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No... if you listen closely, especially if you are suicidal, the Gods will do everything in their power to come to you to help you in your time of need. They love their creations very much and do not want anything to harm them. There is no hell, other than the experiences that we have here on earth that offer a sense of contrast. We need this contrast to grow and to feel. What comes after death is unification with love, with the divine, in some form. When I had my awakening experiences, I felt everyone connected to the Source energy. Absolutely everyone who ever was or will be, all singing in unison. Animal, plant, human. Good, evil. All with purpose and reason. The universe takes into account suicide in its plan. Absolutely. If you take your life, it was already planned. There are some circumstances where the soul might do something unexpected, but this is very, very rare. And this is what fuels the evolution of consciousness forward. When I experienced the universe, it was very much like the visuals of this song - all things in their proper place. The web of life, the feedback loops that govern us. I have a strong faith that those who have harmed themselves move on to a place for healing. Not harm. God does not do this to its creations. It does beg the question into why these mythologies are so prevalent. I don't know why that is. I can only speak from my own experience, and this tells me that all things will return to two forms - masculine and feminine - and then once these two collide, they will be One - and then the process will start over again in some manner. What that is, I don't know that either. Here is the song God spoke to me through:

https://medium.com/the-collector/where-does-suicide-take-the-soul-883faa98e15e z

Yes. Ibuprofen kills your stomach lining and paracetamol poisons the liver and gives your child adhd if you take it during pregnancy. I'm not an expert on this but I do remember this anecdote from a friend who sees a lot of suicidal patients: When a patient is brought into the ER with an overdose of pills (from a suicide attempt, under the influence or not), the question is always: Did they take a bunch of psychiatric medications, like sleeping pills or antidepressants? If that's all they took, they can pump the stomach, give IV fluids and have good hopes of the patient waking up. Or did they swallow a pack of OTC cough medicine, or pain relievers that have paracetamol in them? Well, fuck, then they're dead.

I really liked last of us 1, angry joe's and the critical drinkers review really put into words well what I agree what's wrong with the game if you wanna check those videos out. There's a lot to say about it, but basically, I just found it very very boring, slow, and pointless, wishy washy, and the ending was unsatisfying and depressing and left me without caring or hoping for anything more from the next story or game. like it took ellie murdering hundreds of people, who had nothing to do with the problem, to get revenge on the 1 person, she set out on 2 basically suicide missions to hunt her down and find her, and in the end when she finally has her, she lets her go, and thats somehow supposed to be beautiful and symbolic how she finally leanred her lesson the getting revenge is bad? Yet she brutally murdered everyone in her way of this one person who didnt deserve to die, yeah i just dont see the beauty in it, at least the execution, the ideas were interesting, the perspective flip and all that, kinda cool, but i think the execution coulda been better, the writing, less convenient encounters that push the plot along in a way that seems too lucky and convenient, less of that and I would have probably liked it more, but hard to say

The torture and execution methods of the past are a good reason not to commit suicide. You might get reborn and experience the brazen bull. Enjoy the 21st century, folks.

@Hello from Russia ha ha Except the only my way out is to become extremely valuable or suicide.

The day I discover that I'm all alone ..I will definitely quit the forum. Quit society. Either go live by myself in a cave blessing out on nothing. Or I'm gonna suicide myself. There is no point talking to "others " if you truly believe there are no others.

Maybe gather the courage to endure your life. When you commit suicide, you get another womb, and the God that you love to hate on so much might give you a worse life. In this lifetime, you have all the resources at your disposal that you need to build a good life. In the next lifetime, you might be even more lost than you are now.

Dude, if you already consider suicide so seriously, just fuck with shit for some time and just die later. Fuckin', tell random girl from youR high school that you love her (even if you don't) , tell your parents to fuck off, mess with shit. Sleep outside in the wilderness. Fucking play with this illusion if you already accepted to commit a suicide. Don't be a pussy.

@Someone here true dude, it’s one of the reasons I don’t go close to suicide, but I think any sane person has thought about it at least once in their life, it’s just so violent that I don’t think anything pleasant can come of it, duality is so annoying, I don’t necessarily think you need to experience deep suffering to know great pleasure, god certainly does, but these egos, idk

please understand this ..you are gambling when you consider suicide..you don't know what happens after death..maybe you will live a worse life after you kill yourself. I mean who the fuck knows what happen when you die . At least you know this world and you can ground yourself in the Here and now .while in suicide you are risking going to a hell realm. You have no other options . .to be..or to be .

@Holykael what's stopping you from suicide?

All love, you project your lack of experience onto others, suffering actually makes you more loving. But you are scared of suffering that is why you say what you say. The more suffering you experience, the more empathy of others you will have, and then eventually you will even see your suffering for the illusion that it is. But you have to first go through these stages first to understand. I've suffered plenty, its why I understand what Leo is saying completely.....all suffering is self-created....it is just resistance to what is. Its not easy, its not pretty, and eventually it will be realized, but it is truth. Infinity is every single thing....even self-mutilation, even rape, even suicide, every....freaking...thing....and it cannot be any other way.

STAGES OF ANIMA DEVELOPMENT IN MEN 1. Women as mother - He needs a mommy to take care of him. In this first stage, a man’s anima is completely tied up with the mother. She is not necessarily his personal mother but the image of a woman that is a faithful provider of nourishment, security, and love. She represents all that is natural, instinctual, and biological.223 A man with an anima complex of this type cannot function well without a vital connection to a woman, and is easy prey of being controlled and exploited by her. He frequently suffers from impotence or has no sexual desire at all, and is therefore called a mama’s boy. This type of anima possession also manifests through fear of accidents or disease, or in a sort of dullness of personality. The Greek Sirens and the German Lorelei personify these dangerous aspects of the anima, which may even lead a man to his death over a lost love relationship through suicide. 2. Women as sex object - He wants her to make him feel good. In the second stage, the anima is a collective sexual image. She is a Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, or Playboy model. Men in stage two are often Don Juans who see all women as sex objects, and engage in repeated sexual adventures, sometimes developing into sexual addictions. These relationships are invariably short-lived, because he is not faithful, is always looking for his next conquest, and no woman can ever live up to his unrealistic image of the ideal female partner. 3. Women as wife - He wants her loyalty and support. In the third stage of his anima complex development, a man becomes ready to care for a wife and be devoted to his family. He is the loving protector and provider that women in the equivalent stage three of their animus development seek. Men with this anima accept their partner as she is, as long as she fulfills her role as supportive, undemanding, caring, and faithful wife, available sex partner, and loving mother to his children. His sexuality is usually integrated into their relationship and not an autonomous function that drives him. He can differentiate between love and lust, which allows him to create a lasting partnership (if she stays), because he can tell the difference between the objects of his sexual desire and the benefits of being a faithful partner/husband. 4. Women as guide to creativity and awakening - He struggles with her need for independence. In the fourth stage, a man’s anima functions as a guide to his inner life. As women in this stage become emotionally and financially independent from men, they often turn away and abandon their partners against their will. This challenges him to seek other sources of fulfillment, happiness, aliveness, passion, joy, purpose, peace, and love. Through his quest arises a desire to answer life’s deeper questions of “who am I,” “where do I come from,” “why am I here,” “what is the meaning of my life,” “what should I do,” “what is my purpose,” and “where do I go”? Contemplating these questions, reading books like the one that you are holding right now, meditating, or seeking a bond with others on a similar path in men’s groups, New Age churches, and personal growth workshops allow him to bring deeper levels of his unconscious anima into his awareness. This leads to a liberating process of awakening to his authentic nature, true purpose, genuine passions, and capacity to love unconditionally that are independent from a partnership with a woman.224 On the flipside, he may show behaviors that are usually described as a midlife crisis,225 become commitment phobic, avoid deeper intimacy with women altogether, or engage in serial monogamy or polyamory,226 since he does not want to sacrifice his newfound freedom or to be limited by one partnership. This partial awakening (the idea of living alone is not Integral, fully realized, or the ultimate realization of human development) is transcended when a man enters stage five of his anima development. 5. Women as equal partner - He meets her as an opposite and equal partner. Similar to a woman in this stage (see below), a man in stage five of his anima complex development has accepted the fact that conflicts and ambivalence are intrinsic to human relationships, and sees how their resolution contributes to his ongoing healing, personal growth, and spiritual realization. He feels confident, secure, and comfortable to authentically express his sexual essence (which tends to be masculine in heterosexual men), while he embraces his feminine (anima).227 This allows him to invite differing views, experiences, and feelings of his female partner without feeling threatened, offended, or puzzled by them. Her authentic stage-five feminine qualities naturally complement his masculinity and vice versa. Since he has found his own purposeful identity that does not depend on her inspiration, support, or approval, he appreciates his partner’s independent authority,228 and doesn’t feel responsibility, shame, or insecurity if she is unhappy—even though he shows empathy, care, and devotion—and enjoys when she is happy. He neither clings, nor pushes her away, but fully opens to embrace her at all levels of his being when they are together, and stays content and fulfilled when they are apart. This allows him to enter into a mature monogamous relationship of opposites and equals from which radically new life experiences, emotional healing processes, and deeper spiritual realizations that often become the foundation for altruistic acts of kindness and service towards others emerge. STAGES OF ANIMUS DEVELOPMENT IN WOMEN 1. Men as alien outsiders - She fears, hates, and loves him. Because of abuse or abandonment from men that she identified with during childhood, such as a father, father figure, older brother, uncle, or family friend, a woman in this stage completely denies and suppresses her animus as alien inside and outside of herself. She trusts her mother and other females, while she distrusts, hates, or fears men. This is often countered by a strange curiosity about men, which she cannot differentiate. This ambivalence can make her extremely seductive, needy, and clingy, and cause severe symptoms of the “seduce and withhold”230 syndrome. As soon as a man gets close to her she withdraws, only to come back to ask for more after he becomes distant. She can break the heart of a weak man who tries to prove that he is different, attempts to rescue her from her fears, and so becomes codependent231 as she lures him into her pathological cat and mouse game. Within the limits of her domain in household, family, and female-oriented work environment (e.g., school teacher, nurse, artist, gardener, therapist, healer, working with animals, etc.), such a woman may seem grounded and self-confident. Outside those limits, she leaves the work and responsibility to men and more mature women.232 2. Men as father, God, or king - She wants his approval. The self-esteem of a woman in this stage is directly connected to the response and approval that she receives from men. She is often driven by a need to be seen as the most attractive female, and constantly monitors her value by her internalized masculine judgment and through externalized male reflection. This may lead to a split in her personality when she imitates male behavior to be liked by them, and at other times presents herself as a sexually seductive femme fatale (such as in the movie Basic Instinct) to be desired. She either hides behind a feminine mask of beautiful appearance, graceful charming manner, and entertaining wit, or develops a tom boyish attitude through teasing, competing, and challenging, or some other facade that suggests success. Women in this stage gravitate towards men that they perceive to be more attractive, intelligent, and exciting than they could ever be themselves. They often try to live up to men by dietary restrictions, vigorous physical exercising, adapting to their intellectual interests, developing new talents, and being sexually available to become the perfect mate. If a woman remains in this stage, she is at great risk of entering a profound depression when her beauty and sexual attractiveness wane, and the number of heads that she is turning, and men who admire her diminishes. She may then isolate herself from all intimate relationships, because her perfectionism overrides her ability to be compassionate and to forgive her own and others’ mistakes. This may lead her to withdraw into a cold and bitter self-denial in which her anxieties create all kinds of psychosomatic illnesses, such as panic attacks, vomiting, heart problems, fatigue, and body aches. A strong, conscious, and patient man (or a good psychotherapist) can support a woman in this stage to find her own worth, passions, and identity, independent of male approval, which then allows her to enter into stage three.233 3. Men as hero - She wants him to take care of her. Women in stage three seek a man as protector and provider with strength, courage, and ability, who can meet her needs, cherish her, and whom she wants to marry. He represents her ideal (and often unrealistic) image of the knight in shining armor who fulfills her expectations for good looks, intelligence, solid reputation, stable finances, generosity, loyalty, humor, kindness, care, integrity, and faithfulness. To be in a good bargaining position, this woman will focus on her appearance, health/fitness, and adapting to the world of men by seeking a higher education, pursuing a career, fighting for social justice, or saving a failing business. She will appear as self-affirming and expects something in return. She functions well in the competitive world of men, sees herself as equal, is willing to share responsibilities, and will contribute and perform as long as her partner is able to provide more in return, since women want to marry up. As long as he meets her expectations for financial security, social status, and devotion, she will support him to achieve his full potential while often denying such achievements to herself. This can lead to feelings of resentment and anger when she sees that she has been “denied” the right to experience her own competence, and when her partner/husband fails to live up to her ever-growing expectations. Some women in this stage will enter an inward journey once they become aware of the transitory nature of their physical attractiveness, ability to succeed with men, and limitations of finding acceptance in the male world. This may lead them to the restoration of their female authority 234 as they take responsibility for their own identity once they have moved into stage four of their animus complex development.235 4. Men as independent beings - She wants her independence. A woman in stage four makes an active choice in favor of her self-interest and self-fulfillment—independent of a partner or husband. This transition takes place with the realization that she has constructed her own experiences throughout her lifetime in relationship to men, and now wants to find her own identity. She will stop trying to be perfect in all things in order to please her partner (who was a heroic father figure in the previous stage), as she becomes emotionally free from his approval and support. Having discovered her own source of worthiness and foundation, she is working to restore her female authority. Financial independence through her own labor or through other sources of money that are often only available to women, such as “divorcing well,” alimony and child-support payments, generous lovers, support from parents, or Social Security benefits, are the prerequisite for this transition. You will notice if your partner enters into stage four of her animus development when she starts to challenge you, cares less about your needs, seeks her financial independence, and refuses to take responsibility for holding your relationship together. If you are in partnership with a woman in this stage, it is important to know that it is not your fault that her pain of staying will eventually be greater than her fear of leaving, and that there is nothing you can do but to take care of yourself emotionally 236 and sexually, protect the financial assets that are legitimately yours (if you have to, with the help of a CPA or lawyer), and, if you can, support her with love and compassion in her transition. Once separated and/or divorced, she will feel free from the evaluation and needs of men for the first time in her life. These newly single women are then much occupied with challenging work, their animals and children, social activities, educational advancements, maintaining their household, hobbies, world-travel, and their friendships.237 At the same time, they look down at women who show more feminine or balanced qualities and who desire to be (or are) in a committed partnership with a man. To women in stage four, partnered women still seem to be in the pitiful stage two or three of dependence on a male partner (which they have just escaped). However, married women may have actually advanced into stage five, which women in stage four cannot fathom yet. They discredit partnered women as unevolved and often compete with them in merciless ways. Women in stage four frequently break with the conventional role of caring mother, show tough love, and feel fulfilled outside a partnership with a man. Still, there remains an underlying fear of abandonment, especially in older women, when concerns about the disappearance of their skills and autonomy in the midst of a crisis arise. This often leads to feelings of ambivalence. On one side there is a secret longing for the stability and support that a partnership with a man could provide during times of stress, fatigue, loneliness, or desire for sex. On the other side there is the fear of becoming emotionally dependent, used, and dominated again. Frequent complaints about the lack of good men who are physically fit and attractive, highly intelligent, successful, accomplished, mature, kind, loving, generous, evolved, supportive, spiritual, and available when they need/want them, but who remain flexible, undemanding, and unattached otherwise, are a hallmark of women in stage four.238 Becoming men-hating diehard singles, settling for “friends with benefits” whom they string a long, or serial monogamy are often the only solutions that seem to solve their dilemma. It is not your fault if you get mixed messages, are rejected, or are ignored altogether by women in stage four that you try to date or get a commitment from, as these women are highly independent, endlessly demanding, impossible to please, and commitmentphobic.239 This is, of course, no problem for men who have entered stage four of their own anima development, which many single males and females falsely see as the highest stage of their personal and spiritual development (as in, I am so whole and complete, I don’t need a partner to complete me). If you have matured into stage five and meet a woman who is at the end of her animus stage four development, then you may be able to patiently support her to transition into stage five and find a wonderful partner in her. 5. Men as equal partners - She wants him as an equal and opposite partner. Just as a man, a woman in stage five of her animus development has accepted that conflict and ambivalence are intrinsic to human relationships, and realized the significance of a partnership to balance her further psychological growth and spiritual awakening.240 Having fully claimed her own authority after transcending her animus complex, she no longer sees men as alien, superior, inferior, or independent. The realization that the idea of living and going it alone was a distorted conception of human existence emerges in her, because we never live alone. She sees that in being human we have a variety of economic, physical, sexual, psychological, and spiritual needs that cannot be met by living alone. At last she has the insight that a balanced personality always develops in a self-other conception, and never through the discovery of an independent self.241 This woman then desires the material, intellectual, emotional, sexual, and spiritual synergy that is co-created with a man who meets her as an opposite and equal (which means opposite feminine and masculine polarities with equal levels of consciousness, rights, and responsibilities). Since she may have never experienced a stage five partnership, she needs guidance from a man (like you?) at the same stage of his anima development, who is able to meet her in an integrally informed way. These couples can then form interdependent242 partnerships in which they heal, learn, grow, and enjoy family and social activities together, while contributing to the well-being of others.243 --------------------------- So where are you guys in your development? Men answer from the ANIMA list and Woman from the ANIMUS list. Its possible to be a mix of many stages and a mix of anima and animus, if so describe your experience.

Goethe's writing is beautiful. "The book reputedly also led to some of the first known examples of copycat suicide. The men were often dressed in the same clothing 'as Goethe's description of Werther and using similar pistols.' Often the book was found at the scene of the suicide."

@Holymoly It's actually a tough thing to consider. Yes, grief is the consequence of love, but I think it's one of other consequences for being able to feel and experience love. I actually think apathy, and other emotions like laziness, boredom, humiliation and depression, especially depression, is the ultimate price for love. Other negative emotions, also thinking too, can be part of other costs, but I think depression would be the biggest price. Context sensitive is this one. Technically, lover's suicide is the greatest cost, but I think there are definitely other costs to loving. But that doesn't mean to stop practicing and avoiding love. Keep on feeling the love, despite the other costs, especially while you still can and will yourself to loving more.

BANG!!! I would remember that sound for the rest of my life was my first thought as I watched this young guy crumple to the floor. Dr. Werden originally ran towards Steve to stop him but it was too late, only an awkward body lay before him as dead as if he had never been alive beforehand. Dr. Werden frowned a hard frown and stated "This was Divine Will, and will not be understood." As I saw this I noticed I was trembling, it seems I was in a state of confusion and horror and was starting to get light-headed. I allowed myself the privilege of slumping to the ground as I watched Dr. Werden take out his cell phone and calmly dial. I heard him say "Yeah a student shot himself in the head on campus on by the South West Entrance to the Social Sciences Building. The campus is currently in a state of shock and terror." He then calmly bent down and looked Steve over being careful not to touch him, then simply stood there and waiting for the authorities to show up. I noticed my head was really hurting and Dr. Werden noticed me and started to approach. When he got in front of me and looked at me he asked "What's your name?" I shook my head to fight the daze I was feeling and replied "Richard, Richard Kennedy." Dr. Werden responded "Nice to meet you. Now how are you feeling Mr. Kennedy, you think you can stand or do you need to take some more time to process all this?" I shook my head to get some more of the daze out and replied confidently "No I'm fine I can stand." Dr. Werden then smiled and replied "Good because since you are a witness the police will have questions for you." Suddenly I felt a knot in my stomach, I didn't want to have to relive that moment much less talk about it. But then I remembered, that guy had people that cared about him, the least I could do was speak about his last moments. "Stand back, hey you tape this place up, and you two come over here and give me the low down." Dr. Werden led me to the man and put out his hand "The Name's Dr. Werden." The man took it and shook it "The name's Detective Presa Volte Crimine, you can call me Detective Volte since that's my nickname." Dr. Werden smiles and states "Well where would you like to do this questioning?" The Detective smirked "Don't worry I'll find a classroom and have yall stay after class." Dr. Werden smirked back "Will this count against our final?" I was taken aback, here we had a young guy with years ahead of him who just offed himself and these two were acting like long lost pals who'd just met up to have a chat. I looked at the two of them with accusatory glances and stated "Hey umm you do know someone just killed themselves right?" They both looked at me with a puzzled look. Dr. Werden gave a sheepish grin "Yeah me and the Detective go way back, he pretended just now that it was the first time we met but I use to do some consulting work for the Department a couple of years ago. We have dealt with a lot of dead bodies and we often use humor to liven up the dreary mood of crime scenes." The Detective looked at me like I was some puzzle he needed to figure out and replied "Look after you've seen 20 dead bodies, you kind of go numb. It is what it is, story of the grind." I could get the gist from a conceptual viewpoint, but for me this was new, raw, fresh, penetrating, and harrowing, if I could think up more adjectives I would but instead I felt like I was being pulled into a dark spiral and nothing mattered. I felt a deep fear arise in me, and I noticed that Dr. Werden and the Detective noticed and asked me to sit down as they led me to an empty classroom while they discussed some topic in the door way. As I sat at the desk I wondered, how would my last moment be? Would it be in a blaze of glory or would I just be some small mention in a sea of news stories without even a picture attributed as I wasn't noteworthy enough for any real effort in reporting my passing. After about five minutes Dr. Werden came to my table and let me know that the Detective had some questions for me. The Detective sat down with a recorder and stated his name, badge number, the date of the incident and what transpired. He had me state my name for the record on the recorder. Then we began the questioning. He asked me what happened before I got there, how did I end up at the scene, what did I see, how did I feel, what did Dr. Werden and the student do and did I hear their conversations. After about 10 minutes of this questioning he looked at me with a smile and told me I was done. He gave me his card, asked for my cell number and stated he would give me a call if he had anymore questions and that I was free to leave. Dr. Werden nodded and I jumped up as if suddenly held by restraints but let go, and quickly walked out of the classroom and headed home. I ran to my house, opened the front door, ran up stairs tripping as I did it clumsily, ran into my room and threw myself face first onto my bed. It seems I passed out and waking up had given me some energy. I went downstairs to the living room and turned on the T.V. and what I saw floored me. It was Dr. Werden being taken away in handcuffs and the caption read Dr. Werden was being charged with 'Criminally Negligent Murder" for the death of Steven Maldito. I couldn't believe it!! Its funny how some days work, who knew my first day of school would go from meeting my favorite teacher to witnessing a suicide in which my teacher would be charged complicit in. As I sat in astonishment I realized, I would probably end up being a key witness in the case and would have to go to court. I sunk in my couch, could this get any worse? How the hell did something like this happen to me? I hear the door bell ring, and when I opened it a reporter was there and a flash hit my eyes like he was trying to blind me forever. "Did you know the student Steven very well? What did you think about Dr. Werden's actions? Do you think he caused the kid to kill himself?" I slammed the door in his face. Looked up at ceiling as if trying to find God and thought...."Really what is the point of all this chaos?" My T.V. is still on and I hear that the news has already discovered that there is a material witness and they already discovered my name and they then plastered my face and name on the screen. I looked outside and news vans were parked along the street as if I were running some type of conference on the lawn. Things were just happening too fast for me. I just went from an unknown random student to the most famous witness to a crime in town. To be Continued.

Introduction I'm gonna start by exploring that title. I literally just came up with it on the spot but I think it captures the essence of this journal. In a way I've given my life away, and now it's high time I take it back. I look at all the failures of my life and think that, yeah, I gave my life away to these things. I gave my life away to video games, to unhealthy food, to movies, TV shows, internet browsing, alcohol, coffee. Trying to make myself liked by people who will never like me and who I don't even like, hiding my emotions from others and even myself. Getting angry at others and arguing with them but only in my head, never for real, that would be insane. Never, ever, cleaning my room and then my own apartment. Not pursuing anything creative in my life and trying to improve the world in some meaningful way, in fact now I don't even know what I should be doing that would have any kind of meaning! At some point I was just straight up depressed, and attempted suicide. So I very much almost gave my life away completely. And ... I have not healed any of the trauma I've gone through my entire life. So it's over. It's time. I need to take back my life. Some of these things I've already fixed. I've not drunk alcohol for almost a year, I've had a total of maybe five espressos that I didn't finish since early 2020, I haven't played a video game in weeks, and more broadly, when I do play, it's only for maybe a couple hours on like a Sunday afternoon. And also I haven't been depressed for like eight years. I had one experience of very deep sadness that I did consider it depression recently, whereby I was introduced to a group a friends by someone else and they barely even acknowledged me, they just said hello and turned away and talked among themselves. It broke my heart, I'm crying again writing this. I've been exercising pretty heavily for the past few months and I've been going four times a week and for a long time (typically the total workout time actually exercising, including breaks between sets and exercises ofc, is 60 minutes), so I can absolutely say the habit is implanted. Buuuut that's about it. There are a lot of things I really want to improve in my life now that I just haven't been doing. Friday: The Party So alright let's get started, let's talk about some of the recent events of my life. Let's take this weekend as an example. Friday night, there was a big work party, loads of people came. I spent some time with people of my team, with people not of my team. Some people came from another office of the company, I spent some time with them and it was great to see them and hang out with them, they're awesome people. We danced, they drank (I didn't, though they're all hella annoying about this), had an awesome time overall. Took the train home at 5am, literally did the closing. In fact I wanted to go to a night club when I arrived in my home city, but they close at 5. I think I can confidently say I have fun at parties now. Like it's not that parties were never fun to me, but that, since I wasn't fun at parties, that would both ruin other people's experience at the party, and it would make ME not have fun because I was such an unfun person. That's not really the case any more, I don't think. There are still a lot of things to improve, I didn't approach a single person there even though I definitely really could or even should have, I didn't really have a lot of conversations with people and I struggled to come up with things to say. And that's typical for me at parties but, despite all that, I had fun! And that was a huge improvement. Someone from my team this morning annoyed me though, and I need to go on a rant. He told me "You really hyped yourself up even though you didn't drink alcohol". There are SEVERAL THINGS that really piss me off about this. Number 1) He said "hyped yourself up", this is translated from French, but I think, if he meant that I was fun to be around at the party, he wouldn't have used that exact phrasing. Of course, I have very little social skills and experience, so maybe that's what he meant but I don't know. Someone else used the exact same phrase WHILE AT THE PARTY and it didn't feel like they were complimenting me, it felt more condescending to me. And honestly they can fuck right off because THEY'RE not fun at parties either, but I don't go around telling them and other people they're not fun. And, honestly, they're the people I was talking about at the beginning of this post, people who will never like me and who I don't even like. Number 2) He said "without alcohol". BITCH! I have MORE FUN without alcohol! Alcohol makes my head spin, it makes me less socially calibrated, it makes me get drunk VERY VERY VEEERY quickly, it drains my energy, it makes me hungry as hell and then I feel sick with all the alcohol and unhealthy food in my system. This substance is just HOOOORRIBLE to me on SO MANY LEVELS! And I swear the number of people who shit on me so hard for not drinking really pisses me off. These people actually believe that everyone needs to drink alcohol to have fun and even to BE FUN TO BE AROUND. They keep asking me "why don't your drink?", they tell me "life is short and you should have fun while you still can, the clock is ticking", they tell other people "you can't just let me go to a night club with Emrie alone, he doesn't drink!". It is SOOOO ANNOYING to me! Like yeah maybe I'm not too fun to be around right now but I just need to practice it, work on it, have fun with it, and alcohol has absolutely nothing to do with it. Not to mention many of these people knew me when I was drinking and have spent time with me when I was drinking and absolutely know I'm not really fun even when I do drink There are a few more points I want to talk about in regards to the party. I realize I'm spending a lot of time on the party but actually my social life is my overarching, long term, and very difficult project of my life right now. I am literally talking about turning myself into the most sociable, most fun, just generally super-social person that I can be, so that the people who knew me when I was shit (my family, as an example) can look at me and say "wow you've really changed and you have much better social skills now". The first is that I completely busted the limiting belief I have that I need friends to go out. In January of this year I moved to a big city. I got a very sweet place that's deep into the city center. I mean literally the closest night club is a 5-minute walk from my place, then there are 5 more within 5 minutes. There's an area that's all commercial (read bars, clubs, and shops) that's just right there and it's just perfect. But, I haven't been going out and socializing because ... "I don't have any friends". I was telling myself "join a club, join a sports league, go take some X and Y classes, do things that interest you and meet people similar to you, and you'll make friends that way". And of course I was not doing that either because ... well you see McDonald's and reddit are more important. This is all bullshit, the bottom line is I need to bite the bullet and talk to strangers. Risk not being fun, risk running out of things to say, risk being kind of annoying to other people, risk being rejected or not even being acknowledged by other people (see the comment above about the group of friends that made me almost depressed). This will suck, but this is necessary. And I will feel sad on some days, I will likely cry. But I need to do it, it's worth it. And in fact it's becoming more and more non-negotiable that I do it because I can't keep putting it off and making excuses, it's leaving me in quagmire, doing nothing, and realistically making me regress. The second is that this is all so fucking foreign to me. I am SO SCARED. I've never kissed anyone. The most intimate touch I've had with another human being has been a hug, and it's, you know, familial love kind of hug, not romantic love kind of hug. I'm so touch-starved that when someone puts their arm around my neck and shoulders at a party, it just feels so freaking amazing to me, it is truly some of the best moments of my life. So the thought of even just someone else's lips touching mine is freaking me out so much, I am so incredibly scared of it, I don't know how my body will react to it. Is it going to feel amazing, am I going to have a panic attack because I'll just be so fucking nervous from it, am I just going to have a huge boner from it? Like this shit is so foreign to me, it's insane! And I know that I'm not just going to kiss the first person I approach, it'll take a lot of buildup to get to that and by that time I'll probably be much more comfortable with it all but... I'm almost 27 years old and the fact that all of this is something that I have NEVER EXPERIENCED IN ANY WAY is really fucking saddening to me. In fact, even disregarding the whole touch thing, the concept of me approaching a stranger and making conversation with them scares the shit out of me. Like I just have absolutely ZERO experience, I have no clue whatsoever how it's supposed to work, what I'm supposed to say, how I'm supposed to handle myself. Obviously I know this is generally pretty common sense stuff, you know, just talk to each other in some sort of coherent fashion, riff off of each other, try and make them laugh, tell them stories and shit, just very basic typical stuff, you know. But I have no experience so I have nothing in memory to draw from, and it fucking sucks.

I dont know where to start but yh its hard to deal with life or maybe its my flaut i dont know. The year and half have been just all over the place im 18 so when i dropped out of college i had no clue what to do so i was lost and fell in the trap of trying to find a job which i fearee doing because i kinda fear and dislike the adult world or the jobs i see and me imaging that i would be depressed for the rest of my life because it would be meaningless plus just the same old thing everyday. And this problem became such a fear that i was consdering sucide deeply because i feared that life soo much that i didnt want that life at all but the pressure of doing or getting a job made that fear worse. So around about the start of the year and last december i decided to watch leos videos about how to live a beautiful life which it did work but that fear of getting a job was still there and whilst i was watching leo i was starting to enjoy life so much and is started to become myself as a person (ofcourse someone will say there is no self bullshit but i have no idea about what it means). All i was doing was watching leos content and almost worship him like jesus well not really but i would take everything he says to heart and almost like he was the bibly or the gospel something like that. Which ofcourse caused alot of issues as the deeper i went the more deeper we went with everything so ofcourse there was gonna be a bomb that was gonna explode. And that did happen around february or march things went to shit stopped meditating stop watching leo and i dont know what happened to cause this specifically but the after math was i was trying to be like leo and live the way he did and like i said before when you think someone is like a god in your eyes and you take everything he says and belief in an instant then yh i kinda did and even today still deal with this problem. Also thought about suicide a lot started my porn addiction again needed to go to threapy untill i couldnt pay no more and my life fliped upside down in an instant. The last couple of months has been the same but the thoughts of suicide have stopped i figured and understood my fear a lot more, my feelings towards life and my excitement has disapeared and to be honest ive never felt such little excitement out of my life from the last couple of months which has scared me a lot because i dont what to do about it. Another problem ive been having is always not knowing what to do as all i do nowa days is set around and watch youtube all day and play some games but the voice inside of me is always saying you need to figure out your life and its been like this for the last couple of months and basically im lost and have no idea what to do with my life i guess i could go and work at a job but to be honest that would be like leo said soul draining. The fear of me not knowing what to do with my life or whats next has just haunted me for the longest that i know. And im always trying to plan to be like a perfectionist becaue i probably fear too much about failing or other stuff. For me i want to live a beautiful meaningful life but i have soo much doubt and so clueless upon what to do and i dont know how to get there or where to go and i do feel like sometimes i should just end it all because the amount of pain that ive experince the last 3 years or so i just feel like i would be at peace for once but i dont know what to think anymore. Ps this is not an attack on leo its more of my flaut then anything also may not have said everything or all the important things but this took a while to type up so may a have missed somethings. I didnt want to do this or never really wanted to do this but i have no idea and no one to go to to be honest so this is all i could think off also it has been a down week for me and the last day or so.

@Aaron p 1. Unless the child specifically wants that gender identity and wants the hormonal treatment. The catch 22 here though, is that most children don't know enough nor are able to make their own decision for the path of their entire life, which then puts partial responsibility for the child's guardians to help them think through those decisions. 2. I would say abortion should be allowed if the mother's life is in danger, has been sexually assaulted and forced to be pregnant against her will, or too young to be carrying a baby. Also, I would say the first week to 1 month for the abortion, but past that and the fetus thing in question looks like a human baby. 3. I don't understand your question, do you mean to genocide all gender related mental disorders? 4. I speculate its social media induced, but there are other factors like dysfunctional relationships or family traumas and such, too many reasons why there's a suicide rate increase in these cases. 5. Context sensitive. For example, some tribal person who grew up in a tribe, in a third world country, migrating to the USA and doesn't know there are these bunch of pronouns, gets a pass for me. Do you mean legal punishment for not knowing a pronoun? Or do you mean public punishment and public humiliation?

Alright ok, I'll drop the pink mohawks, BLM and stuff. BLM is extremely important, I guess I'm generalising a lot. I'll even drop the Ben, Matt and Peterson parts... Anyone straight gay black white trans deserves respect... ...I guess just ignore the OP, answer these questions (and I am looking to be corrected if I'm wrong legit): - is it alright to encourage/endorse/accept 10 year olds to question what gender they are and then facilitate the surgery for those children getting permanent gender transitions in combination with regular hormone replacement drugs? - should abortion be allowed up until birth? - have all gender related mental illnesses ceased to exist within the last 30 years? - why are there massively disproportionate suicide, self harm and regular mental illness rates within the LGBTQ+ community even in areas where they don't have to face oppression and bullying? - should someone be punished for not respecting certain LGBTQ+ beliefs by using "correct pronouns"? (By the way, the reason I'm asking these questions is because I'm becoming more involved in libertarianism and progressivism since I was a hardcore stage blue Baptist for 20 years. I'm just trying to gauge the new environment). Respect, peace and love.

My bad . Then I take back my words . But also notice that its still a high rate of deaths caused by suicide.

@Someone here I don't know what data you saw about suicide, but it seems what you said about suicide being the 2nd most common cause of death, isn't true.

Yes, but to say that the reason is because they were born, is just way too vague of an explanation for that. Again, If what you say would be true (that non-existence is objectively better, than existence),then why would anyone want to continue their life? If what you say would be true, then suicide would be the 1st common cause of death Why would anyone be afraid of death, if according to you, non-existence is objectively better than existence?

And thousands of people take their own life away every year . Do you know that suicide is the 2nd most common cause of death globally every year ? Why do you think suicide even exist? If life is meant to be lived happily then why does bad shit keep happening to you but just because you are afraid of death you delay your suicide because of fear of a worse situation after death than your current life . That's really all it boils down to . Well..Im aware that it has both negatives and positives . I'm here specifically focusing on the negativity of it . assuming more people choose not to have kids, there will be less instances of screaming babies in theaters and restaurants. There is a benefit. There will also be less babies taking up resources so more for the rest of us. There will also be less infants suffering due to being unwanted and likely in abusive households or orphanages whose quality of life is absolute shit .