unbearable. -
@something_else With 4 words, you can bed a girl. With 4 words you can repel a girl. Yeah, I don't understand how my advice to 'spend a long time coming up with a response' can have you translate it as 'write a long paragraph to the girl in text'. With 4 words you can kill a person. With 4 words you can save a person from suicide. Simple. But it takes effort to say those right things. If you write even those four words without thinking, you'll fail.
-
@MichaelJohn It’s still pretty fresh for you, so give it time. It’s also important to note that: It’s not up to you what others do with their lives. You have a right to live your best life, and you should to honour and be an example to everyone who questions whether life is worth living. Consider seeking council with a professional and reading books on: grief, shame, letting go, acceptance, self esteem, and books specifically for people who have lost loved ones to suicide. It’s very fresh for you. You are only responsible for you. Don’t carry something that wasn’t truly yours to carry. Whatever feelings you are feeling right now are totally okay. Feel them. Be kind, loving, compassionate and understanding with yourself.
-
Not meaning to oftend you. But recently a guy on the forum was ghosted by his ex. And it was unbearable and he talked about suicide. His messages were left on read. I was ghosted by my ex too. It felt like a mental shock. So I could understand what he was going through. I felt so much pity for him, I cried so badly. I even offered myself to him as a rebound that he could use to get over his ex for a few weeks. It was that bad. He thanked me later for serving as a temporary girlfriend and for giving him emotional support. It's okay to not read or reply stuff if it's a casual date and you know that person since a few days to a week. But in a relationship that's, beyond two months, ghosting, leaving on read, blocking etc, even dumping by text, basically not giving proper closure to the other person, I see these behaviors as reckless and uncaring of the other's emotional states.
-
I thought to myself there are lots of people who are depressed, sometimes i told myself most people are depressed. But they are not. Stats say 5% of the world population is depressed. At the psychiatry too there isnt lot of peers among my age. Im 17 and at the psychiatry there isnt lot of people at all. Its a weird thought and it should not happen but its just weird to me how no students commits suicide. Not because school is stressful or any of that. (I actually like school btw). But rather because of depression itself.
-
@zurew it is not just about my suffering. It gets transfered onto others who are good just by them looking at me or being near me. Yeah, I don't think I am more damaging than anyone else, I'm even less damaging, but I'm still worthless in this world and damaging. I also cause damage to bugs and animals sometimes just by staying alive. So I just cause damage to myself and others and I basically have no reason to live. Myabe suicide is much better Karma, but okaY, whatever, I will continue to live in this terrible body and house and do the best I know, but it is not gonna be good enough, ever. I think I might be poisoned or something, but will not be able to test that in the next ten or twenty years. So the pros of suicide are sometimes that you actually help a lot of other beings by dying and you make them happier.
-
I am not a spiritual person and didn't really ask these questions in the past. Now that I am on the brink of suicide, these existential questions became more relevant to me. How do I find answers to the following questions... Who am I? Where did I come from? Where did existence come from as well as all these other people in my life that i don't get along with? Where are the Gods if there are any? Why isn't reality just nothingness the way it is every night I go to sleep? Why care about life when we are gonna die anyways and there is no life after this one? What is the difference between me and you? If nothing, why am I still here and why does it feel like we are different and separate?
-
Thought Art replied to The Mystical Man's topic in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
@AtheisticNonduality He didn’t just murder other people, it was a mass murder of children. It’s also not about resources for me. I think he should be killed for committing a mass murder. It’s just that simple, if you commit a mass murder of children you die. I don’t care who he will be in 60 years. There’s billions of us who don’t commit mass murder. There are probably people he affected who will commit suicide as a direct result of his actions, people who may end up homeless and on drugs, people who in 60 years are shells of what they could of been. Who knows? in 60 years his victims will still be dead. Let’s care more about Cruz though. Jk, I know you aren’t caring more about the mass murderer than all his victims and their families and communities. And ultimately, if he spends his life in prison, who knows. Maybe he will find a way to contribute. I still think he deserves death for what he took from everyone else. -
The two reasons I lost my freedom, was placed on an order and lost my spiritual gifts: 1. Walking on the road (did this once) I had spent the night in complete agony and madness, without any family support, homeless, lost my keys, wallet. The darkness was making sounds so I huddled up near a street light near the side of the road. After many long hours of this, stuck in contemplation, I finally had the insight to lean into the darkness and madness. It all flees when you lean in. I laid down on the road and stared at a brick. Then I gathered up more courage to face the cars head on that were rattling with negative energy and threatening to kill me. So I began walking on the roads. There was a giant graffiti on the side of the road that said ‘voluntary suicide’ and that’s what I called it, voluntary suicide. The spirits/signs congratulated me on my courage but after the police caught me and sent me to the hospital they recommended I practice with birds and off of the roads. 2. Inappropriate sexual conduct in hospital Sexuality is the fastest way to shift energy (a nightmare at the very end of psychosis taught me that, where I had sex with Satan with a drill in the background - drills symbolised death). And I was in the worst experience of my entire life. I genuinely thought I was going to be raped and murdered because of a core major belief in the Unification. The unification was the major belief that the whole planet was awakening and unifying on all levels, including sexually. But that in some spheres sexuality had become corrupted and the need to unify had turned into rape. I thought perhaps if I committed ‘voluntary suicide’ by offering myself up I would be spared the rape. After that they forcefully jabbed me and placed me on an order. The frightening thing is, I predicted the jab. The jab was a part of what the darkness threatened to do to me. Paralyse me then rape me. I still think sometimes that if I hadn’t offered myself/shifted the energy that the jab would have paralysed me instead of saved me and I would have been raped on another plane of existence. “It was what got me through a hellish experience but no one will believe me of course and everything shifted to where it never happened. Sexuality has a way of shifting higher dimensions. So I did that. Strange men in black who I didn't know but apparently knew me took me so it resulted in that. "Extreme times call for extreme measures" It was like a ritual. ” . Spider is going to get you first paralyse you then wrap you up and feast on you . Okay. I genuinely don’t know if I was mad or had delusions or not. I didn’t act crazy except for meditating with my hands ( fos ro dah! ). That’s the point when you’re crazy, you don’t know. Now that might be because crazy doesn’t exist and we’ve been gaslit, after all consciousness can pretty much do anything. My heart won’t tell me, it keeps flip flopping.
-
The thing is you don't know, and you have to accept that. It might be the case, that it would have much more upside than downside, or the opposite, but you don't know that, so you are committing yourself to the unknown. Maybe there is such a thing as reincarnation, maybe there isn't. Even if there is such a thing as reincarnation, why would it be guaranteed that your next life would contain less suffering than the previous one? There are many other assumption baked into your questions. Why would you assume, that if there is such a thing as reincarnation, that you would only reincarnate to Earth, or that you would only reincarnate as a human, or that your suicide won't have any karmic consequences?
-
@Ethan1 Yeah, thanks for hearing me out. My cousin died of suicide yesterday, she was 16. She was taking anti-psychotic meds, and I used to force myself to take the same when I was her age. I remember having better days lying about taking the meds rather than taking the meds. She probably didn't give herself that space of honesty. I'm resonating the most with anger through the grieving process right now because of how quick and easy healthcare still claims to sell treatment. It makes me sad that my cousin never even tried or was encouraged to try a vegan diet to better herself. I only got to cook around her when she lived with me about 2 months ago for a fortnight. She took her meds every night. She was better at drawing than I am. It's really shallow of the medical industry to not ask their patients to investigate their diets. At least with veganism you have an ethical view on your own sadness and an applicable problem to take the world up with. All of my relatives are certain she had a mental offishness about her we never could place. She seemed so happy with everybody, they say. Goddamn, if only she was allowed herself to smoke weed and trip like I did at her age. Still, I wasn't allowed by authority by any means. ___ This also made me think of something. I look back on all of the run-ins I had with the law as an attempt on my part to BE MORE NORMAL as a young person growing up. It was the rebellion itself that normalized my stigmatized mental illness. I was overjoyed one time, high on acid, laughing through my grandparents dismay, handcuffed to a gurney in the ER because they were fully aware that I was just somebody who didn't care. I was more simple than some new pseudo-illness that society has just realized. The episodes of grief that struck me before that epiphany occurred in revolt to what authority asked of me. Rather than having been an AFRAID STIFF ANAL mental patient listening to what mom said to take and going to church because she said so, that is who I became. Funnily enough, in my senior year, I ended up attending church anyway because I enjoyed going and playing in the worship band.
-
Fleetinglife replied to trenton's topic in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
The invasion of Iraq wasn't justified on the grounds of the aftermath of the Gulf War of 1991, after which promptly the US sanctioned Iraq for 12 years until the full-blown military invasion and regime-change operation of Saddam Hussein in 2003. As we know it was justified on the now-proven subsequently manufactured and false presumption and claim that Saddam's regime in Iraq was directly, and indirectly involved or was also the one orchestrating the suicide bombing of the World Trade Center, Twin Skyscraper Towers in New York, US, while in fact twelve of those sixteen suicide-bombers were from Saudia Arabia and were indoctrinated among other things with the extreme wing of fundamentalist Wahhabist Islamist ideology that has/and still has to an extent it's main sponsorship in the Islamic world from Saudia Arabia, the US and some other western countries main petroclient and oil slushfund in the M.E. up until that point, we shall see if that still remains the case in the fututre now having this current conditions and mood towards it currently in mind, and on the false amplified and trumped up moral panic and alarmist hysteric claim that his regime was in the meantime actively working on a program, under heavy crushing economic sanctions and embargoes as a 'punishment' for it's Gulf War adventurist invasion generating a huge humanitarian and actual famine inducing crisis in Iraq in the 12-year time span in the meantime before the invasion, for manufacturing weapons of mass destruction to target American troops in the Middle East. Not to mention the fact that the US and some other western countries like France in the Iraq-Iran war almost openly publicly and actively backed Saddam Hussein with some modern tech and weapons in just 2-3 years prior to the Gulf War in invading Iran, which was then seen as reactionary clerical Islamist theocratic state regime that needs to be overthrown and strangled as soon as possible while it's weak in its cradle in order to get the Shah back in power and to secure that sweet Persian gulf oil for extraction for western private multinational oil companies for a cheap price of course. What's even more devilish and deceptory in the invasion justification itself is that a NATO country, the US in this case, for the first and one only time still in NATO history called upon Article 5, on the basis that it was attacked on its own soil, to call upon other NATO members to go with it in Afghanistan to jointly conduct bombing, miltarily invade the country and subsequently then conduct counter-terrorist operations within it, because the Taliban helped shelter and provide logistics and some collaboration to Osama bin Laden right before and after the 9/11 bombing while Saudia Arabia where the main bulk of the ideologically motivated terrorists that carried out that terrorist attack where from was magically left off the hook, spared any shared guilt, burden or responsibility for directly or indirectly providing a lot of the ideological basis behind the attacks, while at the same time engaging in regime-change operations of the Taliban government in Afghanistan as well and beginning its attempt of nation-building for the long-term, and it also tried to goad some other NATO members to invade Iraq as well on that same basis and justification and false claims and manufactured, distortedly presented evidence that Saddam Hussein was also involved in the 9/11 bombings, which most of them as far as I am aware of refused, except for Amerophile, cringe part of Poland, undermining it's until then principally held historical legacy as an often defensive, historically victimized, invaded and occupied buffer country with that hypocritical, cringe move, that actually sends some of its active detachments there together with the main invasion force. The fact also that France, which was aware that it was also actively backing militarily and economically Hussein during the Iran-Iraq war, outwardly refused, out of not wanting to jump in its own mouth, to participate in the invasion of Iraq, a country that it actively backed not some fifteen years prior and goading it to try to defeat Iran in the war in order to collapse it's newly founded unfavorable to it regime there, instead of the US or Britain, says volumes in itself about the actual proven, existing ulterior motives that went behind the justification behind that invasion operation and plan as well. So in short, to recap, a country headed by an unfavorable brutal, authoritarian figure for the Western economic interests at that particular moment, not from before I assume when he invaded another country ten to three years prior in which he was actually partially militarily and economically aided by some western countries to do so because that current regime is unfavorable to you namely the Islamic Republic of Iran, screwing up your economic interests at home and abroad in the Middle East by spiking up the oil prices because of his still partial at that moment invasion and occupation of the north of Kuwait, where the main oil field dispute was, until after the announcement of operation Desert Storm the Iraqi military proceeded then to invade it's capital city as well is you think a justification enough to bomb and invade a country, as a whole after imposing crushing economic sanctions on it, 12 years after on the basis on an unrelated incident to itself that involved most of the perpetrators coming from a country that also could be known to be even more barbaric, vicious and brutal, or you could say socially regressive and authoritarian in some social aspects than Iraq at that said time and which at that time most promoted and sponsored the ideology which motivated the main bulk of those perpetrators to carry out those world-famous terroristic attacks and acts but that is also needed for your oil flow and economic interests as a economically key partner and client in the Middle East? The fact, that you also said that you are currently living or from a country that was one of the main junior partners of the US in the invasion and the subsequent war-torn occupation zone partialization of Iraq during the regime change operation, namely Britain, while seemingly brazenly, proudly and in the open, without a degree of self-reflection and guilt, gish-galloping on inventing ad hoc reasons that first come to your mind as you go about the stereotypes of the history of that country for the justification of its bombing and invasion based on directly unrelated historical events and engaging in deliberate or undeliberate distortion and deception about the actual historical events and facts to seemingly fool people who know no better on it's history that led up to the invasion while simultaneously projecting on and claiming biases on others based on nationality is so biased, clueless, morally empty and hypocritical that it's astounding that there is not an actual degree of self-reflection and degree of guilt and consciousness regarding that involved here. You project and claim Leo is blinded by bias that you conveniently invented for him to project yourself (or perhaps your own guilty consciousness) upon by you asserting for him, almost as a nationalist authoritarian would, his main nationality for him to identify with in the Russia-Ukraine war, while you as a claimed and identified with Brit seemingly openly cheeringly and without a tinge of seeming guilt and shame actively go on about inventing cherry picked reasons from some selective pulled through events of Iraq's history as you go in justifying your country's past military involvement in the bombing and invasion of Iraq which left an estimated almost million people dead in total in its wake and aftermath several years after is so hypocritically morally empty and vacuous, astoundingly ignorant and borderline criminal that one should not even have to point it towards and out to someone if he is that un-self-reflective and unconscious regarding his own countries of origin and identification with past not so long ago crimes. -
How to be wise replied to at_anchor's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
This forum needs better resources for dealing with suicide. -
What is the downside? It looks like Karma is becoming a new God fearing symbol that punishes the bad. What if life is unbearable from chronic illiness caused by somethig and people problems? If there even is such a thing as a self that suffers the consequences of suicide, wouldn't you have already paid the Karmic debt in this life to some extent? Why not just go in circles until Earth grows to a high enough stage of spiral development and then you don't have to suffer as much anymore?
-
Gesundheit2 replied to omar30's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Out of all the gazillion possible incarnations, I have incarcerated at the end of times. Thank you, God Personally, I don't believe in this Shunyamurti/prophet nonsense. Though, I can see that with the rapid evolution, things are slowly (at least for now) getting worse globally and for the majority of people. My thoughts is that humans will simply cope in some way that doesn't involve many major changes to the systems they have created. Though, the disconnection and polarization between humans will keep increasing rapidly, and at a higher pace. We will eventually become different species. Right now, it's only first-world to third-world. In the future (maybe a couple hundred years), it will reach like 50th or something. But all in all, the only way to wipe out this cancer called humanity is by some year-long meteor shower. Or maybe if the earth decides to commit suicide and explode on its own. -
Wow, I posted on this thread or a thread like this a while ago (think it wasn't this thread). My first cousin just self-deleted today. She was 16 years old. Her twin brother found her dead this afternoon. Yeah, from where I'm sitting, suicide is not cool. I live with my grandparents, and I was told right before my grandfather arrived with lunch. He didn't know. We had a very difficult meal. He was his same joking self, and my grandmother and I kept making this solemn eye contact. When he finished his meal and let it be known to him, he let out a sound similar to a dog yelping in pain. I won't forget it. I won't ever get to see my cousin at a drunk Christmas party, or any future family vacation. I have to live knowing that I was one of the few who has harvested her soul just from direct contact. It is a direct experience that will no longer fathom itself. I literally saw her 2 months ago. Don't kill yourself, it's really selfish to have everyone who knew you regurgitate these unoriginal feelings of grief and mourning just because you doubt your living potential. Doing anything is better than self-deletion. If it prevents you from being a doormat, start a fight with teenagers who are cutting themselves in front of you while they are drunkenly confessing their pain. If you realize what can be gained from being just and important from that alone, people are the last thing that matters. Negative societal behaviors are really what you encounter, not people. If you are honest with this you become actually God, just and possibly capable of changing others to positive behavior because they are literally algorithm to you -- no reason to be afraid of a recurring algorithmic experience. Suicide is pettyyyy
-
Say me, 22 y/o guy, by my own will, wake up to my Godhood now and to how I'm creating every situation and person that I interact with. None of them have a POV, they're just figments of my consciousness and they only ever exist when they're in my direct experience, as well as everything else. At the same time, I decide that I don't want to die for whatever reason and instead gonna use my Godly power to manifest the life of my dreams and carry that through instead, since I don't see a point in living a life that I already know is entirely fictional, so I'd prefer to live out MY (ego) fiction instead. Now I've come down from the realization and I find myself in a mansion, some cool cars in the garage, billions in my bank account and a hottie waiting for me in the living room. At this point there is no denying that I AM God, that I am all alone, all powerful, and that this is just a very advanced simulation of my imagination. There is no bed to crawl under when I feel dread over my own existence anymore. No one else to blame either because there's no one there. At that point, what is left to do? Have I ruined the game/dream? How am I supposed to let go of everything that I've grown up thinking I knew and that I assigned meaning to over the years? Everything is reduced to 0, nothing, nada. I don't think I can carry on with the lie, heck, not even know, but even much less after that. And that's exactly the problem. I genuinely feel like I already know this is all fake, intuitively so. I feel to the core of my being that if I truly wanted to I could collapse the entire "Universe" right now. I could wake up right at this moment through my own will, because I already know I'm the first cause, always. Not a forum, not a psychedelic, not a meditation technique. It's ME... And this, is just all so saddening. Having to let go of my family early on, and that at this point I have no choice in the matter because I know too much, I've seen too much. And once that happens, I think I'll just suicide and onto the next dream, a clean slate... and that is just as saddening. I feel like I've already lost them, the few people I had in my life. And I am so young too... I wasn't ready for this (could anyone be?). On one hand I can't keep on living a lie of this magnitude, I just have to know the truth to keep going. And on the other hand, I kind of don't wanna find out because once there's no more doubt, I won't be able to bear the fact and I'll kill myself. I feel like I'm in the middle of a "unstoppable force meets an immovable object" situation and it's just dragging me down like you have no idea. I don't know what to do anymore, if there even is something I could possibly do.
-
Guest replied to michaelcycle00's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
It is true that suicidality is in a way nothing else than forgetting that you actually want to be here. And yet: If everything that happens during your lifetime is a product of Your (=> God's) will and creation, then doesn't that necessarily include the potential act of suicide? Could suicide even be a thing if it wasn't also part of God's plan? It's an interesting paradox, to say the least. -
@Breakingthewall @Gladius + @everyone, yes, so, it appears slaves in ancient Rome lived a better life than me. That's fucking insane. Right now I feel terrible and feel like I wish I did not exist. For the past two days I was also feeling weak, afraid and hopeless. So yeah, my family is my enemy as well. They want me to suffer and fail. They lie, hide, manipulate, cross my boundaries, etc. It started in my childhood and now it is coming to an end. It is harder to attack someone selfish and basically evil than myself. I just have a problem with leaving my money and other stuff behind to them. It is cold here and I want to go to hell. I know life after death does not exist, but I feel this way now. Do you know any good charity organization, I know it would be terrible to basically ask one of you do you need money. My suicide is gonna be a result of society, family and a group of elites pushing me down, not this site, to be clear.